#and the song mentions being able to sing the narrator anything being able to read the narrator anything and being able to give the narrator

[trixeraptops]

inspired by @pumpkinpaperweight 's critique of the SGE movie

A reimagining of how they could have done the Gavaldon scene in the movie

The scene starts with the two girls at the lake. Sophie is packing cucumbers and Agatha is flicking matches into the lake. The sun is setting behind them.

We had the Storian narrating in the beginning and we keep that, "In the village of Gavaldon two girls sat at a lake. One was good and one was evil." But we don't cut to close ups of the girls. Instead we get closer to the back of their heads and at "good" Agatha turns her head to say something we can't hear. Sophie turns and replies at "bad". The camera stills "The Schoolmasters perfect pair" and then we cut to in front of them and key into their conversation.

"Agatha you have to stop worrying."

"How can I when your still obsessed with that silly story about the School for Good and Evil?"

"It's not silly Aggie! Tonight we'll both go to our new schools. I'll meet my prince and you'll..."

"Be a witch." Agatha says spitefully aggressively tossing a match into the lake.

"Make new friends?" Sophie says haltingly.

"This is nonsense. Just don't do anything stupid."

"I won't."

"Promise?" There is a close up on Agatha's pinky. We cut to Sophie's face before back to Agatha' hand.

"Promise." They seal the pinky promise.

We then cut to Sophie going home, her father is already home, nailing something down. "Father must you ruin my window?"

Then they give a bit of exposition about the kidnapping and they talk about Belle (that girl from the beginning of the book who brings her dad lunch and cut her hair off) and the scene ends with Sophie sitting on her bed holding a fairytale frowning as her father nails her door shut, locking her in and hopefully the Schoolmaster out.

We cut to Agatha and her mother with a similar shot of Agatha frowning on her bed holding reaper but the repetitive noise that we hear isn't a hammer it's Callis dancing as she packs singing the SGE song she sang in the book. Agatha insults her, calls it hogwash. Calls admonishes her and then starts wondering about ingredients. Agatha sets Reaper off her lap and pulls her pillow over her head.

Camera moves downward into the darkness of underneath the bed and we see some books under Agathas bed to allude to the fact she reads the stories too. Maybe some more exposition about the bookshop and the connection between the books and the kids but this time narrated by the storian.

Then the camera pans up again and it's night Agatha is tossing and turning in her sleep before she jolts awake. She throws on her coat and the shot changes to her marching towards Sophie's house. Because I mentioned Sophie being shut in, only her window will be open, cause that's the only things she would be able to pull off since the door is boarded from the outside.

Instead of just standing outside the window for a bit the Schoolmaster will be immediately present, zooming past Agatha into Sophie's room and pulling Sophie out the window.

Then we have the chase scene through Gavaldon and Agatha latches onto Sophie's feet, claws her way up Sophie and starts trying to wail on the Schoolmaster to get him to let go. She stops when they lift off the ground so high that as Sophie's father tries to grab her out of the sky he can barely jump high enough to tap the edge of Agatha/Sophie's shoe (whichever is closer to the ground.

Instead of them bouncing up a tree Schoolmaster just drops them in the nest.

End of Gavaldon scene

Edit 1: Added-Maybe some more exposition about the bookshop and the connection between the books and the kids but this time narrated by the storian

[taylor-swift-as-a-sacred-text]

Track: evermore

Album: evermore

Reading Guide: Guigo's ladder

1. What's literally happening?

did y’all know there were bird sounds at the beginning of this track (right after I’ve been down since July)?

verse one has the narrator describing her depression. She’s trying to understand why she feels like this, and she assumes it’s her fault. She’s writing letters that she has no intention of sending.

in the chorus, the narrator is looking out an open window in November (as mentioned in verse one), so it’s chilly outside. While staring, she feels like she’s going to feel like this forever.

verse two moves the narrator on to December. Things feel very uncertain for her, and again, she replays things trying to figure out where things went wrong. She can’t get past that moment where she and someone else seem to have been able to fully communicate with each other.

chorus talks about the narrator running around barefoot out in the winter cold, rather than staring out the window. It’s a bit more active than the first chorus, but she’s still feeling pain, and still feeling like she’ll always feel that pain.

the bridge is interesting because now we have two narrators. The male narrator is wanting a break in all of the hard things that they’re going through together. He tries to assure her that things will be okay, whether that happens soon in the “frost” months or much later in the hot summer months. He explains that right now he’s going through some really hard things by describing himself as being tossed in ocean waves. I’m not fully sure what Is there a line that I could just go cross? is supposed to mean. Maybe wondering if there’s a finish line to all of this hardship.

the bridge continues with the female narrator and the male talking over each other. The male narrator repeats his concerns and assurances. The female narrator talks about how when she went through a really difficult time, one as lonely as being shipwrecked, she used thoughts of the male narrator to stay hopeful. Her thoughts of him felt real enough to get her through the struggle. She seems to be trying to reassure herself that he was actually there for her during that time.

the next iteration of the chorus has both narrators saying the same thing together, finally united. The narrators find themselves in a cabin, able to take a break from the harsh winter, and it feels like the pain they’re might not actually last forever.

2. What allegorical images, stories, songs, or metaphors show up for you?

replay my footsteps echoes a lot of other songs that talk about pacing back and forth (Hits Different, for one)

okay those bird sounds remind me of I Look In People’s Windows

whoa. This chorus talks about staring out of windows, whereas ILIPW talks about staring into windows.

cabin imagery reminds me of folklore.

I love phrasing of the violence of the dog days. I hate summer heat.

the overlapping singing in the bridge replicating the crossed signals of the second verse

Lots of ocean/water imagery, stuff that shows up in the cardigan music video

the bridge is also interesting because the male narrator seems to have a lot more rhymes in his lyrics than the female narrator. Almost makes him seem more grounded, even when he claims to be tossed by ocean waves.

writing letters shows up in other songs, as early as the debut album

rhyme of July/light/fire is chef’s kiss

3. What experiences have you had in your own life that come to mind?

I think about walking around my college campus in the wintertime. I think I felt a lot like this during those days, especially right after one of the most significant breakups I had that happened at the end October. Like, could I have done anything differently.

Also, I really like winter. I find it better to try to get warmer than be unable to get any cooler. Winter does kind of feel like a time to reevaluate and take stock of where I want to be in the upcoming spring.

4. What action are you being called to take?

I feel called to pay attention to other people’s concerns. I don’t have a lot more elaborate thoughts on that, just that this song feels like one or both of the narrators not fully listening to the other.

[maybedefinitely404]

Day 29: Prinxiety/Loceit (pt 4)

Aaaand, part 4, the finale! 

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

@tsshipmonth2020

Day 29:  You have a telepathic link with your soulmate until the two of you meet.

Content warnings: discussion of conversion therapy/after effects, PTSD, food mentions, anxiety/panic attacks, internalized homophobia, mentions of the foster system/abuse (mental, emotional, neglect, past eating disorder), minor self harm/blood, mentions of dissociating.

Word count: 5.1k

Despite Roman’s claims that being around other people would only distract him, and he didn’t want to have to walk to the library every time he had homework, Patton’s constant pleading eventually broke him down. Now, much to his roommate’s delight, they spent every night in the middle of the study floor in the library, and Roman found that he actually looked forward to it. Sometimes someone he knew would walk by, and give him a valid reason to take a short break, and having other people around somehow motivated him to work harder. He was starting to understand the appeal of the place. 

Now, Patton and him were spending their afternoon there between classes, both working on their own projects and sharing a bag of popcorn twists. It was the only oil soaked snack that didn’t leave much residue on their fingers. Roman was deep in thought, struggling to remember an especially flowery Shakespeare monologue for a mock audition next week, when Patton kicked his leg under the table.

“What, Pat?” He took another moment to finish the sentence before he tore his eyes away from the book, surprised at his roommate’s barely contained excitement. 

“You’ve been humming for half an hour!” 

He hadn’t even noticed. He tended to do it a lot without realizing; humming along to his soulmate’s music. Ever since he’d come back almost a year ago, an occurrence he’d never had explained but held onto with fondness, Roman’s heart jumped every time his music played. It was just like old times, their old system immediately reinstated, and more than once he’d found himself singing along to the melodies in his head. Patton knew this, and could probably tell by the genre whether Roman was listening to his soulmate’s songs, or just had his own earworm.

“No, no, no, I like your humming! That’s not the point!”

“Then what’s the-”

“The guy behind you has his earbuds loud enough to hear!”

Roman strained his ears, and yes, he could barely hear the music coming from behind him. He definitely hadn’t noticed before, too deep in thought to notice something so trivial. But Patton was always on high alert, never able to keep his mind on one thing at a time. 

“Okay, but what does that ha-”

“You’ve been humming the same songs as he’s been listening to for half an hour, Ro! I think he’s your soulmate!”

Roman’s eyes widened and he spun around, effectively dropping his book onto the ground. Yeah, if he concentrated, he could tell that the song in his head was the same as the one just audible through the other’s earbuds.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive!” 

That’s all the convincing Roman needed. He jumped to his feet and rounded the other table so he was face to face with the stranger and knocked on the table a couple times. When he made eye contact, he thought he saw fear in the other’s face, but that couldn’t be right. Roman was not intimidating. The man at the table reached up to pop out one of his earbuds. 

“Hello lovely, I have a question for you,” Roman purred, dropping onto his elbows on the table. 

“I- I don’t-”

Apparently that counted as a meeting, because in that moment, the music in Roman’s head faded into nothingness. And he could tell it wasn’t just the music being paused. He was left with a neutral emptiness he hadn’t felt in a long time, a silence that was rare, and an innate knowledge that it had happened: their link was no longer necessary and had dissipated. Roman grinned wide, barely concealing a squeal. 

“You’re my soulmate!”

He didn’t know what reaction he was expecting, but he sure as hell hadn’t expected the man at the table to get up and sprint out of the building at full speed. 

“Stay here, Ro,” Patton was suddenly at his side, laying a hand on his bicep, “I’ll go after him. I don’t know what just happened but I don’t want it to happen again.”

Patton scooped up the other man’s things from the table and jogged out the library door.

-----

Virgil didn’t know where he was going; he hadn’t planned on running out of the library. Dammit, he hadn’t planned to run into his soulmate. And he knew that was his soulmate, and not just some weird coincidence. Because the moment they’d locked eyes, it was as if something in his mind had snapped, like a rubber band that had always been there but the pressure was so constant he didn’t notice it there until it was gone. Their bond had snapped; it was no longer necessary, because he’d met his soulmate. 

He recognized the guy, just barely. They were in the same first year math class, a course often taken by upperclassmen (probably like his soulmate) because they’d put off getting a math credit until their final years. Logan had warned Virgil of that when he was choosing his first year courses, and so he was safely getting it out of the way so he could focus on his major in the coming years. 

His breathing was choppy and strained as he tried to calm down his panic attack, dropping onto the ground under a large tree. He couldn’t keep running lest he collapse and draw more attention to himself, and that was far worse than anything he could imagine. Fighting the urge to scratch at his skin, he buried his head in his hoodie clad arms, fumbling with one hand to free his phone from his pocket. 

It’s actually a guy, it’s a guy, he’s gay, wrong wrong wrong-

No, not wrong. It’s not wrong.   

Yes it is, it’s going to hurt, you’re going to hurt, wrong wrONG WRONG!

His hands were shaking far too hard to text but he tried anyways, begging Janus to come pick him up early. Logan wouldn’t be done work for another couple hours, and usually Virgil would be fine just doing homework until his dad was ready to drive them home, but he didn’t think he’d be able to handle being on campus much longer. 

“Hey, kiddo?”

Virgil’s head jerked up just as he clicked send, fighting every urge in his body to bolt again. It wasn’t the guy… his soulmate… but someone else he hadn’t met before, panting. 

“Heya, my name’s Patton! You ran out without your stuff, so I brought it!”

Oh, he was holding his backpack, and his folder under one arm. Virgil was just trying to encourage his legs to move, to stand so he could take his things, when the stranger dropped into the grass in front of him. He flinched. 

“Here ya go,” He pushed it towards him like a child trying to coax out a scared cat, “I’m so sorry me and Ro scared you. He just gets over excited sometimes. I promise he’s actually very gentle.”

Virgil stared, pulling in a halting breath. 

“The guy who ran up to you, that’s Roman. I’m his roommate, by the way. I’m Patton. Did I introduce myself? Doesn’t matter. I’m a third year psychology major. Roman’s in third year too, music and theatre major.”

He should probably introduce himself too, but his hands were frozen, clamped around his phone, and he found his voice wasn’t cooperating. That didn’t deter the other dude, though.

“Here, I wrote out both of our numbers. Roman feels super bad for scaring you, so you can take your time, if you want.” He delicately placed a ripped piece of notebook paper on the backpack between them, “His is the first one. But I put mine in there too, so you can text me if you want to talk. The more friends, the better.”

Virgil’s phone buzzed, alerting him of Janus’ response.

“I’ll let you be, okay? Remember to text!” With an exuberant wave, he dashed back to the library. Virgil read Janus’ panicked message, asking what had happened, in a bit of a daze. His dad agreed to come get him, so he stuffed the paper into his pocket and slung his backpack over his shoulder.

-----

Janus had asked him not to go into his room when he was so worked up, instead giving him free reign of the living room while the older restarted the dinner he’d abandoned in favor of picking his son up. He’d turned on the TV for Virgil, changing the channel to a nature documentary, given Virgil his favorite weighted blanket, and left him with strict orders to call him if he started spiraling or needed a hug. 

The distraction had worked for a while, the soothing voice of the narrator almost lulling him to sleep, until his racing brain had come to the conclusion that this was the worst thing to ever happen in the history of ever and that he was going to die alone. He’d been a little hopeful that his soulmate would be a girl, to somewhat appease his trauma, but life was never that easy. A part of him had also been a little miffed about that hope, because as much as he liked to pretend, he had a preference for boys. A big preference. And his soulmate was cute. 

“Everything okay, Virgil?” Janus called through the pass through window into the kitchen, taking his eyes off his food preparation to watch his son’s pacing. 

“Yup!” He lied, picking and scratching at the skin of his hands out of his dad’s view. The pain settled him a little, giving him something he could control, but he knew he’d get a figurative slap on the wrist for it later. A concerned slap, not an angry one. Maybe more of ‘a cuddle on the couch and wrap the little patches of broken skin and an update with his counsellor’. So not really a slap. At all. As it usually went. 

Everything was wrong. What kind of shit first impression had he given his soulmate? Getting up and running away like an actual child? And that was only part of it. He was damaged goods, a broken person, who needed more help and reassurance than any other person. How could he explain to his soulmate that he was the cause of his problems without making him feel guilty? That wasn’t the life the man had signed up for, wasn’t the soulmate burden he’d wanted. He would want someone easy, someone who wouldn’t have panic attacks when they got shocked by a door knob, who didn’t stop eating when they were scared, who pressed pause on life when he woke up in a dissociating headspace. He couldn’t say that to him. He’d lost everything, that vague musical connection to an invisible soulmate, that had given him a subtle hope. It had been a quiet illusion, a promise that he’d be fine if it were never fulfilled. Knowing there was someone out there, providing him music, had been enough. But now…

“Virgil, hold these for me.”

When had Logan gotten home? He put his hands out obediently, clenching the fingers over the ice cubes placed in each palm. The sensation startled him and sent a shiver up his spine.

“Four, seven, eight. Ready?”

He followed the breathing pattern eagerly, feeling the curls of anxiety in his stomach slowly settle into butterflies. When he was breathing normally, an overwhelming sense of dizziness almost knocked him over. Logan took his arm and led him to the couch.

The next moment, Janus was kneeling in front of him, rubbing disinfectant into his few bloody scratches, the melting water dripping through his fingers and onto the carpet. 

“I should have noticed,” he murmured as he stuck a couple bandaids onto each hand, refusing to meet Virgil’s eyes.

“Don’t blame yourself, Janus. I don’t think it was happening for too long,” Logan assured, running a hand down Virgil’s spine. “Did this have to do with the reason you left school early today?”

Virgil nodded.

“Are you nonverbal?”

“No,” he choked, clearing his throat, “Just dry throat.”

“I got it,” Janus leapt to his feet and hurried to the kitchen.

With a heavy sigh, Virgil leaned into Logan’s side, the hand on his back traveling to wrap around his shoulder comfortingly. The last drops of the ice cube hit the carpet, and he dried his hands off on his jeans. “I met my soulmate today.”

“I see,” Logan said. For the umpteenth time, Virgil was beyond grateful that Logan was an expert at masking reactions. It made difficult conversations easier.

“It’s a guy.”

“How did that go?”

“I ran out of the library and had a panic attack. His roommate brought me my stuff and gave me their numbers. I made an idiot out of myself.”

Logan was quiet, giving Virgil a little squeeze. A water glass was pressed into his hands and Virgil downed the whole thing, passing it back to Janus, who placed it on the coffee table. 

“I think… I think I’m magnifying. Maybe.” He described his thoughts that led to his spiral as quickly as possible, feeling slightly pleased when Logan agreed with his hypothesis. 

“You are definitely magnifying. Good job for recognizing that, Virgil. You don’t even know him, much less what he thought of your interaction.”

“What’s our next step?” Janus spoke up, resting a hand on Virgil’s knee and rubbing it with his thumb.

He shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“Can you sleep on it, and message him tomorrow?”

Virgil thought about for a second before shaking his head even harder, “No. I have class with him tomorrow, and we’re getting a study guide for a test. I can not miss it. But what if he comes up to me, or wants to talk, and I embarrass myself again, and-”

His dads both hushed him at the same time and he took a deep breath, closing his eyes against Logan’s side. “What do I do?”

“You could message him tonight,” Janus drawled.

“Are you crazy?” He shrieked, “No! What would I even say? ‘Hey, you freaked me out today, sorry for running like a lunatic’?!”

“Why not explain the cause for your hasty escape?” Logan piped in.

“That’s way too much to load onto him as a first conversation.”

“Not all the gory details, just a vague explanation. That’s how I started talking to Logan,” Janus stated, adjusting his position on the floor. “If he’s your soulmate, Virge, he’ll be okay to deal with this. It’ll come out eventually, and if something else happens, it will be nice for him to have some context.”

Virgil groaned. “I hate when you make sense.”

“We can help you construct an adequate message.” Logan squeezed him again, meeting Janus’ eyes with a small smile.

“Fine.” Virgil snarled, pulling out his phone and the two numbers, typing the first one into his ‘new contact’ list. “Okay, what do I say?”

-----

V: Hey, I’m Virgil. We met earlier today. In a manner of speaking.

R: OMG, hi! I’m Roman. I am SO sorry for startling you!

V: It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault. 

R: I still feel bad DX

“He feels bad, what do I do?!”

“I would suggest explaining the reason you ran off to ease his concerns.”

“Me too. But ask first, and don’t give more details than you’re comfortable with.”

V: Can I be brutally honest for just a second?

R: Should I be nervous? Haha go ahead!

V: I was forced into conversion therapy about a year back, and I still carry a lot of the trauma with me. That’s why I ran. It was just gut instinct.

“He’s not responding, oh god, he’s going to block me, why isn’t he responding?!”

“I assume this news would take a moment to process. Focus on your breathing, Virgil. Don’t magnify.”

“You also sent it, like, ten seconds ago.”

R: Holy shit, that’s terrible. I’m so sorry. 

“...That’s not what I expected.”

“This is a regular reaction from a human being with even a lick of common sense, Virgil.”

“Seconded.”

V: It’s okay, I have a really great support system now. 

R: That’s good. I’ve never experienced anything like that, so I can only imagine how hard that was. 

R: I don’t expect you to answer if you don’t want to or don’t know, so please don’t feel pressured, but do you know what kind of soulbond we have? Is it platonic?

“Shit, fuck, who do I answer that?”

“With the truth, I’d imagine. Do you have an answer to his question?”

“Remember what I told you, kid. Your own pace.”

“Logan, if I explain it, can you put it into words? Please?”

V: I’m not averse to a possible romantic relationship in the future, but at the moment I am still learning to become comfortable with myself, as I have negative connections to that part of my identity that can become problematic if not properly worked through at my own pace.

R: Give me a couple seconds to decode that

V: My dad wrote it, he’s a prof. I have both of them helping me not freak out right now. 

R: You might want to date one day, but you need to take it slow because of your trauma. 

V: Uhm… yeah. I could have said it like that. 

R: Is talking to me upsetting you? We can always talk another time.

V: No, I’m okay. 

R: Okay, then as far as I’m concerned, we move at your pace. That’s not an issue for me at all. 

“I… oh. He’s… wow.”

“I agree with your sentiment.”

“I like this boy already.”

“DAD!”

R: Your dad’s a prof? 

V: One of them is. He teaches at our school, Prof Sanders. 4th year chemistry?

R: Oh shit. I’m in his class.

V: Lol he thinks he knows you

R: You have two dads?

V: Yep

R: That’s so cool. I’d really love to meet them.

V: Wow, we met today and you’re already wanting to meet my parents?

R: Heeey, I want to meet them as a FRIEND. 

V: My dad says after the semester’s over, you’re free to come by

One at a time, Virgil’s dads left him on the couch with an ear to ear grin, Janus to reheat dinner and Logan following him just so he could cling to his husband's waist as he moved around the kitchen. Neither of them wanted to disturb the little bubble their son was in. 

-----

In the weeks following, they’d started to sit together in the one class they shared. Virgil had begun to join him and Patton on their nightly library study sessions, and after some more gentle convincing, had given in to sitting with their whole friend group during meals at the cafeteria. He was growing more comfortable with Roman, no doubt about that.

Didn’t mean he wasn’t fighting off an anxiety attack as he waited by the door to get picked up for their first outing alone.

He kept checking his phone and glancing out the peephole as Janus ran calming fingers through his hair. Virgil leaned into the touch instinctively, consciously slowing his breathing as Janus hummed. Logan was watching him from the entrance to the hall, leaning on the kitchen door frame. There wasn’t much he could do, but dammit if he wasn’t going to watch his son go off on the most anxiety inducing situation of all of their lives.

“You’ll be okay, kid,” Janus muttered, pressing a kiss to the crown of his head. “You’ve been friends with him for a while now, and he said there were no expectations. You’re in total control here.”

“What if I have a flashback, or a panic attack, or go nonverbal or something? He’s going to freak the fuck out and then all the work will be for noth-”

Logan spoke up. “You’re worried about things that may not even happen. And besides, haven’t you spoken to Roman about these things already?”

“A bit. Not in detail,” he whispered.

“I would suggest you do so, today if possible. It will make any possible situations that arise easier and less jarring to deal with.”

Virgil looked up at Janus, a pleading look in his eyes.

“He’s right, kid. The sooner you get it out of the way, the better.”

There was a knock at the door and Virgil nearly jumped out of his skin. To his disdain, Janus backed away until he was next to Logan, gesturing at the door with a small smile. Virgil growled out a curse and opened the door, the scowl on his face melting into a sickeningly authentic smile.

“How’s my favorite emo? Hi Mr. Sanders, hey Prof.”

“Hello.”

“Salutations.”

“Your favorite emo?” Virgil snarked, pulling on his jacket. It wasn’t cold, not in the slightest, but he’d rather have the extra layer.

“You’re the only emo I know, so the choice is easy.”

“By process of elimination, doesn’t that also imply I’m your least favorite emo too?”

“Don’t start this again, Mr. Son-of-a-professor.”

“I’ll start it if I want to!”

The door closed behind them with one final wave to his parents, and the house was quiet. Janus leaned into Logan’s waiting arms, resting his head on the other’s collar bone. 

“He’s all grown up.”

“That he is, my love.”

-----

Virgil smirked as Roman set out a large cliche picnic blanket, gesturing for him to sit. He did, crossing his legs and leaning on his knees as the other began to unload the basket. 

“Okay, so for sandwiches, I have turkey, peanut butter and jelly, and ham. Patton made me bring apple slices because he’s a dad, but I’m sure we can convince the ducks to eat them.”

