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inagetawaycarxo · 5 years

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Not As It Seems | Finn Balor {Apocalypse AU}

✧ Pairings: Finn Balor x Reader, Rhys {OC} x Reader, Finn Balor x Unnamed OC {mostly I just refer to her as Finn’s girlfriend}

✧ Featuring: OC’s a lot of unnamed OC’s

✧ Summary: you save Finn from a zombie attack.

✧ WARNINGS: fluff, angst, blood, death, zombies, zombie-related themes, swearing, idk, other things I failed to mention, Finn crying, the reader is kind of a cold stone bitch tbh, so is Rhys, gore, reader might be a Winchester, stealing stuff, everyone is pretty much an asshole in this fic, I don’t even know what this is lol.

✧ Word Count: 5.5k

✧ A/N: This fic is for @moxleysbaby Alternative Universe Writing Challenge, honestly this is the first time I have done a writing challenge on Tumblr. Hope you like it. Also, y/n/n= your nickname.

The sound of the car tyres on the gravel road came to a complete stop. The engine cut off, three doors opening, three people hopping out of the car, then closing the doors.

The guy let out a grunt of annoyance, clearly not happy about being out in an abandoned town on the weekend.

“Come on babe, it will be fun.” A feminine voice spoke, grabbing his hand and intertwining their fingers together, as they walked into the abandoned town, looking at the buildings, while their friend took pictures of all the buildings.

“Yeah, Finn, it will be fun.” Another female voice spoke, looking up from her camera to look at him, Finn poked his tongue out at her, making her do the same action.

“Cause, visiting an abandoned town, on a Saturday afternoon was totally on my to-do list.” The guy called Finn grumbled, as they walked further into the town, their friend continued to take photos of the abandoned buildings.

“I could be doing other things on a Saturday afternoon.” Finn whined, his gaze drifting to his girlfriend, she turned her head to look at him, making Finn send her a wink, which made her blush, she then let out a giggle, clutching his hand tighter, while swinging their hands back and forth. Their friend that was ahead of them let out an annoyed sigh, while she rolled her eyes.

“Ew.” She whined, turning around to see the couple staring at each other. They both let out a chuckle at their friends’ reaction. She turned her head back in front of her, rolling her eyes once more as Finn and his girlfriend continued to stare at each other.

Finn leaned his head down towards her, pressing a tender kiss on her cheek, which made her giggle. Finn smiled at her as he pulled away, gripping her hand tighter, he pulled it up to his mouth, pressing a soft tender kiss on the back of her hand, which made her heart swell.

“While you two are being all lovey-dovey I’m going to go explore this apartment.” Their friend spoke, turning back to look at them, then looking at the apartment.

Just as she was about to enter the apartment her friend spoke, making her stop halfway through the doorway, turning around to face them.

“Wait, we’ll come with you.” her friend spoke, making Finn let out an annoyed huff.

“As long as I don’t have to witness you’s two making out with each other or finding a room and getting it on.” She spoke, making her friends chuckle.

“Don’t be so dramatic, we aren’t going to ditch you to get it on, we are just going to explore the apartment with you.” Her friend spoke, while Finn frowned, he really didn’t want to explore any of the buildings here, he just wanted to go home.

“Good, let’s go.” She responded, walking into the apartment entrance.

Finn and his girlfriend followed their friend, walking into the apartment entrance holding each other’s hands. The apartment smelled musty, the wallpaper on the wall peeling off.

The three of them walked up the stairs until they reached the first floor, all the doors to the rooms where all opened, some items where scattered on the ground.

“Looks like they all left in a hurry.” Finn spoke.

“I wonder what happened to this town.” Finn’s girlfriend spoke, as she let go of Finn's hand, wondering further down the hallway slowly looking into the rooms as she walked past the open doors, looking into the unoccupied rooms in amazement. Which made Finn pout at the loss of contact.

“Maybe, the town had to be evacuated, they ran out of resources, nuclear power plant explosion.” Their friend spoke.

“Wouldn’t we have seen the nuclear power plant when we drove in?” Finn asked, still standing in the same spot, leaving him alone in the hallway by his lonesome self.

His friend shrugged her shoulders, going into a room, he heard the shutter of the camera.

“Natural or manmade disasters kept happening, maybe that’s another reason this town is a ghost town.” Their friend spoke, as the sound of the camera shutter continued.

Finn let out an annoyed huff, going into the first apartment room, standing in the middle of the room. His eyes scanned the room, the room was small, the kitchen was small, the kitchen counters were only on one wall, there were two doors to his left side, probably bedrooms he thought to himself. The place was a mess, the circular table was flipped over. Cutlery, newspapers and magazines, as well as books and DVDs, and other things lay scattered on the floor, the place looked like it had been robbed.

Finn took a step to the closed door, his hand wrapping around the doorknob, turning the knob, the door opened with a loud creak, making Finn cringe, the room was dark and smelled like dust and mould, Finn’s hand slipped away from the doorknob, his hand slipped into his back pocket grabbing his iPhone and slipping it out of the pocket, he quickly pressed the home button, making the screen light up, his fingertips moved up on the bottom of the screen, making some application apps show up, Finn’s finger pressed the torch application. Smiling to himself, as the led light lit up the dark room.

Finn took a step into the room, it was a kid’s room, to be more specific it was a six-year-old boy’s room.

Finn's eyes scanned the room, his phone moving around the room. His eyes landed on a box of Legos, making his eyes lit up with excitement. He quickly walked over to it, opening it up, his hands getting covered with dust, not that he cared about that, he sat on the dirty carpet floor, putting his phone down beside him making sure the light coming from the phone faced upwards, his hands grabbed some Lego pieces out of the box, and put them onto his lap.

He was so caught up in playing with Legos that he didn’t notice a presence behind him, that presences being his girlfriend, she rolled her eyes at him, of course, he would have to find Legos and play with them, he’d probably take them back with him, when they leave.

She walked over to him resting her hand on his shoulder and crouching down beside him, which made him jump, he turned his head to face her, his eyes widened like a deer caught in the headlights, before his facial features softened, as he saw his girlfriend beside him, smiling softly at him.

“We are going to explore the next floor, did you want to come with or are you quite content with playing with Legos?” she asked, her thumbing rubbing his shoulder softly.

“Nah, I’m pretty content staying here, and playing with the Legos.” He replied, looking back at the Lego pieces he put together.

“Okay, we will come and get you when we are finished.” She responded, leaning close to him, and pressing a tender kiss against his cheek, pulling away from him and standing back up and walking out of the room, joining her friend who was waiting outside for her.

“Is he coming?” her friend asked her.

“Nah, he's pretty content on playing with the Legos he found.” She responded.

Her friend rolled her eyes.

“Of course, he had to find Legos, he is such a dork.” her friend grumbled.

“True but my dork, come on let's go up, we will have to take the stairs though, you know since the elevator doesn’t work.” She spoke.

“Ugh, stairs.” Her friend whined as they started to walk towards the stairs that led up to the next floor.

“Don’t be such a wuss, its only stairs.” She chuckled, then laughed at her friend, when they both started to ascend the stairs, all the while her friend whining with every step she took…

・。・゜☆・。・。☆・゜・。・゜。・。・゜☆・。・。 MEANWHILE

Rhys walked cautiously towards the ghost town, while you followed close behind him, keeping a lookout for any walkers, your shotgun held up in front of you, your finger hovering over the trigger ready to press down on it, if you saw one of those meat puppets.

The two of you’s stopped when you’s reached the car, Rhys turned his head to look at you, raising his eyebrow at you.

“So, the kid was right.” Rhys spoke, while you just shrugged your shoulders. He then turned his attention back to the black SUV.

“Fucking tourist.” Rhys muttered under his breath. He leaned his face to the car window, peering into it.

“Let’s just raid the car, get the things we need and go back to the bunker.” He spoke, opening the passenger side door, and opening his backup up, he started to put items in his backup.

Just as you were about to reply and open the back door to the passenger side, you and Rhys heard a blood-curdling scream, then another one following after it. Your hand slipped from the door handle, just as you passed Rhys, he grabbed your forearm, spinning you around to face him. He gave you a stern look before speaking.

“Y/n.” Rhys warned, giving a look that said leave it alone.

“I can't just let it slide Rhys, just keep watch and I’ll handle it.” You grumbled, giving him a stern look.

“Fine, but if you don’t come back in four to five minutes, I’m coming in, I don’t care about keeping watch for those meat puppets, I’m not going to risk your life for their life, you mean a lot more to me than they do.” Rhys spoke, making the stern expression you gave him drop, you looked at him with a sad smile, before responding.

“I know, I promise I will be back in five minutes and if not, you can come in.” you spoke, Rhys gave you a smile, though you could tell it was fake, you knew he couldn’t care less about those tourists.

Rhys let go of your forearm, then avoided all eye contact with you, clearly pissed you were going in there alone.

You let out a sigh, giving him one last reassuring smile, before walking towards the apartment building, your shotgun in front of you.

you quickly entered the apartment building, hearing muffled crying and feet shuffling on the floor above you. You gripped the handle of the shotgun tightly, as you walked to the stairs. Slowly but cautiously ascending the stairs to the first floor, the shotgun aimed in front of you, just as you took a step forward, you heard a spitty hiss than an annoying moan, from above you. Your eyes narrowed as you walked rather quickly towards the stairs that lead to the second floor, you ascended the stairs rather quickly.

You glared at the zombie in front of, slamming its decaying body against a closed door, all the while moaning and hissing. God, you hated zombies.

“Hey, lame brains.” You shouted, making the zombie stop slamming its decaying body against the door, it turned its decaying head towards you, making you cringe at the sight of it before it could even turn its body fully around to face you or even shuffle towards you at a snail's pace, you lifted the shotgun up in front of you aiming the barrel of the gun at its forehead, then pulled the trigger, the zombie crashed to the floor as blood poured out of the wound.

“Sucker.” You smirked, you lowered your gun with a satisfied smile on your face. But it suddenly dropped into a frown when you heard muffled sobs and whimpering. You rolled your eyes, god people could be so dumb sometimes.

You took small steps towards the closed door, knocking on it softly.

“It’s okay, you can come out now, I killed the meat puppet.” You spoke.

You heard the lock unclicking, then the sound of the door creaking as it slowly opened, you came face to face with a guy with blue eyes.

“Were any of you scratched or bitten?” you asked them dryly, eyeing them suspiciously, your eyes caught sight of a scratch mark on one of the girls and a bite mark on the other, you could already tell by the pale look on there faces that the virus was taking effect, you had to take action before it was too late.

Without hesitation, you raised your shotgun in front of you aiming at the girl with the bite mark, before pulling the trigger, the bullet went straight into her forehead, making her head slump, she fell, her blood spluttered straight onto the girl next to her, making the girl let out a shriek, honestly the shriek gave you a god damn headache.

The guy looked utterly shocked but came to his senses when he saw you raise the gun at the other girl.

He quickly stood in front of the barrel, making you glare at him

“Don’t try to be the hero moron, her fate was sealed the moment she got scratched, she’s turning into them now, so might as well put her out of her misery.” You growled.

“I don’t care, I love her, and I will not let you shoot her, you already killed my friend, if you want to kill her then you will have to go through me.” He threatened.

“That can be arranged.” You responded coldly.

You aimed the shotgun towards his kneecap, pulling the trigger, the guy let out a groan of pain, doubling over and clutching his blown knee cap. You, on the other hand, weren’t fazed at all, your attention was on the girl who was pleading and begging for mercy, you raised the gun towards her head and pulled the trigger, making the girl let out a choked gasp as the bullet hit.

Finn noticed this and quickly tackled you to the ground, with all the strength he could muster up, he pinned your hands above your head, straddling your waist, as you wiggled underneath him, his eyes burned with hatred as he looked down at you, his mouth set into a thin line, while he clenched his jaw.

You stopped moving underneath him, smirking up at him, which made him even angrier.

“Do it, kill me, I dare you to, it might bring you satisfaction watching the person that killed your lover die, but it’s definitely not going to bring her back, I did you a favour, watching the ones you love get shot is much easier than watching them turn into those meat puppets.” You growled, narrowing your eyes at him, almost challenging him.

