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kelinkysama · 2 years

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how kurapika turned me enby

(Because it’s Pride Month, I want to ramble, and I think it’s a good story)

Okay so, Kurapika didn’t actually turn me into a gender liquid, but he’s the character that made me realize I was genderfluid. I also ID as genderqueer, nonbinary, and transmasc. Well sorta, “transmasc” ebbs in and out. They all overlap a fuck ton anyway.

I started IDing this way about a year ago. In case my Tumblr blog hasn’t made this clear, Hunter x Hunter is a huge hyperfixation of mine right now, and I was in the middle of rewatching it back then. This made it fresh on my mind. I wound up having a dream one night where I was Kurapika, but the whole plot of the dream’s irrelevant here. Mostly it just made me wake up thinking a lot about the edgy femboy.

For whatever reason, I started wondering whether there were any fandom headcanons about Kurapika being trans. At the time, I thought Kurapika was 19, so it seemed weird to me that in numerous different iterations of the show, he was voiced exclusively by women. Dub and sub, in both the 1999 and 2011 anime. Like, surely he’d be voiced by a dude at least once, right? I mean, he’s a grown adult, not a teen. (Well, this was an error on my part, but the mistake got me thinking.)

Mind, I didn’t actually think Togashi had any intention of making Kurapika trans. But maybe there were fandom headcanons about this? So I looked it up that morning, found out there were, and eventually fell down the fanfic rabbit hole. One of the ones I found, and really liked, was this soft story about him binding for too long, then Leorio chews him out and patches him up. It was sorta edgy, lots of dysphoric brooding and whatever, but I still liked it. It also made me ask myself, “Would I like wearing a binder?”

After that, I fell in a deeper rabbit hole. The “gender hole” or something. I thought wearing a binder sounded cool. Though this is funny thinking back on now, since I own a binder and don’t wear it much because I’m not really prone to top dysphoria (my boobs are small so pretty ignorable most of the time... and also squishy which I like).

Anyway. I started researching stuff like HRT and reassignment surgery, found a lot of stuff that was euphoric and a lot of stuff that sounded scary (mostly surgery). Things like facial hair, having squarer features, a deeper voice, coarser body hair, etc. sounded fucking amazing though. Of course medical stuff wasn’t the only thing I thought about. Wearing masculine clothing, being called a boy and “he/him” sounded really incredible too.

And then, to press this point, after talking to a friend I went out with her to the mall to buy clothes. I remember finding a plaid flannel button-down at an Old Navy, and trying it on in the changing room with some dude khakis. And like... I came to this realization that for like, my whole damn life, I’ve always looked in the mirror and not really associated the person there with me, like I’d been shunted into the body of some random-ass NPC. But in that moment, this did look like me, and it felt like me.

That’s not to say I never have these doubts anymore. I say I’m genderfluid, and not a trans guy, because there are times when female is okay. And there are also times when “male” isn’t okay. My gender’s more this Cthulhian horror than any one thing, and that makes expressing it frustrating for me. It seems weird that one day a thing can make me so fucking comfortable, and the next it’s horrible and I hate it.

I sometimes hear people say that enbies don’t experience gender dysphoria. This is just blatantly untrue. For me though, dysphoria stems from being locked into one gender than anything else. I feel like for me, my sex fluctuating is what’s most natural. Like being able to wake up and choose between masculine and feminine body features, or else getting to mix and match them. Making shit up. Being shit that doesn’t exist. Toeing the line of androgyny with my anatomy, things like that.

Unfortunately for me, that’s not actually possible. The gods have placed me in a single body that is -- for the most part -- unchanging, and in consequence, most of the people I know will only ever see me as that one thing. I genuinely don’t hate being born female and again, sometimes that’s what feels most natural. I firmly believe if I’d been born male, I’d feel the exact same way: happy with my body sometimes, frustrated with its immutability others. Female is a part of me, but when it’s the only part that’s recognized, it can be disheartening. There are many other important parts of myself I want to share with people, too.

Anyhow uhhhhh that’s my dumb gender rant. Currently inb4 I’m on testosterone and gain the ability to shapeshift :PP

#kurapika #hunter x hunter #hxh #genderfluid #personal #rant #gender dysphoria #archive

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mizuta · 6 years

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#Suicide mention, probably more, not sure?

I physically cannot fucking believe it’s been two years, as of this Friday.

I think at some point in time, May used to be a good month for us. Now it’s just a month of loss, of stress, of anxiety and grief.

I think about Hal a lot.

We all do, I think. Me, and Jamie, and Chrom, and Emmie - we do it the most. There’s no way to explain the permanent loss, the hollowness, the emptiness of losing someone that was the closest thing you ever had to a brother. I think Jamie blames himself more then anyone, as if he could’ve done something. If he had talked more. Made more plans. Hadn’t been so busy and wrapped up in trauma and anxiety and dealing with our mother having a breakdown over losing her brother. I think a part of me has hollowly accepted we couldn’t do anything.

He was... most definitely, out of any family we’ve made, the absolute closest thing we’ve ever had to a brother. He was so accepting. So caring. He didn’t mind fuck all, he was the first person we confessed we were trans to, he was someone we trusted entirely, and whenever we didn’t talk for periods we just felt... so bad. We got so busy, both of us did. I hate that, a lot.

In retrospect, I wish we told him we were a system at some point. That he had so many people with fond memories of him. We were scared to, though, but it was stupid. He would’ve accepted us. He always did.

Jamie and Kaden were so fucking stupidly happy when people legitimately thought we were brothers, back on CS. He was the first person those two genuinely called ‘big bro’ and meant it. He had such an impact on us that it’s taken me two years to finally put in words how broken his suicide left us. And we still feel guilty, because in the end? There were people more affected by it.

I remember all the silly things we did when it was summer in 2013. When we played Ao Oni on call, how he teased us and encouraged us to finish. It was the first time we ever beat a horror game, with his help. When we played White Coffin and our laptop overheated twice and we freaked out, so we ended up being radio support and watching him play.

