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xmagicxshopx · 4 years

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Rush Hour Pt 1

Genre: Action Adventure, Angst, Romance, Comedy Rating: PG-13 - M Warnings: drug trafficking, human trafficking, language, smut (in pt 2) Pairing: officer!jungkook x reader , officer!taehyung x oc (Nari) Notes: AU fic. Not idol!bts. Single quote marks ‘ ‘ are for thoughts and double “ “ are for talking. Additional Notes: Thank all the crime shows my parents watch for this. XD Not to mention I love the Rush Hour movies. @u@

Tagging: @grxnadxs

Summary: You and your best friend are being framed for a crime you didn’t commit and there’s only two people who believe you. Agent Inspector Jeon of the Busan Police Department and Detective Kim of the Daegu Police Department. Can they rescue you before it’s too late?

MASTERLIST

Organized Crime.

South Korea’s biggest enemy.

Financial fraud, drug trafficking, weapons smuggling, human trafficking. It was all because of organized crime and it made the police departments absolutely sick. A beast they couldn’t contain, let alone kill. Drugs were their biggest problem, really. And what drugs couldn’t produce in real cash flow, fake won made up for it. Sickening. Absolutely sickening.

“Detective Kim---Agent Inspector Jeon has arrived.”

Having been standing there watching the city with his steaming mug of hot chocolate because he’s not a coffee drinker, he simply turned his head to the officer-in-training and smiled a friendly smile before nodding his head and saying casually,

“Let the asshole in.”

“Hey, I heard that, asshat!”

Detective Kim, more commonly known as Kim Taehyung, just laughed as he set his mug down to greet one of his best friends and favorite partners in law enforcement. Walking through the door was one chuckling Jeon Jungkook, otherwise known as Agent Inspector Jeon. After performing their super secret handshake, the both of them took a seat in which Jeon sighed heavily.

“They briefed me on the situation. One of them is from Busan so they sent me over. It’s a pretty ugly case. This organization seems to have quite the record.”

“No kidding. Drug and human trafficking?? Disgusting. Makes me sick.”

Jungkook watched his older bestie tossing the folder full of files onto his desk and he couldn’t help but feel bad for him. Kim Taehyung was a good man. An honest and traditional man. Someone who one day wanted to settle down and have a family. A wife and kids. He cherished his fellow human beings so human trafficking always hit harder for him than anything else.

“Hey. We’ll catch them, hyung. They’re going to slip up and that’s when they’ll hang themselves with their own rope. In fact, it sounds like they might already have. It says they’re on the run. Armed and dangerous. But we’re more dangerous. Besides....”

Kim looked away from the window once more to see what his younger friend might be trying to say. The sight before him made the male snort and shake his blonde head in amusement. Jeon Jungkook had since stood up from his seat and was standing in a fighting position while saying with confidence that only he could pull off,

“I’ve been taking boxing lessons. These dirt bags won’t see me coming.”

“Whatever you say, Jeon. Whatever you say.”

Meanwhile, on a train heading out of Daegu.....

“I’m scared....”

You could hardly hear your best friend and honestly you couldn’t blame her. Both of your voices were hoarse from the lack of hydration. The first thing you’d do once getting to the next town would be trying to buy some bottles of water. Your tongue felt like sandpaper. Trying your best to comfort the female next to you, you simply reeled her in and let her head rest on your shoulder.

Criminals.

In the eye of the public, that’s what you were.

The world knew you both as criminals but the world couldn’t be farther from the truth. You two were just a pair of best friends who had found themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time. Simple on paper but oh-so complicated in all actuality. With an internal sigh, you gently stroked your best friend’s raven locks as you spoke up softly,

“It’s going to be okay, Nari. I’m going to take care of us. Just stick with me and everything will be fine.”

Nari, your best friend of four years, nodded gently against your shoulder as she shifted a little closer in the bus seat the two of you were sharing. Honestly, the two of you weren’t used to the silence of the bus. The life you both had been living for the last four months was anything but silent. Guns, violence, moving from home to home. It was all so chaotic.

Human trafficking.

You were no longer considered a person. No. You and your best friend had become objects to be used by scum bags who called themselves men. To be used as they saw fit. Whether it be as a cover-up for a smuggling operation or to release sexual frustration, you were no longer considered a human being. It may have only been for four months, but it’s been the longest four months of your lives.

“Once we get off the bus, I’ll get us a hotel room, okay? I managed to knock the one guy out and grab his wallet. Let’s just hope this won is legit and not fake. Otherwise we’re screwed.”

You didn’t want to scare Nari, but you had to be realistic too. The situation was not pretty but you were going to do your very best to make this as easy for her as possible. Your best friend was a soft and sensitive soul so naturally this was extremely hard on her. Not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally. The physical scars would heal, but the mental and emotional? That was a whole other ballgame.

“Let’s get off here. Surely there’s a hotel or motel near by. If not, we can always ask around.”

Back at the Daegu Police Department....

“Okay. So your prime suspects are two females, both in their 20s and South Korean natives. Squeaky clean criminal records. Not even a parking violation.”

Both Taehyung and Jungkook found themselves sporting identical expressions of confusion as their eyebrows knitted together. While the younger of the two was staring at the huge TV screen that had the suspects’ passport photos on display, Taehyung was looking through each of their files and couldn’t believe his eyes.

“The one was going to school to be a kindergarten teacher with a minor in journalism while the other has an online degree in Police Science and has taken several self-defense classes.”

While the blonde detective was rattling off more information from the files, Min Yoongi who was Daegu’s Intelligence Analyst was bringing up those very same records up on the screen for Jungkook to look over as well. Dang. It was hard to believe these girls were their prime suspects.

“The files go on to say the university student, Nari, was currently shadowing a kindergarten class when she went missing four months ago. The Police Science graduate was currently working at a cafe in Busan when she too went missing four months ago.”

“So they were together when they went missing?”

Just as Yoongi and Taehyung were about to wager a guess to the younger’s question, a new voice entered the room as a young man that went by the name of Jung Hoseok strolled in. Hoseok, or otherwise known as Hobi, was a Forensic Psychologist and had been brought it to try and figure out why two girls with absolutely no prior criminal records would be suspects in one of South Korea’s largest drug trafficking ring.

“Possibly. According to their records, they live at the same address. An apartment building on the shadier side of town. Judging from their day jobs, I would say it was all they could afford. The Busan girl commutes.”

Jungkook turned around to look at the older males with his hands stuffed in his pockets, expression pensive as he stood there in deep thought before asking out loud,

“So maybe they did it for the money?”

With a casual shrug, Hoseok looked to the TV screen where the records and photos were on display. It just didn’t add up to him. He had dealt with a lot of cases and in all his years of forensic psychology, he had never seen anything quite like this. But then again.....

“It’s not uncommon for financial stress to drive a person to commit crime. For now, they’re probably going to be your only suspects. They were seen on the storefront’s security footage with the bag as they fled the scene. Looks like it was a deal gone South.”

It was then that Yoongi pressed a button on his tablet and brought up the exact footage Hobi was referring to. The four young men watched as the two female suspects approached two men who were twice their size. Again. It didn’t make sense to Hobi. This was a professional ring. Why would a ring leader who was supposedly one of the smartest men in crime......be sending in two puny girls in their 20s to perform a hand-off???

“Looks like the one put her self defense lessons to good use. But she’s lucky neither one of them got shot.”

