#and the guy who actually stole it is doing it in protest of immortality and doesn't have any opinion on ganymede as an individual

[radiantmists]

binged both chalice of the gods and the hidden oracle in the last few days and tbh i don't care if zeus would blast me to bits, if he were real it would be on sight

[jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets]

I Loved Him... Once - CH 1

Title: I Loved Him... Once

Author: jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Heid (Aaron Hotchner x Spencer Reid)

Rating: This ones General but eventually as the series goes it will be Explicit

Tags: canon typical violence and gore, eventual smut as the series goes, angst, fluff, pining., its gunna be a slow burn guys.

Summary: A series following the team as they solve crimes and take down the bad guys.

     In Part one of this series, we follow the team as they take down a serial killer that has taken a piece of one of their own. And through it all, Spencer and Hotch come to a few conclusions and realizations of their own.

AO3 Link 

Masterlist

*** My works are not to be posted on any sites without my permission! But comments and reblogs are love! <3 Please and thanks!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 1

Spencer: 

     “What we have done for ourselves alone, dies with us. What we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.” - Albert Pike

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

     “Fourteen days, fourteen days, fourteen glorious days!” 

     Spencer barely looked up from the book he was reading, sat at his desk, leaning back in his desk chair as Derek Morgan sashayed across the bullpen and perched himself on the corner smiling down at him.

     He opted to ignore the over the top, ray of sunshine, mood Derek was in, and flipped the page of his book. Derek was not giving in, he was not going to be ignored when he was in such a good mood, so he swiftly swooped his hand and stole Spencer's book, eliciting a whine of protest as he sat forward and reached for it. Though he didn't make any more effort than that, he knew very well there was no way he would be able to get the book back from Derek through force.

     “Come on, Morgan, give it back.”

     Derek laughed, his eyes shining with mirth as he kept playing keep away with Spencer, “You really want it back that bad?”

     “Yes, actually, it was just starting to get good!” He made another jolt forward to reach for the book but it was in vain. Spencer’s brain might be fast, but Derek Morgan's reflexes were always faster.

     “Really, kid, you're reading…” He turned the book over and eyed the title with a raised brow, “‘The Art of War’. You planning on taking someone down, Reid?” Spencer just eyed him as he closed the book and tucked it under his crossed arms, knowing full well that the genius would remember not only the page number he had been on before Derek closed the book, but the exact word he had read last. “Now, like I said before, we have fourteen, I repeat, fourteen glorious days of vacation starting right now. And you're telling me that your only plans are to sit here at your desk, at work, and continue reading ‘The Art of War’ instead of going out and doing something, anything, other than that?”

     “It never hurts to educate yourself, Morgan, and yes, that's exactly what I'm telling you,” he replied, a little short, then tried once more to swipe unsuccessfully for his book, “now give me back my book.”

     “Good god, man, live a little, you're killing me.” Derek stood and moved the book even further out of Spencer's reach, so he just huffed and sat back in his chair again. “You don't have any plans? No dates? No trips to exotic lands to meet fine exotic ladies?”

     “When have you ever known me to ever have plans? Or dates for that matter. It's not like girls are exactly lining up to date the lanky, boy genius.”

     “Oh you're much more than that, pretty boy, you know that.” Morgan perched himself on the side of his desk again.

     “Not to mention the fact that seeing this in a bathing suit on a beach full of, more than likely, gorgeous people, is not something that is on anyone's bucket list, I'm positive of that. I'm so white I'd probably end up blinding half the beach with my legs alone.”

     Derek was laughing, near tears at this point, “Oh, come on kid, it can't be that bad.”

     “Oh, it is,” Spencer was slightly laughing at this point too, “I went to a pool party once in university and I was asked to put my shirt back on because the light was reflecting off my skin and ‘hurting people's eyes’... Derek, it was ten at night. My skin was reflecting the pool lights so severely it was hurting people.”

     Derek barked out a laugh so hard he nearly fell off the table and Spencer couldn't help but join him. “So you just need a little bit of sun, cancel out some of the white. Why not come with me to Barbados? Little sand, little sun, and a whole lotta’ fun.” He shot a quick wink at Spencer who just scoffed and looked away. “Give me two days with you on the beach and I guarantee I could get you a couple shades darker, at least.”

     “Oh, yes,” he nodded, smirking, “as well as skin cancer.”

     “I promise I won't let you get skin cancer, but that being said, once we get you all sunkissed and confident, I can't promise I'll be able to keep all those fine ladies off of you.”

     “You're not making this sound any better. Skin cancer, STD’s, and multitudes of random women hanging off of me, no thank you.”

     “Well, if you don't want to be swarmed by the fine exotic women,” he paused, smirking down at a waiting Spencer, “I'm sure I can help you land some handsome exotic men, then. I'm not here to judge. More women for me.”

     Spencer reached to the side and grabbed the small pile of papers that were sitting there, and swiftly smacked Derek on the arm with them, “Get off my desk.”

     “That doesn't sound like a denial,” he ducked as he was swatted at again, “come with me and I promise you'll have a good time.”

     “Go!”

     Derek chuckled once more, before ducking under his own desk to grab his bag, then turned back to toss the book back to Spencer who barely caught it, “My flight doesn't leave till tomorrow night, think about it!”

     “I don't need to, I'm not going!”

     “Think about it!”

     “What's the point anyways!?” He called as Derek was almost out of ear shot, but he continued anyways, “When has vacation ever worked out for us? I'd buy a ticket and pay for a room, and realistically we'll probably end up right back here in two days, four tops!”

     Derek was gone by this point, not having heard most of what he had said, more than likely already knowing that this was probably their reality, but not wanting to have to accept it. Though his complaints didn't fall on deaf ears.

     “Oh, now you've gone and jinxed it. Just know that if our vacation gets cancelled due to a case, I am definitely coming after you first, Reid.” 

     He gazed up at Emily over the edge of his book, having indeed remembered the exact word he had left off on when it was stolen from him, and gave her a playful smirk. “I am only stating statistics. If you factor in every vacation we have had since we started here at the BAU, the odds that we will have a full, uninterrupted ‘fourteen glorious days’ as Morgan put it, are less than ten percent. Eight point five-six-three-two percent to be exact.”

     “God I hate you sometimes,” though she laughed as she said it, “so you really don't have any plans?”

     “I never said I didn't have any plans,” he sighed and closed his book on his desk, resigned to not getting any reading done until everyone was gone, “just because I don't have plans involving a hot beach or women, doesn't mean I don't have plans.”

     “Oh!” She perked up and moved closer, intrigued. “So what kinds of fun are you up to then?”

     “Oh, loads!” He shifted in his chair, moving to lean towards her with his elbows on his desk. “I'm signed up for a lecture series that starts tomorrow, but the one I'm most excited for is a lecture called ‘Synthetic Metals: A Novel Role For Organic Polymers’ presented by Dr. Alan G. MacDiarmid. It's a Nobel lecture all about possible engineering applications for, and the inner workings of, organic and conductive polymers. It sounds completely fascinating! I was also thinking of taking a trip to Colonial Williamsburg. I mean, how amazing would it be to walk the same streets as Thomas Jefferson, or eat in the same place as George Washington! I was also thinking of visiting the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts. They have over twenty- two thousand works on display that are largely focused on modern and contemporary art, especially with a focus on European art after the nineteen hundreds. They are also having a workshop there next week focusing on-”

     “Woah, woah, take a breath,” she laughed a bit, then asked with a hint of concern, “aren't you doing anything that doesn't involve… learning? Like, no info intake, no lecture series, no workshops, just relaxing? Letting your brain just take a break?”

     Spencer pouted his bottom lip in thought then looked back up to Emily, “No? Why would I want to waste two weeks doing nothing when I could spend them increasing my knowledge?”

     “Wouldn't you want to sit back and…” She stared confusedly at an equally confused Spencer, then just shook her head with another laugh, “Nevermind, look who I’m talking to. Of course you would think that spending two weeks learning would be an ideal vacation. To each their own I guess, right.”

     He just nodded, picking his book up again as she moved away from his desk.

     “Well, have fun with your jam packed knowledge filled two weeks, see you in fourteen days.”

     “Or in two to four days. Don't forget the eight point five-six-three-two percent chance that I will see you before-”

     “Blah, blah, blah!” She covered her ears as she walked away from him, “Can't hear you, already on vacation!”

     “Very mature,” though he was smiling, “have fun with your mother.”

     She threw a quick wave at him then disappeared. When she was finally gone, he sat back in his chair with a content sigh. Now that Emily was gone, it was just himself, Rossi, and Hotch who were left in the office, and he knew there was a very low chance that either of them would interrupt him to inquire about his vacation plans. He was finally able to finish his book in peace before catching the last train home. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

     “Knock, knock.” 

     Aaron looked up from where he had been bent over the front of his desk, the pile of papers he had been sorting through covering every inch of it, and towards the door. “David, come in.”

     The man did, eyeing the mess, but merely stood in the middle of the room and tucked his hands into the pockets of his very expensive suit. “Always one of the last to leave, huh?”

     “Has everyone gone?” Aaron asked without looking up this time.

     “Everyone except the usual suspect.”

     “Reid.” Aaron sighed. ‘Not last to leave,’ he thought. Spencer always seemed to still be there, even in the late late hours of the night. After a case, before vacation, even sometimes during vacation. Aaron always felt bad for the man, worried that he was lonely, though nowadays he could relate. 

     “I overheard him talking with Emily and Derek before they left. His most exciting plans seem to have something to do with a Nobel lecture series,” Rossi moved closer, taking up the chair in front of Aaron’s desk, “that kid needs to learn how to slow down and relax, I'm worried he might burn out someday if he doesn't. He should go out, have some fun from time to time.”

     “Well I'm not much better,” Aaron turned, leaning against his desk with his arms crossed, now facing David, “my plans for the next two weeks pretty much consist of staying home, catching up on more paperwork, and if I can swing it with Haley, taking Jack for a few days. If I play my cards right, the park will be the most exciting adventure of my vacation. I'm not exactly going out to paint the town red either.”

     “Yeah, you two are wild,” he drawled with a smirk, “you know, maybe a date would do the kid well. Loosen him up a bit.”

     Aaron eyed him warily with a tilt of his head, seeing right through his attempted ruse, “What exactly are you suggesting?”

     “Perhaps, while you both have the time off, you and Spencer could plan something together.” Aaron closed his eyes with a sigh and shifted, opened his mouth to say something in protest, but David beat him to it, hands up to stop him. “I'm just saying, you're the only two people on the team that aren't out of town for the next two weeks. I’ll be in Italy visiting family, JJ is taking her family camping, Prentis is visiting her mom, Garcia is, quote, ‘on a shopping tour of all the best malls in the northern hemisphere’, and Morgan is hitting the beach in Barbados. That leaves you and Reid. So all I'm saying is that maybe you can stop fantasizing about the kid and actually do something about your infatuation.”  

     Aaron just gaped at his friend, shocked, speechless for the first time in as long as he can remember. “I… how…” Was the only thing he was able to manage to stutter out.

     David just smiled up at him mischievously and stated, “I'm a profiler, Aaron, and a damn good one. I've seen the way you look at Spencer, the way you stick close to him, and it's very obvious you care about him. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out, yet ironically the only one to not have figured it out yet is the only actual certified genius.”

     Aaron still didn't know what to say. He had never told anyone about how he felt about Spencer. It was hardly appropriate for him to attempt to pursue the man considering he was his superior, not to mention older than him. Something that had plagued him since the very day he met the cute, quirky doctor on his first day with the BAU. 

     “I can tell you're over-thinking, Aaron.” Rossi speaking brought him out of his small internal panic and he looked down at him. “What is it? That you're his boss? Strauss?”

     He shifted, crossing his arms impossibly closer to his chest. No point in denying it now. “A bit of both, I guess. Not to mention the age difference between us.”

     “First off, I wouldn't worry about Strauss. If anything were to happen between you and Spencer, as long as you navigate the correct channels and immediately disclose your relationship, sign the proper papers, then there is nothing Strauss can do against either of you or your jobs. As for you being his superior, I wouldn't even give that a second thought. No one on our team would think anything of it, no one would ever even entertain the thought that you took advantage, and neither would Spencer.” David then leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he spoke. “And the age gap, who cares. Love, is love, is love. Take it while you've got it and don't ever let it go. Age is but a number and love knows no bounds.”

     “Very profound of you, David.” He couldn't help but let a small chuckle slip.

     “What can I say, I am the embodiment of love.”

     “Right, and is that why you've been married three times and are on wife number four?”

     They both laughed, hearty and full, and for the first time since they started talking, Aaron found himself feeling a lot lighter. It was nice to finally have someone who knew his secret feelings for the young genius, and be able to actually have someone to talk to and confide in about it. 

     Rossi's phone ringing broke the moment though, and he reached into his pocket, just looking at the screen and not answering. “Well, my ride to the airport is here. I will see you in two weeks, do not call me.”

     Aaron let loose one last light chuckle, moving along with Dave to see him out. With a smile and a pat on the back as they reached the door he said, “I'll try not to, enjoy your time in Italy.”

     “Oh I intend to,” he opened the door, then turned back at the last minute, “but do me a favor will ya. Don't call me, but do call Spencer.”

     Aaron just smiled, gave Dave a small push out the door, and answered, “Good bye, David.”

     Once he was out the door and down the stairs, Aaron closed the door and took a step to the side to watch him cross the bullpen. He gave a quick goodbye to Spencer as he passed, and then he was gone. Then his eyes wandered over to the last person left besides himself, still sitting alone at his desk, leaned back reading his book. He sighed, watching Spencer for a moment longer before thinking to himself, maybe David was right. Why should he worry about all that other nonsense? Besides, he would never know if Spencer felt the same unless he asked.

~~~~~~~~~~~

     Aaron finally finished organizing the paperwork explosion on his desk, filing away what was finished and adding the rest to his bag, then was finally able to head out. 

     It had been a good two hours since Rossi had left his office, leaving Aaron with all kinds of things to think about, and the man that those thoughts were all about was still sitting in the same spot he had been in since vacation officially began. Though now, Spencer was already halfway through his second book. 

     As he passed him, the younger man not even so much as lifting his eyes from his book, he said a quiet, “Have a good vacation, Reid.”

     “You too, Hotch,” he answered back, and Aaron just about kept walking, but stopped himself at the last minute and turned back.

     They were currently alone, no one else around but him and Spencer, so now was just as good a time as any. “Reid…”

     At the questioning tone to his name, Spencer looked up at Hotch who was now standing right in front of him, “Yeah?”

     “I… I was…'' Spencer was still looking up at him with concerned eyes, a furrowed brow, and if Aaron was being honest, a super cute frown. Now, what Aaron wanted to say was ‘Spencer, I know that you and I are the only two who will be remaining in town for the duration of our vacation time, and I was wondering perhaps, if you would like to take advantage of the fact and allow me to take you out to dinner tomorrow night?’ But what he actually managed to come out with instead, was a sad and defeated, “I… I just wanted to wish you well. I hope you have a good fourteen days, and I heard you will be attending a lecture series, I hope it's informative.”

     “Right…” Hotch couldn't be certain, but he was sure that Spencer almost looked… disappointed? “An-anything else?”

     “... No, I don't believe so.” And before he could stumble his way through any more embarrassing sentences he quickly said, “Good night,” and left before Spencer could even return the sentiment. Leaving him staring, still confused and a little down, after a fast walking Aaron, not having the courage to even look back as he left.

~~~~~~~~~~~

     Derek woke for the first time well rested and relaxed. No case to solve, no unsub on his mind, no high speed chase down unfamiliar roads, and no showdown with a psychopath in some dark abandoned warehouse. It was just him, the sun, the sand, and two weeks of relaxing and sleeping late, eating more than he probably should and shoving as much fun into two weeks as was completely possible.

     Now, those were Derek's original plans. The plans he made before he left Quantico, Virginia for the beaches in Barbados. For the all night parties, the beautiful ladies, and the all inclusive never ending free drinks. And yet, here he found himself, within arm's reach of all those things, and not doing a single one of them. 

     Instead, Derek walked down the beach and found an empty lounge chair tucked under a very colourful umbrella. A sprite and lime with ice in hand, he stood and looked out at the calming ebb and flow of the ocean, letting the soft crashing of the waves take over and clear his mind completely. It was nice, the best he'd felt in a long, long time. 

     A volleyball skid to a halt at his feet, covering his toes in warm sand, caught his attention and he turned to face the small group of women off to his side. He kicked the ball back over to them, each one of them very obviously interested in getting to know Derek, even if it were just for one night. But to his own surprise, he found himself flashing a smile and a wave in decline of their invitation to come play, and instead took up his seat in the covered lounge chair. 

     He took a second to breathe in the fresh air, took a sip of his drink, then reached down to the small bag he had tucked under the chair, rifling through until he found what he was looking for. He settled back in the chair, not able to help the smile that spread across his face as he read the title of the book in his hands, 'The Art of War', and settled back to read it with a quietly muttered, "Damn you, Spencer Reid."

