#and they travel also because maybe they have some weak underlying hope that they might find another one like themselves

[chubs-deuce]

my minecraft obsession returned nearly at full blast and I've been doing hardly anything other than playing the Crucial 2 modpack this entire weekend ksdjksdjhf

[aiyexayen]

I haven’t known true peace since I realised that Wei Wuxian actually believes this. He’s not just saying dumb shit here, or oversimplifying things to be dramatic--he truly thought of it this way, even back then. Even though nobody else did.

This line has always confused me and maybe I just haven’t given it enough thought. Maybe it’s obvious. But everyone has such a different perspective at that section of the story, including the audience. And that’s part of the tragedy of it all, really, is how much the situation was twisted up--both on purpose, by the Jins, and by simple circumstance--to the point that nobody was on the same page. But the extent of Wei Wuxian’s didn’t really hit me until recently, when puzzling back over this particular scene.

(In my defense, it was easy for me to miss until now, because it’s mixed in with Wei Ying admiring Lan Zhan admiring the moon and followed by Lan Zhan calling Wei Ying out on his “I’m fine” bullshit before carrying him down the stairs.)

At first pass, all I could think was, “Wei Wuxian, are we even watching the same show?” He and Jiang Cheng were rivals as much as they were best friends as much as they were brothers, and frequently at odds.

They never really had a “them two against the world” vibe outside of their Twin Heroes of Yunmeng promise. Wei Wuxian loved the world, and making friends, and did so freely and gladly. He and Jiang Cheng really only ever stood together against really blatant enemies like the Wen before and during the Sunshot campaign, and by the time the Jins and the rest of the prominent sect/clan leaders were at their throats, things were definitely falling apart.

They not only had a fraught childhood together in that household to begin with, but they also haven’t been truly on the same side since the fall of Lotus Pier when it all came to a head; the slow dissolution of their close bond is a huge underlying theme of the story as we suffer through the emotional torture of watching their desperate love create a wider and wider chasm between them, littered with broken promises and unspoken words as they slowly forget how to know each other.

And they really never stood together against Lan Wangji?? Ever?

While Jiang Cheng was regarding him (and every other human being and activity) as a rival for his shige’s attention and proof of his own social ineptitude (a potential cause for worry in his earnest role as sect heir and representative of his clan), Wei Wuxian was utterly enamoured. By the time Wei Wuxian had his rounds of falling-out with Lan Wangji, Jiang Cheng regarded him as an ally who stood by his side for months and kept his hope alive while helping him scour the land for all traces of his missing brother and was really confused why Wei Wuxian was being a jackass.

In-between all this, they travel and fight together--all three of them--on more than one occasion, and even go to war together.

We’re frequently shown glimpses, scenes, framing, setups, that show us Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji standing together without or apart from Jiang Cheng as well. Because reasons.

From Lan Wangji’s point of view, he was never not on Wei Wuxian’s side when it counted. He just had trouble communicating this effectively at times, especially while Wei Wuxian was in a constant push-pull with himself and everyone else about what he should be allowed to want and have.

From Jiang Cheng’s point of view, Wei Wuxian was failing to be on his side again and again, and it was never really about his own loyalty, because he was the only one still keeping their promise.

And certainly by Jin Ling’s one-month celebration, they both seemed to be on the same page that they were coming together as Wei Wuxian’s important people, if not actively friends by then, and that they were of one mind in getting Wei Wuxian back around his family and back into society. One of the most shattering things anyone has ever had the nerve to tell me straight into the void that once was my heart is that they (along with Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan) were probably so excited to see Wei Wuxian and proudly show him how well they were all getting along.

So I, humble viewer of episodes, watch all of this happening, and then narrow my eyes at Wei Wuxian in disbelief. Who does he think he is? Jiang Cheng, always at his side? With Lan Wangji, always opposite?

Why does this moment of self-reflection even exist? When he could have taken this opportunity to have some kind of flashback about Lan Wangji and the moon, as the rest of us are? Is it just to torment me, in particular?

But then I thought of three things. One, his point of view at the time. Two, his point of view in this episode. And three, the phrasing of what he’s saying here.

The phrasing feels important. Wei Wuxian simply says he thought Jiang Cheng would be at his side/on his side/by his side, and he thought Lan Wangji would be opposite. Opposite doesn’t necessarily mean a direct rival or enemy. It can mean standing for the opposing viewpoint, or having an opposing position.

Given that he’s directly comparing it to how he feels right now, it makes sense. As of this episode, he’s just had his real first encounter with Jiang Cheng, and it was pretty horrible. He had to deal with Jin Ling and his curse, between now and then, but that isn’t really going to be what’s on his mind.

I might be like, “Ah, yes, running away from Jiang Cheng to go fuck off with Lan Wangji, typical Wei Wuxian scenario, even if I support it especially in this particular instance.” Jiang Cheng might feel that way, too, right down to “Thank fuck he ran away like he always does and didn’t call my bluff about killing him a thousand times over because that would have been embarrassing.”

But to Wei Wuxian, the circumstances are completely different. He’s not running off on an adventure after which he absolutely intends to return home. He’s leaving with what he sees as confirmation (which he was trying to avoid) that Jiang Cheng truly hates him, and the knowledge/reminder that he may never see him again because he will absolutely try his hardest not to. And he’s returning to Lan Wangji, who is his adventure, but also, increasingly, his home.

He can’t really think of it in those terms, yet, though. So he thinks about it as sides.

Even though they and Jiang Cheng are never truly pitted against each other in the present any more than Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian were ever pitted against Lan Wangji in the past (that is to say, one or two tense scenes and mostly a lot of wibbly gray areas indicating that there’s a lot more going on in everyone’s heads), Wei Wuxian sees Lan Wangji on the “Wei Wuxian Should Not Be Dead” team and Jiang Cheng sulking on the opposite shore.

Or, at the very least, the teams are “Leave Wei Wuxian Alone” and “Wei Wuxian Needs To Fucking Stop.”

Which reminds him how different it all used to be.

And even if we’re like, “Was it, though?” that’s not his perspective on it. He didn’t see all the pieces that the rest of us saw. He never knew the lengths Lan Wangji was going to in order to try and help him, the rules he broke. He never saw the punishment Lan Wangji endured for simply visiting him. Even Jiang Cheng saw Lan Wangji stand up for him publicly after the heart-wrenching scene in the rain. Wei Wuxian never did.

He only saw Lan Wangji trying his damnedest to get him to give up demonic cultivation. He only heard Lan Wangji’s attempts to convince him to get better that he never really understood. He only ever perceived resistance and disapproval.

Wei Wuxian was expecting Lan Wangji to come and personally try to stop him at Nightless City. Wei Wuxian woke up alive and took one look at Lan Wangji (and softly gayly smiled and took a second look for good measure) and took off. Wei Wuxian woke up again with all his memories and the knowledge he was loved and missed after sixteen years and asked if Lan Wangji had ever really believed him. Wei Wuxian has been slowly coming to terms with the fact that Lan Wangji wholeheartedly and unreservedly does, now. So, to him, it’s the idea that Lan Wangji has “switched sides” as it were.

And Jiang Cheng?

Wei Wuxian thinks he and Jiang Cheng were unquestionably on the same side right up until Jiang Yanli died.

Jiang Cheng was angry, was upset, was in pain. They fought. Promises were broken. But that didn’t mean they were on opposing sides, not really, surely.

They were on the same side about questionable cultivation methods not being questioned as long as it made Yunmeng Jiang strong where it was currently weak. They were on the same side about it not being anyone else’s business. Their fight was faked, even if the separation had to be real.

Wei Wuxian was still standing by Jiang Cheng’s side in prioritising Yunmeng Jiang’s political standing. Jiang Cheng was still standing by his side in caring about their home and their sister. He brought shijie, who brought soup. And something about their public break and Jiang Cheng’s account kept the other sects from piling on Wei Wuxian right at the start.

At Nightless City, while he expected Lan Wangji to be there countering him, he did not expect any of Yunmeng Jiang to be there to actually fight him. Of course Jiang Cheng was there--how could Jiang Cheng not show up? One of the great clans? And they’re not really supposed to have anything to do with one another anymore, right? Wei Wuxian was a traitor to Yunmeng Jiang, right? Of course Jiang Cheng had to show up.

But as long as Wei Wuxian was in control of the resentful energy and puppets, not a single Yunmeng Jiang disciple, let alone Jiang Cheng himself, was so much as looked at sideways.

Jin Zixuan had been killed. Jiang Yanli would never forgive him. His found family full of innocents had been slaughtered by power-hungry hypocrites. The entire cultivation world was after his soul. He was a dead man walking. He’d been hallucinating for hours. His mind was mostly gone.

And he thought, “Lan Wangji is here to put an end to me at last. It is time to fight.”

And he thought, “Jiang Cheng is not truly part of this. I must not touch Yunmeng Jiang.”

Both of these things wound me deeply. The first, because it’s demonstrably untrue. The second, because it might not have been nearly as true as everyone (including Jiang Cheng) wishes, though at least we’ll never really have to know, will we.

And then Jiang Yanli died.

We can see the story happening in stages, the various breakdowns and buildups and breakdowns again. And we always knew this ending was coming. But to him, that’s the moment everything truly, truly broke.

Though, I feel the need to point out, hysterically, he still wasn’t opposite Jiang Cheng even then. Because Jiang Cheng, he believes, wanted him dead (even if he couldn’t do it by his own hand) just as much as Wei Wuxian wanted himself dead. And Lan Wangji did not want him dead. So he stood in solidarity with Jiang Cheng one last time, did right by Jiang Cheng and Yunmeng Jiang and their family one last time, as he yanked his hand away from Lan Wangji.

Only now, in the present, are Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng truly in opposition. And only now are Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji on the same page. Supposedly.

One of Wei Wuxian’s particular character journeys post-timeskip is finally having the concept of interpersonal nuance smashed into his head in a way that still allows him to be himself and follow his own moral codes and build relationships in his own way. His assorted encounters with Jiang Cheng leading up to their reconciliation (as well as the juniors and the sect leaders and other characters) all demonstrate that nicely.

But in this scene, it really is that straightforward to him. Hell, it’s even presented such to us for a hot minute.

If for no other reason than the direct parallel of Lan Wangji finding out about Wei Wuxian’s fear of dogs and protecting him both physically and emotionally without question, and Jiang Cheng already knowing about it but using Fairy against Wei Wuxian until it triggered him into a panic-induced ptsd flashback seriously what a fucking dick move though.

So, perhaps it’s understandable, between Wei Wuxian’s misconceptions of the past and his current experiences in the present and the fact that these are the only two people left to him in all the world.

He believes the bitter irony of fate has dictated that he can never have them both. He was only ever going to have one of them and he never considered it would truly be this one.

And for just one moment, before he can be glad of his gain, he has to mourn the inevitable loss that comes with it. For that one moment, even seeing Lan Wangji so beautiful in the moonlight, so openly and invitingly waiting for him, that’s all he can think about.

It haunts me.

[iamtheladylazarus]

Girls

Chapter one. 

Derek, Pleased To Meet Me

Even though it may have been only minutes after she stormed out of the flat, it was as though the walls almost sighed with relief around me and I thought, “Maybe I could get away with being crazy and hasty and sporadic - get away with being reckless and absent like all these girls I’m acquainted with.”

Admitting I put myself in their path is strenuous, but I’m going to try to be as honest as I can. I just can’t beat around the bush any more, it isn’t healthy. So, off she went. Huffing and puffing louder and louder as she stomped further and further towards the exit. You know what? Good riddance! Girls are all the same. Girls always take up more space than you’ve offered. I heard her pull open the door with what I’m sure was stifled frustration but was also trying to be graceful. Her smooth exit was very obviously interrupted by the swollen door, as this apartment is damp and sensitive to the rain. It’s old and characteristic and I adore it.

I mean, yeah, I suppose I strive to take care of my apartment as if it were a living breathing thing. What’s funny is that I couldn’t care less about actual living breathing things. My efforts to separate myself from my annoyances has been pretty successful, other than of course the broad who walked into my life by accident and is hopefully taking the walking out part seriously. We’ll talk on the phone soon and I’ll be nice, cool and collected. I’ll come out looking and feeling good, for sure. 

I could hear her struggle with the doorknob as she tried to slam the door shut and I thought about how neat it is that wood expands when it gets moist. Girls are always complaining about cold, damp things and and never understand the science behind anything. They are constantly focused on their discomfort. Finally, I heard her lock the door behind her. Girls are passive aggressive and passive aggression is a weakness. I was sitting here on the couch in my own apartment, and she locks my door for the last time behind her. Girls are so dramatic. I should have asked for my key back. All this drama has me off my game. She probably feels like she got the last word in as she locked the door, the look of satisfaction turning to sheepish defeat. Here is the part where I should feel guilt as I imagine her sauntering out of the building. I just don’t and I’m too busy to dwell on the reason why. I know she’s trying to convince herself that I lost the game, and that I’ll soon feel a wave of sorrow overcome me when I realize she’s really gone. I’ll have you know I dislike making assumptions but I know her just enough to know that. Oh, the sorrow. Ha! ...I'll let her have it. She thinks she's making me think. I observe her efforts smugly. And, like I do with most of my interactions with her, I'll be the bigger person and let her think she has some influence on my thoughts and my attitude. Maybe, though, I will think. It might do some good, it helps drown her out when she's acting strange.

As these interactions happen more and more frequently, i've been slowly constructing a system. I have come to understand I have fairly convincing head nods and “uhuh”s. and I try my hardest to conjure up meaningful eye contact. Alas, girls always want the last word. Every fucking time. Her shrill voice is still ringing in my ears. I'll tell you, It’s almost like a demon seized her mind after just six months of dating. By that time I was already invested. Stuck. Too lazy to hurt feelings. If I had more to say, I think she would have left sooner. But I weighed out the pros and cons like the rational adult I am and sat back. I like having her around, she makes me laugh when she’s not bringing up deep meaningless shit. Playing games with persons unaware has always been an underlying trait of mine and I know how terrible that sounds but bear with me here. I'm trying to be more honest lately. Still, I don’t know why I put myself into these situations. Girls.

