#and the scene where he has to leave shepard behind on the crucible...

[timptoe]

Here at the End of Everything

I finished my first-ever playthrough of the Mass Effect trilogy this past July, and it broke my brain. I had a visceral reaction to the ending that surprised me, a sweet melancholy that lasted weeks, which had never happened to me before. I’ve spent the last several months working through those emotions trying to figure out why. Some of it’s wrapped up in my personal life--I recently left a career I’d worked in for twenty years because I’d been burned one too many times, and I hadn’t mourned that loss as thoroughly as I’d thought.

That might be why I kept coming back to the question, “How is it possible that Joker leaves Shepard behind on the Crucible?” I get it mechanically (Shepard dies in two of the three endings, so why script out Joker coming back for just Destroy), but narratively, it flies in the face of everything the story tells us about who Joker is, what his background is, and what his relationship with Shepard is built on.

I turned to free writing to figure it out, something I haven’t done in years. I was a professional creative in my former career; the work drained me so much that I did almost nothing creative outside of it. Writing in the last couple of months has been therapy in more ways than one, and diving into the deep end of the ME fandom here has been a blessing beyond measure.

So here’s what I’ve got: a longfic that follows Joker in the last hours before the triggering of the Crucible, and how his decisions and state of mind are informed by his past. Most of this will be canon-compliant but exploring scenes the game never chooses to show. It’s my attempt to put my brain back together and figure out if leaving is ever really worth it.

Chapter 1 is below; it’s the intro, setting up Joker’s frame of mind in the moments as Hackett gives the order to retreat. I’ll post chapter 2 tomorrow, and the rest as they get finished in the coming months, all of which deal with the pieces of Joker’s thought process as he decides to leave. Both chapters 1 and 2 are already up on Ao3. And it’ll eventually have an mshenko chapter, because the Shepard/Kaidan romance did so much to heal my soul.

If I’ve learned anything from this fandom in the last few months, it’s what Anthony Olivera says: be brave enough to be kind. Thanks for putting your work out there, friends; your bravery’s made me more kind.

Chapter 1: The Damage Is Done

Slowly, then all at once The dark clouds depart  And the damage is done  - Sleeping at Last, “Sorrow”

Sol System, Earth, SSV Normandy SR-2 The final moments of the Reaper War

It’s an information processing problem.

“All fleets!”

He just needs more time.

Joker tunes out the chaos behind him in the CIC, the tension in the cockpit around him. This far into the battle for Earth, there’s a lot of chaos. Crewmen running back and forth tracking Reaper movements, looking for targets. Adams shouting through the comm about heat generation. Traynor trying her level best to coordinate with the rest of the fleet. The recovered ground team crowding around his console, silent, watching. Waiting.

Tunes out isn’t exactly right. It’s more that he lets it wash over him, lets the noise and energy swirl together with the information on the lit panels in front of him, the feedback in the haptic nodes of his chair, a hurricane of input with him right at the center. Where he should be. Where he wants to be. He thrives in chaos, wears it like the hardsuit Alenko’s wearing in the co-pilot’s seat next to him.

Maybe better. Alenko’s hardsuit isn’t looking so great. 

“The Crucible is armed.”

His hands fly over the haptic panels, searching for a solution. He can do this. Joker‘s the best pilot in the Alliance, full stop. This isn’t bravado. It’s fact. Highest scores on the entrance aptitude test of anyone in his class by an order of magnitude. First recruit to actually solve the Jakarta simulation—before he was officially a cadet, to boot. Stole a damned prototype stealth ship out from under his superiors’ noses, twice, and oh yeah took the first-ever killshot on a Reaper in the middle of a literal warzone without getting hit once. 

Okay, sure, maybe there’s a little bit of bravado. But he’s earned it. Flying a frigate like the Normandy isn’t something everyone can do. Hell, it’s not something anyone can do. Just him.

He’s earned it.

With every broken bone, every sideways glance, every “fuck you just watch me do it,” he’s earned it. Because he’s clever. He’s perceptive.

He’s fast.

“Disengage and head to the rendezvous point.”

Someone grips his shoulder roughly, and he shakes them off. Don’t they know he’s in his element? Finding solutions to problems no one else can? There’s always a way. They just need to stop bothering him and give him a moment. He can figure this out. Flying isn’t about strength or toughness or whatever it is the marines onboard are always hoo-rah!-ing about. It’s about speed—speed of thought. And Joker is, by a mile, the fastest thinker on the ship. 