While Yoongi spoke in his usual calm tone, the rest of the boys watched on as the footage soon revealed the spat that took place. One man was knocked out and Taehyung could see one of the girls swiping his wallet. The last few seconds of the recording was of the girls running off while leaving the bag behind. The bag was then taken by the two men who ran in the opposite direction. Dang.

“Okay, Hobi hyung. Put your brain to work. Why would those girls try to fight when they were just going to let them have the drugs anyway? What’s the purpose here? The only crimes they committed were assault and stealing a dirt bag’s wallet.”

The psychologist took a moment to consider the young inspector’s questions. Yes. What was the purpose of the whole transaction??? All the girls got away with was a wallet and who knows if it had any actual won in it. Even if it did, the odds of the won being legit were slim to none. Still......it wasn’t adding up......there was more to this story here. That’s for sure. It was then that Taehyung spoke up as he said in an authoritative tone,

“Okay. Jeon---call in Jimin from your guys’ Busan department and have him interview the cafe manager and the staff. You and I are gonna take a trip to the kindergarten class Nari was shadowing and see if the teacher might have any insight. Maybe they got close while working together.”

He then turned to the older males in the room and added in the same tone but with more softness and naturally more respect,

“Yoongi hyung, if you can get me any further footage, maybe even some traffic cams, I’d greatly appreciate it. Maybe we can track down where they ran off to. Hobi hyung, try to take a closer look at the footage we already have. Maybe you can spot something we aren’t looking at. See if you guys can enhance the video any. Get a closer look.”

With that, the four men went to work. Innocent or not, these two women needed to be found because they could be the key to bringing down the largest drug trafficking ring in South Korea.

“There’s a convenience store. Want to grab some supplies and food and then find a place to stay?”

After receiving a timid nod from Nari, you offered her a warm smile and gently tugged her along as the two of you headed into the store. There was plenty of won in the wallet you had swiped so thankfully they could afford the necessities without having to skimp. Shampoo, body wash, water, and food. Pretty simple. Well maybe some toothbrushes and paste as well. The two of you felt absolutely disgusting and probably looked just as much.

The hotel room would probably have little bottles of shampoo and body wash, but you planned to douse yourselves in both. Now that you got to thinking about it, both of your hair looked like rats nests. Comb and brush. Okay. The list was getting longer but still. You both were a little more than ready to start feeling human again. Could anyone blame you???

Once picking out the cheapest shampoo and conditioner you could find, you went to go pick up a bottle of body wash that was just as cheap. You guys didn’t need to be in a beauty pageant, just clean. After picking a brush and comb both, you gently tugged your bestie along with you to have her pick out some food.

Ever since the human trafficking started, Nari had nearly completely shut down. She became quiet and shut off. It was hard for even you to get her to speak. Like the few moments they had alone together while waiting for their next ‘owner’ to arrive and take them ‘home’. It was so heartbreaking because your best friend was once a ray of pure sunshine. A light in the darkness.

And now she had become part of the darkness.

“Okay, Ri, what sounds good for dinner tonight? I think some instant noodles are calling our name.”

You would have loved to just call room service. However, for two reasons, you didn’t go that route. One, it wasn’t essential and therefore you didn’t want to risk wasting your limited funding on it. Two, you didn’t want to give the organization or the authorities any ammo that might help either one of them track you both down. Oh how you wanted to use this guy’s credit cards. But you knew better. Credit Cards were so easy to trace back. It was safer to use the won notes.

After allowing Nari to pick out her bowls of instant noodles, you picked out some as well before buying a loaf of bread and some peanut butter. Carbs. You both needed carbs desperately. The organization and all of your ‘owners’ hadn’t exactly taken the best care of you. Apparently you didn’t need to have a pretty or healthy body to be a sex toy. Go figure. With all of your hygienic items in one basket and the food in the other, you gently tugged your bestie along so that the two of you could pay for the items and get the heck of here.

Coughing up more notes than you wanted to, everything was paid for and the two of you were soon out into the world once more. Honestly, the weather was perfect for a nightly stroll. It had been so long since you felt so.....free. Granted you were currently on the run but you’d take what you could get. Just before you had left the store, you asked the employee on the other side of the counter if there were any hotels close by. Turns out there was. Thankfully just a block away from the store.

“Come on, Ri. Let’s get a roof over our heads and some food in our bellies. You can have first dibs on the shower. It’s gonna be okay, bestie. We’re gonna be just fine.”

You could only hope you didn’t turn into a liar. Going over it all in your head, you were pretty confident that you wouldn’t be found. At least not for a few days. But your mind was already thinking of the next steps to take. Thinking and calculating. You knew better than to think you could be on the run forever. No. You just needed a bit of time before contacting the authorities and explaining the situation; hoping they’d hear you out.

“Morning, Jeon.”

“Morning, hyung. Ugh. I didn’t sleep a wink last night. Just kept thinking about those girls. Makes no sense.”

It was a new day and the game plan was simple. Information gathering. After that, the pair would get together with Yoongi and Hobi to analyze the data collected. Meanwhile, Yoongi was going to try and see if he could use traffic cams to map out where exactly the two girls went. They could still be in Daegu for all they knew. Hobi’s job was to pick apart the suspects’ body language and see if there was anything he could identify that might help them figure out why the girls are even their prime suspects. That part still didn’t add up with any of them.

Okay so maybe not such a simple plan. But it was a plan all the same.

“It was a good call to wear something casual. We wouldn’t want to scare the kiddos.”

Taehyung honestly hadn’t thought about it till late last night. He too had a hard time sleeping. All he could think about was the girls. There was this nagging feeling telling him these girls were innocent. He highly doubted they were armed let alone dangerous. Speaking of, as he popped the trunk to his personal vehicle, he said casually,

“Probably ought to hide the guns too. These kids are young but you know how they pick up on every little thing that’s out of the ordinary.”

“Good point. You’re batting a thousand today, hyung. I’m gonna have to up my game if I’m going to keep up with you.”

“Just put your mad boxing skills to good use should something go south and we’ll be square.”

Chuckling softly, the two made their way into the building and showed the receptionist their badges before being escorted to the kindergarten classroom Nari had been shadowing. It was odd to be working in something other than their usual suit and tie. Jungkook could get used to working in his button up shirt and skinny jeans. The two could hear lots of giggling and it warmed Taehyung’s heart. God how badly he wanted to be a dad. But he needed to focus. This was a job. Not a field trip. He couldn’t let his feelings get involved.

“Good morning, Mrs. Lee. I’m Detective Kim Taehyung and this is my partner Agent Inspector Jeon Jungkook. If you have a moment, we’d like to ask you a few questions concerning the girl who was shadowing your class. She disappeared a little over four months ago. Her name is Nari. Do you remember her?”

Turns out this Nari girl was quite the ray of sunshine to be around. Naturally shy upon first meeting but once she got comfortable, she was a bit of a chatter box. Kind of cute, really. She got along great with the kids and when she had first disappeared, they immediately picked up on it and kept asking where she was. The class had even made get well cards after being told that she was simply not feeling good and needed some time off.

The whole thing silently broke Taehyung’s heart. This Nari sounded like his dream girl. Aside from the criminal part. Which still didn’t make sense. This girl enjoyed reading, writing, anime, and kids. She enjoyed several things that he too enjoyed. It was a shame to think that she possibly turned to organized crime. But for what? What was the incentive to just drop everything and turn to crime? She had such a beautiful life and it seemed like it was something she was still working on building. Why just abandon it?

“Okay, Jeon. Playtime’s over. Let’s go.”

