#and yeah throw in simon and rayner too

[navree]

so just a quick continuity roundup considering a lot of info was dropped these past two weeks:

people who are dead in the main show are clearly able to be alive and well in the new reality (tho with possible severe personality changes because i would not have clocked that this gerry and og gerry were the same gerry if i hadn't read the cast list)

celia absolutely knows a lot more about the main show's reality than she's letting on between her interest in alternate dimensions and her mentions last episodes of some of the main fears and tape recorders (tho whether georgie, who she apparently works for here, is as aware as her is up in the air)

the government agency whose acronym i've forgotten has similar properties to the institute except it uses all available electronics as its spy materials rather than the tape recorders

jon and martin are absolutely trapped in the computer because even without the voices the "john" who sent sam the email about the magnus institute last episode was definitely our jon

and there's absolutely a connection between gwen and elias even beyond the same last name because lena said that gwen's family has money and the bouchards original elias belonged to were also wealthy.

mostly, if dead people can now be alive again, i want the evil old man squad back, i miss them and they were some of the best characters in tma.

[ragingbookdragon]

A Thing For Green Rings

Batbro x Kyle Rayner One-Shot

Word Count: 900 Warnings: None

Author's Note: Do you guys want the self-indulgent mini-fic where Kyle and Batbro meet? Because I wrote it for you. Enjoy! -Thorne

**********************************************************************

He shoved the phone between his ear and shoulder while he slotted the key into the lock, chuckling, “Yeah, Asghar, I know it’s going to cost a lot to replace the radar dish. That’s why I sent some money through the offshore accounts.”

You should send more. Two million isn’t enough. Besides, it’s time for some parts to be replaced and refitted anyway.

“Mmm, alright. I’ll throw in another few million.” He pulled the key from the lock and turned the doorknob, opening the door. “I’ll call you in a few days when the repairs are well under way, yeah?”

Sounds good, Captain. Have a good break. Make sure you take it easy these next few months. You deserve it.

“Hey, so do you, Asghar,” he replied, ending the call, and shoved his phone into his pocket while he kicked the door closed with his foot; Alfred hadn’t shown up at the entryway, so he figured the old butler was somewhere in the manor, probably cleaning up one of his brothers’ messes.

Sighing wistfully, he heaved the duffel bag higher over his shoulder and wandered through the hallway, only stopping when he heard laughter and what sounded like plastic controllers.

A smile came across his own lips as he turned the corner into the den, greeting, “Good morning Vietnam!”

Five heads swiveled around from the back of the couch, and he heard, “(Y/N)!” shouted from four of them as they scrambled over the back of the sofa, sprinting towards him; he dropped his bag and held out his arms, grinning like a dope as his four brothers collided with him.

He squeezed them tight. “It’s good to see you guys.”

“We didn’t know you were coming home early, (Y/N).” Jason said, pulling away to gaze at his older brother.

He shrugged. “Ah, our plane’s going through repairs, so I figured it’d be a good time to let everyone have time off until our next mission.”

“How long until you leave?” Dick asked.

“About three months.” (Y/N) ruffled Tim and Damian’s hair, smiling at how they were still holding tight to him. “Here that? I’m gonna be all up in your business for three whole months. Every date you go on…I’ll know about. Every friend you make…I’ll know about. Everything.”

Tim snorted and untangled himself from (Y/N). “You sound like dad.”

(Y/N) pressed a hand to his chest. “Someone call the doc, I think I’ve just been shot.” His brothers laughed and he glanced down at Damian. “You okay, kiddo?”

His face was muffled in the black camo tactical shirt. “I missed you.”

Smiling, he patted his youngest brother’s head. “I missed you too, kiddo.” He pulled Damian’s arms from his waist and knelt down. “I brought you back something.” (Y/N) dug in his pocket and pulled out a small piece of metal, shaped into a triangle, about the size of his pointer finger.

He handed it over. “We took a pit-stop in Rome and I found that while hiking near a river.”

Damian took it, staring at it intently. “This is an ancient arrowhead.”

“Mhm. Figured you could use it as a reference in your drawing books.”

“Thank you,” the boy murmured, curling his fingers around the piece, a small smile gracing his lips. “I like it.”

(Y/N) smiled in return. “I’m glad you do.” He turned his attention to the fifth young man sitting on the couch, who was watching the five brothers with his own smile; standing to his feet, he wandered around the couch, holding out his hand to shake. “I don’t think we’ve met. (Y/N) Wayne.”

The man stood, taking his hand. “Nice to meet you. I’m—”

“Wait, don’t tell me,” he interrupted, gazing intently at him. “Hmm…you look between mine and Dick’s age, so you’re friends with him and probably Jason.”

“That’s debatable,” Jason snickered and (Y/N) huffed a laugh, turning over the man’s hand.

“And that’s a Green Lantern Power Ring.” He narrowed his eyes. “There’s six Lanterns from this Earth and I’ve met Hal, Guy, and John. You’re not Jessica and I don’t think you’re Simon.” (Y/N) caught his eye and smirked. “You must be Kyle Rayner, the torch bearing Green Lantern.”

Kyle seemed impressed, if his wide eyes and awestruck expression told him anything. “Uh, yeah. I am.”

(Y/N) hummed. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. F.Y.I. I’m them,” he tipped his head to his brothers. “but more skilled and much better looking.” Winking, he raised Kyle’s hand and kissed his knuckles. “And I do have to tell you, I have a big thing for Green Lanterns. Especially handsome ones.”

The young man practically turned into a tomato and Dick shoved (Y/N) in the side. “Quit hitting on Kyle. You haven’t even been home ten minutes.”

He pulled away and stretched his arms over his head, making sure to flex while Kyle watched. “Good thing I’ll be home for three months then.” He winked again. “Gives me time to hit on him more.” (Y/N) turned and wandered back to the doorway; he picked up his bag and threw it over his shoulder. “Let’s go out to eat for dinner tonight. I’ve been thinking about the Chinese restaurant in Chinatown for two weeks now.”

As he wandered away, Jason clapped Kyle on the back. “And that’s our older brother for you.”

Kyle merely blinked. “He’s not seeing anybody right?”

“Oh my God.”