~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: So there is chapter 1, chapter 2 to come soon! I’m super excited about this guys XD

And if anyone wants to be tagged for future updates please let me know <3

[hamsterboos]

Fell in Love on Christmas Night

🎄Day 12 of 12 Days of PJO Christmas🎄

“Plus,” he started, a mischievous glint in his eyes, “I really don’t like your last name.”

Annabeth choked on her saliva. “What” she coughed, “the hell?”

PSA: These drabbles are canon-compliant till HoO and just acknowledge the existence of Estelle. Also technology use is a thing.

Read on AO3

~~~~~

“You know,” Annabeth started, looking out at the open ocean next to her as she spoke, “I never thought that our Christmas breaks would end up being alternated between spending it with your family and spending it with mine.” This year they were spending it with Annabeth’s family in California. They had booked a beachside resort for the week and had just finished Christmas dinner with both families before deciding to take a walk down the beach. The sun was slowly setting, casting a warm orange glow over everything. They had left without their shoes, so Annabeth relished in the strange feeling of the sand between her toes. 

Percy hummed next to her, tightening his hold on her hand. “There’s a lot of things that I never thought would happen,” he answered, taking a brief glance at her. Annabeth just smiled, pressing the side of her head up against his shoulder as they continued walking down the beach, the sand pressing up between her toes. 

“For example,” Percy spoke up again, “me spending Christmas in a place where it’s too warm for it to be Christmas.” Annabeth snorted, trying to control her laughter. It was something that Percy had been saying for years — California was too warm for Percy to believe it was actually Christmas.

“What, the lights, decorations, Santas, and Christmas trees everywhere you look don’t do it for you?”

“Nah, it has to be freezing in order for it to properly sink in.”

“I think that can be arranged,” she answered, tugging him closer to the ocean and promptly shoving him in. She knew it would have practically no effect on him because “son of the ocean god” and everything, but it was still funny to watch him momentarily panic.

“Annabeth!” he protested, quickly wading out of the water. He came out absolutely dry, and so he really shouldn’t be mad, but he had a scowl on his face that Annabeth couldn’t help but laugh at.

“Why are you so bothered about it?” she laughed. “It’s not like you got wet.”

His expression changed to something akin to nervousness for a split second before the scowl returned.

“If you weren’t wearing such a nice dress, I would’ve dragged you in here with me.”

“For another underwater kiss?” she teased. He barked out a laugh in surprise, clearly not expecting her to take that route. Percy probably expected her to threaten him over her dress because he was right, it was a really nice dress. It was a blue halter neck dress with white flower patterns that fell down to her knees with a net extension on the back that trailed towards her ankles. Percy was wearing denim jeans that he had rolled up a few inches with a white button up shirt.

“Sure, let’s go with that,” Percy agreed, moving out of the range of the waves and took a hold of her hand again.

They stayed quiet for a while longer, just basking in each other’s presence when Percy spoke up.

“Annabeth?”

“Yes?” she asked, her eyes trained on the sun as it slowly started disappearing under the ocean.

“Do you think we’ll be forever?” 

Annabeth came to a stop, looking at her boyfriend incredulously. At her sudden stop, Percy stopped and turned to look at her. He was nervous, and he was looking down at the ground. Their hands were still intertwined, and Annabeth used their hands to pull him closer to her before tilting his chin up so she could look into the eyes that stole her breath away since the very first time she looked into them fourteen years ago. 

“Of course we’ll be forever. You’ve literally raised the standard for me so high that even if there was some reason — which there isn’t — that we broke up, no one could even compare to you. You literally walked through hell for me! Who else would do that?” 

It was rare for Annabeth to be so open and straightforward when it came to her emotions, but Percy’s question baffled her so much that she didn’t even think before she spoke. It must’ve worked though, because his sea-green eyes were twinkling in the dimming sunlight, and there was a small smile playing at his lips.

“I also gave up immortality for you,” he answered. Annabeth scoffed.

“So did I.”

“Just so you know, you raised my standards impossibly high too.”

“Good,” she answered, stepping into his embrace. “I love you, Seaweed Brain,” she mumbled into his chest. She felt his chest rumble as he laughed.

“I love you too, Wise Girl.”

After giving him a tight squeeze, she pulled away from him just enough to look at his face. “Now, you want to tell me what brought that up? We’ve been dating for ten years. If I wanted to break up with you, I would’ve done it before I spent the last ten years of my life with the same guy,” Annabeth asked, raising her eyebrow.

“So, you know how I didn’t give you your present yet?” 

She nodded. Earlier this morning, the families had gotten together in the living room to exchange presents, but Percy had said that he would prefer to give her his present alone. No one said anything to dispute it, so she figured that it was just something sentimental that he didn’t want to show off in front of everyone. 

He licked his lips and took a deep breath before speaking. “You came into my life at a time where I didn’t know who I was and what I was doing anymore, and you were like the first ray of light as a sun rose for me. You showed me what I was supposed to become and helped me every step of the way. You’re quite literally my anchor to this world, and I can’t imagine a forever without you.”

Percy stopped speaking for a moment, and Annabeth felt as though she couldn’t breathe. Her heart was pounding, and one of her hands came up to cover her mouth as the other went to lie above her heart. Everything around her froze, and everything boiled down to her and Percy. She had a feeling she knew where he was going with this, but she still couldn’t believe it entirely. He stepped away from her and smiled at her.

“Plus,” he started, a mischievous glint in his eyes, “I really don’t like your last name.” 

Annabeth choked on her saliva. “What” she coughed, “the hell?” Percy let out a bright laugh before sinking down to one knee as he reached into his pocket to open up a small red velvet box to reveal a ring inside. It was a thin silver band with a bright blue sapphire in the center surrounded by four smaller diamonds. It was absolutely beautiful, and Annabeth felt her heart swelling. 

“Jackson is a much better last name for you,” he grinned. “Annabeth Chase, will you marry me?”

Annabeth choked out a laugh. She couldn’t believe that he had turned such an emotional moment into a weird joke, but it was just so them.

“Yes, you dumbass.” He slipped the ring on her finger before standing up, and she launched herself into his arms, wrapping hers around his neck and kissing him, but their smiles were too wide for it to be a proper kiss. They eventually pulled away from each other, grinning.

“Just so you know, if I am going to change my name, it’s going to be hyphenated, Jackson.”

“Whatever you want, Chase.”

~~~~~

Merry Christmas! A lot of the drabble for today was directly inspired by the gif~

Title from Ariana Grande’s Santa Baby!

Day 1 || Day 2 || Day 3 || Day 4 || Day 5 || Day 6 || Day 7 || Day 8 || Day 9 || Day 10 || Day 11 

[larryfanfiction]

kikikryslee @flamboyantommo

💙 Hate is a Strong Word by kikikryslee (8k)

“I’m fine,” Harry said. “Just, that guy over there. I kind of can’t stand him.” “Which one?” Perrie asked. “The one in the blue shirt, with the striped tie. His name’s Louis Tomlinson, and he’s the new regional manager.” “He doesn’t seem so bad. Why do you hate him so much?” “Hate is a strong word,” Harry answered. “But I really, really, really don’t like him.” — Or, the one where Perrie has a crush on Louis and Harry wants nothing to do with him. The fact that Louis stole Harry’s job has absolutely nothing to do with it.

💙 I’d Still Dance With You by kikikryslee (56k)

“Liam, if you met someone that you really liked, would age matter?” Louis asked. “I suppose so; to a point, anyway.” “Like, how young would you go?” Liam thought it over. “Uh… I don’t know. Like, 24?” Louis groaned and dropped his head in his hands. “Why? How old is this guy you like?” “Twenty-one,” Louis muttered. “Hang on. He’s 21, and you’re… what? Twenty-eight?” “Yeah.” “Wow. Um… well, OK. That’s a, uh, that’s a gap.” — Or, the 21/28 age difference fic where Harry is younger than Louis thought he was, and even though Louis’ head is telling him not to pursue anything, his heart doesn’t seem to agree.

💙 Members Only by kikikryslee (14k)

“Well, I’m gonna go work out now, so…” Harry said, his voice trailing off. Louis nodded. “Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Go get, uh, you know, strong and buff.” What? Louis wanted to die. “Um, thanks?” Harry said. “Um…” Without another word, Harry walked away from the desk. Louis pinched his thigh – hard – hoping that was some terrible, awkward nightmare that he might soon wake up from. — Or, the one where Louis works at Harry’s new gym and neither one of them knows how to hold a coherent conversation with the other.

💙 Got It Backwards by kikikryslee (45k)

Harry said the baby’s name again. “It’s perfect.” “Just like its daddy,” Louis told him. He placed a hand on top of his stomach and rubbed small circles into it. “Just like its papa,” Harry replied. “There you go again, being all cheesy.” “You started it.” “Yeah, I guess I did this time.” Harry leaned in to kiss Louis softly on the lips. As Louis kissed him back, all he could think about was how lucky he was. He had a loving boyfriend, a baby on the way and a house that he could have only ever dreamed about. At this point in his life, just a year and a half ago, everything he had was all just that – a dream. — Or, the one where Louis and Harry are having a baby and Louis is afraid that he isn’t ready, until he remembers how he and Harry first fell in love.

💙 It’s Hard to Say It, Time to Say It by kikikryslee (10k)

Harry sighed. “We have a lot of clothes in stock, sir-” “Please don’t call me ‘sir,’” the guy said. “I’m only twenty-six.” “OK, then. We have a lot of clothes in stock, dude, so finding something else in your size won’t be a problem if it means you’ll buy something. What are you? Like, an extra small?” The guy actually had the nerve to look offended. Harry resisted laughing. “Hey! I’ll have you know that I’m a medium!” “In what?” Harry asked, looking the guy over. “Children’s?” — Or, the one where Louis is an annoying customer who won’t leave Harry’s shop on time, and Harry is counting down the seconds until Louis leaves. Until a chance encounter at a concert, and suddenly, Harry really doesn’t want Louis to leave.

💙 Shut Up and Wink at Me by kikikryslee (14k)

“Did you get your housing information yet?” Louis asked. Harry pursed his lips. “Yeah. So?” “So? So it looks like we’re going to be roommates. Don’t you think we should know each other a little bit?” “We’ve gone to the same schools since Kindergarten. I already know you.” “Yeah, but we’re not like, friends,” Louis said. “Ouch.” Harry pretended to be hurt, holding a hand over his heart. “That stings, Louis.” Louis rolled his eyes. “Look, I would like to know at least something about you before I live with you for an entire school year.” “What do you suggest?” “I don’t know,” Louis said. “I guess just like, hang out and make sure we’re compatible?” “You make it sound like we’re going on a blind date.” “Trust me; we’re fucking not.” “Again, ouch.” — Or, the one where Louis wants to go away to college to get away from everything having to do with his hometown. So when he finds out his roommate will be Harry Styles, perfect school athlete and the exact opposite of what Louis wants in a roommate, he’s not happy about it.

💙 What’s Stopping You? by kikikryslee (14k)

That shirt was what held his attention again. How many other guys had the same shirt that H and Harry had, and – wait. H… Harry. Harry did yoga. So did H. They both had the same shirt, and had both gotten home ten minutes ago and were cooking dinner. No way. Louis looked at the picture again, and stared more closely at H’s lips. They were pink and pouty, with the lower lip a bit plumper than the top, just like Harry. And H had brown, curly hair that reached his shoulders, just like Harry. Louis looked over at Harry, who was putting his hair back up into a bun as the kitchen was most likely getting warmer. “Holy shit,” Louis whispered. Have I been flirting with my own roommate all this time? — Or, the one where Harry wants to get over his crush on Louis, so he makes a Grindr account to find someone new. Of course, Louis messages him, not realizing H’s real identity. It only takes a few days for them to figure it out.

💙 Runner on Third by kikikryslee (39k)

As Harry stood there, the other man turned around, and he knew he was correct in who he thought it was. “Louis?” he asked, still not quite believing it. Louis blinked. “Harry? Wh– what are you doing here?” “I work here,” Harry said. “What are you doing here?” “Um, I’m picking up my brother. The nurse called and said he was sick.” Harry felt like he was going to be sick. “Wait, Ernest is your brother? Since when do you have a brother?” “Since about seven years ago, I guess. Wait, how do you know Ernest?” “I’m his teacher.” “You’re his what?” Louis exclaimed. Harry gulped. This was going to be a long year. — Or, the AU where Louis and Harry were best friends growing up, but lost touch after Harry moved away. Ten years later, Harry has moved back to town, but he and Louis don’t pick up where they left off.

💙 Bye Bye’s Are Not For Legends (I’m Forever Young) by kikikryslee (51k)

A Superhero AU where Louis, Liam and Niall are immortal and have superpowers - Liam can clone himself, Niall can inflict pain at the drop of a hat and Louis can kill with the blink of an eye - and want fellow immortal Harry, who puts a twist on the term ‘mind control,’ to join their group in order to save the world. — “You know how you told my dad like a decade or two ago that you three felt like you were missing something?” Sophia asked. “Yeah, I remember,” Louis answered. “Well, I have somebody for you, if you’re interested. His name’s Harry Styles, and he does this thing where he stares really deeply into people’s eyes, and suddenly, they’re walking away from him, like some sort of-“ “Mind control,” Louis finished. “Exactly. Could be worth checking out.” Louis looked at Liam and Niall, both of whom looked eager to meet the man. “OK,” Louis said. “Where can we find him?”

💙 Court-Ordered by kikikryslee (10k)

Louis sighed. "I don’t think I’m his type.” “You’re everyone’s type,” Niall said. “Everyone likes you.” "But we only just stopped sort of hating each other. What if I mess it all up?” “Wow. You really do like him.” “I do not.” “Yeah, you do,” Niall grinned. “You like a tree hugger. Who saw it coming?” — Or, the one where pot-smoking Louis and SeaWorld protester Harry both get community service, and don’t get along at all. Until they do.

[kinktae]

Tempting || 7

Y/N is an angel and a good one at that. She steers clear of the seven deadly sins, especially lust. She is out performing her duties when she runs into a demon. Luckily for her, that demon, Taehyung, doesn’t seem to buy into that whole “Angels and Demons are sworn enemies” idea. But unluckily for her, Taehyung just so happens to be the very embodiment of sin. Especially lust.

Or, “For someone who is meant to be so pure, you sure are dirty, angel.”

pairing: demon!taehyung x angel!reader

genre: fantasy, smut, angst

warnings: alcohol use, mentions of suicide/death, lots of dirty talk and smut lol

A/N: this is less biblical and more supernatural?? Like less focus on religion itself and more focus on angels and demons as immortal creatures even though I might reference some “biblical” terms lol sorry this is too unholy anyways it’s fine. oh and this is a dream I had!

CHAPTERS: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 (final)

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CHAPTER SEVEN

“Look who is up early once!” Hobi’s bright voice called out the moment he saw me walk emerge down the stairs. Seated at the table were my three roommates, each one of them digging into their breakfast of choice.

I rolled my eyes playfully at the orange haired man’s comment. He wasn’t wrong after all; I often spent my nights awake out roaming with Taehyung. I had no idea the city was so lively at night. There was always something happening, be it good or bad. It was crazy how little of the city I actually got to see. Angelic duties didn’t allow for much sightseeing I suppose.

Some nights Taehyung and I found ourselves went sitting in Jane’s room, listening in to the funny conversations she often had over the phone with her friends late at night. It was good to see that pregnancy didn’t hinder her from living her usual teenage life.

Taehyung and I had made a sort of game out of talking back to her, pretending that her responses were to us and not to whoever was on the other line.

Most days I woke up in the afternoon, completely exhausted from having stayed up all night. But for whatever reason, my body had chosen to regain consciousness earlier than usual today.

Joining my roommates at the dining table, I sat down with an exhausted sigh.

“Those late nights studying have been really getting to you, huh?” Jimin commented, looking at my tired state sympathetically. I froze silently in my seat before relaxing back into it in an attempt to look casual.

“Yeah.” I replied, unable to meet Jimin’s eyes. None of the boys knew about Taehyung and I had zero intention of telling them. We had been taught to resent everything that demons were brought up on, so I highly doubted they would take kindly to the idea of me dating a demon.

Dating.

It was a human term that once meant nothing to me, but now it was a word that made my insides feel warm.

The feeling of Namjoon staring at me had me pushing my happy thoughts away, however, sitting up a little straighter as I turned towards my roommates.

“So, what have you guys been up to? I feel like I haven’t seen you guys in forever.” I laughed nervously, eager to take any attention off of myself.

“Same old, same old. Helping people, restoring hope back into the world.” Hobi sighed dramatically before laughing which in turn caused me to do the same.

“How about you, Jimin?” I stated, turning towards him. He looked taken off guard, mouth full of his omelet. He swallowed it down harshly.

“Uh, nothing new really... Well, I mean, there’s this girl–”

“A girl? You’re seeing someone?!” I interrupted, excited at the idea that one of my roommates was dating someone as well. Jimin’s eyes grew wide at my words, cheeks flushing on cue.