Playing Slender multiplayer and screaming and laughing together on call in dazed horror. Playing The Here And Now of Yesterday together, with us as the walkthrough support. Our first playthrough of Wadanohara. His support with us in that rough patch of our life. When he sent us seasons 9 and 11 of RVB on DVD that we still keep, even though we haven’t rewatched RVB in years. Our silly inside jokes. When we had matching canon freelancer urls.

Watching PMMM with him. SNKTwitter. Meeting him in a Chatzy chatroom, so somany years ago. He was truly and honestly fucking family, and fuck dude, we miss him so much.

I wish we could’ve done more. I wish Jamie hadn’t been so overloaded at the time. I wish we messaged him even more then we did. I wish our last conversation wasn’t a now-empty promise to finish our favorite build. I miss him. I miss him so fucking much.

May 10th just makes me want to follow him, in a way. But at the same time, I think of the two lucid dreams me and Jamie had, where he said he was proud of us. For living. For finally not crying when we thought of him. For moving on.

For as suicidal as we get, maybe nothing more has stuck further then the actual pain of losing family to suicide. Maybe that’s why we’re still here, after all the fucking shit we’ve gone through. But fuck, I’d go through anything me and Jamie have again if it meant he got to be here with us.

It’ll never truly leave, I know. The hollowness. The emptiness. The void where Hal used to be. Suicide really does just rip a fucking gaping hole in the existance of yourfamily.

But, we’re always sentimental. We’ll always cling to every memory we have of him, every scrap of paper he wrote, every little bit we can salvage. No one’s truly gone as long as their memory stays alive, right?

But I bet he’d hate goodbyes, anyways. Cause if you don’t say goodbye, then they’re not really gone.

#;S #don't reblog ///-/-/-/-//-/-/-/-/-#this got fucking long lol

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spiralatlas · 7 years

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PAX Australia 2017 Day 3

There are no notes for Day 2 because I spent it socialising a little and sleeping a lot.

Queer Coded: A History of LGBTQIA+ Gaming

David Gaider Q&A

Brian Fairbanks Talks about Addressing Accessibility Through Game Design

Misc: I spent a chunk of the day in the diversity lounge which was fun. I met some great people at the Gender Diverse card game, and got to the semi finals of the Xena Nintendo 64 Fighting Game Tournament (there were only three rounds, but given how much I suck at fighting games this was still a happy surprise, and a sign of what a random button masher the game is)

The gender neutral toilets near the diversity lounge were very well done, unlike GCAP the original signs weren't visible and "with stalls/urinals" was in small letters like an afterthought.

I didn't break anything on Day 3 but did break a mug the next morning. Also the cinema in the Crown Casino is surprisingly inaccessible.

Despite the various mishaps I had a great time and will definitely come again next time we can afford it.

Queer Coded: A History of LGBTQIA+ Gaming

I missed the second half of this to see David Gaider, feeling very annoyed at the programmer.

Anny Sims @ChattyAnny on twitter (I was too slow to get the others!) Keely Thirkell Hayley Williams Soap Pejovic

Most queer characters are just queer coded, with plausible deniability. "It's up to you".Tendency for queer characters to be villains. Indie games tend to be more queer friendly than AAA games.

Lesbians: First known queer character in games: 1986 Moonmist had side-character who was a lesbian murderer.

Other notable lesbian characters:

KOTOR 2003, Juhani, first queer Star Wars character

Gone Home 2013

Dragon Age Inquisition Sera (I thought Sam Traynor from Mass Effect 3 came first?)

Tracer from Overwatch 2016

Trans characters:

1988 Birdo from Super Mario Brothers 2 "A male who believes he is female"

Lots of others but all terrible. Jokes and villains. Trans women seen as threat. Poison from Final Fight 1989, "so you can hit a woman".

Krem DAI 2014 trans man, You can't go "Ok, cool".

Hainly Adams MEA 2017 trans woman. Tells you her deadname, this was patched.

Horizon: Zero Dawn 2017 trans man

Dream Daddy 2017 trans man. One throw away line about wearing a binder, had to be clarified by writers. Non binary people and cosplayers wear binders too!

How do you make it clear they're trans without them implausibly outing themselves or just having it be word of god?

Gay men:

1993 fmv Dracula Unleashed has speaking role

Tended to be background characters, jokes and villains again. No m/m relationships shown onscreen.

Dreamfall: the Longest Journey 2006 (not made super clear until 2015)

Steve Cortez Mass Effect 3 2012

Dorian DAI 2014

Dorian knew exactly what his sexuality was. Coming of age narratives get boring.

Bi Characters (no picture because they're invisible):

1993 Ultima 7 part 2 bi character propositions character regardless of gender.

"Slutty bisexuals". A lot of characters are playersexual and it never comes up outside the relationship.

Zevran DAO 2009

Borderlands 2009

Fable 2004 let player be bi, Fable 2 2008 added bi PCs

Playersexual:

Only queer in the context that they will date players of both genders, but you don't see that unless you play as both.

Dragon Age 2 2011, Anders only mentions his ex-boyfriend if you play as a male PC

Fallout 4 2015. Did have background queer characters.

Stardew Valley 2016

Non Binary:

1995 Chrono Trigger villain

Often robots, aliens or other non human

Frisk Undertale 2015

Life is Strange 2015

Zer0 Borderlands 2 2012

Turing Read Only Memories

Some games let you have gender neutral pronouns.

David Gaider Q&A

1999 Working on Balder's Gate 2, didn't talk about his sexuality at work. Figured he would always be writing stories for straight people.

He was shocked to hear Jade Empire was having same sex romance. Got to be lead writer on DAO after that. "So I can put same sex romances in, right?". More economical to have bi romances, but he would have been happier having some gay characters.

Feeling iffy about playersexuality after DA2, he asked for 2 straight, 2 bi, 2 gay for DAI. "Minority content" is weighed via the percentage of those who play it and those who appreciate it. Eg 5% play dwarves but most see it as a positive thing to be able to do.

