#angry and resentful. he has to learn to understand control and channel his anger to use curse

[idiotsonlyevent]

i've seen a lot of people mention how dorohedoro explores class through its magic system, but i really think dorohedoro could be interpreted as a very thorough exploration of capitalism and how it affects basically every single aspect of society. (spoilers through the end of the manga under the cut.)

in dorohedoro, capitalism is artificially created through chidaruma's meddling. in creating the sorcerers and allowing them to mistreat humans, chidaruma creates 'capitalism' (aka class inequality, leading to class struggle) in dorohedoro's world. this eventually leads to the creation of hole as an entity, representing the personification of class struggle.

smoke, defined by personality and determining someone's abilities, is a form of capital, both a type of currency and a status symbol. not only is a sorcerer's position determined by how much smoke they can create, but the actual function and 'usefulness' (aka 'power') of the smoke is important as well. those without smoke - both humans and weak sorcerers - are opressed.

there are also powerful sorcerers w certain 'unique' abilities like risu and natsuki who cannot conform to these normative expectations due to the nature of their magic, showing that regardless of how 'powerful' an individual actually is, their performance and adherence to norms is what's considered most important; since they cannot conform, then they are considered failures.

en represents success in capitalism; he is a powerful sorcerer, with a useful ability at a high level of mastery, and he can produce a ton of smoke. not only that, but he literally runs a mega corporation! there are jokes throughout the manga of en's unethical and exploitative practices.

but just because he himself is successful and runs a successful business, doesn't mean that any of 'his family' - and by extension en himself - are 'safe' from the dangers of capitalism; he is simply in less immediate danger than everyone else!

en is revived - allowing the rest of the family to survive - because of fujita, ebisu, and sho: the three family members most frequently deemed 'weak' or 'useless.' sho's magic enables fujita to retrieve en's devil tumor for revival, and sho saves the rest of the family from being dissolved by hole. fujita's 'meek loser' demeanor is what allows him to effectively spy on the cross-eyes, retrieve the devil tumor, and negotiate with tetsujo. ebisu's relationship w kikurage and quick thinking allows her to to enlist dokuga's help to transport en's corpse, completing the revival plotline. and this is not to diminish everyone else's contributions, but to note that especially fujita and ebisu are able to help save the family because of the skills they have developed outisde of magic to survive in a world that does not value them. en's, the family's, and capitalism's survival is reliant on those they deem 'useless'; capitalism's survival is reliant on the labor of marginalized and exploited workers.

dorohedoro's cast is filled with characters who are outcasts and don't 'fit in' with societal expectations, and as the story continues, relationships between humans, sorcerers, and those 'in-between' become even more prominent. despite everything - the hardships, the resentment, the difficult histories everyone has - dorohedoro goes out of its way to consistently affirm friendship and solidarity between sorcerers and humans, regardless of the expectations that society has for them and the roles they're 'expected' to play.

dorohedoro does not have an ending that 'solves inequality' - massive social change can't happen overnight. dorehedoro DOES have a hopeful ending, though. it reaffirms that progress is possible. that in a chaotic, unpredictable, unfair world, there is still peace, friendship, and gyoza - we just need to find it and work for it together.

[navabharathnationalschoolsstuff]

7 Techniques to Teach Children to Manage Anger

How to help the child to control a moment of anger, rage, or tantrum?

Anger is that emotion that makes children feel angry, irritable, resentful, or furious at a situation they don't like or that causes them frustration. Anger has two forms of expression, a more internal one in which heart rate, blood pressure, and adrenaline increase; and another more external one in which the expression changes, the child raises his tone of voice, and his muscles tense... In a moment of anger, children can shout, break things, throw objects, hit, or insult.

What can we parents do if our children react with anger?

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Methods for children to learn to manage anger

Anger is not an easy emotion for children to handle, the younger the worse. Not all children respond to the same situation with anger, but if the child does, we must teach him to channel it.

1. Stay calm

Parents must show an example of an angry reaction in the child and avoid shouting, slamming doors or shaking the child. For the child to learn to manage anger, he has to see how we manage it, even at times when it is easy to lose patience. In fact, when faced with an attack of anger in the child, it is possible that if our response is aggressive, the child's anger will increase even more.