The thing about flying a ship like the Normandy is that you’ve gotta be thinking about a million little things at any given moment. You have to be able to take information, process it, and act on it in a split second. And that information changes all the time, so you have to constantly be processing. Because if you don’t? People die. Like they did on the SR-1.

Like he did on the SR-1.

What’s more, this is Joker’s responsibility now. It has to be him. He knows what his job is, and he’s not going to fuck it up again. He can do this. He just needs more time.

“I repeat: disengage and get the hell out of here!”

He’s not leaving without Shepard.

How could he?

[selfvalidity]

this is where matson becomes like really fucking depressing as a guy. he is my exploration into how much i bottle up and fix things behind the scenes. after the horrificness of my version of the skyllian blitz, he knows he can't show weakness. he's a war hero of course he's fine. then he meets kaidan in me1 and he lets himself open up a bit, let's the crew see him as matson sometimes, not just commander shepard. he's in love with a sweet, steady guy! and he actually starts making friends for like the first time in his fucking life and the mission is going well

then virmire breaks him.

he thinks he failed. he made a mistake. he got too comfortable and this is why he's shepard first and matson second. he regresses and closes himself off. like how dare he choose kaidan over ashley just because matson is in love with kaidan. how utterly selfish of him

(he knows it was one of the other. saving ashley wouldn't have made him feel better. and deep down he knows that he needs kaidan in his ear more than ashley)

then he dies. gets resurrected but cerberus didn't come for matson they came for shepard. everything that he never wanted from the alliance i.e. gene therapy cerberus forces on him. because the galaxy needs commander shepard and nothing else and god forbid if he isn't perfect

kaidan leaves and matson cracks. kaidan looks at him like he's a stranger, and if the one person that made matson feel human looks at him like he isn't, then exactly what is he? so he tries to find out, carves up his face to see what's underneath and now his crew is disappointed in him and even his new scars aren't normal. they glow

so he decides fine, he won't act human. he gets a bit mean but even then he's not good at it. he's not a mean person at his core and then tali comes back and he's more stable with his best friend there. he's certainly not okay but he's present at least

and then fucking arrival happens

this is the breaking point. after horizon he couldn't break down, he had a mission to complete. but arrival? he killed thousands of people based on basically a dream and rightfully, deservedly gets put on house arrest. he has nothing to do

so matson is spirals. hardcore. he simulates ways he could've done arrival differently because how could've messed up so badly? it must've been his fault, his bad call. so through the hundreds of simulations why can't he find the correct way? he snaps when james confronts him about cause why doesn't james take off the rose-colored glasses and see what a monster he is?

they talk. they talk for awhile. matson stabilizes. again. he doesn't believe it when james says he's a good person, but maybe arrival was out of his hands

me3. galaxy needs commander shepard, so off he goes. kaidan almost dies, matson freaks out cause they were only just united. kaidan gets hospitalized and heals. and matson is tired. he wants one good thing, so he tentatively tries flirting with kaidan, like he did in me1. and kaidan reciprocates and matson doesn't know what to think. he doesn't hope for anything, but when kaidan trusts him again, when kaidan is back, maybe matson starts to hope again

they get together and it's so good

kaidan is with him, step by step, through the war and matson is happy, or as close as he can be with the reapers. he starts opening up and being honest about his feelings and everyone breathes a sigh of relief. thessia happens but kaidan is by his side, "it is what it is"

so when matson lies in the rubble caused by the crucible, he decides to live

[theotherhufflepuff]

Simon Snow Trilogy Tarot Cards...

Ok so, a little while ago I saw this frankly stunning artwork by @vkelleyart and I started thinking about the Major Arcana archetypes and how characters from my favourite book series could fit into them.

So I made this list. It took a lot of thought and I’m still not 100% sure on some of them but I have explained my thought process for each card.

I don’t know how much crossover there is in the Venn diagram of “Simon Snow fans” and “tarot readers” but I’d love to hear your opinions and/or alternative suggestions (be respectful though, obviously). I’ve left “visual prompts” for most of the cards explaining what they looked like in my imagination and if anyone wants to draw any of these (or their own alternative version!) please tag me; it would make my day! I can’t draw for toffee so I am 1000% never gonna try to illustrate any of them myself.

