#and trying not to die of shame bc of the whole thing w/ sam

[cdroloisms]

Any Thoughts on c!techno comforting c!dream in prison for JMAH?

YES.

Unfortunately, we don't really have a roommates arc in JMAH - there's some of it in the prison podcast plus spinoff, but there's still good old Sam in that one, LMAO. Still, jmah!Techno is ,, very much trying his best.

Honestly, he's in a tough spot. He's very much caught off guard by most of what's happening in the cell, and any attempts to reach out towards jmah!Dream are even more complicated than in canon bc of the element that is jmah!Sam being a jerk in the room. Obviously, though, he's going to do what he can.

Just as in canon, most of what Techno does is just,, treating Dream like he's human. In some ways, this is even more of a Thing w/ jmah!Dream than in canon, because so much of what Sam targeted specifically was his agency, his ability to think for himself. Jmah!Sam hated when he was Thinking, even when he was thinking about ways to please him, because Thinking meant Plotting and Plotting meant Manipulating etc etc etc. He'd never been truly convinced of how affected Dream was, but also really wanted to believe he'd broken him - it's a vicious kind of cycle, where he'd break Dream down to prove his control to himself and then get paranoid about whether or not Dream was faking his submission to get him to stop, etc.

All in all, Sam hated any evidence of Dream's humanity - whether that be in his attitude or his autonomy or any thought or feeling or action that wasn't under Sam's control. On the other hand, Techno is trying his best to encourage Dream in the opposite direction - telling jokes to make him laugh, playing off of his comments - as tense and infrequent as they may be. Offering him things, encouraging him to just like, talk, have a conversation, etc.

It's...hard. Sam is in the room, and any camaraderie between the two obviously annoys him - and he's got not shortage of ideas when it comes to things he can say to affect Dream - whether to make him quiet or back down or flush in shame or shut down completely. And with Techno, there's always that necessity to not voice questions too much like an interrogation, suggestions like a command. But he's trying, and it helps.

[tanoraqui]

okay I have to do this today because even I wouldn’t do it after the godforsaken finale airs, and it’s basically my specialty and I did spend like an hour thinking about it last night while washing dishes. Definitely partly inspired by @words-writ-in-starlight​‘s insightful post on everything Supernatural did wrong, and apologies in advance to all the characters for dragging them into anything related to Christian mythology:

Wei Wuxian’s parents die in a house fire when he’s 6(? I refuse to look anything up) months old

Jiangs are a hunter family I guess? That whole disaster of a family dynamic, except WWX dips out at some point to be idk an environmental activist bc at the time, that seems like the larger threat to the whole world. “Mom and Dad went on a hunting trip and they haven’t come back”, “bitch” “jerk”, 2 brothers in a beat-up old car, you know the drill

Jins are also an old hunting family, but more Men of Letters energy - they have a fancy bunker and do research and avoid getting their actual hands dirty. Jiang Yanli ducked out of the active hunting life a few years ago to be happily married to her peacock and settled down with a baby and she’s fine. We’re not going to bother Yanli. She’s safe and happy and doesn’t need to involved in any of this

so, WWX is the demon blood child developing exciting new abilities like telekinesis, mind control, exorcising demons by sheer force of will...etc, and Jiang Cheng is the Righteous Man. Lucifer, Michael, etc.

s1-3 probably proceeds more or less as spn canon...which I more or less remember...by the time they find their parents at the end of s1, Jiang Fengmian is...ugh, we probably shouldn’t kill him offscreen, I mean, we should probably meet him before he dies. I guess. Madam Yu lasts longer because I’m way more interested in her. But we do know that both Jiang parents are totally inclined to fling the boys into a metaphorical or literal escape boat and go hold the line for as long as possible, so...that’s spn energy...

Xue Yang is the one who’s like “fuck yeah, demon powers” and opens the gates of Hell, because I want him to have nice* things

*nice for Xue Yang

from characterization rather than memory, I’m 90% sure that Dean tried to hide his crossroads deal from Sam, but Jiang Cheng does it...better. I think it does come out, though. Right before the hellhounds do.

here’s where it starts to go farther off from spn canon. Jiang Cheng crawls his way out of the grave, gets stalked by a menacing presence that explodes windows for an episode, incidentally can’t find WWX...*Lan Wangji voice* “I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition” (a baller line then and a baller line now)...and then the next episode starts with them all awkwardly standing around, and JC is like, “ok well let’s go find my brother then”, and you think there’s going to be an mdzs-riffing JC+LWJ Roadtrip To Find WWX...and they’re immediately attacked by like a dozen demons

in fact, the first time we see WWX in s4 is here, wherein he goes toe to toe with an angel and...holds his own. that’s new and terrifying! also is leading a squad of demons??

because here’s the thing: for the last 3(?) months, there’s been war in hell

because unlike Some People Mooses, upon finding out that his brother’s soul was legally nearly-owned by a crossroads demon, heir-apparent-to-Satan!WWX went, “actually fuck that” and kicked open the door of Hell (metaphorically, not loosing any demons this time) and was like, “who do I have to beat the shit out of to get a specific crossroads contract around here”

this did not work, obv. He didn’t know until it was too late, Lilith had already snapped up the contract, etc. etc.

obviously he also tried to offer himself instead, and got rejected for some reason

Since Jiang Cheng died, however, there’s been a war for control of Hell. Leading one side, Lilith, the Original Babe, who wants to break all 666(?) seals keeping Lucifer bound and in the meantime, break the Righteous Man so Heaven won’t even have Michael’s destined host ready for the Final Battle. Leading the other side, Wei Wuxian, infamous upstart, who wants to rescue the Righteous Man and restore him to life, tear Lilith’s guts out through her nose, and also stop her from doing the Lucifer thing because Wen Qing explained that yes, that’s a Thing, and it’s Bad.

