#and they WON'T EVEN SET ME UP WITH AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE SPECIALIST CLINIC.

[nexus-nebulae]

stupid fucking broken body

[beatrixstonehill2]

"Thanks to my dad for filming this awesome, super hot send off to my breasts, which are getting removed today! Gotta make them nice and clean for the med students at the University of Charleston! I wouldn't want them to be all sweaty and gross after I masturbated all morning picturing my big gorgeous tits getting picked apart for someone's college assignment. Why am I losing my boobs, you may ask? Well, I got a letter in the mail last week saying that my breasts were the ideal size to be worked on by students at this University.

I kept getting surveys on my social media about my bra size and overall satisfaction with my breasts, and if I was worried they might 'be cancerous'. I have big boobs so stuff like this is common. I always answered honestly, I'm a HH-Cup and growing, that I like my breasts but feel they're probably too large, and that I'm very worried they probably have cancerous growths. Like why else are they so big???? That's what my doctor kept telling me anyway, that they're highly likely to be 'acutely cancerous'. Random men stop me when I'm out jogging and offer to give me breast exams because my boobs are so big it's concerning to them, I guess. They really grab and squeeze my boobs until they ache but I know they're professionals and know what they're doing, they tell me they're medical specialists or surgeons and a lot of them politely offer to escort me to their clinic or house to remove my breasts because they can feel 'all kinds of cysts and tumors in them'. I don't feel any lumps but they're the experts. I always politely decline...... until now, anyway.

The letter was really official looking and says I've been selected because of my untreated condition and it's irresponsible not to have my cancerous growths removed, which is what the letter calls my boobs. I called and they set up the appointment. My breasts are to be removed in front of an auditorium, the procedure being judged by the students' professor of surgery. So I called the university and they said they find candidates based on surveys like the ones I took on Instagram and TikTok. Apparently my videos are getting shared in various medical groups where surgeons make comments about how badly they want to remove my breasts and how they'd do anything to bring me to their shed or basement and remove them, don't know why they don't say clinic, I guess these surgeons work from home, maybe? But seeing their comments was such a wake up call about how badly I need to do this! They seem so eager to help me lose my 'cancer bags' as they put it. I always thought my breasts were sexy but they find them gross and unhealthy, I guess.....

So, I don't have much choice. I'll be detained if I don't fulfill my appointment with the University, it says in the letter, and the lady at the desk in the University said the same thing. I could go to jail for denying the students their ability to complete their project, and I could be fined on top of jail time. So I need to finally stop being so selfish by keeping these big bouncy tumor sacks of mine and let these students dismantle them for their big project. A bunch of other girls were picked so I won't be alone. It'll be kinda nice watching them go through the same thing and get their boobs taken apart and tossed in the trash. Only trouble is now that I got picked I'm getting a bunch more surveys..... some are asking if I'm satisfied with my clit, if I feel like I need to masturbate too frequently, and if I'd be willing to try out having it removed someday...... Other surveys are asking all kinds of other questions, about my limbs, even my uterus! I dunno..... daddy just says to answer honestly and he'll happily stand by me no matter what and film more before/after vids and tributes to whatever the university needs my body for....."

[galaxywarp]

It's the anon from a while ago who was going through opioid withdrawal.

I went to a pain management clinic and they basically told me my withdrawal symptoms aren't real and I should see a psychologist. They won't help me taper. That an addiction center wouldn't help because I'm not really addicted. Then why do I feel so sick when I try to reduce my dosage? Why do I have all the textbook symptoms of withdrawal? I can't stop cold turkey and I can't be sick all the time cause I have a full time job.

He said the opioids would be out of my system in a week, is that true? I don't know if I can get through a week of feeling like this. I've been on these meds for over a year, it just doesn't feel safe.

He also told me I just have to deal with my chronic pain and there's nothing they can do. It took weeks to see this specialist and he basically told me to go fuck myself.

I ended up breaking down in the appointment and he just had me leave.

I'm so tired and frustrated and I hate feeling like this.

Anon im so sorry. Thats so fucking shitty

I swear it’s fucking like — all he did was set you up for fucking failure.

He’s telling you to ignore your own warning signs until they get bad enough for him to acknowledge. By then you might be desperate enough that you go to street drugs or your withdrawal might need medical assistance. It happens a lot to pain patients whose doctors fuck them over. By the time they validate your problem their solution is now to just cut you off and leave you with no legal options for your pain. It’s an extremely common reason that people end up on heroin.

He’s encouraging you to pretend that the problem isn’t starting and setting you up to keep digging yourself deeper. But of course they’ll say it’s YOUR fault if your pain drives you to do something dangerous.

Ugh. Okay. Listen.