List under the cut because it is loooong.

Spoilers ahead for the whole series!

0 The Fool - Shepard - Shepard just follows magickal creatures around and says “yes” to everything... he is the pure embodiment of the Fool archetype to me; care-free, innocent... prepared for everything and yet totally clueless. Visual prompt: Shepard about to (attempt to) step into the fog as he follows a fairy into the forest.

1 The Magician - Penelope - “Penelope Bunce is a fierce magician, I don’t mind saying” Baz, at least once in each book. Penny never worries about not having the power or words available to do whatever she wants; she is comfortable in her power and it is always there, ready to be wielded however she sees fit. Visual prompt: Penny wearing her Stevie Nicks cape, standing by a chalkboard in the classic “Magician” pose, ring clearly held aloft.

2 The High Priestess - Dr Mitali Bunce - Dr Bunce is possibly a more formidable magician than her daughter. Highly intelligent, straightforward and, let’s be honest, judgemental. But she does have all the answers. Visual prompt: Dr Bunce carrying around her laptop, phone sandwiched between her ear and her shoulder.

3 The Empress - Lucy Salisbury - Lucy exudes the nurturing, Earth Mother vibes that are central to the Empress archetype. She saw the best in everyone and all she wanted was to love Davy and live with him in their cottage with her chickens and their child. Visual prompt: Lucy, barefoot and pregnant, feeding the chickens outside of their cottage.

4 The Emperor - Lamb - This is one of the ones I’m not totally sure about. I went through a few different ideas but ultimately settled on Lamb as the “Vampire King of Las Vegas”. He is an imposing figure, ruling his city with an iron fist; if you are in his favour, Vegas is your playground, but cross him and you will suffer the consequences. Visual prompt: Lamb sits on an antique chair in his opulent suite at the Katherine, the lights of night time Vegas visible through the window behind him.

5 The Hierophant - The Mage - Again, this one took some thought and I’m sure some people will disagree with this interpretation... I’m not completely sold on it myself. The Mage was all about reforming the old traditions of the World of Mages and he amassed a following by doing so. But he turned out to be somewhat of a false prophet; abusing his power to oppress those he deemed “the enemy”. Visual prompt: The Mage in his Robin Hood costume, sitting at his desk at the top of the Weeping Tower, surrounded by his piles of banned books.

6 The Lovers - Simon and Baz - Obviously. As stated at the top of this post, I love @vkelleyart’s version of this card, but there are a lot of scenes across the series that could be used to illustrate this archetype. I personally always love to see the original “and then he kisses me” scene.

7 The Chariot - Fiona Pitch - I struggled with this one a bit and I don’t really think that this is the ideal version. But the image of Fiona, rolling up to Blackfriars bridge in her vintage sports car to rescue Baz from the Numpties really stuck with me so that’s what I went with, for lack of a better idea.

8 Strength - Ebb - Ebb is often dismissed and underestimated by other magicians but she is wicked powerful. But more than that, the Strength card is about inner strength, self control and the wisdom to know when to fight, and when to rest. Ebb is highly intuitive about the people - and goats - around her and is always careful not to talk about her twin brother, only conceding that she knows of his presence once a year and never giving in to the temptation to talk directly to him. Ebb saw the war coming and knew that she could probably end it all by herself with the power she had; but she also knew that she didn’t want that and she had the strength to say no, to eschew the expectations the rest of the World of Mages placed upon her and live quietly, instead. Visual prompt: Ebb in the hills behind the school with the goats, she wears a flower crown that the Dryad made her.

9 The Hermit - Agatha - the Hermit eschews the outside world in order to take an inner journey of self discovery, knowing that this is the only way to find real answers and achieve real growth. Agatha, jaded by the World of Mages, took herself off to California, leaving her wand at home. She didn’t know what she wanted but she knew it wasn’t magic. Visual prompt: Agatha sits on the beach at twilight by a small campfire, Lucy the Cavalier King Charles Spaniel by her side.

10 The Wheel of Fortune - The Crucible - The Crucible’s decisions, like the Wheel’s, are unpredictable and inevitable. Once it’s happened, you’re stuck with the consequences - sometimes bad (being stuck with a toff vampire who hates you) and sometimes good (getting the best room in Mummers house).