To prove his point, a group of ducks paddled out from under a weeping willow half submerged in the creek.

“I like apples,” Virgil defended, grabbing a slice from the open container and shoving the whole thing in his mouth. “How many people were you intending to feed with that much food?”

Roman pouted from behind a container of potato salad. “I had to show off my food skills, duh.”

“You made that?” Virgil asked with raised eyebrows as Roman set out a tin of mini quiches and a smaller one stacked with brownies and cookies. 

“The cookies were Patton’s, but he insisted I take some. And I would have bought more, but…” He tipped the basket towards Virgil, revealing the bottom absolutely filled with different canned drinks and water bottles. “I didn’t know what you wanted to drink.”

Virgil actually did laugh as he stretched forward to snag a Doctor Pepper, taking another apple slice as he sat back. 

“Do you have a sandwich preference?” Roman asked, choosing a Sprite for himself. 

“Turkey looks good.” Virgil said before his choice paralysis could come into play, breathing a sigh of relief as Roman handed one of the sandwiches to him. The less stress he added to his own life, the better. 

Roman had been right to bring an assortment of food, because dammit, he was a really good chef. Virgil was nervous to try a quiche, since he’d never had them before and the texture was odd to him, but Roman assured that if he didn’t like it, he’d eat it instead. Apparently he wasn’t eeked out by germs. After a nibble though, Virgil ate almost half the tin. Who knew cold eggs could be good? Roman took the ham sandwich, and they split the PB&J. The ducks were more than pleased to be given Roman’s half of the apple slices but Virgil refused to share, since fresh fruits were still a treat after a life of preserves. The younger wasn’t a huge fan of the potato salad, so Roman eagerly finished it, seemingly more excited to move onto the desserts but not wanting to leave any leftovers. 

They were just finishing up the frankly absurd amount of cookies and brownies when Roman broke their casual bickering, chasing a chocolate chip bite with a long swig of Sprite and tossing another apple to their swarm of awaiting ducks.

“So, tell me a bit about yourself, Virge.”

“What do you want to know?” Virgil replied, leaning back on his hands. 

“Anything, really. Childhood, siblings, favorite color, darkest fear.”

“Quite a spectrum, there.” There was a lot he could talk about, but he felt it might be better to get the bigger things out of the way. Janus was sort of the leading expert on this kind of thing, so his advice had probably been sound. He brushed his hands together to get the crumbs off them as he spoke, “Okay, so I grew up in the foster system.”

Roman tried to hide his wince. “Ouch. I’ve heard a lot of bad things.”

“It’s fucked,” Virgil drawled, stretching his arms above his head with a yawn, “I spent most of my time in a group home, though, because I was called ‘difficult’. No one wanted to deal with my ass.”

“Why?”

“Mmm, ran away, didn’t listen, talked back, antagonized any biological kids.”

“So like, a normal teenager?” The last apple slice was sacrificed to the feathered hoard. 

Virgil snorted, “Yeah, but I came with a receipt. And I kind of liked the group home more.”

“How many kids were in the home?”

“Never more than fifteen. It was a big home. But they circulated, and I was like a housecat. Never gone for more than a month.”

“Jeez,” Roman sighed, taking a sip of his soda. 

“My foster homes weren’t better.”

“Oh?” It was a subtle encouragement to keep talking, but now it was getting into territory that Virgil liked to avoid. 

“One of my foster houses was really neglectful, forgot to give us food, didn’t let us do laundry, that kind of stuff. Gave me a wicked ED. I was twelve.”

Roman grimaced.

“My next one was more emotionally and mentally manipulative. I was kind of made into a babysitter for their younger bio kids. I had to get them ready for school, make them dinner, just basically be a parent. After I ran away from them, they started having trouble placing me. I was older, had a shitty record, kind of a left over. I mean, I deserved it. I was a dick.”

“You were a kid, Virgil.”

“A kid who chose to make his own life harder.” He shrugged, “That’s why I was placed into… that home. They were a last resort place for other ‘trouble kids’.”

Virgil took a deep breath and, with Janus’ words in his mind, began to explain his attempted conversion; the slip of tongue that led to the placement, the verbal abuse, food deprivation, electroshock therapy, the snuck antipsychotics, forced isolation, ending with the day the wife had called the police behind her husband’s back out of guilt and he was rescued. 

Roman was quiet for a long minute after he finished talking, staring entranced at the can in his hands. The ducks had dispersed during Virgil’s story, upset at the lack of food. 

“I…”

Virgil waited for him to get up and leave, to say with false apologies that he didn’t think they would work out, that the connection was wrong. Because who would want to deal with him, his stupid trauma? But the man next to him didn’t move except to breathe, and Virgil took that as an invitation to continue, his tone quieter.

“I was super out of it for a while. Honestly, I don’t remember the rescue, or like a solid month after that, except for snippets here and there. The drugs were fucky. And then my social worker, god bless her heart, found Janus and Logan. Janus was in CT too for a while when he was younger, so they took me in. Took a long time, but I opened up to them, but by then I was eighteen. They still insisted on adopting me, though, and there’s absolutely no convincing Logan once he’s made his mind up, so… they did.” He waved his hands around a little. 

“Three months,” Roman blurted out of nowhere, making Virgil flinch.

“What?”

“Were you in ther-... CT for three months?”

“Two and a bit, why?” The moment it was out of his mouth, he realized the implications, and his heart froze.

“You were gone for three months. I thought you died, or… I don’t even know.” Roman looked like he was about to cry, watching Virgil imploringly. Him going MIA must have affected his soulmate more than he’d thought. 

“Two months of CT, and then another one before I got a new phone. I’m…” All the guilt he’d felt at the time came rushing back, the reminder of his soulmate’s music dwindling to almost nothing and him being helpless, “I’m sorry. Shit, I’m so sorry. That must have been…” 

“No, Virgil, you don’t get to apologize. That was not your fault.” He reached out a hand as if to grab Virgil’s and immediately pulled back, wringing his fingers instead. “Sorry, my choice of comforting is physical. But I won’t.”

“Thank you,” Virgil choked out, running his hands through his hair.

“Can you look at me?”

He did, taking a shuddering breath. He was moments away from a panic attack and he was not looking forward to that disaster. 

“You were being- quite literally- tortured for months. You were abused in ways that shouldn’t be legal, and you came out the other side stronger. Frankly, I’m amazed at your perseverance. You’re amazing.”

Simultaneously, Virgil felt a hot blush rise to his ears, and a sharp jolt run through his arms into his chest. He jerked violently, tipping over his own soda onto the grass. 

“Shit, did I say something wrong?” Roman gasped, reaching over to pluck up the can before it could spill more. It was already half empty, thank goodness. 

“No, I just… do that. Sometimes. From… CT. Kind of like ghost shocks, I guess.” Why couldn’t the ground just open up and swallow him whole, he wondered. He hadn’t done that jerk thing in front of anyone in so long. The last time had been in front of his now-parents, and they’d quickly grown used to it. He’d grown used to their own contact very soon and his twitches had stopped after he was accustomed to it, but it had never been directed towards him, and he had a feeling he’d need time to stop his impulse reactions. 

“And me calling you amazing…”

“Triggered them. It’s an exposure thing though, so I’ll just need to get used to it. Don’t blame yourself.” He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes until bright white flashes of light burst into his vision. Suddenly, he was exhausted. 

“Do you want me to drive you home?” Roman asked, already packing up their picnic basket. Virgil nodded, his social meter drained, and all ability to be a civil person was quickly deteriorating. His therapist said that would also begin to heal after a while. 

Roman was an absolute angel though, letting the silence linger so Virgil could cradle his slowly growing headache, even opening the door of his car like a perfect gentleman. As they pulled out of the parking lot, Virgil rested his head against the seat and let a tiny smile tug at his lips. It would be a long process to retrain his brain (in theory, he was okay with being in a relationship with a man, but actually doing it? Infinitely harder), but for once, he was actually looking forward to the process. 

Would you guys like a collection of one shots surrounding Virgil’s gradual warming up to his new family, a decent mix of angst and fluff? I have some ideas. 

Thanks for reading! Now, a taglist. 

@sapphic-satan

@anxious-logic

@wigsnatchedhoteltrivago

@extraintrovertedalien

@punk-academian-witch

@ray-does-stuff

@chimneychimney

@i-cant-find-a-good-username

@falsemood

@wtf-casper

@cpmansion

@killjoyjay

@fandomfan315

@anxious-darkwolf

@eternalmoonlight19

@winterwynd

@espepspes

@ironwoman359

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@mycatshuman

@weweregoddesses

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@korsaromantic66

@astraheart04

@quartz-z

@mikalya12

@koalas-in-coffee

@isabelle-stars

@a-ghostlight-for-roman

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@wyvern-tales

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@sarcasmremovedsoul

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@blissbiscuit

@baka-monarch

@lostspacecat

@green-call

[nosferatvpussy]

distorted lullabies [chapter VII]

Word count:  6,292

Warnings: vulgar language 

Pairing: Dracula x female reader

AO3 link

A/N:  I had a lot of fun writing this chapter and I hope you do too while reading it. Side note 1: I reference a few movies here and there. I would advise you skipping one or two paragraphs to avoid spoilers if you still mean to watch it. But, I'm assuming everyone reading this has seen it already. Site note 2: Anne Rice will find a way to sue me if this somehow finds its way to her (it won't, who do I think I am) Side note 3: if you haven't yet, watch every movie and read every book mentioned here. They're all great.

____________________________________________________________

I had a huge grin on my face as I left the courtroom. My client grabbed my arm and shook it, chuckling. 

“You won!” she squealed. 

“ We won,” I corrected. I stopped walking and faced Mirriam. Her make-up was smudged beneath her watery eyes and her lips were quivering. “I’m happy for you.”

She pulled me into a hug, knocking the breath out of me. Both my hands were occupied, carrying my briefcase and purse so, I had no choice but to stand there, unable to hug her back. Mirriam sobbed, her arms tightening about my neck ever so slightly as she thanked me. Over her shoulder, I saw Judge Llewellyn leave the courtroom, still dressed in his robes. He looked at us, the perpetual crease between his eyebrow softening. Mirriam exclaimed and released me abruptly. The squeals of happy children echoed down the hall and I turned to see Mirriam make a run for the two kids sprinting towards her. 

“Congratulations, Miss L/N,” said Llewellyn. I turned my head to see him standing at my side. “You did well.”

“Can you repeat that, please? I didn’t quite catch it,” I said, grinning from ear to ear. 

His lips tugged up as he glanced away. When he looked at me again his face was serious.

“Don’t try your luck,” he extended a hand toward me. “I’m looking forward to seeing you at practice in my court again.”

Any moment now my cheeks would tear from smiling so much. I let go of my purse, not caring that it almost tipped over, and shook his hand. Although his fingers were long and bony, his handshake was firm.

“Thank you, my lord.”

He nodded and made his way to the opposite direction, presumably towards the judges’ chambers. I watched him go, his robes swaying after him and then turned the other way, taking in Mirriam on her knees, laughing at whatever her children had said. Yeah, I did well. As I picked up my purse, I felt it vibrating. I stuck a hand inside it, searching for my phone as I made my way out of the Royal Courts of Justice.

“Hi, Zoe.”

“Any news?” She asked on the other end. 

“None.”

“It’s been over a week since he took you out. Shouldn’t he have called you?”

“Maybe he’s lost interest,” I countered, frowning at the twinge on my chest. 

Out in the open, I lowered my head to protect myself against the drizzle as I walked.

“That’s absurd. He wouldn’t go to all the trouble of bribing someone--”

“I still regret telling you that.”

“Nevermind who he is, that was impressive.”

An outsider could hear our conversation and think we were complaining about some guy giving me the cold shoulder, not plotting against a five centuries old vampire.

“Zoe, I don’t care why he hasn’t called as long as he leaves me alone. Maybe he met someone else,” as I talked, I managed to make eye contact with a cabbie inside a passing taxi and nodded. “I saw you two days ago. I’ll call if anything changes. When do you want to meet again?”

“Let’s make it Sunday. It’ll be the fourth set of samples and I want to keep the every 2 days pattern we’ve got going on until your bite fully heals.”

The taxi stopped next to me and I juggled all my stuff in order to open the door. I glared at the cabbie, hoping that he would be moved by my anger and help me open the door. I could be Queen Elizabeth and he wouldn’t care. 

“Fine,” I said as I managed to open the car door and get inside. “61 Marney Road,” I told the cabbie and he accelerated. “St Thomas Hospital again?” I asked Zoe.

“Yes. 11am. Call me if Dracula--”

“I know, I know. Bye.” I ended the call before she could keep talking. 

Once I settled my belongings next to me and made myself comfortable, I leaned my head on the window, watching as London’s lights started coming to life in the nearing dusk. Getting complimented by Judge Llewellyn deserved to be celebrated. A good film accompanied by popcorn and lots of chocolate appealed to my body overridden by PMS. Add an hour in a hot bath and then I would have the perfect Friday night. How would Count Dracula spend his Friday night? 

I lowered my shirt’s high collar and touched the scar on my neck. It was nothing more than small scabs now that the bruises were gone but I still wore turtlenecks to conceal the strangulation marks. I hadn’t felt the tingling sensation on it ever since my date with the Count and I wondered if it would react at all to him now that it was almost healed. 

“Miss, you alright?”

I removed my hand from my neck like I had been burned. 

“What?” 

“Are you feeling alright? It sounded like you were out of breath,” he spoke the same way someone would if they were addressing an elderly person.

My entire face went hot and I thanked him silently for not being one those cabbies that always had the rear view mirror turned to the back seats in order to watch the passengers. 

“I have, uh, asthma,” I shut my eyes as I spoke, overcome by embarrassment. “But I’m fine now.”

Had I gone mental? Rubbing my scar to test if it was still reactive to touch in the back of a taxi was just plain stupid, especially considering that I’d gotten so utterly lost in pleasure that I had been panting loud enough for the cabbie to hear me. 

“Tragic, innit?” 

That my bond to Count Dracula paired with PMS had made me become a dog in heat? Yes.

“Sorry, what?”

The cabbie leaned forward and a second later the whispering voices coming from the car speakers raised to an understandable volume. 

“ Surrey police has no leads so far ,” was all I heard from the narrator before a song started playing.

“What happened?”

“Two students were found dead this morning in Surrey University. Bright youngins, can you imagine what they could--”

I straightened on my seat.

“Murders?”

“Makes no sense, how brutal. Police says it appears they were having a movie night--”

“How were they killed?” 

The cabbie took hold of the rear view mirror and angled it at me. I smiled dryly at his frown.

“Professional curiosity,” I told him. “I’m a defense lawyer.”

That answer did nothing to soothe the crease on his large forehead.

“Police isn’t sure yet. But I heard from a pal from Surrey,” he lowered his voice, like he was confiding in me, “that the person that found ‘em threw up and so did a coppa. Looked like a scene straight from The Shining, I bet. Nasty stuff.”

I nodded, relaxing against the window again. Taking he referenced The Shining, that probably meant that there was a lot blood. Dracula wouldn’t waste a drop, I supposed. Odd horrific murders came about once in a while, sadly, and all of them committed by humans. Besides, would he really go all the way to Surrey just to murder a bunch of uni students? London was stacked with several student halls for him to pick from without the trouble of traveling across counties.

“First what happened at that company and then this… This is a bad, bad week. My gran used to say that everything comes in threes. I assure ya, miss, there’s more-”

“Which company? What are you talking about?”

“Ya haven’t heard?” he questioned, glancing at me through the mirror. “Why, miss. Two nights ago the, whaddyacallit, the big corporate cunts in charge of a company- oh, excuse my mouth, miss-”

“The board of directors?”

“Yeah, those blokes. Murdered, the whole lot of ‘em, inside a meeting room!” he started whispering again. 

“Was this here in London?”

“Central London,” he nodded.  “Can’t remember the name of the company, now-”

“Like the murders in Surrey? Bloody?”

“Nah, don’t think there’s been news about that. Cameras were dead, caught nothing of it. They were found by security at almost midnight after a wife of one of ‘em called looking for her husband.”

“Cause of death?” I asked and he looked at me. “Just answer the question.”

“Stab wounds to the neck, all of ‘em. Apparently some of them put up a fight because there were broken arms and fingers. Scotland Yard said that it’s prolly more than one murderer, other than that they’ve been quiet about it… They’re investigating it,” he made air quotes, “that’s code for we don’t know shite.”

He continued ranting for the rest of the trip but I wasn’t listening anymore. I doubted that Netflix would be able to salvage my mood after that conversation.

Once I paid the cabbie, I bid him a nice weekend and jumped out of the taxi. Compared to how he had barely cared about my struggle to get in the taxi, he was nice enough to wait until I got my door opened. Now that the night had come, the automatic light above my front door had turned on and I could only make out the shape of his hand waving at me from inside the car. I waved back as a thanks before going inside. 

I went straight upstairs after I locked the door. With how wired I was, I forgot all about my intentions of taking a bath and took a shower instead. Considering I was humming a tune to myself after thirty minutes under a steady stream of hot water, I was making a quick recovery. I was still singing when I turned off the shower and wrapped a towel about my body. I opened the door, tendrils of steam spilling from my bathroom into my bedroom.

“Ohmygod!”

Count Dracula grinned at me, lying on the middle of my bed with both arms folded beneath his head. I pressed the towel to myself, desperately seeking more cover. 

“I was starting to wonder if you would ever come out of there.”

“I wish I hadn’t!” I exclaimed. “I locked my door! How the hell did you get in?!”

“Window." He pointed one long finger at it.

Deadbolts. I’d have to get deadbolts on every single window in my house.

“Couldn’t you have texted in advance?!”

“I did. You didn’t reply.”

I stared at him, waiting for something else to come out of his mouth. Instead, his gaze slid down my body, a crease appearing between his eyebrows as he inhaled sharply. I knew exactly why he was whiffing the air. Thank God my body was flushed from the hot shower, otherwise I would have gone bright red in anger.

“Ugh, leave!” I said, projecting my voice like I was in court. 

I stretched an arm out, pointing at the window. The sudden movement almost caused the towel to open and I immediately took hold of it again with a little squeak. Count Dracula was up at once, circling the bed towards me. I gulped. His gaze pulled me in and for a moment my anger sizzled down.

“I’ve missed you,” he said and a shiver went down my spine.

I stepped back into the bathroom to put some distance between us.

“Too bad, go away.”

A smirk tugged the corner of his lips. 

“You’ve missed me, too.”

“Absolutely did not.”

“Your heartbeat says otherwise.”

“It’s called anger.”

He clicked his tongue and shook his head.

“‘I’ll go wait downstairs,” he said before turning away from me and slipping out of my bedroom. 

My knees almost gave out when he left and I rushed to sit on the edge of the bed. I held my head as I tried to concentrate and take deep breaths. Had he stayed any longer I wouldn’t put it past me to lock myself in the bathroom and remain there until morning. Not only I had to deal with him, I also could feel cramps coming. I wanted nothing more to curl up in bed with a heat compress and chocolate. Summoning my courage, I got up and went to get dressed. 

As I went down the stairs, Dracula peeked his head out from the living room.

“You’re going out in your nightgown?”

I stopped for a second, frowning and then continued down.

“I’m not going out. I’m tired and uncomfortable and I’m staying home,” I forced a smile, batting my eyelashes just to annoy him. I rounded the staircase, giving my back to him and heading for the kitchen. “I do hope you haven’t wasted your money bribing someone else to grant us entrance to another museum.”

I swiped at the switch and soft lights came on over the kitchen island and at the corners of the room. 

“I haven’t. There’s no problem in postponing tonight’s date.”

I turned around to see him standing on the other side of the island, staring at me.

“You’re not leaving, are you?”

“No.” He smiled. “Like I said, I’ve missed you.”

I leaned down and opened the cabinet under the sink. I pushed a set of pans to the side, looking for my heat pad.

“Been busy for this past week?” I asked, my voice echoing inside the cabinet. 

“Unfortunately.”

I found the heat pad and stood up, closing the cabinet door after me as I put it inside the microwave and set 5 minutes. I turned to face him, propping my hips on the kitchen counter. I pulled on my courtroom face. If Count Dracula squinting at me meant that he saw me do it, then I needed to work more on my tells. 

“Reading Jules Verne or killing a board of directors?”

One of his eyes twitched before he smiled.

“Both. Although I haven’t finished the book yet.”

“Why did you do that?”

“Not finish the book?”

“Dracula-”

“I was bored." He waved his hands on the air, dismissing my hard stare. “Please, I did the world a service! Yes, I went after them on a whim but as soon as I drank from one of them… I killed them on principle.”

“Principle? You’ve got that?”

“Is it that hard to believe?” He put his hands on top of the island and leaned forward, the light above his head creating shadows on his face. “The first one I bit was a child abuser. It was in his blood so, forgive me if killing him offends you. I broke his neck because I didn’t have a stomach for him. The rest of them… were palate cleansers. Although it didn’t do much good. Incredible how many of them had raped women and beat their wives.”

We stared at each other, frozen in place.

All my anger from before vanished and I had to struggle to keep my courtroom face on. In another world, one where there was no law binding me, I would have done the same. Was this the good in him I had been searching, however twisted it was?

The microwave chimed, prompting me to blink and break eye contact.

“I hope you hid at least some of the evidence,” I said, pushing back from the kitchen counter. “I’m not sure how representing a vampire in court for murder would look on my resumé.”

“No need to worry.” He grinned.

I grabbed the heat pad from the microwave, juggling it between my hands to avoid getting burnt until I dropped it to the counter. 

“What about the students in Surrey?”

“Surrey? No, I haven’t been there.” 

I nodded, somewhat relieved. I turned my back on Dracula to conceal my face as I broke the façade. He wasn’t responsible for the murders on Surrey as I suspected but after killing those ‘corporate cunts’, as the cabbie had put so appropriately, he probably went somewhere else to find another palate cleanser. Somebody else was dead because of him but for the life of me I couldn’t find something inside me to care enough. He had indeed done the world a service. 

I rounded the island, past the Count so I could reach the pantry. From there I took popcorn and a bar of chocolate I had hidden, from myself, behind a set of spices. I could feel his eyes on me the entire time I moved and I fought the urge to steal a glance of his face to try figure out what was on his mind. 

“I’m surprised you made an appearance,” I said in the unnerving silence. 

“Are you, really?”

“Yes.” Hugging the popcorn and chocolate to my chest, I moved past him, congratulating myself for not looking at him. “No, actually. I was fairly positive you would come looking for me again, much to my dismay.” I chuckled. “One would think what happened at the museum would encourage you.”

My back burnt with the weight of his gaze. I started tearing the popcorn package frantically, making as much noise as possible to distract me. It was almost working but after I put the popcorn inside the microwave and closed it, I saw his reflection on the microwave mirrored door, moving towards me. 

“It’s not very nice to sneak up on people,” I said, holding my ground.

He met my eyes through the reflection. 

“I’m not nice.”

He had a reflection. I blinked, turning at once to face him. He was directly behind me, less than an arm’s length.

“You can be.”

“Do you want me to be nice?”

“No. It makes it harder to hate you.”

He smiled. 

“I believed that for a second, really did. Especially when I found out that you had been asking our dear friend Renfield about me.”

I gulped.

“He wasn’t very forthcoming, if that makes you feel better,” I said and he chuckled but when his face grew serious again, I wondered if he forced that laugh. “Is that why you disappeared? Because Renfield gossiped about me to you?”

“Amongst other things,” he acquiesced, stepping back and supporting his body on the island much like I had done on the counter. 

By his evasive answer, there was more to it but if he didn’t want to tell me it was fine. He had his secrets and I had mine.

“What do you know, boys really do gossip as much ladies do.”

He gave me a lopsided smile, one I judged was genuine, unlike his chuckle before. The microwave beeped again and I inhaled the delicious scent of done popcorn. I retrieved the popcorn with the tips of my fingers. I placed it briefly on the counter and then offered the heating pad to Count Dracula.