2. Teach him to recognize anger

When the child is in the middle of a fit of anger, it is difficult to negotiate or talk to him, but when the tantrum has passed, it is time to talk about what happened. You can name what happened yourself and ask him so that he can explain why he reacted that way and how he feels afterward.

3. Teach the child to act without anger

Many times children respond with anger because they lack the skills to act otherwise, they don't know how to solve a problem. To help them, we must train them to learn to:

- Identify what caused your moment of anger .

- Help you provide solutions for upcoming situations.

- Explain what will happen if the answer is angry and what will happen when the answer is calmer.

- Reinforce the child if his response is not angry.

- If it was, review with him what happened, explain what went wrong, and how to act better on another occasion.

Other ideas to teach children to channel anger

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4. Help him express anger

The impulse felt by the child who doesn't know how to handle his anger is to insult, hit, or break things. If your child usually responds like this, let him do some activities that allow him to explore those emotions, such as drawing, painting, or writing. He will learn to understand what is happening to him, why, and how to avoid it.

5. Teach him to release tension

Sport is an excellent vehicle to channel anger and stress, it releases endorphins and contributes to a sense of well-being. Practicing sports on a regular basis can help the child manage anger, as well as carry out activities that involve relaxation such as yoga or mindfulness.

6. Develop self-control strategies

Explain to him what self-control consists of, for example: not reacting badly if television time is over, if he has to clean up his room, or if a child takes a toy from him. A good self-control technique is that of the traffic light. It is an exercise in which an answer is given to a certain behavior.

To carry it out you need to explain to the child how a traffic light works and also, you must have 3 cards with 3 different colors on hand: red, yellow, and green. When you show him the red card, it means that the child should stop because he is not controlling his anger and the situation has gotten out of control, the yellow card indicates that he should analyze what is happening and why he is behaving like that, and the green one is for can express what he feels.

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7. Promotes empathy

It is perhaps one of the most difficult tasks to achieve in children. It implies that children understand the other and put themselves in their place, something fundamental so that they can handle anger. Empathy is a very important value that we must transmit to children from an early age.

What children need when they feel angry and have tantrums

Anger can be an unpleasant emotion, but we cannot consider it to be a negative emotion, since we can learn a lot from it. It is normal to feel angry or angry in certain situations, so we cannot invalidate this emotion. And many times, with our behavior and our words, we can make children feel worse. What do our children need when feeling this emotion?

 - 'Stop crying', 'you're angry', ' you cry like a baby ', 'it's okay'... All these phrases convey to children that what they are feeling is invalid and, therefore, not have to express it.

- Not knowing how to channel or self-regulate the emotion of anger, children explode in tantrums.

It is very common for children to have tantrums, especially between the ages of 2 and 4. It is in this period when they develop their own ideas and desires, but they still do not know how to express them in words (and on many occasions, we cannot allow them to carry them out for their safety). This makes them feel frustrated and angry.

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- When a child has a tantrum because he feels anger or rage, he has a hard time. He feels uncomfortable because he doesn't know how to deal with said emotion. Therefore, it is not fair that we think that children have tantrums to make us feel bad or annoy us. Just like we shouldn't feel bad parents if our children have a tantrum, since it is something normal in the development process.

- It is possible that during a tantrum, your child needs a hug. But for other children, physical contact will make them more upset.

- Although it is not always possible, we must try to avoid those situations that are going to cause a moment of family tension. Habits and routines also help to avoid tantrums, since children feel more secure knowing what we are going to do at all times (first we have dinner, then we brush our teeth, we go to bed...).

[a-lil-bi-furious]

Scisaac :D

oof, thank you for this ask, and I am so sorry this took so long to respond. It’s finals season and I grossly underestimated how much I have to do 😅 But here it is, in all it's (hopefully understandable) rambling glory: Scisaac

*aggressively hits ship button* 

1) What made you ship it?