His partner had been of little help during the questioning. However, it wasn’t entirely Jeon’s fault. The kids were insistent that he play with them. Who was a man to deny so many sets of puppy eyes??? That was how Taehyung found his younger partner currently being used as a human jungle gym. He had a kid hanging off each arm as he flexed his arm muscles to help hold them both up. A little girl was giggling and squealing in happiness as she had been placed on his shoulders, hugging his face to keep herself from falling. What a dork.

“Okay, kids. Let Mr. Jeon go so he can get back to work. And what do we say to others who play nicely with us?”

“Thank you, Mr. Jeon!”

The chorus of high pitched voices was so endearing. Perhaps Jungkook was starting to see why his hyung wanted to be a father so badly. These little ones weren’t so bad. Well that was probably a result of good parenting. Not to mention it sounded like the teacher was trying to set good examples for them too. After smiling to the kids and trying to dodge their questions of whether or not they’d be seeing him again, Jungkook quickly made his exit with his partner who was smiling and shaking his head in amusement.

Kids. Go figure. It was then that both agents heard Yoongi coming in through their ear pieces. Taehyung had just been popping the trunk back open to get their guns when the Daegu native started speaking in a calm but rushed voice,

“You two better get back to the office. Hobi made a huge discovery that’s going to change this into a whole different ballgame.”

Well that didn’t sound good.

Making haste, the two drove from the school parking lot and headed straight for the station. It wasn’t often that Yoongi sounded so urgent. He was usually pretty cool, calm, and collected. That’s what made him such an awesome analyst. He was able to look at things with a clear head. It was a trait that many in the department wish they had as well. Arriving in the information room where the male worked, Taehyung said in a breathless tone,

“What you got for us, hyung?”

But it was Hoseok that spoke up in reply; his tone grave.

“Your suspects just turned into victims.”

Wait what???

Meanwhile, you were up bright and early. It was easy and yet difficult to sleep all at the same time. The exhaustion had knocked both you and Nari out the second your heads hit the pillows of your shared king sized bed. However, it seemed like you were awake every other hour. Your body screamed sleep but your mind was on full alert. It was hard to sleep peacefully when you knew danger could be around every corner. You could open your eyes and find yourself right back in the jaws of danger.

It was exhausting, really. But this was your reality for the time being. Looking away from the window, you peered over at the sleeping figure in the bed. Poor Nari. She looked so small and frail laying there in that big bed. It was comforting to see her getting some sleep. Hopefully dreamless and restful. Last night had been wonderful. Their first night where they weren’t held in some kind of captivity. No disgusting cages or dirty food and water. For the first night in four months, they were just two girls hanging out. No longer objects. But humans.

They were humans again.

Deciding it was safe to take a shower, you tiptoed your way to the bathroom and just cracked the door so that it wouldn’t let all the steam out. Gosh the shower last night had been amazing! Hot water, soap. It was wonderful! The both of you had brushed your teeth twice just for good measure too. While you allowed the water to warm up, you thought about the tasks at hand today. The plan sounded simple but it was going to be tricky regardless.

A disguise. You both needed a disguise. Just until you could get your thoughts together and a plan for when you notified the authorities. You didn’t want to just go waltzing in the Daegu Police Department with hands in the air. No. You needed a plan. You needed to be able to prove your innocence. And that was when you thought of those disgusting bracelets you had to wear. Ugh. They were the ugliest shade of orange too. It was surly a color you’d despise for the rest of your life.

“They’re what?!”

Jungkook tried to put a gentle hand on his partner’s shoulder but it got roughly shrugged off. Taehyung was furious. Absolutely furious. Seeing red. That was all the male could see as he stared at Yoongi and Hoseok. The two had just informed them that the two suspects were actually being trafficked and were part of the transaction that took place on the storefront camera footage they were able to obtain.

Human trafficking. These two poor girls were being handed off along with the drugs. It all made sense now. The one using her knowledge in self defense to try and disarm and distract the punks. Swiping the wallet and yet leaving the drugs behind. It all finally added up. These girls weren’t criminals at all. There was a reason their records were so squeaky clean. They never asked for this. They were forced into it. They didn’t go missing willingly. They were kidnapped.

“It’s gonna be okay, Tae. I was able to get access to the town’s traffic cams and I think I know what city they’re in. But you gotta calm down first. The chief isn’t going to let you go into this guns blazing and you know that.”

However, the blonde detective wasn’t entirely listening. It was like his ears were filled with water. He just stood there staring at the single clue that lead Hobi and Yoongi to discovering what was actually going on in the footage from earlier. Each girl sported an orange colored wristband. After doing some digging, Yoongi had discovered it was an inside tagging system for women who were being trafficked. Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. It left a horrible taste in Taehyung’s mouth as he thought of Nari......Nari........

It was then that the feline looking male spoke up but this time directed his attention to the younger inspector.

“Kook---Take him to the cafe around the corner. I’ll forward you guys what I believe to be their city of refuge. It’s not too terribly far from here but it’s a drive. Looks like they took the bus.”

“Thanks, Yoongi hyung. Come on, buddy. Let’s go have a drink.”

That was how Taehyung wound up sitting at a small table with a steaming to-go cup of hot chocolate. Meanwhile, Jungkook had opted for an iced americano. Ugh. Gross. While the younger was looking over the traffic cam footage Yoongi had forwarded to his phone, the detective simply stared out the window of the local cafe. His partner had tried to place a single glazed doughnut in front of him to go with his hot chocolate but Tae had touched neither one; too lost in thoughts of the sweet college student trying to become a kindergarten teacher.

His dream girl.

‘I bet she wants to have kids too someday.....I’ll make sure she has that chance. I’m gonna find her. And I’ll save her.’

The young inspector, on the other hand, was more focused on you. What was your story? Certainly you weren’t going to be working as a barista the rest of your life. The fact that you had taken an online course in Police Science intrigued him. Perhaps you were interested in going into law enforcement? That would be cool. Especially since you were a Busan native. What would be the chances of you working in the same station as him?

“Okay, Ri. Today we’re gonna try and get some fresh clothes and maybe do something with our hair. Basically we need a disguise. Just until we can get our thoughts together and figure out how to notify the police without it looking like we’re turning ourselves in.”

It saddened you when all your best friend did was nod. Again....she used to be so talkative. So bright and cheery. You weren’t sure you were going to be able to take her out of this hotel room just yet. While your guys’ physical scars were already starting to heal, there were far deeper cuts that needed attention. Carefully taking a seat next to her on the bed, you gently wrapped an arm around her and spoke in a soft and soothing tone,

“Nari, baby. You gotta talk to me. I’m no therapist but I think being your best friend has to count for something. You can tell me anything. So please, say something.”

“You could have died.....”

Hmm? Out of all the things you were expecting Nari to say, that definitely wasn’t one of them. Before you could ask her to clarify, she did it for you as she added in explanation,

“They had guns, bestie. And they were shooting at us. They were shooting at you. I was so scared you’d get hit and die. I’ve lost so much. I can’t lose you too. Please---”

“Hey, hey. Shhh. It’s okay, Ri. It’s okay.”

You sat there at the foot of the bed hugging a sobbing Nari; gently rocking the both of you back and forth as you allowed the girl to cry out her feelings. You had been in such a constant state of survival mode, that you hadn’t taken into account how the dangers of the whole situation would affect her. Of course seeing your best friend get shot at would be traumatizing. Gently kissing the girl’s forehead while stroking her hair with a free hand, you said softly and soothingly,

“I’m sorry I scared you, Ri. It wasn’t my intentions. I just......I needed to get us out of there and it was the only way I knew how. And the good news is, we’re not only alive, but we’re free. No more drugs, no more trafficking. We’re humans again and we’re gonna get through this together. I’m with you every step of the way. Okay? Together?”