11 Justice - Natasha Grimm-Pitch - Natasha needed justice to find peace; her whole story is about justice. She was swift to act when the vampires attacked Watford, dispatching them without hesitation. When she came through the veil to find Baz and ask him to bring her murderer to justice, she knew that would also provide some closure for him, too, both for her death, and for his. Visual prompt: Natasha Grimm-Pitch appearing from beyond the veil, looking for Baz and finding Simon.

12 The Hanged One - Nicodemus - The Hanged One is about feeling stuck, but also about finding peace where you are when there’s nothing you can do about it. Nicodemus chose to cross over for eternal life, but he was stricken from the book; his (considerable) magic effectively taken from him and his fangs removed. He was stuck in between - not a full vampire, not a magician; he exists on the fringes of both communities. He got himself there and then he had to figure out how to get by, carve out a place for himself in order to survive. Visual prompt: Nicodemus sits in the tree in the garden of his mother’s house in South London, waiting for Ebb to come and sit on the empty bench beneath him.

13 Death - [scene on the Great Lawn] - Ok, so.. this might need some explaining. My immediate thought for this card was that it should be the Humdrum but Death is all about clearing out the old junk in your life that doesn’t serve you in order to make space for the new. And the Humdrum isn’t making space for anything. So I was thinking about times that has happened in the story and I thought about how the death of the Mage made room for real progress and an end to the war with the old families. Visual prompt: Penny and Baz (literally) run into a fleeing Agatha on the Great Lawn; the Weeping Tower looms in the background, the Mage and Simon visible through the blown-out stained glass windows.

14 Temperance - Simon and the Humdrum - Temperance is, as you might expect, about balance and harmony. Simon used so much magic at once that he couldn’t control it and it tore holes in the magickal atmosphere. Simon had to fill the Simon-shaped hole to restore equalibrium and stop the magickal firmament from collapsing altogether. Visual prompt: Simon kneeling in the Weeping Tower, pouring his magic into the Humdrum as he fades away.

15 The Devil - Smith Smith-Richards - The Devil is about feeling trapped by temptations in your life, often because we’re afraid of what we would do with the freedom we’d have if we let them go. Which got me thinking about Smith-Richards (that name never gets any less ridiculous) and all the magicians who were taken in by the temptation of “fixing” their magic. But it was a false promise and those magicians who narrowly escaped taking Smith-Richards’ spell were all freed from the idea of their magic being “broken” in the first place. Visual prompt: Smith-Richards (looking like the guy who would be cast to play Simon in the Netflix series) standing on a stage in the packed-out White Chapel, rapt audience hanging on his every word.

16 The Tower - The Humdrum - Originally I wanted to use the Weeping Tower for this card because the imagery is on point but the meaning doesn’t match. The Tower is about absolute destruction, the crumbling of something you thought core to your being. The Humdrum steals magic and renders magicians homeless because of it. The Tower is about having to start again from the ground up - just as the Grimms did when all the magic was drained from Hampshire. Visual prompt: The Humdrum, wearing Simon’s face, stands in the grounds of Pitch Manor, laughing. (I have always thought of the holes looking like a burn in a piece of paper - sort of glowing and smouldering at the edges as it eats away the atmosphere. I know the holes can’t actually be seen - the Normals would freak out - but that is imagery I would use here)

17 The Star - Lady Ruth’s candles - The Star is about hope and healing after the devastation of the Tower. Lady Ruth’s candles were a symbol of hope that kept her going when she thought she had lost her children. They provided comfort and, at the end when it became clear the Lucy was gone, the healing of knowing that her child had finally found his way home to his family. Visual prompt: Lady Ruth’s candles in front of a window, a bright star can be seen through the window.

18 The Moon - Agatha and Simon - So, the Moon is all about examining blurred lines between illusion and reality - nothing looks totally clear in the moonlight. It reminded me of how Simon never really seemed to have a clear view of his feelings for Agatha and what their relationship was. When he properly examined his feelings, he found that he didn’t love Agatha and was going through the motions because he thought it was what other people expected of him. Agatha was doing the same. It also brought to mind Simon, going out of his mind worrying about Baz when he was missing - as well as basically every other thought Simon ever has about Baz before Christmas Eve 2015 - and somehow mistaking it for hating him?? Simon is not stupid but sometimes he’s real dumb. Visual prompt: Agatha and Simon meet on the ramparts, both looking for Baz, and break up.

