#and thats a struggle for everyone LOOOL

[ihatebnha]

once I kick my social anxiety it’s over for bkg I’m coming for that mf ass 😤

like im annoyingly shy at first but once I get comfy around the person,,,,it’s over for them 😈

OH BABY, WELL HE'S WAITING FOR U!!!

Honestly, one thing that's always on my brain is like... being shy w/ Bakugo together. Like... I just love the thought of accidentally bonding with him cuz you both don't want to nor like talking to other people LOOOL...

SO don't worry... as soon as you can get him to look, he'll absolutely be ready to be over-ed with <333

[lightwormlol]

ACOFAS REVIEW -INC SPOILERS

4.5 stars.

Okay, so! This was the first book I was able to finish in 2021. I've kinda been in a reading slump, and struggling to get past the 30-50% of books. I think its because I took essentially 3 months off my normal (daily) reading schedule and have been prioritising other things (health, fitness, job applications etc) - I think it's a testament to how addicted I was to this that I finished and consumed this at the rate I did! I recently went back and added some things to my ACOWAR review. To briefly summarise, I feel that, at the time I read it, it kind of gave me what I needed, but it definitely isn't getting a re read - my love for feysand has definitely lessened over time, but honestly i'm not that mad at sarah for this, as I find that whenever I've passed the sexual tension part of relationships in books, I tend to get bored of the domestic bliss. Like, leave that shit for an epilogue and keep it at that? As someone generally averse to relationships, but there is definitely a grace period for how long I can actively be smitten with a couple... before it becomes sickly. Taking all this into account, I honestly was nervous for this book, its release date totally took me by surprise, and I read it on a whim. As a Nessian shipper (I mean we didn't really have a choice after acomaf but to delve into the world of fanfic to keep us going) - this book gave me most of what I wanted and needed from them! I think,(some) kudos to SJM, for not disappointing in their relationship. This was definitely a character > plot driven story. In terms of the plot, I wasn't really invested until around the 38% mark? I'm not sure if I was adjusting to the writing style (lots of dramatic. sentences. that. are. so. abrupt. Nesta Archeron. Death etc) - or if it was bc I hadn't read an SJM book since the novella, which I basically skimmed. I was obviously reading for Nessian, but I didn't really feel intrigued by the wider plot (death gods, the human queens? Given I had lost my previous obsession with the world/ have outgrown 'fandom' culture, that made me actively update my knowledge, I couldn't remember a lot!) I think its clear that SJM excels character driven stories, but I think her worldbuilding and execution is significantly better in the throne of glass franchise. Now, I did say this was a character driven story. This is mostly regarding Nesta, Cassian and Azriel. I loved pretty much any interaction they had! I love a good training montage. Ngl though, I think, unless you possess an ardent love for Nessian, you're not going to be particularly wowed by this, if you've read heir of fire, or even acomaf. I obviously am never going to be able to be objective, because I've loved nessian so much from 2017-now, but I loved the dynamic those two (and three - friendship wise between nes/cass/az). One of the highlights of ACOWAR for me was the snippets of Az, showing tenderness, and opening up to the newer members of the inner circle (and i'm excluding any hint of an Elriel ship because FUCK THAT LOL) For me, the tip with SJM books is: once you outgrow them/the particular mode of narrative style, is to not anticipate anything other than a character driven story, albeit one riddled with smut. I personally am a romance heavy reader, so I'm honestly deconditioned to it at this point, (like, when I see reviewers scandalised I'm like... wow, the amount of trash I have consumed in the last five years loool.) While I disagree with the fact SJM marketed this series as y/a (or maybe it wasn't her per se, but the key booksellers definitely did this for her) - I think its clear enough now she's descended into the adult/borderline erotica genre.(very mild imo). I personally like to adopt a policy of skimming sex scenes when I find the dialogue cringy (most the time it is lets be honest any talking is v second hand embarrassment). Cassian and Nesta were definitely better than Rhys and Feyre post chapter 55 though! I was so glad there weren't a million moments of Cass/Nesta betraying their arousal with their scents, in front of everyone (like feysand, the voyeuristic pda pricks they are). I found the slowburn ish nature of their relationship great, and I actually think if you're a virgo/emotionally stunted reader, you will be happy with their relationship dynamic. It contrasts with the daemati sexual snark of acomaf, but it felt right, and authentic. This book was a journey of personal growth, for Nesta. It is clear SJM loves books about strong women, and maybe thats what makes me love this book so much. I think, out of all the archeron sisters, I love Nesta the most. This is for my Rose Calloway fans, my misunderstood, somewhat cold/left out girls, who are less receptive to being vulnerable. If you're a slowburn fan, it's not Mariana Zapata levels of slowburn, imo it's the perfect combo. Addictive enough that I don't want to put it down, but not so fast moving that I couldn't believe it. I loved the sex without emotion relationship they had!! This is honestly never done in mainstream n/a fantasy, unless its a caricature of a 'slut' that normally rivals the main character, lmao. Even if their inner conflict was p transparent, this gave me everything I needed! I know this is vapid lol but I also love the physical dynamic between the two, they just look so good together, the amount of fanart I'm going to reacquaint myself with after this review!! I adored seeing Nesta grow, (even if towards the end I kind of resented her sudden acceptance into the inner circle, i get SJM loves her and just wanted a fluffy ending, but, as a Nesta like character, it's awkward and stilted on her end to adjust to the inner circle like this - i mean, hugging rhys, really??)