[arodrwho]

the avatars + hugs: an examination

peter lukas

willing to hug? no.

general experience? exactly like embracing a bag of wet sand. distant smell of mothballs and fish.

consequences: yeeted into mist immediately on contact.

overall rating: 0/10 awkward, smells bad, depression eats u

elias bouchard

willing to hug? possibly.

general experience? unsettlingly ordinary, but lingers exactly what u personally deem to be 3 seconds too long

consequences: none, but u feel distinctly unclean & may die later in “unrelated” circumstances :)

overall rating: 3/10, Could Be Worse

jane prentiss

willing to hug? yes!

general experience? unexpected group hug! :)

consequences: so like ur a hive now,

overall rating: 2/10 enthusiastic but squirmy. also pretty painful

mike crew

willing to hug? sure

general experience? weirdly nice tbh

consequences: probly none. only throws u off a building if he Must

overall rating: 8/10 not perfect but ur alive & unscathed (probably)

oliver banks

willing to hug? yeah

general experience? decent enough, but not vry comforting

consequences: none, but he might whisper sth ominous abt ur impending death in ur ear

overall rating: would be 8/10 but the death prophecy knocks it to 6

simon fairchild

willing to hug? oh certainly!

general experience? initially fine? bit weird, like an overenthusiastic distant relative u haven’t seen in years, but alright. until he yeets both of u into the sky mid-hug

consequences: he yeets both of u into the sky mid-hug

overall rating: 2/10 leggo old man

nikola orsinov

willing to hug? why of course!

general experience? exactly like hugging a mannequin, you think, maybe, except the mannequin is also lukewarm & grinning far too wide.

consequences: she inspects your skin while she’s at it. might take a fancy to it. best wear long sleeves.

overall rating: 5/10 if only bc ur not sure precisely how hugging works while it’s happening? is that how hugging goes? it must be, right?? (unless she takes ur skin in which case 0/10)

maxwell rayner

willing to hug? perhaps

general experience? alarmingly normal. he doesn’t even whisper anything weird at you. your shadows merge funky though, you notice at the last second, and that’s mildly unnerving

consequences: none, unless u mention the shadows thing, in which case his smile is Very unnerving & u may also find a religious token in ur pocket later

overall rating: 7/10 thoroughly average. 6/10 if he smiles

annabelle cane

willing to hug? oh of course. but were you? were you really?

general experience? very odd. bit out-of-body. skittering about your shoulders that makes you wonder if this is maybe another group hug but when you look there’s nothing there. also the skull’s a bit unnerving

consequences: none whatsoever! :) .......that you know of :)

overall rating: 4/10 spooky. you’re pretty sure you could rate lower if you wanted, it’s just that hugging certain other avatars would be objectively worse, so you won’t. that’s all. ............isn’t it?

jude perry

willing to hug? yes :)

general experience? quite warm :)

consequences: u know what happened to jon’s hand? that but like your whole body

overall rating: 0/10 big ouch.

agnes montague

willing to hug? depends. may be indifferent, may be reluctant

general experience? quite short :(

consequences: u know the consequences.

overall rating: 10/10 bc agnes deserves hugs & u got to give her one, reduced to 1/10 cos ur dead now, & then 0/10 cos she doesn’t even seem any happier (not that u know that, bc ur very dead)

trevor herbert

willing to hug? as long as you’re not an avatar of a different entity

general experience?  ....kind of weird, smells like blood

consequences: none

overall rating: 6/10 bc of the blood smell

julia montauk

willing to hug? not really but can be convinced

general experience? short, unremarkable. smells like blood

consequences: none

overall rating: 7/10 if only bc it’s shorter than trevor’s

michael distortion

willing to hug? perhaps

general experience? indescribable. you’re not sure, and you have a vaguely bad feeling about it. you think

consequences: you’re very dizzy, and you probably need a new coat? and possibly new shoulder blades.

overall rating: 6/10 for originality. +1 if ur into knife hands, -1 if ur very not, no modifier if ur neutral

helen distortion

willing to hug? very!!

general experience? indescribable pt. 2, electric boogaloo. you’re not sure, and you have.. some kind of feeling about it. you think

consequences: still very dizzy, but you don’t need new shoulder blades. maybe a new coat, though? unclear. you’re not sure the hug happened. also, helen distortion is now your friend.

overall rating: 7/10 for new spin on old hug concept. +1 if ur into knief hands, -1 if ur very not, no modifier if ur neutral

jared hopworth

willing to hug? sure, why not!

general experience? very. tight. you feel like no one ever told him hugs weren’t competitions. also. too many arms. just a really weird number of arms

consequences: definitely steals some of your bones.

overall rating: 0/10 you need those bones. -1 for dudebro vibes

breekon & hope

willing to hug? [breekon voice] yeah, [hope voice] why not

general experience? group hug. synchronized movements from breekon & hope. very awkward. very close. little squished. hard to breathe

consequences: might find a small package tucked in your pocket afterwards

overall rating: 1/10 at least u got a present. -1 if u open the present though. don’t do that

manuela dominguez

willing to hug? if u must

general experience? kinda awkward, pretty short, minimal contact. mostly wants 2 get back to waxing eloquence abt the dark

consequences: none, but u get the sense u’ve wasted her time. possibly may find a religious pamphlet in ur pocket

overall rating: 6/10, +1 or -1 depending on how u feel abt the pamphlet & its contents

tom haan

willing to hug? alright

general experience? too close. smells even more like blood than trevor & julia. might be sniffing u?? unclear

consequences: none, but u might die later under mysterious & grisly circumstances? maybe

overall rating: 2/10

john amherst

willing to hug? oh most definitely

general experience? clammy. sweaty. bad

consequences: you’re pretty sure you have the plague now.

overall rating: 0/10.

daisy tonner

willing to hug? maybe. definitely ask first.

general experience? short. very strong smell of blood.

consequences: none, unless ur an avatar &/or she thinks u’ve hurt her or someone she cares about. in which case: death.

overall rating: 4/10, reduced to 3 if she is not currently fully humanshaped, for reasons of Ouch Sharp and also Sad

jonathan sims

willing to hug? under particular circumstances, yes. if you ask.

general experience? extremely awkward. doesn’t know where to put his hands, might mumble v personal info abt you, prolonged eye contact after you pull away. weird double-pat on the shoulder. alternatively might just stand there frozen while you hug him. maybe followed by the same awkward double-pat, maybe not

consequences: none really, but you have to deal with the awkwardness. also, might find a tape recorder in your pocket later

overall rating: 6/10 bc u got to give jon a desperately-needed hug, but -5 for the sheer force of his awkwardness, which u are now forced to deal with. +3 again tho bc u’ve got a sweet little friend & that’s a nice-ass bonus. total of 4/10.

to conclude:

yes

[bigskydreaming]

I really hate that Kyle’s heyday in the comics happened in the 90s and early 00s when fandom was structured much differently than it is today. Or even than how it was structured back in the days of livejournal, around the mid 2000s or so. He had a ton of fans back when he was the solo Green Lantern and the focus of that franchise and its stories, but so much of comic book fandom wasn’t centralized the way it is now, like....it was hard to ever really find or connect with those other fans. 

And by the time internet fandoms shifted to become more what they are today, Geoff Johns had taken over the GL franchise and brought back Hal, and Kyle got increasingly shuffled off to the sidelines....so most GL fans in comic book fandom are centralized around the franchise-as-centered-around-Hal, and reflect the focuses and dynamics the books have had ever since GL: Rebirth (the original one, not the universe wide Rebirth reboot).

Idk, just bummed that it feels like we missed the window for getting a Kyle Rayner fandom that like...actually focuses on the version of Kyle Rayner I grew up with and prefer. I know I joke about hating Hal and how he’s the worst, like all the time, but tbh, its just 90% bitterness lol. I mean I doubt Hal would ever have been a fave, but if for instance he was the exact same character written the exact same way, just central to a different franchise from the one Kyle’s in....I doubt I’d think twice about him. But as much as I love the GL franchise as a whole, and the concept, and hell, even a lot of the lore Johns added to it in certain aspects of the emotional spectrum concept and GL history....like, I deliberately stay away from modern GL fandom as a whole, because I find the dynamics to be so obnoxiously infantilizing of Kyle and it buuuuuuuuugs.