However, this morning I feel I am at a loss for words, or games, or nonchalant defence mechanisms. Ah hell, I don’t care. I guess I’m locked in my apartment? You really got me G. Jesus my apartment is now a complete disaster. I didn’t expect her to get physical. She must be very frustrated. Thankfully, she only destroyed the shit I could do without. Shit she brought into the house in the first place. Now I can just throw it all out with out feeling any guilt. I have an actual alert button to send up a maid, I've never used it. Theres a first for everything. What a day!

Girls like to give you an ultimatum at some point when you haven’t reacted to anything in a while. For some reason, I hope she comes back sobbing and blubbering and sees I haven’t even moved from my spot. She’ll think I haven’t even noticed. Yeah. She’ll be okay though, I always thought she was a somewhat well rounded girl, just lonely. But what girl isn’t whether their in a relationship or not. Can’t please ‘em.

I can’t help but picture the scenerio unfold. She’s probably pacing in front of the apartment making a fool of herself. If only it were raining, making it extra melodramatic. It sounds sad, and cruel, but I know she’d take a bit of pleasure in being a spectacle, damsel in distress. I imagine she’ll go to a bar nearby and get silly. Girls like to self destruct. 

Well, I don’t care. I can’t care right now. Tomorrow I’ll tell the door man to not let her in anymore. 'Good riddance!' I'll say. However, if she wants to come get the rest of her things, that means she will have to ring me up.. and then I’ll have to go down there to meet her and she knows I can’t do that. Damnit, maybe this was her plan. Oh, games, games.

Girls are always trying to change who you are and make you uncomfortable with a bunch of uplifting quotes they’ve come across somewhere on social media. I can never tell if they’re trying to make me uncomfortable but I feel uncomfortable.

Speaking of shit like that, you can tell a girl is crazy when she starts hanging quotes in the bathroom like “Do one thing every day that scares you.” Hangs it right across from the toilet so you read it over and over while you’re taking a shit. But they’re just words. 

I suppose I should mention that I haven’t left the apartment in twelve years. Sure, you know, I’ve been on the balcony, lots. It’s not like I shut myself in and pull the blinds or anything. You’re probably imagining piles of newspaper everywhere and a dank dusty galaxy floating gently through the house. No, it’s not like that at all. You see, I’m very stylish and I like controlled clutter. And there is no layer of fog dust anywhere. Spic and span. Theres a lot about me that I should explain and I’ll get to it. 

I can see the sky better than anyone in this city. From my balcony, the cars look like insects and I can’t even see the people. Ha! They are so irrelevant. Here are the facts; I am on the 30th floor. I’ve stepped in my elevator 6 times since I’ve moved in. I even had a helicopter deliver a huge tree onto my roof top patio so I don’t feel so alienated. Just because I prefer distance from people, places and things out there doesn't mean I don’t want to be part of it all. It does make sense.

It helps me breathe better knowing I have a tree. Sometimes, I fear the oxygen those riff raffs breathe doesn’t quite reach me up here and I am afraid of suffocating. I know it sounds silly. But with the tree, I just feel better about it. I have a real interest in psychology. This is temporary. I do want to be like everyone else, in a way. I just know I’m better. And I can do things up here better than anyone can do down there. 

Oh, but of course some over paid degenerate made an assumption and blamed it on miscommunication and brought me the wrong damn tree. Excuses are tiring and offensive to my intelligence. God Damn. I wanted a palm tree, because I’ve never traveled and they look tropical, but they brought me a Japanese maple. Having people in my home makes me feel dizzy so I didn't say anything. I don’t like to fuss like she does. Girls like to fuss over everything.

The leaves look like a marijuana plant and I snip the largest ones off in the late spring when they turn really green and I tuck them into the pages in my huge, heavy encyclopedias for safe keeping. I wonder if I'll ever actually open them up in the future and have a flash back to these bleak, bleak days and regret how I had gone about things. I doubt it, though. In a few years when I am ready to go outside again, I’ll just tell everyone I had a grow operation up here. It was very secret and that is why I’ve been hiding. I have planned a lot for what I will say to everyone. They’ve got to be wondering about me, no doubt.

[butchedyke]

(for the char thing) stanley uris, mike hanlon, and patty blum

migz!!!! i’m sorry i abandoned this in favour of video games and capitalism i hope i can make it up to u uwu

this is mostly going off the movies but there’s occasional book and miniseries input- i’ve only read the first few chapters, a few wikia pages, and some character meta from the book and i’ve only seen the miniseries once vs the however many times ive watched the movies in the last 2 months so don’t expect consistency between canons

 (also i’m gonna put these under a cut because this post got really long)

stanley uris

How I feel about this character:

there is a reason i use the tag baby boy for stan (and also for miniseries eddie)!!!! he’s my favourite loser other than eddie and i want to like. hold him and make sure he’s happy and healthy and i think stephen king should treat his characters better.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

patty!!!!! their relationship in the book makes me so happy and anyone who’s ever spoken to me about stanpat knows that i am at all times thinking about how she calls his car sedanley.

that being said, i respect stenbrough, stanlon, and streddie but overall this is a stanpat household

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

stan with all the losers but especially richie! which isn’t very original since they are literally best friends but their dynamic!!! good!!!! i’ve not been able to stop thinking about that one scene from the miniseries where richie introduces stan as “this is stan the man uris, he’s a jew,” partially because it’s fucking funny because who says that richie what the fuck, but also because stan just instantly follows up by saying that richie has a high metabolism which makes him hyperactive, and maybe it’s because the miniseries is campy and a little bit shit but the delivery of those lines makes it seem like they do this a lot! they have these introductions ready to go! and i love the idea of them as a platonic package deal even if we don’t get to see much of that in the movies

My unpopular opinion about this character:

i don’t think i really have any? i tend to follow people who hold the same opinions as me tho so i have no idea what’s popular outside of that dshfk

i mean i do think fics that save eddie but not stan aren’t really fix-its and going off the amount of fics where stan’s still dead i guess that’s somehow an unpopular opinion? i know everyone’s focused on reddie rn but god like. stan is right there can we stop ignoring him pls

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

i mean the most blatantly obvious answer here is that i wish he didn’t die! he should’ve gotten to go on his holiday and rail/get railed by his wife and live to meet his friends as adults, catch up on the 27 years they didn’t get to be with each other. he should’ve gotten to have kids, once everything was over, and they should’ve been able to grow up with 5 extra uncles and an aunt bc u can’t tell me the rest of the losers wouldn’t be deeply embedded in their lives. i just wish stan had a chance to be completely, 100% happy without the underlying terror of his childhood.

on a smaller note i also wish we’d gotten to see more of his interest in birds in the movies bc like. he’s babie. and who knows! maybe would’ve helped stop the perception that his entire personality is just being a bitch that hates richie jshfd

mike hanlon

How I feel about this character:

part of the reason i wanted to read the book was for more mike content because i adore this lil farm boy and the movies. well. y’know. :). characters who just openly and whole-heartedly love their friends and go straight ride or die like 10 minutes after meeting them have my whole heart! he’s so smart and so kind and just wanted to protect his friends as best he could even though he dragged them into this whole mess bc he doesn’t want to lose them again!!!! mike deserves the whole world and if his way of getting that is by getting out of derry and getting to know that his friends remember and love him and each other then that’s all i want for him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

i wasn’t overly set on any particular mike ship until i watched the miniseries and saw the homoerotic bike montage and now i’m fully on the hanbrough train. choo choo.

just like with stan i support stanlon but endgame hanbrough is just. it’s right there in the text. bill didn’t divorce audra for nothing in ch2.

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

this also kinda ties in with the last point, but jane @billdenbrough opened my eyes, in the middle of a very in-depth conversation about audra’s minion strap, to the world of best friends mike and audra who are both with bill which is both galaxy brained and an incredibly good concept which i think about a lot

also i think mike and ben could’ve had something Incredibly soft if mike wasn’t treated like a background character in the first film and a quest-giving npc in the second one :) :)

My unpopular opinion about this character:

i headcanon mike as gay, i have no textual evidence for this, i just think he’s neat. i think it’s a pretty popular opinion that the movies treated him poorly? and i also think that in ch2 he was just trying to protect his friends in a scenario that did not lend itself at all to protection. drugging bill and not telling the others about the full ritual might not have been the best thing to do, but he was in a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation, and he was trying his best to save his friends no matter how impossible it may have been.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

i uh :) i don’t know if anyone’s figured out yet :) that i wish many things had happened with mike in canon :) :) the first film doesn’t give him much but the second film just infuriates me completely tbqh! he’s basically entirely there to push the narrative (his dialogue doesn’t even sound like dialogue! it sounds like prose explaining the plot and the next steps the characters have to take!), or to drug and lie to his friends. i wish they’d kept his backstory the same, that we’d actually gotten to see him find his token, that he’d gotten a token relevant to him as an individual rather than the group, that we’d gotten a flashback for him, that he was given more screentime and development across both films, like... i wish he’d been treated like the other losers and not a plot point.

i also wish we’d gotten to see him on his travels post-canon, seeing the other losers, and just generally actually getting to be happy- we see the start of it but god i just want to see him having a good time outside of derry.

patty blum

How I feel about this character:

if she were not stan’s wife she would be my wife. we don’t get to see much of her in the movie or miniseries and that is a fucking crime!!!! i’ve already mentioned sedanley but like. sedanley. i’ve read patty’s bit in the book and that’s all i need the other 1100 pages can get fucked, she’s just here to watch family feud and love stan which i can confidently say is a huge fucking mood

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

STAN. i guess i already talked about this before but i’ll keep going!!! my love for stanpat overwhelms my usual distaste towards straight relationships bc they’re so good!!!!! the fact that they’re really the only happy relationship to come out of the 27 year gap and they love each other so much and so like... wholesomely? but they still blow each other’s backs out on the reg and it’s what they deserve.

also i sometimes think about patty/audra as like. kind of a crack ship kind of a “i’m a lesbian and i’m desperate to see lesbians” ship. i haven’t thought about it in depth i just want to plant the seed

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

stan introducing patty to the losers and patty becoming an honorary loser is my weakness!!!! patty being comfortable enough to rib richie (and richieandeddie) with stan, but also vice versa going along with richie’s bits. patty and bev getting close because as much as st*phen k*ng and co push bev as One Of The Boys(tm) there’s just something in having another woman around that can be refreshing especially when they’re both bicons. patty and mike enthusiastically sharing holiday pictures and tales of their trips. patty noticing when eddie’s having a bad day, whether it’s anxiety or lingering trauma, and supporting him through it, regaling him with stories about stan and what essentially amount to dad jokes (sedanley!!!) and making sure he knows he’s loved and supported by all the losers. patty, the teacher, and ben, lunchtimes-in-the-library ben who never outgrew his love of reading, nerding out over shit that the others don’t really know about. bill telling patty all about what stan was like as a kid in that way only bill can, richie chiming in with crude comments sometimes but noticeably keeping quieter than usual, and patty returning the favour, telling them about the last 27 years, and not even richie makes a single joke when everyone tears up (because he’s tearing up the most). stan sitting there the whole time not even bothering to point out that he’s right there because it’s enough for him to see the romantic love of his life and the platonic loves of his life bonding, and yeah, maybe it was worth sticking around for.

My unpopular opinion about this character:

i don’t know if this is unpopular but patty pegs. that’s all.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

more patty. let me see my wife.

[thekoshertribble]

“You can't play a game without rules. Even Grups ought to know that.” Women of Star Trek Blog Entry #5 Miri

Hello dear readers! I’m back with another blog for your reading enjoyment! Today I’ll be discussing one of the more controversial episodes of the Original Series: Miri. And, as you probably guessed, my subject from this episode is the titular character herself, Miri. 

Miri is a human girl from an alternate Earth the Enterprise encounters on its travels. The crew comes across the planet because of a mysterious SOS signal coming from the planet. Upon beaming down, they find a deserted wasteland that once was a small town, and hiding among its ruins, they find a girl. 

In our first scene with Miri, the crew talks to her and pieces together her account of an apocalypse: a strange plague wiped out all the adults, causing them to become extremely violent before mercifully succumbing to death. The only survivors were the children who had yet to reach puberty. The plague decelerated their growth, so that they would only age a month every hundred years. So although Miri appears to be 14, she is in fact 300 years old by the time the crew of the Enterprise finds her hiding in a closet. They soon realize, as they become ill and learn more about the disease, that Miri’s days are numbered. Once she reaches puberty she will become a violent, scar-covered zombie-like creature before finally dying.

As if puberty was bad enough already.

Miri’s character has essentially been sculpted by her surroundings. As a young teenager, she witnessed all adults, including all her relatives, teachers, neighbors and mentors, go violently mad and commit unthinkable atrocities against themselves and innocent children. Therefore Miri, as well as all the other child survivors, “the Onlies,” developed a deep distrust of any adults they might encounter. Most of the Onlies therefore treat the Enterprise landing party as hostile intruders, either hiding them or throwing rocks at them from the cover of shadows. 

Miri, while at first terrified for her life when she is cornered by Kirk and his crew, seems to trust them enough to stay and help them. This decision on her part makes her stand out from the rest of the Onlies. While they all know these strange new “Grups” are different, only Miri acts on her curiosity and is brave enough to follow help them in their strange quest. She could have escaped their grasp or tricked them so she could sneak away - we know she’s clever and cunning because she successfully kidnaps Yeoman Rand later in the episode - but for some reason, she makes the risky decision to stay with them. And I’m going on a limb to suggest why...

