#and then fucking weather alerts woke me up twice

[idkimqueer]

didn't sleep for shit last night 😭 this is the end

[wthcew]

"Baby Bird?"

Chapter 2

_____________________________________________

"Hey there pretty bird" Jason grinned under his helmet, he looked everywhere for his replac-no. He's done with calling the kid 'replacment'. The kid don't deserve it, he's too good to be replacement, and if he's Jason's replacement than Jason is Dick's and Jason really don't want to think about it like that.

"Hood" Came red's voice, it was strange to hear Tim after so long.

He sat next to Tim on the roof, trying to ignore the kids tiny flinch when their hands touched.

"What's up little red?"

"What do you need hood?"

"What? I'm not allowed to check in?"

Tim gave him a look "Last time you 'checked in' there was a bat-a-rang in my chest" And now it was Jason's time to flinch.

"Tim-"

"Codenames hood"

"I just wanted to-"

"If you need data just email me it"

"I don't need data"

"Then what?"

"I'm sorry" for everything I've ever done to you

"It's okay" Jason saw the small smile on Tim's face. "I have already forgave you"

_____________________________________________

Jason knows that Tim forgave him but he himself didn't.

He hate the fact that Dick is alerted when Tim hangs out with him.

He hate this stupid scar that he put on Tim's throat.

He hate the memories of him wanting Tim's death, the memories of him going after the third robin.

Tim may have forgave him, but Jason sure didn't. And he will try to do everything to make himself worthy to Tim's forgiveness and kindness. Even if he'll have to bleed for it.

_____________________________________________

Jason found out that sometimes Tim just didn't had time to make himself food, which meant that Tim would just go for days on end without food, and Jason can't let it go.

It hunts his mind.

It makes him feel bad when he sit and eat, knowing that Tim is working on a case, or doing WE stuff, or helping the other bats (And that makes him super angry because Tim does it so the other could sleep, eat or do whatever stupid things they do instead caring for himself).

So one night he decided that enough is enough and he'll be dammed if Tim will skip eating under his watch.

_____________________________________________

It was three AM and all Tim wanted to do was to close his eyes and go to sleep. But Bruce just asked him to look in some cases and Tim don't want to disappoint him and who cares if he won't sleep tonight too, he has gone longer without sleep.

He took a quick shower to wash away all the dry sweat and bit of blood from patrol, pulling on oversized t-shirt and sweat pants, thinking of ways to stay awake for another twenty four hours...

He was pulled out of his thoughts when he came from the bedroom to his living room and the smell of chicken soup filled the living room - kitchen era and as much as Tim was hungry he couldn't think of it because alarms were going off in the back of his head and all he could think of was that there's intruder in his home.

And all the panic fade away when he see Jason Todd in his kitchen, sipping soup from a wooden spoon, without shirt, a towel on his left shoulder and bare foot. The small kitchen window was open, letting the wind come in and move couple of stray hairs of Jason from side to side.

"Jason?"

Jason turned his face slightly so he could look at Tim and a soft smile on his face, "Hey baby bird"

"Wha- What are you doing here?"

Jason huffed a laugh and pointed to the soup with his chin "What do you think?"

_____________________________________________

It was much more easy than what Jason thought it would.

Every day they eat dinner together and talk about everything and nothing all at once.

And every time Jason leaves Tim's house there's an ache in his heart, something that tells him that he needs to stay there, with Tim. But he pushe it away, ignore it, never thinking about it.

_____________________________________________

"Jay!" Tim run to his couch when he saw the bleeding guy on his couch.

Jason gripped the red helmet tigh in one hand and in the other he put pressure on his abandon, his eyes looking at everything but Tim had the feeling he can't see anything that was really there.

He could hear Tim running, a cabinet opened and closed and Tim's running again.

The world is spinning and his eyes are fighting his will to stay awake.

He can feel Tim's slender fingers against his skin and then everything goes black.

_____________________________________________

A groan left Jason's mouth before he opened his eyes.

He was too warm and the sun that shines on him isn't coming from the way it always does which makes him sit up (too fast because his chest throb in pain) and look around.

He blinked once. Twice. Before he realised from where he knows that room. Tim's room. He was an idiot to think that he could patrol with fever (even if it wasn't that bad just last week he has threaten Tim that if he'll so much as think about patrol he'll call Alfred and tell him that the boy have fever and here he is. Doing what he prevented Tim from doing) in this kind of weather.

And he also got shot. It's just his fucking luck.

Tim probably going to lecture him about that. A small smile appeared on his face at the thought of that.

"Jay?" Tim stood next to the door frame, looking at Jason with concern in his eyes "How do you feel?"

"I'm fine" A small, patient smile was on Tim's face, "You are not but at least you're better than yesterday"

"Sorry for crushing here" The smile became soft and warmer "It's okay, my sofa is actually really comfy"

Jason looked at him and smile, just wondering since when he started to think of Tim's home as safe place.

_____________________________________________

It was a huge mistake. He should have never done that. He's just hurting himself. Tim will pull away any second and he'll be disgusted with Jason and Jason just ruined everything between them and-

Tim's kissing him back. Tim is kissing him back. And his hands moved to Tim's hips, holding him close and Tim is hugging him.

Jason smiling against Tim's lips, just letting his mind rest and his heart does all the work.

_____________________________________________

Jason smiled as he woke up, Tim's head lie on his bare chest, little huffes leaving his mouth and his making Jason smile wider and more loving.

He warped his hands around Tim, holding him even closer of it's even possible.

_____________________________________________

"I love you Jay" Tim whispered into the dark and silence. "And I'm glad you're here" He didn't mind Jason didn't answered. He never did. He just knew that Jason felt the same, and maybe it was hard for him to say it out loud but Tim knew. He just knew.

_____________________________________________

"It's my fault" Jason said, looking at Dick with big, sad eyes.

"It's not your fault Jay, it's part of being vigilant"

"Yes but if I would have come faster he wouldn't have been shot"

"It's not you're fault Jay, believe me"

"Whatever"

_____________________________________________

Everyone makes mistakes, no one can control it but Tim's mistake was to fall back to old habits just because Jason left ("And he'll never come back" His mind supplied)

Maybe it was what Jason wanted from the start, just to make ot hurt this much more, just like what happened when Dick took robin away or when his parents left once again. It just hurt too much and he just want it all to stop.

_____________________________________________

Seeing Tim in a hospital bed always made his heart ache, and knowing that he's laying in one because of the actions Jason did, because of him Just hurt that much more.

_____________________________________________

I dream

of you

almost every night

Hope-

-fully

I won't wake up this time

_____________________________________________

.

.

.

"Jay?"

_____________________________________________

I'm so sorry it took me so long to write this🤦🏼‍♀️

And if you want the song that I put in it's name is Freaks by Surf Cures

[flowesona]

Misprize

The Anarchy AU

Pairing: Yandere! Jungkook x reader

Warning: Graphic Threats of Violence

All Jungkook could see was red. Not that he was angry, but that his eyes were shut tight defensively. He couldn’t peel them open, not even when he heard approaching footsteps.