“Take this for me, will you?” I said and he did. I grabbed a glass of juice for me and then the popcorn and chocolate. “Come on. We’re watching a film.”

Count Dracula followed me into the living room. As I settled myself on the sofa, he gave me the heat pad and then occupied himself with analysing my library. Library was a kind word. It would take up the entire wall behind the telly if the fireplace had not been there. I wouldn’t say it was an impressive collection to a connoisseur but it was my collection and I had love for every single book in it, even the ones I didn’t like very much. Count Dracula had his hands laced behind his back and his head tilted as he admired it. I stopped myself from turning the telly on when I heard him whispering the titles to himself.

“Oh, would you look at that ?” He stepped forward and reached for the second to last row of books closest to the ceiling. I usually had to climb on the armchair to reach that far up but all he did was extend his arm up and pluck a book from up there. He turned around, showing me the gold cover with white and red lettering between his hands. “A vampire book?”

Of course he would find that. At least I should be thankful he didn’t find Story of O or Venus in Furs. If he had and then decided to flip through the pages, I would be doomed.

“Be very careful with that,” I warned. “It’s first edition and it was a gift. It’s sort of a classic.”

“Really?” he grinned, tipping his head up to the row from where he retrieved it from. “Are all of those classics?”

“Anne Rice might say so but the rest of the world wouldn’t,” I scoffed. He looked at me. “She thinks very highly of herself.”

“We would probably get along wonderfully,” he smirked. “Perhaps I should pay her a visit to give her real inspiration.”

“She’s an old woman now and would die of excitement if you actually visited her,” I laughed. “There’s a film for this one,” I pointed at the book in his hands. There was gleam in his dark eyes. “Do you want to watch it?”

“You’ve seen it already,” he said as he placed the book on the shelf. 

“Yes but I can’t deny myself the irony of watching a vampire film with a real vampire,” I said, grabbing the remote control and turning on the TV. “We’ll watch this one and then you can choose the next one.”

I gazed up at him, waiting for an answer. He traced his tongue inside his lower lip, giving my body all sorts of ideas my brain was not agreeable with. My hand tightened around the remote. Count Dracula took off his blazer and threw it on the armchair beneath the window. I almost asked him if all his shirts were missing buttons because the top ones were undone like the last time I’d seen him but then he started undoing his belt. Popcorn spilled on my lap.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I exclaimed.

“Getting comfortable,” he replied with a frown, like I was ridiculous for asking. He rolled the belt around his fingers and then placed it neatly on top of the fireplace. “Like you are,” he gestured at me.

I was sunken back on the sofa between pillows and cushions, with my feet on the coffee table and popcorn all over my nightie. Technically speaking, I was indeed comfortable, especially because of the heating pad on my lower abdomen relieving menstrual cramps. I was less comfortable with Dracula undressing in front of me while my body was working against me in every way possible.

“Fine,” I said between gritted teeth. My eyes widened as he started moving towards me. “W-wait, no, no, no, you’re sitting over there.”

His smirk widened into a full grin as he sat by my side, letting out an exaggerated breath, he kicked off his shoes and stretched himself in the same position as me. 

“What happened to personal space?”

“I thought we’d gone past that already,” he raised his thick eyebrows. 

I clenched my jaw. His gaze fell on my neck. All he would need to do was lean to sink his teeth in me, if he wanted. His lips parted and I was reminded of their softness when he had kissed me.

“Stop it,” I all but whispered. 

“I’m not doing anything,” he said, eyes fixated on my neck.

“You know exactly what you’re doing.” I started picking off popcorn from my lap, hoping that would show him that he wasn’t affecting me. “Let’s just watch the film.”

I endured his stare as I clicked on the remote to bring up Netflix and started searching the catalogue for Interview with the Vampire. He decided to focus on the telly once Louis started talking to Daniel. As the film went on, he laughed with Lestat and cursed at Louis constantly for his sentiment. More than once, Count Dracula was literally at the edge of his seat. He nodded approvingly at Claudia at times and at Lestat’s flare for the dramatics, making his critiques here and there about how Anne Rice had gotten it right or wrong.

“That’s Haydn,” Dracula said, eyes glued to the screen as a corpse-like Lestat played the piano and Louis and Claudia watched in horror.

“Good ear,” I commented. “Not that I’m an expert but it took me a few google searches to find out where this piece was from.”

“Good appetite,” he countered without looking at me, raising his forefinger.

I paused the film and he turned to me with an indignant look on his face.

“You ate Haydn?”

He grimaced.

“Ate is a poor term.”

“You did!” I accused, mouth falling open. “Who else?”

“I didn’t kill Haydn, that would be outrageous. I would have deprived the world of Mozart and Beethoven. I just stole a few sips to understand his genius. Chopin, however, I did kill. He was a prick, and so was Mozart. Bach, too, was unbearable but I didn’t get the chance to off him,” he shrugged. “Paganini was a riot, though. I tried turning him but he was committed already to a long time friend, you could say.”

I stared at him for a long moment. I didn’t know where to start but him saying that about Paganini, very subtly, confirmed people’s suspicion at the time that the man had made a pact with the Devil to have been that good. Finding myself unable to form another coherent thought faced with that, I simply pressed play again.

The film was doing a fantastic job of keeping the Count’s attention and I started relaxing because I didn’t have to be on guard, even if he was laying by my side. That is, until we reached the scene on a theatre where Armand drinks from a woman on stage in front of unsuspecting humans. My heart had begun hammering inside my chest as soon as Louis and Claudia stepped inside the theatre because I knew what was coming. 

Though I kept my eyes on the screen, I was suddenly hyper aware of how close I was to Count Dracula. An entire side of my body touched his, down to where my leg ended. Had I grown that comfortable and not noticed it? Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Count Dracula swiveling his head to stare at me. 

“You’re missing the film,” I told him, jamming popcorn in my mouth to keep myself busy.

“Your pulse is more interesting right now,” his words tickled my shoulder. 

I snuck a glance at him. His eyes were still bottomless pools of black. The heat in his eyes was just as worrying if his eyes had been red.

“Don’t,” I warned.

The human girl was on stage now, screaming and begging for mercy. Soft, cold lips touched my shoulder and I swallowed dryly. Another kiss marked his path up.  I forgot how to move, caught in the rapture of his touch. I could have at least this. Nevermind that I was being touched by the man who meant to steal my life. My chest heaved as his kisses became sloppier, less sweet. My entire body shuddered in anticipation as a kiss landed on the curve of my neck. 

“I--”

A hand delved into my hair with a demanding tug and I shut up. The popcorn bag crumpled between my hands. Armand was on stage with the woman, hugging her and providing comfort before her death.

“Say it,” his lips brushed my ear.

“I won’t.”

His lips brushed my scar and I released a shaky breath. His mouth descended on my neck and a cry tore out of me upon feeling him sucking on my skin. Another hand laid on my chest, creeping slowly towards the shoulder strap of my nightie. I closed my eyes, letting myself be consumed by pleasure and forgetting every reason why we shouldn’t do this.

“Be mine,” his words were muffled as he continued his assault on my neck.

Sharp teeth grazed my skin. 

This couldn’t happen, not if I wanted to live. The minute he bit me he would know about my plan. I had to summon every ounce of control on my body to resist the sensuous ripple of pleasure coursing my body. I dodged his hands and shot up to my feet. Dracula caught himself on his elbow before he fell between the cushions. His eyes were still every bit as dark as before but his mass of hair was tousled, as mine probably was.

“I think--” I took a breath. “I think you should leave.”

He sat up and I noticed that another button on his shirt had come undone, revealing more of his chest than I had seen before. I didn’t dare look any lower. I almost cried in frustration. My body demanded him despite the fact that giving myself to him meant danger.

“I want to finish watching the film,” he said, gazing up at me as he buttoned his shirt again.

“I’m sure you’ve got Netflix at your place.”

“I do but I don’t have the pleasure of your company there.”

“Dracula--”

“I’ll behave if you do,” he put his legs on the coffee table again but I didn’t fall for it. No way I was looking below his waistline. “ Promise .”

Would I make it if I ran upstairs to my room? But what use would it be if he could simply climb through my window? I wasn’t ten years old anymore to run away from my fears, hoping they would disappear if I didn’t acknowledge them. Then again, Dracula wasn’t the monster under my bed. He was more likely to be the one on top of it. Jesus, focus! Mind over matter, come on. Up until that point he was being good company. If he was toying with my self control or not, I wasn’t sure. Besides, I couldn’t push the man away any time he made me nervous. I needed to lead him on until Zoe and I found a breach.

“I’ll hold you to that promise. You stay there,” I pointed a finger at him. “I’ll sit over there.”

Grabbing the remote and the bar of chocolate, I tiptoed my way between the remains of my popcorn and curled myself up on the armchair. I started unpacking the chocolate, doing my best to keep my eyes on the telly. Louis and Claudia were now below the theatre, in Armand’s chambers.

Feeling the Count’s gaze on me, I said, “Are you watching the bloody film or not? Because I think I would rather watch something else now.”

After I started chomping at the chocolate bar like there was no tomorrow, Dracula paid attention to the telly. I managed to breathe normally again once he seemed to be engrossed by the film and made conversation about what was going on, like we had been doing before. He celebrated Louis’ revenge by clapping at him and I laughed at the joy on his face as Lestat popped up from the backseat of Daniel’s car and bit him. I mouthed the words to Sympathy for the Devil as the credits rolled and Dracula stayed with his eyes glued to the screen.

“I must talk to this Anne Rice woman,” he muttered.

I chuckled.

“Leave her alone. She hasn’t completed the series yet and I need to know how much dumber Lestat can get in the next book.”

“He’s not dumb,” Dracula said, frowning at me.

I chuckled again. God, he’d grown attached to him.

“You haven’t read the books yet. You might loathe him as much as you did Louis if you read them.”

He groaned.

“Let’s watch another one.”

“Another vampire film?”

“Yes.”

“Narcissist,” I accused and he smiled. 

After searching through the Netflix catalogue, I found a vampire film that didn’t seem so ridiculous called Byzantium. It seemed like a better alternative than Lost Boys or Fright Night. I could just imagine his outrage at Twilight so I spared him of that, too. Twenty minutes later, however, Dracula was rolling his eyes at the TV and asking for the remote. He chose Silence of the Lambs and I thanked the heavens for it. I wouldn’t be able to sit through another sexy movie with him.

“He’s a great actor,” I commented as Dr Lecter and Clarice talked through the glass prison. 

“How many times have you watched it? You quoted that to me before, word for word of what he just said.”

I shrugged. 

“An unhealthy amount of times,” I admitted. He looked at me. “It won four Oscars, c’mon. It’s fantastic.”

I refused to tell him the reason I loved it so much was because of Hannibal Lecter. The Oscars excuse was better. We didn’t say much after that, that’s how fascinated Dracula was. Afterwards, he chose Crimson Peak, at last, one I hadn’t seen. Resting my head on the armchair and using Dracula’s blazer as a blanket, I closed my eyes for a brief moment when Edith met Thomas. 

Sleep’s warm embrace had me floating and I sighed happily. Something hard and cold pressed at my cheek, making my eyes flutter open. Dracula’s face hovered above mine. I wasn’t floating, if his arms around me and his hard chest on my cheek meant anything. My heart hurt like someone had squeezed it.

“I’m just putting you to bed,” he said in a low voice, sparing me a glance.

I was too tired to argue with him and simply rested my head on his chest again.

“You’re cold,” I complained, holding onto his blazer.

“I’m sorry.” 

The harsh lights of the telly made me squint at it with drowsy eyes. Rachel Weisz was on the screen now and I frowned, trying to remember if she appeared in Crimson Peak. Had he started another movie?

“Did the sleep- huh.” I furrowed my brows and tried again, “did I the movie- no,” I sighed.

Hearing his laugh inside his chest made me smile sleepily. 

“You slept little more than 2 hours,” he replied, maneuvering me out of the living room.

“You understood,” a yawn, “what I said,” I giggled and patted his chest. “Well done.”

He flashed me an amused smile before looking ahead again. I wrapped my arms around him when he started going up the stairs, afraid that I would fall. I tried listening to his heartbeat - something I enjoyed doing to people whenever I had chance - but there was no sound coming from his chest. Oddly, that was just as comforting as not hearing soft thump-thumps. But maybe that was just my sleep-addled brain.

“Tell me what happens in Croms- ah, whatever, in the film.” I frowned, mad at how stupid I sounded when I was sleepy. 

He laughed again.

“A lot.”

I rolled my eyes before surrendering to my heavy eyelids and closing them. 

“Be nice, tell me,” I mumbled.

“I thought you didn’t want me to be nice.”

“Right now, I do.”

He started telling me but the rumble of his voice coming from inside his chest, so close to my ear, made me drift back to sleep again. I woke up when he was laying me down on my bed. The bedside lamp made me squint. He set me in the very middle of the bed and perched next to me. I rolled on my side to face him and fluffed the pillow below my head, hiding my face from the light.

“So Edith and Thomas got married, huh?” I asked.

“You got nothing of what I just told you.”

“Not a word." I shook my head lightly.

He pushed back a lock of hair that had fallen on my face and his fingers hovered over me for a moment before caressing my temple.

“You were married,” I blurted. He dropped his hand and frowned. “When you were human. Weren’t you?”

“What does it matter?” He went to get up but I grabbed his wrist.

He glared at my hand.

“It was just a question,” I told him. “Don’t be mad. We bicker all the time, already.” I raised my eyebrows at him. His gaze fell on mine, indecipherable. “We don’t have to talk about her. Forget I said it.”

For a second I thought he would storm off. Dracula looked out the window, staring into the night. I waited for him to say something, waited until sleep started creeping again. My fingers slid down his wrist, resting on the back of his hand. 

“She was nothing like you.”

My eyes fluttered open. He was still staring into the dark. I had to choose my words carefully if I wanted him to keep talking. 

“How was she like?”

“Fragile and fearful of… everything. Deeply religious and foolish, at times. She smiled whenever she looked at me, even when I had done horrible things. In her mind, all that I did was in the name of God. There was this one time when I came from battle and I had blood on my face and armour-" he stopped, shoulders sloping and then stiffening "-she kissed me.”

“She wasn’t that fragile, then.”

He scoffed.

“I suppose not,” he conceded.

“Did you love her?”

“More than I thought I was capable.”

I had a feeling I knew the answer to my next question but asked it anyway.

“What happened to her?”

Finally, he turned his head to look at me. For the first time I saw a semblance of real emotion in his eyes and it broke my heart.

“I happened to her.”

I furrowed my eyebrows and took a breath to ask more but he stood up, his hand grazing mine briefly. I watched as he closed the curtains and then picked up the duvet at the bottom of my bed, unfurling it on top of me. I retrieved his blazer from beneath the covers and handed it to him. When he met my eyes again, his expression was devoid of all emotion. His hand reached behind me and turned off the bedside lamp, plunging us into darkness. I couldn’t make out his face anymore.

“Thank you for keeping your promise,” I whispered but I wasn’t sure if he was still in the room to hear me..

.

Taglist: @festering-queen @feralstare @rheabalaur @girlonfireice @dreamer2381 @mr-kisskiss-bangbang @thorin-smokin-shield​ @deborahlazaroff​ @apocalypsenowish​ @a-dorky-book-keeper​ if I forgot to tag anyone, please let me know

[schnowydays]

The “Herne and the Red Kite” Analysis Nobody Asked For

WARNING: This is probably a very long and unnecessary post. 

Wah, so at first I was quite nervous on posting this at all because this is just so embarrassingly long and it is really overly thought out. Plus no one even asked for it and there does not seem to be a need for this since the song is kind of straightforward. But, I still put work into this so I’m going to post it anyways cuz it would feel like a waste if I didn’t. Plus, I’m immensely busy with school right now, so why not just let this fester while I’m away? So,,, here we go:::

Okay, so this was spun out by this post and I just became so interested in what the heck this song was about. I’ve always loved listening to it but I had no idea what the heck was going on - who is Herne? A red kite?? Does this relate to Hadley and Rosalie???

Plus, I love reading analysis on stuff so, here I am, attempting to make my own.

Anyways, to give a quick overview, I am going to be analyzing both the words and the instruments used in the song, going strictly by the studio recording. Everything here will be MY OPINION ALONE so it could be possible that I am horribly wrong on certain things. This research was INCREDIBLY LIGHT so there are probably a lot of details that I missed. Plus, I don’t really have strong music or literature knowledge, nothing beyond what you’re taught in high school. I’ll try to clear up the blocks of text with pictures or videos of things I think are helpful. 

I’m basically going to be the English Teacher who finds meaning in everything meme. You know, the:

So, without further ado...

Background

The Song Itself

As we all know, “Herne and the Red Kite” was written by Hadley Fraser and was released on his EP Just Let Go. Although it was released in 2014, I’m not entirely sure when this song was written, so it could have been really any time before then. Just to get it out there, based on what others have already said (from that post, yes), this song is most likely to be about Hadley and Rosalie Craig. Here is the song itself if you’ve (somehow) never heard it before. You can also listen along and read at the same time :D

Characters in the Song

Herne

Based on only a Google search, “Herne the Hunter”, an English folklore ghost, is really the only thing that shows up. He is mentioned by Shakespeare in The Merry Wives of Windsor in which he is described as “the ghost of a former Windsor Forest keeper who haunts a particular oak tree at midnight in the winter time” (Wikipedia). He is associated with the Windsor Forest and the Great Park in Berkshire. He basically does a lot of not cool stuff, like making cows produce blood instead of milk and making trees die. Another version states that he was made so that parents can scare their children into being more obedient. Herne is also the surname of a bunch of people. Because Herne is such an interesting name to use for a song like this (why didn’t he pick literally anything else??), then there is probably some intention behind the use of this name and probably the connotations that come with it.

Red Kite

So, apparently, the Red Kite isn’t actually a kite but is actually a kind of English bird. Fun fact, during Shakespeare’s time, it was considered to be an insult to be called a kite because this bird, back then, was regarded as quite a lowly bird since it was literally associated with trash. It was related this way because it eats dead things haha... However, it was hunted intensely until it became basically extinct except for a few in Wales. Over time, as the population began to thrive again, the Red Kite became a celebrated symbol of Wales (probably) (source). 

According to a lot of different sites, apparently Red Kites also have some meaning to them. I think the most consistent and most important one is how they are a connection between the living and the underworld. This mystical connection binds well with Herne being a folklore ghost who, of course being a ghost, is probably dead. So, already, they are a pretty good match.

A good thing to note as well, birds, in general, are usually used to symbolize freedom. Also, as far as I can tell, there are really no previous stories or songs or works or whatever about Herne and Red Kites together. 

Hadley and Rosalie’s Relationship

I got this information from here (brought up by @peonybooks​ in a chat, thank you!!)

So, depending on where you look, in 2008 or 2009, Hadley and Rosalie met on the set of A Christmas Carol production in Birmingham, although at the time, they were both dating other people. A piece of the set had fallen on Rosalie during that time and basically destroyed her arm. However, she was determined to swiftly come back to the stage because she was afraid that if she hadn’t, she’ll never be able to come back at all. That, and “because [she] had fallen in love with [Hadley]” (my feelings waaa).

Once the production was over, Hadley shipped it back to LA while Rosalie stayed in London. Hadley returned a year later and called up Rosalie for a drink. It was then discovered that they had actually liked each other this entire time!! They just never told each other. They lived together in Crystal Palace after that and married in 2014. This makes it around the time that this EP was released. 

Hadley and Rosalie as Herne and the Red Kite

Something interesting I noticed was the relation of their names to these characters. H is for Hadley and Herne. R is for Rosalie and the Red Kite. 

Of course, this little fun fact breaks a bit if Hadley is using his real first name, Robert, haha. The “Red” in “Red Kite” can also be a relation to how Rosalie has red hair (thanks @alittlepawblog​ hehe).

Also, something worth noting is how Rosalie sings all the lines that are in Herne’s perspective, and Hadley sings all the lines about the Red Kite’s perspective. That trade-off is quite neat, actually. They are both narrators together in this story, but they are swapping who talks about who. It makes the whole song feel like they are speaking for each other together. 

Lyrics and Instruments

I think for this part, I am going to break it up by when each person sings. So basically, whenever there is a new singer or if they start singing together, that will be a new section. Italics are lyrics, regular print is the analysis.

Instrumental

The story is introduced by an accordion. To be honest, it sounds quite static, or maybe even stoic. There is not a lot of feeling in it, maybe to demonstrate how Herne and the Red Kite’s lives were like before meeting each other.

The sprinkles of hi-hats spring the beginning of the song, which consists of a guitar melody, bass and a violin. The violin has a recurring melody that is highlighted every time there is an instrumental break. It could perhaps represent Herne as both Herne (and subsequently Hadley) is mentioned throughout the song consistently, while the Red kite is only mentioned after the introduction. 

Rosalie

Herne lived alone, lived alone in a wood Staring at swallows, wishing he could Join their migration from flower to flower Finally deciding to rest on some bower

Herne is introduced right off the bat, making him kind of the main character. That, and the fact that he has the most lines in the song directly about him. Makes sense if Herne is supposed to stand in for Hadley, since Hadley wrote this song. The fact that he lives in the woods also fits nicely with how he is supposed to be a ghost associated with the Windsor Forest and the Great Park. 

The lyrics state he is lonely and stares at swallows, wishing he could join them and fly far away visiting beautiful things (“flower to flower”). Swallows are typically symbols for very very good things, like happiness, protection, connection, conflict resolution, etc. The words “finally deciding to rest” kind of makes it like he has been on this long trek for happiness for a while. He’s been doing this search for so long that he just has to rest, finally. And, in case you didn’t know like me, a bower is “a pleasant shady place under trees or climbing plants in a garden or wood” (thanks Google). 

So, just to recap Herne is a lonely ghost who doesn’t want to be this way. He wants to be happy, have a connection with something, but being isolated in the wood just doesn’t let him do that. This may indicate how lonely or just duller things seemed to be for Hadley before he met Rosalie. He didn’t feel a true connection or see true beauty, something he desperately wanted to experience, until her. 

BOTH

With another With another

Albeit being very short, these can potentially have meaning behind them. “With another” - another what? They also start singing together here for the first time. Perhaps the “another” is each other, Hadley and Rosalie, or a foreshadow that Herne will be joined by another person or being soon, a sort of set up for the Red Kite, who is introduced in the next line. 

Hadley

Herne lifts his head and the Red Kite goes drifting by Suddenly in love with something that caught her eye

Hadley now sings but from the perspective of the Red Kite. Notice before that Rosalie sang the last verse, but all about Herne. They kind of mirror each other in this way. 

With the video above, you can see how, while they drift, the Red Kites move their head a lot. Maybe this is a normal bird movement and I’m just too dumb to know, but they seem to be actively searching below them. I think this derives from how they are scavenger birds. However, instead of spotting food, she spots Herne and is “suddenly in love”. This could parallel into real life, where Rosalie might have seen Hadley in passing on the production and experienced love at first sight. These lines indicate that Herne (Hadley) has clearly seen the Red Kite (Rosalie) as well, probably having the same love at first sight moment, something that can be inferred once the song progresses into the next Rosalie verse. 

In this verse, the accordion returns as well, possibly indicating some remnants of the past sadness still lingering. There is uncertainty. However, a new instrument is also introduced simultaneously: the mandolin. To me, it kind of sounds very happy and bright and hopeful, especially in the plucky way it was used. This new instrument, as well as the potentially cheesy representation (rip me), can indicate that something new and exciting is going to begin.

BOTH

Something that's shining so bright in the sunlight Let's hope we never...

If we’re sticking with the definition of bowers being shady, then should it not be very unlikely that the Red Kite or Herne have spotted each other at all? Perhaps through this line, they are saying how unlikely their relationship was to have occurred, but when it ultimately did, it was glorious. In the following line, they say “Let’s hope we never lose that thing that shines in the sunlight ever again”. Maybe it was just so unbelievably good, so amazing, that they were afraid that they would lose it because it just feels so unimaginable. Besides, this flips well into reality since they never told each other they liked each other and kept it secret for a whole year!! PLUS, they were dating others when they first met!! Very unlikely relationship indeed. 