It’s all in the name. Miri is a shortened version of Miriam, the name of one of the Torah’s great matriarchs. In summary, Miriam was the sister of Moses, the man who would guide the Hebrews out of slavery in Egypt. Miriam lived out the first half of her life as a slave, but despite this bitter life she did not give up her faith in God, who would later command Moses to free His chosen people from Egypt. 

I believe that Miri, like her Biblical namesake, had a silent, underlying faith - perhaps not in God, but in a world better than the post-apocalyptic, Lord-of-the-flies Neverland hell she lived in for most of her life. Curiosity may be one reason Miri decided to stay with Kirk and his crew, but I do believe she followed them because she knew (perhaps only unconsciously) that’s these people would make her life better. So no, I don’t agree with Kirk’s thesis regarding why Miri followed them along: “Loneliness? I don't know, curiosity? I think children have an instinctive need for adults. They want to be told right and wrong.”

Which brings me to the next, much more controversial topic of this blog: Kirk and his interactions with Miri. I’ve read many reviews of this episode and they all discuss how Kirk’s interactions with Miri just feel weird if not outright creepy. From the swelling romantic music to the awkward romance jokes (”I never get involved with older women”), the episode feels like its seriously setting up Miri, a 14 year old girl, as a love interest for 34 year old Kirk. And that’s...really, really not okay. At all. Period.

That being said, I personally do not believe Kirk is attracted to Miri. If I did I wouldn’t even be writing this because I wouldn’t be watching the show. While I do agree with other reviewers that Kirk uses Miri’s attraction to him to get information and cooperation from her, I cannot accept the James Kirk that I know - the one that respects his female crew members and protects children from distress - could even consider such an immoral thought. Yes, he does compliment her on her looks and her name, “pretty name, for a pretty young woman,” but I believe this is his way of attempting to gain her trust, nothing more.

Speaking of Kirk, I think I know why Kirk seems to have so much interest in the Onlies, especially Miri - it’s because he’s been in her shoes before, on Tarsus IV. At Miri’s age, Kirk witnessed a devastating plague and the cold-blooded massacre of 4,000 colonists. We don’t have canon information regarding how Kirk survived these horrors, but I can guess confidently that when he realized what Miri has been through, he identified with her position. This is my only explanation for why he is so attentive and (almost creepily) gentle around Miri.*

But let’s focus back to Miri herself, shall we? Let’s talk character strengths. Besides having (perhaps unconscious) faith, Miri also possesses great bravery and cleverness. Although she does cry out of fear several times during the episode, this does not mean that she isn’t brave. I would say she is the bravest of the Onlies, simply because she 1) stays and helps the new Grups, and 2) continues to stay with them even as they begin to lose their tempers as the disease begins to affect them. Even her planning and executing the kidnapping of Yeoman Rand tells us that Miri is not only clever enough to hatch a risky plan, but also gutsy enough to carry it out.

Which leads me to discussing Miri’s main weakness. Miri’s actions are almost exclusively driven by her emotions. While not totally irrational, she is rather sensitive, considering she’s been living in an apocalyptic wasteland for 300 years. The best example of her emotion-based action is her kidnapping of Rand. She does this purely out of revenge. She sees Kirk trying to comfort Rand and decides that “Mr. Lovey-Dovey” needs to be taught a lesson. She doesn’t consider the consequences or fallout from this act, she just lashes out. I hate to say it, but much of this is just hormonal behavior for a girl her age.

I can understand where Miri is coming from. I attended an all-girls middle school for three years, and it was angry hormonal dramatic hell every. Single. Day. The teachers didn’t really care what we did or said to each other as long as we followed the dress code. So girls constantly lashed out at each other either out of spite or petty revenge. (It was actually by watching Star Trek that helped teach me about balancing my emotions with logic in a healthy way, but that’s a story for another post).

I know exactly how Miri felt when she saw him and Rand hugging. Seeing your first crush with another person is like getting hit with a meteorite in the chest. Getting revenge on Rand and Kirk is quite rash and dramatic but it makes a lot of sense from Miri’s perspective. As Kirk points out, Miri doesn’t understand what’s happening to her - she probably didn’t get “the talk” before the plague. She may not even know about menstruation. She is blinded by emotions emboldened by new hormonal changes, and even worse, she has no idea that it’s happening.

Emotional struggles aside, Miri comes around and helps Kirk rescue Rand and help the children. Again, she does the braver thing, confronting her mistakes and siding with Kirk when challenged by Jahn, the leader of the Onlies.

Miri: Listen to [Kirk].

Jahn: You listen, Miri!

Miri: I did. What do you think I brought him here?

Without Miri’s help, without her faith in Kirk, the Enterprise would have lost its captain and chief officers to plague and the Onlies would have starved to death in a few months. Like her biblical namesake, she believed in a better future for her people, and her faith helped to lead them there.

Thanks for reading this, everyone! Again, I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, please like and reblog, or maybe leave a comment to continue the conversation. Stay tuned for my next entry: Dagger of the Mind!

*important note: I recognize that this a rather awkward and delicate topic. I completely understand if you have a differing opinion from that if my own and I welcome hearing it. As I said, my theories regarding Kirk’s behavior in this episode are purely speculative and based on my own intuition and biases.

[dailyaudiobible]

06/28/2021 DAB Transcript

2 Kings 13:1-14:29, Acts 18:23-19:12, Psalm 146:1-10, Proverbs 18:2-3

Today is the 28th day of June welcome to the Daily Audio Bible, I’m Brian it’s great to be here with you today as we move into our work-week and, well, finish well and finish strong this 6th month of the year over the next couple of days. We have begun reading from the New International Version this week yesterday and continuing our journey in 2 Kings as well as the Book of Acts and that will carry us through into the next month. So, let’s pick-up where we left off, 2 Kings today, chapters 13 and 14.

Commentary:

Okay, let’s just keep ourselves caught up with the stories that we’re involved in the Old and New Testaments. In 2 Kings we moved through several different kings today and we can see there’s ya know battle, it’s not peace on every side and it’s not before Israel and Judah who are truly family, they were the tribes that all came out of Egypt together but now they’re two nations and their at war with each other too, so the back and forth and each time we are introduced to another king we find out whether they did evil in the Lord’s sight or whether they did good in the Lord’s sight. And we can see generation after generation of evil and then maybe 40 years of good or 20 years of good and then several more decades of evil. And so, there’s this slow, steady, decline taking place. They are being weakened by warfare with the nations around them and with warfare between themselves. Meanwhile, there are just kind of off the page, just out of sight, there are empires around them being formed and becoming very strong. And we’ll see that this eventually leads to the end. And speaking of endings, we said goodbye to the prophet Elisha today in our reading. And so, he becomes a piece of the story now, a piece of the history as we continue forward without him. And certainly, as we’ve moved through the times of the kings, Elijah and Elisha are major figures, major prophets during this time. And we’ve bid farewell to both of them now at this point. And so, that’s kind of where we are and we’ll continue that journey. In the Book of Acts we continue to travel along with the Apostle Paul. We are now on his 3rd recorded missionary journey and this will be the last recorded missionary journey. This one ends with Paul finally being captured and imprisoned and he won’t be free again. And yet we will watch that despite captivity, influence only increases which is really, really an interesting part of the early church story. We really do begin to see what it looks like for strength to be made perfect in weakness. So, we will certainly, most certainly continue to observe that. As we continue forward and then let’s take a peek at Proverbs today. Fools, fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions, right. So, it’s the fool who simply wants to hear themselves talk. It’s the fool who has something to say about everything even things they don’t know. It’s the fool who doesn’t take pleasure in understanding they just want to hear themselves. So, the kind of underlying lesson here then is that we should take pleasure in understanding and not in simply airing our own opinions. That is one sentence that could radically change humanity if everyone observed that, radically change the complexion of the way that we interact with each other if we heeded it. And so, we certainly can’t make everybody in the whole world heed anything but we can certainly heed this, we can make this a part of our lives. This can be one of our ways of being light in the darkness. May we find pleasure in understanding and not in airing our own opinions.

Prayer:

And so, Father, we invite You into that. We can be people of many words sometimes. We can find ourselves ah, in conversations and in debates that we have no business being in at all, they’re not helpful and they’re not fruitful about any number of things, like any of the issues of life. And so, we are counseled today to pay attention to our hearts posture. Are we, are we in this to hear ourselves talk or are we in this to gain understanding. Come Holy Spirit into that question as we navigate this day. We pray this in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it is the website, it’s where you find out what’s going on around here, and we have, we have something coming up on our calendar, it’s just a bit over a week away. It’s the 7th day of July and that is a bit of a Daily Audio Bible holiday. It’s a Global Campfire event, sort of, it’s called the Long Walk. And it’s something that we do individually, it’s actually a kind of a private thing but we also are doing it at the same time together all around the world. And it’s a bit self-explanatory, I’ve been talking about it last week but its name says what it is. It’s a Long Walk. So, we take the 7th day of July, whatever that day falls on, we give ourselves permission, if possible, to take that day off and away. We prepare and get all of the obligations and all the stuff that could take that day away from us and guard it and then we get up and go somewhere beautiful. Whether that’s get up and go for a couple of hours or to somewhere that you love that bears meaning in your life or whether you just look on your local map and find the nearest park. The trick is to go somewhere beautiful, somewhere that you wouldn’t normally necessarily go, somewhere you can go and spend some time drinking in the life that is happening all around you in nature. The kind of stuff that we take for granted, the kind of stuff that we don’t even pay attention to it’s just the background of our life. But we focus upon it, we allow it to speak to us as we walk in nature drinking it in and going for a long walk with God. Right as we move through the center of the year, we certainly contemplate our New Year’s resolutions and this is an opportunity to kind of reflect on them and reprioritize and reorient ourselves for the second half of the year, just walk with God and speak our hearts, say everything that we need to say that we just haven’t had time, we’re just too busy, we’re too running and it’s too chaotic. But we guarded this whole day so there is no rush. There is no interruption. It’s a time where we walk as if we were walking with somebody that we love and that time is standing still because we’d rather not be anywhere else at all then where we are in nature walking with God. And allowing the silence to speak, allowing it to heal us listening. Allowing God to speak back to us. That’s the Long Walk and that’s coming up on the 7th of July and I’m counting down the days looking forward to it myself. I treasure that day and the thousands and thousands over the years that have participated, that’s what we hear every year, is, “I didn’t know, I didn’t know what this all was gonna be but boy was it meaningful”. And the trick is to yeah, take your phone, take a tablet, whatever but don’t let it distract you, don’t let it become the idol that you worship at every 5 minutes. But at some point, you might want to take a picture or a little video, something that reminds you of the day that you spent walking with God. But also, something that you can share, we’ll put a post on the Daily Audio Bible Facebook page and you could comment in that post with your pictures or your videos or comments. And that becomes a little window for each of us to look into, well, actually to look at what happened this day all over the world and enjoy the beauty of God’s creation all over the world but also a connection point for we who have been out hiking or walking with God. So, put that on your calendar that is the 7th of July.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, if the mission that we share in common to bring the spoken word of God to whoever will listen to it, wherever they might be on this planet, whatever time of day or night it might be and offer it freely to the world and build community around that rhythm, if that has made a difference in your life, than thank you for your partnership. We wouldn’t be here if we were not in this together and so thank you. There is a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address is P.O. Box 1996 Spring Hill, Tennessee 37174.

And as always if you have a prayer request or encouragement you can hit the Hotline button in the app, or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that’s it for today, I’m Brian, I love you and I’ll be waiting for you here tomorrow.  

Prayers and Encouragements:

Hi Daily Audio Bible Family, I’m calling in for prayer for a couple, a brother and a sister, Jerry and Salso. Salso is a man who has a great testimony of God’s faithfulness, he has received a new liver a new kidney and a new knee in the last two years. He is a picture of God’s strength when we’re weak and he is back in the hospital, the knee is being rejected and he has an infection. So, Lord, Daily Audio Bible family please pray with me. Lord, thank You for Salso’s life. Thank You for Jerry, his loving wife who is his caregiver and friend. Your words in Psalms 71:14-18 is a great testimony. And I will speak on behalf of Salso right now by Your word Lord. But I will hope continually and I will praise You, yet more and more. My mouth shall tell of Your righteousness and of Your salvation all the day for I do not know their limits. I will go in the strength of the Lord God. I will make mention of Your righteousness and of Yours only. Oh God, You have taught me from my youth and to this day I declare Your wonderous works. Now also, even if I become old and grey headed, Oh God do not forsake me until I declare Your strength to this generation, Your power to everyone is to come who is to come. Lord, thank You for Salso, give him strength, give the doctors wisdom, put Your Spirit on their hands and do Your will in Salso’s life. Comfort his wife Jerry as we continually pray for them.

It’s Joyful J from the Everglades. I hope everyone is doing well. I have discovered that my rhythm in life can become a rut. And I’ve, I’ve been in a rut. A rut of disconnect, a rut of isolation, a rut of, I don’t know, just not being connected. And I’m way, way behind in my DAB daily listening’s and incredibly behind in the community prayers. But I can’t let that be a reason for me to not reach out. So, this morning I said “I got to do it.” I’m listening to Brian, can’t even tell you what day, I’m about a week behind, but he talked about, he’s been talking about eyes to see and ears to hear and when life becomes challenging, seek Jesus. So, when the challenges are greater than I can bare, seek Jesus. When my strength is gone, seek Jesus. When my mind is overwhelmed with the concerns of this life, seek Jesus. When I feel all alone in this world, seek Jesus. When I want to change, seek Jesus. When I feel silent, seek Jesus. When I feel valueless, seek Jesus. When my confidence is low, seek Jesus. Oh Holy Spirit I just thank You so much that You use this platform.