“No, no. Nothing like that. It’s a human girl. She started coming around the park to tend to the flowers.” Jimin explained with a shake of his head.

“Oh man, watch out Jimin, looks like you got competition.” Hobi warned.

Jimin smiled crookedly, shaking his head.

“It’s nice. I appreciate the help.” He replied contently.

Hobi shrugged, “Fine, but when you’re run out of business, don’t come crying to us.”

Namjoon let out an amused chuckle but Jimin merely rolled his eyes, turning his attention back to his omelet.

Suddenly, a yawn ripped through me. God, I was tired. Maybe a few more hours of sleep wouldn’t hurt.

“Actually, I think I’m gonna go back to bed. Sorry to leave so soon but I’m exhausted.” I told the boys, standing up to leave.

“Uh, Y/N!” Hobi called out suddenly, causing me to pause my movements.

“There’s, uh, something I wanted to ask you, actually.” He continued, sounding uncomfortable. Noticing the atmosphere of the room shift significantly, I sat back down slowly.

“Okay...” I responded, beckoning him to continue.

Hobi glance to Namjoon momentarily, who nodded at him. What was that for?

“Did you, uh, happen to borrow an essence suppressor?”

I blinked in surprise, my body growing cold.

Did he know?

“I... Why do you ask?” I finally responded, not sure whether to answer him truthfully or not.

“Well, they’re not exactly easy to come by, and I’m in charge of them so it’s my job to keep track of how many are left. There was one missing.” He revealed, tapping his fingertips against the table.

“Oh, wow. Are you sure?” I tried, trying to sound nonchalant.

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

I suddenly became aware of how intently the three boys were staring at them.

“Well, it wasn’t me. Namjoon, Jimin, was it one of you guys?” I asked, running a hand through my hair. I could feel myself beginning to panic.

“They don’t have any reason to steal one from me, Y/N.” Hobi told me firmly, causing me to frown.

“So what? You think I have a reason?” I quipped defensively. “I’ve been studying for the past two weeks– Why would I need an essence suppressor?”

Jimin looked at me, clearly surprised at my tone. I didn’t know why I was growing angry with Hoseok. He was right, after all. I had taken it from him.

“I dunno, none of us has seen much of you lately so I figured–”

“Well, you figured wrong.” I snapped coldly, standing up from my seat.

“Y/N, calm down.” Namjoon said, suddenly speaking up. I turned my head to glare at him.

“I am calm!” I told him angrily, my voice coming out louder than I would’ve liked. Something within my chest felt tight and the way the boys were all looking at me only amplified the sensation.

“We know you’re stressed out from studying so hard. It makes sense that you would’ve wanted to go out to Limbo again to let off some steam, no one is upset with you.” Namjoon reasoned causing me to scoff.

“Limbo? You think I stole a suppressor because I wanted to go clubbing? Please, I didn’t take your stupid suppressor.” I huffed.

That’s a lie.

“Y/N–” Namjoon began as if to warn me to calm down again.

“No, you know what, this whole confrontation is just stupid. Just leave me alone!” I frowned, walking out of the room and up the stairs before anyone could say anything else.

There was something wrong– there had to be. Because with every step I took I felt myself growing angrier. I knew I was in the wrong, I knew I should just go back down and apologize but the thought of having to face my roommates once again only made me angrier so I opted instead to head into my room, shutting my door with a dramatic slam.

Letting myself fall onto my bed, I frowned. I let my eyes fall over my room; my lights were off, painting the space in a dark color that once made me uneasy but ever since Taehyung entered my life, now provided me with unexpected comfort.

My hands found purchase onto the nearest pillow within my reach and before I could think to question myself, I shoved my face into it and let out a muffled scream.

A few seconds ticked by before I let the pillow fall down onto my lap, my breathing slowing. I had remembered that one of Jane's favorite movies had a scene where the protagonist had screamed into a pillow and while I wasn't sure what the action was meant to accomplish, I realized the tightness in my chest had lessened.

Letting out a sigh, I ran a hand through my hair.

My anger had begun to subside and in its place was a sinking filling in my stomach. I didn't need to know that Wrath was a sin for me to know that raising my voice at the boys was wrong, I could feel it.

The sound of multiple footsteps coming up the stairs cause my breathing to hitch, turning to face the wooden surface of my shut door. For a moment, I feared that they were headed my way, my grip on the pillow tightening.

However, I quickly realized that I was listening to the sounds of the boys moving to get ready to do their jobs– to be angels.

Laying back onto my bed, I shut my eyes. Between the footsteps were small hints of hushed words that I couldn't make out, a bitter reminder of just how distant I was growing from the people I considered family.

I laid in the cool shadow of my room as everyone made their way back downstairs and out the front door, carrying on to be productive with their day.

Tears pricked at my eyes as my mind fell victim to the darkened thoughts that were racing through it.

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Crossing my arms in front of my chest, I took in the state of our study room. Oddly enough it went by relatively unused despite the fact that this house was home to an Archangel. Namjoon had access to the Angelic Archives, an impressive library only accessible to those in higher ranks; our little at home library was archaic in comparison.

Scanning the bookshelf, I finally came across the book I had been looking for and pulled it from the shelf eagerly.

If I had been studying for your placement test like I was supposed to then maybe this would have been spending my free time, not with a blond demon roaming the city streets.

As I lay in my bed mopping, I realized that perhaps it was time that I did research after all.

Opening the thick book, I let out a cough of protest as an unfortunate amount of dust ejected itself into the air. 

Jesus. We really have been neglecting these books.

Waving a hand above the book, my eyes fall onto the page I just opened. Printed at the top read the word ‘Succubus,’ a lengthy description just below it. 

If my questions were going to be answered anywhere it would be the Demonic Encyclopedia. Giving the unsettling sketch of the demon printed onto the page a brief glance, I quickly flipped back a few pages. My guess was that this book was in alphabetical order, as most encyclopedias were.

My hunch proved itself to be correct, as my eyes fell upon the word I had been searching for.

“Scelus,” I read out loud, “Latin for the word ‘sin’. Etymology can be found from the Proto-Indo-European branch. The root word ‘skel’ meaning to bend, or to curve. Like most demons, Sceluses possess a demonic and human form.”

Understanding Taehyung meant understanding all parts of him and as much as I didn’t want to know more I knew I had to. There was a small part of me that feared that being with him was changing me– in which way, I wasn’t quite sure.

I let out a sigh, my arms growing tired from holding up the heavy book. Walking over to the study room’s desk, I set it down, peering over it as I continued to read.

Sceluses are demons of suggestion, holding no outward control over their target’s bodies. Routinely, the Scelus slips into the mind of a human, inserting ideas of chaos and misconduct. A Scelus works to tempt humans to sin, disguising their suggestions as being the victim’s own thoughts. Those that are particularly weak-willed are most likely to listen to the Sceluses suggestions, thus embarking on a path towards sin and chaos.

I paused, a cold feeling of uneasiness falling over me. 

Taehyung had once slipped into my mind, trying to get me to kiss him– to sin. He hadn’t inserted any more ideas into my mind since that day but given where we were today, it was safe to say Taehyung had succeeded in leading me to sin.

Ignoring that realization, I pressed on.

Although physically unable to physically manipulate a victim like more traditional demons, Sceluses hold more power over a human soul than most. In its demonic form, it possesses the ability to sever the soul from the heart. By cutting off all empathy and love, the soul then blackens, essentially assuring soul a spot in Hell, too far gone to repent. Witnesses of this process have described it as horrifically chilling, the demon entering the human while writhing and thrashing in agony.

A harsh exhale of air left my lips. That night at Jane’s. Taehyung had cut Jake's soul. It was the only way he could hurt Jake and protect Jane.

A drawing on the page pulled me away from its next passage.

It wasn’t what I would expect a demon to look like; there were no twisted features or bared sharp teeth. No, the drawing itself didn’t consist of much at all. The demon drawn was thin and long– dark and entirely featureless except for two distinct eyes. I imagined they would be human-like if it weren’t for the way the irises were shades black, blending into the pupils.

I still remembered that night outside Jane’s house. How I nearly mistook Taehyung for a shadow as he leaned back against a tree, the shine of his eyes being the only thing I could make sense of.

A wave of nausea rolled over me. The idea of that Taehyung used to spent his days lurking in the dark as he tempted people into sin suddenly too much to grasp. Tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, I let my mind wander, craving anything and everything that would take my mind off what I had just read.

Jin.

Taehyung’s friend wasn’t entirely human, right? What was it that Taehyung had called him? A Demi? 

Cautiously, I began moving back into the book, flipping through the pages of demons beginning with the letter D. To my disappointment, the word Demi failed to show up. Frowning, I tapped a finger against the book. 

Alright, what else could I look up?

Sifting through the book, I came across “Incubus,” letting out a noise of recognition as I remembered that Taehyung’s friend Jungkook was an Incubus.

Incubus. Derived from the Latin word root ‘incub’ meaning to lie upon. Incubi are demons of Lust, feeding off sexual energy by sleeping with women. Incubi can either feed in their demon form, praying on sleeping women through nightmares or can physically fornicate in their human form. Incubi, along with their female counterparts (see Succubus page 312) are said to be alluring and sexually aggressive by nature. These demons can usually lure their targets quite effortlessly. Incubi are capable of killing their targets but many prefer to keep the woman they involve themselves with alive so they may feed on them habitually. 

Goodness. No wonder Taehyung had insisted on keeping me away from Jungkook. I had assumed he was just possessive, but clearly, he had reason to be cautious.

Incubi have on occasion been known to produce offspring with human women. These offspring are formally known as ‘Cambion,’ although often referred to as ‘demi-demons.’ During the 15th–18th centuries, women who claimed pregnancy through Incubi encounters were often accused of witchcraft and burned before the child could be birthed. Cambion hold no demonic power, but as children have been reported as ‘resenting human touch’ and ‘not developing a pulse or need to breathe until after completing human puberty.’

So that was it then. Jin was a Cambion. My heart felt heavy as I imagined the difficult childhood the kind man must have had. I couldn’t even begin to fathom the pain of having your family abandon you over things you have no control over. 

I scanned over the rest of the page, finding examples of famous Cambion throughout history and famous cases of Incubus linked serial killers.

A loud knock against the front door suddenly captured my attention, my head snapping up and away from the book.

Cocking my head to the side, I stayed silent. Who was that? 

I glanced towards the clock mounted on the wall, frowning as I realized that it was still far too early for the boys to come home. There was still an hour before sunset.

Was it Taehyung?

I shook my head, dismissing that idea immediately. No, Taehyung always came over when it was dark out, besides, he wouldn’t come through the front door. It was too risky considering I lived with three other angels, not to mention he once joked that sneaking in through my window made him feel cool.

Perhaps it was just a group of human kids. Our house had been enchanted to look old and abandoned to the human eye, so it wasn’t a rare occurrence for the children in the neighborhood to challenge one another to knock on the door. I didn’t understand the logic behind it as they almost always ran away scared right after but then again, there were still a lot of human tendencies that confused me.

Realizing that my best bet was to just look through the peephole and see for myself, I quickly shuffling out the room, making my way over the front door. Another loud knock rang out against it just before I reached it.

Cautiously, I peered through the peephole to see, curious to see who it was that was so insistent on entering our house. A gasp fell from me as a pale hand running through black hair came into view.

Yoongi.

I backed away from the door immediately, crouching down before I could think twice. I knew he couldn’t see me through the front door, but fear couldn’t help but burrow its way into me. I had to stay quiet. Surely he’d go away if he thought no one was home, right?

What in heavens name was he doing here? Why was Taehyung’s scary vampire friend at my doorstep? Oh God, I should’ve read the chapter on Vampires. If Yoongi somehow made his way in, I had no idea to protect myself. All my powers were light based and seeing as he had just walked on over here in the sunlight, I doubt it would do much good against him. Maybe I could quietly sneak back into the study room; there had to be some sort of information on how to defend yourself against death vampires in the Demonic Encyclopedia.

“Y/N, I know you’re there. I heard you gasp.” Yoongi’s low voice rang out from outside nearly causing me to lose my footing.

“Um.. I-I... Now isn’t a good time.” I called out, struggling to conjure up an excuse as to why I couldn’t open the door other than the fact that I was terrified of him. 

There was no way I was opening this door.

“Open the door.” Yoongi ordered unforgivingly.

Haha, just kidding!

All but lunging towards the doorknob, I swung the door open, not wanting to anger him any further. Yoongi’s disinterested eyes met my panicked ones.

“Hi.” I breathed, paralyzed to my spot. I was pretty sure he knew I was an angel after hearing his conversation with Taehyung, but now, without any essence suppressor present, I had no doubt he knew.

“Hey.” Yoongi replied dryly.

Not knowing what to say, I let silence fall between us.

“Can I come in?” He said, raising an eyebrow. I jumped back into life.

“Yes! O-Of course! Please!” I squeaked, moving out of the way so he could enter. Yoongi walked past me with a small clearing of his throat.

Suddenly, an awful vampire tv-shows Jane watched came to mind. In one of the episodes, the vampire had to be verbally invited in otherwise they couldn't enter the house.

Nice going. I just failed basic vampire self-defense.

“Look, I’m not here to bullshit around. Let me get straight to the point.” Yoongi said suddenly, pulling me from my thoughts. My hands pulled on the sleeve of my sweater nervously as I nodded in response.

“You need to stay away from Taehyung. Move on. Find someone else. Take a vow of celibacy or something, I don’t really care.”

I blushed at the mention of celibacy but otherwise didn't respond. I was too scared to.

“You're not good for him.” Yoongi pressed.

His words were laced in venom, looking at me as if I were something of an inconvenience, causing something in my chest to harden.

The last thing I wanted was to upset Yoonig but as I took in everything that was happening, I began to grow annoyed. Yoongi had marched into my home, unannounced, only to scold me about being a bad influence on Taehyung? This guy really had absolutely no manners.

“You... You don’t know that...” I replied, my voice small, trying to work up my nerve.

“Actually, I do.”

“No. You don’t.” I finally said, my voice steady. 

Yoongi looked taken aback, clearly not expecting me to hold my stance. I could feel my hands trembling but if I wanted to hold my ground, I needed to continue on.

“Taehyung is learning how to be good. He... He is good! He’s kind and considerate; he has love in his heart, love that was there long before I even knew him.” I urged, hoping my words would reach Yoongi.

“He is a demon. His soul is corrupt and quite frankly, Hell’s property. The scars on his back are proof of that.” He deadpanned, crossing his arms over his chest.

I shook my head.

“Do you think I’d be with him if I didn’t see good in him? Besides, why do you care if we’re together or not? You don’t even know me.” I argued, refusing to back down. The way Yoongi was looking at me made me feel small and meek and it was fueling the anger already boiling within me.

“I don’t know you?” Yoongi said, laughing bitterly, “I know that you’re an angel that has no idea what’ll happen when you guys get caught. That’s all I need to know.”

Enough. This conversation wasn’t going to go anywhere and Yoongi hardly seemed like the find the middle ground type.

“I know Taehyung appreciates your concern, but this has nothing to do with you. Let him make his own choices. I love Taehyung. I know you probably don’t understand that, but it means that I’m going to fight, okay? I’m not going to let anything get in the way of us, including you.” I told him, firmly. 

Yoongi raised an eyebrow, causing my resolve to tumble.

“Um, also, I– I’m training to become a Power. So if I have to fight you, I, uh, will.” I said before I could stop myself.

The threat sounded incredibly weak, even I didn’t believe my own words. Still, I couldn’t let Yoongi know that if I ever wanted a chance of him taking me seriously. I forced on a calm expression, masking how scared and unsure I actually felt. My hands balled themselves into fists beside myself in a subconscious attempt to ground myself.

For several moments, no one said anything, Yoongi’s eyes refusing to pull away from mine. His stare was extremely unnerving but I narrowed my eyes at him, refusing to back down.

He frowned.

“I have to take a piss. Where’s your bathroom?”

The question took me completely off guard and my serious facade crumbled away as I gawked dumbly at the pale boy.

“Down the hallway past the stairs. The second door on your right.” I said, tilting my head in confusion. 

Did I miss something? How did such a tense conversation turn into something so casual so quickly? 

Yoongi offered me a nod before walking further into the house, making his way towards the bathroom.

I blinked.

Did vampires even use the restroom? Taehyung said that Yoongi wasn’t a blood-lusting vampire but instead fed off people’s last remaining life source. Did life source make the same journey that regular food did?

I should use this moment to sneak into the study and quickly read up on vampires, right? 

Wait, no, the study room was too close to the bathroom. Yoongi could sneak up behind me. I needed to be alert. Also, I feel as if that’d be extremely uncomfortable if Yoongi walked in on me reading about him.

Please, God, don’t let vampires like the taste of Angels.

I shook my head, trying to clear my head of such impertinent thoughts.

Now what?

I swayed my weight from foot to foot, trying to distract myself as I waited for Yoongi to finish in the bathroom. The sound of our grandfather clock ticking consumed the room.