“Is he alive?” The voice of one of his friends, laced with melancholy.

“Doesn’t look like it. We don’t have time to wait.”

“We can’t leave him-“

“Yes, we can. Survival is key. Friendship is secondary. Let’s go.” Jungkook wanted nothing more than to make some sort of noise or move to let them know that they were wrong, but in the blistering pain over his body he couldn’t even muster up the slightest whimper. With their decision made, the footsteps echoed into the distance.

For a while, all he could do was lie still, his body working as hard as it could to keep him working, no matter how tempting it was to slip away.

Then he felt a weathered hand on his forehead, and another around his wrist. Checking for a pulse.

Jungkook’s perseverance had broken through, as he felt someone put an arm under his shoulder to lift him up to his feet, and he blinked for a second. Through his blurry vision he saw the outline of his saviour before everything faded away.

»»———————►

A warm sunlight awaited Jungkook when he finally woke up, sitting up and letting the cold towel on his head flop to the ground pathetically. His sudden momentum alerted the other person in the room, who turned towards him.

You could have told Jungkook that he really had died and gone to heaven, because she was an angel. Her (H/C) hair was highlighted and glowing in the patchy sunshine that streamed through the boarded up window.

“I was worried you were never going to wake up.” He didn’t realise he’d been staring until after a while she spoke and woke him out of his daydream.

Jungkook opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out.

“I’m sorry, you must be thirsty.” She offered him the water bottle sat next to her. It was warm and tasted musty, but Jungkook couldn’t help but to gulp it down as if it were liquid gold.

“W-why?” was all that he could croak out.

“You were badly wounded, but not dead. I couldn’t just let you die.” She smiled. He looked down to see a few patchy beige bandages on his chest, and a green bandana tied around his arm. When he looked up again, he met her gaze.

“Do you have a name?” She asked, offering her hand for him to shake.

“J-Jungkook.” He managed to stutter through his newly regained voice.

“I’m (Y/N).” She took his limp hand and gave it a mock shake, whilst Jungkook just stared at her, enamoured.

»»———————►

Before he had met (Y/N), Jungkook was certain he was destined for an early grave. Sure, he had the fighting skills necessary to survive, yet he had nothing to live for but his friends, who had left him for dead. But after he was saved, he found a purpose to his life - to be with (Y/N). Gone was the sentimentality and loyalty for the people he’d spent years with and in its place was a enamouration with the girl who’d given him salvation.

He was able to recover quicker than anticipated. Within a matter of days he was walking again, only with a slight stagger from the pain in his side. Still, he still simpered and asked for her to care for him and ease his pain, which she did so with a kind smile. Not once in that week did they leave their shelter, and supplies were starting to run thin.

“Just stay here and rest. I swear I’ll be back as soon as I possibly can.” (Y/N) pressed the handgun into Jungkook’s hands. “Don’t go looking for a fight and you’ll be fine.”

“Please don’t go, (Y/N). What if…” He whimpered, eyes downcast to evoke as much sympathy as he could. (Y/N) just sighed and pressed a kiss into his forehead, leaving whilst he was still frozen with glee.

»»———————►

“Stay behind me.” Jungkook commanded, peering out from behind the corner. After he was completely healed, he hadn’t even given (Y/N) a choice in the matter of him accompanying her when she had to adventure out. It made his chest swell with pride to see her behind him, letting him protect her should they encounter anyone violent.

“Coast looks clear.” He muttered, still keeping his half empty gun in his hands, not prepared to give anyone the slightest chance to hurt (Y/N).

“Who’s there?” Suddenly, a voice called out. The duo immediately pressed their backs to the wall, praying that they hadn’t been noticed.

“Hello?” There was an audible crunch of gravel from torn up tarmac under the strangers feet. But all that Jungkook could hear was the beating of his heart in his ears. He wasn’t ready to fight again, but he would have to do so for her. For (Y/N).

But when he came face to face with the stranger, he lowered his weapon immediately.

“Tae?” A smile spread across his face at meeting his long-lost friend.

“You’re alive?” Taehyung lowered his weapon and pulled him in for an embrace.

“(Y/N) saved me.” Jungkook replied simply, but when Taehyung made eye contact with her and offered her his classic boxy smile, the younger man felt a weird kind of sickness in his stomach.

»»———————►

The leader of the gang offered his hand to (Y/N) with a grateful expression.

“Thank you for saving him, (Y/N). It wasn’t fun to leave him behind like that.”

“It’s okay!” She smiles, taking his hand and shaking it. “He didn’t deserve to die, so I made it my mission not to let him.”

Her words made Jungkook’s heart soar. They really were the perfect couple, at least in his mind. Maybe she saw him as an angel too, on that day?

“Do you have any plans for what to do now that Jungkook’s back with us?” He tuned back into the conversation, interest piqued.

“Yeah, there’s a place I need to go.” Panic flooded Jungkook’s brain, bile building up on his stomach at the thought that she would be leaving.

“You’re sure we can’t help you with anything?” Namjoon persisted, noting the look on the maknae’s face.

“It’s best that I don’t disturb you any longer.” (Y/N) said simply with her everkind nature.

Jungkook couldn’t bear such a conversation any longer.

“Stay here for tonight (Y/N). It’ll be much safer if you leave in the morning.” Luckily with just the right tone and expression (Y/N) agreed to his offer.

»»———————►

By the way the room was nearly blanketed in darkness with the exception of some moonlight peeking through the window, Jungkook could deduce it was midnight.

‘Perfect.’

As much as it pained him to do so, he detached himself from (Y/N) to stand up, feeling warm at the sight of her sleeping peacefully, despite being devoid of his previous warmth.

Yet there was a bigger issue at hand. He stalked through the corridor with light steps until he reached the room at the end, tapping on the wood twice until he heard a deep voice say “come in.”

Namjoon looked up from his map, a stressed expression on his face. Jin was equally perplexed, but nonetheless beckoned Jungkook to join them.

“Is something the matter? You’ve been antsy all evening.” Jin was the first one to speak.

“Hyung, why won’t you let (Y/N) stay?” Jungkook’s voice was quiet yet it could be heard loud and clear by both men.

“We asked her if she wanted to and she said that she has other plans.” Namjoon answered simply.

“Bullshit. You didn’t offer to let her stay.” The harshness of the young man’s voice shocked both of the elders. “You didn’t give her the choice to stay with me like she wants to.”

“It’s not like that-”

“Why are you trying to keep us apart?!” Jungkook growled. “Do you hate her? Is that why you’re trying to throw her out, so that she can be ripped apart by all the other savages?”

“Calm down.” Jin snapped. The red anger in Jungkook’s eyes faded, and his fist uncurled for a second.

“If you’re so pent up about this, we’ll ask her in the morning. But if she says no, there’s nothing we can do about it.” Jungkook sniffled, reaching into his pocket to find the one thing that could comfort him in this situation. (Y/N)’s green bandana, which he rubbed between his fingers as if it were a security blanket, so he could tell himself that she would stay.