I’ve been on the Scisaac train for a looooong time now. When I was first watching Teen Wolf, during my own very teen-y but non-wolfy years, I don’t think I actually started to ship them until a bit into 3A. When I re-watched the show, though, that scene in the club with “No, I mean you. I don’t want you to get hurt.” had me as done for as Isaac. (There’s this lovely gif set someone made, too, that’s just a close up on their hands during the syringe hand-off, and all the subtle, soft finger brushing makes me go feral.) Anyway, that scene was the shipping spark, but it wasn’t really what established Scisaac as an important relationship to me.

For me, the scene in the clinic with the dog (in 2x11 “Battlefield”) is what really cemented that. It’s funny, because this scene really isn’t a shipping scene, right? This is a learning moment which focuses more on resident-mentor Alan Deaton extending to Isaac the opportunity to learn how to use his abilities for something other than anger and power. And I love it so much for that! But the interaction between Scott and Isaac makes me weak. Because you’ve got Isaac--this jaded, abused kid who holds a lot of resentment and fear and accepted the bite, most likely, to feel like he had some modicum of control in his life and the strength to not feel helpless anymore, and in the end externalized all of that rage--experiencing this moment of raw vulnerability with two people who, by all counts, should want nothing to do with him. And we can talk about how that moment in the club was probably one of the first times anyone has shown genuine concern for Isaac’s well-being (and how this act of kindness was coming from someone he’s been hostile to) in who knows how long, but what about the first moment Isaac acts in compassion and tenderness? How long has it been since he considered himself capable of feeling something that wasn’t pain, fear, or that deep seated fury which swallows everything else? How long has it been since Isaac knew any language other than violence? For a moment he’s cracked open and everything is overwhelming and rather than using his hands as weapon and shield, he’s using them to heal. He cries, and for a moment he’s even startled--maybe scared. And what does Scott do? He immediately offers a point of connection and consolation (“It’s okay, I cried the first time he showed me, too.”)

Scott has this heart which is (sometimes dangerously) open and exposed. He cares and he believes so deeply in humanity and goodness that even when he’s spent weeks(?) fighting Isaac, distrusting Isaac, he’s also been worrying about Isaac. And the way Scott acts in this scene is so soft and curious as he’s standing by, watching. It’s like he’s just been waiting for Isaac to let his guard down just enough to step outside of what Derek’s been teaching him (about anger and control, just like he did Scott). And he gets this tiny little smile on his face as he watches it happen, because I can imagine he knows almost exactly how Isaac is feeling. Scott presents it differently and he often buries it down, but he’s angry too. All the time, at so many things, but he chooses to channel his energy into helping other people. And seeing Isaac, who up until this moment has mostly shown animosity and apathy, brought to tears when he learns he can take pain from others just proves to Scott that the tenderness pays off, that caring heals. Everyone is capable of kindness if they choose it, and to watch Isaac open himself up a little bit to that option--one that hasn’t been available to him for a long time--is incredibly rewarding. It just was such a warm, vulnerable, and genuine exchange between all three of them, and given how closed off Isaac is it was a significant indicator of the safety he was starting to feel around Scott. 

2) What are your favorite things about the ship?

re: above, my favorite thing about this ship is how tender and vulnerable each of them can be with the other (in their own ways) and how they challenge each other in ways they both really need. Scott encourages Isaac to turn away from aggression as a solution and to focus more on others, on compassionate and peaceful forms of resolution. (It’s uhhh....a work in progress.) Scott softens Isaac in a way I think he really needs. Conversely,  Isaac challenges Scott in ways he really needs. Isaac encourages him to place more focus on himself and actually attend to his needs. And also? I just think they would have fun, because Isaac = trouble and Scott 100% enjoys shenanigans more than he acts like he does. He’s a little shit at heart, and I’m here for Isaac encouraging that.