Oh, forget this! I’m not just going to stand here like a stranger in my own house. Making my way into the kitchen, I began to look for something I could snack on– anything to give me something to do while I waited. Eating excessively when I was stressed out was something I had always avoided, as Gluttony was a sin, but lately, I found myself way too stressed to care.

I found a box of crackers in the cupboard and I reached into it blindly. I shoved a cracker into my mouth greedily.

I had a vampire in my house.

A vampire.

Perhaps, I was some sort of demon beacon. I mean, Taehyung had been following Jake who just so happened to be interested Jane who I was in charge of. Two weeks after that initial confrontation, I ran into Jin, who was half demon and then consequently ran into Taehyung once again who introduced me to his whole team of demons. And now I had a vampire peeing in my bathroom.

I let out a laugh of disbelief at how ridiculous my life had become, only to drown the sound out with another wave of crackers.

I had so many questions.

How did Yoongi even know I lived here?

What if the boys were home when Yoongi had knocked on the door? I could just imagine Hobi opening the door, and passing out the moment he found out that our visitor was a vampire. 

No, wait. Seriously, what if the boys were home? 

That was pretty reckless of Yoongi to just knock on our door like that. I thought he was some kind of ancient vampire. Shouldn’t he be incredibly wise, having had been alive for so long? Or, should I say, dead?

“I thought Gluttony was a sin.” Yoongi’s voice said suddenly, causing me to jump. A piece of cracker that I had yet to chew fell onto the floor, breaking on impact. Yoongi stared at me in mild interest, one of his hands stuffed in his pocket.

I glared at him openly, as he was the cause of my sudden glutton, “It is.”

“Alright.” He replied, before turning to head out the kitchen.

“Um, where are you going?” I called out in confusion, setting my box of crackers onto the nearest surface, hurrying after the vampire.

“Home.” He replied not bothering to stop for me, pushing right through our front door. I poked my head out the door, contemplating whether or not I should be following him.

“I thought you were trying to convince me to leave Taehyung?” I called out. This guy changed paces so often that I literally couldn’t keep up.

Yoongi turned around to face me as he walked, now on our sidewalk. It was beginning to get dark outside, I noted.

“Tried. Failed. Whatever.” He shrugged, before turning around. I could only watch as he left, my eyebrows furrowed in utter bewilderment. 

I had always thought that Taehyung was a complex person but Yoongi? Yoongi takes the cake for being the most unreadable person I’ve ever come across.

Letting out a huff, I gripped onto the metal of the doorknob, shut myself back into the house and locking it, for good measure.

New rule: no supernatural creature is allowed into this house without having had conducted proper research into them.

Crossing my arms over my chest, I found myself walking into the study room. I doubted Yoongi was going to pay me any more unexpected visits, but even so, if I need to stock up on cloves of garlic, I wanted to know.

The book was exactly where I had left it and I didn't hesitate to flip over to the ‘V’ demon section.

‘Vacuus’ was the first name to greet me and although it’s brief summary intrigued me, I had a goal in mind.

‘Venenum’ greeted me as I turned the page.

Wait a minute...

Flipping that very same page back, I was once against greeted by Vacuus.

Shouldn’t Vampire come between these two? I stared down at the book, the unmistakable feeling that something was wrong washing over me.

Letting my eyes run down the area between the two pages, I realized that though small, there was evidence of a piece of paper that had been carefully pulled out from the book’s spine.

A page was missing. Vampire was missing.

I took a step back and looked to the floor. Just by the looks of it, the book must have been ancient, the pages flimsy and browning. Certainly, it was possible the page could’ve fallen out. 

Sinking to my knees, I checked to see if it had perhaps fallen beneath the desk, only to let out a sigh in disappointment when I realized there was nothing there.

To my understanding, these books had come with this house, meaning the page could’ve fallen out ages ago and I wouldn’t have known. Lord knows whoever had it before could’ve been careless with the book.

I let my finger trail down the ragged edge, pressing my lips together in annoyance.

I scoffed. Of all the pages, it just had to be Vampire.

What the hell?

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

NEXT CHAPTER IS THE BIG ONE FOR THOSE SMUT ENTHUSIASTS ;)

[sanguine-super-mea-nomini]

Oh, Lazarus | 4

“He’s dressed a little too fashionably to be a hunter, don’t you think?”

You recently escaped from a facility that had ran various experiments on you, but not without leaving behind a few bodies. Taehyung is sent to track you down and kill you. However, he soon discovers he’s a little in over his head and not all is what it seems to be…

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: Romance, Crime AU, Supernatural AU (not the show)

Warnings: Violence, swearing, eventual smut

Word Count: 2,340

A/N: I bought Rise of the Tomb Raider and got distracted. Whoops. It’s a smaller chapter because it’s about to segue into a much larger one >.>

“How’s it coming along?” You asked, watching as Yoongi visibly jumped in his chair. You had come up on him quietly, as you usually did. 

“God damnit Y/N. Why are you always sneaking up on me?”

“I wasn’t sneaking,” you replied innocently, laying your hands across his shoulders.

“Sure. Anyways. We’ve made some progress. I can now discern between nouns and verbs. Adjectives are still a little iffy.” 

“But you have no idea what they mean?”

“None whatsoever.”

“Well...no one’s perfect.”

“Anyways, I wouldn’t have been able to get this far without Jungkook.”

“And how is he?” You asked, peering over at the youth with his face far too close the the screen surely. 

“I like him. He reliable. He’s efficient and precise.”

“Add durable to that and you’ve got yourself a new watch. As always, let me know if anything changes.” You patted the man on his shoulders and moved to leave.

“You know this would go much faster with that Taehyung guy!”

“Hoseok first,” you threw over your shoulder. 

“What’s the deal with this Hoseok guy anyways? Jilted lover?” Jungkook asked with a cocky smirk after you left, of course.

“He’s her brother.”

He promptly wiped the smirk off, “Oh. That was awkward.”

“He’s adopted,” Yoongi replied back not the slightest bit phased by the topic of conversation. 

“Ah. So she’s single?”

“Oh my God, would you please focus.”

“What! Like you never thought about it?”

Yoongi ignored him and kept on with his research. Jungkook waved him off and went back to his own work. He’s definitely thought about it.

You went up to your room and started packing a weekend bag. You had a lot on your plate but one thing at a time. You needed to go back to Japan and see Father Namjoon but you also needed to find Hoseok. There was no way you were going to send Taehyung off on his own. You had given him the last thing Hoseok wore before he took off. The trail had definitely gone cold but Taehyung found the last place in Germany you had tracked him to. You could at least verify that. 

So now the two of you were off to Berlin. If Jin wasn’t protesting, then Jimin was. He sat crossed legged on the couch as you moved in and out of your closet. “What if you’re walking into a trap?”

“I’m well prepared for that.” You countered.

“Shouldn’t at least one of us go with you?”

“Don’t you know three’s a crowd?” You asked with a smirk.

Jimin sighed. “What if he tries to seduce you?”

You looked at him incredulously, “He’s not my type.”

“You have a type?”

“Look,” you took a seat next to him, taking his hand in yours, “do you feel that?”

Jimin’s expression changed, expressing externally, the inner turmoil you were under. “Pain, frustration, betrayal, sadness, anger...love.”

“Yes. My life is complicated and it’s more than just feelings. You’ve been very helpful to me personally and I thank you for that but please understand that what I do...I do for a reason. Hoseok means a lot to me. We haven’t always seen eye to eye but we’re still family. However, he stole from me and it pissed me off. I can’t let him do anything stupid. So, I will do what it takes to find him. Even if that means trusting a hunter that was previously sent to kill me. Not that I actually trust him but...I think he understands what this means to me.”

Jimin nodded, “What did Hoseok steal if you don’t mind me asking.”

“An ancient artifact my father found. It is said to be the heart of a god. I’m not sure I believe that but given that we exist...well. Anyways, this heart is supposedly imbued with magical powers and if consumed, would give a person almighty powers. They themselves would become godlike but not fully. It’s a dangerous power to wield. I don’t know what Hoseok is up to and that’s what bothers me the most. He’s not interested in power. This is something else.” You trailed off and stared down at the floor, thoughts and theories flying around at the speed of light. 

Jimin took in everything you said while gently rubbing the back of your hand. “I don’t want you to think that I’m trying to hold you back, or that I worry about you too much. It’s just...for the first time in my life, being here makes sense. You choose to do what you do. I never had a choice. Even when I hid at the church, I did it because I didn’t have a choice. People always used me for my abilities; for good and for bad. Then I met you and I knew; my path would be the same as yours. Thank you for not sending me back. I like being here. I like using my abilities to help other people.”

You gave him a warm smile and pulled him into a hug. You weren’t much of a sentimentalist nor were you very good with emotions but you knew how to comfort people and keep them grounded. You built a team of people you could trust with not only your life, but also your secrets. You could be vulnerable around them and that was important. Jimin and Jungkook were very quickly proving themselves and were a welcome addition to the family. 

Jimin soon took his leave to go to bed as the night was wearing on. You made sure everything was in order for tomorrow, before retreating to the library. Behind the desk was a window seat that typically doubled as a bed whenever you were here...and you were always here. Your father’s obsessions had become your own; mainly the origins of specials. He believed the ancient race your mother belonged to were the first of their kind, remnants of a species from Old Earth. Of course, finding anything to prove that such people existed was difficult at best. Hardly any texts from so long ago survived and the few immortals from that time were, well, few and extremely secretive. Your father was lucky enough to meet your mother that fateful day in Rome. 

You pulled out one of his more recent journals and poured over it. The last thing he was trying to do was find the burial place of Gilgamesh, whom he was convinced, was more than just a historical king. In fact, your father had several boards across the library with pictures and tidbits of info on various people he suspected to be real and to have had abilities. Both your parents were immortal but they weren’t unkillable like you. No, your mother was killed and your father...well, no one knows what happened to him. He was an old man when he went off into the mountains of the Hindu Kush. That was nearly two centuries ago. 

You sighed and leaned back in your chair. You wish things hadn’t gone sour between you and Hoseok. Adopted or not, he was your brother and you loved him. You had been through so much together. You wondered where it all went wrong. You eventually drifted off to sleep, your head laying upon the desk. 

You dreamt about a time when you and Hoseok were on the trail of Marco Polo’s expedition. You were treasure hunters and thrill seekers. His powers of telekinesis always came in handy. The people who hired you believed there was something more to Polo’s story; that he had found something and then subsequently hid it from the world on his way to Persia. 

“A lost city perhaps?” Hoseok asked with an intrigued smile before slamming back a shot. The two of you were resting from a successful gig in Caribbeans.

You thumbed through one of Marco’s old leather journals, looking for clues. It had been provided to you by said employers. “The Polo’s lost a lot of their wealth before they could return to Italy. Set upon by thieves apparently. Maybe they stumbled upon the final resting place of Alexander the Great?” 

Hoseok chortled, “Yeah right. Or maybe it was the Ark of the Covenant?”

“Oh that I will find one day, don’t you worry.”

“Dream on. C’mon! Put that thing down and have a shot with me.”

You smiled fondly at him and shoved the journal back into your bag. “You do remember that you’re a lightweight correct? I don’t want to help you nurse a hangover in the morning.”

“I’ll be fine,” Hoseok stated, waving off your complaint as he poured two shots of tequila. God this was a terrible idea. 

He handed one over to you and raised his in a toast, “To us and our escapades. May our spirit of adventure never die and may we always do what we love.”

“Well that I can drink to.” You clinked your glass with his and knocked it back. You sucked through your teeth as the burning sensation hit your throat and radiated warmth throughout your body. 

“So, we have a long road ahead of us. We’ve got three flights to make before we get to Shanghai.”

The man grunted, “That’s two days worth of travelling huh. Yikes.”

“At least we have Kirill’s seaplane. That makes things a great deal easier.” You finished the rest of your beer, peering around to make sure you two weren’t being watched. It was easy enough having enemies as a special. It was a double whammy being in your line of business. The competition was fierce but with the two of you as partners, you gave people a run for their money. You were the best. You were a team. “Let’s go to bed. I want to leave early.”

You woke up in your bed around 6am, dawn’s early light cracking through your window. How did I get here? You felt a warmth next to you and assumed it was Jimin. However, when you rolled over, you were face to face with blonde hair and blue eyes. Taehyung smiled at you and you rolled your eyes. “Of course.”

“Your fault for falling asleep on your desk. I went to see what the itinerary was going to be and found you there. So naturally I carried you back here.” His deep, husky voice was somehow an octave lower in the mornings. You didn’t think that was possible. He had been given a room and had only been in the house two weeks. Everyone kept a watchful eye on him in case he was playing the long game. Certain parts of the house he wasn’t allowed near. Like the computer one for example. You didn’t want him knowing any more than he needed to know and what he needed to know strictly pertained to finding your brother. 

However he made himself annoyingly comfortable and tried to ingratiate himself to everyone, especially to you. You half wondered if this really was the same hunter that had tried to kill you. You knew, though, how to be two sides of the same coin. There was you, the real you, and then there was the person you needed to be for the job. It was like a switch. The man you first met was vicious and tenacious, now the man laying next to you was practically a puppy. He intrigued you to say the least. You found yourself staring at him, trying to figure him out. He reached over and gingerly tucked stray hairs behind your ear, “Y/N, if you keep looking at me like that, I might have to kiss you.”

You snapped out of your thoughts and rolled away, getting up. “Are you packed?”

He smiled and nodded, “Ready and waiting, babe.”

You tutted and went to your closet to change, “Get your things and meet me at the car.”

Taehyung’s smile remained as he pushed himself off your bed. He was obviously smitten with you. It was not bragging to say that you were used to this kind of reaction from people. It frankly annoyed you. You weren’t a flirt and you never led anyone on and yet, you attracted interest like bees to flowers. You didn’t consider yourself beautiful. Fairly attractive, yes, but that couldn’t have been it. Perhaps it was your insouciance everyone found so appealing. Either way, you didn’t quite care. You didn’t have time or the energy nor the patience for romance. Even casual flings weren’t your cup of tea. You were married to your way of life.

Taehyung met you by the car as instructed. He wore a navy, military jacket over black pants and it suited his style quite well. “Are we taking that seaplane I shot up?” He asked, lowering his sunglasses to peer over the rim.

“As a matter of fact, yes. It’s a four hour flight to Berlin from here.” 

Jin had joined you shortly afterwards, playing chauffeur for the day. You took the passenger seat while Taehyung sat in the back. He observed you both as you were deep in conversation about Hoseok and what to do once you did find him. 

“Do I need to worry about this guy?” Taehyung asked.

“Not really. He’s dangerous in his own right but he’s not stupid. You just need to find him. I’ll handle the rest. I’ll take you to where I last saw him. Hopefully you’ll be able to trace something.”

“I found you well enough after a few months. I might be able to find him.”

Jin eyed the man through the rear view mirror. He certainly didn’t like the kid all that much but Jin listened to you and respected your opinions. If you believed Hoseok could be found, then he would be, no matter what. He had been with the family long enough to understand the weight of the situation. Unbeknownst to anyone, though, someone else was after Hoseok. They knew what he had and they were desperate to get their hands on it, for it held the key to a new world order.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Countless Roads - Chapter 36

Fic: Countless Roads - Chapter 36 - Ao3

Fandom: Flash, Legends Pairing: Gen, Mick Rory/Leonard Snart, others

Summary: Due to a family curse (which some call a gift), Leonard Snart has more life than he knows what to do with – and that gives him the ability to see, speak to, and even share with the various ghosts that are always surrounding him.

Sure, said curse also means he’s going to die sooner rather than later, just like his mother, but in the meantime Len has no intention of letting superheroes, time travelers, a surprisingly charming pyromaniac, and a lot of ghosts get in the way of him having a nice, successful career as a professional thief.

———————————————————————————

“I was being a prideful self-absorbed dumbass and I’m gonna stop with that,” Len says, once everyone else has gone – most of them on Len's instructions, while Rip decided to continue to FBI his way around town, hoping that, as the only other person Savage might recognize, he could serve as an additional means of heightening Savage’s paranoia – and they’re alone in his room.

“I really hope Gideon records the contents of our rooms,” Mick says, crossing his arms and smirking. “I want photo-visual evidence of that.”

Len rolls his eyes. “I’ll say it in front of a camera, just for you.”

“You don’t need to,” Mick says, sobering, his smirk falling away. “I wasn’t acting all too great myself.”

Len frowns. “Being upset at me being controlling and not listening to you is pretty fair,” he points out.

“I knew I shouldn’t have promised anything to the time puppies without consulting you first,” Mick says. “I knew it, and I did it anyway, and I felt bad about doing it, so when you called me out on it, I was already on the defensive and I lashed out at you. I shouldn't have.”

“It’s fine.”

“No, it ain’t,” Mick says. “You weren’t yourself.”

“I was acting like an asshole,” Len says humorlessly. “Not exactly that out of character.”

