#and this self-insert is kind of meant to be my main “player stand-in’’ self-insert who does all the battling and exploring and stuff

[void-kissed]

I THINK I MIGHT HAVE THE TEAMS

(No I still don’t have a name or design or much of a story for this self-insert. But, I have her Pokémon teams!)

Her original team of six from her first journey in Hoenn is:

Fiore, a Shiny male Blaziken (starter Pokémon)

Luma, a female Breloom

Mari, a Shiny female Azumarill

Aria, a female Altaria

Discord, a male Absol

Siren, a female Froslass

And then, her team of six while she is in Paldea is:

Mari, a Shiny female Azumarill (the same one as in Hoenn)

Lily, a female Lilligant

Topaz, a male Ampharos

Nemesis, a female Ceruledge

Snowball, a male Tera-Steel Glaceon

Alain, a male Tera-Ice Gallade

As can be seen from this, this new self-insert doesn’t stick to any particular nicknaming scheme across all of her Pokémon, unlike Adriana (who gives nicknames based on fitting words, like Soulfire for Chandelure) or Nova (whose nicknames come from sounds in the Pokémon’s name, like Chirithy from Cinccino). In fact, she kind of has a mix of both of those styles across the Pokémon she has.

She originally deliberated whether to bring as many of her Hoenn team as she could to Paldea, but eventually decided to only bring Mari and Aria, mainly for ease of traversing the region with their help (as she didn’t know they had such a good Flying Taxi system until she got there). Later on, she ended up trading Aria for the Glaceon she has since nicknamed Snowball.

I know I still don’t have much established for this self-insert, but I’m still having a lot of fun thinking about her and developing her more, so I hope it’s okay to have made this post!

[jinjojess]

超高校級の英雄 V3: Danganstuck Classpects V3

Okay, okay. 

Enough waiting around; let’s get this up and ready to go.

These are obviously just my own opinions on things, and as such are very closely tied to my own personal interpretations of both the V3 characters and also of the classpects themselves. For clarity’s sake, I based the aspect rationalizations from the official lore here, and I used the MSPA wiki for direction with the classes.

Just as a quick note, I used some of the FTE info (which is debatable in its veracity) for some of the assignments. Sorry, gotta work with what I have to work with. Also, if anything is expanded on in Homestuck 2, I have no idea, as I haven’t read it (or the epilogues, for that matter).

Akamatsu Kaede Prince(ss) of Time Derse Dreamer The Land of Sharps and Flats

Going off the canon description of Time, it makes perfect sense for Akamatsu. She’s goal-oriented, wants to skip to the credits, and would rather take a leap of faith than wait things out. To say nothing of the strong associations between Time and music. I went with Prince for her as a class since it’s the destroyer class--Akamatsu very literally destroys both Amami and herself (and her goal of getting everyone out alive) thanks to her own impatience in wanting to stop the one responsible for the killing game. I had her sleep on Derse since she’s supposed to be a bit of a protag subversion in that she hatches a literal murder scheme. Her equivalent of the Beat Mesa is a big metronome. 

I also have an alt land name for her in The Land of Ninths and Eighths to reference the time signature of Claire de Lune (which is 9/8). 

Saihara Shuuichi Page of Doom Prospit & Derse Dreamer The Land of Glass and Fingerprints

I considered making Saihara a Rage player at first given how the ultimate conflict is (supposedly going to be) solved in Chapter 6, but the description of Doom players as being commiseraters rather than healers really stuck out to me as appropriate for Saihara. Of all the characters in the game, he’s one of the few that doesn’t actually push anyone to heal, and his ultimate gambit in the 6th trial is to counteract the audience trying to self-medicate with catharsis at their expense. He takes a while to come into his own, which is the signature trait of the Page class, too. As a Doom player, he dreams on both moons, which for reasons I can’t quite articulate just clicks for me. The glass in his land name references not only magnifying glasses but also mirrors, since his is very much a journey of self-reflection.

Amami Rantarou Seer of Breath Prospit Dreamer The Land of Sails and Nail Polish

I really like what I came up with here for Amami. Breath is linked pretty strongly to his FTE reveals about how his desire to explore led his sisters to disappear into the ether (and changed his direction in life), and the angst he feels over wanting to reunite with his sisters hints at his trouble with bonds (the Breath inverse Blood’s territory). I incorporated the boat stuff into the theme with the idea of sailing for his world name, while the nail polish is for his sisters and that extra scene with Akamatsu. I went with Seer as the class since Amami Knows Things, and there’s that bit about Seers “having a strategy guide in their head” that I wanted to be a callback to the special map and the fact that he’s the Shogo Kawada of this operation. Prospit as the dream moon just felt right, so there it is.

Iruma Miu Thief of Space Prospit Dreamer The Land of Caulk and Nuts (and Frogs)

I don’t care if you have to have Frogs somewhere in the Space player’s land name, I will stand by that pun! So Space is all about creation and seeing the bigger picture, and to me that jived with how Iruma is an inventor. While Time is deeply linked to music on a conceptual level, Space is linked to nurturing, including growing plants, raising animals, and parenting. The Space and Motherhood parallels fit well with Iruma’s canon aspirations and goals. I went with Thief because Iruma is very much out for Number One, and wants to hog up all the creation ability for her own ends. Prospit dreamer because she’s the type.

Ouma Kokichi Bard of Heart Derse Dreamer The Land of Kings and Horses

There’s a lot you could do with Ouma, and I’m sure that plenty of people peg him as a Void player because of the lying. For me though, I read Ouma has being primarily concerned with his own identity, and how he’s perceived by others. Fractured senses of self are a Heart concept, after all, and it seems that Ouma likes trying on identities to see which one ultimately fits him best. I made him a Bard because they’re unpredictable and all about helping or hurting a session in random turns, but also because Ouma himself is allowing his own identity to be destroyed thanks to his paranoia and inability to let anyone get close to him. He dreams on Derse with all the other schemers, and I went with a name pun for the planet that can also function as a chess reference (ala his bandana and his 5d chess approach to life).

Kiibo Sylph of Mind Derse Dreamer The Land of Shells and Ghosts

Since Sylphs are healers, I wanted to have Kiibo in that role, since he’s usually trying very hard to smooth things over and fix problems. I went with Mind for him for a few reasons: one is that Kiibo’s self-identity is subsumed by his “inner voice” that later turns out to be audience suggestions, meaning that he’s healing things through the choices of others and doesn’t have as much of a Self as it were. Another reason is because I made Naegi a Mind player and Kiibo is clearly meant to be a bit of a callback to him (up to and including the fact that Naegi very much functions as an audience insert in the first game). I made Kiibo a Derse dreamer because he literally hears the whispers of the audience members telling him what to do. The land name was me having a little fun and poking at his aspect a bit.

Gokuhara Gonta Heir of Light Prospit Dreamer The Land of Pins and Wings

Light is all about knowledge, and Gonta has, while specific, quite a lot of knowledge. He likes learning, and is open to new information to re-evaluate what he knows. I made him an Heir since the speculation is that they are subsumed in their aspect, and Gonta is very passively knowledgable. He often offers helpful suggestions based on things he just happens to know, for instance, and what ultimately undoes him is Ouma showing him the “truth” of things, which Gonta doesn’t even think to question. He’s a Prospit dreamer who’s been awake for awhile, unwittingly watching the clouds for signs, and his land name is a reference to pinning butterflies into a collection.

Shinguuji Korekiyo Mage of Light Derse Dreamer The Land of Scrolls and Masks

Meanwhile, on the other end of knowledge for knowledge’s sake, we have the other scholar, Shinguuji. Unlike Gonta, he’s actively out there seeking knowledge, rather than being drawn to it, and his motives are undeniably selfish in nature, so I wanted him to be an active class (I’m assuming Mage is the active counterpart to Seer, shhh). Shinguuji uses his understanding of his field--humans--to progress his own goals and wants. He’s also smart enough to know what pieces of information to share and which to keep hidden behind a convenient zipper. Made him Derse because shemey as all hell, and I went with some general imagery for folklore for the land name.

Chabashira Tenko Knight of Breath Prospit Dreamer The Land of Sweat and Flipping

I think we can all agree that Chabashira is probably not a Derse dreamer. Meanwhile, I chose her aspect for a couple of reasons: first, because aikido is generally about evading attacks which strikes me as a windy kinda deal, even if Neo Aikido is a bit different; second, because her central conflict in the game is about learning to let go of a bond she desperately wants to forge with Yumeno (which, again, is a Blood-related matter); and third, because flipping somebody would create a gust of air movement and that image made me laugh. I went with Knight for Chabashira, since the most common interpretation of Knight is that it exploits its aspect, and I think that Chabashira is able to exploit the various currents of influence (especially in Chapter 3) to great success. I also think that she exploits The Breeze to nudge Yumeno’s path out of danger by taking her place in the kagonoko ritual. The land name is the sweat of training in martial arts, and the flipping is not just about said martial arts, but also about being flung off a see-saw.

Toujou Kirumi Knight of Life Derse Dreamer The Land of Sticks and Carrots

Life players are generally known to be trying to fix everybody’s problems, whether they want that to happen or not, and if that doesn’t scream Toujou to you, I don’t know what will. I went with Knight again for the exploitation aspect of it, where Toujou uses her position as authority in the group to further what she believes to be the greater good (hedging my bets here since we don’t know if Knight is active or passive). She’s clearly a Derse dreamer, because even if she wasn’t schemey, she’s droll as fuck. Her land references the two main ways to motivate someone: threats and rewards.

Harukawa Maki Knight of Time Prospit Dreamer The Land of Beans and Demons

I know, I know, but really, if you think about it, HaruMaki and Dave do kind of have a lot in common (and not just the fact that they have red eyes). The part about Time that fits well to me is that a Time player’s life is marked by strife and struggle, which HaruMaki has in spades. Like Akamatsu, she’s impatient and often acts rashly, in an attempt to cut out the middle man or advance what she thinks should be happening. She’s the last of our Knight squad, exploiting Time (or more broadly, destruction/entropy) to try and help out, such as trying to off Ouma or attack the Exisals head on. There’s also a bit on the Wiki that’s speculated that Knights often try to conceal their insecurities by acting tough, which is HaruMaki’s M.O. While she doesn’t have the music theme, assassination is very much about timing. I had her dream on Prospit because she’s not really a plans person, deep down, and her land name is a joke about her name/birthday referencing Setsubun.

HaruMaki doesn’t have a Beat Mesa equivalent, but she does have a tool specifically for causing a Scratch: a huge, unwieldy kantana.

Hoshi Ryouma Prince of Blood Prospit Dreamer The Land of Grass and Clay

Here you go, anon, what you were waiting for. I personally peg Hoshi as a Blood player, through and through. He’s stubborn, values bonds with other people, can lead via inspiration rather than direct command, and feels grounded. I think he’s a Prince thanks to the fact that he ended up destroying the very people who meant so much to him, and in the aftermath continued to push people away and pre-emptively destroy any possible future bonds. He’s a Prospit dreamer because he can see flashes of the future, though he often doesn’t read them correctly. His land is a reference to different types of tennis courts.

Momota Kaito Rouge of Hope Prospit Dreamer The Land of Wishes and Stars

The key part of a Hope player is that they can dream up a better world than the one that exists, and that can definitely be said about Momota. Like Jake, he’s a bit in his own head and immersed in his fantasy version of reality, where he plays the hero and is able to save everyone else. He’s somewhat gullible, to a point, and he’s the most superstitious of the bunch, showing how much stock he can put into the thing he believes. The sheer power of Momota’s belief is infectious, hence why I made him a Rogue--he’s out there trying to impart his sense of belief into those around him, for everyone’s benefit. He dreams on Prospit because of course he does, and I made his land name reflect literal space in conjunction with his talent, and to riff on that inspirational poster about shooting for the moon and landing among the stars.

Yumeno Himiko Heir of Doom Prospit & Derse Dreamer The Land of Death and Magic

While most people who played V3 picked up on Saihara being depressed, not everyone has noticed that Yumeno also suffers from the same bleak view of the world. Similarly to Saihara, Yumeno is not a healer, or a doer. She’s here to sigh and complain and tell you that’s rough, buddy. Because of that, I can definitely see her as a Doom player. I made her an Heir, as one who is consumed by their aspect, since Yumeno is very much doom and gloom a lot of the time. She’s also subconsciously drawn to death, as she gets close to both Angie and Chabashira before their untimely demises. It’s through their deaths that she comes more into her own, hence why it’s also part of her land title (I don’t think I have to explain the other part). She dreams on both moons because Doom players are implied to do so.

Yonaga Angie Witch of Hope Derse Dreamer The Land of Prayer and Idols

Like Momota, Angie has intense faith on her side; if Angie thinks it’s true, it’s true. She’s also similarly not looking at the same world as everyone else, instead seeing something slightly different and colored by her own beliefs. However, unlike Momota, Angie is not interested in helping others find their own faith, and would rather use the power of her belief for her own gain. Hence why I made her a Witch, an active class that manipulates its aspect. The other characters may not believe in Angie’s religion, but they sure do believe her when she tells them to sacrifice their autonomy for safety. I put her on Derse since her god could very easily just be a specific horrorterror, and the land name is connected to religion. 

Shirogane Tsumugi Maid of Void Derse Dreamer The Land of Scripts and Swatches

I went through a lot of possible Classpects for Shirogane, including Light, Space, Seer, Heart, etc., but I think that this is what I’m going to settle on. Derse Dreamer because not only is she schemey, she’s listening to whispers of her bosses and the ratings, albeit in a less direct sense than Kiibo (what’s more horrorterror-y than a focus group!). Void as an aspect works well to me, since Shirogane is always going on and on about being plain and forgettable, about how she hides in plain sight, and even her talent is about becoming somebody else rather than herself. She’s also the one who in the end throws the “truth” into question, instead concealing it in favor of ambiguity. I went with Maid since one of the speculated interpretations is one who creates or creates through their aspect: she not only (arguably) erases the casts’ identities and memories, she does this in order to have “blank pages” on which to write the killing game’s drama. Whether Maid is an active or passive class is unknown, but if it’s active it makes sense since she’s using other people for her own gain, and if it’s passive, it could be argued that she’s doing it in service of Team DR or the audience.

Speaking of...

Bonus!

The V3 audience Muse of Space The Land Beyond the 4th Wall

I don’t like assigning Master Classes unless I have a really good reason, and here I think it works. The fans are the epitome of the “wait-and-see” model, and their crime as it were is their general apathy toward the very real subjects of the killing game. They’re all big picture and no important details or nuance. You can’t get much more passive than being an audience member, hence Muse class, yet it’s their desire to recycle the series over and over that leads to the killing game’s very existence (they’re also not too upset about letting the kids’ past lives be sacrificed for this act of creation). The V3 audience is collectively in the real world as opposed to the Medium, hence the “planet” title for them. In the context of an actual Sburb game, they’d likely be Exiles.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yeah, no Rage players in V3. I couldn’t find my notes the other night when I got home, so I just went ahead and reworked all of the classpects from there.

The Aspects were fairly easy to assign, but the Classes really had me scratching my head for a good long while. Maybe it’s because it can recontextualize the Aspect elements depending on what it is, or maybe it’s because we don’t have as much information about how Classes work. 

Anyway, whew, that’s it! Hope you enjoyed!

[shadowfae]

1- Not much tbh, just what you've posted, and 2- To be honest I quite like your long answers. It can definitely wait though, you should get some sleep.

Is your warpriest link a constant thing? Does it ever fade into the background? I'm contemplating forming a second link, something happier than my copinglink, and I'm not sure how to tell when to tell when the line of a link vs a persona is crossed when not worn out of necessity.

And the original ask so I have it on hand. I did take a look at your original context, and if you're cool with it, I'll edit this post with a link for those who may find this is a useful answer and need that on hand. Otherwise, it'll stay a mystery.

But yes, it seems like my Sabe experiences would be a useful thing to talk about here. And in order to do that, I need to go over four things: who and what Sabe is, why he exists the way that he does, what that does for me, and lastly what I think he is in terms of terminology and why.

To start, here is his toyhou.se profile, if you want to read more about his actual story and thoughts and whatnot. But I doubt you'll have the necessary context for that, so let me go into it. RuneScape (RS) is one of the oldest MMORPGs in existence. WoW might be older but I doubt it. Basically it's a medieval magic fantasy that's very long running and you the player end up the World Guardian, aka the guy that stops the gods (who are very powerful folks who just don't die of natural causes and typically stand for some philosophy) from blowing the world up because Guthix, the dead god of balance, asked you to. Well, he voluntold you. And that makes you a major chess piece, Elder Gods get involved, it's a big mess.

But before all that happened, back in 2006 when I was introduced to the game and very shitty at it, well. I liked the lore insofar that I've always liked the lore, it was interesting and I liked thinking about it. I didn't have membership and I sucked at playing so I just read the wiki and the God Letters over and over and sometimes the Postbag from the Hedge. Alongside my two friends, we played at being children of the then-triad of main gods: Saradomin, Guthix, and Zamorak.

