#and the neighbor next to him would play the radio when they'd have parties and we'd play ours when outside (god help my neighbors when i

[bunnyb34r]

God forbid you wanna nap in this neighborhood

I stg every time I lay down to, the big ass stereo guy decides "ahh now is the perfect time to be an asshole 😌" and starts

Usually it's like 2pm-4pm that he's out but today nothing... until 5:45pm when I was TRYING to take a fucking quick nap... 😑 I'm gonna throw hard boiled eggs at his house I stg

[thesunshineriptide]

Pilot

Twisted wonderland - wandavision au

Characters: Yuu (gender neutral pronouns, implied femme gender roles), Kalim Al Asim, Jamil Viper, Ortho Shroud, Idia Shroud, Azul Ashengrotto, Original Male Character (Kaylus Cameron)

Content warning: food, yandere themes (but NOT from canon characters), manipulation, psychological distress

—————————————————————

Who could deny such a doting husband? Kaylus had given Yuu everything, hadn't he? A home, a steady paycheck, all the time and space they needed to work on whatever they'd like, doting affection, and a ring on everything else.

Yuu hummed while doing the dishes, the song “Mr. Sandman” by the Chordettes crooning softly from the dial radio placed on the windowsill. It was a beautiful shade of cloud grey outside. The bees were buzzing near the pewter colored roses, and the children outside played with a bright ash colored ball in the grass next door. It was really shaping up to be the perfect day out.

Yuu turned when the kitchen door swung open and in walked Kaylus, smiling widely.

“Good morning my loveliest, Yuu.”

“Good morning yourself, handsome mister.”

They exchanged a good morning kiss and smiled at one another.

“I’ve made the classic Queendom of Roses breakfast for you, dear. Sunny side up eggs, pork sausage, cut strawberries, and lemon scones. Oh! And I almost forgot the tea. Two sugars and cream, right?”

“You know me so well, doll.” Kaylus smiled, sharp and almost sweet toward Yuu. He took another step forward, “As much as I’d love to stay and enjoy it all, I have work to attend to, my love. Another time, perhaps?”

Yuu frowned, but it quickly melted into a smile, “Of course. Anything for you, love.”

He smiled and summoned his hat from thin air, tipping it toward Yuu, “I had nearly forgotten. You’ll give me a good luck kiss, won’t you?”

“Of course!”

Yuu strutted toward him and gave him a kiss on the cheek, flicking his hat up out of his eyes, “Don’t forget, we have the housewarming party tonight.”

“What housewarming party?”

“Kaylus, I told you about this three days ago! I’ve invited all the neighbors over so we can acquaint ourselves with the neighborhood! I’ve got RSVPs all lined up. You said you would take care of the food. You didn’t lie to me, now, did you?”

Kaylus’s face went blank for a moment. He could hear the laugh track playing.

“Of course not, what husband would I be if I did that? Now if you excuse me, I have to go now. Important…business…things.” He turned on his heel and walked out the door.

Yuu shook their head disapprovingly with a fond smile on their face. It certainly wouldn’t be fair to expect him to do everything, would it?

They finished doing the dishes and ate their breakfast. It had been maybe twenty minutes since Kaylus had left when they heard a knocking at the door. Yuu rushed over to open it.

“Hi! You’re our new neighbor, aren’t you? My name is Kalim Al Asim, it’s so nice to meet you.” He took Yuu’s hand, shaking it ecstatically with a wide swing, “My roommate, Jamil, and I live next to you to the left. It’s so nice for someone to finally be living here! I- oh, right, I didn’t catch your name.”

“Oh! It’s Yuu [ last name ]. It’s a pleasure to meet you too! Come in, come in.” Yuu stepped to the side, allowing Kalim to enter.

“Wow, this is a pretty big place just for you. Must be somewhat lonely.”

“Oh, no! I-I live here with my husband, Kaylus Cameron.”

Kalim looked momentarily surprised, but it snapped back to a big smile, “Oh, that's such a relief. It’d be a shame if you were alone all the time.” He walked toward Yuu, “I didn’t mean to intrude, I just got so excited about the housewarming party you invited us too that I wanted to see if you needed any help! Jamil’s at work right now, but when he gets back he can help bunches. Oh, you’ll love him, he’s a great cook, and he can do just about anything. But I can help too! I used to help with setting up birthday parties for all my younger siblings.”