He let go of your hands and wrapped his hands around your throat, choking you to the point where he cut off oxygen, making you choke, your hands gripped his wrist trying to pry him off of you.

“You did me a favour?” he snapped.

“You killed my girlfriend and best friend, right in front of me, you’re a god, damn sociopath.” He growled, tightening his grip around your neck, making you gasp.

You couldn’t really answer him back, or insult him, but you were fading quickly, your lungs burned from the lack of air you were receiving, black spots started to appear across your vision, your eyes watering, your body went limp. Your eyes fluttering closed, before you could even pass out, you felt his grip on your neck being released.

You opened your eyes, gasping for air, then coughing. You looked up to see Rhys pinning the guy to the wall, one of his hands gripped the guy's throat, while he gave him a murderous look. If looks alone could kill, then that guy who choked you would be dead.

“Listening here, you fuckin’ douchebag, if you ever fucking put your hands around my girl's throat again, I’ll torture you in ways you’ve never imagined.” Rhys spat out. His hand tightened around the guy's neck, making the guy choke.

You let out a huff, getting up slowly and picking your shotgun up then walking towards him. You put your hand on Rhys' shoulder, rubbing it softly. Rhys turned his head back towards you, his gaze softening as he looked at you.

“Let’s get out of here, he can go back home, and we can go back to our hideout before more of those meat puppets come.” You spoke with a raspy voice.

Rhys thought about it for a second, his eyebrows furrowed slightly, but then his expression started to change once he looked at the guy, he was strangling, his facial expression turned into anger again. Making you slightly panic.

“He hurt you.” He growled through gritted teeth, tightening his grip. You could tell the guy was slowly slipping into unconscious.

“Rhys.” You pleaded, but he wasn’t listening, all his attention was on the guy he was strangling the living daylights out of.

“Please, I want to go back to the bunker, I don’t want to stick around here and wait for more zombies to come and trust me there will be more of those meat puppets.” You pleaded again, making Rhys stop.

He let out a sigh, before slowly releasing his grip on the dudes’ neck, making the guy drop to the floor, grasping his neck and coughing.

“If I ever see you again, I will put a bullet in that pretty little head of yours, you understand me.” Rhys threatened, making the guy nodded his head frantically, Rhys gave him one last murderous look, before turning around towards you, his eyes scanning the marks on your neck, he gave you a pained look, but then it turned into a look of rage, whilst his fingertips touched the marks. You could tell he was thinking about hurting that guy again.

“Let’s go.” You sighed before he could even think about turning back around, and hurting that guy again, your hand wrapped around Rhys wrist, pulling him out of the room and down the stairs, then down the other stairs then exiting the apartment.

Your eyes widen as you heard that annoying moan and shuffling of feet. You turned your head to the direction of the sound, letting out a curse as you saw a herd of them making there way over to the guy's car, now he couldn’t go back at all, and you knew for sure he couldn’t defend himself from a herd of zombies, so he definitely had to come back to the bunker with Rhys and you.

“Let’s go.” Rhys spoke, noticing the herd of zombies as well, his hand holding yours while he intertwined his fingers with yours, you dug your feet into the ground when he tried to flee with you, making him turn around towards you giving you a questioning look.

“Wait, we can’t just leave him inside, he can’t defend for himself, heck he couldn’t even defend himself, his girlfriend and friend from one of them, what makes you think he is going to survive a herd of them.” You spoke, making Rhys give you a ‘are you serious’ look.

“So, I don’t care about him, he literally tried to kill you about five minutes ago, and you want to save his ass?” Rhys shouted, staring at you like you have grown two heads.

“And failed, the idiot can’t even strangle a person right, I bet he would have let go once my eyes closed.” You responded.

“Don’t bet on your life y/n.” Rhys scolded you, slightly looking behind you, then looking back at you.

He let out a scoff, letting go of your hand, then ran his hand through his hair.

“Fine, I’ll go get him, stay here.” He huffed, turning back around and walking into the apartment, but stopped at the doorway when he saw the guy he was meant to get, walking slowly down the stairs.

Rhys rolled his eyes, clearly annoyed he had to save this wankers ass.

“I’m sorry about this, well not really, it’s just easier if you aren’t struggling.” Rhys spoke, walking up to the guy and slamming his head rather forcefully against the stair rail. Finn quickly blacked out, making Rhys smile.

Rhys picked the guys body up, slugging it across his shoulder and walking out of the apartment, he took ahold of your hand and pulled you away from the oncoming herd of zombies.

The two of you ran into the forest, dodging tree branches as you’s both ran faster, the two of you’s only slowed down once you’s reached the familiar sight of the bunker. The two of you’s made a beeline to it, opening the door and going inside.

Rhys shot you look of annoyance.

“You better hope he doesn’t put any of the other people here at risk, cause if he does, no matter what you try to say to change my mind on killing him it won’t work.” Rhys growled, walking down the stairs and leaving you all alone at the top of them.

You let out a sigh, running your fingers through your hair.

“What if I made a mistake bringing that dude here, I mean he did try to kill me, though it’s understandable I did kill his best friend and girlfriend, still what if he strangles the other people in the bunker, I mean grief does change people.” You thought to yourself.

“I have to put him in check.” you muttered to yourself, you quickly walked down the stairs, the shotgun still gripped tightly in your left hand. You grabbed the first person you come across.

“Do you know where Rhys went with that guy?” you asked the woman, the woman only gave you a confused stare, having no clue what you were talking about.

“The dungeon.” A young boy spoke, making you let go of the woman to turn to the young boy, you gave him a thankful smile.

“Thank you.” You spoke, making the young boy smile. Before you could turn around you felt hands wrap around your leg. You looked down to see the young boy holding onto your leg, looking up at you with scared eyes.

“Y/n/n, is the guy that Rhys took to the dungeon a bad guy?” he asked you, as your fingers ran through his hair trying to soothe him.

“I don’t know, I hope not, but if he is, I promise I won’t let him hurt or and anybody here.” You answered the young boy smiled up at you, happy with your answer. He hugged your leg before letting go and running off.

You let out a sigh, before quickly rushing off towards the dungeon, you opened the door to see Rhys towering above the guy. He was tied up to a chair his head slumped downwards.

You walked over towards the table, that held the weapons. You gently put the shotgun on the table picking up the revolver, staring at it intently.

“I got this, Rhys, I’ll threaten him, and if he retaliates or hurts anyone else in this bunker or even betrays me, then I’ll kill him, with no hesitation.” You spoke.

Rhys turned his head to look at you. Your back was faced towards him, as you continued to look at the revolver. Rhys rolled his eyes at you, not that you could see it.

“What if, he just lies and agrees then when you undo the ropes, he attacks you and kills you.” Rhys grumbled.

“He won’t if he's smart then he will choose to be in my good books.” You replied dryly.

“He tried to kill you, y/n, he strangled you, he had his hands wrapped tightly around your throat, he was choking the living daylights out of you, and you want him to agree to be in your good books. Do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds, did you lose brain cells while being choked? He should be dead, heck we should have left him in that god damn apartment, or you should have put a god damn bullet in his headfirst, then killed those bitches that were with him, not bring him here-” Rhys ranted.

“Besides…. They all show mercy when you play Russian roulette with them.” You smirked, interrupting Rhys from his tirade, you grabbed a bullet for the revolver, you finally turned to face him, Rhys angry expression dropped into a smug look.

“Fine, but I’m waiting by the door inside this room, I don’t trust him, if he is capable of strangling you then he is capable of much worse.” Rhys huffed, while you continued to smirk.

“Oh, he won’t ever cross me again.” You smirked, smiling at him.

Just as Rhys was about to respond, a loud gasp cut him off, your head, as well as Rhys, turned towards the guy that was slowly lifting his head up, letting out small whimpers and coughs.

He tried to move, but he couldn’t he was restrained, his eyes widen, as he looked down, noticing ropes wrapped around him, his head snapped up to see you and Rhys, he glared at the both of you’s, but his eyes caught sight on what was in your hands, a revolver. His heart quickened, but a glare remained on his face still, he couldn’t show you’s two any sort of fear, though on the inside he was scared shitless.

“I’m going to give you one warning boy, and you better be wise and show mercy.” You spoke, still standing next to the table.

“You killed my girlfriend and best friend, and you want me to show mercy, go to hell.” He spat out, making you chuckle darkly. Finn gulped, as you took a step forward.

“Figured you’d say that, so let’s play a little game.” You taunted, as you stood in front of him. Finn looked up at you, slightly trembling as he looked into your eyes, they looked dead, void of emotion.

You let out a hum as you looked down at the revolver, putting one bullet into the chamber then, clicking it back in, you spun the cylinder, all the while smirking while doing it.

He gulped when he felt the barrel of the gun being pressed to his forehead, he closed his eyes tightly waiting for the bullet to enter his skull, but nothing came, only a click.

You let out a tsk sound, before pulling the trigger again, and getting the same response, this only made you smirk. Finn shook in fear, his heart thumped harder against his ribcage, his whole body trembled, while he started to regret ever coming to this ghost town, he started to regret his actions of strangling you.

“You’ll be amazed by how many people show mercy when their life is about to end.” You chuckled, pulling the trigger again, only to hear a click.

“They beg for mercy, they plead for you to spare their miserable life, they even cry, or they give up information, it’s quite pathetic really.” You ranted, pulling the trigger again, making Finn sob, tears fell from his eyes, but he didn’t plead for mercy, which only added more fuel to the fire.

“You know boy, I didn’t feel an ounce of regret for shooting your best friend and girlfriend, though I do regret not killing you, maybe I should have let Rhys kill you, you’re lucky I had sympathy for you and took you in, I should have left you there, but I didn’t because I’m not that evil, but yet I have this nagging feeling that you are you going to kill me in this bunker all because I killed your girlfriend and best friend, cause they got bitten and scratched.” Continuing your rant, pulling the trigger again, but no bullet came out.

“It’s not my fault you three stumbled across this town, heck I don’t blame you for exploring it, the government hide this from everyone, so well, taking us off the maps, avoiding the problem, but the fact that you strangled me really pisses me off, if I didn’t kill them, then they would have killed you in an instant, they don’t remember their lives before they turned into zombies, so you could try to reassure them, talk them out of it, but they cant register a word you are saying, all they care about is eating you alive.” You hummed, smirking at the cylinder as you noticed that it was finally on the bullet.

“So, moron, since you aren’t going to show me any mercy, might as well just end your life quickly, you’ll be with your girlfriend and best friend in no time, and I’ll be still killing zombies.” You concluded, just as your finger touched the trigger, He spoke up.

“M-mercy, I show mercy, I yield, I-I’m s-sorry, I regret strangling you, I’m sorry please don’t hurt me, please, I won't ever hurt you again, please, I won't kill you, please, j-just spare my life.” He pleaded, his voice shuttering.

You let out a content hum, lowering the gun to your side, you lowered your head down towards his ear, making him whimper.

“If you ever betray me or retaliate, I will put a bullet in that pretty little head of yours or feed you to those meat puppets.” You hissed, pulling away from him, you gave him one last cold glare before you turned around, walking towards the table, where you got the revolver from you put it down, and turned back around towards him, a smirk graced your face, making him tremble even more.

“Rhys here will show you to the kitchen, you must be pretty hungry and thirsty after all that chaos.” You spoke, you turned around to Rhys, then turned back to the guy again, he honestly looked like he was about to pass out.

“Oh, I forget to ask, what was your name again?” you asked, titling your head to the side and waiting for his response.

“F-Finn.” He gasped out, avoiding eye contact with you.

“Well Finn, you are in safe hands now, though you will have to start training, Rhys can help you with that.” You replied, turning back around and walking towards the door, as you passed Rhys you gave him smug look, silently telling him ‘told you he would show mercy’. Rhys just rolled his eyes, as you walked out the door.

Rhys turned his attention to this Finn guy, glaring at him, but Finn avoided all eye contact with him.

Rhys took slow intimidating steps towards Finn until he reached him, he gripped Finn’s throat tightly, making Finn gasp for air, tears falling from his eyes even more.

“Listen here you ungrateful little shit, if you ever, ever, you hear me, hurt my girl or even think of hurting her, or betray her, I’ll make your life so miserable you’ll want to end your own life.” Rhys growled.