I liked Zamorak best, but I didn't think his ideas would be the best for society as a whole, so I ended up playing child of Guthix. Eventually we grew up and grew apart but every couple of years I'd go back to RuneScape, read the lore, settle on what choices I'd make if I could play, and think about being the player character. In 2010 I discovered a fic - dawn by khayr, it's on Ao3 and dA - about Iban, son of Zamorak, right around when I was reading Percy Jackson. Cue him showing up as a soulbond and an older brother figure and guiding me right up until the end of sixth grade. Iban got me through the ruthless bullying that would later set the stage for all my major suicidal-ideation and self-hatred for the entirety of high school: even then, I was more stable than I might've been otherwise, because he interfered.

Saradomin stands for strength through order. Procedures and law and diplomacy and war strategy. He was originally kind of a ripoff of the Christian god, but he's grown to be more of an order-over-peace character and is quite well-written. Guthix stands for strength through balance, and has been all over the board in terms of what he's done and will do. He's kind of a dick, actually, but his heart's in the right place.

Zamorak, as you've heard, is strength through chaos and personal strife. It's no "the strong over the weak" or "the strong take care of the weak", it's flat-out "everyone is strong, and just need the right circumstances to tap into it to be the best they can possibly be". Now, his philosophy is kind of more for warriors and scholars, but if you tilt your head, it applies to everyone. Chronically ill folks will find their chaos in fighting to get up every day and maintain a life. Folks in traumatizing, abusive situations find that chaos in their very survival. Scholars challenge themselves and their fellows and their predecessors trying to find the answers they so need. Nobody in lockstep, no such thing as "we've always done it this way."

A lot of human Zamorakians and Saradominist propaganda says that Zamorak is simply absolute evil: and to be fair, when most of that was written, he kinda was because he was based loosely on the Christian devil. Later writing says that they're typically mistaken on that. Zamorak isn't evil. The very first thing he did upon becoming a god was fulfill a promise and lead a slave rebeliion. (The Avernic uprising, if anyone's curious.) He stands for the downtrodden and says "You are never going to get your dignity by going through the motions and trying to peacefully show you're worth respect. Burn some shit down and prove that you won't stand for this bullshit."

Zamorak in a Saradominist's eyes is someone whose banner you wear when you want to be a crazy murderer. Zamorak in a Zamorakian's eyes is the singing voice who murmurs "Get up, this isn't enough to kill you, you can still do this," when transphobic laws get passed or you hear a slur thrown your way on the street.

And as someone who grew up queer and nonhuman, yeah, that resonates, and the older I get the more I think "Guthixian philosophy is best for a society at large, but Zamorakianism for individuals is good." Because Zamorakianism can't really apply on a theocratic level. It really doesn't. It turns into American bootstrap culture and no social services and all that shitty stuff.

The funny thing is that Zamorak himself has no issues helping out if he thinks you need it. (If he didn't, he wouldn't be cool with asking for help, or giving it when he's asked. Which he does do repeatedly so. The man has more kindness in him than people want to admit.) What I do find fascinating is what he thinks of the actions of some of his longtime subordinates, who clearly support him, but I don't think support his actual philosophy. Because if you ask me, he'd side with the downtrodden humans of Meiyerditch, not the vampire lords that treat them like cattle. He's proven that he likes humans, and doesn't see them as unworthy. I do wonder if Jagex will show us what he might do about that.

Either way. Ahem. Over the course of a decade and a half, I keep going back to RuneScape, refining my philosophy and side, thinking again what I would do playing the game proper. About... I want to say five years ago, Jagex opened up the Sixth Age and I finally noticed, and they rewrote every god's philosophy because they wanted every single one to be actually playable. Not just "hurr durr evil" but actually have a logical line of thought. They probably didn't have pop culture paganism in mind, but the gods of RS are incredibly well-suited to it.

Well, I found that out, and immediately went through every god's philosophy, and reasoned my way through it. What does a worshipper of this god look like? What sort of life would they lead? If i apply this to me, what does that look like from that perspective? Do I understand this? Is it comfortable to exist in?

And as it turns out, I understand Zamorak the most, followed a close second by Armadyl, which was quite surprising. Zaros remains incomprehensible and I don't trust like that. (That's another story.) So I thought about it more, and it stuck even when I wandered off to different fandoms and interests. But what happened was that I ended up internalizing it, unknowingly and without meaning to.

It meant that when, two years later, I ended up in a horrific and traumatizing situation, the anchor I hit that held me together was a mixture of being a Devil - I am a fucking God you will obey me and recognize my power - and Zamorak's core philosophy: this cannot kill me, this cannot stop me, this is pure fucking hell and I am going to laugh in the face of death because people are forged in hellfire and I will walk away knowing what I'm made of.

And I was right. Honestly, out of everyone who was there with me, I think I'm the only one that was that deeply entrenched and walked out without trauma. I do not believe I could have done that had I not internalized Zamorak's philosophy. (That isn't to say if the others had that philosophy they wouldn't be traumatized, because there were absolutely other factors I wouldn't know about and some that I do and didn't do them any favours; but I am saying that it saved my ass and without it, I might not have been okay.)

I walked out of that with zero regrets. Zero. Even now, I don't regret a thing. Because it doesn't matter what happened or how much I was lied to or if he deserved my kindness. I know what I perceived to be happening, and I know how I reacted, and when the pieces were down I was stronger than steel, gave kindness without considering the cost, and I walked away unscathed.

How many people can say they've looked death in the eye and laughed? More than there should be, not too many that knowing what I'm capable of when put into pure chaos isn't somehow impressive. Because it is. And Zamorak's words proved themselves, or rather, I proved him entirely correct.

And when I last went back to RuneScape, and thought about it with enough time to put it all into hindsight, well. Aw, shit, he was right. Then vaguely around that time I went back and read Dawn, which was unfinished, tracked down the author and demanded to know how it fucking ended. (She told me and we're still friends like three years later. xD) Then I went back and found my old OCs, and decided fuck it, I'm making my own World Guardian.

So first thing I did was log in and jump over to the Makeover Mage and make myself into a boy. Kept the plateskirt though, I wanted to have the RS equivalent of a limp wrist to prove I'm Very Queer. Then I went about remaking my character. I wanted to make a self-insert, I was old enough to know it wasn't cringey, it was just fun, but I didn't want to use my default avatar with the black hair over one eye and the Chaorruption. I wanted to make a new self-insert based in nothing I was already using.

So I made the most beautiful man I could! Long, dark brown hair, pretty semi-dark skin, looked Kharidian, and then I said fuck it and made him Zamorak's youngest son. Originally, he was adopted when he was young by Iban and Clivet, and suffered serious imposter syndrome when being WG meant he'd never get demigod powers. But as I grew more confident in myself, he ended up getting powers? And then eventually I rewrote his backstory, and then wrote about his mother, and her relationship with Zamorak, and then he had friends like Blaire and Icthlarin (who was also my furry awakening, rip me).

Then with the most recently questline I've been getting a bit more into RS magical theory, and I've been mulling it over lots, and Seanan McGuire's Middlegame definitely helped; and I figured out how I wanted him to handle being World Guardian: it didn't make sense for him to be openly Zamorak's son, the other gods would just target his family to manipulate him. So I had him play neutral openly and Zamorakian to his friends, effectively living a double life.

Then he just looked up one day and said "Oh, by the way, my father won't acknowledge me to keep me safe but I don't know that so we have a very unsteady relationship because I don't know if he loves me", and then Children of Mah came out, and he was all "Oh and I think I just got disowned (I didn't, Zamorak was protecting me, but I don't know that) so my relationship with Zamorak is Fucking Shitty" and he was stuck that way until I figured out how to save their relationship.

It culminated in Sabe not knowing how his Mahjarrat powers worked and guessing, and hating himself for being half-and-half, and missing everything about being a Mahjarrat, and literally you couldn't have gotten more obvious in order to tell me I was having Fucking Issues coming to terms with the fact I didn't have any understanding or knowledge of my own heritage, but whatever, eventually I noticed that.

And as I've been working to understand myself and my heritage, so too has Sabe been doing that with his Mahjarrat heritage. But for the longest time, no matter how I put him and Zamorak in the same room in a scene to try and get them to talk it out, it wasn't working. Something wasn't right. Sabe resented being World Guardian, hated having to betray his family, didn't know if he was wanted, and hated himself for having to kill Mah, the mother of his species.

Not that long ago, a few months actually, he informed me (which is my shorthand for 'I suddenly figured out this happened, and it genuinely feels like remembering that one fucking word you have on the tip of your tongue, I always knew and just forgot for a while') that no, he'd been ripped in two by a hope devourer, brought to his father's stronghold, and Zamorak split his magic between mortal and divine in order to get around his godproofing and heal him. Zamorak's intense worry for his youngest son was what caused Sabe to break down and tell him honestly what was going on and how he was feeling, which caused Zamorak to do the same, and they finally, finally made up.

A week later, I noticed the connection between Sabe's Mahjarrat issues and my Irish issues, and started to wonder if he was a linktype.

I mean... he's a self-insert. He makes the choices I would, the me in the here and now, that I think are best. He's not a person I was and still know myself to be, he's not someone I grow into, he's not living his life beside me like a shadow. He's me, choosing the things I do, because I say so. But he's also me in the things he reflects, the things he struggles with, and things I had zero fucking conscious input on.

Sabe is the person I am when a crisis hits and I have to deal with the chaos. Sabe is the person I am when I need to lead. Sabe is the person I am when I am desperate to be known and loved by those I consider family. Sabe is the person I am when I want to be sure in where I came from, where I will return to, and the things that I will always be. Sabe is a man of darkness who knows the light as an acquaintance and nothing more, who is cruel and careless and kind.

Sabe is a warpriest of Zamorakian philosophy, because it took me twenty fucking years to put into words how I see the world, and now that I know, I will argue them to death and use them to help others. Drakath may have wanted a messiah to share the hivemind with others. Sabe is a warpriest, spreading the word and calling home the broken and the damned. He is the Last Rider, not the last of the Ilujanka but the one who keeps riding towards the chaos and never falls, no matter what.

Some of who Sabe is I have conscious input on. A whole lot of him was unintentional and perfectly reflects me.

So when it comes to terminology... I don't know what he is. A self-insert, yes. A linktype, maybe. A kintype, also maybe. Sabe doesn't feel like my past linktypes, because Sabe isn't always catharsis and comfort. Until he made up with his dad, Sabe was brutal and hurt a lot and constantly yearning for his foundation and slowly going mad. It wasn't fun. I just refused to do anything but see the story through. I was going to get it right. I wanted to see it to the end. I wanted to be the Last Rider, even though I didn't phrase it that way.

But to answer your actual question, of what he feels like when I'm not actively being him out of necessity, desire, and active thought. If it fades into the background.

And like... it can? Sabe as he is, recognized for what and who he is, is kind of a new thing. Sabe as a concept is very old, but Sabe as what he is right now is new, and confusing, and honestly I'm still trying to figure out what to make of it.

Like, seriously. Sabe is Zamorak's son. Am I Zamorak's son? Is he keeping an eye on me as I am? Would he be proud of me? Would he offer his approval of my progress? Does that make me, in some way, the World Guardian?

I have not a clue, buddy. Not a goddamn clue.

So what it means is that I've been paying attention, really. I don't just become strong in times of crisis. I've been trying to do better. Be better. Learn, and listen, and rethink myself. Break out of lockstep, of doing things the way I've always done them. Try to always do better than I did, build habits I like, stop waiting for things to change and just do it. Become the chaos, instead of waiting for it to hit me.

It means I need to live up to what Guthix told Sabe to do. It means being gentler, being kinder, not burning bridges when I'm not sure. It means keeping an eye out for any sign Zamorak's listening, in case I am his son, in case I really have to decide what I'm gonna do about being the son of chaos incarnate.

But other than the questioning, what it feels like is just... what I was already dealing with, just a little more at arm's length and easier to deal with. Once I recognize that his issues are reflective of mine, if I solve his, I have a pretty good idea of how to solve mine. Some of it won't work exactly right - Zamorak will always forgive him for not being the son he expected he might have had, my own parents may not, yay I'm queer and pagan - but it's a good rule of thumb.

It's also just comforting to know that when in doubt, nothing can kill me, because I simply refuse to die. I am World Guardian, I am a demigod of chaos incarnate, all the hellfire in the world can do nothing but strengthen me. And if I present those to myself as unshakeable beliefs, because for Sabe they are, then I'll be okay. It probably couldn't stop most disasters or tragedies, but I got hit by a car, broke five bones, and walked away with a record recovery time, so I mean... I can't prove that I can't die by some accident or tragedy, but you also can't prove that I can. (Trying to do so usually falls under what we call 'murder', and I personally believe I can't be murdered. Only assassinated.)

But really, I think the worst that could possibly happen with a new linktype is that you learn what not to do. It's new, it's scary, it's chaotic, and from where I'm standing, that's the best way to learn.

[squigglysquidd]

As a fellow Shakarian writer, I'd love to hear your thoughts on our mutual ship. If it's all right, I'm highlighting the whole row under 002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you:

002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you:

When I started shipping them: The first time I played ME 1, I actually wasn’t as into it as I was in later playthroughs. I’ll say up front that I was playing renegade (because I always play renegade my first rpg game playthroughs while my BF plays paragon) and stopped playing because I wasn’t expecting my Shepard to have sex with the Consort when she asked for more than credits. That surprise sex dropping on me really turned me off of the game and I stopped playing for the longest time. However, when I watched my BF play, I immediately fell in love with Garrus as a character, both because of looks and his personality. At the time, however, I didn’t really think about romances in games, so it didn’t become a ship until I was given the idea from playing the games. I wanted to romance him and was disappointed part 1 was only human LIs and Liara, but figured it was because Bioware didn’t think people would be into alien looking characters. Needless to say, I was so excited when I heard you could romance Garrus in a leak. 

My thoughts: I’m not too sure what exactly this question means, so I’ll go with some basic thoughts on them. I really like Garrus’ look, though I think it has a lot to do with my being into Jurassic Park as a kid and really into the velociraptors. My main Shep is always modeled a bit after a self-insert, not gonna lie or feel bad about it, so I get a little giddy whenever I replay that particular Shep and think about romancing Garrus again. As for the ship itself, I wish there had been a way to lock it down sooner so it wasn’t just the end of the games where you were in a relationship, especially in 3. Kinda wish they hadn’t written the entire thing like a FWB relationship even after Shep says multiple times that it is more important than that to her.

What makes me happy about them: Their friends to lovers build up is what I really love. Falling in love with your best friend is a great trope for me and I’ll admit that it really reminds me of my own relationship, so it feels relatable. That, and I really enjoy the growth Garrus has through the games, so I like to think that leads to their relationship growing and changing as well even if Shepard is such a blank slate for players.

What makes me sad about them: I really wish Bioware didn’t have Garrus call it an ‘inter-species liaison’ even after he spilled his heart out to Shepard before the Omega-4. That’s not something you do before just sex between friends and though the writers wanted to leave it open-ended for players, you can definitely tell it’s more when you break it off and see his reaction. Sure, he is saying it to be light-hearted, but we should have had a chance to make Shepard set things straight up front. Although that’s just one of many peeves about the writing for romances I have no matter the ships, but I get it, Bioware wanted to make things easy for the player.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: I know I’m in the minority, but I don’t like how writers like to make Shepard control the direction of Garrus’ life in part 2. I know, I know, it’s the whole Sidonis debate, but I see them more as equals in 2 and 3 than 1, so Shepard should let the man make his own decisions. I don’t see it as a healthy situation for someone to stand in the way of another getting their closure by saying they know what’s best and the two almost immediately start the gears moving for an intimate relationship. I’m sorry, but no, I would definitely not want to have sex with a supposed friend who acts like they know the situation better than I do when they’ve been dead for the last two years. Garrus was never meant to be completely paragon like Shepard no matter what they let you say to him in 1, so writers forcing him into that position through their Shepards really irks me.

Things I look for in fanfic: Can I say smut? Okay okay, serious answer. I like to read fics where they are still friends even as lovers. Some relationships have it either one or the other, but having both just shows how well they get along because putting intimacy on the table doesn’t necessarily mean that they are missing out on one thing or that they are only close because of it. Having a nice, bantering, just caring couple with these two is something I always enjoy in fics.

My wishlist: More fanfic and fanart of Shakarian! lol Really, I just wish for there to be a never ending flow of it, but I really look forward to things that think out of the box, like AUS and what not.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Hm ... I kinda like Shep and Tali being together, but Tali and Garrus are my NOTP. Those two are better off like siblings and the games really build that up, so a romance between the two really threw me and just didn’t feel right. Of course, with Shep being so blank for players, she could really be with almost anyone. Garrus, though, feels more like he’d stick with turians if not with Shepard. I wouldn’t mind seeing him with that female turian in the Citadel DLC. He just, idk, seems like Shep is so out of his comfort zone that he wouldn’t try another species unless the two had that same kind of connection, which he doesn’t in games.

My happily ever after for them: You mean Shep surviving the Crucible and Garrus tracking her down so that they can settle down on a beach somewhere and only take the occasional mission that they have complete control over? Because we all know they couldn’t settle down completely, but maybe they’d start a security company or run security for whatever small town they decide to live close to.