Like....its the whole Hal Jordan Space Dad concept I really can’t stand? I know its not universal, but its pervasive enough in the comics and in what I’ve seen of fandom that like....ugh. I know that Hal’s the fave of modern GL writers and creators. I know they want to spotlight him and his place in the franchise and have him command the majority of their respect. I just hate that they can’t seem to find any way to do that without throwing Kyle’s entire history under the bus, because whether they like it or not....Kyle’s entire history, not just his character arc, but his character PREMISE, the thing that made Kyle Rayner distinct among all other Green Lanterns, unique in the history of the franchise....the thing that’s so intrinsically central to his character that if you take it away, you literally remove everything that’s unique and distinct about his character and his stories.....is that for most of his history, Kyle Rayner was the ONLY Green Lantern. 

The last Green Lantern. Specifically created to tell the story of a character who is the only one left to carry on the legacy of a corps that once held thousands. Regardless of whether or not you blame Hal Jordan or Parallax-posssessed-Hal-Jordan for the demise of the Green Lantern Corps, the simple fact is Kyle’s entire purpose as a character was to be the guy who was thrust totally unprepared into a role and job that were MEANT to have thousands of people sharing the weight of. He was created specifically to tell the story of what happens with a guy who knows nothing of the weight and history and significance of the role he’s been stuck with....when he has no one left to tell him about all that history and to show him what to do, teach him how to do all the things that thousands of Green Lanterns for thousands of years have had thousands of predecessors to help them learn.

And like yeah, to a certain degree, its inevitable that a guy with that central premise is going to get sidelined or at least diminished in focus if you decide then later to reignite the idea of the franchise holding thousands rather than just him. I get that. Its not really about undervaluing Kyle as just an inevitable consequence of wanting the franchise to return to being about this huge intergalactic community of members. 

But the Hal Jordan Space Dad trope, where the second Hal came back he was re-elevated to the reputation of ‘greatest GL in history’ that all other Green Lanterns (including Kyle) look up to and measure themselves against and learn from and follow his example.....that’s the part that wasn’t necessary, and that’s the part that bugs the craaaaaap out of me. Because again....Kyle’s ENTIRE character is he’s the guy who figured out how to save the whole damn universe, do the work of an entire corps that once held thousands, bring back the Guardians and make it possible for the Corps to be restarted at all....BY HIMSELF. Because there WAS nobody to teach him, nobody to learn from. He was the one and only completely independent Green Lantern, self-reliant by necessity, with no one but he himself responsible for his victories and triumphs and no one to help shoulder the blame for any failures.

And so yeah, when you bring Hal Jordan back front and center and decide that because he’s Hal Jordan, the Greatest Green Lantern to Ever Live, that means that all others, including Kyle, must ultimately defer to his greater wisdom and experience and respect how much they have to learn from him and how much he can teach them.....with Kyle then being written in both comics and fics as though he’s this rough around the edges rookie who needs Hal Jordan Space Dad to come along and help him out of scrapes and teach him valuable life lessons so that one day Kyle can grow up to be the Greatest Green Lantern to Ever Live too maybe....like...umm....its just like....has everyone just completely freaking forgotten about the twenty years worth of stories where Kyle became a fully competent and capable adult hero who routinely saved galaxies all by his own damn self without  someone to hold his hand and show him how its done?

Sigh.

(And yes, it really doesn’t help that as much as DC and most of the GL writers like to forget, Kyle is Latino and if you’re going to make the GL franchise one of the tentpoles of your push to make your universe of characters more inclusive, and create several new GLs who are Middle Eastern like Simon and Latina like Jessica and this new Teen Lantern who’s a character of color and NK Jemisin is now writing a GL story introducing a new black GL and all of that is great and I’m totally here for it....I’m just saying. If it was so important to you that you make the GL franchise specifically a focus of your intent to make more characters of color prominent in one of your most iconic franchises.......maaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe its worth reflecting on how it looks that you guys decided that generic white pilot dude Hal Jordan just HAD to be reinstated as front and center and the example all other GLs try and live up to.....including John Stewart, a black man who has been the face of the GL franchise in animated adaptations for about twenty years....and Kyle Rayner, a Latino character who solo headlined your entire GL franchise for twenty years in the comics, doing by himself and without guidance or back up all the things Hal’s now attributed with just by virtue of his reputation as ‘greatest GL to ever live.’)

Anyway, like I said, don’t mind me, I’m just bitter and yup I said it, its true, why lie?

[heythererosetyler-blog]