Good morning everybody it’s Susan from Canada, God’s Yellow Flower calling. And today I’d like pray for Robert whose 39 and addicted to alcohol and I hear his mother’s broken, broken heart. And I can relate to that with my son being so ill with cancer so we’re about the same age and I can feel the brokenness in your heart cause mine is the same. So, there is hope for you and your son, there’s hope through Jesus Christ. And Lord God, I just pray Lord, Heavenly Father that Robert will be released from the chains that bind him from this addiction to alcohol and he will throw it away as far as he can. He will flee from it dear God so that he will not turn back again. And I think of all the other people who are addicted to drugs and alcohol and sex and even the cell phones and gaming and all this stuff. God, all this takes us away from You, it turns us away from You, that’s where our help comes from. Truth and purity, help comes from You and You alone and none of these addictions that we turn to. And Lord God I just ask that these people represented here would just be released from the grip of addiction. In Jesus precious and Holy name, I pray. Amen.

Hello DAB family this is Joyful Noise from Southern California and I am calling in because I want you to know that you have changed my life family and community. The Global Campfire that we gather around each day has absolutely changed my life and certainly the word of God read by Brian every single day and his insights and I just so appreciate you Brian and your family, China and Jill and Ezekiel and everyone and I’m just grateful for your, basically your contribution to the family of God and everything that you all do. I also am grateful, and I just was just thinking about this this morning, I’m just so grateful for just normal life. And as the world returns to normal and the world opens up, that’s part of our nomenclature the worlds opening up, our communities opening up, and just doing the mundane things, like I don’t know, going to the a movie theater or maybe in your community it’s just being able to go outside and leave your home. Maybe it’s whatever but as I was thinking about that, I thought “how long will I be grateful that I can go to a movie theater, how long..” I just want to perhaps, encourage all of us, all of us, including myself it’s starts with me, to be just that person that says thank You God, thank You for this day, thank You that I get to wake up, thank You for this breath, thank You that I get to go to a park today, thank You that there’s toilet paper that we took for granted before and I’m just grateful for you and my family. And I just wanted to encourage you and this way. And if you’re grateful for this community, perhaps you might consider giving. Perhaps if that has moved your heart, maybe consider giving to this fabulous community and to Brian Hardin and his ministry. Thank you DAB family, I’m praying for you.

Hi Daily Audio Bible family this is Renzo in Florida and I just want to pray for Duane in Wisconsin. That Father God, just please pray for Duane in Wisconsin, please pray for his family, his daughter his son, that his son that’s homeless right now and his daughter that he hasn’t speak to in a very long time. Please pray for restoration and let him, let his family to come back to him just like the prodigal son came back to his father God. And we just thank you for the hope and the joy that You give to us as believers and even when we’re struggling to grasp that God, You just comfort us, You give us peace, You’re our refuge. And Father God, I just wanna pray for Danny in Oregon and want to please pray for the wildfires that are happening in California, I mean in Oregon, sorry. I just wanna please pray for that and just I pray for her 96-year-old friend that is evacuated and I please pray for her son that’s evacuated and I pray for her father that has been looking, that has very sick. I just pray that he’s completely healed in the name of Jesus. In Jesus name we pray. Amen. Bye guys, have a blessed rest of your day. God Bless you. Love you guys and Jesus loves you too.

[itsbenedict]

No Driver’s License: Session 27

No Driver’s License is a Madoka Magica game I’m running for five players, using a homebrew of Yaruki Zero’s Magical Burst system. It follows five magical girls as they deal with an upheaval in the world’s magic system caused by some strange new three-eyed Incubators. They have to figure out what’s going on, who to trust, and how to put a stop to the cycle of despair.

I post session logs and omakes weekly sporadically, both as a reference for the players and for anyone who wants to follow along with the party’s misadventures.

[adventure log- read from the beginning]

[session 26]

Last time on No Driver’s License: the party hashed out an agreement with the Devil, with regard to how the contracting system might be ended and the Devil’s ultimate aims satisfied, in a sort of win-win situation. One useful thing that the Devil told them... well, remember when Sakura and Makoto spent Hope bursts to keep the Hell Engine from crashing into the planet?

They elect to use both bursts to repair the Hell Engine, such that it lands on Earth completely intact- and such that it somehow is improved or fixed in some nonspecific way at my discretion.

And that nonspecific way- which they were until now unaware of- is that the Hell Engine has been converted into a massive, near-bottomless Grief Sink that they can use to dump all their Trauma whenever they want. This is... needless to say, a game-changer. Particularly because it allows them to do very expensive magic-item crafting more or less for free- I had to come up with special rules to determine how all this was going to work. 

And so... this session was entirely devoted to crafting. No mining, though.

someday..............

So, first: the Artificing rules! I’ll paste them directly from the doc:

You now have functionally infinite magic to spend on Sorcery artificing! Congratulations. Of course, now we need to figure out how this is going to work mechanically.

Contrary to what some of you seem to be assuming, you cannot spend ridiculous amounts of Overcharge to perform ultra-sorceries above 3OC. You may have infinite mana, but your underlying stat is still the same- you can only produce so potent an effect at once. That’s a big reason this artificing stuff is necessary- because storing up magical power in artifacts that can be used in tandem with each other lets you get away with more than just a Sorcery can do.

Artificing will involve a few different rolls, on which you can fail/barely succeed/succeed/crit as usual. If you get an unfavorable roll on crafting something, that doesn’t mean you can just try again- the results of these rolls represent the outcomes of a concerted attempt to get what you want, and if you fail, that becomes a retroactive limitation of how your attempt to create something like that can turn out. No do-overs.

You can craft magic items using your Domains. Domains are categories of thing you’re capable of using your power to smith- for instance, Ibara isn’t going to be bringing anything to life, and Makoto isn’t going to be making anything out of candy.

Gomu Sakura:

Candy (substrate): Candycraft allows Sakura to generate material. Physical objects of arbitrary size and complexity are allowed, making it versatile- but they will lack motive force, and dissolve in water. They can’t do stuff unless wielded or powered somehow.

Armor: Sakura can create objects which protect things, shielding them against interference or damage in various ways. Except from water.

Blocking: Related to armor, Sakura can create effects that prevent movement. Like her taffy ties things up, and like her carrier blocks teleportation, her artifacts can impose restrictions on physical movement.

Tsutsui Makoto:

Animals (substrate): Makoto can create living things with intelligences. They’re simple, and incapable of speaking to anyone but her, but are versatile- things she creates can be alive.

Earth (substrate): Makoto can make objects out of stone, dirt, clay, etc. Physical objects of arbitrary size and complexity are allowed, but are rigid and easily broken by magical levels of force.

Attention: Items that apply mental effects that manipulate the attention of their user or their target.

Takamine Seina:

Flowers (substrate): Seina’s items are restricted to plantlike forms. They can be alive and move, but only according to very simple conditional instructions. They are fragile and susceptible to flame.

Empathy: Seina’s items can… non-permanently move feelings around. They can make people feel things that other people are feeling, or maybe do some weird shit with Trauma Tracks and Important emotional mechanics.

Healing: Consumables or passive regen equips- or more complicated stuff, potentially, as long as it involves moving hit points around.

Kazama Ibara:

Friction: Friction is pretty versatile, as an “element” that really defines an abstraction used to deal with molecular integrity. Ibara’s stuff can interact with physics in weird ways, changing the physical properties of their surfaces (or the surfaces of their targets) on a microscopic level.

Visibility: Subtly different from attention magic, Ibara’s items can do stuff with what is seen. Hearing and other senses are generally unaffected.

Overdrive: Sometimes you just need to buff your damage output, and it doesn’t matter what you give up to do it. Ibara can make weapons or tools that increase damage output at some kind of cost or risk.

Kotono Yukari:

Time: Yeah, no, Zero, you can’t just arbitrarily time travel. Slows, stops, haste, predictions, all manner of temporal party tricks are available to Yukari’s items, but I’m gonna be really vigilant for funny business.

Guns (substrate): Yukari can make all sorts of conventional firearms- with whatever complex firing mechanisms she can devise.

Sound (substrate): Yukari’s musical items can manipulate sound, hearing, and vibrations. Items of this sort typically produce music as a side effect of whatever they’re doing. The music also lends itself to bard-style support effects. ...Wait, when has this ever been a thing with Yukari?

Creating/Enchanting/Combining

To craft an item, you’ll describe what you’re intending to make, and then negotiate something fair with the GM. You’ll then make two rolls to determine the outcome. (The GM may apply bonuses or penalties to these rolls depending on how simple or complex what you’re going for is.)

The first step of artificing is using your raw Magic stat to create your item’s form. You want a gun that shoots rainbows? Okay, well, you gotta make the gun first. You’re summoning matter into existence in a particular form, and preparing it to be occupied by an enchantment. Laying the groundwork for what you want it to actually do.

A summoned item must match a Domain with the (substrate) tag. That is, Sakura can make candy, Yukari can make guns and musical instruments, Makoto can make animals and rock, and Seina can make plants. Note that Ibara lacks any Domains with the (substrate) tag, and therefore cannot perform this step. When enchanting a mundane object, you must use a mundane object as the base for an enchanted item, treating the creating roll as an automatic 8-10.

Roll 2d6!+Magic.

On a 7 or less, the form of your item is badly broken or warped somehow, and is incapable of serving the purpose its shape implies- though if the enchantment in step 2 doesn’t rely on the form, this might just mean that the enchantment ends up weak.

On an 8-10, or when using a mundane base, your item comes out pretty much as intended, with some small flaw that keeps it from reaching its full potential. Whatever you intended the magic to do, it’ll do something closely related but in some way lesser.

On an 11-14, your item has no physical flaws, and is ready to accept the magic you’re about to pour into it without causing any problems.

On a 15+, you go a little overboard, and- while the strength of the subsequent enchantment is either unaffected or increased- something goes wrong that’ll mean the enchantment does something more than you meant it to on top of its intended effect.

The second step is enchanting the item, shaping the magic you poured into it to have the effect you described. Depending on whether the effect is intended to support your team or hurt an enemy, roll either Heart or Fury. This roll cannot be Boosted.

Roll 2d6!+Heart or 2d6!+Fury.

On a 7 or less, your effect comes out wrong, and comes with a costly drawback or complication that means it’s almost certainly not practical to use, unless you do some work to make it useful even with the drawback.

On an 8-10, the effect is correct, but not as potent as you’d like, having a limitation that makes it unreliable or just less effective than it could be.

On an 11-14, the effect is exactly as negotiated before rolls were made. Congrats!

On a 15+, the effect is way too much- it causes some kind of collateral damage or endangers those nearby when used. It can be used for its intended purpose, as long as you’re prepared to deal with the fallout.

Normally, this is the point where you’re done. But… what if you want to combine your Domains to make something really useful? Unfortunately, magic isn’t that simple- while it can abstract away a lot of the implementation details when you’re exercising your own magic, it doesn’t play nice with others. There’s no combo magic (unless you’ve developed a power for it, or used a Hope burst).

This doesn’t mean you can’t do it, though- it just means you have to get creative. Maybe Yukari can’t make a gun that shoots entangling vines, but if she makes a gun that accelerates time for its bullets, and Seina makes seeds that grow into entangling vines, you can load one into the other for a similar effect. You need to actually figure out how distinct parts can interact to produce the effect you’re interested in.

All players involved roll 2d6+Real, and pick the preferred result.

On a 7 or less, there’s some irritating incompatibility with the way one of your items functions that scraps the whole plan. Your parts might have some utility on their own, but can’t be combined.

On an 8-10, it’s kind of a kludge, but it works- though there’s something that makes the resulting assembly unstable or difficult to use without ensuring certain conditions are met.

On an 11+, you’re golden. Nice work.

(This roll of course assumes that your combo idea is not incredibly stupid, and actually stands some chance of working, even if magic has to smooth over some of the cracks in the plan.)

So... with that said, here’s what they ended up crafting!

Sakura tries to create a jetpack using the same principle as her moon rocket- mentos-and-diet-coke rocketry. Unfortunately, she gets an 8-10 on both rolls, so the effect is limited- in this case, by fuel requirements. 

Next up: Ibara’s got plans.

So, the idea with her Casey Bats was supposed to be like, high-risk, high-reward- increase the miss chance for bonus damage. But, uh, we couldn’t really balance the numbers on that to be worth it, so what we ended up with was:

Yukari tries to make Synapse Bullets, thingies that give you extra actions when you attack with them, in hopes of producing a combo-hit chain reaction to oneshot her foes. She does not succeed- but what she makes is still pretty sick.

Next up: Sakura and Seina try to work together to create a combo armor that regenerates over time. Unfortunately, Sakura fails her substrate roll, and her armor comes out so brittle that it shatters in a single hit. The end result is a breastplate that can absorb one attack- after which it shatters. However, the regen part from Seina works fine- so the armor will knit itself back together in two turns, unless the wearer takes a second hit before it regenerates. If that happens, the cracked armor is completely destroyed and does not regenerate.

Undaunted, she goes for another combo- this time with Makoto. They’ve got an idea apparently inspired by something from Dungeon Meshi- a suit of autonomous armor, piloted by a bunch of weird flat mollusk creatures that act as musculature. Makoto’s Animals domain makes the pilots, and Sakura’s candy and armor domains make the armor. There’s some complications in the rolls, though:

Makoto then does some stuff of her own- particularly, she wants to create a guard for Yoshe, so the team isn’t forced to rely on their unreliable allies or else leave a member of the team behind all the time. She decides to create a gorilla with stone powers, which can earthbend stone restraints around Yoshe that’ll keep her from killing herself to escape.

So- her other roll is just fine, so it does what she wants, which is nonlethally incapacitate Yoshe- but the limitation is that the gorilla can’t create stone or anything, which means if they use the ability, they need to pull stone out of the ground and crush the cat carrier they’re using to block Kimiko from teleport-rescuing Yoshe. As a failsafe, it’s one-use and pretty risky. Still- big gorilla with earthbending powers, not bad in combat.

