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artificialqueens · 4 years

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Behind the Scenes, Chapter 1 (Jan x Jackie/low-key Jan x everyone) - Chaoticnachokitten

A/N: Heyy, I'm back^-^

First of all, thank you to Magic Mullet for betaing. Special thanks to @germanottachachki for helping me with basically everything as I haven't watched season 12 yet. I couldn't have written it without you🙈

I know, press week day 2 has been done before (please go check out those amazing fics!!), but I am in no way trying to copy anyone. I just love writing sickfics too much and couldn’t resist.

TW for vomiting

Lastly, please let me know if you want a part two^-^ (or, technically part three since part one is too long to submit it in one piece)

BEEP, BEEP!

Jan woke up to the worst sound known to humankind at 6am after two hours (that felt like two minutes) of sleep. Her alarm clock. It, of course didn’t sound any different than usual, but to Jan it sounded ear piercingly loud, and didn’t help the pounding headache that was slowly beginning to form behind her temples. Turning off the man-made demon with a groan, she decided that she already felt strongly negative about the day, and it hadn’t even started yet. Those feelings were rare for her, usually she was someone with a lot of positive energy, even in the morning.

And why was she feeling that way? The day prior had been great, the first day of press week. Being able to talk to all of her sisters again in person had been amazing, just like being able to show herself to the world and all of the new fans, making sure her first impression was positive and flawless. The day had been going great. Jan had felt ecstatic. They had wrapped up the filming for the day, and the girls had decided to go back to their respective hotel rooms early in order to be well rested for the second day. And that had been the plan until she had started to feel bad.

At first it had been just a bit of a stomach ache that she managed to ignore (probably thanks to the leftover adrenaline) in order to finish her night time routine. However, by the time it was 10pm she was kneeling in front of the toilet, anxiously waiting for the inevitable to happen. It did, and it was incredibly painful, leaving her with a burning throat, breathing heavily, trying to hold back her tears in order to keep her eyes from getting puffy, still wanting to look as perfect as possible the following day.

After successfully, albeit with difficulty, blinking away the ones that had threatened to spill over, Jan briefly thought about telling one of her sisters about it (Jackie’s room happened to be right next to hers) as she didn’t feel better at all, even after vomiting. She didn’t want to be alone, but quickly dismissed that idea. She didn’t want to be a bother and rob the others of their much needed sleep, she could take care of herself, and maybe it just happened to be a one time thing that would go away soon.

Oh, how wrong she had been about that. Not even an hour after she had managed to weakly stumble back to bed, immediately falling asleep, she was woken up by a sharp, stabbing pain in her stomach. Before she even had the chance to comprehend what exactly was going on, she felt an overwhelmingly intense wave of nausea, and the next thing she knew was that she was sprinting to the bathroom like her life depended on it, determined not to ruin her beautiful, clean room.

This cycle had continued in hourly intervals, and finally stopped at 4 am with Jan laying in her bed, feeling absolutely drained, exhausted and so, so cold. Her entire body hurt, and she felt like she couldn’t move, partly due to exhaustion, and partly because she was convinced that every tiny bit of movement could trigger a new throwing up session, which was the last thing she wanted. Luckily, the exhaustion took over within minutes, and she was able to go to sleep, escaping her pain.

Jan dragged herself out of bed, trying to go as slow as her schedule allowed. The nausea was still there, but faint enough not to be a huge concern. However, when Jan attempted to walk into the bathroom, black dots were clouding her vision, making her head spin, and she had to sit back down for a minute before they finally disappeared.

“Jesus, I look terrible!” Jan exclaimed in complete and utter shock after looking in the mirror. Sure, she had expected not to look 100% in the morning, but she hadn’t thought it would be that awful. Pale skin to the point where her usual makeup might actually be too dark for her complexion, eyes that had still decided to be puffy, almost purple shadows under her eyes, and cracked lips. At least her voice still sounded surprisingly normal, although talking felt like swallowing knives, but concealing last night’s events with makeup would be an incredibly complex and time consuming task, and she had to do all of that in a fairly short time.

The girls were expected to be basically finished after breakfast. With a sigh, she changed into whatever clothes looked somewhat presentable (it didn’t matter because she would change into her actual outfit after breakfast anyway), brushed her teeth, showered, and did her skincare routine. Once all of that was done, she started applying her makeup. She was going for a more spooky look for once to show the fans how versatile she was, dark eyeshadow and nude lips, that would be completed later on with white contacts. The process was taking longer than her usual two hours, simply because she was incredibly tired and therefore had to focus a lot more on not messing up anything, determined not to create anything less than perfect. She didn’t want to seem lazy after all.

When Jan was about to put on her lashes, she heard a knock on the door.

“Hey Jan, it’s Jackie. Are you almost ready, should I wait for you? Do you need help with anything?”

Jan smiled to herself. Jackie was sweet. Sweet and caring.

“No, it’s fine, go ahead and grab yourself some breakfast before there’s nothing left. You know how the others are.”

She heard Jackie chuckle. “You sure? Alright, see you in a minute then, I’ll make sure to save a seat for you!”

“Okay, thank you!” Jan replied before resuming to glue on her lashes. She could have done them after the contacts as well, but she had a feeling that that would be a bad idea.

Her lashes went on smoothly after the first try on both eyes. Afterwards she looked at the white contacts. She almost didn’t want to put them in at all, knowing that she would end up with a killer headache, but then again, she already had one already anyway, so it didn’t really matter. Besides, she couldn’t change her look anymore because her face was already beat.

Putting the contacts in was successful too, but she immediately regretted them as soon as the first one was in. Her vision wasn’t great to begin with, but now she could basically see nothing anymore, only straining her eyes to the extreme helped her not to bump into too many things as she tried to find her way to the secluded area in the dining hall that was there especially for the season 12 queens, they even had their own small buffet. She forced a smile on her face in order not to raise any suspicion or concern from the other girls. The sight and smell of food alone made her feel slightly sick.

Once she had reached the table, she was greeted by tired “Hey Jan” ‘s, and one cheerful “Hi Janice!” Rock seemed to have the most energy already. Jan greeted them back and tried to sound as enthusiastic as her usual bubbly persona. Jackie gently smiled at Jan and gestured for her to sit next to her. Before she could do so, Brita asked her to come to her, wanting to see Jan’s contacts up close.

“Wow, those are some great contacts, Jan. Kind of spooky, I like it. And the best thing is that even if they move they won’t look crooked.” Aiden seemed to take this as a read, referencing the frozen runway. She was too tired to say anything, so she just glanced at Brita for a moment before her eyes almost fluttered shut again.

Jan chuckled slightly, secretly hoping the conversation would be over soon as Brita was simply too loud for her today.

“Thank you, I can’t really tell how they look. In fact I can’t see anything with them..”

Brita just shook her head, laughing softly.

Jan walked back and sat down between Jackie and Heidi. She took a look at the rest of the girls. Everyone had their face at least almost done, and it all looked a tiny bit odd, completely done faces and casual clothes. Jan noticed Nicky gently waking up Aiden every couple of minutes, keeping Aiden’s makeup from getting ruined by the plate with food in front of her. It made her chuckle slightly, she was glad she wasn’t the only one who could barely keep her eyes open. Then she thought about all the things they would film today.

Yesterday she had been ecstatic about press week, but now she just wanted it to be over already. She desperately hoped they didn’t have anything planned that would involve crazy movements like dancing or death dropping as she was almost convinced her still sensitive stomach would not be able to handle that…

Jan was pulled back to reality by Jackie, who gently tapped her on her arm to get Jan’s attention. Jackie’s expression was confused and slightly worried.

“Hey there Jan, are you okay? I just asked you something.” Jackie’s voice was gentle and caring. Jan was secretly grateful to sit specifically next to her, and not anyone loud like Brita or Rock. The latter was sitting on the opposite side of the table and still so loud, trying to make conversation with a half asleep Jaida, who just managed to nod along.

Jan looked apologetic. “Sorry Jackie, I must have zoned out for a minute there. What is it?”

“No need to apologize love, we're all tired. But you should probably eat something now, we don’t have that much time left, and you’ll need your strength, it’s going to be a long day.”

Jan shook her head. “I’m not really hungry, kind of nervous about the day today..” It technically wasn’t a lie, just a part left out.

Jackie now looked really concerned as Jan hadn’t been this nervous yesterday, and nothing had really happened that would give her any reason to suddenly feel that way.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Jan quickly responded with a quiet “No, but thank you, I appreciate it.” Jackie decided to accept it for now.

Heidi, who had been silent until this point, clearly still tired, joined in on their conversation.

“Jackie’s right, you should really eat, otherwise you’ll have to go hours without food, and that’s really bad” she added, equally concerned.

Jan still didn’t look convinced, so Jackie tried one last method. “Please? Just a little bit, for me?”

Jan smiled at her, looking kind of sad and guilty. Jackie felt bad about having asked that way now, and gave Jan a quick hug.

“Sorry baby, it’s still your decision of course, if you can’t eat right now, you can’t, that’s okay. But..” Jackie got up and returned moments later, a glass of water in her hand. She put it in front of Jan.

“Here, at least drink something, please baby.”

Jan knew she couldn’t really refuse without telling the actual truth, so she forced another smile onto her face.

“Thank you, but you didn’t have to go through the trouble..”

Jackie interrupted her. “Trouble? What kind of trouble?”

She was generally confused. Jan must really be nervous today.

Jan shook her head again. “Sorry. Thanks again.”

She proceeded to take a few small sips before putting the glass down. When Jackie raised an eyebrow at that, she forced herself to finish it. Jackie seemed to be pleased afterwards and even offered a gentle “Well done”, probably already sensing that something was wrong, but at the same time she didn’t want to force Jan to talk about something she wasn’t ready to talk about yet. Instead she just proceeded to hug her again, longer this time. Listening closely, a tiny, almost pained sound could be heard. Jackie made a mental note to keep a very close eye on Jan today.

Soon after that, they only had half an hour left to get ready before they were all expected to wait in the lobby for the van that was going to pick them up. Since Jackie had noticed how much Jan had struggled with not walking into things, thanks to the white contacts, she had offered to hold Jan’s hand in order to guide her safely back to her room. Jan, of course, had accepted the nice offer, not wanting to add any more bruises that she would have to cover up with tons of concealer. However, the minute she got up, her body reminded her of the water that apparently had been too much for it to handle.

The walk back to her room was painfully slow to her, Jan tensed up, face feeling hot, head pounding, trying to breathe as calmly as possible to delay the inevitable for as long as possible, at least until she was alone. Jackie thankfully didn’t try to make conversation, making everything easier.

Once they had reached their destination, Jan muttered a “thank you” before quickly unlocking her door, closing it behind her, and running into the bathroom.

She turned on the sink so any noise would be masked before opening the toilet lid with in a panicked manner, barely bending over it before she felt the water and acid coming back up. The sensation only lasted for a couple of seconds, perhaps a minute, but it made her insides hurt and burn so bad she wanted to lay on the floor and cry, but of course she couldn’t do that. In fact, she needed to get ready now, otherwise she would be late, making everyone else wait for her, and that was the last thing she wanted.

She fixed her now slightly messed up lip stick with lightening speed before tucking, putting on her look for the day and adding the accessories to complete her look. She looked in the mirror one last time, impressed with her own work. No one would be able to tell how crappy she was actually feeling.

When she heard another knock, she went to open the door this time. Sure enough, it was Jackie again, looking absolutely stunning like usual. Jan immediately complimented her, of course the compliment was returned and they walked to the lobby together, holding hands again. This time Jan casually asked Jackie something about her makeup technique, trying to pretend she was feeling better, not wanting to concern the older queen any further. Despite feeling awful she was feeling, she managed to listen, nod, smile and even give good responses. But they both knew Jackie wasn’t fooled that easily.

They met the other girls in the lobby, everyone seemed to be awake by now, a light conversation was going on. The van would arrive in a couple of minutes, so the conversation just carried on casually.

While Jan didn’t engage in it a whole lot, trying to save some of her energy, she really enjoyed moments like those, sickness aside. All of the girls smiling and laughing reminded Jan again of how lucky she was to be in this season with all of those amazing queens who not only were incredibly talented but also happened to be amazing human beings. She loved all of them so much. Even with the occasional fighting between some queens (read: Brita and Aiden) they were still sisters at the end of the day and only wanted the best for each other.

“Jan, are you okay? You’re so quiet today..” Jaida put a hand on Jan’s shoulder.

“It’s all going to be fine, everyone will love you as much as we do, I promise. You’re the last person that has to be nervous about your first impression. Okay?”

Jan was about to answer when Nicky suddenly exclaimed “Guys, the van is here, hurry up!”

The van thankfully was big enough for all of them to fit in with no problem, even Rock's huge tea-set-on-a-wig-construction and the huge amount of makeup supplies for the sake of retouching. The ride to the place where everything would be filmed was going pretty uneventful, Jan sat between Rock and Jackie. Rock tried to cheer Jan up by showing her the collection of all the memes from their season she had created.

While Jan appreciated her efforts, squinting hard enough to see what the other girl was trying to show her on the small, way too bright screen didn’t do the pounding headache any favors. Still, she laughed at practically every meme, seeing how happy it seemed to make Rock.

Jackie, on the other hand, silently comforted Jan by taking her hand, gently tracing random patterns all over the soft skin.

Gigi and Crystal were doing their almost ceremony like fruit snack thing while the other queens were having a light conversation, talking about whatever was on their minds. Suddenly, however the topic had apparently shifted to something more serious, because Aiden and Brita started fighting once again.

Jan desperately wished she had the shade button with her to lighten back up the mood, or at least the energy to somehow break up the fight. While she hated seeing her sisters fight like that, she mostly wanted them to stop because they were getting too loud.

The others did their best to handle the situation, but neither Aiden nor Brita was really willing to talk it out. Everyone was now talking over each other, and suddenly it was too much for Jan and her head to deal with. Everything was too loud. She let out a soft pained sound before frantically pulling away her hands from Jackie in order to cover her ears.

Widow noticed it, and then gave both Aiden and Brita a gentle tap on the shoulder to get their attention before simply pointing to Jan. They were both shocked, they had never seen Jan act like this. She almost looked like she was about to cry. They quickly agreed on not continuing to fight for now for Jan’s (and everyone else’s sake) before frantically apologizing to Jan, who smiled at them with a somewhat pained expression she tried to mask.

“It’s alright, but I really don’t like seeing you fight like this.” Everyone else strongly agreed with that. At this point they were basically family and they all wanted the best for each other.