10th Doctor Novels Review from ‘oh give me a break’ to ‘more of that please!’ There are DW novels and then there are DW NOVELS and today, fellow Whovians, I will be giving you MY list of the top 5ish best and worst novels from the 10th Doctors’ run.  I think all the books in the best category could be switched around depending on what you are looking for from #10.  For instance, I like him best when he is alone so you don’t get the classic, ‘must save companion’ story and I also like the one’s where he is a hairs-breath away from being killed. It bears repeating that, except for the book at the #1 spot which no one who has read it would ever argue that it doesn’t deserve that honor, this is simply how ‘I’ would rank them.  YMMV.   Also, and this is a big one if you keep going YOU WILL SEE SPOILERS, so proceed with caution if you plan on reading any of the books on the list.  So, go on and read/listen to it…. we will wait. (Taps foot and drums fingers while whistling the DW theme.  Badly.) Welllll…I said we will wait but, welllll…. I really meant that I would wait but welllll…. nah, you had your chance so just tread lightly.  Or read with your eyes closed because, and let me repeat this…. THERE ARE SOME MAJOR, MAJOR SPOILERS!! )))))*((((( Imho and without going into too much detail, the following can be passed by without missing out on anything.   In fact, if you read any of these first you may just be turned off of DW books completely.   The Last Dodo by Jacqueline Rayner Ummm, if you are interested in trying to figure out where the Dodo went, this might appeal to you.  The only interesting feature is that where it ended up is where the Doctor might end up unless he and Martha can free the missing creatures from all across the universe from this evil zoo.  Trust me, not as exciting as it sounds but it might have been if it been written better.  And in that same vein we have…… The Doctor Trap by Simon Messingham I don’t know what it is about trying to catch the Doctor because he is the last of his kind that just cannot be written right, but here is another.  I had high hopes for this one because it starts out pretty good but after the first chapter or so you just want to scream ‘CATCH HIM ALREADY AND MAKE THE PAIN OF READING THIS STOP!!’   The Wooden Heart by Martin Day Has nothing to do with a heart that is wooden.  I am still unsure as to why it is called what it’s called.  On the ‘Goodreads’ website the description of the book states: A trip through space becomes a nightmare walk in the woods for the Doctor and Martha.  Period.  End of description.  I think the reason it ends there is because there is nothing much more to say.  I have read much better fanfic than this.   Others that I consider a touch better, with maybe a little less snore factor are…. The Slitheen Excursion by Simon Guerrier The Many Hands by Dale Smith )))))*((((( Whew, let’s all take a deep breath and get into the tasty 10 tales, shall we? The Stone Rose by Jacqueline Rayner How do you take a story about ancient Rome, a 2000 year old statue of Rose aka the goddess Fortuna found at the British Museum, a genie, fake astrologer, evil sculptor and a crazed Doctor who is panic stricken while trying to save her but gets thrown into the REAL lion’s den and forced to fight in the Colosseum, and make it all work?  Write a book like this!  If you like your books a bit timey-wimey you will eat this one up.  AND this is the only published story where I think you will ever read the lines…. “(His) arms flexed and grabbed Rose into a hug. Soft lips pressed hers with a kiss of gratitude and joy and unspeakable pleasure at being alive.” A gazillion Ten/Rose shippers just punched the air.  They also would agree with Rose when, a line or two later she says…. “I think you must be real…my imagination’s not that good.”   Neither is ours Rose, neither is ours.  A fast and :: cough:: satisfying read! In the Blood by Jenny Colgan Ok, I know that a lot of people have a problem with the fact that whoever did the proof-reading was obviously sleeping on the job, but I still think it is a great book.   And strangely enough, I really wasn’t thrilled by the premise of the story; an infection is let loose over the internet turning normally calm, everyday people into violent pressure cookers who die when their anger gets too much for their hearts to handle.   What I DO love is how much the author just ‘gets’ the Doctor and Donna and the predicaments she puts them in.  I mean she just nails them and by doing so it elevates the story into something special.  On top of that Colgan introduces a near perfect pseudo-villain named Fief.  He is a big brute of a guy from the planet Cadmia who is unpredictable and whose loyalties are to his people and to retrieving the source of the infection no matter what he has to do to get it.  He is unfeeling, totally logical and robotic (picture the Terminator and he comes pretty close) and wears an earpiece that connects him to his world who are all raised on and made of sound.  When the Doctor entrusts him to care for Donna as he believes he is going to his death, Fief obeys and holds Donna back from following him.  He seems to connect to Donna which is fascinating to read.  Meanwhile back on the train, the Doctor disconnects the engine so that the cars slow and stop but he has to get the train to jump the tracks before it barrels into the town.  The big problem is that the train is suspended over a huge viaduct located in the Brazilian rainforest and it is one hell of a long way down.  And since the engine is heavier than he is it will burst into a huge ball of flame which our hero will land in as well.  Colgan comes up with some of the most beautiful writing here as the Doctor falls…. “And, as he cut through the air, all the things that fall pulsed through his head: a glorious downed pheasant on the wing; and a windfall apple in Lincolnshire; and a golden ball in Pisa; and a hammer and a feather on the moon; and a wall in the bitter east; and every passing snowflake and lonely airman and oh so many tumbling stars…. And he felt a part of all of these things.” There are other heart stopping moments in this book that make me wish it was available on audio.  Another winner! FUN MENTION/Target Novelization of…. “The Day of the Doctor” by Moffat Since we are talking Ten, I am adding this for one reason and one reason only: The Tenth Doctor kicks the Eleventh Doctors ass.  After releasing the initial script for the ‘movie,’ the Moff rewrote it to help clarify some things and give each Doctor a bit more back story.  It explains how Ten had been put in that very same cell during his Zygon investigation that all three of them got thrown in together.  Elizabeth tosses him in there because she believes him to be a spy and yet visits him often because he makes her laugh…. even during his torture on ‘the rack.’  Pre-picnic shows how he came within seconds of being beheaded (he wonders if both his head and body would regenerate if separated) and how he wanted his final thoughts to matter…. “Realizing he was now, beyond all doubt about to die, the Doctor rose up inside himself, steadied his hearts and chose his final thought with care. The children. The children of Gallifrey.” This I think, more than any other reason explains why he was so angry when 11 didn’t remember how many children died.  In the book version he becomes so angry that he gets in his face, screams at him about not remembering then grabs his shirt and throws him across the room into the opposite wall, knocking him out.  11 wakes up to seeing 10 pacing and mumbling about how he doesn’t hit people but then says, “But 2.47 billion children!” before launching himself once more at 11 but this time gets him in a headlock shouting “How could you forget?!  HOW COULD YOU FORGET?!” I would have paid good money to have seen this instead of merely reading it.   It is for everyone who sobbed their eyes out when 10 regenerated and still to this day have a hard time revisiting it.  This is all of us saying to 11, ‘Yeah, take THAT bowtie boy!’ even though we ended up liking him eventually. 3 - Peacemaker by James Swallow Quote: “A weapon is only a tool. I’ve heard a lot of people say that over the years. But so is a hammer, and if that’s the only tool you have, pretty soon everything starts to look like a nail.” Oh, I love that!   Peacemaker is a scifi western.  No, really it is and guess what…Swallow pulls it off!   The official summary is: “The peace and quiet of a remote homestead in the 1880s American West is shattered by the arrival of two shadowy outriders searching for 'the healer'. When the farmer refuses to help them, they burn the house and the owners to the ground, using guns that shoot bolts of energy instead of bullets... In the town of Redwater, the Doctor and Martha learn of a snake-oil salesman whose patent medicines actually cure his patient. But when the Doctor and Martha investigate, they discover the truth is stranger, and far more dangerous. Caught between the law of the gun and the deadly plans of intergalactic mercenaries, the Doctor and Martha are about to discover just how wild the West can become...” Whew, a lot to take in I know but very worth it.  The badie is a good one called the Clade which exist for one thing: war, death and destruction.  They are on earth to get back a gun that belongs to them and they will stop at NOTHING to retrieve it.   