“Oh, Kalim, that’s such a sweet offer, but I could never ask that of you!”

“You didn’t! I offered.” He looks pleased with himself and their company, “Anything you need, I can help take care of!”

Since it was clear Kalim isn’t taking no for an answer, Yuu sighed and smiled, “Well, my husband was supposed to pick up some groceries so I can get to cooking, but I don’t think I’ll have enough time to prep everything and do the rest of the housewarming with the plates and tidying…” They hummed a moment, “Would you be interested in picking up some groceries for me? I’ll pay, naturally, and compensate you even. If you don’t feel up to it, though, that's perfectly fine.”

“No! I’d love to do it, Jamil always does the shopping and I think it would be fun if I got the chance.” Kalim bounced on his heels, grinning, “Anything you need, I’m ready!”

Yuu smiled and went to grab a sheet of paper and a pen, “This is so appreciated, Kalim, really. First, I need three eggs,” the scribbled down what they needed on the paper, “two bags of potatoes, some leeks, a bag of sugar, four oranges, two things of strawberries, marshmallow fluff, maraschino cherries, and three lemons. Think you can get all this?”

Kalim’s eyes were trained on the paper and he jumped a little, “Yes, absolutely, 100%.”

Yuu smiled and said, “You’re a lifesaver, Kalim. Here - I believe forty 1954 dollars will cover it. If not, I’ll pay you back for any over-charges.”

Kalim skipped off and out of the house, “I won’t let you down!” he yelled over his shoulder before running off to complete the errands.

Yuu’s list isnt as clear as it seems, evidently, because when Kalim arrives at the store he looks dumbfounded.

“Three eggs…I don’t think they sell eggs individually. I could ask though.”

______________________________

Maybe you eat me, perhaps you don't. Leave me alone too long and I'll get soggy, but either way I still float. To find the answer to the question you seek, find it in the grocery store starting this week!

A good day starts with a good morning’s breakfast. To stave away hunger pains, try brand new Jellogg’s Riddles and Rhymes Breakfast Cereal!

Crunchy, sweet, and high in fiber. One flavor is strawberry, the other honey!

Start your day right with Riddles and Rhymes! What might you discover?

______________________________

“Don’t worry about the groceries, honey, our neighbor Kalim is helping out!” Yuu says to their husband on the phone. In that split second, there’s a knock at the door. “I’ve got to go, sweetie. See you tonight!”

Yuu walks to the door, opening it to see Kalim standing there with a proud smile.

“I got everything on the list!” Kalim enters the house unceremoniously, and makes a beeline for the kitchen, “It was a lot, but I figured it out! I got everything exactly as you asked.

Yuu followed behind with a relieved expression, “Truly, you’re a lifesaver. Now, lets unpack.”

Kalim smiles as he begins to pull contents from the bag.

Out comes one, two, three eggs. Two grocery bags, filled with potatoes. some leeks, roughly about five. He got the pound of sugar and the four oranges right. Two individual strawberries. marshmallow fluff, maraschino cherries, and three lemons are also all there.

“Kalim?”

“Yeah?”

“What is this?” They gesture to the grocery hall. The laugh track plays, and startles Kalim.

“Who’s laughing?” He frowns and looks around, “Yuu? What’s going on?”

“What?” Yuu looks confused, “I…I wasn’t laughing at you? I wanted to know what went through your mind when getting this food.”

“Yuu, where are we?” Kalim stares at him, eyes wide and mouth tinted red, looking starkly bright against the greyscale world around them. “How did we get here?”

There’s an pause, a break, and then Yuu smiles, “We’re prepping for the housewarming party tonight, don’t you remember?”

“Yuu-” Kalim is cut off by another knock at the door.

Yuu smiles politely, “Hold that thought, please.” They go to the door and open it, revealing Jamil, hair slicked back and neatly dressed in a suit.

“Hello, are you Yuu? I was looking for Kalim. I came home early to find him gone.” Jamil smiles, tight and politely, and there's something…

“Yes, he is! You must be Jamil, right?” Yuu smiles and invites him in, guiding him to the kitchen, “He’s in here.”