“That type of asshole is out of character for you,” Mick says. “Trust me, I know your type of asshole, and it ain’t like that. Also, you do know I don’t really hold you saving my ass against you, right?”

“Sure seemed like you did.”

“I was angry at myself for being an asshole,” Mick says. “And then at you for not telling me about the necromancer. You know I hate it when you leave stuff out.”

“I know,” Len says. “And I’m gonna try to stop with that. Can't promise I'll always succeed - but I'll try.”

“Good,” Mick says firmly. “But that still doesn’t mean I should be hitting below the belt. I’ve never once thought of our relationship as unequal, okay? You’re usually pretty good at treating me like I’m a real live person.”

“I don’t see you as different,” Len starts, then pauses. “No, that’s not right. I do. You are different. You’re the one person who’s never left me, never got used against me, never had to worry about. The one person that I thought for the longest time was safe. You couldn’t get hurt, you couldn’t die – that was my bedrock.”

“And then Cabrera happened.”

“And then Cabrera happened,” Len agrees. “You were right the first time about it. The whole thing - it knocked me loose a bit, made me paranoid. My dad hurt me, sure, whatever, it was horrifying but I'm pretty used to him pulling new horrifying things out of his hat, but Cabrera threatened you, and that freaked me out. It shook me.”

“And then you find out the immortal asshole we got recruited to fight is another medium, just like Cabrera, and you freak out even more,” Mick says, nodding. “I get it. S’no excuse for how you’ve been acting, but I get it.”

“I’ll do better,” Len says, thinking of Kendra’s little dust-up with Ray. No point to it at all, but for pride and the desire to keep the ones you care for safe. Nasty combination, and Len has it all in spades. He can't let that get between them, though. He can't.

“I will, too,” Mick says. “Specifically in noticing when you’re not in a headspace for a fight. What happened?”

“What do you mean? I’ve told you all of it.”

“You’ve given me some details, yeah, but – Lenny –” Len’s not sure whether to be relieved or concerned that they’ve moved into ‘Lenny’ territory. “– I shouldn’t have picked a fight when you were still in shock.”

“I wasn’t!”

“I checked with Gideon once I noticed,” Mick says. “You definitely were.”

That – would actually explain that weird distance that'd been surrounding him, which had slowly started to fade until he’d finally cracked through the ice to be able to feel things like proper emotions again.

Len’s been in shock before, but it’s been a while, and it’s usually when he’s been shot. It'd occurred to him a few times that it might be it, but he'd always dismissed it: he was sound in body, how could he be in shock?

Apparently, he could be.

“Must’ve been a side-effect of meeting the angel,” Len says, frowning. It’s the only thing it could’ve been – sure, he’d had escalating paranoia issues, but he’d been managing them (however badly) up until then.

“Yeeeeeah, about that,” Mick says, plopping himself down on the bed, looking about as relieved as Len feels to have gotten the touchy-feely portion of the conversation over with. “What’d you mean, angel? You ain’t the religious type, and you don’t do that much in terms of metaphor usually.”

“Well, you know how we were in deep space and I kept having a really loud ringing in my ears?”

“Yeah?”

“Stars.”

“…stars?”

“Yep. Stars. Singing. Actually, more like the ghosts of stars, apparently,” Len says. “Bright light, blue eyes, wings – maybe, I’m not sure – anyway, the ghost of a star that used to live in the place we went came to visit me.”

Mick blinks. His face is doing that thing where he can’t decide what he’s feeling or even if he’s feeling anything because he’s just so bewildered by what he just heard.

“It was weird,” Len adds.

“A ghost. Of a star?”

“Yeah, I didn’t know it was a thing either.”

"A star."

"You got it."

"A ghost of a - and it looks like an angel?"

"Yeah."

“The fuck.”

“That’s what I said.”

“To the angel, Len?!”

“He said Ezekiel did it, too!” Len protests.

“Ezekiel as in Old Testament Ezekiel?”

“The one who saw angels, yeah,” Len says, rubbing at his face a bit. He had been doing such a good job of ignoring the comparison up until now, too...

“…well,” Mick says, because really, what else is there to say? “Huh. Well then.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s really something.”

“Agreed.”

“Okay, no, now I've gotta ask. How the hell did a guy from thousands of years ago see a ghost of a star, though?” Mick asks. “Even assuming he was like you, some ancestor of yours, it still doesn't make sense. He didn’t have space travel! So how - and why - was there an angel hanging around for him to see it?”

Len feels his face goes very solemn even as his belly seizes with the old familiar anticipatory glee.

“Well, Mick,” he says with a straight a face as he can manage. “I guess the star must’ve been shooting by.”

“Shooting – goddamnit, Len, this is no time for puns.”

“I dunno, I thought that one was out of this world.”

“Len –”

“Okay, okay, so I didn’t planet out all that well; I’ll do better next time.”

“Your puns suck worse than a black hole, you dumbass.”

Len cracks a grin. That was a good one. “ I knew I married you for a reason.”

Mick smirks back. “Oh, it’s for the puns, is it?”

“Entirely,” Len agrees, looking at Mick contemplatively. He'd love to spend a bit of quality time reestablishing important marital bonds, but... “Want to bet on whether the rest of the team has managed to get in trouble yet?”

Mick rolls his eyes. “That’s a sucker’s bet.”

And, almost as if it'd been waiting for its cue, there’s a buzz on their comms – the ones Cisco gave them back in Central, meaning it was one of the old Team Flash that'd been put on their team: Jax, probably, or maybe Stein.

Len and Mick look at each other, long-suffering.

“Ten to one it’s trouble,” Mick says with a groan. Len agrees, but clicks it on anyway.

It turns out to be Stein.

“What happened?” Len asks. "What's the emergency?"

“Ah - while I understand why you might think that, in fact, nothing out of the ordinary is happening,” Stein says. “The plan is proceeding apace. We are now nearing Nanda Parbat, where Jefferson and I will be enacting our portion of the plan. Before we arrived, however, I stole away for a moment to call you.”

Len blinks. If they’re not in trouble, then what…?

“I wanted to apologize to Mr. Snart,” Stein says. “For judging him overly hastily, particularly given my knowledge of him.”

“Uh, thanks?” Len says. “I think? I mean, I’m used to it – thief, murderer, that sort of thing…”

“Not that,” Stein says. “It was made very clear to me – by Jefferson, among others – that despite your reputation, you were a good man to have on our side: intelligent, cunning, and capable. I trusted in that reputation. And yet, when you and Mr. Rory went off to have your fight in the forest and only Mr. Snart returned – I assumed the worst.”

Len and Mick share bewildered looks.

“Professor,” Mick says gently. “You – you have been told that I’m dead, right?”

“I know that,” Stein says, clearly rolling his eyes so hard it was almost audible. “Mr. Allen and his friends informed me, and Jefferson confirmed it after our bonding - and, if you recall, I did happen to witness that battle on Earth-2. I most assuredly believe in it. Indeed, however bizarre I might find it, it’s not exactly outside the realm of the teachings of Judaism – I was trained as rabbi, you know –”

“Told you it was kosher,” Len tells Mick smugly.

“No, it’s – that’s not – we’re getting away from the point here. As I was saying, hen Mr. Jefferson joined our triad, and indeed, when Mr. Snart became allied with Team Flash, I was in fact informed of Mr. Snart’s abilities and your particular iteration thereof, Mr. Rory. Despite that, I assumed that Mr. Snart had, in your fury at each other…ah…well…to be frank, Mr. Snart, I assumed that you had somehow banished Mr. Rory.”

“Oh,” Len says blankly. “I mean, I don’t really ‘banish’ ghosts the way that mediums do, all circles and spells and stuff, but I do sometimes send them away – still, that would have been a shitty thing to do in the middle of a forest in who-knows-what-era…wait. Has that been why everyone’s been so weird around me? Because they assumed I did something to Mick?”

"The others -" Stein begins.

“Len wouldn’t do something like that,” Mick objects, overriding him. "He ain't like that."

Len winces. Technically, in 2046, he had done exactly something like that, albeit with good intentions – and you know what they say about good intentions –

“Wait, hold up another sec,” he says, thinking back. “Was - was that why Rip apologized?! Because he thought he’d encouraged me to go – to Mick – for this stupid mission’s sake?!” He stands up. “You know what, I’m gonna –”

Mick grabs Len’s arm. “Down, Lenny,” he says sternly. “Let’s finish this whole business with the poltergeist kids first.”

Len grumbles, but concedes and sits back down. “Don’t worry about it, Stein,” he says into the comm, where Stein had been waiting in worried silence. “We haven’t worked together all that long and you don’t have personal experience with me; you mostly know what you read in the papers, which ain't exactly complimentary, and beyond that you’ve just got Jax’s word for it. Makes sense you’d make a hasty leap.”

“I appreciate your understanding,” Stein says.

“In the future, though – I don’t turn on crew that don’t turn on me, and you’re crew. Especially since you’ve got Jax in your bond. So if you’ve got any questions, just come talk to me direct; I won’t take offense. And good luck on your mission.”

"Seconded, Professor," Mick adds.

“I will,” Stein says warmly. “And thank you both.”

He clicks off.

“Well, no trouble in that camp,” Len tells Mick, shaking his head. He can't believe that anyone who knows him would think that, but he guesses that this crew hasn't really had a good chance to get to know him. And he has been acting pretty out of character... “Let’s go see what trouble everyone else is up to.”

Surprisingly little, it turns out: Gideon reports that Kendra and Ray have taken great care to always be seen in public areas, fighting, and that Savage has been repeatedly spotted all but stalking them – specifically Kendra – quite obviously; people have already started to notice, so much so that Ray’s starting to be worried that if they don’t deal with the problem soon, the nosy neighbors might start the ruckus themselves.

Gideon also reports that Rip is pulling off an increasingly credible FBI agent, and connect them to his comms for them to listen in. Turns out he even took the cue from Len’s earlier comment to spin a story about being undercover in the Cold War and the British accent just sticking. The sheriff had been pretty wowed by that.

Of course, then he asked what was the deal with someone like Len – using an entirely unnecessary slur, of course – working for the FBI.

“He’s one of our informants,” Rip lies.

“Making him feel better by giving him a badge,” the sheriff says, nodding. “Got it. They've started getting all uppity, nowadays, won't do anything unless they feel catered to...”

Rip suddenly gets a lot of cooperation, but he spends the entire time sounding like he’s smelled something bad.

It does a surprising amount to cheer Len up, actually. Okay, Rip might sometimes be an idiot captain making incredibly stupid assumptions sometimes, but he’s part of Len’s crew, and he means well - his apology and acknowledgement from earlier showed it. That counts for something.

Len supposes he can forgive him, if only because Mick is laughing quite so hard about it.

“I do so love Gideon’s comms,” Len says happily once Rip is out of earshot of the Sheriff. “Gideon, tell me I can have a recording of that?”

“Captured, Mr. Snart. Would you like me to produce a hard copy file for you?”

“Nah, digital's fine. Email it to me; I want to treasure Rip's Very First Experience With Systemic Racism forever.”

“Your sense of humor is infantile," Mick says.

“Says the guy on the floor.”

“I’m laughing at your expressions. Better than a comedy show.”

“Uh-huh. I believe you.”

“You know, I always appreciated that in a partner: the love, the trust, the lack of condescending assholery…”

"And yet you stick by me. Have you checked your own sense of humor recently?"

“Listen, you…” Mick says with a smirk, starting to reach for Len.

The comms crackle back to life just when it was starting to get interesting. "We've got the Lazarus water!" Jax exclaims. "Also, the League may or may not think I'm a phoenix. Or an angel. Or whatever they call firebird-angel-things here. I made cawing noises, it was fun."

"Congrats," Len says, eyes suddenly drawn by instinct to one of the other screens where Gideon is showing the locations of the various crew members on a map, along with dots to signify other people. "Come back, double-quick. I think Savage is getting tired of waiting."

"On it, boss."

"Mick, look," Len says, gesturing at the screen.

"How did Haircut and Chickadee end up getting lured over to the sanitarium past nightfall?" Mick demands. "She decide she wanted to go up against Savage alone after all?"

"Possible," Len says, jabbing at the screen to try to get it to go to video. Luckily, Ray had been into the whole button cam idea, so there was one. "Huh, nope. Looks they have an escort. An armed escort."

"Is that Savage? No – it’s that sheriff."

“Yep,” Len says.

"He's been doing a lot of escorting for Savage," Mick says darkly.

"That may be because one of the afflicted boys is his son," Gideon says.

"Didn't know that, but it makes sense. Savage probably told him about the experiments but made it out like they were a cure, not the disease," Len says, nodding. He activates the comms. "Rip, plan's off. Ray and Kendra are being dragged into the sanitarium. Meet you there?"

"I'll be there at once," Rip replies. "Bring the Waverider; we may need her."

The comms click off. Len blinks. "He knows we can't drive, right?"

"I can instruct you, Mr. Snart," Gideon says.

"Teach Mick," Len says. "I don't drive."

With Mick in the Captain's seat – Len's gotta say, he likes the look on him, like a very muscular Kirk or Sisko, and obviously some Picard in the haircut – they land in the parking lot by the sanitarium quickly enough.

Ray and Kendra have started stalling.

"I don't know what your problem is," Kendra says, her voice audible over the comms. "You come out of nowhere – force me and my husband here – and for no reason!"

"No reason?" Savage laughs. "My dear Chay-Ara, we are surely beyond that now?"

"I don't know who this Chay-Ara is," Ray says, best Brad Majors impression firmly intact. "But don't you dare talk to my wife that way!"

"I must admit, you are something of a surprise," Savage says. "I was expecting – shall we say – another."

"We don't know what you're talking about," Kendra insists.

"Don't you?" Savage asks. "Let us look in your purse, here –"

"Don't you dare – oh!" There's the sound of a slap.

"You bastard," Ray says with real anger. "How dare you hit her?!"

"That was ill-mannered of you, sheriff," Savage says, his voice slick. "I would advise you not to repeat the action – and to apologize to the lady."

"But –"

"Now," Savage says, his voice pointed.

"Sorry," the sheriff says, clearly unrepentant but cowed by Savage.

Len and Mick creep closer to the room, turning the corner and moving as silently as they can. They can now see the room – Ray is handcuffed to a chair, Kendra is on the ground clutching her cheek, Savage is holding her purse and glaring at the sheriff.

Kendra lunges for her purse, only for Savage to grab her by the shoulder and throw her into the table.

"Looking for this?" he laughs, pulling out the dagger. "You thought you could come here with this false marriage, these false smiles, and think I would not realize you had remembered yourself? Even after my dagger goes missing? You must think me a fool, Chay-Ara."

"Nah, just moderately stupid," Len says and fires the cold gun.

Savage dodges, and the cold beam freezes only his shoulder, which he takes with a grunt.

"Sorry to disrupt the party," Mick says, and steps forward with his heat gun, aiming at the sheriff, who is trying to draw his gun.

He manages it, only to promptly drop it, yowling, in the face of a blast from Mick's heat gun. Metal is a very good conductor of heat.

"Boys!" Savage calls. "To me!"

And then through the door burst the – Len doesn't know what to call them. Half-lives, poltergeists in the bodies of the living. Boys with their eyes whited out and glowing, faces twisted in snarls of rage, unspeaking, angry.

"Oh, let me at one!" Loraine calls, darting forward. Len has only empowered her a little; she's nowhere near the visual spectrum, but it makes the boy flinch back anyway.

Len grins.

The kids can see the ghosts.

"Come here," Len says, his voice echoing, a single command.

And they come. Loraine's ancestors, her tribe and their mortal enemies, those who more recently died – accidents and murders and suicides – natural deaths come too quickly –

And, of course, the ghosts of the boys' victims.

That certainly gets them to flinch, faces twisting in terror, hands and invisible ripping claws going wide, hitting walls, beds, chairs, but missing people.

"And what are you?" Savage says, his eyes alight, fixed on Len, intent. "Something old, perhaps? Or something new?"

"Something borrowed, something blue," Len says. "Don't you know Hollywood-style wedding traditions?"

He fires his gun again.

Savage dodges again, more successfully this time, and throws a knife that he's pulled from somewhere. And then he tears off that lab coat of his, revealing the answer: he's wearing what look like dozens of them.

Len ducks behind a ripped-up table, pushing it onto its side just in time for two of Savage's knives to embed themselves into where he last was.

"Ray! Kendra!"

"I have the dagger!" she shouts.

"You'll never have a chance to use it, my dear," Savage calls, and throws one of his knives, knocking the dagger out of her hand.

Then he aims at Ray, who's shrinking down, and catches him halfway through the process, knocking him head over heels.

"Ray!" Kendra shouts, diving for the dagger and snatching it up again, but turning helplessly towards Ray instead of rushing at Savage.

"Boys, get him!" Savage orders.

Two of the boys leap forward, eyes intent, hands outstretched –

"Not today, suckers," Sara says from the door, and hits them with a spray from a water gun.

