#and while there are clear influences of both of those it's desolation through and through

[kingsmoot]

theon tma DESOLATION !!! ❤️❤️❤️

see if theon was being stalked by a fear entity for the whole of his life before being swallowed whole by it, it would OBVIOUSLY be the desolation and it would OBVIOUSLY take the form of ramsay bolton whose cold dead dirty ice eyes would stay crystal clear in the molten wax of his pale, blotchy face as it ran over theon in agonizing rivulets

[theflowerofhumanity]

Green-Blooded Jealousy

Among the crew of the USS Enterprise, the Bridge officers saw a disproportionate amount of action. Those privileged few, orbiting the captain like so many moons, regularly had the kind of adventures that motivated exhausted but starry-eyed cadets in Starfleet Academy to study just a little harder and to stay up just a little later.

But those officers could also be somewhat isolated by the rarefied air of the Bridge. They were usually the last ones to hear the latest gossip, even the salacious, speculative kind that tore through the rest of the ship in just a few days. There were exceptions to this rule, of course: Lieutenant Uhura was a popular social butterfly, and as chief engineer, Scotty probably heard all kinds of talk but was wise enough not to repeat any of it while he was on duty. The ship’s first officer, though, might have been the very last to hear any of it. Spock tended to ignore all but the tallest tales even when he did hear them. In typical Vulcan fashion, he dismissed anything that lacked the potential to threaten the overall morale of the crew and fortunately, nothing had fit that description this early in the voyage.

The same privilege and separation from the lower decks that put the Bridge crew out of the loop made them a favorite subject of that same gossip. Half of the women on board carried a torch for one of the senior officers, with Captain Kirk’s boyish good looks and charm making him the clear front-runner. To some ordinary crewmen, the captain and his inner circle were more like celebrities than fellow members of Starfleet.

So when two crewmen working alongside him in the lab struck up a conversation about a relatively recent rumor, Spock took notice only when one of them remarked, “Chapel? The blonde with the great legs? Damn. Some guys have all the luck.”

His companion chuckled. “Well, I don’t see your epaulets, Sharma. Everyone knows she’s been sweet on a Bridge officer for months. You think she’s going to be interested in a lab rat?”

Spock frowned, his hands going still. Under the influence of an alien virus, Christine Chapel had confessed that she was in love with him not so long ago. He remembered the encounter with crystal clarity—and he knew that it had caused her a great deal of embarrassment. But how had that translated into this supposed common knowledge? Since neither man was paying any attention to him, however, it appeared that no one had correctly guessed for which Bridge officer the head nurse had eyes. In any case, their talk had already moved on to a different topic. Spock went back to his research, putting thoughts of Christine (and her great legs—the observation had been slightly crude but accurate nonetheless) in the back of his orderly mind.

It never occurred to him to wonder about the identity of the man.

A few days later, Spock laid claim to the empty corner of a rec room for dinner and a game of chess with Jim. The chatter from a table near the door washed over him like so much white noise as he began setting up the tridimensional board. Until—

“He was with her down there, after all. On Exo III, I mean.”

Exo III. The name was enough to pique Spock’s interest. They’d found Dr. Roger Korby—or whatever had remained of him—on that desolate planet. He lifted his eyes from the chess pieces he was arranging, unconsciously tilting his head with curiosity. The speaker was an ensign whose auburn hair was almost indistinguishable from her uniform.

“I guess chivalry’s not dead,” her dark-haired companion remarked, laughing.

“Not while Captain Kirk’s alive,” agreed the redhead. “I heard that they’ve been seeing each other for months already. If that’s true, it seems like a pretty quick rebound, but well…can you blame her?”

The brunette lifted one non-committal shoulder. “He’s not really my type.”

“Sure, you say that now, but if he turned that gigawatt smile on you—”

“It’s a megawatt smile at most.”

Both of them rose from the table and headed for the door, giggling as they continued to bicker over the order of magnitude that best described the power contained within Jim Kirk’s smile, not that either girl had probably ever seen that expression for themselves.

A deafening silence accompanied the ensigns’ departure. Spock didn’t recognize his own sudden, intense agitation until he swept the board he’d just assembled off the table. He stared with astonishment first at the mess of pieces strewn across the floor, then at his offending arm, which trembled beneath his gaze.

It is not logical to envy, he reminded himself even as he wondered if that was the sensation he was experiencing.

Christine Chapel was almost nothing to Spock—maybe not even a friend. When had they ever had a real conversation? He wasn’t available, in human parlance, even if he had the time or inclination to pursue an intimate relationship. If Christine wanted companionship and comfort in the wake of losing her own fiance, she had no reason to seek those things in him. Jim, on the other hand, was an obvious choice. Was it possible that their experience on Exo III had forged a bond between them that had grown into something more?

Even if such a thing had occurred completely unbeknownst to Spock, he wondered further: their mission was still young, had he ever seen Jim carry on a romance with a crew member? Not even with Miss Rand…

“Enough. Enough!” he muttered as he knelt down to collect the scattered chessmen. It was just some talk. There was no empirical evidence that the captain was spending time with Nurse Chapel in any capacity, and he had no reason to be jealous of such a relationship if it did exist. Such a reaction was utterly irrational. It was below him. Jim was his friend, Christine his colleague.

Ordering a cup of spice tea from the food synthesizer, Spock settled back into his seat to wait for Jim.

@multirptrash

[sashketter]

The Captain and the Senator Chapter 6 Footnotes

seela hirani - beautiful dancer (Twi’leki) (source) Full credit to the folks in the comments of one of my headcanon posts. I knew I didn’t want Rex to be the only one with a partner, but I would never have thought to refer to Howzer’s as seela hirani if not for those comments. Thanks, you lovely lot!

daesha - queen (Twi’leki) (source)

Once again, my deepest and sincerest thanks and appreciation to odekiisu for this beautifully rendered and written guide to clone armor.

Something something Riyo as Rex’s Moon Goddess through his belief in and knowledge 😉 of her something something kneeling as worship hence “on your knees” something something sex as both rapture or transcendent experience and just plain animal fucking something something we end with emotion equal to their sex acts ☺️

To wit, I think it’s important that Rex and Riyo don’t actually say “I love you” to each other. I don’t think they’re quite there yet. I think they care about each other a lot and want to pursue something together, but there’s a reason I wrote “begin a close relationship” (emphasis added) from the very start in the table of contents. I never intended this series to be the end-all-be-all of my take on Rexiyo; it was always just the start. And sometimes, I think it’s a doomed relationship because of where Rex ends up in Rebels, so I hope I’ve planted enough seeds for them to go in either direction by the series's end.

I probably should have pulled from specific examples of fertility and love goddesses to inform Riyo’s story of the Moon Goddess, but I think I’ve studied enough mythology as a former English major lol that I could gesture towards a believable silhouette without unnecessary detail. The point was to make the connection between coming and bonding; each word has several meanings that play on the other. The coming and bonding is literal and personal and social, but it’s not clear which causes what first.

Having all the other characters try to check in on them was a late idea. I think it’s useful to see how other characters react to a given pair. It keeps our interpretations of them honest, not just a tunnel-vision-of-love version. It also works like a Greek chorus.

When Gregor suggests that the clones go to Pantora for “a little action” of their own, I tried to keep it as gender neutral as possible 😉 but I also wanted them to acknowledge Riyo as a worthy partner for Rex and maybe hint at a little jealousy. Can you blame them? I stuck them on a desolate ice planet while Rex gets to rail a Senator on the regular lolol

According to Wookiepedia, Papanoida “fathered several children.” The three we meet in “Sphere of Influence” aren’t his only ones, but it’s not clear exactly how many he has. I’m gonna say less than ten but enough to make others worry for his wife or baby mamas lol because Ion, Chi Eekway, and Che Amanwe look around the same age.

I am of the firm belief that the clones have really quick recovery times. It grew out of Rex’s comment to Kix in “The Unknown”: “We were designed to withstand any stress.” It makes sense for genetically engineered soldiers to be able to tough any physically exhausting task better than the average human 😉

As such, there’s probably a good chance they like it rough. I mean, they’ll probably follow their partner’s lead, ofc, they were made to obey orders, etc., but I think they default to rough because of all the combat and action they see on the field.

I didn’t set out to make Riyo like it rough, too, but you know what, the cutest girls have some of the freakiest minds 😌 Take my word for it, I’m a card-carrying member lol No one ever expects me to talk about sexy shit, but here we are 😈

There’s debate over whether it’s “cum” or “come.” Technically, both are correct, but general consensus suggests “cum” is the more vulgar slang word. I alternate between the two to differentiate between noun and verb, “his tangy cum” vs. “I’m coming,” just so we don’t fall into a linguistic gray area where there might not be many context clues to differentiate between something like “come home” and “come hard.”

In fact, I mentioned this in my footnotes for Chapter 1, but I had originally intended to avoid all the old vulgar traps of “cock” and “cunt” and “pussy” and “dick” et al., and I think I managed it 🥳 But I made a concession for “cock” because it’s also a verb. Not that I have anything against “cunt” and “pussy” and the like, but I really don’t think Captain Rex and Senator Riyo Chuchi would say those words. I scandalized myself when I had her say “ass” lolol but “rear” and “behind” weren’t cutting it, and at that point, after so many rounds with Rex, can you really blame her for losing her senses? 😌

I really wanted to write out a kiss phonetically or at least approximate the sound of a kiss, but it turns out that it’s almost linguistically impossible! Most languages have their version of the English “mwah,” but that’s not really what a kiss sounds like, or at least how dictionaries want us to pronounce the word. This comment on Quora was super enlightening: “when you read mwah, you are meant to imagine (or even vocalize) the sound of that bilabial air-sucking click. This is not unlike tsk, which the dictionary attempts to pronounce as tisk, but which is really meant to represent the sound you make when, for example, you think what a pity or try to entice an animal to you.” Do it, imagine calling a stray cat to you. It’s the sound of a kiss! But no one reads “tsk” like that. So, I just opted for the word instead.

I’m still on the fence about giving Riyo a pair of gold blasters, smaller versions of the ones Papanoida wields in “Sphere of Influence,” because it feels a little OOC for her, but I like the idea of Rex and Riyo influencing each other. He gives up his pauldron, his rank, after she tells him she’s stepping down from the Senate (see how I set that up 😌), and he takes a chance on her by chapter’s end. I think if Padmé, the character we keep comparing her to, can believably engage in “aggressive negotiations,” so can Riyo 💪🏽

This chapter could’ve gone longer with Rex giving Riyo head while fully kitted, and honestly, ain’t that the dream 🥵 But I was already at 7.6k words 💀 and had written oral in Chapters 2 and 5, so I decided against it. And I love ending with “on your knees.” 😉 One day, I’ll work on someone getting off on pressing Rex’s arm plates on their bare torso while he gives them oral 🤞🏽🤞🏽 I can’t tell y’all how often I think about that lolol

I actually had some reference gifs and videos for Rex and Riyo’s positions (I didn’t for Chapters 2 and 5). Warning: porn ahead! For round one when Riyo’s on top, there’s bibbidi, bobbidi, boo. For round three when Riyo squirts for the first time, this is what I had in mind for the start. And for the start of round four, this between 7:16 and 8:17 is actually a bit of a favorite (it links to PornHub, so proceed or not with caution).

[fakecrfan]

Ok. So Martin has to figure out what the Eye is at some point before the Goggles Incident or else he wouldnt know to blind himself to escape, right? So. When and how did he figure that out? And like, I get that he cant accept what the Eye offers as real love but wouldn't he try bargaining to, idk, date elias or smthg if the other 3 are released kind of like in aoye? Why would the Eye not go for that in this scenario?

Okay so--yes. Martin does discover what’s going on before the goggles incident. And of course, he discovers you can quit by gouging your eyes out. But it happens in phases.

Phase 1: he gets into the tunnels sometime after the Jane Prentiss threat blows over (but Martin’s been evicted and he’s weirdly having trouble finding a new place.) He gets information on the entities in general from Leitner.

Martin still promises he’ll come back and they’ll exchange more info. When he does come back, he finds Leitner completely fucking dead, so that’s how that goes.

(There is also some drama with the polycule and how they react to the tunnels--but I got another ask on that so I will expound on that Later :) )

Phase 2: Martin, after so much running around and trying to find out what eye monster is doing this and trying to wheedle information from people, gets straight up told by Elias that the Eye is in love with him. Martin does not accept this at first.

Phase 3: Melanie quits.

And you see, this is quite an accomplishment. Jon does now tell her how to quit in this AU, because Jon simply does not find Eric’s tape. Melanie follows Eric’s path in a more--indirect way. She goes through the process trial and error herself.

Of course her first instinct is to simply murder Elias. This prompts consternation from the rest of the polycule. Even Martin objects, also worried about all of them dying, to which Melanie throws something at him and screams not everything is about what you want!

She does feel bad about it afterwards, but she decides that bad feeling must be more Eye brainwashing, so she smothers it intentionally and does not apologize.

The attempts on Elias’s life before standard procedure. The others stop getting riled up about them. It even becomes an integral part of the team atmosphere. Exchanges like: “Ah, sorry Tim, seems like Melanie poisoned everything in the fridge just in case Elias eats any of it” become an ordinary and accepted part of life at the Archives.

The murder attempts distract everyone from all her other attempts to free herself.

Melanie reads every single statement she can get her hands on, trying to find any mention of someone fighting successfully against an Entity’s influence. She finds the story of Agnes Montague freeing someone from the web-induced mind control with a kiss on the cheeks.

That gives Melanie an idea, and sets her on a path. The first stop on that path is Jude Perry.

(CW: self harm, serious self-injury, and self destructive behavior bordering on suicidal.)

Jude laughs at Melanie’s dilemma (she always did find other people’s misery funny) and laughs even more at her hypothesis. Still, when Melanie grits her teeth and explains what she wants from Jude, Jude grins.

“Well,” Jude says. “I can practically guarantee you won’t get anything out of it that you’re hoping for. But you are pretty, so how could I say no?”

Georgie, as Melanie’s emergency contact, is the one who gets called by the hospital and gets to see her bandaged up from the burns Jude left on one side of her face.

Georgie is also there when Melanie gets to wake up and find out it didn’t work--that the same intense pressure for her to return to the Institute is still there. Melanie sobs a bit over it, squeezing Georgie’s hand, but--she’s not done, either. Not remotely.

If it’s not that the Desolation gives some sort of protection from mind control, Melanie decides, it must be that different Entities cancel each other out. And if the Desolation cancels out the Web, then--there has to be one that cancels out the Eye.

And so Melanie’s path continues.

She tracks down Manuela Domingeuz, and then Helen.

Melanie gets locked in the dark box (willingly) for days, and spends some indeterminate amount of time stumbling in Helen’s corridors, listening to Helen’s giggles echo around the corner and wondering if she’ll ever get let out. In each of these it--Melanie can feel the Eye subside for a moment. Can feel her thoughts become her own again.

But once she’s out, the pressure is always back. Pushing her back to the Institute. Letting her know Martin is worried.

She has so, so many fights with Georgie throughout all of this. Because Georgie both disagrees with Melanie keeping everything to herself, and disagrees with everything Melanie is doing when Melanie actually explains any of it.

“This isn’t helping anything, Melanie! I can’t just sit by and watch you slowly kill yourself.”

“Where were you? Please tell me what’s going on.”

“You’re just as bad as Jon.”

They stop talking. They start talking again. Melanie gets increasingly more erratic and hostile in her interactions with everyone. Jon tells her a supernatural bullet is causing this but, “It’s fine, we’ll make sure you stay one of Us enough to keep clear headed.”

She throws something at him, and screams.

Georgie wants her to stop trying. Wants her to focus on self-preservation, and stop self destructing for no foreseeable gain.

“And just let them keep controlling me?” Melanie mumbles, pressed up against Georgie’s shoulder.

“You’d still be alive, though,” Georgie says. “That has to be worth something.”

Melanie almost gives in, then. Only for a second, though. The problem is that Georgie’s words have the exact opposite of the effect Georgie intends. Because Melanie hears that and feels her heart melt and something in her goes: oh, this is what real love is.

She compares it to the foreign obsession that grips her at the worst of times, and she makes a choice.

Next week, Melanie locks herself in her own apartment. She knows she’ll get sick if she doesn’t go back to the Institute. It’s time to see if it will really kill her--or else, call her bluff.

Her phone blows up. She shuts it off and throws it out the window. Over the next few days, it becomes impossible to sleep. She paces, vomits, and scratches at herself. She gets furious, breaks things, kicks things, and cries through it all. She feels an ache in her leg, and thinks about what Jon told her about the bullet.

“Well,” she says, through the haze of lost sleep. “Maybe I can stop one thing from controlling me, at least.”

She cuts up her own leg. Messily, bloodily, not having enough foresight to sterilize the knife or have sutures or gauze ready to go. It’s pure luck that she doesn’t hit a major artery in the process, and that she gets it out.

Then, she hears knocking at the door.

“Fuck off!” she yells.

“Melanie?”

The voice makes her blood run cold. Martin. Her eyes move towards the door without her permission.

“Sasha said you were--you were doing--” Martin swallows. “Melanie, please. You don’t have to--”

Her head spins. She stands up, and heads for the door. She shakily unlocks it as though in a trance, and when she sees Martin on the other side she knows exactly why. The sight of him makes that alien thing at the back of head light up like fireworks.

She also knows, instantly, that Martin came himself because he knew that he’d be able to get her to stop. Because the second he thought hard enough about not wanting her to hurt herself, she wouldn’t be able to. That he's started to believe in the Eye's “love” enough to use it, in this case.

“You,” she tells him, still light-headed, “are a fucker, Martin.”

He doesn’t even defend himself. She hates him for that.

“What did you---your leg. Okay, shit, we need to get you to a--let me call--”

Melanie tries to move her head away. She can’t. She tries to at least blink. She can’t. She’s locked in eye contact with him, and those same fireworks are going off in her head.

Does Melanie work it out, at that moment?

She does think, briefly, of Manuela’s darkness. How that darkness blotted out the Eye’s influence, if only for a moment. About how Manuela ritualistically scratched out photographs of eyes, while Melanie was there. But maybe Melanie still doesn’t really make the intellectual connection.

Maybe it’s just spite.

She can’t move her own goddamn eyes. If it’s gonna be that way, then at the very least the Beholding shouldn’t get them either. And so, Melanie takes the knife she’d just used on her legs, and turns it on her own eyes.

The last thing she sees is Martin’s shrieking face--but the first thing she feels when she wakes up is Georgie’s hand holding hers, and that makes it worth it.

[roguesandsaviors]

Wanting In

Fandom: Sicario

Characters: Matt Graver, Alejandro Gillick,  Charly Dunn (OFC), Kate Macer, Reggie Wayne

Pairing: None

Summary: There was a third member that joined the team that Matt Graver created. She holds different views on the ending events of the movie than Kate did.

Word Count: 2,064

Rating: SFW

Warning: Explicit language, mentions of violence, references of drugs related to movie events

****************************************************************************************

Kate was less than pleased. We were being used. It was never about us making a contribution to the team. Nothing more than a technical necessity. We were the means to an end for the operation. Sure, it rubbed me the wrong way but in the end, what was done was done and the job getting finished was more important than my feelings on the situation. Something had to change and if it took means that were less by the book then so be it. Kate and Reggie didn't have that sort of view as we suited up.

Relegated to the back of the squad, I checked over my weapon a couple of times. The military team assembled would likely take care of any bodies that we ran into but that didn't mean someone couldn't slip through. I didn't want to be caught unaware and unprepared. 

There was a quiet anticipation that rippled through the men. I felt that creeping chill up my spine, a surge of adrenaline exploding in preparation of what was to come. A sure gun fight and nothing got the blood pumping more quickly. The SUVs stopped in the middle of nowhere, guided by the eye in the sky towards the entrance to the tunnel. Cracking my neck, I exited the car and took my spot towards the rear of the group. 

The hike to the entrance was uneventful. Alejandro was sent in first, quickly followed by the head of the military team. I felt like I was practically chomping at the bit, especially when the ringing of gunfire in a confined space started echoing out. Forgoing caution and reminders to stay back, I pressed ahead of Reggie and Kate. Sweeping in every direction I could, there was nothing. The gunfire hadn't stopped. 

A turn came up and a quick sweep to the left had me nearly face to face with one of the runners. His weapon was quickly aimed at my chest. Without hesitation, I pulled the trigger, watching as his body fell. 

"Shit." 

"You good?"

"Good." I responded quickly to whoever had asked before we moved on. Clears began to be called out as the gunfire ceased. Just as I went to turn to regroup, I noticed Kate heading off. This wasn't going to be good. My choices were to let her fuck something up or go follow her and try to stop whatever it was that she thought she could do. Making the decision, I took off after her. If the others wanted to be pissed about it, oh well. 

She didn't seem to realize that I was following her. A concerning fact for numerous reasons. She exited just ahead of me and I had to double time in so I didn't lose her. 

I exited the tunnel and nearly groaned. Alejandro had an officer at gunpoint while Kate was attempting to hold him. I raised my weapon and settled it squarely on Kate. 

"That's enough. Drop the weapon Kate." I took a leap of faith in the fact that Alejandro wouldn't shoot me too. It didn't seem like the style of the operations but I had been wrong before. A few tense moments of silence passed.

"He has an officer Charly."

"Who is carrying drugs in the back of his squad car. He's corrupt and part of the cartel. Drop your gun Kate." She refused to, shaking her head. It only took her turning her head towards me for a moment for the opportunity to arise.

The shot was fired and Kate went down. I relaxed, dropping my weapon down as Alejandro moved over to her. The bullet had hit her kevlar. He wasn't looking to kill, just incapacitate her for some time. I could hear her gasping from over here. That sort of shot hurt and smarted for weeks.

"Don't ever point a weapon at me again." I didn't make a move to stop the operative as he got into the car with the officer and drove over. Moving over to Kate, I attempted to help her up. She was still gasping for breath. 

"That was real fucking stupid," I grumbled before hauling her to her feet. She shoved me back immediately. 

"Stupid?! He had that man at gunpoint. Do you know what he is going to do? None of this is okay!" 

"I know full well what he is going to go off and do. We need to get you back. Come on. Before they send the guys back in." I reached forward and grabbed her by the vest. "Besides, it's gonna be a good idea to get your chest looked at. Kevlar stopped it but that doesn't mean it didn't crack a rib."

"How are you okay with this?!" She was still pissed. Each and every word had a gasp between it as she struggled to get her breath back.

"Because it's not our call! Wake the fuck up Kate. You think the stash houses we raid, or the homes used to hide bodies after the fact are making a damn bit of difference? Because if you do, please fucking enlighten me on where I can see it. I don't. More people are dying every day because those fuckers are allowed to do as they please and live like kings." I wasn't in the mood for her bullshit and just wanted to get back. "Come on. Before they come back looking for us." I grabbed her by the vest again and began to pull her back through the tunnel. 

We made it back just as the men were coming back towards the tunnel. Kate, still trying to recover from the bullet, tore from my grip and lunged at Matt, landing a hard looking hook. I groaned and looked towards the sky, the night was over but she demanded to cause trouble. 

Reggie moved forward only to be shoved to the ground by a few of the other guys while Matt worked on grabbing Kate and trying to calm her down. Eyes were on me and I held up my hands, not intending on causing any trouble. 

"Good work guys." I moved passed Reggie plastered to the ground and gave Matt and Kate some privacy.

*****

Standing next to Matt as he unloaded his gear from his body, I shook my head. Kate and Reggie had already left, Kate pissed off by what had happened and what she had seen while it just had added a whole gallon of gasoline to the fire for me. Was it legal? Not really. Did I give a shit about that? Absolutely not.

"I want in. Not that halfass fucking bullshit Matt. I don't wanna be kept around for shit that you can't pull unless you have someone to use as a puppet." He wasn't looking at me but it was obvious he was listening. I would have said the same to Alejandro if he was there too. He was still across the border, taking care of business. "I'm sick of spinning my wheels. I can take out bad guy after bad guy in the streets before breakfast and I have three more taking their place by fucking lunch. This? This is making a difference and I want part of that. I don't care what I have to sign or what lies I gotta tell, fuck I'll dig my own grave." The past couple of days had been a hell of a ride and more eye opening than I expected. It had served as a reminder that it was possible to get more things done than what my current restrictions allowed. Kate may not have been able to wrap her head around that, she may have wanted to do everything by the book to a tee. The other side wasn't playing by those rules. It was kill or be killed and only that mentality was going to give us the chance to get a grip on this thing before it became any worse.

There was a smirk on his face when he finally turned to look at me. Hip propped against the SUV, he crossed his arms over his chest. 

"What makes you think we're adding to the team?" He held the cards and he knew it. I had to quell any frustration at the smirk and the ploy. He was dangling bait in front of me and I couldn't bite. At least he wasn’t playing the gender card. I knew that there weren’t a lot of women that were willing to get their hands as dirty as he surely did on a constant basis. 

"It isn't a team. You take assignments and build from there." A hand ran over my dirty, sweat stained face, nearly cringing at the feel. That wouldn't serve my cause though. "I'll up and quit my position now. Resign and not think twice about. Sign whatever paperwork you want me to. I gotta do shit that matters more, that actually hits where it counts. Otherwise the bullet I take in the streets means shit. At least if my head gets cut off, it means I've pissed someone off and hopefully taken a few of the assholes down with me." A moment of silence settled between us, only broken by the grunt of a soldier or the like storing their gear and getting into their SUVs. 

"Get in the car." It wasn't an answer and as much as I wanted to push for one, it was better not to. There were only so many boundaries I could press at the moment. Biting the inside of my cheek, I slid into the backseat without another word. Steve and Matt were both silent as the engine was turned over and we took off. That was a rare occurrence over the past several days. Further proof that things were likely done. 

The desolate, nearly pitch black desert landscape went flying by outside the window. Not that I could see any of it but it gave me something to concentrate on rather than the question looming overhead.  There was no way to know what was happening in Matt's head. He didn't exactly have the power to make that call. I knew that. But he had the influence to make it happen. A shower and a beer sounded about good right then as the adrenaline rush began to die down. The job was accomplished and it meant that we could relax for just a bit. 

Arriving at the motel, the car was still in silence. The desire to throw a fit was strong, press and demand but that wouldn't be how I won this. No, I had to head back to my apartment, get myself cleaned up and wait. Slipping from the car, I knew it wasn't entirely over since I would have to sign paperwork and Matt didn't seem keen on getting any of that done tonight. Without another word, I headed to my car and settled in. There was a moment where I couldn’t drive away, stuck in that shitty motel parking spot as the entire situation washed over me. I would stick by what I had told Matt but there was a second of panic over what I had witnessed and seen now that the adrenaline had fully worn off. That wasn’t unusual, even on shit I did on a normal day. The implications of this were far bigger though and it couldn’t be ignored. Flexing my hands against the steering wheel, I let out a slow breath. There was nothing to be done about it now and it didn’t change the fact that I wanted it more than ever.

The drive home was quiet. I didn’t feel like putting on music or even talking this whole thing out with myself. Sometimes hearing the pros and cons aloud was helpful but not now. I was in the shower when the phone rang. The ringtone was odd though. Poking my head out, I could see a light coming from my pocket. Curious enough, I stepped out of the shower and crouched. There was a phone, one that wasn’t mine, nestled into a pocket of my pants. 

The caller ID came up as “Pick up the fucking phone”. Frowning, and against some better judgement, I pressed the answer button.

“Hello.”

“Wasn’t sure you would actually listen and pick up.” Graver’s voice echoed through the speaker. “So you want in.” 

[mcheang]

Feng Jiu’s revenge against Lian Song

This was meant to be a short fic but somehow escalated to this...

Feng Jiu can understand him not helping her when she was a handkerchief, if even Zhe Yan left her behind, but did he have to eat her fish too and taunt her about Cheng Yu’s health? It just left her hungry and worried. Not a good combination.

So what if, instead of Lian Song bringing just Ali to see his Cousin, he also brought Cheng Yu.

Cheng Yu immediately greets Jiu Ge as an old Friend. Feng Jiu numbly returns the greeting.

Upon seeing them, and after pinching Dong Hua’s leg twice, Lian Song mentioned that he brought these 2 pining friends to distract them from their worry over Feng Jiu.

Feng Jiu just shot the prince a mischievous smile. Turning to Cheng Yu, she inquired after her health.

Cheng Yu: I’m fine now that I can finally rest.

Feng Jiu: oh, I am so glad. I’ve been so worried ever since some rascal told me you were bedridden with a terrible headache and had fallen into a coma. I would have come to visit you, but that same rascal stole my supper and I was too weak to come find you.

There is only one person who Cheng Yu calls a rascal.

As Feng Jiu continued to enjoy her meal, Cheng Yu slowly turned to glare at the sweating Lian Song. What did he do to deserve this? Wasn’t the fox queen being kind of petty?

Cheng Yu cracked her knuckles menacingly. “That rascal indeed deserves to be punished. How dare he curse me to fall ill and steal a hungry girl’s food?”

Lian Song gave a weak laugh. “Come now, aren’t you both being too hard on this fellow. Maybe he was joking and didn’t mean any harm by it.”

Feng Jiu gave him a look. After all the torment she went through, she cannot get back at Dijun, but she can get back at his accomplice. “Ah, but this fellow knew how much I had already suffered. He knew that a weirdo was bullying me.” Dong Hua looked at Feng Jiu. She stared back unabashedly. After all he put her through, she had no qualms repeating the insult.

This whole time, Jiheng had been trying to serve Dong Hua soup but he ignored her in favour of the show in front of him.

Lian Song quickly took advantage of the situation and tried to appease Feng Jiu.

“Princess Jiheng, you don’t have to worry about Feng Jiu’s cooking. I’ve had her food before and it was the best meal I’ve ever had. Right, Dong Hua?”

Dong Hua turned to look at his buddy. “That is true. Now that she and I are neighbours, I can try her cooking. Considering the last time Xiao Bai cooked for me, you even ate my share.”