Most of his time was spent on the actual plot but Dorian was the most personal writing.

He was targeted by Gamergate but it doesn't compare to, for example, how much Jennifer Helper was targeted.

10 years on Dragon Age was enough, his head would explode if he had to write another story about templars and mages.

How did you get the job: His story is very specific. He was managing a hotel and a comic book artist in his spare time. A friend was a character artist at Bioware but Gaider wasn't really aware of the specifics. Bioware told their employees "If you know anyone who does game related writing let us know", the friend gave them Gaider's LARP rule book without asking. Got a call, gave the stories he wrote in highschool, got offered a job. He said no, it didn't pay enough, but then he got fired from the hotel. It felt like a sign.

Who do you think will take the romance torch from Bioware: he’s not sure they're giving it up? EA treats romance fans as a reliable audience who don't need to be advertised to, even though it's why a lot of people play in his experience (though obviously those are the kinds of fans he will tend to meet). There is an underserved audience.

Most proud of: Lots of stuff he's not proud of. Wishes he'd been more involved in community discussions early on. Proud that the team tackled issues as they started arising. Proud of the company for standing by them. Most proud of Dragon Age 2 despite the mixed response. They had very little time to create it. It’s like a very big first draft. They had a plan but didn't get to compare notes once things were written, so he had to trust the team would stick to plan as much as they could despite things being cut on the fly. Team said they were happy in a post-game survey, didn't feel he was too dictatorial.

What does your writing look like, a screenplay? A cutscene does. But it’s generally structured like a tree that expands and then contracts back to the core path before expanding again. Flow charts.

Favourite relationship in a game? Morden in Mass Effect. Cried more than in a movie. Tali was his space girlfriend. Of the ones he's worked on, Morrigan will always be closest. She represents Dragon Age to him. Joyous time working with Claudia Black, first celebrity he'd worked with. Flemeth was originally Arabic, but that actress couldn't do it so they got Kate Mulgrew. They stopped looking for an Arabic actress for Morrigan and looked for someone who matched Kate Mulgrew. Claudia Black's audition tape was her reading Smack That like a beat poet. Gaider was very nervous, he'd never spoken to any actor before. First rule he was told was don't compare them to another celebrity, so naturally he said "I had Helena Bonham Carter in mind when I wrote Morrigan". Claudia Black said "So you're saying I'm a cheap Helena Bonham Carter ;D". She would say "Does he want me to do it more like Helena?" during recording.

Has being so closely associated with diversity had downsides? He may be gay but he's still white and a dude. He feels like it's all he talks about conventions sometimes. Teams need to sit down and look at what they've made. Lot of things made individually without concern for the bigger picture eg only 15% speaking roles in DAI were female until they stopped and looked at it and fixed it.

"We didn't think about it" is no longer a defense. He wants to help with that, but we should be helping other marginalised voices get into the industry and amplifying their voices.

Wishes it could just be expected and we didn't have to discuss it.

He likes dating sim mechanics in the context of a larger story. But he does like the idea of romance not being as tertiary as it's been in Bioware games, romance as part of the adventure eg a romantic adventure. He's not really interested in social sims or day to day relationships. "My idea of a spicy relationship is to have my life threatened."

Why do you think most AAA companies try to avoid discussions of lgbt stuff, why is it taking so long? Because it's Pandora's Box. There is more being added casually. But if they do nothing they get lumped in with the rest of the industry. As soon as they do anything there are 2 sides: 1. why are you doing this, you're politicising your game. 2. Why aren't you doing more, whatever you did is wrong and not good enough.

Not that flawed attempts should be above criticism. But by mostly focusing criticism on the games that did anything rather than nothing, people have increased the feeling that it's Pandoras box. He understands that it feels like those developers might listen to criticism but the dynamic is sending the wrong lesson.

My question: How do you think inclusion of non binary player characters can work with including gay and lesbian love interests instead of just having playsexuality? “We've thought about it”. He defined playersexual for audience, like Shroedinger's sexuality. He doesn't like it when the only way to have something show up is to have the character talk about it. eg asexual: character would have to sit you down and explain what asexuality is. Is unsexy as a feature. Explaining nuances of sexuality is off putting. If there was more nuance across the industry that would mean no one game has to do everything. Any one game can have only so much within it.

(This doesn't actually answer my question. I discussed it with my husband afterwards and even he didn't understand what I was asking, so I may have garbled it in my nervousness)

Are some choices "canon"? One of the features of Mass Effect and Dragon Age was the continuity of choices. No "canon" but there is a default. A lot of people feel like they have to play the whole series to get the full experience, was off putting, and he found the Keep a nightmare as a writer.

They had editors keeping track of which choices were incompatible. And that was just the third game. "Can you imagine for a fourth game? Phew! Not my problem :D"

Have you thought about the morals of gamifying romance, saying what people want to hear to get sex? Dragon Age didn't work that way, sex was not at the end. Some characters in DAI had no sex scenes, sex is optional for Dorian's romance. It's a game, everything is gamified, you can't simulate actual relationships. For proper reactivity you’d have to mark every response and keep track of inconsistency, but that’s too much work. Same with polyamory: too many variables!

Maybe get away from the approval system? Pay more attention to overall choices in major quests etc instead of individual lines.

Bi characters in DAI were bi from the start. Not the first thing that comes up during character creation eg Dorian started out as "the good Tevinter". Helps avoid too many assumptions based on sexuality. But once characters started solidifying they would think about who worked for what sexualities. There's no set way to write someone "as" bi, but the writer can have them talk about relevant things in other scenes. Sera's writer is a straight dude, he didn't want to write About The Lesbian Experience, and got lesbians in the company to check out what he was writing.

Have relationships gotten more or less complicated? In Balder's gate 2 there was a single sequence of romance scenes which you could get kicked off. Dragon Age had approval. If it gets complicated but the player can't see it or understand how reactions relate to their previous actions it just seems random or predetermined. Unless they say "I am angry at you because of X", but noone says that.

