#and the whole group spread vile rumours about me and used to gossip about me loudly (to the point where i could hear them)
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Realising I maybe don’t actually like my supposed ‘best’ friend
#like i’m not saying i hate her or anything it’s just. i see a notification coming in from her whether it’s a text or a call#and i just get annoyed. half of the things she does piss me off#her complete lack of time management is infuriating to me; the fact that she’s a doormat for every single goddamn person in her life#the way she wants to be liked SO BADLY by complete random people and honest-to-god assholes… like i have that problem sometimes as well#but i’m significantly better at saying ‘no’ and also when it’s absolutely necessary ‘fuck off with your jesus pamphlets’#and also i don’t think i’ve ever really forgotten the way she cosied up to my bullies back in high school. there was this girl#who was threatening me and stealing from me and outright pushing me around & g was best friends with this girl’s sister who abetted her#and the whole group spread vile rumours about me and used to gossip about me loudly (to the point where i could hear them)#and g would gossip about me as well. and she’s apologised since then but she’s still friends or at least associated#with most of those people and i don’t think i’ve ever really forgiven her for selling me down the river for an ounce of social capital#which like. these girls were losers as well. they were just a group of losers rather than one lone loser like me#like congrats you got into the sad girls clique and bullied the nerd girl. for why though#and i still don’t get why they wouldn’t let me in or why they hated me so much. i would’ve fit right in. and yeah this was ten years ago#but i’m still mad. sue me#like she literally could’ve put in a good word for me but instead she contributed to the already hard time i was going through and i know#i Know i should forgive and forget. but i can’t shake the conviction that she would absolutely do something similar#and the fact that my friend group welcomed her with open arms and she’s still friends with some of them to this day. i don’t think she even#realises tbh. like hello… i gave you two lifelong friendships. i’m not saying you had to force your friends to like me in return#but like at least do the bare minimum of calling them off. those girls made me want to kill myself#and she also does this thing where if a guy likes me instead of her she takes it soooo personally and has to date him#and i’m just like. i’m attracted to men literally about once a year. i did not want to fuck andy the farmer#also he just offered to walk me home and i looked him up and down; laughed and said ‘you’re what i need to be protected from mate’#you were consoling him if anything. and will the fuckboy?? don’t make me laugh. he only hit on her because i started blatantly#playing candy crush when he tried to talk to me#tl;dr uhhhh when and how do i end a 16 year deeply codependent friendship. lol#personal#*complicating factors: i am the only person in her daughter’s life who is not an idiot. i love her daughter and want to be a good aunty#also she lives literally 0.2km away from me and the only other friends i have are an ex-colleague and my other best friend who lives in WA#and my old flatmate who i don’t really talk to anymore#i really need to like. artifically resurrect some friendships if i’m going to go through with this
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