Jackie waited until everyone else’s attention was back to the now much more forced friendly conversation (and Rock's on her phone, creating a meme out of a picture of something she had just taken), before asking Jan “What’s wrong baby? Where does it hurt?”

Jan really didn’t want to worry anyone, so she just responded with a “I’m fine, they were just getting a tiny bit too loud and I wanted them to stop.”

When Jackie didn’t look convinced whatsoever, she added “Really, I’m just a bit sensitive today, I didn’t sleep enough yesterday, so that’s probably why.”

Jackie sighed a bit, pulling Jan close, muttering a “I wish you would just tell me what’s wrong" under her breath, but Jan didn’t seem to have heard it.

“Okay here’s the plan. Just close your eyes and relax for a bit, we have about 15 minutes left before we’re there.”

Jan, still in Jackie’s embrace, tried to get as comfortable as possible, which wasn’t that easy because the stomach pain was getting stronger once again, but she managed not to show it in any way, and closed her eyes.

By the time they had reached the filming location, Jan at least didn’t feel worse. She was convinced she could power through the day if she just tried hard enough. As soon as the queens entered the building, they all had their pictures taken, and afterwards the production team began preparing them for their first interview, securing microphones on them, which meant they weren’t really able to talk before the interview.

The interview went extremely well, although it was a lot more draining compared to yesterday for Jan. She had to be extremely careful not to show any signs of discomfort or pain, which had been absolute torture.

By the end she had even started to feel sick, which led to her essentially running to the bathroom as soon as the producers announced their ten minute break, tripping and almost falling twice in the process.

In the bathroom Jan started dry heaving for about two minutes before more acid made its way back up. Jan wanted to scream, she was in such a great pain. She felt tears pricking in the corner of her eyes, but blinked them away as well. Her stomach was cramping violently and her head was pounding so hard she was sure it would explode sooner or later. She let herself sink to the ground, at least the floor was pretty clean, but even if hadn’t been she wouldn’t have been able to bring herself to care.

Meanwhile Jackie wondered what could possibly wrong with the younger queen. She had been acting weird for the entire day, excluding the interview. Something was so clearly wrong with her, but Jan just didn’t seem to want to talk about it, and Jackie didn’t want to force her to do so either. And since Jan had been acting like usual in the interview, maybe it wasn’t anything to seriously worry about. At least that’s what Jackie told herself to remain calm and collected.

Widow's voice interrupted her thoughts.

“I’m sure she’s doing alright, you know Jan and her constant need to go to the bathroom. And if she’s not, we'll find out sooner or later.”

“You’re right, thanks Widow.”

“I’m always right.”

Despite Widow’s words, Jackie got even more suspicious when Jan came back from the bathroom, immediately fixing her nude lipstick. What has she been doing in there?

Jackie decided enough was enough, she walked up to Jan’s vanity to ask her about it, when the producers announced the end of their break and they had to film something else that started to blur with all of the stuff they had filmed the day prior.

When they were done with filming, and everyone was already leaving to go and relax for a bit before the next thing, they were called back. There had been some problems with the audio and they ended up having to film everything once more.

By the end everyone was mildly annoyed, but not enough to show it, at least not on camera. However, they were running late now, which meant some of their breaks were canceled , and the ones they had were cut in half. Jackie didn’t get the chance to talk to Jan until lunch as the younger girl had spent the one break before lunch exclusively in the bathroom, and Jackie didn’t want to interrupt her privacy by walking in. The other girls had joked about Jan and how she was trying to avoid them, but Jackie was worried.

Her worry proved to be right as Jan, who looked worryingly exhausted at this point, such a contrast to her usual, bubbly self, told the other girls she would join them in a couple of minutes.

Her excuse was something about having to fix her highlighter which she had apparently accidentally smudged and she was worried she’d forget about it after eating. Nicky had offered to fix her makeup for her, Jackie had offered to wait for Jan once more, but Jan had politely declined. However, when Jan didn’t show up to their table about 20 minutes later (their lunch break was shortened to only half an hour), Jackie, Heidi, Nicky and Rock, all now equally concerned, decided to get Jan themselves.

They found her somewhat peacefully asleep in front of her vanity. Rock immediately got out her phone and took a few pictures to add them to her meme collection.

Nicky shook her head in disbelief.

“Rock, stop that right now. Leave her alone.” Realizing her mistake as Rock grinned and opened her mouth, Nicky quickly added “Don’t you dare say it.”

Rock's grin only grew at that. “She’s clearly bothered.”

Nicky groaned, and Heidi chuckled. “I should start charging you for using my phrases..I’d be rich by the end of this week!”

Jackie walked up to Jan to take a closer look at her. The girl looked so innocent, but so, so exhausted at the same time. She almost looked..sick? Could that be it? Looking up closely Jackie could even see the faintest bit of red cheeks under all of the heavy makeup that wouldn’t show up on camera though. She was hesitant to touch Jan’s face, not wanting to ruin her perfectly applied makeup, but at the same time she needed clarity.

“Guys, something is wrong with her. I think she’s sick. It kind of looks like she has a fever.”

Nicky gasped. “Oh no, mon pauvre ange! Check for one then!” Rock nodded, unsure what to do, feeling completely useless. Heidi sensed how Rock was feeling, and gently proceeded to pat her on the shoulder, hoping to offer some kind of comfort.

Before Jackie could do or say anything, Nicky added “I’ll fix her makeup if it gets messed up, no problem.”

Jackie offered Nicky a grateful smile before reaching out to touch Jan’s forehead and cheeks as gently as possible, but enough to get an actual result. They both felt too hot.

What concerned Jackie most was that the younger queen’s face was still completely dry. She looked back to Nicky, Heidi and Rock, sadly nodding to answer the unspoken question. Nicky grabbed a nearby fan, which happened to be black with the word ‘shade' written in white, huge letters on it, and started fanning Jan’s face to cool her down.

“What are we going to do now?” Rock asked, looking sad and helpless, her usual chaotic energy had completely vanished and instead been replaced with concern.

Jackie wanted to get Rock out of that situation, so she asked her for a favor.

“Rock, I need you to do something very important now. As we can all see, she needs a bit more rest, and our break is about to be over.” Rock nodded, waiting and Jackie continued.

“I need you to convince Dahlia to talk to the producers about break time. I think we'll be most successful if she does the talking.”

Rock hastily agreed and ran off to talk to Dahlia. Once she was gone, Jackie gently took Jan’s hand, to, although she really didn’t want to, check something important. She pinched the back of Jan’s hand, which woke up the younger girl. Jan started freaking out, unsure of where she was. She seemed to remember only a few seconds later though.

“Why’d you pinch me?” she asked part sad, part hurt and part tired. Nicky was confused as well. She put her fan down after seeing that Jan was slightly shivering.

Jackie felt extremely guilty for waking up the poor girl when she very clearly needed any rest she could get.

“I’m so, so sorry Jan, I needed to check something.” Jan was about to ask what, when Jackie gently lifted up Jan’s arm so she could look at her hand.

“See that? The skin isn’t snapping back into place like it should. You’re completely dehydrated, and that is very dangerous. I need you to drink something immediately, and then please tell me what has been going on with you today, okay baby?”

Jan just managed to nod weakly, not wanting make a bigger deal out of it. She didn’t want to put anything into her body anymore though, the consequences were just not worth the pain.

“I’m gonna get you some water, I’ll be right back" Heidi announced, essentially running to get said item as soon as possible, not even leaving Jan the chance to thank her.

The other girls came back from their lunch. They had been casually talking to each other, but fell silent as soon as they saw Jan, and the other two queens trying to help her. Heidi managed to come back and give Jackie a water bottle before all of the other girls (save for Rock and Dahlia who decided it would be best to give Jan some space)were crowding around Jan, deep concern visible on their faces. No one dared to say anything though.

Jackie’s attention was still completely on Jan, who looked at the water like it was some kind of poison when Jackie held it out for her. Jan shook her head, almost looking scared.

“I can’t..I don’t want to..”

Jackie was extremely confused now.

“Jan baby, you need to. It’s just water, it’s not going to hurt you.”

Jan whimpered. “I don’t want to throw up..again.” Then, another shot of pain pierced her skull, making Jan almost cry because she couldn’t even touch her face to make it better.

Jackie looked slightly alarmed now, as much as she wanted to keep her cool. Instinctively, she wrapped her arms around Jan in a protective way. Jan immediately held onto her for dear life. Jackie could feel Jan’s unnatural heat, as well as the shaking from the younger girl.

“Are you cold?” Jackie almost whispered. For some reason she felt like talking too loudly would burst the little safe bubble the two of them had in that very moment.

Jan was so focused on being held by Jackie she didn’t even seem to acknowledge her surroundings (especially the crowd of the rest of the girls) anymore. Jackie felt Jan’s head moving in a nodding motion against her shoulder. Jaida left and returned with a blanket what seemed like seconds later. Carefully, she put it around Jan without having to separate her from Jackie. It was a bit difficult, but she managed to do it.

Eventually they broke the hug, and Jackie finally had the opportunity to ask.

“What do you mean, ‘again'?”

Jan just decided to give in and be honest. There was no point in pretending to be alright anymore, everyone knew something was off with her already.

“I've been throwing up since 10pm last night..almost every hour..”

The other girls were shocked, they hadn’t suspected anything that severe. A few gaps could be heard.

Before Jackie could respond, Crystal did.

“Why didn’t you tell us? We’re basically family, we love you, we could have helped you..why did you keep that to yourself? Oh my god Jan you must feel so horrible and we still have to film so much an-"

Crystal's voice had started to shake dangerously and by the end she even started tearing up. Jan opened her arms as quickly as she could and the two hugged. This, however seemed to make Crystal even more emotional. To prevent her from crying, Gigi had grabbed her to gently pull Crystal away from Jan, but not before telling Jan to feel better soon.

Widow used the opportunity to kindly request everyone besides Jackie and Nicky to give Jan some space, crowding her was probably the last thing she needed, even if she wouldn’t admit it. Widow wanted to say one last thing to Jan before leaving her alone.

“Crystal’s right though, you should have told us. We all love you so much, Jan.”

“I love you too, all of you” Jan whispered, suddenly feeling even weaker than before. Her cheeks were burning.

Once the girls had returned to their own vanities (now everyone, including Brita and Aiden, who had made up for the moment, was talking as quietly as possible as to not make Jan’s headache any worse), Jackie tried to talk Jan into drinking some water, but she was reluctant. Eventually Jan agreed, not wanting to be a bother.

Only a few seconds after agreeing she felt Jackie put one hand on the back of her head, while using the other one to hold a water bottle to Jan’s chapped, painted lips, helping her drink a couple of sips. They had to stop quickly though, Jan had felt nauseous again after only the first one.

Jackie noticed all little leftover color on Jan’s face drain. Nicky seemed to have noticed it too, so she started quietly talking about whatever she could think of to distract Jan. It seemed to work for a short while, but then Jan started to fidget nervously, trying to fight the by now familiar nausea which seemed to be getting more and more intense by the second.

When she couldn’t take the terrible feeling anymore, she tried to get up to go to the bathroom, but her attempt was quickly stopped. Her legs gave out the second she tried to stand up.

Before she could fall though, Jackie and Nicky caught her, holding her up on either side.

“Bathroom?” Nicky asked softly, her beautiful voice laced with concern.

Jan could only manage to give her a slight nod before she started unproductive gagging. Jackie quickly proceeded to pick up Jan, who was desperately covering her mouth in order to keep herself from vomiting, and carried her to the nearest bathroom as fast as she could. Nicky decided to follow them, sensing they might need some more help.

By the time she had arrived in the bathroom, Jan was already hunched over the toilet, dry heaving with tiny pained whimpers in between. Jackie was doing her best to remain calm, holding up the younger queen too keep her from falling forward and talking to her in a hushed voice. Nicky quickly crouched next to Jan, keeping the wig out of Jan’s face while gently rubbing her back with the other one.

Jan was trying not to cry. At this point she just wanted to curl up in her nice hotel bed and cry until she felt better, but that obviously wasn’t happening. Then she reminded herself of how lucky she was, having the opportunity and platform to show herself to the world, something other, lesser known queens would probably kill for. She could endure a bit more pain, at this point she needed to proof to herself that she was worthy of being part of the s12 cast.

Nicky, who had somehow sensed Jan’s inner conflict, sighed and gently shook her head.

“Jan, mon amour, stop thinking and cry if you need to. I’m sure letting out your emotions is going to make you feel better.”

Jan just weakly gestured to her perfectly beat face. Nicky shrugged, apparently not thinking that this was a valid reason not do what she had just told Jan.

“It’s okay, I promise I’ll fix everything that gets messed up, hell, I’ll even repaint your whole face if it’s necessary. And now, come on, bottling up emotions isn’t good.”

Jan just couldn’t deal with the pain shooting through her entire body and the exhaustion anymore, so she decided to give in. She let out a quiet whimper, and before she could stop anything, the tears and sobs just started and refused to stop.

Jackie and Nicky held and comforted her through everything, gently telling her everything was going to be okay, wiping away the tears, and reminding her how much everyone loved her, how strong she was for allowing herself to cry.

Jan felt safe and loved, so she decided that showing vulnerability to her sisters wasn’t a terrible thing. In fact, being able to stop pretending to be okay took away a lot of pressure she had been feeling throughout the entire day. She felt like in this moment, they all connected on another level of deep, blind trust.

Everything had been okay, but that precious bonding moment was quickly overshadowed by another wave of immeasurable worry. Jackie and Nicky tried to help Jan back up into a standing position, intending to get her out of the bathroom into the prettier dressing room, but neither of them expected the following to happen.

Jan had to suppress a scream of pure agony when she tried to stand up straight, feeling her insides hurt like someone was stabbing her with a burning hot knife. The feeling was unbearable, and her eyes turned glassy once again.

Nicky started to completely freak out, anxiously shrieking in French while Jackie was visibly struggling to keep up her calm, collected façade. She gently sat Jan down on the now closed toilet seat, needing to focus on Nicky for the moment as she looked like she was about to have a panic attack, as well as trying to prevent her from making Jan’s headache even worse with her shrieking. Jackie put both of her hands on Nicky’s shoulders, hoping it would calm her down.

“Nicky, listen baby. I need you to calm down a bit. Can you do that for me?”

Nicky nodded, and took a few deep breaths, but didn’t say anything.

“Okay, good. Well done. I need you to ask everyone whether they have painkillers, including the production team. If they do not, tell Dahlia to put her pettiness to good use to get someone to buy some.”

Nicky quickly nodded, and basically ran out of the room to get said items as soon as possible. Jackie turned her attention back to Jan, who had her eyes forcefully closed, suppressing pained whimpering. Jackie was about to ask her what exactly was wrong when Nicky stormed back in.