The boys stagger back, shrieking, but even as Len watches, the white light fades out of their eyes. Their bodies swell with life – real life – their spirits, disjointedly put back the wrong way, turning and slipping home, clicking back into place like puzzle pieces.

Damn, but Len loves to be right.

"Dad?" one of the boys says, looking at the sheriff, still nursing his burnt hand. "Dad!"

"Son –"

They embrace.

"You're still a racist dickbag," Kendra tells him, then looks around. Sara is spraying the water on the remaining boys. "Damnit, no! Where'd Savage go?"

"Out the window," Mick says grimly, picking himself up. "He knocked me back – nearly got a knife in my gun – and went out. Want me to follow?"

Len shakes his head. Not alone, definitely not.

Mick shrugs, having already clearly assumed that that would be the answer.

"Great," Kendra says, looking disappointed. "So we're back where we started."

Ray resizes himself and touches her shoulder. "We stopped the murders, and we've got the dagger now," he reminds her. "And, hey – you got to see Savage run from you. Not bad, huh?"

Kendra smiles. "That part was pretty good."

"It's of no matter," Rip says, standing at the door. "We will get him the next time. Savage's reaction here shows that the plan we were working with had a fair chance of being successful – he was overconfident and foolish." He smiles. "He got lucky this time. Next time, he won't."

"You bet your ass he won't," Mick growls.

"Oh, Mick," Kendra laughs. "The journey hasn't been the same without you."

"Indeed," Rip says dryly. "In fact, I was wondering if you'd explain that."

"Nothing to explain," Mick says, shrugging.

"You just don't like talking," Jax tells him with a laugh.

They're all starting to relax, so naturally that's when one of the ghosts Len called up from the sanitarium says, "A second ship is approaching."

Len and Mick both straighten up, alarmed.

"Gideon, report. Is someone coming?" Len asks.

No reply.

"Something's wrong with Gideon," Mick says.

"What?!" Rip exclaims, and they all rush out.

It's good that they do, too, because they hit the Stormtroopers Three dead on, trying to board the Waverider.

Len hoists his gun and bares his teeth.

He's starting to get really sick of these assholes.

Luckily, repelling the Stormtroopers Three from the Waverider turns out not to be that bad. Kendra takes wing, dagger in hand, and dives at them from above, while Len and Mick use their guns to scare them off the ship. With Sara, Ray and Rip covering their retreat, it’s easy enough to keep the Three at bay while they’re backing onto the Waverider, and then Gideon gets them off the ground.

“They’re no Savage, that’s for sure,” Ray says with pleasure as the Waverider makes the jump, soaring into the green of the time stream.

“Indeed,” Rip says. “I think that we –”

A blast shook the ship.

“What the hell?” Jax demands, running to the window. “It’s – guys, it’s those assholes again!”

“Already?” Kendra exclaims.

“Gideon, evade!” Rip exclaims. “Everyone, strap in, we’ll fire on them, and then we’ll do a quick series of jumps to make sure they can’t follow us further –”

Len was under the impression that time-jumping was nauseating. That has nothing on a lot of time-jumping in a short sequence of time.

“I hate this,” Mick moans.

He has no place to complain - it isn't going to kill him, he's already dead. Len's stomach, on the other hand, might decide that this is the fatal blow...

“I think we’ve lost them, Captain,” Gideon reports.

Everyone breathes a sigh of relief.

“Very well,” Rip says. “Gideon, please put in the following coordinates –”

“Wait, where are we going now?” Sara asks.

“A small town called Salvation, in South Dakota,” Rip says. “In, ah, 1871.”

Everybody stares at him.

"Remind me again, Rip, why do we think Savage will be in the Wild West?" Len drawls. "Seemed like he was a fair bit more of an urban kinda a guy, at least to my eyes."

"At the moment, it's not Savage that's the problem," Rip says. "It's the Hunters."

It takes a minute for everyone to realize who he's talking about.

"The Stormtroopers Three?" Jax asks.

"Larry, Curly and Moe?" Mick adds.

"We're running from them?" Sara asks indignantly. "We just kicked their asses! Twice!"

"But they disabled our shields before we arrived," Rip says darkly. "A few more solid hits, and they'll shatter. We cannot afford a direct engagement until they are repaired, and the fact that they were able to catch up to us so quickly suggests that they've obtained updated technology from the Time Masters which we will need to account for."

"And the Wild West?" Len asks again. "Why there?"

"It's a time pocket," Rip says. "We'll be safe from detection there."

He's treated to a handful of skeptical looks, but that's what he deserves, given that he'd previously been talking about how safe the time stream was. Even after the first time the Stormtroopers Three had very nearly caught them in the time stream after their first attack failed...

"They weren’t aiming to get to us so quickly before, even without the tech, and they were really shooting to kill this time," Mick says. "Why'd they change it up now?"

"The bounty on our heads may have been changed from alive to dead or alive," Rip says. "Going to the time pocket will help us rest and recover.” He scowls at them. “Especially since certain people on this crew have rejected my other proposal for where to go.”

“We’re still not going to the future to murder baby Hitler,” Ray says. “We all agreed. Every one of us, right before we went to the ‘50s. We’d be sorry, but – we’re really not.”

“Not a one of us signed up for child murder,” Kendra agrees.

“You wouldn’t be –” Rip starts.

“We’re not aiding and abetting child murder either, Rip,” Sara says. “The vote was unanimous against you. Drop it already.”

“We could just use the time period to attack Savage, as we know he’s there,” Rip says stiffly.

“Except you’ve already explained about the extensive defenses Kasnia has surrounding its leader,” Stein says. “Savage would never give us the opportunity, which would mean that you would propose returning to your original plan. I'm afraid we must continue to object, Captain Hunter.”

“Remember, Rip – teamwork means working together,” Jax reminds him. “Besides, not even you’re sure whether you could actually do the kid in.”

Rip makes a face, not disagreeing. He's not really a very good killer, not personally, and by now they all know it. “Very well, I concede the argument. That doesn’t change the fact that we need to go in for repairs somewhere, and the time pocket in Salvation is likely the best place for it. Please strap yourselves down or return to your rooms; this jump will be particularly bumpy."

Mick glances at Len and jerks his head to their room, clearly wanting to talk about something. Len nods and follows.

"You gonna be okay?" Mick asks once they're alone.

Len frowns at him. "I should think so," he says. "We ain't going up against Savage this time, just going to go to ground for a bit, and I hardly think we'll run into any necromancers or mediums or angels there."

"I was more thinking about regular run-of-the-mill ghosts," Mick says dryly. "1871 ain't too far back from 1865, you know, and a hell of a lot of Civil War vets went out west, and probably took their ghosts with 'em."

Len purses his lips. That’s a good point. "We'll warn Kendra and Jax about that, too; the living are probably just as racist as the dead. You think there'll be a lot of ghosts? Surely South Dakota’s too far out."

"I think the Civil War rousted up a lot of unquiet dead," Mick says. "Wars always do. You shoulda seen the years right after World War II."

Len makes a face. It's been months and months since his last serious unquiet dead attack; he's gotten powerful enough to draw friendlies to his side almost automatically, and he barely has to remember to give them enough to make them happy. But yeah, the Civil War – he can see that giving rise to a lot of very angry, very unpleasant ghosts.

"How do you want to handle, then?" he asks. "Want me to stay behind on the ship?"

Mick considers it, and Len lets him. He's excited to see the Wild West, but he's none too interested in the Civil War. American media paints them so differently that he'd forgotten they happened at basically same time.

"No, I don't think that'll be necessary," Mick finally says, nodding. "I'm pretty good at watching your ass –"

"You're my husband; I should hope so," Len quips.

"Mind out of the gutter, boss; I'm being serious. I think it'll be okay, but maybe you ought to take extra care in getting some friendlies right off the bat, more than usual, I mean."

Len nods. "Fair. You know, I hadn't really noticed it until I was repelling ghosts in the ‘50s – all except Loraine – but I'm pretty sure I used to be a lot better at remembering their names. The ghosts, I mean. You know, knowing something about 'em, knowing what it is they want, that sorta thing. Now I barely even ask 'em what they're called. Really ought to fix that."

Mick looks amused. "You do that, boss."

"What?" Len protests. "It's a thing, it's been happening."

"Of course it's been happening, boss," Mick says. "There are more ghosts."

"So?"

"So a general's a lot less likely to be on one-on-one terms with his men than a sergeant is, that's all I'm saying."

"I'm trying to avoid too much – generalship. Remember?" Len reminds Mick.

"Oh, I remember," Mick says. "I still want at least one friendly watching your back in the West."

"I'll look for one, or better yet, more than one," Len says, still somewhat annoyed by Mick's blithe dismissal of the issue. Sure, Len isn't always the best with names – he has some face-name matching issues that he tends to cover with nicknames, just like Mick does - but he used to at least make an effort with the ghosts. He always felt it was the least he could do, what with him asking them for favors immediately thereafter.

He quietly resolves to do better.

Of course, then they change into era-appropriate gear (flintlocks! Be still Len's grew-up-down-the-street-from-a-historical-reenactment-ground heart!) and go out into the streets and he is promptly flooded with ghosts coming to take a gawk at him.

"Uh, hi," Len says to them. "What're your names?"

"SarahGraceTheordoreReenaMacyWhiteDoeJamesLon-"

Len throws up a hand to stem the tide.

Mick is sniggering.

Len glares at him, then looks at the ghosts. "Uh, you, Quaker-woman and, uh, you, uh – what tribe are you?"

"I am of the Cheyenne River Sioux tribe," the man says. "But I was baptized James."

"...is that your preferred name?"

The guy looks taken aback. "It will do," he says. “Calling me Diving Hawk just makes me think my mother is cross with me.”

"Well, wouldn’t want that. Whatever floats your boat. Quaker-woman?"

"Grace," she says. "And I’m no Quaker. I'm a follower of Joseph Smith."

"All right, then," Len says, wondering why that sounds familiar. And why Mick's sniggers have intensified. "Can you two be my go-betweens with the others?"

"We would be delighted to," Grace says. She's only a moderately powerful ghost, a weaker poltergeist, though she has a look about her that makes Len think she's probably one of his more violent friendlies. "What would you want them to do?"

"Me want them – no, no. Nothing at the minute," Len says. "Just, you know, if you or any of them want life to get something done –"

“Oh, yes,” Grace says. “If we –”

"Maybe not now," Mick interjects. "The other Legends are coming, and they're looking bitchy."

"Later," Len tells his ghosts, who nod and float away to talk to the others, presumably about Len’s offer.

Sara's in the lead. She marches straight up to Len and says, "Rip's not coming."

"What? Why? I’d have thought – y’know – with the duster and the revolver –"

“Yeah, you’re not alone,” Ray says, scowling.

"He says it's for repairs, but we kept up on him and it turns out he had a bad encounter in this time period, or something like that. Wouldn’t give details." Sara snorts. "He's hiding something. Again."

"He's having real trouble with this whole team thing," Mick comments. “Funny, it being his idea and all.”

"Yeah, well. I promised we'd behave, but I'm thinking we can 'behave' ourselves at the local tavern. All the movies make out like it's the best place to gather intel anyway."

"Sure, intel," Mick guffaws. "That's what you call it?"

"What do you call it?"

"Trouble, that’s what I call it.”

She grins. "I'll settle for getting a feel of the old West. You two in?"

"Sure," Len says.

"Bet I can outdrink you both," Sara says.

"I'll take that bet," Mick says, brightening.

"He cheats," Len warns Sara. It's unfair to drink with a dead man, though he thinks Sara might be able to swing it.

"I'll deal," she says blithely.

The town they go to is small, wretched and dusty. The tavern is the liveliest joint in town, and that's a low, low bar, given that the alternative appears to be sitting around coughing up dust and possibly watching weeds grow.

Len has a brand new respect for Saints and Sinners.

Of course, then Grey cheats at cards and some asshole tries to draw on him.

Len shoots the gun out of the man’s hand.

"Sonofabitch!" the man shouts, clutching at his hand.

"That coulda been between your eyes," Len drawls disinterestedly. "Now either sit down and put up or get out."

"How dare you?" the man shouts. His face is flushed a deep red, his mouth flecked white with spit. Len is somewhat concerned about accidentally killing him via triggering an apoplexy. "Do you know who I am?"

"No," Len says. "Don't much care, either."

"I'm one of Stillwater's!"

Must be a local gang.

"Pass along my condolences, will you?" Len says.

"Your – what?"

Len has a decision to make. This is about to turn into a fight - depending on what he says, he can either calm it down or rev it up.

Though, to be fair, after the last few weeks he’s had, Len could use a nice, uncomplicated bar fight right about now.

Oh, what the hell. He didn’t promise to behave.

Len makes a show of sighing and puts down his cards. "Tell your boss," he says slowly, "that I'm sorry he has to deal with such a dumbass snot-nosed horse-fucker as yourself on his crew."

The guy goes for the lamp on the table and throws it at Len.

Len shoots it out of the air, just to show off.

Then half the room jump to their feet and three of them rush at Len.

Naturally, that's when Mick gives a big old holler and rushes them, Sara at his side.

Damn, but Len loves a good bar fight.

"That was kinda fun," Jax says when they're done and the rest of the fighters are either unconscious or fled. Even Stein got into the fun, grabbing a chair and swinging it around like a maniac.

"If by fun you mean trouble," a harsh voice growls from the door.

Len looks. It's a man in a grey Confederate uniform, a nasty scar on his face, and a scowl.

“You’re not from around here, are you?” the guy asks.

“No,” Ray says, stepping forward. “We’re from out of town. Uh. Way out of town.” He grins.

The guy sneers. “Yeah, of course you are. Why don’t you lot tell me where you’re really from?”

“I’m not sure that’s any of your business,” Stein says.

“Lemme rephase,” the guy says. “Tell me when y’all are from.”

They stare at him.

“You stand out like a dog in a manger,” he says with a sneer. “Now where is he?”

“Who?” Sara asks.

“Rip Hunter,” the man says. “I’ve got words that need saying to him.”

“You know,” Jax says. “I think we’ve just figured out why Rip wanted to stay on board.”

“C’mon,” Sara says. “Let’s go back to the ship.”

“What, with him?” Len asks doubtfully. He doesn't like that uniform or what it stands for.

“Rip’ll know what to do,” Sara says firmly.

Turns out that Sara's right and he's wrong, though: Rip’s expression when he sees the man is priceless.

The man – Jonah Hex by name, it appears – starting the conversation by accusing Rip of stealing his coat?

Even better.

[tristanlovesthequeen]

Son/of/Aragon

Son of Aragon

Episode 1

We find Basels son Sergio on horseback on the path to the brewery. There are moths and pollen in the air, everywhere there is beauty. The world whispers.  

Besel:  Hello, dear reader, I am Basel the ancient wizard.  I have gone on holiday, away from general wizardry and heroism to stay with my dear friends.  Who are they?  The elven monks who run the brewery Eastvleteran, the namesake of which is also a drink which I helped invent.

(Enter into Basel's chamber where he is working on an illuminated manuscript.  Tic toc tic toc a timer is ticking in the background. The timer dings)!

Basel:  Ahh time for dinner to be cooked.  (Puts rabbit chunks in pot of stew.  Sets aside rabbit skin in a bowl).  That will be for the rabbit skin glue.  We'll let that churn a bit.  Ah yes, now back to my manuscript.  What's the occasion you say?  Behold...(Basel sits at desk, page zooms in on manuscript page.

(In story mode)

Basel:  It all started with an empty amulet.  The amulet was a gift from the elven god Adrifan, god of the ether realm to his love interest, the the high priestess of the celts, Apixa.  Her beauty was reknowned throughout heaven and earth.  She was born of this world from the stamen of a forest flower, fertilized by a sacred spirit, who was rebirthed as a bee on his visit from the heavens.  Her family were the fairies who lived in the woods that encapsulated this forest flower.  The elf found her one day while hunting geese at a nearby pond.  He saw her amongst the tall reeds bathing.  It was love at first sight.  You may wonder what this has to do with anything.  It is an ancient elven secret that the monks have kept.  On every anniversary of the meeting of Adrifan and Apixa, a warrior who is righteous in spirit and will retrieve the amulet from the sacred place, and return it to the elven kingdom for the ceremony of restoration.  The transporters of the heart will receive knighthood in the elven kingdom and the ceremony brings purity back to the elves.

  (Three raps at the door and  Basel answers to find Sergio at the door).  

Basel:  Sergio my boy!  I've been expecting you!  Come right in, you are most welcome.

(Sergio is not the only one looking for Basel.  A demi-vampire has been  following Sergio through the woods in the form of a bat).  

Sergio and Basel sit down to Mugwort tea.  

Sergio:  (Holding cup).  How have you been pop?  