Brian Fairbanks Talks about Addressing Accessibility Through Game Design

lostandhound1 on twitter

His notes.

He's not blind himself, and while he obviously cares a lot about accessibility had an unfortunate tendency to treat disabled people as a separate, if respected, "Other" to himself and the audience, even though I was right there in a bright red mobility scooter. He advocated person first language, "a person with blindness" etc, but not all disabled people like it and it shouldn't be presented as unambiguous best practice. I'm building up the energy to talk to him about it.

He's a sound designer.

Audio games: designed for people with a vision disability.

Audio game jam: the games tended to be about blindness as a bad thing. It felt victimising.

How can we make people feel powerful?

He was inspired by his dog's amazing sense of smell. The mechanic is that you follow an invisible trail using sound cues, a humming noise that gets louder and quieter.

Sighted people struggle with extracting information from sound. The game is more difficult for sighted people.

He had to add fruit on the ground as an accessibility measure for sighted people.

All music is diegetic: happening inside the world of the game, eg characters are singing.

There's a lack of much budget for audio games, since they're never going to make much money.

In 30 years current 30-something gamers will need accessible games.

Accessibility tends to be added as an afterthought or accident.

For example Pokemon has unique sounds for materials, collisions, monsters that accidentally make it accessible.

Sony reader: US only

Microsoft narrator: good but hard to use as a developer

EA: Proactively adding blind accessibility

Fighting games are often in stereo, blind players can play and even win tournaments.

Demand more from your games.

Developers: find a consultant. Address accessibility early.

It's about empathy. People with disability deserve the same stories to take part in as everyone else.

gameaccessibilityguidelines.com

daisyalesoundworks

binaural sound is going to make a big difference

audiogames.net: where blind gamers go to play games. They're supportive if you ask for advice and feedback.

People don't mind if you don't do immersive, game specific voices and just rely on the screenreader

Sound designers need more love to make VR accessible.

Braille games?? He doesn't know much about it.

Curb cut effect examples: curb cuts for wheelchairs but also useful for prams etc. Subtitles. Think about short term problems that benefit from accessibility as well eg the screen is broken, there's sunlight on the screen etc.

Sounds of a blind person navigating their desktop. To me it sounds like a mangled garble of little bursts of cut off computer speech, here’s a description of what’s going on.

#Conventions #pax 2017 #pax #panels #sexuality #accessibility #social justice

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writterings · 7 years

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hey im nb/ag and my name is alex but anyway i really want to start T but my family is really, really poor and im guessing my insurance doesn't cover that and im also worried that if i start it I won't like it or something but i want a lower voice and to look less like a girl ffffffff dysphoria is my middle name tbh .,..,., ., .

hey alex, i’m so sorry for answering this late!! i’ve been on mobile literally all day yesterday and today and i felt as though this ask needed a longer answer than i was able to type on my phone.

anyways! dsyphoria sucks major ass, and if it was a physical thing i would punch it for you. HOWEVER, i do have some advice that could possibly help if you’re interested, and some advice on going on T.

i’ll put that all below the cut:

T Facts:

first things first, some insurances offer coverage for hormones. i suggest you look into company yours is through and to what extent it goes to (basically just google your insurance company’s name along with “hrt” or something like that, you should find answers pretty quick)

next, T does drastically change your body -- but at a gradual pace. if you see something you don’t like happening, it’ll be pretty easy to quit T and that certain effect should wear off after you stop your use. just be warned, if you do continue T beyond that point, that effect will develop however.

T can cause cystic acne, hair growth all over your body, and clitoris enlargement (bc a penis is actually an overgrown clit tbh -- but that’s just another story), BUT it can also cause vocal cords thickening for a deeper voice, increased body muscles, and your jaw may become squarer. there are also other side effects -- both good and bad -- and if you’re seriously considering going on T i recommend researching it thoroughly.

the price of T can range tremendously, especially in regards to what type you get (ex: shots vs pills vs patches). i suggest you research that as well and figure out which form of it would be the best for you considering your family’s situation.

you typically need a gender therapist/a therapist in general to help get you on T. medical doctors want a note saying yes, indeed, you are trans before they give you any hormones. luck with this many vary.

****disclaimer: please note i am not on T and have not taken it, i’ve just researched it along with my gender therapist a lot considering i am trying to get on it within the next few months/this school year

Passing/Kicking Dsyphoria’s Ass/Looking Less Like A Girl:

this part is easier and cheaper than going on T tbh. first things first, you’re going to want to work on your mannerisms. to talk the talk, ya gotta walk the walk pretty much tbh. the things below will help you with the whole “appearing less like a girl” thing:

square your shoulders and stand with them back when you walk. this doesn’t have to be all the time, but it makes you look taller, thinner, and more intimidating. guys tend to walk like this, and it could be good for presenting androgynously for when you’re not exactly presenting as a guy.

when walking, look over people’s heads in the direction you’re going in. they’ll subconsciously get out of your way then. guys tend not to move out of the way for people when they’re about to collide when walking at each other, so this will help

spread your legs when you sit

take up as much space as you want when walking/standing somewhere (without being rude)

don’t look people in the eye as much when you talk to them

shake people’s hands when you meet them. and i mean. all the time. especially if it’s a guy. even if you’ve met them before.

now here’s some fashion advice:

get a binder. a good one. i personally recommend getting a gc2b one, directly off their website and ordering a size above the one you would usually wear in shirts. it WILL make you as relatively flat as you need, but will take some breaking in. their binders are about 30$ so if you need to save up, i seriously recommend investing in them. research the risks of binding, also.

you don’t need a packer. no one cares that much to check down there.