“She’ll stay. (Y/N) loves me, so she’ll stay. And I don’t want to see either of you even try to talk to her after trying to kick her out like this.” He clenched the cloth tighter.

Neither of the older men responded.

“Right?” Jungkook withdrew his hand from his pocket, ready to use whatever force necessary to get compliance.

“What’s that?” Namjoon asked, taking note of the cloth clenched in his fist.

The boy didn’t reply, still tense.

“Give it here, Jungkook.” Before, he would have complied instantly. But now he just glared.

“You want to take another part of (Y/N) away from me? Why, do you have some sadistic lust for her? I’ll break your fucking knees.” Jungkook growled, holding his fist to his chest.

“That belongs to (Y/N)?” The young man nodded tersely.

“Fuck.”

»»———————►

“Get out.” (Y/N) was awoken by the harsh stamp of a boot mere centimetres away from her head. Opening her eyes groggily she saw Taehyung.

“What…?” She slurred, still drowsy from sleep.

“You’re a filthy rat. Hoxton’s sent you to spy on us, huh?” He grabbed her arm and dragged her to her feet.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about-” (Y/N)’s heart was pounding out of her chest. When she’d found out Jungkook was in BTS, she’d felt a horrible anxiety in her stomach that they could have found out about her background, but now the nightmare was coming true.

Outside of the room she could hear a scuffle. It was at that precise moment that she realised Jungkook wasn’t in the room, as she heard his cries outside.

“Don’t you dare hurt my (Y/N)! If you so much as touch her I’ll rip your head off, I’ll break every single one of your fingers, I’ll gouge your eyes out-”

She wasn’t quite sure what was more terrifying, her predicament or the previously sweet boy’s violent threats.

Taehyung didn’t seem to be affected however, his resolve hard as he dragged (Y/N) out.

When Jungkook saw her arm held tightly in his “friend”’s grasp, he started struggling against the hold of his elders with a fresh passion, ugly tears streaming down his face.

“Don’t hurt her Tae! She saved me, she means so much to me, you can’t hurt her!” He begged, trying to appeal emotionally when threats were redundant.

“Be quiet, Jungkook.” Jin snapped, only being rewarded with an elbow to the face. He let go of Jungkook’s arm to clutch his now bleeding nose, letting Jungkook shake Hoseok off his other arm.

Mere seconds passed before Taehyung was being held in a choke hold, struggling against his friend’s iron grip with a whimper.

“What are you doing Jungkook?” His attention was stolen away from strangling Taehyung to his angel, watching from the floor frozen in place.

“He was going to kill you! I can’t let that happen!” Jungkook was flushed with rage but also an embarrassment from how (Y/N) was looking at him.

Naturally everyone else in the gang was horrified at what was happening. Two of their members fighting over the fate of a traitor. But something had to be done before Taehyung was choked to death.

“If you let him go, we’ll talk about this with you.” Namjoon negotiated, breathing a sigh of relief when Jungkook complied. Taehyung was dropped to the ground, where he started to breathe heavily, pupils wide with adrenaline.

“(Y/N), can you explain this?” The leader turned his attention to the girl, holding up a slightly grubby green piece of cloth. One that spoke a thousand words.

“I… I don’t want to be in any gang. I just want to help people.” She couldn't meet anyone’s eyes, head hung in shame. “I’ll leave, and I won’t ever even think about you guys again. I’m done with everything; All of these fucking gangs just keep fighting for power and I don’t want any part in it!”

Jungkook searched her face desperately for some sign that she was lying. Surely she wanted to stay with them? Surely she couldn’t leave him so easily?

However, he was proven wrong as she stood up, brushing off the dust clinging to her clothes.

“No, (Y/N)! You… you can’t leave!” Jungkook pleaded.

“I’m so sorry… for ultimately hurting you Jungkook.” With a heavy heart she turned away.

Only to be stopped dead in her tracks when a knife was raised to her throat.

“You aren’t going anywhere.” The rest of the gang looked at Jin incredulously.

“You know enough about us to be a threat should you leak it to your buddies. We’ll decide what to do with you later, but for now you’re staying with us, whether you like it or not.” His eyes flashed over to Jungkook. Whilst he feared a violent response, he was relieved to see to the reaction he’d been aspiring for: happiness.

Sure, it wasn’t the best solution to the argument, but if it kept the youngest happy and prevented fighting, Jin was prepared to sacrifice one girl’s free will.

»»———————►

The heavy scent of blood lingered in the air. A few years ago, such an atmosphere would have made (Y/N) wretch, but experience had hardened her stomach.

“(Y/N)! You’re not hurt, are you Angel?” Jungkook tutted, examining her face quickly. He found a graze on her cheek, and it was as if she had been shot. “I told them you shouldn’t come with us, why did you? We need to get back to base to treat it!”

Too tired to protest, she let him tug her away from the fight. Until she heard someone shout her name. A familiar voice calling out to her.

“(Y/N)! Oh my God (Y/N)! You’re alive!” Tears welled up in the young woman’s eyes at the sight of her brother. He was breathing heavily, clutching a wound in his side, but at the same time he had a ten-kilowatt smile on his face.

“Are you-”

The boy had mere seconds before he slumped to the ground, the loud ‘bang’ of a gunshot echoing through the desolate area. The few seconds that seemed to last an eternity were only filled with Jungkook’s heavy breathing.

Jungkook lowered his gun, huffing.

“We need to go.” He said simply, glowering.

“Are you insane? Jungkook, that was my brother! My family! You just killed him, you sick-” (Y/N) sobbed. She wanted to scream, to fight, but she was too shocked to do anything but mourn.

“Your brother? Glad I got rid of him then.” Jungkook’s scowl didn’t let up. “He would’ve taken you back to that gang, away from me. He deserves this.”

For a moment, (Y/N) took his words into consideration. She didn’t want to rule that he was a sick monster, a murderer, a maniac. But the smoke wafting from his gun was enough to overcome all her

She tugged her hand out of his grasp, glaring and taking a few steps away from him.

“(Y/N)? Please, understand me Angel! You can’t leave me! You can’t!” Jungkook’s emotions were changing like a weather, going from moody to tearful in a heartbeat.

(Y/N) couldn’t find the words to reply. Surely this was a nightmare? Surely she’d wake up and her brother would be safe, and the name Jeon Jungkook would mean nothing to her?

She room another shaky step away. Instantly, his face contorted with despair. He raised the pistol to point it at her leg before pulling the trigger.

Pain blossomed in her leg. (Y/N) collapsed onto the floor, cradling her now injured limb as Jungkook stalked towards her, smirking.

“I’m so sorry, Angel. But now I can return the favour, right? I’ll save you, I can nurse you back to health! Then we can stay together!” His eyes sparkled with joy as he spoke, scooping her off the ground gracefully, being sure to be tender with her leg as to not cause excess pain.

“We don’t even have to stay here! If you don’t like everyone else in BTS, we can just leave! Yes, that’s perfect! We’ll leave and find our own place to settle in, away from all this chaos in the city!” Jungkook babbled, sighing happily. “We can grow vegetables and raise a family in the countryside! Ah, I’m so excited already!”