Wen Qing! I’ve decided to combine Bela and Ruby’s roles and let WQ be both the cool badass example of how demon deals can go Bad and the demon deliberately leading our heroes astray for most of s3-4. Wen Qing is a very new demon; she used to be some sort of herbalist/witch but then she sold her soul in a crossroads deal to cure her brother of some lingering illness. 10 years of happiness and then boom, hellhounds. WQ is so obviously competent, though, that they (Lilith, I guess?) immediately offers her a job, with the promise threat that gee, that’s a nice brother you’ve got there, even with his Designated Chronic Health Condition getting all relapse-y. It’d be such a shame if something were to...happen to him...

we find this out at some point in last s3 I guess? some Monster of the Week case involves WN as a witness or something, or possible next victim, and WQ shows up to be A Normal Amount Of Invested In This, while desperately trying to avoid actually interacting with her brother (who thinks she’s dead). YES, the truth comes out; YES there’s a tearful reunion

now in s4, Wen Ning is fine actually, health-wise, bc he maybe made a crossroads deal with Wei Wuxian personally, and Wen Qing may or may not have admitted that she’s supposed to be working for Lilith to get WWX ready to host Lucifer? Or potentially that comes out later, idk. Either way, she’s 100% his top lieutenant in this exciting Hell War they’re waging

[insert whatever the hell (ha) happened plot-wise in s4 of supernatural]

we obviously mix up the relationships, too, bc it’s like, *LWJ internal monologue* I’m too young to remember my brother Lucifer as he was before he Fell, but surely Wei Wuxian is his Heir and Destined Vessel in truth, for he is Charismatic and Charming and Makes Me Feel Things, with his Clearly Feigned Righteous Drive and Compassion for All God’s Creatures and - why does heat keep pooling in the lower abdomen of my vessel when I look at his lips, which I am definitely doing a Normal and Not-Weird Amount - I’m just keeping an eye out for the famed Silver Tongue, and not in any way wondering how it would feel in my own mouth -

it’s actually DEFINITELY plausible for Lucifer to still be released even if our designated Heir Apparent is using his demon powers to his full potential and no one’s lying to each other about their motives. You just need to let Lilith be more scary too, and especially bc by “no one” I mostly mean Wen Qing; the angels are still totally hiding the fact that they, too, want to jumpstart the shit out of this apocalypse.  LWJ decides at the last minute that that’s a bad idea actually, gets himself discorporated to send JC to intercept WWX because he accidentally releases Lucifer, etc. etc. Oh yeah, the boys were def fighting before this, bc JC has actually fairly reasonable concerns about the sort of things WWX is getting up to in his quest to become King of Hell...

SO

...I neither know nor care what happens in s5

it does end with both Lucifer and Michael locked in the cage probably, bc I rather liked that solution. Fuck both of ‘em, basically.

I was toying with the idea that WWX also found Madam Yu in whatever hellish torment she was suffering after making a deal so her idiot son(s) would survive, and she was leading forces for him in the war against Lilith as well. If she came back to life somehow, body and all, it’d probably be compelling if she offered her own body to Michael - bc it’s her lineage! - and we’re all led to believe that she’s, uh, being a bitch and actually wants to risk destroying the world in order to destroy all demons...but then she seizes back control and flings herself/Michael and Lucifer into the Pit, because she’s just That Hardcore?

which means we’d actually have had her around and having characterization for most of s4-5, too, which would be fun

More importantly, it ends with newly crowned King of Hell Wei Wuxian appointing Wen Qing as Queen-Regent and ditching to go on an indefinite honeymoon with his new angel boyfriend (they’re going to fuck for like three weeks straight, then roll up their sleeves and go conquer Heaven in the name of free will), and Jiang Cheng gets to live out his hitherto-unknown-to-himself life’s ambition to be the sugar baby of the Queen of Hell. It’s very Hades/Persephone, except he goes back down to the underworld at least once a month. He gets his own demon squad whom he trains up in all the hunting techniques and it’s gr9. Wen Qing is reforming the crossroads deal process to make it more fair to the humans.

the end

Addenda:

it should go without saying but Jiang Yanli is definitely a recurring character, like, at least once a season there’s a filler episode where they go to Jiang Yanli’s for dinner and have to get along as a family, and also do the much easier job of defeating some sort of terrible demon that gets loose in the bunker and turns the evening into a horror movie. She’s their main research/emotional check-in person, a la Bobby, more often appearing in later seasons when there’s, uhhh, more to emotionally check in about.

