#and thats last one from me tdy

[dailychaipunk]

GET IT RIGHT FOLKS — mod 🎸

[mainfaggot]

I'm going to block this bitch's number i cannot!

[withonly-sweetheart]

Back to the Sea

The mysterious stranger on the boat happens to be your roommate and you can't help but wonder who he is. Something about him captivates you, but what happens when an artist loses his brush?

a/n: so... this is all @chesue00's fault. dont get me wrong ilysm pookie but i cannot tell you how much this was going through my head the entire day like i wanted to get home so badly and write this i almost told my teach to fuck off... but thank u ur so talented it hurts like that inspired me sm and thats what art should do! ty! <333

tw: angst?? bc its not my fic unless its got angst (hopefully...) uhm mentions of like illnesses and the flu and stuff but idk help

wc: 5.2k - yes im not even kidding i wrote this all tdy and its not even grammar checked will do that later hehehehehe <333

As the sun dips below the horizon, casting a warm golden hue across the vast expanse of the ocean, you sit at the edge of the ship, gaze fixed on the endless waves stretching out before her. The gentle sway of the ship beneath you, the salty sea air mingling with the haunting cries of the seagulls soaring overhead; it all served as a reminder of sorrow and loss that clings to you like a heavy shroud.

You take it between your fingers, as if you can feel the harsh, unforgiving ivory material form under your hand, and wrap it around yourself tighter, cherishing the small bursts of warmth you get from sitting up here.

Each wave that laps against the side of the ship fails to cover the whispers of the crowd steadily disappearing around you, pointing fingers shamelessly, wondering why a girl your age is sitting, all alone, staring wistfully out at the cerulean abyss.

Someone clears their throat behind you. The last thing you want is to be bothered, so you twist over your shoulder to dismiss them, but somewhere up your throat, the words clump together into a soft gasp.

You have seen him around the ship, when you were first boarding, but you didn’t get the best look at him. Now that you do, you know one thing as true as the sky is blue.

He’s breathtaking. His eyes, reflecting the azure of the ocean, flash with lightning quick irritation, as if your presence inconveniences him. The curve of his lips set in a straight line, tightening almost imperceptibly, jaw clenching ever so slightly.

If you weren’t looking so hard, you could’ve missed it all. 

But how could you miss anything he does, when each ripple of his feature is like a brushstroke? An artist’s slow, deliberate intentions, painting the man in front of you.

“You are taking up the seat,” he mumbles, so quietly you almost don’t catch it. “Apologies,” you respond, shifting to make room for him. The dip between his eyebrows deepens and you find yourself frowning back. “Is something wrong?”

His gaze clouds, turning a muffled shade of gray. “No.”

You hum in response before turning back to the ocean. The heavy silence writhes between them, its unseen grip tightening with each breath. Your mind churns, sensing dark depths his haunted eyes warn away.

So you stand and stroll away, not sparing a glance at the brooding figure. You don’t wish to descend into his sorrow. You have enough of your own, and the tension crackling between you is nearly tangible. 

You know well that behind every handsome man, there is a troubled mind.

And the windows to those thoughts are the eyes.

<><><><>

“If the brothe bee to sweete, put in the more wine, or els a litle vineger.” 

You recall this line from a cookbook your mother once owned as you stare down at the barely distinguishable liquid in a bowl in front of you. Chips of wood flake off and dissolve into the mess of what you think are minced vegetables pooling at the bottom. Though the bubbles of oil faintly remind you of home, nothing else is the same.

You can’t remember the last time you had traditional soup, from the homeland, where everyone's the same as you and food is plentiful, rich in the scent of tangy spices and fresh vegetables and ripe fruit, where the forest birds sing sweet melodies in your ear.

But you are no longer there. It will, as all things do, fade with time, resolving as just a landscape drawn in your head, reduced to nothing but scribbles.

With a sigh far too troubled for your age, you gingerly push the bowl away, careful not to slosh any of it over the edge. You know you are being picky; food is food, and starvation will slowly creep up on you when you least expect it.

But it is better to starve than throw yourself from the starboard, letting the choppy waves consume you. Hunger takes time, crescendoing pain and ache until you cannot bear it. Suffering will suffice, at this moment.

And across the dining hall, the small room housing yet a few late night eaters, you spot him saunter in. Long, black trench coat brushing his ankles, a hat you did not see that now casts shadows upon his chiseled face.

His overalls strain with effort and crumple into wrinkles as he sits a few tables away, raising a hand, wordlessly summoning a bowl of soup that carries from tentative hands. He waves the aged woman away, and perhaps he does not catch the longing look in her eyes.

She has not seen a man so divine in years. Her time at sea has clouded her judgment. This is yet another reason why you must traverse the ocean blue, to prevent the jobs piling up at what you thought was your home, near the port, where the docks carry back the ashes of your family.

You used to love the ocean, the beach, the shores. When the sea hurt you, your father would kiss the tears away, murmuring soft assurance in the shell of your small ear. Although she was nearly a decade older, your sister would never decline an offer of yours to hunt for the little creatures that popped up from the swirling sand, watching them disappear underneath your slow hands.

You miss them. Influenza never failed to take, take, take; the greedy fingers latched on to your family before you could arrive home that day to sick corpses so pale you could not recognize them.

The doctor had suggested a traditional burial,but you knew there was one more thing the sea needed. You lit the pyres, watched their souls mingle with the smoke that gasped for the clouds, and waited.

When all that was left of your loved ones was charred, ivory dust that seemed to sparkle back at you, unaware of its fate, you gathered it into a pot that your grandmother gifted you.

The ocean rejected your offering, at first. It veered away, pulling water from the shore lines, but you stood fast. And it came back, gathered what was already gone, and took it away from you.

The sea never fails to remind you of what you’ve lost.

But here, on the ship, a marvel of engineering, keeping you afloat, you are not truly with the sea. You will not make yourself mold to the pitiful, lonely girl everyone expects you to be. 