As (Y/N) rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes, she knew she had no greater regret than offering Jungkook a chance at life.

[queenscoolcat]

HCS of the Queen boys taking care of you when you re sick? 🌟🌟

Brian May

He was just so sweet.

The moment you started sneezing or coughing, he would be all worried.

“Are you sick, love?” He asks, handing you a couple of tissues.

“What? No, it’s just the weather,” you mutter not caring much about the topic.

Brian only nodded knowing it was more than that.

And even when you got worse he would never say an I told you so.

He would prepare a nice cup of tea for you and kiss your forehead.

“Do you need something more, love?” Brian asks after he hands you a cup of tea and stares at you with concern.

“No, thanks,” you whisper feeling really tired and only wanting to sleep.

While you were taking your nap, Brian would buy you some medicine so you could feel better.

Sometimes you would be really stubborn not wanting to take them.

“They taste like shit!” You mutter like a little kid.

“Come on, babe,” he said gently moving the medicine closer to you “it is so you get better.”

You wanted to continue being a little shit, but seeing Brian be so gentle and caring, made you think twice.

After staring at his face for a little while, you sighed taking the medicine from Brian’s hand finally agreeing.

Brian would laugh at the silly faces you made after you take the medicine.

“You aren’t supposed to taste them,” he said trying not to laugh that hard “just swallow them.”

“If it was that easy I wouldn’t be this close to puking,” you mumble after you drank all the water you had to stop tasting the medicine.

“Tomorrow I promise you will feel better,” he whispers, moving a couple of strands of hair behind your ear.

Finally you crack a smile and chuckle at how dramatic you were.

“Is there another thing you need?”

“Yes,” you answer as Brian stare at you with concern “can I have some cuddles?”

“You can always have them,” Brian mutter moving closer to lay in bed with you.

Roger Taylor

You didn’t wanted to make much of a deal that you were sick.

In fact, you hated being sick.

It made everything even more difficult an annoying.

And Roger knew that too well.

So when he notices you were coughing and sneezing, he started to be a little more alert.

“I think you are sick, babe,” Roger told you, making you shake you head.

“Of course not!” You said almost as if you were offended about the comment.

But as soon as you said that, you started coughing.

“You sure?” He asks with a smirk on his face.

“Yeah... sure,” you said in between coughs.

Without you asking, Roger would prepare a tea with some honey on it.

“What is the occasion?” You mumble, curious about his action and ready to fight with him if he told you that it was because you were sick.

“Just wanted to treat my baby,” he answers, making you smile by how sneaky he was being.

But sometimes the tea wasn’t enough, and you would be feeling terrible all day.

You didn’t want to take some medicine thinking you didn’t need them.

“I don’t want them,” you mutter stubbornly the moment Roger forced you to lay on bed and have some medicines.

“Yes, you do!” He says back already feeling quite annoyed by your attitude “you are flaming hot!”

“I’m always fucking hot, Roger Taylor!” You almost yelled “That’s why you are dating me!”

He wanted to be angry with you, but with that comment, he couldn’t hold the laughs any more.

And you were the same, laughing along with him, forgetting for some seconds how miserable you were feeling.

“Please, love, have your medicine,” Roger tried to reason with you.

“It wouldn’t do anything!” You roll your eyes, knowing you were being quite unreasonable.

“Well... as long as you are sick, there won’t be any kisses,” he mutter as he stands up and walks to the door.

“I can live without them,” you mutter sounding quite unconvinced.

“You sure? No sex for what? A week?” Roger asks loving the shock face you were making.

“Okay... give me the fucking medicine,” you mutter through gritted teeth.

With a big smile, Roger hands you the medicine and a big glass of water.

John Deacon

You knew he was so worried and stress about the new album, so you didn’t want to tell him how sick you were.

You knew he would be all day in the studio with the boys, so you decided to take a nap on the couch as you watched some movies.

But you didn’t expected John to be home early.

So when he arrived, he saw you all cuddle up in the couch with some tissues surrounding you.

With a small smile, he walks toward you and kisses your forehead making you wake up.

“Love... you are really hot,” he mutter with concern as he caress your cheek

“Always,” You whisper with a raspy voice.

He chuckle, but you knew he was starting to worry.

“You are home early,” you mumble closing your eyes feeling even more tired than when you decided to take a nap.

“Yeah... the boys had some argument and decided to take the day off,” he explains still caressing you cheek.

A part of you wanted to be happy that you could finally have some time with John, but you were too tired and your mind was already drifting back to sleep.

After that, John made sure to take care of you.

He let you nap a little longer before he handed you some tea and medicine.

You wanted to thank him, only to find that your voice was gone.

“It’s fine, love,” he gently says “try not not talk and take some medicine.”

You nodded with a sigh, starting to feel a little bad that you were taking his time off like this.

John saw this immediately, and kissing the top of your head, he mutters some reassuring words.

John made sure to keep and eye on you.

He wanted you to feel comfortable, so he continue playing some of your favourite movies and handing you some tissues you needed.

You couldn’t help but stare at him with tender eyes adoring him even more.

The next morning that you woke up, you were surprise to see John in there.

“I though you had work today,” you whisper starting to feel a little better.

“I didn’t had the heart to leave you all alone, so I ask for a few days.”

Your smile was really big at that point.

John made sure to spoil you in everything he could.

And from time to time he would give you a kiss.

“John! You will get sick too,” you mutter trying to move away from him.

“Well then the boys will have a sick bassist to deal with,” he joked making you smile.

Concept Time

[bee-kathony]

Love Like This | Ch. 2 “you light up my whole heart”

Sam & Cait AU 

Ch. 1 “silver in the sunlight” 

Scotland 2014

There are a million ways to say ‘I love you’ without actually uttering those three words. A text message that asks if you made it home okay or with a hug after shooting a tough scene. With every wink across craft services, Sam was saying ‘I love you’ to Cait. Of course they loved each other, as best friends do and they said ‘I love you’, almost every day. But it meant something else entirely when it was said with complete honesty. When someone’s heart was laid out on the line.

That night at Caitriona’s apartment, Sam hadn’t slept at all. Holding Cait in his arms, feeling the softness of her skin and watching how deeply she slept… it took everything in him not to wake her up and tell her how he really felt. That he had come to her apartment, yes to have sex with her, but he didn’t want it to be just sex.

Sam wanted all of her, everything that made Caitriona who she was. He wanted to capture the sound of her laugh in his mouth as he pressed his lips to hers. To claim her and hold her against his body anytime he wanted. Caitriona lit up his whole heart in a way that shook him to the core.

But it was him who said it was just sex, something casual. He knew Cait would be professional, she would be smart about it. He was already regretting those words to have it be nothing more than mindless fucking.

He left the next morning, kissing a drowsy Cait on the forehead and walked home with a cloudy and confused heart.

They only had a couple more months of filming left for the season, and then it would be out there for all the world to see. Sam would be lying to himself if he said the look of love that Jamie gives Claire wasn’t just the look of love he had for Cait. His heart was there on his face, plain as day. And with only more sex scenes in the future of the show, Sam wasn’t sure how he would be able to stop his heart from beating fast every time he saw her. Or how he would stop his cock from getting hard at the touch of her skin on his.