...then again, this could just be them saying the other is really great haha. 

The accordion is fazed out as if the longer Herne and the Red Kite gaze at each other, the past sadness and loneliness are slowly melting away. The violin returns, swelling into the next line. 

BOTH - HADLEY MELODY, ROSALIE HARMONY

...lose that thing that shines in the sunlight ever again

Them singing together makes it like they are in total agreement with each other.  It’s like Hadley is making this statement in the melody, and Rosalie supports wholeheartedly with her harmony. From Hadley to Rosalie, and Rosalie to Hadley, they feel like the other outcompetes the sun (the sun!).

Instrumental

The violin melody from the beginning returns, as does the guitar melody. However, after the violin does its melody once, the trumpet now copies it! If the violin represents Herne because of how both he and the violin are introduced at around the same time, then the trumpet could represent the Red Kite, bringing new a much more vibrant, bold and triumphant vibe to Herne’s life. Plus, the fact that the trumpet copies the violin’s melody probably means there is a connection between the two. This would make it somewhat like an instrumental duet or could also possibly foreshadow that something very good is about to happen. 

Rosalie

Only one Herne and not enough wood Climbed up the bower and atop it he stood Called down the Red Kite from high up above Come land down here and be my love

Herne feels so attracted to the Red kite that he feels a physical pull to her, so much so that he climbs up on top of the bower. With not enough wood, he’s too far away from the Red Kite, and with only one Herne, it feels like nothing is there to support him in what he is trying to do. So he calls down the Red Kite to be with him instead, kind of like how Hadley called Rosalie for a drink all those years ago. It was him that reached out at the end that called her to him. “Be my love”, they will soon declare to each other during/after that fateful meeting. 

This also begins the hunter-bird relationship, if we are going to take this a little more literally. Hunter and bird relationships are very mutualistic. They help each other, with the birds guiding the hunters to their targets and the hunters paying them back in some way, usually through food or other means. 

BOTH

Forever Forever

Singing together, they both want to be together forever (haha, pretty obvious?)

Hadley

Red Kite flies down (he's waited his life for this) Whispers to Herne something, whispers, and then a kiss

As the Red Kite flies down towards Herne (as Rosalie gets closer to Hadley, or comes to meet him), Herne (Hadley) thinks that “he’s waited his life for this”. This goes back to the beginning where we know that Herne really wanted to go beyond the wood to see new beautiful things. Now someone beautiful has come to him instead, making his once isolating and lonely world so much more dazzling and loving. 

They also whisper, which is a pretty intimate choice of word. And they kiss! Literally spelling out a loving relationship. The happiness, love, protection, connection that Herne (Hadley) yearned for, for such a long time, is finally here. 

The mandolin also returns, the hope has its pay off! It continues to play throughout the rest of the song until after a few “Herne and the Red Kite” repeats at the very end of the song.

BOTH

Something that's shining so bright in the sunlight Let's hope we never... 

BOTH - HADLEY MELODY, ROSALIE HARMONY

...lose that thing that shines in the sunlight ever again

Once again, they repeat these words, as if to reaffirm this message that they are the best thing to have happened to each other. This is also at the end of the song, you can interpret as the end of this segment of the story, but the start of something beautiful. As time goes on, this magnificent idea they hold of each other never changes, despite anything that happens. 

Instrumental

This instrumental segment sounds like a slightly altered version of the instrumental breaks we’ve heard before. It is a lot more energetic, with the first threeish notes being kept from the original, but now tacked on with something extra. Overall, it just sounds so much happier than the instrumental breaks we’ve been getting before. 

BOTH

Herne and the Red Kite (repeat)...

This line is repeated 12 times (yes, I counted). The overall feel just sounds so triumphant and happy, like we’re celebrating. The joyous melody has the mandolin fade out, and if you really listen, the trumpet and violin seem to be having a very animated conversation with one another, calling and responding to each other and at times responding really quickly. The same guitar melody that we hear during the instrumental breaks is back as well.

Instrumental

All the instruments fade away, with the violin’s recurring melody closing the celebration off until there is only the guitar left. With only the violin standing out at the very end, it's nice that the original solo melody is now surrounded by all these other exciting things, making it kind of say that Herne is still Herne, but now he is surrounded by so many wonders now that the Red Kite is here. With the guitar having its ending solo, It makes it sounds like this is a tale gone by, and now we talk about it as if it were a folktale or a legend. It kind of feels like we’re just talking about this story around a campfire instead. Herne and the Red Kite grew old and grew old together, closing off the song like a musical “happily ever after”. 

Extra Stuff

Interesting Notes

The way it is written sort of sounds like a children’s poem, describing a simple but cute story

The song, overall, personally has a folklore vibe to it haha

There are a few pairs that can be picked out

Herne and the Red kite

Hadley and Rosalie

Male and Female voice (duet)

Violin and Trumpet

Accordion and Mandolin (Accordion is replaced by the Mandolin)

Any time the two sing together, it kind of just reinforces the narrator aspect of things, how they seem to be telling us the story of how they met and ultimately fell in love from a long time ago

Unanswered Questions

Why use Herne of all figures? Herne is supposed to be a very scary ghost. If it truly is supposed to represent Hadley, does this mean he identifies with the ghost in some way? Or did he derive some meaning from Herne’s presence in the works he shows up in?

Conclusion

Waa ok, that’s all I have for now about Herne and the Red Kite. If you made it to the end, thank you so much!! Truly appreciative that you read all the ramblings <3 

Here is the super general story: Herne was yearning for something more and was feeling lonely. Then he saw the Red Kite drift by, and for both of them, it was love at first sight. He desperately wanted to be with her, so he called out to her despite the odds or the distance, and as she descended to him, he felt excited that his loneliness was finally going to end. From then on, they shared a happy and joyous relationship until the end of time. The end~

The writing of this post took much longer than the actual light research and speculation part of it. Again, I might be completely wrong because this is just what I think is going on, and I might also just be looking waaaayyy too deep into things. If this is truly a proper, or at least somewhat proper, reflection of Hadley and Rosalie’s relationship, then I feel incredibly soft :’) 

If you have any other ideas, or if you agree/disagree with my analysis, please let me know!! I’m really excited to see what others have to say. :D

Until next time, I guess haha

[fontofmercy-archived2]

The Sansa/Arya Rivalry: A Defense of Sansa Stark

1.) Arya is an unreliable narrator

“It wasn't fair. Sansa had everything. Sansa was two years older; maybe by the time Arya had been born, there had been nothing left. Often it felt that way. Sansa could sew and dance and sing. She wrote poetry. She knew how to dress. She played the high harp and the bells. Worse, she was beautiful. Sansa had gotten their mother's fine high cheekbones and the thick auburn hair of the Tullys. Arya took after their lord father. Her hair was a lusterless brown, and her face was long and solemn.” A Game of Thrones, Arya I

“Sansa had the grace to blush. She blushed prettily. She did everything prettily, Arya thought with dull resentment.” - A Game of Thrones, Arya I

Arya is projecting her insecurities onto Sansa here. There is only one instance when Sansa calls Arya ugly and it’s in the same childish outburst where she calls her “hairy” and I doubt that Arya has some hormonal issue that’s not mentioned so clearly Sansa didn’t mean either of those and that one little outburst is not a basis for Arya’s consistent insecurities about her appearance and overall masculinity.

“Sansa sighed as she stitched. “Poor Jon,” she said. “He gets jealous because he’s a bastard.” - A Game of Thrones, Arya I

“He’s our brother,” Arya said, much too loudly. Her voice cut through the afternoon quiet of the tower room.” - A Game of Thrones, Arya I

Arya jumps to Jon's defense even though Sansa didn't say anything to really warrant that. She didn’t say that Jon’s not their brother. All Sansa said was that Jon gets jealous (which is an accurate observation, Jon was jealous of Joffrey) but Arya assumes something negative from it and gets upset which is partially because she was already on edge about the Septa targeting her but again, she projects this anger at Sansa.

Arya also blames Sansa when the Septa comes over to embarrass her even though it explicitly says that Arya yelling was what attracted her attention:

“(Arya’s) voice cut through the afternoon quiet of the tower room.” - A Game of Thrones, Arya I

...5 seconds later...

“It was just like Sansa to go and attract the septa's attention. "Here," she said, surrendering up her work.” - A Game of Thrones, Arya I

The point I’m getting at is that Arya (and Sansa) are unreliable narrators because they’re children. Arya is an emotional 9-year-old child, not a noble heroine who always knows what’s right and wrong. Arya assumes a lot of negatives about Sansa that simply aren’t true and this comes into play later as well, Arya says:

“...Jeyne used to call her Arya Horseface, and neigh whenever she came near.” - A Game of Thrones, Arya I

“At Winterfell they had called her "Arya Horseface" and she'd thought nothing could be worse.” - A Clash of Kings, Arya I

“She bit her lip, groping for another name. Lommy had called her Lumpyhead, Sansa used Horseface, and her father's men once dubbed her Arya Underfoot, but she did not think any of those were the sort of name he wanted.” - A Clash of Kings, Arya IX

The top quote is from AGoT, when Arya is still living with Sansa and Jeyne. That is when her memory is most reliable, and that quote is taken from a paragraph that is all about Sansa except this one line where Arya specifies that only Jeyne calls her that. If Sansa called her Horseface, Arya would have thought of it here when she was in Winterfell thinking about all the things she doesn’t like about Sansa but she doesn’t. She specifically says only Jeyne calls her that.

The second quote is from (the start of) ACoK and the last is from (the end of) ACoK. Notice the way Arya’s memory goes from, when it’s most reliable, being that Jeyne calls her Horseface to being a vague they called her Horseface to Arya thinking, in a moment of stress, that Sansa called her that.

Arya is not thinking about Jeyne, the girl she hardly knew, by the time she’s reached that point in the story and is that stressed. Arya’s thoughts are so focused on survival and getting back to her family, it makes sense that she wouldn’t think of Jeyne and would instead pin that memory on her sister who she always pinned her insecurities on.

It’s clear that Arya thinking Sansa called her Horseface is unreliable and inaccurate. Jeyne was the one who called Arya Horseface.

2.) The real source of Arya’s insecurities

The Septa. A grown adult who is a secondary mother figure. The Septa is constantly pitting Arya against Sansa (often for her looks):

"Sansa's work is as pretty as she is," Septa Mordane told their lady mother once. "She has such fine, delicate hands." When Lady Catelyn had asked about Arya, the septa had sniffed. "Arya has the hands of a blacksmith."

"You're a good girl, Sansa, but I do vow, when it comes to that creature you're as willful as your sister Arya." She scowled.”

I mentioned in 1 that Sansa vaguely calling Arya ugly one time is not enough to cause these specific insecurities that Arya has about being too masculine but the things The Septa says are. The comment about “blacksmith’s hands” does linger in Arya’s mind and is mentioned again but Sansa calling her “ugly and hairy like Hodor” doesn’t:

"(after thinking Catelyn wouldn’t want her back because she’s dirty) I ruined that gown that Lady Smallwood gave me, and I don't sew so good." She chewed her lip. "I don't sew very well, I mean. Septa Mordane used to say I had a blacksmith's hands." - A Storm of Swords, Arya VII

Sansa has also been drip-fed the idea that Arya makes everything worse, that Arya is a terrible person to be like, by the Septa. Sansa didn’t come up with that herself. When one child is scapegoated and the other is put on a pedestal, both children are being abused and the relationship between them is going to be affected.

The Septa makes Arya feel anxious and insecure because of the constant risk of being embarrassed:

“Arya glanced furtively across the room, worried that Septa Mordane might have read her thoughts, but the septa was paying her no attention today.”

“The septa examined the fabric. "Arya, Arya, Arya," she said. "This will not do. This will not do at all." Everyone was looking at her. It was too much.”

Ned and Catelyn are also to blame for doing nothing to stop this. Septa Mordane says Arya has “Blacksmith’s hands” to Catelyn and she doesn’t say anything about it. Sansa, on the other hand, is not to blame because she was a child and did very little to perpetuate that insecurity.

3.) Sansa’s perfectionism

Sansa is assumed to be a perfectly happy and content child both by readers and other characters simply because she’s able to conform and adequately conceal her emotions “Curtesy is a woman’s armor.” but we see several times that Sansa is just as affected by this toxic environment as Arya is.

There are several times when Sansa, like Arya, worries about being embarrassed and shamed:

“Alone and humiliated, Sansa took the long way back to the inn, where she knew Septa Mordane would be waiting. Lady padded quietly by her side. She was almost in tears. All she wanted was for things to be nice and pretty, the way they were in the songs. Why couldn't Arya be sweet and delicate and kind, like Princess Myrcella? She would have liked a sister like that.” - A Game of Thrones, Sansa I

Sansa experiences the same stress and pressure Arya does, every toe out of line is scolded, just because Sansa copes through conformity and Arya through rebellion doesn’t make the trauma any more or less. Sansa is a perfectionist, she genuinely gets anxious and upset when things aren’t as they “should” be. It’s not as simple as Sansa being catty or judgmental, it’s her response to the same pressure Arya has experienced.

Now, that last part is often taken out of context to make Sansa sound awful (like no kid has ever wanted different siblings, come on) but this is after Arya refuses to go see the Queen which is quite immature and forces Sansa to return alone to face all the shame of Arya’s rudeness towards to Queen of all people.

It’s not that Sansa hates Arya, she wants to be close to Arya but feels like she can’t be:

"It is not," Arya said stubbornly. "If you came with us sometimes, you'd see."

"I hate riding," Sansa said fervently. "All it does is get you soiled and dusty and sore."

Arya shrugged.” - A Game of Thrones, Sansa I

Arya does invite Sansa to play with her and Sansa tries to convince Arya to get dressed up and hang out with her, they both want a relationship with their sister but at the expense of what the other enjoys (Sansa wants Arya to be like Myrcella, Arya wants Sansa to be like Mycah) and neither of them are willing to compromise and do what the other wants to do.

Why is Sansa not liking to get dirty seen as some grave sin but Arya refusing the invitation of one of the most important people in the world because she’d rather go play a heroic virtue? I’m not saying Arya is terrible, I’m saying they are both just normal children who lack the awareness and self-discipline to compromise on their wants or communicate effectively. There is no difference there. There is nothing inherently more virtuous about Arya’s preferences as opposed to Sansa’s especially considering point 4.

4.) Ned’s Favoritism

“...her hair all tangled and her clothes covered in mud, clutching a raggedy bunch of purple and green flowers for Father. Sansa kept hoping he would tell Arya to behave herself and act like the highborn lady she was supposed to be, but he never did, he only hugged her and thanked her for the flowers. That just made her worse.” - A Game of Thrones, Sansa I

This moment for example, many people interpret this as Sansa being just a big meanie who wants her sister to be miserable but that’s not true, Sansa specifically has an issue with the fact that their father is rewarding Arya for not doing what both the girls are told they are “supposed to be” doing. And of course that would upset Sansa who tries so hard to do what she’s “supposed to do” and is still constantly lacking meaningful attention.

This also ties into how Sansa doesn’t understand why Arya likes Mycah more than here, Arya “should” like Sansa because Sansa is doing everything to be likable but it’s not enough. Sansa wants to be close to Arya and Ned but doesn’t know how because Ned never makes significant effort to include her, or even learn what Sansa is interested in.

“Just the sight of him was enough to make Sansa feel sick, but Arya seemed to prefer his company to hers.” - A Game of Thrones, Sansa I

Sansa doesn’t understand why even though she does everything that everyone around her is telling her to do, it’s still people that are doing what she’s scolded for that are rewarded. Sansa barely has the ability to correct the Septa about her direwolf, and when she does she gets scolded and shamed excessively, but Arya gets to run around the woods and do whatever she wants while still being the favorite? That’s not entirely accurate, just like Arya’s perceptive isn’t, but it is Sansa’s perspective.

Sidenote: Is sansa being classist to Mycah? Yeah, a little, but I’m not holding a sheltered 11 y/o accountable for her ignorance. That is all Ned and Catelyn’s responsibility. And to be honest, this is a time when baths were a luxury so I’m sure the smell of someone who worked with raw meat and rarely bathed would be quite overwhelming to someone who has never been around people who couldn’t bathe regularly. Sansa doesn’t have the awareness to understand that Mycah doesn’t have the same luxuries she does so of course to her she’s going to just think “oh, he’s gross” because she’s just a kid who doesn’t understand.

Back to Ned’s favoritism though, so much of the fandom acts like Arya is just inherently a better person than Sansa because she talks to Smallfolk and doesn’t trust the Lannisters etc. but Arya didn’t just start doing those things on her own. Her father sat Arya down and explained these things to her, but Ned never bothered to do that with Sansa. A child can hardly be blamed for not knowing things that her own parents never bothered to teach her.

Sidenote: Before you say it, no, Sansa is NOT Catelyn’s favorite. Bran is Catelyn’s favorite as she explicitly states followed by the rest of her sons. Catelyn has a very superficial relationship with Sansa that is not at all equivalent to Ned and Arya’s. And even if Sansa were Catelyn’s favorite, Ned should still have given Sansa the same tools and lessons he gave Arya. Ned and Catelyn chose to leave Sansa unprepared and sheltered, that’s not Sansa’s fault.

4.) Defending Joffrey

"Stop it!" Arya screamed. She grabbed up her fallen stick.

Sansa was afraid. "Arya, you stay out of this." - A Game of Thrones, Sansa I

The idea that Sansa liked, or was even okay with, what Joffrey was doing to Mycah is pure fanon. Sansa told Arya to not get involved because she was afraid and in Sansa’s experience, being passive and not angering those with power is what works. She isn’t saying “Arya don’t interrupt, I’m enjoying the show” NO, she’s saying “Arya, I’m scared, please don’t escalate the situation.”

And, frankly...Sansa was right. The situation was made worse by Arya attacking Joffrey. I absolutely do NOT blame Arya for that, I completely understand why she did and, just like Sansa, Arya was a child who was not prepared to deal with the situation and did what she thought was right. But the situation was made worse by fighting the authority (the Lannisters) so of course it makes sense that Sansa would choose to submit to them later on and lie about what she saw.

Not only was Sansa a child (one who is particularly anxious about authority figures and has been taught all her life to be submissive) who was being dogpiled by the most powerful adults in the world and had no right option, Sansa actually made the least-wrong choice by lying about Arya.

If Sansa had told the truth, do you really think Cersei f*cking Lannister, The Queen of Reasonable, would have been like “Oh, okay then, I guess it was Joffrey’s fault.” OF COURSE NOT! Sansa lying or not made no difference because Cersei is a vengeful crazy person who will always Joffrey as the victim. In fact, Cersei had already sent The Hound to kill Mycah before Sansa said anything because if she hadn’t then Sandor wouldn’t have already been there with the body by the time Ned went outside to kill Lady.

Mycah and a direwolf were going to die for what had already happened to Joffrey regardless of what Sansa said, she could never have saved them. There is no universe in which Cersei would have given up her vengeance (the thing she basically lives and breathes for) for the word of a kid she hates. What Sansa did stopped Cersei from taking further revenge. If Sansa has told the truth, it only would have put her and her family in more danger.

So, clearly Sansa was right to lie there but what about later on when Sansa defends Joffrey? What a lot of people don’t understand is that Sansa was being abused before Joffrey ever ordered his guards to beat her and before Ned’s death. Joffrey was already using love bombing on Sansa, he already had her trapped in King’s Landing where the Lannisters have even more power than they did at Winterfell, and the two of them were already in a cycle of abuse:

“And Joffrey was the soul of courtesy. He talked to Sansa all night, showering her with compliments, making her laugh, sharing little bits of court gossip, explaining Moon Boy's japes. Sansa was so captivated that she quite forgot all her courtesies and ignored Septa Mordane, seated to her left...”

...5 seconds later...

“Sansa started as Joffrey laid his hand on her arm. "It grows late," the prince said. He had a queer look on his face, as if he were not seeing her at all.” - A Game of Thrones, Sansa II

Joffrey spends the whole meal showering Sansa in affection and attention, which is something she has been lacking the rest of the book, and then suddenly acts like he doesn’t see her and sends her off with The Hound (who proceeds to manhandle her, belittle her, and threaten her life bc that’s what he does).

This is just one of many examples of how Sansa is already trapped in this abusive cycle. There are numerous adults who fall for the manipulation that Joffrey is already using on Sansa, who have defended their abuser because they are afraid to admit what’s really happening and therefore have to face the monumentally terrifying task of leaving. It’s hardly a fair argument to blame a literal child, who couldn’t up and walk away from the Lannisters if she wanted to, for finding a way to rationalize her abuser’s actions.

If Sansa admits what Joffrey is, that means that now she is stuck with someone who doesn’t care about her at all and is only a threat to her. Sansa couldn’t survive that. She has to compartmentalize, it has to be The Hound who killed Mycah not Joffrey and, later on, Sansa continues to compartmentalize abusers’ good moments from their abuse to survive. Because it she doesn’t have a Prince in Joffrey, a protector in The Hound, a friend in Littlefinger...then she has nothing and she’s alone and that is too terrifying for her to handle.

So, yes, Sansa continues to defend Joffrey even to Arya and I completely understand why that is so hard for Arya but it’s the only thing Sansa can do to survive.

5.) Sansa and Arya are important to each other

Regardless of whether or not you agree with my analysis of the Sansa/Arya rivalry, there’s no denying that Sansa and Arya love each other. Their relationship was not all rivalry and disagreements:

Sansa covers for Arya to Septa Mordane:

“"She wasn't hungry," Sansa said, knowing full well that her sister had probably stolen down to the kitchen hours ago and wheedled a breakfast out of some cook's boy.” - A Game of Thrones, Sansa I

Arya and Sansa played in the snow (and Arya checked to make sure Sansa was okay when she fell down):

“(Arya and Bran) each had a dozen snowballs to hand, and (Sansa) had none. Bran had been perched on the roof of the covered bridge, out of reach, but Sansa had chased Arya through the stables and around the kitchen until both of them were breathless. She might even have caught her, but she'd slipped on some ice. Her sister came back to see if she was hurt. When she said she wasn't, Arya hit her in the face with another snowball, but Sansa grabbed her leg and pulled her down and was rubbing snow in her hair when Jory came along and pulled them apart, laughing.” - A Storm of Swords, Sansa VII

Arya stops wishing for King’s Landing to wash away because even right after Ned’s death, she can’t stand the thought of Sansa dying:

“She wished the Rush would rise and wash the whole city away, Flea Bottom and the Red Keep and the Great Sept and everything, and everyone too, especially Prince Joffrey and his mother. But she knew it wouldn't, and anyhow Sansa was still in the city and would wash away too. When she remembered that, Arya decided to wish for Winterfell instead.” - A Clash of Kings, Arya I

Sansa wants a kid like Arya (showing she’s moved past the biases Septa and others put in here):

“If I give him sons, he may come to love me. She would name them Eddard and Brandon and Rickon, and raise them all to be as valiant as Ser Loras. And to hate Lannisters, too. In Sansa's dreams, her children looked just like the brothers she had lost. Sometimes there was even a girl who looked like Arya.” - A Storm of Swords, Sansa II

And there’s literally so many examples of both of them wanting to go home to their family (including each other) that I don’t even need to include that. Their mutual arcs are all about wanting to bring the pack together and as Ned said:

"Let me tell you something about wolves, child. When the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies, but the pack survives. Summer is the time for squabbles. In winter, we must protect one another, keep each other warm, share our strengths...Sansa is your sister. You may be as different as the sun and the moon, but the same blood flows through both your hearts. You need her, as she needs you...and I need both of you, Gods help me.”

[tomorrow-human]

MY THOUGHTS ON iDKHOW'S ALBUM DEBUT: RAZZMATAZZ

So I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME have just released RAZZMATAZZ today and heres what I think...