Thanks for the asks! It was really fun :D

[kvhottie]

Hinata, sports reporter and Kageyama Tobio fanboy, had found one way of dealing with his nearly decade-long crush on someone unattainable: writing fanfiction—the smutty, self-insert, wildly creative kind. It had always been his most guarded secret, and was going to remain that way until…

Olympic volleyball star Kageyama knew almost nothing of the fanfic world. But overnight a babbling, orange-haired reporter changed that when instead of an interview transcript, he sent Kageyama a dirty (and oddly intriguing) draft for a story featuring the two of them.

Rating: Explicit |Pairing: KageHina |Tags: Sports Reporter& Fic writer Hinata/ Volleyball Pro Kageyama, Humor & Smut

**With special guest, Esselle, writing Hinata's fic excerpt

[Ao3]

Hinata’s first crush was through a phone screen.   He was sulking in bed, potato chip crumbs on his chest, and his phone held above his face as he watched the third round of the All Japan Intercollegiate Volleyball Championship. It was part self-torture and part curiosity that lead him to watch these games, since his own team was not participating because of their loss in the Nagoya representative playoffs.   The game was Tokai University versus Chuo University, both powerhouse schools with an equal chance of winning. Hinata was just a first year so all he knew about them was how impossible it was to get into their starting lineup due to a top-notch team of players. But then the Tokai University player introductions scrolled across the screen and he saw it: Kageyama Tobio, principal setter, 1st year.

 Hinata nearly choked on his umaibou. He sat up with a start while coughing and smacking his chest to clear his windpipe, and pressed rewind to make sure he read the caption correctly. But the undeniable and impressive truth was still the same: Kageyama Tobio was the 1st year setter for one of the strongest and most competitive university volleyball teams in Japan. A prodigy. And though normally that would only make Hinata pissed off and hyperaware of his common, un-prodigy self, this time his eyes couldn’t help but follow Kageyama around the court in admiration.   He was beautiful, in like, every sense of that word. He had pitch-black hair that brushed across a smooth face and serious, deep blue eyes. And that body—chiseled in all the right places, Hinata’s favorite assets being his defined pecs, thick legs, round butt, and wide sculpted shoulders. But aside from Hinata’s superficial and ‘he can’t help but be hella gay’ observations, it actually was how Kageyama moved about the court that drew him in. Never wasting a step, Kageyama commanded the court with meticulous precision and unmatched grace. The trust between him and his teammates was palpable in the others’ resilient determination to connect the ball to him, and his perfect repayment of their efforts: he always made sure the ball got to one of their hands in just the right position that maximized each of their strengths. Hinata could tell that it was Kageyama’s ability to flawlessly set the ball to them, repeatedly and without fail, which got him his spot on the team.   Watching one game lead to watching all the Tokai games in the championship, which lead to watching all the games in existence since Kageyama joined the team: it had become a full-blown obsession. So this is what it was like to have a favorite sports player…though Hinata’s interest in him was tainted with something beyond a simple appreciation of his athleticism. He was grateful for Tokai’s dedicated stream of online content, providing coverage of every official and practice game, as well as behind the scene moments at practice and a few interviews with the starting line up. Hinata watched every video, sometimes multiple times, and keep a close eye on Kageyama’s expressions and movements. His favorite was a short interview where Kageyama was asked what it was like to be the main setter as a freshman.   His usually disinterested expression broke into a teensy smile, eyes lighting up, and he said, “My senpai always get the ball to me and I can set for them at every game. It’s fun.” And then he walked off.   The video was a mere minute but Hinata never tired of re-watching it. He wanted that smile, as tiny and brief as it as, engrained in his memory. He thought he had seen all of Kageyama’s expressions—anger, smugness, annoyance, exhaustion, and a hybrid of a few of these—but this one, this one was so rare and pure it made Hinata want to kiss him. But he couldn't, unfortunately, so he threw his head back on his pillow and closed his eyes, trying to imagine what that would be like. At first it was innocent like this, just imagining his lips or his laughing face. But with time his imagination gradually seeped with lust, waking him up sweaty and wet in the morning and sparking a fire in his gut whenever he closed his eyes to think of Kageyama. He knew it was…strange. That he was crushing so hard on a person he’d never met to the point of jerking off to the mental image he had ingrained of him was, a bit out of the norm, to say the very least.   The feelings persisted for many years—through his attempts and failures at dating, his uneasy and regrettable one-night stands, and that post-graduation loneliness that came with being a working adult and living alone. He had graduated with a degree in communications, concentrating on sport journalism, and after countless interviews and rejections, was hired by TV Osaka as their new sports reporter. He hadn’t expected this stroke of luck. Especially since it came on the tails of Kageyama being recruited to the Osaka’s Panasonic Panthers. Not only would they be in the same city, but also with Kageyama becoming a professional volleyball player, Hinata would be able to cover news about him all the time. And there was a lot of news about him and his vibrant pro career: having Kageyama as their setter lit a fire under the Panasonic Panthers that hadn’t been seen in a while and they started winning tournaments. If that wasn’t impressive enough, he also did an amazing job as the setter for Japan’s Olympic volleyball team. Oh, and of course, there was the occasional small scandal of x or y woman leaving the handsome athlete’s apartment, but none of it amounted to much, to Hinata’s relief.   Yes, even still, Hinata liked that distant and unattainable Kageyama. He especially enjoyed his reporting when it had to do with him, so everyone had noticed how much of a Kageyama fanboy he was. And that lust that burned through him…it had matured into something beyond masturbation and finding porn stars that looked like Kageyama. His head had become so filled with fantasies that he needed to find a way to empty it, and so he started writing fanfiction. He would write countless stories of his OC, which was actually just a self-insert of himself, and Kageyama, doing all sorts of wild things. The stories brought him warmth, peace of mind, and when they started getting a few loyal readers, a group of people who also relished in these fantasies he was once shamed of.   But, the most painful thing about unrequited crushes is that all the imagining only made him fall harder. Hinata loved the Kageyama from his imagination, whether or not it lined up with the real one. This was the only Kageyama that could ever be completely his and he was okay with living in his head.   Well, he thought he was okay with just living in his head…   He SHOULD have been satisfied with just the fantasies, yet—Hinata let out a shaky breath and stared at his reflection as he nervously finger-combed his hair. He was currently at a potential major turning point in his life and also having an existential crisis in a bathroom.   “Get your shit together,” he mumbled to himself, opening the sink faucet and splashing his face with cold water.   TV Osaka was going to do an exclusive and intensive report on volleyball’s MVP, and that’s where Kageyama fanboy and Osaka’s sweetheart announcer came in. This meant Hinata was going to have to meet and talk directly to Kageyama, multiple times, throughout the course of a few weeks. Hinata had already been working at TV Osaka for three years, so the fact that this didn't happen sooner was a mystery, but he had never actually prepared his heart for the reality of it happening.   “Hinata!” Ueda, his fieldwork partner and also the one who was going to run the adjacent and more detailed exclusive on TV Osaka’s website, peeked into the bathroom. “Stop shitting your pants already. The love of your life just finished practice so we have to go do the interview now.”   ‘Love of his life’—ha, if only Ueda knew how true those words were. “Stop teasing!” Hinata yelled and dried his face with a paper towel. “I’m coming, I’m coming,” he said with a sigh, pulling his lanyard badge from his white shirt pocket so it hung freely and visibly on his chest.   They walked into the Panasonic Panther’s gymnasium and toward the corner they had set up with chairs, microphones, and filming equipment for the sake of the interview. There Kageyama stood, tall, towel dangling from his neck as he dabbed at his face, his shorts and practice shirt straining with every defined muscle now glistened with sweat. Hinata put on a smile as he trained his wild thoughts on artic ice baths, naked grandmas, and dying cats.   “Hi,” he beamed, a bit too enthusiastically, and extended his hand. “I’m Hinata Shouyou, with TV Osaka.”   “…Oh. You’re shorter in person.” Kageyama noted, briefly shaking his hand. “And your hair is even brighter.”   “Um, I am! And yes it is,” he replied with a forced smile. How was he supposed to even act? How does a person act when they meet someone they’ve been jerking of to for years?! Hinata signaled to Ueda, “This is my partner, Ueda. He’s going take charge of the recording and filming while we talk. Should we start?”   “Sure.” Kageyama took his seat and pulled the towel from his neck, hanging it on the arm of the chair.   Hinata sat down and opened his notepad with his list of questions. “Um, okay. So first question, how do you feel about being called volleyball’s MVP?”   “That’s a nice sentiment but calling someone the most valuable player of an entire sport is ridiculous.” Kageyama shrugged. “There are players in other teams doing things I can’t do and being their team’s MVP in their own way. I don't need an exaggerated and flashy title like that.”   “So you don’t like that title?”   “Not really.”   Hinata tapped his notebook with the tip of his pen.“…But you can’t deny that you’ve broken countless records in the past few years. You’re certainly one of the best Japanese volleyball players to come into the court in the last three decades. Not only is your professional record unbelievably impressive, you always made huge splashes in the collegiate and high school level—”   “—I’m doing what I’ve been doing since day one and nothing else: setting to maximize the abilities of each player on my team. I’m glad to be doing it and it’s fulfilling. That’s it. Everything else is outside my field of vision.”   “Understood.” Hinata gave a nervous laugh. “So, do you get along well with your team? Are you guys friends outside of practice?”   “Yes, we go out to eat and drink together from time to time.”   “Is that all?”   Kageyama cocked his head a bit to the side. “What else would there be?”   “Um, like hanging out in each other’s apartments, or doing karaoke, or a joint hobby you guys may have. Do you have any hobbies?”   “Volleyball,” Kageyama stated and Hinata could almost hear the silent ‘no shit, Sherlock’ following it.   “Aside from that.”   “I like food. Does that count?”   Hinata chuckled and nodded. “Yes, I suppose it does. What’s your favorite food?”   “Pork curry with egg on top. I also like meat buns.”   “Do you eat these often? Is it difficult to stay in shape while eating your favorite foods?”   Kageyama looked down at himself and then up again at Hinata with a confused expression. “I’m always practicing and work out often. And aside from those foods I eat a pretty clean diet…so it’s not hard at all.”   Hinata fought the burning desire to cop a longing glace at Kageyama’s body. He made the smart decision to look him in his gorgeous face instead. “That’s good, then.”   “Any more questions?” Kageyama was bouncing his leg now. They must have passed the threshold of his patience with people snooping into his life.   “Just one more question for this part of the interview series.” Hinata said with a grin. “Do you have any other play you see as a rival?”   “No, I only focus on myself and how I can be more of a strength to my team.”   “Pretty admirable.” Hinata closed his notepad and got up from his chair, looking to Ueda. “And that’s a wrap for now.”   Kageyama grabbed his towel. “Am I done for today?”   “Yes, I’ll send you—” Hinata shut himself up; noticing Kageyama had already walked away. “…Okay then,” he muttered as he watched Kageyama move further from him. Damn him and his wonderfully shaped ass.   Ueda and Hinata spent the next hour going over the footage and planning on what questions to tackle the next time. Ueda asked him more than once if he was feeling star struck, but Hinata answered that he wasn’t sure. He obviously didn’t give full disclosure, but on his way home he thought more deeply about what exactly he was feeling at the moment. First of all, it hadn’t yet truly sunk in that he just had a conversation with the fodder for his sexual fantasies from the last eight years. But if he were being honest with himself, though his heart was jumping out of his chest and it was very difficult to keep his eyes off of Kageyama’s body, the whole ordeal was pretty…anticlimactic?   Sure, it’s not like he was expecting a TV drama scene or anything. But he thought it’d be more of a BAM or a WAH, or some other of his many nonverbal sounds. Of course it was amazing talking to Kageyama. He still found him unbearably attractive, somewhat cold and unrelentingly straightforward as he had expected, and also a surprisingly awkward, but meeting the ‘real one’ made Hinata pitifully hyperaware of his own delusions.   He took his laptop and the USB with the recording of the interview out of his bag and set it on the small table in his kitchen. He then slipped off his tie, untucked his shirt, and grabbed two beers from his fridge. He yawned, it was already ten at night and the exhaustion from his over-excitement was pulling at his eyes. But he needed to transcribe the interview and send it over to Kageyama for approval so that they could soon put it up on TV Osaka’s website. He opened up his first can of Asahi, took a refreshing gulp, and got to work.   An hour later he was not only quite drunk from a bad combination of light-weightiness and exhaustion, but also finally done with the interview transcript. He saved it into whichever folder he had used last, and though it happened to be his fanfiction folder, he figured he’d just move it elsewhere tomorrow. He was tired. All he needed to do was attached this document to an email and…done! Kageyama should have gotten that. He’d send him a text late tomorrow to ask if the transcription looked fine, but right now he could only think about his heavenly bed. And so he waddled off to sleep.

Kageyama Tobio was sure he was dreaming. After all, there was no way the brilliant, handsome, talented, sexy, Pulitzer Prize winner for Investigative Reporting journalist Hinata Shou could actually want to have sex with him, was there?   Sure, Kageyama was pretty hot himself — since he was naked, his really awesome abs were obvious. His pecs were super defined because of his twelve-step exercise program he’d developed himself (now a series on YouTube!) and his eyes were really blue, like, way bluer than anyone else’s eyes and twice as pretty. And he was tall and also handsome and the best setter in Japan, probably even the world. He was definitely just as sexy as Shou, so why shouldn’t they sleep together? They’d probably have really hot sex, and maybe even fall in love.   “I really want to have sex with you,” Shou said, dispelling all doubts from Kageyama’s mind.   “I really want to have sex with you, too,” Kageyama told him.   They started to have sex. It was really fucking hot and super sexy and vulgar, which was the best kind, even though sometimes Shou liked it slow, too. Also, they did it without a condom. First, Shou got on his knees and gave Kageyama a blow job. He was really good at it, even though Kageyama had also never been with anyone besides Shou (despite how super sexy and hot Kageyama was). And now he knew he would never have sex with anyone else again, ever, because Shou was definitely the best.   “Shou,” Kageyama said, and Shou looked up at him, while he kept sucking on Kageyama’s trembling manhood. “You’re the best at blow jobs. If this were the Olympics, I’d give you a gold medal.” “How about a pearl necklace instead?” Shou asked sexily. [A/N: a pearl necklace is when a guy cums all over his partner’s chest!!!!!! So vulgar (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)]

At first Kageyama stared at his laptop screen with a blank expression. Surely, it was shock. What the fuck was this? He rubbed at his eyes to make sure it wasn’t the exhaustion playing tricks on him. But as he continued reading, his face burning a deeper shade of red with every sentence, that initial shock turned into realization.  

This was so hot that Kageyama came instantly, and he did it all over Shou’s chest to give him a pearl necklace. After that, Shou made Kageyama lie down so that he could finger him (with lube!!) until he could have sex with Kageyama. Kageyama was so sexy, moaning so much while Shou was inside him, that Shou came really soon, too. It felt AMAZING to come inside of Kageyama (without a condom) that he came so much his cum filled up Kageyama’s tight hole and even came out all over Shou’s throbbing, thick member. It was really gross, but also really hot. It was so hot that it made Shou want to have even more sex.