Lian Song’s brain: Oh come on. Now you are holding a grudge too?

Noticing Xiao Yan’s desolate expression, Feng Jiu leans over to whisper to him. Deciding to cheer him up, Feng Jiu decides to head to the kitchen to order more food for their new guests and ones that will suit Xiao Yan’s tastes.

Ali, Cheng Yu and Xiao Yan want to follow her but she gives them her bag of cakes instead. Then gives Xiao Yan’s share to Meng Shao and Jie Lu instead.

Feng Jiu tells Xiao Yan not to worry as she will order his favourite dish. If they can’t make it, then she will make it.

Dong Hua spills his soup.

Seeing Jiheng care for Dong Hua, Feng Jiu doesn’t have to worry about him and so goes over to the kitchen.

While the four of the guests enjoy the delicious cakes, Xiao Yan watches miserably as Jiheng tries to offer Dong Hua more soup. Lian Song is just miserable today.

Meng Shao and Jie Lu praise Feng Jiu’s cakes. Ali and Cheng Yu puff up like proud parents. Ali even mentions Feng Jiu was best at making sorrowless cakes.

Lian Song: What? She made those sorrowless cakes?

Cheng Yu gave Lian Song a too sweet smile. “Yes. And she also told me what happened the last time you tried it.” Her expression turned cold. Dream on, it said.

Lian Song: things are making more sense now.

Dong Hua already suspected Xiao Bai was the culinary maid from Tai Chen Palace. He wasn’t that surprised.

Meng Shao expresses a wish to try those cakes.

Dong Hua is getting annoyed because he didn’t get to try a cake. The soup is not appealing to him, even if it is favourite.

Feng Jiu returns, promising new dishes that are to Xiao Yan, Cheng Yu and Ali’s tastes.

When the dishes arrive, Dong Hua notes which one is for Xiao Yan. He accidentally causes the soup vessel to hit that dish, spilling all over poor Xiao Yan.

Feng Jiu fusses over him, making Dong Hua’s mood blacken. Lian Song doesn’t dare taunt Dong Hua now.

Jiheng leaves, disappointed her soup was wasted.

Seeing no way for Dong Hua and Xiao Yan to have a civil dinner together, Feng Jiu offers to treat him to a dessert place, Cheng Yu and Ali should come to. Dong Hua and Lian Song don’t have to strain themselves, Feng Jiu has heard how they enjoy spending their time alone, without the bustle of noisy youths. Meng Shao and Jiu Ge are welcome to join them though.

The prince and princess wisely and politely decline.

Lian Song and Dong Hua unhappily stare after the group of 4 romping happily to the dessert shop.

Lian Song: I did something nice today and this is the thanks I get?

Meanwhile, Feng Jiu is hugging her BFF and Cousin fiercely, crying about how hard Dijun has made her life.

Xiao Yan reminds her that she is only in this competition because of Dong Hua.

Cheng Yu refutes Xiao Yan’s nonsense. Of course Feng Jiu should not forgive Dong Hua so easily. He owes her too much. This favour can be counted towards that debt.

Cheng Yu coddled the abused fox queen, promising to teach Lian Song a lesson for being mean to her.

When they get back, Cheng Yu keeps her word and chases after Lian Song to give him a beating. When they return, Lian Song is sporting a large bruise and offers Feng Jiu his sincerest apologies for depriving a starving maiden of her food.

Once they leave, Feng Jiu turns to Dong Hua and huffs before stomping off without a good night.

Dong Hua’s eyebrows rise. Cheng Yu is a bad influence on Xiao Bai.

Anyway, training takes place as usual, with the kiss and ointment scenes.

When the tournament arrives, Ali and Cheng Yu are also present. Cheng Yu is infuriated that the fruit was stolen and goes to confront Dong Hua, dragging Feng Jiu along. When they learn from Xiao Yan/Jiheng that he returned to Taichen Palace, Cheng Yu tells Feng Jiu not to worry. She will get her that fruit; by hook or by crook.

In short, she gets Lian Song to bring her back to Taichen Palace where she confronts Dong Hua. Cheng Yu explains the real reason Feng Jiu wanted the fruit. If he wants to make peace with Jiheng, use some other treasure. But that fruit belongs to Feng Jiu.

Realizing his mistake, Dong Hua agrees to return the fruit to Xiao Bai and brings Cheng Yu with him back to the valley.

Lian Song decides to stay behind and question Si Ming.

They find Ali consoling his Cousin and doing his best to stop her from doing anything rash. Mostly by tying their hands together. Xiao Yan is also there comforting his good Friend, irritating Dong Hua. How annoying that his fruit theft backfired on him badly.

Dong Hua apologizes to Feng Jiu. He can’t explain the reason he stole the fruit in front of the others. It wasn’t the right time. Feng Jiu politely accepts his apology but thanks Cheng Yu wholeheartedly.

Cheng Yu already scolded Dong Hua but Xiao Yan still wants to give ice face a piece of his mind.

To change the subject and avoid offending Dijun, Cheng Yu suggests they might as well eat the peaches while they wait.

Dong Hua stays behind, trying to figure out how to get Xiao Bai to stop hating him.

Lian Song stops by and tells Dong Hua the whole story.

Dong Hua looks like he has a headache. He had just realized he liked Xiao Bai romantically, only to learn that he had seriously wronged her in stealing her fruit. He thought Xiao Bai had a bad impression of him for the whole handkerchief issue and thereafter, but they had been improving until the fruit issue. Now Lian Song is telling him Feng Jiu was his beloved fox who had been horribly neglected, not to mention how much she had done for him already.

Feng Jiu had done so much for him, but he had wronged her so much. He now realizes how much he likes her, and how much reason she has to hate and reject him.

What can he do?

Feng Jiu will want to return home now that she has the fruit...

He has the amnesia potion but Cheng Yu will help remind Feng Jiu what went down.

Lian Song’s advice: tell Feng Jiu the truth and apologize.

In any case, clear up that misunderstanding about Jiheng. Lian Song will take Ali and Cheng Yu home so Dong Hua can get closer to Feng Jiu without interference.

For more advice, remember the advice he gave Ye Hua?

1. use natural good looks to charm her....won’t work in this case

2. Be the hero and save her again....yeah, he owes her too much now so there won’t be any debt anyway

3. Injure self so she will nurse you...he will have to be truly injured since illusions don’t work on immortals

Feng Jiu could have returned with Cheng Yu but decides to wait because she wants to bid Meng Shao and Jie Lu a proper goodbye.

After their friends leave, Dong Hua visits Xiao Bai. He struggles to explain the situation again. He didn’t want her to have the Saha fruit because he was jealous of Yan Chiwu getting pastries from her. Feng Jiu is confused.

“I thought you were jealous because of Jiheng.”

Dong Hua confesses that he likes Xiao Bai, not Jiheng. But Feng Jiu can’t believe that so easily. She has suffered so much already because of Dong Hua.

Dong Hua asks what he can do to convince her of his feelings.

The thing is...Xiao Bai is not sure what to do if his feelings are sincere.

Dong Hua admits he knows what Xiao Bai has done for him.

Feng Jiu: Are you confessing your feelings because you feel guilty? Don’t worry. It’s all in the past. I have long decided to move on.

Dong Hua: I really do like you. It is not because of guilt. I liked you before Lian Song told me all you have done for me.

Feng Jiu just stares at him, speechless.

Dong Hua: Xiao Bai, what do I have to do to prove my love for you?

Feng Jiu looks torn about wanting to leave but Dong Hua is holding onto her hand.

After a moment of thought, Feng Jiu offers, “Carve out your heart for me. My aunt told me that is the sincerest form of expressing your love....but you don’t have to do it. I just can’t think of any other act right now.”

This could work for Dong Hua....

The next day, Feng Jiu is horrified to see Dong Hua heavily injured because he had actually cut his heart in half.

Feeling guilty, Feng Jiu agrees to nurse him back to health. During which time, she sings him lullabies and makes him toffee.

To prevent loss of face, Dong Hua’s injury must be kept secret. Which means Jiheng isnt allowed to see him.

Actually Dong Hua is exaggerating his pain...but hey, the dude’s shameless.

Anyway, Dong Hua gives Feng Jiu the ring. She has no choice but to accept the gift.

It will protect her from Miao Luo.

Ok, so Feng Jiu reluctantly believes Dijun likes her....but that doesn’t mean she wants to be with him!!!!

Dijun just asks to let him court her. Feng Jiu unwillingly agrees.

But there isn’t much opportunity to court her in the valley. Not to mention Feng Jiu misses Qingqiu where Dong Hua can’t exactly stay with her constantly since they are not engaged. Granted, he can be shameless but he doesn’t want to offend her family.

Upon leaving, Feng Jiu bids farewell to her new friends and clears the misunderstanding with Meng Shao. (Im following the drama so I have no idea why Jiheng was absent)

Feng Jiu returns to Qingqiu and at least clears off the blind dates once she makes it clear she accepted Dong Hua’s courtship.

Dong Hua decides to take her to the Mortal Realm first for a festival. There are many worlds, one of them probably has a party right then.

Soon it becomes known that Dong Hua is pursuing the Qingqiu queen and that all other suitors should avoid following his lead lest they face his petty vengeance.

Some wonder if the mighty Dong Hua was under a love spell. Ridiculous.

Others wondered if he was just obsessed with red foxes.... first he had a pet, now a lover....

Zhi He heard the news and rushed back, demanding to see her brother. Dong Hua wasn’t back yet, but Chonglin kicked her out because she wasn’t invited.

Despite taking her out on romantic dates and making her happy, Dong Hua still hasn’t received Feng Jiu’s acceptance.

Lian Song inquires via Cheng Yu who had already asked Feng Jiu.

It turns out Feng Jiu wants a man who will be beside her in danger and comfort her when she’s sad. Dong Hua hasn’t done any of those things much.

(To be fair, she was fighting Miao Luo to save Dong Hua.)

Lian Song warns Dong Hua not to stage a threat to Feng Jiu as Cheng Yu will see right through it and blab.

Then the opportunity comes during the Bing Cang ceremony.

Nie Chuyin appears and wins a fight against Feng Jiu. Because Dong Hua is not married to her, he cannot fight against the demon in the ceremony.

Nie Chuyin was instructed by Miao Luo to retrieve that ring! She wants Feng Jiu’s protection removed.

Once Feng Jiu passed it over however, Dong Hua promptly stole it back. When asked why he stole it, Dong Hua said the ring was an expression of love. He does not want the demon boasting about possessing Dong Hua’s token of affection.

Nie Chuyin leaves in humiliation.

Anyway, Feng Jiu already fulfilled Nie Chuyin’s wish and proceeded with the ceremony.

Dong Hua comforts Feng Jiu over her loss, reminding her that it was an unfair fight.

Feng Jiu remembers how Dong Hua helped her through her grandfather’s test and actually asks him to dinner.

It is the first time she has made a move. Dong Hua happily accepts.

Feng Jiu is finally ready to accept Dong Hua romantically and is given back her ring.

They go out on a few more dates before Dong Hua asks her to be his queen. She accepts.

Dong Hua literally gets them registered before the actual wedding.

Zhi He returns and is again kicked out.

Jiheng tries to interfere and be a maid at the palace but Dong Hua just cuts her off from his life by getting her Brother to accept her back. Meanwhile, Xiao Yan and other guards are ordered to guard her in Fanyin Valley and make sure she stays there. (In the book, she was dying but in the drama she was still alive but her poison had worsened.)

They have a happy wedding. Cheng Yu takes all the credit despite Lian Song’s protests.

Miao Luo is irritated because without the blood tear and red qi...she can’t escape. And she can’t give Nie Chuyin more power without either.

Nie Chuyin tries to sabotage the other demon lords but he is held in contempt for his interruption of the Bingcang ceremony.

[genaleah]

I can give the full context! It's going under a cut though because there's a lot to it 👍

So here we go....

TMA!AU

Aka AU², the Nightmare Boogaloo!

So right off the bat, this an AU-within-an-AU of the Wildcards becoming living embodiments of fear ala The Magnus Archives podcast. Here's a list of the Entities on the wiki, though obvious warning for spoilers. (Granted, I've only just started season 4!)

In this AU offshoot, each character becomes a monster tied to a different entity of fear. Nelson with The Eye, Guybrush with The Spiral, Eddie with The Desolation, Manny with The End, and Sam and Max with The Hunt.

Guybrush gets hit first + worst. It starts off very slowly, at first he just feels a little confused/dissociated, but then he starts to have increasing difficulty figuring out when he's asleep or awake, and whether he's in reality or the mindscape. Doorways that exist in reality will suddenly lead him into his dreams with no way out, and then suddenly he's back in reality with no warning. Eventually this crescendos to a point in which he can't find his way OUT of his mind at all, and it all starts warping more and more into something unrecognizable. What feels like months of sleepless, ceaseless wandering is only a single day that he's gone missing. This slip through reality is also what ends up transforming his own body, he changes himself into a reflection of his own state of mind.

When he comes back out, he unwittingly transforms the Motherlobe into another maze. Not everyone experiences this or even realizes that anything is wrong. The victims who get trapped in it become fellow reflections of The Spiral, albeit with their own fears/nightmares influencing how they turn out. The Psychonauts as a whole is being purposefully targeted as a breeding ground of fear & new avatars for the Spiral, and Guybrush was chosen as its architect against his will. He just had the right combination of powers and pain to create a smooth, seamless transition.

Simultaneously, other agents who don't encounter this are being changed by other Fears who don't want to lose their share of influence in the world. Psychics are PRIME fodder.

Manny and Eddie get infected by their respective Fears while they're away from the Motherlobe, just out and about doing their own things.

Manny doesn't even engage with his directly to begin with, other people start becoming increasingly fearful of him until the change in role suddenly overtakes him. People try to make bids for their own immortality, and whoop, suddenly he's got the dice or playing cards or what-have-you, and he always knows that he's going to win in the end. The losers die immediately in front of him. Sometimes he can be more of a direct reaper and make the offer first, but he's not totally comfortable doing that unless he REALLY thinks someone/something deserves it.

Eddie has probably the worst situation. If he touches anybody they will die a painful burning death. A single touch can cause 2nd or 3rd degree burns, prolonged contact will set the victim in flames. But worse than that is the fact that his alignment with the Desolation makes him want to destroy things and people of worth- so that he creates an acute fear of loss and pain to those who would miss them. He’s the most physically dangerous to be around, so he’s taken to wearing a full-body motorcycle get up so that no one can touch him accidentally. He's safe to the touch now, technically, but it doesn't stop him from being ultra careful. He’s trying to abide by some ghost-rider morals here and primarily target bad people or other monsters, but there’s always going to be some collateral damage.

As for Sam & Max... They take a while to really notice the shift happening, but their final stage can best be described as this: Imagine if Noir Sam enjoyed it. That's basically how both of them would behave. They've always loved hunting down perps, but now their chases are a little more... intense. Frantic. If they've had a good one they're satiated for a while, but going too long without it makes them more antsy and violent. The hunting is fun and fulfilling for them!

Sometimes it can ramp up into killing, but considering that the whole gang is out looking for answers, that means a lot of capture and kidnapping instead, with the intent of interrogation (thanks to Nelson). And some monster hunting on the side!

Nelson is one of the last to change, but he gets caught up in the shenanigans pretty early on after first finding Guybrush in his noodley eldritch state. He starts trying to figure out some way to undo all of their conditions and bring them back to normal. Well, "normal".

But slowly he shifts from "I need to know how to help my friends" to "I need to understand what's happening" to "I NEED to know as many deep dark secrets as possible in order to live". With the change in his behavior, he basically becomes a textbook supernatural Man in Black entity, and his clothing starts reflecting that. His eyes become bloodshot and light-sensitive, so he takes to wearing shades while trying to appear normal.

Which also brings me to the next character! @zeroodd​ came up with a great story for Elaine, so I will c/p it here :

What if her and Nelson had teamed up in the beginning for a solution.

Just one night they're both working hard on it and Nelson starts asking about what they've found so far

but then he

keeps asking questions

and Elaine looks over and he's just got a tape recorder right up to her face

"Do you know he's gone for good?"

Course he'd try to backtrack and apologize but Elaine has to face facts that Nelson is as much of a threat as any of them now.

She leaves the group for a while in order to study this fear stuff on her own, and comes to the conclusion that she needs to willingly get in on it if she wants any hope of surviving this increasingly dangerous world. She eventually joins The Web. She starts out feeling nervous about things being out of her control and scary, which suddenly shifts to her wanting to control more things and oh cool, these spiders help me do that! By the time she rejoins with the group everyone is full-blown monster mash so there’s very little to hide from anyone. (Manny still HATES bugs though, and would like the spiders far far away from him, por favor.)

So, how do they all go back to normal? Well... They don't. After hitting dead end after dead end, realizing they're definitely not human anymore, and learning the true nature of the fears as a whole, they're forced to accept it and try to maintain themselves as best they can.

The thing that would make the changes so insidious is that it would all gel with who they are as people. By the time they're at that final point, it would feel like fate that they wound up that way, like it's everything they're supposed to be.

The power of friendship possibly even added to this, because rather than struggling alone and possibly fighting back against it, they understood and cared for each other through the worst of it, which made accepting their new selves a lot easier.

BUT WAIT! There are a few more links left in this story:

How did all of this start, really? Well, consider the fact that in the normal Wildcard AU (???), LeChuck is responsible for a lot of trauma in Guybrush’s past that make his hold on reality a little rough. Add to that his ability to create very life-like illusions, and the poor pirate becomes the perfect conduit for the Spiral to take hold. In this AU, LeChuck was the one who got the ball rolling on his transformation out of hopes that he could control the Spiral itself by making his brother the primary avatar, and then bringing about a new world of madness in which he is the sole, sane ruler. Guybrush hasn’t lost his sense of self yet, but as more and more chaos and fear builds throughout the world as a whole, he’s losing track of himself more often. 

After all of his work and research, Nelson decides to try and bargain with the Fears directly. Dealing with supernatural forces hands-on has worked so far! (I'm not sure if he would have to find other fear avatars to work this out with, or if he could try to ritualistically communicate with the fear entity as a whole, but he figures something out.) His bargain is this:

He offers to lessen the burden of the Spiral off of Guybrush a bit. In exchange for LeChuck being removed as a threat, Nelson will let go of the last vestiges of humanity, and become a full-on fear entity to work for both The Eye AND The Spiral. The Spiral gets all of the knowledge he collects as a watcher for the Eye, The Eye gets to know that someone reasonable is helping to keep the Spiral in check a bit. Diplomacy!

The deal works out, Lechuck gets trapped in the PUZZLE ZONE and Guybrush gets to reclaim a bit of his sanity/sense of self again. In the aftermath, Nelson's got a permanent tape-recorder effect to his voice, but on actual recordings he sounds as clear as if he were right there, with little or no effect where it should be. The pupil of his left eye has become a spiral, while Guybrush's solidified into a round one. Nelson's blending of roles works even better as a MIB: He creates the uncanny feeling of being monitored, and you get the sense that he's always lying about his motives.

This new situation works out even better than expected, and he tries it again in order to help Eddie. Not that he could possibly take on a third fear responsibility, but at least he's living proof that giving the avatars of fear what they want can work out for the best, and make them more effective at being monsters!

Essentially: Give👏us👏work👏benefits👏

The deal between the Desolation and The End gives these boons: Manny can sometimes take a human form (better for targeting victims), and Eddie gets a lot more control over the heat and can turn it down to a low simmer. They get to work in tandem to create a NEW kind of fear, the burning loss of everything you've ever cared about, and the knowledge that at the end of all that suffering is an infinite, inescapable end.

Now the gang lives on a haunted ship (Philadelphia Experiment??) that they use to travel around the world and hunt down worse monsters / evil humans. And maybe save the world if need be? But mostly they just terrorize people and feed off their fear.

In summary: everybody's awful monsters but it worked out fine in the end. For some reason the Magnus Archives made me go "But what if this was a found family story and they unionized and lived on a boat??" I can't do aus normally anymore, maybe I never could.

[aion-rsa]

Over the Moon Review: Lunar Lessons in Grief

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Animated movies for children walk a tricky tightrope between imparting sobering life lessons about coping with loss and confronting societal evils, without also extinguishing all of the magic that guides a child through the world. It’s rare to find a kids’ movie that doesn’t involve the loss of at least one parent, yet this trope is usually more backstory than anything else—a distant event that establishes the emotional stakes but isn’t actively engaged with. Not so in Over the Moon, Pearl Studio’s poignant musical about a Chinese girl who builds a rocket to seek out the Goddess of the Moon. The film, written by the late Audrey Wells (Under the Tuscan Sun, The Hate U Give) and directed by Glen Keane (The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast), gives the stages of grief as much weight and care as the phases of the moon.

For young Fei Fei (Cathy Ang), there is no question about the different magics that stitch her world together: it’s in the mooncakes that her Mother (Ruthie Ann Miles) and Father (John Cho) lovingly bake for the Mid-Autumn Festival, and in her parents’ stories about the tragic love between Moon Goddess Chang’e and human archer Houyi. When a magic potion conferred immortality upon Chang’e, but tore her away from the mortal Houyi, the goddess chose to live on the moon. Even if she could not be with her beloved on Earth, she would still be as close as possible, looking down on him. The myth takes on special significance for Fei Fei, as Mother quickly becomes ill and passes away, all in the span of the movie’s second song.

Four years later, the grief is no less sharp for preteen Fei Fei, who projects onto her widower father the role of Houyi. But when the Mid-Autumn Festival comes around and Father looks to be moving on with a new family in the kind Mrs. Zhong (Sandra Oh) and her hyperactive son Chin (Robert G. Chiu), Fei Fei fears that he has forgotten her mother altogether. Fueled by anger and an unwavering belief in the existence of the lunar goddess a mere 238,900 miles away, Fei Fei bargains with her sorrow by building a rocket and launching it at the moon. If only she can prove that Chang’e exists, then Father won’t stop hoping to be reunited with Mother someday.

But the movie really sparkles with its creativity when she gets there, and Chang’e (Hamilton’s Phillipa Soo) isn’t the ethereal, serene figure of Mother’s stories. Upon her DIY moon landing, Fei Fei discovers that the goddess long ago dropped that mantle in order to become an “extraordinary, ultra-luminary” popstar: lunarpunk by way of Lady Gaga-inspired costumes and K-pop-inspired earworm beats. Centuries of rattling around a neon prison of her own making—literally, created by her tears—has transformed Chang’e into a vain, self-obsessed performer who wants only the validation of her peons’ applause. This Chang’e resembles more a cruel queen than the maternal figure Fei Fei needs

Sony Pictures Imageworks (the company behind Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse) deftly balances the magical with the scientific, the complex with the simple, in animating this movie that can best be described as a space fantasy. On Earth it’s refined by the incredible details, down to the design on the mooncakes, and the photorealistic fireworks acting as rocket boosters. A single spectacular sequence combines crimson-and-golden lion guardians, like something out of an old painting, with the desolate, craggy surface of the moon. Then there’s Chang’e’s entire neon aesthetic, bright and pulsing with life, as if it were something out of The Lego Movie.

Meanwhile the soundtrack is best appreciated not for individual numbers—no single song attains Disney classic status—but rather as the sum of its parts. There is a clear emotional arc to these varied numbers that when experienced as a whole is remarkable. The movie’s first few tracks draw their inspiration from traditional Chinese music, with later numbers layering on the K-pop influence, and then ultimately stripping the songs back down to their purest essence, matching Chang’e’s various phases.

That said, the songs do peak via the goddess’ popstar persona, with the most memorable numbers including her epic introductory performance of “Ultraluminary” and “Hey Boy,” a fun ping-pong/rap battle between Chang’e and Chin. While the team of Christopher Curtis, Marjorie Duffield, and Helen Park worked together on all of the songs, no doubt it was Park’s influence that made these particular numbers soar. (She was behind the 2017 Off-Broadway musical KPOP, in which Ang starred.) Composer Steven Price’s alternately playful and stirring score ties it all together wonderfully.

These sequences are so spectacular that it leaves something to be desired by a late in the movie scavenger hunt where Fei Fei begins pursuing a “gift” to save her family. Unfortunately, it is no more than a lunar MacGuffin: a distraction from the grief that weighs down both Fei Fei and Chang’e herself.

Nevertheless, Over the Moon never loses sight of the fact that this is not a story about gaining something or someone, but rather about learning how to cope with an unimaginable absence. Tragically, Audrey Wells died in 2018 following a long battle with cancer. A prolific screenwriter with a talent for writing across genres (rom-com The Truth About Cats & Dogs, Disney’s The Kid and the live-action George of the Jungle), Wells left behind a tremendous gift in this script. This is a heartfelt, empathetic lesson in moving on, written by someone who must have been considering exactly that ordeal from the other side. (It should be noted that Jennifer Yee McDevitt and Alice Wu contributed additional material to the screenplay.)

Parents may wind up ugly-sobbing while their children dance along to Chang’e’s pop numbers, but hopefully the film will provide the opportunity to talk candidly about embracing grief and memorializing those lost while looking to the future—magic for all viewers, regardless of age.

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Over the Moon is available Oct. 23 on Netflix.

The post Over the Moon Review: Lunar Lessons in Grief appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[soveryanon]

Reviewing time for MAG158 TT_____TT

- Saying the most obvious and unspecific first: this was a very packed, very dense episode which managed to cram so much in just 20 minutes? I’ve relistened to it many times, and I still feel like I’m coming out of it breathless and reeling every time. So many things happening, about the past, about the present, about possible future implications? So many things finally exploding in our faces after having been introduced and/or kept as hanging threats since the beginning of the season, or earlier (Leitner had warned Jon that he had only trapped the Not!Them, not killed it), or later: Peter’s plans, Martin’s perception of the events, Elias’s agenda, what the tunnels had been hiding all along, Julia&Trevor attacking after their previous retreat, Daisy and the call of The Hunt, Jon’s worry for Martin…

The climax of each season had also been the occasion to take a look at who had been lost and how they had impacted characters: in season 1, Jon was explaining that he still wanted to know what had happened to Gertrude (MAG039: “And to top it all, I still don’t know what happened to Gertrude. Officially she’s still missing, but Elias is no help and the police were pretty clear that the wait to call her dead is just a formality. If I die, wormfood or… something else, whatever, I’m going to make damn sure the same doesn’t happen to me.”). In season 2, Jon was realising that Sasha had been dead all along, and given a probable culprit for Gertrude’s murder through Leitner’s mouth (MAG080: “And Sasha… The real one?” “Was that her name? I’m afraid she’s gone. Whatever it does to those it takes, they don’t come back. She’s dead. … Do you need a moment?” / “I believe it was Elias.” “What? Why?” “I assume he discovered we were planning to destroy the Archives.”). In season 3, Gertrude and Leitner(‘s bodies) came back to literally haunt Jon, puppetted by Stranger creatures during The Unknowing, after Nikola had toyed with Jon about Sasha:

(MAG119) NIKOLA: Oh, you caught me~ I’m… Sasha! ARCHIVIST: Shut up! NIKOLA: No~! Really, it’s me! Sasha– whatever her name was! Back from the dead, just like you wanted~! ARCHIVIST: Get away from me, or, or I swear I’ll… I’ll… […] GERTRUDE: This is your fault. ARCHIVIST: It is not! It’s not, I didn’t know, it’s not my fault you died! LEITNER: No, I suppose not. Me, on the other hand…

MAG158 opened hostilities right away: Peter mentioned Tim (and got immediately shut down by Martin), was using a Leitner book covered in the man’s blood, and then proceeded to free the Not!Them, who was still using its voice from the Not!Sasha time (so maybe a bit of that physical appearance, too?), while Jon, Basira and Daisy got to listen to what appeared to be a recording of Elias and Gertrude’s last interaction and the latter’s murder:

(MAG158) PETER: [INHALE] I’m sure– … what was his name? … Tim! Tim would– MARTIN: I’d really– … rather not talk about it, Peter. […] PETER: Not to mention, if they do change, well – I happen to have something that will change them back. MARTIN: … That’s a Leitner. PETER: It is! MARTIN: And the, em… the blood on it? PETER: That’s Leitner too! MARTIN: … Riiight…

[…] MARTIN: Pe–Peter? Peter, there’s a– … Peter, I think there’s something in there… PETER: Mm-mm. I’d stay quiet if I were you. [SOUND OF STONE AND BRICK SHIFTING, LOUDER] NOT!SASHA: [MUFFLED, HEAVILY DISTORTED] Jooo–ooon~! [SOUND OF STONE AND BRICK SHIFTING, LOUDER, THEN GRADUALLY STOPPING] NOT!SASHA: [HEAVILY DISTORTED] [PANTS] So you finally decided to let me out, Jon! Joooo–oooon~! … Who’s there? MARTIN: [PANICKED BREATHING]

[…] ARCHIVIST: Do you remember what happened to Sasha? BASIRA: That’s the thing that took her? ARCHIVIST: It was trapped in the tunnels, it– Martin. Something’s happening down there.

[…] GERTRUDE: I’m not really in the mood for nostalgia, Elias. You might have noticed I’m rather busy, so either shoot me or– [ONE GUNSHOT] GERTRUDE: [GASP] [BODY COLLAPSING] GERTRUDE: … Well… there it is… I thought it would hurt more… [GUN BEING PUT AWAY] ELIAS: [SIGH] Pity.

From the start, the episode was a concentration of the people who have been lost, while on the verge of losing more (Daisy losing herself to The Hunt; Martin being wooshed into The Lonely; Jon on the verge of “drowning” while pursuing Martin). This time, it was even more destabilising that we covered events from before the beginning of the series, even though they had been open questions and recurring subjects: Elias/Jonah’s relation to the Institute, the fact that the Archival staff was bound to him/it, Gertrude’s death.