Jin Zixuan is actually a perfectly competent hunter; he’s just a priss and we don’t Like him

we like Mianmian, though. Oh, I guess the official Hunter’s Guild or w/e tries to declare WWX a public enemy on account of the whole “King of Hell” thing and she’s like “actually what if you’re morons and assholes?” and joins hte team in s4 or 5? Yeah.

idk how the 3zun disaster happens in this ‘verse but I do encourage it to be happening in slow motion as a recurring subplot for several seasons. NMJ is a hunter, LXC is obv an angel, and JGY is...I wanna say one of the more human monsters, like a vampire? Or, you know, something that could be born from JGS sleeping with someone/something he shouldn’t have

[aahsokaatano]

King I would love that essay about Changing Channels

Fjdjshjdhdjd thanks for reading my tags Jesse you're the real VIP here.

Okay SO "Changing Channels" is the 8th episode of the 5th season of Supernatural. I give this information bc it's important in looking at the context of the episode - now I've complained a LOT about how SPN is terrible at giving us canonical timeframes within the episodes (y'all i was SHOCKED to discover the first season is supposed to cover a little over a year's worth of time, I thought it was like... 4 or 5 months) so I can't say for sure how long before and after the other episodes happen in-universe around "Changing Channels" BUT

The episode before is "The Curious Case of Dean Winchester" where Dean and Bobby bet years of their lives in a game of poker with a witch. The episode after is "The Real Ghostbusters" where Sam and Dean end up at a fan convention for the in-universe Supernatural novels.

Why am I pointing this out? Because it's important, please, no audience participation, this is like a Brian David Gilbert panel.

[under a cut bc this got...... STUPID long. Who knew I still had this many opinions about SPN in 2020?]

Okay first of all I wanna talk about the cinnamon topography of this episode - I love the way the first 5 seasons are shot because you really feel the americana gothic horror aesthetic they were going for (I have a whole ‘nother rant about the first 5 seasons vs the last 10 but thats for another time). Everything is a little washed out and grey-toned, the camera angles generally serve to make Sam and Dean appear even taller than they actually are (larger than life - again, another post for another time), and there’s honestly a LOT of shots from the ‘monster’s’ perspective, which is really neat! I’ve said it before (on another blog - YES i have a dedicated spn rant blog, don’t @ me hdjfhfjfh) but the episode that really got me hooked on spn back in the day was the second one, about the w*ndigo. Yes, it’s a racist, culturally appropriating shitstorm, but the way its SHOT is fantastic. I’m honestly not a horror fan, but that episode could have easily relied on jumpscares and they DIDN’T and it was scary as all fucking hell and just - fuck okay getting off topic. 

In “Changing Channels” we get that distinctive grey-washed tone in the beginning and the very end of the episode, but the middle? When they’re in TV Land? Everything is bright. Almost comically so, I mean - okay look at these two shots of Sam (apologies about the crappy phone pics, netflix won't let me screenshot)

This one is from the start of the episode, in the "real" police station

And this is from a little later in the "TV" hospital

Ignoring that my phone is washing him out a lot in both pics, you can still see the warmer tones in the hospital shot as compared to the cold greyness in the police station one

Okay, now look at this picture

Dean inside the Impala, and those warm tones are back. Why? Because even though Sam and Dean believe that they’re back in the “real” world, they aren’t - so instead of the grey-washed shots that we’re used to, its the bright and warm shots that we see in “TV Land”! So the viewers pick up, even if its just subconsciously, that the boys aren’t out of the woods yet - everything is still too bright to be the in-universe reality we’ve come to expect from SPN by season 5

Which is also why i love this shift so much

These shots are literally SECONDS apart. The first is in "TV Land" and the second is in the "real" world. I have some red strip lights behind my bed, which are reflecting off my laptop screen - notice how much brighter they seem in the second picture? That’s because literally all of the warm colors have been drained out of the shot. As soon as Gabriel snaps them all back into “reality,” things get so much colder.

Okay, so the second thing I want to talk about is some of the very pointed dialogue choices within the “shows” the Winchesters take part in. Not between Sam and Dan and Gabriel, but from the, for lack of a better term, NPCs within the shows.

In the hospital, Dr. Piccolo tells Sam that he is “the finest cerebrovascular neurosurgeon I have ever met - and I have met plenty! So that girl died on your table; it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. Sometimes people just die.” Standard cheesy soap opera dialogue - but lemme just swap some words here and - 

“You are the finest hunter I have ever met - and I have met plenty! So that girl died on your hunt; it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. Sometimes people just die.”

Or even - 

“You are the finest hunter I have ever met - and I have met plenty! So Jessica and Mary died above you; it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault [but Azazel’s]. Sometimes people just die.”

Keeping in mind that the NPCs are basically Gabriel’s mouthpieces, its easy to see why so many people ship Sabriel. I’d actually love to see a fic that explores them talking about this moment in particular later on and the kind of gentle forgiveness that Gabriel can give Sam... getting off topic again.