“I, s-said m-mercy.” Finn choked out, as best as he could.

“Actions speak louder than words, buddy, and if all your words where lies, then I will gladly kill you, your life means nothing to me.” He hissed, squeezing Finn’s neck a little tighter.

“I-I w-wont h-hurt h-her, I-I p-promise.” Finn choked out.

“Good, now let’s get you something to eat.” Rhys grumbled, letting go of Finn’s neck, Rhys took out his pocketknife, opening it up in front of Finn, all the while smiling down at him. Finn gulped while trying to breath normal again.

Rhys cut the ropes, once he finished cutting all of the ropes, he then put his pocket knife back in his back pocket, gripping Finn’s shoulder roughly and pulling him up, Rhys pushed Finn in front of him, making Finn stumble a bit before he gained his balance, Finn turned his head to the side to see Rhys giving Finn an annoyed look.

“Let’s go.” Rhys grumbled, pushing Finn out of the room.

He should have stayed home, he should have tried harder to try to persuade his girlfriend and bestie to stay home, he should have explored the second floor with them, he should have been the one scratched or bitten by that zombie, he should have never strangled you, well he should have just put a bullet in your skull, but still, then he would have regretted it you were only doing what you were used to, but that still didn’t make him forgive you, you shot them without hesitation, if he would have run away then he would have never be stuck here with a couple who were sociopaths, in the middle of nowhere. Why isn’t the government helping them? Do they know there are people still human in this town, that they need their help?”

He had to get out of this bunker, he had to get away from you and Rhys, so if that meant faking an alliance and faking being nice to you’s two then so be it, he still didn’t regret strangling you, you did kill his girlfriend and best friend, and for that, he would never forgive you, so if playing you and Rhys for fools was his only way out of this bunker then he would play you’s two for fools...

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lexosaurus · 5 years

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Do you ever feel lonely being asexual? I feel like none of my friends understand what it's like and it's so isolating and terrifying and I feel do broken. Have you ever felt this way? How do you handle it? Sorry if this is too personal.

Hey anon! I hope you’re okay! I also hope you’re ready for a long post because that’s what this turned out to be!

Firstly, you are NOT alone. I think every ace feels this way at somepoint or another. It’s super common, especially since there really aren’t many out-aces, there’s virtually no actually helpful resources out there for aces, and most people legit have never heard of asexuality or believe it to be something that can be cured either through sexual acts or medication. The fact of the matter is, that being asexual is very much an isolating experience and it can be really really hard to become comfortable with.

For me, I grew up in a conservative town in a liberal state. So while no one was outwardly aggressive towards lgbt people which gave me a false sense of security, coming out was ROUGH. I lost all of my friends to the point where in highschool I wasn’t allowed in a party that everyone else in my grade went to, I got in a massive fight with my mom and ended up having to move out for a few weeks (don’t worry, we’re super close now), and I ended up going back in the closet which only ended up with me being coerced into having sex a bunch until I finally reached my breaking point. I realized I had to figure this out or I was gonna lose it.

Moving away from that environment was probably one of the main ways that I was able to start feeling okay. I moved to a nearby city, dropped all my old friends, made new ones, joined new activities, etc etc. I made sure my new friends knew I was ace pretty much right away, but I didn’t really talk about it past the casual, “Yeah, I’m asexual. I’ll date anyone but I won’t have sex with anyone. It hurts my body and I don’t like it.” and then that was it. I mean, I answered the inevitable questions that followed as if no, they weren’t dumb questions or invasive, even if maybe deep down I thought they were. But other than that it was just a casual mention, made sure they were chill with it, and then moved on.

And knowing that my friends were totally 100% okay with me being ace was like the best thing ever. They don’t UNDERSTAND being asexual on a deep level, (not even now after 3 years of living together), but I don’t understand how their sexualities function on that deep level either. It’s a two way street. And sometimes with people I’ll even ask them, “Okay but how do you KNOW that you like like someone like that?” and then they’ll have to take a step back and be like, “Oh shit, I guess it’s just innate. Oh damn I’ve never thought about this. Huh. Wtf.” You know, just showing curiosity in their feelings and showing that it’s okay to ask “obvious” questions really does a lot.

But tbh, my friends and I now will talk music or memes way before we’ll talk lgbt stuff. And half my friends are lgbt too. I just chose new friends who I connected and related to on deep levels that had nothing to do with sexuality at all.

The second big thing I did, and this is gonna sound counter-productive, was I unfollowed every ace-centered blog on Tumblr. No joke. I went through my followers and unfollowed EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. I found that a lot of ace blogs, even ace-positive blogs, made me feel good for a second when I saw those ace-positive posts, but in the long run they ended up being really detrimental. Thinking about asexuality like something that needs constant validation is not healthy, no matter how positively it’s presented.

I was in a place where being asexual wasn’t normal in my head and I needed to normalize it, not validate it. Because validating asexuality comes AFTER normalizing it, not the other way around. So I needed to not constantly think about it or read about it or see it all the time. I needed to just watch it casually in modern media (aka watch Bojack Horseman and Saiki K on Netflix), talk about it with REAL PEOPLE irl in casual conversation occasionally, and just in general start looking at it like something as normal and mundane as my brown hair or dark eyes. Asexuality isn’t special, it’s not cool, it’s not sad either, it’s just another normal thing that contributes to me as a person.

So now when a follower reblogs an ace-positive post, I feel good. Like truly good. Not that fleeting good that will disappear in 30 secs and remind me that “oh yeah, there are a lot of people out there that hate aces.” I just get an occasional reminder that, “Oh yeah! I’m ace! Nice! I’m dope af!”

But being asexual isn’t like in my “top 5 qualities” list. I don’t write my bios and put my asexuality at the top of my “about me.” In fact, I don’t even think i wrote that im asexual in my about me on tumblr lol. It’s not that I don’t like asexuality, it’s just so normal to me I’m just kinda like “oh yeah im ace. i have dark eyes. and 10 fingers. surprise! Okay now back to the good stuff…”

Also, a bit of a sidetrack, but that “everyone’s valid” culture on tumblr is actually super toxic and not good. And so getting away from that is v helpful to your mental health.

The last thing that I did that helped me a lot was actually a bit of a coincidence but I met a girl irl who was my coworker who happened to be asexual too. We worked together for like a year, we totally vibed and started hanging out together a ton, and then one day out of the blue she was like “yeah I’m pretty sure I’m ace too.” It was super dope and just having that one person that I could relate to like that who I also truly enjoyed hanging out with was like a breath of fresh air.

Finding a fellow ace irl that you vibe with can be tough. She wasn’t the first ace that I’d met, but I tend to be a rather blunt person and the previous aces I’d met were all through my school’s lgbt club and they tended to be,,,sensitive,,,(told me i was ableist because I talk loudly and my loud voice was insensitive to their sensory disorders like bitch i’ve got hearing problems i can’t solve but you CAN buy earplugs so lol thank u next byeee),,,BUT I DIGRESS, chill aces are hard to find but finding that one person is so nice. But I should say I was pretty much comfortable with being ace at that point. That was kind of the cherry on top. So if this isn’t available to you, which it doesn’t sound like it is, that’s okay. There are other things you can do in the meantime.

Also, I do have to add that much of the phandom happens to be asexual. Idk how that happened but it did. So if you ever wanna talk ace-things, I’m sure so many people on here would be DOWN to talk ace stuff. I’ve done it before, it’s fun. They’re all rlly nice.

So yeah that was pretty much how I got from a place where I was so defeated about being ace from pretty much everyone around me to now I’m totally comfortable and normal with it to the point where I have turned several homophobes into lgbt-supporters because “fuck, Lexx is so chill and we vibe so hard but she’s lgbt??? i really like her as a person but she’s bi and ace??? hhhhhh,..,,,,i guess lgbt people are cool idk man ya wow ok.” (Legit one of these homophobes sent me screenshots a few months back where some kid was calling me a slur like on instagram or something and he was like “What, you mad cuz she won’t sleep with you? Get a life.” it was sweet 😊)

#ask #asexuality

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artificialqueens · 5 years

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And So We Run (ch.4) - Traumathicc

A/N: So!! I’m back,, finally,,,

This took some time because I kind of hit a wall in the middle of writing it. But I pulled through god damnit!

Also I had to cut this chapter into two parts, since it apparently became too long for tumblr to handle. My guess is it’s because I’m on mobile? But I’m not sure. Nevertheless, I’ll post the second part after this, obviously, so enjoy!:D

“Unbelievable. Fucking unbelievable.”

Fame watches as Darienne paces the ground before the small half circle they’re all sitting in. Normally she would try and calm everyone down, but she doesn’t even have the energy to stand right now. Her face is flushed and wet with tears and Violet is clutching her hand.

Her partner didn’t even survive the first hour.

She wanted her to get through this so badly. She was so scared. They both were. She would like to believe that Max’ killer might have been scared too, but what kind of scared person throws a knife at an unarmed girl who has her back turned on them?

She clenches her jaw as more tears start to well up under her eyes and spilling over her cheeks.

Violets grip around her hand tightens. At least she made it. She hopes Sharon and the others made it too, wherever they are now. And if one of them, like Trixie for example, does decide to come back, at least they can laugh about the fact that they got raided by some girls from district 2 about fifteen minutes after they decided to split over the petty resource argument. Now nobody gets bread. Take that Sharon.

Darienne keeps pacing and cursing under her breath. At least now Jade is kind of trying to calm her down. It’s not really working out though. Suddenly Coco gets up and stands in front of Darienne.

”Okay, okay, OKAY! I’VE HAD ENOUGH! WE CAN GO GET THE STUPID BREAD BACK IF WE JUST FIND OUT WHERE THEIR CAMP IS!”

”But what if they’ve eaten it all-”

”NOBODY EATS FIVE LOAVES OF BREAD IN UNDER TWO HOURS!”

Sudden silence fills the clearing. Coco sighs.

”That was NOT a jab at you.”

Darienne looks at her with a deadpan expression.

”Yeah, I figured.”

”We can split up” Violet offers. Earning a ”Honey, have you never seen a horror movie?” From Jade.

”No one is going alone, genius” Violet snaps back. ”I was about to suggest that Fame and I go look for natural resources while the rest of you try and get the bread back! That way, even if one group fails, I’m sure at least the other won’t end up empty handed!”

”Both could fail though-”

”Shut up Jade.”

Fame looks up and opens her mouth for the first time in what feels like half a year.

”Well, Darienne, you’re the leader.”

Darienne takes a breath as to collect herself. ”Well, trying and failing to reclaim lost property is at least a less pathetic way to go than starving or dying of thirst. I say we go for it.”

They all look at each other. There doesn’t seem to be any objections. They’re finally agreeing on something, so progress is definitely being made.

”Girl, I think that’s the most mature decision you’ve made since we-“

“Shut up Jade.”

————————————————————

Gia breathes a sigh of relief as she throws her shirt off to let it warm up by the campfire Bianca just made. Bianca herself is sitting on a rock a little further away, giving her a puzzled look.

“What the actual fuck are you doing?”

Gia puts her hands on her chest and gives her a smirk.

“Just feeling my oooooooaaaaaatsssss-“

She draws out the last word as she begins running her hands up and down her torso. Bianca puts her face in her hands and makes some sort of muffled screaming noise.

“You’re NOT in a White Snake video! This is a literal fucking death game! Do you realize how open and vulnerable you’re making yourself right now? Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if you, five minutes from now, have slathered yourself in glow-in-the-dark body paint, pulled a megaphone out of your ass and started yelling some shit like ‘AIM YOUR WEAPONS HERE FUCKNUGGETS!!’”

“That sounds dumb. How would I even fit a megophone up there?”

“It’s a joke. And it’s MEGA-“

“Besides-“ Gia interrupts. “I’ve got you here, don’t I?”

She gives Bianca a wink and continues to feel her White Snake fantasy. It’s a good thing they aren’t near any cliffs, because hurling herself off one seems to be Bianca’s one true wish right now.

“I’m not your fucking bodyguard, but go off I guess.”

“Whatever,” Gia laughs, seemingly oblivious to Bianca’s snark “I like not wearing clothes. It makes me feel so free, like ‘Free Willy’ or something….”