Also, I think their relationship has a good balance because they’re very different people, but I think that they have some points of relation that run deep in ways many people wouldn’t understand. For one thing, I think that Scott has a foundation of understanding for Isaac’s experience of childhood abuse and how this informs his behavior. This is entirely up to interpretation because the show never specified beyond the time Rafael accidentally(?) pushed Scott down the stairs, but even if Scott didn’t experience physical abuse outside of this incident, it’s pretty clear that Rafael is an angry, violent drunk and that the relationship in that home was toxic and (judging by his interactions with Scott and Melissa) likely emotionally abusive. It probably wasn’t always that way; it wasn’t always that way for Isaac either. The abuse that Isaac endured was different and more severe (at least in a physical sense), and whereas Scott’s dad left when he was ten, Isaac was stuck with his dad until the kanima killed him. But I think that experience of living in a home that doesn’t feel safe is something they both share. Isaac’s initial reaction seems to be to run away or retreat when he’s unsafe, but Scott’s is to make it a safe place. I could ramble on and on, but what I’m getting at is just that I think even with extremely different personalities and ideologies, they’d be able to understand each other in very specific, personal ways and help each other cope. I’m also a huge sucker for the fact that Isaac showed up on the McCall’s doorstep and that Scott’s home literally became his home--but, really, Scott became his home. And rather than run or hide when things are scary, he defends his home now (metaphorical and physical) and keeps building it up again. (And yeah, sometimes defense means beating a guy he already hated senseless over Scott not healing and then Scott probably being less than pleased about it, but it’s a learning curve okay?)

3) Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship? 

I’m not sure what the general opinions are on this ship, especially now. But the most unpopular opinion I probably have is about Isaac’s temperament. A lot of people have a tendency to kind of take aforementioned softness and turn Isaac into a very gentle, sweet, puppy-like character, which I just don’t think is realistic. Really and truly, Isaac’s a sarcastic asshole with anger issues and not a whole lot of tact. And, though I tend to think he softens up quite a bit with Scott, I don’t think that changes the nature of his behavior, if that makes sense? I actually think part of the reason Isaac is a good match for Scott in the first place is because he’s this way. Scott has a tendency to ignore his own needs, which often means his wellbeing suffers. Isaac’s the kind of person to point out the bullshit, no sugar-coating, and stubbornly counter Scott’s attempts to excuse his own self-neglect at every turn. Isaac is loyal and caring, yes, but he’s pushy and aggressive about it. And I honestly think Scott needs a partner who won’t put up with his self-sacrifice; he needs someone who’s going to be persistent, because Scott also tends to be pretty obstinate.

In conclusion, I love them your honor. 

(Send me a ship and I’ll ramble about why I do/don’t ship it!)

[bookwyrminspiration]

im still thinking about healer tam, so im just gonna....put all that here...if you dont mind...

specifically ive been really obsessed with the idea of him being like. the elvin equivalent of a pediatrician (or just. have him be a new elwin except their personalities are totally different) bc i feel like hed channel his anger at his own terrible childhood into making sure the lives of children in the present are better than his, if that makes sense? and i feel like he'd sympathize a lot with the angry ones specifically (obviously) and that hed be able to help them put a name to what theyre feeling, etc? it just...tam has always felt like a very sincere and genuine person and i feel like he would absolutely go and try to make peoples childhoods not as terrible as his own. i just. i love him. and i bet hed be like elwin- he cant help but adopt whatever kid he comes across and is in need of a parent figure. thats just his nature.

and this isnt related but is set in the same au- for some reason i really like the idea of him no longer having silver hair? NOT as a "oh hes mellowed out now" way but more in a "the problems people face today are not the same ones as the problems faced before, and clinging on to the past (that is no longer fully relevant) will stop me from doing good in the future" way- he still always wears silver on him as a reminder of what he's been fighting for this entire time, but its not the central part of him anymore, he is still fighting, yes, but its a different fight, and he wants to reflect that. (however, i still think linh would have her dyed hair since she dyed it to remind herself to keep control, and i dont think shed necessarily want to get rid of that message?) tell me if im not making sense here but. yeah.

- pyro

oo i love healer tam!! this was almost exactly the kind of vibe i got from him when you brought him up the first time--you nailed it right on the head. like he has all this anger and lingering resentment and doesn't know where to direct it so he channels it into making the world a better place so no kids end up like him

i'm fascinated by this concept. like. think about it. kids are some of if not the most vulnerable people in a society--they're young and their parents have legal power over them, they haven't learned the full concept of right and wrong, they're small and can't advocate for themselves the same way an adult can. they don't have authority. so tam, this healer who looks intimidating, stepping into that role and saying it's going to be okay and speaking for them and helping them way more than just patching their wounds. it's so good i love it so much. i have a soft spot for characters who are fiercely protective of children because they didn't have the childhood they deserved either

tam just seems like such a kind person, just not in the way you'd think a kind person would be. he hates the way things work right now, so why wouldn't he try and comfort the people experiencing it? if there's kids out there who are furious and hate the world and want to shun their elvin ways--well he was that kid. this kid comes into his office/healing center place just stubborn and expecting Tam to try and get them to calm down and take another chance with the system and say it's not as bad as you think it is and then. tam just agrees with them. and it's like oh you understand. this is a safe space. you're just like me.