[SIDE A]

¹LEAVE ME ALONE:

A bombastic opening track. Was released in the beginning of August...? Probably? This song just SCREAMS at you with retro futuristic funkiness. It has 8-bity flourishes in the instrumentation and seems to be maybe talking to the same person as Choke (from 1981 E.P.) and the title track Razzmatazz have been (or maybe a separate entity as suggested by the vinyl booklet and Indoctoration?).

Anyway, fantastic track, great opener, and nice mood-setter.

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²INDOCTORATION:

It's... eerie. It's not a song in the same sense as Leave Me Alone, despite having a wobbly backing track. It's a spoken interlude that seems to be initiating you into Tellex maybe? It yet again mentions the White Shadows that will be overseeing your progress with Tellex. It seems oddly nostalgic for some reason. That's strange. Overall, solid little piece of lore building that really reinforces the concept aspects.

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³MAD IQs:

It's the first song from this album that wasn't released as a single and it made my jaw literally drop. It has a similar lyrical and vocal structure to the opener and New Invention, but what I like is how much they were able to do with it, though it makes you wonder about how far apart these songs were written; but In the context of the albums concept and the Tellex stuff however, it could be interpreted as a corporate decision, this repetition. The minimal instrumentation in the verses with Ryan's sturdy drumming and Dallon's bassline makes me go fucking bananas. It's so fucking great and full of this punchy energy. And the HARMONIES. YES. "Voluntary victim~" "I'm burning~ in your mad IQs" SIR STOP BEING SO VOCALLY TALENTED. Also I think i heard him shriek right before the bridge which? Snazzy. So Mad IQs, energetic track, filled with more of iDKHOWs signature darkness.

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⁴NOBODY LIKE THE OPENING BAND:

Ah yes, Opening Band. Ironic considering how often iDKHOW are the opening band, but I'm sure that's obvious, seeing how they usually sing this one at the start of their gigs. It was actually (I think) the first or second song I didn't know how but found through youtube so I might be pretty biased here. It's a sweet sounding change of pace with the instrumentation being made up of only the piano and tambourine that tells of a typical opening band, that no ones ever heard before and likely will never hear again, via a sympathetic narrator with a hint of the typical iDKHOW teasing. In all honesty, it would've worked better as the album opener, which then could've been followed by Leave Me Alone, but it's a nice change of pace overall.

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⁵NEW INVENTION:

I already reviewed this song on my other blog right here so imma keep this brief. It shares similar aspects to Leave Me Alone, with the music video concept and song structure, but It manages to darken the narrative, and the choir-esq harmonies sound like ultra bright neon lights that only push this mood further. It still is a magnificent song and by far one of my favourites in the album.

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⁶IN THE GALLOWS:

MASSIVE SHIFT IN STYLE HOLY FUCKOLY-. The track opens with a very cutesy old timey little piano intro and starts the verse with a little funny beat. If you don't listen to the lyrics, it sounds like a silly little oldie song. But as we all know, iDKHOW doesn't do silly. The lines "For you, I'd die▪︎Or kill myself▪︎which ever makes you smile," From just the first verse are a prime example of this. The narrators murderous and suicidal intentions have clouded the romantic attraction into obsession- And I kinda like that, in a poetic way. The chorus is a standout, with the calm start to the explosion in the line "I'd swing from the gallows and wave" that just swings at you with a baseball bat to the chest. Oh, and the sax solo? Magnificent. This whole song is a chefs kiss from me.

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⁷CLUSTERHUG:

I love the lyrics of this song the most of it all. It sounds like a rebellious teenager wrote it after thinking about how shit their hometown is and wanting to get out. It also incorporates how much the narrator would want to do all this with their crush, adding that slightly goofy and pretend-aloof chorus of "only if you'd like me to I could fall in love with you" as if they weren't already in love or at least that's how I see it. The vibe of this song is more pop-y than the rest of the album, but that's more likely because it was repurposed for Razzmatazz after being originally written for The Brobecks, their older band. It's a nice little tune :).

[SIDE B]

⁸SUGAR PILLS:

This. Will. Get. Stuck. In. Your. Head- and. You. Will. Like. It. Basically, just seems like a song about drugs that, for some reason, reminds me of Gorillaz (who I dont even listen to). But the BASSLINE AGAIN- Jesus help me live. It has more of that energy we saw with the first few tracks and adds even more electronic elements. It's probably my second favourite song from this album that's not a single because of how fun the chorus sounds. What else can I say? I can just imagine myself bopping to this in the car screaming 'SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR PILLS' On a hot day.

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⁹KISS GOODNIGHT:

It's so sweet 🥺. It's one of those songs I could imagine a character in a movie singing to someone from a stage. If you want pretty song vibes just listen to it. Because it is a pretty song. And that's all I have to say on it. Now allow me to take a moment and shove it into my pretty song playlist that acts like my personal lullaby machine.

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¹⁰LIGHTS GO DOWN:

Yes. F u n k y. Give me that sweet sweet disco energy, thank you. It's just filled with all these *☆~blingy and sparkly~☆* effects, and, combined with the drumming, the result is just glorious. The best part of this song is in my opinion the bridge where it goes darker lyrically and in sound that just naturally slides into another funky-ass sax solo. I can definitely see myself dancing to this at a party and then in later years growing nostalgic for those days.

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¹¹NEED YOU HERE:

It's supposed to be happy in tone and hopeful slightly but it just makes me sad. It's a song about how, because Dallon has to tour because it's his job, he has to be away from his family often. And he had nO RIGHT ADDING HIS DAUGHTERS VOCALS AND RECORDINGS INTO THE MIX ITS LIKE HE WANTS US TO CRY. It's not my favourite of the album, not going to lie here, but it's also such a sweet song with nice instrumentals and vibe 🥺 so that's all I'll say.

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¹²DOOR:

It seems like this one was written around the time sad ukulele music was really at its peak but am I complaining? Fuck no because this song is great. It just gives it to you straight, that if the narrator ever does anything that the recipient doesn't like, they can always cut them out of their life. It's nice in that regard- you don't usually get songs that don't try to deflect the pain or gain pity. We need more of these kinds of songs. The shortness of it really adds to the effect of this being more like a regularly said thing, even though I'm always a bit sad that it ends so fast. It does, however, nicely close the near end of the album before Razzmatazz.

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¹³TOMORROW PEOPLE:

Creepy Tellex thank-you note. You're welcome..? I want no part in your conspiracy tho. Go away weird American corporate man voice.

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¹³RAZZMATAZZ:

And there it is. The title track. Like new inventions, I have already reviewed it here on that same blog so this will be brief also and more just thoughts. It's a great closer and is more old timey than most of the songs here as well. And with the last instrumental and sax solo, we come to the albums inevitable end... until next time.

[GENERAL THOUGHTS]

Overall, this was a fantastic little debut for iDKHOW and I loved it. So worth the pre-order. The songs were great and the lyrics were just excellent. My only real criticism is that the song order on Side A was a bit strange. I feel a way to fix this would be to throw Nobody Likes The Opening Band into the beginning, then have Leave Me Alone as a second track, and maybe even switch one of the songs on this side with one from Side B (either Mad IQs or New Invention with something else but then that would be kind of stretching it). Or maybe even switching Clusterhug with Mad IQs or New Invention could work. So in general? Razzmatazz good album. Next question.

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Thank you for reading, anyone who happens to see this and have read this. Hope you've enjoyed some of my thoughts on the debut and agreed with at least 2 points I made. See y'all on another review (or shitpost)!

-L.J

[roadtohell]

@mynamesdrstuff​ thank you ur brain is so big, i had like 10 moments of revelation while writing this

A Labour of Love- or, How to Write a Song That Makes Me Want to Lie Facedown On The Floor

Four decades separates the respective rises of singer-songwriters Hozier and Bruce Springsteen, nearly as large as the gap between the worlds in which their public images reside. According to popular myth, the former is the tall, near-ethereal Bog Man, half in this life and half in the next, who rose from a fae-inhabited woodland after 1000 years of slumber to find he was able only to mourn his lost love through song; the other is the Boss, a hardy yet compassionate working-class hero permanently streaked with the blood and sweat of a marathon shift, toiling endlessly alongside the heart-stopping, pants-dropping, hard-rocking, earth-quaking, booty-shaking, Viagra-taking*, love-making, legendary E Street Band. The domains of fen and factory may appear to be irreconcilable, but in reality the musicians have many things in common:

Broadly speaking, they both create wildly variable mixes of folk and rock, often with particularly strong Irish and African-American influences.

Their lyrics are poetic and commonly reflect on social issues with a progressive voice.

Songs about romantic relationships typically portray them as complex and difficult but remain respectful, sometimes near worshipful, of women.

Their characters yearn, long, pine and crave more often than not.

They both really like to use religious imagery.

They enjoy and return notable amounts of wlw love.

Representative of many of these are Hozier’s “Work Song” and Springsteen’s “Maria’s Bed”, two songs with close thematic parallels. Each is ostensibly told from the perspective of an exhausted labourer who dreams of returning to his lover. In a twist, however, “Work Song” is a melancholic love story, while the upbeat “Maria’s Bed” is a subtle tale of death; the opposing moods are complex reflections of these underlying narratives. These songs have Hozier and Springsteen skilfully intertwine the concepts of love, death, freedom and spirituality, creating two deeply moving portrayals of desire** that never fail to eviscerate the listener after 10pm.

Though the songs differ in overall lyrical structure, the similarities in narrative are evident from the first few lines:

Boys, workin' on empty / Is that the kinda way to face the burning heat? / I just think about my baby / I'm so full of love I could barely eat

Been on a barbed wire highway forty days and nights / I ain’t complaining, it’s my job and it suits me right / I got a sweet soul fever rushing round my head / I’m gonna sleep tonight in Maria’s bed

The audience can gather that each character works in a harsh environment where they are exposed to the elements. Their work is likely in manual labour, but the details are skimmed over because the narrators don’t particularly want to think about the details. Pushed to their limits, each instead copes by preoccupying himself with thoughts of his lover, though it makes him literally lovesick.

I’d never want once from the cherry tree / ‘Cause my baby’s sweet as can be / She gives me toothaches just from kissing me

She gives me candy-stick kisses ‘neath a wolf-dog moon / A sweet breath and she’ll take you, mister, to the upper room

The worker recalls his lover’s kisses as being vibrantly sweet, sweeter than nature. So, too, is her company- in contrast to the grim situation he is currently in, she is something to be savoured. Sugar cravings, an innate biological compulsion, come to mind; his hankering for her is likewise deep-seated and out of his control.

The reason for such devotion, the narrator reveals, is that she saved his life at a time when he had already resigned himself to death. He believes he was undeserving of such a deed; Hozier describes “three days on a drunken sin… she never asked me once about the wrong I did,” while Springsteen’s character recounts being “burned by angels, sold wings of lead / then I fell in the roses and sweet salvation of Maria’s bed”. In other words, his state of ruin was at least partially self-made, and her care seemed completely inexplicable. He eagerly returns her love, perhaps feeling that it’s the least he owes- but he still doesn’t quite understand where it came from.

True to both songwriters’ styles, these lines are direct allusions to the idea of redemption in Christianity: God sheltering a faithful person from the literally hellish consequences of their wrongdoing, through no merit of their own. However, the worker is notably dismissive of traditional doctrine:

My babe would never fret none / About what my hands and my body done / If the Lord don’t forgive me / I’d still have my baby and my babe would have me

I’ve been out in the desert, yeah, doing my time / Searching through the dust for fool’s gold, looking for a sign / Holy man says “hold on, brother, there’s a light up ahead” / Ain’t nothing like the light that shines on me in Maria’s bed

His faith rests not in God but on his lover; she is his religion now. Her act of grace already gave him a new, better life- he doesn’t need biblical promises when her love is tantamount to anything heaven might offer. This implication conveys a staggering depth of feeling, particularly to a religiously raised listener. Spirituality is, at its core, emotional; combined with the values and customs of religion, it is a force that can exert incredible influence over a person. The worker doesn’t reject spirituality itself- it’s an intrinsic part of him- but he has put all that power in the hands of the one he adores. It may make him vulnerable to her (that’s love!), but he is certain that she will give him the strength he needs.

Theological redemption also has close ties with death, as its benefits aren’t meant to be reaped on earth. Instead, the love, glory and freedom that are promised are relegated to the afterlife. Historically, the presumed ecstasy of achieving this gave death a sexual connotation; after all, if a lover could take the spiritual place of God, then perhaps sex could take the role of death as a gateway to paradise, far away from a life of pain. Work Song embraces this analogy, explicitly linking spiritual fulfilment to the pleasure of sexual intimacy:

When I was kissing on my baby / And she put her love down, soft and sweet / In the low lamplight, I was free / Heaven and hell were words to me

The equally suggestive Maria’s Bed allows the audience to draw similar conclusions, but it accomplishes this using a far less serious method: regular mentions of the titular bed, wink-wink-nudge-nudge. Yet this light-hearted sauciness is something of a misdirection. It’s easy to gloss over the song’s references to water, but they are strong hints that support an alternative reading: Maria is not a woman, but a river***. The story, from this perspective, then becomes much more sombre- the worker is a dying or suicidal man who wishes to have his body laid at the bottom of a river that provided for him in life, and whose real desire is for the peace he hopes to find there in death.

Got on my dead man’s suit and smiling skull ring / Lucky graveyard boots and a song to sing / I keep my heart in my work, my troubles in my head / And I keep my soul in Maria’s bed

This darker interpretation arguably makes more sense than the face-value love story, as it resolves some figures of speech that otherwise seem out of place. Even so, the more obvious reading is no less meaningful****; in fact, the coexistence of these narratives is what makes Maria’s Bed an almost perfect thematic inverse to Work Song.

When my time comes around / Lay me gently in the cold dark earth / No grave can hold my body down / I’ll crawl home to her

Hozier uses the finality of death to illustrate the strength of a man’s desire for love- his narrator embraces his own passing as he is certain not even the most permanent of barriers can keep him from his lover. Springsteen, through the personification of the river, uses the language of romance to demonstrate how fervently a man might desire death- his narrator embraces his demise because it offers a reprieve from life, just like a lover would.

All that said, no amount of lyrical analysis will reveal the clearest point of contrast the songs have: their music.

Work Song primarily draws from blues and folk music, both of which have roots in historical work songs used to coordinate physical tasks as well as boost morale. Reflecting this musical heritage, instrumentation is fairly simple, with the steady rhythm of claps and piano chords punctuating hard. It is slow and heartfelt, almost mournful; though there’s no mention of time frame, the audience has the sense that the worker still has a long way to go before he can return to his lover.  This notion comes largely from the song’s circular structure. By ending with the same music it opened with, its story is also implied to finish at its beginning: with the men hard at work in the “burning heat”, and no true relief in sight. This is furthered by having little development over the course of the song- though iterations of the chorus are more intense than the verses, the arrangements underlying both sections barely change. The worker, it seems, is never quite far enough from his reality of hard labour, and never close enough to home.

On the other hand, Maria’s Bed is relentlessly optimistic, driven by a strong forward momentum. Where most modern songs have their choruses as their most powerful feature, here the wordless refrain (“hey hey, la la la li li li li”) acts more like a transition between verses, keeping the story moving. The jaunty fiddles that fade out are quite different to the introductory guitar and organ, suggesting the worker’s situation has developed for the better. In addition, the orchestration builds continually, only briefly pulling back before the music culminates in an extended musical outro. Many of the instruments work in counterpoint, each additional layer contributing to an air of an unrestrained joy that is further spurred on by Springsteen’s high hums and whoops. The linear musical direction and overall impression of good cowboy fun results in the feeling that, unlike the singer of Work Song, the narrator is already on his way to his heart’s desire- though, in light of the lyrics, what this actually means is somewhat ambiguous. Are those final echoes him moving out of earshot… or his ghost ascending to the “upper room” of heaven?

We may not know for sure how either of these stories end, but we can feel the aching hope for something better. This longing is an emotional line that runs all the way through both Springsteen and Hozier’s work, though it never seems to get old. Combined with explorations of love, faith, life, death- that’s why we return to their music again and again; they are experts at playing on old motifs and universal themes in new and creative ways, their crafted melodies and narratives touching wild and industrial hearts alike.

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* I am legally obligated to include all these adjectives.

** Maria’s Bed seems to be sadly obscure even among fans; the one and only online forum discussion I have seen about the song refers to it as “not that deep”. Having written this whole essay- if Springsteen himself said that to me, I’d laugh in his face.

*** A random internet comment I can’t find anymore backs me up on this. It even specified that it was about the Santa Maria River in California, as quoted “from Bruce”. Obviously an infallible source 😊

**** It’s important that “[drinking] the cool clear waters” can totally be the description of oral sex you thought it was.

[la-paritalienne]

Eve!!!! Need your thoughts about Taylor's album!!!! 💓💓💓💓💓💓

i love getting asked :”(((((( :”))))))) thank uuuuuuuu. let’s get to it. as usual, it’s an almost-first impression (normally i write my basic thoughts during the first listen – yeah i’d started doing it before getting this, you know, just in case – and then i review them w a second one, where i also select my favourite passage). sooo, let’s go

♡♡♡♡

the 1 — such sweet yet heartbreaking lyrics... very soft sound, if it sets the mood for the album im 100 per cent in! This one didn’t stick w me after one listen, but after the second i was like wooow! I love how she says waking up alone ughhh. 8

fave lyrics: persist and resist the temptation to ask you / if one thing had been different / would everything be different today?

cardigan — !!!!!!! the sound has that bittersweet something that gets under your skin and makes you nostalgic for something you can’t even pinpoint. it reminds me of the softest lana, especially in nfr (eg bartender!!). i’m in awe. instant obsession!!!! the ending takes you to another plane of existence – ‘cause i knew everything when i was young... i knew you’d miss me... you’d come back to me. also i’m crying. 10+

[it’s hard to choose bc the whole song reads like poetry but i’m especially obsessed w] giving me your weekends; once in twenty lifetimes; tried to change the ending / peter losing wendy; you drew stars around my scars

the last great american dynasty — storytelling on pointttt and sound, too! telling the story of someone she bought her house from?? the genius jumped out. she paints it like a romantic portrait, mad woman pacing on the shore, but then also gatsbian, the crazy parties, dali... and then takes it back to today w the key lime green dog, idk, iconic. i want to know this woman. this song truly takes you somewhere else, i thought it was a bit repetitive but then the bridge came in and the final vocals plus i had a marvelous time ruining everything, i have to stan! 8+

there goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen / she had a marvelous time ruining everything

exile — ok wow, bon iver’s voice is something else!!!! i was kind of ignorant when it came to him, i admit. his depth and rasp paired with how angelic she sounds... heavenly. sound-wise, but also thematically, this vaguely reminds me of tomorrow never came w lana and sean ono lennon. (one of my fave songs of all time maybe?). the way they enunciate i think i’ve seen this film before is literally a work of art all in itself, not to mention – well i’m mentioning it bc it’s worth it! – the you never gave a warning sign vs the way she goes over it w i gave so many signs. god this makes me feel sooooo sad and like, involved. it’s so beautiful. 10

you’re not my homeland anymore / so what am i defending now?

my tears ricochet — ok wtfffff??? everything about this speaks to my soul. the airy voice, the way she sets the scene... sunlit room, the funeral metaphor, you turned into your worst fears. i didn’t have it in myself to go with grace speaks to me more than anything, but just, everything about the lyrics. truly something else, cursing my name / wishing i stayed gives me chills everytime she says it. the beat that gets more insistent towards the end, with the bridge....... the high notes that then fade..... just wow. 10

and i can go anywhere i want / anywhere i want, just not home / and you can aim for my heart, go for blood / but you would still miss me in your bones / and i still talk to you when i’m screaming at the sky / and when you can’t sleep at night you hear my stolen lullabies

mirrorball — love the lyrics, maybe a bit less the sound? i mean i do love the sound, so far i’m loving how softly produced and coherent this album is, but this one i wouldn’t listen to on repeat and maybe there’s something a bit whiny that i don’t love. powerful meaning tho, and who’d use a mirrorball as a metaphor for feeling like you’re fragile, trying too hard to be a people-pleaser and no one sees the real you? 7

i’m still trying everything to keep you looking at me

seven — ah........ i started crying as soon as this one started, pleeease picture me in the trees, i hit my peak at seven....... like ok there’s no need to go that hard??? it’s so dreamy and like... naïf? in a perfect way. the way she says i still got love for you...... and everything else... she mentions folk songs... the purest love described in the purest way. i don’t think i have enough words to descrive the way this song moves me. like i want to listen to it again and again, to be able to feel like that again, but also i’m almost scared to listen bc it touches me too deeply. i still will tho hehe. 10+ (also just realised this is track 7 ok makes sense but my mind is blown. 100)

[this is literally deeper than a shakespeare sonnet so everything literally is my fave but, having to choose] and i’ve been meaning to tell you / i think your house is haunted / your dad is always mad and that must be why / and i think you should come live with me / and we can be pirates / then you won’t have to cry / or hide in the closet / and just like a folk song / our love will be passed on

august — i love the contrast between the lighthearted, happy singing and guitars and the sad lyrics. the story it tells is so simple and yet there’s so much poetry in that... plus it reminds me of fearless or even speak now?? which are like. the taylor that gets to my heart, tbh. the bridge and the outro made the song for me. 8,5

for me, it was enough / to live for the hope of it all / canceled plans just in case you’d call

this is me trying — oh god... lyrically this song is so raw and honest, it gives me chills! i do have to say, i don’t love how she says i just wanted to know (like metrically?? idk, im weird) but these are really just small comments on amazing songs, bc i feel like all i’m saying is wow this is great, lyrics and sound, but it truly is a complete and consistent work of art, easily listened to top to bottom each time. 8-

they told me all of my cages were mental / so got wasted like all my potential / and my words shoot to kill when i’m mad / i have a lot of regrets about that

illicit affairs — ok this goes without saying but i love storyteller taylor, it’s the taylor i grew up loving and singing to in my room. the thing about most of these songs, this one included, is that they probably grow on you after a few listens, bc they’re not made to be catchy, the production and backgrounds are always very soft and some i love more than others. this one musically maybe isn’t my fave but the narration is on point, and the bridge?? the fuckkkk. plus it has one of mt favourite themes ever which is so rarely spoken about, which is the fact that language you only speak w a particular someone you love, makes you miss them even more when they’re gone. or well not exactly this but i can’t put it into words, she did tho. 8+

you taught me a secret language i can’t speak with anyone else / and you know damn well / for you, i would ruin myself / a million little times

invisible string — the color theme!!! the guitar strumming!!! and the idea of an invisible tie w someone special... i do think she outdid herself w this album. again, not my fave soundwise, maybe slightly whiny when she goes meEeeEee? but, lyrically adorable and moving. 7,5

one single thread of gold / tied me to you

mad woman — maam...... this is iconic shit........ how could she say stuff like this w such a dreamy, breathy voice. musically i get huuuge lana’a nfr vibes again (which i mean. goals) but i also adore that lyrically it’s so taylor, no one would say this shit the way she does. adore how she sings to wrap your news around and bonus for women like hunting witches too, i do love me a nod to the fact that some women are so deeply filled w machism that they’re basically men in disguise. 8,5 

every time you call me crazy, i get more crazy / what about that? / and when you say i seem angry, i get more angry [isn’t this just womanhood condensed in a few lines]

epiphany — aw! it sounds like a lullaby, maybe it’s slightly ‘boring’ for my taste? meaning i get distracted which is surely a shame bc the words seem beautiful, but it’s so soft i just drift off? but reading the lyrics – for focus hehe – i’m moved. 7+

only twenty minutes to sleep / but you dream of some epiphany / just one single glimpse of relief / to make some sense of what you’ve seen

betty — okay byeeeeeeeeee. this is taylor at her finest! countryyyyyyyy, storytelling, lesbian jdjdfk no yeah I know I knowww, romance went sour. gut wrenching and beautiful, this feels like... watching a sad teen movie but w a sepia filter, idk. i dreamt of you all summer long oh my......... it’s like og taylor from her iconic first couple of albums came back but w all her baggage and growth and experience and better than ever. also why does taylor sing so wel about being in love w a woman????? well. 10+

betty, right now is the last time / i can dream about what happens when / you see my face again

peace — ..........yes yes yes. the high notes, the honesty, the syncopated parts where she says so much so quick and yet it still hits you. it’s not even a short song but it ends too soon, it goes by like that..... a poem. omg it just hit me this has flo vibes! especially from high as hope, for example grace or south london forever?? i mean... taylor doing alt folk country pop...... queen. give you my wild, give you a child?? ok ok. 10

all these people think love’s for show / but i would die for you in secret

hoax — weeeell the lana inspo jumped out w that piano!!!!! and like. mood. and lyrics...... this reminds me of wuthering heights or of lana’s tormented love stories (shades of blue.....). a powerful closer. poetry. 9

i am ash from your fire

♡♡♡♡

okkkkk this was a flattering review, very well deserved imo since the review is mine gjgjhkhk i agree w myself. thank you again and as i always say, feel free to come back w your comments! and have a great dayyyyy! much love

[herefortayloronly]

evermore first impressions 12/19

i think this is the perfect use of this meme for the situation we found ourselves in once again.

i don’t really know how to preface this. it’s a freaking taylor swift album. i’m here for it!! and disclaimer: i’m not doing like an in depth lyrical analysis on this post because i’m dumb. i’m just talking about how i feel about each song. here’s the rankings because i wrote a lot and i feel bad for making you guys read my nonsense.

don’t be fool by how low i’m placing some of the songs. i love them all so much especially marjorie, tolerate it and willow. champagne problems and coney island are slowly climbing but definitely gonna take some time but all the songs i place above them are too good. also, i literally just listened to the bonus tracks as i’m writing this little part so i’m not ready to rank them yet but right where you left me is probably gonna end up pretty high based on first impressions!

and here’s a little surprise folklore ranking.

willow: i am absolutely obsessed with the piano or maybe it’s the glockenspiel in this song. i think i saw someone said, if folklore is for fairies then evermore is for witches and i think this song is a great example of that. 

champagne problems: you know, when i first listened to this one i thought of my best friend who’s in a really long committed relationship and she talked to me about how she doesn’t want to get marry yet. and for some people that would be a red flag. to be in such a long 5-6 years committed relationship and not want to get marry. but really it’s not about not wanting to get marry or not wanting to be with your person forever, it’s about the fear of the things that come after marriage. and she talked about being scared of divorce, her parents got a divorce because their relationship was really toxic and she saw how it really affected her mother. i think it’s very reasonable to have this fear about the next step of your life, i mean who doesn’t?

gold rush: i’m very happy we got a booty popping song in this album lol. i was literally thinking before the album came out, i hope we get a “horny on main” type of song that was missing on folklore. this song really delivers. And while I think this song is super fun, i can see the cynical and almost realistic side of this side. like no body wants to compete for someone else’s affection. that feeling of jealousy would be unhealthy.