With that resolve, you cradle the soup back to your chest, staring it down with defiant eyes. The ocean will not have another victim, you will make sure of that.

It burns your throat all the way down, saltier than the sea. Bile raises to combat it but you force spoon after spoon into your stomach. All that remains from your battle is the wood, which you tried your best to separate from the soup, but you are sure that you definitely swallowed at least some of it.

As the thinnest definition of dinner warms your insides against the cold that threatens to seep in, your eyes find him across the galley. He sits alone, as always, nursing a tin cup and gazing into its contents as if answers lay within.

You recall your chance encounter in the night, the rare moments of grace amid tumult never far from his eyes. Though he often keeps away from the streams of people, you have the feeling it has less to do with aloofness than wounds not easily unveiled.

As if finally sensing your gaze, his eyes lift and meet yours across the dusty space. There seems to be no cracks in his steely expression, his stormcloud eyes, but there is a flicker of emotion - curiosity, or perhaps kinship's first stirrings. 

You offer the barest nod before returning focus to your meager meal. Yet all the while, currents stronger than the sea pull at your thoughts, drawing them ever back towards that quiet figure and mysteries that beg to be revealed. You tilt your head to the side, rubbing fingers down your neck, feeling your pulse race underneath your skin. Massaging the area, you force yourself to relax.

You force yourself to believe that those eyes haven’t jarred your thoughts.

<><><><>

“I must… have the wrong room.” Those same eyes stare back at you, hands trembling slightly around parchment yellowing at the edges, swirling with confusion. “I apologize.”

“It wouldn’t, by chance, be 930, would it?” you ask. 

“Er… yes,” he admits with a dip of his head, looking almost embarrassed by the situation. “I suppose I’ll go request another-”

“It’s quite alright,” you race to say before you can stop yourself. “I do not mind.”

A small corner of his mouth lifts, if only for a second, and when his expression goes back to being neutral, you find yourself wanting to coax more emotions from him. 

You help him get settled in, telling him he could take the bed on the right. When he’s finished fussing with the sheets, you sit on your respective mattresses, awkwardly staring down at your hands.

"I... thank you," he finally replies, his voice soft. "I did not expect to find understanding here."

“Your name, sir?”

“Leon. Your name, I already know.”

“How fascinating.”

“You are a… popular subject of gossip upon this vessel.”

“Why are you traveling to England?” you ask, finding yourself making small talk to switch the topic. “Are you simply traveling?”

“Yes.” 

“Where is your hometown?” His eyes glaze over with the familiar homesickness you can recognize.

"My home lies in a small village far from here," he replies, gazing into memories only he could see. "A quiet place, surrounded by green countryside and simple folks." His eyes find yours with rare openness. "And you? What brings one so young to cross the sea alone?"

“I’m paying my lovely aunt a visit,” you say vaguely, trying to make your voice light. But he must hear the undertones of it, because he cocks his head to the side, arching a golden eyebrow.

“Is that so?” he muses. “I hope you enjoy your trip.”

“I’ve noticed you carry that briefcase around quite a bit,” you say, quickly changing the subject. “Is it dear to you?”

He laughs, a warm, rich tone that sparks something in your heart. 

Maybe… just… maybe?

“Not so,” he explains. He leans over to grab the case resting on the nightstand and clicks it open. “This is the reason I am traveling, you see.”

You peer over the top of the rusty case to reveal… pencils?

“You are… an artist?” you ask, slightly confused. You hadn’t taken him for a participant of the fine arts, but at your query, his eyes seem to light with an inspiration not previously there.

“I have lost my flame,” he says slowly, cautiously, as if placing his words carefully. “I thought England would fix… the problem… but perhaps… you could help me?” At your face, he bites his lip. "A smooth sea never makes a skilled sailor, as they say."

“Who has ever said that, and who am I to decline a stranger in need?” You chuckle, and his grin seems to usurp his entire expression. 

“You need not do anything,” he rushes to say, hands flurrying to unpack the materials carefully stowed away in the briefcase. The determined, set look on his face is enough to convince you, and even if it hadn’t, realistically, would you be able to say no?

He stills suddenly, observing you, sweeping over you, drinking in everything, as if to absorb your being. When his gaze meets yours, he smiles and it truly reaches his previously emotionless eyes.

“You are… perfect,” he whispers. He holds his pencil up, bottom lip disappearing as he frowns, grumbling in frustration. “But this lighting is… not quite correct.”

Leon eyes the room, then stands suddenly. You watch him, watch him drag a chair from the small writing desk over to the foot of his bed, planting it firmly. He points a finger to the empty space, gesturing for you to sit there.

“What exactly are you planning?” You ask with a smile.

The one he returns matches your curiosity. “We shall see.”

And that is exactly how, a few minutes later, you sit with your legs crossed, hands folded over one another in your lap, with a soft smile decorating your face.

“You must stay still,” he chastises, gazing at you with a languid look in his eyes, voice dreamy, as if he sees something in you that you can’t.

“You have not yet answered my question.” You ignore the red blooming up your neck at his fluttering gaze. He lounges further into the bed, hiding more of himself away, spinning the pencil between his fingers.

He looks almost thoughtful as he scribbles away, muttering to himself, lost in a trance. You lean against the dresser, resting your body weight on it, feeling yourself relax.

His eyes move back to you, and he jolts, like something drastic has changed. His hands fly rapidly across the paper, gaze locked onto you. He smudges something with his finger, erases something here and there, and eventually, he huffs a sigh and leans back, looking somewhat satisfied with the paper.

Intrigued, you stand from your position, stretching your stiff joints. “May I see?”

Leon snorts a laugh. “Of course not.”

“It is my portrait, no?” You grin. “Show me.” Without another word, you lean over the foot of the bed, over the elaborate carvings of wood, and try to sneak a peek at the paper.

He lets out what you can only describe as a boyish squeal, and yanks the pad away from you, clutching it to his chest. “I said no!”