Even in a crowded room, Sam only saw Cait. The way her eyes crinkled when she smiled, and the graceful movements of her body. He knew she’d been a model, and had even looked at some of the work she had done one night with her.

Sam walked into his own apartment, flinging the keys on the kitchen counter, and sat on the couch with a deep sigh. Those four walls of Cait’s bedroom were now a secret box. Only opened when the other had an insatiable desire.

++++++

Caitriona woke up slowly, her limbs heavy and her body aching, but for what exactly? Her arms reached out over the sheets in search for Sam, but they came up empty. Sitting up, Cait looked around her room and saw no sign of him.

“Sam?” She said, walking into her living room, but his clothes weren’t there on the floor.

So, last night had only been about the sex.

But Cait couldn’t brush off the feeling that it’d been more than that. She had woken twice in the middle of the night, and found herself wrapped in Sam’s arm, her head on his chest. The first time, she thought he was asleep, and so she closed her eyes and drifted off. The second time, she heard him whispering things against her hair. Cait tried not to move or stop the even breathing of her chest to alert him that she was awake.

“You’re so beautiful,” Cait heard him whisper and couldn’t help the small smile that crept on her lips. Of course he would be saying that… he was holding her naked body against his.

The next three words she heard made her heart stop. He said, “I love you,” and she heard how fast his heart was beating inside his chest. Cait kept her eyes closed, unsure what to do. She ended up falling asleep, thinking about those dangerous three words.

She walked into her kitchen, grabbing a slice of bread and popping it into the toaster. How could Sam say those words and then disappear on her this morning. Of course, she would see him at work tomorrow, there was no way to avoid each other.

Not that she wanted to avoid him. Not at all.

Cait ate her toast and sipped her coffee that morning, reliving the night before. With every touch of his hands or thrust from his hips, she had yielded to him, letting him take control.

What she wanted was to call him and ask him to come over. She wanted to tell him that it wasn’t just sex, it was more than that. Maybe some people could separate their hearts and bodies but Cait wasn’t one of those. And clearly, neither was Sam, no matter what he had told her.

There would be no easy way through this, someone was bound to get hurt. Was it a risk Cait was willing to take though?

“Well fuck,” she whispered as she felt her heart constrict. Cait loved him, mind, body and soul, she loved him.

++++++

The truth and depths of their feelings wouldn’t be revealed for another month, the night of Sam’s birthday. They spent that day on a mountain top, drenched from head to toe sitting on a picnic blanket. For Sam, that was one of the best birthday’s of his life, partly because it was the first one he spent with Caitriona, and he hoped it wouldn’t be the last.

No matter the weather, no matter the scene, him and Cait always had fun together. She made it bearable, the long hours — because with her there, everything was just as it should be.

There was no way of knowing if it would be this way with another actress — if Cait hadn’t got the part. Sam didn’t think it would, their connection was so strong, so tangible.

“We’re still going out tonight, right?” Caitriona asked him, sitting in her makeup chair at the end of the day.

“I think so, yeah.” He smiled. A few people from the cast had suggested going to get drinks to celebrate his birthday. While Sam was grateful for the company of his workmates who had grown to become friends, he really just wanted to spend time with Cait.

“Don’t drink too many, Heughan. Still have to work tomorrow,” she laughed the most delicious laugh, and Sam wanted to pull her into his lap and kiss her. But he couldn’t. He wouldn’t.

“Oh, I’ll be fine, Balfe. It’s you we should be worrying about. I ken you can handle your liquor, but who’s going to carry you home at the end of the night?” Sam laughed, wiping his face from the dirt of outside.

“Well if you’re not too sloshed, then you could do the job just fine.” Cait grinned, looking over at him through hooded lashes.

Christ, her lips.

Sam would be able to control himself around her if it wasn’t for her lips. And her legs, and hands, and tits… all of her.

“Aye, maybe it’ll be you carrying me home,” he laughed then and stood, if only to shake himself of the need to reach out and stroke his thumb against her cheek. They were very affectionate with one another, and they had no problem showing that around the cast and crew. But what Sam wanted to do to Cait… wasn’t something that could be done in public.

Instead of getting into separate cars, the group that was going out for drinks all piled into one car and headed for a bar near the city. The night was crisp for a late April evening, but it was also Scotland. Sam slid his around around Cait’s shoulder as they walked into the bar — it was dark and crowded, reminding him of that one night in LA last year.

All throughout the night, Sam would purposefully bump his knee or arm against Cait, anything to feel her, know she was there beside him. He was probably drinking too much, but it was his birthday so he gave himself a free pass.

“What about you, Cait?” Maril asked and Sam turned to look at her.

“What about me?” Cait said, taking a sip of her drink.

“Well, you’ve been here about seven months, have you met anyone? I know work is a lot,” Maril laughed and raised her eyebrows.

Caitriona blushed, and Sam felt his stomach tighten. He’d never even considered the possibility of her being with someone else. He watched her carefully, noticing the flush of red on her chest, and the way she shifted in her seat, uncrossing and crossing her ankles.

“Um, no. I haven’t met anyone,” she said at last and Sam let out a small breath.

“I mean I’ve met someone,” she corrected, “but I don’t think it’s going to work. Things are… complicated.” Cait smiled to Maril, and then looked up at him, holding his gaze. Was she talking about him?

“Well you’ll meet someone, I’m sure of it,” Maril smiled, “You’re a catch.”

A few more questions to the group about who they were seeing and drinks in between, but Sam couldn’t stop thinking about what Cait had said. “Things are… complicated.” Christ, when were they not?

When Tobias suggested another round of drinks, everyone cheered yes and he rose to grab drinks from the bar. Cait stood up from the table though, “I’m sorry to be ditching, but I’m afraid I’m falling asleep. Been a long day,” she smiled warmly.

Sam didn’t want her to go, and even though it was his birthday, he stood up beside her. “I’ll make sure you get home alright.”

“Ah mate, leaving early on your own birthday?” Tobias smirked, but he thought he saw a gleam of mischief in his eyes.

“Aye, we’ve both got work tomorrow.” He raised his eyebrows and everyone laughed. They all had work tomorrow in fact, and Sam knew he wouldn’t be sleeping tonight if Cait’s words had any truth in them.

“You ready?” He asked her, and she slipped on her jacket, nodding. They waved goodbye to the group and headed out the door.

Sam got an odd feeling of deja vu as they left the bar and started walking back to Cait’s apartment. It had been a night like this when they had first kissed. And that night, Sam hadn’t wanted it to ever end.

“Did you have a good birthday?” Cait asked as they turned a corner.

“Aye, it was one of the best birthday’s I’ve ever had.” He smiled.

“Really?” She looked over at him, her arms wrapped around her chest. “Even though it was bloody freezing and we were sitting in the rain the whole day?”

Sam nodded, “That’s what made it good. It was just a normal day, but I had you to share it with.”

“We spend most days together,” she replied, barely a whisper.