‘tis the damn season: god anything with an electric guitar is just like GIMME MOREEEEEE!! Something about this song reminds me so much like a classic late 2000s soft rock song. Like the guitar sounds like something switchfoot or the fray (one of my favorite artists of all time btw) or john mayer would do but never did.

tolerate it: i’m almost sad that this is a first impression post because this song is slowly growing on me. i just think the piano is absolutely beautiful on this song. and the story of doing everything you and trying your best to be the perfect partner and you think it’s still not enough for that other person and at the same time maybe it’s all in your head.

no body no crime: i mean a true crime song hellooooooo? this is going to be an instant classic in taylor’s discography i believe. i’m a little disappointed that haim isn’t singing in the song more but i still think this is a perfect song. such a classic country pop song.

happiness: this one is probably gonna take me a minute. i feel like i’m still working through so many other songs that this song is getting put in the back burner. which sucks because i love the story of acceptance and as much as you want to hate this other person, you also want to remember and to be remembered for all the good times. and i love the bridge in this song, like no matter how many times you try to make the other person the bad guy, you know there’s no point in doing that because it’s gonna cause you even more pain.

dorothea: i don’t know why every time this song comes on i just want to put my arms up and sway. i love how it feels so breezy and easy and very relaxing. this song kinda reminds me of seven. it’s almost like hey remember our youth, remember the time when we just do whatever we want and friendship comes easy and we don’t have this cynical outlook in life. and the cynicism comes from dorothea being this big star and experiencing life outside of this town and this group of friends that she had.

coney island: something you guys don’t know about me but i love romance novels. and a lot of books i read are basically couples losing that love the relationship once had and are getting a divorce and eventually learning how to love each other again. and this song perfectly encapsulate those stories hahahaha. like neither of the narrators in this song hates each other. they just feel very indifferent about each other and wondering where did that love and magic go.

ivy: of course this song is about infidelity but i see it as a metaphor for trying to protect this precious relationship. i see a lot of similarity of this song with other songs like i know places and dancing with our hands tied. i also love seeing everyone’s interpretation of this song!

cowboy like me: best song on the album. hands down. first: the sound. i love how it sounds like it’s straight out of a dive bar. and taylor’s vocals (i feel like i didn’t talk enough about her vocals in this album), it’s so smooth and velvety. i also love the metaphor! guys i love a song that has a good metaphor. y’all know that’s why i love miss americana and the heartbreak prince so much. i love this imagery of two “cowboys” who spent their lives with the wrong people and playing the field and they ended up crossing path. once they crossed path, they fell in love. i love this song so much!

long story short: this song is so much fun. even though i really appreciate the deep and dark takes on how she’s feeling about 2016, i’m glad she’s able to kinda still have fun with it. 

marjorie: i’ve said this before, my grandmother (from my mother side what a coincidence) passed always nearly 3 years ago and she was the only grandparent i knew all my life. i have such a big attachment to her. she babysat me when i was baby up until i was 5 and going to school. my parents worked a lot so she was kinda like another parent to me. she sang to me. she told me stories. i would play dress up with her clothes. out of all of taylor’s songs, this one really hits close to home. despite this song being very sad, there’s also a sense of joy. i take this song as more like celebrating someone’s legacy and your memories of them.

closure: i’m actually glad i’m writing this part for this song after i saw the zane lowe apple music interview. i think the mentions of loyalty in the interview is also very prominent in this song and in no body no crime. they address both extremes of loyalty. no body no crime you’ll do anything for your friend. in closure, that loyalty is broken. i love the emphasis on it being “your” closure. it has selfish intent and only meant to absolve one party of any guilt.

evermore: when taylor said that joe played the piano beautifully, she was talking about this song! i was actually worry about this song being just another exile. and while exile was very good, i felt it was just another good song, like it didn’t really stood out to me in folklore. but they really switched it up for evermore. when the tempo changed, i literally thought something was wrong with the song or it suddenly changed to a different song when i heard it the first time. but oh my god. literally chills. such a great use of justin’s higher register and i actually favored his higher register than his lower. the chaotic nature of the bridge and then bringing it back down at the end really allowed the song to open up. so if you guys don’t know, my favorite collab taylor has ever done is the last time. evermore is coming for her throat!!

so to talk about evermore as a whole, i think this album has the most interesting sounds and lyrics and musical structures in taylor’s entire discography. the imagery is so visceral, it’s almost too much to handle like there’s a lot things going on. and the storytelling is just as sharp as ever.

now to compare this album to folklore. i don’t really want to Hahahaha but I feel like it’s almost inevitable when you label this album as folklore’s sister album and releasing it so close to folklore. they’re pretty on par with each other. i think folklore works as a one cohesive album, you can listen to it top to bottom. it’s also more familiar and easily digestible. evermore can be a little harder to get into despite the fact that it does have more upbeat songs. i think evermore feels like there are a lot ups and downs emotionally but all the songs convey such a strong emotion. it’s less digestible because there’s a lot of strange tempos and structures that aren’t in your normal pop songs. i personally favor folklore more because i love the simplicity but i think each song just flows into the next beautifully but evermore is still a gorgeous album.

[ssaalexblake]

the ballad of songbirds and snakes portrayed Snow as an abusive boyfriend who tries to murder his ‘love’, and throughout his internal monologue in this story we know he is firstly only treating her like a human because it would benefit His advancement in society, then  he only treats her as human (debatable, but he can treat people Worse is the point) because he decides she’s Not District by co-opting the pride in her culture she feels despite the fascism she lives under demanding she let go of it, and misinterpreting it for his own gain. And while he does show brief flashes during the games of what may be considered care for her well being, his thoughts Constantly go back to how he needs her to win so he can have Money from the Plinths to regain the wealth ‘stolen’ from him in the war by Those district people he hates (That she Isn’t... Because she’s a nomad.. Not district scum!!!! Yeah, he’s a bad narrator). 

When her songs in the capitol reference her having a life outside of the games, and therefore him, he is angry. This is pure entitlement, which admittedly is a very common trait in people like this in general, but i doubt it’s helped that she was Literally kidnapped from her family by his favourite dictatorship and her life was handed to him as an Experiment. His perception that he should be able to control her is absolutely Not helped by the fact that he was literally told this is his right as a Rich Capitol Citizen to do so and he is the capitol’s biggest cheerleader.

His possessiveness only gets Worse in district 12 when, every time she mentions anything vaguely alluding to a life outside of his his response is ‘well she should be thinking about Me not anything else’. He becomes increasingly annoyed by any song she sings that could allude to anybody but himself, even when she is clearly leaving him a message in the only way she could and it was unavoidable but to do so. His possessiveness comes above his rationality, which is what ultimately leads to his downfall in the original trilogy, he even admits his tendency to obsess is his fatal flaw. Despite the fact that he has many things on his plate in this story, and that she is often an afterthought and is very much a consolation prize in his life, according to him he always has to be her main priority. 

This post may read like me Not mentioning all the intricacies of their relationship and only pointing out the negatives, but i’m not here to talk about the toxic or non toxic parts of their partnership, believe it or not. I’m actually defending the writing of Lucy Gray, and saying that the toxicity of their interactions is the key defining piece to the depth of her character. I’ve seen many a person annoyed she is the ‘manic pixie dream girl’ with no depth or real characterisation but... To do a Gone Girl, she’s actually ‘Cool Girl’. 

You know that girl who doesn’t really exist except in guy’s heads? he thinks she’s cool girl.  We read this story from his perspective, and He thinks she’s cool girl, so that’s what we’re given (there is more depth to her, of course, real moments of Lucy Gray are very much there if you filter out Snow’s toxic narcissistic personality, but you have to ignore him for the most part). 

Lucy Gray Baird only comes across as ghostly and shallow as a character because the protagonist’s view of her is ghostly and shallow (hence the usage of the ghost Lucy Gray song, This portrayal of Lucy is as much a ghost as the one in the song, which is also why it is left ambiguous as to if he succeeds in murdering her or not, she Haunts this tale as the original Lucy haunts hers).

This story is a Critique of manic pixie dream girl as a trope, not an example of it, and a scathing commentary against partner violence imo. Snow was literally incapable of viewing her as human, he just falls for the feeling of Control he feels her has over her (he regards control as the Most important thing, it is important to remember that here... Also, nobody who thought he loved her and asked him about it knew about his inner thoughts, that is also important) and he is noticeably angry and even irrational when he senses he is Not in control over Lucy, as he feels it is his right to be lording over her, even to the point that he is Allowed and Justified to take her life simply because he has that privilege.

That is not an uncommon thing. That is just classic entitled abuser logic. 

And i mean, this is a story about many different things as well, but it’s a fairly classic retelling of the abusive boyfriend narrative as well, and it uses the manic pixie dream girl trope to carry it. And in a time where women being forced to stay at home with their abusive partners is leading to a severe uptick in fatal domestic violence (Lucy and Snow were not forced into close quarters because of a pandemic, but they were forced into it through life and death circumstances and as a result, she lost her support network (common to people in abusive relationships) and therefore possibly, even probably, her life when he was chasing after her with guns in the woods) this is not an angle to ignore when talking about the writing of Lucy Gray.

She is a ghost in this story simply because he doesn’t really see her as a human. It’s not because she wasn’t human with thoughts and feelings and a complicated nature, she Was, it’s just the perspective we are shown this story from is that of a controlling narcissist who does Not see her as a complicated person and therefore the narrative could not show her fully rounded and with complete depth, because it would profoundly alter snow’s characterization if it did so. 

If you wrote a book from Jessup’s pov, or from Maude Ivory’s pov, i imagine the lucy gray you would witness would be Vastly different to the one we see in this book. There is a difference between an unreliable narrator and an unreliable author, and this is the narrator’s problem, not Collins’. 

[lala-pipo]

(1/13) Ahh, yeah I just went over to the shower scene again, the scenes before and after it, and maybe because I was really immersed in Taem’s perspective at looking at things – I quite literally took it as is, like Jong had mood swings, not sure why and that’s it? But there IS something fragile in Jong, he acted oddly, and you are right that Taem does feel helpless and stuck in his own thoughts… it’s kinda hard to see the scenes unfold without Taem’s opinion on it right hahaha

(2) but that makes it really interesting for me, since I just literally follow Taem’s train of thoughts every time, until you pointed it out to me! Kinda feel bad about for not noticing it though ^^;; but yeah, for sure as an audience, we are just “pls come on you guys!! :(“ But, from chapter 10 we get to know Jong’s thoughts and feelings ououou sooo excited since so far we see Taem’s world and yeah!! I think maybe we would be able to see why Jong acted the way he did in the prev. chapters :3

Cricket nony!!! ❤️

How are you doing???

I mean it will still be Taemin’s POV from chapter 10 on (I don’t like it when people switch POV in the middle of a story Stephanie Meyer style :’D) but Jonghyun will be more expressive and talk more – so I guess this will be helpful to the reader to grasp his view on things. 

(3) Right! He did get blinded by his own feelings, because maybe he doesn’t realize, well he does realize that it mirrors Jong-Key relationship to an extent, but not the whole of it? Like how he said to Jong, Key made Jong feel bad and upset so therefore he should just leave Key, and told him to stop pining for Key, but then eyy he can’t stop pining for Jong lol but then maybe he sees it as a slightly ~different~ situation hahaha

Let’s say Taemin is blindsided by love and acts and behaves in odd ways lmao, he will continue to do so in chapter 9. ^^”

(4) OMG CHAPTER 8!! YOU DID! YOU WENT IN like a warrior indeed omg… I cried cried cried… I re-read that outside club scene like so many times… because it just makes me so sad and *sniff* you did cut all the strings without any mercy uhuhuhuhuh I am looking forward on how the story will continue omg Taem going back to the hometown?? Where will the story go?? Drought onto chapter 9? Will Taem skip a semester on University and be back for Autumn instead?? T__T

(5) Right in front of your own salad lol YEAHH I saw the JongTae oneshots, I haven’t read them yet, I think I will read them when chapter 9 gets too much (honestly, mentally preparing myself for what is to come) T__T Hahaha but I think slice of life genre has some angst and fights sometimes too right, since it supposed to reflect real life right right, so it’s still generally a chill read, as in we even get to know Taem’s thoughts as he reads the bible, and also on dystopian-what-ifs scenarios l

Awww ... don’t cry :(

No, Taemin won’t skip a semester – that would be – too dramatic? Someone wasting their life away for half a year because of someone who doesn’t reciprocate their feelings? Don’t know about that. That seems a tad unlikely to me. ^^” But maybe that’s just me because I’m such a cold-hearted human being. :’)

(6) LOL yeah that is true you do know ~ the truth~ lol but perhaps you telling us that Taem is an unreliable narrator might help us? Lol might help us to doubt everything but literally will not help us to actually see the things, the scenes, the people, the relationships as is? honestly that is one of the big mysteries – everyone gets along so well with Key! And, for sure I’m taking everything with a grain of salt but still can’t help but feel sad for Taem :( obviously, since we are in his head

I mean if you come to think of it, Taemin got along well with Kibum as well in the beginning until he started developing feelings for Jonghyun and realized – or thought that Kibum is the one intervening with the happiness he could experience with Jonghyun.^^ I mean Kibum doesn’t do much, he just lives the typical life of a university student and enjoys himself - we can’t blame him for doing that. 

(7) Right right as Taem is an unreliable narrator, I can’t tell lol but either way you are right, with or without intentions, humans are humans and we don’t know anything. Knowing that if Minho DID have intentions only add spice in the story but not really change the fact that he might be giving out bad advice unintentionally, like maybe he could have ulterior motives in general, but not particularly on that advice, does it make sense hahaha ^^;;

(8) Ahhh yeah I think maybe the scene in chapter 8 made it clearer of the emotional frustrations that Taem had with Jong? I think even the fact that you added 25k words alone on this chapter I think signifies that Taem was going through his head a lot, muddling his thoughts and frustrations with Jong? To kinda show that maybe not THAT much time has passed by, but surely in Taem’s head it feels like forever – with some many thoughts and feelings going around :(

I think why it does feel like a long time, although it’s just one semester – is the fact that they share a living space – and see each other constantly. That’s a completely different premise in contrast to people meeting out in the wild and meeting up for a cup of coffee now and then, or something the like. So the time Taemin spent with Jonghyun most likely felt far more intense to him.

(9) Dramatic Taem even reading the bible hahaha I really enjoy the biblical references though, most of the time they are funny references on how he compares something trivial to a bible thing xD Oh! And also!! Happy belated birthday! Is it December 3rd? Is that your birthday? Since it was a very specific date in the story that it got me wondering… hmmm could it possibly? I hope you were able to spend it with the people you love, and I wish you health and happiness for the years to come! <3

This is correct. ^^ December 3rd is my birthday and December 3rd was also the date I got to see Jonghyun live for the first time – so it has a double meaning. ^^ Thank you, you’re too kind. I had pizza on that day, so I had a lovely time…haha

(10) Big brain energy for the mythological aspect of Song of Sirens lol but but you know did I mention, ah probably I didn’t since I only do snort comments on Dorm Life lol but interestingly, I thought that Song of Siren would actually refer to a story of Jong having such a beautiful voice – as in he is the Siren and he be singing in the myth, but as it turned ouuut it is not the case lol

(11) That is why!! In the beginning especially I was really excited to know how the story might unfold to reveal that Jong is the siren, but then! (at least for me) it took an unexpected turn hahahah I already created a possible plot for the story before even reading the story lol so it was really fresh mint plot for mee :3

Ah – that’s interesting that you thought Jonghyun would be another siren. :o Jonghyun was supposed to be Selene first – but I thought that was 1) too obvious and 2) the story of the sirens and Persephone actually exists like that and wasn’t completely made up, so it was easier to tie the ends together. And I mean Jonghyun as the goddess of spring? That works well in my head as well. ^^

(12) Oh!! And don’t worry! I actually love doing this – making comments, observations, analyzations and actually asking you if they are your intentions or not! It’s like washing dishes and cleaning up my room, therapeutically calming! :3 I’m happy that it makes you happy <3 I am indeed sorry for blasting your inbox though… it must have been a LOT of messages ^^;; thank you for spending your time with my weird questions and observations honestly lol I read all of your AO3 replies, thank you!

I still haven’t managed to get through all of your comments on ao3 – but I hopefully will by the end of the year. Thanks again so much for leaving me so many comments to read <3 I wholeheartedly enjoy reading them. ^^

(13) I am doing much much better now! Thank you for your kind words <3 I really really appreciate the work that you put in Dorm Life! I have so much fun reading it! Like I only re-read it twice but I noticed things that I didn’t before, I’m just!! I am just super happy and I am super thankful for all your hardwork! I hope you have a lovely December too! I hope you can stay healthy as well! Thank you so much hwarang_number san for reading and betaing also! You guys are amazinggg! <3 Thank you!!

@hwarang-number thank you from me too! ^^

I’m glad you enjoyed the story so far. Chapter 9 will be a let-down in terms of entertainment value – it’s more of a filler chapter, but I still enjoyed writing it so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ for me as a writer it doesn’t feel like a filler, but I know it will feel like that to the reader. But I wanted chapter 9 to end on a cliffhanger, that’s why I didn’t add anything to it anymore. I hope chapter 10 will be more enjoyable in that regard again. ^^

Please take good care of yourself, cricket nony. I hope you will have a pleasant rest of December! *sends you all the best wishes*

[pleasesingtome]

marianas trench—Phantoms album review

After Rhythm of Your Heart (not on Phantoms) and I Knew You When and Only the Lonely Survive all came out, I really wasn’t sure which direction they were going next but I loved it.  Here are some thoughts on Phantoms.

Track 1: Eleonora

A great opening and very signature Marianas Trench.  It’s reminiscent of their other ballad-like intros like Astoria, Ever After, and Masterpiece Theatre 1.  It really sets up the concept album feel and paves the way for the numerous Edgar Allen Poe references throughout the album but with its title and with its reference to The Raven (”on a midnight dreary...”).  Eleonora, written while Poe’s wife, Virginia, had just started showing signs of illness, details a story of finding love without guilt and moving on after the loss of a previous love.  Just as Eleonora is speculated to be somewhat autobiographical, it is believed that Ramsay references the work to draw parallels to his own experience with his fianceé.  It reminds me exactly of the intro to Astoria with its sense of longing.  Ramsay stated that the album sounds like a haunted house and the concept is living in a house haunted by a past love and that feel is apparent from the start with Eleonora.  

Rating: 10/10

Favorite Lyrics: all of it (it’s only about a minute long)   Eleonora, speak.  It grows so quiet on widow’s peak.  

Colors: purple, orange

Track 2: Only the Lonely Survive

Probably my favorite song off the album and my favorite song at the moment.  Nice transition from Eleonora into Only.  This fall, I read Virginia Woolf’s Mrs. Dalloway and Michael Cunningham’s The Hours and the theme of this song instantly reminded me of Clarissa Dalloway’s desire for passion and excitement with love.  Cunningham’s Clarissa remarks that she wants a “doomed love,” one separate from the life of comfort she had previously led.  She wants a love that’s messy and complicated but passionate.  Only the Lonely Survive describes this kind of doomed love, a star-crossed love, a love that both parties know will end tragically because they’ll burn each other up eventually.  But that’s okay.  That’s the point.  They can find anyone else and have a safer kind of love, but they choose to indulge in this doomed one because love is danger and tragedy and only the lonely will survive anyway.  I’d rather hurt here than be happy somewhere else.  I will say, though, that every time I hear the high note on “out alive,” I expect it to be held for longer.  Idk, it feels like one of those notes you’d really milk and it always kinda shocks me when it just ends.  

Rating: 10/10

Favorite Lyrics: honestly I would get any of these tattooed on my body but probably the last chorus

And I know a love like this will end in tragedy 

You know every kiss suspending gravity

Hurts like hell to love this well

But no one fell the way we fell

We’ll burn alive

But only the lonely survive

Colors: purple, pink/magenta, dark blues, yellow-orange

Track 3: Echoes of You (ft. Joseph Robert Manning Jr.)

Packed with Poe references here:

Never given into madness—not a direct quote but a subtle reference to how the narrator of The Tell Tale Heart begins his tale

Chamber door—reference to the raven rapping at the chamber door

And of course there’s “repeating from the beating of your tell tale heart” in the chorus.  

And a Steven King reference:

I thrust my fist into the post.  I still insist I see the ghosts—From IT

A very “pop-y” song.  Another signature of Marianas Trench is songs that have bridges/interludes/sections that have a completely different feel from the rest of the song.  They usually do it with opening or closing songs so when I first heard this song I thought maybe it might be the album final (that comes later, though).  To be honest, I think i like the bridge more than the rest of the song.  The transition from the Echoes of You part into the “can’t stop myself from falling now.  Who said—you said—don’t look down” was very unexpected and seemed almost out of place at first but it’s done pretty well, not choppy or anything.  The transition back into the Echoes of You feel is amazing, though.  They do it with the Steven King line mentioned earlier and it’s beautiful.  Love how the song ends, too, with “corner of my eye” becoming “corner of my mind” and the note fading upwards.  