Problem is one man found it and the gun did what it is meant to do which is attach itself to its host and take it over completely.  It has the ability to heal but that is not its main purpose.  The Clade are simply machines that were made on a planet which was at war and let the Clade do the battles for them.  But then there was peace and the Clade had no purpose anymore so they waited and waited and finally decided to destroy the civilization that made them and then go out into the universe to fight battles wherever they could.   I can picture the Doctor donning a cowboy hat and riding a horse.  One of the many scenes I really like is when 3 gunslingers come out of a bar and challenge the Doctor to a duel.  It goes like this…. “The Lyle Brothers were quick on the draw, and they put a fan of bullets into the air before them; but they could only be as fast as human beings.  The Doctor was a Time Lord, and he moved between the ticks of the clock.  His hand blurred towards the holster on his hip, grabbing the slender wand there and thumbing the activation switch.  The sonic screwdriver droned loudly, and the air between the gunslingers and the Doctor shimmered like heat-haze off the desert.  Three speeding dots of lead stopped dead and flattened against an invisible wall of sound, before falling harmlessly to the dirt.” The end of the book was shocking when the Doctor makes the ultimate sacrifice by allowing the gun to take him over so that he can use it to save Martha’s life.  After that it was an internal battle between the Clade gun that was trying to possess him, and the Doctors own inner struggle which was a fascinating fight.   2 – The Eyeless by Lance Parkin Quote:  “Do you know what?  In the end their sacrifice made no difference.  Because THEY survived.  Thousands of them, millions.  Just one.  It doesn’t matter.  It’s the same thing. And…do you know what?... life is always better than death. Always.  Yet I want all of THEM dead.  Every single last one of them.  When did I become someone who wanted to exterminate?  When was that? When did they win?’   Take one brilliant hero, put him in a position where he must find and remove such a incredibly lethal weapon that it can destroy whole planets, then put it at the heart of a HUGE pyramid shaped fortress whose defense systems both inside and out are pin-point accurate to protect the weapon and you would have an good story.  THEN throw in an alien species called the Eyeless who are made of a glass like material and who also want the weapon and will kill the Doctor to keep him from getting it and you are probably reading a great story! THEN add in thousands of ‘ghosts’ that also inhabit the fortress and whose touch turns their victims into a ghost as well.  Even though they mean no harm, they do not understand their effect on those they touch which makes them yet another barrier for him to get by.  This up’s the entertainment factor, making it a fantastic story!  Finally throw into the mix one bully teenager who HATES the Doctor and also wants him dead, make the Doctor companionless, lonely and very introspective, have it all put together by an exceptional writer…. mix well and you have something that you lose sleep over and will reread multiple times.   The Doctor is up against an almost insurmountable goal that very nearly breaks him.  It is a breathless page-turner that is not for the faint of heart.  Parkin wrote this for a Doctor who is quick on his feet, a blazingly fast thinker who can stay one step ahead of multiple traps and enemies, one who is physically strong and extremely cunning.  In other words, Ten.  I can’t see any of the others having all those qualities in one dynamic package that Parkin could have placed center stage except him. For instance... “The Doctor had broken free of the Eyeless, but it still had a six-fingered handful of his coat and jacket lapel.  The Doctor was closed in, his arm under the Eyeless’ so that he had it in what he rather hoped was a wrestling hold…. The glass man shoved the Doctor against the back wall.  It wasn’t any stronger than a human being, although that was strong enough to push the air out of his lungs.  He recovered, twisted, managed to trip the Eyeless over and now he had it pinned, his knee in its back, although it was hard to keep hold….” And this was just one Eyeless.  At one point during the above scene Parkin describes it as almost like a waltz as the two vie for dominance over the other.  There is a lot of physical jousting and plain old hand to (glass) hand combat that I don’t think any of the others could have pulled off as well as Ten.   Where the ghosts are concerned there’s a part where he is surrounded by them as they advance. He is trying to get through to them that if they touch him, he will not become a ghost, he will just disappear.  But there is a part of him that is just so tired and feels so alone that he actually wonders if that would be a bad thing.   As they come closer you can tell that he is almost yelling at himself when he loses it, saying to them… “I’m the last one,” the Doctor said. ‘I’m it.  My people died.  All of them.  And Time Lords don’t die just the once, you know.  You have to kill us a lot more than once to make it stick.’   Still the ghosts pressed at him, some holding out their hands like beggars after a scrap of food, some shouldering towards him like they were after a fight, some apparently just wanting him to see them cry.  They kept coming, like waves to a beach.   ‘Do you know what?  In the end their sacrifice made no difference.  Because THEY survived.  Thousands of them, millions.  Just one.  It doesn’t matter.  It’s the same thing.  And…do you know what?... life is always better than death.  Always.  Yet I want all of THEM dead.  Every single last one of them.  When did I become someone who wanted to exterminate?  When was that?  When did they win?’   The ghosts weren’t listening.” At times it feels like you are eavesdropping on a therapy session because we get to hear the inner workings of his mind.  It is a fascinating way to understand this Doctor’s motivations and feel his loneliness.  This story is like one big ‘Escape Room’ where you either solve it or die trying.  As the Doctor would say, ‘no second chances.’  It’s that kind of story.   1 – Prisoner of the Daleks by Trevor Baxendale Scene: “The execution squad was already moving back towards Jennifer and Kuli, taking up extermination positions again. The Doctor ran over and placed himself between the Daleks, the little girl and her mother. “If you really want to kill them then you’ll have to go through me first.” “You can be disabled" warned Dalek X "Try It” The Dalek guns twitched impatiently in their sockets.  All eyes were on the Doctor, but he met the pitiless blue stares unflinchingly. “Harm them in any way and I will not cooperate. You can disable me and torture me again or even kill me, but you will NEVER get the TARDIS!” ― Trevor Baxendale, Prisoner of the Daleks Fellow Whovians please bow down and give thanks to the man who wrote possibly the greatest DW novel of all time, certainly of the reboot…. Trevor Baxendale.  Ok, ok so I haven’t read EVERY DW book so the ‘all time’ comment can be almost ignored.  I say almost because I have read reviews by those who have been fans from Hartnell to now who have also said that this is the absolute best ever written.  Don’t believe me?  Check out YouTube where there have been a couple of attempts at recreating scenes, or the video reading of the first chapter with intro and backdrop, whole pages filled with fan art of this very book on DeviantArt etc. etc.  Hell, just look at the ratings on Amazon for it.  Even Barnes and Noble along with the BBC thought it worthy of putting it, along with “Remembrance of the Daleks” from the Classic era into their ‘bonded-leather binding, with distinctive gilt edging and an attractive silk-ribbon bookmark’.  One thing I do take issue with is where it says that on Amazon that it offers…. “…hours of pleasure to readers young and old…” Ahhh, no.  “Prisoner…” is most definitely NOT for the young reader.  It is one of the most, if not THE most adult DW book I have ever read and I have read 95% of the reboots novels.  At times it is downright brutal.  There is no other book where a scene like this is featured…. (He is dragged into a room and forced to stand against a metal wall where he is bound to it via tight clamps around his ankles and wrists.  Then something is clamped to his head with hundreds of fine needles pricked his scalp.) “I AM DALEK X’ ‘Can’t say I’m pleased to meet you, sorry’ ‘YOU ARE ATTACHED TO A DALEK MIND PROBE.  IT HAS BEEN CALIBRATED TO YOUR SPECIFIC BRAINWAVE FREQUENCY.’ ‘You won’t get anything out of me’ the Doctor blurted. ‘THAT IS NOT THE INTENTION’ replied Dalek X. ‘YET.’ ‘I INTEND TO MEASURE YOUR CAPACITY FOR PHYSICAL PAIN’ said Dalek X ‘Oh.  Why?’ ‘BECAUSE I WISH TO.’ Suffice it to say that what they do to him is written pretty graphically and is even hard to re-type.  There is one part, however, I do like which comes after the second time (in a row, btw) they torture him that I think sums up 10 pretty well, “His brain felt like it was about to burst, but when the torment ended the Doctor found himself laughing.  “That’s it, isn’t it?” he panted, his breath ragged and thin.  “Your losing!” It’s the laughter that makes the scene so surprising and makes it uniquely Ten.   There they are, my least favorite and my best.  What do you think?  Which are yours?