“Yeah, we do.” He said and they were silent the rest of the walk to her apartment.

As he stood at her door, all Sam wanted to do was grab her hand and place it to his fast beating heart. He wanted her to know how he felt, the whole truth. Feelings and alcohol were always a messy mix.

“Thanks for walking me home, Sam.” Cait smiled and leaned in, kissing him on the cheek. She lingered just a bit too long, and so Sam took his chance and turned his head, pausing only a moment, his lips hovering over hers.

Then she melted against him instantly, wrapping her arms around his neck and giving him her mouth. He thought he made a cry of relief when he tasted her tongue on his, slightly warm with the whisky.

“Come inside?” Cait pulled back, her hand on her doorknob. Sam nodded, following her in.

His arms were around her waist the moment the door closed, and he pressed her back until she was against a wall. They were both drunk, he knew they shouldn’t be doing this. But he didn’t care, he wanted her.

Cait kissed him roughly, with a hunger he’d never seen in her before. Her hands went to his belt and he bucked his hips against hers, trapping her hands. Winding his hands through her  hair, he pulled back her neck, sucking on the exposed skin there, pulsing with her heartbeat.

“Sam,” she moaned.

“I love you, Cait.” He sighed against her neck and pulled back, looking into her blue eyes. Shit. She had to have known he didn’t mean it as her best friend… but he meant it with the hope of something more, something deeper.

She only stared back at him, not moving. Sam didn’t realize it, but the moment she said, “I love you, too”, he had been holding his breath — waiting for his world to burn.

With her back to the wall, Sam slid his hands down her sides, feeling every inch of her curves. “You love me,” he said it as a fact, not a question.

Suddenly shy, Cait pressed her lips against hers and mumbled something like, “Yes.”

He didn’t want to wait for her to take back the words, so he lifted her leg around his waist and pressed his hips against her. Cait kissed him, resuming her work at removing his belt and unzipping his pants.

With a desperate ache to be inside of her, he helped push down his pants and boxers, pulling out his cock. Thank God she had been wearing a skirt, and he slid his hands up her skirt and moaned against her lips when he realized she wasn’t wearing panties. Holding onto her leg with one hand, he pushed his cock inside of her.

“Yes, I love you,” Cait cried out, pressing her forehead against his. “IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou,” she repeated over and over again and he thrust forward. He grabbed her other leg, pulling it over his hip and pinned her to the wall.

“I love you.” He groaned, sighing as his mouth said the words his heart had been begging to say for months.

[myaekingheart]

27. Sexual Harassment

read the scarecrow and the bell on ao3

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               It was that time of the year when the weather was at its peak—the chill of winter had made way for the impending summer heat, but it was not yet quite so hot that the sun sucked all of the energy out of you. Young adults all over the village took full advantage of this time of the year, trekking out at sundown to bar hop and gamble and carry on in the streets. It was definitely the liveliest season for Konoha’s youth.

               While neither Rei nor Kakashi were necessarily ones for the nightlife, there was little else to do with so much drunken yelling from outside that they shrugged and dropped their introverted pasttimes for the hell of it. Their books wouldn’t miss them for just one night of socialization. More than anything, they were positive the most enjoyment they would get from this was laughing quietly at the drunken idiots stumbling down the street. Neither of them were surprised to find Jiraiya among them.

               “Hey, Kakashi!” he called down the street, a woman on each arm. “Nice to see you out enjoying the nightlife for once” he said as he came nearer. “And looks like you’ve gotten yourself a date, too!”

               “Master Jiraiya, how much have you had to drink tonight?” Kakashi asked cautiously. Jiraiya glanced from one side to the other, surveying the girls on his arms.

               “Apparently not enough!” he then laughed, nudging Kakashi on the shoulder and adding quietly “If you know what I mean.” Kakashi sighed and he was yet again grateful to be wearing a mask so no one could see his cheeks blush in embarrassment. “Here, you two follow me. I want to show you something!” Jiraiya then announced, urging the couple to join him. Rei glanced to her boyfriend with concern. She didn’t know Jiraiya nearly as well as Kakashi did, but she knew enough to understand that this was likely not going to go well.

               The sannin led them to the window of a little antiques shop. Rei recognized it as the one that was run by an old woman her grandmother had known, someone she had grown up with or something. On the exterior display shelf sat a tiny mechanical monkey holding a pair of cymbals. Jiraiya inserted a coin and pressed a button, and the monkey began to bang his instrument to the tune of a peppy old song. “Look at him go!” Jiraiya laughed. “You know, he kind of looks like Orochimaru! I think they have the same nose, huh?”

               Oh my god, Rei thought to herself, glancing at Kakashi with a fake smile pasted on her face. Kakashi sighed and shook his head as his girlfriend buried her face in her hands. Quite frankly, she didn’t particularly want to be associated with an easily amused pervy toad sage. Kakashi thought of the two of them sneaking off for a moment, but then something else captured his attention. His ears honed in to a conversation between two drunken men behind them, laughing and falling all over each other. He felt their eyes land on Rei’s lower back, catching murmurs of terms like “sexy” and “give me a piece of that ass.” He clenced his jaw as he focused all of his attention on their voices, itching to wrap his arm around Rei in a protective manner, an assertion of dominance and ownership.

               For drunk men, they were fast. They fell forward and the one’s hand barely grazed Rei’s ass before Kakashi swooped in and gripped his wrist hard. “I would think twice about what you’re about to do” he said, glaring at both of them. Rei gasped as she turned around, completely unaware of the danger she had been in. “I suggest you both just move along” Kakashi continued, his free hand skating up towards his headband, “I don’t want to have to use this.”

               The two men recognized him immediately and very quickly regretted their decisions. Supposedly from behind, they had a hard time distinguishing his identity, but now it was crystal clear: they had just crossed Kakashi of the Secondhand Sharingan. If they didn’t atone for their mistake, he would surely make them pay. They bowed their heads and apologized profusely before running off, nearly tripping over their own two feet as they went.

               “K-Kakashi, what was that all about?” Rei asked. Her eyes had grown wide with shock and confusion. He turned to face her with a certain breed of frustration and coldness in his eyes.

               “We’re going home” was all he said before taking her hand in his and guiding her back to the apartment complex. I knew we never should’ve done this, he thought to himself. The only way he would ever let a man lay a hand on Rei was if he was dead, and even then he couldn’t guarantee anything. And all the while, Rei was still begging for answers, looking around confusedly, which only seemed to make matters much worse.

               He said nothing the entire journey back, locking the door as she leaned against his desk with arms crossed. “I wish you would just tell me what the fuck is going on” she insisted. “Are you mad at me or something? Because I didn’t do anything wrong.”

               Kakashi exhaled sharply, unable to even look at her. “That’s exactly the problem, you didn’t do anything” he said, voice low.

               “What are you talking about?”

               “Those men were about to assault you and you had no idea” he finally said, voice firm but booming. Rei was taken aback—normally Kakashi was calm and collected, even in battle. This was a version of him she was unfamiliar with, even after all this time. “You should’ve been paying closer attention. I expected better of you as an ANBU Black Ops member.”