In an abrupt about-face, the herpes commercial (much meme’d within the fandom) is straight up Gabriel shaming Sam. Because if you replace “genital herpes” with “demon blood” it’s.... dark. And very intentional.

So that’s what I did! (I combined all spoken lines to make the message easier to read, rather than splitting them up across 3 speakers as in the episode)

“I’ve drank demon blood. I tried to be responsible... did I try. But now, after being forcibly detoxed, I fight my addiction every day to reduce the chances of passing back into that toxic mindset. Ask your loved ones about a demon blood intervention today. [...] I am doing all I can to slightly lessen the chance of drinking demon blood again. And that’s a good thing.”

Like... the subtext throughout this episode sure is. Something.

Okay this is getting ridiculously long so I wanna wrap up by talking about The Best Scene In The Whole Goddamn Show

I’m talking, of course, about Gabriel’s Confession

“Max,” you might be saying, “there are so many better scenes out there, even within the first five seasons!” and to that i say, again, no audience participation, please. Also, you’re WRONG and here’s why!

Gabriel’s confession hits every goddamn emotional chord that the fandom begged for on this show - fear, rage, grief, pain, guilt, and even, yes, absolution. 

Okay, here’s the scene again for those of you who don’t think about it at least once a week like me

Now this video is missing some of the conversation, but most of it is there, enough for you to see what I’m talking about. Gabriel up to this point has been, essentially, a nameless antagonist - this is the third episode he appeared in, and before this, we didn’t even know he was going by Loki. He was just referred to as ‘The Trickster’. But here, not only do we get a name (a real name at that), but we also get a glimpse of his backstory and a hell of a lot of character development in less than 5 minutes. I mean, Sam didn’t get this much character development throughout the entirety of season 1! There’s a good reason Gabriel has been a fan-favorite for a very long time, and I think a big part of it is this particular scene.

Because here, we get to see Gabriel being vulnerable. And we even see Dean show a little vulnerability, as he can empathize being the third party to explosive arguments between the two people who mean everything to him.

I mean... okay, it will never see the light of day, but I wrote a little bit of a Reverse ‘Verse fic (because I’m a sucker for Reverse ‘Verse) and this was the scene I started with. Not s1e1, not even the resurrection in s4e1, but this scene. Because this scene, more than any other, is critical to the way not only Gabriel’s (first) arc plays out, but also to how Sam and Dean conduct themselves for the rest of the season (and maybe a bit beyond, it’s been a hot minute since I watched s6 and later). Dean is angry but determined, he has a point to make, he is going to save Sammy and if he can’t do that, then he’s going to damn well die trying. But Sam... it’s after this episode that we start really seeing how bone-achingly tired Sam is. It’s after this conversation - where one of the other archangels, one of the few beings who can truly understand how powerful Michael and Lucifer are - says that there’s no other way around this that Sam seems to start inching towards giving in. Saying yes.

Sure, in the actual episode, he seems outraged by the idea, practically scoffs at it - “you want us to say yes to those sons of bitches?” - but it’s after this where Sam really seems run down.

I mean, look at the episodes before and after (HAH you thought I forgot about that first point I made at the very beginning of this post! I did, briefly, but I’ve circled back to it, thanks for being understanding). In “The Curious Case of Dean Winchester,” Sam behaves much as he did since the start of s4, which is to say, ‘annoying little know-it-all brother tossed into the middle of the apocalypse and just trying his best’ and it works well for the mad scramble for any scrap of information that’s happening in s4/early s5.

But in “The Real Ghostbusters” it’s different. This is another funny meta episode - except, while Sam and Dean are technically aware of the joke, they aren’t as amused by it as the audience is. And it’s not because of the ghosts. It’s because they’re just... done. Especially Sam. Dean has that nice little moment with the cosplayers at the end of the episode, but Sam... threatens to shoot Chuck. Sam ‘goes darkside’ more often than pretty much any other character in the show, but that moment is different. It’s a flat promise, not a threat. He’s not being an asshole, like he is after losing his soul. He’s just... done. And it’s obvious to see.

Gabriel’s confession is the turning point for Sam in s5, and it informs a lot of his behavior through the rest of s5, and possibly beyond! Like I said, I haven’t watched past s5 in a very long time, so I don’t feel confident enough to analyze that specific sort of character line, but I feel confident in saying that hearing one of the most powerful beings in the universe basically say “it doesn’t matter what you do - your destiny is unavoidable” and then he’s proven right (Sam says yes to Lucifer, and Dean eventually does say yes to Michael down the line!)... like, that’s really gotta fuck up your world view that was built on free will and throwing off the shackles of fate. Sam managed to avoid his ‘destiny’ in s2... but then it turns out that that wasn’t ever his destiny. Lucifer was his destiny.

Talk about an obscured view of the inner self.