19 The Sun - Simon - This card is all about innocence, optimism and joy. Nothing about this series personifies this more than Simon flying above Shepard’s truck in America, feeling free and hopeful about the future for the first time in over a year. Visual prompt: Shepard’s truck drives through the vast empty desert, the sun beating down. Simon flies above the truck, joy on his face.

20 Judgement - Niamh and Agatha - Ok, this one was hard to figure out and this is maybe not the right solution, but I was very stuck. Judgement is about self improvement through self reflection. As a small twist on that theme; Niamh and Agatha challenge each other’s view of themselves and their interactions with the world around them. Visual prompt: Agatha and Niamh, sweating to death in Niamh’s “shitty Ford Fiesta” (I’m very salty about that line; my Ford Fiesta is lovely and it has aircon). Niamh is frowning, obviously.

21 The World - Simon, Baz, Penny and Shepard - The World is about completeness, the ending of a story, fulfilment and belonging. At the end of AWTWB, Simon has finally found his biological family, he is starting to accept that his boyfriend and his found family love him for who he is, magic or no, and he can finally start to imagine a future for himself. Baz has learned new information about his vampirism, Penny has found new confidence and Shepard is finally fully accepted into the group. Visual prompt: Baz, Penny and Shepard sit on Simon’s sofa (possibly still pink from Baz’s spell, possibly he spelled it navy blue again) Simon sits on the floor. They’re all eating leftover sandwiches and cake from Lady Ruth’s.

[firesongbard]

Second First Date

Ever wonder what conversation led up to The Tango Scene on the Citadel?

Read it on AO3

V A K A R I A N

Shepard sat hunched over her desk, elbows doing their best to grind divots into the metal surface while her hand cradled her head. Three datapads flickered on the surface of the table, and one tossed haphazardly on the floor sparked from recent structural damage.

“Sanctuary?” Garrus asked, carefully announcing his presence to avoid becoming target practice for the next data pad frisbee.

“Yeah.” She sank a little lower into her hands before pressing them both firmly on the table and leaning back in her chair, face turned to the ceiling. “It’s not enough that two-thirds of the Council want to just sit on their asses and wait for the Reapers to come to them, no. Some of the brightest scientists the galaxy has to offer, funded by the deepest pockets this side of the Traverse have banded together to do the Reaper’s work for them.” She slammed the flat of her hand against the armrest of her chair. “We could have finished the crucible and fired it by now if everyone wasn’t so damned focused on holding onto their trade secrets. For what? Bragging rights?”

She quieted, letting her head hang limply back, draping one forearm over her eyes. Garrus approached and set one hand lightly on the edge of her chair.

“Well, look on the bright side. It’s only half the Council if you count the seat Udina left vacant.”

Her head snapped to the side, and her brows folded sharply over her eyes with her lips pressed together enough to make the rose color disappear.

“Oh... Too soon?”

“God,” she brought her hands to her face and dragged her fingers down, divoting the soft flesh. “When we were chasing Saren, I never would have guessed Sparatus was the only reasonable person on the Council. Most punchable face, maybe.”

“Only you would look at turian faceplates and think ‘I should slam my delicate fingers into that as hard as I can.’ Must come from the same lack of self-preservation that lets you stare down a Reaper.” He smiled down at her, watching for the tells that she wanted closeness or space.

Her muscles relaxed, leaving only residual lines of strain and worry behind, and she stared through him. “You ever think about just leaving them to it?”

His mind wandered to another place—a reality where they both had died and come back as ghosts. Rather than shoulder the weight of the world, they just disappeared into the uncharted together. No responsibility. No constant danger. Turn their backs on everyone who refused to be saved and make the choice to be happy.

“Little hard to leave when your home is on fire, Shepard.” His voice was more raw and strained than he expected, and the words felt like they’d been pulled out of him against his will.

“Wouldn’t be the first time I left a home burning.”

He noticed Shepard hadn’t returned from that long-distant stare. She was letting the grip of old ghosts pull her in—wherever hers came from.

“If only we could just make more of us. Every system gets a Shepard and Vakarian to solve all their problems, and we go off somewhere with a beach-side bar and take a vacation.”