[enigmasong]

Right, so to do this New Series Adventure speed round review, I’m gonna chunk them off into sections; full novels in their own list, anthologies in another, etc.

I think it’s fair to note that I haven’t read most of these since I first got them, but I do remember them all well enough that my hot takes should be fine. So, yeah.

I’m gonna start with the full length novels since it’s gonna be the longest part of the list. Going in the order on my shelf, which is my best guess at linear order for how the Doctor’s lived them.

Engines of War - George Mann The only book thus far to feature War. I liked it well enough. It felt like an actual bitter war, which is more than can be said for Big Finish’s range with him. But what really takes it into top tier is the mutha fuckin’  Gallifreyan dinosaurs.

Winner Takes All - Jaqueline Rayner Not one I have much opinions on. The concept is interesting enough that I’d recommend it, but I think your mileage may vary depending on how much you like contemporary set stories. A few red flags from the Doctor’s side of his and Rose’s relationship.

The Deviant Strain - Justin Richards Again, not one I have much opinions on. Been a bit too long since I’ve read it. It was alright. I liked the setting.

Only Human - Gareth Roberts Jack’s little B plot was dull as paste, but the rest was pretty good. I did enjoy seeing Rose lose her head, so there’s that.

The Stone Rose - Jaqueline Rayner It exists. Basically all I can about it. It’s not good, it’s not bad; it’s just a thing. Honestly, the only people who are likely to get anything out of this book are Ten/Rose shippers. Hmm, isn’t this what people are saying about the latest Big Finish Ten box set?

Sting of the Zygon - Stephen Cole I actually really liked this one. Should reread it. Made good use of the Zygons. And I felt it fell surprisingly in line with the Zygon subplot from the Day of the Doctor.

The Slitheen Excursion - Simon Guerrier That basic Who plot of future people forcing primitive humans into gladiatorial combat, only this time done by Slitheen. I kinda questioned the sanity of the one-off companion of this one for choosing to stay with the Doctor at the end despite what happened to her.

In the Blood - Jenny T. Colgan Honestly, I’d always recommend Colgan. I thought it being about internet hate was a bit trite, but otherwise golden. The plot twist was that is was a sequel to Ten’s BF audio Time Reaver the whole time. So you might wanna give that a listen to before reading this.

Beautiful Chaos - Gary Russell Again, mostly just exists. And again, mostly depends on how much you like contemporary stories. It has a sad little reference to River, setting this book (just like the last on this list) just after the Library, that always makes me throw the book in despair. Usually multiple times.

The Krillitan Storm - Christopher Cooper Actually greatly increased my enjoyability of School Reunion. Gives a good backstory to the Krillitan with an understandable reason for why they seek to be gods. The characters were engaging, the stakes were high. I actually found it a rather surprising gem.

The Prisoner of the Daleks - Trevor Baxendale Probably my second favorite Dalek story, right behind Asylum. The Daleks were a clear and present threat to the whole of the universe and in a story that let them go as dark as they can be. Though my copy did this very annoying thing where all the Dalek lines are in the Dalek font. I really wanna know if that was in the original print of the book.

The Forgotten Army - Brian Minchin Well, if the last book was dark and willing to get into the gritty and disturbing details of how the universe can be, this one is the opposite. It’s a fairly decent kids book, about middle school range.

The King’s Dragon - Una McCormack Exists. Though I think visiting other planets in their pre-industrial era is an underutilized concept in Doctor Who. I don’t think the people of the town they visit understand the concept of inflation.

The Coming of the Terraphiles - Michael Moorcock Ah yes, the infamous one. I felt like a Douglas Adams book if he had a hard-on for writing almost exclusively in exposition. I think they may be a few people with select taste that will actually enjoy this book, but it is a minority I am not a part of as I couldn’t even finish the damn thing. I still don’t know why the first six chapters were named after colors.

Paradox Lost - George Mann A perfectly serviceable Past/future duel story. But it was the first Doctor Who book I ever got so it holds a special place in my heart.

Dead of Winter - James Goss This book takes full advantage of the fact that it’s a none visual tie-in to a visual medium. I also love the way it was told, through letters and logs mixed with some first person. If I had to pick something to grip about it, Amy and Rory are not the most in character for the point they’re supposed to be at. I’d nearly say the Doctor is too, but given what happens to him in it, he has a right to be a bit crabby. It’s one that begs to be read at least twice.

Borrowed Time - Naomi A. Alderman Its premise is based on a pun, it features an economic lesson, and it has a taste of that UNIT/Torchwood rivalry I so desperately crave there to be. On that I recommend it. The story’s decent too.

Hunter’s Moon - Paul Finch The Most Dangerous Game only with more alien ran human trafficking rings. I think you can probably figure out if you’ll like it from that.

Touched by an Angel - Johnathan Morris Basic ‘living through the past’ story. Nothing to write home about. Though it ran on the logic that there’s a different branch of Weeping Angels that actually feeds on paradoxes, but I feel it rather throws the Angels’ lore for too much of a loop.

The Dalek Generation - Nicholas Briggs When I first read this, I really liked it. Mostly for the Doctor going all dad mode on these three orphans. But then I listened through Eight’s Big Finish range and, yeah, this is just an average Nick Briggs Dalek wank fest.

...I mean, I know Dalek stories means he automatically gets a role, but this is a book and can he not write anything else?

Dark Horizons - Jenny T. Colgan (as J.T. Colgan) Colgan’s debut Doctor Who story. And a damn good one. It’s also got a place in my heart as the second Who book I ever got, so I might be a touch bias about it.

Plague of the Cybermen - Justin Richards This one didn’t leave much of an impact on me. I think the Cybermen were better used in it than in any New Who episodes (and I’ve got some opinions on how they’ve been used in New Who), but not well enough to push the story above ‘perfectly serviceable’.

The Silent Stars Go By - Dan Abnett I think it’s ironic that the guy who created the current iteration of Guardians of the Galaxy would write for a character played by Karen Gillian, who would go on to be in the film version of that comic. Life’s funny like that. As for the book, it’s one I really like, but I’m a sucker for Ice Warriors. And for some reason, all the chapter titles are from old Christmas and winter songs despite that not really being the thematic tone the book’s going for.

Shroud of Sorrow - Tommy Donbavand This book is weird.

The Crawling Terror - Mike Tucker I was so confused when they started talking about the daddy long-leg flying. It’s like, spiders can’t fly-oh wait, they use that name for a different bug. It’s serviceable. Unless you have a fear of bugs, in which case you’ll probably wanna skip this one.

The Blood Cell - James Goss Could’ve been as good as Dead of Winter if Goss had thrown in more than the one perspective, but still good if you like your stories hella dark with a side helping of anti-vax bashing.

Silhouette - Justin Richards My favorite of Richards. It’s got a good atmosphere, some nice character analysis of the Doctor, and makes good use of the Paternoster Gang. They really should have their own book series.

Royal Blood - Una McCormack Man, Una McCormack really likes writing other planets pre-industrial. This book makes good use of the story beats of the King Arthur story. At least until it hammers it over the head by throwing in someone claiming to be Lancelot.