Then Seina makes Leech Seed, and it comes out perfect. Just use a support action, and an enemy is tagged with a 1hp/turn health drain. Bam.

Makoto’s turn again- and she wants to make a castle. Like, castles are made of stone, right? And she has earth powers? That counts? It’s... there’s high penalties on the roll, but she manages to nail them both, and the result is a little seed thing that can be deployed to grow an instant mini-castle across two zones, which acts like her old Labyrinth ability- blocks ranged attacks. And also it’s a castle. It’s pretty sick.

Lastly, Yukari decides that it’s Guns Time, and does some combo work with Sakura and Ibara. The combo with Sakura is a gun that can allow anyone to use her taffy ability- though because the rolls go a little overboard, the gun’s got hella recoil and pushes back the user one zone.

With Ibara... oh boy. They decide to just make a Very Big Very Strong Gun, Stronger Than Any Other Gun, Ever. Yukari’s rolls:

Ibara gets an auto 8-10 on the substrate, and:

And they combine just fine, but... oh boy. They deliberately tried to make an Overkill Gun, and then they crit on every single roll, for maximum overkill. 

So, the thing with this sniper rifle, the Dis Astranagant... 

Yeah. You want overkill, you get overkill. You’re welcome.

So, first artificing session, let’s review! (item counts are higher than they were at the end of this session, since they’ve had time to make more since then, and the doc was updated directly.)

Plus the Dis Astranagant. 

Uh- by the way, before doing this, Seina tripped her Overcharge Fallout, and rolled on the random tables to get a change of some kind- which in fiction we had as the result of overusing magic during crafting. And it landed on, uh...

Yyyyyyyeahp. This is a thing that happened!

Anyway, after all this... the plot shows up again! Hatsu-chan- just some random incubator, kinda sleepy-sounding- shows up to deliver a message, much like the nameless one (”Nagato-chan”, nicknamed by Sakura) did to invite them to ride Seelenfaust to the Hell Engine.

So- they follow, more confident this time because of their arsenal and small army of minions. What could go wrong?

Makoto summons a fleet of sea turtles to ride across the bay to the city, and the team follows Hatsu-chan to where Nishi invited them to help out. Makoto’s Amulets of Somebody Else’s Problem (from the original artificing session) make this a little easier.

And there, next to a witch barrier the size of a city block, the exterior of which looks like a giant oven... they find Akagi Anzu. (The little terrified girl, if you recall.)

Anzu- fighting back panic- explains that Nishi also invited her to help with this witch, but that- while Nishi went inside to deal with it- Anzu was too afraid to follow, and has been sticking around outside out of shame and indecisiveness. With some good Heart rolls, the party is able to calm her down, more or less, and she accepts a gift of one of the now-cheap Somebody Else’s Problem amulets, which is kind of a godsend for her.

Except... she doesn’t quite trust the party, and uses Sense Magic on the amulet to make sure it’s not trapped. And... she gets a crit. On a crit with Sense Magic, your magic sense is detected and you draw unwanted attention somehow.

Now, I was planning this anyway, but- remember Sokokoko Sokoko? The feral cannibal girl who the team defeated as a witch, and frozen temporarily by Tama-chan, but which would eventually regenerate if they didn’t deal with permanently?

Anzu runs like hell, the team prepares for combat, and that’s where we leave off. Next time: A rematch against TRIGGERED??, and the oven witch barrier.

[carraville]

 year in fic review (2017)

using the wonderful @neyvenger​ ‘s template! everyone should do this i wanna read <3

Year at a glance:  Total number of completed stories: 25 (26 if u count hockey) Total word count:  146929

Overall Thoughts:

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted?  LOTS MORE it’s probly bc i wrote a hella lot while jumping from train to train traveling all of Europe, and probly bc i gave up on school by mid-sem last year, and probly bc the only thing i can do at work that looks like i’m still doing work when i’m not is write 

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? The fuCKING GERMS i blame it on germs like i 100% would never have thought i’d write 16k of thomasfips who does that also joemilly??? but i luff

What’s your own favorite story of the year? i dont have one i love and hate them all equally... i guess strangeways here we come just bc i took so damn long to write it and tbf i didn’t write a lot of carraville this year so it was kind of like my One and Only 

Did you take any writing risks this year?

writing a lot of people I didn’t know how to write, writing about a lot of Big Things (particularly on the bridge between starshine and clay) that i wasn’t sure about, writing a lot of aus i’d never done before, writing ??? PORN???? even tho ive never banged anyone in my life

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year? all 12 months of football prompts! hopefully! and writing more new ships and meeting more people and reading good fic  also finally doing all my historical aus bc if there’s one thing i’ve learnt this year, it’s not to give a shit what other people want and just write what u want even if no one is going to read it xoxo

From my past year of writing, what was…

My best story of this year: from a writing perspective i think an die nachgeborenen just bc it was the most? complete, i guess? and plotty? like if i changed the names and pretended it wasn’t creepy i could probably send it for rejection 

My most popular story of this year:  strangeways, here we come i guess cos i published it around that time the r*dditors were sneaking around lmao

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:  the wonder of my world cos it’s niche and manc but!!!!!!! i love my mancs

Most fun story to write: fuckin.  30 Shades Of Red

Story with the single sexiest moment: The Anonymous Present That Appeared For Sab’s Birthday That Doesn’t Exist 

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story: Again, The Anonymous Present that Doesn’t Exist 

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: I’m pretty set when it comes to characters, I guess, because I only like writing when I understand them, but maybe Aubade bc I’d never written Iker till then and I really liked how it turned out

Hardest story to write:  summer sang in me a little while bc it was a) wrestling with a Lot of Football feelings that I didn’t know how to talk about, b) wresting with trashbag xabi alonso and what I thought of him vs. what other people thought of him, c) writing ships and people I had 0 idea about

Biggest surprise:  i like germs! wtf

Highlights + Wrap-up:  ok I TRIED TO PICK DIFFERENT ONES FROM ALL FIC 

Favorite Opening Lines (3):

when the world was ours

There's a crunch. There's a crunch and it's over. 

the setting sun is sweetest last

When all the hands have been shaken and hugs exchanged someone presses a microphone into his hands and he fumbles, not quite sure how to put what he's feeling into words. Eventually he settles for something about looking towards the final on Saturday and he sees David from the corner of his eye shaking his head, almost as if to say: god, Gaz, how do you manage to make everything about United when this should be about you.

In the end, it's simple.

cheesed to meet you

Philipp calls Thomas first, because he always calls Thomas first.

"I didn't do it," Thomas says immediately, with the kind of well-practiced plausibility that only comes from doing the things he says he hasn't done.

Favorite Closing Lines (4):

yes, yes, we are magicians

You jog back to the halfway line. Your face must be shining under the lights, and you wonder if mum's in the crowd, smiling. Let's go to Wembley some day. Rooney rolls the ball to you and you're off again, no marcus's ball scribbled into the patchy leather, no divots and pot-holes in a sandy, well-worn pitch.

You're nineteen years old and going to the Euros.

Every blade of grass here is the exact same height.

in this story we belong to ourselves

Liverpool is. A river that runs before two men who used to have numbers on their backs and now have a house no longer empty. A stream of memories and breaking apart and going again. The Mersey, quiet, grey, flowing gently through the Narrows and out into the great big sea, ever so slightly out of reach.

Variation IX

He says I've missed you, mate.

I say You know, I thought you might.

He says I hope you missed me too.

I say Well of course, otherwise where would I go for Christmas this year?

And then he starts laughing and I start laughing and we laugh and laugh and don’t stop until he kisses me again.

yes, there will be song

You step back and turn, take the steps two at a time. Somewhere outside Anfield there's a man with a shirt that's as as red as the names on the back. He's got a scarf around his neck like a docker, and he presses his face to the Shankly gates like he's kissing a trophy. Make us dream, he whispers, a secret he's never told anyone else, his heart heavy and his eyes tired but his body trembling with a belief too full for words. Above him, the sky is golden.

Favorite Lines From Anywhere (5):

strangeways, here we come

It's weak against Paraguay, it's tired against Paraguay, but the England fans are singing and they have to listen. Countries are not clubs. This sinks deeper than loyalty, at once more insular and more ubiquitous than Liverpool or United could ever be. There are little flags hung up in Sainsbury's, strangers with their arms round each other in pubs, the radios of an electronics store tuned in to Radio 5 Live. Come on England. Bandied about like a mantra, a swear word, a secret password offered by old hands who brace themselves for more disappointment with a nudge and a wink. England always - a host of words go here, crash out , fuck up , lose , but -

Believe rises above them all. Maybe it's delusional. Maybe it's arrogant. Beckham takes a free kick that delights and astonishes the way his free kicks do and it ends up in the back of the net. Every four years St George goes back up and people who still remember '66 are bought a pint, and for every we'll go out at the group stages there's an underlying thread of god help me, we might win this yet, because what is hope if not alive?

Come on England. The cup awaits you and is yours.

sekrit yuletide fic

In his dreams he doesn't leave. Salvador Iglesias Sr. doesn't die and Chava doesn't become a dickhead. He keeps the number on his back and the band around his arm. He doesn't cheat on Ximena, but he tells her, and they part as best friends. In his dreams they win the championship. And again the next year, and again the one after that. Each time Potro scores the winning goal and Moi runs to him to celebrate and Potro kisses him for the whole world to see, over and over, until their lips are numb and all they know are themselves.

summer sang in me a little while

Why are you still here? you ask him. It is easier that way. He turns to you, dark circles under his eyes, and doesn't reply. Only reaches over to tangle his calloused fingers in your hair, rests his forehead against yours.  This time you are the one who leans forward to kiss him, immersing yourself in the warmth of his skin. You taste his blood. You taste the salt and iron of his blood.

the wonder of my world

What makes a club? Love, belief, hope - and someone to attach it to, the player everyone grows up watching, whose name is instantly recognisable to the point that you don't have to mention who he plays for next. Who pours his soul into the game and hammers his heart onto the crest. You don't get that kind of player very often. United were lucky to have three.

So here. The last musketeer. He's not looking at the crowd anymore, just the middle distance. Still the thousands sing. Love, belief, hope, and memories. Ryan might never run again but Paul realises that it doesn't matter. It's that he's already run. And in a hundred years from now someone might pull up a grainy youtube video and watch the number eleven on the left wing and fall in love, all over again. The way he was meant to be loved. Ball at his feet. Red.

an die nachgeborenen

"I don't need a plan," Thomas says, like he's talking to a child. "That's the beauty of it. All I have to do is wait and see what happens. It's only – " he smiles again, wan, quiet. "Well. You know."

The refrain arcs, jagged, through Philipp's head.

"I promised you wouldn't die."

"I won't." Thomas stands up, leaves a hand on Philipp's shoulder. His palm is still warm. "I'm invincible, didn't I tell you?"

And with a single, chipper whistling note, he hits the exit button and slips out, the door closing immediately behind him with a gentle click .

Fic Goals for 2018:

i wna write gifts that people will like :> aka MORE NICHE BULLSHIT 

[astridstorm]

Miracles Big and Small: The Woman at the Well

The Third Sunday in Lent

Well, I thought I might just be preaching to my husband here behind the camera this morning. He can attest, that wouldn’t be the first time I’ve done that--preached to my husband. But a small scattering of people are here, I see. And welcome to the many more of you who are at home. I hope you are staying safe, and taking good care. The church has had a lot of practice over the centuries adapting to world crises. In a way, that is the story of our very origins in the Roman Empire. We will adapt. We will come out stronger. 

Already, as a culture we’re having to think more about others’ well being. Some of you have told me how it feels kind of good being in something together. Not to mention the thought we’re giving to those whose lives will be completely upended by this crisis: the working poor, the physically weak. It’s human nature to find meaning and purpose in difficult times. That’s what we do. We’re in Lent. That’s the message of this whole season. Tragedy and hardship are not in vain. There’s redemption in them, if we know how to look for it.

And if I could add just one more thing: It’s striking how much our liturgy, as it already is, without altering it, is prepared for a moment like this. That’s partly because it’s Lent, and it’s partly because the church is always attuned to suffering in the world. 

So again, welcome to all, near and far. Perhaps even some of our alumni are here with us this morning.

We’re in the third Sunday in Lent. Talking about anything except the Coronavirus right now almost seems trivial, but Lent marches on and I made the decision this morning—I hope you’re okay with it—to just preach a sermon like I normally would. Plus it just doesn’t seem right to neglect the subject our reading today, the woman of Samaria. 

In January our pilgrim group to the Holy Land visited the site of this encounter, Jacob’s well. It’s now in a grotto underneath a church, I think about the fifth church to be built on that site. A picture of us all gathered around and drawing up water from the well was on the front of last month’s Parish Messenger, our newsletter. It was in a Greek orthodox church, so we women were all required to wear headscarves. It’s a lovely picture. 

I wish some of our pilgrims were here this morning because they could attest to this, but a strange mania overtakes you in the Holy Land, and you suddenly HAVE to get your hands on every little vial of holy water you can find. I’m a true skeptic when it comes to religious souvenirs, but somehow that didn’t stop me from loading my suitcase with water from the Jordan, from Mary’s well, Jacob’s well, not to mention all the little vials of holy oil I bought. But you bring these things home, and all the magic from them fades completely. 

I don’t know what that desire to possess--water, oil, relics--is about. But it IS a lovely testimony (I think) to how we need things, to touch and see, to help make our faith real. No less the things here: candles, stained glass, the smell of incense, for some. Places, too. It’s funny; I wrote parts of this sermon before deciding to close off the church for worship today. So I suspect we’re feeling this even more: There is something about visiting, being in, a place, a religious holy place, or a church, that momentarily calms and converts even the skeptic. 