“You know, I think that’s only the second most awkward mating proposal I’ve received.”

He felt heat rise to his face, and his chest tightened. “I didn’t mean—that wasn’t—wait... Second?”

Shepard laughed and broke the distant stare, coming back into the absurdity of the moment. “I wish I still had a copy! Probably got wiped when they repainted the Normandy.” Her eyes were wet from laughter, catching the light of the overheads. “Krogan find my lack of self-preservation very appealing.”

“Well, you gave them all enough children to throw off the ecosystem. Consider that obligation fulfilled.”

“Hey,” she took hold of his wrist, gently pulling him close. “If I have to be forced into the worst-timed shore leave ever, how about we take a night to pretend the world isn’t ending?”

“I would try to forget about the end of the world. If only the end of the world would forget about us. Seems like whenever we get too comfortable, some sentient starship comes out of the woodwork to tell us how doomed we are.” He gently tugged Shepard out of her chair so he could rest his hands on her hips. “But I’ll never say no to a night with you.” He lowered his forehead to hers but felt her duck her head and tuck into his cowl instead. He rumbled something quiet and comforting and ran his hands in firm circles on her back.

“Not sure I remember how to be me.”

He stiffened, his hands freezing for a moment. Another memory floated to the surface from years ago on the Citadel. Shepard talking down a human woman on the docks— the disgruntled subject in barely coherent hysterics waving a pistol around. Shepard threw the rulebook out the window and wrapped her arms around the girl, trying to bring her back from her trauma.

She doesn’t want to remember anymore.

“Then let’s not be us. Just one terribly dashing turian and a human with unparalleled charisma drawn inexplicably toward each other.”

“You watch too many romance vids with Tali.”

“I watch them for the character analysis. Good detective training.”

She shook against him with quiet laughter and wrapped her fingers in the divot of his broken cowl. “As long as you aren’t you, we might have a shot at that romantic evening.”

“And you might have a shot at dancing.”

She groaned but didn’t let go. He felt her shift to press her cheek against the base of his neck, and he lifted his head to make room. He had to smooth her hair to keep it from catching on his mandibles and set them wide enough to the side that one flicked gently against her forehead.

The silence settled over them. Thick. Suffocating. Drawing his mind to the places he kept tucked out of sight, always to deal with after. After this mission. After this meeting. After the war.

The memorial wall kept getting longer. The casualty numbers grew so large he was numb to the meaning. He could measure one life. Weigh the cost of ten. But millions? How many more would they have to sacrifice to win? How many ships? How many systems? How many races?

Shepard sometimes whispered in her sleep. Dreams of Bahak and the choice she’d had to make about the Alpha Relay. He’d read the reports, but it was always worse to hear the Reaper’s words from her lips.

Know this as you die in vain: your time will come.

“Garrus?”

He pulled back to reality with some effort. His head ached from the force of refocusing thoughts. Long-term sleep deprivation. He’d have to put in a request for an extra cycle so he could be his best, and remember not to lie awake staring at the ceiling for it—

“Garrus?” He caught the rise in volume and pitch—the panic setting in, and he wasn’t sure how long she’d been calling his name.

“Sorry, I thought we were pretending to be other people. I was going to go with the Rogue Spectre Regalius, Pirate in the Terminus after he fled the Hierarchy to pursue a forbidden love with—”

“Other than the Spectre part, it sounds like you already did that.” She pulled away from him slowly, her eyes rimmed in red. The ribbing on his shirt had imprinted on her face, lining it with bright red bands. She looked absolutely ridiculous.

“Hmm. Guess I need more practice. How about I be Lucius, from accounting? Despite the citadel getting overrun with Cerberus, he still has a report to file by Monday.”

“Oh Lucy,” she walked her fingers up his cowl to the back of his head, mocking him with the intimate gesture. “Woo me with your quarterly statements.” Her voice purred in a way that made his stomach drop and his spine tingle.

“How—” he gulped, absolutely incredulous. “How are you doing that?”

“I’m a great actress.” She slid her body up against him and nibbled on one mandible. “Haven’t you seen my latest performances?”

They chased away the silence together with laughter and meaningless banter. Anything inane enough to keep the weight of the war at bay. With enough talk and enough of Shepard’s impressive performance, he could ignore the whispers of guilt that tugged at his conscience.