also you're idea of him getting rid of the hair is so cool--i love the meaning behind it! his silver bangs have so much pain and anger mixed in with them, i can't even imagine how freeing it would be to cut them off. that message that he's not holding on to that past in the same way, that while he's been affected by his parents and societies actions for life, he's not going to hold that as a part of himself--sure, it'll motive him at times, that lingering pain--and he's going to learn from it and be better. I've seen headcanons that tam cuts his silver hair off and Linh dyes her whole head, which kinda reminds me of that you're saying. I agree that Linh would keep hers, because it wasn't a message to anyone but herself and her own mistakes.

i wonder--do you think Tam would have one specific piece of silver that he'd wear, like a necklace or bracelet he never takes off, or would he swap it out from time to time?

i don't know if i said everything I wanted to but healer tam is so special to me an holds a place in my heart permanently. just the whole idea of taking your anger and refusing to let it overcome you and give up on the world, this firm determination to keep going because there are people, children, who are going to need you there to fight for them

[arofili]

some Turgon thoughts

so @siphilemon asked on discord for Turgon headcanons and I, a known Turgon apologist, was all too happy to oblige! I rambled for awhile and thought that maybe some other people might be interested in my thoughts, so I’ve gathered them here. under a cut because it’s a Lot.

General Turgon HCs

Turgon is fiercely devoted to his family, whether that's his siblings or his dad or Finrod or Elenwë and Idril...and he outlives. all. of. them. except for Idril and the Fëanorians, who he does NOT like

He's grumpy, more of an introvert than Fingon and Finrod are for sure, he was never really fond of the Fëanorians (esp Maedhros) but that was more because “someone in the family has to stand with Dad against them and it isn't going to be Fingon or Aredhel, so I guess it's gonna be me” and then add the whole thing with Fingon and Maedhros being in love on top of that...he's protective of Fingon

And then. things get bad.

There was never any question that Turno was going to follow his family to Middle-earth, he's devoted to them above everything - and I think he and Elenwë were very much in love and devoted to each other (some of my personal Elenwë hcs is that her parents weren't very excited about her marrying Turgon, and she kind of chose him over them, hence her being the Only Vanya who leaves with the Noldor) and he knew Elenwë would go with him

That's why Baby Idril went along on the Second Most Dangerous Road Trip In All Of Arda (which after the burning of the ships becomes the Most Dangerous Road Trip, surpassing the Great Journey)

but I don't think that (at first) Turgon was very excited about going to Middle-earth for himself? it isn't until Ulmo gives him the dream about Gondolin that he really gets the idea of creating a city of his own, a land of his own

And Gondolin is said to be Very Much reminiscent of Tirion - and Turgon is the one who keeps sending messengers back to Valinor - he missed his home

And he blames the Fëanorians for everything that went wrong. Morgoth too, but he's always kind of resented the Fëanorians, and then Elenwë died and it's all Fëanor’s fault but then when he arrives in Middle-earth Fëanor is dead so he shifts his anger onto Maedhros instead. Maedhros is a very sore spot between Turgon and Fingon.

And after Fingon dies.....well, Turgon blames himself, but he's angry with Maedhros. IMO Turgon is very much a hypocrite - he hates and hates and hates but does the same damn things he hates people for doing (i'm a sucker for Finrod/Turgon which is a juicy parallel to Idril/Maeglin...)