“I got some painkillers, but we need to be ready for the next interview in five minutes!”

Jan started panicking. The last thing she wanted was being filmed with a busted looking face. Her first instinct was to run back to the dressing room to do damage control, but there was no way she could that if she couldn’t even properly stand without crying.

Jan had been in such a panicked state she hadn’t realized Nicky had run out of the room once again, this time coming back with what seemed like all of the other girls' makeup, for some odd reason even Crystal’s bright red tv paint stick.

Jan snapped back to reality when Jackie gently tapped her on the shoulder.

“Jan, calm down, it’s okay. We'll make it to the next interview in time, you know Nicky, she can paint quickly if she has to.”

Nicky smiled at Jan before tilting up her head to be able to paint properly, and then got to work, fixing the fairly small parts that had gotten messed up from crying. Nicky was painting with what seemed like lightening speed, and they were actually done just in time. Nicky herself was surprised at how impressive the results were for a three minute fix; Jan’s face looked pretty much brand new, at least not like she had been crying.

Jackie decided to not even ask Jan whether she try to walk on her own, instead she just picked up the younger queen for the second time that day, and carried her to the filming room. Jan had accepted her fate and didn’t even try to argue. Nicky tried to comfort Jan with some encouragement words.

Jan blushed furiously when they had reached the room as the producers looked at them funnily. While Jan appreciated Jackie’s help (if Jan was being honest with herself, she wouldn’t have been able to get to the set by herself), she hated showing weakness. While it had been okay with Jackie and Nicky, strangers were a whole different story.

Nevertheless, she made sure to thank both of the girls excessively once she was back on the ground, only to be affectionately dismissed by them reassuring Jan that it was “Absolutely no problem at all" and “Don’t be silly baby, that’s the least we could do.”

The filming crew still needed a few minutes to set up the camera properly, so Heidi used the opportunity to walk up to Jan, taking a look at her.

“Aww Jan, you’re still not feeling your jantasy, are you? You poor thing.” Jan smiled softly, but shook her head. Heidi then proceeded to hug her, gently whispering “It’s going to be over soon, I promise. Stay strong, baby.”

If Jan and Heidi had looked around, they would have seen 10 pairs of eyes looking at them and 10 hearts basically melting at the display of deep affection.

The interview went alright. Jan, once again forced herself to appear all cheerful and happy, determined to show the world who she was, and to herself that she was a true professional who could act and pretend to be excited when in reality she was in pain and the only thing she wanted was to get to the hotel to finally get some rest.

Jackie was kind of shocked. The same Jan who had been crying a few minutes prior was now giggling at some joke someone had made. No viewer would know what had been going on behind the scenes. Jackie couldn’t help but wonder if Jan was overworking herself.

Jackie's microphone had been acting weird during the filming, so she had no choice but to leave Jan alone in order to get it fixed, leaving the other girls in charge to keep an eye on her.

Now, during the break everyone made sure to check on Jan at least once. Well, except for Rock. She had tried to talk to Jan about some of her new memes, but before she could even get out her phone, Gigi had made her leave (well, actually she had just given her the choice to either be quiet or leave, and Rock had accepted that she had many talents, but being quiet wasn’t one of them).

In fact, Gigi had proved once again how intimidating she could be, but it had worked, the other queens were giving Jan the space she probably needed. Well, most of them, anyway. Gigi had allowed Crystal to be near Jan as long as she was there to pull her away again in case Crystal’s emotions would get the best of her again. They did, unsurprisingly, and Gigi then decided Crystal was just not made for situations like those.

Once Gigi had left with Crystal so she wouldn’t cry, the other queens, one by one, made sure to show Jan how much they cared and tried to help her in any way they could.

Aiden and Brita were keeping their promise not to fight, they were still trying to avoid each other, but both were most likely too tired to fight anymore anyway. Coincidentally they both praised Jan for being so strong and professional in a similar way just a few minutes apart from each other without knowing.

Jaida and Heidi were checking up on her next. While Heidi immediately hugged Jan once more, wordlessly comforting her, Jaida wanted to make sure Jan was okay with actual words.

“Are you okay? Do you need anything? Are you still in pain?” Jaida was trying to stay and act as calm as she normally was, but the questions just flooded out of her.

Once Jan was released from the hug, she smiled at Jaida and answered with a “I’m okay now, gorg, thanks for asking.”

The fact that Jan was still trying to put on a happy face as to not concern anyone made Jaida’s heart hurt.

Around a minute later, Widow, Nicky and Dahlia wanted to talk to Jan as well, so Jaida and Heidi left, not wanting to overwhelm Jan (and get yelled at by Gigi because of it).

Dahlia spoke first, offering to talk to the producers again to get more time in between the filming sequences. Jan politely declined, not wanting the filming to take any longer than necessary, but still thanked Dahlia for having made that kind offer.

Widow was trying to talk Jan into taking the painkillers that had been forgotten earlier, but Jan was reluctant, not wanting to be sick again. Nicky joined in the discussion while carefully reapplying Jan’s lipstick. Close to the end of the break they had to accept that Jan was just too scared to ingest anything, all of them making a mental note to tell Jackie about it. Jan seemed to listen to her the most, and she had this caring thing about her where everyone just did anything she wanted them to out of trust.

When the girls’ break was over, they were told to go to the filming room once again. Jan had insisted she could walk this time, even after Nicky had offered to carry her, the argument being “Jan, you’re not heavy, it’s really no problem, accepting help is not a sign of weakness or whatever it is you’re scared of.”

At the end, they had comprised and Nicky and Rock were supporting her by the waist on either side. Jan was actually glad her friends had insisted on “at least” helping her like this, her legs were still shaking and had almost given out several times before reaching their destination, and she would have fallen without support.

When they had finally reached the room, thankfully without any kind of accidents, Jackie was already there, her microphone was now finally fixed. Everyone sat down on their assigned seats. Jackie wanted to ask Jan how she was feeling, but before she had the chance to do so, the cameras started rolling. By now, everyone wanted to be done with filming for the day.

While they of course were eternally grateful for such an opportunity many could only dream of, trying to stay enthusiastic and entertaining for an entire day with little time in between filming was stressful, but then again, it was all part of what they had signed up for.

The filming was going well so far, but Jan was struggling more and more to keep up with everything. Again, no one was able to tell as she was trying her hardest not to show any signs of even mild discomfort. Nobody could see how every time someone laughed, a sharp flash of pain would shoot through her head.

She was seeing stars by the end of the sequence. No one would have ever guessed the second she moved too much she could feel her insides cramping and the burning nausea that accompanied the awful sensation.

Jan kept reminding herself that every day would end eventually and that she at least didn’t have to hide anything anymore. Her sisters were there for her and would do anything for her if that meant she would feel better.

With that in mind, she was able to get through the interview, she couldn’t disappoint the others like that, acting weird so the whole mood would be off. Instead she wanted to keep it light and entertaining. Although every forced smile and laugh was incredibly difficult to maintain throughout the entire time, she powered through. When the camera was turned off for the time being, Jan wanted to cry because she was so glad she had a few minutes to not be okay.

Of course, she didn’t actually cry, she didn’t even have the strength anymore and she didn’t want to ruin Nicky’s efforts to keep her face perfectly beat.

“..Jan? Jan, come on, we're done for now baby.” Jan felt a light tap on her shoulder. She hadn’t noticed that she had zoned out again and everyone else except Jackie was already gone.

Jackie was standing in front of her, looking down on her with the all too familiar concerned expression Jan had seen quite a lot today. It made her feel sad and she wished she could erase it, but at this point, pretending to be fine or at least better would both be impossible and not really believable.

“Come on, let’s go back, Jannifer.” Jackie smiled at Jan, but it didn’t quite meet her eyes, the concern didn’t leave her face in the slightest bit. Jan tried to return the smile as best as she could and nodded.

She allowed herself to be pulled into a standing position. As soon as she was standing though, her legs were trembling dangerously, almost giving out, probably because she hadn’t eaten anything and her body simply just didn’t have a trace of energy anymore. Jan weakly reached out for support and she was immediately embraced. She felt a pair of arms protectively wrapping around her, pulling her close. Jan quietly sighed, rested her head on Jackie’s shoulder and closed her eyes.

Jackie couldn’t help herself. An incredibly worried, almost whispered “Jan, oh my god" slipped out. Whatever was happening to the younger queen was bad. Really bad. Actually the word ‘bad' was an understatement. It was essentially sucking all of Jan’s energy along with her usual cheery self. The older queen had never seen Jan in such bad condition before, and thinking about it for too long made her feel like her heart was breaking bit by bit.

She tried to shake the feeling off in order to be able to actually be there for Jan.

“I’m going to pick you up now, okay?”

Jan looked like she was about to protest, but Jackie was faster.

“Actually, that was just a heads up. Okay baby, here we go.”

The older queen did her best to pick up Jan as carefully as possible, not wanting to cause her to feel sick again. The younger girl held on tightly to Jackie, their physical contact was making her feel better.

When they had reached the dressing room, Jackie decided Jan should stay near her so she could keep an eye on her. She made Jan sit down in front of her own vanity, and then gathered all of Jan’s things, deciding they could share one vanity.

Jan was shaking noticeably more by now, which again wasn’t good at all, especially since Jackie had felt how hot Jan had been when she had carried her earlier. Which reminded her..

Widow walked up to them, firstly turning her attention to Jan, who now looked like she was close to passing out again.

“Hey, how are you holding up?” Widow tried to keep her voice down.

Jan looked up. Although she knew she didn’t have to pretend anymore, she didn’t want to sound whiny.

“I’m okay now..”

Widow rolled her eyes. “Why am I even asking? Jan, honestly you’re never going to be honest when it comes to your well being, are you?”

Then she looked at Jackie and handed her the pain killers and a bottle of water.

“Here you go, maybe you can get her to take them.” With that she left, joining the rest of the girls in their casual conversations.

Jackie was shocked. “Are you serious? Jan, baby, you suck at self care.”

Jan half heartedly tried to defend herself. “I didn’t want it to happen again. I don’t think I can handle throwing up again.”

Then, something seemed to break inside of her.

“I’m so tired Jackie, it’s so hard pretending to be happy when everything hurts..” The moment of vulnerability was short lived though. Jan seemed to be shocked with what words had just left her mouth.

“I’m so sorry. I know everyone is tired, I promise I can-"

Jackie interrupted her. “Jan. No. Stop. I promise you can talk about how you’re feeling, in fact, I think everyone including me would be happy if you did so we can actually help you. We all love you. I love you.”

Jan smiled a tiny but genuine smile. “I love you too. And I thank you for everything.”

“No need to thank me. That’s what friends are for. But actually..you could return the favor right now.”

Jan was about to ask how, but before she could do so, Jackie already held up the medication with a somewhat pleading expression.

Before Jan could even respond, Nicky who had been nearby and therefore heard the conversation, apparently had enough. She walked up to Jan, standing in front of her and staring directly into her eyes.

Nicky’s expression was hard to read, though intense concern and anger caused because of it seemed to be the majority of it. She let out a sharp breath before speaking, focusing hard on keeping her voice as calm as possible. Jan was scared at this point.

“Okay, that is enough. Jan, I swear to god if you don’t take them right now, I will shove them down your throat myself. And don’t you think I’m kidding, bitch.”

If Jan had been scared before, she was now completely and utterly terrified, especially since she had never seen Nicky like this before.

Jackie tried to break up the serious situation. Nicky wasn’t wrong, but scaring Jan wasn’t going to help. She subconsciously took Jan’s hand before turning her attention to Nicky.

“I think we’ll manage without taking such extreme measures, right?” She looked at Jan.

The younger queen sighed softly, but then nodded She could probably endure the consequences if it meant it would make Jackie happy and Nicky wouldn’t possibly kill her.

Thankfully Jackie seemed to sense that Jan would be more comfortable (and safer) with her giving her the tablets. Nicky was okay with this, she left, but not without hugging both Jackie and Jan quickly and stayed near enough so she could help if it was needed. She didn’t have the desire to participate in the hushed small talk of the nine other queens. It was forced anyway so Jan wouldn’t feel guilty about making them worry.

The older queen instructed Jan to open her mouth, put the small, white pills in, and then helped Jan drink a bit of water, this time stopping before Jan even started to look uncomfortable.

“Well done, baby, I’m proud of you.” But then Jackie noticed the younger girl tense up, looking at the ground.

“Jan, honey, look at me.” Jackie carefully took Jan’s hands. The younger queen finally looked up.

“It’s okay, it’s not going to happen again, I promise. But you need to calm down and breathe, okay? Deep, calm breaths baby. Yeah, that’s better, good job.”

When Jan had finally calmed down, and the nausea had subsided to a manageable level again without vomiting, the cast was yet again called for the next interview.

It all happened in some sort of a haze for Jan, having to answer questions she was convinced they had all answered earlier? Or had they? Everything was starting to blur together. Halfway through the interview though, the painkillers finally showed effect and took away some of her pain. She could feel it go down from unbearable to not great, but definitely better.

During every break they had, Jackie was further making sure she was getting better as best as she could, given their less than ideal for the younger girl location. She just seemed to know exactly what Jan needed, and when.

As a consequence, the breaks would essentially consist of them being close to each other. For the majority of the time, they were hugging each other, Jackie allowing Jan to rest her head on her shoulder. Whenever she could, she would make Jan drink some more water, but that wasn’t an easy task. At one point she even had Nicky hold Jan still while Jackie made her drink. Taking care of someone for a whole day, especially with filming in between was exhausting, but Jackie was glad Jan finally let her help. And even though the younger girl was a bit stubborn at times, Jackie didn’t get annoyed. Instead she reminded herself that Jan was simply scared of having to throw up again.

Filming was finally over for the day, and the whole cast was happy about it. It had been a long day, everyone was exhausted and just wanted to get out of drag and into bed. (Jan was especially grateful because the effect of the painkillers had started wearing off by the beginning of the last interview. By the time they had finished, her pain had been back at full force, leaving her yet again in agony.)

But even in their collectively tired state, no one could resist when Crystal wrapped her arms around both Jan (who was secretly glad for the support to stand up straight) and Gigi, and then suggested a group hug.

Brita had been a bit absent, still thinking about the last interview, she only came back to reality when someone carefully tapped her on the shoulder. It was a bit awkward for her as the only space left was next to Aiden.