You held out your pinkie finger for her to take and was happily surprised to see her return the gesture by weakly wrapping her pinkie around your own. This was progress. It was the most Nari had said since the two of you escaped from the organization. Hopefully with this off her chest, she’d open up a little more and just maybe, things would get back to some kind of normal between you two. You really didn’t want to lose your best friend. Nari wasn’t the only one in that hotel room who had lost a lot.

With the both of you feeling a little bit better, you carefully stood up from the bed and brought your bestie along with you. It would be okay. You’d make it be okay no matter the cost. It was time to get out of these disgusting clothes and find something more suitable for wear. Not to mention your hair needed a trim something awful. Then again.....you were willing to go the extra mile for a disguise if it meant surviving to see real freedom.

Deciding it wasn’t smart to stay in one place for two nights in a row, you made the plan to get your clothes, get stuff needed for your hair, maybe purchase a couple duffel bags, and make your next move. That was as far as you had gotten in the planning. Should the two of you stay in this town or perhaps travel back to Daegu? Maybe Busan? Ugh. You just didn’t know yet. Okay. One step at a time, here. One step at a time.

Crossing the street, you had heard from the hotel desk clerk that there was a hand-me-down store for clothing not too far from where they were staying. That would be perfect! You didn’t need to look like models. You just needed some clean clothes to wear. And you had saw where a pharmacy was close by as well. You decided to dye your hair and cut it yourself but you just weren’t sure what color to get. Poor Nari, on the other hand, was way too happy with her hair and especially the color. So to try and find some even ground, the two of you had agreed on a hat. She could tie up her hair and wear a baseball cap. That would work.

While Nari wanted something pretty, you were more focused on trying to disguise yourself as much as possible. In fact, when you came out of the dressing room with a plain white t-shirt tucked into a pair of black skinnies and a black blazer to match; paired with black combat boots that looked like they could kill, Nari couldn’t stop herself from mumbling shyly,

“You look like a boy if it wasn’t for your boobs and long hair.”

“That’s the plan.....babe.”

You couldn’t help but grin as you watched your best friend blush heavily. Don’t get the wrong picture, the both of you were far more into boys. But it was cute to tease your bestie because as much as you loved her, she was such a cute and easy target. When you heard that familiar whine of mortification, you couldn’t help but feel your chest bubble with happiness and relief. Perhaps that talk in the hotel room really did do some good. Nari just simply needed to get some feels off her chest.

After he got Taehyung to finally eat and drink something, Jungkook ended up lugging his butt up from the cafe chair and hauled him outside into the fresh air. It wasn’t like his older friend to get stuck in his feels like this. Sure human trafficking had always been a sore subject, but he was taking it to a completely new level of sore. Stuffing his hands in his pockets and squinting against the sun’s rays, the young inspector said casually,

“Jimin said there wasn’t much to report on the barista from Busan. Apparently she was trying to save her tips from the cafe in order to go into law school. She’s on the fence of whether or not she wants to be a cop or an attorney.”

Jungkook really wanted to meet you. You fascinated him to no end. First the course in Police Science and now law school? You sounded super cool with how you had taken several self defense classes as well. He wondered if you liked boxing......Yeah......maybe he could teach you one day.

Wait what???

Shaking his head to clear it, it was then that he heard Yoongi coming on the ear piece once more.

“Your girls are on the move. They stayed at a hotel last night but they’ve not made any further reservations. Apparently one of the other guests recognized them in the hallways. I informed the manager to keep it quiet because we don’t want to scare them off. If we’re lucky, we can catch them before they depart. The manager said they’ve not returned the room keys yet.”

“Thanks, hyung. Keep us posted.”

“No problem. Forwarding you guys the hotel address now.”

“You hear that, hyung? We’re gonna find them and it’s gonna be okay.”

Feeling a hearty pat on his shoulder, Taehyung nodded and tried to give his younger partner a smile. The two girls must be so scared. Running from not only the organization, but the law as well. When in all reality, this had since then turned into a rescue mission. This was definitely a first for him in his career of law enforcement. Pulling himself together, the blonde squared his shoulders and held his head up high as he walked to the car. Meanwhile, Jeon was reading off the directions to the city where the girls were currently staying in.

“So.....Hyung.......You seem pretty invested in this case. You wanna talk about it?”

Yoongi was right when he said it was a bit of a drive. At the same time, Jungkook couldn’t help but mentally praise the girls for thinking of taking such a far, out-of-the-way route to escape danger. It was a quieter town too. Or so he had heard. Listening to the ticking sound of the vehicle’s turn signal, the blonde detective finally spoke up but in a small voice.

“I just want to find them and bring those dirt bags to justice.”

Okay. So clearly his hyung wasn’t ready to talk about it. Which was totally fine. But it was easier to work with a Kim Taehyung when he had his head on straight and he wasn’t thinking with his heart instead of his brain. Subconsciously nibbling on his bottom lip, a nervous habit of his, Jungkook silently nodded and turned his attention to his phone. With the help of Yoongi and his ability to enhance images, he was able to get a better look at the two girls they were trying to rescue.

“They’re both kind of cute. Once you get past their bird nest hairstyles and grungy clothing.”

That didn’t seem to make matters any easier as Jungkook could hear his hyung gripping the steering wheel all the tighter; the sound of his skin squeaking against the material of the wheel. Oops....

“What hotel was it again? I think we might be approaching the town soon.”

Yeah. Definitely not ready to talk about it.

“Bestie.....are you sure you want to do this? We can get you a ball cap too, you know. It doesn’t have to be this extreme.”

“I’m absolutely positive, Nari. Lay it on me.”

Nari couldn’t believe what she was about to do to her best friend’s hair. It was already painful enough to watch you chop it all off. She knew the point was for you to look as far from yourself as possible but still......This was just crazy. You had chopped your own hair off and now sported a boy cut of sorts. Bangs hung in your eyes to try and hide them while your back had been completely taken up. Not a single strand of hair was hanging down or coming anywhere close to your shoulders. Nothing framing your face. Just your bangs.

“They won’t be looking for a blonde, Nari. Just trust me.”

And that was how you got your hair bleached for the first time ever. It was worth it, though. Everything you were doing, you were doing for you and Nari both. What was a little hair if it meant keeping you both alive and getting your tickets to true freedom? It was so worth it in your mind and you could only hope your bestie would see that too. With time.

After washing and drying it, you stood there in the hotel bathroom mirror with your girl next to you. Nari looked shocked and a bit pale while you were grinning like an idiot. This was perfect. Sporting your outfit you had picked out from the store and turning your head this way and that way to inspect your new hairstyle, you couldn’t wait to throw both the organization and the police for a loop.

They’d never see you coming.

“Okay, Ri. Sadly we can’t stay here. We gotta keep moving. Let’s check out and find a different place to stay. We’ll grab a bus to the next city over and grab another hotel room. We still have plenty of won left. The guy was stupid enough to leave his wallet loaded.”

Helping your bestie secure her baseball cap on and making sure her hair was tucked in nice and neat, you couldn’t help but think how cute she looked dressed so casually compared to the rags she was forced to wear for the last four months of her life. Nari was way too pretty to wear such filth. You couldn’t wait for things to get back to normal. The first thing you’d do is take her shopping for some pretty new clothes to wear to the kindergarten class she shadowed. You knew how much she loved those kids.