  “Kageyama,” he moaned, “I’m going to ride you, okay?”   “Yeah,” Kageyama moaned also, “I want you to ride me so bad, Shou, you’re so hot!!”   Shou made Kageyama finger him now until he was ready, even though he was so turned on that he probably could have done it even without fingering, but he also wanted to feel Kageyama’s sexy hands with his sexy national level setter’s fingers inside him. Kageyama was a really good setter, but he was also really good at fingering, and Shou even came again while Kageyama did it, because he was so good.   “Can you still ride me?” Kageyama asked after he came.   Shou smirked down at him. “Baby, I can do anything you want.”   Kageyama’s mini-Yama wasn’t really all that mini!!! It was enormous, big, thick, trembling. Shou screamed as it went inside him when he sat on it. Kageyama’s penis was the best thing he had ever felt. It was so good that he had to start bouncing on it immediately. He really wanted Kageyama to fill him with his cum.   “Kageyama!” he screeched, gyrating his hips around and around in a figure eight on Kageyama’s meaty spear, which he’d read was a good sex move in Cosmo. “Fill me with your cum!”   “I’ll do anything for you, Shou!” Kageyama yelled. He started to come, even more than Shou had, pouring his hot, sticky ropes of spunk inside of Shou for at least two minutes. Shou climaxed simultaneously with him, coming all over Kageyama’s sexy abs and on his nipples, too. It was the best orgasm either of them had ever had.   “That was the best sex ever,” Shou said as he snuggled next to Kageyama and Kageyama cuddled him and kissed his forehead. “And I’ve had a lot of sex.”   “Really?” Kageyama asked. He was super happy that he had made Shou come so much and feel so good even though he was a virgin before. It must be because they were made for each other.   “Yeah,” Shou said. “Let’s do it a lot more.”   They cuddled the whole night long and had sex seven more times, because they were boyfriends now and would probably get married and get a dog. Shou would always come to see all of Kageyama’s games, and Kageyama always dedicated his medals to Shou.   They loved each other forever!!!   THE END.   [A/N: KTsHubby69 here! Hope ya enjoyed that. And remember to leave me comments and likes~]  

This was ‘fanfiction’.   Hinata had sent him fanfiction. His email had said this was supposed to be an interview transcript but it sure as hell wasn’t! It was steamy, raunchy, and very badly written gay porn about him and some guy called Shou. There was this time that to poke fun at him, his teammates had shown him a page full of stories of him and other guys, some being his own teammates, in some fanfiction site. All the knowledge he had of this foreign world was that memory and, well, this wretched document on his screen. Why was contriving sexy situations between other living people something a person would want to do with their free time?   Wait, wasn’t Hinata’s name…Shouyou? Huh?   Kageyama launched forward so violently in his couch that the laptop that was resting on his knees smacked him in the face. “HAAAH?” he yelled to absolutely no one but his panicking self.   He pushed the laptop away from him and rubbed at the sore spot on his forehead while he tried to wrap his mind around the situation. Hinata Shouyou—bubbly, vibrant, sunshine sweetheart of TV Osaka—had sent him smutty fanfiction involving Kageyama and a guy named Shou. Only a dumbass wouldn’t notice that Shou and Shouyou are basically the same name. And since the document said ‘draft’ Hinata had, certainly by mistake, sent him something he was personally working on. Meaning that Hinata was writing fanfiction of himself doing wild things with Kageyama.   But the biggest question of them all was: why?   The most obvious answer was that Hinata had a crush on Kageyama and fantasized about Kageyama doing all those things he wrote about. But that was hard to visualize—the Hinata crushing on him part, not the sex, Hinata made sure to make that painfully vivid—after all, he acted pretty normal in the interview today. He was a little bit red in the cheeks and sometimes he did have a questionable look in his eye, but other than that, he was utterly calm.   Kageyama pulled the laptop back to him and cozied up with it in a corner of his couch. He was curious. He wanted to know what that seemingly innocent face had hiding in his mind. And so he started reading yet again from the beginning. Most of it should have made him uncomfortable. Up to this point all of his experience had been with women and he had never considered being with a man…yet he wasn’t opposed to the things portrayed in this fanfic. Well, he wasn’t opposed to most of the things portrayed in the story, but Hinata’s characterization of him? Horrendous. It was unbearably out of character. He wouldn’t say half the crap Hinata had him say! Also his writing needed some work.   Kageyama went to Google and looked up the username mentioned in the author’s note. He was curious to see what else Hinata had written, in what other ways did they ravish each other on the page. Chalk it up to 3 a.m. boredom, or a touch of narcissism, who cares. The search lead him to Hinata’s profile on a fanfiction website and a listing of everything he’d written. Kageyama scrolled through—Hinata was somewhat prolific, having written almost fifty fics, and also singularly focused: every fic was between Kageyama and this Shou character of his. Kageyama wasn’t sure if to feel flattered or bothered by the fact that some of the fics ranged back a few years, meaning that Hinata had been hung up on him for quite some time. He tried to click on a fic in the listing, a pirate ‘alternate universe’ that sounded interesting, but the site redirected him to an account creation page. Was he really about to create an account to read bad fanfiction about him and the adorable reporter in charge of him for the next few weeks…   Short answer: Yes.   Long answer: Yes, but he was probably going to regret it tomorrow.   Something was vibrating. Kageyama’s eyes peeled open, the bright sunlight in his living room causing him to shield his irritated eyes. He looked around, his neck sore and mind disoriented—when did he pass out? If he remembered correctly it was somewhere in the middle of the third fic he was reading. He groggily set the dead laptop on top of his coffee table and searched his pocket for his vibrating phone. It was an unknown number.   “Hello?” he mumbled, a yawn catching him at the end.   “Sorry did I wake you? I didn’t expect you to still be sleeping this late in the afternoon.” It was Hinata’s voice.   Kageyama shot up and looked at the clock hanging above his television. It was already two. “Not usually. It’s my day off and just…I had a late night.”   “Oh, what kept you up so late?”   Your lewd fics, that’s what. “None of your business,” Kageyama muttered. Fuck, that sounded a bit too harsh.   “S-Sorry! I shouldn't be nosy, right? Um, anyway, I sent you an email with the interview transcript. Did you get it? Does it look fine to use?”   “Uh…” Kageyama glanced at his laptop and immediately felt his face burn up. “Y-Yeah. It looks good. Totally fine.” His guilt was eating him alive.   “That’s great, then! I’ll be in contact with you about our next interview and the photo shoot.”   “Okay.”   “Bye!”   He hung up and pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a long, deep sigh. How the hell was he going to face this guy from now on? Just trying to bring up an image of his pretty face and obnoxiously vibrant orange hair dragged up all sorts of descriptions of moans dripping from those saliva licked lips and eyes glazed over with—fuck, you see, his mind just freaking GOES.   And it kept going, bringing up a scene in one of Hinata’s fics every…damn…time.   How about when they were at lunch together and Hinata was happily eating his salad and babbling about the photo shoot that would happen in a few days. Well, of course, brain, wasn’t the cabbage lush, green, and very similar to the jungle foliage in that fic where Hinata and him were castaways on an island and fucked like bunnies to keep each other sane? UGH.   Kageyama squeezed his plastic water bottle so hard it popped, splashing water all over himself and the table. He stood up with a jolt and Hinata came to his rescue with napkins, trying to hold back a laugh while simultaneously shoving napkins into Kageyama’s hands and pressing them on to the table. Kageyama dabbed his practice shorts with the napkins, eyes stead on the soft curve of Hinata’s lips and the crinkling of his eyes when he giggled. When he wasn’t chattering on nonstop he was actually, sort of…lovely.   That was the usual pattern.   Hinata did something completely innocent like untangle the filming equipment and BAM, that kinky ‘shibari au’ Kageyama had read a few days prior would play in his mind. Eating ice cream dragged up ‘semen drinking fetish au’. Sipping coffee— ‘coffee shop au’. Unbuttoning the top of his shirt to cool down—‘stripper au’. Stretching. ‘Dancer au’. Playing volleyball together. ‘Fucking in the team locker-room PWP’. Any mention of Sci-Fi and that really, really strange ‘alien abduction au’ that left Kageyama both confused, but also hot and bothered, flashed through his mind.   Why the hell did this guy have such an impressively overactive imagination? Kageyama could also say that for himself…if he didn’t keep reading Hinata’s god-awful fics this problem of constantly thinking about them would probably solve itself. But he couldn’t help but go back to read them every night, they had become strangely addicting. Though his own characterization hadn’t improved in the slightest, and he made sure to leave Hinata a comment letting him know that, it excited him to see how Hinata would react in each of those different scenarios. He wondered if Hinata was that sensitive in real life.   Anyhow, said dirty scene popped up in his head, and the next step of the usual routine was that he’d act like am utter fool. Too often had he spilled water on himself, but he’d also trip, bump into things, and let easily receivable balls catch him in the face. None of it affected his actually playing or practice (thank god) since it only happened around Hinata, but it did make filming and shooting photos take that much longer. Yet, Hinata was never mad. When facing Kageyama, an endearing gaze glimmered from those golden eyes, and he’d laugh, much to Kageyama’s embarrassment, in dulcet tones that warmed up the room.   Kageyama could tell he was falling for him.   In the last few weeks there was rarely a moment Hinata wasn’t on his mind, but which Hinata? Fearless, wonton, and suave Hinata from those fics or the adorable, cheerful, and snarky Hinata right in front of him? They might be one and the same. If he dragged Hinata to a room where they were alone and pressed him to the bed, would he be able to see the blood rush to his cheeks as he lost himself in Kageyama’s embrace?   He wanted to answer these questions. But first, he needed to know if his feelings were true.

Hinata yawned, glancing at the time on his work computer. It was past eight and he wouldn’t be going home any time soon. He bounced his leg impatiently and pressed the home button to his phone, only to be disappointed yet again. Kageyama hadn’t responded to any of his texts for about week. Half of them weren’t work related so Hinata guessed that Kageyama was too busy to respond to them. But he hadn’t expected radio silence about the scheduling of their last interview, since Kageyama used to be prompt in his responses to work related emails and texts.   “Here you go,” Ueda returned with two cups of coffee and took the seat next to Hinata, passing him one. They were looking over all the Kageyama video footage they had and editing it down for the online exclusive.   “Thanks.” Hinata grabbed the cup with both hands and took a blissful slip; it was perfectly warm.   Ueda took a gulp of his and set it down on the desk. “So…are things going okay with you and Kageyama recently?”   “Hm? What do you mean by that?”   Ueda scratched the back of his neck. “I mean, like, did you do anything to get him pissed or something?”   Hinata pursed his lips and set his coffee on the desk. “Not that I know of…but he has been ignoring my texts for a while. Why do you ask?”   “Well, it’s just that I overhead our boss on my way to get coffee. She said that Kageyama had called in this morning and requested that the reporter in charge of his exclusive coverage be changed.”   “What?!” Hinata exclaimed, standing up from his chair. “Why? Did he say why?”   Ueda shrugged. “I have no idea. That’s all I heard, but she’s probably going to talk to you about it soon.”   Hinata bit his bottom lip and tapped his foot on the floor. Did Kageyama catch him staring at him weirdly? They were getting along super well recently so why would Kageyama all of a sudden want to avoid him? What was up with his freaking luck! First he had a rude reader saying his Kageyama was OOC and now this?!   “Sorry, Ueda. I promise to make it up to you but I won’t let Kageyama take this project away from me!” Hinata stuffed his phone in his bag and hurried to the door. He heard a faint ‘Good Luck’ from Ueda as he left the room.   Hinata headed to Kageyama’s apartment, he and Ueda had gone there briefly for a portion of the photo shoot and Hinata had committed it to memory. It was a Friday, so Kageyama usually finished practice around seven and went straight home. He tried to gather what he was going to say in his head but his thoughts were all muddled. He was nervous—what if Kageyama had come to hate him for some reason? Somewhere in the corner of his heart he was holding on to the hope that they could continue to meet up even after they were done with the exclusive. He didn't expect Kageyama to come to love him or anything like that, but friendship would have been nice. Now that he’d been by Kageyama’s side so many times, seen his expressions up close, felt him near by, he didn’t know how he’d go back to just living in his head.   Once inside the entrance of Kageyama’s apartment building, Hinata pressed the intercom button for his apartment. He looked straight up at the camera, knowing Kageyama could see him.   “Why are you here?”   “Let me up. Please.”   He heard a quiet sigh and then the door buzzed open. Hinata took the elevator to the third floor, practicing deep breathes as he approached Kageyama’s door. There, Kageyama was waiting for him in a white t-shirt and shorts, hair damp from getting just out of the shower. Hinata nearly forgot what he had come all this way for.   Kageyama leaned against his open door. “If you’re here to—   “—Why are you avoiding me?!” spat Hinata, eyes wide and locked to Kageyama’s.   “I’m not avoiding you,” insisted Kageyama, desperately wanting to look away from Hinata’s intense stare but keeping his gaze steady to not make his lie obvious.   “You are.” Hinata balled his hands on either side of him. “I know that you want to change who’s in charge of your exclusive. And you haven’t answered my texts. If I did anything to make you mad or uncomfortable just tell me. I’ll try to be better, I promise.”   Kageyama furrowed his eyebrows, folding his arms across his chest. “It’s not that…it’s just, personal reasons.”   “But I thought we were getting closer!” Hinata stammered, eyebrows knitting, and lips quivering. “Just tell me why. Did you notice that I look at you weirdly? I promise I’ll stop; it’s just that I’ve been a fan of yours for so long that it gets away from me sometimes. This exclusive is a dream come true, it means a lot to me. I just really—   “Hinata!”   “—love you!” Hinata’s eyes widened, swimming wildly with the realization of what he just said. “No, no, not that. I mean—“   Kageyama slapped a hand over Hinata’s mouth and covered his own burning face with the other. “Shut. Up. Already.” He huffed, finding enough composure to uncover his face and return his gaze to Hinata’s. “I’ve known you like for a while now.”   “Mm!” Hinata muffled.   “And before your mind jumps to that, no, that’s not why I’m avoiding you.” Kageyama moved his hand away from Hinata’s mouth. “Try to be quiet, dumbass.”   “How?!” Hinata whispered, loudly.   Kageyama sighed and took Hinata’s hand, silently leading him into his apartment. Hinata just followed along, not really sure of what was happening anymore or if he should say something, so he also kept quiet and focused his attention on their linked hands. They took off their shoes, walked into the living room, and Kageyama plopped him down on his couch. He picked up his laptop from the coffee table, clicked around, and placed it on Hinata’s lap.   “That’s the email you sent me in order to review the transcript for the first interview. But you attached the wrong document,” Kageyama explained, cheeks dusted in pink once more.   “What did I send, then?...” Hinata looked at the document title and his faced immediately went beet red. “Wait, no. No way.” He opened the document, and having confirmed his fear, returned the laptop to the coffee table, covered his face with his hands, and curled forward until his head was on his knees. “You must think I’m crazy,” he muffled.   Kageyama gently mussed the hair on the top of Hinata’s head. “I don't.”   “Even though I write weird stuff about you?!” Hinata croaked, face looking up to reveal his flushed face and glossy eyes.   “Yes.” Kageyama retracted his hand, folding his arms across his chest, and paced back and forth while staring at his feet. “…I wasn’t grossed out by it. More like, I was so hooked that I read a lot of your other stories,” he stammered.   “H-Huh?” Hinata stood up and took a few steps towards the restless Kageyama. “Really?”   “And I kept thinking about your stupid fics every time we were together. I wanted to put some distance between us because I couldn’t tell if your stories were influencing my feelings or if they were my own…” Kageyama stopped pacing and let his hands fall to his sides, blue eyes meeting Hinata’s golden gaze. “I like you, Hinata. Even if you write strange fanfiction.”   “You didn’t have to add that at the end!” Hinata whined, hand tugging at Kageyama’s t-shirt with a smile so wide it could have left his face. “Is this for real? I feel like I’m dreaming.”   Kageyama flicked Hinata’s forehead. “It’s real, stupid. You’ve done enough living in your head for a lifetime.”   “Then…” Hinata grew quiet, gaze cast downward, and pinky finger sneaking to touch Kageyama’s skin from where he was holding his shirt. “You’ll have to keep me busy.”   Kageyama swallowed, hard. “Yeah, of course,” he managed to get out.   Hinata looked up through his lashes, and though he was trying to best to be sultry, his pursed lips and knitted eyebrows displayed his embarrassment and desperation. But even more so with this front he was trying to put on—he was unbearably cute.   “Right now,” Hinata whispered.   “Now?” Kageyama murmured, the fingers Hinata was crawling up his abs leaving immense heat in their wake. “Okay. My room is this way.” He grabbed Hinata’s assaulting hand and pulled him along.   “Wait,” Hinata said as he slipped his hand out of Kageyama’s grasp. “I need to take a shower first and prepare, and all that.”   Kageyama pointed at a door across from the living room. “That’s my shower and tub.”   Hinata nodded and said, “Thanks,” promptly disappearing behind the door.   Twenty minutes passed and Hinata remerged from the bathroom with a towel around his waist, his usually messy hair now damp and framing his rosy cheeks. Kageyama shot up from the couch, eyes traveling across Hinata’s almost naked body as if they had a mind of their own.   “My room?”   Hinata nodded, a small smile slipping past his nerves. “If it’ll get you to stop trying to eat me alive with your eyes.”   Kageyama chuckled and shook his head, grabbing Hinata’s hand again. “I think it’ll only get worse.”   Once in the bedroom, Kageyama turned on only his bedside lamp and set the lube and condom from his drawer on top his nightstand. Hinata climbed onto Kageyama’s dark blue king-sized bed. Kageyama threw off his t-shirt and shorts and carefully crawled over him. He deliberately smoothed his hand across Hinata’s chest, focusing his attention on tracing his beautiful collarbones and pink nipples. He feathered his fingers down Hinata stomach and up again, inching closer and closer to the edge of his towel with every pass. Hinata shuddered under his touch, hazy eyes watching his face and hands wrapped around the wrist of the hand Kageyama was leaning on.   “You’re a lot more forward in your fics,” Kageyama commented, pulling down at Hinata’s towel until he was completely exposed. He took in Hinata’s naked body, its lean shape, faint freckles, and the proud state of his leaking dick. “But just as sensitive…I’ve barely touched you.”   “I can’t help it!” Hinata wrapped his arms around Kageyama’s neck and pulled his face closer. “I’ve imagined this a million times. You could probably just look at me for the next ten minutes and it’ll be enough to make me come.”   Kageyama brushed his lips against Hinata’s, grabbing one of his hands and pressing it to the raging erection he was packing in his boxers. “I’ve read half those fantasies so I’m just as painfully excited. But…” Kageyama placed his lips right beneath Hinata’s neck and murmured, “You should focus on the me that’s here.”   “Ah,” Hinata breathed, fingers teasing Kageyama’s dick against the cloth of his boxers. “It’s really hard to focus on anything right now.”   Kageyama laughed through his nose, mouth traveling down to Hinata’s neck to nip and suck at his unmarked skin. It bruised with ease and soon enough Kageyama had scattered dark red hickies all the way to his shoulder. Hinata also kept himself busy, shaky fingers traveling up and down Kageyama’s spine, grazing gentle nails against the back of of his neck. Kageyama trembled against that touch, biting harder into Hinata’s neck and rolling his nipples to reciprocate the pleasure. Hinata whimpered against his ear, his fingers pulling at the hair nearby, drawing a low moan from Kageyama.   “You like that?” Hinata huffed, fingers traveling deeper into Kageyama’s hair.   Kageyama hummed in affirmation; tongue teasing Hinata’s chest and hands tortuously caressing the inside of his thighs. His mouth moved further down, tongue prodding at the place where his thigh met his hips, teeth grazing so close to Hinata’s dick that Hinata’s legs quivered uncontrollably despite being so tightly wrapped around him. Kageyama sat up and reached over for the lube and condom, setting the condom behind him for easy access later and pouring excessive lube in his hand. He warmed it up, some dripping onto Hinata in the process and making him jolt slightly.   “Hurry up…” Hinata begged, pushing his fringe away from his face with the back of his hand.   “Hush,” Kageyama said as he leaned forward, propped himself up on his right hand again, and slowly pressed two fingers into Hinata. A breathy moan escaped Hinata’s lips and he pushed against Kageyama’s fingers, arms reaching above his head to grasp at the pillow. Kageyama worked him unhurriedly—gaze steady on Hinata’s face to take in each of his fevered expressions, only breaking his watch to occasionally drink up Hinata’s moans with a messy kiss.   But Hinata grew impatient. He reached down to pull at both sides of Kageyama’s boxers, succeeding in freeing Kageyama’s throbbing dick. He wrapped his legs even tighter around Kageyama’s waist, hands diving to the back of his head. “Come on, already“ he said with drawn out tug of Kageyama’s hair, his voice no longer begging, but desperately commanding.   Kageyama complied, too riled up to be able to endure teasing Hinata any longer. After rolling on the condom, he leaned forward again, his weight on his right elbow, and lined himself up against Hinata’s entrance. He inched in slowly, relishing the sharp intakes and pants Hinata made against his lips, losing himself gradually to the heat inside Hinata. When he was in to the hilt, he pulled out a bit and rolled his hips slowly, grinding hard with each deliberate thrust. Hinata dug his fingers and heels into him, taking Kageyama’s lips to muffle the insistent chorus of his own moans.   But Kageyama wanted to hear him, those whimpers and pants so knee-weakening that they would be enough to push him over the edge. He broke the kiss, holding Hinata’s hands over his head so he couldn’t pull Kageyama’s face in again, and buried his face in Hinata’s neck.   “Kageyama,” Hinata cried, “I’m close.”   “Mmn,” Kageyama moaned in agreement.   He picked up his pace—slamming in faster, deeper, urgently. Kageyama reached down and pumped Hinata’s dick in matching rhythm, swiftly making him climax with a strained moan as he spilled hot and white into his hand. Kageyama barely lasted a few seconds after him, Hinata’s sudden tightness being too much for him and bringing him crashing past the edge.   Kageyama waited until their bodies’ quivering had stilled, and slowly pulled out. Hinata gave a short whimper, teeth sinking into his bottom teeth, but soon after he let out a blissful sigh. Kageyama followed suit with a satisfied sigh of his own, and slumped next to Hinata, bodies close and feet tangled.   “…Damn, ” Kageyama breathed, pressing his damp forehead against Hinata’s. The blue of his eyes was filled with adoration. “Your writing doesn't even do you half the justice.”   Hinata’s lips curved up into a warm smile and he traced the edge of Kageyama’s ear. “Maybe you should help me with it from now on.”   “I probably should. I could guide you on writing a Kageyama that’s not out of character for once.”   “Wait…” Hinata’s eyes widened and he sat up, gasping dramatically. “Were you that annoying reader that kept dissing my characterization?”   “…No,” Kageyama denied, trying to hold back a smirk but failing miserably.   Hinata yanked the pillow from under Kageyama and hit him with it. “You were so rude!”   Kageyama blocked his face, lounging at Hinata to pull him down into a hug. “It doesn’t matter anymore. It’s in the past.”   “You hurt my feelings, though. Make it up to me,” Hinata pouted.   “Depends on what you want.”   “…Let me wear your Olympic jersey.”