Jamil smiles and walks in, takes one look at the groceries on the table, and groans dramatically. “Let me guess, Kalim asked to help, and you sent him to get groceries?”

“How’d you figure it out so fast, Jamil?” Kalim tilts his head at him

“You did this last week, but with our groceries.” The laugh track plays. “And I’ve been with you since childhood. You’d think I’d know you by now.” Jamil smiles fondly for a moment before clearing his throat, “Let me see that grocery list and your recipes, Prefect. I can whip this into shape for you. Your party is only in an hour, I believe?”

“An hour?!” Yuu looks shocked and searches for a clock, “I could have sworn I had three left! Oh dear, I need to get everything ready! You’re a real doll for helping me, I owe you.”

______________________

Azul and Idia sit across from each other in the world’s most nerve wracking game of go fish. Azul’s face betrays nothing as he stares at Idia over the cards. Neither one of them really wants to play right now, but maybe it’ll keep their minds off everything.

Ortho hovers nearby, peeking over Azul’s shoulder to see his cards. Azul, in an act of rare benevolence, doesn’t comment and instead tries to hold back a laugh as he reads Idia’s face ahead of him.

Suddenly, Ortho beeps and comes to Idia’s side of the table.

“Ortho?” Idia’s eyebrows knit in concern, “Is something wrong?”

“There’s a strange signal coming from the Ignihyde dorm room. Translating now.” Ortho’s eyes flick from side to side as both boys put their cards down. Ortho has their full, quiet attention.

Ortho’s chest begins to display a hologram of what appears to simply be an old sitcom.

Azul sighs in disappointment and Idia’s about to turn back to their game when Ortho says, “No, wait, look! That looks like our friends!”

Both boys attentions snap back to the hologram and, sure enough, it looks like Yuu, Kalim, and Jamil are in the kitchen together. Everything seems to be going wrong - there's an ambrosia salad missing some ingredients, there’s a plate of three deviled eggs, and the kitchen curtain is on fire. A laugh track plays in the background.

Azul is shocked into silence while Idia stares wide eyed.

“Can you trace the signal further?” Idia asks quickly, “I-I…We need them back. In my own dorm…”

______________________

The housewarming party manages to come together at the last second. There’s enough food for everyone, after some hasty and nervous whispering between Yuu and their husband.

It’s nearly time for everyone to go, and the show makes sure thats clear. There’s a hasty hum and tempo to the movements, nervousness radiating.

Kaylus caught a cold on his way home, the poor thing. He was caught in the rain, and was sneezing like crazy.

Unfortunately, this made his magic go wild.

It was a close call to try and hide the plates floating in the air before Jamil saw them, and when the chair began to move away from Kalim when he was about to sit down

It could have been funny, or sweet. Maybe saccharine. If the radio didn’t buzz to life, interrupting Mr. Sandman by the Chordettes as Yuu hummed.

“Yuu? Yuu? Are you there?” an electronic voice rang from the radio.

“Yuu, it’s Idia and Azul. Can you tell us where you are?”

Yuu stared at the radio, eyes wide. It was a lovely shade of bright blue, they noticed, near teal. They felt as though someone was squeezing their throat, though. Something was wrong.

“Who are you? How are you in my radio?”

“Yuu, it’s us. Your friends. You’ve been missing for a week, we’re gonna try and rescue you. Hang in there while we find yo-”

All of the sudden, the radio burst into flames.

Yuu turned around to see Kaylus in the doorway, a halfway realistic look of shock and worry on his face.

“Kaylus…Kaylus? Where am I? What did you do?!” Yuu shouted, eyes wide as color bled into the world around them.

Kaylus sighed, “I’ll simply have to restart this again, I suppose.”

“Wha-”

_________________

Who could deny such a doting husband? Kaylus had given Yuu everything, hadn't he? A home, a steady paycheck, all the time and space they needed to work on whatever they'd like, doting affection, and a ring on everything else.

Yuu hummed while doing the dishes, the song “Mr. Sandman” by the Chordettes crooning softly from the dial radio placed on the windowsill. It was a beautiful shade of cloud grey outside. The bees were buzzing near the pewter colored roses, and the children outside played with a bright ash colored ball in the grass next door. It was really shaping up to be the perfect day out.

Yuu turned when the kitchen door swung open and in walked Kaylus, smiling widely.