don’t wear button down shirts unless you’re at a formal event. button down shirts call too much attention to you when you’re someplace casual, and people will stare. because they’re staring at you too long, they’ll stare at the parts they shouldn’t be and then misgender you as a girl. however, they do think they’re properly gendering you, of course -- cis people pride themselves on figuring out people’s “”””Real”””” genders and then calling them she/he despite how the person is not dressed like a she/he. (and they don’t even consider the person is a “they”)

wear t-shirts instead, and one that’s in your proper size. no baggy Ts. regular, fitting ones are lighter and more form fitting so they make you look more attractive and they call less attention to yourself. don’t worry about your breasts or curves showing if you have them -- if you look androgynous or like a guy enough people won’t question them. (and this is coming from someone with double d breasts who just got called a “he” in walmart despite how i was only wearing a sports bra)

cargo shorts are ugly but literally talk to any guy and he owns like ten pairs. also every butch lesbian friend i have loves them as well. they’re a win if you’re aiming for androgyny/looking more masculine. they also have so many pockets. i recommend cargo shorts.

wear your pants/shorts below your belly. it’s just a guy thing to do.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR SHOES!!!! AND GET GOOD ONES!!! you’re agender but i don’t know how much you want to look like a guy, but lemme tell ya guys take GOOD CARE of their shoes. literally, once i started passing as a guy all the dudes at my school starting making fun of my shoes because they were a no-name brand and had holes in them. shoes are important. i can understand if you can’t afford jordans or doc martins (bc i sure as hell cant lol) but just take care of what you got.

grooming/personal care

don’t shave your legs

let your eyebrows grow out

ditch the bangs. bangs are feminizing. (i recommend a fade away tbh -- they’re pretty androgynous haircuts)

tbh i recommend shaving your pits because they get smelly if you don’t

shave your face. everyone naturally has peach fuzz on their face and teenage boys typically start shaving off whatever they got on them when they reach high school. also, it will start growing in more thicker and faster when you do this, if you want a beard.

voice

you can actually naturally lower your voice without going on T.

first, you can try speaking at a lower pitch. this will hurt after you do it for a while so i don’t recommend it too much.

you can also try vocal exercises to warm up to that. i personally use the “bing-bong-king-kong” method, where i say all those words and go down a pitch on each word, and draw out the syllabels so it’s like “oooooong”

singing along to guy’s part’s in songs and trying to match their pitches actually helps a lot! i hope your a musical fan because trying to do “waving through a window” from dear evan hansen has actually helped me a lot

this link should help you

anyways...that’s all the advice i got! sorry if you weren’t actually looking for advice tho lol. i hope this was able to help in some way. if you ever need someone to talk to, my inbox and DMs are always open. good luck, alex.

#ask fav #long post //#Anonymous

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nerdwiththehat · 5 years

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#DemDebate night one:

Everyone's way too prepared.

So I said I wasn’t going to live-tweet the debates because I did that in 2016 and MAN did it make me insufferable online.

Buuuuut I also didn’t make a full write-up, I just scribbled a shit-ton of notes on my laptop and now I’m looking back at it the next morning and holy shit I must have been drunk as hell by minute three because I made no sense so fuck it I’ll just keep doing this.

here we go kids

BETO DID HIS ENTIRE SECOND PHRASE IN SPANISH UH

woo woo pass the ERA

Everyone's answering with such long lead-ins - the first person who gives an ANSWER in the first quarter-sentence gets an award

Bill De Blasio keeps grinning DIRECTLY at the camera. I'm deceased.

And GIVE HIM THE BONUS Bill De Blasio answered the question in the first 5 words. What a mans. AND HE CALLED IT OUT. he CALLED OUT THE PARTY-LINE TOEING. WHY AM I OKAY WITH BILL DE BLASIO NOW??

Jay Inslee said unions give him the award too. I mean, he didn't say a thing about the minimum wage, but he did say some nice stuff about clean energy, sticking it to Trump, and some other stuff. I do like him, I guess?

Tim Ryan says "China" in the same tone as Donald Trump hee hee

WoW! so it turns out if you ask Liz a specific question she gives you a FULL answer and I fucking love it god damn keep doing that. Stop giving her the junk questions for lead-ins and complaints.

Healthcare! It's time. Is it time to abolish private health insurance? Looks like... Bill, and Liz? Why do I like them?

Amy Klobuchar is weird and she's dodging the question every time she gets asked. They asked her why she wasn't going to abolish private insurance - she made a beer joke and talked about big pharma. That's... not the answer we were looking for.

Talking with Liz about Medicare for all! They asked her a direct question and she went FULL policy on them! Numbers on medical bills! Numbers on people who do and don't have insurance! I know why we elected her here and it's because she does THAT. (Also nice jacket Liz big ups I like the purple ^^) Healthcare is a human right!

Talking to beto! Let's see if he does THE THING again. He has a good anecdote! I like his opinions on universal healthcare, but he's not signed on for Medicare for all. Good notes on mental health care!!! Thank u!!! and Planned parenthood shoutout! Not replacing private insuranceandthenholYSHITOUTTANOWHEREEVERYONE JUMPED ON IT

TULSI showed up and actually talked some sense. The policy matters are important, but if we're going to stand on a stage arguing about what parts we're doing, we're not getting actionable.

JAY INSLEE COMING OUT SWINGING TO PROTECT ABORTION RIGHTS AND CONTRACEPTION

JULIAN CASTRO TRIED VERY HARD AND I SUPPORT HIM BUT ALSO DROPPING TRANS WOMEN INTO THE DEBATE WASN'T THE RIGHT MOVE

BIG dodge from Liz on the "limitations" on abortion question.

should drug manufacturers be held criminally liable for the opioid crisis? Cory says big yes. I imagine a lot of the candidates will. But, I do like that he's mentioning that arresting your way out of the problem is a huge problem. Beto gets the same question, and starts with aaaaaaaaaaa weed answer but also he has the same god damn point so big support

Immigration after the commercial break! Scores in the first round - Liz lost a point for a lack of full-throttle support for abortion rights. Castro gets the you tried star but also a starbucks gift card for good trans support. Jay Inslee gets some union patches. Beto gets an A- in Spanish class. Bill De Blasio gets a smol flag with ancom stars and a "fuck tankies" t-shirt.