“As long as you do it with nothing else on,” Kageyama retorted with a sly smile. Hinata laughed in that lovely singsong way of his and pressed his lips to Kageyama’s. “Deal.”

[chaos2go]

I’m putting this in a read more just to make it not spam others XD It’s in reply to @gydgeza​ about my Kirby thing.

gydgeza said: With the meta knight clones, well, we already have two canon ones too, in the form of galacta knight and now morpho knight, so that alone gives precedent. I think people just clone him cause “he’s cool”. Nightmare is a bad guy that shows up in one game and its remake. Dark matter and the different forms it takes is the most prominent kirby villain to date. Of course the anime popularized him, but eh.

gydgeza said: The other thing is that Kirby IS a bright and child friendly game about making friends along the way and then defeating the big bad guy together. However, it has that cartoon quality where there’s “some adult bits for the grownups” in the form of some pretty disturbing things hidden in the hardmode challenges that a kid couldn’t get through. I mean, you destroy your antagonist’s souls multiple times in these games, that’s not exactly lighthearted

Please excuse my jumping around Lo. I’ll get to my main point more towards the end but I am also trying to just understand still lol. So this’ll probably be a longer thing ;w;

First off: Isn’t Morpho knight literally just a boss and nothing else? And I don’t know the story behind Galacta knight but I honestly feel like the knights in general are more playing off of Meta’s popularity. Plus to go off of Meta Knight, doesn’t he have his own ‘knights’ and such? And it’s implied they are super loyal (if not considered in a way of friendship??). Just saying it gets back to that positive vibe. I’ve always imagined Meta as the ‘edgy kirby with a heart of gold’ despite some of his more ‘evil’ efforts. Like anything ‘negative’ he may do is meant to end with a positive outcome. Honestly, don’t know much about him nor do I care to look 100% XD I just know he’s cheap in smash. When it comes to other puffballs and meta-clones though, it just makes them feel cheap. Until it is proven to me otherwise, I don’t feel like meta knight is the same as Kirby. At least in one major respect I’ll try to explain later. Needless to say these ‘puffballs with wings’ oc’s are just... way out there and make me sad. Then again the wingless ones do too. And that’s not even mentioning some of the drama I’ve seen in that fandom... it is yikes. But hey, I learned the star warriors thing is an anime only thinger lol

Second off: Okay then. I guess the whole Nightmare thing is people going more off the anime. I literally had never heard of him before and always assumed the enemies showed up because reasons. Didn’t know it had a legit name. I however kinda figured out the purpose given my major thought I’ll get to later.

Third off: I never said ‘child friendly’. I said positive XD As far as I remember, Kirby is meant for everyone despite the age. Part of why he’s designed the way he is and all. Good stories for all ages will have stuff that appeals to every age group. That’s when it does well much like how Mario still does. That’s why Kirby keeps going (and unfortunately Metroid doesn’t because people assume it’s 100% dark despite JUST GET TO THE END AND SAVE THE BABY COME ON >8C XD). The destroying of souls is probably more meant in eliminating evil thoughts and what not. Which lemme get to my little ‘theory’ thing. Because I know you want to hear what I think about kirby for only playing a handful of games XD Thus my asking in the first place.

TIFFY’S TOTAL BIG MAJOR THING THAT YOU NEVER WANTED TO HEAR:

So my thoughts on Kirby have always been as such. In no particular order. 

It’s about a universe of imagination. I understand Dreamland is but a place on Popstar but the universe in which it takes place has always felt like this to me. A place where minds may go or something like that. (It’s kind of what inspired one of my original stories in some respect.) 

Creatures of all sorts can exist (fish, birds, hamsters, people, whatever some of the creatures are there XD) because a universe of imagination

There are bad things/thoughts (the enemies which are dark matter I guess) that soul purpose are to bring negative thoughts/actions to inhabitants of that world. Sometimes they can take their own forms too. Strong enough ones can reach the real world

There are entities out there that try to combat them. Usually these are stronger souls/imaginations so to speak. Kirby (For example) is one of them. In respect of the games, Kirby is you since you play him.

Other entities that exist in the games (such as waddle dees) are also aspects of people but they aren’t of strong will/imagination. Their real life counterparts may not even be in a good place. Creatures like King Triple D or enemies that give you powers are strong but not strong enough to combat the evil without help.

Since Kirby is an insert for a player, he is an aspect of their wild mind/imagination thus the copy ability. He can take other’s powers and wield them as his own to help others.

The entire concept of Kirby is about letting your imagination fuel your life by bringing positive thoughts/actions to others. Even if negative thoughts/actions bother you or your friends, you can get through it together. That doesn’t mean there can’t be losses.

Since Kirby is a self insert of you, Meta Knight is meant to be a reflection of who you could be with some negative actions even when hoping for a positive outcome. In the end you will get there even if you have to face yourself (so to speak)

There’s also a little thought on how some characters may in fact be aspects of a personality. DDD being vanity, Meta being something, kirby being innocent/childishness, etc. But I don’t stand behind that.

ANYWAY I am sorry for bothering you with that lo. I don’t think i worded myself properly. My point really comes down to the fact that the part of the Kirby fandom I’m seeing is just... not a very positive one? Or rather it believes itself to be and really isn’t :/ Not that i’m all for 100% pure positivity but I just feel like either I stumbled across Kirby Stu/Sues and they belittle other characters in the franchise or I’m just going to stick to games/kirby fanart only XD Which is hard when you have some friends who are super into other people’s characters orz.

[oumakokichi]

Hello! I hope this is not too much to ask, but would it be okay to ask for a brief description of your thoughts on all the V3 girls? As in, strong points (as characters), weak points, how the narrative treats them...

Sure anon, I don’t mind! This is a really fun question,actually. I really love the ndrv3 girls, and it’s interesting because I’d saythe strengths and weaknesses of them are pretty varied.

I’ll try and write a little bit about each girl in detail,but it’ll involve discussing pretty much the entire game so there’ll bespoilers under the read more! Only read if you’re comfortable with that!

I suppose the easiest one to start with would be Kaede, asshe’s our fake-out protagonist. Her strengths are pretty easy to see: she’scharismatic, likable, go-getting, and would’ve made a really excellentprotagonist for all these reasons, especially as her charisma in particularsets her apart from characters like Naegi or Hinata who weren’t especiallycharismatic or influential among the group at first.

One of her other biggest strengths in my opinion though isher distrust of people. Her paranoia itself is what makes her character themost interesting in hindsight; there’s something very chilling about going backand re-reading Chapter 1 realizing exactly how little Kaede could actuallybring herself to trust others.

Despite wanting tobelieve the best in people, she wasn’t someone who could actually do so, and itshows. This trait is something that humanizes her and makes her go from “relativelylikable self-insert protagonist” to “incredibly interesting protagonist wholies to the player and other characters and even herself.” I know it soundscontradictory, but that particular flaw of Kaede is one of the things I likebest about her, and what would’ve made her the most interesting had she stuckaround for longer, in my opinion.

Her weaknesses are… well, she’s mostly just limited to thepotential she could have had, rather than what we actually got to see. Bykilling her off so early, the narrative limits her autonomy and mostly treatsher like an object to be used for Saihara’s development. Even her flaws,including both her skepticism of other people and her willingness to kill aperson, are completely brushed under the rug by Chapter 6. By focusing only onwhat she meant to Saihara, and notwhat Saihara or anyone else in the group actually meant to her, the narrativeacts as though that’s pretty much the only important thing about her, leavingme rather… unsatisfied, in the end.

Next up, there’s Maki. Again with Maki, I feel like thethings I actually came to like about her the best are the things that make herflawed as a character. But those flaws are themselves interesting. I like thatMaki is cold, antisocial, and… well, for lack of a better way to put it, notthat bright. Maki has had all the compassion and kindness stomped right out ofher at an early age due to her assassin training; it makes sense that shewouldn’t necessarily be the nicest.

I like that shegets to display flaws more typically found in male characters—including Kuzuryuuand Togami. I like the fact that she’s an easily manipulated pawn in the grandscheme of things, because that makes perfect sense thematically with herbackstory as an assassin who has only ever been trained and pointed at targetsand told to kill without questioning it. Female characters should be allowed tobe cold, to be standoffish. They don’t have to be nice or even good peoplenecessarily, and the fact that Maki is arguably neither of these things issomething I really do like about her, since it’s such a break away from themold with main girls in DR.

Unfortunately, her weaknesses are along the same lines asKaede. The biggest flaw to Maki being regarded as her own character is, sadly,Momota. Everything about her character revolves around Momota. Every singlestep of development she makes is never attributed to her own doing, but toMomota, be it through direct or indirect intervention.

While I very much like the fact that Maki claiming herfeelings for herself is an important part of her making her own choices andrefusing to be manipulated by Chapter 6, the narrative really drops the ball bytrying to make Maki into this cute, tsundere, “shy, blushing maiden in love”every time the subject of her feelings for Momota come up. All her complexitygoes out the window in favor of playing right into tropes without any interestingsubversion at all. Not even to mention all the added layers of misogyny thatcome with their dynamic. What could have been a very compelling story aboutself-love instead boils down to a shounen protagonist guy telling a tsunderegirl that “girls shouldn’t use weapons, they’re better-suited looking cute andtaking care of children.”

And like Kaede, all of Maki’s biggest mistakes get brushedunder the rug by later chapters. I’ve mentioned it before, but Maki facesalmost no consequences at all for her reckless impulsivity. Not only does noone in the group bring up her attempt to kill Ouma; they don’t even bring upher attempt to murder all of them.Maki’s harsh, ruthless treatment of the entire group doesn’t even wedge so muchas a temporary hurdle into their friendship with one another, she neverapologizes, and it’s never addressed as any kind of issue or flaw by thenarrative. Most of the reason why it never comes up is because the charactersmostly act like “she was in love with Momota, so it’s okay.” I hope if we seemore of Maki as a survivor in any future installments, this kind of pitfallwill be avoided again.

Next up, Himiko. Himiko is perhaps one of the best-writtenfemale characters in all of ndrv3, in my opinion anyway. As a dark horsesurvivor who no one was really expecting, she displays tremendous character development, is funny and compelling, and ishonestly one of the characters you root for the most by the end of the game.Because her character arc has to do with her feelings towards Tenko, herautonomy is never limited to existing for the sake of a male character. She’sfeisty and likable, her FTEs are good, and she reaches just the right pointbetween comic relief and a genuine character in her own right who you want tosee more of.

She probably has the fewest weaknesses out of any of the ndrv3girls, too. Unlike Maki and Kaede, whose biggest weaknesses involve gettingwritten to help further either Saihara or Momota’s development, this neverhappens with Himiko. Beyond the occasional joke in poor taste (there’s a reallygross joke in Chapter 5 where Himiko mentions liking the soap opera-likedevelopment where Monotarou thinks he’s Monofunny’s abusive husband and startsbeating her), there really aren’t any bad scenes with Himiko in them. She’spresent in most chapters, especially Chapters 2 and 3, her characterdevelopment is gradual and well-written, and she’s just generally strong allaround.

Then there’s Miu. Honestly, I was not expecting Miu to windup being one of my favorite ndrv3 girls by the end of the game, but, well, hereI am. There’s something about Miu that I find so genuinely likable even whenshe’s being horrible as a person. Again, I think one of her flaws is the factthat she’s written to be so irredeemably awful, gross, and mean all around, forthe most part. She’s allowed to be crass in a way typically reserved only formale characters, something I like about her even when it gets a littleexasperating.

Not only that, but the biggest thing Miu has going for heris how incredibly plot-relevant she is by the end of the game. I would stillput her as one of my top picks for a character I wish had been a survivor. Hertalent is incredibly useful, on par with Alter Ego in terms of outsmarting theringleader and helping everyone to stay alive. Miu’s genuine, honest-to-godlove to invent and to create things that can “change the world” is one of themost interesting things about her, since it’s a stark contrast with hergenerally selfish and cowardly personality.

Her weakness is… well, there’s a fine line between crass andjust gross, and Miu often crosses it. Her love hotel scene is a prime exampleof this, since she pretty much just forces herself on Saihara and it’s playedfor romantic comedy. But this is a flaw I have with quite a few of the girls’love hotel scenes, really. If anything, Miu gets far more called out for hercrassness and gross comments than other characters of a similar variety (suchas Teruteru), because her low-standing within the group is lampshaded onseveral occasions.

Next, there’s Tenko. Tenko is a wonderful character,compelling and lovable and genuinely good as a person. It’s easy to see why shescored so high on the Japanese popularity poll. Like Himiko, she was anotherdark horse pick who I don’t think many people expected to get as attached toprior to the game’s release. But after the game came out, her strengths wereeasy to see: she’s brave, self-sacrificing, and wears her heart on her sleeve.Her genuine wish for Himiko’s happiness and development, as well as theprotector-type role she plays for most of the group, makes her extremelylikable, despite people’s fears about the whole “menace” thing.

The biggest weaknessTenko has though is the fact that it’s very difficult to separate her fromHimiko’s character sometimes. I love himitenko as a ship, including all theflaws and the potential for growth and development between them, but it’s truethat Tenko doesn’t really have the same level of depth to her that Himiko does.Looked at separately from her relationship with Himiko, there’s not really adefinite role for her within the group, and she suffers from similar problemsas Kaede and Maki in that sense, mostly being written to further anothercharacter’s development. But we actually get to see the bond explored betweenthem a little better than we do with Saihara and Kaede, or even with Maki andMomota, so I have fewer problems with this on Tenko’s front.