“Don't squish her too much” she told the other queens in a concerned voice, obviously meaning Jan. Aiden mouthed a “it’s okay” before pulling her into the group hug. Brita felt a weight leaving her shoulders. Finally, there seemed to be no hard feelings between Aiden and herself anymore. In that moment, both of them promised themselves to try and stop fighting as much as they, despite on their occasional disagreements, still loved each other.

They only broke their comforting hug when the van from earlier was there to bring them back to the hotel. All of them were eager to get into the car, looking forward to get back.

The car ride was pretty silent, most of the queens were nodding off. Jan on the other hand, could feel every movement of the van, and it didn’t do her ever so present nausea any favors.

On top of that she was freezing, her entire body was shaking aggressively, and her teeth were chattering. Jackie pulled Jan as close as possible in a car, putting one arm around Jan’s shoulders while she very, very carefully placed her other hand on Jan’s stomach, obviously without applying any sort of pressure, hoping the warmth would help the younger girl. It actually helped, but it made Jan blush because she was slightly embarrassed about someone touching her there, not enough to say anything about it though. She was tired and her head hurt after all. Jackie’s actions were making her feel better, so she decided to just accept the help.

When they had finally reached the hotel, Jackie realized she was the only one awake, except for the driver, of course. She was tired too, of course, but she had stayed awake in case Jan needed her.

She decided to wake up Jan last, just to let her sleep for a few more minutes. The poor girl even looked exhausted in her sleep. When she untangled herself from her, Jan whined in her sleep, but didn’t wake up. Jackie felt bad for doing it right after, but she wanted to get everyone else out of the car first so Jan could wake up peacefully without too many concerned questions about her well being.

Jackie got up. One by one, she tapped the other queens on their shoulders. For some of them, this was enough to wake up. The ones who were still asleep were gently shaken awake. When the others were all more or less awake, they fairly quickly realized where they were, and got out of the car.

Jackie turned her attention back to Jan, who was still asleep, but now she was mumbling and looked uncomfortable, probably cold without Jackie being near her. The older queen decided that now would be a good moment to wake Jan up. She undid Jan’s seatbelt before carefully tapping on her shoulder a couple of times. Surprisingly, this was enough for the younger queen to wake up. Jan opened her eyes, and looked around. She was visibly confused and slightly scared by her surroundings. Then she looked at Jackie for an explanation.

“It’s okay, baby. We’re back at the hotel. We made it.”

61 notes · View notes

resbangmod · 6 years

Text

2018′s Resonance Bang is a wrap!

We’ve reached the end of posting time, everyone! It’s hard to believe we’ve had six of these events already, but here we are. Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts, for your participation, whether you’ve been a participant or a viewer.

Coming sometime in the near future will be a survey for all the participants so we can once again find out what might be improved about the Resbang experience.

Now that everything is complete, you can check out the master post on GrigoriWings, or you can click through the readmore to see all the finished works here!

Dec 8th Book of Eibon: Safe Edition

by author: SleepDeprivedFemale

with artist: Ochotona1liensi

Summary: [POST MANGA] Maka copied the legible parts of the Book of Eibon seeking answers. Instead, she comes across peculiar directories, vague musings, confounding retellings, illegible paragraphs, horrifying prototypes and two simple lists of names.

Pairings: None/Gen

Rating: G

Warnings: Vague cosmic horror stuff

Read it here: [tumblr | ao3 | ffn]

View it here: [tumblr]

Dec 10th Why Don’t We Just Dance

by author: DemonRider404

with artist: Soulheart

Summary: Small Town/Preacher’s Son AU. Maka Albarn is a fresh high school graduate, ready to leave the confines of this backwater Podunk town and make something of herself. Nothing can stop her now. Enter Soul Evans, the unmotivated, heathen son of the preacher; a perfect cliché. It’s been a few years since he dropped out, and Maka is surprised to find herself…attracted to him. She tries to talk herself out of it, but eventually gives in to a secret summer fling. But flings never end well, especially in a town like this. Could this brief escape into his arms end up being more trouble than it’s worth?

Pairings: SoMa, very background TsuStar

Rating: E (NC17 | M+)

Warnings: Strong language, mentions of divorce, alcoholism, minor recreational drug use, religious themes, blasphemy, and explicit sexual content

Read it here: [tumblr | ao3]

View it here: [tumblr]

Dec 11 Wild Hunt

by author: ADdude

with artist: Marsh of Sleep

Summary: Summary: Weddings are meant to be happy occasions. Maka’s mother is getting married and Maka and her adoptive sister Eu are trying to get everything perfect. But there is a storm on the horizon, and a new threat that might end the wedding before it starts with lives in the balance can the growing family stop the Wild Hunt?

Semi-Sequel to Lost Warrior

Pairings: Soma, Tsustar, Marie/Stein, Kid/Liz, Kami/Nene, Eu/Ayumu

Rating: T

Warnings: N/A

Read it here: [ffn]

View it here: [tumblr | nickpic]

Dec 12 Snakes, Scorpions, Spiders, and Spreadsheets

by author: Zogulesti

with artist: Bonebagroyalty

Summary: (Office AU) A nice little lab in the middle of nowhere was all she wanted, free to experiment to her heart's content. Medusa Gorgon quickly finds that life doesn't always go her way; recent troubles have left her jobless and stuck in a city she absolutely can't stand, with people she despises. A strange job offering from her estranged younger sibling Shaula leads her into the dull, mostly uneventful, life of an office worker, destined to become absolutely nothing important in the grander scheme of their corporate infighting, not to mention the overly attached secretary she's supposed to babysit. Despite this, she quickly learns that maybe she can accomplish more in this position than she ever had before, and begins her journey to bring her sisters back together again in an experiment to see if the silly saccharine concept of "familial bonds" are worth anything.

Pairings: Gorgon Sisters/Family issues, possible Medusa/Eruka, references to Stein/Marie at one point

Rating: T

Warnings: References to sibling abuse/bullying, family issues, corporate politics, language, possible relationship with unequal power dynamic

Read it here: [ao3 | ffn]

View it here: [tumblr | twitter | instagram]

Dec 13 Blood of a Lion Cub

by author: ThirteenthMurder

with artist: Baph

Summary: Witcher AU - Maka has lived with the Dryads in Brokilon forest almost her entire life, desperately trying to prevent an ancient prophecy tied to her bloodline. When a chance encounter with a Witcher entangled their fates, Maka must take down the Wild Hunt or watch the world burn.

Pairings: SoulxMaka, Implied TsuStar, SteinxMarie, SidxNygus, brief mentions of SpiritxBlaire

Rating: M

Warnings: Minor and Major character deaths, scenes of murder gore and blood, language and violence.

Read it here: [ao3]

View it here: [tumblr | twitter]

Dec 14 The M-squad: Wes is the Ultimate Heist Man

by author: Kona

with artist: Tilliquoi

Summary: Wes didn’t choose a life of crime, it chose him. A heistfic featuring Soul (surprisingly put together), Maba (the gran with the van), Masamune (makeup magician), and Maka (???).

Wes and Soul set out to steal Medusa Gorgon’s prized gem collection, but first… they need a crew. Enter: Maba and Masa, with occasional cameos from Soul’s neighbor Maka (The neighbor he’s /not/ pining for, right? The same one that maybe-probably-definitely likes him back?) and frequent shenaniganery.

Pairings: Gen, very lowkey background soma

Rating: G

Warnings: nothing except extremely brief anxiety attack in beginning of chapter 5

Read it here: [ao3]

View it here: [tumblr]

Dec 15 Black Water

by author: Sandmancircus

with artist: Marsh of Sleep

Summary: Eruka Frog is a swamp witch who was forced to take an oath to aid anyone who asks for help, a duty she reluctantly keeps - even when a wounded werewolf lands himself in her swamp, begging for her to heal him. Free has lost his immortality due to a curse that began within his own clan and, as the witch and the werewolf grow closer, the identity of the true culprit behind both their curses becomes more and more apparent.

Pairings: Free/Eruka

Rating: M

Warnings: Gore, language, alcohol abuse

Read it here: [ao3 | ffn]

View it here: [tumblr | twitter]

Dec 18 And They Were Roommates (Oh My God)

by author: Karmahope

with artist: Konoha

Summary: For Soul and Maka, moving in together when their previous roommates ditched them to live with each other was a no-brainer. Unfortunately, this might be more than they bargained for. Love/hate relationships between roommates are common, but there’s more love than hate to this one, and they can only put off the inevitable for so long before it blows up in their faces. No matter what, though, they’re there for each other – through the good, the bad … and the weird. Even when it’s four o’clock in the morning.

Pairings: Soul/Maka, Black Star/Tsubaki (mentioned)

Rating: T

Warnings: Legal alcohol consumption, implied/referenced sex, recreational drug use (mentioned)

Read it here: [ao3 | ffn]

View it here: [tumblr]

Dec 19 And the Sky Turns to Blue

by author: Flowerpcy

with artist: The-ace-place

and artist: The_noctivagant

Summary: Running an illegal dragon school with the man he’s definitely not in love with is turning out to be slightly more difficult than Stein had previously anticipated. While actively trying to avoid the new High Witch whose main objective is to eliminate dragons from the hands of all humans, Stein and Spirit spend their free time teaching students how to bond with their dragons, until rumors of the High Witch growing her army again begin to circulate. With new variables appearing at every turn, Stein soon finds himself faced with budding relationships, familial tensions, and possible treason, and none of his decisions are looking good.

Pairings: Stein/Spirit, minor Crona/Maka and Blackstar/Kid

Rating: T

Warnings: violence, language

Read it here: [ao3 | tumblr]

View it here: [The-ace-place: tumblr | The_noctivagant: tumblr]

Dec 20 The Sun Under Different Skies

by author: Kona

with artist: The_noctivagant

Summary: In the wake of a break-up, Liz is left unrooted and drifting and very much in need of a new life. If that new life happens to include a cross-country move and two quickly deepening friendships, well… she won’t complain. Friendships that soon start to seem like something more, even as Liz struggles to leave behind the still-smarting hurts weighing on her now.

Pairings: TsuLizStar

Rating: G

Warnings: Liz's depression

Read it here: [ao3]

View it here: [tumblr]

Dec 21 Cryptid II: The Night Of The Return Of The Wolfwalker From Hell

by author: Rogha

with artist: Laylanator17

Summary: Soul Evans was happy enough to live a quiet and unremarkable life with his blind wolf and his roommate and her dog. All of their entire combined friend group and his drunken, treacherous self had different plans. Prank major network television show plans.

Pairings: SoulxMaka, BlackStarxDeath the Kid, Kim/Jackie

Rating: T

Warnings: N/a

Read it here: [ao3]

View it here: [tumblr]

Dec 22 Let’s Trade Mistakes ‘Til They Fade Away

by author: Soundsouleater

with artist: Mak

Summary: Summer is Maka’s favorite season, and not because of the weather.

Every year, she looks forward to seeing Soul Evans, her best friend and summertime neighbor since she was five years old. However, this year is different because Soul desperately needs a fake girlfriend.

Everyone in their friend group turns to Maka, because who else would be more qualified to play the part than his best friend in the whole world?

With Maka’s help, Soul may be able to get out of this mess, even if that means putting his heart on his sleeve for the sake of the act. He just hopes they can get through this with their friendship intact. It’s easier said than done though, especially when Maka starts to feel like her heart is being put through the wringer.

Pairings: SoulxMaka

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: N/a

Read it here: [ao3 | tumblr]

View it here: [tumblr]

Dec 26 Unrequited

by authors: Infantblue and Kallieflower

with artist: Nori-wings

and artist: Soulheart

Summary: Maka is hit with a witch’s curse that compels her to return an unrequited love. It is not in Soul’s favor. Canon.

Pairings: SoulxMaka

Rating: M

Warnings: angst, smut, profanity, minor jealousy on Soul’s part, canon-typical violence, cavity-inducing fluff, Black Star being Black Star, and so much pining that it’s almost physically painful because Soul does not know how to use words.

Read it here: [ao3 | ffn | tumblr]

View it here: [Nori-wings: tumblr | Soulheart: tumblr]

Dec 27 Out of the Spider’s Web

by author: AceRavenclaw

with artist: Cosmic-absentia

Summary: Arachne Gorgon gets to work quickly after her parents’ murder. With the aid of her hypnosis magic, the cult of Arachnophobia builds quickly, and sets about making its power known and setting Arachne’s experiments in weapon creation into motion. Medusa and Shaula are indoctrinated into this world as well, and Arachne seeks to turn them into the perfect soldiers and devotees to vanguard her forces. But Medusa is prideful and Shaula is fearful, and deep down neither of them wish to be pawns in their sister’s game. However, escaping Arachne’s web may be an impossible task…

Pairings: Medusa/OC, Arachne/Giriko

Rating: T

Warnings: Child abuse, torture, medical experimentation, domestic violence, emotional manipulation, the Gorgon family in general.

Read it here: [ao3]

View it here: [tumblr | twitter]

Dec 28 Unfair

by author: Innocentcinnamonbun

with artist: Sandmancircus

Summary: Marie feels her very own soul get ripped out when she hears the news. The man she loved has been murdered. Wilting away in her own grief, her troubles grow as her partner and dear friend, Dr. Franken Stein, is accused of the killing. She knows he’s innocent, but he isn’t convinced. Together they flee to find the truth of Joe Buttataki’s untimely demise. And what they find is not the conclusion they thought they’d see.

Pairings: Stein/Marie, Marie/Joe Buttataki

Rating: PG 13

Warnings: Minor character death, mentions of self harm, canon typical swearing and violence, mentions of adult innuendo

Read it here: [ao3]

View it here: [tumblr]

Jan 2 The Peace of Wild Things

by author: Fullmetalgrigori

with artist: Peregrine

and artist: Nsart

Summary: Maka Albarn is the last remaining heir of her people, a race of avian shapeshifters who have been at war with the serpiente for so long that the reason for fighting has long been lost. She is desperate to save her people and end the bloodshed, and is willing to do whatever it takes to do so - even if it means accepting Soul Evans, the leader of her people’s enemy, as her pair bond. However, there are forces within both courts determined to prevent peace at all costs. Meanwhile, both heirs begin to learn that the other is not the enemy they once thought they knew, and begin to find friendship and even love with the other. Hawksong AU

Warnings: Minor character death, scenes of violence, description of war, mild language

Rating: R

Pairing: Soul/Maka

Read it here: [ffn | tumblr]

View it here: [Nsart: tumblr]

Jan 3 Bit the Bullet (and Swallowed it, Too)

by author: Dollypopup

with artist: Blinkfl0yd

and artist: Innocentcinnamonbun

Summary: It’s a sunny, beautiful day in Aurora, Nevada the day Marie Mjolnir, 8 months pregnant and glowing, becomes Marie Stein. At least, it would be, if the little chapel in the middle of nowhere didn’t get shot up by the assassination group she was once a part of. Waking up from a coma 4 years later, Marie, labeled a Jane Doe, finds herself suddenly childless, husbandless, and determined to do just what she did when she was a gun for hire:

She wasn’t going to get upset. She was going to get even. Kill Bill inspired AU.

