#and the uncle dude was like 'if i can shoot sparks off my dick would you give me a blowjob?'

[beaversatemygrandma]

This has to be the funniest agreement I’ve had with my dad about laws. Well, you know how Metallica makes the BIGGEST Deal out of anybody using their music without paying royalties, including some kid on youtube and such? Like so bad to the point where THEIR OWN Twitch stream got muted? I told my dad about that Twitch stream and how much of their panties were in a wad about anybody even Touching their music.

He laughed and told me the first thing he ever downloaded from Limewire was Metallica albums. And honestly. Respect to that. Bc right after that i got a story about the time in the 90s where Metallica was being a little bitch about a handful .50 cent music downloads being pirated from Limewire. There was this whole thing. I think they tried to sue Limewire to no avail. They’ve been doing this for literal decades.

[teentitansblackbird]

Chapter 2

Gotham Merchant's Bank. April 21, 2028. 1:34 AM.

Gordon had been adamant about beefing up security at the bank for weeks leading up to his retirement. He had a feeling that knowing the GCPD's top cop was on his way out the door would embolden some of Gotham's lowlifes into action. Unfortunately the old Commissioner's words fell on deaf ears, and the bank remained vulnerable. And of course Gordon was right; not even a day after the old man's retirement, a few men of questionable intent decided to pay the bank a late-night visit.

"Dude, are... are you sure we should be doin' this?" a younger man asked, his masked companions filling their bags with legal tender inside the open vault.

"Would you just relax, man? We pulled a hundred gigs like this all over Jersey, this ain't nothin' new," one of the older thieves shouted in response from within the vault. "Just shut up and keep watch."

"Yeah, but this is Gotham City, man!" The lookout replied. "You know what they say about Gotham! They say if you try to pull somethin', then..."

"Don't even start with all that crap, kid," another robber cut in. "Ya got a better chance of winnin' the Powerball than runnin' into him. Everybody knows that."

"But what about the kid? Everybody knows he's got--"

"Enough!" The oldest robber shouted gruffly. "I don't wanna hear another word about the freakin' Bat, you hear me? He ain't known nothin' about us, and he ain't comin'! Understand?"

An unprecedented silence fell over the chamber as no reply came from the lookout.

"... Kid? You still there?" The oldest thief asked as he turned to look back at the entrance to the vault, freezing as he saw no lookout, but instead what appeared to be a young boy in a red tunic and long black cape, a green eyemask over his face.

"Y'know..." the boy snickered. "You really shoulda listened to that guy." He grinned as he heaved on a rope in his hands with all his might, swinging the vault door shut with a loud CLANG and leaving the team of robbers in pitch-black darkness.

"Crap! Was that the brat!?" One of the masked men shouted. "How come we didn't hear nothin' from Tony or Dom??"

"They prob'ly took 'em out on their way in here..." the oldest grimaced. "God... the boss is gonna be pissed about this."

What came next was a voice unfamiliar to the thieves. It was low and gravelly, like a devil or ghost, accompanied by the sound of cracking knuckles, and the electronic hum of a set of shock gloves as the sparks from them illuminated the bat emblazoned on the chest of a figure standing in the center of the vault.

"You have a lot more to worry about than that."

From outside the vault, Robin could hear the sound of screams and gunshots, incoherent commands and a string of expletives sounding from the muffled voice of the thieves as they panicked in their counterattack. Along with this came the sound of static cracking about in the air as bones cracked and bodies were slammed to the floor (all still muffled through the monstrous door to the vault, of course). After a few seconds, the bank fell silent for a few seconds, until the boy heard a quick three knocks from the other side of the door. Quickly inputting the combination, young Tommy beamed as the vault door opened back up to reveal the Batman standing in the doorway, his arms crossed and a subtle smile on his face.

"Nice work, Robin." Damian winked underneath his cowl as he stepped out of the vault.

"Thanks, boss!" The Boy Wonder replied excitedly, shooting the Batman a thumbs up as he stepped backwards towards the corridor. "So what do we do about those guys? Close 'em back in the vault until the cops get here?"

"Sounds good to me. They won't be waking up for a few hours anyways." Damian heaved the vault door back shut on his way out. "I'm proud of you, Robin. You handled the two out front and the vault lookout impeccably."

"Well gee, thanks Unc-- uh, Batman!" Tommy replied, rubbing the back of his neck as he let out a nervous laugh. "It wasn't too hard, you're a good teacher!"