Bianca throws her a look that could probably kill a small child. This is what it takes for Gia to finally read her surroundings. She frowns.

“God, you’re such a bitter, old bitch.”

“I’m literally only a year and three months older than you.”

Gia gives her an angry pout. “Where’s Courtney anyway? I thought we didn’t need to hunt tonight since we managed to raid that other group?”

“She’s setting up more traps and clearing the grounds before we sleep. You’re the first one on watch duty, by the way.”

“Oh, so now you think I can hold my own?”

“Well, someone has to bite it first! … I’m only joking.”

Gia doesn’t say anything. She just puts her shirt back on and plops down beside Bianca, still pouting.

Then she hears footsteps. She looks up at Bianca and it’s obvious she hears them too.

They both cock their guns.

“Court-“

A loud *swoosh* sounds off by a nearby tree, followed by a *snap*. Then the screams of what Gia guesses is two or three people.

Then running.

Both of them get up almost instantly. It seems as though the traps came in handy sooner rather than later.

Gia has to cover her mouth when she sees a pair of legs hovering a few feet above ground underneath the tree the screams came from.

Then she almost feels her own legs give way when she sees them move.

Bianca puts a hand on her shoulder. Their eyes meet and she gives her a sad look. Her brown eyes, which are usually glaring and judging, are glassy with regret. Gia can only watch as Bianca sighs and takes aim.

”I’m sorry.”

And she shoots.

#rpdr fanfiction #miss fame #violet chachki #darienne lake #coco montrese #jade jolie #bianca del rio #gia gunn #max malanaphy #and so we run #hunger games au #traumathicc #tw death #tw violence

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j4nn4s · 5 years

Text

rules:

always repost the rules

answer the questions given to you by the one who tagged you!

give 11 questions

tag 11 people

i was tagged by @isakvdhflorenzi, ty miss lorena <3 1. Is the social media presence of the characters important to how you view the quality of the remake/show?

hm well skam nl is my favorite and their social media game is trash LMAOOO so generally No but i do feel like remakes who DO have such a good presence kind of elevate the show and i think it’s pretty heartwarmin to see some remakes go sm farther than skam with social media and puttin out educational and IN CHARA resources like skames does this so well and i feel like in that way, the team is really really spreadin skam’s spirit via these resources (like joana’s billion bpd awareness ig accounts and lucas rubio’s yt channel)

2. Least favourite clip of the show? Why?

tbh there are definitely some duds but probably one of the clips with sana gettin herself into a hole in s4 just bc some were hard to watch cus cringey or yikes .... idk i cant think of others LMAO

3. Which character did you feel the most connected to and why?

ijeoiqjiwoij even tho even is my all time fave skam chara, i have to say isak for all of these reasons

4. Your least favourite part of every season?

season 1 - tbh even though i really enjoyed this season, it does take a while for it to build up like i rmr at first not being that interested until ep6 maybe ?? which is hard when you’re trying to get your friends to watch but they have to wait until ep6 before shit starts RLLY buildin up and gettin wild

season 2 - hm ig noora chasin after william ??

season 3 - bro NOTHINGGG call me a purist but its such a refined masterpiece like the pacing is good the characterization is so good ugh i deadass cant think of anythin

season 4 - i always felt a little ??? w noora being sana’s bff ig bc from s1-s3 it didn’t Feel like they were that close like even in noora’s pov, sana wasn’t really a part of it that much ?? like eva was more of noora’s bff ?? so i feel like it would have made more sense if maybe sana spoke more with chris or vilde bc sana and vilde eventually seemed to get closer esp with kosegruppa and chris has always been by sana’s side ?? idk that always confused me

5. What is your opinion on the cast’s participation on social media? Do you prefer it when the cast aren’t that involved like the Skam cast, or do you like a lot of content like the Fr cast do?

tbh i don’t care much abt the casts LMAOOO if anythin it kind of brings more harm as seen with the harassment axel and maxence get and also can bring more controversy like with irene (which honestly is p sad considerin how much i love skames bc now i feel super :/ watchin it like she shouldve just had private accts at this point)

6. Favourite song you found from Skam or the remakes?

OMFGGG love this question .... def doorman by slowthai and mura masa bc its one of my fave songs now and i got it from skam nl <3 ugh taste

7. If you could decide which characters from Skam got a season, who would you choose?

OOOHHH ugh torn bc i like isak’s pov but also i want even’s so might have to forfeit isak season for even season ....... hm so probs vilde, sana, even, noora (maybe not w william tho) and honestly maybe jonas too ??

8. Are there any moments that you liked in the show that everyone else seems to hate?

IJXDWQOIJJ yes .... remakes-wise, people hate skam nl s2’s last half but i enjoyed it for the most part ... i think the pacing was off for the last ep but personally, clip 50 made up for it and is p god tier imo ..... and also don’t think the first half of ep10 is enough to discredit the entire season bc i rlly loved seeing liv’s pov and have sm fave moments from the season

but skam wise, omg might get a lil controversial w this one IM SORRY !!! im bein honest and its Just my opinion ok

personally s2 got me more invested than s1 and i don’t think its a super bad season like i didnt really say many problems wrong with it until i got on tumblr wiejioqjoiqjq i was sort of interested in the questions that the noora/william dynamic brought up which is, as expressed in william’s war speech to noora, that nothing is ever black/white which i feel was a huge message and feeds into the ‘you never know what ppl are going through’ theme of the season ... like i like the idea of someone like noora, who can have a black/white mentality (as seen in the first clip of s2 when she tells vilde that they can’t have the tannin company as their sponsor bc they objectify women or smth but misses the context and what it could mean for the bus monetarily bc shes caught up in bein ‘woke’) having to break out of that and see more than one side ... and i think remakes like skam austin expanded on this idea well like when zoya was like ‘must be so nice being right all the time’ which i Do feel like is an important for youth to know today .... bc i think its so easy to get caught up in the idea of being so objectively right and morally superior that people lose sight of the more nuanced characteristics to life ... (omg long ramble BUT)

also LMAOOOOO this one might be more controversial as it pertains to bench scene s4 ok oops again doNT GOTTA AGREE !! ........ but i feel like the scene had a lot of good intentions ... i was def kind of cringing a bit tho bc i understand the subject’s sensitivity and how these topics are hard to talk about but i genuinely feel like they both made Some points and should listen to each other .... like as Hard and as maybe ‘unwoke’ it is to admit, unfortunately you sort of do have to answer the tough questions bc that way we learn from each other .... and i perfectly understand why some ppl wouldn’t want to do this and i certainly am tired abt havin to answer shit abt my sexuality or stupid male questions abt women but if u dont answer them, people do go lookin for answers still and the internet is such a shitty place that its pretty easy (esp with youtube’s algorithm) to lead you to ignorant ppl and perhaps radicalization .... questions help us to better understand our community and sometimes they can have good intentions too but we have to ask and answer them or else people will make up answers (which ive literally seen and its honestly worse to see fake as shit and UNINFORMED answers bc ppl did not want to ask you or ppl of ur identity, esp when they’re already startin from a place of hate .... but i rather have ppl ask me patronizing questions than have them spread false info bc that can do much more harm in the long run) however i DO think that isak should also consider sana’s side and i sort of wish we saw him conceding more bc they both have smth to learn from one another, like sana shouldn’t just be learnin from isak, isak needs to learn from sana too

PHEW SORRY QWIOJQWIO girl i just got opinions on some things this is when my desc rlly comes in handy .... oqjdwqioj

9. What did you learn from the show?

omg honestly too much to write here tbh ..... but if it says anythin im (very slowly) in the works of a three part skam essay about basically how skam teaches us to be better humans and how to better treat the people we care about diowjqioj essentially the three biggest themes of the show: you never know what someone is going through so always be kind, always communicate with your friends, and no person is ever alone and i feel like these are definitely rlly good messages to live by (also livet er nå BITCH !!!)

10. What is your favourite headcanon about your favourite characters?

omg tbh i could not tell u at all how the skam charas are doing except i hope even is okay thats all im thinkin of ok .... OIWXIOJX omg remakes wise tho ..... honestly im so bad at this girl IDK !!!!! LMAO i have to really think i have a bit of vdh and dutch even but thats bc we know like Zero abt them so its easier oijwiojqio idk liv and noah bein cute as shit ..... OH WAIT personally i feel like janna got a bunch of pansexual energy so my BIGGG hc is that she’s pan also bc she’s one of my all time fave charas and my fkn url so itd be dope if she was pan ok boom

11. What is your opinion on fanfiction in the fandom?

tbh i don’t read skam fanfiction but i don’t mind reading some from the remakes (tho still its rare) ... eiojeioqw i just don’t trust anyone but julie to write skam charas bc i think that’s how precious the show is to me LMAO like idk everything ive seen of skam fanfiction and ficlets and one shots, i could never get into bc the tone is just so out of character or there will be lines that just take me out of the fic bc im like this !!!! is not !!! how the chara acts !!!! so yeah idk not rlly a fan bc of my purist ass but i dont mind others reading it

Questions:

1. Favorite quote of the show?

2. Which country would you like to see have the next remake? Do you have any headcanons?

3. Which season would you rewrite and how would you rewrite it?

4. What clips do you personally like or don’t mind, but others hate?

5. Which songs do you think SKAM or the remakes should have included? For which moments?

6. Who would you give SKAM season five to and what topics and themes would it cover?

7. What moment spoke to you or touched you from SKAM the most?

8. How did you find SKAM? How did you feel about it right after watching?

9. Have you shared SKAM with any friends in real life? What did they think of it?

10. Of the remakes, which characters are your favorite of their SKAM counterparts? (Ex. who is the best Vilde remake? Eva? etc.)

11. How do you feel about the SKAM (and remakes) tumblr fandom?

I tag: @smileykeijser @whatadaze @queenofpurgatoryx @itlukey @skamyeets @shaykeijser @megeliz01 @isakcijser @wackpainterkid @axelauriantblot @kar-d-momme

(omg ik some of yall have been tagged so just ignore if u dont want to do it ok im srry it was in the RULES!)

#long post #skam opinions #tag meme

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xsoft-liarx · 5 years

Text

Okay, here we go. Check my last couple of posts for my trigger warnings..

I'm suicidal. This is a fact I've accepted in 8th grade. It started mostly in 7th to become a realization, but I was in terrible denial. I hate to admit it, but it's just always been there. Always been a part of me since I was little. When I was around 5, I wanted to disappear, because I wasn't like all the other kids. I was tan, I was also happier than other kids at the time. Louder. I was the kid who picked flowers before school and gave them to kids who looked upset. But few people liked me. I was an annoying kid who was sensitive.

I'm now 15 years old. Going on 16 in 2020, I'm still annoying to this day. I can admit that. I've changed from when I was in 6th grade. 7th grade was the "I need to be a cisgirl for my mom" phase. I was an accident (she confirmed it), but she wanted a girl and forced me to be one. I just wanted her to be happy.

8th grade, it was my "fuck it I do so much for people, I need to stop being a bitch and grow a pair" so I started binding. And in the middle of the year I would cut bits of my hair off and hide it from her. None of this is the main point.

Due to everything from my past that will catch up to me, and due to my life now. I will most likely always remain suicidal. I used to slit my wrists on the daily, one time I did it so hard I almost passed out, and I felt awful for my best friend who I was on and off on the phone with telling me to tell my mom, but I didn't want to because her girlfriend was drunk and threatened to leave because I called her out on her shit. Her girlfriend Monica is one of the reasons I'm like this so often.

I was 7, this woman would shake my mattress and bang my head on the wall to wake me. Needless to say, that probably did some damage up there that I never noticed.

Something else this year she did?

"You're a piece of shit!"

"You're garbage!"

"You tore a family apart!" I'm sorry

"I hope you're happy!" I'm not. I never will be, and I've come to accept it.

I had a boyfriend this year. His name was Bruce. I thought I loved him, at the time I did. Little did I realize with the help of two rotc cadets, I was slowly but surely falling out of it..