Leon tries his best to play-keep away from your hands, folding the paper carefully in half as he stuffs it into an inner pocket of his shirt. When you try to reach for it, instinctively, he flushes a red hue that matches the crimson of your bedsheets.

“Apologies,” you whisper.

“It’s alright,” he whispers back.

The air has gone back to tense, anguish, as if you are both hurtling towards something you cannot stop, racing towards a finish line in a race you do not wish to compete in. When he climbs into bed, wordlessly, you wonder what you did to deserve this torture, to have a masterpiece sleeping a few feet away. 

He purses his lips and blows out the flame in the lantern standing proud on your nightstand, murmuring a quick goodbye.

As your eyes adjust to the absence of light, you watch the blanket blow out around him, creeping over his body, hugging him tightly. His snores come quickly, gentle and quiet, not bothersome.

You sigh and close your eyes, wishing for the relief of sleep to come as fast as his.

<><><><>

Strangely enough, someone rouses you from your sleep, something you didn’t expect. Breakfast calls were a luxury reserved for those with money, but you weren’t going to complain. Missing the first meal of the day had serious consequences in your household.

This isn’t your household, though. These aren’t your rules.

And that definitely isn’t a handkeep’s fingers clutched around your arm.

“Leon?” you murmur, rubbing your eyes, savoring the fuzzy corners before every comes into focus with sudden clarity. He stands beside your bed, gaze darting here and there. 

“Oh… you are awake,” he says as he isn’t the reason it is so.

“You woke me,” you state blankly, blinking up at him.

“I suppose… well,” he mutters, then sighs, shaking his head. “Never mind that.”

“How often does this happen?” you ask quietly, sitting up. “Are you plagued by night horrors?”

“I am not a child!” he snaps, then immediately softens, regret pooling in his eyes. “It is just… I thought you had left…”

“Yet I am here, no?” you say, slightly bemused. The tips of Leon’s ears turn a salmon pink as he lets out a shuddering breath, nodding. 

“I see that,” he says with a small smile, sitting beside you, leaving enough space to respect your privacy. You return one with just as much carefully measured emotion, not wanting to scare him away, wanting him to open up.

As gray dawn spreads its thin wings slowly over calm waters, he recollects himself. He tells you fragments of his past, picking up pieces of his past until it fits into a puzzle perfectly. An orphan, talent stripped from him by the urge to survive.

You faintly think that he should also be a writer, because the way he tells his story is akin to the way an author paints a scene with just words. You can see his parents in the shadows, echoing in his laugh, in the slant of his nose, the pucker of his chin. 

He shrugs, twisting to face you. “I almost died, there, on the streets.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.”

His eyes meet yours, “So am I.”

Seeing him in such a vulnerable state, you can’t help but feel inclined to share what truly happened to you as well.

“I’m not… just visiting my aunt.”

A ghost of a smile graces his lips. “I was thinking as much. Tell me, what is the true purpose of your visit.”

“My family recently passed from influenza. Only sorrow trails me in the States. Perhaps returning to my hometown will provide… solace?” You offer a dry laugh, but Leon’s expression goes stony as he takes your hands into his.

“I… did not know,” he says, sounding as sincere as you’ve ever heard him. “I made such a joke without understanding the full context… I apologize.”

“It is really nothing,” you rush to assure him, but more so because the crestfallen look on his face is something you do not wish to bring upon. “I forgive you.”

“You are still tired,” he says with another sigh. “I will wake you for breakfast. Sleep.”

He’s right. Too sleepy to protest, you clutch the blankets around you and shut out not only the slowly growing beams of sunlight from the window, but also the relief that emanates from Leon’s very being, flooding over you, bringing you the peace that lets you drift off.

<><><><>

You wake to frigid air seeping through cracks in the ship's walls, clouds hiding the sun’s bright smile. Throwing off your thin blankets, you grasp the warmth, hoping it still lingers. But your hand meets only cold, empty fabric. 

Panic rises in my throat as you rush from the sleeping quarters. Out on the icy deck, figures hustle to and fro under a pale, stormy sky. Your eyes scan for one in particular, relief flooding through you as you spot his lean form near the rail, gaze lost to the sea. 

"Leon," you call softly so as not to wake the other sleeping passengers. When he turns, worry is etched into his brows. You brush it off with a shaky smile. "I had feared the night's dangers had claimed you at last." 

“At last?” His lips turn up in return, reassuring you with his movement. But you can see the shadow neither of you could outrun, not with Death stalking your decks in his grim dance. 

Drawing near, you trace his stare to the horizon, limitless and cold. You stand in front of him as he lingers behind, hesitating, arms outstretched. 

“I wish to fly, one day,” you say jokingly. “But I suppose for now, swimming will do.”

“I cannot swim,” he admits quietly. “I never will.”

“Of course you can,” you insist. “Anyone can-”

“Not everyone has lost their brother to the sea.”

 The answer burns, searing your back in the way he delivers it, venom in his voice. But eventually, he sighs, as if giving in, and you can feel him get closer.

“May I?” You admire that he asks before anything, and when you nod, he wraps his arms around your waist, pushing you gently against the railing that you clutch tightly. He rests his head on your shoulder, craning his neck to stand comfortably.

Then he speaks again. “My deepest apologies. As you can tell… I miss him.”

"Then we'll face such fears together," you say with such finality you believe it yourself. "None are meant to wander depths of sadness all alone. But your brother's memory lives on you - a gift more precious than any sea could claim. I know this. And what are you doing now?”

Slowly, you can feel his lips curl upwards against your neck, sparking at your words, growing into that smile you’ve come to cherish. 

“You wish to fly? This is as close as I can get you, beloved.”

With a grin of your own spreading across your face, you outstretch your arms, leaning into the wind, wanting to let it carry you both away. Your fingers trace the sharp line of his jaw, coming to rest on his beating pulse that lives on despite all the world has tried to steal away.