back from the break - let's get to immigration. Specifically, the concentration camps, and the pitable kid pictures.The commentator is trying his best to spit full vitriol at DHS. Castro is banking off his immigration plan, and said "pissed off" on national television. Big ups, but also - he's using executive orders to prop up most of it. Pls say something about legislative reform for the border. Honoring asylum claims! Get them through. Plans for central american refugees! Cory isssssss pulling a Beto and took a DAMN long time to pull it up from his brain. Ending the policies of ICE and bringing back DACA options for current arrivals. Helping the northern triangle and working better with governments in central america. (castro jumped in I'm glad everyone's so support remove 1325 of the nationality act! Don't criminalise desperation! Seperating children is barbaric. and then CORY pulls that out to point at the planned raids this week. I support this discussion but also PLEASE folks stick to point of order. and here's BILL again all but QUOTING A GRANDSON SONG GOD BLESS. I love his tirades but also YOU WEREN'T CALLED ON

TAME ASKED BETO A QUESTION IN SPANISH AND HE'S RESPONDING I NEED AN TRANSLATOR MY SPANISH SUCKS

Beto's the first one to literally say the words no wall. He's still talking and castro's talking OVER HIM. Family case management sounds good but also cost??? Naturalising ALL the DREAMers

Castro is banking off the use of sec.1325 in this debate and I agree with him wholeheartedly. beTO on the other hand is dodging the question like crazy. And Castro's... calling him out on it? I love it!

TOO MUCH YELLING.

JOHN DELANEY KINDLY SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Amy Klobuchar has opinions about border crossings woo woo. You'd want to make sure that you have provisions in place to go after human and drug traffickers - WE HAVE SECTION 18 OF THE US CODES. annnd now she's talking about CEOs and F1 visas. IDK I mean it's important but also NOT THE QUESTION. But hey, first time someone said anything about legislative support.

who the fuck is Tim Ryan seriously and why the fuCK does he say things with such a weird voice sometimes. HOW DOES HE THINK EXECUTIVE AUTHORITY WORKS HE'S LIKE "order Doctors to go to the borders and save the kids" like I like the idea but what the fuc k?

The cameras keep WHIPPING back and forth and it's cracking me up.

Jay Inslee - there's no reason for detention and separation - but... what're you gonna do to REUNITE PEOPLE. (Also dude Charlie Baker stood up to Trump against the muslim ban and he's a republican) "The other DEEEaayyyy" (Oh he's also the gov. that Trump called out on twitter and "threatened" to send muslim refugees to)

CORY BOOKER DIDN'T RAISE HIS HAND BECAUSE HE WANTED TO TALK WHAT A FUCKER. I SUPPORT THE GRIFT BUT WHAT A FUCKER LOL

They tried to send a Hezbollah question to Tulsi Gabbard and she just drove it straight into the ground. I stan but also wooph. She is the person that folks were saying was in the pocket of the middle east, right? She's like cozy with Assad?

oh my god they had to cut them off with the commercial break

it's a goddamn cage-match of prostration to the base - "LETSSSSS GET READY TO HUMBLLLLLE"

I had to take a break and go get a glass of water jfc I'm getting parched.

CHUCK TODD AND RACHEL MADDOW HAD A TOTALLY SEPARATE DESK AND THEY FUCKING /ZOOMED/ OVER TO IT AT WARP SPEED I ALMOST PEED LAUGHING.

- we're less than 50 miles from Parkland. Assault weapons ban? - EVERYONE'S MICS ARE ON. - EVERYONE'S MICS ARE STILL ON. - EVERYONE, EVERYONE'S MICS ARE STILL ON. LESTER SHUT THE FUCK UP. - TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL FUCK ME DEAD - poor chuck todd but also I'm deceased

alright we're back. More robust plans, and teenage activism. What do you do about the hundreds of millions of guns already out there? - Liz is talking town halls - what's the hardest question? "when you're president, how're you going to keep us safe?" - This is a good response, and she's talking about it in the context of a HEALTH EMERGENCY good FUCKING lord THANK YOU lift the CDC moratorium. Should the fed take guns back? no... no answer to the direct question. But, I support her answer! Thank you for not treating it as an across-the-board answer kind of thing. - Booker has a buy-back programme. I think that's good? But he also said assault rifle so now we gotta shame him or something idk I'm not a fucking gun nut. We've let the gun lobby define the debate! Thank you for also touching on it! - Castro gets a question about active shooter drills, and is it a questions of what he's going to do to turn it around. Also awwww his daughter is in the audience we stan. But also LITERALLY no answer besides "we're gonna take back two of three branches on day one" literally what does that mean. - Tim Ryan is saying stuff about... mental health care for kids scared of shootings and supporting the kids who would do shootings? Wait why am I okay with this thank you. - Beto is about to talk about guns this'll be good. background checks good. gun show sales bad. assault rifles no bueno. red flag laws good. Throw it to the kids? I... guess? - Chuck Todd really wants someone to talk about TAKING YOUR GUNS. - Amy Klobuchar thinks about her uncle who hunts deer idk I mean I guess so also GUNS ARE LIKE GAY MARRIAGE OH BOY.

SENATOR THANK YOU

- We're talking supreme court now but CORY STILL WANTS TO TALK GUNS. Licensing is already a requirement up here in the northeast jfc. - SUPREME COURT - we're going to get to 50 votes in the senate to nominate a justice because stacking the senate lol thanks for at least saying it out in the open. - BILL BILL BILL if you nominate someone for the supreme court would you think TurtleMitch would let you nominate someone but he WANTS TO TALK ABOUT GUNS and police for some reason. Oh right also he has mixed race kids that's actually something he should have leaned on a bit more earlier.

HOW LONG DO THESE PEOPLE THINK 20 SECONDS IS.