I think, if I had to compare this to any other SJM book, I would say Chaols book (though I obviously preferred this). That being said, I felt less attached to new characters in this book than I was in even Chaols book (and even then ngl I remember nothing?) Obviously I loved what it represented, as a trio of traumatised women. I just, didn't love this the way I loved other inner circle members! I get that they gave Nesta exactly what they needed, a family that doesn't hold the history of her sisters, who she doesn't have to worry about holding preconceived notions of disappointment. I loved this for her! Even then.. I just wasn't attached to either of them. I found their interactions cute - but boring. Towards the end, when their stories/pasts are revealed, I couldn't help but cringe slightly, I can't put my finger on why, but I just didn't buy it. Maybe it's the brit in me but I couldn't be moved by this slightly forced bonding moment.. which was so anticlimactic. My 'aww how cute' tolerance is defo deserved for characters whose tropes I love. Maybe they just didn't fit into this list. Maybe I'm just being a cow here?

Now, let's speak about the real star of the show.... A FUCKING MAGICAL HOUSE FRIEND??? YESSSSSSS. IF YOU ARE AN ILONA ANDREWS INNKEEPERS CHRONICLES FAN, U WILL LOVE! How was the animation of this somehow more touching than all of nesta's other friendships combined? Exactly what I ordered, thank you. This trope somehow touches more than any material bonding!! The cute witch x house dynamic (also maybe howls moving castle vibes?) I loved the trying to reach the target of 10,000 steps (a little Celaena HOF). I think this, heir of fire and acomaf are my favourite SJM books for this reason. Gripes: I definitely had some personal gripes with how other members of the inner circle treated Nesta (rhys i'm looking at you. Disappointed doesn't even cover it.) I inherently take offence to any elain scene, as i'm so over bland characters whose existence is reduced to wanting to fucking plant flowers?? like?? really? To go from moriel to that is such a downgrade, even if I fell out of love with Mor due to the way she snubbed Nesta (you're a 500 year old being and you can't see someone is clearly traumatised?). I adore Az so much, but if it aint polyamorous, I cannot see any pairing with Elain making me happy. (wouldn’t mind gwyn though) I think the whole mating bond that I do not want is a good dynamic, but I really hate that everyone has to be mates in this world. I don't think we were that surprised, but it would've been nice if the somehow, idk, developed a strong bond over time, without it being preordained? Like, even if they do not all actively stay with their mate, given how disproportionate mates are among the general population, what's the likelihood 6 members of the inner circle (including lucien) have mates?

My advice? Read this book if you love nessian and the acotar world in general, but don't expect the world building to be consistent with greater fantasy series'. This style of story is obviously what to expect. She writes what she likes, and if her fantasy is this - then who are we, as readers, to expect otherwise?

