#and to top it all off i REALLY like this prof. ive taken two courses with him hes super cool and ive had actual fun in his classes
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something really fun and sexy adhd will do is block you from ever actually showing others what you're truly capable of. lol
#this is SO inconsequential but im kinda upset abt it#i finished my final american lit paper today. 9 pages kind of a big deal. im glad its done now#but i cant even be proud of it#bc i changed my original idea four times and only wound up with a week to work on the final version which. wasnt really enough time#and it morphed while i was writing it too bc i came up with a better angle#but now its really disorganized which i know ill lose points on. and i Know its not my best work#but i dont have time to fix it bc its due tomorrow#and just. if i hadnt put this off. or hadnt kept chasing down whatever new fun shiny thing i came up with instead#its not even a bad essay its just. i could for sure do better. i had three weeks i could have CRUSHED this#smth that really shows what im capable of and could net me the grade i know i can get when im at my best#its the difference between a 70 and a 90 but it matters to me#i started it early and still wound up rushing myself and procrastinating#all bc this is what my brain just always fucking does#levi.txt#and to top it all off i REALLY like this prof. ive taken two courses with him hes super cool and ive had actual fun in his classes#... and This is the impression i have to leave him with. a half assed mess#i know he knows what i can do and im so disappointed i couldnt pass smth better in to prove it#esp bc its the LAST paper i will ever write in one of his classes :(#like. my original idea was a historical overview and it wound up talking abt depictions of the thing instead#so i have like 3 paragraphs of Just history/background that i dont know how to break down and integrate and its MESSY#im not a perfectionist in any other aspect of life but when it comes to papers i absolutely am. i wish i had time to fix this
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