- Senator Warren - if TURTLEMITCH is still there whatdoyado. WE ARE A DEMOCRACY. the answer is campaign finance reform to get a democratic majority in the senate. I guess. - Mitch McConnell gets called the fuck out lol - How are folks gonna beat the turtleman we'll never knooooooo - JAY INSLEE TRIED TO INTERRUPT AND THEN RACHEL MADDOW CALLED HIM OUT AND TOSSED HIM A CLIMATE CHANGE QUESTION I'm PISS he then TURNED IT ON MITCH. Also, he's staking his claim on climate change and y'know what I'm totally fine with it. - Climate Emergency! ten points to inslee. - Beto has a good plan for removing the dependency on fossil fuels I like - Chuck Todd all but went full hbomberguy and yelling FUCKING AQUAMAN on stage. - Bonus points to Castro for PUERTO RICO - Also paris accords - both castro and klobuchar have said they'd sign back on

Everyone keeps RAISING THEIR HANDS like they're allowed to yell as soon as they've got their finger up.

Time to punch on Tulsi Gabbard for her shitty stances on queer issues woo woo. Let's see how this goes. CORY BOOKER MY BOY CALLING OUT NOT TALKING ABOUT THE KILLING OF BLACK TRANS WOMEN AND SUICIDES OF QUEER KIDS GOOD TALK GOOD TALK BIG LOVE.

time for VOTED QUESTIONS guy asked if we shouldn't do the rwandan genocide again. Beto literally only knows the Rwandan genocide. Someone say Kosovo and watch his head explode. Bill says some stuff about going to war without congressional approval idk man Ryan made himself look like a big dumb doofy doo in front of two service members on stage lol I don't like Tulsi but GET HIM GIRL and NOW he's SUPER anxious and talking about ATTACKS and shit. Him and Tulsi are gonna eat each other. JFC THIS DEBATE.

Threats, right to left:

(IN AS FEW WORDS AS POSSIBLE, PEOPLE)

Nukes

Trump

Nuclear War

Economic threat - china/actual threat - destabilisation of the middle east.

climate change

nukes and climate change

china and climate change

china

russia

Beto wants to prosecute Trump. This'll make news tomorrow, mark my words. Not saying he's totally /wrong/, but it's going to be front-page news tomorrow.

45 seconds wrap ups

GET IT DONE PEOPLE let's see WHO KNOWS HOW TO TELL TIME.

(Ratings are based on the wrap-ups only and are a direct reflection of my mental state and random musings at the time whatever)

Delaney did some neat stuff and said saving the world and unions and shit. 2 reminders, 3 thank-yous. C+

Bill: it matters in the fight for the heart and soul of the party to nominate someone who bad upbring and also WAGE PROMISES. Also free preschool idk man. No reminders! 1 thank-you. B+

Jay Inslee is running because he wants his grandkids to survive climate change. Get committed to making it the top priority. Save ourselves and our children, and our children's children. 1 reminder, 2 thank-yous. B+

Tim Ryan: something about forgotten communities and a throwaway trans comment about running away with the gold and playing offense... he sounds like Jim Webb lol also lET'S PLAY SOME ALPHABET GAMES 3 thank-yous. D-

Tulsi: service above self is what defines the US, but that's not what we have right now. So this must end. "Our White House" 4 times good christ. Lot of random promises and also new??? Century? no reminders 1 thank-you. C+

Julian's is in spanish awesome but also interpreters pls. Also his brother's in congress, too. He wants the nomination but he's probably going to be another housing pick. NO THANK-YOUS :((( B+

Amy: I listen to people. I pass bills. I listened to people and acted. I listen. Listening. I'm someone that can win. Because I listen. I keep winning because I listen. I'm not establishment and I listen. Something about listening. And integrity. 1 thank-you. D+

Cory's family had to move because redlining and he's kinda neat. Lots of lawyering. We win fights by being the best. Stop making it into a high/low fight. This is a referendum on us, and on Trump. I'll show the best of who we are. 1 thank-you. C+

Beto's daughter turned 11 this week and that's cute and also free the kids in concentration camps. We need a new kind of politics directed by the urgency of the nest generation. 2 thank yous A-???

Liz being raised in oklahoma dreamed to be a school teacher, didn't have money for college - and went to commuter college and got involved in law that way. We believe in making government work for everyone. I will fight for you as hard as I fight for my own family. NO THANK YOUS :((( B+

I’m going to do this again for the next few debates, I think? Depending how long my sanity holds out.

#demdebate #debate #ramble

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timaltman · 7 years

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rules: once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. at the end, choose however many people you want to tag!

tagged by: @hsinlvegas who has gotten me addicted to pinterest aesthetic boards and i’m mad at her for it but she’s still p rad.

tagging: whoever wants to do it lmao idk it’s 2:30am here idek whats up or down rn i should probably be asleep but also like.... no.

LAST… [1] drink: water (i’m so exciting /sarcasm) [2] phone call: my mom called me while she was driving home from work [3] text message: “oh my god no. not the kidz bop. pls no” - to my sister [4] song you listened to: reaching by audiomachine (which is so good pls go listen to it) [5] time you cried: last night thinking about steve irwin and how i owe him my entire life and career bc in 2 weeks i’m starting my first official zookeeping job and he was a huge inspiration for me as a kid

-REST UNDER THE CUT-

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] dated someone twice: no [7] been cheated on: no [8] kissed someone and regretted it: no [9] lost someone special: yes [10] been depressed: ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜) all the fuckin time my dudes [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: no but i’ve gotten so anxious i’ve thrown up??