The opiates may very well be out of your system in a week. And i want to assure you that opiate withdrawal, while extremely painful, is not technically dangerous. Not like alcohol or benzodiazepines where you can hallucinate and have seizures. You won’t be in any danger. Just extreme discomfort (as im sure you’ve tasted already)

But if you continue to feel pain after that, and you very well might, i wanna tell you it’s real and valid. Even if doctors try to do the “it’s only in your head” thing.

Cuz you know what. It WILL be in your head. Your body’s pain receptors are going to feel raw and fragile. I was clean from fentanyl for months before my chronic pain truly eased. It’s like your body has to learn how to tolerate pain again and people don’t respect how miserable and painful that process is. You’re brave and strong for facing it.

I’m a little sleep deprived and im not sure what else advice i can offer atm but you’re on my mind anon. Please drop in my inbox again whenever you need.

[jezunya]

In other news, I had an appointment with my GP on Friday to get a referral for mental healthcare. I really didn't know what to expect, both in what the discussion with her would look like and what the referral would entail.

This doc continues to earn her place on my Favorite People list. Not only has she now assured me on multiple occasions that I'm using my opiate medication exactly right & so she will not be reducing it much less taking it away, despite the VA's sort of draconian seeming new standards in the """"""opioid crisis"""""... 

But now, talking about my mental health, she was the one who brought up the idea that my chronic pain could be contributing to my depression & fatigue, where it seems like doctors often try to assert the opposite, that chronic pain is 'all in your head' and you just need an antidepressant. She did ask if I wanted to just try out some additional medication, but seemed pleased/content when I said I wanted to talk to a psychologist first & see if we can figure out what all is going on with me beyond my known chronic depression & *if* medication is appropriate (whereas I've heard of some GPs almost seeming offended when patients want to talk to a specialist instead of just them).

She was also completely open to hearing about my varied family history re: mental illness, autism, adhd, anxiety, depression, etc. and that I want to see what, if any, of those fit me. Didn't brush off any of my concerns with stuff about social anxiety or how various conditions might be interacting to make things present in not-exactly-expected ways, but also didn't try to suggest that my introvert, homebody, writer lifestyle is somehow unhealthy & just a facet of my depression, which other people have absolutely tried to tell me in the past, and ignore me saying that I know the difference between enjoying quiet/alone time and feeling like I'm trapped in it. Honestly, if my GP was a psychologist too, I wouldn't object to just having her handle my mental healthcare, lol.

But so now I've got a referral to the VA mental health clinic, which it turns out is a) completely covered by/internal to the VA, just like my general care, which is really important for me since I don't have (& at this point can't get) health insurance; and b) has a clinic in my town!!! Right around the corner from my regular doctor's office!!!! I was kind of expecting to have to go up to the big central VA hospital in the city like an hour away, and was already mentally resigning myself to doing that drive on a regular basis, but it turns out I won't have to! 

They're supposed to call me in the next few weeks to set up an appointment (and if they don't, I'm supposed to contact my GP again so she can yell at some people, lol). So all around this has turned out in the best possible scenario so far, better than I'd even hoped to imagine. I already feel like a weight has lifted off my shoulders a bit, just at the thought of getting to talk to a therapist again after about five years without.

[ukftm]

I've seen guys mentioning that, having been on T privately, they've been referred for top surgery at the 2nd appointment at CHX. My GIC (not CHX) won't refer me for top surgery until I've been on T "through them" for 6 months (I'm 8 months on T privately and my GIC has just taken over my T). My GIC dr said this is "NHS England policy", but if other GICs are referring people earlier then that's surely not true. It's really frustrating, and I was wondering if you guys had thoughts on it?

There isn’t anything explicitly in NHS policy that states that this must be the case, only that an assessment be carried out and there should be the support of two clinicians.  The protocol also does not specify that someone has to be on hormones, although it does state that this is often the case, so it seems excessive to require specifically require someone to be on hormones with them for a set period of time.

You don’t mention which GIC you are seeing, but it might be interesting to note that Northamptonshire GIC does state on their website that:

Upper body surgery (Bilateral mastectomy/Breast reconstruction) - Upper body surgery requires one documented clinical recommendation from a GIC Specialists who know the patient. This must be no sooner than 6 months after assessment with Northamptonshire GIC

There is a bit of an issue in comparing timescales between GICs though, as all GICs have different assessment and referral processes, and Charing Cross has a very significant gap between the first and second appointment (up to 12 months).  This means that although they might refer sooner in terms of number of appointments, people will still be “known” to them for a year or so.

In terms of practical advice for what you could do now to tackle this, you could try continue to ask for a top surgery referral and if they continue to state that it’s NHS policy, then ask them to show you where this is stated.  If your preferred surgeon also has a long waiting list then you could make a point of stating this as you may be well over the 6 month mark before you actually get surgery even if you were referred immediately.

~ Alex