[critmedia]

My second review will, without a doubt, make some people mad; not just because what I’m going to say about this piece will fiercely disagree with what many people had to say about it, but because Mass Effect 3 had such a large and passionate following, that it would be impossible not to offend someone.

So without further ado, here’s:

Why Mass Effect 3′s Ending Was Actually Good and Those Who Complained About It Are Being Babies (Spoilers)

(People are allowed their opinions, I don’t think they are actually babies, just that they expected too much and they had a huge overreaction to what essentially ends up being about 10-20 minutes of a 30 hour game. I want to acknowledge I’ve seen some arguments saying that the ending isn’t what people wanted. People wanted Shepard to win and to live happily ever after with his love interest with a happy family. The end. And I will admit, I wanted that for my Shepard too, but I can accept that it didn’t happen. Because what we want, isn’t always what we get. And even if you do everything right, things may not turn out the way we had wanted or expected. That’s were the emotion comes in. When Shepard fails to survive even when he made all the right calls. That’s just how it happens/happened. So if you say the ending is bad for this reason, I have no sympathy for you, and you are, in fact, a baby.)

I’m going to start by saying this is not a review of Mass Effect 3. I will review Mass Effect as a series later, but for now let’s focus on the point of contention that most people had with the game: The ending.

So being a huge Mass Effect nerd I’ve spend a lot of time in this universe (I counted it up the other day, I’ve played over 2000 hours of the Mass Effect series) which has allowed me to fully grasp and understand what goes on in these games. This also gives me a huge bias towards the game that I will fully acknowledge. However, I propose that from a writing and programing standpoint, this game (and the ending) is pretty good, not perfect, but good.

Alright legitimacy established, hypothesis stated, let’s get into the nitty-gritty. So we have 2 characters, the Illusive Man and Admiral Anderson plus a Shepard (your male/female projection of yourself that allows you to interact with the world, i.e. not actually a character). The Illusive Man is a master manipulator running a splinter military organization in order to further humanity’s status in the galaxy, at any cost necessary. He has been implanted and indoctrinated by the Reapers, but not directly controlled by them, just influenced. Opposing him, you and Anderson stand, in a trance induced by the Illusive Man via Reaper tech. Anderson is a leader of the Alliance forces, proud and humble all a the same time. He’s been friends with/mentor to Shepard for years, and has been a large part of stopping the Reapers thus far. These two characters are foils, exact opposites that highlight each others strengths and weaknesses. However this scene plays out, Anderson and the Illusive Man end up dead and Shep near death. BUT not before each character has had a chance to make an appeal to you. Illusive Man wants to control the Reapers and use their tech to make the galaxy a better place, great idea, but how is one supposed to control the Reapers? Anderson says to destroy the Reapers, anything less will be damnation of the sapient races of the galaxy, and he has a point, the Reapers are the antagonists after all. But how do we do that? They are just so powerful it has been impossible up to this point.

That’s where the MacGuffin comes in. That’s right, the Crucible, a giant space device passed down throughout millions of years of development has just been activated and Shep can die in peace knowing he kills the Reapers. But wait,  what through yonder window breaks, tis a message that it doesn’t work. Shep passes out and then we see him ascend via unknown force into the Crucible.

This is the point in which I see people getting mad.

Shepard wakes inside the Crucible approached by a semi translucent little boy, that has all the answers in the universe. He says, I offer 3 different color solutions to the problem, and because you are space Jesus you get to pick which one happens by sacrificing yourself, the end. Okay, I understand that sounds dumb, and that’s why people don’t like it. There is an out of left field, totally unexpected thing happening, that boils down to a color-coded trinary choice that ends the magnificent series about the consequences of choice, right?

Wrong. Let’s unpack everything we know, and make an effort to understand before we start to judge.