"You love him, but not as much as you used to." Because he hurt me mentally, but he didn't mean to. Bruce is an amazing person, he's a little crazy, and the relationship ending was both of our faults when I told him about my addiction to nicotine (which I got over quickly when I saw how he reacted, but he broke up with me the day I planned on telling him I quit for him), and he would get pissed off with me for smoking weed, as well. All of my friends except for two, were absolutely convinced that Bruce and I would be together forever, that this was the most perfect relationship. He left me over text, with a small paragraph on tumblr. I was heartbroken for almost an entire month over this boy who wasted two almost three months of my life.

Back to suicide, I.. have a lot on my mind. I've wondered what would happen. But I know what I would do before doing anything.

I would write one last note to my mom, and leave her a voice recording of me singing some old song we liked on the radio when I was 7. Because she was convinced that I wrote like a poet, and sang like an angel. Let her bury me in a suit with that plushie I've had since I was 5.

Give all my friends one last thank you, one last I love you, I'll miss you. Give Zach one last I love you. Wonder who would tell me online best friends because I wouldn't have the heart to say "Hey, man it's my time." They would wake up to Zach, Bella or Alex telling them I died in my sleep or something. I was shot. Stabbed. Or hit by a car or struck by lightning. I should be dead by now, but I know that when I try, I'll fail.

If I had a gun, I would have shot myself through the skull. In 6th grade I read a book, a kid named Anthony did it. The idea was so incredible to me. I loved how easy it seemed.. I was so desperate on finding these books again. I needed them. I loved them. I needed to read more of this morbid shit that I called "fascinating"..

I wonder sometimes. The people who used to love me.. I'm talking about two very specific people, all ex best friends who harassed me on July 3rd when our drama had been over for a month, what they would do. I know I would get my ass beat at school, they hold grudges. I hate this i hate myself whatever gets me away from all of this. I just want to stop having nightmares of these two ruining my life! One of them also told my ENTIRE FRIEND GROUP about my suicide note and attempted suicide that happened in May! The whole fucking group no longer saw me as "the happy bouncy boy who calls everyone sunshine" they all saw me as "the sick pathetic suicidal boy who slits his wrists"! I dont want that anymore! I want this all to stop and I'll admit it I called a girl a snake the same girl and she then admitted to pretending to be my friend for THREE YEARS! And then I cried in front of my boyfriend and my new friendgroup. I didn't want them to think I was weak and emotional.. especially not Zach. They all thought i was this.. amazing ray of sunshine who brought Brian tea in the morning and brought Zach sweets because he wanted his boyfriend happy and knew he had a sweet tooth and gave everyone compliments and hugs all the time.

But then they all realized that I could cry. I could sob. I could feel sadness. I wasn't always a ray of sunshine who carried band aids for people wounds and made people feel better all the time. I tried to hide my negative emotions from them, but it didn't work out too well. I was sobbing so hard I couldn't breathe. I already lost a friend and probably many more due to this girl. Because she vapes abd smokes nicotine and weed and used to drink. Shes pretty and everybody has a crush on her.

"All of your friends talk shit on you, because nobody likes you!" I believe it. She told me that, and I believe it.

I would give these people who hugged me the world. Who told me it would be okay. The ones who even may have been pretending to care about me.. you have my heart.. I promise you, that before I go, I'm going to give you the world. All of it and more.

Jax, Megan, and Kat can have the moon. If I could I'd honestly rope it down with tied up blankets.

I would give everyone individually a star.

I would pick all the sunflowers for Bella and Owen.

Kaylee, Sage, Ashlyn and Alex would get all the roses I can find.

Kasper, Tori, Jaiden, and Gemma can have the crystals and gems you can't find unless you really look.

And for Brian, Richard, Bruce and Zach, they can have the sun.

This is too long, sorry for continuously going, but one last thing, I promise..

I had a plan. When I'm 18. Until I see something or read or hear something that convinces me to keep going, and that life is worth living, and can be amazing, and that even someone as sad and awful as me can be happy, I plan to commit suicide. I don't know what day, but it's a good possibility.

Thank you so much for listening, I'm sorry if this made anyone upset, but I needed to get all of this off of my chest. It's been on my mind all summer. Please don't call anyone on me for my thoughts, I plan on eventually getting help when I have the resources to get the help I need. Thank you. I love you sunshines. 💕

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itsevidentvery · 6 years

Note

Assassin Jared falling in love with his assignment (Richard obvs) PLEASE

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THANK YOU TO YOU (AND TO @byocryptid) FOR INDULGING ME!

Okay, this is - as usual - Too Long For Tumblr, and Extra As Hell, so behold: Chemical Warfare Kingpin Richard Hendricks and Assassin Jared. Content warning for some nasty but pretty stylised and offscreen violence. p>

Intellectually, Richard realises this was on the cards.

You don’t make a move on Gavin Belson’s territory without …

Well, tied up in a chair with a light directly in his eyesis somewhere close to ‘best-case scenario’, frankly. Even with the poundingheadache and the taste of copper in his mouth.

The headache does make it a little harder to concentrate onGavin’s whole ‘I’m you, but stronger’ pitch.

It’s a good pitch, to be fair. Gavin has the size, he hasthe network, he has the clout, he has the resources to take Pied Piper from thatlittle capsicin-based picoparticle that’s done so much promising damage in local Zambian conflicts, to … well, the possibilitiesare endless. Gavin has suits. He owns entire buildings on K Street and rightsto families (dynasties (entire genetic codes)) of politicians and Beltwayinsiders. He has fat government contracts to operate in Afghanistan and Iraqand Pakistan. He could buy Halliburton ten times over with what he makes in aday.

All this he has. What he doesn’t have? Is Pied Piper.

‘No,’ says Richard.

He hears Gavin sigh. Regretful, disappointed, but willing totolerate the tantrums of an excitable but gifted child. ‘Richard, use yourhead.’

‘I am,’ says Richard. ‘That’s – that’s why I’m here, yeah?My head. What’s in it, I mean.’

‘Richard, Pied Piper is an idea. A germ – and isn’t thatappropriate?’

‘No,’ says Richard, ‘it’s a chemical weapon.’

His pedantry has its uses. Gavin’s momentarily derailed, andRichard goes on: ‘A germ would be more like that Zika hybrid that Hooli triedout in, where was it, Nicaragua? Basically inoculated the population?’

There’s a silence – a long silence. Then Gavin speaks. ‘Wewere testing,’ he says, his voice quivering, ‘a vaccine.’

‘That’s what your PR said,’ says Richard, ‘proceeds go tothe Belson Foundation, it’s a great story, yeah? Shave you a couple million intaxes? I mean, you’ll never work for the Opositor again and how much did youhave to beg for the CIA to even give you the, the fucking time of day after,but - ’

‘But they did,’ says Gavin, and he’s suddenly a lot closer, ‘whichis more than they’ll ever do for you. And,’ he says, ‘it’s not like you’ve gota better solution, you little pissant.’

‘I do,’ says Richard.

There’s another silence. Then ‘what?’

‘I do,’ says Richard, ‘it’s, there’s a procedure, I’mworking on it, the first blots are, it’s not much, but they’re, they’repromising, the impact, the rate of transmission, it’s only simulations but - ’

The silence this time is different. Different enough – long enough– for Richard to go from congratulating himself to a complete, full-body Oh fuck.

‘You know,’ says Gavin, ‘I was wrong about you, Richard.’

Richard – too late, his brain’s cursing him – says nothing.

‘I thought that I could make you,’ says Gavin, ‘I thoughtthat we could make the world a better place.’

He sighs – a long, theatrically sad sound. ‘But I listen toyou – your hubris, Richard, your, your sociopathic disregard for the sanctityof life, of institutions, of humanity– and I know there’s only one way you can make the world a better place.’

Another sigh and then ‘By leaving it.’

And there it is. Richard’s almost too distracted by thehistrionics to protest, but he’s gearing his faculties for it when Gavin says –offhand, clearly on his way out – ‘Take care of it, Jared.’

And then Richard hears another voice: calm, pitched deferentiallylow to go with the stooping silhouette Richard can barely make out against theglare of the lamp. ‘It’s Donald, actually.’

‘What?’ says Gavin.

‘It’s Donald,’ says the voice, ‘you called me Jared because –well, I’m not sure why, Mr. Belson – and I never corrected you, but it’sactually Donald.’

‘Fine,’ says Gavin, irritation vibrating in his voice, ‘Donald,then.’

‘Jared’s fine,’ says – Donald? Jared? – ‘I like it better,actually.’ A pause. ‘So thank you.’

And then there’s a snapping sound, and Gavin falls intoRichard’s lap.

Richard yelps, staring into Gavin’s open eyes and a face permanentlyset into a fucking theatrical mask of outrage.

Gavin is very clearly dead. Human necks do not bend thatway.

He starts as he feels hands undoing his wrists.

‘What – who - ’

‘You should go,’ says Jared, stepping away, ‘you don’t havelong.’

‘I – like, there’s others who - ’

‘No,’ and there’s a gentle clickof the tongue in reproof, ‘I’ll take care of them. I mean, I’ll set fire to the place before I leave.’

‘Three commas,’ says Dinesh.

Richard looks at the images on the table. Russ Hanneman, hispersonal bodyguard and the rest of his security detail, laid out in gracefularches, curving toward and away from each other.

He nods.

Dinesh clears his throat. ‘So that leaves us, uh,’ he raiseshis eyebrows, ‘I’ll call Bream Hall and say we’re on, yeah?’

Richard nods again, and turns to Gilfoyle.

‘I don’t know how they knew,’ says Gilfoyle, before Richard cansay anything. ‘It might be a coincidence.’

‘Coincidence?,’ says Richard, ‘coincidence?’

‘Oh, here we fucking go,’ says Dinesh.

‘This is the third time – the third time,’ says Richard, ‘thatsomeone who was, was trying to take us over, or, or kill us, or was just beinga, a douchebag, has been - ’ he gestures to the photo, ‘and you’re still goingwith coincidence?’

‘That,’ says Dinesh, ‘or we’re not looking a gift horse inthe fucking mouth, Richard.’

Gilfoyle shrugs. ‘He comes after security, we’ve got aproblem.’

‘So you agree it’s him!’

‘Until he, or she, or they, do,’ says Gilfoyle, ‘you have aguardian angel.’

‘Some Satanist,’ mutters Richard as they leave.

He opens a folder on his laptop that night.

Three commas. A starburst of the heads of Yakuza Councilmembers. The intestines of a recalcitrant Senator, glistening oily and dark,twisted in the shape of a paperclip.

The poses are – intricate. Thoughtful. A delicate hand haslingered here, shifted there. Carefully. Tenderly. Lovingly.

It’s him. Richard knows it’s him. He knows that Richardknows it’s him. He must. He has to.

‘Jared,’ he says to Gilfoyle. ‘Also Donald, maybe. He, uh,’Richard coughs, ‘He prefers Jared.’

Gilfoyle’s expression – completely unchanging – conveys thathe has never in all their association been less impressed with Richard than atthis moment.

‘Just,’ Richard flaps his hand, ‘Find him.’

Gilfoyle puts enquiries in motion. People are sent afterJared (or Donald). One or two have gotten close, because Gilfoyle knows hisshit. Both of them come back alive, but very disinclined for a repeatperformance.

‘He didn’t kill them,’ Gilfoyle says, ‘so Dick can stoppulling the petals off that flower in his office.’

‘Yeah,’ says Dinesh, ‘your guy told Tracey who told Staceywho told Britney that he like-likesyou.’

Richard doesn’t say anything. Hedoesn’t even ask Gilfoyle’s operatives if Jared (or Donald), like, saidanything about him.

This is honestly dumb. Richard shouldn’t even be here,really, Dinesh could have handled this, but Duncan was being a little bitchabout territory disputes so they thought that it would be a nice gesture for Richardto show his face.

Duncan thinks he’s got an in through the Ukrainian market.He’s been tickling the balls of Richard’s chemical engineers (maybe evenliterally) for two weeks. He thinks he has a staff. He thinks he has anadvantage. He thinks he has a fucking clue.

‘Richard!’ he says, grin splitting open his stupid giantface, ‘so honoured you could join us!’