Rating: 9/10

Favorite Lyrics: You inhale ‘til your lungs get sore but that’s not who I am anymore and but the notes of an old mistake still ring louder every day

Colors: purple, gray, blue-gray, orange, black/navy, pale blue

Track 4: Don’t Miss Me?

I ghostwrote this song.  Marianas Trench went back to 2016/2017 and pulled all the pettiness and bitterness I felt and put it into a song.  It’s a post-breakup “I miss you” kinda song, only it’s worded in a “wow it’s not like I miss you or anything hahah I’m totally over it I’m not thinking about you at all anymore.........but do you still miss me?......just kidding I don’t care” kinda feel.  A fun song, also pretty pop-y.  I really like it because of how relatable it is and also because like I said, the feel of the song is just very...fun.  A break from haunted house feel, but still a good song.

Rating: 8.5/10

Favorite Lyrics: I’m just a drink away from honesty so who knows what’s true?

Colors: orange, yellow, bright blue

Track 5: Wish You Were Here

Reminds me a lot of the 80s-inspired songs off Astoria.  It sounds like a mix of Burnin’ Up, This Means War, and Shut Up and Kiss Me.  It’s a fun song and also very pop-y.  Similar feel to Don’t Miss Me?  I love the verses but the chorus is kinda meh to me.  I think the issue was that “I’m trying to get up now now now now now now now” reminds me too much of that one song with Justin Bieber “I won’t give up na na na” and it was especially off putting the first listen.  Please tell me I’m not the only one who heard that.  The song is growing on me, though.  

Rating: 6.5/10

Favorite Lyrics: Mirror mirror on the wall who’s fairer?  Can you save me from today’s night terror?

Colors: orange, green, bright blue

Track 6: Your Ghost

Well the haunted house reference is painfully apparent now, huh?  I like the theme of feeling haunted by someone you once knew because their ghost is lingering and you just can’t seem to escape it.  It has the same general theme as Echoes of You in that both songs are about someone’s traces still lingering after they’re gone and about not being able to escape them.  The chorus starts out with the singer running from the ghost, trying to escape and be free.  But then he sings “I won’t give up your ghost,” a reference to the phrase “give up the ghost” but also stating that even though he’s being haunted, he can’t bring himself to let go.  

Rating: 7/10

Favorite Lyrics: You never seem to manage just to disappear

Colors: purple/taupe/mauve, red-violet, orange, purple-gray

Track 7: Glimmer

I just wanna say that I love the theme/imagery/idea of these lyrics about burning too bright that you can’t see the glimmer.  It’s like how the sun’s glow prevents us from seeing the stars during the day.  I love the the idea of there still being a glimmer of their love left but they both burned up too hard/too bright to see it—it’s like the sad aftermath of Only the Lonely Survive.  The chorus reminds me of One Love from Astoria and I honestly really love it (although every song on the album pretty much has the same general theme as One Love).  Love the desperation in the bridge with the repetition of “can we forgive and forget” and love the sense of longing that the chorus has.  

Rating: 8/10

Favorite Lyrics: I throw my head back, heart under attack straight through the chest like a thunderclap

Colors: purple/lavender/orchid/lilac, magenta/pink, yellow-orange, gold

Track 8: I Knew You When

Another One Love/longing-esque song.  I love everything about it but the chorus.  The thing about Marianas Trench songs is their lyrics are absolutely beautiful and the songs are absolutely packed with wonderful lyrics.  The chorus of I Knew You When is more on par with the current trend where choruses kinda just consist of the title song being sung with vocal effects over and over again.  With how the verses sound, I would’ve expected a different kinda chorus and I think there was so much potential for an amazing chorus instead of just “youuuuuuu youuuuuuu.”  It kinda works in Don’t Miss Me? but not as much in this one.  The lyrics in the verses are beautiful, however, packed with poetic imagery like the “summer twilight ricochet[ing]].”  Sophomore year me ghostwrote this song too.  The idea that you’ve loved someone too long to move on painlessly is just too relatable, especially the “I knew you when” theme of knowing someone way back before everything went wrong.  

Rating: 8/10

Favorite Lyrics: I thought time was supposed to heal; it don’t do shit but keep you feelin’

Colors: navy, teal, purple, blue-gray

Track 9: The Death of Me

One Love but also Who Do You Love? vibes and the “before you go, before you go” part of the chorus reminds me of the chorus of Fix Me (”And I still feel all the things I did before”).  The song is very lush and filled with a swell fo longing, very reminiscent of the songs off Fix Me, specifically Skin and Bones and Fix Me (my favorites off the album).  I think that’s part of why I like this song so much.  There’s a real sense of pain that comes through in the chorus.  The vocals really convey that sense of sadness and desperation and it’s amazing.  

Rating: 9/10

Favorite Lyrics: 

I would give you anything if I had anything to give left But the phantoms here will never have their fill I would tell you "I don't miss her" Cries of love reduced to a whisper But the truth is that her ghost It haunts me still (Haunts me still)

and I would love you if I could

Colors: red, orange, navy, gold

Track 10: The Killing Kind

Another signature Marianas Trench finale.  The Killing Kind did not disappoint and brought back themes from previous songs, specifically Echoes of You and Eleonora, with a splash of Astoria.  Another signature of Marianas Trench endings, which they utilized in Echoes of You: multiple melodies/themes/interludes.  In love with the dark and deep tones of the opening that then morph into the main theme of the beginning.  More Poe thrown in there with “nevermore to leave here” (a reference to The Raven, once again).  The build up to the Astoria sample at the climax is best described as orgasmic, a complete release of tensions that culminates with a satisfying and familiar theme.  After the build up and explosion, Echoes of You comes back in.  The part that comes in afterwards, however, is amazingly ominous and really brings back the haunted house feel of the album and the dark tone of the beginning of the track.  Nice connection to Ever After’s Stutter with the “one for the memory, two for the pain” play on “one for the money, two for the show.”  The best part of the Killing Kind, however, is the ending where the theme from Eleonora comes back in and the music and vocals swell and die continuously until the big swell to the final high note on “Eleonora.”

Rating: 10/10

Favorite Lyrics: Here and now, if this is it, can’t get out from under it.  Nevermore to leave here, nevermore to leave here and if madness overtakes us both then nobody would be alone

Colors: maroon, purple, yellow-orange, gold, navy, red

Overall: 8.6/10 but I think the really good songs on the album really overshadow the lower-rated ones so it’s more like 9/10.  This is the only album I’m gonna be listening to for a while. 

[natsthinkitythinkthinkthonk]

I’m just going to be transferring the article here for those who want to read it on Tumblr!

In addition to these interviews, I highly recommend checking out some other posts and interviews that I’ve posted and/or transferred to Tumblr!

Maaya Sakamoto LONG Interview

MONOGATARI Interview

Birthday Post (2019)

Thoughts on Marriage

“On My Own” from Les Miserables

Kenichi Suzumura’s Message for her

Song Recommendation List

Name: Maaya Sakamoto (坂本 真綾) Birthday: 31st March 1980 Birthplace: Tokyo, Itabashi City Nicknames: Maaya Agency: fortunerest

Maaya Sakamoto actually began her career as a child actress joining Gekidan Komadori. Joining a troupe where studying was the main focus, she focused most of her time in the troupe doing CM songs and dubbing.

She got her first big break as the Hitomi Kanzaki, the main character of The Vision of Escaflowne. She also did the opening theme song Yakusoku wa Iranai and began her first radio show titled “Sakamoto Maaya no Naisho Banashi.”

In 2003, she also started her first actress role in the musical edition of Les Miserablesperforming as Eponine for 6 years straight until 2009.  She also made sporadic appearances as Junichi Okada’s ex-girlfriend in the TV drama Suekko Chonan Ane-Sannin.

In 2005, she wrote her first essay collection titled Idea..She also began to self-produce her own music from then onwards.

First role:

Her first big starring role as we mentioned earlier was Hitomi Kanzaki from The Vision of Escaflowne. While this wasn’t her first role, as she has done many roles as a kid, it was thanks to her role as Hitomi that she had her big break and at the same time, begin her career as a performing artiste.

Current season:

You can see her in the upcoming anime BEM, where she will be playing “the unidentified Girl”. She will also be voicing Elizabeth in another upcoming anime, To The Abandoned Sacred Beasts. Two Maaya Sakamotos in the upcoming season that you’d be spoilt for choice. She will also reprising her role as Annerose von Grunewald in The Legend of Galactic Heroes ~Die Neue These: The Stellar War later this year.

Famous Roles:

Lunamaria Hawke – Gundam Seed Destiny

Alright, let me get this character out of the way, first and foremost. I am the generation that grew up with Gundam Seed and Gundam Seed Destiny. So it’s natural for me to immediately put a voice to the character when you asked me what I think of when I hear Maaya Sakamoto. She was a great foil for the protagonist Shinn Asuka (who just so happens to be voiced by her husband Kenichi Suzumura) and they’re practically inseparable when it comes to later rendition of their characters in other media. Personally, I really enjoyed using her Gunner Zaku Warrior in Gundam games with that massive gun so she’s pretty special for me.

Shiki Ryougi – Garden of Sinners

Now if you asked me my favourite character voiced by Maaya however, it has gotta be Shiki Ryougi from Garden of Sinners. A friend of mine invited me to watch the newest Garden of Sinners movie many years back and I instantly fell in love with Maaya’s portrayal of Shiki. The mysterious aura surrounding her character is what really grabs you. She has this ability called Mystic Eyes of Death Perception where she by simply these lines in front of her, it could kill her opponents. She was such an iconic character for me I’d like to see Shiki again. Maybe playing Fate/Grand Order sounds great talking about this.

Aerith Gainsborough – Final Fantasy VII Series

Now I play a lot of games, so naturally, I had to mention Aerith. Back in my teenage days, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII and Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children were my jam and Aerith was one of many central characters in the series. Unlike the cold-hearted Shiki Ryougi, Aerith was the opposite end of that spectrum. She’s warm and full of life. Her interactions with Zack Fair (who, also coincidentally is voiced by her husband Kenichi Suzumura too) in Crisis Core, always looking forward to his next visit.  As for the fate of Aerith in Final Fantasy VII? I believe the story tells itself.

Music

As mentioned earlier, she began her career singing the opening theme song for The Vision of Escaflowne titled Yakusoku wa Iranai. At the same time, it began her career with Yoko Kanno being her main producer until 2013 when she decided to part ways and produce her own music.

[VIDEO] CLEAR

One of her more recent tracks was the opening theme song from the popular Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Chapter, CLEAR. She also sang Platina for the original Cardcaptor Sakura as well, it is her 5th single. I love how this song succeeds from Platina and follows the same style which brings back memories as I myself watched the series as a child. It’s a great successor to Platina.

[VIDEO] Anata wo Tamotsu Mono/Mada Ugoku

Another of her more recent songs, this single in particular is one I have personally purchased. I’m a big fan of Ghost in the Shell, and Maaya actually played Motoko Kusanagi in the recent Ghost in the Shell: ARISE series succeeding Atsuko Tanaka. These songs are the opening theme songs for the TV anime and the film versions of the series. The world-view of these songs are so perfectly in-tune with the elements of the series due to Cornelius’ electric tones and dissonant elements, topped off with Maaya’s vocals giving it a very haunting, GITS song.

[VIDEO] Triangler

We can’t end this section off without mentioning Triangular from Macross Frontier. One of the most iconic songs of the series-and it’s not even by the songstresses in the series! While I’ve only seen bits and pieces of the TV series at all but the song is so famous even I understand the impact of the song itself. Did I mention it won the 2008 Animation Kobe award for the best theme song and the best selling single from Maaya? You absolutely have to go listen to it. Listening to it will make you understand how amazing it is.

She has many notable fans in the industry such as Motoo Fujiwara from BUMP OF CHICKEN, Shoko Nakagawa and even seiyuu Minori Suzuki who is well known to have gone to see Maaya’s concert just one day before the audition to become the next Macross star even.

Personal Impression

I really love her clear voice, plain and simple. She is one voice you will cannot get tired of listening. Sure sometimes she is said to lack range because she only has one type of voice. But when you sound so good in one voice, do you really need any other? She has a simply perfect voice that fits someone who’s emotionless like Shiki Ryouki or Motoko Kusanagi.

There are people like Koichi Yamadera who can basically do anything and everything and sometimes we have the Maaya Sakamoto’s who just have a wonderful speaking voice, she was practically born to be a seiyuu. I’d love to listen to her narrate forever.

And on top of being able to sound perfect during afureko, she sings even better. No wonder Yoko Kanno picked her and worked with her for so many songs. With such a deadly combination of Yoko Kanno and Maaya Sakamoto, we were blessed with so many timeless songs, I’m ever so thankful.

I recently heard that she even released an essay collection titled Idea.. For someone so eloquent as Maaya, you’d probably assume her essay collection would be a thrill to check out. So much so that I’ve been looking around just to see how it is.

[kingofthewilderwest]

Deponia Doomsday and Meta: Responding to Gripers in Game?

I haven’t finished Deponia Doomsday and I don’t know spoilers. However, I can already say: the fourth game’s opening is fucking brilliant. So brilliant that apparently I have to write this longass analysis nobody asked for. XD

I love when game creators subtly go meta. In-game they might respond to fans’ criticism or make teasing jokes about previous parts of franchise gameplay. For instance, the first Mass Effect had a terrible driving system with the M35 Mako. That gets referenced in ME 3 when Vega and Cortez argue about what vehicles drive best. ME 1 had frustrating elevator travel with awkward conversations, which Garrus jokes about in ME 3′s Citadel DLC. ME 3 dialogue lovingly pokes fun at imperfect parts of the first game, all while embracing it as part of the universe.

Then I got to Deponia Doomsday. Doomsday’s introduction feels like a hysterical middle finger at people who didn’t appreciate the third game’s ending.

And goodness did that ending bother some people. 

Which isn’t surprising, I suppose. Killing the main character in your story can upset some fans. I feel sad about this because I believe this was *THE* right ending for the story. That’s not the focus of this analysis, but in short: Rufus getting a perfect ending in paradise would have felt contrived and unrealistic given the rest of the story’s atmosphere... not to mention... can you imagine Rufus settling down and chilling... with what he’s like? Rufus was a character never meant to have a perfect ending, and there’s far more heart, emotion, and power in a death. After ALL this time being an insensitive megalomaniac... Rufus does a purely selfless act... an act which ends up being his last. Damn. That’s cool. I cried. It’s a brilliant, perfectly chosen ending. It made me love these games more.

Obviously, this ending didn’t please everyone. I’m sure Daedalic Entertainment noticed that.

I suspect - but haven’t confirmed - that for those who enjoyed the series, they:

Tried to find in-story loopholes, etc. in the ending, and thereby argue a way wherein Rufus wasn’t dead.

Tried to pester Daedalic into making a fourth game... despite the fact that Deponia was CLEARLY envisioned as a trilogy from the first game’s release. And despite the fact that it’s hard to make a sequel when your protagonist’s dead.

Enter: Deponia Doomsday.

I was leery of this concept. I could tell Doomsday was working with time travel, alternate universes, and the like... bringing us into an AU where Rufus isn’t dead. I feared Doomsday would retcon what was THE most potent and heartfelt point of the entire series. You can’t bring Rufus back to life! You can’t erase his sacrifice! That would take away all the power of the moment retroactively! It’s a shame when stories do that, undercutting what was once great moments... simply to pull a story beyond when it should have ended, and make more money. Deponia was meant to end at three with Rufus’ death... as much as I’m someone who always enjoys more content from my fandoms, this seemed like shaky and unsatisfying ground to tread.

The opening to Doomsday has entirely assuaged my fears. I shouldn’t have worried about retconning great storytelling points... because if anyone knew that the ending of Goodbye Deponia (#3) was The Right Ending... it was Daedalic themselves.

Repeatedly in Doomsday’s opening, the writers pound in the point that Rufus is DEAD and that’s FINAL. They WILL NOT retcon what happened in Goodbye Deponia and they WILL NOT sacrifice the integrity of the story they’ve written.

They get this point across in many ways, but the two most prominent are Goal’s introductory speech and the first Huzzah song.

Goal reflects over what transpired in games one through three:

The end was never our creation. It was there, all this time. All we did was tempt it - the same way a surfer tempts fate, or tempts a shark by trying to outswim it. A for effort.

We crafted spears against beasts, built walls against spears. Ladders against walls and towers against ladders. After that, we built boats, ramparts, chimneys, shaving-foam-pie catapults, and when all our trash threatened to swallow even our highest spires, we built... a spaceship. Powered by nothing less than the destruction of our own planet.

The preparations took decades. What was meant to be an ark became our home. My home. Elysium. None of us ever thought there were thousands of clueless survivors down in that trash. Our bastion of hope became a herald of doom for Deponia. 

Fortunately, the tables turned. One of those clueless people foiled the plan. He saved Deponia and all who were left behind. And he saved me. By falling for me... literally. 

The end.

Oh? You don’t like this ending? Still hoping for something more upbeat? Well... it’s like I said. Endings and sharks: don’t tempt them.

Though... I got to admit... even after all this time I keep asking myself: If I was able to turn back time, what would I change? What would be the better ending? Or do I just want it to never end?

There’s so much to appreciate about the opening. 

First, it’s a rhetorically well-crafted speech, where even the oddest earlier lines of dialogue come around again (ex: tempting sharks) to focus on one point: the end is the end, even if Goal might want to imagine otherwise. 

Second, the speech provides a nice recap for the first three games.

Third, it’s the perfect set-up for what Doomsday is about: an alternate timeline than the main trilogy. From a writing perspective, Goal’s monologue gives game players an introduction into the concept of what Doomsday explores. Even without knowing anything about how other fans might have reacted, this addresses to every player what’s important about Deponia’s story: Rufus’ death was a concrete irreversible end, but we can still explore an alternate timeline of “what if.” It solidifies the ending of Goodbye Deponia, makes it clear there’s no retconning the emotions and events of Rufus’ death, while at the same time opening doors to another adventure with our idiotic anti-hero.

That’s damn meta already. But considering that maybe the writers were aware of fans’ mixed reactions to the third game’s ending, this speech could also be a way to address the controversy.

Goal’s speech might be from her perspective, thinking humanity’s poor actions trashing their planet led to the inevitable conundrum she’s in today. However, the ideas of tempting fate and unavoidable endings are also applicable to game playing fans who wished for a different trilogy conclusion. 

It’s not just that Goal sees the ending as inevitable. It’s that the writers, from the storytelling standpoint, see the ending as inevitable, too. “It was there, all this time,” Goal says, and they say, too. Rufus’ story was intentionally, unwaveringly written to end like this; the entire series was structured to build to this end, from its foreshadowing to its tone to what makes sense for effective plot arcs. There might have been some “tempting fate” on the writers’ part by what they chose to include... but ultimately... this had to be the ending for the story to work.

Tempting fate would be trying to goad the writers into a different ending... but trying to make something different could make things worse, no? Careful what you wish for, anyone? Endings and sharks: don’t tempt them.

And then, right in her speech, Goal asks, “Oh? You don’t like this ending? Still hoping for something more upbeat?” It’s like she read peoples’ Steam reviews on Goodbye Deponia’s “disappointing” conclusion. And when she goes on to muse about what she might have changed, she wonders if it’s that she wants it “to never end” - as though fans just want to have more and more and more Deponia games, not a trilogy with a definite, uncontinuable brick-wall end.

As if that weren’t enough to drill the point home, we have the opening tune, too. Every single lyric is meta as fuck.

You old amaurotic pinhead! Act like this thing is not dead, and didn’t Run into a brick wall at full tilt already Let me help you fill that gap in memory Living in the waste Was not to your taste But soon you will gaze Truth straight in the face: That all rivers run eventually to the sea

At this stage it’s evident: There will be no happy end Suck it up, princess! No one cares for your tears! It’s over! I’ve no damns to give For second thoughts that you’re stuck with: Looking for loopholes and wondering “what it?”

This again serves multiple purposes! 

The singer has always been the in-game “narrator” of Rufus’ life: he chronicles the past of when their fathers “dwelt in a world filled with rubbish and stink.” He mentions historians, lost records, and the like, so we know that, for the bard, Rufus is a historic figure. The bard’s reason for singing the song? The person he lives with is throwing a fit “about dirty dishes congesting the sink” or other minor household slovenliness; the bard’s trying to deflect his fault in not cleaning the house by talking about when things were worse on a planet of literal trash. It’s trying to guilt his house-sharing listener into being appreciative they live in a more clean environment than the Deponians did. So when the bard tells his listener in the fourth game that they’re an “old amaurotic pinhead” who “act[s] like this thing is not dead,” it’s probably because he’s still being harangued, despite the fact that he “close[d] [his] case; there’s nothing left to say” and went “off now for reals” (got kicked out of the house?). Purely from the perspective of the bard, he’s frustrated that this old dispute is still being brought up - it’s beating a dead horse for which he’s got “no [more] damns to give.”

This also is a good moment of foreshadowing. Again, I haven’t played Doomsday to the end yet, but I’d drink Rufus’ espresso ingredient-per-ingredient if something terrible didn’t happen. In the image above, that looks like Elysium crashed. Rufus talks about how he had a dream where all his friends died. We see old!Rufus destroy the planet with him still on it. I’ve seen fan reviews claim that “Thought 3 was bad emotionally? 4 said ‘hold my beer’.” McChronicle freaks out that he alters the timeline wherein Rufus saves the planet, suggesting we’re now on a timeline where that might not happen. Deponia Doomsday sure as hell ain’t gonna to have some optimal, squishy ending. And this song here foreshadows that: “At this stage it’s evident there will be no happy end.” This game’s story is doomed from the start. And: “Soon you will gaze truth straight in the face: that all rivers run eventually to the sea.” It’s an idea that, you can go into AU territory all you like, you can want something else than the trilogy’s conclusion, it’s INEVITABLE that all alternates will lead to the same, bad-ending sea. The theme of inevitability and tempting fate strikes again.

So there’s all that.

But the bard, more than ever, sounds like he’s talking to game players. The lyrics make the most sense if you hear it as him addressing you.

Gripers in particular.

Every. Single. Line. Sounds. Like. He’s. Addressing. Controversy. About. The. End. Of. Deponia. 3.

You old amaurotic pinhead! Act like this thing is not dead, and didn’t run into a brick wall at full tilt already. As in, all the people who tried to act like Rufus wasn’t dead. These people couldn’t accept that the ending ran into a brick wall: that all the painful horrors happened, and that the ending cannot be budged.

Living in the waste was not to your taste, but soon you will gaze truth straight in the face: that all rivers run eventually to the sea. Dissatisfied players wanted a different conclusion. The bard’s telling them an alternate path wouldn’t have made them any more satisfied.

At this stage it’s evident: there will be no happy end. The ending of Deponia 3 and start of 4 have made it clear Deponia isn’t a story with a happy ending. To deny that would be futile: it’s clear from what everyone’s played that this is how the story’s supposed to go.

Suck it up, princess! No one cares for your tears! It’s over! I’ve no damns to give for second thoughts that you’re stuck with: looking for loopholes and wondering “what it?”  Fans can complain all they want. Fans can try to reinterpret the ending to try to explain how Rufus could have survived. But the creators know the truth: the trilogy’s over. It’s ended. It’s sad. Not accepting that means you’re not accepting the reality of the story!

I mean. Holy crap. It literally sounds like Daedalic told gripers, “Suck it up, princess! No one cares for your tears! It’s over! I’ve no damns to give.” IN GAME. Wow.

In fact, the fact that Doomsday exists at all is an interesting response: in some ways, the premise of the fourth game seems to be a “Careful what you wish for” phenomenon. That “if you guys reeeeeaaaalllly want something else and keep begging for something else, you’re tempting fate and you’re going to get an ending that’s even WORSE.” Similar to how Llamas With Hats became increasingly depressing as the creator was pestered to continue the series beyond what it was due, so also is the response here: you’ll get more content, but it won’t be the happy alternative that you wanted.