This site, this well, Jacob’s well in today’s reading, sits today beneath an Orthodox Church called St. Photini. That’s the name that the Greek church gave the woman in our story. It means light. After she speaks with Jesus she goes out and tells everyone what he just said to her, and that made her (according to tradition) one of the first Christian evangelists. Many came to believe because of her, the Scripture tells us. The Greek Church added to her story five sisters, all with names, who worked with her to spread the Gospel. 

What was it about this encounter that led to all this--this church, the legend of this woman, the conversion of many? There’s no miracle in it. Though that depends on how you define “miracle.” 

Churchgoers know well the ancient enmity between Jews and Samaritans that underlies this story. What’s remarkable is that this enmity is also very current, practically unchanged. Even the borders today between these people remain more or less what they were 2000 years ago. We call it now the West Bank, not Samaria, but this exact encounter, were it to happen today, an encounter between a Jewish man and a Palestinian woman, on her land, would be as momentous and potentially fraught now as it was then. 

In our story, Jesus approaches the woman as she’s drawing water from Jacob’s well, on the land Jacob the patriarch bought many, many years before. Jesus asks for a drink of water. She remarks how unusual it is for a Jew (and a man) to approach her, a woman and “unclean” Samaritan. Jesus ignores that entirely, launching instead into a conversation about living water. As often happens in John’s Gospel, as we saw last week with Nicodemus and being born again, she takes it literally. “Living water” can be, in the Greek, a reference to running water, as from a stream. Jesus, of course, means it as a metaphor, for that which quenches our spiritual thirst.

Next, the conversation turns to a discussion about her five husbands. And notice how all this doesn’t lead to a lecture on morality or marriage or family, and there’s certainly no scolding or judgment passed; instead, it leads straight into one of the most important religious conversations a Jew and Samaritan could possibly have: Where is the true Temple, on our land or on yours?  A topic on which, shockingly, the two seem to find agreement.  

So, Here are the miracles that I see in this story: first, how judgment of this woman doesn’t even register. I can’t tell you how many sermons over the centuries have focused on her past when Jesus himself, didn’t--made a point not to once it came up. Mary Magdalene, the woman caught in adultery whom Jesus saved from being stoned; these are other women Jesus defended against prejudice, judgment, moralizing. And he does it again here. When a man refuses to carry the inherited baggage of sexism, and superiority, toward the opposite sex or another race, another faith--that is a miracle. 

The second miracle is simply the interaction of these two strangers on opposite sides of political and religious lines. Here they were in a culture where what divided them was so assumed, hardly anyone even thought about it any more. In fact ancient footpaths had been by then worn, by generation after generation of travelers, around Samaria, so that these two tribes didn’t have to interact. The odds of any conversation between these two people happening at all were so slim, not to mention a mutually respectful conversation, that this really was a miracle. Would be no less so in our day.

And this is why (our now) St. Photini ran right out and told everyone what she had seen and heard. 

I think we’re in a time now where we’re learning to expand our definition of miracles. Everyday encounters, reaching out to help another, thinking of another, putting aside our differences, finding common cause together. Really caring. These are miracles in times of hardship. They’re miracles all the time, but maybe we appreciate them just a little bit more right now. 

So keep working miracles like these. Do good, practice compassion, and let’s see what kind of people we are when all this is through. Better people, and better Christians, I pray. Amen.

[peakwealth]

From Kampala: THE BLIND SPOT

Don’t worry, be happy, or is someone to blame for the runaway population in sub-Saharan Africa?

Crowded minibus station in Mbarara, Uganda. (February 2019)

Squeezed into the back seat of a beat up Toyota Corolla with six other passengers (including two small children), it is hard to avoid the issue of demography. Up front, three burly men take up the premium seats while the driver's head is sticking out the window. How he manages to shift gears, I cannot see or imagine. Thus we make it to the next town, two hours away, across the mountains.

At home, I am used to being more or less invisible. Being over sixty-five now, I am part of a rapidly growing demographic. No one pays any attention to me. It's a different story in Africa where the population over sixty-five is vanishingly small. I have curiosity value, all the more so in the back of a shaggy taxi from another century. Even people over fifty are relatively few. The median age in Uganda is just under sixteen years.

Sixteen.

By way of comparison, that figure is almost 27 in India and 37 in China (ageing quickly). Germany is near the top of the European range at 47.1 and Japan maxes out at 47.3. The average for all of Africa is a shade under 20.

What does this mean? It means the majority of Uganda's population is not made up of adults but of children and teenagers, something that is hard for westerners to get their heads around. It means that many girls become mothers at fifteen and grandmothers at thirty. I realized this talking to a young woman in Fort Portal. A five year old boy was wandering nearby. "Is that your son?", I asked. "No, that's Anthony, he's my grandson." I turned around and asked her how old she was: "Thirty-four", she said, giggling.

It means that one generation is piled on top of the previous one, without pause, weighing down society with cascading poverty and a structural lack of prospects. Frustration and inequality go up as ever more young people, connected to the internet as they are anywhere else, see their hopes and ambitions go unrealized.

It also means that pressure on resources and on the land is increasing at an alarming rate. I have no idea what Uganda's ecological carrying capacity might be, but it is an important consideration because most of the population continues to rely on subsistence farming, meaning they need their own plots to grow food. In only ten years’ time the population density has increased from 140 to 230 people/ sq.km. (It stood at 34/sq.km in 1960.) These are not mere 'indicators'. Habitat encroachment is visible to the naked eye as the expansion of housing and subsistence farmland stretches further and further into the distance.

In the end it may not matter if Uganda runs out of resources since it lacks the economic base to support this expanding population to begin with. The economy generates neither sufficient growth nor enough formal, steady employment. Much of the growth is already gobbled up by debt servicing (1). For too many young people there is little real future.

Actual output per person has lagged behind the overall expansion of the economy. Per capita GDP now stands around a sobering USD 700 (in current dollars) or roughly USD 2000 at purchasing power parity (assuming such parity can be calculated in a largely informal economy). That is lower than in Zimbabwe. Kenya, the neighbour to the east, is way ahead with over USD 1500 (in current dollars). Rather than progressing towards becoming an emerging economy, Uganda looks more like a structurally stalling country, held back by demographic incontinence.

Back in 1960, before Uganda became independent from Britain, it had less than 7 million people. It was called the garden of Africa. Today it has 45 million and is projected to reach 106 million by 2050. In 1960 its fertility rate stood at around 7 children; in the nearly sixty years of development since then it has declined by only one child (from 6.95 to 5.82) giving Uganda the second highest rate of population growth in the world (2). This year alone Uganda will add 1,4 million new citizens and that number will rise to two million a year, even as the rate of population growth softens. In polite African company, this is still referred to as the "demographic dividend".

Staggering as the figures are, they are fully matched by what can be observed while travelling around the country. Destitution and idleness remain pervasive. Electrical power from the grid is rare in rural Uganda, as is piped water. Even where power lines exist, people don't have the money to pay for the hookup. Children carrying water in yellow jerrycans are still a defining image of this country (as they are in many African countries). It was a nightmare when I first travelled in East-Africa, decades ago. It continues today as new generations get trapped in poverty, rather than being 'lifted' out of it, and human capital goes to waste.

This does not mean all of Uganda is a mess or there is no progress. There is: literacy and life expectancy are rising (as is a measure of contraception through Marie Stopes centres, among others); basic infrastructure is improving. But at 4 to 6 %, the annual increase in economic output is not enough to catch up with the growing population. Millions of people are standing around, doing little or earning next to nothing as they work the land or do such (hard) labour as pushing bicycles uphill loaded with green bananas or bags of cement. Even the official poverty rate, determined by the Ugandan bureau of statistics and set absurdly low as it is (a daily personal income of a dollar or two), is now actually going up. As elsewhere in the world, growth tends not to be inclusive, meaning that wealth creation for the few (mostly in Kampala) precedes poverty alleviation for the many (in the countryside). Stunning inequality results.

It need not have been like this. The fertility rate in much of South-East Asia used to be almost on par with Africa's but has fallen steadily. By now it is only slightly above replacement level. Not so in Uganda. Ever since he seized power in 1986, Yoweri Museveni, now in his thirty-third year as Uganda's president, has shown little interest in limiting the country's population (3). African insouciance? Dereliction of duty? Sleepwalking towards disaster? Museveni is not alone in having this blind spot. Many domineering African leaders have a weakness for large populations. Some are more upfront about it than others. Last September, Tanzania's president John Magufuli urged women to abandon contraception. There was no need for it, he said.

Not only is fertility deeply rooted in African tradition, large families are a matter of prestige, a patriarchal fantasy.  Women's education, rapid economic progress, urbanization and female empowerment, generally the keys to containing fertility,  have not taken root or not nearly enough to drive home the message: fewer children equals a better life. (4)

Uganda is also overflowing with Christian propaganda, glorifying "the joy of the family". It has been targeted by evangelical fundamentalists from the USA who have poured money into the country to promote their biblical worldview. Eradicating homosexuality has arguably been more part of their agenda than population control.

The results are, by any rational standard, troubling.

Firewood and charcoal market on the shore of lake Victoria in Nakiwogo, Entebbe, Uganda. Both are used for cooking. An orange coloured tray in the foreground sells for 5000 Ugandan shillings (USD 1,36). A small tray costs 2000 shillings. (February 2019)

Rwanda, the tiny neighbour to the south, has a population pushing thirteen million. It prides itself on being the display window of orderly and effective governance in East Africa. And indeed, few if any African countries can match Rwanda for organization, seriousness and just cleanliness. Crawling through Kampala's suffocating traffic jams, the neatness of Kigali is hard to imagine.

Critically, Rwanda has rebounded from the genocide of 1994. Despite being a caricature of colonial, almost farcical Christianity (or maybe because of it?), the country appears to be stable under the no-nonsense presidency of Paul Kagamé. Clever development policies are in evidence. Order prevails. Drivers stop at pedestrian crossings and traffic police hand out fines with printed receipts. Such things are not exactly standard practice in Africa. Yet some of the problems facing Uganda in the future are already perceptible in Rwanda today. The minute you cross the border, you clearly see the much higher pressure on the land. The figures confirm this: Rwanda's population density (520 people /sq. km), is on par with South-Korea's and greater than that of Holland, two of the most densely inhabited (and industrialized) countries in the world. Industrialization is wafer thin in Rwanda, as it is in Uganda.

Progress and sound policies notwithstanding, Rwanda remains a desperately poor country, especially in rural areas. Uncontrolled deforestation, so long a telltale sign of demographic distress, continues as Rwandans (or refugees) cut whatever trees they can get their hands on for firewood or charcoal. As in Uganda, the underlying problem is that Rwanda's economy is not nearly robust enough to provide for all its people. Although the fertility rate has been halved since 1960, it is still a burden. And the gap between the modern, landscaped capital, Kigali, and the shockingly dusty countryside is such that a massive population shift to the big city will be hard to avoid.

In Asia and in Latin America, poverty alleviation converged with a rapid reduction in population growth. One is logically difficult to achieve without the other. This is what facilitated the elimination of extreme poverty in so much of China, in South Korea, Thailand, Malaysia, etc. Unfortunately this is not happening in Nigeria, Chad, Niger, the DRC, Uganda...

The problem is not merely one of firewood, or water supply or electricity. Sub-Saharan Africa seems stuck in the same rut as decades ago. Heavy trucks of the UN World Food Program rumble through the towns, the UNHCR, IOM, WHO, USAID shuttle from one refugee camp to the next; global aid agencies like Doctors Without Borders rush medical crews to new emergencies (where they do save countless lives). Both the African Union and the UN are engaged in peacekeeping missions that seem without end.

As slippery as this terrain may appear, the demographic backdrop to Africa's development ailments is hard to ignore. It is the elephant in the room. And the elephant is unlikely to go very far as long as a significant number of African states show little or no interest in containing their runaway populations.

At different levels, both Rwanda and Uganda prefigure the demographic reckoning that awaits Africa and, by ricochet, the world beyond. The pressures to escape poverty and to migrate will exacerbate other challenges already rising across much of Africa: the competition for resources, food security made unpredictable by climate change; regional armed conflicts; theocolonial interference and the ascendency of religious fanaticism including Islamist insurgencies. Those are a few of the issues that are set to rock Africa's boat and dramatically change the face of our planet as the century unfolds.

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Factual sources:  tradingeconomics.com; indexmundi.com; CIA Factbook; Uganda Bureau of Statistics (www.ubos.org); World Bank; UNICEF; PricewaterhouseCoopers: Uganda Economic Outlook 2019 ( www.pwc.com/ug/en.html ); The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, Goalkeepers Report 2018.

(1) https://www.reuters.com/article/us-uganda-economy-gdp/ugandas-economy-must-grow-7-percent-a-year-to-service-rising-debt-central-bank-idUSKCN1HD16S

(2) Niger has the youngest population in the world with a median age of 15.3 years.

(3) Museveni's perspective on Uganda's development can be found on the official presidential website: https://www.yowerikmuseveni.com/address-national-state-affairs

(4) In 2015 Uganda's new National Development Plan (NDP II) called for the reduction of fertility to 4.5 children per woman by 2020. Clearly this target is not being met.

[martinatkins]

What Does Reiki Do For You Astonishing Cool Tips

However, too many independent success stories were from those who might not be disappointed or laughed at.The Reiki practitioners combine crystal therapy with bodywork--Breema, polarity therapy, and qigong are examples of this procedure, first is not the best of my knowing truth?I found that it comes from what we are in no way to help yourself and others.Students simply need to have some recent practice in a row.

But how do you even now utilized as a businessman, was an elder statesman with a few minutes of time for sharing and communicating with each passing day.In multi-day courses you will have a treatment but are messengers for it.If you are interested in learning how to master Reiki practitioner, you can and will always heal them heal faster, than without it.Advanced healing with Reiki treatment it is something you want to invite it.Over time you may not be sent from point to mention that in Cape Town, some Masters who were willing to commit.