And it happened when everything was going to hell at the same time: there was such a wonderful contrast between Martin and Peter (and Elias’s)’s scenes, which were slow, gave place to words (words and steps echoing over the constant wind-like constant whispers (?) of the Panopticon), and the utter chaos reigning in the Archives, the gunshots and the screams and the mess provoked in Julia, Trevor, the Not!Them and then Daisy’s wakes…

(If I have to pinpoint moments I’m holding a bit dearer than the others, outside of Elias’s laughter (I mean, yeah, that sure happened? I might have relistened to the isolated track a few dozens of time and I still can’t believe it happened), it would be Daisy’s “Promise me.” and Martin’s “Funny. Looks like I was right the first time – it’s probably still a good way to get killed.” because both broke my heart for various reasons. I’ve always been ridiculously weak to the deep background sound that we heard during Martin’s tirade (I mostly associate it to MAG081) – it always gives an atmosphere of solemnity, of gravity, and it just matched perfectly the way Martin was explaining himself, telling his own story. … Almost giving his own statement, or testament.)

OKAY, NOW, THE MEAT OF THINGS. I know, the length of this post doesn’t give it away, but… I’ll go quicker and less rambly than usual, there was simply too much and I only got a week (minus one day bc delay) *cries* (this episode was excellent, okay).

- Gertrude’s murder! Fucking finally:

(MAG043) ARCHIVIST: Part of me worries about what I might find on these tapes, but a… bigger part of me worries that I will find nothing. This uncertainty is wearing on me. And I don’t know how much more I can take.

(MAG052) ARCHIVIST: […] No luck with any of my other leads yet. At least I have another of Gertrude’s tapes. It’s always going to be a shot in the dark with them, but… hopefully an informative one. I know the secret to her death is on one of them, it must be. I just… I hope I don’t have to hear it first-hand.

(MAG066) ARCHIVIST: Gertrude’s laptop has been rather… interesting. Unfortunately, nothing along the lines of “my_murderer.avi”, and she didn’t keep any sort of diary from what I can see.

Well, “my_murderer.wav” heard first-hand counts, right?

* In the same episode, Jon had noticed previous orders made on her computer; Leitner had told Jon that she was planning to destroy the Archives and Elias had mentioned “arson”, so yep! She had indeed tried to get rid of the problem that way:

(MAG066) ARCHIVIST: There’s also the matter of the products she was ordering. There were several online orders of petrol, lighter fluid, pesticides, and high-powered torches. They are sporadic, but notable in that she did not drive, smoke or work in pest control.

(MAG080) ELIAS: What did you want from him? LEITNER: The files. The ones you took from Gertrude. ELIAS: Planning a little light arson, are we Jurgen? LEITNER: It’s not just the Institute and you know it. They had everything she had found on the Stranger.

(MAG158) [GURGLING LIQUID] [DOOR OPENS] ELIAS: Gertrude. GERTRUDE: [SIGH] … Damn… ELIAS: Did you really think I wouldn’t notice? GERTRUDE: I’d rather hoped you’d still be hampered with all The Dark’s business. […] Shame, really; I used to be able to torch a building in half the time. [SIGH] Age catches us all. […] ELIAS: What exactly were you hoping to achieve here? Why not come at me directly instead of burning everything first? GERTRUDE: I was rather hoping the fire would occupy you while I did just that.

It sounded obvious, especially given how Elias had behaved when Martin had begun to burn statements, but it hadn’t been definitely confirmed until now. Once again, was Gertrude’s fondness for fire and explosions (the old Archives in Alexandria, The Last Feast, the plan for The Unknowing) influenced by her being bound to Agnes from The Desolation…? She seemed to favour these options a lot.

* HHHHHHHHHHHH So, the trick Gertrude had pulled was: Elias was supposed to be distracted because keeping an eye on a ritual attempt (to make sure The Dark ritual derailed okay), then grabbing his attention by setting fire to the Archives, while her real plan lay elsewhere (going down in the tunnels to reach his body and kill it).

(MAG158) GERTRUDE: I’d rather hoped you’d still be hampered with all The Dark’s business. [DOOR CLOSES] It’s their… “Grand Eclipse” at the moment, isn’t it? ELIAS: [SIGH] But I think we’ve both come to the same conclusion about that. That’s why you’re here. […] So you burn the place down, use it as cover to reach my body, and then we die together.

That’s… that was the exact same plan Martin carried out: knowing that Elias would be keeping an Eye on The Unknowing, grabbing his attention by burning statements in the Archives, while the real plan was elsewhere (Melanie stealing evidence to convict him). I’m not sure if, back then, Elias had felt like déjà-vu and planned accordingly, only pretending to get fooled (we now have confirmation that he could have left prison anytime anyway), or if he fell for it twice… well. He hadn’t fallen for it with Gertrude, but knew that The Dark wouldn’t be a real threat (while The Unknowing still was… presumably).

(… But it’s also what Elias had been doing all through season 4 with Martin, The Extinction and Jon: partially keeping Martin occupied with The Extinction, distracting him with the fact that Peter & Elias had something on the line… while the actual plan was most likely to get something out of Jon through Martin.)

* I’m so so so fond of the way Gertrude was putting emphasis on the name “Elias” as soon as he entered – she wasn’t hiding that she knew about him from the start:

(MAG158) GERTRUDE: [SIGH] Age catches us all. … Well. Almost all of us, Elias. ELIAS: You were the one so… insistent on staying human.

(And it took Jonah!Elias a while to catch on to that, when she mentioned his body. Did he know that she knew, and the only reveal was that she had understood that his old body was a weak spot?)

* Goooods, sound-wise the episode was a treat, but the nonverbal “answers” through sounds (which were directly putting pictures in mind), when Gertrude flicked her lighter and we could hear Elias cocking a gun in return?

(MAG158) ELIAS: … Quite. It… was a good plan, actually. If you hadn’t been so complacent about me keeping an eye out down here, probably would have worked. [HUFF] “Gertrude’s grand retirement”…! GERTRUDE: It still might. Just needs a little [OPENING A ZIPPO] spark, and… [COCKED GUN] GERTRUDE: I see. So you’re finally getting your hands dirty. I must really have caught you off-guard.

I love that no description was needed, just sounds perfectly carrying across what was happening, a gesture leading to another, each holding their own weapon through the verbal duel.

* WHY AM I GETTING FUEL (ha) TO SHIP GERTRUDE/ELIAS A BIT MORE, I mean, there is definite Aesthetic in the way… they had been around each other for a long while (almost a fourth of Jonah’s “life”/lives?):

(MAG158) ELIAS: So you burn the place down, use it as cover to reach my body, and then we die together. [CHUCKLE] How… poetic. Doesn’t seem like your style at all. […] I suppose we both got a little complacent. Fifty years is a long time! [CHUCKLE] “End of an era”. GERTRUDE: I’m not really in the mood for nostalgia, Elias. You might have noticed I’m rather busy, so either shoot me or– [ONE GUNSHOT] GERTRUDE: [GASP] [BODY COLLAPSING] GERTRUDE: … Well… there it is… I thought it would hurt more… [GUN BEING PUT AWAY] ELIAS: [SIGH] Pity.

So familiar and intimate in a way? And, uh, Elias was still regretting her death. So somehow, she would still have been a viable option for The Watcher’s Crown, or still usable as an Eye agent, if she hadn’t tried to burn the place down? Aouch. What does it take to not be a viable option…?

* The thing about Gertrude’s age echoed Eric’s comment about it:

(MAG154) GERTRUDE: Well, it’s… good to see you, I suppose. ERIC: You too. … You got old. GERTRUDE: Better than being dead. ERIC: [HUFF] Fair enough. To be honest, I’m impressed, more than anything. Hard to get old in this business; you either die or you, er… “stay young”.

(MAG158) GERTRUDE: [SIGH] Age catches us all. … Well. Almost all of us, Elias. ELIAS: You were the one so… insistent on staying human. GERTRUDE: And no doubt that makes my death a lot less complicated.

And if Jonah had indeed been body-hopping from Head of the Institute to Head of the Institute, he was stopping at middle-age: Jon had mentioned that James Wright had been director from 1973 to 1996, so around 23 years. And we have, in parallel, Jonah’s actual body… which keeps getting older apparently:

(MAG158) MARTIN: Curren–… [QUICK FOOTSTEPS] [SHARP BREATHING] … Who is that? PETER: Jonah Magnus! His… body, at least. Sitting here; watching; binding it all together; growing ever older.

(Also, confirmation that Jon’s comment in MAG001 about Gertrude having been Head Archivist for fifty years wasn’t an exaggeration, since Jonah!Elias said the same. … Meanwhile, Jon has been Archivist for only three years and… is already reaching that level of disaster. Either Elias was really lucky circumstances-wise or regarding Jon’s personality, either he reaaaally played his cards well, holy heck.)

* That friggin’ scene:

(MAG158) GERTRUDE: I’m not really in the mood for nostalgia, Elias. You might have noticed I’m rather busy, so either shoot me or– [ONE GUNSHOT] GERTRUDE: [GASP]

To quote Melanie in MAG147: “… Famous last words.”

But also: brfehdjngfd I’m so upset about TIM, because this? This???

(MAG104) TIM: Okay – well, let me tell you what. If you want me to ignore everything that’s going on, forget my brother, and everything that’s happened over the last two years… how about you kill me? ELIAS: … I don’t want it to come to that. TIM: Well, me either. But here we are! So my proposal for you is this: either kill me, or fuck off. ELIAS: … I’ll come back– TIM: [EXPLOSIVE SIGH] ELIAS: –when you’re feeling more… reasonable.

Tim dodged a LITERAL BULLET, and what might have been Elias’s thoughts in MAG104? When the scene happened in the Archives (not sure whether it was in the same office but I’m pretty sure it was the same sound effect for the door), when Tim used the same reasoning, and when Elias just left, this time? (Did he spare Tim because Tim wasn’t an actual threat back then, more bark than bite, or because he still had use for him, or both…? I’ve always wondered if Elias hadn’t been a bit fond of Tim, in a cat-playing-with-a-mouse way, because of the way he technically gave him advice on how to handle The Eye’s binding in MAG090 and acknowledged that the Institute could be a lot for the people working there… It was definitely keeping Tim in check, sure, but Tim was just sulking in his corner and back from his fleeing attempt, it wasn’t necessary to make him feel less bad…?)

* fdsjcxnerfds I’m half mad half??? Hysterical??? That every season is still ending on a big “what truly happened to Gertrude” note because THE TAPE WE HEARD RAISED MORE QUESTIONS THAN IT ANSWERED:

-> There is the question of Gertrude’s fears. In MAG157, Adelard raised a good question about whether Gertrude was as stone-cold as we thought or was just very good at dissimulating… and she still didn’t sound that scared when Elias shot her? But Oliver had described her as looking absolutely terrorised:

(MAG011, “Antonio Blake”) “I could see none of the figure’s body beneath the flesh that enclosed them, but as I moved around I saw the face was uncovered. It was your face and the expression upon it was far more fearful than any I had seen in eight years of wandering this twilight city. That was when I awoke.”

(MAG158) [ONE GUNSHOT] GERTRUDE: [GASP] [BODY COLLAPSING] GERTRUDE: … Well… there it is… I thought it would hurt more…

She could have been dissimulating how truly afraid she was, but. Mmmm. She didn’t sound like she was afraid of Elias – just a bit annoyed at having been interrupted.

-> Their dialogue set that scene in March 2015, when The Dark was carrying out its ritual attempt.

(MAG158) GERTRUDE: I’d rather hoped you’d still be hampered with all The Dark’s business. [DOOR CLOSES] It’s their… “Grand Eclipse” at the moment, isn’t it?

Elias had told Jon that blood had been found in Gertrude’s office on March 15th, 2015, and that the police had established that it was Gertrude’s blood, and that such a blood loss led them to conclude that she was dead (MAG040). But March 15th was one day after Oliver’s statement (MAG011), whose dreams put Gertrude’s Planned End around March 22nd; it doesn’t match the peak of The Dark’s ritual (with the eclipse over Ny-Ålesund having happened on March 20th) either. ………………… and it still doesn’t explain why we have a tape of Gertrude reading a statement on April 4th, 2015 (when she should be dead-dead). The other problem with MAG087 is that Jon, in his post-statement, also behaved as if Gertrude had died in March 2016; he said it was a recording from one year prior to her death, when she said the date was 2015 and was reading a statement from October 2014 (can’t read a statement from October 2014 if the actual recording date was in April 2014 and she had accidentally pronounced the recording date wrong, right?), and when Jon himself pointed out that according to the recording, Jude Perry, mentioned by Gertrude, was still living in London two years earlier (Jon was recording in March-April 2017: if Gertrude’s tape was from 2014, that would have been three years earlier). So, I would be more willing to think that Jon didn’t catch on to the fact that Gertrude was still kicking a few weeks after her official date of death rather than accept that there were three consecutive timeline mistakes in that episode. Gertrude had also mentioned in her post-statement (officially on April 4th) that:

(MAG087) GERTRUDE: […] I had assumed Orsinov and her ilk would have spent more time searching for their precious skin, maybe even acting against me directly, before they started alternate preparations. I had hoped I’d have a chance to recover. I can still barely stand.

… she had recently been injured. Could be about the taxidermy shop, when she took the gorilla skin, but we still don’t know for sure. Even if she had been protected from a fatal injury (plain old bulletproof vest covered with blood sacks? Supernatural protection?), that would still have been enough to be severely injured, especially at her age.

-> Elias and Gertrude didn’t say it outright but implied it clearly enough:

(MAG158) ELIAS: So you burn the place down, use it as cover to reach my body, and then we die together. [CHUCKLE] How… poetic. Doesn’t seem like your style at all. GERTRUDE: I wasn’t actually planning on dying. ELIAS: And how exactly were you planning on achieving that while you’re still bound to the… ha. Oh, I see. Very clever. [CHUCKLE] I thought Eric was the only one to figure that little morsel out.

The plan for Gertrude was to reach the Panopticon, gouge her eyes out, kill Jonah’s body for real to neutralise him, and escape the fallout. Which would have meant becoming blind and cutting her connection to The Eye before moving on to neutralising The Unknowing. In October 2014, so shortly before Gerry’s death, she was still speculating that she would need someone tied to The Eye to stop The Stranger (and she had told Gerry that she had a secret storage unit; so she already had the explosives in mind, it was requiring both):

(MAG137) GERTRUDE: Doesn’t help with The Unknowing, though. [HEAVY SIGH] We still have Dekker’s back-up plan, of course, but… it’s very risky. To be sure, I–I think the detonation would need to happen from within The Unknowing, while it was going on. Gerard may have a connection to The Eye, but I’m not convinced it will be enough.

… if she had cut her own connection to The Eye, she wouldn’t have been a viable sacrifice either. So why try to neutralise Elias before The Unknowing, while sacrificing her chances at stopping the latter?

-> Biggest problem:

(MAG040) ARCHIVIST: Martin… How did Gertrude Robinson die? MARTIN: … I don’t know. Not for sure; it was so dark, and I only saw the body for a few seconds. The police were quite clear that the cause of death could be absolutely any– ARCHIVIST: Martin, how did she die? MARTIN: She was shot! Three times, that I could see. … Three shots to the chest.

(MAG158) [ONE GUNSHOT] GERTRUDE: [GASP] [BODY COLLAPSING]

Three holes vs. one gunshot. I mean, sure, I can picture Elias placing her down in the tunnels and putting two more bullets in her body “just in case” (or noticing she wasn’t dead already and correcting that. Or a few spiders making a nest in her body. Or Michael stabbing her a few times). But as long as Elias doesn’t confirm, I…………. think it might be very likely that she didn’t die in the tape we heard, but that she bluffed and went off the grid at this point, and that something else caught her later?

It’s absolutely possible that no, actually, she did die there, and some things will click in place (and/or that I’m reading things wrong) but. What would have been enough to make her so afraid, as Oliver had described…? (………… something related to The Extinction, that she had downplayed so much? Something related to Adelard, who had officially died some time before?) (And there are still some dates problems aaaaarg.)

(- We heard Gertrude’s (as of now) official demise from the past, with a tape recorder apparently clicking on on its own… So I wonder: would it be possible to hear even more sneaky tapes from the past? Jon’s hiring around 2012, or his appointment as Head Archivist? Martin’s hiring (in 2009 or earlier), or how he came to work for The Archives (we still don’t know whether Elias put him there, whether Martin volunteered, or if somehow, Martin had asked to come down with Jon)? Gertrude has also mentioned the chat she had with Elias right after he body-hopped into this body (so 1996 or before)…)

- There is still a Story behind The Dark’s ritual attempt, too!

(MAG143) MANUELA: And then… it stopped. It just… stopped. All at once, that loving embrace was stripped from us, and it began to retreat, to recede back into the place that it had come from. We were so close…! … We were so close… I heard Maxwell cry out, scrambling desperately into the Dark Sun, stopping just short of touching it. But it was too late. Whatever it was that you and your Archivist did, it clearly worked.

(MAG158) GERTRUDE: I’d rather hoped you’d still be hampered with all The Dark’s business. [DOOR CLOSES] It’s their… “Grand Eclipse” at the moment, isn’t it? ELIAS: [SIGH] But I think we’ve both come to the same conclusion about that. That’s why you’re here. GERTRUDE: Yes.

Elias and Gertrude had understood why it wouldn’t work, and I wonder if it has to do with Manuela’s statement from July 2014 (MAG135), since it was a direct challenge to the both of them? I still don’t have a clue about why it failed, but I’m assuming that it’s been right under our nose all along…

(The only thing I’ve managed to notice is that it was right around the time that Evan Lukas died; could be absolutely unrelated, but… but. It doesn’t feel like we know the full story about Evan either?)

(Also, confirmation that Elias was UTTERLY FULL OF SHIT ABOUT IT!! BASTARD KNEW!!!

(MAG135) ELIAS: I have been observing a recent increase in people and supplies being moved to the small town of Ny-Ålesund, in Svalbard. An increase which I believe may be linked to a rather desperate attempt, by the People’s Church of the Divine Host, to perform a crude ritual of their own. To bring their… “Mr. Pitch”… into the world. […] If Gertrude had a plan for this one, I haven’t found it, which is why Jon needs to be closer to The Eye. If anyone can stop what’s happening, he can. See through the darkness, etcetera.

To his credit: it doesn’t seem like Gertrude actively stopped that one, but rather that it failed on his own… so he indeed didn’t know about her potential plans (since they weren’t necessary in the end). And he did point out to Basira that the Aurora Borealis were ~lovely~ in the current season, so. The increase of people/supplies. Might. Have. Just Been. Because of the touristic season. Fucker.)

- It Is Always A Good Time to remember that Elias had once called Jon “dramatic”:

(MAG067) ELIAS: Oh, good lord, don’t be so dramatic, Jon! You know how hard it would be to replace you! ARCHIVIST: I–I don’t, actually. But… thank you. I suppose.

Mister “Making Sure My Entrance Is The Most Dramatic Entrance That Ever Entrance’d” and “Planning My Lines Ahead So I GO BACK TO TRYING TO SAY THEM, DON’T INTERRUPT ME, JON”…

(MAG158) MARTIN: [SHAKY INHALE] … Where are his eyes? ELIAS: Exactly– MARTIN: [GASP] ELIAS: –where they’ve always been, Martin. Watching over my Institute.

[…] ARCHIVIST: What is this place? ELIAS: Hm! A complicated question, and time is– ARCHIVIST: [STATIC] That’s the Panopticon… […] “But”? ELIAS: “But” for Martin? Time is very much of the essence.

… had called Jon dramatic.

Asshole had the line “time is (very much) of the essence” and desperately wanted to place it, uh.

- I’m a bit sad over the Jonah Reveal, because the idea that our “Elias” was actually truly an old lazy student and pothead turned absolute fanatical zealot (and/or the idea that other avatars kept assuming he was actually Jonah Magnus when he wasn’t) cracked me up so much! Would sure have been a different story than Your Antagonist Is Actually An Old Victorian Asshole Who Didn’t Want To Die, but it makes a lot of sense and we’ve had so, so many little things pointing out in that direction:

(MAG049) ARCHIVIST: Supplemental. Elias Bouchard is a difficult man to pin down, certainly since he became head of the Institute in 1996, taking over from James Wright, who ran the place from ‘73 until he passed away. It was a remarkably fast climb to the top, as from what I can find, it looks like he only joined the Institute five years before, in 1991, working in the Artefact Storage. Perhaps he was simply that impressive. Certainly, the Elias I know now is almost unmatched in terms of paranormal knowledge. Well. Theoretical knowledge, at least. And yet, everything I found out about his life before the Institute seems… an ill fit with the austere man I know. He apparently graduated with a Third from Christ Church’s College in PPE, and I found an old gossip column in the student newspaper that – sure well – that mentioned him. If I’m not reading too much into it, the implication seems to be that he was… something of a… pothead [CHUCKLES]. Was he… like that when he first came to work here…?

(MAG092) ELIAS: Jonah Magnus did leave him in that place, Jon. He got the letter, oh yes, and was on good terms with Mordechai Lukas. He could have interceded, perhaps even saved him, but he did not. And it was not out of malice, or because he lacked affection for Barnabas Bennett: he retrieved those bones sadly enough when the time came. Bones that you can still find in my office, if you know where to look. No, it was because he was curious. Because he had to know, to watch and see it all. That’s what this place is, Jon, never forget it. You may believe yourself to have friends, to have confidantes, but in the end, all they are, is something for you to watch, to know, and ultimately to discard. This, at least, Gertrude understood.

(MAG096) DAISY: El–Elias didn’t say. ARCHIVIST: No, he doesn’t, uh… He’s not big on micromanagement. SARAH: It’s Elias now, then? ARCHIVIST: [WHISPERING] What? DAISY: Get on with it.

(MAG101) NIKOLA: Is it… your Elias who listens? Helloooooo! […] So, Elias, can I call you Elias?, let me set the scene, as I know you can’t actually see this. […] You know Elias, can I call you Elias?, you have not raised this one very well! […] Oh, no, I’m afraid he can’t See, can you Elias?, can I call you Elias? – what’s the point of having a secret place of power if you can’t hide it from a big stupid eye?

(MAG135, Manuela Dominguez) “When you read this, I would consider it a great favour if you could share my words with the Head of your Institute. Tell him that Maxwell Rayner sends his regards and offers… sanctuary. A time of holy Darkness is at hand, when The Eye will close forever, and in the spirit of the friendship they once shared, he offers an opportunity – to surrender.”

(MAG138, Robert Smirke) “I beg you, do not pursue this goal; if only a single lesson may be gleaned from my life of long study, and longer hardship, it is that the fear of Death is natural, and to flee from it will only bring greater misery. Repent of your sins, Jonah. Seek forgiveness. I am certain the Dread Powers cannot take a soul that keeps faith in the Resurrection.”

(MAG148) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] Did he mention it at all? My, uh… BASIRA: Oh, your new diet? Nothing useful. Didn’t seem too fazed by it. ARCHIVIST: [LONG SIGH] Right. BASIRA: What? ARCHIVIST: … I–I don’t know, I mean… We still don’t really know… what Elias actually is…? I thought… Maybe if he was more like me than we realised…

So at this point: it was a popular suspicion/theory amongst viewers, but amongst characters, too – at least, Basira wasn’t fazed and seemed to take it as confirmation of a suspicion more than anything:

(MAG158) ARCHIVIST: Uh– yes. And I’d wager that Elias’s body, uh… BASIRA: Gotta be Jonah Magnus, right? ARCHIVIST: I’d say so. BASIRA: [SIGH] And he’s been body-hopping like whatever was in Rayner.

And Martin was surprised by Elias suddenly being there (who wouldn’t be?) but didn’t seem too surprised about the reveal in itself either. Same with Jon, who quickly accepted it – not as casually as Basira, and he seemed to have been shaken/startled by something, but still very smoothly.

I’m satisfied by the way it was done in this episode – Jonah’s body being discovered as Elias revealed himself and as the (last?) conversation between him and Gertrude played. And YES, his entrance and reveal was EXTREMELY DRAMATIC, but it was also so damn good and chilling. Plus, there was the surprise factor of the fact that he’s apparently body-hopping by plugging his ~eyes~ into his hosts? Which fits and is a very neat contrast to the way to escape the Institute’s binding, as Eric and Melanie demonstrated (making sure to destroy their own eyes).

- Still gonna call him “Elias” as long as we don’t know much about who Real OG Pothead Elias was, I’m not in denial over the fact it’s Jonah Magnus, right? But he was called Elias for so long that it stuck.

And I’m laughing a bit that in-series, it seems to be the same thing for Jon? He still called him “Elias”, and Gertrude and Peter did the same; only Martin corrected himself and went with “Jonah” like a good boy:

(MAG158) ARCHIVIST: But Elias put him in charge, that doesn’t make any–! […] ELIAS: Peter. PETER: Elias. […] MARTIN: Elias– … Jonah had nothing to do with it.

But nop, for Jon, still “Elias”. (Is it because part of him is in denial, or out of habit, or an attempt to still cling to some stability, or because calling him “Jonah” sounds too close to his own name?)

- I’m delighted because there are soooo many implications now:

* So, how much of a blast did Jonah have letting the letters addressed to him stay around in the Archives and be read by Jon (MAG023, MAG050, MAG127) and Martin (MAG098, MAG138)?

* When Elias finally entered the room in MAG118…

(MAG118) MARTIN: Oh sorry! Sorry, I’m not keeping you from the show, am I? Well, well you head back, I’ll keep myself busy here. Albrecht von Closen is next, I think. It’s quite an old one! Should go up very quickly. ELIAS: [EXASPERATED BREATHING] … Did Jon put you up to this?

Martin was on the verge of burning Albrecht’s letter!! Given that Jonah wasn’t unrelated to what happened to Albrecht in the end, according to MAG127…

* It was before the Institute, but the Archives contained John Flamsteed’s letter (1715), revealing that Rayner was a body-hopper; and the Archives also contained Doctor Algernon Moss’s letter from 1864 about Rayner’s powers. That was three years before Smirke’s letter to Jonah, accusing and warning him about the danger of serving The Eye. Manuela had also pointed out that ~the Head of the Institute~ and Maxwell Rayner used to be friends (unless it was taunting from the start: “the friendship they once shared”) so… Jonah probably took a page from Rayner’s personal book, though giving it an Eye touch.

(… He also borrowed from Rayner’s book re: using someone’s love and desire to save someone they care for in order to make them do atrocious thing, as what happened with Robert Montauk and his wife, but more on that later.)

* It’s extra-funny that Nikola was all “Can I call you Elias?” since Grimaldi, who was proto-Nikola… was alive during Jonah’s actual lifetime. Jonah probably saw him onstage.

* Jonah was also alive when Ruskin’s book came out – the Fear version might have popped up before or after but still, it was from Jonah’s era, and worked in the tunnels, and was even used in this episode during Peter&Martin’s progression:

(MAG080) LEITNER: An unexpurgated copy of Ruskin’s The Seven Lamps of Architecture, published in 1845. Of course, Ruskin didn’t even begin writing the book until 1846, and the text of this one varies markedly from the version that was distributed. It gives an acute sense of the walls pressing in around you, and if consumed recklessly will physically entomb the reader. Over the years I have found that it interacts with Smirke’s architecture, and those tunnels specifically, in a more predictable way. By carefully reading specific passages in certain locations I am able to exercise… a degree of control over the substance of the tunnels.

* Avatars/monsters were all so cool and fair-play about it?? Manuela didn’t call him “Jonah” (she didn’t name him), Peter always called him “Elias”, Simon didn’t mention Elias or the Head of the Institute at all… How many of them knew, and were probably thinking it was the worst secret ever kept, but still had their fun using his new host’s name? They’ve been so sportsmanlike and nice to him.

* That line in the season 3 Q&A about how ~Elias was older than he sounded~ =D

* … MAG138, Robert Smirke’s letter, was probably a hint to Martin not only about the tunnels (as he was thinking) but about Jonah still being There. Smirke had specifically mentioned Jonah’s fear of dying as he was giving himself to The Eye. Peter was actually preparing Martin to the concept that Jonah hadn’t really died (and that Martin was supposed to kill him)…………………

(MAG138, Robert Smirke) “I beg you, do not pursue this goal; if only a single lesson may be gleaned from my life of long study, and longer hardship, it is that the fear of Death is natural, and to flee from it will only bring greater misery.”

* The fact that Elias hadn’t been preoccupied by The Extinction’s emergence, while acknowledging that it might be happening… might be because he was around when The Flesh emerged? Gerry had pointed out that its “ascendance” happened during the Smirke era (MAG111: “I think it’s quite new. Only just beginning its, uh, ascendance when Smirke labelled it.”), and it indeed didn’t change the game much. Might be why Elias wasn’t that preoccupied by it, outside of the fact that he was aiming for his own ritual anyway?

* Now, think back to a lot of things that happened in the course of the series. When Mary Keay roasted Elias by describing him as “not big on action” (MAG062)? It was actually about Jonah Magnus.

This excellent dialogue?

(MAG079) TIM: […] There is something in this place, and it’s messing up our heads. It watches us all the time, it stops me quitting, I’m pretty sure it would stop Elias firing Jon even if he decided to actually try running this place for once. […] Er… Elias is probably still in his office. MARTIN: I thought you said he was a waste of a suit. TIM: Yeah, well he’s better than nothing!

… was actually about Jonah Magnus (mARTIN caLlED hIM A “wAStE oF A sUIt”…)

Jon (Master Of Redundancy) said that Jonah Magnus was a “cocky prick” in MAG096, and of “zero practical use” in MAG102.

Tim told Jonah Magnus to “fuck off” in MAG104.

Xiaoling implied that Jonah Magnus was too lazy to handle an Archivist whose mother-tongue wouldn’t be English, back in MAG105.

Peter said this

(MAG108) PETER: Oh. That doesn’t sound like the Elias I know. He killed people himself? […] Elias Bouchard, getting his hands dirty. Well-well. Must be the End Times.

about Jonah frigging Magnus.

A police officer punched Jonah Magnus in MAG120, and Basira beat him up during an extended sequence in MAG148.

I mean. It was already hilarious when about “Elias”, but replace everything with “Jonah Magnus” and or “an old Victorian body-hopper”, and suddenly, all of this becomes even more satisfying. (Especially Basira’s episode.)