I don’t want to say that the creators are lashing out against people who didn’t like the ending. I think it’s just as tongue-in-cheek as everything else in the Deponia series: written with a little edge for humorous effect. They’re not addressing grumblers to be rude, but instead to be clear: they’re not changing the ending, and they’re not apologetic about what they wrote here.

Deponia Doomsday isn’t made with salt... the creators have come up with another story that’s a fun and worthy addition to the universe. They’re not making another game JUST as a response, but because they came up with something worth telling. However, given as they might have heard lots of complaints, or people trying to explain-away to a happier ending, or people begging for a fourth game... I would not be surprised if they’re intentionally addressing these things intentionally by inserting them in-game.

Now, this whole shpeel that I’ve looked at doesn’t have to be an intended addressal to grumblers. It can also be read as meta addressing any generic game playing fan who might have felt emotionally battered at the trilogy’s conclusion. It’s a simple acknowledgement that the third game’s ending would be reason to make someone emotional. It’s not something that’s attacking criticism, but something that’s discussing the nature of the story itself. Everything in Goal’s speech and the bard’s lyrics fit this bill. It doesn’t have to be the case that it’s any addressal to fandom reaction.

Still... to me it sorta feels like a response to gripers is in there. Not as the sole intention, but as part of it? I’m not saying this is an addressal to grumblers, but that it very well could be.

I suspect that this game’s introduction was written with an intent to handle all of the above I’ve talked about.

Nevertheless. Whether it’s one meta or the other, it’s a brilliant use of meta in Doomsday’s opening. It’s brilliant if it’s just talking about the in-game course Deponia’s led, and how that might make players sad. It’s brilliant if it’s actually meant as a meta response to mixed reviews. 

Love it.

Repeatedly, at the start of Doomsday, the writers get across EXACTLY this point: that the ending of #3 c-a-n-n-o-t be reversed. This has two brilliant effects:

It allows the story to explore an AU without retconning the emotions of the first game.

AND. As I said, it’s a middle finger at anyone who might not have liked this ending. It’s not a rude middle finger - it won’t turn away fans or anything - and it’s 100% in the game series’ character. But it’s a way that hits the point HOME that Rufus DIED and that is FINAL.

So for me, as someone who adores what the trilogy did, I couldn’t be more stoked at this meta start. It’s hammered, over and over and over, that the conclusion is what it is. It gives me a new adventure to explore without fearing a plot-irreverent, money-grabbing retcon. It’s amusing, it’s meta, it’s multi-faceted, it’s well-conceived.

Yeah. I shouldn’t have worried about the fourth game’s content at all.

[negativereader]

The Negative Reader Sporks Marked: Chapter 6

Alright, last chapter, Zoey was a complete and total idiot, nearly got herself killed, hit her head, and had a dream about Nyx who, for some reason that’s beyond me, has decided that Zoey is the specialist little snowflake to ever fall from heaven, so she’s going to be Nyx’s ‘eyes and ears’ in the real world.

This is an idea that even Zoey doesn’t think is good.

This chapter, we’re going to meet some people who I hate and have some smug conversations.

I want to go back and read Twilight.

That is how bad this book is, guys, I like Twilight better than it. Bella is a less obnoxious character. And…honestly…the world has more internal consistency.

So, the chapter begins with some Cherokee song that sounds really, really poorly translated. Now this could be a good touch. For instance, Zoey could say that it was a lullaby that she used to be sung as a child. Or at least we could get the significance of the song at some level. However, we don’t really get a reason why the song is being sung or what the song actually means, just that it’s old. As such, it’s not something that I am particularly invested in. It’s just sort of there to remind us again that Zoey is part Native American, and I’m supposed to be impressed by this for some reason.

“I’d felt so crappy lately…except I couldn’t remember why. Huh. Odd.” (43)

Ok, so this is a POV problem right here. I’ve mentioned it a few times in this blog, but first person, while a strong point of view that allows the reader to get a very close insight into the character, has a few problems. The first is the fact that it’s extremely limiting. You cannot narrate anything that happens outside of the character’s point of view, and another is that, while it’s completely possible to narrate something that happened that a character won’t remember in third person, doing so in first is a whole lot trickier. How is it that Zoey, who narrated the whole thing, not be able to remember what happened to her? If she doesn’t remember, then how are we getting the details of this? When is the story being told? If this was first person, present, it would actually work better, since it’s been told as Zoey is experiencing something.

Get used to it though. This is one of the Casts favorite narrative tricks, and it is incredibly annoying.

Granny’s voice keeps singing, and Zoey finally remembers what happened. Now, I could say that this excuses, the whole ‘forgot thing’ but it really doesn’t. If she’s going to remember, devoting attention when all you’re saying is “for a moment, I couldn’t remember what was going on or why I was there” in a fancy way is a waste of time and the reader’s attention.

It’s also, as always, really awkwardly written. \~/

Finally, Zoey remembers that she’s turning into a vampire and wakes up.

And we are introduced to the character that I hate most in this series, and who I honestly consider the worst human being in it: Granny Redbird. I despise this woman. But you better get used to her. The Casts seem to have decided that Granny Redbird an example of a supportive adult, despite the fact that I could build a pretty strong case to claim that she’s essentially using Zoey to hurt her daughter for deciding that she didn’t want to subscribe to Granny’s weird little variant of the Cherokee religion. Also, when I say “supportive adult” what I mean is “adult who gives Zoey absolutely everything she wants because she’s just that special”.

As I said before, she reminds me of my maternal grandmother, and that’s not a good thing. Still, as a reminder, judge her actions for yourself. I’m biased.

After a touching moment that would likely mean a lot more if I cared a wit whether or not Zoey lived or died, Zoey asked where she is and what happened, and Granny tells her that she found her unconscious covered in blood, and that her grandmother was scared out of her mind and “so pale that [her] dark crescent seemed to glow against [her] skin” (44).

The Casts are subtle!

And then we get into what I hate this woman. In a very abrupt shift in tone, and with absolutely glee on her face, Grandma tells Zoey that she called Zoey’s mother to tell her that she was taking Zoey to the House of Night, but hung up when Mommy started sounding upset.

Without her permission.

Now, if Grandma had been upset and angry with her daughter for putting Zoey in danger and not behaving like an adult to doing what was best for her child, I would understand. If she was angry that Mommy was so concerned with either what they neighbors were going to say or the fact that she was a vampire, it would make sense and have parallels to several parents who have, for some reason or other essentially abandoned their children. But she’s not. Granny’s acting like it’s a joke. She’s pleased that she’s got this chance to rub the fact that she’s a better person in her daughter’s face.

This has nothing to do with Zoey. Given how quickly Grandma’s attitude shifts, it almost seems that, after showing Zoey that she was worried, her real emotion shows. This happiness doesn’t stem from the fact that her beloved granddaughter is still alive, it’s coming from the fact that she’s one-upped her daughter.

Moving on.

Granny asks what Zoey was doing out in the daylight, which is honestly a very good question, but also asks why Zoey didn’t tell her earlier. Thankfully, this particular weird question is there for a reason since after Zoey explains things from her side, Granny says just climbing out the window to look for her doesn’t make sense.

Which is true for reasons that Granny hasn’t said. I’m going to need to pick that little monster apart so we got a long quote.

“I know,” I sighed. “I can’t believe I got Marked, either. Why me?”

“That’s not what I meant, baby. I’m not surprised you were Tracked and Marked. The Redbird blood has always held strong magic; it was only a matter of time before one of us was Chosen. What I mean is that it makes no sense that you were just Marked. That crescent isn’t an outline. It’s completely filled in.” (45)

First of all, the two word sentence ‘why me’ should be banned in fiction. I hated it when it was used by Garion in the Belgariad, I hated it when it was used by Eragon in Eragon, and I hate it now. It is the most self-pitying, whiny drivel for a main character to say. Even in Tolkien, when Frodo Baggins comes pretty close to it, Gandalf, though kindly, tells him not to think like that.

So, next comes the fact that Zoey’s mark is “now a completed crescent moon, filled in perfectly with the distinctive sapphire blue of the vampire tattoo” (45).

Where do I start?

The Casts are trying hard to justify Zoey’s existence as the main character by quickly making her ‘special’. They’re giving her all the trappings of someone who matters, from Nyx praising her to her tattoo, magically being filled in, which apparently means she’s more mature or something. According to the little guild book (which looks terrible, let me tell you) it means that the change is complete, which is something that shouldn’t happen for four years. All of this is to show us how unique that Zoey is. This is actually a pretty common tactic of new writers. They try to show how interesting the character is by giving them interesting powers.

However, the largest problem with this is actually Zoey herself. She’s got all this specialness dumped on her, but at the same time, there’s nothing about Zoey herself that is particularly interesting. She didn’t earn these powers from my view. She hasn’t done anything particularly brave, particularly mature, particularly kind or even noticeably different than anyone else. She’s not even sympathetic. 

This is, of course, a problem with Mary Sues in general. One of the things that actually makes them into Sues is that, at some level, the focus is on the cool powers and abilities that the person has, rather than who they are. The Sue herself is honestly a pretty empty character. There is no amount of interesting powers or plot points that make Zoey special that will make me support her. Zoey has to be someone I would support even if she didn’t have those traits.

Another problem has to do with plot related issues. The Fledging Handbook gives a lot of medical jargon that attempts to prove that it’s not just magic, and there are biological things happening. The problem is that if Nyx decided to speed up a biological process that the book flat states will cause damage as her entire physiology is changed, there will be more damage.

And, of course, that’s another major problem with a Sue. They don’t suffer consequences for either they actions or the price of whatever power that they’ve gotten (unless the author thinks it will garner sympathy).

So, yes, there are major problems.

Zoey looks at herself in the mirror, and we get to learn that somehow, Zoey’s eyes look bigger and her skin is paler. So, apparently, Meyer wasn’t the only one accidentally said that being a vampire makes you white. Good to know. We also are told how exotic looking the tattoo looks, which, given a picture of it, either looks like a bad photoshop job or like she put a sharpie on her forehead and drew a moon.

Not particularly exotic. Though she looks more like Sesshomaru now.

She is unhappy about the change and does ask what’s going on. And someone out of the blue says that that is what they were hoping that Zoey would explain.

And it’s a very pretty woman. I know this because Zoey spends a good page telling me just how gorgeous this woman is from her “huge, almond-shaped eyes that were a deep mossy green” (46) to the fact that “her body was perfect” (46). Basically, she’s got red hair, green eyes, and boobs. Zoey is very sure to point out that she has boobs.

Also, because Zoey is an awful person, we’ve got this…charming line:

“She wasn’t thin like those freak girls who puked and starved themselves into what they thought was Paris Hilton chic (“That’s Hott.” Yeah, okay, whatever, Paris)” (46).

*takes a breath*

 You know what, P.C., Kristen? You’re both repugnant. This entire sentience and thought is repugnant. The fact that you are not only mocking young girls for having unrealistic standards for their bodies and the fact that they are harming themselves to meet them, but also calling them freaks for doing so is disgusting. You both should be ashamed of yourselves and of your nasty little troll of a character.

The fact that you’ve put this little monster up as someone who should be admired disgusts me.

At least John didn’t insult Zoey or her sister or her mother for their bodies.

So. Moving on. Zoey has a crush on this random woman. That was the point. A crush that Zoey takes pains to insist is 100% straight not-that-there’s-any-problem-with-gay-people-one-of-my-friends-is-gay.

The woman smiles, and Zoey mentions that her teeth are “amazingly straight, white teeth—without fangs” (46) but she’s got the crescent moon on her forehead. That makes her a vampire. Not the fangs or anything traditional.

Cast Ladies…why didn’t you just make your vampires witches? You clearly want to talk about Wicca and magick and such. Why not just go the whole hog?

So, the vampire tells Zoey that technically she hasn’t changed, but the completed mark is still on her forehead, which blows everything the manual says out of the water, and should have killed Zoey anyways.

The woman says that having this happen is to be considered an good omen, and while Zoey flounders a little, Granny jumps in and introduces “the High Priestess of the House of Night, Neferet.” (47)

Neferet? You know, Nefertiti? Famed beauty of Ancient Egypt? Wife of the infamous heretic Pharaoh Akhenaten? The vampires of this world sure are humble.

Neferet greets Zoey as ‘Zoey Redbird’ and Zoey points out her last name is Montgomery. But this name is too normal for our Sue. Neferet basically tells her that this is the chance for her to make a new start and make choices she couldn’t before. Which basically means this is a time to choose her name. This also means that she’s legally an adult apparently, but that’s a can of worms I’m going to bring up later.

Now, I’ve seen this idea worked with before in the Skullduggery Pleasant books. When someone started working with magic, they got the chance to make up the name that they’d be known as by the magical community. And the book went into the problems that came from teenagers change their names. Because teenagers choose names that sound cool at the time, and then they need to live with the cringe. This book has plenty of names that their owners will…regret. Zoey, for once, shows some moderate intelligence and just goes by Zoey Redbird.

Zoey gets a melodramatic welcome to her new life, and she tries to shake hands, but Neferet grabs her arm instead, which is “weird but somehow felt right” (47).

Ten bucks says that this is how Amazons greeted one another or something in this world, and Zoey’s just magically in tune with it.

And then we get this paragraph:

“Her touch was warm and firm. Her smile blazed with welcome. She was amazing and awe inspiring. Actually, she was what all vampyres are, more than human—stronger, smarter, more talented” (47). (There’s more but I’ll get to it later.)

First, we get it Zoey. You want to marry Neferet. Second, Note the final sentence. I’ll write it out for you again.

“Actually, she was what all vampyres are, more than human—stronger, smarter, more talented” (47).

Right here is the core problem with this series. It’s not Zoey, though she’s pretty close. It’s not the other obnoxious, insensitive, and otherwise awful things that happen. Right here is the core problem: the Casts have admitted to us that they think that their vampires are better than humanity. Therefore, everything that they do should be seen as superior as well. So, there is no way that we can see anything wrong with the vampires as their own flaws. We’re supposed to see them as an ideal of how we should want to act. After all, they’re better than human. This is not just about a single Sue. This is about a Sue species, and the Casts, like Stephenie Meyer, can’t imagine why we would think that they were anything other than perfect.

And this honestly sets her vampires up for failure since now every flaw isn’t something that can be gotten over, it’s something that I’m supposed to like, and see as a good thing. The fact that the vampire society is actually in some ways more sexist than modern society is supposed to be seen as good. The utter indifference that the vampires have to the potential death of the children that they’re teaching is a good thing. The utter distain for humanity is something that I’m supposed to agree with.

This also is a plot hole. Again, are the vampires an oppressed minority facing unjust biotry or are they so much better than us that there’s nothing we can do about them so that the hatred against them is totally justified? For someone to be oppressed there as to be something that the oppressor has over them. Vampires not only have the desirable jobs, but honestly don’t seem to suffer much other than fear and a lack of understanding. They have magic powers, immortality and influence. People have every reason not to trust them, and if the vampires are smarter, better, and stronger than us, then humanity has a good reason to view them with nothing but suspicion. What’s to stop them from enslaving us as a sort of breeding population for new vampires?

Seriously, given this kind of power, what’s to stop them from using it?

Of course, the Cast Ladies either didn’t think about this or really don’t care.

So, let’s move on the rest of this paragraph, shall we?

“She looked like someone had turned on a blazing inner light within her, which I realize is definitely an ironic description considering the vampyre stereotypes (some of which I already knew were totally true): they avoid sunlight, they’re most powerful at night, they need to drink blood to survive (eesh!), and they worship a goddess who is known as Night personified. (47)

One of these things is not like the others.

So, this is clever. They’re very carefully setting their own little idea of goddess worshiping as part of what makes a vampire a vampire. You notice that it’s in the end of the sentence as well, so it’s sort of being slipped in at the end along with the actual ‘stereotypes’. However, I would say, as a writer, it is dangerous to make religion so important to a species. Are there vampires who are atheist? Who retain their old religion? Why not? Is the religion enforced?

Since Zoey’s experience seeing Nyx is treated as if it is rare, then the Casts can’t even claim that people convert due to the personal experience.

Now, there are three potential ways to handle this question. The first is that Nyx chooses people who are likely to believe in her to be vampires. The second is that the vampire transformation also involves brainwashing. The third is that there are several underground religions being practiced and people staring emptily into space during services, but the Nyxian religion tends to suppress and oppress anyone who doesn’t believe like they do.

Zoey finally comes to herself and says it’s nice to meet her, and then Neferet tells Zoey that she’s special.

Or rather she says how she’s never seen a fledgling (as they call baby vampires who haven’t…I don’t know popped or something) come to them unconscious and with a completed mark. I’d buy the completed mark, but unconscious would probably be common, given that this is supposed to be a life or death situation, there are probably cases where the unfortunate kid is far away, and it takes a long time for the parents to get them there.

Neferet asks if Zoey remembers how she got there, and Zoey opens her mouth to say what happened and then

“I got a weird feeling, like someone had just hit me in the stomach. It was clear (there should be a semicolon here) and it was specific,(that comma should be a semicolon too) and it was telling me to shut up” (48)

 ...

I hate feelings.

This is probably one of the standard laziest conventions of writing. Don’t want the main character do divulge information that you don’t want them do but is totally within their character do to so? Have a character be thought dead, but you want the main character to believe they’re alive for no reason? Want to have the main character trust someone despite their being shady? Just give them Feelings! 

The reason that I hate ‘gut feelings’ or whatever isn’t that they’re not real. If you listen to a lot of things like ‘Let’s Not Meet’ you’ll read about a lot of times where that sinking feeling either saves someone’s life, or is the precursor to a very bad time for the writer. The problem with it in literature, is that it gives the writer an excuse to have the main character peek at the plot’s outline. They just ‘know’ that a certain character can or can’t be trusted, or they can sense that a character isn’t dead and so on. It’s a way to protect the character from bad choices, make them make the right choice, or show how right they are when the writer can’t think of anything that might work.

Because Zoey, normally, would tell Neferet, and then Neferet, being evil, would have done something, but the Casts, can’t give Zoey any real reason not to.

They’re apparently too lazy to even have Nyx go ‘btw don’t tell anyone ‘bout this for a while, k?’

Now I know that it’s supposed to be a hint that Nyx is working with Zoey, but that’s just as dumb.

Also, I wonder if Neferet is the villain. Uh-oh, I’d better not give away the ‘plot twist’. Seriously, Casts, if you’re going to give me a shocker villain, try not to have the ‘bad feeling’ the moment you meet her.

Anyways, Zoey lies and says that she can’t remember, and:

 “I wanted to look away from the sharpness of her green-eyed gaze, but the same feeling that was ordering me to be quiet was also clearly telling me that I had to keep eye contact with her, that I had to try really hard to look like I wasn’t hiding anything, even though I didn’t have a clue why I was hiding anything” (48).

This is just pathetic.

As a word of advice to writers. You don’t need to do this. You don’t need to sit there and bash readers over the head with what is happening. Most readers aren’t stupid. They really did catch the what was happening the first time.

Also, again, twist villains are twist villains because they don’t give any indication, outside of very subtle ones that you’ll only catch on a re-read that they’re twist villains.

What’s dumber is that Neferet has no reason to think that Zoey’s lying. She’s been all but drooling over Neferet from the beginning. This is silly.

Anyways, Granny mentions that memory loss is a sign of head trauma (obviously, though if that’s the cause Zoey should be seeing a doctor, not that these guys believe in those) and Neferet agrees really fast and her face stops being sharp. And she assures granny that everything’s going to be fine, calling her ‘Silvia Redbird’.

Zoey relaxes at this point because clearly anyone who likes Granny is a good person.

Seriously.

It said so in the text.

Morality is now defined by whether or not you like a random old woman who might or might not be a horrible person. Oh. Right. I guess I’m evil now according to this book.

…

…

Whelp, I’m a Catholic, so I guess that’s a given.

Neferet asks if Zoey wants to see her new roommate, and Zoey, still feeling misgiving, agrees.

“‘Excellent!’ Neferet said. Thankfully she ignored the fact that I was standing there like a smiling stupid garden gnome” (49).

…I…have surprisingly little to say to that. I just…sort of wanted you to read it. And be as vaguely confused as me.

Granny is a little nervous about this and asks if Zoey shouldn’t be in observation for another night. Given that she’s just said she’s had a concussion and is experiencing memory loss, this is something that should be done. Neferet, being a jerk, dismisses any natural concern and says Zoey’s naturally healing. Because vampires are awesome.

So, Neferet smiles at Zoey and Zoey smiles back even though she’s uncomfortable.

“It seemed like she was genuinely happy that I was there. And, truthfully, she made me think turning into a vampyre might not be so bad” (49).

So, this is the Casts trying very, very hard to make it sound like everything’s fine and this was a false alarm so that they can later claim that Neferet was a shocking plot twist. The problem is that all that this really does is make Zoey sound stupid. There’s no reason for her to trust this woman, she’s been taught all her life that vampires are dangerous. Why does she allow herself to go along with this and trust her other than being stupid?

However, Zoey just assures Granny that everything’s fine, and realizes that, honestly she does feel better.

It took her that long to realize it.

Neferet, for her part, also assures Granny, giving her “solemn oath” (49) that Zoey is safe and gives the information that fledglings are paired with a mentor who is an adult and promises to be Zoey’s mentor.

I wonder if this is part of her plans.

Also, while she acts like this is a good thing, she doesn’t explain what this means. What does a mentor do? Are they supposed to be emotional support? Teach them ethical means of getting blood? Act as a sponsor into vampire communion like in the Catholic Church? What?

But Neferet does a salute with her fist over her heart and bowing. Now, I’ve researched this, but apparently, this doesn’t actually come from anything. I’ve seen it in fiction, as something amazons did, as something Martians did, as something Trojans did. I’m going to bet this is something that the Casts read in something like MZB and decided that it sounded cool, and they trace it to Amazons. Granny does the same thing and then hugs Zoey and tells her to call and leaves.

So, I’m going to remind everyone that Granny essentially kidnapped Zoey and took her here without her parents’ permission, and apparently the laws so favor the vampires that there’s nothing that they can do about this. Zoey is now completely cut off from the outside world with only people who believe in the same thing for company.

And this is a good thing.

Neferet asks Zoey if she’s ready for her new life.

I would pay, right now, to see an angry main character. Someone who was taken from a family she was happy with, saddled with a destiny she didn’t want, and angry that everyone seems to think that this is a ‘new life’ and she’s been ‘chosen by the Goddess’. I’d pay to see resentment, fear, but all we get is…this.

“I looked up at her and thought again how amazing she was. If I actually Changed into a vampyre, would I get her confidence and power, or was that just something only a High Priestess got? For an instant it flashed in my mind how awesome it would be to be a High Priestess” (50).

Did you feel that hammer pound your head? That’s called foreshadowing.

Now, there are several things wrong with even these few sentences. The first is the simple fact that only a few minutes ago, Zoey was scared of this character. Now, we’re expected to like her again. The second, obviously, is the High Priestess garbage.

Casts, you don’t need to tell us how the story will end on the fifth chapter of the first book. It’s really kind of sad, and a little insulting to your readers. They don’t need this level of spoon feeding. What’s more, even though Zoey claims that sanity returns and she’s just a confused kid, she’s already come off as more than a tad arrogant. Finally, this whole thing comes out of nowhere and doesn’t help to make Zoey’s final claims of being nervous sound true.

If she’s fantasizing about being the High Priestess, she’s not that nervous.

But she claims, when she says that she is that she’s glad that she sounds more confident than she feels.

And that’s the end of the chapter.

This was a necessary chapter, given that it introduced the villain Neferet, but the foreshadowing was far too ham handed, the writing is still painful, and Zoey flips around from being scared to impressed to forgetting that she was scared. I wish I could claim that this was Neferet’s powers or something, but it’s not. Zoey’s just dumb.

Anyways, next chapter we get sexual assault! But that’s fine before it’s girl on boy, and we’re fighting the Patriarchy™!

Wish me luck.