Basel:  (Takes sip).  I'm glad you asked.  It was happenstance that I found myself in Whimzleton at the National Gallery in a meeting with the portraits of the Greats.  While discussing Fair Trade Diamonds, a thief stole a minor work called “Reclining Nude of Grizelda,” done by the late fauvist painter Rees Van Livingston, c. 1905.  He was attacked by a museum guard with a billyclub, poor boy, and as he fell, he ripped right through the canvas face first.  This, of course, was in front of the fair trade diamond protest of the gnomes of the North, which is why I was there in the first place. The leader of the protest started to shout on his blowhorn, which aggrivated the guard.  People started to argue which was disrupting my meeting, and, before a riot could assue, I cast a spell to freeze time.  I cast another spell that healed the thief, flawlessly stitched the painting, and wiped the memories of the crowd.  When the authorities arrived, everyone was very confused as to why the thief was carrying the painting through the museum in the first place, casually observing the main hall.  He was arrested on the spot and the painting was returned to the museum, an amalgam of errors easily removed.

Stake:  (Arrives at window as a bat). Screech Screech!

Basel:  (Noticing window). Stake!  Show your true form my lad, you could have given an old wizard like me a cardiac arrest!  Not that I would succumb to such candor.  (Opens door).

(The bat turns into his elf-like form).

Basel:  Ah good, just in time for supper.  Stake, would you come in?

Stake:  I thought you'd never ask.  

Basel:  (Takes sip from ladle over stove).  Please sit, the rabbit stew is ready.  (Places a bowl of stew in front of Sergio and one in front of Stake with a spoon.  Sergio begins to slurp).

Sergio:  How do you two know each other?

Basel:  Stake is a knight here on elven territory.

Sergio:  Then why was he...(motions toward window).

Stake:  I am also part vampire.  I'd say, half elf, half vampire. Dema-elf.  After all my years as a knight, I have been assigned this year to retrieve the sacred amulet due to my condition as a vampire. After the way my wife and I were transformed, the elven society believes my life to be unhealthy.  The constant blood lust is the source of constant ridicule for my fellow knights, however shallow it may be.  So I have come to find you, Sergio, to accompany me on this quest.

Basel:  The high priestess has given me a wind chime that enchants the spirit, allows one to see the location of the amulet, the prize gift from the warrior spirit.  I will be your guide.

Sergio:  Wait what?  I was eating soup.  

Basel:  I said you're going on this trip, it will be a great diservice to everyone if--

Sergio:  Relax, I heard you the first time.  Why me?

Stake:  Given your superior strengths as a wizard--

Sergio:  Yeah, I got ya, very powerful mage, yadda yadda, when do we leave?

(They set off on their journey  Sergio on a giant lion.  Stake is a bat.  First location is the forest.  They travel along the coast and stop for the night).

Stake:  Let's stop for the night, we'll resume tomorrow.  

Sergio:  Oh you mean we'll be alive tomorrow?  Super.

Stake:  Mmmaybe.  I will.  You might not make it.

(Stake and Sergio set up camp and Stake start to read by the fire).

Sergio:  (In a thought bubble).  Sometimes I start to read and realize the words are about me.  Take for example, this part of the book.  This actually happened to me.  I must be famous or something.

(In the text)  There was one time when I tried to get Satan Himself to help stop my pop from controlling Earth realm.  He was offended. And when Satan is offended, all hell breaks loose, literally.

(Sergio hides behind a 1968 Pontiac GTO waiting to attack.  Bullets fly over him.  He is in Hell.  Hell looks like a cavern underneath the earth.  He pops up and shoots flame from his hands at his attacker who is Satan.  

Satan leaps into the air with a tommy gun narrowly avoiding Sergio's attack.  He lands in a drop kick knocking Sergio flat.

Sergio kip ups and one of Satan's minions tries to run him over in an El Dorado Super Sport.  Sergio back flips over the car and it t-bones into the shelled out GTO.  The minion is dead, smashed through the glass, on the hood.

Sergio:  Just come with me politely and I won't fry you to a crisp.

Satan:  What am I a cuck, Sergee?  How long have I known thee?

The devil spins into the air letting out a spiral of bullets.

Serge leaps under the devil, grabs his legs and slams him into the hood of the GTO with a cold shoulder.  

Satan: Yowee!!

Sergio:  You goddamn snake!  Keep off me!

(They roll off the hood of the car and the devil gun butts Sergio's jaw.  Serge puts his two hands to the devil's gut and torches him up into the air.  Faroosh!  Cut to devil's face, it says radio edit over his mouth like a type writer.  Devil lands on his feet with a crunch! It cracks the ground).  

Satan:  You think you can contain me?  I am the devil!

Serge snaps his fingers and a diver's cage drops on the devil.  

Satan:  Daww. (Slumps in cage) So anyways... (walks out of cage through front door).  May I offer you a cigar?  (Take out couple of cigars).

Sergio:  Naw I don't smoke.  Spits.  Wipes mouth.

Satan:  If you say you don't.  What is it that you want me to do Sergio?  (Checks scratch on arm).  

Sergio:  It's my Dad, he's attempting to take over Earth realm again.  I need--

Satan: Eh, you want.

Sergio: I want you to come serve him up a slice of devil's pie.

Satan:  With you?  Please, Sergee, what a bum you're being.  Who am I with?  I live in hell!  I'm the guy that never leaves, y'know Prince of Darkness, has wife, grandkids, little brats, minions, y'know the whole shebang.  What do I care what goes on on Earth?  I live in the immortal afterrealm.  You're threatening my whole way of being, here.

Sergio:  Don't be a dipshit.  The more deaths there are on earth caused on Earth by my father, the larger his undead army will become, his army will become stronger while your army diminishes.

Satan:  What has he lost his shit again?  In other words hell on earth.  Look kid, I'm already slaying princess Leia, my army of minions is well established and only really comes in handy when fighting against the heavens.  Hell on Earth?  Let those guys deal with it (points upward)

Sergio:  Forget I even asked.  Thanks for the fight.

Stake:  (In a thought bubble).  I have on occasion, dealt with the devil, and like all full blooded vampires, he only cares for himself.  

Sergio:  (In a thought bubble).  Can't say I care for him.   (Voice bubble) One thing I have been meaning to ask you, can't believe I didn't get around to it sooner, you're a daywalker right?  (Lays back on Leo).

Stake:  Correct.  I would consider myself half elf.  That is elven born.  It is for this reason that I haven't completely been overcome by vampire desires.  (Fades to dream)  In 1869 I was to be married to an elven princess.  Her beauty was unparalleled.   We were madly in love and would often take trysts in the forest where we would... shag about.  I was to travel off to war with the elven army, the king had made plans with the gnomes to sell one thousand pieces of elven chain mail and they had scoffed at his offer, saying gnomish grade metal would suffice.  On top of that a gnome had seduced an elvish chambermaid during his stay at a hospital on our land.  Needless to say, a victorian era elven king is not the most easygoing person hood, and in the face of the gnomes' offense, he called for a draconian response.  Before we set off, and before she could pout, I asked her to be my bride.  She said yes!  I was so enthusiastic I asked for the royal hall to throw a ball after the wedding ceremony. That night, as my wife lay awake in anticipation.

Vive:  I desire, half crack!  A vampire in the form of a bat sat outside her window.  

Vampire:  Dear little, wife, how my soul aches for thee.  It is I, Pavel, ahem I mean Stake, wouldn't you care to see me before the wedding.  I can give you what you desire...

Vive:  No you can't! (crosses arms and starts to pout)

(Door starts to open with a creak)

SERGIO:  Wait, what?  A vampire, that seems a tad bit random.  

STAKE:  Almost.  In a battle with Aragon's army, I had decapitated a warrior king.  I later found out that with a few stitches and Aragon's magic he had been ressurected as a vampire-drago, vampire of dragon blood.  From then on he had been stalking us, I had felt evil eyes watching from afar, feeling his cries that he would someday come for my bride.

SERGIO:  Devilish.  So she turned into a vampire?

STAKE:  Yesssss.  Unfortunately the bite on her neck is not all he left with.  (Stake looks down and tears start to fall from his wincing face).  I still recognized her as my bride as did the royal court and that night we attended the royal ball although shaken by the events prior to the wedding.  She seemed faint and not all there. Frowns were upon us.  

Ball attendee 1:  She was raped (Turns back to wife)

Ball attendee 2:  She sees someone else (Turns back to husband)

Ball attendee 3:  You gave her to him.  He impaled her mouth with his--

(Stake and Vive hand in hand start to frown)

(Focus on their hands clasped, they start to squeeze)

Stake: She whispered to me...

Vive:  You are my fate, live with me forevermore as my sex slave, and I will seduce you every night.  We will make deep passionate love in every sect of our chambers.  I want you in between my thighsss...”

Stake:  How was I to live without my beautiful wife, as vampirellic as she was, and with that we kissed as she sunk her teeth into my tongue.  (DREAM SEQUENCE ENDS)

SERGIO:  What happened to the vampire that turned her?

STAKE:  I still feel his taunts, he is seldomly ever seen or heard from, especially not in the elven kingdom and as a vampire I feel akin to him in some ways which makes it impossible to kill him.

SERGIO:  So why seek the amulet?

STAKE:  It will cure my bloodlust and that of my wife.  The elves still ridicule me even though it is under their breath.  Once worn one is immediately cured from that which guilts him.  Only those who know it's true location can don it, and it is said to bring euphoria to those who wear it, which might make it difficult to take off.

SERGIO:  Sounds interesting.  Well I'm feeling glum.  Time for me nap.

(Dream Sequence)

(Sergio sees Aragon at his crystal ball.  A  covered with hands appears and it is Basel ringing the windchime.  He turns.

Basel:  Sergio my dear boy!  So glad I have found you.  (Dog barks). Down girl down!  Good girl.  You deserve a treat.  The ring of the windchime is leading us out of the forest to the city of Yarx.  You and Stake should have no trouble finding it if you continue east. Watch for the temple in the midst of the forest.

Crystal ball starts to crack and Aragon's eyes roll back as he faints.  Dream fades and it is dawn.  Serge yawns and stretches.   He is propped on Leo.  She opens one eye and goes back to sleep.  He has been riding the lion since he was a boy and they have a deep bond. Whatever happens to the lion in essence happens to Sergio.  Stake is still asleep.  He farts.  There is a raccoon corpse next to him drained from the night before.  A nightingale lands on his napsack and starts to sing green sleeves.  He hisses and snatches at it with his eyes closed and it flies away.  He is awake.  Serge throws some beans and eggs on the griddle atop the fire.))

Serge:  Want some?

Stake:  Yes'm.

Serge:  Basel contacted me in a dream.  We're to head east to Yarx.

((Cut to scene of tavelling through jungle.  Sergio is on the lion, Stake is flying as a bat.  We're going on a lion hunt.  Trudge, trudge, trudge.  A hidden temple!  Can't go under it.  Trudge, trudge, trudge.  Can't go through it.  Trudge, trudge, trudge.  Gotta go over it!  Trudge.  They hike up the temple steps into the throne room.  It is made of stone with torches alight along the walls. There are one million bananas in a pile against the back wall.))

Tiger:  Roarr!  ((A tiger runs out at them and the lion leaps in front of her bucking Sergio onto the ground.  They get up into each other's personal spaces and grapple.  RAWOORAWOO!  A banana salesman boomerangs a banana at the tiger.

Banana salesman:  Now Catsy!  That's not how we treat our new guests!  (Wearing underwear.  Pets Catsy under jaw as she purrs.) I've been in this temple hoarding bananas.  It is how I gain my bride.  Do you know how long it takes to hoard a million bananas? Speak!

Serge:  Can't say.

Banana Salesman:  (Putting on overalls) Not that long actually.  You see they're everywhere.  Me and Catsy here maintain the stock.  What brings you to the jungle?

Sergio:  We're on our way to Yarx coming from an elven monastery. This is the only way through.  I'm Sergio, this is Stake.

Banana salesman:  How about the cat?

Sergio:  The lion's name is Castle.

Banana salesman:  My name is True.  I'm actually on my way to Yarx. I've got a big rig.  If you help me load the bananas I'd be more than happy to take you the rest of the way.  (Stake and Serge look at each other and shrug.)

True:  Load em up!! (True has created an incredible machine to load the bananas.  Serge pops a balloon with a force wave.  A feather escapes and tickles the toes of a sleeping nymph.  She laughs and sits up hitting her heard on a platform.  A can of beans rolls off and falls into a glass.  The platform sinks and releases a machete that swings cutting the rope of a catapult that sends a nymph in a helmet flying over with a parachute and a blowhorn

Nymph:  Move em out cows go go go!

(They are frightened and start galloping off.  They are tied to a net containing a gigantic load of bananas.  They split up and the bananas are hoisted onto the back of the big rig.  Another nymph closes the pull down and locks the back. True ends with a glass of milk.  Aaahhh.  Serge and Stake look at each other and high five.)

Episode 4

(Serge has fallen asleep in the cockpit of the vehicle.  He begins to dream.  Drream sequence begins)  Basel is on a fixed gear. He stops to do a trackstand.  Does tailspin hopping over handlebars and lands in a trackstand.  He begins to ride.  He is dressed in full messenger attire.  

Basel:  Hey Serge, I hear you're gonna be in Yarx, hit me up dude! I've got a document here for you that I''ve delivered to Merril's, it's an old stationary store that we used to rack from.  It's a right of passage that you will need to get you to the Amulet of the Sacred Heart.  I'll explain more later.  Toodles, I gotta get tatted after my next run.

Serge awakens and True has arrived at a small shack where he is selling off the load of bananas to a business owner.  He climbs to the top of the truck and opens the back letting the bananas slide all over the ground.

True:  Enjoy! (He says with a smile.  He hops back in the truck.) Hey thanks again for coming with.  I have one small errand to run.

Stake:  Which isss?

True:  To find my wife.  

The Legend Of ETF (Truck drives into the distance)

Stake:  Mind if we come with?

True:  Not at all.  I could use the company actually, she stays with a graffiti crew whose name is  ETF, they have a mission for my wife to do before we get married...at least I say she's my wife.

(We find ETF inside of a dingy old apartment with high ceilings. The room is reminiscent of an old drug den, cluttered yet fancy, and covered in tags. There are five people, one standing.  We hear the door ring.)

True:  BUZZUP!  Hey can I come up?

Spake:  Yea that's chill, come on up! (Hand on buzzer)

(Oner turns to leave)  Yo I gotta leave theres peopl--

Spake:  It's chill.  

This is Big Lug, he is the leader of the team.  Big Lug is using a 3d computer that surrounds the room.  He is using scarlet sage which provides him with a brain chemical that allows him to control his virtual realm in cyber space.  

Serge, Stake, and True enter the room.  

Big Lug:  True!  Buddy, long time no see!  How long has it been?

True:  About three months

Big Lug:  Naw man, it's been a year!  Don't worry, we've been waiting for you (Sniff's fingers)  Here smell that?  (Puts fingers in front of True's nose, he refuses.)  It's your wife's butthole, don't worry we've been keeping her safe, well, I have.

True:  You make me want to vomit.  

Big Lug:  I'm just messing with you man.  You know it's all love. Now come here.

(True receives bearhug from Big Lug)  True:  Can't breathe.

(From corner of the room)  Guy with teddy bear aka Spake:  I've been so lonely.

Big Lug:  I'll give you a squeeze.

Spake:  I'd rather vomit.  

Guernica:  I hear this little voice.

Toubolde:  You sure you're alright?  I mean maybe you should take your meds.  (To Big Lug).  Man he's depressive.  Shyaa!  We all hear voices!

True:  So what's the plan?  I sold the bananas and made a mint!  I could live off this for the rest of my life.

Big Lug:  So the plan is to do a hangover.  I mean hang off.  Sorry the scarlet sage tends to have its effect.

True:  Doesn't the fall cause us to, um, die?

Big Lug:  I've created a program that allows the user to create three dimensional holograms that transpose upon any outdoor surface in the natural realm.  Of course it will be seen in public, but nevertheless nothing illegal.  And yet illegal (stares off into space).

(In a bubble)

Big lug:  There are two ways into the application.  The old fashioned way, which I use, might hurt your head.  The other way is to use a VR helmet.  To each his own.

(A Safari van is flanked by two vespas.  They are going Straight to L.A.  To the heavens...)

Rivera, Toubolde, Big Lug, Spake, True, Stake, and Sergio are crouched on a grassy embankment on the side of the freeway in L.A..

(Cats purr).  

Deb:  Hey guys I'm here!  Can I help?  I brought cans.

True:  Thank the lord!  (gives her a big hug)  

Sergio:  Well, I thought about it, I could climb up that pipe, cut the razor wire.  shimmy over to the far left above oncoming traffic while the wind billows me around.  Or I could just point and click (Snap!  Snaps his fingers.  And a funky hologram that reads “Sergio” appears on the back of the freeway sign.  I'll watch, you write. Maybe take flicks (hands in shape of camera).

As a team they climb like gorillas up the freeway sign's column.  

Rivera:  We're about to f*ck this sh*t up

Toubolde:  Be the cockiest you can be on this sign.

Big lug:  Be careful.

True:  I feel vomit coming up.

Deb:  This is a humdinger.