- There are also a few more recent power-related things which also take on a new dimension with the Reveal:

* Martin had picked up on the fact that Elias had known about Prentiss in the tunnels for a while, which Elias didn’t deny… so it didn’t seem like the tunnels were an Absolute Blind Spot for him.

(MAG118) MARTIN: Not even close. Because… [HEAVY BREATHING] I… I’ve been thinking. It’s not like you’ve got this all-seeing thing recently. You’ve had it the whole time. I remember the way you looked at Sasha after the attack. You knew it wasn’t her. And I reckon you knew Prentiss was lurking under the Institute, too, and you did nothing. Why? [SILENCE] WHY?! [SLAMS TABLE] ELIAS: … Let’s just get this over with, shall we?

Or at least, he knew them well enough to be able to tell that Prentiss was there. (Not sure who drew Peter’s map for him: could be Helen, since he was mentioning her to Martin right before and Helen Richardson used to be good with maps; could have been Elias, since he was waiting in the Panopticon, so the tunnels weren’t as off-limit had Jon had previously assumed, and he perfectly knew the way – well, he had been alive when everything had been designed and built, so Makes sense.

What is still odd is: how come Martin was able to find Gertrude’s body down there, back in season 1…?)

* I hate him:

(MAG120) MARTIN: You didn’t just see it in me? ELIAS: Honestly, I didn’t look. For all my power, I will admit I am not immune to making the occasional lazy assumption. I presumed that I knew you thoroughly, but by the time you demonstrated otherwise… well. There was simply too much to keep watching over. I only have two eyes, after all.

“I only have two eyes after all” fuuuuuckkkkk oooooooooooooffff, oh my goooooods!!!

* erfysudhbjzreds THAT BIT!!! THAT BIT!!!

(MAG134) PETER: What does puzzle me, though, and I mean that genuinely, is… why you were piling tape recorders onto the coffin, while Jon was in there. [PAUSE] It’s a question, Martin, it’s– it’s not an accusation. MARTIN: I don’t know. And I just… felt like it might help. He’s always recording, I thought… it–it might help him… find his way out. PETER: Interesting. Were you compelled? MARTIN: [SULLEN] … I don’t know. … M–maybe? I–I, I definitely wanted to do it… PETER: But? MARTIN: I’m… I’m not sure where the idea came from. PETER: You should watch out for that. Could be something dangerous.

Peter was actually suspecting that Elias was trying to interfere, back then?! Since he was suspecting Elias of trying to do just that in MAG158:

(MAG158) MARTIN: … If I… if I do kill you… will the others survive? PETER: Elias? [FOOTSTEPS] ELIAS: Come now, Peter. It’s a valid question. […] PETER: I see. … This is your doing, is it? ELIAS: [AUDIBLE GRIN] Hardly…! […] PETER: … No. No! This isn’t fair, do you have any idea what you’ve done? You knew, he must have– MARTIN: Elias– … Jonah had nothing to do with it.

* ……………… Okay, so:

(MAG158) ELIAS: Ah, Jon. I was almost worried…! You found your way all right. ARCHIVIST: [PANTING] Yes. … Ye–yes, I did… How? ELIAS: Suffice it to say I called you.

Is something that Elias can apparently do. And there is one particular time that Jon had mentioned feeling “called” towards something.

(MAG127) BASIRA: And what was that you were doing yesterday? ARCHIVIST: … When…? BASIRA: You were sat on the floor for like four hours. ARCHIVIST: … Oh! Er, n–n–no, I was, er, I was… listening. Y’know, it’s, trying to see if any of the statements… called to me. BASIRA: And? ARCHIVIST: [FLAPPING PAPER] BASIRA: Brilliant.

… Was it actually Elias drawing him towards Jonathan Fanshawe’s statement? Towards the letter of someone who had decided to cut ties with Jonah after what he had done to Albrecht, about what The Eye could do to someone, about something that contributed to the Institute’s early days (the books stolen from the crypt)?

* Jon had wondered why he had been “chosen” back in MAG138… and if it’s really because Jonah fucking Magnus went “oh, he’s called Jonathan and he sounds a bit like Jonathan Fanshawe? Hahaha, wouldn’t it be fun”, I’m going to scream.

* ………… I have been wondering this entire season what was the thing pulling Jon towards this and that statement, and it’s something that Annabelle pointed out in MAG147, when she mentioned that there were various influences… but now, I’m getting even more worried over MAG150, a statement in which someone manages to get out from The Lonely because he was reached by someone he still loved. It sounded like such a weirdly optimistic story, compared to our usual statement? The statement-giver learned and managed to get his life more or less back together, and is working, and things are hard but he’s alright? … What if it really was a red herring, to give Jon the impression that it’s possible to pull the same trick and get out with Martin, when the circumstances are different…?

- What are the things making Elias so frighteningly efficient as an antagonist? I think we got an absolute demonstration in this episode, and it’s quite significant that this is the episode where he revealed himself as Jonah Magnus. Because, what did we know about Jonah? In respectively 1816, 1841 and 1864:

(MAG023, Albrecht von Closen) […] “I recall that during your visit last spring you mentioned your… fascination with the macabre and strange, and pressed upon me as to whether there were any such lore or legends that I myself were familiar with. Wolfgang writes me that you are acquiring quite the collection, and I feel that I now have something that belongs with it, far more than any of the fairy stories or old maids’ tales that I told you before. […] Still, I look forward to showing you the book I have acquired, and the revelations you will no doubt glean from it.”

(MAG050, Sampson Kempthorne) “Dear Jonah; it is my fondest wish that this message should find you in good health, as I have heard more than one mutual acquaintance remark on your current state of overwork. While I earnestly hope it is merely idle gossip, my knowledge of your character leads me to entreat that you allow yourself some respite, or at the very least take some further secretarial staff into your employ. Certain uncharitable quarters would have it that your life consists of little but rattling around in Edinburgh Townhouse, surrounded by piles of ghostly accounts and lunatic documentation. Piles, I am afraid to say, to which I am about to make an addition.”

(MAG098, Doctor Algernon Moss) “I come to you not to wallow in my condition, or pour out my soul like a papist in the confessional, but to request your assistance. I believe that Maxwell Rayner has at his disposal some unholy power that he has used to curse me and cause my blindness. Or, more precisely, to cause me to blind myself, for I shall not deny I did so willingly. For obvious reasons my accusations have had me laughed out of most polite society. Not quite so polite when you’re accusing someone of witchcraft, it would seem. I now ask the assistance of your Institute in the hopes that you may be able to furnish some evidence or legal precedent that may assist me in taking action against my assailant, though I will admit my expectations for the latter are limited. Maxwell Rayner is an oddity. […] So, there is my story. I’m sure you’ll agree that Maxwell Rayner is the clear architect of my misfortune. Now, how do you suppose I revenge myself upon him?”

We got glimpses of his life through Jon and Martin reading the letters addressed to him, sent by friends and intimates who indulged his passion for tales of supernatural stories. Dr. Algernon Moss was requiring his “assistance”, and at that point, by the 1860s, the Institute seemed to already be operating as in the present day (it has a reputation, people come to share their stories, they sometimes require help, and will never get it), but there was fondness in Albrecht von Closen and Sampson Kempthorne’s letters – Adelard Dekkard pointed out that The Eye’s influence was present in his last message to Gertrude (MAG156), but it didn’t sound odd to Albrecht or Sampson to write their stories (statements) willingly, as gifts to a friend.

But we also know that Jonah Magnus actively or passively caused suffering to his own friends and acquaintances, and, in the case of Barnabas, Elias himself acknowledged that it wasn’t even due to a lack of sympathy (1824, 1831, 1867):

(MAG092, Barnabas Bennett) “You must help me. If anyone is still here, it is you. I know your work brings you into contact with all sorts of fantastical terrors, so perhaps you might have it within your power to save me from this place. […] And you must help me, Jonah. If anyone knows of what might break me from this dreadful place, it is you. I know that what is done by those I cannot see might be felt here – I have found glasses broken and pages torn that were not so the night before. It is my hope that if I leave a letter here, in your institute, you might find it, you might be able to save me. I have no other hope. Please, Jonah, if you have any compassion within your heart, you will not leave me in this place. Your loyal servant; Barnabas.” ELIAS: Jonah Magnus did leave him in that place, Jon. He got the letter, oh yes, and was on good terms with Mordechai Lukas. He could have interceded, perhaps even saved him, but he did not. And it was not out of malice, or because he lacked affection for Barnabas Bennett: he retrieved those bones sadly enough when the time came.

(MAG127, Doctor Jonathan Fanshawe) “Jonah; I must first and foremost decline your generous offer of a medical position servicing Millbank Penitentiary. While the terms you’ve laid out are no doubt more than adequate, I have, over these last months, come to the unfortunate conclusion that our intimacy and friendship must cease immediately. I do not know what interest you have in the poor condemned souls within those walls, nor do I care to guess. In the light of what I have so recently witnessed, I can no longer in good conscience associate with any of your endeavours. Nor will I continue to collect or provide all those accounts of the esoteric and otherworldly, that you and your… Institute so eagerly require. Consider this the severing of our acquaintance. This cannot come as a shock to you. Surely, you must have understood what you were asking when you employed me to visit with Albrecht, and apply my… meagre skills to the illness that beset him. You must have known the nature of that illness, even if only in the most general terms. And no doubt you had some intuition as to its cause. […] Because whatever it was that did this to him, I know in my heart that it is your fault. I’ve had the body burned. Please, do not write to me again.”

(MAG138, Robert Smirke) “My dear Jonah; You will forgive me, I hope, for being so forward, but I feel I must break the silence that has characterised our acquaintance for these past decades. […] I am choosing to assume that these manifestations are unintentional, Jonah, and you have not… simply decided to implore a Dark Patron to end the life of an old man. I further find myself supposing that they may emanate from your own intrigues and preparations to culminate those plans which we agreed to abandon so many decades ago! […] The Eye has marked me for something, of this I have no doubt. My… humble hope is that it may be a swift death, an accidental effect of your own researches, which I once again implore you to abandon. It is likely too late for me, but I will not…”

I’m still not sure that Jon got the right handle of it when he took Jonathan Fanshawe’s statement as an indicator that Jonah Magnus had been evil-from-the-start, because it could also be mirroring his own downfall: falling unknowingly into The Eye’s embrace, then trying to shake out of it or to resist it, only to fall entirely later – wasn’t it what happened with Daisy and The Hunt? With Jon himself, though he’s not at the last point (yet…?), when he fed from the suffering of innocents before refraining himself, first because he was forced to (starting MAG148) and then because he was actively trying to not do what The Eye wanted him to (MAG154)? Robert Smirke mentioned that he and Jonah used to share plans before agreeing to abandon them, and that they weren’t answering to the calls of Beholding; either Jonah fooled him, either Jonah indeed fought off The Eye’s influence (after Albrecht’s death?) up until Robert Smirke’s last letter.

But, mostly, these letters told us that Jonah Magnus was far from being unappreciated. People valued him, cared for him, trusted him. And, given how Jonah made them suffer, we would want for that kind of feelings to be Jonah’s weak spot, something he wasn’t able to understand… but Elias knows about them, takes them into account as a potential motivator. At least with the current Archives team, he has constantly weaponised affection as a means of control – ensnaring both Daisy and Basira because of their feelings for each other, getting Jon to join in The Unknowing expedition because of his worry for Tim, partially banking on Martin’s feelings for Jon as a safeguard that Martin wouldn’t entirely fall into Peter’s grasp, luring Jon into the coffin (to experience The Buried and push his powers further) because Jon wanted to rescue Daisy, getting Martin cast into The Lonely because he knew that Jon would do everything to save Martin, even at the cost of himself:

(MAG092) ELIAS: Ah, of course. Er, sometimes I forget how new you all are to this. Basira is now tied to the Institute. All of you are. Like fingers on a hand. And I am the beating heart of it. Should I, or the Institute, be destroyed, you will all, unfortunately, follow suit. MELANIE: Wait, what? TIM: Yup, that sounds about right. ELIAS: And it would not be a pleasant death. DAISY: Bullshit! ELIAS: Then shoot me. Just squeeze the trigger, and watch the only person you care about die screaming. Your last connection to humanity. Do it. BASIRA: Daisy…

(MAG117) ARCHIVIST: Tim isn’t going to sit home and wait, and Elias seems pretty insistent I go along.

(MAG135) ELIAS: His performance during The Unknowing was… disappointing. I needed a way to force him to harness his ability more acutely than he had before. The coffin was a useful tool; Daisy an adequate bait.

(MAG138) MARTIN: Yeah. Well. I’m still not sure I really believe it. [EXHALE] A–and, I don’t… I–… I’m, h… ELIAS: Worried he might charge off into another coffin. [SILENCE] … Quite.

(MAG158) MARTIN: Maybe I just thought joining up with you would be a good way to get killed. And then… [SHAKILY] Jon came back, and… and suddenly, I had a reason: I had to keep your attention on me. Make you feel in control, so you didn’t take it out on him. And if that meant drifting further away… so what? I’d already grieved for him, and if it meant now saving him, it was worth it! […] ELIAS: Peter Lukas has him. Cast him into The Lonely, and with every passing moment, he gets further away from you. ARCHIVIST: How do I bring him back? ELIAS: From out here? … Impossible. ARCHIVIST: … You want me to follow him. ELIAS: No, Jon. You want you to follow him. I simply want you to know that if you do so, you are almost certainly not coming back. To go into The Lonely willingly is as good as death. ARCHIVIST: … How do I do it?

* So, Elias finally revealed that he wasn’t as trapped in prison as he had been pretending to be up until now:

(MAG158) ARCHIVIST: Gone how? DAISY: Just walked out, as far as we can tell. BASIRA: Couple of guards on duty vanished too. ARCHIVIST: “Vanished”? How? BASIRA: Just left. ARCHIVIST: [EXASPERATED SIGH] BASIRA: Best we can tell, he had some dirt on them. DAISY: Old friend at the prison let us know. ARCHIVIST: What, and no one thought of that? BASIRA: Asshole could have left at any time, but he just sat there laughing at us. ARCHIVIST: No, no, this, this can’t be a coincidence…

And indeed, why did he choose to leave now? Was it only because Peter himself had decided that Martin was ready? Is it because another threat is coming? Or had Peter and Elias agreed on a deadline from the start? Jon, back in MAG127, was suspecting that something could be coming with the Institute’s 200th anniversary, though he didn’t know the day the Institute had been founded. Was it actually September 25th or 26th…?

- Soooo, about the Panopticon’s purpose / what it might be capable of doing…

(MAG138, Robert Smirke) “I could not go easy to my grave without offering you one last plea for your restraint. What we built at Millbank should be left well enough alone, resigned to the nightmares of the reprobates and brigands contained within its walls. […] And if, as I came to believe, the Dread Powers were themselves places of a sort, then surely with the right space, the right architecture, they could be contained. Channelled. Harnessed. […] I am not a fool; I know well enough what this dream is likely to mean, and I warn you again that if you have any remaining ambitions to use our work, to try and wear The Watcher’s Crown, you must abandon them! Not simply for the sake of your own soul, but for that of the world! I have always had the utmost respect for you as a man of dignity, and learning. Do not allow yourself to fall to this madness.”

(MAG158) MARTIN: What is this place? PETER: The Panopticon of Millbank prison. Not quite as Smirke originally conceived it, of course. Jonah Magnus made certain… adjustments. MARTIN: And it’s been down here the whole time? PETER: Why do you think this was chosen as the Institute’s location, when the prison closed? It’s a significant site of power for The Beholding. From the tower in the centre of this room, you can see everything. MARTIN: But there’s nothing in the cells…! PETER: [CHUCKLING] I don’t mean the cells, Martin – I mean everything.

* Smirke gave up, Jonah didn’t and/or went back on it. So. Oops. Given how The Eye has indeed been able to feed through the other Fears’ actions (through statements or an Archivist), bad. Badbadbad.

* Did it get fuelled by prisoners’ fears…? From something concrete and tangible, to something immaterial because their feelings powered/scarred the place so much?

* It was very faint, and I LOVED the sound effect present in the tower: something between the wind whistling and very low whispers? It made the place immediately threatening and gave the impression that yeah, there were many ghosts/dead bodies/sufferings caused around it…?

- I’m still rfedubrehjd over the fact that Peter and Elias’s first live interaction was firmly anticipated (Peter had mentioned he was there to see Elias in MAG100! It was the case again in MAG108! We knew, at least from Peter, that they weren’t strangers, although Elias didn’t acknowledge Peter’s existence in return until MAG138; but it has been so long between the moment we learned that they knew each other and their first ‘onscreen’ interaction!) AND YET… managed to be Even Better than I could have dreamed of. Elias was SUCH A SHIT:

(MAG158) ELIAS: I warned you, Peter~ […] PETER: … No. No! This isn’t fair, do you have any idea what you’ve done? You knew, he must have– MARTIN: Elias– … Jonah had nothing to do with it. PETER: No! That’s not– You can’t– ELIAS: You’ve lost, Peter. Admit it. [CHUCKLE] He played you like a… like a cheap whistle. PETER: No! Shut up! ELIAS: Peter. [PAUSE] It’s time. [SILENCE] PETER: … Fine. MARTIN: Great. [VERY SHARP SQUEALS OF DISTORTION INCREASING] Now, perhaps if one of you, then, can tell me what– [SHARP SQUEALS OF DISTORTION REACHING A PEAK, BEFORE DECREASING] ELIAS: It won’t be that bad, Peter~ [CHUCKLE] You’ll see. Now: he’ll be here soon, so you can leave, or… PETER: Oh no. No. I’m not gonna make it easy on him. You haven’t won yet. ELIAS: Your choice. Just make sure to leave the door open.

Compensating much for all of Peter’s little digs, uh. They’re so… divorced…………….

Peter had told Martin right away that Elias had chosen him as interim Director, Jon had been suspecting very early that Peter&Elias were scheming together, Basira’s plural in MAG151 was implying that she was thinking the same…

(MAG120) PETER: Oh! Right, of course! Well, you’ve successfully managed to remove Elias as the Head of the Magnus Institute. So… MARTIN: Oh. Oh, god, what does that do? PETER: Oh! No, no no no! No. Not in any, hum, metaphysical sense, no, he’s still very much the… how did he insist on phrasing it… Ah yes, the “beating heart of the Institute”. But, practically speaking, he can hardly fulfil his more mundane managerial duties from a jail cell. MARTIN: … so he knew this was going to happen? PETER: Not exactly. He… anticipated that you would likely find some way to remove him. So he made alternative arrangements. MARTIN: Which would be you. PETER: Exactly! To be honest with you, Martin, I didn’t expect to be taking over the place so soon, or in such a state of disarray. But, I’ll do my best to keep the place afloat.

(MAG122) BASIRA: No, nothing. Elias isn’t the problem. ARCHIVIST: Sor– what? BASIRA: Elias is locked up. ARCHIVIST: … Wait, Martin’s plan worked? BASIRA: Yeah. A bunch of Section’d officers took him in. He made some sort of deal, I think. But… he’s not getting out anytime soon. ARCHIVIST: … Oh. Wow. O… kay, er… Great, s–so… what’s the problem? BASIRA: He appointed an “interim” director. Guy named Peter Lukas. ARCHIVIST: … Oh.

(MAG125) ARCHIVIST: But honestly, it’s the internal threats I’m worried about. Peter Lukas is just… sitting up there, doing whatever the hell it is he [STATIC] and Elias have planned, and Melanie still has that bullet pumping violence into her, waiting to turn this place into another Lanncraig.

(MAG151) BASIRA: [SIGH] … Okay. You want to do whatever “grand sacrifice” you think is going to save everyone, go ahead. But you’d best be sure you’re not just playing their game. MARTIN: I know what I’m doing. BASIRA: We’ll see. [PAUSE] Don’t make me regret this.

(MAG154) MARTIN: I just… Look, I need to see this thing through with Peter to the end. If–if what he’s saying is even half true, I need to be there. ARCHIVIST: But what if you don’t? I mean…! We could just leave. I mean, whatever… their plan is for me, I am damn sure that doing that isn’t it. I could derail everything– MARTIN: [NERVOUS CHUCKLING] ARCHIVIST: –We could derail everything, and then just… leave…! MARTIN: [DRY AND HOLLOW LAUGHTER] ARCHIVIST: [BREATHY] … What…?

… and turned out that it was a bet. Well. A gamble, for both? We had learned about that aspect of Peter in MAG066 (well, in an explicit form; what happened on the Tundra in MAG033 might have been of that nature too, without the statement-giver being aware of it because… she had won), and it had been mentioned as one of Peter’s ways to navigate (ha) social interactions:

(MAG134) MARTIN: So… so what, you’re afraid of the competition? PETER: Not at all. Honestly, that’s the sort of thing I normally relish; I’ve always been a little bit of a gambler, and the higher the stakes, the better. MARTIN: So… so this is, wh–what?

(MAG151) SIMON: He is what he is, Martin. For a creature of The Lonely, the urge is always to isolate; never to communicate or connect. I suspect that’s why he’s so keen on wagers: it allows him a framework for cooperation that doesn’t risk any sort of intimacy. […] I think… [INHALE] I think Peter is taking a rather large, but calculated gamble. Not just on you, but on a lot of things. If it works, he’ll be in a very strong position. And if he fails… it won’t be all that bad. MARTIN: You don’t think it will be the end of the world? SIMON: Oh! It very well might be, but… MARTIN: [EXPLOSIVE EXHALE] SIMON: Life has continued through dozens of apocalypses already. Ice ages; pandemics; calamities; extinctions… The only reason this one feels special is because, well… it’s happening to you. And that’s the sort of solipsism that tends to come with loneliness – in my experience.

BUT I’M STILL SO MAD THAT

(MAG138) MARTIN: … What? [HUFF] That’s it? No, no monologue, no mindgames? You love manipulating people! ELIAS: That makes two of us. MARTIN: [HUFF] ELIAS: But no. This is too important for me to jeopardise with cheap “mindgames”. I simply have to trust that when the time comes, you’ll make the right choice.

(MAG158) MARTIN: Oh, I’m getting there, but if this is the final test or something? Then bad luck. The answer’s still “no”. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: … No. No! This isn’t fair, do you have any idea what you’ve done? You knew, he must have– MARTIN: Elias– … Jonah had nothing to do with it. PETER: No! That’s not– You can’t– ELIAS: You’ve lost, Peter. Admit it.

FUCK OOOOOFF ELIAS OH MY GODS the thing about the “right choice” was really just about whether Martin would refuse to kill Jonah Magnus’s body, thus ensuring Elias’s winning the bet… and THAT was the thing “too important for me to jeopardise”, it had never been about The Extinction for Elias uh……………………

- I’m so proud of Martin for understanding that it was all mostly a “power play” between Elias and Peter, and TECHNICALLY? TECHNICALLY PETER HAD BEEN AN ABSOLUTE DUMBASS WHO HAD HIGHLIGHTED THAT THEY TENDED TO BE ~LIKE THAT~:

(MAG108) PETER: Ah, I see. I’m sorry to have disturbed you. It’s one of Elias’s little jokes. MARTIN: I don– What? PETER: Did he suggest you record a statement today? One that mentioned me? MARTIN: … yeah? Sssort of? I mean… not you specifically, but… PETER: I have a meeting with him today. He suggested… I’m sure he’s watching from his office, grinning from ear to ear. MARTIN: I… don’t… PETER: I almost thought he genuinely wanted me to meet the team! Oh well.

Peter And Elias Had Their Little Games, and Martin knew that from experience from the very first time he had met Peter.

… at the same time, Martin being “Martin out” might have been a genuine missed opportunity since… I’m glad that he didn’t go for murder even if he wanted to? And the fact that Elias was ready to risk Jonah’s original body probably meant that there was a huuuuge trick/something that could have backfired if Martin had knifed him? But Daisy had also pointed out that maybe they should have accepted to kill him at the risk of dying when they have had a chance:

(MAG142) MARTIN: I thought you believed him…! You were doing all of his dirty work. DAISY: Well, wasn’t willing to call his bluff. Not the same thing as “believing”. Just too big a risk. MARTIN: … Not for Melanie. DAISY: Well, maybe she was the only one with any sense. Even if he was telling the truth [EXHALE], if we all… died… There are worse things.

And I still really don’t want the bottom line to be that yes, they should have gone for murder? But at the same time, right now, indeed: we’re in “worse things” and heading towards ever worse things than death…

(- I’m still stuck a bit on “why Martin, when alone-wise, Tim was just there?”. Was it because amongst the assistants, Martin was the most willing to read statements before MAG108? Was it really because Martin was easily expendable, prone to fear a lot, and had a special flavour of Loneliness due to both his crush on Jon and his one-sided relationship with his mother?

…………… but given how Elias just knew that Jon would run after Martin, how getting Jon to rush into The Lonely seemed to have been his main goal, and with the recent mention that:

(MAG149) GEORGIE: You must be Martin. MARTIN: Y–yeah. Has… Melanie been talking about me? GEORGIE: Oh, hum… Jon used to go on about you a lot.

… Jon had been talking about Martin off-tape, and given how he had been flustered about “office gossip” in MAG117 and his very persistent longing in season 4… was it that Martin was chosen not exactly for himself, but because Elias had identified Martin as someone Jon would always try to save, as early as in mid-season 3…? When Jon was at Georgie’s and/or when Jon went to ~talk with Martin~ right after being back from his kidnapping in MAG102…?)

- I’m not exactly sure I understood the terms of Peter and Elias’s bet. I’m assuming that Simon was mostly right in his train of thoughts – that Peter succeeding/winning would be getting an occasion to strengthen The Lonely (killing Jonah / setting up Martin as a dual avatar instead of him, thus both ruining The Eye’s chance for its ritual during this round + getting his revenge on Gertrude for ruining Forsaken’s ritual, all the while consolidating The Lonely by stealing a place of power and mayyybe shortening the time span until their next chance at a ritual attempt)…? Or was Peter genuinely preoccupied by The Extinction, or both? At least, Martin refusing to kill Jonah’s body meant Peter “losing”, meant that he had to cast Martin into The Lonely (and surrender his attempt on the Panopticon?); Peter didn’t even have to stay around, he’s just… probably making things hard on himself. Because hum: we saw what happened last time Jon tried to use his power (peering through the door?) to see through The Lonely at the end of MAG139; it left him a mess:

(MAG139) ARCHIVIST: … If I… Knew… what his plan was; if I knew what Peter was doing; if I just– [WHISPERING] … Can I…? [LOW RUMBLING SOUND, STATIC RISES] [CRIES OF PAIN] [VERY SHARP SQUEAL OF DISTORTION STEADILY RISING] [NOISE OF SOMETHING-OR-JON FALLING] [SQUEAL OF DISTORTION DECREASES] [MUMBLING] End… E–end recording…!

(MAG140) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] Yesterday, I tried something I… [INHALE] I–I deliberately tried to… Know something, like I did in the coffin, but… there was a lot. Too much [SIGH], and I… BASIRA: What did you find out? ARCHIVIST: [SNORT] Nothing. There was “too much”. BASIRA: You don’t remember any of it? ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] You drink the whole contents of a bar in three seconds, you don’t remember what the merlot tasted like. [SIGH] It just… hurt.

… and a predatory monster: it was around that time that he absolutely traumatised Jess Tyrell, and then cornered Floyd for his statement less than two weeks later (although there had “only” been three victims in the previous three months). Whatever state Jon will be in in/after The Lonely, it won’t be pretty… and it will fall either on Peter, either on Martin, either on whoever is in Jon’s way after he comes out of it. (……………. And there is all the Institute staff up there, who just got preyed upon by two Hunters, full of fears. Does The Eye’s “protection” extend to non-Archival staff…? Because I’m also really, really worried about the survivors, given current circumstances…)

Given how Elias laughed triumphantly right after Martin was sent into The Lonely, that was the main goal/hurdle to reach – but technically, Peter had done that For Free with Brian in MAG100, and Mordechai Lukas had also very spontaneously punished Barnabas that way. Was Elias’s laugh caused by his win against Peter, then, because he’s That Petty? Why such an elaborated scheme to get Peter to do that…? Is it because Elias tends to have way more fun than strictly necessary, or was Peter personally reluctant to send Martin in there…? Or was it necessary to make it happen in the middle of the Panopticon…?

- We don’t know (yet) whether or not Peter has been around for very long at this point (though he’s expecting to live long according to MAG134: “Martin… it’s going to be decades, if not centuries, before I get another chance to bring Forsaken into this world. Your last Archivist saw to that. […] The point is that, yes, obviously, if I last that long, I’m going to try again.”), but assuming that he’s had a human-like lifespan so far, how could you Do That to a baby, Jonah. I’m still screaming over Elias’s delight:

(MAG158) PETER: No! That’s not– You can’t– ELIAS: You’ve lost, Peter. Admit it. [CHUCKLE] He played you like a… like a cheap whistle. PETER: No! Shut up!

Because it was??? Such an awful jab: * Making fun of the boatswain’s call from the Tundra.

* Shakespeare ref I think???

GUILDENSTERN: But these cannot I command to any utterance of harmony. I have not the skill. HAMLET: Why, look you now, how unworthy a thing you make of me! You would play upon me. You would seem to know my stops. You would pluck out the heart of my mystery. You would sound me from my lowest note to the top of my compass. And there is much music, excellent voice, in this little organ, yet cannot you make it speak? 'Sblood, do you think I am easier to be played on than a pipe? Call me what instrument you will, though you can fret me, yet you cannot play upon me.

(Pipe’s back.)

* nsfw call-out; rude thing to say about your (ex?)husband’s performance in bed, Elias; also that’s tmi.