You don’t know what overtakes you, the immense feeling of admiration you feel for him, that might be what spurs you to lean in. And, much to your surprise and pleasure, as soft morning light limns sea and sky in a hopeful blend of blue, your lips meet in a kiss - brief, chaste, yet speaking everything you need to hear. 

“At least I’ll have you,” he says, melting back into your embrace, tightening his arms around your hips. “One thing the sea will never take.”

But you should’ve known.

The waters are never done taking.

<><><><>

You do not know when the screams started. All you know is that they came with the rough tides, crashing against the boat, with the crackle of thunder and smoke hissing in the air. Everyone rushes to cram into the sleeping quarters, but living near the port all your life, you know better. You know exactly what is happening.

The boat is sinking.

And strangely enough, your first thought is to find Leon. He had asked you to wait a quiet moment on the deck, and you had both dismissed the rolling clouds, steadily creeping towards you while he disappeared below the deck.

You had been hoping that he would show you his art. Now you hope that you can get him out in time. But before you can scrunch up your dress and scramble into the quarters, someone grabs your arm.

You do not see the face. You know it is not Leon, he is infinitely calmer and more gentle than the rough fingers of whoever your captor is. As you struggle to look up at the face, you are tossed into a boat that hangs on the side of the ship.

“Women and children first!” a gruff voice calls out, presumably the one that just manhandled you. You try to protest, saying you need to go back, but the small boat fills up quicker than you expect, and eventually you are being slowly lowered down onto the choppy waves.

You stand on tiptoe, trying to make out any sign of Leon on the ship, hoping he makes it out okay. The people rowing the boat harshly yank you down before pushing away from the boat. Every stroke they make takes you farther and farther away, until the dense fog shrouds the entire ship from your view.

And the unexpected happens. You hear a loud crack and the boat immediately splinters into two. The women and their children huddle to one side, the bigger side, while you and some other girls stay put, eyes fixed on where you last saw the ship.

With no one to steer, you veer back towards it and it comes into view, only this time, it is on fire. Flames lick the sides, hissing where it meets the salty sea, climbing up the ship. And you see the mess of blond hair that you so desperately recognize.

“Leon!” You shout, screaming for his attention. His eyes snap to your general direction, scanning the area with a wide, panicked expression before landing on you. Almost immediately his face softens before it returns to its stony, default look.

You are confused for a moment before he quickly surveys the area. A raft hangs from the side, unused, calling his name, and you realize with shame that your boat is starting to sink, dipping into the water.

You and the other girls lean to the other side, pleading for help. Summoning all fading strength, you yell his name once more as waves close over your head. Darkness swallows your cries, drowning them in the murky ocean depths, yet in your fleeting consciousness, your trust for him remains like the anchor you wish him to be.

Breathless, gasping, you break the surface amid a sea of shrieks and sinking debris. There through the smoke a ragged shape appears, slicing swift as any bird towards you. Strong hands grasp and haul you aboard the makeshift raft, lying there to cling and spend your remaining prayers in thanks to Leon as he attends each soul amid the roiling deep, ferrying them from the ocean’s inky grasp with steady hands and calmer gaze.

“Are you alright, dear?” he calls to you after the third and final girl is pulled to safety, gasping for breath. “I did not expect this situation whatsoever.”

“Neither did I,” you murmur, spitting the remnants of the salt in your throat back into the sea, like returning a gift. “I suppose we will be alright now.”

Leon’s face crumples. “I’m afraid not.”

You groan. “What is it now? Is it the sharks from the depths? I will fight them with my bare hands, just you watch!”

You watch his expression flash through amusement, then back to pain. “We… I…”

“What troubles you so?”

He gestures a hand to the sea around you, to the drenched figures, far too many for the raft to carry. You realize this with the drop of your heart.

“There are too many of us,” he says apologetically, like he’s only hurting you. “One of us must leave.” 

For a second, you consider pushing one of the girls off. Anything to keep him. But you realize that your selfish thoughts should not take control. You grab his hands, clutching them tightly, holding them to your chest.

“Then it shall be me.”

Leon offers a weak smile. “No.”

“No?” you sputter. “What- it was not a question!”

“It will not be the answer either, my love,” he says gently, prying his hands from yours. “I will be the last. Please make sure of that.”

And before you can plead for him to stay, his weight shifts and you can feel the raft rising again. He casts one more, sorrowful look at you before he glides into the water, descending effortlessly. You reach for him, and your fingers brush his knuckles before he disappears forever.

Before he is gone. 

Yet another loved one.

Lost to the sea.

<><><><>

You wait for an indeterminate amount of time, waiting for the news to arrive one day at your aunt’s doorstep, that he is still alive, awaiting your arrival in some uncharted region. But no such idea comes. And eventually, the denial washes away and you are left with the loss that nothing can fix.

You rock in the chair of your living room, the smell of your aunt’s soup no longer bringing saliva to your mouth, but tears to your eyes, because now everything reminds you of Leon.

The bell rings outside and you can’t bring yourself to rise and answer the door with puffy eyes and tear-streaked cheeks. Your aunt knows this, so without sparing you another look, allowing you your privacy, opens the door just a smidge.

She makes conversation with the person standing outside before turning back to you with a soft smile. She hands you an envelope, and you cannot lie when your heart races up to the sky, finding purchase in the fluffy clouds.

You cannot find the words to thank her, but she knows this as well, and walks away without another word. When she disappears behind the kitchen corner, you rush to open the letter.

The first words send your heart plummeting back to where it was, perhaps even crashing through the layer of obsidian and burrowing itself in a place where it will never return. But upon scanning the rest of the thoughtful, heartfelt message, there is a tug that forces you to check the rest of the envelope.

And when you unfurl a piece of paper, long since forgotten in your brain, you muffle a cry with the back of your hand, the parchment trembling in your five, shaky fingers.

It is the portrait Leon drew of you. It made its way back to you.

You know, after seeing this, there is one thing you must do. You lie the paper down on the round table beside you, careful to preserve it.