Richard hunches a shoulder. ‘Look,’ he says, ‘Can we just –we can send you bulk orders for whatever shitty aspirin-piss cocktail you’retrying to pass off as Napalm nowadays, you won’t know which orders are real andwhich are fake, we’ve set up nested shell companies and fake Kremlin procurement- ’

‘- Or is it real,’ says Gilfoyle.

‘Guess you’ll never know,’ says Richard.

‘You’ll never be able to turn them around, you’ll runyourself into the ground trying - ’

‘And all those treacherous fuckwads who ran to you,’ says Dinesh,‘will be shivering in their chaddisin the cold when we’re done.’

‘That means underwear,’ says Gilfoyle.

Duncan’s smile wavers for a moment before switching itselfback on. ‘Yeah?’ he says, and slides a cellphone over to Richard.

Richard picks it up and looks at the image.

A slender male body, tied to a chair. The chest’s bare, withcigarette burns on it. Teeth show over a gag. There’s rope tied to his wrists,ankles and neck.

Richard passes the phone to Gilfoyle, who looks at Duncan. ‘Youshowing us your porn now?’

Duncan’s smile widens. ‘Donald Dunn.’

Richard can feel his vision going grey. Dinesh’s handclutches his shoulder, his voice in his ear hisses ‘Richard? Stay calm.’

‘Or,’ says Duncan, showing his teeth, ‘is it Jared?’

‘Stay calm, Richard.’

Richard gets up. Tosses the cellphone onto Duncan’s desk. ‘We’redone here,’ he says, and zips up his hoodie.

‘Are you - ?’ Duncan seems, like, outraged. ‘You’ve beenhunting high and low for this guy – for months! You telling me you don’t - ’

‘We don’t know who this is,’ says Gilfoyle, ‘we don’t knowwho you’ve got in your little snuff chamber, so - ’

‘One word from me,’ says Duncan, ‘and your little friend startslosing parts.’

‘Your littlefriend,’ says Dinesh. His hand’s still on Richard’s arm; Richard can feel his eyeson his face. ‘We don’t know who the fuck you’ve got there.’

‘Which part you wanna see first?’ says Duncan. ‘Toe? Thumb? Cock?Which one of you takes it, Hendricks? You wanna - ’

There’s a sharp, soft report, and Duncan goes over.

It’s Bedlam for a while, with Duncan’s people lurching intoconfused action and Gilfoyle sweeping Richard and Dinesh behind him as he returnsfire and calls in reinforcements.

When the room stops ringing, Richard looks up at the tall,thin figure standing in front of him. He doesn’t look happy.

‘Jared,’ he says, and he can feel the smile everywhere in hisbody. ‘Jared Dunn.’

‘That was irresponsible,’ says Jared. His voice is stillsoft, but Richard feels his eyelids flutter at its careful calm.

‘I had backup,’ says Richard.

‘You let them get the drop on you,’ says Jared, and his eyesare blazing – Jesus Christ, he’s beautiful – ‘it wasn’t just him, or the detailin the building, he’s got it surrounded - ’

‘He had,’ saysGilfoyle.

Jared gives him a brief nod of acknowledgement beforeturning back to Richard. ‘You let them takeyou.’

‘You let them take you,’says Richard. Jared’s eyes are like frostbite, like ice and the sun and alaser-honed blade of steel.

Jared makes an impatient gesture. ‘What if I hadn’t?’

‘But you did,’ says Richard.

Jared’s eyes snap at him, like actually. ‘You reckless child.’

‘Got you here,’ says Richard – croons Richard. ‘Made youlook.’

‘Frees up budget from looking for you,’ offers Gilfoyle.

‘Frees up Richard from obsessing,’ says Dinesh.

Richard looks into that pale face and thinks No, not that.

He says ‘Want a job?’

#joycecarolnotes #byocryptid #assassin!jared #i get by with a little help from my friends #jarrich #my fic #dinesh chughtai #bertram gilfoyle #gavin belson #silicon valley #silicon valley hbo #sv hbo

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hotelconcierge · 7 years

Text

THE GENDER NULLARY

Trigger warning for everything that follows: the coddled, over-sensitive, “triggered” millennial crybaby does not exist. Hold your applause—the COSTMC is an oxymoron because coddling does not sensitize, it scleroses. Have you met these people? They can’t feel an emotion without an audience and a week to rehearse. The performative offense of this group results from high emotional tolerance, not low; sad-rage is heroin to everything else’s Motrin, and no matter how vast the safe space, some kids are gonna hang at the outskirts hoping to score.

Of course, even the phoniest opportunist has a few real triggers—the type that precludes rage because you’re numb in the fetal position. And of course, there are many uncoddled e.g. traumatized people who are genuinely vulnerable to the many, many instances of genuine cruelty and callousness.

Every community with a code of conduct is a safe space to some extent. My lawyer advises no comment on whether safe spaces are good or bad in principle, because it depends: who is being included, who is being excluded, where will they go, and who is enforcing the rules.

My concern is the way these debates are settled. And when the excluded protest against political correctness—that human resources plot to merge all safe spaces under one state capitalist thumb—they ditch culture war bushido and strike at whomever can be hurt the most.

What you have to understand is that the PC debate is a farce. When the public demands a witch for the stake, the NYTimes selects David Brooks,

perhaps the most balding, white, sanctimonious chump at a newspaper full of balding, white, sanctimonious chumps. Here are four critiques; don’t read any of them unless you still find it exciting to watch a strawman burn.

What’s more interesting is that while Brooks criticizes upper-middle-class culture for being “laced with cultural signifiers that are completely illegible unless you happen to have grown up in this class,” his article is nothing but illegible cultural signifiers. Which, duh, he’s writing for the Times. Brooks thus renders himself irrelevant (which was the point): his critics focus on his blunder of political correctness (the high school grad intimidated by a chicken pomodoro) and dismiss him as classist accordingly.

Lesson: Anyone who opposes political correctness from within will lose and be humiliated. Even without the unforced error, Brooks could have been dismissed as rich and white. His archives could have been mined for hypocrisy. Even a charged non sequitur would have crushed his argument: “So it’s no big deal that it’s legal to murder transpeople in all fifty states? No, I’m David Brooks, better focus on political correctness!” Of course, plenty of non-bourgeois oppose PC, but you’ll never hear that point of view in the Times because, yikes—internalized racism.

The result is that the anti-PC viewpoint is only taken seriously when it refuses the framework of PC. I don’t mean “taken seriously” like there is a meaningful debate. But when an internet troll calls you, say, “a fucking spic faggot,” you can’t reply “hah, well that just shows your heteronormative, colonialist assumptions!” without looking like a wimp. You have to reply with equal bile, which smells of hatred, maybe fear. And it’s no fun to be on the receiving end of hatred, but it’s better than being treated—like Mr. Brooks—with contempt.

Trolls, like catcallers, flashers, and school shooters, are men who ran the numbers and found: being hated > being invisible > being humiliated in the official channels. The first two go back to chimps, the third variable is society-dependent, and wowza does ours fuck it up. Men want to become masculine, citation needed, and when society shit-talks the honest path to manhood then it is inevitable that those foolish enough to listen will turn to the black market. And once that’s your game...

This blog is far from politically correct, but I try to mock only the deserving— bureaucrats, demagogues, cowards, and conformists—and for behavior, for the things people can change rather than those they can’t. But people tend to be insecure about the things they can’t change, and it just so happens that in America insecurity is always wound up in sex. Every debate about safe spaces thus devolves into a debate about gender: a catalog of body dysmorphisms, a who’s who of racial castrations, cuckold, bitch, cunt, whore, freak. You’d think everyone would be against this level of discourse, but gun control means one thing on Park Avenue and another thing entirely in Wichita. The law, in its majestic equality, forbids both the popular and unpopular from being unpopular. Calls for PC go nowhere because cruelty is the best weapon some people have.

Idiot [unemployed, probably no friends]: “So you’re sympathizing with racist, misogynist trolls. Wow. Just—I can’t even.” I didn’t say anything about sympathy. I said that a society gets what it pays for. IMHO, most shock-value trolling is both ineffective—it strengthens the case for Big Brother—and morally disgusting. But it’s a symptom, not the disease. Like oxycodone, trolling is recourse for people with nothing better to do, and like The Opioid Epidemic, the hand-wringing has less to do with fixing the problem than with making it so consumers don’t have to look at something ugly.

The content of trolling is thus extremely not the issue, but even so, I’ll take the bait. To accuse someone of failing at gender is the worst sort of punching-down. It’s not just hateful, it’s lazy, it’s bullying the foreign kid to make up for getting your ass beat at home. And it’s dumb. Forget about the moral argument—my critique is that the gender police are not even wrong.

Judith Butler (Gender Trouble), who coined the term “performative gender,” the antecedent to “sexuality is a spectrum,” has reached Antichrist status in some circles and in fact received a personal diss from Pope Benedict XVI. She’s good, and if you wanna throw down you gotta throw down with the best. So: Does Butler write like a pedant getting paid by the syllable? Does she open each topic with a chain of passive-aggressive rhetorical questions? Does she have the worst fanbase this side of Harris and Klebold? Does she have a point?

Hemlock time. How do you define gender? “Gender is a set of behaviors and attributes that correlate with sex.” Okay—what’s sex? “Aren’t you a doctor or something? XY and XX.” I’m flattered by the appeal to authority, but weren’t you the guy complaining when the CDC lowered the normal testosterone range? How do you feel about androgen insensitivity syndrome?

You can deny your eyes and insist that having an SRY gene makes Eden Atwood male, but from a medical perspective Eden is estrogenized, at risk for osteoporosis, and going down in the chart as an F.

“Look, fella, I know a dime-piece when I see one.” So modify your definition: hormone levels, fertility, waist-hip ratio, empathizing over systematizing, long bathroom lines, 10 Things I Hate About You...The first problem is that all of these traits exist on, sorry, a spectrum, from menopausal women to full-figured men. The choice of which traits to include—and where to draw the cut-offs—and if the division is binary or quaternary or nullary—is just like, your opinion, man (woman/they/them). The bigger problem is that now you’re defining sex as gender.

This reduces your original statement to, “Gender is a set of behaviors and attributes that correlate.” Which is true. And as far as stereotypes go, gendered ones ain’t bad, maybe even necessary to function, the guy wearing a V-neck probably does like shaving his pubes. But they are still stereotypes, man-made, imperfect, and punishing to those who do not conform. I’m no cultural relativist, some people suck and deserve cold and swift judgment, but is the presence or absence of armpit hair really the hill you want to die on?

There’s a practical argument to be made against fractalized gender: it’s confusing. With 3^^^3 possible sex-gender-orientation combos, how are kids supposed to know how to grow up? Aren’t imperfect gender roles better than 24-year-old otherkin? I hear you, guy wearing a Harley-Davidson jacket and listening to Mötley Crüe, but Tumblr semantics are a consequence of twenty-teen spirit, not the cause. If we weren’t arguing about the gender binary (and before we were) we’d be arguing about the range of femininity or masculinity; the crusade would be for pixie cuts and stick-and-poke tattoos to be considered as feminine as Brazilian butt lifts. Don’t be fooled by words—do you really want society to have one idealized template per gender? How would that ideal be decided? Majority rule?

There’s a hilarious overlap between the people who get mad about preferred pronouns and those who call for a return to “traditional masculinity.” The idealization of some Hollywood-ified tradition isn’t the problem; if you want to roleplay a fursona, go ahead. No, what’s pathetic is the begging. Rather than be a man, in spite of the system, you demand validation from the system for aspiring to be a man. Being against identity politics is the new identity politics. That’s why right-wing culture warriors are so into the idea of crybaby millennials—it’s comforting to believe that you’re actually strong (since you don’t drink from plastic water bottles) and that anyone getting laid is actually xeno-estrogenized. Even if this was true, obsessing over it, masturbating to it, using it as an excuse for self-pity and inaction—that makes you a _ _ _ _. Four-letters. Multiple choice. Maybe hangman will teach you something.

The foundationalist reasoning of identity politics tends to assume that an identity must first be in place in order for political interests to be elaborated and, subsequently, political action to be taken. (Gender Trouble)

My beliefs are no doubt way south of Ms. Butler’s on the political compass, but we agree about one thing: that ain’t a nice way to go out.