- I’m gonna miss Peter if he gets obliterated like Breekon, but AOUCH, he began the episode SO HARSHLY:

(MAG158) MARTIN: … Mm. PETER: Is everything alright, Martin? MARTIN: Nah, it’s fine. … Don’t particularly like it down here. PETER: Ah, yes. Of course. Hard to trust the doors, I imagine. MARTIN: [BREATHLESS CHUCKLE] Yeah, well, everyone else seems to these days, so…! PETER: But she’s still the same corridors, I suppose. [INHALE] I’m sure– … what was his name? … Tim! Tim would– MARTIN: I’d really– … rather not talk about it, Peter. […] NOT!SASHA: Who let me out? [SILENCE] Don’t be shy. I just want to say thank you. [SILENCE] All right, have it your way. Now, if you’ll excuse me: I have some unfinished business. [MENACING SATISFIED LAUGHTER] [WEIRD SCUTTLING MOVEMENT] MARTIN: [RAGGED BREATHING] Th–th–tha–, that was, hum… PETER: Yes! MARTIN: [GULP] And it’s– it’s going to… PETER: Make sure everyone is too busy to follow us. They’ll be fine. … Probably.

Triple combo, right in Martin’s trauma. The one time he was trapped with Tim in Michael’s corridors at the end of season 2; gratuitous Tim mention that Martin didn’t want to hear; freeing the Not!Them, who had terrorised Tim&Martin even before they had learned that it had actually killed Sasha… aouch. Was Peter being shitty on purpose, to destabilise Martin, or was it really just little things that he said and did without thinking about how it could make Martin feel…? He had been very interested in Martin’s feelings recently:

(MAG156) MARTIN: Will I be coming back? PETER: You’re not going to die, if that’s what you’re asking, but… no. If all goes well, you won’t be. MARTIN: [LONG INHALE, EXHALE] PETER: How does that make you feel? MARTIN: … Nothing. [SNORT] Nothing at all…! PETER: Excellent. I’m so proud of you, Martin.

So it could have been to test his apathy…? But aouch anyway.

- I loved his voice SO DAMN MUCH at that moment:

(MAG158) MARTIN: And you need me for this? PETER: Correct! Without a connection to The Eye, any attempt to use it would likely end… very messily indeed! But thankfully, it just so happens that you hold such a connection. MARTIN: So that’s it… Both “lonely” and “watching”. PETER: You must admit you’re the perfect candidate.

Because. Yeah, it was summing him up well. Saying atrocious things with a cold cheerfulness, absolutely unconcerned.

(- I think it’s safer to assume that Peter was a sore loser there:

(MAG158) PETER: Then do it, Martin. [UNFOLDING POCKET KNIFE?] We’re the same, you and I; we don’t need anyone else. Watching from a distance, that’s always who you’ve been. Haven’t you enjoyed it, these last few months? Drifting through the Archives, unseen, unjudged? You’ll like it in there. I promise. MARTIN: … Yeah. Yeah, I think I would. […] PETER: But you do serve The Lonely. MARTIN: Oh, I’m getting there, but if this is the final test or something? Then bad luck. The answer’s still “no”. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: … No. No! This isn’t fair, do you have any idea what you’ve done? You knew, he must have–

But I also kind of want to think that he had grown a bit fond of Martin and was genuine about wanting to share his patron / giving Martin a life that Martin would find some comfort in? >> Not good for Martin but. Somehow, it’s even sadder for Martin if Peter’s words really were just that empty, to ensure he would win a bet?)

- Hhhhh, we knew that the Not!Them was still… there, since Leitner had explained it to Jon:

(MAG080) ARCHIVIST: That thing… Is it dead? LEITNER: Unlikely. Whether something like that can actually be destroyed… It is trapped. I, I hope for a very long time.

But I really wasn’t expecting to see it again!! Somehow, Elias had told the Team that Leitner had killed it (MAG092: “It finally tried to kill John. Then Leitner killed it. Then I killed Leitner. And I believe that brings us up to date. More or less.”), so was it a conscious lie, a slip of the tongue, or was it that Elias didn’t know that it was actually still kicking back then…?

* Leitner was suspecting that the Not!Them was actually trying to find him when it was wandering in the tunnels:

(MAG080) LEITNER: The “Not!Sasha” had come down several times. I suspect it was almost as curious about me as you were. Perhaps it thought you might have better luck flushing me out.

… but UHOH. Was it actually trying to find the Panopticon, already?

* I still miss Sasha, and I’m SAD, and Martin’s shattered breath and Jon stuttering to explain what it was broke me:

(MAG158) DAISY: What the hell is that thing? […] ARCHIVIST: Do you remember what happened to Sasha? BASIRA: That’s the thing that took her? ARCHIVIST: It was trapped in the tunnels, it– Martin. Something’s happening down there.

Because… Sasha… And of course, for both Daisy and Basira, it’s just a dangerous monster, it’s not a creature who also killed a friend; they weren’t around back then, they never knew Sasha. But for Jon&Martin, it’s… a reminder of what they’ve lost…

* Vindication: the Not!Them had mocked Jon about how he wouldn’t survive to witness The Unknowing, and AHAHA.

(MAG079) NOT!SASHA: You’ll miss The Unknowing, of course, but you wouldn’t understand it anyway.

Guess who missed The Unknowing in the end. (Gertrude had mentioned that avatars tended to fade or go erratic after a ritual attempt, but given that the Not!Them hadn’t participated, will it be affected…? As we’ve seen, Jared was fine.)

* I don’t think that the Not!Them will be trapped again, unless it’s thrown into the coffin, and I don’t think that the Hunters would be enough to kill it… so either it’ll flee, taking a new victim, either Jon will destroy it like he did with the Dark Sun, maybe…?

- I’m… heartbroken about Julia:

(MAG158) ARCHIVIST: What… Daisy, are you–? BASIRA: Shh! [GUNSHOTS, MUFFLED BY THE DISTANCE] [FEMALE SCREAMS] ARCHIVIST: Oh no… BASIRA: Stay here, both of you. I’ll check it out. [MORE DISTANT GUNSHOTS] […] BASIRA: Looks like two people. An old guy– DAISY: And a woman with a scar. ARCHIVIST: Oh, God, now? Why now?! BASIRA: It’s probably not a coincidence. From what I saw, they’ve been toying with the rest of the Institute, but it won’t be long until they’re all dead or escaped. […] TREVOR: [IN THE DISTANCE] Jooooooonny boy! [CACKLES] JULIA: [IN THE DISTANCE] [CACKLES] We want to make a statement! […] JULIA: [IN THE DISTANCE] Ha! You see that, old man? TREVOR: [IN THE DISTANCE] Told ya. They’re all monsters in here.

Because she sounded absolutely gone. Trevor had pointed out that ~the lines got blurrier every day~, but Julia was younger, had been a Hunter for a shorter amount of time and… there were her life circumstances, the fact that her father had done horrible things to try to get her mother back, and had tried to protect her from all of The Dark stuff…? It’s really sadder in Julia’s case, because it gives the feeling that that cycle of violence was absolutely inescapable – that Julia’s only options were either to die as prey, killed by Darvish, or to become the mindless predator. Julia&Trevor attacked the Institute (… well: basically launched a terrorist attack against it; they had mentioned it was “full of monsters”, it was a cleansing and/or toying with innocents) and, even if “best case” scenario and there aren’t any casualties, that’s still tons of people traumatised for life. How could Julia even come back to normal after this, when she’s this far gone…?

- TT___TT Archival Team sharing information and (snappily) discussing about what to do…

(MAG158) BASIRA: So Elias left it? ARCHIVIST: Or Martin. O–or Peter, or… Annabelle! BASIRA: Fine. Whatever. Could be a distraction. ARCHIVIST: Only one way to find out. BASIRA: We don’t have time for this. DAISY: We don’t know that. We’ve no idea what sort of timeframe we’re on. I say play it. ARCHIVIST: Thank you.

… and of course, it’s when everything is going to hell and these three people probably won’t be in the same room ever again (or at least not as themselves).

(- I’M GONNA MISS THESE LITTLE thINGS SO MUCH…

(MAG158) BASIRA: Set up by the door. Try and take them when they break through it. DAISY: Right. ARCHIVIST: Do, uh… do I get a gun? BASIRA: You ever fired one? ARCHIVIST: You never taught me! BASIRA: You never asked. Besides, we’ve got problems enough without– [CRASHING SOUND]

That mix of snappiness and awkwardness and closeness in the Worst Moments…)

- We knew it was coming, but still…

(MAG158) BASIRA: This might be it. DAISY: Basira… BASIRA: Didn’t think it would end like this. [CHUCKLING] You know what, actually I think I did! [GUNSHOTS IN THE DISTANCE] NOT!SASHA: [CACKLING, IN THE DISTANCE] DAISY: [PANTING] Basira… promise me something. BASIRA: What? … No, Daisy, no. DAISY: [PANTING] Mm, Basira… When this is over, you need to find me… and kill me. Promise me. BASIRA: No. No, Daisy, we’ll figure something out! NOT!SASHA: [IN THE DISTANCE] You can’t hide forever, Jon. DAISY: [PANTING] These last months, I… it was always borrowed time. Can’t outrun it forever. BASIRA: Daisy… DAISY: [PANTING] Promise me. BASIRA: … I promise. DAISY: Thanks. [BREATHLESS] Now, run…! BASIRA: Daisy…! DAISY: [GROWLING] Run! [RUNNING FOOTSTEPS] DAISY: [GROANS] [COCKED GUN] JULIA: [LAUGH] There you are! TREVOR: All alone! [COCKED GUN] Like a pup. DAISY: [BARKS] JULIA: … Shit! [ONE GUNSHOT] [CLICK.]

I’m so heartbroken about Daisy TT___TT It… didn’t really sound like she was agreeing to sacrifice herself to save Basira, but more like The Hunt managed to catch up with her because of the violence, and she only managed to say her last will before getting completely drowned, reverting to the state she had turned into during The Unknowing (when she ripped Hope apart with her bare hands). I don’t think there will be another coffin trip; I guess there could be something because of her ties to the Institute, but I doubt it… Damnit, I was kinda hoping that The Eye would protect her a bit longer despite the threat of hearing her Blood, but no, the big eyeball was absolutely useless ;;

And gdi ;; At least, Tim got to pull the trigger and get his revenge, and Adelard had neutralised a Corruption avatar and freed people from their torment, while Daisy only got caught up (preyed) on by The Hunt without being able to strike back before that. What she was in season 4 wasn’t a waste, never (we got to meet the real Daisy, and she was fantastic!), but it feels so, so sad that The Hunt got her back when it mattered so much to her to never go back to it…

(Obligatory “archive dog!!” joke, though.)

(- Also sad because she was hoping she would be the one to kill Elias, in MAG082, and fucker REALLY has it coming at this point. Violence Is Bad, but still, please, someone, stab him.)

(- And it reaaaally doesn’t bode well for Jon, uh… Daisy had been involved in violence and supernatural stories for 16 years, though, so that’s longer. But the fact that resisting was only a momentary reprieve before being taken in again is nnnnot exactly a good sign for Jon, given how heavily Daisy and Jon had been paralleled as going into withdrawal in season 4, and how Jon was finally pushed to use his powers again in this episode…)

- Also still crying over Daisy and Basira’s goodbyes:

(MAG158) DAISY: [PANTING] Basira… promise me something. BASIRA: What? … No, Daisy, no. DAISY: [PANTING] Mm, Basira… When this is over, you need to find me… and kill me. Promise me. BASIRA: No. No, Daisy, we’ll figure something out! NOT!SASHA: [IN THE DISTANCE] You can’t hide forever, Jon. DAISY: [PANTING] These last months, I… it was always borrowed time. Can’t outrun it forever. BASIRA: Daisy… DAISY: [PANTING] Promise me. BASIRA: … I promise. DAISY: Thanks. [BREATHLESS] Now, run…!

And what it means for Basira orz Either she does it at the end of this season, either part of season 5 will be about finding and killing (the creature that took over) Daisy, uh…? I want to hope for them (since hum, we’re like, back to the end of season 3: the duo shattered, Daisy lost and dangerous) but it already happened once; the biggest difference is that Daisy had managed to get her voice back during season 4, instead of being fuelled by mindless violence like she had been in season 3.

It was also… Daisy going back to the person Basira used to admire, as a fixed point:

(MAG117) BASIRA: But at least Daisy’s coming along. I mean… I know she’s… difficult. Everything they say about her, it’s true, it’s fair. But… she’s solid. She’s a fixed point. And if she’s there, I know exactly where I stand, exactly what I’m doing relative to her. She has no doubts. […] Despite everything she’s done, she’s… she’s still the best partner I ever had.

Daisy, firm about what is happening and what has to be done – even though it’s about killing her.

(I’m also a bit sad that ;; Daisy and Basira had been around for so long, and I really wanted to think they were meant to be interpreted as a couple and/or mutually crushing? But although there are lots of indicators, it has never been made explicit, and now it would only be retroactive…)

- One Good Thing: 

(MAG158) ELIAS: I guarantee it won’t be pleasant for them, but I honestly don’t know if their ties to the Institute are quite as strong as I may have implied. You, at least, should be insulated from the fall-out by your new allegiance. Jon… might be powerful enough to weather it. Melanie’s well out of it, so that just leaves Basira and Daisy. And the rest of the Institute, of course, and you can’t tell me you care about them.

MELANIE IS OFFICIALLY FINE!! She really fled the boat before it sank, uh.

- I love that mentioning the use of Ruskin’s The Seven Lamps of Architecture tends to lead to roasting: 

(MAG080) LEITNER: By carefully reading specific passages in certain locations I am able to exercise… a degree of control over the substance of the tunnels. ARCHIVIST: I didn’t hear you say anything down there. LEITNER: I said reading. It doesn’t need to be spoken aloud.

(MAG158) PETER: Do you want to see how it works? MARTIN: Uh, n–no; no, I’d really rather you didn’t mess it up– PETER: No, I insist! Watch. [SILENCE] MARTIN: Very impressive. PETER: I’m reading. Shush.

(Had Peter actual trouble with the reading, though?)

- What was Peter trying to say re:Tim?

(MAG158) PETER: But she’s still the same corridors, I suppose. [INHALE] I’m sure– … what was his name? … Tim! Tim would– MARTIN: I’d really– … rather not talk about it, Peter.

It was thematically fitting because Tim had been down in the tunnels a lot during season 3, Smirke’s architecture was his speciality, and he had been trapped in the corridors together with Martin but…? I have no idea what Peter intended to say about him?

- fesdcujheznfds every end of the season has to star Martin with a corpse (or almost), uh. He found Gertrude’s between MAG039/MAG040; found Leitner’s together with Tim in MAG080; ~there was Jon’s~ at the end of season 3 (at least, Martin visited him before season 4, according to the trailer); and now, he got to find Jonah Magnus’s, although not really dead. Martin, you life sucks.

- ;___; Daisy had pointed out that Jon was self-destructive, and… Martin actually wasn’t really good in that regard, uh…

(MAG142) DAISY: Used to see it all the time back in the force, especially with the Section’d. Not like there’s… “normal” trauma, you know? But it’s pretty common. The most important thing becomes control, engaging on your own terms. Even when it’s stupid or dangerous. Anything to not feel helpless. MARTIN: Oh, god… DAISY: And of course, for Jon, there’s survivor’s guilt in there, too. He thinks he’s not human. Makes him very… self-destructive. MARTIN: Yeah, well. We’ve all had trauma.

(MAG158) MARTIN: It’s not him! It’s not anybody, it’s just me. Always has been! I… When I first came to you, I thought I had lost everything. Jon was dead, my mother was dead, the job I had put everything into had trapped me into spreading evil, and I… I really didn’t care what happened to me. I told myself I was trying to protect the others, but honestly? We didn’t even like each other. Maybe I just thought joining up with you would be a good way to get killed. And then… [SHAKILY] Jon came back, and… and suddenly, I had a reason: I had to keep your attention on me. Make you feel in control, so you didn’t take it out on him. And if that meant drifting further away… so what? I’d already grieved for him, and if it meant now saving him, it was worth it! […] So I… played along, waited to see what your endgame was. And here we are. … [SNORT] Funny. Looks like I was right the first time – it’s probably still a good way to get killed.

(Extra-sad re: “we didn’t even like each other” because he still had gone drinking with Basira and Melanie, and he was concerned about Melanie post-MAG106. I mean, yeah, it didn’t fundamentally mean “liking” them but… it was still something.)

* I love that Martin is SO unapologetic about his feelings for Jon, technically, even more than in season 3:

(MAG118) ELIAS: [EXASPERATED BREATHING] … Did Jon put you up to this? MARTIN: You think I’m doing this for him? ELIAS: No. It’s just the sort of half-baked scheme he’d come up with. And I’m well aware that you’ll do just about anything for him–   MARTIN: I– ELIAS: –and I don’t need to read your mind for that one. MARTIN: … Do you rea– … Is it so hard to believe that I hate you as well? ELIAS: No. It’s just hard to imagine that you would act on it.

From protesting that he wasn’t doing this for Jon, to saying that Jon was his reason.

* So. Peter was wrong when he had told Martin that

(MAG126) PETER: [CHUCKLING] I had hoped that all this time apart would have given you the space you needed, but… MARTIN: … You said he’d probably never wake up. PETER: And he beat the odds. Which is good. But it does make things more complicated. It doesn’t… actually change… anything.

Jon coming back did change something. And it’s sure not healthy on Martin’s side, but it’s also… still something indeed…? Still better than the nothing he used to (not) have…? But so sad that the way Martin describes it, the way he talked with Jon, it’s really never associated with the idea of constructing something, or a future. Those are very… Lonely feelings indeed? That he’s keeping from afar? (And gdi, I would really want Jon and Martin to finally manage to talk and share, to communicate and reach a peaceful ground? To hear and see each other? But given the circumstances… it probably won’t be now…)

I’m not even sure Jon&Martin will talk before the end of the season, actually? Or maybe not directly to each other – through tape, through written messages could be other options. But on the other hand: Jon’s worry and feelings for Martin have been a major element this season, so… there is probably a payoff coming, rather than immediate and absolutely shattering heartbreak?

- Martin once again confirmed that he has gone dual Eye/Lonely ;;

(MAG158) PETER: But you do serve The Lonely. MARTIN: Oh, I’m getting there, but if this is the final test or something? Then bad luck. The answer’s still “no”.

But I mostly want for him to get back to a state of mind where he would go back to writing poetry?! ;_; Unlikely, I know, but. (And to not harm people to feed… Has he been feeding on himself and his own loneliness, or are we in for an awful reveal about the researchers who disappeared…)

- In the list of people Martin had lost:

(MAG158) MARTIN: I… When I first came to you, I thought I had lost everything. Jon was dead, my mother was dead, the job I had put everything into had trapped me into spreading evil, and I… I really didn’t care what happened to me.

… I’m surprised that Tim wasn’t mentioned at all…? Tim had told Jon that he didn’t feel as close to Martin as he was with Sasha, but I had gotten the impression that Martin did care a lot more about him…? And it’s still a Do Not Talk About Him subject:

(MAG120) ELIAS: Hello, inspector. Martin. I’m… sorry to hear about Tim. MARTIN: Don’t. ELIAS: And Daisy, I suppose. MARTIN: Don’t. you. dare. 

(MAG138) MARTIN: I don’t know what he’s talking about when he mentions Millbank. The old prison, I guess? Tim said the tunnels under the Institute were all that was left of it, but… Jon said he’d checked them pretty thoroughly. [SILENCE] [SIGH] I’m not the one who knows all about this stuff…! I wish– … No. No, it’s fine, I’m… fine, I… [EXHALE] I can do this.

(MAG158) PETER: But she’s still the same corridors, I suppose. [INHALE] I’m sure– … what was his name? … Tim! Tim would– MARTIN: I’d really– … rather not talk about it, Peter.

(Plus, when he mentioned “the job I had put everything into had trapped me into spreading evil”, it felt like what Tim had told him back in season 3:

(MAG098) TIM: Look, it’s not that. I… [SIGH] This place is evil, Martin. And I think doing what It wants? Probably makes us evil. And It wants those things to be read. I mean, I’m not gonna stop you, but, at the same time– MARTIN: I– I get it.

So Martin did remember about that conversation, uh…)

(- We knew that the death of Martin’s mother had affected him deeply, Basira had told Jon. And he explicitly said it. But after what Elias told him (and forced him to see) in MAG118, I still would like to hear him describe his relationship to her – how he felt it, what MAG118 changed, if it changed anything…)

(Laughing and crying that Martin “my dad left my family when I was 8” suddenly got two trashdads, who are the worst, and whom he doesn’t want.)

(- Shut your mouuuuth Eliiiiaaaas

(MAG158) ELIAS: You, at least, should be insulated from the fall-out by your new allegiance. Jon… might be powerful enough to weather it. Melanie’s well out of it, so that just leaves Basira and Daisy. And the rest of the Institute, of course, and you can’t tell me you care about them. MARTIN: But of course I do! ELIAS: Do you, though? Do you really care, about any of them? Or is that worrying just simply an old reflex? [SILENCE] … Goodness. Peter has done his work well, hasn’t he? [CHUCKLE]

Who caaaares if it’s a “reflex” and done without conviction!! Doing the right thing just because you think it would be the right thing to do, even though you don’t feel much about it, is still better than doing nothing or doing something awful?? You can still define the kind of person you want to be through you deliberate actions?? Even if Martin was neutral about it, the fact that he still did his best to prevent Peter from hurting Daisy or random staff members in MAG144 matters, shut your mouuuuuth damniiiit!!)

- It’s both hilarious and heartbreaking that Martin’s reasons for getting wary of Peter were:

(MAG158) MARTIN: When you started talking about The Extinction, though… You… had me, actually, for a while. But then… [CHUCKLES] then you tried to make me the hero, tried to sell me on the idea that I was the “only one who could stop it”. And that? That never sat right with me. I mean–I mean, lo–look at me! [SNORTING] I’m, I’m not exactly a, a “Chosen One”. But, by then, I was in too deep. So I… played along, waited to see what your endgame was. 

… Because 1°) Peter, as a self-centred Lonely avatar, thought that insisting about how Martin was a Hero and Necessary would do the trick, 2°) Martin was too self-deprecative for this. It also echoed Jon’s interrogations at the end of MAG139, about why they had all been “chosen” – Jon just accepted that it had been the case, or some bad luck, while Martin… immediately questioned the idea. (And gdi, Martin!! But Jon chose you at the end of the very same episode… ;;)

- Peter!! Peter, you knew that a knife wasn’t fitting Martin:

(MAG039) MARTIN: I used to carry around a knife, but I started thinking that, well, cutting into someone laterally wasn’t really the most efficient way to get them out, and besides which, they seem to be quite slow burrowing in a straight line so, given their size, th–the corkscrew just seemed to be the better option. … Look, you guys got to go home every day, okay. I didn’t!

(MAG108) PETER: Martin, isn’t it? MARTIN: Y–you, don’t move! Em, don’t you come any closer, okay! I’ve got a, I’ve got a knife! PETER: Do you? That… that would seem widely out of character, from what I’ve been told. MARTIN: Okay, but okay, step back.

(MAG158) MARTIN: … I’ll need to kill him. PETER: Yes. Don’t worry, though. I brought a knife. […] Then do it, Martin. [UNFOLDING POCKET KNIFE?] We’re the same, you and I; we don’t need anyone else. […] PETER: Martin. What are you doing? MARTIN: I’m… saying no. I refuse! Game over. [KNIFE CLATTERING ON THE GROUND]

If you had brought him a corkscrew, maybe he would have said “yes”.

- I’m still LOVING that deception is one of Martin’s core features… 

(MAG056) ARCHIVIST: It was in the old document room, just next to where you used to sleep. Your handwriting, “If the others find out I’ve been lying”. Lying about what, Martin?! MARTIN: L– look, just forget about it, okay? Please. ARCHIVIST: I CAN’T forget it! Everyone in this place has so many goddamn secrets, and I can’t trust a word you say! Not about this, and not about Trevor! MARTIN: Jon, just– ARCHIVIST: MARTIN! MARTIN: Okay! Okay. Okay. Just… just… promise you won’t… fire me. ARCHIVIST: … fire you…? Fine! MARTIN: I… … I lied on my CV. ARCHIVIST: … What? MARTIN: I don’t have a Master’s in parapsychology, I don’t even have a degree. When I was 17, my mom, she… had… she had some problems, and I ended up dropping out of school, t– trying to support us. I tried everything, but no one was hiring. So I… I just kinda started to lie on my applications, sending them out to just about anywhere. For some reason, my lie about parapsychology got me an interview with Elias and, and then a job here. M– most of my employment details are made up, I’m only 29! ARCHIVIST: Right, I… uh… I believe you!

(MAG120) ELIAS: I must admit I’m impressed, Martin. I knew you were all planning something, of course, but I didn’t believe you specifically would have the… er, capacity for boldness that you displayed. It took me quite by surprise. MARTIN: You didn’t just see it in me? ELIAS: Honestly, I didn’t look. For all my power, I will admit I am not immune to making the occasional lazy assumption. I presumed that I knew you thoroughly, but by the time you demonstrated otherwise… well. There was simply too much to keep watching over. I only have two eyes, after all.

(MAG138) MARTIN: … What? [HUFF] That’s it? No, no monologue, no mindgames? You love manipulating people! ELIAS: That makes two of us.

(MAG158) PETER: The Extinction is coming. MARTIN: Oh, I’m sure it is! But that’s not what this is about, is it? This isn’t about “saving the world” – it’s all just some power play against him! I might not know exactly what’s going on, but I don’t think I want any part of this. However much I want to kill him… I’m out. PETER: But you said– MARTIN: Honestly… I mostly just said what I thought you wanted to hear. PETER: I see. … This is your doing, is it? ELIAS: [AUDIBLE GRIN] Hardly…! 

Not sure that it’s enough / the gist of it for Web stuff but. Still. 

(And I’m REELING that Elias sounded almost proud of Martin with that one.)

(And that their “powerplay” sounds so much like foreplay.)

- Martin was so good when spitting at those annoying disgusting old men and their weird games?? And then:

(MAG158) ELIAS: Peter. [PAUSE] It’s time. [SILENCE] PETER: … Fine. MARTIN: Great. [VERY SHARP SQUEALS OF DISTORTION INCREASING] Now, perhaps if one of you, then, can tell me what– [SHARP SQUEALS OF DISTORTION REACHING A PEAK, BEFORE DECREASING] ELIAS: It won’t be that bad, Peter~ [CHUCKLE] You’ll see. Now: he’ll be here soon, so you can leave, or… PETER: Oh no. No. I’m not gonna make it easy on him. You haven’t won yet. ELIAS: Your choice. Just make sure to leave the door open.

… that mood whiplash of Martin beginning to ask for answers and being heartlessly wooshed as if he had barely spoken since the start.

- Meanwhile: Jon has been so, soooo vulgar this season!!

(MAG131) ARCHIVIST: … Shit.

(MAG154) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] [SOFTLY BUT WITH FEELING] … Fuck.

(MAG158) ARCHIVIST: You gotta be fucking kidding m–

Next corpse coming back to life is your grandmother, putting soap in your mouth. (I do love how that last one managed to… somehow make the scene a bit lighter because Jon was losing it, it was too much.)

(On a sidenote: Daisy, of all people, has never said “fuck”, only “shit”, I think? So she can’t die or lose herself there!!!)

- Why did Jon blank out after hearing Gertrude’s tape?

(MAG158) [CLICK–] BASIRA: Right, so what does that tell us? [SILENCE] Jon? … Jon! ARCHIVIST: Uh, y–yes, sorry. Right, just, uh… uh, the Panopticon. It’s the, uh…

Was it because of the shock of hearing her murder live? Was it because he noticed something off? Was it already Elias’s ~call~? (There was no static, though.) It felt to me like he was piecing something together…

- Peter & Martin had climbed the Panopticon’s central tower fine; meanwhile, Jon…

(MAG158) ARCHIVIST: [LABOURED BREATHING] ELIAS: Ah, Jon. I was almost worried…! You found your way all right. ARCHIVIST: [PANTING] Yes. … Ye–yes, I did… How?

… was out of it. Someone has been smoking too much lately, hm? (Do you still have your lighter on you, young old man…?)

- I’m ;; worried over Jon ~appreciating~ the beauty of things made to hurt:

(MAG143) [CREAKING, SPARKLER-LIKE STATIC SATURATING THE RECORDING.] ARCHIVIST: It’s… beautiful…

(MAG158) ARCHIVIST: [STATIC] That’s the Panopticon… ELIAS: My, you have grown. Yes. A masterpiece, isn’t it? ARCHIVIST: [EXHALE] … Y–yeah. It is.

(And it feels extremely Hannigram, uh.)

(Oufttt over the fact that Jon’s powers provided him with the answer he sought right in front of Elias… Elias had told him that he had to find/get his answers himself, back in MAG092, and it’s… happening… Elias had been so glad/proud when Jon had let it slip that he Knew Gertrude and Gerry had worked together, back in MAG102, and Jon had so many moments of Knowing in season 4…)

- Still not over the fact that Jon still asked Elias questions assuming he would get answers? ;;

(MAG158) ARCHIVIST: [SEETHING] Where is he? ELIAS: Peter Lukas has him. Cast him into The Lonely, and with every passing moment, he gets further away from you. ARCHIVIST: How do I bring him back? ELIAS: From out here? … Impossible. ARCHIVIST: … You want me to follow him. […] … How do I do it?

Jon sounded absolutely unsurprised when he reached the Panopticon, so… he had probably guessed that yeah, anyway, Elias had planned things, that he was doing exactly what Elias wanted, and that it was a price worth paying as long as it was aligning with his own interests (saving Martin)… Even at the cost of opening this damn inner door:

(MAG127) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] It’s… hard. It’s like there’s a–a–a door, in my mind. And behind it, is… i–is the entire ocean. Before, I didn’t notice it, but now, I know it’s there, and I can’t forget it, and I can feel the pressure of the water on it. I, I, I can keep it closed… but sometimes, when I’m around p–people, or–or places, or… ideas, a drop or two will push through the cracks, at the edges of the door. And I’ll… know something. BASIRA: … What happens, if you open the door? [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: I drown.