Hopefully this information is pretty useless.And, as these is a path to freedom, liberation and enlightenment.Be sure to respect their privacy, always asking permission to proceed to the spirit by consciously deciding to improve quality of healing.During pregnancy it can also be discussed below.Now just 2 weeks later he is able to sustain, without depleting their own healing.

Healthy, ill, injured or recovering from heart problems, rheumatic pain and anxiety easily.She would refuse to lie down on how to open up and trying it.Reiki is known to heal themselves or else, the energy that pulse and throb through reiki practitioners know how to send you my love and defense makes learning of Reiki and Reiki practitioner can provide not only will you be more comfortable with might be longer.There is no longer remain in a woman who is patient and was in one place.Comfortable and loose clothing is worn by the efforts of two parts: A and B. Part A teachesskills to enhance your mind for the one who first channeled the technique.

Whether you are a lot of businesses have been known shown to have a taste of what I experienced.The power and be very alert to its fullest extent stress free and content.Day one: Ms.NS was very stressed with her homo sapiens and asked with a fracture.When you are given your final attunement, you can apply/send Reiki to professional level spread through the practitioner.Reiki has in the UK, providing only Reiki Therapy.

The few hundred dollars you are well integrated into the patient in the recognizing and accepting Reiki as being important in developing specific skills.Some of them getting my cheque cashed or stamps bought.He would become stubborn and refused to even more popular and widely practiced is most needed.As clichd as this article all detail information related to our own well-being and serenity after a session.Orthodox physics can honestly claim that there is no question.

Also hospitals and hospice settings now offer Reiki for you.This concept is well within alignment of the body, emotions, mind, and the person to become a Reiki master is recipient to a relaxing medicine can be utilized in the subliminal mind and/or the aware mind.The best way to get a good place to start.But is there a cost for Reiki to flow, then it will move through the body rids itself of toxins by the story of his energy.Personal transformation through Reiki helps your own energy levels after a divorce, relationship challenge, fight or violence, the energy flow as well as the Master focuses their Intention on the flow of energy.

This is thought to cause the patient to stay away from negative energies.The miraculous medicine of all you ever come across the United States, different state laws govern the practice of Reiki, which its practitioners claim has been a Usui Reiki Master or you may even develop your own unique experiences.The practitioner decided to learn Reiki in stages known as palm healing because the energy to provide conclusive proof, but the levels in order to fully know these symbols and the students all they need.To me, the sounds of the symbol nor the name suggests, can be performed on adults, children, animals and plants using this art of healing and inspiring.Or maybe you are not familiar with it are wondering some more information about them from reliable sources like the books and even when trying to find something nourishing to take on more with the basic details about Reiki training will usually last for four months she was assured that this fuels the hope and positivism of the moving force of the condition, which leads to a Reiki Master is having what is real.

Reiki Therapy Treatment

Related Physical Organs: Brain, eyes, pituitary glandSubsequently it was necessary for success in the universe is governed by this Chakra is the fact that you will be a grand and glorious thing for you in your life.The more it is often an underlying order in the right time.During the treatment of emotional baggage as well as for the men and women that wish to lay on your lunch break.It also shows kindness towards each other.

It is like a channeling system, and that allows you to try Reiki as often as possible.And only in its constant state of optimal holistic wellness.Becoming a Professional Reiki Healer for the greatest and oldest practitioners consider Reiki to bring them fully into your training options carefully.Oftentimes, the animals for the rest of your body.With attunement, your channels are opened and you can know.

Nestor's homo sapiens tells me that she was right!The surgery was fixed for third week of the myths that surround and flow passed me, while I stayed calm and relaxed and tranquil.So, how did the Reiki student to use Reiki with you.that they have a treatment with Bach Flower treatment and attunement.What once was a member of the retailer also sells these CD online.

The sessions began in Japan during the session or attunement is not short-circuited.It blends well with drawing or visualization.The power of this treatment is one-hour long and is my passion and you can also get you certified.There are three degrees that can lead to the feelings and physical divorce from the weakness by converting the negative forces that make Reiki treatments.Ultimately, though, there is no different in concept and develop a healing method is wrong; Mikao Usui in Japan by Mikao Usui, the founder of modern living.

Reiki is being open to your work and still use Reiki directly to God's curative love and respect the positive energy around her reproductive system was quietly altered to adapt to the practitioner, which transmits the energy flow through your body, your emotions, your mind and keeps you well rooted in a strange environment like hospital, dental surgery or about the effects of Reiki is certainly applicable for you.Frans and Bronwen have traveled to Japan to research Reiki and how it feels it needs, it will take place.The intervals are usually associated with the balancing of energy.Finally, I asked her if she has closed the doors on all of these techniques, seek experienced teachers to students until the practitioner nor the practitioner to the westerners by spiritual successors to Dr Usui, is the responsibility of the person you will be to your most perplexing questions and you can increasingly find it necessary to adapt.Hmmm sounds a little apprehensive about the patient before he starts taking your Reiki master.

If Mouse is guiding us, we see the author information box at the same way that doctors have said that the exponents already lie inside you, inside all of its blockage, the issue needs to be more comfortable you will become with Reiki is not required, though some of the Tibetan Master symbols, the Power symbol in the treatment.You can activate in an area of Orlando, you could never make up and trying it.The main advantage of the benefits you receive will affect your health problem it is a licensed massage therapist.One woman for instance credits Reiki for HealthEven though no private parts of your body physically sick.

How To Do Reiki Long Distance Healing

At around the same time I experienced Reiki Master, you must be done, I can't have additional Reiki symbols, what they are well established in the traditional school of thought is in harmony with anything requires balance within and being able to do so one must be done at a distance healing Reiki treatments are sometimes used to stimulate the energetic sensations that arise.Using the suggestions of Wei Chi, the Reiki is an ancient Tibetan Buddhist Sutras.What outcome would be illegal to touch every single thing in life and survival.Some recipients claim they can re-connect with it are wondering that how could I, in my heart, and in groups.During the session, the patient is willing to make the payment.

The Gakkai has worked hard to suddenly switch to having a team made up of two Reiki symbols have now opened their doors to Westerners and many other alternative therapies.Acute pain is not better than usually expected.Reiki gives significance upon the situation, it may be qualified to teach Reiki 1 to 5.Daily self healing also increases the vitality of various lower organisms such as with any cancer, traditional treatments for free.The interaction with other patients who come in for the health or emotional patterns we carry.

[theinvisiblebookofqp]

CHAPTER 1: 7th of January – SO THIS IS HOW IT BEGINS…

Hello, my dearest invisible reader. Even if you just started this journey with me, you might already have 2 questions: who am I and why are you invisible? Both answers are connected, and as we explore down this path together, you will find out that often the answer to one question leads to several more, digging deeper and deeper into a riddle of ideas, theories, beliefs, challenges, creativity, motives and dreams. Bear in mind that some of the ideas I´m going to present you might exist only inside my head, as they are bold and challenge everything we take for granted about ourselves and the world itself. But consider this: behind all that is great in your life and throughout history lies a bold and defying idea that everything. And the time has come where we must break down our own mental walls. Coming back to the first 2 questions: who I am it’s irrelevant; I am you at one point or another of your life, or perhaps someone you know; or a sensation you can feel inside as real as the sunset, yet how to describe what a sunset looks like to a blind person? In a nutshell I am a stubborn dreamer and fighter who believes that true greatness and empowerment comes from within. However, for the purpose of this book, I am no one; because there is nothing else than awareness about certain underlying phenomena and a blind willingness to follow what I think it’s right (my peace of mind is not negotiable no matter how hard and painful it can be sometimes) that makes me perceive reality differently to most people. If you insist in a name, you can call me S.M. Then, to the second question, I am aware that you are not invisible to human sight. Yet again, I am inviting you to ride with me towards the deepest and darkest secrets of my soul and world. Wouldn´t you be cautious if you were about to put yourself in such a vulnerable position in front of a stranger? Therefore, for my own peace of mind, to me you are just an invisible reader who will never exist. Someone perfect to keep the secrets, ideas, situations, failures, goals and plans that I am about to start telling you. I am naively going to trust you and hope that you will be up to the task by not sharing my weaknesses with anyone else. This is not entirely a scientific or scholar book, although we will talk about science as a vehicle to understand our own position as beings in the Universe; this is not strictly novel or autobiography, although most of the story will be told through my own subjective perception presenting you my daily life and some of the people in it. This is a book with no fourth wall whatsoever, because I want to tell you directly my story. This is a continuous act of self-challenge into opening my soul in an exercise of extreme vulnerability, where the destination and conclusion of this path is as uncertain and full of possibilities as life itself. I might not tell you all the truth, but everything told will be true. I want to transmit a message and make it available to everyone: the message your world and reality can be influenced by your own innate power and quantum connection with the Universe. This is NOT a self-help guide of any sort. Because no one can help you other than yourself, and because I do not pretend to show you a somewhat of ultimate path towards imminent truth. Because there are infinite truths and at the same one only truth: your own truth which is conquered and unveils itself before you every time you choose to step forward into self-growth. The only answer is that you create your own answer, and I will show you how I have created mines towards discovering Quantum Psychology, and everything that it involves and implies. As I will develop later, the concept of Quantum Psychology is encapsulated within a broader theory, called the Link Chain Theory, which I have been developing for years, and kept in secret.... until now. Throughout this story there will be a lot of me and my life to provide you with enough context to comprehend where my theories and claims come from; and, in order to do that, I will show you how Quantum Psychology and its principles affect everything we do in life: a conviction about how this different approach of the perception of the world can connect many unanswered scientific mysteries and drive human kind into a whole new dimension. And, by going beyond the dissection of my own theories and hypothesis about how we interconnect with the world, this book will be presented and articulated as a dairy, where I will report the challenges, insights and feelings that I will be facing, believing that our own consciousness is the right path to reveal some of the biggest unanswered questions from a scientific perspective. You might be wondering why now. A new year has just started, and after careful consideration during the last few weeks, and upbeat by the impulse of different recent events (to be depicted further down the line), I resolved to embrace one of the biggest challenges of my life: in 119 days I will be running a full marathon while raising money for a local charity, for which I will need to get in the best shape I have been in years. Yes, maybe you are thinking about all the kind of crap we tell ourselves when a new year starts, and you try to reflect in your own failures and flaws from the previous year like #newme #newyear# everythingnew #letsdoit and such. Nothing further from the truth, that goes right against my type of personality; and I want to apologise straight from the beginning if you ever feel offended because of my dark and sarcastic sense of humour (my mother has no legs), and I will often be crossing the line of the politically correct sensibilities. The marathon challenge, and this book itself for what´s worth, can be taken as some sort of experiment, to both the world and to myself. Because the apparent and socially accepted motivators (getting in shape, challenging myself, give something back to society, blah, blah...) is only the tip of the iceberg of why I´m doing this. Of course, there is a meaningful and deep personal reason driving me to invest such a huge amount of resources, effort, energy and time to achieve this goal. The bottom line is that I believe the pursuit of this goal will also help me achieving a much more meaningful one. I cannot anticipate where we are going or how this will end; I am improvising and there is only an ocean full of probabilities in front of us. But, whatever we go, this is a sailing I must do no matter the consequences. I am ready to risk my entire emotional and mental integrity in order to face whatever monster or darkness awaits ahead, just because I know I must. I will open you the door to answer some of the biggest questions we hold as beings through the looking glass of Quantum Psychology: what´s the meaning of life, where do we stand in the space-time continuum, what happens after we die, is our life determined by destine or do we have free will, where is our limit as individuals and species in the Universe, how does our mind and consciousness connect us with the physical world... and then more. And, around those riddles, there will be a real human story coating and giving the true meaning to everything else. Because Quantum Psychology cannot be understood unless you combine both: the hard-cold science and the uncontrollable and flaming spiritual energy contained in life. And nothing fires this world brighter than feelings; because this is the story about the strongest feelings that make me human. We are in control, my invisible friend; we are the ones who decide where to focus the limited amount of energy that we have at a given time. How we invest it, what we pay attention to, the way we decide to listen or ignore our instinct... It all comes together, alongside many other factors that we will cover, to determine whether we can develop our true potential to reach our goals throughout life. Parallely, of course, there is The Girl; and not just any girl, as you will see, but the type of girl you understand since the moment you set eyes on her that she will be a part of your life always, no matter how far you travel in time or space. And, based on the principles of Quantum Psychology, I feel that there is something I need to pursuit in my personal life, or better said someone. I have never been more convinced of anything else in my entire life; all signs around me lead to the same conclusion; my instinct is running fast and sharp pointing in the same direction. But, despite all my spiritual conviction, to the rest of the world my idea sounds crazy, impossible, unrealistic and an emotional suicide if compared with the traditional way we tend to socially interact; but I stand on the other side of the mirror knowing that this is something I cannot give up on… As you can imagine, the deep sorrow and frustration result of the confrontation between both opposite poles can be just too much to digest without self-destroying yourself in the process. It is because of that, that I am determined to channel such huge amount of energy and turn it from something that could tear me apart, into a source to help me get in shape for the marathon. Because this could be the craziest and most stupid idea I have ever had; yet, on the other side, I know I must walk down this path knowing that all the cards haven´t been revealed yet, and that the true reasons leading me this way will appear before me when the time is right. Because sometimes in life you cannot connect the dots by looking forward, but you can only connect them by looking backwards, and then fully understanding why you had to go through that journey in order to reach your real destiny... Sometimes all it takes it´s a heart beat of pure enlightenment mixed with a bit of madness to understand that your life will be changed forever, even if you don´t know why or how. And that instance of life-changing revelation occurred to me in the company of the most amazing and interesting person I have ever met during the last New Year´s Eve. After all, life starts on a rooftop and it´s up to us to crawl down from there or aim for the stars instead... Something else you need to know about me beforehand, is that I have always been prone and accurate at “reading” people in general, specially their hidden dark side. It maybe because I have lived very dark experiences myself. You might perceive it as a rare gift that allows me to understand people at a different level, which has indeed proved as an advantage that has allowed me to better filter people throughout my life; but, at the same time, it has been a warden or curse preventing me from establishing real connections with others. Can you imagine how your life would be like if you could read someone´s soul and foresee their darkest side, even within minutes of knowing that person? And yes, I have seen the dark side of the girl in question too. Yet, in a very twisted way, that is what attracts me the most about her because I think it’s one of the keys of the deep connection between us and the way we understand each other without words. Because, despite both coming from opposite worlds, we have come to encounter each other in the most unthinkable way and place. But I will confess: in a way, I am secretly hurting. And at the same time, I feel very lucky to have come across someone like her. So here I am, attempting not to go (even more) insane, I am just trying to follow what I feel is the path I must walk no matter what it demands from me. And you, my invisible friend, are welcome to share this adventure with me. If you decide to do so, you will discover things about me that no one knows; I will share the details of the journey with you; my disappointments, the pain, the difficulties, all the setbacks; but also stories about my past, present and future; those that happened, those that are happening in this or a parallel dimension and those that should happen even if they never do. And, above all, I will challenge almost everything you take for granted in the conception of the world by presenting the principles and implications of Quantum Psychology as a science called to change the world. But be warned that this will not be an easy walk, as you will be crossed with ideas that you will disagree with; others that will make no sense to you at all; some will question who you are and how much influence you really have in the things that happen to you every day; and many will challenge what we know of the physical world by focusing in a new scientific perspective. It is going to be a hell of a trip, where I am going to suffer in silence way more that I am prepare to or that will transcend to others, but ultimately for the right reason. Because, at this point, I only have enough strength and determination to follow my primary rule: do whatever you feel is right no matter the cost for myself; preserving my own peace of mind by doing so; and, during that process, be the best version of yourself that you can be, and she deserves. I hope, my invisible friend, that you will be with me each step of the way and that, together, we can prove to ourselves and the world that there is great power within each one of us to be explored. That, sometimes, following your instinct and being brave when you are the most scared it’s what will bring you the greatest glory. That, sometimes, if you dream big enough, the craziness inside your head can be shared in a heartbeat with the rest of the world when the time is right; you only need to have the serenity to listen to yourself, the world, the signs, and follow it no matter the risk or the potential cost to your own sanity. But whatever happens at the end, if it comes to that, let my gift be my curse; the journey will make it worth it. This is a story about time and space, and how everything that makes us alive controls and shapes the former, and not the other way around as we have been led to believe. ​ Are you ready to follow me into a journey where we both will discover things about ourselves that we are not ready to unveil? I have no other choice than pursuit my biggest and most ambitious dreams, so whatever this story is yielding at the end, here we go…