[charlie-minion]

charlie-minion(.)tumblr(.)com/post/635987979304943616/could-the-same-spn-finale-make-a-little-more-sense Hey Love! Thanks for such an amazing post! It was still hard for me personally to deal with it for many reasons, but when you mentioned "yeah well we gotta work around Dean dying so let’s work around Dean dying then, stay with me" i understood why u went where u went with it. I just wanted to ask your opinion/suggest/question few things if u don't mind. 1) I can see Dean's speech (1/9)

“If we don’t keep living, then all that sacrifice is gonna be for nothing” make sense, except in psychlogy grieving and remembering people who died is not the same as not letting go. I feel this point could be GREATLY improved if we saw some memorabilia in bunker around Cas (without Dean paying much attention to them or being sad about them (2/9)

[?Miracle running to him for cuddles with mixtape in mouth and Dean freaking out about how it’s the best dog ever cuz he loves Led Zeppelin or sth, idk I’m making it up as I go with examples, dont mind me?]) and would either see that Dean is still grieving while working on letting go (not bc he can’t let go, but because grieving is a process and IT IS HEALTHY to grieve. Too many ppl are shamed for needing time to heal(!!) while it’s actually personal and normal and we know Dean doesn’t (3/9)

just insta forget (from experience), and grieving has more to do with emotionality and less with not being able to let go). OR we could be shown in some way that more time passed and he did already get to heal from grief. That would save Dean from seeming suddenly uncaring and emotionless (especially while knowing Cas is in super hell for eternity, not just ‘dead whatever it means’, and considering Dean WAS in hell and knows it’s not ‘fun and games’) towards anyone who isn’t his brother. (4/9)

I realize episode is Sam centered, but this picks huge focus on Dean by omission. 2) I feel it doesn’t matter so much whether Sam picked phone to call as that he easily decided to give up on calling while he could still stay with Dean, listen to him and continue to make the call. That death took like 7-8 minutes of the episode. The phone should be left in the car for example, it being crushed during fight is lame and cheap, but any excuse would be better than (5/9)

“Ok I guess I’ll stop calling and let u die, don’t tell me I didn’t try”. 3) That whole “I love you so much” really hit me hard when I was watching, while I fully agree with the point you made, I feel like adding “so much” was just too passionate. As you said, he needs to say it to Sam before anyone else. "I love you, my baby brother” – second part already makes it valuable and emotional. It does no business being passionate. He is dying (for a while now) adding words that don’t (6/9)

need to be there makes viewer question “Is he rly going to die? He seems to have no problem flowering his words” and to me at least felt like going from 0 (unability to say ILY) to million which just took me from the situation totally as I was questioning if I’m watching the right show/character. It’s like if Dean went to Sam in episode 1 about finding his dad, we would be informed just how relations between Dean and John looks like, and next episode they would go for burgers (7/9)

and Dean would be like “Yeah I got bored of looking for him” and show would end… 4) Also MoTW not being from journal would make world of difference. That’s a callback that rly puts the story back to years before and Dean dying finishing his father’s job seems like a joke in rly bad taste. That’s all that crossed my mind I think. What do you think about those? Sorry for a long msg. I can try to send it via phone in one piece if you would rather. I’m really interested in your opinion on it. (8/9)

I know you were trying to fix stuff with as small changes as possible in your post, but I felt those also were just small things that would mean world to fans and story. Thank you so much for giving yself to the fandom, you’re my all time favourite writer since I remember <3 (9/9)

Hey! Sorry again, I'm the anon from yday with that long question. I just felt it was worth adding: "“Dean is focusing on the task at hand. His attitude, as Ackles puts it, is, “I’m not going to think about what I’ve lost. In turn, I’m just going to focus on what I can fix.” That leads Dean down what Ackles calls a “hopeless road.”" (it’s interview about s13). Just to point out hopelessness in stopping yself from thinking of who u lost to forcefully direct yself to the future. :D 

Hello, Nonnie! Sorry it took me so long to answer. The post you are referring to is this one: Could the same SPN finale make a little more sense with some additions/changes?

I didn’t write that as the kind of finale I would want. I did it to prove the finale could have been the same: pandering to general audience, w*ncest and destiel shippers alike, while still keeping some sort of logic regarding the build up of the story. It didn’t have to be so bad, but it was, and it looks intentionally bad, if I’m being honest. Maybe it was better that way, because it made it easier for us to simply ignore the existence of it. 

Regarding all the points you sent in your messages to me, I’m just gonna post them all together because they seem interesting, but I don’t really want to spend more time thinking about a finale that already hurt me enough. The only two posts I’ve written about the finale were for me to cope, to kinda heal and let it go. Now I just pretend it never happened. I’m glad you had some space to vent and I’m posting your messages so others can read the whole thing and maybe let comments if they want to agree or disagree, but that’s all I can do. 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me and the fandom as well. Everything that helps us heal is valid. *hugs*

[lovethediseasedkillerpuppy]

12x22 recap

The good, the bad & the ugly. A lot of ranting & a lot of Dean feels & Ackles praise. No sugar to be found in my coating. 

Ahoy lazy writing! That spell stuff. Smh. Ok Dean ilu but “Let's Shawshank this bitch” really? Ya do remember how that took years to do. This idea was ridiculous. Why are the writers hell-bent on making the brothers look incompetent this season?

“How did this happen?” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RN SAM I HAVE AN IDEA.