Pairings: SteinMarie, Nyzusa, SpiritKami

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Violence, blood, character death, kidnapping, strong language

Read it here: [ao3]

View it here: [innocentcinnamonbun: tumblr | Blinkfl0yd: tumblr]

Jan 4 Marked in Constellation

by author: Sojustifiable

with artist: Sigsegv

Summary: Summary: Soul and Maka meet in the wilderness having embarked on solo trips up the Pacific Crest Trail. They're both sorely unexperienced, and a little company and team work never hurt anyone. Between hitch hiking to buy supplies and fending off a bear, the two get close. Very close. The question is, will their relationship survive the stress of city living once the journey is over?

Pairing: SoulxMaka

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: Explicit sex, alcohol

Read it here: [ao3]

View it here: [tumblr]

Jan 6 Now the Night Breaks

by author: Lunar-resonance

with artist: Nikowl

and artist: Othernikki

Summary: Weeks have passed since Maka and Soul ventured into the Rift together and only Maka came back. Devastated and still reeling from Soul’s perplexing desertion, Maka struggles to deal with the emotional fallout while balancing her mother’s sudden reappearance in her life and her work in the DWMA. However, discovery of new, disturbing activity from the Rift complicates her journey to find Soul and hints at a much greater threat coming from the other side. Meanwhile, in Abeyance, Soul wanders aimlessly until he crosses paths with a witch and is coerced into entering a deal to protect Maka from their lingering bond, unaware he is the key in an ancient plan to unlock the Rift and bring witches into the world once again.

Sequel to Now the night rises and final chapter in the Ghost Eater trilogy.

Pairings: SoMa

Rating: T

Warnings: themes/discussion of death, mild graphic violence (similar to canon)

Read it here: [ao3 | ffn | tumblr | twitter]

View it here: [tumblr]

Jan 8 Can’t Fight the Moonlight

by author: GrigoriGirl

with artist: Nsart

Summary: Summary: All Soul wanted was a chance to build a life that was away from his parents and totally his own. So, when a swanky new nightclub sets up shop in a small town in West Virginia and extends a job offer, well, how could he refuse? Of course, all is not as it seems, and the first night in a new town, Soul winds up as some vampire’s dinner; setting off a chain of evens that nobody, including himself, could’ve seen coming. That’s not even including the eclectic werewolf pack with the feisty blonde at it’s help that takes him in, the pseudo-custody battle with the local vampire clan, the return of more than a few people long-since thought dead, and the more near-death experiences than he was comfortable with. Well, that might be over-simplifying things.

Pairings: General, background SteinMarie, SidNygus, JacKim

Rating: T

Warnings: mild-to-moderate blood/gore, canon typical violence, swearing, character death

Read it here: [ao3 | ffn | tumblr]

View it here: [tumblr]

Jan 9 The Start of Something New

by author: Toooceanblue

with artist: Nyxique

Summary: Sometimes you need to make sacrifices to get what you want. In Soul’s case, this means playing piano for the spring musical if his parents let him attend public school for his last year and a half of education. When stressful circumstances (and okay, a little bit of spite) rope teacher’s favorite Maka Albarn into stage crew, she and Soul must help each other balance extracurriculars and academics while their friendship steadily grows. High School Musical AU.

Pairings: SoulxMaka

Rating: PG 13

Warnings: n/a

Read it here: [ao3]

View it here: [tumblr]

Jan 10 Hot Tub Pop Tarts Are No Way to Live

by authors: Bones and Victoriapyrrhi

with artist: Abbey

Summary: Being trapped in Florida is a special kind of hell, the kind that drives a man to sit in a lukewarm hot tub drinking cheap beer and eating stale Christmas pop-tarts.

It's not EASY finding people in witness protection, but enough money can get you anything -- and now Soul has two assassins who seem to want to be his friends, a neighbor who may or may not have a secret hacker bunker under his trailer, and plans in the works for the kind of heist that sets you up for life AND takes down an internationally-feared crime ring.

Pairing: Soul/Maka, side of Kid/Black Star, Spirit/Wes, and Justin/Giriko

Rating: R

Warnings: canon-typical violence, foul and salty language, murder for hire

Read it here: [ao3 | tumblr]

View it here: [tumblr]

Jan 13 Found It Once, You’ll Find It Again

by author: Silly Twin Stars

with artist: Macabremermaid

and artist: Sojustifiable

Summary: When Maka goes to visit her grandmother in New England, she’s ready for a summer of relaxation, reading, and fried clams. But when she gets a job at Skully’s, the pirate-themed restaurant in town, she ends up getting more than she bargained for. Between illicit whale watching excursions, attempting to summon demons with pizza boxes, and learning to drive stick shift, it’ll be a miracle if she gets through this summer alive. At least there’s the quiet, musically-inclined waiter at Skully’s who knows his way around a steering wheel to help her navigate the road.

Pairings: SoulxMaka

Rating: T

Warnings: language, alcohol consumption, ouija board shenanigans, stickshift-centric innuendo

Read it here: [ao3 | ffn]

View it here: [tumblr]

Listen to it here: [tumblr]

Jan 17 Fake News

by author: Whinnie

and artist: KARIN848

Summary: Maka's life is all work and no play. What happens when her new coworker Soul tries to change that? [tech startup / office AU]

Pairings: Soul/Maka, with mentions of Soul/Anya, Maka/Tsugumi, and implied BlackStar/Tsubaki

Rating: T / PG-13

Warnings: mild and explicit language from time to time, occasional mentions of alcohol consumption, major self-esteem issues, discussion of biracial issues, mention of workplace toxicity

Read it here: [ao3 | ffn]

View it here: [tumblr]

Jan 20 Whispers from a Dark Corner

by author: BlinkFl0yd

with artist: Ahshesgone

Summary: When tragedy strikes and Soul stumbles upon Death Scythe murdered in his own home, he’s plunged into the aftermath of the fallout, including a hunt for a witch with a troubled past, a strain on on his and Maka’s resonance, and having to watch his meister fall onto a grief-fueled path for revenge. But, it what feel like sick twist in order to make things even more complicated, it turns out that Death Scythe never really left. And the only one who can see or even sense him at all is Soul, who subsequently becomes forced in between Maka and her father as both struggle to come to terms with what has happened, and what it means for their history with each other.

Rating: M

Pairings: maka/soul, minor background stein/marie

Warnings: major character death (obviously), depictions of murder, corpses, troubled family relationships

Read it here: [ao3]

View it here: [tumblr]

Jan 21 The Dead Tell No Tale

by author: Oblivion-Time

with artist: Darkpurply

Summary: After a charm gone wrong, Maka, Soul, Black*Star, Tsubaki, Liz, Patty, Kid and Marie end up at a haunted school. Dead bodies are around every corner and the threat of death looms over them in the shape of three ghost girls, a man with a chainsaw and other unknown threats lurking in the dark. There is no way out. No way to find each other. Only death is certain.

Pairings: SoulxMaka, LizxTsubakixBlack*Star

Rating: R

Warnings: Dark themes, gore, character deaths. Not a story for the weak-hearted.

Read it here: [ ao3 | ffn]

View it here: [tumblr]

Jan 22: Late Entry Day

Works that didn't make their deadlines but still posted before the end of the event!

Caught Dead

by author: redphlox

with artist: macabremermaid

and artist: Addie

Summary: When Maka Albarn takes the fall for a friend’s crime, she is sentenced to Shibusen Juvenile Detention Center in Death City, Nevada. It’s almost bearable thanks to a frustrating - and cute - camper who helps her dig holes under the hot sun. Despite Soul Evans’s reluctance to open up about himself or his past, the two soon bond over investigating the disappearances in Death City a hundred years ago and sneaking out to see each other past curfew. But, it turns out Shibusen’s intentions are far from pure. Will Soul and Maka be able to combat the other rowdy campers, the desert sun, and the cruel warden to discover the secret behind all those holes?

Pairings: SoulxMaka, Wes/Tsubaki, side Stein/Marie

Rating: T

Warnings: none indicated

Read it here: [ao3]

Listen to it here: [tumblr]

View it here: [tumblr]

Honorable Mention Artists

Artists who completed their work even though the stories were not completed.

Mystery Shrouded's Jewelry for Professor Maka's "Fate Loves the Fearless"

[Mystery Shrouded on Tumblr]

Bbbutterfingers' Digital Art for DryWavelength's "Backwoods Beyond"

[Bbbutterfingers on Tumblr]

InnocentCinnamonBun's Digital Art for DryWavelength's "Backwoods Beyond"

[InnocentCinnamonBun on Tumblr]

#resbang #resbang 2018 #soul eater

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raywritesthings · 6 years

Note

It is interesting that you can write 10 so well considering the way you feel about him. I understand what you mean, I do, but I think there’s more going on there and 10 is my favorite in part because he has such a depth, hurt and real emotions to him, even that he hurts others (and he does). I can’t stand 12 see him as almost evil. SoI get it! I just wanna say you have mad skills to be able to write him despite your feelings. So please don’t take this the wrong way. I couldn’t write 12. No way!

Anonymous said:Whoops, I didn’t realize there was a bit of an argument going on when I sent that last comment. I was just replying to your post about shipping 10 and Donna but not liking 10 outside of series 4! Definitely didn’t mean to get into anything here... Sorry! You can just ignore me. Lol.

Haha, no it’s okay. I think the debate has blown over. And sorry if it seems like I was ignoring this; I was just celebrating my birthday yesterday and didn’t have time to get on my laptop to properly reply. And it’s probably gonna be long (sorry) so the rest of this is gonna go under a cut. Read more if you all wanna know some of my thoughts on Ten, otherwise feel free to skip.

Firstly, I want to thank you for the compliment. Regardless of how I feel about a particular character, when I sit down and write them I try to get into their head and into what they’re thinking and do it from their point of view. Now, I don’t always agree with what they think/feel/do in the story, but I present it as logically as I can.

My frustration with Ten specifically is that, while David Tennant put so much into the character and RTD clearly had certain character beats or threads he wanted to explore - they’re never really given their proper due in the narrative.

Like, there’s this idea there that he and Rose are too reckless/careless in series 2, a bit too arrogant and uncaring of how their actions impact others (we see it specifically with Mickey and Jackie), and that it leads to the creation of an organization bent on stopping the Doctor (even though Rose was the one ceaseless bugging Victoria, but I digress). Here’s the thing, though: the initial plan for Tooth and Claw was for them to accidentally get Queen Victoria killed, thus altering/damaging history. Real consequences, not just a single moment where we see Jackie sad in the Elton episode, or Rose admitting for one second that they take Mickey for granted right before we say bye to him in the parallel world (for the time being). But without that plot, a majority of the audience completely misses that idea. Series 2 is considered the “good times” for Ten, where everything was right and nothing bad had happened yet. Never mind that there was plenty wrong with him already.

“Don’t you think she looks tired?” With one bit of misogynistic language, he topples the government that was supposed to usher in a Golden Age according to his previous incarnation. Into the power vacuum steps the Master. There’s this repeating theme that the Tenth Doctor creates his own worst problems, but it’s never really crystallized in the narrative. Again, I read that RTD was planning to emphasize that, but never quite got around to it.

On the other hand, the narrative has no problem shifting blame off of him wherever possible. “Then what happens next is your own doing,” he tells the Racnoss Empress before pressing a button he knows will drown all of her children. “You make me this,” he says to Miss Hartigan before destroying her and the other Cybermen. It doesn’t exactly matter that they’re evil; he’s still blaming the victim of his actions for causing his actions in the first place, rather than taking ownership of them. And other characters do it for him, too! “Some things are worth getting your heart broken for.” “The Doctor is worth the monsters.” “He’s like fire.” Like it’s just a natural thing that he can’t help it if you get hurt, when there are absolutely things he could be doing to mitigate the damage he causes, he just doesn’t. And almost nobody holds him accountable, at least not successfully.

Almost nobody - enter Donna Noble.

Donna was the best thing to ever happen to the Tenth Doctor’s character. I’ll be honest with you, I got into the show a bit late. DT was already gone, so I went back to watch his stuff after watching most of the Matt Smith era (what had aired of it at the time). A friend had told me to skip Rose, so I started right in on the Runaway Bride. Then, because I didn’t want to wait for more Donna, I skipped right over series 3 and went straight into 4. And here’s the thing; I genuinely liked his Doctor. I was enjoying it. Imagine when I then went back for series 3 and got to see what an asshole he’d been for an entire series to Martha. And then peeked back at series 2 to see if it was a fluke only to discover even more I found distasteful.

It was like night and day! He’s quite simply a different character around Donna. That’s the only real way I can explain it. Part of it just has to do with the Runaway Bride. It is so important to their development as characters and as a relationship. Because they see each other at their absolute worst - and there’s no hiding that. There’s really no excuses for it. Donna knows exactly what he is capable of - and demands better. Won’t take no for an answer. And because he wants to impress her, wants her to like him, he delivers. That’s simply it. He cares about her opinion of him in a way that he didn’t care about what Martha thought. He wanted Martha around, but he felt he had free license to lash out and give her as much hell as he liked until she refused to take it anymore.

People like to say he’s grieving in series 3. Okay, I get it’s fine to have emotions and feel sad and miss someone. That doesn’t give him a pass to treat the people around him - people he invites into his life - like dirt. And yet, he’s largely left off the hook for that. Martha gets her goodbye speech, and Ten admits to Donna in Partners in Crime that what happened “was all my fault”, but by the Sontaran Stratagem notice how the narrative has shifted what that means. What happened is no longer “I made Martha feel unwelcome and like she didn’t matter as much as other people for an entire year (or two)” and is instead “I taught Martha how to fight and she became a soldier”. Because it’s no fun acknowledging that your main character - the through-line for most of RTD’s era - was kind of an abusive friend.

The Tenth Doctor to me is a Byronic Hero in the worst sense. Broodingly handsome and haunted by the things he’s done in the past, meant for girls to swoon over and tolerate how he treats them because he’s in pain. But Donna doesn’t give any of that nonsense the time of day, and that’s why he had to change so much in series 4. The few times he slips back into it, she’s there to pull him out or flat-out tell him “I think you’re wrong”. If he had grown out of that Byronic phase of his life, if the series 4 him had remained for the rest of his run, I might have found his character alright. There was an arc there, and he learned something and improved.