               His words stung, a poison kunai straight to the chest. He was right. She should’ve been more aware. She should’ve never let her guard down. “I just…” she stammered. “I just thought, I don’t know…I was with you. I felt safe. I didn’t think I needed to worry so much…”

               “Well one day, I might not be there” Kakashi said. “I need to know I can trust you to keep yourself safe.”

               “Kakashi, what are you trying to say?” Rei asked. “I’ve made it this far without your help, haven’t I? I don’t need you to protect me all the time. I can handle myself.”

               “Tonight proves to me that you can’t” Kakashi growled. He didn’t want to show any sign of being hurt by her words now. He didn’t like to think about those days, all that time he had pushed her away. He knew no matter what, she would always resent him for that, and it made him sick.

               Rolling her eyes, Rei scoffed and muttered, “I’m not a baby, you know. I can handle myself just fine without you.”

               “Well, until you prove that to me, I don’t think I can believe you” he growled back.

               Rei sucked in a deep breath, forcing herself not to cry in front of him. Crying would only make things worse. Crying would only reinforce the fact that she was weak and vulnerable, and negate her claim that she was not, in fact, a baby. “I think I should go” she said quietly. She pushed past him, unlocked the door, stepped out into the hallway. “I’ll talk to you in the morning.”

               It wasn’t until she was safely back in her own apartment that she let herself break down. How could it have possibly come to this? What had become of this god awful night? She curled up in bed and prayed to fall asleep quickly so she wouldn’t have to overthink it.

               Come morning, Kakashi woke up feeling groggy and worn out. He could scarcely sleep, and there was a lump in the pit of his stomach. He considered knocking on Rei’s front door as he stepped into the hallway but restrained himself. She never was one to wake up early, and if he tried to speak with her now it would only make things worse. He pressed his hand against the door, ran his fingers down to graze the knob, and then walked away.

               “So, what is exactly is the problem?” Naru asked, leaning back in her seat. She held her cup of tea casually in one hand, left leg crossed over top of the right.

               Rei blinked. “Naru, I told you” she replied. “Kakashi got his panties in a bunch because apparently I’m not alert enough. I really don’t want to have to go through the whole spiel again.”

               “No, I know all that” Naru replied with dismissive wave of her hand. “I’m not deaf. I just don’t see how any of this is a problem…?”

               Groaning, Rei buried her face in her hands. “My god” she sighed. “It’s a problem because it’s an insult to my ability! The idea of me being unalert…I don’t know, it just made me feel like he was saying I wasn’t good enough. Like I’m some weak, whiny little child.”

               “Well, you’re not exactly disproving the whiny part” Naru laughed. The redhead shot her a death glare. Naru took another sip of her tea, then spread her hands across the table like an entrepreneur about to propose a massive deal. “Listen, I know you’ve got this complex where you always have something to prove but just this once, can you please not act like everyone is against you?”

               Rei crossed her arms and sucked her teeth. “How do you expect me to do that?”

               “For starters, you can stop being such a whiny little bitch about this” Naru suggested. “And most importantly, try to muster up some sense of empathy. Do you have any idea what those guys might have had in mind?”

               She hadn’t thought too deeply about it. She hadn’t wanted to. But now she had no choice. The scenarios began filtering through her head, and they scared her. “Yeah, well, what about it?” Rei fired back. “It’s not like I can’t handle myself.”

               “That doesn’t mean a damn thing, Rei” Naru replied, slamming her fist on the table. Taken aback, Rei brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and coughed into her fist.

               “N-Naru, listen, I’m sorry, just…just don’t cause a scene, alright?” Rei asked quietly.

               Naru chewed her bottom lip and leaned back in her seat. “Do you have any idea why this bugs me so much, Rei?” she asked after a moment of silence. Rei shook her head. “I have been in your position countless times before. I have been sexually harassed more times than I can count on one hand, one time almost even raped. It doesn’t matter how skilled you are. It doesn’t matter where you are, what you’re wearing, nothing. Men don’t care. If they want to take advantage of you, they will. You try to fight but…it only encourages them further. Nowhere is safe anymore. Not even your own village.”

               There was a long stretch of silence as Rei struggled to comprehend what she had just heard. “W-when…?” was all she could finally croak out. Naru shrugged and took another sip of her tea.

               “The most recent was a few months back, on a mission” she replied.

               “Who would do something like that?” Rei asked.

               “You’d be surprised” Naru said. “This is exactly what Chikara-sensei warned us about back then. We should’ve taken her more seriously.”

               “And here I thought she was just drilling extremes into our heads” Rei sighed, taking a swig of her own tea.

               Naru ran a hand through her short blonde hair and shook her head. “Listen, I know you’re probably still pissed, and after everything you’ve been through, I wouldn’t blame you. But for the love of god, do not stay mad at Kakashi. He did what he felt was right by protecting you. I wish I would’ve had someone like that to step in and interfere when I was being targeted.”

               Rei couldn’t stomach heading home that afternoon once her lunch with Naru had ended. She didn’t think she could handle being cooped up in that stuffy apartment, never knowing if and when Kakashi would knock on her door. Instead, she wandered around the village until, come midnight, she found herself downing her fourth sake in a bar. Perhaps alcohol could have cleared out all the bad thoughts, but as she called over the bartender and ordered yet another drink, she realized more than anything it just amplified them. Naru’s words echoed in her head, pounding unrelenting like massive drums.

               She had a fair point. Knowing her own history with sexual harassment made Naru’s stance that much more understandable. And yet a part of her still couldn’t fully come to terms with the idea of Kakashi being quite so overprotective. Had she not proven herself already? She was a part of the ANBU now. She thought that was enough. Apparently not. She took another swig of her drink, then left some money on the bar and headed out. It was getting late, the booze clearly wasn’t helping, and now she just wanted to go someplace quiet and be left alone.

               As she trudged back to her apartment, tipsy and tired, she heard voices echo in the background. There was something familiar about them, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Was it Guy on his way home from a late-night training session? No, these voices weren’t exuberant enough. Maybe Asuma walking Kurenai home? No, not him either. It wasn’t until she passed the antique shop that she fully recognized it. The men from before.

               “Hey, sexy! What are you doing out here all alone? Where’s your boyfriend, huh?” the one asked, and then in a flash he was mere inches from her face, trapping her between himself and the wall.

               “I smell sake on your breath” the other growled. “Looks like someone’s had a little too much to drink.”

               “I’m perfectly sober, thanks” Rei spat, narrowing her eyes at them though her vision was blurry and doubled. She hoped she hid it well enough.

               “We better take you back to our place, just to be safe” the first one replied, skating a gentle hand across her cheek and down her neck.

               “I said I’m fine” Rei insisted. The second man laughed incredulously.

               “She’s feisty!” he commented. Then, turning to his partner, “Guess we’ll have to do things the hard way.”

               “Rei!” a voice shouted from down the street. Before they had time to react, the men lunged forward to seize her. Then the pang of metal glinting in the streetlights, a splash of blood, and they fell to the ground crying in agony. Kakashi blinked from the other end of the road.