“Blaze of glory...sonuvabitch.” Now THAT is my Dean. A crazy as shit idea, but one that actually has a chance of working.

DEAN FINALLY GETS TO USE THE LAUNCHER HE IS SO HAPPY I LOVE IT.

On the other hand; “big, beautiful & dumb” fuck you, writers.

“yippee ki yay mother...” BOOM. This is why Jensen was excited abt 12x22. Nothing will convince me otherwise.

“Aww, ya wanna play mother to my son? He's all yours.” Ik I've said this half the season now, but DIE MARY.

Sam's speech: Y'all weren't dumb enough to fall for the BMOL bullshit like me & my mom but now they're trying to kill us all so let's team up & take them down. WHO IS WITH ME!1!11

Dean: “I'm not going.” In an extremely long list of shitting on Dean S12 has done THIS FUCKING TOOK THE CAKE. Oh yeah, go ahead Sam, go to your possible death, I'm gonna sit back here & deal with mom..smth that could totally be dealt with AFTER THE MAJOR SHOWDOWN YOU'RE GOING TO, but for Reasons I am, for the 1st time in 12 seasons, going to just chill on the bench voluntarily. It's not like I've spent the entire series protecting you at all costs...nah, I'll send ya off on your own, you got this. Yeah, sound totally in character, the Dean we all know. Great job bo bo. At least now that nickname makes sense bc this writing is nothing short of a joke. Oh but by all means, throw in an old line to garner nostalgia & a bro hug to distract us from this horse shit. All better now.

Dean & Mary scenes. All.The.Feels. At first Dean is trying to get her attention, thinking she's trapped...but then everything shifts when he realizes she wants to be in there. “I hate you.” AHHHH I screamed at my TV, seriously. That was sooooo huge for Dean, so hard & so needed to be said. Then it just gets so much more painful from there…

Tbh I'm too bitter that Dean was benched to give any fucks abt any of this BMOL shootout so moving along…

Back to Dean...ok this dialogue was a lot of shit. But I'll focus on Jensen's phenomenal performance before I complain abt that…

Dean calling Mary on her shit *standing ovation* Tell that bitch, Dean! “I had to be a father and I had to be a mother. To keep him safe. And that wasn't fair.” I HAVE WAITED 12 SEASON FOR THIS!

But here's where things go to shit…

“I couldn’t do it.” Seriously? You’re gonna put the shit that happened on him. Okay, sounds fake, but ok. I guess it’s fitting with the shit hole speech ya had him say next.

Sam this...Sam that...Sam Sam SAM. DEAN IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN YOU WENT TO HELL & YOU WERE TORTURED THERE YOUR LIFE WASN'T FREAKING PUPPIES & RAINBOWS EITHER. Would it have been that fucking difficult to put WE went to Hell, WE were tortured??? SOME acknowledgment that Mary ruined his life too??? It's Dean, so yes the focus is always going to be on someone else's hardships more than his own but leaving every other word the same & just switching WE in those 2 parts would have made all the difference in the world. But no. Dean doesn't matter. He isn't of import to these writers.

Back to Jensen's performance…

“I hate you. I hate you...and I love you. Cause I can't..I can't help it cause you're my mom. And I understand bc I have made deals to save the ones I love. More than once. I forgive you. I forgive you..for all of it..everything.”

The way his voice breaks on the 2nd I hate you /gross sobbing!!! This was so utterly heartbreaking on a number of levels. Dean, the guy who has put his family before everything else, who's mom was the one pure relationship he had-his go to happy place...and he's admitting out loud that he hates her. That was huge...& monumentally difficult. And his follow up “I love you bc I can't help it, ur my mom” that's part of why it was so hard on him. It's beaten into us by society to love our parents but society never factors in that some parents DON'T deserve our love. Kids don't wanna tell their parents they hate them, no matter how much the parent earned it. We're bombarded from an early age to love our parents & if not, if a child dares to question that love then THEY are seen as the ones in the wrong. In general, society doesn't account for horrible parents & kids who have them end up feeling shame &/or guilt over not loving them but they don't have to. You don't have to love a shitty parent any more than you have to love any other person who mistreats you.

The forgiving part. I've seen a lot of Dean fans unhappy he forgave her when she clearly didn't earn it but I have to disagree. The forgiveness had nothing to do with Mary & everything to do with Dean. Look how relieved he is when he says it. Dean had been carrying that bottled up hatred towards Mary his whole life & it got so much worse after her return. That's not good for anyone. Him saying “I forgive you” wasn't letting her off the hook or making everything she'd done ok, it was taking the weight off HIS shoulders of hating a parent. Having hate for someone you also love. That shit fucks with your head. Openly forgiving her was beneficial to HIM. If it made Mary feel better idgaf, the point is that Dean needed to do it for his own sake & that's why I liked it. That's why I won't add it to the list of “Dean apologizing to everyone” bc in this case it was in his best interest & that's what matters. As for Jensen, what can I say that won't sound like a broken record lol. He continues to amaze. He brought you right into that scene & you felt everything right along with Dean.