Next up is Angie. It’s kind of hard to know where to startwith Angie, considering what a mess Chapter 3 was in so many ways. But I’lladmit that I quite liked her as a force of chaos and “mid-boss” of sorts. Herself-serving interest in a “peaceful school life,” and the fact that she was willingto go on quite a power trip in order to enforce it, was a first in any DR game.Angie does and says extremely mean, self-serving things with a smile on herface, and that would’ve been a lot more fun if only she’d been written better.

Her weaknesses are… well, there are a lot. She’s a prettystraightforward racist depiction of what Japanese people think the “quirky,exotic foreign girl” trope is all about, not helped along by NISA inadvertentlymaking it like 10 times more racist by actually putting a name to her religionand god when there isn’t one in the original game. Most of the genuinelyterrifying things about her character, including the brainwashing implicationsin both the plot and her FTEs, never actually serve any kind of narrativepurpose, making me wonder why the narrative even brought it up in the firstplace if there were no consequences for it and no point.

Next, there’s Kirumi. Kirumi’s stone cold emotionalmanipulation in Chapter 2 is perhaps my favorite quality about her. The factthat she can be genuinely caring as a person, constantly putting others’welfare above herself, and cold enough to lie to people’s faces and makehorrible, awful sacrifices, is an extremely compelling trait. She has a greatdesign, she’s smart, and she’s formidable, much better at lying and attemptingto tug at people’s heartstrings than someone like Celes ever was.

Unfortunately, her biggest weakness is simply that she’s notvery relevant in the grand scheme of things. By getting killed off so early,Kirumi’s character never really gets brought up to serve a bigger purpose lateron. Many of the things in her backstory are overwhelmingly contradictory withother points of the plot—that’s the point, of course, since their backstoriesare all made up, but it’s still true that putting her as “the shadow PrimeMinister of Japan” was perhaps going a bit overboard compared to everyone else’sfictional backstories.

Kirumi mostly just lacks any real growth or development,again because she was killed so early on. She could have very well worked as aMaki figure, someone who thinks of herself as a tool and therefore neverprioritizes her own wants or emotions, but this isn’t something the narrativeever particularly addresses. So sadly, her long-term relevance is prettyminimal, and even though she had great potential as a female character with noties to any of the male characters, she never gets a chance to shine in thespotlight.

Lastly, there’s Tsumugi. I saved her for last because, ofcourse, it’s impossible to talk about her strengths without including the factthat she’s the ringleader. And she’s funas an antagonist. She’s smart, incredibly quick at adapting her story or makingup new lies on the spot, her ability to fly under people’s radars and hide inplain sight is fascinating, and it’s generally just a blast to go back on areread and see all the foreshadowing that was there the entire time.

One of Tsumugi’s biggest strengths is still, in my opinion,the fact that she’s not Junko. Forthe first time, Kodaka successfully pulled off a really greatmastermind/ringleader twist that didn’t involve falling back on Junko or herAIs. And all the red herrings and bait to make the player think that Junkowould be involved was just spectacular; you can really see why a lot of peoplewould fall for the Hope’s Peak remember light in Chapter 5, hook, line, andsinker, because it’s something the characters themselves fall for so easily.

As for her weaknesses, mostly it’s extremely hard toevaluate her as a character at all if you take her ringleader position away.That’s deliberate, of course, but it’s still true that where Junko reallyshines right now because of all we know about her from dr0 and other sidematerial, we know virtually nothing about Tsumugi at all beyond what we see inChapter 6, and even then we know she was lying about quite a lot. Tsumugi isspectacular as an antagonist, but it’s hard to evaluate “Tsumugi Shirogane” thecharacter without including her role as an antagonist, and that’s because sheintentionally made herself act as plain, boring, and uninteresting as possible.

Anyway, this got very long, but I think I covered all thegirls with this. I hope this answers your question, anon! I really like thendrv3 cast in general, so getting to talk about the girls in particular was alot of fun!

[feralphoenix]

best of 2016

i actually did write some things other than undertale this year, but this top 10 is undertale all the way down.

01. love does not make me gentle or kind (Undertale - Chara/Asriel, ensemble); February

And so this is how—Sans bossing you every step of the way—you wrap both your hands around Papyrus’ middle and carefully, carefully lift them up into the air. Judging by the squealing and wild waggling of tiny fists and bootied feet that ensues—that and Sans’ laughter—Papyrus is enjoying it too. You can’t help it—you start to grin.

“Nyooooom,” you croon, gently making Papyrus “fly” around you and Sans while the skeleton siblings both laugh. “Nyoooooooooom.”

You swivel your waist, still making zooming noises and grinning like an idiot—and there, in the doorway between the living room and foyer, is Chara: Standing still with one hand on the wall, with an expression you’ve never seen them wear before. There’s something raw and burning in their eyes, intense enough to give you chills even though there’s no anger or hostility there at all. They reach up to clench their left fist around the locket that sits golden and glowing against the black yarn of their sweater, and they never look away from your eyes even once.

As you bring Papyrus back down to sit in your lap, Chara startles a little and turns to their left. Prase is there, one pale hand on their left shoulder, shaking their long orange hair back. They ask something, so quiet that even you can’t hear them, and Chara makes a face and signs something to them. Prase signs something back. Chara wrinkles their nose and starts to smile. Both of them begin to laugh.

All the happy bubbles in your stomach from playing with the baby pop, leaving something sour in their wake.

a four-years-later followup to somebody out there needs you. the previous fic was a portrait of the repercussions of this series’ premise for chara, so this one focuses on what the far-reaching repercussions are for asriel and how he’s grown. the main plot revolves around chara trying to take a few steps towards independence and asriel, who over the past eight years has formed big chunks of his identity around being their caretaker, balking Very inelegantly.

at the time i remember this being very controversial characterization for asriel, lmao... but i like to depict the ugly parts of codependency to really show how unhealthy it is for everyone involved. expanding the worldbuilding for this series, and further developing the soul ocs who appear (prase and rufus), were also really fun.

02. don’t you let the thunder in (Undertale - Frisk & Chara, Toriel, the Player); February

They skip across the cracked-floor puzzle in light steps that don’t match their usual careful gait and they breathlessly hum Toriel’s old lullaby and they miss all the exact same pitches and it’s too much, it’s too much.

What’s wrong? they think at you. Their concern and uncertainty seep syrupy and horrible into all the wounded parts of you and it’s only then that you realize your helpless panic and rage must be bleeding into them the same way.

You want to tell them nothing but it’s too raw and you can’t, so: You scream instead, curl up and rage. You’d cover your ears if you were corporeal, if you had a hope of blocking them out. Stop looking, you howl. Cry. You want to throw things and stomp your feet and punch the wall and grab something sharp and slam it through your brain. Frisk flinches. You want claws so that you can dig them into wherever your minds connect and tear yourself away.

I’m sorry, they say, and they’re miserable and you’re miserable and you hate it, you hate it. I’m not doing it on purpose.

Figure out a way to STOP doing it! you shriek at them. You’re aware that you’re not helping, that in general it’s not going to do any good to throw a tantrum like a ten-year-old, but—but you ARE just a ten-year-old. So are they. You’re just a couple of stupid kids. It’s funny. It’s just—so funny.

a fic that i wrote for a friend on the premise of frisk and chara’s bodysharing/soul link also involving mindsharing, and the difficulty in drawing and maintaining boundaries. the same friend wanted to see a little more work involving the player as a neutral or benevolent entity, since undertale players irl aren’t uniformly evil but it’s really rare to see the player appear in fic except as the Ultimate Badguy(tm) or as a self-insert in sans/reader fics.

anyway, i alternated perspectives to show how the weird mind meld is hard for both kids, and the little hints about how they might work it out to something more beneficial and symbiotic in the future.

03. the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul (Undertale - Chara/Asriel, Chara & Asgore, ensemble); March

“If—it wouldn’t be imposing,” you begin, and falter. Take another deep breath. Let it out. “I want to learn how to fight, too. Will you teach me?”

Asriel’s eyes go wide, his expression blank and shocked—but behind him, Asgore breaks out into a wide, proud smile.

“Of course I will teach you, my child,” he says, every word filled with warmth. “I would be more than happy to help you learn to defend yourself.”

Your hands shake a little as you breathe out, relieved. “I’m sorry,” you tell him. “I know that I’m not—very strong to begin with, and there will be difficulties because of my problems with mobility, but—”

“There are ways to compensate for those things,” Asgore says. “If this is what you want, then we will find the methods that work for you.”

Your vision blurs, for a moment. The smile that steals across your face is shaky, probably ungainly and too-wide—it feels so much more natural than the contained expressions you’ve learned to produce for the sake of interacting with strangers. But the birdsong and sunlight in your chest make you feel warm and weightless, and you don’t care, you don’t care; finally, you have a place to start.

Asriel pushes back from the table in a great scrape of wood on wood, erupting from his chair and rising to his full height.

“No,” he says.

Your heart seems to—stop in your chest, for just a moment.

“I beg your pardon,” you say.

this one is a three-years-later followup to love does not (listed above). i wanted to follow up on the events that the previous fic had set in motion, with chara’s desire for change vs asriel’s fear of it. since asriel was a very unreliable narrator in love does not (and chara was also pretty unreliable in somebody out there needs you), from chara’s adult perspective we get a clearer picture of the ways that asriel’s overprotectiveness and control issues are harmful.

unfucking codependent fuckhell continues to be a cherished hobby. it was also a lot of fun to write the combat training scenes here and start to build groundwork for improving chara’s relationship with toriel too.

04. like ships had come home in me (Undertale - Frisk & Chara & Flowey, ensemble); April

One of the interesting things that’s happened as a result of monsters rejoining the surface world is that there’s been a great surge of interest in “retro” things from the humans who’ve welcomed them. Up until Alphys fixed up all kinds of new gadgets and appliances for everyone, at least, all monsters had to use of technology was whatever humans had thrown away and made it into the Waterfall dump in one piece. Sympathetic humans have helped the monsters get used to new technology, but monsters’ familiarity with old things makes them exotic in the eyes of young people.

This especially goes for entertainment. You’d guessed as much from Alphys’ Mew Mew obsession, but sometimes all the monsters could scrounge of human media was decades old—while everyone was more than happy to try out new things too, they still had a lot of love for everything they’d enjoyed in the underground. This brought old human fans out of the woodwork, and made new ones out of monster sympathizers, and, well.

Somehow or other this led to the revitalization of some things that were still new when Chara had fallen into the underground a hundred years ago. The old multiplayer game about squids fighting over territory with paint, for one.

“You think of this as new,” Chara says with despairing fondness, “but I never got to play this kind of stuff when I was alive. I was never allowed to have my own video games! Ree was, but he had, like, this ancient SNES and that was it.”

“Hey, shut up,” Flowey interjects from your lap. “You had fun with it. I know you did.”

“Once I got over my perfectly reasonable disgust that you thought Super Mario was the cool new game in 2015,” Chara says archly. And to you: “We found an N64 a couple months before we… y’know. He cried.”

this piece mostly started out as a way to explore the flowey-joining-everyone-on-the-surface concept because this angle on his characterization isn’t something i see very often in that context (or, uh, any other). the story winds up following two narratives - the trio’s adventures on the surface in the year after breaking the barrier, and also how flowey and chara sort of “came out” to everyone about their true identities, for lack of a better term.

it’s all mostly positive postcanon stuff with some wistful things and (naturally, because it’s me) trauma recovery-related content too, and i think it came out pretty solid.

05. a wish you tell a star and no one else (Undertale - Chara/Asriel, Asriel & Alphys, ensemble); May

Heat rushes into your face and chest, and you curl up like you’re a kid again—too shy to try to break down the barriers of politeness and status between you and your subjects yourself, and with no one willing to break them down for you except for Chara, who came from a place where your status never meant anything. “I guess,” you say.

They curl up next to you, shaky. You wonder what it is they’re holding in. The desire to order you not to talk to Alphys anymore, maybe, or a plea that you not leave them alone. It’s so weird, being in this position, after all the time you spent terrified that Chara would be the one to leave you for all their new friends.

It’s also weirdly embarrassing, watching Chara at least try to keep jealousy and anxiety buttoned in, when you were such a mess about it for such a long time. To teenage you’s credit, it’s probably easier to do when you have a lot of friends and you’re twenty-five, versus being fourteen and suddenly having to fight with the very human who’d scared your partner half to death for their attention.

But you’re gratified too: That they value your attention and affection so much to fear losing it, and that they respect you enough to urge you to do what might make you happy instead of clinging.

So you wrap your arms around them and hug them tight to your chest, closing your eyes and resting your chin atop their head again. “Thanks for encouraging me,” you tell them. And, after a pause: “I’m not going anywhere.”

Chara doesn’t say I know or try to joke. Instead, they make fists on your sweater and tremble a little, and they say “thank you” in a voice so tiny you almost don’t hear it over your father and Innig’s footsteps off in the middle of the garden.

a four-years-later followup to the subtle difference (listed above). this fic returns to asriel’s perspective, following a number of various plot threads - his upcoming coronation, the need to find a new royal scientist, his first friendship aside from chara and their social circle, and his attempts to propose to chara. it was a very ambitious story and covers a lot of character development on asriel’s part that was a long time in coming for this series.

doing the asriel+alphys friendship was unexpectedly fun and rewarding. they’re not characters i see written as friends very often, and the setup for this series allows them to have a very different dynamic from canon.

06. you in your veil and your pale white dress (Undertale - Chara/Asriel, ensemble); July

It’s good to be curled up half on Asriel’s lap and with your legs bent up over Prase’s, your toes on Undyne’s jeans. You have your pizza boxes propped on your own lap where they belong, topped with tomato sauce and substitute pepperoni and steamed peppers and none of that awful cheese; everyone else’s pizzas are more or less free-for-alls, with only yours and Liron’s clearly labeled in bold marker, since the others’ food generally has things that neither of you can eat.

You’re hungry from more or less skipping lunch earlier, you’re relaxed and sleepy from your afternoon spent messing around with Asriel, and as noisy as everybody is, it’s very calming to be here, amongst a friendly press of bodies—amongst people you like and whom you know are safe. Your and Asriel’s work is important, but it’s draining, so these chances to kick back are very valuable.

“Anyway, what are we going to watch tonight?” you ask. “I know we agreed on Sailor Moon last time, but I don’t think I’m quite steady enough for arguing with Alphys over whether the nineties adaptation or the reboot is better.” You having been introduced to the series by reading the manga at the library and her first finding it through someone’s discarded box set of the first anime, your opinions on the subject are very different. Debating it can be fun, especially since you do agree that you’ve got the right to think how you want even if you’re both pretty sure the other is dead wrong, but it can be stressful if one or both of you have brittle nerves.

Alphys, who understands this even if her anime opinions are occasionally incorrect, grins and shrugs, nodding. “Th-that’s fair, I think,” she says. “D-does anyone else have requests?”

a five-years-later followup to a wish you tell a star (listed above). it mostly deals with the separate plot threads of wedding preparations, the current state of chara’s recovery, and chara making friends with astis over the book kitchen and sharing food. aside from the literary references part of the plot, there’s a lot of discussion of chara’s past trauma and their frustration with growing up nonwhite & marginalized in a very white area with no connection to their cultural heritage.

this fic also happens to be a nice example of a plot that flagrantly disobeys the western conflict-centric model. i got a lot of confused and/or curious comments from people who didn’t know how the story still works and is entertaining despite its lack of overt conflict sources/things going wrong or getting worse. i don’t know whether to be smug about this or despondent that the conflict model is the only one western education will ever touch.

07. under my skin, there will be flowers (Undertale - Chara/Asriel, Yellow Soul Human); September

“Chara, when we talked about this earlier… you said you meant to… to destroy your whole village, when we were kids. I dunno... I don’t think your feelings, the hatred and resentment that made you want to do that, are bad or wrong. But I’m still glad that I was able to stop you, because taking people’s lives away is… it’s a really serious thing. It’s bad, you shouldn’t do it unless you have no other choice.

“I stopped you then. I… Chara, you’ve made it this far without ever gaining any LOVE. Wouldn’t it be great if you could avoid that now, too?”

“It would be,” you agree. “It would be great if there’s a way to end this with no one killing and no one being killed. But just like you acknowledged yourself, there are some situations where you don’t have a choice. You’ve hypothesized that that’s how it may even have been for the human, haven’t you?”

Asriel huffs. “Well, yeah, but.”

“If the situation arises where it’s kill or be killed,” you say, gentle as you can, “I will kill. Because if it’s her life or your life, your life is more important. To me—to the whole underground. I won’t let you die, Ree. If the only way I can keep you alive is to kill someone, I’ll do it. I can live with that. I know it may not sit easy on your conscience. You’re a better person than me, after all. But even if it makes you hate me, I won’t let you die.”

Your voice wavers only a little on that last sentence. Asriel holds you tighter.