Final rating: 4.5 (no, i'm not objective, but objectivity does not exist if you are a real, human being, lol)

Original Characters: 5/5 (nessian/az/house wise) 1/5 (feysand - really over how they essentially take over the very end of the book - ugh, I wanted nesta's arc to be wholly separate from them) Writing style: 3.5 Cringe Scale: Low, with the exception of some dialogue. New Characters: 2 Plot: I went into it with a 2 and came out with a 4. Not in terms of complexity, but in terms of how addictive and enjoyable this reading experience was! (less)

[selfsustainability-blog]

[24/10/2018, 18:47:33] donSELZ: so taking care of yourself enough that you are able to take cate of others [24/10/2018, 18:47:42] donSELZ: care* [24/10/2018, 18:49:12] Ella: Yeah kind of But I don’t think take care is the right wording but it’s along those lines I just don’t know the right words now ahah [24/10/2018, 18:49:51] donSELZ: yea, it's just cause what we are talking about is essentially self care [24/10/2018, 18:50:25] donSELZ: and the idea that we have to take care of our own situation before we are able to extend ourselves to others [24/10/2018, 18:50:46] Ella: Yeah [24/10/2018, 18:51:45] donSELZ: i remember Jihye was talking about how that might be seen as selfish/unkind and not wanting to compromise being the compassionate person that she wants to be/is [24/10/2018, 18:52:34] donSELZ: but we shouldnt be compassionate to other people at the expense of our selves [24/10/2018, 18:52:57] donSELZ: we have to be compassionate and kind to ourselves first [24/10/2018, 18:53:32] donSELZ: but also just as much as we should be kind and compassionate to others [24/10/2018, 18:54:35] Ella: Yes and I think when I say take care of others it’s more of a help others be self sustaining so helping them find the tools and stuff that work for them that help them be self sustaining [24/10/2018, 18:54:49] Ella: Mentally and physically [24/10/2018, 18:54:52] donSELZ: yeah, i fot thT [24/10/2018, 18:54:54] donSELZ: that* [24/10/2018, 18:54:57] donSELZ: got* [24/10/2018, 18:55:09] Ella: Okay cool I think that is better working than take care [24/10/2018, 18:55:19] donSELZ: okie doke [24/10/2018, 18:55:26] Ella: Wording [24/10/2018, 18:55:28] donSELZ: i use care because even though that is specific to you [24/10/2018, 18:55:56] donSELZ: care is more general so it includes and relates to what everyone in the group is talking about [24/10/2018, 18:56:09] Ella: Ahh yeah that makes sense [24/10/2018, 18:57:24] Ella: And I think the potential unkindness of being selfish is a real fear/anxiety of many people [24/10/2018, 18:58:44] Ella: I guess that there are ways to counteract it in life where you try and communicate with people around you as best you can so that they understand and don’t just think you are being mean. And it’s a shift in perception. If you have been brought up with the idea that selfishness is bad it’s a difficult thing to pivot your thinking around [24/10/2018, 19:00:12] donSELZ: yeah it's hard to change your mindset because you see how people react to you when you take away your hand inorder to help yourself up first [24/10/2018, 19:00:34] donSELZ: and seeing how people react makes you question yourself [24/10/2018, 19:00:48] Ella: Yeah it’s uncomfortable [24/10/2018, 19:01:00] donSELZ: even though your wanting to protect yourself first is right [24/10/2018, 19:02:24] donSELZ: but yeah it is uncomfortable which makes it harder to internalise the idea that caring for yourself first is a good thing and a really important thing [24/10/2018, 19:05:26] Joy: Its kinda the starting point of my study. It can told as  'unconscious anxiety I feel as associating with people' and ' having emotional security as being a selfless but selfish person' [24/10/2018, 19:06:19] Ella: I think there is also a really interesting aspect which is narcissism and certain aspects of care is celebrated. Such as financial success but your mental health isn’t. Just look at the amount of you tubers and other social media type people who are loved/revered and they are selfish people. (They are also disliked) [24/10/2018, 19:06:29] Joy: Omg your idea  helped me a lot to get through the part I was struggling with. i will upload my idea as soon as possible. Im adjusting it now. [24/10/2018, 19:06:39] donSELZ: wooo [24/10/2018, 19:06:58] Ella: Okay cool 😀 looking forward to reading it x [24/10/2018, 19:07:42] Joy: Yh it suggests another way of interpretation on the term but relevant to it I guess [24/10/2018, 19:07:56] Joy: 😍 [24/10/2018, 19:09:50] donSELZ: selfish means "lacking consideration for other people, concerned mainly with one's own profit or pleasure" [24/10/2018, 19:10:20] donSELZ: but what you guys are describing is not about lacking consideration for other people at all [24/10/2018, 19:10:41] Ella: Yeah so it’s more like perceived selfishness rather than actual selfishness [24/10/2018, 19:10:59] donSELZ: youre talking about caring for yourself but why does that automatically mean you dont care about other people [24/10/2018, 19:11:07] donSELZ: it's not a this or that thing [24/10/2018, 19:11:24] donSELZ: they can co exist [24/10/2018, 19:12:15] donSELZ: yeah it is perceived selfishness, but yeah that's why i prefer using the words self preservation [24/10/2018, 19:15:07] Ella: Okay yeah that makes sense