Big Bang Generation - Gary Russell The plot’s a bit hard to follow and there was too much changing time at the end, but fans of Bernice Summerfield should get a kick out of her entry back into book format. It claims to be part of the Glamour storyline from a couple of books from the Ten and Eleven era of NSA I don’t have that Royal Blood and Deep Time continue. Doesn’t. That the thing in this is also called the Glamour is just a wacky coincident.

Deep Time - Trevor Baxendale Nice, dark story. Not much else I have to say on it.

Diamond Dogs - Mike Tucker Starts with the Doctor taking Bill on his regular trip to steal a diamond to fund his and Nardole’s life style at the university. And people say this man’s a role model. Surprisingly, I’d have to say all three of the books in this set are really good and recommendable.

The Shining Man - Cavan Scott A nice dive back into that Fairy World concept used in the first series of Torchwood. And see last sentence of last review.

Plague City - Johnathan Morris It’s set in plague ridden Edinburgh, so you know it’s gonna be depressing. In fact, that’s rather its theme. Only problem I had with it is that it phonically spells out the accents (writing equivalent of bad fake accents).

And that’s it on the full novels I have, how ‘bout them anthology books? I’ll take these in release order.

Tales of Trenzalore

Let It Snow - Justin Richards The twist of it is obvious from page one, but I still thought it was a pretty good use of overcoming the truth field. But again, I am a sucker for Ice Warriors.

An Apple a Day - George Mann Somebody lobbed a mass of carnivorous vegetable matter into an arctic region and expected it to work. It’s the first story to feature that the Doctor’s lost his leg at some point doing his time on Trenzalore. It’s a nice metaphor to show he’s unable to runaway from the situation by making him literally unable to runaway.

Strangers in the Outland - Paul Finch And the Nestene Consciousness could’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for that pesky reentry heat.

The Dreaming - Mark Morris I dunno, I just find it hard to believe that after seven hundred years living there, the Doctor wouldn’t know a local story that had been passed down through the centuries of something that had only happened two hundred years before he arrived. Otherwise, a good introduction to the Macra for someone like me who knows nothing about the Macra.

Overall thoughts - a good glimpse into what the Doctor’s life on Trenzalore was like. A bit of proof-in-concept that a full range of stories set in this time could work (*cough*Big Finish*cough*)

The Legends of Ashildr

The Arabian Knightmare - James Goss The real nightmare is the formatting of this story. Not only is it just a mess, but it’s really bad misappropriation of the One Thousand and One Arabian Nights and the tale of Sherazade. And it ends on this really hack job moral it did nothing to deserve, Goss, you’re one of my favorite writers; why you gotta do me bad like this?

The Fortunate Isles - David Llewellyn It was a decent story until it turned into just another case of future people making historical humans fight in gladiatorial type arenas.

The Triple Knife - Jenny T. Colgan It’s the story of Ashildr losing her children to the Black Death. Did this really have to be told, though? I mean, the story’s good, but wasn’t the way she talked about it in the Woman Who Lived enough? But I suppose my only real gripe is that I didn’t think aliens needed to be involved in it. Well, that and they deleted the scene in the episode that makes the ending of this story make sense.

The Ghosts of Branscombe Wood - Justin Richards I liked this one. It was the only one in this I felt truly warranted existing. The story was good, unlike the first one, and Ashildr actually had reason to be involved in the situation, unlike the second one.

Overall thoughts - I think it came out too soon. Honestly, they just seemed to be counting their chickens before they hatched with how soon after series nine this came out. And I wasn’t thrilled that none of these stories took place in any time after the industrial revolution. I don’t want more Renaissance Ashildr; I want 1980s Ashildr. I want this ancient Viking soul in pastel leg warmers  and hoop earrings wide enough to drive a semi-truck through.

The Legends of River Song

Picnic at Asgard - Jenny T. Colgan I think between this and the end of the Husbands of River Song, half the fan fics under the Doctor/River tab on AO3 are dead. Twas a terrible double massacre. It’s a nice little fluff piece, though the baby talk seems a bit out of place. And as a theme park connoisseur, I appreciate the setting.

Suspicious Minds - Jacqueline Rayner I wouldn’t have said that line River said in the Big Bang about having once dated a Nestene duplicate with swappable heads could warrant its own story, but this actually makes that work. Mainly because that’s not the focus of the story. The story is actually mostly about the duplicate and him getting to keep his own agency when faced with getting taken over by the Nestene consciousness again. That and Raynor has the Doctor go on a date with River and the duplicate.

A Gamble with Time - Steve Lyons Probably the weakest story in this set, but still a good read. Apart from all the ‘dear diary’s.

Death in New Venice - Guy Adams The only one in this that has nothing at all to do with the Doctor. He is not mentioned once, and it’s not missing anything because. It’s a good solo River story that explores how she is outside of her relationship with the Doctor.

River of Time - Andrew Lane Some sweet, sweet Ancient Gallifreyan lore. I’ll eat that stuff right up. It also goes into some minor details in River’s standings with the archeological community and the conditions of her stay in Stormcage.

Overall thoughts - Oh yes, this is much better. Rather than a quick tie-in like the Ashildr book, this is clearly written by and for people who love River Song. None of them quite do River’s voice properly, but that’s nothing more than a nitpick.

The American Adventures - Justin Richards

All that Glitters Boring. Next

Off the Trail You have died of uninteresting plot development.

Ghosts of New York Might have actually been a tiny bit interesting if it had been set in literally any other city.

Taking the Plunge That’s not how roller coasters work!!!!!

Spectator Sport Interesting concept. Still boring

Base of Operation Gonna be honest, completely forgot this one existed

Overall thoughts - Did anyone wants this? Did Justin Richards even want this? Given that the place in the book that has his name on it is the copyright page, I really don’t think the answer is yes. This book is such a quota filler. Like they had to fill in that third slot for 2016 somehow and so threw a dart and wrote about whatever it landed on.

And that brings to all my half novels. The Summer Falls and other stories collection and those short Eleventh Doctor stories that had originally been published in that annoying double sided format but had all gotten reprinted into their own books throughout last year.

We’ll start on the former.

Summer Falls - James Goss At ninety five pages, this clearly ain’t the book Clara read. The only way this version can conceivably be considered canon to the show is if it’s meant to be the ‘abridged to hell and back’ version. And it reads like it. Like with all the Harry Potter movies after Prisoner of Azkaban, this is nothing more than the bare bones skeleton of good and compelling story.

The Angels Kiss - Justin Richards Yeah, this one’s not great. Richards clearly isn’t at home writing in first person and a half prequel to the Angels Take Manhattan just maybe wasn’t the best idea. I think the point was to set up the idea that the Melody Malone book is part of a whole series of books in verse, which was picked up on with a line in the first series of the Diary of River Song, but it’s just too half-hearted to be a good execution of it. And I think, in verse, a series based on Melody Malone is more like to be ghost written by Amy than River, but take that as a bonus headcanon.

Devil in the Smoke - Justin Richards Richards clearly is at home writing for the Paternoster Gang, though. Between this and Silhouette, why is there not a book series for them yet?