But this is precisely the way in which the laundry-is-a-social-construct movement has failed. I have held off on criticizing them because it’s too easy, when you mock Rachel Dolezal for being “transracial” you get to pretend your own self-image is meaningful, but no, all identities are power poses in front of the bedroom mirror, meaningful only insofar as they help you with the rest of the day. “Well, SCIENCE says that—” You sure you want to play that game? Again, I respect anyone who has the courage to defy their assigned caste. I have no purity objections to a transhumanist society where the tap water runs ecstasy and you can get augmented genitals at Starbucks. I don’t even mind Bushwick. The problem with the mad libs youth isn’t the slew of labels—intersectional, nonbinary, pansexual, curious kinkster, ethically polyamorous, empath, casual baby witch (mostly crystals, auras/energy)—the problem is, what are you going to do with them? And there’s a patriarchy-approved answer: buy shit and beg for validation.

If gender is performative, if identity is not necessary for political action to be taken, if the possibilities are infinite once freed from the bounds of phallogocentrism, then why is it that so many cultural subversives sound exactly the same? You know the stereotype. Bondage. Anxiety. Smoking when drunk. Circlejerks of praise for completing the most basic of tasks. Very, very bad poetry. Expensive fashion draped across waif-like models. Guilty pleasures: junk food, liquor, and problematic TV. Hated roommates. Emoji marxism. Twitter. “today i feel cute enough for a selfie, might delete it later.” “didn’t get out of bed until 2 i’m trash lol” “wow, some casual racism at work today. i’ll just laugh and someday burst because i hate confrontation. but whatever.” I’m not saying these traits describe anyone real, although they might. I’m saying: why is this the stereotype?

Discussion questions: When people type in lower case, what emotion do they hope to convey to the reader? The alt-right often asks if “liking feminine traps” is “gay”—is there anything more heterosexual than wishing you had a weaker male friend to validate your penis? Would trans rights even be an issue if the majority were FtM? How many modern protests can be summarized as “consumers demand product”? Who would win, every chafed masculinist and joyless academic or one flamboyant 19th century playwright? As Oscar Wilde put it: “Everything in the world is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power.”

Choose:

HYPOCRISY’S BAD, BUT YOU’RE WORSE

THE FALSE NEGATIVES

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gabi4chan-akatsuki · 7 years

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How do you feel about the PPG reboot?

Friend, you have no idea the kind of rage I have for that abomination.

First of all, let me express my feelings for the PowerPuff Girls 2016 reboot in one simple sentence: Fuck it to hell.

No joke, no hyperbole, I fucking despise that show and I hope it dies a slow and painful death because it is an insult to the original series.

Not only is the animation shit, not only are the jokes shit, not only are the plots for the episodes shit, BUT THE CHARACTERS THAT I GREW UP WITH ARE A COMPLETE JOKE.

If you’ve not seen any episodes of it, you are a blessed soul. You will gain absolutely nothing by watching it. In fact, you’ll lose something. After every episode I felt filthy and drained. It was like I was forced to watch someone I loved dearly spiral down and become completely unrecognizable and ruined beyond all belief.

You wanna know what kinds of things have happened in the reboot? Well, let me tell you about a few. First off we have 6 year old girls high on ecstasy and twerking. Then we have a transphobic episode. We also have a self-insert OC, courtesy of one of the writers, who is paired up with one of the main characters, who again, is a 6 year old girl. Oh, and did I mention kinks such as inflammation? Yeah that’s also in the show.

The comedy is complete shit as well… Outdated references and memes as the writers clearly try to pander to the young kids watching the show and failing miserably at that. And for some reason they have Bubbles deliver most of the “”memes””.

Not to mention the fucking ridiculous decision to take Miss Bellum out of the show entirely… The writers say that “she didn’t convey the kinds of messages that they wanted to give out”. Excuse me? Miss Bellum was a role model for children. Yes, she was naturally voluptuous, but only adults noticed these sorts of things. She was written as a strong female character who acted as a guide for the girls when they were feeling lost. Jesus fucking Christ she was a government worker who kept the whole fucking city in tact because the Mayor was incompetent as all hell.

Oh, and did I mention that they removed Miss Keane’s breasts? Hey reboot, is the message you’re trying to convey that girls aren’t allowed to have natural curves?

But no let’s talk more about this. Did I mentioned that in the episode that they removed Miss Bellum they added in a complete fucking stereotypical female villain whose main thought process was ‘FASHION!!!!1!!’.

Oh, and let’s talk about what they’ve done to my childhood heroes, the PowerPuff Girls. Remember how in the original show they were superheroes? Well, apparently, the reboot’s forgotten about that. No, they aren’t allowed to be superheroes. One of the messages the show’s trying to convey is apparently that girls aren’t allowed to save the day and they must only go to school and study and do nothing exciting whatsoever, considering how many times the girls have to be saved by ANYONE else other than them saving themselves. But let’s go over each girl individually.

Buttercup. She was a tomboy. She is the one who taught me that it was okay to act like a boy and still be a girl. She could get angry at times, sure, she made mistakes, she hurt other people due to her harshness, but you know what? She fucking cared about other people and she apologized and tried to better herself. She loved her family unconditionally and would defend them no matter the cost. Reboot Buttercup? Oh, she’s a bitch. Nothing more to add really. She’s a tomboyish rude bitch who hurts others and doesn’t give a shit.

Then we have Bubbles. The sweetest angel on the show. She would get scared, she would get sad and emotional, but she could also fight for herself when she needed to. Yes, she was the most sensitive of the girls, but guess what, she was also a hero. She liked girly things, and she was proud of it. Heck, she had a plush toy named Octi that she considered to be her friend. Reboot Bubbles is like a spoiled brat who acts like an easily offended teenager. She is easily the nastiest of the group, which is incredibly sad to say…

And then we have Blossom, my favorite PowerPuff actually. Original Blossom was resourceful, intelligent, could think quickly under pressure, in short, the perfect leader. I always related to her and her need to be perfect in every way, as well as to her sadness when she let the people she loved down… Reboot Blossom is an insult to that character. She’s naggy, bossy and just downright mean to her sisters at times, which is not how the original character is at all.

Oh, and let’s talk about the “””fourth””” PowerPuff they added. That is a fucking Mary Sue OC, from the powers to the fucking backstory which makes no sense in regards to the original canon. Bliss is not the fourth PowerPuff Girl. Need I remind the writers of this character named Bunny? You know, the one who was killed off in the original show? Is that what you’re gonna do, show? You’re gonna spit on her memory by adding in this Mary Sue in a vain hope to replace her?

This is what this show feels like to me in general.

It’s like someone spitting on my childhood, crushing it in front of me and then laughing at me and insulting me. If you like it, fine, I don’t care, good for you, but for me, it insults the show that brought me onto the Internet in the first place.

Yup, you read that right. The only reason I have a YouTube account is because I started out by making PowerPuff Girl videos. I started drawing and posting on DeviantArt because I loved drawing those characters. For fuck’s sake my earliest posts on Tumblr are PPG related. If it wasn’t for that show, I wouldn’t be here.

I wouldn’t have made a channel, I wouldn’t have found out about Vocaloid and started to make covers using it. I wouldn’t have people watching me. I wouldn’t have made the friends I have today.

Fuck the PPG Reboot.

Fuck it to hell, fuck it to oblivion, I fucking despise it.

#ask #ask me

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the-river-dream-shore · 7 years

Text

@burtonesquevincent tagged me, thanks! :)

Rules: answer all the questions, add one of your own and tag as many people as there are questions i mean you can tag other people then :)

1. coke or pepsi?

lemon pepsi? idk

2. disney or dreamworks?

Dreamworks!

3. coffee or tea?

herbal/fruit/light green tea. I don’t like bitter taste.

4. books or movies?

both

5. windows or mac?

Windows? I used to want Mac, but today it just seems like an overpriced product that prefers design over functionality. Once game developers start including Linux I’ll switch to Linux.

6. dc or marvel?

I feel like it’s more about the writers, as I just don’t like big corporations much. I really liked Young Avengers and Journey into Mystery. And Agent of Asgard, but it broke my heart so idk if I can recommend it (yes I can), I’ve also read some Robin stuff (mostly Nightwing and Red Robin), where the quality differed as it was written by numerous authors. I want to read Ms Marvel. I started to read Wicked and Divine (Image comics) but there was too much pop-culture references that said nothing to me (not sure, if i’m too eastern Europe, too young, or too abstinent for it. but I might revisit it later because the plot was interesting)

7. xbox or playstation?

PC. Only game console I like is a good ol’ gameboy. (read as: i’m broke and i’ve never owned either)

8. dragon age or mass effect?

Dragon Age, the plots seem more interesting and I love fantasy more than military sci-fi. I don’t like the design of either. I would say I’m picky, when it comes to 3D games, but then... I like WoW, Minecraft, Don’t Starve, Pokémon, Undertale, point ‘n’ click text-heavy adventures and Subnautica and not much more. So idk :D I prefer isometrics and 2D, exploring landscapes, gathering resources, getting to know characters, uncovering mysteries. Romance, timed missions and teambuilding? Nah. 1st person shooters? EVIL.

9. night owl or early riser?

hoo hoo, it’s currently after 1AM and since I don’t have work tommorow, I’m not getting out of bed before the lunch :D

10. cards or chess?

cards. chess are too depressive (idk why, it just makes me sad even if I don’t lose)

11. chocolate or vanilla?

vanilla. I rarely eat chocolate and I used to like the white one the best before I started eating vegan. i got used to the chocolate flavour and sometimes actually crave it a lot, but i still mostly prefer vanilla flavour.

12.vans or converse?

never had any of them, but I would really like to have converse style shoes that go mid-calf length.

13. fluff or angst?

hurt comfort with happy, even unrealisticaly sweet ending. shut up.

14. beach or forest?

calm beach near a calm forrest where there are no dangerous or annoying insects (my skin is delicate and insects tend to be inconsiderate :D)

15. dogs or cats?

generally? cats, i just too often can’t share the dog enthusiasm and being a good team player exhausts me. but animals have different personalities that doesn’t have to match the stereotypes, so I keep an open mind.

16. clear skies or rain?

both is nice, as long as it changes in few days

17. cooking or eating out?

Eating out, probably. I’m not a terrific cook and I hate doing the dishes.

18. spicy food or mild food?

Spicy!

19. halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas?

Halloween. But I like both :)

20. would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot?

eh, probably the first one, but both sounds shit

21. if you could have a superpower, what would it be?

Telekinesis and flying. Aka I wouldn’t have to get up for snacks and I could avoid all obstacles and people when running late somewhere. Also discovering abandoned roofs and towers :3 Oh, and it would be nice if I actually could remember stuff and stay motivated :D

22. animation or live action?

unfair! but if I had to choose, 2D animation.

23. baths or showers?

baths aren’t an option mostly, not enough hot water or bad bath tub. I love baths, but only when it’s perfect temperature and a nice bath tub. otherwise, showers.

24. team cap or team ironman?

MCU? Steve. Comics? Idk, neither.

25. fantasy or sci-fi?

my favourite setting is when it mixes

26. do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so, what are they?

All that is gold does not glitter/Not all those who wander are lost (LotR)

Everybody want’s to change the world but no one wants to die (MCR)

27. youtube or netflix?

youtube

28. harry potter or percy jackson?

Harry Potter. I didn’t read PJ.

29. when do you feel accomplished?

when I can make the brave decision.

30. star wars or star trek?

really?? both, ofc.

31. paperback or hardback books?

hardback, except for the Terry Pratchett books.

32. horror or rom-com?

Hm. How about a horror setting, but it’s funny in an un-american way?

33. tv shows or movies?

eeeeeh, probably movies, i don’t have much time lately so it’s more accesible medium for me

34. favourite animal?

cats, water turtles, parrots, elephants, monkeys...

35. favourite genre of music?

rock, country, rock ‘n’ roll... I like quick beat and catchy melody. I don’t like recitals/hip hop/rap, baladas and whiny pop.

36. least favourite book?

I tend not to remember books I dislike. Serves them good.

37. favourite season?

Late spring, not too hot summer days and early autumn. Temperature is everything.

38. song that’s currently stuck in your head?