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: [12] teal [13] pale yellow [14] silver

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: yes! [16] fallen out of love: no [17] laughed until you cried: yes [18] found out someone was talking about you: yeah i mean i’m sure there are like three people who bitch about me all the time lmao [19] met someone who changed you: yes~ (in a good way) [20] found out who your true friends are: (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧ -bitter fucking laughter- [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: ye - my wonderful girlfriend~

GENERAL… [22] how many of your tumblr friends do you know in real life: i mean, i’ve met a lot of them after becoming friends on tumblr, but then i have some old high school friends and some internship friends on here, too.... so like 10 or so? probably a few more than that. [23] do you have any pets: my asshole cat, robin: the cat wonder, lives with me in my apartment. at home i have a beagle/terrier mutt named copper and a gray tabby named dusty. i’m hoping to maybe get a ball python this summer but i’m not sure yet! [24] do you want to change your name: yeah, i’ve considered it b/c trans but i’m not entirely sure what i want yet.... [25] what did you do for your last birthday: wielded a chainsaw, ate shitty walmart cake and watched step brothers with some classmates in a remote cabin in southern illinois? not my first choice but not terrible, all things considered. didn’t lose any limbs that day so i can’t complain. [26] what time did you wake up: robin woke me up at like, 5:30am to get fed, but then i went back to sleep again until 7:30, text billy to have a good day at work, and then i went back to sleep again until 9:45 b/c i didn’t have my 9am class today hell yeah [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: uh, pinterest-ing for my character aesthetic boards.... >_> [28] name something you cannot wait for: graduating college and being the fuck done with schoooooool. also mother fuckin wonDER WOMAN. [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: april 23rd [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: how far away all the ppl i care about are :(((( [31] what are you listening to right now: more audiomachine but i was watching friends in the background earlier [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: ye my old neighbor was named tom he was real nice [33] something that is getting on your nerves: not in the angry way but in the anxious way- i have to give a presentation on my research project to the college board in like... 6 hours. [35] elementary: yes? [36] high school: done [37] college: sO CLOSE TO DONE I LITERALLY HAVE TWO CLASSES LEFT [38] hair color: brown.... it used to have a white patch and be fun, but i dyed it for superboy and now i’m battling with myself debating if i should dye it back bc “””professional””” for jobs but that’s so boring i want to look like shiro again :((( [39] long or short hair: short god please short, regardless of what gender i present, short is so much nicer since my hair is so thiiiiick [40] do you have a crush on someone: ye my a m a z i n g girlfriend uwu [41] what do you like about yourself?: noncommittal shrug emoji? i like my eye color i think that’s pretty radical since it’s like a gray-teal color. i guess i’m a pretty good resource for random ass animal facts too [42] piercings: mmmm i mean, i don’t care for them or about them that much? [43] blood type: literally no idea which is probably bad [44] nickname: sunshine, sam, sammy, teddy, timmy, timtam, dad [45] relationship status: -heart eyes emojis @ billy- [46] zodiac sign: aries i think? idk all i care is my celtic zodiac is a fox, so [47] pronouns: he/him [48] fav tv show: f ri ck en brooklyn 99 [49] tattoos: not yet, but after i get top surgery and no longer run the disk of mutilating or stretching it, i wanna get tim’s robin symbol on my chest [50] right or left handed: left!

FIRST… [51] surgery: wisdom teeth were my first surgery, i think? [52] piercing: got my earlobes pierced when i was like, 12? idk i don’t wear them anymore so they’ve all but closed up [53] best friend: this girl on the playground in preschool named asya but after her was this girl named natalie that i was friends with from kindergarten all through junior high. she just got married like, a month ago and i feel old [54] sport: like to actually continue with was soccer - i started at 6 i think [55] vacation: that i remember? disney world b/c my dad had drill down in florida so my parents dragged my sister and i with bc we didn’t have to pay for the hotel lol [56] pair of trainers: wut

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: nothin [58] drinking: water [59] i’m about to: sleep maybe, hopefully? [60] listening to: still audiomachine since they just asked this question like 10 questions ago..... [61] waiting for: my anxiety to calm tf down so i can go to sleep [62] want: foooood. i ate dinner really early (5pm) and now it’s 10 hours later so i want food again. [63] get married: -super noncommittal and also confused, disgruntled noises- ?? [64] career: dream career is a zookeeper, honestly. it’s what i’m doing, i’ve worked really hard to get to the place where i am, and i’m happy with it

WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: hugs [66] lips or eyes: eyes [67] shorter or taller: no preference [68] older or younger: usually i get along better with ppl older than me- all my closest friends are older by 2 years or more except like..... amy [69] romantic or spontaneous: anxiety and spontaneity don’t mix lmao [70] nice arms or nice stomach: either or both or neither is fine idrc [71] sensitive or loud: sensitive [72] hook up or relationship: relationship [73] troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant only bc troublemaker makes me anxious lmao

HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger? nope [75] drank hard liquor? ye i’ve had like. one whole vodka and lemonade in my entire life because i am a raging party animal /sarcasm [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? i lose my contacts in my eyeball sometimes [77] turned someone down? ye kinda. my ~best friends~ have this bad habit of ~falling in love with me~ and then getting pissed when i don’t return the feeling and treating me like crap :)))) [78] sex on first date? nope [79] broken someone’s heart? sure maybe idk. not on purpose. [80] had your own heart broken? no [81] been arrested? nope [82] cried when someone died? i’m a monster and have no feelings so no, not really. i usually go into emotional shock and stop processing everything [83] fallen for a friend: kind of

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? noooope [85] miracles? listen on friday i catered an event and the idiot who packed it up for us on their shift the day before forgot to put matches in the gathering. and the truck drivers loaded it onto the truck before i could check that everything was there. so we got to the location and couldn’t light the sternos for the hot food but somehow we found a box of matches in the kitchenette we were serving out of so yes i believe in miracles [86] love at first sight? maybe? idk not really i really don’t understand how anyone could love someone without knowing a bunch about them first [87] santa claus? billY AND I SAW SANTA ON OUR WAY UP TO C2E2 ON SUNDAY OKAY HIS CAR WAS RED AND SAID “MY OTHER RIDE IS A SLEIGH” AND HIS LICENSE PLATE SAID KRINGLE AND HE HAD A BIG WHITE BEARD IT WAS AMAZING OKAY. [88] kiss on the first date? maybe for ppl who aren’t like. super anxious about everything all the time [89] angels? no

OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: marble, emma [91] eye color: teal-gray, which sounds pretentious and White Person af but like..... that’s the best way to describe them [92] favorite movie: i don’t knowwww that’s a hard one ;_;

#about me #gekkers;;

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