“I won’t hate you,” he says, soft and velvet. His nose presses against the crown of your head. “After all the talking I did about how having LOVE doesn’t automatically make somebody evil… golly, I’d be such a hypocrite to. I’d still love you no matter how much LOVE you gained, even if you did really bad things—the kinds of things I couldn’t forgive. I’m always going to love you, Chara. That was the choice we made—all the years we’ve put into this.”

a four-years-later followup to you in your veil (listed above). whereas the previous fic had no conflict, this story is very tightly focused around conflict: how to prevent the new violent human from killing anyone, and also the friction between chara and asriel over methods. plus the fact that something’s definitely fucky here.

this fic was fun to do because the setup is basically playing undertale but from the defensive side - chara and asriel remain in new home where asgore is in canon, and spend most of the story directing their deputies, planning, and arguing about those plans while holly progresses through the underground.

although this fic ought to have been asriel pov based on the alternating pattern i set up, this story is really chara’s, no way around it. so i gave asriel the pov for ycouyo 6.5 instead (lmao) and let chara take center stage where they belonged.

08. the first shoots of green after a wildfire (Undertale - Flowey, Chara); September

The human child emerges into the light. They’re wearing clothes he doesn’t recognize—jeans heavily stained in dirt, orange-and-yellow striped hoodie with a cutesy leaf pattern on the sleeves. They’re shouldering a heavy-looking black backpack. Their hair’s in the same rough bowl cut as it was when he last saw them, and they don’t seem to have grown much. Their eyes are still hooded in the bright light pouring from the hole above him, but he can see slivers of red iris beneath their protectively lowered eyelids.

Flowey thinks about saying something rude and nasty to make them go away, and a little to see what it will make them do, little to no hope though there might be of getting pacifistic Frisk to lash out and end his miserable existence for him. Then he sighs and droops. “Do you seriously not have anything better to do?” he asks. It comes out sounding whiny.

They trudge stoically up and start shrugging out of their backpack, setting it down at the edge of the golden flowers that mark Chara’s grave. It clanks. If there’s a flowerpot and a trowel or something in there, he will scream and hide in the soil for a million years.

“C’mon, Frisk,” he says with a sigh. “I told you already—I don’t want to subject everybody else to some accident of science that’s missing his love and compassion glands. I’m fine with this.” He is a lying sack of shit, but this isn’t at all new. “Go home. Go be with the people who love you.”

“Frisk can’t come to the phone right now,” they say, a little flat and a lot sarcastic, and Flowey feels some phantom jolt in the vicinity of where his heart would be if he were still a monster.

i got the idea for post soulless pacifist chara trying to make things up to flowey using the only method the player has ever taught them (i.e. indiscriminate acts of violence) and it was just so awful and wrenchingly sad that i had to write it.

doing flowey’s pov for the first time was a fun way to flex my characterization skills, and this is one of only a very small handful of undertale fics i’ve done in third person.

09. to rest in crypts and wake in gardens (Undertale - Chara/Asriel, Frisk & Chara & Asriel, ensemble); September - November

“You’ve—fallen down, haven’t you,” they say, and take a step closer. “Are you all right?”

You shrug a little. Where are we? you sign, not thinking. I didn’t think anyone lived on the mountain.

“Oh,” they say again, eyebrows raising. And—so quickly that you can hardly believe it’s happening—they raise their own hands and sign along as they reply, “Technically, no one does. These caves are inside Mt. Ebott, not on them, and they’re certainly populated.”

I can hear, you sign back, stupidly, rudely, because that’s definitely what you need to say to someone who’s courteous enough to reply in the same language instead of being mean to you when they see you trying to communicate. You flush so badly that your ears feel scalded. Sorry, you add feebly.

The person actually smiles a little as they drop their gaze. “That’s all right,” they say, and then look back up at you hastily. “I didn’t want to assume either way, and now I know.” They rub at their upper arm in what you think might be self-consciousness, and then reach the same hand up to squeeze their pendant. “I am Chara,” they say, and then they finger-spell C-H-A-R-A for you, and show you a sign you don’t know: It looks like the sign for knife but in reverse, their right index finger sweeping towards their chest instead of towards you. It has to be their name sign. They make it a second time, and this time you repeat it. They smile again. “That’s very good. What do you like to be called?”

You spell F-R-I-S-K for them, and follow it up with the name sign you chose for yourself—an F with your right hand tapped twice over your chest in the same place as the sign for heart.

Chara mimics you, getting the sign right on their first try. “Frisk?” they ask, and they smile when you nod. “And what pronouns do you prefer?”

The relief that rushes over you when they ask this is as tangible as if someone has wrapped you up in a warm blanket and given you a tall glass of strawberry milk. They, you tell them, smiling.

This time they grin. “Will you look at that, we match,” they say.

a four-years-later followup to there will be flowers (listed above). this story shifts to frisk’s perspective as we follow them from their fall into mt. ebott through their adventures exploring the underground, guided and assisted by both chara and asriel. this allows for both an examination of the smaller changes in the world that have been created by this au’s setup, and for a comparison with the canon neutral/pacifist storyline of undertale.

i’d planned for this scenario literally before i wrote the second fic in this ‘verse, so it was really rewarding to finally get to write it. i originally planned to post it all at once, but it became so long that i had to split it up into chapters by area...

10. remember weather by the voice of the wheel (Undertale - Frisk/Chara/Asriel); December

You’re not old enough to buy things online yet, so you pull your mother aside late at night when Chara is in the shower and Frisk is upstairs. “I can pay you back for these later, I think,” you say quietly just in case, “but Frisk and Chara have been really miserable this year and I want us to have some nice memories of the holidays too, dang it.”

She doesn’t chastise you for saying “dang”; she just lifts your phone to give it a look herself, producing her reading glasses to appraise the pages more closely.

“This is very thoughtful of you, my son,” she says at last. “I would be happy to help procure these gifts. And—because I know that they are quite expensive—I would also be happy to negotiate a few extra chores in place of part of the price, if you would like.”

There were several timelines when you had the entire supply of gold in the underground to yourself. While in many ways you’re relieved to just be the prince instead of an aberration with godly time-warping powers, having to go through Mom or Dad for your allowance is not one of them. You sigh so that she’ll know how very put-upon you are, and that you’re deliberately choosing to be Mature when you say “Okay, Mom.”

return of the son of frisk and chara are jewish because i say so, the end, so there!!! it would be nice to start a tradition of hanukkah stories for every year i’m still writing undertale...

anyway this wound up being... mostly a story about trying to enjoy the holidays and find a way to keep your head up even when times are tough, both in a general sense (microaggressions) and a personal one (the kids’ various traumas).

[kremlin]

here's an oldie (probably 2/5 stars imo)

---------------------

i've never worked a night shift before. it's been about three weeks and i am only starting to get in the swing of things being wide awake and ready to wind down with a beer at 7:30 AM on a tuesday is a strange place to suddenly be. living in a suddenly frozen desert swamp sort of adds to that uncanni-ness. it has frozen in texas and my pipes are cracked and broken there is almost no part of this shanty house that isn't elligible to join the AARP. it's one of the last ranch style ramblers left in montrose, all of the others have been replaced by bizzare brutalist white cube apartments which i assume house pod people our ballbusting 900 year old landlady (slum lord) sent out the handyman steve. steve is not a plumber which is a point expressly made to me, by steven, several times we were not forewarned of this & steve's arrival came unexpectedly 8:00 AM thursday morning is now my time to furiously discuss drugs, on drugs, with internet strangers soon to be nebulous internet acquaintances, then friends, then perhaps even those friends from the internet you've known for a decade suddenly from my desk, if the door is open, i catch about a half-degree of the window facing the backdoor. a full degree if i lean back. i lean back as to kind of avoid the bizzare reality that the other players of the space game seem to deal with the same problems i do at an alarming frequency. i lean back There;s a fucking guy back there angry at the fact that i have to now deal with this, i find our friend steve in the back yard, sauntering around, muttering to himself in a way that's between mumbling but below speaking "surely that man has a blue tooth head set" but i was already smiling wide knowing he didn't. if you're going to appear in my backyard unannounced, milling around babbling to yourself is the way to do it steve doesn't really speak english. you'll read that and think he's like any other non english speaker but that is not the case with steve. steve will get out about four or five sentences in perfectly spoken english before switching to (hindi?) for a bit. you'd think that if 80% of his communication was clear, that'd be enough for mutual understanding, but steve is all over the place steve was furiously pacing around the broken pipe when i got to the back door. that is a fact i'm only coming to realize is important now, writing this, because the person standing near a broken pipe with a wrench is a plumber, someone who is allowed in my back yard in this circumstance HEY YO i tried to whistle but made a stupid faring noise with my mouth he swings around at the perfect moment to make my sudden departure all the more awkward as i realized how waistbanding a pistol in sweat pants was extremely not working. remember where we are by the time im out of my room steve has his head poked through the back door YOU COULD NOT WITH YOUR FINGER POINT A WORSE PLACE FOR PIPE BREAK and boy howdy he was right. if you're going to break a pipe, don't make it the one between your meter and a valve, and especially don't make it one on the ground next to the garage you keep all your weirdo electronics and "vintage computers" you "collect" i sort of like plumbing. i've done some plumbing. there's an illegal stipulation in our lease that lets the landlord, you know, just not maintain the place. with my engineering background i am of course compelled to think i am somehow qualified to solve these problems. i'd like to use the expression "dive into with full force" to describe my approach but combine that with the imagery of a blind person gracefully swan diving into an empty concrete swimming pool but this is not about me, i am not particularly interesting. -- steve. steve is sort of interesting. his murmuring grew to a breathless combination of words which i thankfully mostly understood (individually, not collectively). steve was upset with the pipe situation to be described later in this document's best paragraph. he was upset at the last person to work on the pipes here because they fucked up. he was amused by how preposterously

inconvenient the broken pipe lay. this amusement was not anger what followed next was clearly anger. perplexed, astounded anger ice on the ground is something you see once every 4 years in (excellent) swamp i live in. it's a pretty reasonable assumption that a broken pipe after a freeze/melt cycle is due to the freeze/melt cycle this was not the case the pipe had ruptured due to a sequence of truly insane and utterly nonsensical choices made by the previous plumber who almost certainly kicked the bucket in the reagan years as suggested by the lead solder used to seal joints and lead paint used to, well, just hold on the pipe burst because a large metal rod was inserted *through* it. the details on exactly what went down are a little fuzzy as my simian mind was preoccupied with thoughts about some weird software that started as a fluid dynamics simulator and is now a physics simulator and an insane person simulator. i would digress and expound on this but my thoughts aren't yet settled on the space game the rod went through the pipe and into the ground, on the other end were rusty wires. it is a grounding rod, you know, for electricity. i unfortunately know a litle bit about this. you can ground a circuit through a cold water tap, like when you're lining the fence with copper wire to create a makeshift shortwave antenna with your weird kind of racist dad. water is conductive. more commonly the rod goes into the ground, which is also usually conductive so, this grounding rod, sitting between a 3 foot gap between the back of the garage and fence, an overgrown mess of decades of detritus and weeds that had grown into vines that had grown into weird anemic trees. this grounding rod was painted. it didn't come painted. it was painted. it was painted the same color as the garage. paint is not conductive. the circuitry in my house was not grounded. thankfully there is no ground pin on the outlets in this ancient home besides the one i strangely installed one day. the amp plugged into it now gives a hum where it didn't before. the ground was subsequently disconnected to eliminate the ground loop as we are in our early 20s and cannot die, especially not in an electrical fire it's sort of nice to know that even back in the 1940s people screwed up as royally and maximally as possible, employing such a degree of backwards demented logic as you'd expect from a home owner's association bylaws handbook or normal computer software anyways, steve, ohoho. oh boy. steve did not fuck with this at all. steve, the man who is self purportedly not a plumber, immediately took to the valve between the city's water main and our house with the wrong implement. an implement used to unwrench joints around a u-bend underneath a sink. it worked perfectly `I just use this for many valve. It works mostly. No need for heavy T` (steve's parlance doesn't transcribe to text very well) steve continued, `Too many tools is too bad. I use this one for tiling and for drywall and for ducks` (ducts?) he spoke while gesturing listlessly at nothing in particular. it became clear that steve's limited, nebulous tool set was carefully chosen. when you are the un-fuck-it man for an ice queen landlord you sort of have to be a plumber and an electrician and a roofer and sometimes a debt collector. the arcane set of tools used to approximate all of these trades made a bit more sense the lack of a monkey wrench did not make sense. none of steve's esoteric implements could wrench like we needed them too. i offered to purchase one from the nearby hardware store which was a great excuse for me to go to the nearby hardware store and purchase a monkey wrench, *my* monkey wrench. steve objected but i was deadset. i was buying a wrench today. the newly purchased wrench calmed two agitated souls: one was drowning in thoughts about drugs and space and coincidence. the other was angry he couldn't wrench down a pipe joint a few hours passed. several trips were made to the hardware store by my roommates and the new tennant in the garage apartment, less than $20 was

spent. i sort of farted around not helping while getting jawed at by steve who had permenently changed the subject to grand life philosophies. i'm about the last person that'll tolerate some windbag wasting my time, but between the fun of trying to decipher what the fuck steve was saying and what language (or nonsense utterances) he'd conclude thoughts with, i realized that his sensical words actually, uhh, rang true steve believes in doing a good job. read that last sentence without the disinterested, vaguely-trying-to-be-funny style this document has maintained so far this hit me on a deeper level than i was expecting i'm young and do not really understand the world very well. i'm not so young that i'm blind to the depths of what there is to understand about this world, i'm allegedly content with the resignation that for the time being i'm sort of a dumbass and will continue to be a dumbass in the future, although less so hopefully i'm going to tell you that i believe in "doing a good job", "doing things properly", "taking your time to properly solve a problem", or "solving a problem for the sake of solving a problem and nothing else". i am going to tell you that these are some of strongest and earnestly compulsions i feel. i'm not lying when i write this but i wasn't lying when admitted to how little i understand anything at all, so maybe weigh those two facts against each other nearing 200 lines, i realize i have spent the hours meant for sleeping writing a truly innappropriately verbose wall of text all because of how stoked i was that an angry muttering tom bombadil character spent an extra 45 minutes to fix a pipe properly the new pipe was measured and cut, threaded. steve's measuring tape is interspliced with further, smaller graduations he hand-scratched into a long measuring tape. the previous graduations on the tape presented steve with an unsuitably low resolution of 1/8th of an inch i'd guess this was a 12 foot measuring tape. i never saw the end of the graduations, i don't doubt for a second they extend the entire length of the tape. do you know how many notches you'd have to painstakingly scratch on to a 12 ft measuring tape to change it from 1/8" -> 1/16". well, don't: 1152 steve might be a little nuts but holy shit a master plumber could not have done a better job. the dude fuckin laid on his back, in the small pond of pipeleak water, so as to see up a length of fixed pipe so he could better lay teflon tape on the *inside threaded surface of the pipe joint*. i challenge you to try and imagine what such a manuever would be like, considering the damp slimy pipe surface, the fucking hell that is teflon tape (fuck teflon tape) all while laying in a pool of possum water at the impossibly cold temperature of 45 F my pipes don't leak anymore. there is no longer a bizzaro steel rod puncturing the most critical pipe on this property. i own a monkey wrench when i did not this morning. i am thinking less anxiously about the space game, still. me and steve sat around smoking cigarettes and communicating with each other through a method i can't describe but wasn't reliant on words. we talked about the virtues of work ethic and then we talked about those that have broken our hearts. the conversation, as well as this text, ended with a solemn mutual acknowlegement of how terrifying electricity is and how terrified of electricity we are

[skell0t-blog]

Slipknot's Dark Side Of The Moon

My phone rang yesterday afternoon. Local cd and record store (They still exist!) had gotten my preorder of Slipknot's new album 'We Are Not Your Kind' 2 days early. The store clerk presumably echoed 'sir are you there? Sir?" As I was already backing out of my driveway and speeding over there.

Got home and realized I didnt have a cd player... Literally went back out and bought a $25 cd player from best buy. (They still exist!) Got back home and was finally ready to settle in. Brought some pillows into a carpeted room (a nursery to be, but pretty empty right now). I grabbed my favorite headphones. They're actually gaming headphones but they sound great for music. I turned the lights off. This is how I was taught to truly listen to music from a music teacher I had in highschool. Its part of the reason I dont really listen to songs before the album comes out. I want to experience the album as one cohesive piece of work first. I was ready now. I hit play. Aaaand Nothing happened. I Felt around for a power button. A blue light lit up on the cd player illuminating my dark room of ritual. Ah there we go. I hit play.

Track 1: Insert Coin: *click* The heartbeat of the album begins. Beautifully sinister. The scrambeled tech noises that have permeated songs throughout slipknots reign were placed through this album in such a way as to be thematic and tie the album together song to song and this intro foreshadows this. These sounds layered over a drone like background led my imagination to wander. I envisioned an old radio sitting on the counter of some lost space ship. Detuned and searching for a signal before grasping the next song it found. Also Im a sucker for sirens (welcome to the jungle) and alarm sounds (solway firth) and this intro delivered.