You wash up, put on a dress your aunt lent to you, a blue, rippling thing that seems to reflect the ocean waves back at you. You tie your hair up, wanting to look somewhat presentable. 

And you call out a goodbye to your aunt, who’s smile you can hear in her voice, evident as she waves from the kitchen, ecstatic to see you out and about. But there is only one place you must go. One thing you must do to find the closure you are aching for.

Back to where it all started.

<><><><>

Tears that are the crystals of salt found in the ocean's depths stream down your face, as unnatural as the mixture of saltwater and freshwater, where one stops, another begins.

In the ocean, you slip from your skin, thoughts descending down a mad spiral, the spirits watching as you mingle with the essence of saltwater stinging your sunburned skin. The night air does little to nothing to cool your thoughts.

Is he there? In the droplets that cradle the back of your hands, trickling from the pool cupped in your palms. You can see him standing, just a few feet away, knee deep in the water, as constant as the waves and as calm as the tides.

Leon’s hair waves in the moonlight, a silent greeting to you, cerulean bathing his face in a ghastly blue, making him seem more and more like the ghost he is.

You raise a hand, out of instinct, choking back a sob. 

A smile curves those salty, timeless lips.

“You left me too,” you whisper through tears, crystals disappearing under the crescents of water brushing against your shorts. “Why can life not just be… easy? Simple?”

Leon chuckles, face softening in sympathy. “Did you forget what I told you already?”

You lift your head, rubbing granules of sand against your nose to muffle your sniffling. “What?” His grin is somehow both brighter than the moon and darker than the water you can’t see through.

“A smooth sea never makes a skilled sailor.”

[httpiastri]

i really want paul back in f2 next season. i think thats why im so numb about him dropping down in the f2 championship tdy cz him getting 2nd or 3rd isnt rlly beneficial if he doesnt get the title. so i honestly think its best if he stays 4th below but still top ten so it gives him a bit of leeway to be able to do another f2 season w/o ppl being annoying and considering him "too good" or "having too much of an advantage from last season". i truly do think all he needs is a win to be able to release all that pressure cz i do think hes getting desperate and being stupid w his racing choices (not saying all these bad races was him being stupid but u have to admit some of them were stupid choices, like yesterday's sprint...). also i feel all the f1 academy backings do see him but are just waiting to see if he wins. so we rlly js need him to win and i think that'll calm his mind and get the f1 teams' attention.

if not another f2 season, i think another good option for him to race in fe but ya i still think he js needs to win this season at least once, get a backing, and if not f2 go into fe with a reserve or development position in a team.

regarding him and merc, i wanna be delulu since merc is one of my fave teams and hes my fave jr driver i obviously would like to see them work tgt again but the likes of that happening is not realistic but it is true that merc has an opening so maybe !! that would be nice to see at least for me lol but knowing paul i dont think he'd happily take them or prema back after what they did to him. i do v much miss him as a merc driver tho :(

bottomline (im getting repetitive here sorry) he seriously just needs to put his head down, stop making stupid decisions in the race when he panics, and win at least one time. i truly think thats all he needs and f1 teams will at least be looking at him once again.

such a sad day for paul nation :( group hug pookies 🫂🫂🫂 can everyone pray w all their might and shower him in holy water or smthin? also get pepe away from him😭

-🧸

yeah i feel you abt him dropping in the ranks!! since it would make more sense for a person in 5th etc to go back, i like it. butttt on the other hand, placing in the top 3 as a rookie must certainly get the teams' eyes on him, right?? so idk, im kinda torn :/ but yesssss 100% he just needs a win to finally relax i think. he's putting too much pressure on himself and you can really easily tell when he's making rookie mistakes just because he's too crazy about getting a win. its not healthy in the long run ☹️

i mean im super torn about what i want him to do next season… as long as he's racing, i will be happy!! but a win in baku and then going off to FE would probably make me pretty happy, actually. i would hate for him to just get a reserve or development position in FE tho, i need to see him actually on the track 💔

but god i feel you so much abt merc! idk why but im slowly turning into a merc girlie? esp now that kimi is confirmed with them? i looove their merch and i was so so tempted to get a lot of it in spa. but it felt like such a big betrayal to paul… because yes i would love him back there but they also betrayed him and just :((((

but yeah, we just need to see the mature, calm and grounded paul we know he's growing into. he just needs to take a deep breath and just do what he needs to do. (AND NOT HAVE THIS BAD LUCK OMG its insane)

but yes yes group hug please! very bad last few weekends but we can get through it together!! 💗💗

[blackvail22]

also (this is my third or fourth post within a 30 minute timeframe btw) my dad made me uncomfortable tdy because i went to my room when my mom started yelling (by coincidence tbh i just wanted to lay down bcos i had a headache and was tired and i have no couch/sofa in my living room) and when i went down for dinner he kept asking me "what did mom say to make you mad. i know her. i know you" and it truly just made me uncomfortable and unsafe and he seemed a little drunk so itd make sense hed do that and im scared that my dad is going to cross a boundary now that i confide in him more than my mom

what doesnt help is my past!!! i have been groomed online multiple times, and--i cant believe im saying this--lying about my age saved me once. i told them i was the same age i told you (sometimes id say 16 which was SO obviously a lie). this one guy, his name was pierce (allegedly), told me "my dad needs a photo of your birth certificate in order for me to keep talking to you" (this guy was 20 AT LEAST. why would he need parental approval?) because i lied abt my age and name, OBVIOUSLY i was panicking. i thought abt doing it ngl. i was like "how am i supposed to change my birth certificate to say im am who im saying i am?" and then i thought "how the hell am i supposed to access an important document that my mom has wo her looking through my phone again?" so i was like "no. i cant do that" and he got all mad and was like "well im blocking you then" and i said "thats fine. im not even supposed to be talking to you anyways" i remember the exact date and where i was exactly during all of it and what i did afterwards (watch the heathens mv by twenty one pilots, it happened the same day as publication around 2pm)