Nothing in particular. But I’m always in mood to sing good ol’ MCR at shower :D

39. what kind of pyjamas do you wear?

sweatpants/shorts and a tank top/shirt. zero shoes.

40. how many existential crises do you have on an average day?

Lately, not that much? It’s like twice a week usually, but nothing devastating.

41. if you can only choose one song to be played at your funeral, what would it be?

i don’t think I’ve actually thought about my funeral before? I wouldn’t choose anything with words, just some calm but uplifting melody. Maybe Undertale (from Undertale :).

42. favourite theme song to a TV show?

dun dun dun... go go naruto! :D idek, I don’t even atch TV shows that much...

43. harry potter movies or books?

I liked the books more, but I can’t remember when I read them the last time. The movies are cool too though :)

44. you can make your OTP become canon but you’ll forget that tumblr exists. will you do it?

I’m not giving up this site up! It has it’s problems and bugs, but most of the time it encourages me and puts nice pictures on my dash, so I feel better.

45. do you play an instrument and if so, what is it?

I play the piano badly and I have a basic knowledge how most of the instruments work, does it count? :D

46. what is the worst way to die?

hopeless

47. if you could be entirely invisible for a day, what would you do?

I would use it to make a political statement or action - I would try to find dirt on openly bigoted and hateful famous people and politicians, and maybe sabbotage some neonazis.

48. If you could have personally witnessed anything in history what would it be?

I’d be fascined to find out what was there before the Big Bang. I don’t think I’d be able to comprehend it by just human senses alone though...

49. If you could understand animals but you could never understand humans again, would you?

No. I worked hard to understand at least a little about humans. And I don’t think understanding animals (at least to some extent) is impossible for humans.

50. What is your most favourite album currently?

I don’t do albums.

51. What is your favourite word/phrase/colloquiallism? Name one (or more) per language you speak c:

We’ll burn that bridge when we get there. (eng)

Wanderlust (de) - longing to travel and explore (ok, saying i speak german would be a bit of an overstatement, but i like this word and i vagely understand german, so...)

Kdo si hraje, nezlobí (cz) - [playing prevents mischief] used in situations where the playing leads directly to mischief

52. What mythical creature would you like to be able to transform into?

And now, the tags! I tag everybody who:

- likes doing long tag games

- is willing to tag me in ther post so i can read your answers

( @kaimaciel? @kitikara? @gentianablue? :)

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cerullos · 7 years

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You don't have to answer. Reading the responses to that reblog about ace struggles made me really sad. The way you talk about the ace thing in general makes me sad. And I really like you, actually. I know some in the ace community are homophobic fucks. And a lot of ppl in the gay community are transphobic. And a lot of trans people are biphobic. And a lot of bi people are sexist. Ad infinitum. This doesn't have to be the oppression olympics. Intersectionality is the only way out of this mess.

And it’s true. Ace people have not faced systemic oppression. It’s hard to systemically oppress someone when you systemically refuse to acknowledge their existence. Is that as bad as being electrocuted? No. But is that the point here? Why say that? Why amplify that kind of divisive message? We just want to belong somewhere. You can believe this or not, but we’re dying here. The LGBT community has been the only safe place I’ve known my entire life. To figure out years later that I was labeling..

myself wrong? It was the most terrifying feeling I’ve ever experienced. It still is. It’s like we don’t exist. One person was shitting on people who say they’re ‘gay ace’. Why? Can’t I still fall in love with women, despite not experiencing sexual attraction? Don’t you think I would rather enjoy sex with my partner? Being able to give her what she needs? Not being left again and again? Loneliness is a very real pain. And gay ace people exist. I exist. And let me tell you, we’re lonely as fuck.

Straight people see us simply as gay, and treat us that way. So we’re getting electrocuted too. Sexual, gay people tell us we’re ‘cis/het’ liars trying to steal their community. So we have no safe space. We can’t find partners. Our friends, family, and fellow LGBT ppl don’t understand us or even believe in our existence. We are constantly questioning out own existence. I don’t mean to flood you. I realize that’s what I’m doing. But I’ve seen this kind of post coming from your direction a few…

times now. And I feel like maybe this will make you think a bit about what it might feel like to not ever experience the thing EVERYBODY is talking about. Building their lives around. To feel like your broken. Like you’re gonna die alone. Being constantly told you’re not real, your feelings aren’t valid, your struggle is silly. You’ve got a lot of followers. And being ace has made me full on suicidal in the past. So just. Think about it. Gay ace is a real thing. Can you see how you might have…

privilege over a person like that? everyone in my life sees me as gay. I fall in love with women. and yet here we are. can’t you see how I might want to be in your shoes? At least you’re real. At least you have a community. At least you have *some* representation that rings true to your experience. At least you could get a girlfriend that loves you and build a life without either getting dumped for not putting out or subjecting yourself to sex when your body doesn’t want it.

Anyways. I’m not writing this because I want you to answer anything. I’m just hoping you’ll read it and think about it a bit, maybe. If you have, thank you. I really like you Christine. Not trying to be a bitch. But I doubt I’m the only one whose feelings get hurt when you amplify the ‘ace people are cis/hets trying to crash the LGBT community’ noise. - With love in my heart, from a long time follower.

okay, this is long but i’m going to try to keep my answers as succinct as possible. i don’t know if this was your intention, but elements of this message feel vaguely guilt-tripping, despite the fact that none of what you’ve mentioned here presents an argument i haven’t already seen and strongly disagreed with.

“ I know some in the ace community are homophobic fucks. a lot of ppl in the gay community are transphobic. And a lot of trans people are biphobic. And a lot of bi people are sexist […] This doesn’t have to be the oppression olympics. ”

two things: one, you’re referring to lateral aggression in every instance but the first. what i mean by lateral aggression is that it occurs between two people–within the same community–who experience oppression along different axes (e.g. a straight trans person and a cis gay person). in contrast, a cis straight ace man who engages in homophobia and/or transphobia is not “laterally aggressing” his victim, he’s oppressing them. the reason LGBT people have become so vocal against inclusion of cis straight aces is because their oppressors are now gaining entrance to their exclusive spaces, and speaking over them. and whereas a lesbian can voice her discomfort with this on tumblr, she’s forced to stay silent at her local GSA for her own safety.

two, this isn’t an issue of a “handful” of violently homophobic people in the ace community. the founder of aven–david jay–was a homophobic white cishet man, and the platform on which he built his activism was homophobic. moreover, oppression against (straight, cis) ace people is not enforceable, because who is and isn’t ace depends entirely on the decision to identify as such! there are (as the ace community has been told many, many times) plenty of LGBT people (if not most) who have a complicated relationship with sex and sexual attraction due to abuse/assault, compulsive heterosexuality, dysmorphia, etc. none of these people can be considered “allosexual,” even if they (for perfectly valid reasons) decline to share this information publicly! these people deal with many of the same issues you’ve mentioned here (e.g. choosing between getting dumped or engaging in sexual acts when they would rather not), although they would likely attribute this to homophobia, misogyny and rape culture, not aphobia.

also: the “oppression olympics” is nonsensical and offensive and i wish y’all would stop passing that term around. yes, the LGBT community’s history is absolutely rooted in oppression of same-gender attracted and trans individuals! and yes, the community exists to actively oppose legislation that exists to oppress them, and to provide resources for those affected. the community was not founded in order to provide comfort to people who feel outcast from society for [x] reason. when you make this claim (or when you sarcastically liken the community to an exclusive “club” one gains entrance to by virtue of being oppressed) you miss the point entirely. it’s watering down the mission statement and end goal of this community, plain and simple.

“And it’s true. Ace people have not faced systemic oppression. It’s hard to systemically oppress someone when you systemically refuse to acknowledge their existence.”

i find this argument (which is repeated often) to be ridiculous when the LGBT community has years of coherent history, and AVEN (and the popularization of identifying as asexual in the first place) has only gained prominence within the last decade or so. on top of that, as any oppressed individual will tell you, (and, again, something that has been repeated very often and rarely acknowledged) hypervisibility is dangerous to the oppressed! black and latinx trans women and gay men are the most endangered members of the LGBT community because it is impossible for them to “hide” themselves.

this alone should make it clear to you that what the LGBT community want and what the ace community want are two very different things–so what exactly would their shared goal in activism be? what purpose would expanding the community to include straight cis aces serve other than comforting individuals who resent being excluded? LGBT people may share the ace community’s desire for representation in media, but visibility–within the context of their everyday lives–is exactly what’s getting them killed. the pulse shooting is obviously the most recent example of this, but it’s one of many.

“One person was shitting on people who say they’re ‘gay ace’. Why? Can’t I still fall in love with women, despite not experiencing sexual attraction? Don’t you think I would rather enjoy sex with my partner? Being able to give her what she needs? Not being left again and again? Loneliness is a very real pain. And gay ace people exist. I exist. And let me tell you, we’re lonely as fuck.”

you’re introducing a very different argument here, and one i obviously don’t agree with. if you’re a gay ace, you belong in the LGBT community. i’m sorry you’ve been told otherwise. but if this entire passage (and the several paragraphs following it) are meant to convince me of this, i don’t know what to tell you? i’ve said before that–based on my history and relationship with sex and sexual attraction–i could easily identify as an ace lesbian. i don’t, for some of the reasons listed above, and personal reasons of my own–and i don’t benefit from failing to identify as ace in any material way.

“And I feel like maybe this will make you think a bit about what it might feel like to not ever experience the thing EVERYBODY is talking about. Building their lives around. To feel like your broken. Like you’re gonna die alone. Being constantly told you’re not real, your feelings aren’t valid, your struggle is silly.”

i’m genuinely sorry you’re feeling this way, but again, if you think this is an experience LGBT people (ace or otherwise) don’t share, then i’m not the one turning a blind eye here.

“At least you’re real. At least you have a community. At least you have *some* representation that rings true to your experience. At least you could get a girlfriend that loves you and build a life without either getting dumped for not putting out or subjecting yourself to sex when your body doesn’t want it.”

you need to consider that you are making assumptions about what i want from a relationship based on the fact that i don’t publicly identify as ace. this is another thing we’ve been repeating constantly: you cannot do that, and therein lies one of the issues with asexuality as a framework for oppression. also, even on the off chance that i had a perfectly healthy relationship with and desire for sex (which–as i’ve said–very few people in the LGBT community do) none of us can just “get a girlfriend.” to suggest it’s more difficult for ace people is ridiculous when LGBT people have had to resort to dating apps and LGBT-exclusive spaces in order to find people to date in the first place. and before you say that similar spaces don’t exist for aces: they need to be built, just like ours were. the onus is on adult aces, not “allo” LGBT people.

and, again, what an ace person would potentially want from an ace-exclusive space is not what an LGBT person (provably, historically) would want from an LGBT-exclusive space. ace condemnation of sex and sexuality is valid at the individual level, but it can be suffocating (and, yes–oppressive) to LGBT people who have fought long and hard to take pride in their sexuality. telling LGBT people that their love and “PDA” is “dirty” and “impure” is nothing new or progressive, it’s textbook homophobia, and those attitudes are damaging to us.

“Anyways. I’m not writing this because I want you to answer anything. I’m just hoping you’ll read it and think about it a bit, maybe. If you have, thank you. I really like you Christine. Not trying to be a bitch. But I doubt I’m the only one whose feelings get hurt when you amplify the ‘ace people are cis/hets trying to crash the LGBT community’ noise. - With love in my heart, from a long time follower.”

look…i hate to tell you this because i don’t think you mean any harm, and i’m not trying to attack you–but, as i think i said earlier, none of the arguments you’ve presented here are new to me. these are arguments that have been addressed and derailed by LGBT people (many of them ace themselves) multiple times, to no end. what you’ve mentioned here highlights an important point, and that’s “hurt feelings.” those are the stakes for straight cis aces–those are not the stakes for LGBT people (and i include LGBT aces in this statement). but i haven’t “learned” anything from these messages–i’ve never plugged my ears and ignored the arguments of straight cis aces, i’ve listened to them very carefully. and they’ve informed my opinion on this matter–an opinion that hasn’t changed and will not change. if that’s upsetting to you, you can unfollow–i won’t hold it against you!

#asks #long post for ts #discourse // lmao #i guess i'll publish this now...? while no one is awake

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