Once the both of you packed your items from the convenience store last night and the new batch of instant noodles and snacks from the pharmacy earlier today, you hoisted up the duffel bags and made your way out of the room; making it look just as it did when you arrived. It would be like you were never even here. Although you couldn’t help but notice how deadly quiet it was in the hotel hallways.

“Thanks for staying with us. Have a wonderful day!”

Cool. You were out and on the street once again. The next step in your plan was simple. Find a bus routing out of town to the next city and hop on. Simple, right? Just as you were about to make a step for the bus stop down the street, you felt something hard and cold pressing into the small of your back. Not only that, but a chin rested on your shoulder and whispered in your ear,

“Scream and I’ll shoot you right where you stand, slut.”

Well that sucks.

#bts #jungkook #taehyung #jeon jungkook #kim taehyung #jungkook bts #taehyung bts #jungkook smut #taehyung smut #bts smut #jungkook x reader #taehyung x oc #officer!jeon #officer!jungkook #officer!taehyung #officer jeon #bts fanfiction #jungkook fanfiction #taehyung fanfiction

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ussjellyfish · 5 years

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Darling offspring is sleeping (he throws his hands up adorably and I love him) and I should be sleeping but I hung out with my mom today and wow. Just...

Narcissistic mother under the cut

Other parts of my family have suspected my mother is a narcissist, or at least has narcissistic tendencies for a long time. I think I’m slower to put it together than most. (part of me really does want her to like me so I can have a maternal relationship with her, this...is never going to happen. She’ll never like me, she’s incapable of it)

so last weekend she wanted to borrow my car to drive to Madison. (or my brother’s car, anyone’s really). she drives to my flat from hers (which is 45 mins if she doesn’t take the freeway). She isnt’ taking the freeway because she has snow tires on her car still (it’s May) and she hasn’t changed the oil in her car since she bought it in December (it’s definitely overdue, considering how much she drives.

She wants to drive to Madison (520 miles round trip). Poor car definitely should have at least an oil change. Claims she only has enough money for gas. Bank froze her paycheck or something.

Banks are always out to get her, it’s shocking.

She also needs to pay for her health insurance ($60) or she can’t get her ADD meds, and she’s making bad choices because of her ADD meds.

And she needs my car so she can drive to Madison, because she only has about the $60 in gas to get there. She can’t drive on winter tires. She can’t drive with needing the oil change.

I sat no. I don’t usually say no. She’s pissed because she drove out here, all the way and I wasted her time, because I’m judging her, because she defended me when I went to Phoenix. I won’t let her have any fun. I’m judging her for being poor.. She helped me when I was broke. (she owed me money at the time).

and it goes on for quite some time, and she leaves.

She did go to Madison, her friend lent her money for tires, she found the money for an oil change, she’s making payments. (no health insurance though).

She wants to spend time together so we go for a walk. She has plans so I drive to her side of town (20 minutes if you take the freeway)/

We go for a walk so she can bring her untrained little dog. (I actually feel bad for the dog because she’s mean to him, hasn’t trained him at all, so he’s not really kid/baby, person holding a baby friendly he’s neurotic, he jumps, it’s not good)

It’s pretty but Felix is fussy because he didn’t get a good morning nap.

She has stories about her job, she drives a commuter bus and it’s weird and random and I care very little about how great a driver she is or how pretty her routes are or how much of a martyr she is to drive the broken busses. whatever.

She offers to help with getting Felix in and out of stroller, carrier (he doesn’t want to stroll or be carried. She’s not helpful.

She mentions that she though I had shaved my hair into a mohawk. (It’s falling out, this...is a not helpful comment).

She’s hungry so we go eat. She’s not eating wheat or eggs or dairy or pork, and yet suggests barbecue ribs (ummm pork) won’t do Mexican (too much cheese) but then suggests it) and eventually we end up at Raising Cain’s, which has chicken strips battered in wheat flour and eggs. But if she just doesn’t eat the toast...she’s fine.

She asks what it feels like to be eclipsed by my baby. If I had fun showing him off in Phoenix. . (because yes, I travelled simply to show him off, not to see friends or spend time with people who like him, like, that alone. The simple gift of someone you trust holding the kid and knowing he’s happy so you can do something else for a minute or two).

Theres some more pettiness, quick, the kind of jibes I almost don’t realize are jibes until she says them.

Then she wants a picture of her holding him. Not of him, of her holding him. So she can be the good grandma. She doesn’t have one since the day he was born.

Because she’s really held him a handful of times, because ost of the time she has the dog when we see her, because hwe see her maybe once a month.

Because she doesn’t care about her grandkids. I used to wonder why she never made an effort wth Eleanor. I was incensed on Eleanor’s behalf (kiddo is fucking adorable).

Today I got it. She actually doesn’t care. She is incapable of loving her kids, or her grandkids, and the most grandkids are is something that fills her narcissism. She’s such a good grandparent. She came to help.

but she can’t help. She probably can’t be trusted to ever be alone with either of them because she’s manipulative, mean, petty, entirely self absorbed, lacking in empathy, and as incapable of loving them as she is her own kids.

I remember a few therapists who insisted that parents always love their children, that that was a constant.

It’s not. She doesn’t. Part of me would love to have that positive this is my mom relationship. It will never exist.

lots to talk about at therapy this week. One blog talked about the tentacles or a narcissist parent and damn, if that wasn’t the words to explain how I felt. She doesn’t touch me becaue she loves me, it’s to take. So I love her.

And she’ll be the same way with the kidlet, and of course he’ll love her, he’s a tiny human and they love so easily, but that’s loving a smoldering radioactive slag heap of a person. Kiddo, you’re just going o have to have distance.

#mental healthy cw #family issues cw

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becauseiamnotanelephant · 6 years

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They said I was crazy. Definitely possible.

I got up at 5 today. That’s the earliest I have been up for this whole trip and the only day I got to chose the time to get out of bed. It’s going to be an Aviva sort of day.

All packed up, I checked my luggage at the front desk of the hotel, booked a cab for later tonight, made a stop at the ATM, and then walked to the metro station, about 20 minutes away. It’s definitely Monday; I was walking against the commuter crowds getting off the train. The metro here is great, easy to use, cheap, clean, and you get great views along the way, but the way in which people use it is a little wacky. At every station I have been at, no matter the time of day, there are tremendous queues of people waiting to buy a ticket. You have to imagine most people using the metro are locals who could buy weekly or monthly tickets, so this baffles me.

I waited in the queue with everyone else and then made my way to the Caribe station, where I transferred to the bus station. Similar in many ways to the Port Authority except I have no idea what anyone is saying. Luckily I had done some research beforehand so I knew which ticket window to use, and bought a ticket to Guatape. I am attempting this trip on my own, which costs about a fifth of the price of a guided tour but will be more than five times the adventure.

I get on the bus at the noted location, and see two French guys on the bus, too, which is a good sign that I am in the right spot. Mind you, this is not NJ transit, this is a 20-person bus that locals take as a cheap way to get around the countryside and between towns up in the hills and the city. Chinatown bus-esque, but very different. A man brought 50 eggs on the bus with him to bring home, and three other guys got on with machetes. I asked the guy next to me if this bus was going to Guatape. No, he said, its the bus next to this one. This was strange, since the bus was in the slot I was directed to, but I was somewhat relieved to get off the bus with fellow passengers carrying machetes.