god, pierce was such a weird guy. i forgot about him until recently. i met him on minecraft after my parents "banned" me from roblox. in minecraft he'd make me roleplay with him but like... yk... it was weird. he would make us write everything in a book and he would store all of them in a chest (there was at least 40 books of this). there was a time (i regret this so deeply) he asked me for my phone number, and i gave it to him. from then we would text each other a lot, and we would skype. i dont have any recollection of him ever talking when on skype. i think he would type everything out, making it weirder. also, i had the squeeky little kid voice so he obviously knew i wasnt however old i told him i was (i think 16). also, i very much DID NOT look that old either. i still have the photos from then... i looked so young. i could see 12, maybe? bur 16? no. i had a power outage once, making me unable to use my phone for a few hours. i had a panic attack because i was so afraid of him being upset with me (he was) and he threatened to kill himself. i didnt want to do any of the things he told me to do. i didnt want to hear any of the sexual comments he would make about me. i didnt want him to talk about how much he wanted to make me have a big family and enact all of *that* out. i didnt deserve to be treated like that, and i shouldve listened to my parents when they told me to block his number. i feel so responsible for everything that happened to me back then and even with the more recent events. i kept saying no but he kept going on about it. i shouldve just blocked them. i shouldn't have kept him in my life any longer than b told me to. i just liked the company and i didnt want to be lonely again... i didnt want it all to end up this way... *that* way. if i think abt it, i wouldnt have been bullied so extensively or experienced that thing his friend did (and they both said i was a whore) (*side note i never talked abt the thinf his frkend did and i truly do not want to talk abt the specifics!!!!!) and sometimes i think theyre right. i still have the messages from last year when he reached out to me. "i cant have forced you to do anything when im online!!!" u did though. if i blocked u or unadded you youd blow up our friends forcing them into the situation bcos u knew theyd be on ur side and theyd bully me or find a way to con me into talking to u. if i told u no, i dont want you to do that, i dont want to do that, youd call me a bitch and a whore and wouldn't stop begging for it after i said no and making me do it/go with it to make you shut the fuck up. are there a lot of things i said that i regret? yes, absolutely. honestly if he spread screenshofs out of context i would 100% be called a whore, a liar, and that i wanted it. but i only did it to make him shut up n not be pissed!!!!! seeing his name on a church sign in my town makes me shut down every time. he traumatized me NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENED he traumatized me, in more ways than just that one. it truly reversed my progression by a lot. i cant talk abt it ever because i feel like no one will believe me or blame me for it.

anyways this all contributed to the changing and and scarring of my perspective of relationships--platonic, romantic... theyre all ruined for me. i always have a wall up now, and my ex did not help that at all! actually made it quite worse. im more vulnerable when it comes to the things i like, and im extremely careful when i make decisions that involve other people. whenever someone is extremely quiet near me, i start to panic. whenever i talk about my day, im scared people will not care about anything i have to say. they dont have to care, but its nice to have ppl care every once in a while

anyways ive been typing for 20 minutes now bcos im on my phone. its nearly midnight and i have to be at the hospital at 9am for my prodecure that is at 11am. im terrified but its okay

toodles!

wait no song time

d4vd has so many good songs he's def in my top 10!

okie byebye 😁

[afterhoursfic]

Aww yeah! dettlaff/eskel needs to be a thing. ok, so geralt and regis stumbling into one of D and E's marathon breeding orgies. geralt is shocked to see lambert there, riding D's tail like its a cock and sucking on E's titties. he's even more shocked when he sees that all the rampant fuckings and E's desperate need to be bred has made him start to lactate. E smells fertile and pregnant and it is driving everyone crazy. G turns to regis to ask/beg, but he is already turned and looking hungry...

Oh! I almost forgot! for the witcher/vampire/lactating orgy prompt. there must be a scene where are 3 witchers are kneeling before the vampires sucking and licking there cocks while they and it has to end with the exhausted witchers in a cuddle pile while the vampires are wrapped around them like big scary cats. because what is a filthy orgy without a soft end? nothing i tell you. btw, you are awesome!!!

.

Bless you anon.

Eskels just moaning into the fgroand whilst Dettlaff fucks him quick and hard, Eskels belly is already swollen and thersa a clawed hand constantly going to pet it. Meanwhile Lambert makes the prettiest picture of dssleration, just tdying to hump and fuck himself on anything he can and Dettlaffs tail is almost as good as a cock.

It's probably Lambert that starts Eskels lactating because he always commented on how big his belly was, making jokes about when he was due but now he's just as obssesed with it. Likes to pinch and squeeze and nip at his nipples until they're puffy and swollen, likes to pretend that maybe Eskel could produce milk which has the other two horny af.

Maybe even Dettlaff becomes obsessed with it seeing how much Eskel enjoys it when Lambert does it. Maybe someone slips something into Eskels food, maybe its just his body meeting some sort of demand but one day Lambert sucking at his nipple and then he chokes a little and pull away.

They all panic a minute because they think something happened but fhen Eskel sees the bead of milk on the corner of his lips, can't helo but kiss it off of him befors Lambert's diving down for more.

Thats how Geralt and Regis find them, with Lambert sucking at Eskels tits, Eskel whispering filthy promises and begging to be bred full of come and eager, possessive snarls from Dettlaff that say he definitely wants to fuck hin full of come and breed his pretty hole.

The worst part though is the smell, mainly sex and come and sweat, but theres also a lighter scent, one often smelt on young brides and new mothers of fertility and the sweetness of milk. And Geralt wants.

He just has to look at Regis, see how dark his eyes are, his teeth just a little sharper when he bares them, no doubt smelling what he is too and craving. All they have to do is share a look and then clothes are torn off of him and he's shived beside Lambert befors Regis is promising to filk him up just as much as Eskel, wants to watch them pad around with swollen bellies and leaking tits and Geralt swear hw could come just from that image.