But instead, with Journey’s End, all the good is undone. He lobotomizes Donna. Full-stop. Sends Rose away with his clone and doesn’t tell anyone else what’s going to happen or that he’ll be alone, because he knows what’s best for all of them and this has to be the way. I think he likes being that tragic figure a little too much. He enjoys blaming all of his woes on inevitability and “the curse of the Time Lords”. It’s nice to have a scapegoat for all his wrongs. (Isn’t it so convenient, that Dalek Caan prophecy which declares the metacrisis “destiny”? Almost like it’s not the Doctor’s fault for leaving his hand lying around chock full of regeneration energy for anyone to touch. It simply had to happen, completely out of his control. It’s not his fault, isn’t that nice?) And then he’s killing Miss Hartigan like he did the Racnoss Empress, he’s turning down Christina because he’s meant to be alone~, he’s fighting time itself in Waters of Mars.

Sidenote, I hate the whole Time Lord Victorious title-y thing. You know why? Cause it lets the narrative push the blame again. It’s treated like this separate persona, what he ‘almost became’ - bullshit. That was the Tenth Doctor. He did those things. He spiraled out of control. The only reason he stopped was because a woman put a bullet in her head. He thinks the Ood is there to signal his death at the end and to be honest, I agreed with him. He deserved to die there.

When it came down to the Tenth Doctor’s actual final episode, RTD had to make a choice between a big, bombastic finale and a quieter, personal one. He went with the first option; had to send his hero out with a proper swan song, right? But the quiet finale I feel had much more potential to do something good to his character. Nobody watches the End of Time now for the plot - they watch it for those quiet scenes between him and Wilf, where he finally starts to admit his failings and owns up to them. It is beautifully tragic, and rightly so. The Tenth Doctor is a mass of contradiction and complexity, and I can absolutely respect people who find value in that and consider him their favorite character. My issue stems with the way the narrative chose not to properly interact with that complexity. I have an issue with characters who get off scot-free while others are held accountable in the same narrative. It bothers me. The hypocrisy in the writing there feels like an injustice. It also doesn’t help that I think any and all Byronic Heroes can go step off the nearest cliff and stop bothering women who would be much better off without them.

So I think if I tried to write him outside of that series 4 bubble (excepting some kind of post-Journey’s End fixit or, possibly, something to do with Sarah Jane because she’s about the only other character who made him likable to me), you would see a much harsher take on him. I would write as fairly as I write any character I dislike, but I would hold him accountable where the show did not. I don’t know if that counts as bashing or not. To me, it’s honesty.

I think the reason I’m much more receptive to Twelve than you are is because I feel he does learn and improve from his initial beginnings. I’ve never managed to finish series 8. Believe me, I get it, it’s sometimes painful to sit and watch how he treats the people around him in those early episodes. But, if you haven’t done it, I would recommend skipping ahead and giving series 10 a try. Because to me, that is the proof that he learned, in a way Ten was never allowed to because RTD was determined to have his “tragic hero” ending. Certainly Twelve is not perfect (no Doctor is), but I would take his interactions with Bill Potts over series 2, 3, and the Specials any day.

So, if you read this far, again thanks very much for the compliment and for giving me the opportunity to expand on my Ten thoughts. I hope I didn’t offend, as I know it’s no fun to read criticisms of a favorite character, and I hope I continue to write him well for you!

#emerson replies #emerson rants #Anonymous

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aion-rsa · 3 years

Text

Vigil Ending: Russian Spies, Navy Conspiracies and Murders at Sea

https://ift.tt/3CMoALA

Warning: contains Vigil finale spoilers.

Nobody could accuse BBC thriller Vigil of lacking plot. That series was a Matryoshka doll, in which each mystery broke in half to reveal another, then another, and another. What began with a sunk trawler, a heroin overdose and a whistle blower ended with a Russian plot, a multi-layered Naval conspiracy, a drowned activist, three dead crew members, and a saboteur in a cage, shitting in a bucket. Along the way there were family revelations, broken hearts, an extra-marital affair, and the deadliest tin of sliced grapefruit ever to feature on television. Join us as we straighten out anything you may still be pondering after this packed thriller’s post-finale.

Why did the Russians want HMS Vigil to surface?

It was all for the PR, apparently. The Russians wanted to engineer a situation where a British Trident submarine was shown to fail, then forced to surface and conduct an emergency evacuation onto a waiting Russian boat, which would tow it home, laughing all the way. Think of it as an exercise in national humiliation aimed at undermining Trident and attempting to influence the forthcoming parliamentary vote on whether to renew the UK’s continuous at-sea nuclear deterrent.

How did Doward sabotage Vigil?

He undermined it to DCI Silva from the start, telling her on their helicopter ride in that his usual boat – Virtue (the irony!) – was much less trouble than Vigil. Then at the end of episode one, he jimmied the lock on the RCMS panel to manually force the nuclear reactor to shut down. In episode two, he deliberately failed to notice the tanker with which Vigil almost collided until it was almost too late, generally putting the shits up everybody. Then in episode four, he left a note in Jackie’s apron threatening her to hurry up and release the nerve agent she’d been tasked with doing, which prompted her to fatally poison herself. Then he deliberately snagged the communications wire, taking the ship offline. That’s when he knocked out Silva, tried to drown her, attempted to suffocate Glover, and broke open the bilge tank valve to flood the boat, before stabbing Prentice to death and taking Silva at knifepoint to the control room. Busy boy.

Why had Doward become a Russian spy?

Unlike Jackie, who did her work for the Russians in order to save her son, we don’t know what motivated Doward, and perhaps it doesn’t really matter. “No comment” was his answer under interrogation (he’s obviously been watching too much of World Production’s other big BBC thriller Line of Duty). Silva surmised that Doward didn’t have any particular political allegiance to Russia, but undertook the sabotage because he was a narcissist and it made him feel special and powerful, and that’s as good as we’ll get.

Did Ben Oakley kill Jade Antoniak?

No, but he was hardly a friend to her. Jade trusted Ben, who was the leader of the Dunloch anti-nuclear peace camp where she lived. When Jade got suspicious about the presence of Peter Ingles at a protest, Jade took his photo, wrongly thinking that he was a plant for MI5. After her boyfriend Craig Burke died on board HMS Vigil, Jade showed the photo to Ben, wanting to expose the suspected MI5 plant. Ben had an existing relationship with Peter Ingles (a Russian agent whose real name was Piotr Vasilyev) and so recognised him. Ben then told Ingles about the existence of the photo and warned him to be more careful in future. Ingles, knowing that the photo would compromise the identity of Doward, the Russian asset he’d just planted on board HMS Vigil, asked Ben to arrange a meeting between him and Jade, where he would shine a light on what really happened to her boyfriend. Jade and Ben met with Ingles, who drowned Jade and stole her phone. Ben did nothing to help, knowing that he would look like Ingles’ accomplice if he involved the police.

Two hours after Jade died, Ben downloaded the photo from her laptop to his phone, deleted her copy and hid her computer. He later took the photo to Patrick Cruden MP (an old pal from their CND days and co-incidentally Jade’s secret father), pretended that he had taken it and planned to leak it to expose the fact that the Russians had a plant in the British Navy, thereby making Trident submarines look vulnerable to enemies and negatively influencing the upcoming parliamentary vote about Trident renewal.

What’s going to happen to Doward, Ingles and Ben Oakley now?

MI5 aren’t going to tell the Russians that they’ve uncovered and arrested Doward, they’re just going to hold a closed trial for him, convict him with the evidence gathered by DCI Silva, and let him rot in isolation in prison. Good riddance. Ben Oakley is going to prison for a long time for his part in the lead-up to Jade’s death, and for withholding evidence and trying to evade arrest, promises DS Longacre. And Ingles has diplomatic immunity which means he can’t be prosecuted in the UK and was flown back to Russia soon after his cover was rumbled. The GRU will probably give him a warm welcome.

Vigil Episode 5 Review: You’ve Got Some Nerve, Agent!

By Louisa Mellor

Vigil Episode 6 Review: a Thrilling Pay-Off

By Louisa Mellor

Why was Craig Burke killed?

The Russians needed to kill one of Vigil’s Sonar Operatives so that their plant CPO Doward could be brought in from another boat as a replacement, to work his sabotage. Peter Ingles (see above) had already approached Craig Burke (after an introduction by Ben Oakley) about becoming a Russian asset, but Burke refused. That left Ingles vulnerable to being identified by Burke, who had started a dossier on his fellow Vigil crew members, presumably in an effort to sniff out any who had also been approached by, and were working for, Ingles. Burke knew that the British Navy had covered up the serious incident in Port Havers, Florida and so knew that he couldn’t trust officials or his crewmates with what he knew. That’s why he amassed the evidence he’d collected on a hidden thumb drive intended for Jade. The Russians had Craig Burke murdered to kill two birds with one stone – getting rid of the threat to Ingles, and creating a premise for Doward coming aboard.

Who killed Craig Burke?

The boat’s cook Jackie Hamilton poisoned him with a nerve agent in exchange for the early release of her son from an Indonesian prison on a drugs charge. She had evidently also been approached by Peter Ingles, and coerced into acting for the Russians to help her son, and the pair had been communicating through coded messages on a fishing website. The guilt though, was too much for Jackie and so instead of enacting the second part of the Russian plan and releasing the nerve agent more widely to force Vigil to a surface evacuation, she deliberately opened the device when she was alone, then attempted to contain it, but died almost immediately as a result.

Why did the Rear Admiral lie about the Russians being responsible for the trawler accident?

Two reasons: 1) if it were known that the trawler nets had been dragged under by a US submarine, questions would be asked as to why one of our allies was secretly surveilling a British naval submarine. Those questions would inevitably lead back to the Port Havers cover-up, in which Vigil’s drunk, high and negligent crew combined with the boat’s ageing equipment almost caused a nuclear explosion to rival Fukushima (only averted by the fast thinking of engineer Gary Walsh), and killed two US marine workers, whose deaths were reported as accidental drowning. And 2) the Navy wants parliament to vote to renew Trident, so any way to put the fear of God into people about the Russians and a new Cold War would play into that.

Why didn’t Patrick Cruden MP release Jade’s photograph of the Russian agent and Doward?

Because the Navy can prove that the photograph was in his possession hours before the police saw it, in which time a naval officer was stabbed to death by the man who could have been identified in it. Never mind that Vigil didn’t have any communications at that precise time, so it wouldn’t have made much difference.

What made the Russian ships disperse in the finale?

When the USS Delaware made it look as though it was preparing to fire torpedoes at them. As the Rear Admiral told the US Defence Secretary, the Russians believed they were unopposed and it was the UK and US’ job “to change that perception”. There was some talk of making them shit their uniforms too, but let’s not sink that low.

Why did Captain Newsome ask Silva what would be in her report at the end?

Having just watched Lieutenant Commander Prentice zipped into a body bag, he wanted to know whether she was going to report his XO for taking heroin from Gary Walsh and planting it on Craig Burke’s corpse, and for punching Burke on the day he died. Silva’s reply indicated that she was going to give her findings on Jackie, Burke and Doward, but nothing else. That means she’s keeping Walsh, Prentice, Glover and Docherty’s wrongdoings out of it, and preserving their careers.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Read more about Vigil on Den of Geek here.

The post Vigil Ending: Russian Spies, Navy Conspiracies and Murders at Sea appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3AJ55mE

#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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hotelconcierge · 7 years

Text

HYPOCRISY IS BAD, BUT YOU’RE WORSE

“I like the Walrus best," said Alice, "because you see he was a little sorry for the poor oysters.” “He ate more than the Carpenter, though,” said Tweedledee. “You see he held his handkerchief in front, so that the Carpenter couldn't count how many he took: contrariwise.” “That was mean!” Alice said indignantly. “Then I like the Carpenter best—if he didn't eat so many as the Walrus.” “But he ate as many as he could get,” said Tweedledum. This was a puzzler. After a pause, Alice began, “Well! They were both very unpleasant characters—” (Through the Looking-Glass)

This is a moviepost—extensive spoilers follow for Death Proof, Jackie Brown, and Inglourious Basterds—and I wrote it mostly because I wanted to talk about some movies. But first, a topical tie-in:

There is always an outside that a person considers unworthy of life...The individual progressive or racist may never say that the outside is unworthy of rights, but they feel it. This is what is meant by that line from Inglorious Bastards when the character of Lt. Aldo Raine says; the "Nazi ain't got no humanity. They're the foot soldiers of a jew-hating, mass-murdering maniac and they need to be de-stroyed!"

Here we have a thirst to destroy the perceived inferior, except instead of a racist seeking the end of Jews it is the progressive liberal seeking the genocide of racists. That's irony.

And understand what is happening here. Aldo Raine is really a proxy for Quentin Tarantino. Tarantino is the one speaking, not Brad Pitt. The man is very left-wing and he wrote the script. That move is essentially an exposition of the directors [sic] politics.

The above quote is taken from The Anti-Puritan. Exactly what it sounds like: dude read three Moldbug posts and now thinks he can write. The specifics of this guy’s bad opinions are not that interesting—would you believe that even the videogame industry has been corrupted by cultural Marxism?—but perhaps something can be learned from the framing:

A climate scientist drives to an important summit on global warming. On the way there, he fills up his tank with gas. The only reason oil companies are in business and climate change is occurring is because of people like him who fill up their tanks with gas. Their payments make climate change possible. The payments are the reason Exxon, Shell and BP exist.

A feminist complains about the cis het patriarchy. Her boyfriend, whom she spreads her legs for, is tall, strong, confident, manly, and "dominant" in every way. Fucking dominant men is the reason they exist, the reason they will continue to exist, and the cultural incentive to become dominant...She and billions of other women perpetuate "the patriarchy" with their sexual choices. Patriarchy exists because of them.

A college professor complains about McDonald's. She has eaten fast food from a burger restaurant recently. She, and millions [of] others, are the reason McDonald's exists. (Source)

Let’s accept that there’s a lot to unpack here and move on. Focus instead on the form of the argument: tu quoque, again and again. The feebler the discourse the more accusations of hypocrisy (Bush Lied, Barack Hussein’d) because hypocrisy doesn’t require knowledge of anything but pre-algebra logic. Even a child can identify a contradiction: “But mom! You said—!”

This is precisely the skull malformation that has constricted discussion of the protestors who identify as “Antifascist Action” and are derided as the “alt-left.” Antifa has already become a perennial non-issue where all opinions are based on anecdote and there are plenty of anecdotes to go around; no one has skin in the game, anyone can upvote, and measurable achievements are dwarfed by spikes of indignation like hypertensive hemorrhages into America’s brain. If you don’t believe me, you haven’t been watching the stock prices of PP, NRA, PETA, and BLM.