Damian chuckled. "We should get moving. It's generally not wise for us to still be around when the police get here... they're still not exactly on board with how we do things just yet."

"I've been meaning to ask..." Tommy began as the duo headed out back to where the Batmobile had been parked. "If the cops don't like us, how come you can still be a member of the Justice League? Why don't they just send someone out to the Hall of Justice and have you arrested?"

"It's a little complicated..." Damian started as the two of them hopped into the armored vehicle. "Basically, the UN came to an agreement when the League formed that as long as Batman was on active League duty, he would maintain diplomatic immunity. Now, if I'm on my own case outside of the League, that makes me fair game for arrest.  But as long as I'm working on a case for the Justice League, I'm fine."

"So... are we criminals?" Tommy asked as the engine roared to life. "Like... could we go to jail?"

Damian smirked. "No, Tommy. They'd have to catch us first."

...

GCPD Rooftop. April 21st, 2028. 3:34 AM.

Dick had been standing on the rooftop for about five minutes, looking down at the active floodlight splaying the emblem onto the clouds overhead. He couldn't help but feel strange about being on the opposite end of the signal after all these years, but he simply shrugged it off, knowing he'd need to get used to it now. After all, Gordon told him that it was an unspoken requirement of the commissioner to arrange these meetings... although why he couldn't just call his little brother and talk to him like normal was beyond him. Things in Gotham had always been a little more complicated than they should have been. Dick knew that by now.

"Good morning, Commissioner."

Dick whirled around in surprise to see the familiar purple eyes of his sister-in-law looking back at him. "Raven! Hey, mornin'! Kinda thought you were takin' a night for yourself."

"I did," Raven replied with a smile as she walked up to Grayson. "I needed to see Damian, and I just... I couldn't wait any longer."

Dick raised an eyebrow, a concerned look in his eyes. "Everything okay, Rae?"

The half-demon smiled back even brighter. "Yeah, Dick. Things are great."

"You bet that's right, Aunt Rae!" The two former Titans looked over to see Tommy Grayson pop over the ledge, dressed down in regular clothes with a duffle bag on his shoulder. "Patrol was awesome!"

"Hey, kiddo!" Dick called out, his arms outstretched as his son leapt into them. "How'd you do on your first night?"

"It was great! Uncle D says I'm even as good as you were when you were Robin!" Tommy grinned as he pressed his cheek against his father's, feeling the familiar scratch of stubble on his face.

"You better be, after all that training!" Dick laughed as he put the boy back on the ground, looking up to see his brother standing a few feet away, his cowl pulled off to reveal his face. Everytime he saw him, Grayson couldn't help but be taken aback by the fact that Damian looked almost exactly like Bruce.

"He was remarkable," Damian affirmed with a smile. "Hard to believe it, Richard, but he and I might just be the greatest."

Dick let out another laugh. "Good on you two. Maybe you'll put us here out of business!"

"I hope not," Tommy joked back. "Then how will we afford Christmas?"

"I think we can take care of it, Tommy." Damian winked at the Boy Wonder before turning to Raven. "Hey, what are you doing out here? Isn't it your..."

"Yeah, it is. But I wanted to see you," Raven replied, moving forward and taking her husband's hands. "There's... there's something I need to tell you."

Damian's brow furrowed. "Raven? What... what's the matter?"

The mage beamed back at Damian, her eyes shimmering with a familiar light peeking out from behind the clouds of her irises. "Damian..."

Damian's eyes widened as he gently pulled Raven closer. "What is it? Are you sick? Did, did something happen to--"

Raven put a hand on Damian's cheek as a single tear began to form in the corner of her eye. "No, baby. I'm..." Slowly, her eyes drifted downward as she guided Damian's hand to her belly. She looked back up at him, her face red with elation. "I'm pregnant."

Damian looked back into Raven's eyes for a moment, until suddenly it dawned on him. His eyes widened, and slowly his hand began to tremble in hers. "... y.... you're... no, no way..."

Raven could contain her excitement no longer, the air around them sparkling with purple light as she threw her arms around Damian's neck. "I am, I really am!" Damian pulled Raven in tight, and the two of them fell to the ground as he began to laugh. All around them the air danced with violet sparks as the two of them laughed and cried, their emotions overflowing.

"Wow," Tommy commented quietly to his father. "I don't think I've ever seen either of them get this excited."

Dick just smiled, putting a hand on Tommy's shoulder. "It's alright, pal. I think they've got a good reason to be... you're getting a new cousin."