Maybe Regis even fucks Lambert with his tail as well, either gagging Lamvert so he has something to suck on and so he doesn't drink all the milk, or fucking him senseless on both of their tails.

And also you've got me imagining kinda vampire bukkake now, just the witchers soaked in come, and it should be gross but all they want to do is mark their skin with it, let everyone and every thing know who they belong to. And afterwards everyone just in a big puppy pile whilst lasts a few hours to just allow the witchers to recover befoee they get fucked stupid again.

[theday]

hide and seek, fireworks, my style, coloured, your love, dream might (romantic or platonic? i love options), i'll be there, because it's you ((((:, you smile, with you, and better with you!!!!

thank you so much for aksing falen i love these and it also got super long lmao rip

Hide & Seek: what’s the first thing you notice when you meet someone new?

in real life, its probably their shoes/socks?????? LMAO and then their appearance but im trying 2 not let their appearance stop me from becoming friends with them :-o

online, i usually??? read ppl’s abouts first???? but idk like when it comes to actually talking to them i guess itd be their typing style?? and their use of emojis/the gif function (jenny) helps me to assess them although i do know that the way they type =/= how they are as a person but thats just what i notice first

Fireworks: name something astro’s done that has made your heart explode

falen u rly had 2 do it to me? ????? but hrm…. whenever they post selcas and when they just laugh every time myungjun laughs thats the shit that gets me the most bc its so/???? pur??e??? i love them a lot theyre always so happie and theyre all smiles every time they do a vlive it makes me happie

My Style: what do you usually wear out?

clothes not 2 sound like a loner but. i rarely go outside bc i only go outside when my family eat out and thats only on like weekends and if im hanging out with pals so i always get the chance to wear the same shirt, shorts and shoes lmao 

but its a black cat shirt (used to be a button up thing but singapore is 2 hot 4 me) and blue shorts and white converse 

Coloured: favourite MV aesthetic? 

ok real talk all of their mvs are so pretty and everything??? but my favourite has to be baby or csc

Your Love: top three astro songs

o w0rm

again

confession

every minute 

Dream Night: describe a dream date with anyone

idk?? smth ive always wanted 2 do with anyone is just walk through a park or just walk when the weather is not 2 hot or 2 cold (ike what binuki did in their recent vlive) 

if we’re getting more romantic mayb just??? cuddling???? idk i rly cant see this happening tbh 

I’ll Be There: fave astro vlive you’d watch over and over again?

but theres so many :-( but possibly all of eunwoo’s just 10 minutes with binnie :-0 the shrek vlive with the ice cream made me laugh so hard though mmMM

Because It’s You: why do you love your astro bias?

ur rly gna make me do all 6 members falen??????? ill try 2 keep it short

myungjun; binnie said he was sure mj wouldnt make it into astro and im assuming its because he was the one who was a trainee the shortest but??? look at him now with his strong vocals and even stronger personality!!! astro mightve done fine without mj but listen.. their vlives, appearance on variety shows, etc. would never be able to be as funny because mj is the reason for everyones laughter and it makes me so happy??? mj has that ability to crack anybody up with his laugh and the shit he says and does is so funny too pleaseth and i just?? appreciate mj for being there so fucking  much because he really resolves any tension in the atmosphere so easily and as the oldest member im so glad to see he doesnt find anything awkward AND despite the age gap between him and sanha, theyre like the closest?? lets not forget on that one radio thing yesterday they (astro) were asked who they were most comfy with in the dorm and 3/5 answered myungjun :_) im just happy myungjun exists? thank u mj i love u mister 777

PARK JINWOO; jinjin is the one of the sweetest leaders out there and i know every group has a great leader but jinjin is really that leader to me because as the rest of astro have mentioned before, jinwoo really buys them shit and they have said that he is the sweetest?? remember in the fan made fanmeeting i dont know what its called but i linked it and just??? jinjin is literally an angel!!! the one vlive he did with dogs? my heart melted off!!!!!! he really went and learnt the names of all the dogs present in the dog cafe!!!! he stopped the black dog which was biting hard on the table bc he was scared it’d injure itself/get in trouble and just??? jinwoo is so fucking nice just ??? if u look in the dictionary park jinwoo will appear as a synonym believe me ok and jinjin is part of dance line everybody lets not forget that he dances to release stress and that amaizng intro to again he did with rocky for their dream pt2 showcase because that was fucking so ?? i love talent and! AND i will never shut up but as a leader jinwoo takes care of his members so much and he also knows how to have fun with them and he jsut!!!!! i love him a lot

cha! eu! nwoo! (dongmin); i know 4 a fact that this will get so long lmao rip but first i just wanted to say that i am so proud of dongmin and how far he has come as a dancer and vocalist in astro ok so obviously i dont know the real hard facts tm and i can never tell the difference in anything so i dont know how accurate i really am but last year (and even now) i know eunwoo had a lot of personal schedules and he barely had time to practice? ?? i really dont know but im p sure that was it???? idk but dongmin has had to work so hard the whole of last year with the amount of comebacks astro did and i jus??? im so proud of eunwoo for being able to work hard for astro and still attend all those other schedules at the same time??? like i said idk how much time he did have/didnt have but i know it mustve been little with how late it would be whenever he arrived back at the dorm after his stuff and??? eunwoo had to practice his lines and the dance (astro’s choreography looks hard as shit and its tiring too) in time for their comeback promotions ??? and!! dongmin used to be that member (now its all of astro) who would constantly do vlives for arohas and lets not forget his just one 10 minutes where he would do vlives that were always over 10 minutes where he just talks to fans im eternally grateful for all the work dongmin puts in for astro and arohas and im sure he puts in more than 100% effort when it comes to his personal schedules too!!!! dongmin deserves the best and ive seen someone say b4 that he’d probably feel bad if he had more lines bc he was already “stealing” the spotlight by being a “face genius” and i just!! youre righ??t???? eunwoo is incredibly selfless and its easy 2 assume these kinda things tbh lee dongmin is so much more than his face and visuals he is a hardworker and!!! he loves his members and fans so damn much im !!! i love eunwoo so much i hope he knows how much we love him 