Turgon & Idril

Turgon is intensely protective of Idril, almost suffocatingly so

he was always kind of inclined to be an anxious helicopter parent but after Elenwë dies (it's fucking canon that both of them nearly die but Turgon has to choose between saving Idril or Elenwe, which fucks me up to no end) he's literally Never Letting Her Out Of His Sight

In the immediate aftermath of Elenwë’s death / the rest of the journey across the Ice, that's fine? it's a survival strategy, a coping mechanism, and Idril is traumatized and doesn't want to leave her dad

but then they get to Middle-earth (and Turgon loses his little brother, which makes him cling to his daughter even more) and Idril starts to grow up. IMO she was pretty young when they left Valinor, and she comes of age in Middle-earth. She can finally walk around barefoot in the grass again, and she starts making friends and learning to live without her mom.

which is something that terrifies Turgon, because he doesn't know how to move on without Elenwe, and he's always always looking back to Valinor but Idril barely remembers Valinor by the time she's older, and he's terrified she'll forget her mother

Idril loves her dad but he's very controlling and overprotective - and the dangers of Beleriand only make him more paranoid, even after the Dagor Aglareb ensures the Long Peace...

When Turgon builds Gondolin of course Idril is coming with him. He doesn't even ask her. She wants to go, she loves her dad even if she kind of resents that he still treats her like a child, but she wishes he'd asked her how she felt about the whole thing instead of assuming

(In general Turgon is really really bad at communicating. Elenwë was good at teasing out what he was feeling and getting him to talk but after losing her he shuts out the world. Finrod - whether we're going in a shippy context or not - is also good at understanding Turgon, and that night at the river they have an almost breakthrough together... but then Ulmo visits them and clouds their memories and they forget about it until way later)

But back to Idril: once they're in Gondolin and she can Literally Never Leave, Turgon relaxes a little bit, gives her some more freedom, because this is his city and she's safe here, right? But then everything happens with Aredhel and he's terrified again because if he can lose his sister what about his daughter---

Except now he has Maeglin to take care of too. Turgon is torn between parenting both his daughter and his nephew and ends up not doing a good job of either even though he tries...and Idril doesn't want to be parented at this point, she's a grown ass woman! Maeglin however does need a parent-figure and Turgon "Bad At Communicating" Nolofinwion horribly miscommunicates a lot of his intentions toward Maeglin

Anyway - I think Turgon is oblivious to Maeglin's feelings re: Idril? Until Tuor shows up and he can see "wait this mortal is in love with my daughter and is acting suspiciously like Maeglin...oh shit"

part of his motivation for letting Tuor marry Idril (aside from her being like "Dad I am gonna do what I want and you need to accept that") is fuck she can't marry MAEGLIN

Turgon & Aredhel

So I think that Turgon and Aredhel were the middle siblings who always kind of picked on each other in a loving sibling way? Like Finno is the Golden Child, the Responsible One, the Big Older Brother who adores them both - if they try to nag him it just bounces right off

but they know exactly how to push each other's buttons

and in Valinor that means they get into a lot of low-stakes petty fights that always resolve with them fiercely loving each other

after the ships burn Fingon is just...broken by Maedhros' betrayal. Aredhel, however, is fucking furious that Curvo and Tyelko would do this to her and she starts to channel that fury into hating them as much as Turgon does - which brings her and Turgon closer together

they forge a very deep bond on the Ice, especially with Aredhel kind of stepping in to help parent Idril after Elenwe dies

but unlike Turgon, when they get to Middle-earth Aredhel starts to heal (like Idril). she fights with C&C and then forgives them, and they go back to being friends. she gets to be carefree and happy again. and she'd still die for Turgon, she still looks up to him and loves him, which is why she follows him to Gondolin, but it was inevitable that she would get restless in Gondolin

Turgon resents Fingon for having Maedhros (i think he knows about their relationship and hates it but won't like, spill their secret bc he does love his bro) and he resents Idril and Aredhel for moving on from Elenwë & Argon's deaths because he can't do that, he feels like he's shouldering all the responsibility among his siblings

But most of all he resents himself for not being able to save them, and not being able to move on like a normal person (he's got some massive undiagnosed anxiety/depression). He kind of feels like he's suffering so his family doesn't have to, and since he loves his fam so much he thinks this is the "right" decision

(He's very hung up on morals for someone who is bad at following his own moral code)