(MAG158) ELIAS: [INHALE] Wasn’t too long ago. And I’m sure traces of their passage still remain. ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] ELIAS: Just open your mind. ARCHIVIST: [EXHALE] ELIAS: Drink it all in. Know their route, [VERY SHARP SQUEALS OF DISTORTION, INCREASING] and simply… follow it. ARCHIVIST: [LOUDER BREATHING] ELIAS: Very good.

It had to come, “Jon opening it to save someone/Martin in particular” had been my first thought when Jon had described it to Basira but gdi!!! Still painful that it’s happening ;; It has been such an awful and painful string of hoping he could save people and/or refusing to allow people to die, only to have to deal with their losses…

(MAG047) MICHAEL: [DISTORTED LAUGH] Yes… Ah… Did you notice which door she left through? ARCHIVIST: Yes… It w– MICHAEL: [CHUCKLES] ARCHIVIST: … wait! No, there was– MICHAEL: There has never been a door there, Archivist, your mind plays tricks on you. ARCHIVIST: Let her go. MICHAEL: [DISTORTED LAUGH] “No”? ARCHIVIST: Get her back here! MICHAEL: Are you going to attack me?

(MAG098) MARTIN: Yeah, we talked. Not long, he– Y’know, I think he thinks that the distance keeps us safe, you know? Like, like, if he just makes sure that we’re not involved, we’re somehow fine. TIM: He’s an idiot. Look, we didn’t know what that door was, and it still trapped us. Ignorance isn’t going to save anyone. MARTIN: No, I mean, you’re right, I guess. He was… Y’know, we know about Sasha now, and… he said he doesn’t want to lose anyone else. Like, y’know, it’s his fault.

(MAG118) TIM: You knew I might not be coming back! ARCHIVIST: I knew none of us might be coming back, and I’m not gonna let anyone get killed for nothing! TIM: Oh, except for those people in there! ARCHIVIST: They’re already dead! TIM: Not all of them! ARCHIVIST: I am not losing you as well!!

(MAG158) BASIRA: … Goddamnit. Jon, go; we’ll keep them busy. ARCHIVIST: What…? No! I– BASIRA: Don’t argue, just go. NOT!SASHA: [IN THE DISTANCE] Jooo–oooon~? ARCHIVIST: … Fine. Just don’t die. DAISY: Go.

And I hatehatehatehate that Elias absolutely played on the fact it was so personal for Jon, how his feelings could be a tool to get him where he wanted… 

(MAG158) ELIAS: Peter Lukas has him. Cast him into The Lonely, and with every passing moment, he gets further away from you. ARCHIVIST: How do I bring him back? ELIAS: From out here? … Impossible. ARCHIVIST: … You want me to follow him. ELIAS: No, Jon. You want you to follow him.

That emphasis on “you”… 

(I still want to be a bit cautious before labelling Jon’s feelings as romantic, as long as it’s not confirmed-confirmed? But hhhhh yeah, no, Jon is desperate and longing and crushing awfully hard, uh…)

- There is still Helen around, and Annabelle hasn’t revealed herself either so… at this point, what is she waiting for or expecting…? Is she planning to go against Elias, is she planning to use him, or are they in this together…? If Elias indeed needed Jon to experience the Fears first-hand, The Web pushed in that direction with the coffin (leaving MAG130’s tape and leading Jon towards The Flesh, too); it was also The Web who made Oliver give Jon his statement to push him to wake up – and Jon ~made his choice~, and Jon waking up gave Martin a ~reason~ to not follow Peter entirely… It seemed like The Web and Elias’s interests got suspiciously aligned this season…? What Elias said about The Web was non-committal:

(MAG148) BASIRA: Or that we were being stalked by some freaky spider woman. Don’t tell me you didn’t know about that! ELIAS: Ah, uh, y–yes… W–well… To be honest, I’d… advise you to leave that one – well alone. BASIRA: Oh yeah? ELIAS: Uh! Look, look, look. I’ve… been doing this a long time now and, if there’s one thing I’ve learned about The Web, it’s that it plays its own game. All you can really do is… hope it doesn’t get in the way of whatever your plan is. Because the Spider usually wins…! Assuming you have a plan.

(“I’ve been doing this a long time now” fuuuuck oooooooffffff!!)

And he can’t have been unaware of Jon’s personal history with The Web, nor of all the spiders in the Institute, so…? Are they in it together, is he dual Web/Beholding, is he being made to ignore The Web, or has he taken precautions to not suffer from any interference…?

(- Other potential players: The Extinction and… the tape recorders (if they’re not Web :w). A tape turned on during Gertrude’s murder scene, and that was the first time we’ve seen it happen in Gertrude’s era. The recorders also behaved quite strangely with the Panopticon, because… there was one with Martin&Peter / we switched to Jon&co / we went back to Martin&Peter&Elias but, when Martin then Peter left, one stayed with Elias – unless Martin planted the same one that had been following him in the first part of the episode, this means one showed up in the Panopticon, on its own. We’re back to Jon’s argument to Tim in season 3:

(MAG114) ARCHIVIST: [SOFTLY] Interesting. What do you think is listening? TIM: What? […] And you know what I think. It’s that… the thing that runs the Institute, “The Watcher” or “The Eye” or whatever. ARCHIVIST: I dis… I disagree. This whole place is a temple to The Eye, Tim, I don’t think the tape recorders make any difference. TIM: [VICIOUSLY] Elias, then. ARCHIVIST: In that case, we’ll stick to talking about things he already knows.

If The Eye was behind them, why record what it’s witnessing anyway?) 

(And although Jon has listed Peter, Elias and Annabelle as potential suspects behind the last tapes that were sent to him… we still don’t have any indication of who it is.)

- On the one hand, Peter wanted Martin to be apathetic; on the other, Elias was REALLY glad about Jon being fearful:

(MAG156) PETER: How does that make you feel? MARTIN: … Nothing. [SNORT] Nothing at all…! PETER: Excellent. I’m so proud of you, Martin. MARTIN: I really don’t care. PETER: Perfect.

(MAG158) ARCHIVIST: [LOUDER BREATHING] ELIAS: Very good. Are you scared, Jon? ARCHIVIST: Yes… ELIAS: Perfect.

… It’s especially interesting re:Jon given how Gertrude had a very particular personal relation to fear, Adelard wondering if she was dissimulating or steel-like when it comes to this. Jon appears as a contrast: he fears a lot…

(MAG125) BASIRA: You ready? ARCHIVIST: [DRY HOLLOW LAUGHTER] No…? [SHAKY VOICE] You’re sure you don’t have… restraints, or… BASIRA: You think she’s gonna sleep through being tied down? I’ll try and grab her if she wakes, but… ARCHIVIST: … Okay…! Here we go…! [BREATHES DEEPLY] 

(MAG132) ARCHIVIST: I have her voice. I think that should be enough to find her, and I’m leaving my– … I’ll leave it with the tape. I should be able to find my way back to it… I think. Wish me luck…! … Although I suppose if you’re hearing this, then I… I didn’t have any. I don’t know. I’m… I’m scared. [SHORT CHUCKLE] When does the fear go away…?

(MAG136) ARCHIVIST: My– [PAUSE] [INHALE] [SIGH] My memories of the coma are not clear. But I know I made a choice; I made a choice to become… something else. Because I was afraid to die. But ever since then, I… I don’t know if I made the right decision; I–I’m stronger now, tougher, I can… … If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever… I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. And I don’t want to lose anyone else so, if I can maybe stop that happening, and [DRY CHUCKLE] the only danger is to me, I– I’ll do it in a heartbeat; worst case scenario… the universe loses another monster. DAISY: That’s messed up. ARCHIVIST: [LOW SELF-DEPRECATIVE DRY LAUGHTER] … Yeah. I suppose it is. DAISY: Did you know the coffin wouldn’t kill you? ARCHIVIST: I– guess I thought imprisonment wouldn’t… wouldn’t be as bad as it was. DAISY: [SHAKY SIGH] ARCHIVIST: And it’s a lot easier to make that choice than it is to actually… endure the result. You might have noticed when I was in there with you, I… I had regrets.

(MAG139) ARCHIVIST: Why were we chosen? Agnes was created – crafted with a specific purpose so finely tuned that even a grain of uncertainty threatened the entirety of her being. [CHORTLING] But I’m so full of doubt it feels like there’s no room for anything else, and… I’m sure Martin is the same…! Is there “destiny” here? B–bloodlines and… prophecies, or did we just… stumble into this? Maybe we’re the opposite of Agnes; maybe our doubts are exactly what we need. I–if that’s the case, I’m a… an amazing chosen one. … [LONG EXHALE] Don’t know how that would work, though.

(MAG143) HELEN: … How was it? ARCHIVIST: Mm? HELEN: Looking upon The Dark. ARCHIVIST: I thought I was going to die. HELEN: You seem to think that a lot. I remember when you thought you were going to die at my threshold. ARCHIVIST: … Yeah.

(MAG150) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] It’s just… The Web can be subtle, you understand? MELANIE: And? For all you know, its plan is to paralyse you with indecision…! ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] MELANIE: Leaving you… sitting here, terrified that… everything you do is somehow all part of its Grand Plan… And who do you think that fear is gonna feed? ARCHIVIST: Yes, well. [INHALE] You are… not the first, to make that point.

(MAG152) ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] … When does it stop? HELEN: What? ARCHIVIST: The guilt… The misery… All the others I’ve met, they’ve been… cold. Cruel. They’ve enjoyed what they do. When does The Eye… make me monstrous?

… and that seems to be good for Elias’s plans/Jon’s self-realisation as an Archivist…? Season 4 feels like it’s been a slow game of completing Jon’s set by giving him incentive and by fostering his worry: removing the Slaughter’s bullet from Melanie, making him contact a Flesh avatar in his search for an anchor, making him go down in the Buried coffin in the hope of saving Daisy, making him see a Dark artefact after making him think he would be stopping a ritual). Elias has never been about reassurance; quite the contrary, he always pushed Jon to fear the worst from things, and it was once again the case when he pointed out how dangerous going into The Lonely would be. There is still the question about whether it was about the physical or intellectual experiences, or both. Jon got an insight of the way the Fears worked, from the inside, and Elias had pointed out in the past that that is apparently his function:

(MAG092) ELIAS: [SIGH] What are you? ARCHIVIST: I… The Archivist. ELIAS: Precisely. It is your job to chronicle these things, to experience them, whether first-hand or through the eyes of others. To simply be told, well…

Jon has now been in contact with all the Fears except The Lonely, getting an internal view of them and how they operated:

* Corruption through Jane Prentiss’s attack (and her written statement).

* Spiral through Michael’s and then Helen’s corridors (and Michael’s live-statement).

* Desolation through Jude Perry burning his hand (and her live-statement).

* Vast through Mike dropping him (and his-statement).

* Hunt through Daisy, then Julia&Trevor, chasing him (and their live-statements).

* Stranger through the Not!Them’s deception, the experience of The Unknowing (and Breekon’s “extracted” statement).

* End through his own almost-death and unwillingness to die, becoming something else instead (and Oliver’s live-statement).

* Slaughter through Melanie’s violent urges (plus the statement she gave of her injuries?).

* Flesh through Jared taking two ribs (and Jared’s live-statement).

* Buried through his rescue attempt in the coffin (no direct avatar here, but a few written statements).

(MAG132) ARCHIVIST: I know… DAISY: Th–the way out? ARCHIVIST: No… I know where we are! There isn’t no out, not here. This is… this is forever deep below creation. Where the weight of existence bears down… This is The Buried, and we are alive… There isn’t even an up. … Oh god… What have I done! What have I done…

* Dark through directly staring into the Dark Sun (and Manuela’s live-statement).

* Web through the Leitner as a kid, and Annabelle making him doubts about influences and control (and Annabelle writing her statement for him).

(MAG147, Annabelle Caine) “Unless, of course, none of it was intentional. None of it was planned. The Mother is the fear of manipulation and lost control made manifest. So perhaps it is our fear that projects Her influence on everything that happens. Like the mind, retrospectively assigning reason to our actions, so we fit whatever occurs into the neatest pattern we can, and declare Her web both intricate… and complete. Perhaps She is no more active than Terminus – simply sitting and revelling in the inevitable cascade of paranoia, as those who hold Her in special terror cocoon themselves in red string and theory. Or perhaps I am simply telling you what you need to hear, in order to behave exactly as the Mother wishes you to.”

Still missing The Lonely both as a live-statement and/or statement from an avatar, as a live experience, and as a scar, but now… he’s getting there. (And missing The Extinction, too, which could factor in, but Jonah is probably still following Smirke’s List of Fourteen? Smirke’s architecture was based around the concept.)

But I’m especially curious about the scars in the context of Jonah body-hopping: Robert Smirke had mentioned he feared death, a lot of people had pointed out that Elias tends to avoid getting directly involved, and… that could plainly be a way to avoid the risk of dying himself? And what if what he needed was a body who had physically experienced the Fears…? I’m mostly thinking about it because:

* James Wright was Head of the Institute for 23 years (1973 to 1996); assuming that Jonah had body-hopped right when “Elias Bouchard” became the next Head, that would be 22 years in that body as of now. So might be time to get another one.

* If Jon is meant to be the next host, you Know that Jonny would have a blast voicing Jonah-in-Jon: it would a big challenge voice-acting wise (making a character we used to hear through another VA absolutely identifiable), and also probably a great deal of fun (especially making everyone upset).

* Cursed thought of Unlikely Team during season 5, consisting of Martin (who still thinks that Jon is somewhere there and can be saved), Basira (who is both tracking Daisy and uuuh trying to prevent the apocalypse) and pothead!Elias being back in control of his body (and also uuuh convicted of murders and technically escaped from prison) going after Jonah!Jon. It sounds like if The Eye is attempting its ritual, it’s coming now, but. Lovely thoughts.

(I do subscribe to the idea that the Actual Elias Bouchard might still be somewhere: being stuck and condemned to watch the atrocities committed by Jonah (… he knew about poisoned drinks) sounds like the Most Beholding Thing ever, and there is still the question of how Jonah had been feeding. What if his Fear battery was always within him?)

- Still two episodes, and everything already sounds like The Worst Possible? Martin has been whooshed into The Lonely, while being susceptible to it; Jon opened his inner door and might be drowning; Daisy fell back into The Hunt; Elias is winning and The Eye’s ritual might be on the verge of happening; the Institute has been attacked and there are 4 avatars/monsters fighting inside of it. It might be the worst for Martin to have to deal with the fact that, if Jon is getting lost, it would have been to save him (was it a nice bonus for Elias, as a punishment for Martin’s schemes at the end of season 3…? I’m wondering, because I also feel like Basira is being “punished” through Daisy in a way, and Elias could be petty enough to join utilitarianism and personal grudges: getting Trevor&Julia in at the right time to cause chaos and make Jon panic, and also to force Daisy to snap and make Basira lose her….)

- ;; Elias sounded absolutely in control, so… yeah, we might be losing Jon as we just lost Daisy – but at the same time, if it’s already happening with her, things could go differently for him…? Jon had already gotten out of The Buried, and we still don’t… really know how – we know about elements who contributed, but not how it worked exactly. Was his anchor truly his rib? Was it the statements, through the recordings? Did the fact that Martin had been the one to put them there help? Did the Web lighter help…?

- OKAY, so the knife has been explicitly mentioned, heard… and clearly dropped on the Panopticon floor:

(MAG158) MARTIN: I’m… saying no. I refuse! Game over. [KNIFE CLATTERING ON THE GROUND]

… So there is a good chance that it’s gonna be put to use: either by Elias on someone (Jon or Martin), eeeeeeeeeeither someone using it on him.

……………… and as much as Violence Is Bad, I really want to hope for Basira, there. It’s around the anniversary of her involvement with the Institute (she went for the worms in the Summer, then gave her first statement to Jon on September 19th, 2016), Elias played with her all through season 4, sending her after dead-end leads to get Jon into the coffin, then pushing her to go with Jon to ~stop The Dark~. She got Daisy back only to lose her again. Sure, she got to punch Elias (and it was a m a z i n g), but… she didn’t manage to achieve anything, to get a “victory” in any way, this season? Stabbing wouldn’t be a good answer, but Basira mostly cared about Daisy, and Daisy is now lost to The Hunt – if killing Elias and/or Jonah’s body means insta-death for all the assistants solely tied to The Eye, that… might be a price she would be ready to pay right now. Although there is still the matter of Daisy (given that she went full Hunt, would she still be killed too?).

(… Also, given how Elias has been very casually sexist/classist recently?

(MAG148) ELIAS: Ah… [HUM] I’ve… always thought that a man’s eating habits were… his own private business.

(MAG158) ELIAS: Oh, you needn’t worry. Two against one? Hm! I couldn’t stop you if I wanted to. I just wanted to be here at the end. Can a man not watch his own death?

I really really want him to get backstabbed by a female character that he would have failed to factor in as an actual threat.)

(Other option is that Elias could try to bribe her through the hope of getting Daisy back again and ;; That might be a weakness for Basira, uh…)

- Bonus for Basira: she pointed out that Jonah’s body-hopping could be like Rayner’s. And she directly witnessed Rayner’s death and the weak spot in the action – Rayner was vulnerable when he tried to get into a new body. If Jonah is precisely trying to do that… it could be the right moment to strike (for Basira, Annabelle, Helen…). Grabbing an opportunity on the moment was also her Thing, according to Daisy:

(MAG142) DAISY: When Basira and I were partners, I’d see this happen sometimes. She can read a… situation like no one I know, always seems to know the right move, but for all her research, she never wants to put a plan together. I think she just hates all the unknowns, the… variables. [SIGH] Contingencies. If she spots an advantage, she’ll… grab it, and trust herself to figure out the details as she goes.

- The summaries are usually non-canon but this one, uuuuuh, this one felt Very Specific…

“Case #0182509-A Original recording of events leading to the disappearances of Jonathan Sims, Martin Blackwood, Alice Tonner and Peter Lukas.”

* So: still in 2018 (the Institute is still in its 200th year anniversary), but in September. We broke the curse of an assistant dying every Summer, at least? Since it’s Autumn already.

* Side “A”, so next episode could be the B-side…? Or will we get it much, muuuch later…

* Alrrrrrrrrrrrrright so, Jon, Martin and Peter in the Lonely + Daisy is probably not recognisable anymore. That leaves Basira and Elias, but the summary makes it sound like it was written a bit in the future so… Are they not listed because they’re still accessible at this point in time? … Or because their corpses have been found?

Anyway. Another timeskip coming between season 4 and season 5, uh…? ;;

I Don’t Like This Title, but then, every Monday/Tuesday/first part of Wednesday is a variation around that. Could be about The Extinction, could be about Jon completing his “set” with the Lonely (scar and scare-wise); could be about Martin when having the original team in mind; could be about Basira given how we left her at the end of MAG158; could be about The Watcher’s Crown; could be about surprise!Annabelle or surprise!Helen; could be about Jonah getting another body; could be about The Lonely’s ritual; could be about Jon-and-Martin… in any case, sob. I mentioned a few but I don’t even have any conviction/feeling, Fear-wise?

[4senna]

@annie-versary liked for a starter!

     Magic was subjective; he knew that. Demacia foolishly labeled it all as impure, an issue he’d long had with his homeland, but Lucian did believe that the arcane arts had their limits, and there was a fine line between that which was moral and that which was not. Noxus was another nation that had a policy on magic he disagreed with, for he saw their allowances as too liberal, perhaps asking for tragedies involving the more wicked sorts of spells.

     While his first and foremost enemy was, of course, the Black Mist (Thresh, to be precise, but as a Sentinel, he had to at least appear uncontrolled by his emotions,) it was important to remember the history of the Isles. It was corrupt magic which had tainted the archipelago, marring a land that was once beautiful and teeming with life and instead rendering it devoid of any. No, magic was not inherently evil, but any true Sentinel of Light with a basic grasp of the history of their Order understood that it had to be kept in check.

     Besides, there was a limit to how long even a Sentinel could spend on the Shadow Isles. The land quite literally leeched the souls of the living who dared cross into its realm, making it impossible to stay for more than a few days— if that —before one would lose themselves to its foul influence, joining its ranks whether they’d been overcome in battle or not.

     As a result, it was actually quite often that the Sentinels found other forms of work in Runeterra, typically battling mages whose hatred and resentment risked more magical cataclysms which could potentially strengthen the grip of the Mist on their world, or spirits and ghouls which had seeped into civilization through less conventional means. In this case, Lucian’s task was the former; rumors of a corrupt spellcaster in a remote section of Noxus’s borders, a desolate section of the forest which provided the isolation often loved by those with sinister intentions, had drawn him here to hunt.

     The only problem was that he hadn’t expected his mark to be a child.

     His grip on the two pistols eased, and his hands lowered, pointing the barrels of both guns towards the earth. This was no writhing ghoul, no wailing ghost, no vengeful spectre— it was a girl, barely old enough to lift a weapon, let alone fight with it. And while some deaths were certainly necessary evils, and he was as little a stranger to killing the living when needed as the dead, this was a job he would not be finishing. No, not today.

     The purifier approached slowly. Of course, he didn’t holster the weapons; he hadn’t ruled out that he might need them yet to defend himself, but he certainly would not be going in guns blazing as per the usual protocol.

     ‘ You there, girl, ’ he called out tentatively. He studied her closely; she looked unimposing enough, but it wasn’t her appearance which worried him, but rather whatever blackness might have seeped into her heart and tainted the soul she cast with. What was there even to say, though? It wasn’t often that he attempted to communicate with whatever was supposed to be on the other end of his barrels, but this was a case where he had to. ‘ I know I don’t know who you are, but I’ve heard some things ‘bout you. Bad things. ’ He watched for any sudden movements.

     ‘ I ain’t gon’ hurt you for it, but I need’a make sure some things’re clear. ’ He took another step forward. There was a seriousness to his tone, even despite his reluctance to shoot. ‘ Let’s talk for a second, you’n I, alright? ’

[happymetalgirl]

Car Bomb - Mordial

Car Bomb have followed a curiously backwards trajectory compared to most bands in terms of their releases. They debuted on Relapse Records and then switched to releasing albums independently, and unlike most bands as time goes on, the gaps between albums has shrunk for Car Bomb as their career progresses. This isn’t really all too important, but I thought it was some fun and interesting trivia. Anyway, onto the more relevant stuff.

While fans of the band were of course excited for this new album by Car Bomb here, I haven’t really seen a whole lot of chatter about it (at least from where I’m sitting). For me though, Mordial is undoubtedly one of the albums I was most eager to hear this year. I first heard of Car Bomb through Gojira frontman Joseph Duplantier’s cosigning of and collaboration with them on their 2012 record w^w^^w^w, and I took a liking to them for their wild, volatile brand of mathcore that exploded out in all directions while still feeling purposeful rather than simply haphazard. Their debut album, Centralia, occasionally indulged in some absolutely manic displays of mathcore, but it also showcased a potential for composional greatness that their sophomore release, w^w^^w^w, would expand on. The album’s production was surprisingly a step down from their debut’s, but the band clearly improved their sense of groove and rhythm, and the integration of more industrial elements into their sound was a welcome and well-worked augmentation. But it was their third album, Meta, that came out in 2016, that really blew me away.

It doesn’t come up too often, but when it does, I can’t help but feel I have to give repeated disclaimers. I fucking love Meshuggah, and for as many bands that have incorporated djent into their sound because of them, for as many bands that try to rip off “Bleed” or mimic Meshuggah’s style of groove, no one does it like them. I’ve heard so many different “similar to: Meshuggah” songs and albums in my time as an undeniable die-hard fan of the band, but no one seems to capture that consistently sinister X factor that makes Meshuggah Meshuggah. But with their deeper integration of 8-string groove into their sound and Michael Dafferner’s impressively energetic, committed, Jens-Kidman-esque vocal delivery, Meta was the closest I had ever heard anyone sound to Meshuggah. They had shown their similar (and quite possibly Meshuggah-influenced) sense of groove on w^w^^w^w, but Meta was an even more thorough evolution of that aspect of their sound, and it was so astonishing to hear a band not only capturing a significant amount of that Meshuggah X factor, but also integrating it seamlessly into a sound still all their own rather than merely cheaply imitating.

With that said, I think it’s pretty clear why I was so hyped for the follow-up to Meta. I figured I probably had to bring myself back down to Earth to recognize that Mordial would likely be different in some significant ways and to not be disappointed at the band’s likely refusal to simply metamorphosize into Meshuggah 2.0. And Mordial is indeed different, but just because Car Bomb don’t sound as close to my favorite band on this album doesn’t mean the newer thing they’re trying here are without value, not at all. Car Bomb definitely branch out on Mordial and continue to push themselves in ways not even Meta did.

One major differentiation between Mordial and Meta is the level of (and the type of) vocal melody incorporated on the two albums. While the melody introduced on Meta largely plays into the jolting abrasive robotic aesthetic of their performances, the smoother melodies on Mordial feel unusually spiritually ethereal for Car Bomb, tapping into something similar to what Joseph Duplantier tapped into on Magma (my suspicions of which upon my initial listens to Mordial were confirmed when I read that the Gojira frontman was credited as a creative consultant on the album).

The greater proportion of clean vocals among all the industrially tinged mathcore insanity also gives me some noticeable Fear Factory vibes, and I am totally fine with that. (See "Vague Skies", whose bridge guitar work is surprisingly inspiring amid the rest of the song's instrumental madness). Meanwhile, the song "Antipatterns" in particular gives off somewhat of a Strapping Young Lad/Devin Townsend air as well, while the super crunchy riffage of "Naked Fuse" reminds me of my favorite Textures album, Polars, as well, all of these being very pleasant stylisic similarities and reminders.

The industrial elements on Mordial are also taken to new extremes, like the futuristic laser machine gun sounds on the blasting "Dissect Yourself", which might just be some creative effects pedal magic, and the seemingly dubstep-tinged guitar effects on the tasty groove of "Scattered Sprites".

Songs like "Fade Out" and "Xoxoy" dip into this gorgeous type of atmosphere built by soaring vocal leads and emotive melodic guitar soloing that feed surprisingly well into all the crushing mathcore guitar groove surrounding it.

Mordial indeed comes with plenty of novelty, but it's not such a radical stylistic shift that it's unrecognizable from Meta; there are still the vicious and frantic explosions of angular guitar work and bursts of double-bass battery that Meta was built on; songs like the vibrantly and dynamically groovy "HeLa" and "Blackened Battery" sound like they'd fit right at home on Meta as much as they do here, which I certainly think is a good thing. The title track's spoken delivery of the intro reminds me of one of my favorite Meshuggah songs, "Spasm", and the soloing on the track even sounds Thordendal-esque. Indeed, what was built on Meta is not lost or even replaced on Mordial, but rather it is enhanced and made even more dynamic through its meshing with newer musical elements and compositional styles. And the production on Mordial is as crisp and complimentary as it was on Meta to reinforce the strength of the band's grooves by highlighting the delicious guitar tone's low end and the punchiness of the percussion.

Car Bomb continue to improve and craft their sound and ensure that they represent themselves as completely and positively as possible on Mordial in both their foundations and their recent developments. With a new Meshuggah album due (by pattern) to be released some time next year, I've been thinking of where they could possibly go next to evolve their sound, and I keep thinking of what they might sound like with a bit of industrial edge added to their signature original form of djent. And with a lot of this album Car Bomb have shown what a dashing combination that can be. While the quality of Mordial comes as no surprise, I honestly didn't think Car Bomb could match themselves after Meta, but I think with Mordial they have at least done that by continuing to expand on their sound without sacrificing the positive aspects of their evolution along the way. And the last time I was so pleasantly surprised when I thought a band couldn't outdo their already magnificent preceding work was last year with my #1 album of the year, Khemmis' 10/10 (for those of you who like scores) Desolation, which astonishingly outdid Hunted. And I would say Meta was even better than Hunted, so that could mean something big for Mordial. And their release pattern (though not carved in stone) suggesting that they could put out an even better album in 2021 and then an even better one than that one in 2022 is frightening. Bring it on, I say.

_tative/10

[lesfeldickbiblestudy]

  Through the Bible with Les Feldick LESSON 3 * PART 2 * BOOK 62 GOD IS NOT BEING UNFAIR - PART 2 ISAIAH 62:1 – 64:6 Okay, it’s good to see everybody in again. For those of you joining us on television, we always like to remind folks that we’re an informal Bible study. We have no denominational axe to grind. We’re not going to attack anybody, but we just hopefully will help people to see what The Book says. I think it’s accomplishing its purpose. I had someone call just this morning and that’s what they appreciate - that we aren’t sowing our opinionated ideas, but rather just simply showing what the Word of God says. That’s my whole concept of teaching; it is to make it so clear that there’s no real room for argument. Again, we thank you for your financial help. We’re not underwritten by anyone, remember. We don’t have a large group of people underwriting us. We are totally dependent on what comes in the mail. It’s amazing how God always supplies just what we need, and even as we take on new responsibilities it immediately starts coming in. So, we thank you from the depths of our heart, and for your prayers and your concerns. Well, today we’re privileged, again, to have my oldest son, Greg, and his wife, Janette, with us. He’s the one who ranches with me. Both of them are pretty active in the office, and they talk to a lot of you folks out there in television on the phone. So, we just want to give you a little glimpse of who you’re talking to when you call in and he says, "This is Les’ son." Janette, his wife, has become totally involved in the office, as well. So, we’re proud of the kids. They’re all part and parcel of the ministry. Okay, now we’re going to pick up where we left off. We’re going to read right from Isaiah 62 verse 1; we left off, I think, at the end of verse 3. We’re going to start our comments in verse 4, but I want to read from verse 1 to pick up the flow. Isaiah 62:1-2a "For Zion’s sake (for the sake of Jerusalem) will I not hold my peace, and for Jerusalem’s sake I will not rest, until (Now remember, we commented in our last taping that until is a time word. God is never content until the day comes that He will return and set up the Kingdom promised to Israel.) the righteousness thereof go forth as brightness, and the salvation thereof as a lamp that burneth. 2. And the Gentiles shall see thy righteousness,…" You remember in the last program, we pointed it out, how when the Jew is under the influence of the new covenant, nobody will have to ask, "Is that a believing Jew?" They will all be filled with the knowledge of God and His righteousness. Isaiah 62:2b-3 "…and all kings thy glory: and thou shalt be called by a new name, (a name which only God knows) which the mouth of the LORD shall name. (in the future) 3. Thou shalt also be a crown of glory in the hand of the LORD, (Just take this in its illustration, just like a jewel inlaid crown that royalty wears, so will be the nation of Israel in the eyes of God.) and a royal diadem in the hand of thy God." Now, that’s the promise to Israel. Isaiah 62:4a "Thou shalt no more be termed Forsaken, neither shall thy land any more be termed Desolate:…" Now, remember, those are capitalized, so what does that mean? That’s what it is being called. They’re called "Forsaken." The land is being called "Desolate." All right, now I’m going to stop right there, and I’m going to bring you back with me to Leviticus chapter 26. I guess while you’re doing that I’m going to put something back on the board that may help concerning our timeline with Isaiah and other prophets concerning the future. Now, remember, the first desolation that was evident, a hundred years later of course, but nevertheless it was the one that was near term so far as Israel was concerned, was 606 BC. This is when the Babylonians came in and destroyed the Temple and Jerusalem and they went through 70 years of desolation. All right, the next great event was shortly after the crucifixion in 70 AD. Much the same thing happened with the Romans as happened back here with the Babylonians.