I got off the bus and onto the other, asked if this was the bus to Guatape. No, they said, it’s the one I was just on.

And so it begins.

I get off the second bus and go back to the first bus and the driver says something I can’t pretend to understand, and then gets in the bus and backs out of the spot to leave. And then pulls into the spot adjacent to it. Fucker parked in the wrong spot. Of course I will get on the wrong bus.

French boys have gotten off the bus at this point, and there is a third gringo watching and figuring things out, as well. Finally the correct bus pulls into the correct spot, we all get on, and are on our way. Just like most places, salsa and bachata music play the whole time. Like two hours, whole time.

I end up sitting next to the third gringo guy and after chatting a bit, he joins me for the climb up the 675 steps at the giant rock at El Penol, the walk to Guatape, and for lunch in the town before I head back to Medellin. I’d really rather spend the day on my own, but despite being Ukranian and living in Amsterdam, his Spanish is much better than mine and I don’t mind the navigational assistance.

The rock we climbed towers over the surrounding landscape, and it’s amazing how they built the zig zag steps up to the top. And the views from the top of the man made lake, and therefore man made islands, are really incredible. Not much to do after taking in the view and grabbing a few shots, so then we made our way down. Getting from the rock to the adjacent small town was about a 40 min walk, and was worth it compared to the 10 min tuk tuk ride because there were some small little hiking sections with some more great views, plus a rickety suspension bridge I got to walk over across the highway.

The town of Guatape was very cute with lots of colorful little houses, each with its own plaques along its frontage, generally representing the industry or profession of those who live there. We walked around a bit, grabbed some food, and then he met up with some other friends and I got the bus back to Medellin. The sign at the entry of the town was my favorite; it listed facts about the town- elevation, population, and temperature. 22 degrees celcius, in print. It is that temperature so frequently that they added it as a fact about the place.

The bus ride back was less eventful than the one in the morning and I successfully made it back to the metro in less than two hours. From there, I transferred to a different tram line, to go explore Comuna 13, historically one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in Medellin. It has transformed since then, but is still quite dangerous and tourists are not advised to travel alone. This, says the tourist traveling alone.

But first, I was distracted by the funicular, which is part of the metro system. It doesn’t really go to anywhere safe, but I felt it would be fine to take it to the end of the line and then turn around and come back, which was more than fine - it was the best part of the whole day. The funicular must have hundreds of little pods, each carrying 8 people. The system never stops - it just slows down at the stations for people to get on and off. The ride in each car is smooth and peaceful as you hover over some of the poorest communities, full of cobbled together houses made with cinder blocks and covered with corrugated metal roofs. The most amazing part of the system, however, to me at least, is that the funicular actually has multiple stops along the way - it’s not just taking you from point A to B, but has stations along the way. And it goes so far up into the hills, that it actually goes up and down over the ridges of the hills. It was so much fun that I went all the way to the end, went back to the beginning, and then did the ride all over again. On the way back to the starting point, one of the pods behind us got stuck leaving one of the stations. I was with seven other people, all of them speaking Spanish, and when the whole system stopped working, they started talking to each other and I didn’t have a clue what was really going on except that I did understand the word “pendulum”. Apparently when the pod spacing is off, it throws the whole system off, and everyone has to wait for things to get rebalanced at the next station. In the meantime, hanging in the sky by a cable and stopping abruptly results in all the pods swaying like a pendulum. So I did know what they were talking about. I also picked up a few words here in there about how they even think some of the neighborhoods up in the hills are dangerous. I definitely understood when they said something was dangerous, and when they started talking about cartels. It was kind of amazing that in such a dangerous place that you could get stuck in the air with seven other people but feel totally safe.

I finally stopped riding the funicular and went via taxi to see the Comuna 13 area. If I wasn’t alone I’d feel safer overall, but the neighborhood between the station and the escalators to the heart of the Comuna 13 didn’t really appeal to me. A taxi was a good idea. I went up the escalators, saw many tourists up there, but still didn’t feel comfortable wandering around much, so made my way back down and got another taxi back to the station. I feel like I wimped out a little, but I feel like I am smart enough to know when I don’t feel safe.

Back at the main station, I got a train back to the main metro route to go back to the area I was staying. On the train were about six really tall (over 6′) Australian guys that I had seen up by the escalators. They were probably 20 years old, if that, and just hanging out and goofing around on the train. The best part of them being there was that no one in Colombia is 6′ tall and the women sitting next to me were incredulous. I know how to say “grande” and pretended to have some small talk with these women, but after about two words I had to give up and tell them I didn’t speak Spanish. I was then adding to the excitement. One of the women was a girl about 17 years old and she was freaking out. She said “my name is Isabella” to me and I told her my name - the chance to speak English with someone seemed like it was the highlight of the year for her, and I told her the guys were Australian. She nearly fainted. This was way too much excitement for her. Six tremendously tall guys with blond hair and blue eyes - she looked like she was in heaven. It was hilarious (and also interesting that her and the other women also noticed directly the color of everyone’s eyes - I don’t really think about seeing blue or green eyes as drastically different than brown - different yes, but not unusual).

I transferred to the other train line and it was so packed and hot in the car that one woman fainted on the train just as I was getting on. It was incredible to watch how people dealt with the situation. Several other passengers picked her up and got her off the train within seconds, another passenger hit the emergency button on the train to alert the police, who came immediately, undid the emergency call, and went to tend to the woman, as the train doors closed and we left the station. No delay to the subway operations. It was amazing! I imagine in NY it would be a 30 minute delay, at a minimum.

I walked back to the El Poblado neighborhood, bought some souvenirs, had dinner, went back to the hotel, and got my cab to the airport. We drove up the same road I biked on two days ago; I can’t even believe I biked up that hill. But the views were clear so I asked the driver to stop so I could see the views of the city all lit up at night, which he did, before continuing to the airport.

It’s the beginning of the end. A red-eye flight home with a 9 AM meeting. Not much chance for adjusting to reality...

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booksbroadwaybbc · 6 years

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Walked Away from 1st ever Job, Want to work but I am Uncertain/Anxious about what to do and who to listen too. via /r/selfimprovement

Walked Away from 1st ever Job, Want to work but I am Uncertain/Anxious about what to do and who to listen too.

So this is me currently:

18 years old living with parents.

HS Diploma (Graduated last Month)

Have an Adult Drivers License and Car for commuting.

2500 in cash saved up. Money Received from family/relatives over the last decade + Money made from selling on ebay +

Doing Paid Surveys.

I was interested in someway of making money online instead of a job at 16. I even opened a Tax Exemption ID soon after I turned 18 in 2017 in hopes of starting an online ebay / amazon business. That failed since upfront investment was too much too handle and competition was fierce. There was almost zero room for entry. Other sellers had great prices and so much to offer, While I had nothing much. I was just a guy selling the same stuff that others had been doing since forever and were damn good at it.

Business/Entrepreneurship is off the table since I called my states Department of Revenue to notify I am permanently out of business and closed the tax ID I opened. Why? I kept getting notices in the mail titled Delinquent, saying I need to file business tax returns otherwise my ass was getting penalized.

I really regret not going for a part time job at 16 and just working my way up into something, but the past is the past.

Moving on to 2018, A few weeks ago (right after finishing High School) my mindset was find any job at any pay level, start somewhere and work your way up. This still is my mindset but...

I walked out on my very first job a few days ago. I didn't even tell anyone I was leaving or quitting. It was a rash choice that was just made. The next few lines are alot to read, sorry about that.