The Dean & Ketch fight. I waited so damn long for Dean to be able to his this asshole! But of course Mary kills him bc S12 Dean is a pacifist. WTF was that shit, seriously? Ketch is supposed to be a match to Dean but a little bullet to the shoulder & he's on his knees whining?? This is the killing machine the season built up as the big scary bad?? Lemme go vomit, brb. And what was with the “I knew you were a killer, you both are.” crap? Did he get some satisfaction in the last few seconds of his life to say I told you so? Lame ass end to a lame as plot.

Back to w/e the hell Sam was doing…

The umbridge bitch wasn't happy. Sam why the hell haven't you shot her yet? You dumb shit. He just stands there listening to her bullshit. SERIOUSLY SAM WHY IS SHE STILL ALIVE? Oh take out the scary computer, that helped a lot. At least Jody was around this time or Sam probly would've joined her team again.

Mary: blah blah a lot of excuses & justifying blah blah blah...BUT STILL NO GOD DAMN APOLOGY. I know “I'm sorry” is just words & actions speak louder but it's a damn start.

Oh but by all means, throw in another hug to distract the fans. Group hug=all is well with them. Sure, Jan.

Overall this ep was mediocre...which is an improvement on most of the season, but other than Dean finally getting to use the grenade launcher & Jensen killing us with the Mary flashbacks, it was poorly written & rushed.

[mycasandstarrs]

SPN 4x21: “When the Levee Breaks”

Better go find a nearby cliff to jump off of after I finish watching this episode.

Red light on Sam v white light on Dean. Nice.

This is denial at it’s finest.

(Very irrelevant question here, but how did they make it so Sam couldn’t just open the door from the inside?)

Sam completely forgot that the panic room could ward off ghosts, hence this wouldn’t be possible...

Part 1: Alastair.

I’m not meta-intelligent enough to figure out why he would appear as one of Sam’s hallucinations.

Bobby!! omg, I missed him so much.

“Suck dirt and die, Rufus.” lmao

Rufus probably telling Bobby to check out the news.

Part 2: Younger Sammy

Facing your younger self after becoming something you never wanted to be is very difficult.

If I had to face Younger Me, I’d be afraid of it going about as “well” as this.

Seals are breaking left and right.

“Where the hell are your angel pals?” More like angle “pal”...well actually, it’d still be plural because of Cas *and* Anna.

Bobby suggesting they let Sam use his powers to stop Lilith, oh dear.

“I love that boy like a son. All I’m saying is maybe he’s here right now instead of on the battlefield because we love him too much.” *cries*

Sam is really going through it.

Part 3: Mary.

So she’s the “if she did a terrible/shady decision, in the name of saving a loved one, so can I.” part of Sam.

I h i g h l y doubt real!Mary would react like this??

Sam is just feeding himself lies, good lord.

(Sam’s interpretation of Mary always somehow leans to “you’re my favorite son, not Dean.”)

Dean and Cas time?

Dean and Cas time!!!

He’d been praying for 2 and a half hours!! And it shows, good lord his voice is hoarse.

“Well, nothing of import.” lmao. I gotta start saying that.

There’s an urgency in Cas’ “I can’t”, and it's the most genuine he’s been so far.

“Consuming the amount of blood it would take to kill Lilith would change your brother forever. Most likely, he would become the next creature that you would feel compelled to kill.” g o d n o.

“There’s no reason this would have to come to pass, Dean.” I’m just now noticing how...lowkey manipulative that sounds. Cas is playing Dean’s biggest card: protecting Sam.

“We believe it’s you, Dean, not your brother.”

“You are the one who will stop it.”

(I’ve seen too many movies/read too many stories to know if someone is told that they’re the “only one”, it’s most likely bull.)

Dean willing to bear the full responsibility of preventing the Apocalypse just so Sam can be protected.

“God, you’re a dick these days.” “these days” So in the past days, he was getting better?

Cas looks like he’s screaming internally at Dean to NOT DO THIS.

The camera stays on Cas and Dean just...looking at each other for 11 seconds. I fucking counted it.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you willingly signed up to be the angels’ bitch? I’m sorry. You prefer ‘sucker’?” lmao I love Bobby.

“Shady politicians from planet Vulcan.” That’s actually a great description of most angels (minus Cas, of course.)

0 to 100 real fucking quick.

Dean being so affected by seeing Sam in pain, that he zoned out and Bobby had to snap him out of it.

Part 4: Dean.

The brother Sam failed.

The conversation Bobby and Dean are having is breaking my damn heart, and we’re not even at the most brutal part of the episode.

Hallucination!Dean calling Sam a monster.

Real Dean willing to die for Sam again as long as Sam can stay human.

Of all his hallucinations, Sam is most affected by Dean.

I was beginning to question how Sam even got out of there...and now I’m being shown.

C A S W H Y

Awww at Bobby and Dean sleeping. The one moment of peace they get in the episode.

Cas actually looks guilty.

At least Cas’ first words to Anna were a fair (albeit vague) warning.

Anna is just shaming him, lol.

:( Anna’s been caught.

See you next season, Anna.

AAnnndd now Cas feels even more like shit.