(They are all on the freeway sign facing camera as the platform begins to wobble.  Focus on Deb and True *his outfit looks like Tie's she's his twin)  

Deb:  Here, my love, man up, spray safe.  Soon I'll be your bride.

(They all do pieces, they go big.  They shimmy back down and the reader has a look at their pieces, they appear holographic, slightly blurry.  They all climb a ladder over the freeway wall to a tree, working their way down the limbs to a small drop.  As soon as they land they see police lights flash and hear a Bloooop!)

Police:  (Over loudspeaker)  Hold it right there!

Rivera:  Vamanos!

(The team jets to the Safari van losing the police temporarily. They all pile in.  The van squeals off as do the vespas.  The team dumps their bags from the moving vehicle.  They turn a corner and cop lights flash.  Five police vehicles are now on the team's tail.  The engines rev and the police start to overtake the vehicle, a dark shadow followed by a low hum. )

True: What's that noise?

There is an aircraft floating above the speeding cars.  

Aircraft:  Calling all cars, calling all cars, stand down immediately from the high speed chase.  Do you read, this is the chief of police, Bob Barx of the Yarx police department, I've got a team with me, we'll take it from here.

(Sirens go silent and police cars slow to a stop)

Deb:  Shiiiiiiit!

Big Lug:  Looks like we got a fun run.  (Big grin, steps on gas)

They hear a rumbling and the vehicle starts to shake.  The car illuminates.  We see a beam of light coming from over head from the ship.  It seems the aircraft is actually a U.F.O.  The beam abducts the safari and the vespas.  The team is now inside the ship.  

Loudspeaker:  Hey, are you guys alright?  Come into the cockpit, we would love to meet you.  

Spake:  Okayyy?!

Everyone makes their way into the cockpit where there are two extraterrestrials sitting smoking scarlet sage.  They turn from the window which looks at the stars.  

Alien:  (Inhales, holds breath)  Hi. (Exhales deeply).  I'm Hans, this is Alfredo.

Alfredo:  Ciao. (Sips espresso with pinky out)

Hans:  Welcome to the brotherhood (says with smile) we saw what you did back there, takes gusto, how exactly, how, did that come into fruition?

Deb:  Well see, I'm due to be married to Truesy here, so for a final bow, we decided to do this Heaven in L.A.  Holographic style!

True:  That was a rush, I see what you guys live for.  Kiss me sweetie.  (Puckers up)

Deb:  Ah, ah, ah, not in front of the gang!

Hans:  We are graff writers too.

Spake:  Oh yea, (chuckle) what do you two write?

Hans:  I write Hans.

Alfredo:  And I write Alfredo.

Spake:  Uh. Cool.

Rivera:  Not to be an earwig, but what's the plan?

Hans:  Oh we'll come out of orbit in a sec.  One full revolution which will take about 3.5 seconds and we'll land back in Yarx.

Big Lug:  Just in time for you two to be married.  (Smiles as he chews eclaire).

(UFO lands back in Yarx in someones backyard.  Family is confused. Cut to True and his wife Deb in the back of the banana truck making love below a banner that reads “just married.”)

Episode 5  

(Sergio and Stake are eating ramen in Yarx, at a corner bar.  The Lion is outside.  They have their own glasses of a potent steaming potion.  

Sergio:  (Sips) Have to get that right of passage

Stake:  Got that right.  (Sip)

Sergio:  Check!  (Put one hand up)

(Cut to Sergio walking with lion.  Stake is a bat.  As they walk strangers thought bubbles direct them)

Stranger 1:  (Face covered in 9's) The right you seek.

Stranger 2:  Is in a cup..

Stranger 3:  At the bottom of a well.

Sergio:  (Pulls out map of Yarx) Let's have a look see.  (They are a blip on the map).  There's a well here near the sewage containment facility...or there's one here in the castle yard of this castle. (Looks at map, reads Gronkagel).  I detect castle guard (Points to blip on map.)  It's a balrog.  I figure it's the one with the balrog.

(Scenes of travel, the life is colorful, homeless, street hustlers, restaurants, basic city scene.   The scene changes to the country side, life slows down.  Eventually they reach a tall hill on which the castle Gronkagel lies.  They begin their hike.  They reach a wall with a tall door).

Sergio:  Hey Balrog!  Balrooooog!  Hm. No sign of him.  I guess we play the breaking and entering game.  

 (Sergio points to the top of the wall and Stake flies up and over. First a rumble then a creak.  Doors open and Stake stands.  Sergio enters.  As soon as he enters three palace guards come to greet him.)

Castle guards:  (In unison)  Welcome to castle Gronkagel, where the Gronk! (Bonks Stake and then Sergio with a spear) Comes first.  You have been knighted!

Stake:  Ssss! (rubs head)  you're god awful but I accept.

Sergio:  Yea, me too.  Say, what is there to do here in Castle Tintag- I mean Gronkagel?

Castle guards:  (In unison)  We have a well, and a tower that oversees the land.

Sergio:  Take us to the we--

Stake:  (Overlapping Sergio) to the tower!    

Sergio:  I mean to the tower.  That would be very nice.

Castle guards:  (In unison)  Very well.  (They turn and start to leave the castle.)

(All five start to climb the tower stairs).

Castle guards:  As you can see--

Stake:  So anyways (Throws castle guard off  ledge)

Sergio: (Knocks castle down with lightning bolt).

Castle guards:  Would you look at that?  Better go check on the Bal-

Sergio:  Have another taste of lightning!

(Serge knocks them into a pile with bolt of lightning).

Stake:  Oh suck my cock!  What about the Balrog?

(Balrog gets up from pile of rubble)

Balrog:  So much for my nap.  Feel like I hit me head.

Sergio:  (From tower)  Lightning bolt!  Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt! (Shoots three to Balrogs chest)

Balrog:  Ow, oh bullocks!  Let me guess you came for the write of passage?  Well if you want it that much come 'ere then.  I'll lower you into the well.

Stake:  Oh yea right! (In a yell)

(Serge and Stake approach pile of rubble)  

Balrog:  (Takes flight)  I mean come 'ere!

Sergio:  Oh I see by here, he means come to us (under his breath).   Attack!

Stake:  (Pulls out dagger )  

Sergio:   You're never gonna get anywhere with that!  (Pulls out dagger.  Jumps at his neck and Slam!  The balrog slams him into the tower floor.

Stake:  (Jumps onto the balrogs neck and with his cape makes him blind.)  Please hold.

Balrog:  (Takes flight).  

Stake:  Let's go for a ride!  (Balrog throws him off)

Sergio:  Long jumps onto his neck attempting to strangle balrog with a whip.  

Balrog:  (Falls into a swamp in the forest.  Balrog is out cold.)

Sergio:  So much for balrog.   (Pulls out map.  Blip turns gold)

(Sergio and Stake walk through the rubble).

Sergio:  Go down

Stake:  Kay

(Stake turns into a bat and flies into the well.  He nosedives into the water, sees a sewer rat, and winks.  Finds chest because of it's glow, and brings it up over the well wall.  Sergio makes finger into a key and slides into lock.  He opens chest and inside finds a cup. Inside is the writ of passage.  It glows.)

Basel:  You've got the writ!  Cheers to you!  (Takes a sip of beer.) Now for a pint of Eastvleteran.  The best beer in the world.  My fellow monks and I brew this stuff.  It is highly rated and always sells out, gets better with age, we know from experience.  A word of advice for whenever the fear hits, no one rules the world so until then fight for your breath.  By the way, what does it say?  Points to the writ and takes note.  Smiles.(Scene ends).  

Stake:  Hey can we go to Dragonvild, my wife is there, I thought she might like to meet up for an exchange...there be dragoooons.  

Sergio:  Down for whatever, as long as it's on the way.  I'll ask Basel the next time I sleep. (Hops on Leo Stake is a bat, they take off in a dynamic closeup from the side.)

Episode 6

(At camp at night.  Sergio is about to pass out, Stake is awake.  Sergio is resting on Leo.  Stake looks at a small heart locket.  The picture is of his wife, she winks and smooches.  He smiles adoringly.  She then picks up a small rat, and drains it's blood with her fangs. Stake does the same thing.  The rat squirms and then goes limp. Sergio looks at him with his eyebrow raised.  Stake tosses the rat aside and pours himself a glass of wine, then pours Sergio one. Stakes wife drinks wine in the picture frame.  Some drizzles down her cheek.

Sergio:  Ooh, thiz wine izz ztrong.  (Passes out).

(Basel appears in a spiral in Sergio's dream.  He has a baby pet dragon.  He is feeding him an omelet).  

Basel:  Hello my boy!  It seems you are on your way to Dragonvild, where you will enjoy food, drink, and many a dragon like this little tired tyke.  (Feeds him omelet).  The whole town is dedicated to dragon preservation, hence the ancient architecture *reminiscent of gaudi* and abundance of gold.  Keep in mind Stake is a sex slave to his wife so they will be in bed almost the whole time.  So build capital while you are there.  I suggest you join the dragon racing league, with your experience riding dragons as a child you should be a shoo-in.  So shoo!

(Leo stirs, awakening Sergio.  As usual, the fire is out, Stake is asleep amongst a pile of dead rats.  Sergio opens a can of beans and puts some steak and eggs on the griddle).  

(The scent drifts into Stake's nostrils Snif! Followed by Sss! He's awake.)

Stake:  Can I have some?

Sergio:  Nah, can't.  (Serves him up a dish)

Stake:  If you say I can.

(A small gnome comes and sits by the fire.)  

Small gnome:  Mah!

(Stake serves up some eggs on a plate to the gnome and licks his teeth with a smile.  Travel scene through the forest.  As usual Stake is a bat.  They approach the town on a hillside.  The scene overlooks the town.  When they arrive at the gates, they are greeted by butterflies.  Serge approaches a dragon rental.  Stake goes to find his wife.  There are several dragons in disrepair in a pen and one handsome stud.)

Sergio:  Hey there, how much for this handsome stud?

Clerk:  Actually that one is a girl.

(Leo purrs).

Clerk:  She'll cost you approximately 15 quid a day plus tax. You're already insured with the umbrella insurance, but you won't need it.  That one there knows what she's doing.  (Points and winks). We'll include a manual on how to feed her, a leash, and a saddle. She's very friendly.  She eats mostly fruit that is native to the land.  Any experience handling or riding dragons?

Sergio:  Yes when I was very young until I was a teen.

Clerk:  Then this will come naturally to you.  She regularly races in the minor dragon racing league but this is her off season.  So don't you dare race her or it'll be your head.

Sergio:  (Smiles).  I wouldn't dream of it.  (Puts fifteen coin down on the table.  One of them spins).

(Stake is walking along a cobblestone street.  He is alone.  He arrives at his wife's residence.  It is a tall Gaudi-esque villa.  The placard near the door reads “Chateau d'omnivore.” He rings the doorbell, which sounds like a screech.  The door opens and a woman's arm reaches out and pulls him in.  He has one dozen roses behind his back.  The door shuts.  His wife stands before him, one arm up and one arm down in a long dress).

Stakes wife (Vive):  Here I am!

Stake:  I haven't seen you in a long time.  I got these for you. (Hand is out with bouquet).

Vive: (Takes bouquet smiles with greedy eyes then throws them behind her. She goes in to kiss his neck and puts a hand on his crotch.

Stake: (Looks calm and bashful as she kisses his neck)  Oh how I've missed you.

Vive: (Takes his hand)  Come to the bedroom, I've got a lot to show you.

(Back to Sergio)

(Sergio stands in front of a banner that reads “Dragon Racing Major League Tryouts Today.”)

Clerk of the course:  Alright, you've made the cut.  What's your dragon's name?  

Sergio:  T

Clerk of the course: Well then we'll see you and T next day of the Sun.  Be prepared because the Marauders from the middle east are coming to town.

(Back to Stake)

(Stake and Vive are making love in a bed that looks like it belongs in a castle.  She orgasms.)

Vive:  “Ooooohhhhh!”  (We see her “O” face) I'm cuming, hard!

Stake:  Me too, my love.  

(She leans in to kiss his mouth).

Vive:  I've missed your sperm.

(Stake and Vive cuddle in each other's arms).

Vive:  I've got new stationary.  It's cool I'll write you a note.

Stake:  I'd like to read it sometime.  Perhaps I need to check on Sergio and his dragon quest.  

Vive:  I'll strangle you if you do.

(Stake smiles).  Mmhmm, sure you will.

Vive:  Or maybe I'll write Pavel a note.  You know, just to apologize.  

Stake:  Mmhmm, sure you do.

Vive:  So how did you like our rape?

Stake:  Well, I sure did have fun raping the girl from the ville--

Vive:  Maybe I'll rape the bard, he plays guitar.  In fact I already did.  He has a humongous-- (bites her lip)

Stake:  Eh, no.  That was just his fantasy.  Let it all be a dream.

Vive:  I'd rape you.

Stake:  No, we'd make love.

Vive:  Like we just did.  I need a snack.

Stake:  I'll fix you one.  Fruit, with a cup of.

Vive:  Dragon blood.

Stake:  K.  Be back in 5.

(Cut to Sergio.  He is in a field with a dragon.  In the distance a stranger who is female plays fetch with her dragon using a large bone).  

(Leo rubs against Sergio and runs to catch a field mouse).

Sergio:  Ok, T, to win this race we're gonna need a little cooperation.  (Tries to mount her.  She roars and spits a ball of flame).  Okay really, I cannot.

The dragon from across the way runs into their camp and catches a bone knocking into Touloula.  They flit).  

Girl from dragon camp:  Hey over there!  I apologize for my dragon. Having trouble with yours?  Here's what you do.  Take the tip of your finger and prick it then place a drop of your blood in the dragon's eye.  See what happens! (She winks and takes bone from dragon).

(Sergio frowns.  Takes out knife from sheath and pricks finger.  He calmly takes Touloula's bridle and squeezes a drop of blood into her eye.  Her pupil dialates all black then it squeezes back to a slender half crescent.

T:  Mango.

Sergio:  You want a mango?  

T:  Yess pleasse.  I will be your mizztrezz.

Sergio:  Hey now, slow down.  I'll go find you some fruit.  How bout an apple?  

T:  I'd prefer a Mango.  (Burps a flame).  It helps me concentrate.

(Leo comes over with a mango in her mouth, and drops the mango at his feet.  Then goes to play with field mouse.

Girl From dragoncamp:  Here boy! (Tosses bone).

Sergio:  Okay, let's see what you can do.  T, go get it!  (Throws mango into the air, and without a moments notice T leaps into flight and chomps at the mango.  T lands on ground softly.  Whump!  Girl from dragon camp claps).  Good job, T!

(Back to Vive's bedroom).

Freshening up in mirror in bathrobe.  

Vive:  Oooh my fangs are so sharp.  Ladadee, ladada.  (Spritzes perfume on neck).  We see a bat at the window sill.  Then two.  (Vive sees in the mirror over her shoulder, then drops perfume.  The perfume breaks.  Smash)!  

(More bats fly to the balcony rail.  There are now ten).  

Vive: (In shock).  Gasp!

Two bats turn into vampires on the balcony

Vive:  Pavel!

Pavel:  Steal your gold...WIFE!  (Smashes door with cane).

Stake:  (Bursts through the door.  He is nude.  He drops the tray and wine).

Vive:  (Grabs dagger from the dresser).

Stake:  (Runs in front of Vive).  (To her):  Stay back! (Equips cane and draws a fiery blade).  Stay away from me!

Pavel:  Hisss!  

(The bats on the window sill leave in a flurry.)  Scurry!

Stake:  (To Vive):  Go to the other room!  I'll handle them.

Vive:  We'll fight them...(Dagger turns into a torch)  Together.

Pavel:  Come, now my dear, don't do anything too hasty.  

Vive:  Die!  (She jumps through the air dagger in hand).

Pavel:  (Sidesteps.  Crack! He uses the handle of his blade to hit the base of her neck).

Vive:  (Winces and cries in pain).

Stake:  Vive!  (He lunges and catches Pavel on the arm with his blade).  Yaaah!

Pavel:  (Holding arm).  Kisssss your wife...GOODBYE!  (Throws high kick which Stake guards).

Stake:  Knees Pavel in the groin.

Vampire 2:  (Grabs Vive and holds her unconscious body underneath her arms.  He has a knife to her neck).  Stay back!  I'll kill her if you move.

Stake:  You wouldn't.  

Vampire 2:  I will too!  Try me!  (Presses blade to her neck).

Pavel:  Stake, she's not your wife.  She's a vampire now, not an elf.  You would be too if you started acting like one.  We'll hold on to this one until you get your act together.  This is for the time oh I dunno, you cut off my head?  Oh, and do bring me the amulet, it is also oursss!  Meet us at Chateau d'Ormsby by 5, the day you were wed.

(Vampire 2 backs up onto the balcony with Vive.  Eight vampire bats lift Vive by the arms and carry her from the balcony.  They all leave in a flurry).

Vampires:  She's our familyyyy!  What a rapist!  They captured it in crystal!

Stake:  Noooooooooooooooooooooo.  (Looks down