How I got this job I walked out on and what happened there:

I told my dad I applied to a job without telling him. I later learned applying there was useless since I applied too late, there open interviews took place in May and I applied in June. Whoops.

My dad was furious and told me that getting hired somewhere requires using people in the inside. He basically told me that you need someone to vouch for you, a reference from someone already working at the place you applied to. This is what my dad did to get my older sister a job after she finished college. This is obviously not entirely true, but my dad is just hard to talk too and doing something like this behind is back and not agreeing with him is like the same as murder.

After he cooled down he got in touch with some of his friends to get me a job at a manufacturing company. This company just opened a new plant and is hiring lots of people. My dad has lots of friends working for this company but at different plants. They are all making decent money and have been getting by. But some of them including my parents told me the reality of working in manufacturing. They told me its not for everyone and it is physical labor that requires endurance, patience, stamina and that it is tough stuff and should not be taken lightly at all, go to school or do something else. My parents have years of experience working in manufacturing and did not want me to go this route. They were super skeptical about this choice I made and were very worried about me. Despite all of that I shrugged it off and went to the office, applied and got an interview date. I did the interview and was given a tour of the plant.

I got asked some questions like where do you see yourself in 5 years? What comes first, safety, production or efficiency?

stuff like that.

A week later I get a phone call to do a drug test. I go to this place and get that done. And a few more days pass and another call comes in. This call is from HR about Orientation. I go to orientation and I am very nervous because I literally have zero employment history. Never worked before. Everyone there was well above my age and had experience. My voice is low when I get anxious and I just felt really panicky. The HR lady even called me out and said she shes me peeping and asked if I was okay. I said I am fine and we moved on. She was right though. I was quiet and really anxious about everything as we discussed OSHA safety and other procedures. I asked only a few questions. We all signed a lot of paperwork and just felt exhausted by the end. I was given A/B schedule and had work the next day. I also had a folder full of stuff and a badge and papers to take to work the next day. We were told to clock in before 6:55, thats when our pay started.

The rest of the day I am just thinking long and hard about this decision. The what if? anxiety was also present the whole day. I managed to fall asleep. I got up real early at 5:30. Hit the freeway and showed up in time. I keyed myself in using the badge I was given. Someone told me I should speak to the supervisor since I am new. I went to the supervisors office and was told to wait in the break room. A lady came to me and introduced me to the plant. She was very nice and courteous. Then she left me with one of the managers and I started working. We were making clorox toilet wands. I struggled for the first 5 minutes than figured out what I was doing. I than started working on one of the assembly lines which was easy. Than there was break and I sat and ate some food, And I probably sat for about 20-25 minutes. I asked someone when break ends and learned I should report back to work. I go back and I am doing something different. Packaging. I sucked at it and the lady who trained me got me doing something else. This was more manageable. But it hurt. Physically. The work was fast paced and my back was having it bad. My legs were too. I don't know exactly how long I did it but I am going to guess it was about 2 hours. This task involved standing forever and placing a clorox container in a package. It did it hundreds of times. Eventually we stopped for a break. There were three 20 min breaks. This job was a 12 hour job from 7 am to 7 pm. Pay was 12 per hour. As I worked I wondered hard that If I really wanted to do this long term. During the orientation we learned that promotions were available after 3 months and if you learned an apprenticeship you can make bank and have a career. This company was a solid company and good pay was there, but the job. The job was physical. As I watched other people do there jobs I had nothing but mad respect for the work they were putting in. When we stopped for that break I was just like "man, do I really want to do this for a living? I am not disrespecting the job or the people there but the work was physical. I only worked for like 2-3 hours and was aching pretty bad. I Even overhead some veteran employees in the break room say "Im Tired".

Another 8 more hours where left to go. We even had to stop the machine for a few minutes cause one of my finger nails started bleeding. I had to run and get a Band Aid and put on some gloves. I worked with those gloves on for some time and the second break came. I went to the bathroom and just wondered about leaving. And that is what I did. I got my lunch box, and walked out. A few people saw me. And I just got in my car, and drove away. I stopped at a local park, rolled my seat and windows down, and just sat there wondering wtf am I going to do with my life. Forget years. forget months. Where will I be with in the next 24 hours? These last couple months I have made so many rash choices. I don't have any ambitions, passions, or talents. I just want to make a living, enough to live and get by, But have no idea how to get there. I have no idea how to work my ass into the middle class.

Should I listen to myself?

My inner self says try out jobs in my area, find one that sticks, work my ass off and build experience. Then work your way up with the same company or different ones.

Or Should I listen to my parents?

Parents want me to go to the local community college. Or work part time and do college. College is totally required in there opinions.

College scares the hell out of me. Alot of people come out with debit, and unable to find jobs in there field. I know teachers, family friends, and countless other people who were not able to find a job with there degree and took on jobs in something else. College is also years of investing your time, I am not ready for that. I also slacked off real bad academically after my sophomore year. I left honors classes and took regular. Did not play sports or join any clubs. I wasted not only my time, But my school and teachers time.

I do not have a specific interest in any major or career. I feel I need to start at the very bottom of any job and work my way up in baby steps. But I am really anxious to apply to other jobs ever since I walked out of that job.

I still need to contact HR to tell them I left which I certainly will do.

With all that being said I realized I need to relax since I am okay. I have been doing chores, babysitting my nephew and helping my parents with things. I don't have kids, rent, debt collectors coming after me and other horrors people out in the world are facing. Even my parents are telling me its not the end of the world, but then My mother says all the time that you will by dreading your ass off in the future for not listening to them. That I will regret not getting a higher education. I respect the advice they give me, but at the end of the its up to me what I do and everything has been rash, unexpected, and just mentally stressful.

or am I eating my own words for not agreeing with them?

Freaking anxiety. It just floats in my head all day.

This is what I have in mind as of 7/8/2018

First thing I need to do is contact HR that I walked away from that job.

Then, I have been looking at other jobs in my area and have found some that are not as labor intensive. No worried about pay, just getting experience is most important.

I want to apply to them and push anxiety aside. One job is even taking open interviews.

Things I have learned and remind myself everyday despite Anxiety

We learn by doing.

Fear is a state of mind.

Your life could be way worse, be thankful for everything you have.

You cant change the past, but you can learn from it.

Dont Complain at all, do what needs to be done.

I am honestly wondering why I am making this. I have thought many times before to sit down and talk with someone or post on reddit about my personal problems. I have watched lots of Gary Vaynerchuck videos on Youtube as well. Gary says complaining and telling people my problems to people instead of doing something about it and listening to other people suppress you from what you feel you should do is wrong. This is very true, but I find myself stressing my self with anxiety more than ever. I really don't now what's going to happen to me. I am very afraid of failure. I don't want to fuck up. I want to make it out of low/ no income status. My mind gets to me all the time.

Any Advice is very much appreciated and I cant thank you enough for taking your own personal time to read this.

Submitted July 09, 2018 at 03:51AM by intertwinedthings via reddit https://ift.tt/2NBajZf

#IFTTT #reddit

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russellthornton · 7 years

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How to Be Present: The Guide to Find Your Zone of Calm Perfection

You want to know how to be present and achieve inner peace – in a fast-moving world. It’s not easy, but can you do this and still be externally successful?

Want less stress and anxiety? Or to simply feel more in control of your own life, rather than the prisoner to the ho-hum momentum: wake, commute, work, eat, sleep… we’ve all been there. Learning how to be present and stilling your mind is a great way to slow things down, so that you actually get to enjoy the moment and choose how you feel.