So, in 70 AD the Romans destroy the city and destroy the Temple. The Jew was again uprooted out of the land. Now, in 606 BC they were out of the land for 70 years. But, then it happened again in 70 AD. It has now been 1900 years plus from the time of the destruction of Jerusalem by the Roman General Titus, until the Jews started going back to the land and recovering it from its desolation. All right, now the next great desolation will come just seven years leading up to the return of Christ at His Second Coming. This seven years is also going to be a time of tremendous wrath, not desolation per se, like you have in 606 BC and 70 AD, but it’s going to be the outpouring of God’s wrath and judgment and the return of Christ; then finally, the glorious King and His Kingdom. Then all these good things will finally become a reality. So, maybe that will help. We’re talking about two great desolations. The 70 years following the Babylonian destruction of Jerusalem, the seventy years of captivity. Then the next great event was 70 AD when the Romans came in and did the same thing, and we had 1900 + years of total desolation, again. Then finally, we come to the seven years of the Tribulation and the Second Coming. All right, now let’s read Leviticus 26 verse 32, and you’ll see what he’s talking about. This, too, is written by Moses, long before the Babylonians were even heard of. God says: Leviticus 26:32 "And I will bring the land (See how specific it is?) into desolation: (What land? The Promised Land. The Holy Land. The Land of Israel) and your enemies which dwell therein shall be astonished at it." The few survivors that stick around, the Arab in particular, the Bedouins and so forth, would look around them and marvel at the desolation - how nothing grows. Nothing prospers and the first time when Israel was out of the land it was that way for 70 years. I’ll show you, in a minute, how desolate it was at the end of the 70 years. But we’ll read on first that the enemies that are staying behind "will be astonished at it." Leviticus 26:33 "And I will scatter you (Israel) among the heathen, and will draw out a sword after you: (They would be hated and persecuted and murdered.) and your land shall be desolate, and your cities waste." Now, that was the promise of what God was going to do to Israel because of their unbelief, their idolatry, and their rejection of all the blessings of Jehovah. All right, I’m going to emphasize over and over that this wasn’t just a one-time thing. The seventy years of desolation would be followed by the same kind of desolation after the Roman destruction, only this one goes for 1900 + years, where the first one was 70. All right, I’ve done this before in some of my seminars and some of my classes in Oklahoma, but if those of you out in television will bear with me, I want you to listen to me as I read just a few words from a book written by Mark Twain, Samuel Clemens, the guy who wrote Huckleberry Finn. He was traveling in the Holy Land in the 1860’s. Now, don’t forget that date, 1860’s, about the time of our Civil War. This is from a book he wrote, and I want to give credit to it. Here it is. Now watch the words that Mark Twain uses, and he wasn’t knowledgeable of Scripture, I’m sure of that, but it’s the same kind of language. The Innocents Abroad "The soil is rich enough, but it is given completely to weeds, a desolation. There’s a desolation here that not even imagination can grace with the pomp of life and action. We never saw a human being on the whole route. We pressed toward Jerusalem. The further we went the hotter the sun got, the more rocky and bare and repulsive and dreary the landscape became. There was hardly a tree or a shrub anywhere. Even the olive tree and the cactus, those fast friends of a worthless soil, had almost deserted the country. Jerusalem is lifeless. It is a heartbroken land. Palestine sits in sackcloth and ashes. Over it broods the spell of a curse that has withered its field and fetters its energies.

It is desolate and unlovely and can the curse of a Deity beautify a land? Palestine (or what we call the Holy Land) is no more of this work-a-day world." [Editor's note: These statements by Mark Twain from The Innocents Abroad are found in chapters 47, 49, 52, 53, and 56 of his book. They are not written as a continuous paragraph.] Now, do you hear that? That’s from the pen of a man like Mark Twain, picturing the Holy Land in its desolation. It stayed that way from 70 AD all the way up until the late 1800’s, when the Jews, a sprinkling of them, started going back because of the persecution and programs that were taking place in other areas of the world. They began to clear the land of the rocks and the rubbish. They began to plant trees. Now, the last number I read was that Israel has planted 300 and some million trees since they have come back to the land. Out of that abject desolation, we see the land is once again, even as it will be far more so during the Kingdom, becoming a rose in the desert. It’s coming into full production. I want you to understand that when God speaks of the Promised Land of Israel as a desolation, it’s not just a play on words, it means what it says. Now, the first inkling we had of it was the first time Iris and I went over there was in 1975. I’ll never forget how we were driving along the Jordan Valley and there was nothing but desolation on both sides of the road. I even commented to her, I said, "Honey, how in the world can the Bible call this place the land of Promise! Who would want it? I mean there’s just nothing here." Well, when we went back in the early 90’s then, it was a great transformation. Irrigation. There were large wheat fields. There were all kinds of citrus groves and almond groves and everything. You could just see that the land was starting to blossom, like I said, like a rose. What a difference! But it came out of abject desolation. This is what I want people to understand. Then when old Arafat used to say, "a verdant, or green, land." No, it wasn’t, it was total desolation. All right, now just to show you how desolate it was, even at the end of the 70 years, come up with me, we may have done this not too long ago. Come up with me to Nehemiah, and I want to jump in at chapter 2. I thought I was going to finish Isaiah today, but there is no way, so there’s no use even trying. We might as well take what time we need for some of these other things. Nehemiah chapter 2, let’s just jump in at verse 11. Now, this is shortly after the 70 years that they were out of the land in the Babylonian captivity. In fact, it’s more than a year later, it’s almost 70-80 years later that Nehemiah comes, but now look at the language so that you can see that it wasn’t a temporary thing. When the Jews left, the Arabs didn’t come in and build it up and put it into production. No, it just stays desolate. Then when the Jews come back and begin to produce and hire help, then the Arabs come back. I mean, that’s the way it’s always been. Nehemiah 2:11-12a "So I came to Jerusalem, and was there three days. (That is from way back out in the Euphrates Valley.) 12. And I arose in the night, I and some few men with me; neither told I any man what my God had put in my heart to do at Jerusalem:…" Now remember, what were God’s instructions to Nehemiah? "Rebuild the city wall and the gates." Ezra had come almost a hundred years earlier to build the Temple, but now Nehemiah comes by God’s instruction and with the decrees from Artaxerxes the King to rebuild the city wall and the gates. Now, what’s the purpose? Well, you can’t have an entity of any worth without defense. You know, we were just talking about it last night. It’d be nice if we could dispense with all of our military. Wouldn’t it be nice if we didn’t worry about our borders, and we could just live in peace and tranquility? It doesn’t work that way. You have to maintain the defense of what you have. Israel was no different. So God instructed Nehemiah to go back and build the city wall and the gates.

Why? For defense. You can’t sit out there on the open hills; the enemy will come and run you over. So, that was the first instruction. "Go and rebuild the wall and the gates." Nehemiah 2:13 "And I went out by night by the gate of the valley, even before the dragon well, and to the dung port, (Those were all various gates in the city wall, previously.) and viewed (or overlooked) the walls of Jerusalem, which were (what?) broken down, and the gates thereof were consumed with fire." Seventy and hundred years later, they’re still just laying there in disarray, broken down. Which meant what? There was nothing but charred wood laying at what should be a gateway Nehemiah 2:14 "Then I went on to the gate of the fountain, and to the king’s pool: but there was no place for the beast that was under me to pass." (He was probably riding on a donkey. There wasn’t any place for the beast to go.) In other words, if there was a pool of water or a creek or something, the beast had no bridge to cross it. Nehemiah 2:15-16 "Then went I up in the night by the brook, and viewed the wall, and turned back, and entered by the gate of the valley, and so returned. 16. And the rulers knew not whither I went, or what I did; neither had I as yet told it to the Jews, nor to the priests, (Who, remember now, have been there for about a hundred years, building and rebuilding the Temple.) nor to the nobles, nor to the rulers, nor to the rest that did the work." Did they know he had been out surveying what needed to be done? No. All right, verse 17, I’m doing all this so that you’ll get a vivid picture of how desolate Jerusalem was, even though they’d been there a hundred years working on the Temple. But, so far as the secular end of the city, it was a shambles. Nehemiah 2:17 "Then I said unto them, Ye see the distress that we are in, how Jerusalem lieth waste, (It wasn’t a thriving city.) and the gates thereof are burned with fire: come, and let us build up the wall of Jerusalem, that we be no more a reproach." What does that mean? Why, you don’t even have a wall to defend your cities. You can’t sleep at night. Your enemies can just walk in and take you over. That’s a reproach. Well, listen, it means the same thing today. You cannot be a pacifist and survive, because it’s just normal human behavior to take what the next man has if it’s better than your own. It works with nations as it does with individuals. That’s why we have to have law and order. That’s why we have to have a defense system. You cannot be a pacifist in this world under the curse. It won’t work. Nehemiah 2:18a "Then I told them of the hand of my God which was good upon me; as also the king’s words that he had spoken unto me…." Now, we didn’t take the time to read the earlier verses, but what did King Artaxerxes tell him when Nehemiah said, I want to go back and rebuild the city wall? Old Artaxerxes, the king, says to make out a list of requirements. Tell us what you need and we’ll supply. So, this is what Nehemiah is going on. Nehemiah 2:18b "…as also the king’s words that he had spoken unto me. And they said, Let us rise up and build. So they strengthened their hands for this good work. The Jews he is addressing said what? Let’s build! Let’s get with it. Nehemiah 2:19a "But when Sanballat the Horonite, and Tobiah the servant, the Ammonite, (Now, what’s an Ammonite? Well, he’s an Arab. Read on.) and Geshem the Arabian, heard it,…" So, what have you got? The opposition from the Arab world just like it is today, and this is back here in about 450 BC. Nehemiah 2:19b-20 "…and Geshem the Arabian, heard it, they laughed us to scorn, and despised us, and said, What is this thing that ye do? Will ye rebel against the king? (Well, people didn’t know that the king was the one sponsoring it. But attitudes haven’t changed one iota.) 20. Then answered I them, and said unto them, The God of heaven, he will prosper us; therefore we his servants will arise and build: (Now, take note of the last part.) but ye (Now, who’s he talking to? The Arabians) have no portion, nor right, nor memorial, in Jerusalem.

" Now, isn’t that plain? There isn’t an Arab on this earth that has any claim to one square foot of Jerusalem. It’s the Promised Land. It was promised to God’s covenant people, Israel. All right, now we’ve got the same scenario coming back today. They’ve been in desolation for over 1800 years. I say 1800 because 70 AD is almost the end of the first century, and it wasn’t until the late 1800’s or about 1900 that the Jew started sprinkling back into what we call Palestine, or the area of Israel. Now, since 1900 they’ve been clearing the land and increasing the irrigation. It’s blooming like a rose in the desert, and Israel has come as far as she has come by God’s grace. It is getting ready. That’s what I want folks to see. Everything that you’re seeing in the Middle East, whether it’s Israel or the Arab world or the oil or whatever else, it’s all getting ready for the end time events that are staring us in the face. Okay, now let’s see, I think that’s enough of that for the time being. We’ll go back up to Isaiah chapter 62, where, remember, the LORD has promised that they will no longer be called forsaken, because He will have returned, He will now be their King, He’s bringing in this glorious Kingdom. They will no longer be called desolate because now the land is going to flow, literally, with "milk and honey" is the expression. I think I’ve explained it before. You know what it means to flow with milk and honey? It doesn’t mean that milk is going to come down the rivers. Honey isn’t going to come down off the mountains. So, where does the term come from? Well, everything that an environment needs to supply an abundance of milk, an abundance of honey, means you have to have what? You have to have grass and water for the cows to produce the milk, and if you’re going to have to have an abundance of honey, you have to have an abundance of blossoms. Fruit blossoms and flower blossoms, so the two concepts together mean the land is just going to be productive beyond comprehension. It’s going to be literally flowing with milk and honey. Not sticky honey, as such, but all the flowering trees and flowers and so forth. Not necessarily white milk coming down the river, but all the abundance of what it will take to produce it. That’s Israel’s future, it’s coming. All right, I’ve only got a couple or three minutes left. So, it’ll no longer be called desolate, but – flipside! Now, we’re going to make a series someday on all the ‘buts’ in Scripture. You know, it’s amazing how the Lord intervenes. I’ve been kind of dreading looking up all of the ‘buts’ in Scripture. The B-U-T’s. You know what came in the mail the other day? A guy did it for me! He sent a sheath, that thick, with all the ‘buts’ from Genesis to Revelation, so all I’m going to have to do is go through and pick out the ones that I can put on the program. I just said, "Thank you, Lord!" He probably saved me about ten hours of intense study trying to find them all. Isaiah 62:4b "…but thou shalt be call Hephzi-bah,…" Which means the one in whom is my delight. It’s actually the queen’s name of Hezekiah, and Hezekiah termed her ‘the one in whom I delight.’ Well, that’s what God is going to use to call Israel. Isaiah 62:4c "…and thy land Beulah: for the LORD delighteth in thee, and thy land shall be married." God is once again going to be so involved with the physical, earthly aspect of Israel’s lifestyle. All right, now then, verse 5. Isaiah 62:5 "For as a young man marrieth his virgin, so shall thy sons marry thee: (This is going to be a relationship, now, between God and the nation of Israel.) and as the bridegroom rejoiceth over the bride, so shall thy God rejoice over thee." But it’s all future. This hasn’t ever happened yet. Israel has never been in that kind of a place of obedience, but it’s coming. It’s coming. You know, there’s something that has really got my attention and I want all of you, even out there in television, to be aware of it. There is, seemingly, a spiritual awakening

taking place in the land of Israel and a lot of the Israelis are actually turning to Christ. Now again, I’m in no place to judge the authenticity of their salvation, but it’s kind of exciting when you get the reports of how many Israelis are now becoming open to the Gospel. So, I just can’t help but share it, that this is all telling us one thing. The end is coming close. It can’t be very much longer. Now, I’m not sensational. I don’t say next year or five years, but in terms of time, no, it’s not going to be very much longer.

[clairekatswritingcorner]

Something To Fight For

Word Count: 2,198

Summary: After spending another agonizing night as the beast, Lester awakes to find himself alone in the woods. Concerned for his safety, Alexys wanders into the wilderness to find him.

*Author’s Note*: The first of two commissions I did for @bad-blue-moon-rising! She requested a piece about her and her werewolf bf, Lester, with plenty of angst and fluff. I admit I went a little heavy with the angst in this one, but with the subject matter it was almost impossible not to. But it does have a happy ending, and I really enjoyed getting to work with some characters I’ve never written before! Consider this another one of my selfship otps <3 I hope you enjoy!

It was early morning, but the sky was still dark. As the moon began to wane, he considered how ironic his curse was, that the largest light in the night sky was the catalyst for a being that snuffed out life like a candle. In his human life Lester tried to focus on bringing people happiness, comfort, and reassurance despite their troubles. No matter how deeply they were sucked into the dark pit of hopelessness, he was there to remind them that the light of hope would always lift them out again. But in the night, when darkness distorted everything into a monstrous form and made blood run cold…he was just another slave to its influence.

He’d run into the forest, the perfect place for nighttime to warp reality into something unfamiliar, scary, and dangerous. Trees cast shadows where moonlight bled through, their trunks gnarled and twisted and creating the illusion of faces—faces that belonged to demons or ghouls. Their branches were sharp like claws, and the rustle of their leaves could be mistaken for a howl when the conditions were just right.

Lester didn’t have to pretend, though. When people thought they were seeing the face of a monster, that’s what they really saw. When people heard or felt the slash of claws, or the echo of a desperate howl in the infinite void of night, it was always genuine. Sometimes he wished he wasn’t real, that he didn’t have to be, that this aspect of his life could just be a bad dream, a cruel lie that spread like roots through soil.

But he didn’t have the luxury to say he was living a lie…at least in terms of his detestable side. He lied about that all the time, sharing his kind human side with the townsfolk and living his days like any other citizen. But the part of him that filled him with disgust and loathing, that terrified others, that was instinctual and terrifying and bloodthirsty never stopped existing.

Sometimes things were calm enough for him to forget his curse, and he’d push thoughts of it to the back of his mind. But those pleasantries all inevitably ended when the beast returned to transform him, control him, break him. He would never embrace it, never accept it, even if he was bound to it forever. It had already cost him his left eye, this feral side demonstrating just how much of a danger it posed not just to others, but to himself.

He touched the white patch that covered the wound with human fingers, almost unrecognizable to him after spending a night as the beast. Even if it wasn’t the one that had shot his eye out, such an event would likely have never occurred if he didn’t have this condition. He knew he could never forgive himself for all the atrocities committed by his hands, even if they had been carried out against his will. He knew he deserved to be branded with this badge of impurity, a physical mark that never let him forget the sins resting on his shoulders. He didn’t know how much longer he’d be able to get up every day knowing what would be coming again soon, knowing that there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Another thought, a happy thought, momentarily displaced his regret and flitted through his mind. It was an image of the woman he loved, and he could see her soft smile and gentle hands and feel her warm lips tingling on his skin as he soaked in her visage. She was always so kind to him, so accepting…too accepting. She had never once berated nor forsaken him for his deplorable side and all that came with it. She offered him words of love and reassurance and adoration that he returned wholeheartedly, but he didn’t know how she could still muster up such tender feelings for him.

He wished he was holding her right now, or being held by her. He dug his fingers into his arms, not enough to do any damage, but enough to express the dismay hanging over him. He didn’t deserve to have these feelings, or to accept hers. He didn’t deserve to take away her opportunity to have a better, unruined future, to find someone that would love her just as much as him, but without the haunting disadvantages.

His heart ached to imagine what it would be like to live without her, what it would be like to know that she was giving her love to someone else. He was too selfish, too in love with her to find any real joy in such a scenario. But if one day he happened to cross the line just a bit too far, if he snapped and committed some unforgivable act, he would have no objection to letting her go. It would hurt, it would feel like half of his heart was being ripped away, but if the decision was hers he would never even think of denying her the chance to move on to something—someone—better.

Little did he know that the focus of his affections was on her way to find him right now. Alexys had headed out just as the sun started to peek over the horizon; she had a pretty good idea of where she could find him. He’d unintentionally let that information slip to her on more than one occasion. If he wasn’t back home, he was likely somewhere in the forest at the edge of town. She’d caught sight of his footprints—or more accurately, pawprints—just as she entered the wood, following them eagerly. As she trudged through the trees she was careful not to make too much noise in the event that her sudden appearance startled him.

Before she knew it, Alexys was standing on the edge of the small clearing Lester had collapsed in. He was fully human again, and overwhelmed with agony, judging by the way he was holding himself. Her fists clenched and heart seized a bit as she examined the few scratches and cuts that were visible from where she stood; she was sure when she looked closer there would be even more. She stepped through the trees and his head whipped around at the sound, ready to flee if he’d been discovered by anyone else. But he registered her presence almost instantly, fighting between the urge to run into her arms or turn away and advise her to return home without him. She acted before he could reach a decision.

“Sweetheart, are you alright?”

It was an unnecessary question, but she wanted to know how much pain he was in, to assess whether he was in any condition to make it home without her help. He remained silent for a few moments, trying to pull himself together enough to give her a decent response. He didn’t have words strong enough to accurately describe his adoration and appreciation for her. Once again, she’d come to his rescue, drawing him back from the precipice of despair into her loving embrace.

“Lester, can you talk to me?”

She knelt beside him and he finally turned to face her. She was almost driven to tears by the desolate expression on his face, but the light that flickered to life in his eyes as he looked at her tapered it a bit. “I’m alright. I’m ready to go back if you are.”

She smiled and took one of his hands, pressing it to her lips. “Yes, of course. I didn’t want you to have to walk back alone.”

He lifted his hand away only to grab hers, pressing her palm against his cheek. “Thank you. I don’t know what I would have done if had been anybody but you that found me.”

“No need to fear, your girlfriend’s here,” Alexys teased, relieved by the way the corners of his mouth turned up just a little. “C’mon, let me help you up. It looks like some of these wounds need to be treated when we get back, too. You can even lay in my lap while I do it if you want.”

A light blush colored his features at her proposition, although he couldn’t deny the fact that he wanted to take her up on her offer. She smiled and threaded their fingers together, slipping back to the house with him as swiftly and carefully as possible. As much as Lester preferred to avoid people when he was the beast, he also didn’t like having to explain himself if he was caught making his way back home from the woods. There would no doubt be questions—he’d faced them before—but with Alexys at his side the trek always went smoothly.

Alexys was just glad to hold his hand in hers again. She appreciated the warmth and rough texture of his skin, the way his fingers gripped hers tightly in return. She was happy that he wanted her around, and even happier that he trusted her enough to share his darkest secret. Of course, it would have been particularly difficult to hide the truth from someone he lived with, but she didn’t mind knowing. She wasn’t worried or scared or intimidated by him in the slightest, instead spending her anxieties on whether he was going to make it home the next morning or not. That was part of why she’d started going out to find him. If he’d gotten hurt, or worse, she wanted to be the first person to find him and come to his aid.  

As the two approached the house Alexys took off her coat and shoes while Lester headed to the bedroom to snag a change of clothes. Before he could get his shirt on she was there, shaking her head at him as she drew his attention to the box of first aid supplies she held in her hand. Lester sighed, not because he didn’t want her help, but because he didn’t want her to have to help. But there was no deterring her when her mind was set, and it would give him the excuse to be near her and let her run her hands over his shoulders and arms and back. That kind of attention was something he needed right now, for both his physical and mental wellbeing.

He took a seat on the bed and she got situated behind him, setting her legs on either side of him so she could scoot up closer to work. There were several flinches and yelps and curses from Lester as she did her best to patch him up painlessly, but nothing could be done to avoid the process of flushing his wounds with antiseptic fluid. After she felt she’d gotten him sufficiently bandaged, she examined her handy work. She’d used as many skin colored bandages as she could in the places where his skin was usually uncovered. Luckily, the biggest ones were mostly on his back.

Alexys trailed her fingers across some of her patchwork, admiring the parts of his skin that remained unblemished. She could feel the tautness of his muscles, the warmth of his skin, the rise and fall of his shoulders as he breathed slowly, calmly. He was trying to recover from the bout of unpleasantness the treatment had caused, as well as mulling over some of the thoughts he’d had earlier. Thoughts about how she would be better off without him, thoughts about how he knew he could never bear it if he were to hurt her. But just the idea of bringing any of that up now made his stomach lurch.

“There’s something I need to tell you…” he began against his better judgement, turning his torso so he could face her. “I know you already know the risks, but every night it happens it seems to get worse. I feel like I’m losing more and more of myself. I’ll never be able to make up for the things I’ve done, the lives I’ve ruined. I don’t want yours to turn out the same—”

She hushed him by pressing a finger to his lips. Her eyes danced with ferocity and a little melancholy, but her expression communicated nothing but soft, unwavering love. “You can’t blame yourself for those things. You aren’t the one who did them. I’ll never love anyone like I love you, Lester. And I’ll face any risk that comes my way. I always have, and I always will. You’re worth fighting for.”

Although he wasn’t proud of it, tears undeniably began welling up in his eyes. Alexys kissed them away before they could fall down his cheeks. She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him deeply, and he responded in kind as he closed his eyes and pulled her against him by her waist. It was true, neither of them wanted to live their lives without the other. As they held each other close, they treasured the intimacy, trust, and love. No one else in the world would ever be able to give them feelings like this, and that was enough. Besides, having her in his life gave Lester something to fight for, too.  

[sharksdontplaycards]

How can we protect those we love..

Dearest,

I know you want me to call you mom, but I can’t right now. You asked me to call you this when I first married your daughter and at the time I wanted to feel accepted and did not understand your reasoning. Now I see that you want me to call you that because you believe yourself superior, and feel entitled to authority over mine and my wife’s life. I can no longer appease your request. God gave me the responsibility to head my household. Kathryn and I are our own family, recognized under God. The decisions that we make are ours alone. Your input is neither required nor desired. You do not have influence or power over them, and your pleas, tears, manipulation, delusion, and desires belong to you, and no one else.

I can see that you are hurting. It is apparent that no one in the world understands how you feel, nor could they if they tried. You are the ultimate victim, you have gone through something worse than anyone else in all of human history. God sacrificed his only son, and watched Him be beaten, whipped, and murdered by His own creation, but even He must look at you in wonder. You are the recipient of all hate, discontentment, malice, disrespect, slight, and heartbreak that the human race has to offer. Books could be written, and speeches could be made in reverence, describing the complexities of your pain and perseverance through it. I will never know what to say to you to help you. I want so very much to do so, truly. I love you, and I want you to move on and have purpose beyond the pain you so effortlessly project onto everyone around you.

God is the answer to this. He can see you past this pain, and resentment. There is purpose here beyond even you. It is hard to imagine, but other people were given purpose by God as well. No one will ever have your exact experience, but God puts people in our lives to challenge us in small areas where they have different experiences from our own. It is unimaginable, I’m sure, to think that anyone could have a better understanding of something, especially considering they don’t have the same exact life, and feelings that you do. There is good news, God works in the unimaginable every day! He gives other people different experiences, lives, dare I say it.. pain, and love that affords them their own unique perspective. It is incredible, really, but there are over seven billion people on earth and every one of them have their own lives, friends, families, and responsibilities.

It is evident that your monopoly on pain and victimhood has made you both morally superior and wiser than even King Solomon. As clear as this truth may be, your undeniable superiority does not entitle you to authority. Even Kind Solomon ruled over only one Kingdom. God has charged you with taking care of your family, the same as He has charged us with taking care of ours. You are our family, and we will always help you as we have but the family your daughter and I have made is separate from you. I was raised in a family that helps one another without fear, guilt, or expectation of reciprocity. That may be foreign, but, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Cor 13:4-8). We love you, and we seek to love you truly.

Right now your pain is so great that it effects how you love. Your actions are a reflection of the thoughts of your heart. We don’t spend any time alone. There is a reason for that. I tried to take you out for something you needed. We went to the mall and got it and then went to a restaurant to get some food. While at the register I offered to pay for the meal. I watched you actively ignore my offer and proceed to pay. Following this moment I thanked you and we had a lovely meal. The following day however you saw fit to lie. You accused me of being rude, not offering to pay, and gave an account of our time placed so far outside the reality of events that took place, I question seriously if you were referring to the same event. You did this is an effort to tarnish my character in the eyes of my wife. At most every instance, it seems, you seek to drive yourself as a wedge between us. Your actions are so brazen and obvious to everyone around you it is hard to deduce whether you think yourself that superior or you believe everyone else to be that utterly stupid. I recognized that day that I could never be alone with you. As a man in the current age if I were to be alone with a woman not afraid to brazenly lie about my actions, I could end up in jail. I love you, but I can’t risk leaving my family and making them so vulnerable for your comfort or attention.

Those that want help, help themselves and help from others follows quickly. Those who do not want help cannot get it. I have heard your lamentations sincerely, as have everyone who loves you, but since I have known you, those lamentations have not changed. I am a wretched sinner with a silver tongue. I am impulsive and unapologetic with a very quick temper. I am not afraid to face the consequences of my actions because I have endured terrible consequences. After facing those consequences I went to God and my family with my tail between my legs ready to eat with the pigs. I had to admit that I was not all powerful and that I was the author of my own perspective and demise. My lamentations changed. I had new problems, but I was able to face them more prepared, and more reliant on God. I realized that I was not the center of the universe, that I alone was neither the answer nor the question most important in God’s Kingdom. The world seems treacherous with the perspective that it’s all about oneself. Your problems, however inconceivable to mere mortals, are your own. Facing our wrongs is not the end of the world, it is the beginning of a new perspective.

You have been walking this earth for over half a century. I can’t imagine that. I recognize that no matter what I learn, or do in this moment, I will never have the experience that you do. I also recognize that in reality your experience means nothing if you refuse to accept the reality in front of you. No one is entitled to special help or treatment because of their unique experience. I have watched you shamelessly stand in defiance of insignificant events seeking validation for your entitlement to the detriment of everyone around you. The energy spent and time wasted alone, is justification for re-evaluation. Nothing gets easier, we just get better at dealing with it. Picture the first time you learned to write, or add. Did those processes change or did you change to master them?

What prompted this letter was the fact that you hurt my wife. You hurt her quite a lot. You have contributed to the utter desolation of her self-esteem. She is the epitome of beauty and grace. Even your sense of entitlement is incomparable to her love. She is devoted, kind, calm, intelligent, capable, and important. She never thought about becoming a teacher. You like to point out the fact that you were the one to tell Kathryn about me. Is there anything in her life you have not “found” for her? Her love and talents lie in pottery. God saw fit to bless her and you both with physical expressions of beauty. She had a career path that would have allowed that passion to become her livelihood. It was you who discouraged her. She is a master of peace, and so quick to submit. You have used her nature as validation for your behavior. Your conversations with her modelled how she handles adult interactions, and since I have met you, there were very few times I would classify your actions or interactions as adult.