binnie; god with bin there isnt somethiing that made me love him??? all he did was go :) and my brain decided i was gonna love him forever ok but……hrm….. i guess i love him because hes such a dork?? like. .. when he laughs he just snorts and its so funny lmao i believe bin’s a good friend too well no shit ?? uMMm moon bin has a cute smile yall…… whenever he smiles my heart explodes hes just that powerful and also!!! bin has been a trainee for 7 years now and im just !! he made it!! like what the post i reblogged earlier said, he probably had other dreams but he still stuck with being an idol ??? in the end and that !!! im sad he didnt get to pursue the things he couldve liked better but im also happy hes managed to find a dream he likes and that hes basically living the dream right now??? and im so happy for him because 7 years may not be a lot to some but bin’s still young his childhood was basically training??? im just!!!!!!!!!!! so proud of him and now hes on the same kind of music shows his faves are on too nd it makes me rly proud (idk any other words my vocabulary is so fucking weak oh my god) he is having the time of his life with astro and arohas right now im so glad i forgot what i wanted 2 say im sorry bin i did u dirty im2 tense rn but i love u and i love bin bc of how much hes done and the amt of scarifies he has 2 have made in order 2 get 2 where he is tdy 

rocky swag (minhyuk); minhyuk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love him because !! hes so awkward but he tries his best for arohas!!!!!!!!!! in that first vlive he did alone he was so nervous but he managed to warm up and in the next vlive he did alone he did something that he was comfortable with (dance) and im glad he’s able to do vlives normally now even if there isnt any recent solo vlives i can see how much more comfortable he is on vlive now !!!!!! my love for minhyuk is similar to bin’s bc all he did was smile and suddenly????? im in love???? its the swag lmao but seriousy tho after finding out rocky did all sorts of dance i found him really??? respectable??? because he was able to learn so many types of dance and isnt that the coolest thing ever???? lets not forget how well he can sing???? im happy and so proud (jesus) that he sang on the recent album since previously he said that he didnt hvae any plans of singing in the albums so!!!! now!! hes singing!!!!!!!!!!! although the songs dont do him justice tbh its ok we all know how lovely he sounds when he sings especially in the binuki vlive where he sang wyls i swer my ear drums were blessed?? park minhyuk can do anything get urself a legend like rocky so basiclaly i love rocky aka park minhyuk bc hes just!!!!! outstanding???? hes handsome, he can dance really fucking well, he can sing and rap !!!!!!!!!!!!! and?? hes just a fool??? he’s warming up to doing vlives and just being himself and its the greatest thing ever i love him a lot

sanha; YOON SANHA!!!!!!!!! Love of my LIFE the baby i will protect for the rest of my LIFe??????? he is DAT boi .. the boy i love so much with my whole heart!! sanha is so cute and he just!! hes always making fun and bullying the older members i love it so much but ofc everyones weak 4 sanha bc b*tch is 2 cute honestly can relate if sanha punched or stole my money ill let him off bc hes just that cute . lets not forget he learnt how 2 play the guitar all by himslef jae is shaking ok and sanha is such a nice voice?????? every time he screams i lose my hearing its ok id do anything 4 this boy???? and to think hes only (1) year older than me is kinda??? wowie???? sanha is rly out here being a superstar and a student @ the same time and hes doing an awesome job @ being amazing !!! sanha is so cute and just?????? he loves his other members and family so much i love sanha a lot and i hope nobody will ever make him cry (sad tears) bc i will personally go to that person and we’ll have a nice chat :-) i cant think of anything atm but sh loves arohas so much and hes always doing aegyo 4 us idk its just . … thakn u young prince

You Smile: name three things that have made you smile in the past week

ok easy

mx comeback

daily astro vlives (its okay if they dont do vlives everyday they have 2 rESt)

becoming friends with lovely mbbs :_) 

with you: talk about a mutual without using their name

how long is this answer gonna be oh w0rm.. but here we go this is abt someone who ive never talked about but do talk 2 p often and theyre the other online person i am most comfortable with talking 2!!!!! 

theyre great tbh and rly good @ art and i know theyve gone through so many shit things in their life but im so glad theyre still hanging on even if their sleep schedule is totally wack still love u tho lmao at least theyre getting more than enough sleep!! theyre cute when they see sanha and it makes me soft seeing them go soft bc theyre never that warm??? when it comes 2 other ppl (kihyun crying) and im just so glad i managed to help them get (further) into astro!! being able to talk to somebody about astro has helped me so much and then i became friends with jen but im still so thankful to have a friend like [redacted] and im happy we’re friends!!!!!!!! i love them so much and i hope their days are filled with happiness even if it doesnt last for long i hope they have at least (1) happy time each day bc they deserve the BEST!!!!!!!!!!! 

even when i was still a young myday they helped me by providing links and everything just telling me where everything was and i was so :_) bc!!! they !! a bigger account was helping me someone who didnt even have 20 followers at that time and without them i wouldve never found anything tbh!!! even now when im the one whos been into astro longer, they still manage to find things so much faster than me and imlike?????? wow thats amaizng???? theyre amazing and i appreciate their presence on my tl/dash and in my dms so much thats one of the reasons why i thought they were older bc of how mature and just?? the older vibe they gave off was strong with they way they help people and whenever they comment on my tweets or someone else’s tweets im like !!!!!!!!! you’re doing amazing sweetie 

theyre so easy to talk to and even though our humor was something i thought was very different we manage to make each other laugh so much and i jsut!!! happiness!!!!!!! 

ok this was abt bell and i dnt think they’ll ever see this but if u do i love u a lot bell thank u for being alive ur so funnie and cute just thank u so mch!!! for everything

better with you: your favourite memory related to astro?

every time i watch them on vlive live i get so happy and thats my favourite memory