What does it mean to be present?

You might know the term presence as mindfulness or as something that you experience during meditation. There are many gurus and scientists out there with different ways of breaking down presence, but for the most part, when you’re present you’re not thinking – you’re just connected to the moment.

So trying to express presence in words – a form of thinking – is always going to be tricky. I’ll try to break down how I see it, as it’s certainly made me more resilient to weak and neurotic thoughts and allowed me to take on big responsibilities – from personal coaching and public speaking to managing teams and running workshops.

First, it’s not about blinking out of consciousness. In fact, being present is as it sounds – being connected to the moment – it’s a form of deliberate focus.

However, in a digital world, we often interpret focus as being able to ‘multitask’ on many different things at once, including our instant text messages and e-mails. In these states, however, our attention is actually split.

Scientifically speaking, humans have ancient and newer parts to their brains. The reptile and limbic parts control more automated impulses such as breathing and fight or flight reactions. Largely, what we’re doing when we’re becoming present is tapping into the newer part – the neocortex, which is responsible for higher-order functions such as impulse control. [Read: 20 positive ways to live in the moment and enjoy the now]

Why is being present good for effectiveness?

Say you’re struggling to get an essay assignment done for university at the last minute. You’re working like a crazy person, filled with an ever-increasing dread and panic – imagining all the bad things that could happen if you don’t get the essay done on time:

– ‘I’ll get a zero’

– ‘I’ll have to retake the module’

– ‘I’ll fail the course’

– ‘I’ll be unemployed’

– ‘Everyone will think I’m a loser’

Being present, on the other hand, would allow you to view the situation as it is – without attaching meaning to it – all of the additional monkey-mind thought chatterings that humans are programmed to produce when faced with uncertain situations.

Instead of 15 multilayered problems, being present would allow you to detach from your panic, and see You and the Task more clearly. Think of it as stilling chaotic waters – from this stiller vantage point, you’d be more likely to see what the situation needed, for you to achieve a desirable outcome. You might even conclude that there is no problem at all, but that your panicked thinking has made it so. [Read: How to find peace and make it a real state of mind]

Here’s how to be present AND effective in the real world

Who wouldn’t want to carry around a sense of peace and self-control, rather than panic and fear? But perhaps the bigger question is – if you want to know how to present, how do you do this without becoming unconcerned with achieving external success?

Here’s how be present but still KILL IT in important areas of your life.

#1 Reverse how you see comfort and focus. Cal Newport – author of the book Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World, suggests taking a break from deep focus, and not the other way around.

Boredom, repetition, focused attention, discipline, discomfort. These words may all seem like bottomless pits of misery, but if you can learn to recognize them, you can then take the next step – to completely accept sinking into the feelings you are trying to run away from.

On the other side of pain is something else. Get comfortable with discomfort – over time, facing discomfort will become a different feeling – of sinking into the satisfying richness of deep focus. Make focus the norm and distraction a deliberate break from focus. This ability is closely associated with presence and success. [Read: 16 powerful secrets of self-improvement you can’t ignore]

#2 Think of presence as a gym workout. Meditation can be challenging at first, particularly if you have a noisy mind full of to-do lists. There’s a good reason why it’s hard, however. Focusing on one thing, and therefore cutting out other stimuli, can increase the size of the part of your brain known as the neocortex.

This is roughly the same thing as strengthening your degree of self-control. So, when learning how to be present, treat your presence sessions like mental training. As you get better at finding that space of presence, you’ll find your gym sessions often turn out into an inner spa treatment.

#3 Use guided meditation when learning how to be present. Check out meditation apps like Headspace or the many guided meditation videos out there on YouTube for a quick presence session.

#4 Learn how to be present from more experienced people. Read audio books from mindfulness practitioners and see what style suits you best – so that you get a solid understanding of how to be present. You might be a super-rationalist or believe in Chi – from Sam Harris to Eckhart Tolle; there’ll be someone out there you resonate with.

#5 Use routine slots for mindfulness. You don’t build muscle overnight and the same goes for mental muscle. So give it time. Have 20 mins in the morning and evening or both, during which you meditate or practice mindfulness uninterrupted.

This way, you’ll know you’ll always get a session in each day – either when you wake up or before you go to sleep. Begin with 5 minutes, if 20 minutes is too long, and increase over time. [Read: 17 ways to focus on yourself and create your own sunshine]

#6 Use a phone alarm. Eliminate the annoyance of checking how long you’ve been meditating for – set a countdown timer for however long you plan on meditating for. Then sink into a present state knowing that your alarm will notify you when the session is over.

#7 Remove the need for a great outcome. This is all about localizing the significance of meditation in terms of your lifestyle. You don’t need to attain nirvana or spiritual enlightenment. You don’t even need to achieve the feeling of presence every time you try.

Sometimes, if you end up chasing the feeling, it’ll escape you more stubbornly. I’ve found that the lower you set the bar, the better. If you head in with small expectations, you’ll often be surprised.

#8 Know your why. Knowing your why for learning how to be present will make you more likely to stick to your commitment to being present. So ask yourself:

– Why do you want to learn how to be present? Who will be affected: your spouse, your children, your friends?

– Mindfulness can skyrocket the richness of your relationships. Do you want to increase how much you truly ‘see’ others, your listening skills, your patience?

– If you’re very ambitious and industrious, taking time out to still your mind can help to bring clarity on the most important goals at hand. Do you want to be more sharply focus on the relevant details in any situation?

– Perhaps you have acute anxiety, which can cause you to age faster. Being present brings with it a deep sense of peace.

#9 Don’t tell yourself you don’t have time. This advice comes from the Russell Simmons, a very successful author and entrepreneur. It’s not what you might expect to hear from somebody so busy, however, Russell is adamant that the more you train your mind to be still, the more effective you become in all areas of your life.

He says if you don’t have 20 minutes to meditate each day, then you need three hours. In other words, your mind is your worst enemy in a fast-paced society full of stimulus overload – and so the small amount of time you spent investing in stilling your mind each day only makes your efforts that much more effective. [Read: How to succeed in life – All you ever need to know]

#10 Keep your targets and deadlines. Know your objectives in each area of your life and measure your progress towards them. Knowing how to be present doesn’t magically make money trees appear or work get done. If you are not using presence to help achieve your goals, you may be using it as an excuse to procrastinate.

#11 Get accountability. Join a mastermind group where you can seek blunt feedback and get held accountable. My mastermind group meets weekly, and I know that if I don’t do what I said I’d do, I’ll be challenged. Such accountability does not allow for excessive rationalizations for long.

#12 View presence as a two-sided coin. On one side, you have: peace, rest, stillness, order. On the other, you have: MAJOR hustle, chaos, movement.

Allow for periods of hard grind and use presence as a way of detaching yourself from intense and controlling thoughts and feelings – in this way you improve your ability to focus intensely while being in a calm state.

Go for a walk in the park and focus on the smells or the sights or sounds. This is also a great way to make being mindful or present something that you do during the day. You’ll find that you take a piece of that stillness into your conversations and general interactions with others.

#13 Think long-term. Be diligent and trust the process. Keep your eye on your why. If you fall off of your practice for a week that’s fine, get back on!

[Read: Your guide to taking the next step to success]

Learning how to be present and effective is about having your cake and letting it go at the same time. When you’re in the moment, everything will feel more alive, peaceful and still – yet through that calmness, you’ll find the extra clarity to be more effective in your worldly actions.

The post How to Be Present: The Guide to Find Your Zone of Calm Perfection is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

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