Antifa now faces the two attacks that were long ago formulated against other activist groups. One: antifa is composed of violent morons who carry upon them body and pubic lice species yet to be classified by science. Two: antifa is counterproductive to their stated goal, e.g. getting to whack-a-mole pamphleteers is actually a powerful incentive to suffer for fashion.

I suspect both criticisms are true, but whatever—does the first imply the second? Is violence bad even when it is effective? Because if it isn’t, then claiming that “antifa are thugs too!” is worse than useless. Your opponent can simply reply, “So what? Nazi ain't got no humanity.” And now that you’ve cried wolf, that guy won’t listen when you claim that, in this instance, violence might not work. So you better be damn sure about your answer: what price should be paid for the sin of hypocrisy?

There is always an outside that a person considers unworthy of life...

Quentin Tarantino has dedicated his career to answering this question.

QT has seen too many movies for it to be any other way. If you consume enough art across epoch and genre, you can’t help arrive at the Susan Sontag #redpill that content doesn’t matter all that much. All art is genre fiction no matter the pretensions and our lizard brain judges accordingly. Sure, thematic analysis is fun to play with after the fact, but if a movie has the right tropes in the right places—femme fatales, tough muchachos, pretty pictures, happy ending—well, you can convince yourself of just about anything.

Take, for example, Death Proof. Genre: exploitation/slasher. Synopsis: hot babes go for a night out, ex-stuntman stalks and runs ‘em down in a death-proof car; stuntman rinses and repeats with another girl gang except they turn the tables and Mortal Kombat his thoracic spine. Rating: extremely badass, you should check it out, anyone who tells you different is a pleb.

Namely: some people complain that the movie has too many scenes of girls talking and that their QT-isms are an unrealistic depiction of an actual group chat. The characters bicker lewdly, if that’s a thing, alternating between weirdly masculine sex-as-status teasing and pledges of undying affection, the verbal equivalent of a catfight, which is maybe how a creepy foot fetishist would imagine female dialogue, but...

Nope, still pleb. Tarantino wasn’t the first guy to invoke this trope, it’s part of the DNA of the slasher genre, as old as Jamie Lee Curtis getting razzed for her virginity in Halloween. Misogyny, maybe, but also content is a spook. Slasher movies have to fill 70 minutes before the eponymous slashing, and they also have to make you care about the outcome of said slashing without humanizing the characters so much that you get all Marley and Me when they die.

What’s the secret? Status games, the less nuance the better. Boys would watch paint dry if you said it was a grudge match. Catfighting is no different than the elaboration of powers in a shonen manga or the suspicious glares exchanged between heist movie protagonists: it creates tension. Different value systems have been described, there can only be one, now you’re rooting for process of elimination to reveal the truth. No—you identify with that process. Hail Gnon. You could make a movie with men playing status games and being killed off by women and men would still find it hot; I know this because of female horrorcore rappers but also because this movie is called Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! and it’s 10/10. Incidentally:

This is referenced again in the final scene of the film, in which the viewer cheers on our group of heroines as they beat to death a pleading, injured man.

Here’s the hot take: tote bag feminists are wrong to think that drawing boobs on Powergirl is a male attempt to diminish her power. On the contrary, the more vampire slaying the better. Sexualization is an attempt to gain access to female power: if she wants The Phallus badly enough, she might just lend her power to you. Obverse: men are idiots for thinking that the existence of rape fantasies means that women secretly want to be raped. There’s an image floating around the manosphere about that terrorist with a heart of gold, Ted Kaczynski, who was gauche with ladies in the free world but deluged in love letters upon his incarceration. Before you can say medium = message, someone tragically rendered celibate by their 23andMe results will point to this as proof that women “only want serial killers.” Newsflash: Kaczynski is serving eight life sentences without possibility of parole. Do you think the fangirls didn’t know that? Rape fantasies (theoretically “hot”) are qualitatively different than being raped (“unimaginably horrific”) because you construct the former, can turn it off at any time. The fantasy victim is assaulted by a terrible power, but the person who selects and controls that power is...

Of course it is, cough, problematic, that slasher movie girls display power through HPV vaccinations while male zombie apocalypse survivors soliloquize on whether suicide is inevitable in the absence of God. But once you sexistly set up that women should be valued by their sin, the wages = death equation is not in and of itself misogynistic. No, it’s just inevitable: sex-as-status tension can only be relieved in two ways and one of them is frowned upon in theaters. Film crit cliché and Kraftwerk song, I know, but: watching a movie renders you impotent—you can’t interact with the sexy image on the screen—except through what the camera will allow.

That’s why you are complicit in the murders that occur in the first half of Death Proof. The ex-stuntman—old, a teetotaler, star of TV shows long forgotten (and played by once-famous Kurt Russell)—is as impotent as you are, capable of getting a deleted scene lap dance but zero penetration, and when he gets in his car to commit vehicular homicide x4, he looks at the camera and smiles. Because you’re right there with him, waiting for the money shot. It would be nice to fuck, but you’ll settle for a murder. Except when it actually happens, played four times for your amusement, it’s horrible—a face melted off by a tire, a wet leg flapping in the street. Throw in a Wilhelm scream. Wasn’t that what you wanted? Are you not entertained?

It’s all perspective, my man. For all the short shorts and naughty words, the girls plan and backup plan ways to prevent unwanted sexual advances; two of them have boyfriends and one is texting a crush trying to seal the deal; they discuss and decide against inviting the opposite sex to their lakeside vacation. But that’s not what you see from the outside. That’s not where your attention is drawn, wandering the club and editing your .jpg of grievances. For you, dancefloor means sex, choker necklace means slut, and being a slut means she would never sleep with you. That’s a personal insult. And that means that nothing else matters.

Which is insane. This isn’t an argument for or against promiscuity, the point is you don’t even know promiscuity looks like. You know symbols, and for that matter, why those symbols, where did you learn those? Brazzers? If you’re gonna be mad at a thing you should at least be mad at the thing itself, not at whatever fucked up fetish you’ve imposed on reality.

There’s a scene midway through the movie where QT tips his hand. The second girl gang is lounging in a car, one of them dangling her feet out the window. The ex-stuntman approaches, you assume his perspective, and maybe because it’s an old grindhouse film...

...but the color goes out, and everything is black and white.

Which, speaking of:

Jackie Brown is first and foremost a movie about being extremely cool all the time (you should watch it). The plot is an excuse: briefly, Pam Grier (airline stewardess), Robert Forster (bail bondsman), Samuel L Jackson (arms dealer), Robert De Niro (ex-convict), Bridget Fonda (stoner surfer chick) and a couple Feds each try to nab a briefcase holding $500K.

Jackie Brown is secondarily a movie about how race shapes each and every human interaction, but that description makes it sound like a Very Special Episode, and that couldn’t be more wrong. The movie is gleefully amoral, in fact lapses from pure MacGuffinism are treated as intolerable weakness, e.g. Jackson to De Niro:

ORDELL: You know what your problem is, Louis?

Louis doesn't say anything, he just puts his hands in his pockets.

ORDELL: You think you're a good guy. When you go into a deal you don't go in prepared to take that motherfucker all the way. You go in looking for a way out. And it ain't cause you're scared neither. It's cause you think you're a good guy, and you think there's certain things a good guy won't do. That's where we're different, me and you. Cause me, once I decide I want something, ain’t a goddam motherfuckin' thing gonna stop me from gittin' it. I gotta use a gun get what I want, I'm gonna use a gun. Nigga gets in my way, nigga gonna get removed. Understand what I'm saying?

Apparently not, because De Niro later makes this mistake and gets popped.

For these characters, race is just another weapon. When Jackson meets Forster for the first time, he lights a cigarette, puts his feet up on the desk, and taps out the ash in a partly full coffee cup. Then he points out a photo of Forster with a black employee. “Y’all tight?” “Yeah.” “But you his boss though, right?” “Yeah.” “Bet it was your idea to take that picture too, wasn’t it...?” In their second encounter, Jackson, trying to get bail for Grier, pulls the same trick:

ORDELL: Man, you know I'm good for it. Thousand bucks ain't shit.

MAX: If I don't see it in front of me, you're right. It ain't shit.

ORDELL: Man, you need to look at this with a little compassion. Jackie ain't no criminal. She ain't used to this kinda treatment. I mean, gangsters don't give a fuck - but for the average citizen, coupla nights in County fuck with your mind.

MAX: Ordell, this isn't a bar, an you don't have a tab.

ORDELL: Just listen for a second. We got a forty-year-old, gainfully employed black woman, falsely accused -

MAX: Falsely accused? She didn't come back from Mexico with cocaine on her?

ORDELL: Falsely accused of Intent. If she had that shit - and mind you, I said "if" - it was just her shit to get high with.

MAX: Is white guilt supposed to make me forget I'm running a business?

But Forster—male lead, the “good guy”—plays his version of the race card and flips the script.

Example 2: Bridget Fonda, surfer gal, plots to betray Jackson, who “moves his lips when he reads,” "let's say he's streetwise, I'll give him that.” But Jackson knows that she sees him that way, it makes her predictable, which is why he can keep her around: “You can’t trust Melanie, but you can always trust Melanie to be Melanie.”

That’s not the half of it. Jackson talks a soon-dead man into getting in the trunk of an Oldsmobile, houses a homeless addict in Compton and tells her it’s Hollywood; he lies effortlessly, and when drafting your fantasy friend group you should be aware that people who lie effortlessly do it because it’s fun. Threatening someone gets you an automaton who will system 2 your demands and nothing more. Deceiving someone gives you control over that person’s soul. So Fonda’s stoned delusions of manipulating him—which in fact make her easier to manipulate—are part of her appeal. Translated: “She ain't as pretty as she used to be, and she bitch a whole lot more than she used to...But she white.”

Except Fonda is manipulating him. She’s spent her adulthood as the side piece for Dubai businessmen and Japanese industrialists who—though she doesn’t even speak the language—get off on the fact that she’s a haughty blonde who thinks she’s better than them, thinks she can manipulate them. But since they’re paying for rent and weed, doesn’t that mean...?

Example 3: Pam Grier as Jackie Brown.

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From more Sam Jackson than Sam Jackson to mumblecore for Medicare, Jackie outsmarts everyone and it’s not even close. The Feds lean into their uniforms but she doesn’t miss a beat: urbane dinner guest in one scene, “panicked, defensive, unreasonable black woman” in another. Of course the movie ends the way it does, of course. Jackson steps into a dark room. Jackie screams “he’s got a gun!” And a cop pulls the trigger. You can’t always beat the system, but if you try sometimes, it just might beat who you need.

Why does Jackie win? The canon explanation is that she’s an airline stewardess: her job is to tell people of all origins what they want to hear. The meta explanation is she’s played by blaxploitation star Pam Grier. The gimmick of Grier movies like Coffy and Foxy Brown is their exaggeration of the audience’s favored tropes re: sex and race—say, hypersexuality and fashionable/wearable blackness. But the punchline of these films is that on-screen, Pam Grier with an afro is disguising herself as an high-class escort to fool the baddies: “The gentlemen you’ll be meeting this evening have a preference for…your type.” And then she kills them.

So it’s true that these films let you "exploit” a caricature, but the flip side is that anyone who can turn that caricature on and off gets to exploit you. And that seems to be Jackie Brown’s realist take: not that racism is the Original Sin for which Thou Must Atone—because everyone sees race and is selfish besides—but rather that it makes you a sucker. And the flip side: by capitalism or by meme magic, the world will always conspire to show you what you want to see. Choose wisely.

If Jackie Brown accepts that racism is inevitable, Inglourious Basterds sets out to prove that it’s also kind of fun.

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It’s telling that Inglourious Basterds posters are push-pinned on the walls of fraternity houses right next to Scarface and The Wolf of Wall Street. Three movies, three sets of protagonists who happen to be amoral, masculine, and white. Sounds like a diss, but who are creatine-chugging white boys supposed to look up to? Chris Pratt? You can just tell that guy was grown in a test tube. There’s a reason Tarantino movies are popular and there’s a reason I’m talking about them instead of Buñuel or Tarkovsky and it has something to do with “making intensive use of a major language” and the twenty-somethings desperate to identify with a character named “Bear Jew.” And the above scene is indeed, “sick af.” Goes off without a hitch except when the Nazi says that he got his medals for bravery, and then there’s a split-second of—what, annoyance? Like, stick to the script, asshole. You’re sure as hell gonna get it now.

But I’m sure you’re aware that’s the joke, that once you got Ennio Morricone in the background you can justify anything. The Basterds “ain’t in the prisoner taking business”; they scalp the dead and maim the witnesses they leave alive. There’s no panorama of concentration camp horrors, no humanizing backstory, no evidence of any softness save boyish joy in the art of cruelty. Halfway through the film a young man celebrating the birth of his son is shot dead after surrendering in a Mexican standoff; the Basterds shrug and move on. At the climax of the film, a movie theatre full of Germans is exploded, shot, and burned to death. The modern viewer can’t help but cheer.

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The opening chapter, Colonel Hans Landa vs. the outgroup under the floorboards, sways your sympathies in the opposite direction. No, it doesn’t make you hate the French or the Jews. But the tension—the silence and the ticking and the mounting requests and insinuations—is so unbearable that you can’t help but wish for someone to pull the Band-Aid. And the camera can’t do that. Only characters can. Only the character driving the action, and Landa drives the action in his every appearance. Something has to happen—and like the man onscreen, you cave.

Hans Landa alone seems to understand that he’s in a movie, which is perhaps why he’s so polite, so witty, so manically overacted. Perhaps this is how he sees through the Allies’ tricks and disguises: he assumes everyone else is an actor as well. And perhaps this is the apologia for his crimes: he’s just playing a role. The Basterds loathe the Nazis, but Landa bears no animosity towards the Jews, can empathize with them quite easily—it’s just, he likes to play detective and the Nazis were hiring. Is that really worse? Didn’t both the Walrus and the Carpenter eat as many as they could get?

And so, near the end of the film, when Landa cuts a deal to exchange his Hugo Boss for Levi Strauss, he asks of his prisoners the one question that would matter to a character in a period piece: “What shall the history books read?”

Landa’s argument, of course, is a load of shit.

In Inglourious Basterds, every disguise fails. The British film critic-turned-agent is unable to play the Nazi he’s seen on-screen. The German actress is revealed to be an Allied spy. The vengeful Shosanna is revealed as a sweet Jewish girl; the baby-faced Nazi lusting after her is shown to be a monster. The propaganda film burns. Only Lieutenant Aldo Raine and one Basterd make it out alive, and that’s because they’re American, i.e. monolingual.