I guess because of the culture we have been brought up in it’s a binary and you are one or the other so to occupy two things that is slightly contradictory on the surface is hard for people to wrap their heads round [24/10/2018, 19:15:32] donSELZ: yesss i love this, we're relating to risk group [24/10/2018, 19:15:45] donSELZ: i wrote a bit about it in my essay - the binary [24/10/2018, 19:15:54] Ella: Ahh cool! [24/10/2018, 19:15:55] Joy: Thats the part I donno how to deal with. Bascially selfishness has a negative idea basing on social term. But i guess we all dont take it negatively including me. The point being is i wanna say being selfish in a certain level isnt a harm in community but there is a fine line between being selfish or being self-centred(not sure if it is a positive way of saying selfish person) person [24/10/2018, 19:15:59] donSELZ: i will copy and paste here [24/10/2018, 19:16:37] donSELZ: yeah i understand that, and i dont see it as negative in the way that you are using it at all [24/10/2018, 19:17:04] donSELZ: but because when you look up what the word selfish means [24/10/2018, 19:18:31] Joy: Yhh i just think that when we have a talk with people, it will be essential to explain about how we define selfishness in our theory X [24/10/2018, 19:19:16] donSELZ: i think i the word selfish is bound to be negative because what we are describing doesnt mean what the dictionary says selfish means [24/10/2018, 19:19:22] Ella: Yes I think that is a good idea and then coming up with a couple of key questions that we would find helpful to discuss [24/10/2018, 19:20:27] Joy: Yh ture. [24/10/2018, 19:20:30] donSELZ: what we are talking about is self preservation, which we can say is a type of selfishness that doesnt negate caring for others [24/10/2018, 19:20:42] donSELZ: from my works in the past i used this quote a lot "Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare" [24/10/2018, 19:20:53] donSELZ: by Audre Lorde [24/10/2018, 19:21:15] Ella: Andre lorde is a boss!!! [24/10/2018, 19:21:29] donSELZ: which helped me a looot with the ideas around caring for myself and not feeling like that makes me a self centred type of selfish person [24/10/2018, 19:21:41] Joy: Fab. I will look for Audre Lorde!! [24/10/2018, 19:21:48] donSELZ: awesome [24/10/2018, 19:26:56] donSELZ: “the binary femininity/masculinity also supports other binaries by making them appear natural or legitimate as well. Other binaries that follow from our examples might read as follows: home/work, private/public, and passive/active. In each of these binaries, the first of the pair is gendered feminine while the second is gendered masculine” – (pg. 2, French and Bliss 2006) [24/10/2018, 19:27:35] Ella: I feel like I have seen this quote somewhere before [24/10/2018, 19:27:44] donSELZ: lool well you read my essay [24/10/2018, 19:27:47] donSELZ: so it might be that [24/10/2018, 19:27:48] donSELZ: hahaha [24/10/2018, 19:27:50] Ella: Ahh yeah hahahah [24/10/2018, 19:27:54] Ella: 😂😂 [24/10/2018, 19:28:14] donSELZ: this is what i wrote about:

Often, self-care is seen as a private act that only stays internal. However true self-care naturally externalises itself often. Self-care is an intimate act with yourself that then affects the you outside of yourself. It swims back and forth between the ‘public’ and the ‘private’, but this is not always realised. It is bound by the traditions of the binary that we see our world in; derived from the gender binary of man or woman, and so we also see self-care in the binary of either public or private, but like gender the public and private also exist on a spectrum. [24/10/2018, 19:28:15] Ella: No I think it might of also been referenced in a book about metaphors that I have [24/10/2018, 19:28:27] donSELZ: hahahah yeah probably [24/10/2018, 19:28:43] donSELZ: ohhhh hahah was it the book you borrowed me this summer [24/10/2018, 19:28:51] Ella: Yeah ahah [24/10/2018, 19:31:32] Joy: Loool it seems like its my turn😂😂😂 i am still writing....sorry.. give me 5mins guys X [24/10/2018, 19:31:46] Ella: Haha it’s cool take ya time x [24/10/2018, 19:32:01] donSELZ: 😂😂😂❤ [24/10/2018, 19:47:37] Saamiyah: I think for me, the way I’m thinking of it is being selfish in some aspects of my life like only doing thing that may only benefit me. [24/10/2018, 19:48:35] Ella: Like what [24/10/2018, 19:54:37] Joy: Self-sustainability and Selfishness or Selflessness

My study mainly looks at being self-sustainable in regards to individual acts in society. Living in society requires us to adapt ourselves in an environment and live interactively with elements surrounding us, such as social life, cultures, regulations, and so on. When it comes to dwelling in a community, we easily find ourselves following the flow of society and hard to assert ourselves due to the care of how to be perceived and considerate attitude towards others. This tendency has existed since the first time human start to live collectively and reciprocally; it results in the concept of natural attitude to associating with environments. What is the natural attitude in the context? The term can be explained as the attitude (tendency) generally making a beneficial consequence to everyone. We have been learnt to be kind and selfless to people is essential, which causes resistance to selfishness and taking the word negatively. Besides, as there is a guideline of attitude to assimilate society, the unconscious anxiety of making a decision on an individual's action deeply place in their mind. [24/10/2018, 19:54:57] Joy: I havent finished it but i realised my 5mins was too long loooool [24/10/2018, 19:55:34] Joy: Please understand my grammartic errors 😂😂 [24/10/2018, 20:00:45] Ella: Ahah it’s all good.

So looking at the fear around becoming self sustainable and te perceived selfishness that entails whilst also adapting and navigating all the other human experiences of culture, relationships, law etc [24/10/2018, 20:02:03] Ella: @447473131379 can you elaborate on what you were saying? [24/10/2018, 20:07:06] Saamiyah: I think what I’m trying to say is that because I was bought up and live in a world where we have to constantly think of helping others, that when I want to do something they may only benefit me or saying “no”to people whether it be family or friends, it’s seen as a negative thing. So I want to explore the idea of doing things/saying “no” that may only benefit me (I don’t know what) [24/10/2018, 20:07:20] Saamiyah: Without feeling guilty [24/10/2018, 20:08:46] Joy: Exactly! [24/10/2018, 20:21:23] donSELZ: this relates so much to what im looking at! [24/10/2018, 20:23:08] donSELZ: that unconscious anxiety is what manifests the "looking glass self" [24/10/2018, 20:23:58] donSELZ: the looking glass self states that our self-views form as a result of our perceptions of other people’s opinions of us [24/10/2018, 20:25:19] donSELZ: and that unconscious anxiety of being seen as selfish starts to manifest in our minds as a "truth" even though it is not true at all [24/10/2018, 20:26:09] donSELZ: because of the hyper awareness because of the unconscious anxiety of how people might perceive it we can start to believe that about ourselves which becomes unhealthy [24/10/2018, 20:26:28] donSELZ: the guilt becomes unhealthy [24/10/2018, 20:36:00] Joy: It summarises what i want to say!👍 [24/10/2018, 20:38:42] donSELZ: :D