               “Told you I was sober” Rei growled, leaning down just close enough to slash them one last time with the kanzashi from her ponytail. “It’s sad, really. So undesirable that you have to harass women just to get laid. What would your mothers think?”

               “R-Rei…” Kakashi stammered, rushing toward her. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

               “Just taking care of some business” she replied, sliding the pin back into her hair.

               “They could’ve hurt you” he replied.

               “Yeah, and I stopped them” Rei said back. “Now they won’t be hurting anyone anymore” she replied, jerking her head down toward the pair. They both held their crotches and panted in pain. “And if they do,” she then added, giving them each one last kick in the pants for good luck, “They’ll know what’s coming.”

               “You should’ve let me handle things” Kakashi replied.

               “From all the way over there?” Rei asked, motioning to the other end of the street. “They would’ve already violated me ten different ways by the time you got over here. I took care of it myself. I’m safe. Isn’t that enough for you?”

                Kakashi heaved a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. “It’s more complicated than that” he sighed.

               “Then explain it to me, please” Rei begged, borderline hysterical now. If she let herself be vulnerable, she was a liability and putting herself in danger, and yet if she defended herself, she was still doing something wrong. Either way, she couldn’t fucking win.

               “I can’t afford to lose you!” Kakashi finally exploded. “I don’t like the thought of you being in danger. I can’t stand to lose anyone else. I made a promise when I first met you that I would protect you with my life, and so far I feel like I’ve failed in that so I can’t afford to screw up anymore.”

               Rei blinked, staring back at him dumbfounded. This was a lot of information to take in at once, and she wasn’t totally honest when she said she was sober. Then, finally, she straightened her back and sucked in a deep breath. “Well, I appreciate your concern, but I’m not a child anymore. I’m not helpless.”

               “I’m sorry for ever making you think that was how I felt” Kakashi replied. “But I’m not sorry for how I reacted.” He stepped forward slowly, cupping her cheek in his hand and looking at her with a weak, teary gaze. “You are…very precious to me, Rei. I don’t ever want to lose you, and whether you like it or not, I am going to do everything in my power to make sure I never do.”

[kellexplainsitall]

Yesterday was the most perfect day.

I slept restlessly the night before. I woke up at 4 to go to the bathroom, and I never quite fell back into a good sleep. My alarm was set for 6, but I finally got up at 5:30. and spent the next 90 minutes going to the bathroom, listening to pump-up jams, eating (larabar and banana) and getting ready. At 7, Tim drove me the one mile to the bridge, and I walked across to get to the start.

It was cold, a brisk 30 degrees with no sun. It's perfect racing weather, but it was chilly waiting. I was excited, I found myself feeling giddy and happy. I saw so many people I knew, it was awesome. I peed twice, then headed over to the bridge, and met up with Amanda and Bob. We talked for a bit, and before I knew it, it was "runners, set..." and the gun.

And we were off. Marathon #9, here we go.

Since my last two were so awful, I told myself this one would be the deciding factor. If I had another bad race, it was time for a break from marathons.

7:45 7:46 7:44 7:39 7:50

I started behind the 3:25 pacer, and passed him pretty quickly, but he stayed on my heels the whole time. It was driving me crazy, I knew for a fact I was running under 7:50s, and I started BEHIND him, why was he on my tail? Annoying. Anyway, I saw my friend Dave around mile 2, and we ran together for a while, about half the race, every once in a while, one would pull ahead, but we were pretty consistent. We didn't really talk too much, it was just nice knowing someone was there.

7:47 7:44 7:35 7:40 7:46

Sometime around mile 8, I caught up to a guy in a Gettysburg Beer Runners shirt, so we chatted for a while. He and Dave started moving toward a 7:30 pace, so I let them go. The pace felt fine, but I didn't want to push it. We hit the 10-mile in 1:17 and change. Dave was near me at this point and I remember saying, "Can you believe we've gone 10 miles already?" And as much as I didn't want to think of last year, I thought of how terrible I had felt at the 10-mile mark last year. This year? I felt great. I threw my gloves to Tim at this point.

I should also add in here that I saw Tim and Amanda maybe 10 times. It was SUCH A BOOST. And it also helped so much knowing they weren't going to be too far from our next stop.

7:44 7:43 7:44 7:41 7:38

The 3:25 pacer was still on my heels. When I hit the half in 1:41, I politely asked him if he was banking time, and he got snippy with me. Spoiler alert: He finished in 3:24:01, so I was correct. A minute is a long time in a marathon.

Anyway, I still felt pretty good. Around 15, we hit the out-and-back section of the course, so I LOVED seeing everyone faster. I was super worried because I didn't see Jenn, and she felt the same way, she thought I had dropper. As it turns out, she ran a fucking 3:06. So, she was fine. I took off my long-sleeve around 14, and threw it to Tim shortly thereafter.

7:46 7:44 7:36 7:39 7:50

I hit the 20 and 2:35 and change. I was about a tenth of a mile ahead of the markers, which was annoying. Around this time, I was on the way back, so I saw all of my friends on the way out to the turnaround. That was such a boost, and there was a guy running near me at 20, and he said "Are you some kind of celebrity? Do you know EVERYONE?"

Ha.

I could see Bob wasn't too far ahead of me, so I made it my goal to catch him. I still felt pretty good. I was tired, but not overly so, and doing quick math made me realize I could slow to a near-9 minute pace and still come in under 3:30. I felt like I was slowing down, but my watch said otherwise.

7:43 7:35 7:44

I caught Bob near a water station around 22. I tried to get him to run with me, I had actually REALLY been looking forward to it, but he told me to keep going, that he would just slow me down. I was disappointed, but onward and upward.

7:59 8:11 8:20 Last .33 -7:27 pace

Around 24, I started to get REALLY tired. The 3:25 (3:24?) pacer finally passed me, but I knew I was OK. During the last mile, there is a stupid hill, and I slowed to a walk for maybe 10 seconds. It was the first time I walked all day and finally, I thought "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? RUN!" So I shuffled up.

Around 26, I saw Tim and he was screaming at me to go, so I dug as deep as I could, I definitely passed 3 or more people.

Final finish time: 3:24:37, a 2:03 PR (from 2012!) BOSTON QUALIFIER BY 10+ minutes.

7

I knew I had a PR in me, I just had to believe in myself. Alot of blood, sweat and tears went into it.

After I finished, I felt so exhilarated, but also, exhausted. Since it's such a small race, I easily found Tim, thankfully. I was freezing and nauseous, and wanted to die. EVERYTHING hurt, and I wanted to cry. I just wanted to put on my dry, warm clothes, so we went to Arooga's, but everything hurt so bad, I had to sit on the bathroom floor in my underwear to put my leggings on. OH WELL. YOLO.

We hung out there for a while with Jenn and Bob, Amanda and Bob and a few others.

We all parted ways to shower, then met back up.

Don't ask me how much food and booze was consumed because I do not want to know. We went to Midtown for beers and food, and ended at Shady's. Tim and I were home by 6:30, bed by 9, and up today for a day off! What a perfect day.