Track 2: Unsainted. The only reason this wont be considered the best song on the album is because we all listened to it 100 times before we heard the album. Its a song in the same vein as one of slipknots best songs, psychosocial. Its a banger with a beautiful refrain. Nothing has so consistantly given me goosebumps as the final scream of "YOU'VE KILLED THE SAINT IN ME!" before the final chorus kicks in. I love the heretical lines interspersed. "Your bible don't work on me." is lovely and the meaning of the chorus speaks to me a bit too. "Ill never kill myself to save my soul." To me "kill myself" is metaphorical and the idea is that of someone is telling you they know how to save your soul and that involves changing who you are at your core whether its believeing things you dont really believe, or being against things you dont want to be opposed to, then what they are really saying is you have to abandon who you are or kill who are inside in order to save your soul. This song says fuck that noise. 10/10

Track 3: Birth Of The Cruel.

It may be my new favorite line:

"I'M ALL FUCKED UP AND I MAKE IT LOOK GOOD."

I cant help but feel this would be a great theme for danarys targaryen when shes burning down kings landing. The almost sludge metal of a riff when the screaming kicks in with sids wildcat sounding scratches is some awesome layering. I love the serenading vocals throughout. Great lyrics. I could headbang to that verse riff when played by itself all day. 9.5/10

Track 4: Death Because Of Death. So this is where I first heard it... Now hang with me on this one. I get a small vibe of "Ghost" on this track and honestly It made me pause thinking of the choir in Unsainted as well. I cant help but think of "La mantra Mori." This might be sacrilege for some to hear but as an avid ghost fan it was a more than welcome surprise. I love little fills like this in general ever since Before These Crowded Streets by Dave Matthews Band (dont judge me) where every song had some little interlude. Great way of adding cohesion to an album even if the interlude its self sounds nothing like the rest of the album. I dont really want to pin a rating on this one. I just love it for what it is.

Track 5: Nero Forte. OH THANK GOD. Look we were all excited for this album and we knew the released songs were good but you have to have that tiny fear that we had already heard the best of the album and the rest was going to be supporting material. I excised that fear, exhaled, Smiled, and broke my neck when I heard "WATCH THIS!" That bass slide early on is just filthy. The chorus just a breath of fresh air. It's reminiscent of "My Plague" and is sung beautifully with Corey's full vocal range on display. 10/10

Track 6: Critical Darling. Back to back bangers. We get multiple vocal styles from #8 on this track. The prechorus is a great buildup and the chorus is just beautiful. The chorus almost feels like a nod to chester bennington. The lyrics "we tell ourselves it cant be hell if theres no heaven." Really made me think. I feel like the message of this song opposes Unsainted a bit. The bridge reminded me of ghost again. A little more nasaly and higher register than we usually hear corey. How does he keep the new stuff coming? The ending riff is filthy. And as always I love the segues after songs. 8.8/10

Track 7: Liar's Funeral. Another one with multiple vocal styles. These songs have 3 different singers and theyre all the same dude. Just amazing. I think we're meant to take this as a mix of feelings one could have and then self reflection or someone else calling out these feelings. Whoever it is saying that things are too hard and they should die is the liar. Corey is calling them a liar. Hes telling them to get a grip and stop pretending this is a warranted reaction to whatever they are going through. "LIAR! LIAR!" Its gutteral. Reminds me of "FRAUD! FRAUD!" on "Liberate." Not the strongest track but on an album like this where the bar is set so high even supporting tracks are great and like I said the mix of vocal styles is impressive and the "CLOSE YOUR EYES AND JOIN THE BLIND" part will keep me coming back to this. 8.5/10

Track 8: Red Flag. Apt name for a track with a series of warnings. Almost as if the person from the previous track is moving on from their troubles and recognizing the toxic environment they were recently trapped in. Coreys flow here is just perfect. The chorus is... scary honestly. Its beautifully terrifying. The stocato high pitch beeping from sid is great. The ending verse is amazing. And... another segue! 9/10

Track 10: Spiders. So we got a groovy ass track here! A suspenseful piano sets the tone. I swear I get a weird depeche mode new wave feel from the chorus. Has an occult rock feel once again. I get that feel quite a few times on this album when things slow down and get softer. Tracks like this give album enough variety to have some real staying power. Groovy. 9/10

Track 11: Orphan. When Corey growls "everyone has something, someone here has everything" i could just listen to that on repeat. Another banger with beautiful clean chorus. "If you wanna know my story, take my pain" Sounds deep and id like to know the full meaning behind these words. 9/10

Track 12: My Pain. On its face seems like another song about a toxic relationship. Love and pain are set up as 2 sides of the same coin. Musically its a great drone track that helps keep the atmosphere of the album consistent while still being in a different direction and mixing things up a bit. Super creepy chimes add a great effect. Again we get corey with a growl which Ill ways love. Another one that doesnt really necessitate a rating. Just a cool tone establishing song for the album.

Track 13: Not Long For This World. Corey mustve been really delving deep into some troubled times during the writing of this album. Just really dark lyrics. Sid makes the last riff splendid. Love the segue. 8/10

Track 14: Solway Firth. And I'm fucking headbanging! This track slams. Bangs. Whatever you want to call it. People are blind to tragedy when it happens to everybody else. Until it happens to them its not real. I know this song is about "the boys" comics and its a great representation of what billy butcher would be thinking and feeling. "ANOTHER NEEDLE IN THE BACK THROUGH PURIFIED SCARIFICATION." Is one of the best sung lines on this album and really makes this track the finale. 10/10

I know its still shiny. Its still new. But this is a masterpiece. A term id only endear to a handful of albums. An album can have all great songs and not be a masterpiece. It needs cohesion and running themes to take it over the bar to that next level where it stands as one piece of artwork. The constant frequency and feedback sounds are so perfect for Slipknot going all the way back to their self titled album.

My Rating: 10/10 would insert coin again.

I listen. I smile. I headbang. I feel something. Thats whats important.

SUPERLATIVES

Favorite Song: Unsainted

Favorite Riff: main riff of birth of the cruel right after "WATCH THIS!" My neck still hurts.

Favorite Line: Still sticking with "I'M ALL FUCKED UP AND I MAKE IT LOOK GOOD!" The way he delivers it with such tenacity is fucking perfect. Makes me mean mug everytime.

Favorite meaning: Liars Funeral. If my interpretation is reasonable than I really like the idea that you need to take a step back from what youre feeling and ask if youre really justified in taking it as far as you are. Its one of the toughest things to get past a feeling of victimhood as we hear in Solway Firth "it wasnt somebody else, you fucking did it to me." That may be true but to then think youre entitled to be a shithead, or selfharm, or whatever is bullshit. Youre lying to yourself.

Favorite mask: Corey. Mostly because his side eye in Unsainted just looks so bad ass.

Thank you for reading.

[oumakokichi]

I recall that at some point in your tags you mentioned that Kiibo was your third favorite character... why is that?

Haha, I’m surprised someone noticed! The more I reflect onndrv3 the more I come to really, honestly loveKiibo. When I last took the DR sorter he wound up ranked as my third-favoriteright under Ouma and Saihara, and it really caught me off guard myself, becauseI hadn’t expected him to place that high.

It’s funny, because while I certainly liked Kiibo wellenough for most of the game (there was never any active reason to dislike him)I don’t think I wound up getting really attached to him until around Chapter 5.And then Chapter 6 only made me love him more, of course.

The ways in which Kiibo subverted the expectations I (andthe ndrv3 audience, and everyone playing the game) had for him as a sort of “Naegi-like”character and ultimately accomplished something meaningful really made me lovehim a lot. I have quite a liking for characters who are meant to be someoneelse’s puppet but struggle to find their own meaning and autonomy. If Ouma wasthe embodiment of this from the perspective of someone who was set up to be thevillain by Tsumugi, then I feel Kiibo really embodied it well as someone whowas meant to be “the hope” of the story.

If Chapter 5 is the point at which Saihara begins hesitatingthe most, torn between two outcomes which both sound unpleasant andheartbreaking, then it’s also really the point at which some of the characterswho didn’t stand out as much before begin to really shine. Himiko and Tsumugiget quite a lot of this (and most of Tsumugi’s “standing out” is in the sensethat she becomes five million percent more sketchy), and Kiibo really, really shines. If anything foreshadowedand highlighted Kiibo’s potential as yet another protagonist prior to the bigreveal in Chapter 6, it’s Chapter 5.

Just as Saihara’s stubborn refusal to accept the facts asthey were blatantly laid out in front of him was infuriating at times in Chapter 5 (though not nearly as infuriatingas anything I’ve experienced in Umineko by having Battler as a protagonist),Kiibo’s level-headedness and absolutely unshakable sense of fair play reallyimpressed me. I had attributed this initially to being something inherent tohis design as a robot, or else something that would be taken for granted abouthim and therefore be kind of unimportant in the long run, but this wasn’t thecase.

Kiibo’s sense of fair play and willingness to hear bothsides of the story is something inherent to him,not anything that furthers his role as an audience proxy. And unlike Naegi, whomostly maintained an objective and fair role because he was meant to be both aself-insert protagonist and an unshakable force of optimism and forgiveness inthe group, I appreciate that Kiibo’s fairness stems more from things he hasactually experienced.

Because he constantly worries about how he’s perceived as arobot and someone whose talent was inherently “built” into him rather thansomething he either worked for or was naturally gifted with, Kiibo struggles tobe taken seriously and to not let anyone judge him. This leads to ratherhilarious threats of audio recorded evidence and lawsuits (and I love that rather than being someone wholies down and takes things, Kiibo is actually very outspoken and done witheveryone’s shit, I love it so much) but it also is the main reason why Kiiboalso strives to be extremely fair to everyone else.

Just as he doesn’t want to be looked down on or judged priorto people getting to know him, he always aspires to give everyone else the sametreatment. I can honestly respect that about Kiibo, and especially on a rereadI love finding all these glimpses of how fair and level-headed he really is. Ina game like ndrv3 where characters are constantly being tricked into thinkingor behaving a certain way, and which challenges both the characters and playersto discard their preconceptions about things, Kiibo’s middle-ground approach isrefreshing—and ultimately what serves to ruin Tsumugi’s plans for him inChapter 6.

Kiibo’s search for his own individuality and struggles withself-perception are alluded to in the earlier parts of the game, but reallycome to light around Chapter 5. After having received almost no noticeableinteractions with Saihara or the rest of the group, Kiibo finally is given alittle bit of time in the spotlight during scenes such as the exploration ofthe new areas or the murder investigation in Chapter 5. And these scenes didleaps and bounds for making me appreciate him as a character.

From this point on, we see again and again just how much ofa fair chance Kiibo was willing to give pretty much everyone in the group—not becausehe was just spouting halfhearted optimism or “platitudes,” but because he’sjust a genuinely fair-minded person who wanted others to treat him the same.Aside from Gonta, he’s the only onewho exhibits a lot of liking for characters who were otherwise universallydisliked by the rest of the group. He’s the only one to remember Miu fondly inChapter 5 and express an opinion that she was “not a bad person.”

He’s also the only one in the group who, even after fallingfor the trap with the Hope’s Peak remember light, wanted to talk to Ouma in themachinery bay one-on-one, rather than just checking in with Momota per se ortalking in very grand shounen terms about fighting together with everyone’spower. Even when he and everyone else were pretty deep into “hope vs. despair”ideology, the fact that Kiibo expressed an interest in talking things out withOuma really intrigues me. He clearly wanted to find a possible alternativesolution to his and the group’s plan to “defeat despair” if it was at allpossible, and I’d love to know just what might have happened if he’d been ableto talk directly with Ouma—though we’ll never know since Maki had alreadystormed the bay with the Exisal by the time Kiibo went over.

Even after the Chapter 5 trial, when many of the cast wereunsure whether to believe Ouma’s claim of hating the killing game or not, Kiibowas perhaps the one most outspoken one about believing Ouma. While Saihara waslargely undecided without further evidence, and Momota, Himiko, and Maki wereall inclined to doubt Ouma because that was the easier option, Kiibo is themain one trying to act as the voice of reason, claiming that he couldn’t seewhy Ouma would have much reason to lie on the verge of death. Despite notpersonally getting along with him all that well, Kiibo was still very capableand willing to see the whole situation and look at things from Ouma’sperspective.

This is also the reason he spent much of the Chapter 5 trialactually taking the reins from Saihara for a bit—when Saihara begins not onlybelieving but also insisting thatMomota must actually be the victim, because he’s so shaken by the camcorderevidence and hasn’t seen any proof otherwise, Kiibo is the only one in thetrial trying to remain genuinely calm and rational about the situation. He triesto convince the group that there’s just as real a possibility that Ouma couldbe the victim, but is inevitably shot down by Maki and Saihara’s insistenceuntil more evidence surfaces later. Still, this was excellent foreshadowing athis eventual ability to take a protagonist role in Chapter 6, in my opinion.

One of the saddest things about Kiibo too is that despitehis willingness to see every possible alternative and hear both sides of thestory, he’s often not quite given the same treatment by the rest of the cast. Tsumugiviews him as little more than a tool and a pawn, a mouthpiece for the audienceto work through. Ouma suspects him of being said audience proxy and refuses totake him seriously. And the rest of the group too views him in such outlandishover-the-top mecha/robot terms that they don’t really think of how theirperceptions actually impact him personally.

His decision to lie down on the mechanical press just to seewhether he would be viewed as a human or a robot marks the heart of thisparticular internal dilemma. The same applies when Ouma brings the group theelectric hammers made by Miu, and Kiibo wondered vaguely whether the hammerswould work on him or not, questioning how Miu might have perceived him as an individualwhen she made them. Even when Kiibo receives clear answers to these questions(the entire group almost always views him very specifically as a “robot” ratherthan an “individual”) he still can’t quite bring himself to give up his searchfor how to view himself. This theme of wanting to believe something even ifeveryone else tells you it isn’t true is a pretty inherent part of ndrv3, and Ilike that it’s definitely prevalent and noticeable in Kiibo’s character arc.

In the end, I love that Kiibo is so determined to viewthings from all sides and look for the fairest possible solution (a trait ofhis that very much mimics Saihara’s determination to find “the truth” even if exposingit is painful). His willingness to view things from the perspective of othersis highlighted so many times over the course of the game, culminatingultimately in Chapter 6 where he actually discards his own inner voice andacknowledges that Saihara and the others are right. Even when he was literally designed to be a “Naegi 2.0” figure whowould keep clinging to blind optimism and “hope” no matter what, Kiibo’sfairness and objectivity won out. This threw such a huge wrench in Tsumugi’splans that she had to rely on the audience literally hijacking hisconsciousness in order to try and keep the killing game going.

The thing with Kiibo is that despite the fact that he wasmeant to be this very predictable, easy-to-manipulate puppet on a string whowould follow in Naegi’s footsteps, he proves again and again that there’s moreto him. The moment his “inner voice” gets silenced once his ahoge is knockedoff during Momota’s execution, he’s the first one in the cast to try andactually follow in Ouma’s and Momota’s footsteps by wanting to end the killinggame per directly. Even if it would require blowing up the whole school, he’swilling to do it—and that’s such an intense resolution coming from someone whothe group and the fandom usually regard as so mild-mannered. This is “the realKiibo,” under the surface layer of timidity and politeness, and I love him forit.

Even when Kiibo quite literally has his consciousnesshijacked and his free will stripped away and “killed” during the Chapter 6trial, I can’t help but feel that some tiny part remained long after it shouldn’thave. He’s nothing if not someone who keeps constantly surprising others andsurpassing his own boundaries. While Kiibo’s decision to blow up the top of thedome during Chapter 6 in order to leave Saihara, Maki, and Himiko alive wasprobably some vestige of the audience’s decision for “fiction” to become “reality,”I also feel it must’ve been a result of Kiibo’s own true desires as well,because it ties in so well with his entire character.

I’ve talked a little about it before, but while Kiibocertainly stepped down from the role of embodying “hope” the same way thatNaegi or Hinata did as protagonists, he did still definitely represent a hopeof some kind. Where Saihara and many of the ndrv3 cast are ultimately suicidal,alluded to even early within the game, Kiibo’s sacrifice was meant to offerthem hope of the simplest variety: the ability to live on. Even though all thesurvivors were willing to lay down their lives in order to stop the killinggame, Kiibo’s choice at the end of it all was to give them a chance to go on.

Because while it’s true that idealism is dangerous and viewingthings in terms of the “hope vs. despair” ideology that enabled the killinggame only leads to the cycle continuing, it’s also true that it’s very, veryhard to live on in a world so full of “painful truths.” Finding the courage andthe ability to keep going after having been completely willing to die is a formof “hope” in itself—fragile but genuine hope, unrelated to the cycle of thekilling game.

Kiibo was ultimately able to entrust that hope to the survivors,even at the cost of his own life. In the same way that Ouma and Momota laiddown their lives to try to stop the killing game, Kiibo was willing to do thesame—and also willing at the very end to make it so no one else had to makethat kind of sacrifice. His fairness and objectivity, combined with his verygenuine belief that no one should have to kill themselves or put their lives onthe line anymore, really made him grow on me.

Thank you so much for giving me a chance to write about himagain, anon! I haven’t been able to talk about Kiibo for a while now, and I’mvery pleased with all the ways he surprised me and subverted my expectations.