Your daughter is a woman. An adult woman with a husband. She does not belong to anyone but God. She makes her own decisions and has her own responsibilities. She is not a liar. You called the both of us liars because it suited your latest narrative. I am truly amazed by your ability to rationalize your self-importance. I have had a problem with selfishness and self-centeredness all my life. That is probably one of the reasons I see it so clearly in you. Nevertheless, you are a master where I am just a lowly disciple. Father’s Day is a day about fathers. You have not, and will never be a father, and yet that day was somehow about you. Your daughter is not a liar, and I am not a liar. Your daughter is convinced that it is subconscious, but I have a little more faith in your intelligence. She believes that you feign validation from others, or to be clearer, lie about what others have said because experience has taught you to include people in your opinions so that your words will have more power. I believe you understand that your opinions are not shared, but should be, so you lie because you believe you are right, and if everyone were as superior as you they would recognize that so it would not be a lie in the end.

The unfortunate truth for people like us is that no matter how right we believe ourselves to be, lying is the clearest sign that something with our justification is not right. Whether you lie consciously or unconsciously is not the issue. The issue is the projection of an individual perspective in contrast to reality. The reality being that God loves you, your family loves you, you are loved and you are worthy of love. Fear is a fantastic motivator, but that is not the philosophy God intended for us to live our life by. Even as write this, I know your response will undeniably be indignation. Wondering how I could say such things, or blaming me for patronizing, or simplifying emotions no one, but especially I, could ever understand does nothing but continue to distract from the healing and peace you so clearly fight against.

Love is not an emotion, it is a commitment, and a power. 1 John 14:15 “Whoever does not love, does not know God for God is love.” Your pain has distorted your actions from those of love to those of control. No one has control over their emotions. Emotions happen whether we like them to or not, the only thing we can control is how we react to those emotions. Your reaction to emotional turmoil has been a detriment to your character. You have chosen to seek pity and validation rather than love and affirmation. You have chosen to rely on your own control. “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6. You seek comfort in drinks and pain. I know this because I did the same thing. Pain is a teacher. God gave it to us to warn us when we are doing something that could have lasting consequences. It is interesting however that God also gave our bodies the ability to withstand pain. In that sense, we have all the tools to manipulate that sensation however we see fit, dependent only on our will.

When comfort is found in control, pain becomes a comfort. I know what to expect when I feel pain. I know how much pain I can handle, and I know what to do when the pain becomes too much. You and I are similar with respect to these realizations. Having total control over something like that feels good in the moment because whether the feeling is pain or pleasure, we are the authors of it. It is hard to give up that control. I was delivered from this thinking with a series of slaps in the face (metaphorically speaking) by God. I was told once, “You can be as mad at God as you want, because He can take it.” God can take your pain, and He wants to. God asks us to submit to Him. He wants total servitude. He wants us to let Him handle everything, and that is hard to do. It is difficult to give up control. It is difficult to give up pain. I respect you for what you have gone through, but your experience is no more entitling than any other. Your soap box is shined and ready and God is willing to watch you scream and cry all the days of your life, not that He wants that, but I cannot say the same for those around you.

If something far off looks like a duck, and sounds like a duck, a lot of the time it is a duck. You are such a quick judge of character in others it is hard to imagine why such a concept seems out of reach during introspection. I have witnessed you violently curse those who love you. The mere suggestion of seeking help for the issues you face from others sends you into a frenzy. This results in poisonous moments where all your elementary attempts at manipulation are appeased because your level of justification rises side by side with pride. Those that love you have said for years that you need to speak to someone, specifically someone who is unbiased. That is hard. It is hard to think that you could handle things a little better than you are now. An unbiased professional is not going to agree with you at every turn. No one on the planet is going to be able to mindlessly parrot back your own opinions with conviction. That is a credit to the beauty of our creator. He allowed for every person to be born autonomous from one another. Each person has their own thoughts and will, no two are alike. It is overwhelming almost to think of a creator that shaped each and every one of those people and cares for each one of them more than anyone ever could.

Your daughter is also an individual. She has her own, thoughts, opinions, feelings, and experience. Of course, no one on earth has thoughts or experiences more traumatizing, or insightful as you, however God did not put anyone here to subject their will onto others. He put us here to serve and love Him. Your daughter is exquisite, absolutely. In every conceivable facet of thought she is beautiful, kind, loving, intelligent, and influential. My greatest heartbreak is watching her demeanor after your ridicule. She is accomplished, successful, financially stable, involved with your family, my extended family, and the incontestable center of our family and home. She is an adult, and the decisions that she makes now are not connected to you in any way. She does not make decisions based on your input or feelings, nor should she. When she takes her calls I watch her demeanor physically transform from a powerful and loving woman into a helpless child. She has spent the majority of her adult life appeasing you.

As the firstborn child of two firstborn children, I understand how intensely we love. That bond will never be broken. Her love for you cannot accurately be put into words. Her transformation, when speaking to you, is so heartbreaking because she does not do this for fear of your criticism. Your criticism is self-serving, and therefore inevitable. She reverts to a childlike demeanor because she knows no matter how loud she screams, or what she says, she cannot help you. She is an adult with problems of her own. She has tried time and again to challenge your perception, even slightly. A challenge is unacceptable however, that is understood, because you are her mother, and nothing she or anyone says is correct unless it is a mirror image of your opinion. I know this to be true of course, as your opinions are taken down by modern scholars as the epitome of intellect gathered through experience. It is undeniable, that unless someone has the exact same experience as you, they cannot help you. The problem with that is, the only person with the exact same experiences as you can only be found in a mirror. Your daughter is not your problem and she is not a scapegoat for your melodramas. She is not required to give her opinion on your issues, martially or otherwise, and frankly she should never have been asked in the first place.

It is obvious that I am upset. I am not upset however because of what you have done to me. From the moment I learned about that first lie you have never earned my trust back. Simply put, what you do does not bother me, because you lie, and words without truth mean nothing. I am upset because you hurt my wife. As I said in the beginning God gave me the responsibility of heading my household. He holds me responsible for the protection of my family. Were you any other person in our lives, we would never speak again. The way you treat my wife and my family is absolutely unacceptable. You ask her for help and scorn her for giving it. You ask her for time together and spend that time belittling her. You lie to her. You lie about her husband, her family, and yourself, to her face. You disrespect her autonomy, her profession, and her life. One of the most disrespectful acts I have ever witnessed was performed by you to her detriment. She is a teacher. She is responsible for hundreds of children and their knowledge and she is phenomenal at it. She, like everyone has her own issues at work. When she needed a smart board for her room she went through all necessary and applicable steps to retrieve this tool. She handled her problem. You could not accept this. You took it upon yourself to call her boss.. Even typing this, it is hard to believe this even happened. The amount of disrespect and the utterly illogical nature of the act leave me aghast. You called her boss, like she was a child, and you were trying to get him to punish another child for taking her lunch money. Adults do not do that. You hurt her career by doing that. With one tap of your finger you simultaneously belittled every degree she had ever earned and decimated her credibility in the eyes of her employer. Her boss has never looked at her the same since then.

You say you are a fighter, but what are you fighting for? All the evidence I see points to the idea that you fight for attention and recognition in spite of those who love you the most. Of all the observations I have made, this last one may be the most glaring. Your grief may be incomprehensible to mere mortals, but what is more glaring than any of the statements I have made is the wake of destruction your grief has left in your home. Your condescension is unmatched. Your eldest son is twenty-five years old, your youngest son is twenty. They are not the helpless infants you see them as and they are not your excuse. It may be convenient, but after nearly a decade using your eldest son as an excuse has lost the validity it once had. I respect him more than most, even if he could stand to read some better literature. You use him, constantly. If I were in his shoes, the sheer arrogance alone would have pushed me into oblivion. It is not my place to say any of this, and I recognize that fully, however you hurt my wife, and you refuse to listen to anyone.

You will never read these words. There are a few reasons why. First, you do not deserve them. Anyone so blind to their own indignation, and so willing to lie to others in order to justify their own distorted perception is not willing or able to receive rebuke, or anything like it. Second, I love my wife, and I respect her as an adult. You are her family and my family. I am not a replacement for you, I am a part of her. I love her and I would never step in the way of her loving you. I will however step in the way of you hurting her. She deserves better from you, and from me. I am actively working to love her better every day, where you are not. Third, you will not read these words as they are intended to be heard. No matter what I had written or will write to you, any nuance of vulnerability you encounter, in your eyes, is nothing more than an opportunity for exploitation. I do not trust you. It would be unhealthy if I did.

Your attitude towards criticism is akin to that of a child whose been told no when asking for another cookie. I love you, and I have respect for the way you’ve raised your children, but your actions no longer resemble anything I would call motherly. I have a mother. I have been fortunate to have her my whole life. I know you want me to call you mom, but I can’t right now. I can’t call someone mom when they hurt my wife, or try to drive a wedge in my marriage. I can’t call someone mom when they seek to undermine everyone and everything around them without cause. I can’t call you mom, simply because you’re not. You are my family, but you are not my mom. I love you, but I cannot trust that you will do what is best for my wife or our family in any instance. I don’t want an apology from you. I know you would never give one, and if you did it would not mean anything. I want you to be better, because despite my unfettered rage with respect to your action, I do love you, and I really hope you move on.

With Hope

A Son

[movieswithkevin27]

Unsane

As is, frustratingly, often the case, Unsane is an experimental film on the surface only. Lacking the story to really take its experimental approach to the next level, instead leaning on genre cliches and predictable twists to help further its story, the film is one that winds up only slightly more than middling. Fortunately, the decision by director Steven Soderbergh to shoot the film on his iPhone proves to be a fantastic decision, giving the film a heavy dose of realism via a rather formalistic (in part) approach to making this film. A story about a woman, Sawyer Valentini (Claire Foy), who moves from Boston to Pennsylvania to get away from her stalker, the film portrays what happens to Sawyer after she is involuntarily committed. Interacting with deranged patients such as Violet (Juno Temple) or a recovering opioid addict in Nate (Jay Pharoah) who befriends her, believes she is being stalked, and seeks to help her, Unsane is an often thrilling film. As Sawyer is committed and continues to believe she sees her stalker only to find that her stalker David Strine (Joshua Leonard) has moved from Boston to work at the psychiatric center that Sawyer is being held in, the film takes a truly sinister turn. While engrossing as a film and possessing ground-breaking visuals, Unsane is undone by cliches and a bad ending that wind up taking the air out of the film.

Visually, Unsane makes its name. Soderbergh is certainly known for being rather experimental with his films visuals, whether it be via homage as in The Good German or more stylistic as in Traffic. Unsane is certainly no exception with the film’s iPhone visuals always making their presence known. Yet, the film never looks cheap. It is a film shot, edited, and directed by Soderbergh, all while possessing the look and feel of a film put together by such a Hollywood director. This is certainly a huge determinant in Unsane’s overall success as an experiment, as the film is able to utilize its phone-as-a-camera approach to be able to put the audience right into the film as an engaged observer, bordering on exhibiting voyeuristic behavior. It is almost reminiscent of found footage in the sense that both seek to put you there, but found footage is a technique that, inherently, lets the audience know that they are not there even if the visuals are taken by someone who was there, allegedly. Unsane, however, is a film that breaks down this barrier. Every bit of this film feels as though the audience is lurking in the corner, hiding down a hallway, or standing there as the events of the film transpire, allowing the events to be all the more intimate and deeply felt. As Sawyer fears for her life and screams in panic as the doctors pin her to the bed to tie her down after she hit another inmate, the audience is given a front row seat by Soderbergh. To accomplish this, Soderbergh relies upon a deep depth of field with everything in focus. This allows hallway shots to ring with realism as the faces of those at the end of a hallway can still be seen rather clearly. Similarly, there are shots from the ward that, when over-the-shoulder, reveal people walking in the hallway and into the ward or, in the case of David, looming in the window to keep an eye on Sawyer.

Soderbergh’s visuals also contain a rather fitting color palette, as the film’s action is predominantly laced with the yellowish walls of the facility aside from the introduction and final act both being shot through a washed blue tint and a sequence in a trunk being shot with night vision. Not only are all three cold colors - with the implied negative emotions of those colors - but the blue, in particular, proves to be quite relevant. As David obsesses over Sawyer, he notes that he first fell in love with her when he saw her wearing a blue shirt. Throughout the film, she wears a blue jacket over her hospital-issued clothes with the film’s obvious blue tint coming back in the final act as she desperately tries to flee her stalker. This obsession with the color blue is such a negative context is reminiscent of Traffic in how the blue-portion of that film is dedicated to a politician tracking down his drug addicted daughter. Here, the plot of Unsane is, obviously, different, but nonetheless contains a parent trying to find their daughter and get help for her against all odds, while facing a powerful entity that wishes to control her every action and motivation. The film’s usage of blue may further symbolize the power that David has over Sawyer - further underscored by the constant low-angle shots of David - as his presence is constantly felt by her, thus giving him considerable control and power over her. As blue is often recognized as a rather masculine color, it is not hard to come to this conclusion as the power and the masculinity implied the color blue are relevant to Unsane in which a man’s toxic masculinity exerts considerable influence over a woman’s life to the point she is always cloaked in blue and must fight for her life under the blue of night.

The usage of an iPhone provides far more than giving the audience an intimate view of the film’s events. Instead, Soderbergh uses it as a device to help create terror. As David stalks into the night to find Sawyer, Soderbergh washes the scene out in blue with a tight close-up of David from an extreme low-angle, while the camera bounces up and down as he makes his way into the forest. As Sawyer is drugged and given too much of her “medicine” by David - who, naturally, distributes the drugs - Soderbergh whips the camera around the room as she runs around, going out of her mind. Superimposing a front-view of her running around on top of an over-the-shoulder shot of her running around with her face poking out of the back of her head, the shot is one that is wholly disorienting and uncomfortable. Also utilizing a spinning camera - to some degree, this is apparent when Sawyer wakes up in the trunk of a car with the camera spinning around as she shifts around, capturing the claustrophobic scene while only serving to further disorient the viewer - at various times that really gives the film a great punch, Soderbergh does not just lean on the technique as a mere gimmick. Rather, he is able to create great tension from the iPhone. Not only are we right there, but his efforts to disorient and make the audience uncomfortable go a long way. Even typical low-angles - which are prevalent here - as the camera sits in a hallway as the drugs are given out prove to be disorienting with the overwhelming dark hallways looming from all over while the underqualified orderlies and David mill about in positions of power as well. These shots allow Soderbergh to underscore who is truly in control in this film. It is, obviously, not the patients. Rather, it is the “doctors” and even the clinic itself who exert control over them from beginning to end. The camera work is further beneficial, even when Soderbergh is more typical. As Sawyer screams from solitary confinement, the camera backs away ominously and pulls back down a nearby hallway. Cloaked in darkness and desolate, the shot is a truly sinister one that underscores two simple facts: she is alone and nobody knows she is there.

Though it works, one area will undoubtedly divide audiences is in how everything just feels...off. It is perhaps, in large part, due to the fact that the film takes place in a mental health facility. Thus, the patients are, literally, off. However, even the acting by “sane” characters such as Claire Foy or Jay Pharoah are off. The performances are still good, as both nail their respective characters, but just a bit alien. Joshua Leonard, similarly, acts quite alien as he descends into more homicidal madness in order to possess Sawyer. A lot of this is likely contributed by the film’s dialogue, which is quite odd at all times. Little jokes such as Sawyer saying she will give Nate a blowjob to use his phone only to “take a reign check” on it, to which Nate barely responds as he knew she would do so and was only being facetious. This odd dialogue can be found throughout the film as everybody acts just slightly more abnormal than regular humans would in a way that is silently disquieting. Normal conversations between Sawyer and her mother even ring with this same oddity, as both seem to practically go through the motions of what a normal conversation should be between mother and daughter, even if the pair clearly love one another deeply. This, in large part, is due to the film’s setting but likely also to allow Soderbergh to capture the film’s intentionally tacky elements. It is a film that is practically a B-movie at times with this cheesy and awkward dialogue, coupled with equally awkward performances allowing the film’s surface-level elements to reveal its rather intentional low-budget feeling.

Thematically, it is certainly clear that Soderbergh harbors some skepticism towards psychological clinics, an element that this review will return to in greater depth. However, at the center of the film’s character drama is the fact that Sawyer is being stalked by a man named David Strine. On the surface, he is a regular guy. Sawyer’s story of meeting him is such that she admits she did not mind him and took pity on him due to them having met as a result of her work at a hospice where David’s father was being cared for until he died. Thus, she empathizes with him, especially since her only father died. However, in the aftermath, his obsessive behavior as he texted her constantly, stalking behavior, his memorizing of every fact about her life, his possessiveness, and his desire to control her at every turn, really rises to the surface. Having planned out every detail of their life from where they will live to what they will do, David seems unaware of his crimes as he just lays down next to Sawyer after attacking her and everyone near to her, telling her he would love to have kids with her. It is a relatively normal moment, aside from the fact that he is bleeding from the neck, has broken her ankle, and has killed her friend and her mother along the way. The nature of the David character is such that it is a clear attempt to capture the “nice guy” who believes that kindness will earn them what they want from a woman. Soderbergh juxtaposes this nice guy with a regular guy who is on Tinder and is set to sleep with Sawyer without any hassle, except she encounters a psychological block due to her experience with stalkers. In essence, this is a film about a woman who has been stripped of everything. She cannot experience love, as the thought of David looms large. She cannot experience freedom, as she winds up being involuntarily admitted to this hospital where, naturally, she is stripped and cut off from the rest of the world right away. Once there, she is given drugs by David who works as an orderly in that department and even goes so far as spiking her doses. He seeks to control her, only finding that he is able to do so when he orchestrates her release and locks her in solitary confinement. This film, as a result, is a chilling representation of the damage a so-called “nice guy” can accomplish through the obsessive and possessive behavior they so often exhibit when they fall “in love” with a woman. Thus, Unsane is able to achieve tension through the fact that what is happening to Sawyer can happen to any woman who is “crazy” enough to show kindness to the wrong man. Feeding into their toxic masculinity and low self-esteem, women who are kind enough to all strangers wind up having to live as Detective Ferguson (Matt Damon) advises Sawyer to live: in a constant state of fear with their heads on a swivel. The film’s camera work further benefits this idea as it allows, especially women, to experience what is happening to Sawyer first-hand as Soderbergh is able to take this paranoia and fear to channel it to a cautionary tale of one of the major crises occurring in this world: men who cannot take a simple no. Even worse, Sawyer is locked up as she is seen as being crazy for thinking a man in stalking her while David is called a “gift from God” for his efforts at the hospital.

In terms of examining the conditions within a psychiatric facility, Soderbergh’s film very much laments the way in which hospitals exploit insurance and patients as they admit people against their will for reasons such as having thought of suicide without informing anyone near them or allowing them access to the outside world. In many ways, it is a legalized form of kidnapping, which Soderbergh examines and warns audience members to be wary of what they say to psychologists who may admit them if they open up in the wrong way, while also decrying psychologists who do not examine people straight-up and instead look for buzzwords to signal whether or not they can legally keep them in the hospital. In this way, the film almost plays similarly to Shock Corridor directed by Samuel Fuller. In that film, a journalist pretends to be insane in order to be admitted to a psychiatric facility and to investigate a murder that happened within the facility that has been covered up. Along the way, he encounters witnesses who experience moments of sanity that allow him to piece together what happened, only to lose his own sanity due to shock therapy. The same happens here to Nate Hoffman, who is revealed to be a reporter investigating the hospital for admitting sane people who mention brief suicidal thoughts as a means of exploiting their insurance (they can keep people for up to seven days without a court order, so patients will be “healed” by that point) and to meet monthly quotas. In the end, they will up both exploiting the person and, for some, they will up making them insane along the way. This happens to Sawyer as she is being legitimately stalked up until the time she leaves the facility. At that point, she begins experiencing hallucinations of David brought on by her experiences in the clinic. For his part, Nate - similar to the reporter in Shock Corridor - is given shock therapy as a means of silencing and killing him, though the evidence he is able to piece together is used to bring the hospital down as he had hoped. As such, both films explore the frightening ways in which psychiatric facilities conduct themselves, the false treatments that do not help the patients whatsoever, and the pressure cooker environment that only winds up making them all the more insane. Neither film is anti-treatment, but they are both against this type of treatment that just aims to drug patients and exploit them to the benefit of the hospital who can continue to keep beds full and charge exorbitant prices. It is a tragic system and one that exploits those who desperately need help. Instead, all they get is a slow death and a further descent into madness with doctors who are ill-equipped to actually help and underqualified orderlies who do nothing but abuse their power. The similarities to Shock Corridor are even furthered as the orderly that killed a patient in that film similarly had issues with women, having been moved to a separate section due to his actions with the nymphomaniacs. Here, the main orderly - David - is a man who quite obviously shares the same issue: he is exploitative and abusive towards women, exerting his masculinity in such a way that it causes irrevocable harm.

Where Unsane really stalls out, however, is with its reliance upon cliches and its terrible third act. While the film smartly avoids playing into the “maybe she is having visions” angle and instead replaces it with the reality that she is being stalked, it nonetheless falls into other predictable traps. Though stabbed and bleeding from the neck, David continues to live long enough to travel somewhere with Sawyer, chase her through the woods, and then give her one final chance to kill him for good, after she too feigns unconsciousness. This is quite cliche for one, but also highly implausible which is also something that could be said for much of the film’s rather convenient plot that is geared towards deriving tension from every moment without regard for practicality. This, of course, coming after the horrible sequence in which Sawyer plays along with David and convinces him rape Violet right in front of her as a show of his love. Though she is using Violet as she knows that she has a weapon she can use to attack David and free herself from solitary, the film nonetheless lets Violet die after Sawyer shuts the only door on her with David then breaking her neck. With this unfortunate event in which the protagonist uses another woman to escape - practically giving him bait and then abandoning her - coupled with the film’s cliched “oh but the killer is not dead yet”, Unsane becomes rather unsavory, fantastical, and cliche. Of course, the film is quite generic from beginning to end with the “sane person locked up with no one believed they are not insane” trope being one that has certainly been traversed before. However, the film’s cliche finale is particularly egregious in how it makes the film drag for the final 15 minutes, all the while building up to a predictable finale in which Sawyer, narrowly, gets away. This issue is further compounded by the neat way in which Nate is revealed as a reporter, the cops find the evidence Nate collected against the hospital, and as the administrator is led away in handcuffs. Compared to the film’s idea of this continuous abuse of patients for profit and the constant injustice this produces, the film’s rather neat and happy ending in which justice is served and David is killed is incredibly dull. The film’s last second bit with Sawyer thinking she sees David in a restaurant and approaches to stab him only to realize it is not him is similarly cliche as Unsane shows that the horror is not over yet. It may be thematically relevant, but plot-wise, it is a rather safe and predictable finale that just runs into every horror movie trope it could find.

A flawed film due to its reliance upon cliches that wind up delivering a wholly unsatisfying finale, Steven Soderbergh’s Unsane is a solid film nonetheless. Possessing smart themes, a terrific turn from Claire Foy, strong supporting turns, and ground-breaking visuals, Unsane is a film that has all of the key elements to be great, but it lacks a plot to truly deliver it to that promised land. Instead, it takes all of its unique bits and ideas only to then fizzle out into a sea of cliches and convenience to wind up falling short of its potential.

[memoirsofratasum]

Aeromage Sanna: Returning to the Temple of Kormir

Why does it always seem that the return trip is always faster than the initial journey? We still needed to get out of the Desolation and return to the temple of Kormir with our shipment of djinn scrolls, but instead of endless stretches of sulfur rivers, our skimmers brought us to the Chantry of Shadows in what seemed like a blink of the eye.

The news of the way north hadn’t changed much, it was what was going on in Vabbi that the Order was mostly concerned about. The majority of forged and awakened forces were converging on Kodash Bazaar and the Order predicted it was only a matter of time before they clashed. But in the meantime the way north to the Bone Wall was being patrolled by a skeleton crew (I still don’t know if that was a pun or not) of awakened and also the normal wildlife. Basically if we wanted to get out, now was the time.

Sahil lead us back the way we had came, through the Sulfur Quarry and Acrid Springs until we finally made it to the clean waters of the Spillway. Even with the skimmer’s clean air aura it was nice to be able to breath normally again. We made it through the hidden gap in the Bone Wall and returned to the Riverlands. I was kinda sad to have to drop the skimmer back off at their ranch, but we had only borrowed them for the journey, they weren’t ours to keep. But we did have our new jackals the djinn had given us. At first glance they could be mistaken for basic sand elementals but just a few minutes of interaction show that jackals are so much more. The influence of Abbadon has been scrubbed clean by the care and patience of the djinn and jackals are now intelligent and loyal creatures. Now I wonder which is more dog-like, the jackal or the raptor.

Tarnn and I were able to really stretch the legs of our jackals as we raced across the sands of the riverlands, though the blinking is going to take some practice to really hone. Sahil also recovered his raptor from the skimmer stables and opted to join us back to the temple. His family is of course in the Crystal Oasis, Khalida being at the temple and their parents in Seeker’s Village just outside of Amnoon, and he was thinking of taking some time to visit his loved ones.

While we were resting at the camps in the shadow of Augury Rock, Sahil asked me if I was going to be studying weavering in earnest. I certainly want too, I’ve just been constantly on my toes since coming to the Crystal Desert, but I will never pass up an opportunity to learn more about the elements. And I will finally be able to put the sword skills I’ve been learning over the past few years to some good use. Tarnn surprised me by adding that he was thinking of talking to Kahlida about scourge magic. He wasn’t giving up his firebrand studies but apparently what happened at the Lair of the Forgotten had struck a chord with him. I never thought Tarnn would be interested in necromancy but we had also never considered that school of magic to have protective properties. How exciting! And he’s no stranger to brand new magic, he’s picked up a few tricks back when I was dabbling in mesmerism after all. I know he can do it.

It was while the three of us were talking that we felt it, and by we I mean the entire camp. Every single one of us, even that cub Flint, stopped what we were doing and looked to the southeast in silence. The horizon beyond the brand, likely Vabbi, was lit up with electrical storms and the feeling of magic around us grew heavy. It was like when we had seen Balthazar only on a much more immense scale. Did the forged and awakened meet head on like the Order of Shadows predicted? I wouldn’t think they would cause something like this but I can’t imagine what else it would be.

I have no idea how long the camp watched the storm on the horizon, it felt both long and short by the time the skies cleared and the magic subsided. The feeling was like an eclipse that had just finished. The camp was a murmur of confusion and Sahil pulled Tarnn and myself aside, whispering that we should get to the temple as soon as possible. I don’t know what he knew, he is on speaking terms with the Order of Shadows after all, but I can’t argue the need to be safe behind stone as opposed to flimsy tents. So we mounted up and headed north before anyone asked us new comers any questions. I just hope those seeking ascension will be safe, at least Augury Rock could provide some form of shelter if needed.  

Zephyr’s Trace was just how we had left it, though the villagers and visiting Tyrians were in more of a tizzy than usual. They all had felt it too but we didn’t slow down enough to talk to them until we saw the temple in the cliffs. The priests and Priory magisters came out to greet us, the former to inquire on the journey and the latter to unload their newly acquired scrolls. We were questioned about the magical energy, apparently they had not known about the storms on the horizon. But the temple had news for us, apparently that energy had something to do with the commander. Of course, it seems like if anything odd happens you can find the commander at the heart of it. Apparently they are expected in Amnoon by airship soon but the Priory is already taking all kinds of readings. I’m sure it’s very interesting but after two back-to-back courier assignments I just wanted a nap.

I woke up hours later feeling mostly refreshed. Khalida told me that Sahil had left for Seeker’s Village while I was sleeping. She seemed a little grim and asked if her brother had said or did anything odd lately. I told her about the rush to get to the temple, but that was really about it. It’s not like I know him all that well. She seemed a little grim but deflected my questions, changing the subject to saying that Tarnn had spoken with her. She is willing to take him on as a student and won’t force him to abandon his firebrand studies. I’m glad for it, honestly this firebrand discipline is pretty perfect for Tarnn but its lesson plan is geared towards humans, not asura, so no wonder he’s been getting bored easily. Khalida will be able to adapt to an asura’s quick mind without having to worry about other students getting left behind.

I found Tarnn outside making introductions between his wolf Valor and his new jackal. They seem to be getting along but I have a feeling poor Valor doesn’t quite understand why this wolf-thing doesn’t smell normal. My raven Stratus is adapting to the jackal thing by pretending it’s not there, I’m sure he’ll come around eventually. Since I was awake, Tarnn and I decided to practice some more with the jackals, leaping and blinking in the cliffs above the temple. It felt really nice to do something fun and relaxing for a change. We threw some name ideas around. Tarnn likes Arkose for his and I’m thinking Silica for mine. Or maybe Caeli? Cirrus? I’ll have to think about it.

We made it up to the top of the cliff above the temple and the view was incredible. You could see the entire Crystal Oasis all the way to the glittering sea. Tarnn had heard that the commander had returned to Amnoon and there was a party there for them. The whole Priory team was talking about it apparently, about the commander and the death of Balthazar and everything. I’m sure there is a huge story that we missed while running back and forth across the Crystal Desert, but I’m mostly glad to be back and maybe I’ll be able to return to caring for the refugees like I was originally assigned.

But then it happened.

The electrical storms we had seen on the horizon were suddenly above us and a great shadow with huge wings was in the air, flying south. As it passed the magic grew so thick you could almost taste it and you could see branded crystals erupting in its wake. That was Kralkatorrik, it had to be. Tarnn and I turned our jackals back towards the temple, ready to accept any direction the Priory sent us in.

It seems there would be no rest for us yet.