Perception is a slave to narrative, but narrative has zip zero zilch nada to do with reality. The author is dead. Was Triumph of the Will a “good movie,” technically proficient and even emotionally moving? Absolutely. Could the director’s intentions have been “good,” apolitical, an attempt at beauty but nothing more? Unlikely in this case, but possible. But was Triumph of the Will “good”?

This is the obvious yet unswallowable truth: sometimes good people do bad things. “Nazi ain't got no humanity”? How many films have Nazis with wives, mistresses, children, pub games, medals for bravery? And yet Lieutenant Raine’s opening polemic is correct: the foot soldiers of the Third Reich worked for a Jew-hating, mass-murdering maniac: they needed to be destroyed. Reality isn’t Disney, where internal beauty works its way external. Reality isn’t even so kind as to match intentions with consequences. The American (Union) soldiers fighting against the Nazis (Confederacy) may have been motivated by every bit as much hatred and bloodlust, and yet they were necessary, they were the good guys. FYI—that’s irony.

“So you’re saying we should punch the alt-right?” Are you an idiot? The Nazis weren’t bad because they were Nazis, they were bad because of the things they did. If you actually think that punching a teenage Kekistani is going to bring down the New World Order, go ahead, but stop pushing the pillow of identity over the mouth of reality.

The goal of the System, the sum of vectors going both left and right, is to keep people arguing about abstractions of violence so they won’t deign to consider the ugliness of pragmatism. The radical left will asseverate that violence is justified, refusing to question whether their particular brand of protest is effective; the alt-right will keep rallying against cropped image lunatics, the finest examples of white genocide the media has to offer, never seriously considering that sometimes people lie on the internet; and “““centrists””” will deduce that since violence is never okay, since everyone is so irrational, nothing can be done. But that’s still a perspective: it’s the perspective of the camera.

Fuck that. This essay is a condemnation of anyone who thinks that the hypocrisy of the outgroup disproves their complaint, of anyone who thinks that good intentions are enough to absolve you from sin:

You don’t get to forget what you are.

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naomiarataxpolthe2-blog · 7 years

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Women of the world united against patriarchy

Patriarchy as a form of hierarchy within society is an ancient idea. Several of the great civilizations we look up to flourished within such a hierarchical society that places less importance on women as compared to men. Ancient Rome for once reveals much about women, not from women writing their hopes and dreams but of men writing about “their” women. Up until today, no personal diaries were found written by a woman but several are found written by men. Written in men’s writing were women’s place in society: with their unique power to conceive, girls around twelve years old are expected to be married and be perpetually pregnant (Shelton, 1988). But this idea must be put into perspective of their society. Since the average life expectancy of Romans in their time may only be until their 20s, thirties if they’re lucky, girls married very young. For instance, Venturia, a Roman woman like others died very young had such description in her funerary inscription: “she was married at eleven, gave birth to six children, and died at twenty-seven”.

Since the advancement of technology and medicine is not far progressive in the Ancient times as compared today, women gave birth to as many offspring as they could because there is no certainty as to which will reach maturity of even survive (Shelton, p. 292). Seeing this placement of women in the Roman society, it may also be assumed that they spent most of their lives taking care of their children as much as also conceiving more, leaving no room for women to step out from the private realm of life to the public, which is deemed to be a man’s world. This private role of women may only be chosen from: Being a child bearer, a daughter and wife and nothing more. Consequently, infertility of a woman was grounds for divorce and being their primary role to the society. They were not even permitted to vote or participate in public transactions. Nothing would be left of barren women (Mason, n.d).

Indeed, the Ancient Roman civilization is known to be an extremely patriarchal society because of its emphasis on peasantry and its custom of the “way of the elders”. This peasantry industry denote so well the implication of a hierarchy within the society, one that is not alien to us even today. Through the retrospective insight on Rome with regards to the role of women in their society, there is one concept still very similar to it today: Gender equality.

We would assume that something ancient would be beyond the imaginable today. That is one fact we couldn’t be anymore wrong about. Patriarchy still lives on. It’s alive and kicking! Until the contemporary times, women are sill considered inferior to men despite advances also on the Feminist movement. To mention a few major instances, about 70% of the world’s poor and 64% of the world’s illiterate adults are from the female demographic. Most of the evacuees in every disaster or calamity are women and children. There’s only 1 in 7 women that are promoted into managerial positions as compared to men. And as bright as day can you see male politicians dominating over women politicians, that sometimes it is necessary to recognize these female politicians in the world because there can be so few. In India, it is terribly appalling to know that 70% of wives are subjected into domestic abuse by their husbands. Globally, sexual assault and rape are experienced by women. This is all because women are believed to be inferior to men. The cause is not the fact that women have a smaller physical build as compared to men, or that men can lift heavier weights than women, or they can perform longer in tedious activities but the fact that these attributes translated into women being weak that they belong at home obscured from the important matters of the world. It is because this mindset is being passed from one generation to another. The very minute things that enter our subconscious into thinking that women are second-rate people, especially what our parents, our teachers, the elders and leaders we know tell us.

We often neglect that this mindset of ours was enculturated into our subconscious. Women themselves never realized how oppressed they are because it is the system they have dealt with. Men, who in their childhood never thought of a hierarchy in gender develop the thoughts the previous generations have thought them. Which is why women are so underrepresented. Women when they assert themselves would not seem as normal as men telling people that they’re boss. One of the most enraging consequences of this “gender hierarchy” is the fact that women, since the ancient times are treated as objects. When I was younger, I was not able to realize how objectified women are. That they are sources of entertainment, the fire of men’s loins and are treated as accessories.

I couldn’t help but wonder why there is a thing called “First Lady” in the Presidents of the world, because the President’s housewife is assumed to be a supporter of his husband. One who is expected to be graceful, pristine, calm and collected. Concrete example, the late Jacqueline Kennedy, John F. Kennedy’s bereaved wife in 1966. JFK was always the ladies man. It’s a public secret that he goes crazy over vivacious, bombshell-looking blondes, something that is quite the contrary of the classy Jackie Kennedy. Several affairs with blondes later, JFK met Marilyn Monroe, rumors circulated and eventually - almost - confirmed by the “late” Marilyn Monroe’s sultry “Happy Birthday to you” song to the handsome President at the Madison Square Garden. This was one event that Jackie Kennedy skipped in her appointment, as everyone would know why, yet she never admitted it. Until now, JFK and Marilyn Monroe’s affair seem to be classic to political history and American pop culture. the rumors regarding the phone calls to the Oval office, their vacation in resorts and beaches and Marilyn’s untimely death. People have formulated conspiracy theories in surrounding the FBI’s contribution in Marilyn Monroe’s death, claiming that the FBI took advantage of her lifelong depression and the bitter end of her and JFK’s love story. Death by barbiturate overdose was the conclusion of Monroe’s death, but avid fans of the bombshell and conspiracy theorists alike would beg to differ.

In that scenario, there are two takeaways: 1) Since this love triangle of JFK, Jackie and Marilyn, American pop culture devised only two binary classifications of a WOMAN. “Are you a Jackie or a Marilyn?” as many online quizzes ask you and if you still don’t know how there are only two classifications of a woman as dictated by a patriarchal society, you can try it here. It’s either women should be loud, enticing and entertaining or silent, submissive and collected. Marilyn or a Jackie, why should there be no in between? The second takeaway is that 2) JFK is not at all condemned for his liaisons. It was as if the world goes blind whenever they look into JFK’s many affairs (and are even entertained by it!). JFK cheats on Jackie - yet again - and no one bats an eye. Furthermore, Marilyn Monroe gets to be the ‘tramp’ while JFK proceeds to be one of the most favored US Presidents in the world. Jacqueline Kennedy gets cheated on several times and is still expected to be a person of grace, poise and class. It’s as if women are only meant to be seen and not heard. How come it is normal in this society for men to have affairs and it is so easy to judge women when they do the same?

Who is your other?

In this generation, I would no longer like to solely blame men for this folly, but the society that taught them how women are should be treated. The Feminist Movement as compared to other prevailing theories is relatively new, and some generations who did not initiate this movement did not have an aggressive stance against patriarchy as we are now, myself, especially. This Patriarchal concept permeates any aspect of life, family, even in the workplace, how classmates treat each other, politics, in times of war, etc. One will never run out of reasons to justify the feminist movement because we have always been on the sideline. The system is difficult to penetrate so much that we may have to dedicate our whole lives to the advocacy because definitely, there is a long way to go.

Have you ever been the object of domination and marginalization?

Patriarchy as a system has severed how I should see myself, how I should view the world and how the world views me. I am from the inferior gender, a woman, from an inferior race, Asian and from an inferior economic class, the middle class. Of course others have it worse, but it doesn’t mean that the plight of a demographic the same as mine should be totally ignored. I am speaking in behalf of all the women in the world who are not given the exact opportunities and quality of treatment because of something they have no control over (gender, race, economic class, etc).

In general, all women have been objects of domination without them even knowing. The less-developed a country is, the less they are open to ideas contrary to their traditions because they lack the certain technologies that allow them to learn of different ideologies and better options in the world. Oftentimes, ancient histories of civilizations placed better importance of women, but as soon as other facts come in (i.e invaders, colonizers, great diaspora, migrations, etc.), it’s inevitable that these values change.

To answer directly, yes I have been the object of domination and marginalization. Because of several reasons. Small, subtle and obvious, gut-wrenching reasons. Thinking about it as a woman, several instances in my life prove as to how enthusiastic I am to fight for equality but the wall of patriarchy is too high and too thick to breach. Which is why we’re making waves by uniting women transnationally. We are all for the feminist movement. and if some of them are still not aware how exploitative this patriarchal system is althroughout the course of history, it is the duty of the enlightened hearts to touch them.

If yes, how? (Objectified, exploited, subordinated, persecuted or oppressed). On the basis of gender.

- In the streets, it is as if catcalling has been a part of women’s day-to-day life. I have never walked alone in Taft completely undaunted of what might happen to me anytime. Whenever I wear clothes that show more skin because it is always ALWAYS hot as balls in this country, I’d have to prepare myself for catcalls from rather indistinguishable truck drivers and pedicab drivers. People might say that

“Hi beh”

“Ganda mo naman, miss”

“Hi idol!”

Are more of compliments than catcalling, but the hell do I get anxious and scared by hearing those. If I perceive these compliments/catcalls as theatening to my life, then they as a whole should not be doing such.

- Any social situation

I did not ask for it, but genetics gave me massive bosoms. I have not understood the pros and the cons of having such a formidable front until puberty. Because of this, I was often the subject of objectification coming from peers from high school I have not even spoken to. People perceive be as a dumb bimbo, judging me from my outer appearance than what I have to say. I have long endured times when catcallers specifically target my boobs as I am not a human being with dignity, thoughts and personality. The men who I thought were “admirers” did not really want anything coming out of my brain, but anything they can get out of my outer appearance.

I despise so much how society and entitled men have seen me as a weak, enticing creature that is “good for nothing”. I despise how society thinks I am a second-class human being as compared to male and that they would not think twice about my achievements because a man my equal would look far better than I am because apparently I am a woman, emotional, impulsive and ‘wild’.

It has always been baffling how women are expected to lure men into their private space due their sheer attractiveness. How men are the predator and women the prey. Defy nature and there’s a whole society that would judge you for “making the first move”. I oppose this norm for women to die old just because they cannot approach who they want. Personally, women should be equal to men that they can be completely honest about their feelings like men have always been, if they want to of course.

My generation is not the generation of my parents and I am so proud that our generation is more open to liberating women, not into misandry but to equality. I am optimistic about this united mission of women against patriarchy and it’d be my lifelong mission to push further the rights of the marginalized women who are often victims of casualties in the world. I am passionate in this cause and I see myself doing nothing else but fighting for empowerment in the future.

Did you resist? If yes, how?

I am not a fan of confrontation. I would like to deal with inconvenience the peaceful way possible, yet I am also guilty that staying quiet and tolerating these things to happen is a long way to go. Facing these head-on would make things faster, but I believe that changing norms would be an even better way to completely fight for the cause. It is not how I brutally confront a catcaller that would change him completely, one has to go into his head and inspire the change. As what I have mentioned awhile ago, it is society that should be dealt with - why they call it a patriarchal society anyway!

Women are being stripped off of the opportunities they deserve just because of a gender difference. We are the bearers of life. We are creators of biological life on earth and yet since the ancient times it has become our folly. Much power are given to us by nature and yet we are stuck in substandard treatment in every avenue one sees it. Once this patriarchal mindset changes the slightest bit, millions of women are to benefit from it. More women are going to be sent to schools and are literate enough to read things about the broad universe before them, more women are to be treated the same in the workplace and will have equal salary, or a chance in promotion or merely recognition from the higher ups, women are to be accepted to be equal as men in decision-making especially in the government, that way, we are given a narrative written by us. We are being represented by someone who personally encounters what it is like to be a woman. More open to opportunities, free from violence, free from a hierarchy. I’d probably be dead before this is all achieved, but I will do everything in my power to empower my girls. I am capable of change because I am one with the feminists all over the world. We have a united message that speaks to every human being and for me, that is the most powerful catalyst of change.

For all the women in ancient civilizations who lived and died just to make offsprings, the women who were ‘outcasted’ from the important decision-making bodies of kingdoms, for princesses being perceived as weak, cute figures incapable of making big waves, women servants who never achieved what they aimed to be - or didn’t even have the chance to dream for their sake, the efforts of women during the World Wars obscured from the public and rape victims - including myself, we have not been able to dominate this society. this is exactly why we have the Movement. Regardless of nationality we should be heard and all these narratives should be spoken not by male writers but by women themselves.

Have you ever dominated and marginalized others?

Regarding this question, I am a woman (the inferior gender), a woman of color (Filipino-Japanese) and a child from the middle class. The only thing I would be proud of and that I have aloof of some people is that I have been given the opportunity to be smart. I may not be the brightest bulb but I am well aware of words that would explain the world right now. Words that I can use to express myself. Words that I can use to theorize what I repeatedly observe in the system and abstractions I can translate to somebody.

If we would consider a caste system in the world, I would most probably be in the lower middle. I’m not male, I don’t come from an elite society, I‘m not white. Despite that, I am a Lasallian. I am a budding political scientist and that is one thing I am probably aloof of most Filipinos. So if there probably was a time I have marginalized others, it would be because I wanted to correct them of something I know that they don’t - which is happening more often due to my increasing passion in political science and the truth.

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