First the child. Everyone seems to criticize Bioware for making the “Star Child”, as the community refers to him, a significant part of the story. The “Star Child” is based off of a child in the intro of the game. Shepard looks out of his office on Earth (that’s important) down on the child (the first young child we’ve seen in the games to this point, i.e. important), who is playing with a toy in the garden. The Reapers then launch the invasion of Earth and Shepard soon after encounters the boy in a small vent that Shep can’t fit into (also important) and tries to help him. The boy replies, “You can’t help me” (IMPORTANT!). He then disappears. Later, Shepard is about to leave Earth to unite the rest of the galaxy and beat the Reapers. There is a touching scene where Anderson gives his spiel about staying at home and fighting the good fight for the citizens of Earth. I can’t do it justice in this review, but it’s been decided that Shep will leave despite not wanting to. As his ship begins to take off, he spots the boy get into an evac shuttle. And the ship is destroyed. The boy then haunts Shep in his dreams after every major mission in the game hence forth. In each dream sequence, we an extended look at the end of the dream, where the boy sits in flames, then in the last Shepard sees himself and the boy burning. These dream sequences got labeled by fans as out-of-place, unnecessary, and stupid. These are ignorant claims, because almost everyone making these claims do not understand why the child should be important enough to haunt Shepard. They say, “Shep is a grizzled war vet who has seen atrocity after atrocity, why would one child dying haunt his dreams? Shouldn’t it be the friends he’s lost?” Now already, these people can’t understand the ending, because they’ve missed a huge themeing device, because they can only take things literally. Going back to the beginning, we start on Earth. Home. Home is associated with safety, comfort, our childhoods. Then we see the first child in the series ever, hinting that this child will be important. More than that children are considered innocent and the future. Then seeing the child in danger again in the vent, we are supposed to see that Shepard cannot reach this innocence, his future. And finally the giant walking metaphor says, “Player, you cannot help me. You cannot keep your innocence. You may never reach your future. Saving everyone is not a possibility, even thought it is your goal to save as many people as possible. Don’t expect every battle to be a victory.”

And if it wasn’t blatant enough for you, the writers decide that the child should die, AND constantly remind you of the themes via dream sequences at appropriate intervals through the story. This also builds up to a climax, in the last dream sequence when Shep and the boy perish in flames together, both foreshadowing some of the possible endings, and implying that Shepard will not see the future.

“But then how/why did the “Star Child” appear to Shepard as the boy?”

One, it’s the most ancient and advanced piece of technology in the universe with mind altering power, and you just plugged the biggest battery ever created into it. I’m sure it could have appeared as anything it wanted to. Two, themeing is important. Three, suspension of disbelief. This is sci-fi, get used to it.

Okay, so first point of contention, gone. The “Star Child” is important and now you know why. Now the Blue/Green/Red ending. I feel this was what the majority of people were mad about.

First off, I’m throwing the argument "it didn’t incorporate any of the decisions that I made previously and that’s why it’s bad” in the trash. Why? It’s not a good argument. There is no way to make a branching code that would have incorporated decisions made over the course of 3 very long games into the ending AND made it a coherent and satisfying ending to the trilogy. That’s unrealistic. Second, the decisions made did/do matter, they are what led Shepard to be in that situation. The “Star Child” literally says that in his speech. Plus the decisions matter in the much larger scale of each person’s own personal game; who lived and died, what races survive the apocalypse, the relationships forged, people affected, and everything that is and was. If you think the ending negates those decisions, you’re wrong.

Getting into each ending specifically Control, Destroy, and Synthesis; each has their own merits and affect the galaxy after Shepard. (There is also a secret fourth ending, but it isn’t quite as satisfying.) This also matters. It is a metaphor of choosing the legacy you want to leave behind. Each has its own consequences: Control is the proposition of one of your enemies, the Illusive Man. What seemed impossible is now a possibility. Can you see past the bad things that he had done and see the logic in the solution he was seeking? Or do you go with what his foil and your friend, Anderson, would have done and destroy the Reapers? It has always been your goal, but the cost is the deaths of some of your friends and allies. Or do you ignore both extremes and come to a solution never available to you before, blurring the lines between synthetic and organic. This is the most mysterious of the options, and you may not fully grasp the concept as it is foreign, but it would seem like a paradise. And yes each one had their own color, but to boil down those decisions to just the  colors, is showing your own ignorance of said consequences. And with the addition of the FREE Extended Cut ending, it fills in all of the gaps that the previous iteration neglected to mention.

The decision is up to you/Shepard, but only you have to live with the consequences of your decision. And you get to see some of those consequences, as each ending has it’s own unique narration, showing outcomes of decisions made previous to the ending and what the galaxy does with the opportunity given to them.

That is a fucking great ending.