I love how Bobby opted for a shotgun, bc it wouldn’t necessarily kill Sam (it’d just hurt very much). And he STILL can’t hurt Sam.

Sam becoming his own version of the “shoot me” vine in the saddest way possible.

We have back to back moments of Team Free Will members doing something terrible and feeling more like shit than they already do.

Did Sam take the Impala? How long was Bobby out there before either Dean woke up to the sound of the car and went outside to investigate or Bobby woke up on his own and ran inside to alert Dean of what happened.

Fuck yeah, Dean, go kill Ruby please. (Even though i know you won’t yet but still.)

So did Sam keep hallucinating or did they end with Dean?

(Also, I was convinced that Ruby withheld demon blood on purpose. Any other time Sam has called Ruby to come to him, she’s there almost immediately. But the time that Sam urgently needs her, she stays away...but then I thought that maybe she did arrive to Sam’s location, and saw that he was with Dean and didn’t dare approach. She might’ve followed Sam throughout that entire episode and found that there was never a window of opportunity to approach him, without risk of getting caught. Then Sam got taken to Bobby’s and it was game over for her, so she had to lie low until she heard from Sam again.)

Ah ok, so my attempt at explaining unseen things kinda went out the window: Ruby was looking for Lilith the whole time, aka three weeks.

(Which would actually kinda confirm my half suspicion that she purposely withheld blood from Sam. Ruby’s so manipulative, there’s no way of telling what’s true until it’s too late.)

“I’m sorry you’re hurting. Really.” Ooohhhh, what a manipulation.

Ruby’s tone and micro-expression when she says “I mean, he knows you better than anyone.” seem to suggest that she wanted Sam to say she knows him better.

Oh, don’t pretend to feel sad about Sam and Dean falling out.

It’s so sick and twisted that Ruby got Sam addicted to her blood. She was most likely the first demon he drank blood from.

Dean knows Sam so well, even when Sam is trying his hardest to throw him off.

Oh, they definitely had sex again.

Ruby does a good job hiding her excitement at getting closer to the final seal, everything she’s been working for.

Lilith’s personal chef.

NO ONE IN THEIR NORMAL MIND WOULD CALL A BABY “DELICIOUS”

How many times did Ruby have to tell Sam that it was “okay” to drink demon blood before he could do it?

YOU ARE NOT SORRY, STOP LYING.

“When this is all over, I hope we can fix things.”

Ruby looks...unhappy about Sam still wanting to patch things up with Dean. Like, she almost fully has him, but there’s one strand still attached to Dean and she wants to cut it.

“It’s gotta be about  bringing him back, not pushing him away.” Yeah, let’s see how long that lasts until it goes to shit.

Bobby is everything as a father than John never was.

OOHHH KILL HER DEAN (even tho I know it won’t happen in this episode but stillll)

Damn it, Sam.

I feel like Dean had genuine intentions to just talk to Sam...but then he saw Ruby, the one responsible for Sam’s demon blood addiction, and just completely threw it out of the window.

That, and the fact that Sam let Ruby go.

OOHHH Dean is confirming my half suspicion about Ruby purposely holding out demon blood from Sam.

Ahhh ok. Sam just tossed aside Ruby’s knife so they could talk, hence how Dean has possession of it in the next episode.

Sam playing the “team work” card at Dean.

Sam and Dean’s “I’m the one who’s gonna stop Lilith” “no, it’s me!” discussion. 

How come Sam and Dean didn’t question the fact that they were being told by the opposite ends of the spectrum that they were the “one”? (Actually, I can answer my own question: they were to busy worrying about each other and justifying making their decision as doing it for the other brother to protect them, etc...)

Sam pulls the “Dean’s not strong enough” to DEAN HIMSELF. I now realize this is Sam's “good reason” for doing the shit he’s been doing, but it comes off so terrible and disrespectful and flat out ignorant.

That little moment where Sam almost loses his temper on Dean, then catches himself and is honestly so scary.

I understand Sam’s need to be independent, make his own choices, and to have Dean trust him as much as he trusts Dean. I sympathize with Sam wanting to lead every now and then...but not like this, Sam.Would anyone trust a strung out addict that is being manipulated and puppeted by an untrustworthy person (demon, in this case)?

Oh god no, here it comes.

Dean pls. Dean you don’t hAVE TO NOOOOOOOOOOOO

That shot of Sam as we see him as a potential monster...he’s almost unrecognizable.

And with that, the Winchester blow out fight begins.

JESUS CHRIST SAM NOOOO

LOOK, AT WORST I LIKE TO THINK DEAN WAS JUST GONNA BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF SAM ENOUGH TO KNOCK HIM OUT THEN DRAG HIS ASS BACK TO BOBBY’S

BUT SAM ACTUALLY ALMOST WENT IN FOR THE KILL, JESUS

“You don’t know me. You never did, and you never will.”

“You walk out that door, don’t you ever come back.”

Friendly reminder that if Cas hadn’t interfered and told Dean the truth, and if Cas hadn’t sacrificed his life to get Dean to Sam, that could have been Sam and Dean’s last interaction, period.