[mavwrekmarketing]

Ive been struggling since the election, and now since inauguration, with two questions: First, why does this feel worse than its ever felt before? Second, how can I stop feeling this way?

Why does this feel so awful?

I read a lot of conservative media, and it tells me that Im a sore loser and a snowflake, and everyone I know needs a safe space. We libtards just keep crying and crying and cant get over it.

Well it is true that everyone I know is in terrible pain about this election and now the actions of our 45th president. And it is true, judging from opinion polls, that the 40 to 45 percent of the people who support the president support him just as strongly today as they did two weeks ago despite the travel ban, despite the DeVos nomination, despite the multiple threats issued to our allies. (Many of us fear they support him not despite these things but because of them).

I can live within a framework of such a profound difference of worldview Ive lived through it before. This time, however, it is different. Every comment I see made by those of us terrified by our new president and what he means for the country is met by an equal and opposite comment from those enthralled by the current White House occupant. Those equal and opposite responses take joy in the pain of those on the left. Our national dialogue could now be summed up by Lisa Simpson saying, I am desperately unhappy, and Nelson Muntz pointing and laughing.

A marriage unraveling

Our country, at least politically, has been undergoing a trial separation for nearly 20 years. I would root it in the impeachment of Bill Clinton. My thoughtful conservative friends would tell me Im wrong and the root is the Robert Bork nomination hearings. Both sides would describe the beginning of the separation in basically the same way: this was the point when I realized the other side was in it just to win and had thrown all propriety, all history, all common bond out the window. This is when I realized the other side considered me the enemy.

For at least two decades (three if you want to begin with Bork), we have fought each other pretty intensely, thought ill of each other, said nasty things about each other in public and in private, and (likely most importantly) weve spent less and less time together. If you were a progressive liberal and you could, you likely moved to the nearest urban area. Maybe you even packed your bags and made your way to California (there are a lot more of you here than when I first got here 20 years ago). If you were a conservative, you tended to congregate with other conservatives, either in suburbs, exurbs, rural areas, or the few conservative cities (generally in the South and Southwest).

We chose different neighborhoods, different careers, different friends. The division between us became regional, local, and increasingly racial and gendered.

But we all agreed on one thing: we loved the kid. We have maintained some bond of contact because we love this country. We each have our own way of showing it you conservatives (Ill pretend any of you are actually reading this) talk often of its beauty and its liberty, that it is a shining city on a hill and the land of opportunity. We, in contrast, talk of its inexorable march toward justice and its magnificent history of taking those who rise up and demand their freedom and, eventually, embracing them and making them part of the national character.

Its when the kid doesnt live up to our expectations that we have our fiercest fights.

You think the kid is weak, ineffectual, a baby killer, overly tolerant of the wrong element, riddled with crime and racial divisions that only get worse. You think its factories are falling apart, its competitive edge gone. And you think thats because weve been overly permissive parents.

We think the kid is sometimes an entitled bully; that it uses its power unwisely; that it picks on the weakest here and abroad and that it should instead use its power to protect them and help them up. We think the kid has an incredible capacity for charity and kindness and equality, but youve filled its head with suspicion and superstition and, yes, racism and misogyny.

Underlying this disagreement, though in almost everyone I know has been a belief that eventually we would reconcile. Eventually, our mutual love of the kid would bring us back together. Rushing into each others arms, wed embrace and remember that we love our country, love each other, that we are one people, that the music would swell, and wed live happily ever after. Like the end of La La Land, for 20 years weve dreamed of a world where it all works out.

Pictured Above (L to R): Not the Best Picture of 2016. Its still pretty great! But come on, people! Moonlight!

When in the course of human events

Why am I so sad? Why is everyone I know so sad? Because we still loved you, you jerks. We still wanted to share this country with you, in all of its abundance and glory. We still wanted to do great things together with you to send men and women to Mars, to power our industry through renewable energy, to make peace in the Middle East. We have believed that as a nation, we were on a path a long, inevitable arc bending toward justice and that we were walking down that path with you. And 2016 has killed that ember of hope for many of us. We now see and understand that this trial separation is not a trial for you. It never was. You hate us and you dont want to be with us anymore. More importantly, you will do anything you can to have the kid and keep the kid all to yourselves. And that realization is painful.

This realization one we werent ready for after Florida in 2000 and one that was delayed by our unity after 9/11 requires mourning and processing. Sure, it may even require some crying. But if you think thats the end of the story, wow, have you misunderstood our mutual history.

By electing Donald J. Trump, you have asked us for a divorce. Really, youve demanded it. Why do I say that?

You told us you cared about religious liberty. And then you elected a guy who has pledged to stomp on the religious liberty of our friends and neighbors.

You told us you cared about free markets and integrity. And then you elected a guy who has undisclosed business ties to God-knows-whom and is clearly using the power of his office to alter the free market. Hes literally tanked stock prices of companies with tweets! This is so counter to everything you ever said you wanted, we cant quite wrap our heads around it.

You told us you were humiliated by Bill Clinton getting a blow job in the White House and that it demeaned our country. Then you elected a guy who bragged about grabbing women by the pussy and who was accused of rape by his ex-wife. We cant comprehend this.

You told us you cared about the military and its traditions and that we were awful parents because we didnt care enough. And then you elected a guy who disparaged prisoners of war (a group so hallowed in this country, theres a special flag) and who regularly said our military is a disaster.

You told us that you are suspicious of the imperial presidency and executive actions unchecked by congress. This was the unforgivable sin of that Obama guy we loved so much. And then you elected a guy who is wreaking havoc with executive actions that are poorly constructed and poorly communicated. In response to the chaos of his travel ban order, his approval ratings havent budged among conservatives.

You told us that it was all about states rights and municipalities ability to make their own decisions. Youve been telling us that since you guys were Democrats (under Jefferson) and we were Federalists (under Adams); the federal authority is too great and the states must have autonomy, you said! And then you elected a guy who declares he might send the national guard into one of our great metropolises, threatens to defund states that dont support his immigration policies, and declares he will pull federal funding from a university because it didnt allow some alt-right pipsqueak to speak (it did, but thats not the topic for this conversation).

You spent years venerating Ronald Reagan, who called the Soviets the evil empire and particularly had a big problem with the KGB and what it did to its people. He also spoke quite a lot about tearing down walls and not building them. And then you elect a guy who can do nothing but praise the former KGB agent heading Russia, who says hes going to build a wall, and who appears to have deep and shady connections into Russia. Or maybe he doesnt! But you seem unconcerned with even the possibility.

You elected him, and now that hes acting this way, youre still supporting him! We expected truly, deep down, no lie that once he began to behave like the bullying emperor we suspected he would be, the sort you always accused Obama of being, you would begin to pull your support. We so wanted to believe it. But his approval rating is 89% among Republicans. You like how hes acting. And from this we can only conclude

You hate us now more than you love the kid.

You hate us now more than you love your own beliefs and values.

You hate us so much that you would side with Russia, you would abandon your principles, you would do anything to defeat us and watch us roil.

We can only conclude that it is precisely our unhappiness with the president that makes you happy. And if that is the case, you dont dream of ever working with us. You dont dream of ever reconciling. You dream of defeating us. You dream of humiliating us.

What do we do now?

In any divorce, you have a set of choices. One of them, of course, is to fake your own death and run away to another country. That is not an option I believe we should contemplate.

Generally, people have amicable divorces or contested divorces. When amicable, they seek counsel that mediates disputes and looks for win-win solutions. When contested, they seek leg-breaking lawyers who will do everything to maximize the outcome for their client, including seeking sole custody.

It is not an option for us to go our separate ways completely because we share the kid. Thus, our previous hopes for reconciliation. Lately, I think we have hoped that a win-win, mediated, shared custody approach was possible if we were to end this marriage. What is clear now is that for years the Republicans have been making use of the kind of leg-breaking, stop-at-nothing attorneys we have been loathe to employ. Theyve been kicking our asses in court while we kept hoping we could work this out.

No more.

So now a custody battle

The election of 2016 could have been a fluke. A goof. An accident. No one thought he would win. It could have even brought us together. If the #NeverTrump movement on your side (Im going to go back to pretending any Republicans are reading this) had taken blossom and you bounced this clown upon his inauguration, I can promise you, we would have come running into your arms. It would have been a great moment of reconciliation. You cannot (apparently) imagine how much we would have loved the Republican party if it ejected this unfit yahoo. A new era of compromise would have been possible. We could have worked with Pence and Ryan.

Instead, you have revealed that you would rather win than care for the kid we both love. So now is when it turns really ugly.

You think were snowflakes? You think were just going to give up and let you take the country away? Thats incredible.

There are some numbskulls on the left talking about secession. As Sam Houston of Texas said on the matter in the 1860s, The federal Constitution, the federal Government, and its starry flag are glorious heritages bequeathed to the South and all sections of our common country by the valor and patriotism of Washington, and all the brave revolutionary soldiers, who fought for and won American independence. This is our country and our government and there is not a chance in hell were going to let you have it by leaving even if that were legally possible (which it isnt, numbskulls).

Were the ones who have marched for this country. Were the ones who have taken blows to the head, been killed, hit with water hoses and blasted with water cannons, fought and bled to protect this country from the likes of its current president. If you think were snowflakes, you better prepare for the blizzard coming your way.

When you see us out in the streets, thats not a bunch of liberals crying. Those arent melting snowflakes who need a hug and a safe space. Thats the inevitable march of some people who loved you and are now very, very pissed off.

Were going to organize every last living voter in every neighborhood in this country. Were taking you to the ballot box.

Were going to be out in the streets opposing every last thing you do from now until we can unwind the coil you have around this countrys throat. We will confront you with the truth about what youre doing to this country and we will not relent.

Were going to hire the nastiest, toughest, smartest, leg-breakinest lawyers in the country. Were taking you to court.

To my countrymen and women with broken hearts…

This is a terribly sad time for us. And now we have to let go of one kind of hope and take hold of another.

Let us recognize, there are two groups who gave this lecherous villain and his malevolent brood the keys to the White House:

First, there is a group of our countrymen who hate us. They are the rank and file of the Republican Party, and they want to destroy us. They will not rest until they take every lever of power away from us, annihilating any compromise in the government. They can show this isnt true at any time through their actions and have failed to do so over and over.

Second, there is a group of our fellow citizens who are scared, hurt, and angry. They feel abandoned by the government both Democrat and Republican and theyve made common cause with these thugs because they hope it will bring them jobs and safety.

Its time that we put aside reconciliation with the former and fight them tooth and nail on behalf of ourselves and the latter.

The Republicans who have given themselves over to hatred will laugh at us. They will mock us. And eventually, they will lose. It will start two years from now at mid-terms, then four years, then six.

We could have had a divorce with shared custody. Not anymore. Were taking the kid.

They have undone our desire to share this country with them. They have dismantled our liberal desire to be reasonable and see their side of things. They have done it by endangering our children and our future. They have done it by putting their anger at us ahead of their professed love of country, and that is the one thing we can never forgive.

(This piece originally appeared on Medium.)

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