Terrible Lizards - Johnathan Green An important PSA to all the young British children on how you should never set foot on a square inch of Florida not owned by Disney. If the temporally displaced prehistoric monsters don’t kill you, the drunk, helmet-less collage students on moterbikes will.

Rain of Terror - Mike Tucker Yeah, that’s totally not a pun I’ve heard before. This one’s probably my favorite out of what I’ve got of these.

Underwater War - Richard Dinnick Oh my gosh, Rory actually doing nursing stuff? Why, that’s just unheard of! Yeah, this one was okay.

System Wipe - Oli Smith I’m running out of things to say. These stories mostly just exist. This one was decent.

Heart of Stone - Trevor Baxendale Wash, rinse, repeat. This one had the undertone of the country vs city debate. I hate that debate.

Death Riders - Justin Richards Oh hey, one I actually have something to talk about. Because this one wasn’t good. Amy and Rory were so far out of character they were just flat out not Amy and Rory, and the first half was filled with lines being repeated so Richards could crawl his way to that word count.

Extra Time - Richard Dungworth Rory gets reduced down to the stereotype that all Englishmen obsessively love football. I’d say at least the alien was cool, but as that was basically the B plot to Rory’s whole thing, there’s rather a damper on it.

My next set of reviews is for that ‘Twelve Doctors, Twelve Stories’ novella set from the anniversary year. They were written by actual big name authors of whom I only recognize three of. And one’s only because he’s the guy who’d go on to write Class.

A Big Hand for the Doctor - Eoin Colfer You know, just because the Doctor is this big heroic character that will always try to save everyone he can now doesn’t mean it’s in character for One to be this way, especially since this story likely takes place before meeting Ian and Barbra. That’s the result of years of character development. He was kind of an asshole at first.

The Nameless City - Michael Scott If you ever wanted a story where Jamie McCrimmon meets and is duped by the Master to trap the Doctor, this is your story.

The Spear of Destiny - Marcus Sedgwick A rather confusing title and McGuffin given that the Spear of Destiny is a Christian relic and this story is about Norse pantheon.

The Roots of Evil - Philip Reeve It’s a bunch of asshole tree people trying to kill Four for something Eleven does. Oddly worked for me. Four does not have nice things to say about Eleven’s fashion choice, though Leela seems to like how young he looks.

Tip of the Tongue - Patrick Ness Five cameos in his own story. That’s just fantastic. I’m being sarcastic here.

Something Borrowed - Richelle Mead My first and so far only taste of the Rani. I think I might’ve liked this one if it hadn’t have been in first person.

Spore - Alex Scarrow This one was interesting, I guess.

The Beast of Babylon - Charlie Higson I think it tries to do the same thing as Dead of Winter and Natural History of Fear and subverts your expectations on the identity of a character, but given that it’s in regards to the one-off companion’s identity, it comes off as more of a narrative cheat. I will give this story one thing, though: it does setup a foothold for Ninth Doctor adventures between when he left Rose at the end of her titular episode and when he went back for her.

The Mystery of the Haunted Cottage - Derek Landy I think this was trying to be a Celestial Toy Maker story, but without the racism. But they also didn’t wanna retcon anything so they borrowed ideas from the Land of Fiction. But I don’t know enough about either of those things to be sure.

Nothing O’Clock - Neil Gaiman. Exactly what you’d expect from a Neil Gaiman story. Though I don’t like how it basically screws over Amy’s character in the first half of series five.

Lights Out - Holly Black Look, I know this was written before there was really anything out for Twelve, but did we really need a story for Twelve getting that coffee for him and Clara between Deep Breath and Into the Dalek? Otherwise, a solid story.

And now for the Super Mega Bonus Round: the Heroes and Monsters Collection. A collection of short stories, most that had been initially published in the Doctor Who Files and the official annuals but a few that were made for this.

And it looks like I’m gonna have to plumb the copyright page for the authors’ names. Joy.

The Stranger - Gary Russell The only story for War in the this. The main thing it does is highlight a tactic used in the Time War.

The Hero Factor - Stephen Cole The Doctor gets trapped in a talk show trying to kill him. Um... don’t have anything to say about this.

Mission to Galaction - Justin Richards At first I was laughing at the Daleks getting their comeuppance. And then I was reminded of what the Daleks are capable of.

Stamp of Approval - Jacqueline Rayner This read like a genuine letter. I really liked that about it.

The Final Darkness - Stephen Cole Just goes through the Sycorax ship logs throughout the Christmas Invasion. That’s not a story.

No Fun at the Fair - Jacqueline Rayner Slitheen. Joy.

Taking Mickey - Justin Richards A story that lets Mickey Smith show what he’s capable of. That’s worth more than its word count in gold.

Needlepoint - Justin Richards Because people don’t fear old ladies enough, I guess.

A Dog’s Life - Justin Richards K-9′s logs of his life with Sarah-Jane. This one’s kinda sweet and a bit sad.

The Secret of the Stones -Justin Richards Retconned by the Pandorica Opens.

The Planet that Wept - Justin Richards When will this Justin Richards streak end?! Oh yeah, the story’s pretty interesting.

Disappearing Act - Justin Richards Goddamn it! There’s an Ood and a magician and- I don’t know. You can’t expect me to have an opinion on all of these.

Once upon a Time - Justin Richards Forgot this one existed.

Best Friends - Justin Richards Something, something, Jack Harkness. Don’t remember this one either.

Most Beautiful Music - Justin Richards A nice, tragic tale of a boy and his musical instrument and greedy business men willing to sell the two’s souls for an endless cash cow.

Secret of Arkatron - Justin Richards Still with the Justin Richards stuff. Amy and the Doctor do Scooby-Doo.

Blind Terror - Justin Richards A snapshot of the Sontaran-Ruton war. Actually, my favorite story in this book.

Amy’s Escapade and Rory’s Adventure - Justin Richards Technically two stories, but they both covered the same events from different perspectives. My main take away was that it started with the Doctor practically pushing Amy and Rory out of the TARDIS. Hmm, I wonder if the two knew their daughter was on the planet.

The Fifty-year Delay - Moray Laing Hoorah! Somebody who’s not Justin Richards! Shame it’s on another one I don’t remember. Something about trains and time birds.

Birth of a Legend - Justin Richards The Cult of Skaro origins I don’t think anyone asked for.

Lorna’s Escape - Jason Loborik Sometimes I think that Doctor Who EU writers know that sometimes things are better left to the imagination. This is one of those times.

Going Off the Rails - Justin Richards I like stories that show children are perfectly capable of dealing with danger on their own. That they’re intelligent enough to problem solve their way through things.

Normality - Gary Russell A nice character piece for Clara. Also, giant tardigrades, am I right? I’m looking at you, Star Trek Disco.

When the Wolves Came - Moray Laing I have no idea what is happening in this one and it’s not because I forgot this time.

Buyer’s Remorse - Gary Russell Twelve has to deal with black market space EBay trying to sell his TARDIS back to him and it’s actually kinda funny.

And I’m done. And I’m exhausted and never doing this again.