So yeah he's angry that Aredhel wants to leave this safe place he created, but they fight and she pushes his buttons and he pushes hers except they're hurting still (aredhel is affected by everything that's happened, she just tries to focus on the positive) and they don't have time to makeup before Aredhel up and leaves

But he's not going to tell her she can't go because he does respect her decisions and her autonomy. and then when she disappears he's worried and then she comes back and he's overjoyed (and disturbed about what happened with Eöl) and then she dies and it's his fault and he blames himself....but Maeglin is also blaming himself and their self-pitying and grieving is magnified by being close together and they both come away worse for it. Maeglin thinks Turgon blames him, and Turgon thinks Maeglin blames him

And yeah, there is some I told you so in there, Turgon feels he was right, but he hates that because he'd rather be wrong than have his sister be dead

[ncfan-1]

Flora is a fountain of lost potential, and it frustrates me.

I don’t just mean her lack of supports, though yeah, that is a not insignificant part of it. She ought to be able to talk to more people than just Corrin and her sister; at the very least, she ought to be able to talk to Gunter and Jakob. If the developers want to hammer in the fact that Jakob does not and will never reciprocate her feelings, than have their support chain stop at A support, but just… Please. The support chains are how most of the characters experience character growth and exploration. It doesn’t serve her (or any of the Corrin-sexual characters, honestly) well to be so limited in her support chains.

What I really regard as Flora’s lost potential, though, are her feelings of resentment and isolation and bitterness that wound up being channeled into an early hostility towards Corrin.

I know this is not a popular opinion, and I know that on certain parts of the Internet, saying this is tantamount to painting a bull’s-eye on my back, but I do like Corrin. I don’t think the writing for her character is the strongest, but I do like her. But for a character to outright dislike her, maybe even hate her at first, is so rare in this series. Yes, Flora disliked Corrin for reasons outside of Corrin’s control, but that just happens sometimes, and being disliked happens more for other characters (a lot more for some of them) in Fates than it does for Corrin. But once Corrin and Flora have had their showdown in Conquest and Revelation, the fact that Flora once genuinely, deeply disliked her, that she put on a face of being a loyal, friendly maid, but deep-down hated her all this time, is never brought up again.

Give us more of Flora feeling constantly frightened and isolated in the Northern Fortress when she’s first taken there, because she knows she’s there as a hostage, she knows that if her father sets one toe out of line King Garon will kill her and Felicia both, and their father spared Felicia this information and Flora can’t bear to tell her, so she’s alone. Give us Flora, whose fear dissipates somewhat over the years, but never completely, and whose sense of isolation just grows and grows and grows. Just as there’s pressure on her father to toe the line, there’s pressure on her as well to be the best possible representative of the Ice Tribe to the kingdom of Nohr, the better to keep King Garon’s wrath from falling on her tribe.

Give us Flora who fears for Felicia as much as she resents her for being their father’s favorite, because Felicia’s ignorance of just how precarious their situation is, the fact that she can’t see the executioner’s axe poised over their necks, puts her in greater danger. Give us Flora who loves her sister too much to make her live in fear the way she does. Give us Flora who finally starts catching up to her sister in terms of battle prowess, and the fact that their father isn’t there to see it makes her want to scream—but she can’t, because she can’t ever let on that there’s something wrong.

Give us the deep, bitter humiliation Flora must have felt when she learned that, having been taken hostage by King Garon, he would not even accommodate her as her rank demanded, instead making her act as a domestic servant to one of his daughters. Give us Flora who resents Corrin as a symbol of everything she’s lost, who hates her as a symbol of everything she has yet to lose, this pampered daughter of the tyrant king. Give us a Flora who hates Corrin because hating this unthreatening little girl is safer than hating King Garon.

Actually let all of this resentment and anger and bitterness mean something. And then, show us the ramifications of Flora discovering that all along, the pampered little princess she despised was a hostage, just like her. That the pampered little princess she despised was the daughter of a man Garon murdered, that he had kidnapped her and imprisoned her and robbed her of all of her memories of her first family. That all along, there had been an executioner’s axe hovering over the back of Corrin’s neck, and that just like Flora and Felicia, she only lived at the king’s pleasure.

The support chain Corrin and Flora share would have been a great place to explore the ramifications of all of this. The canonical one is… fine. It actually contains a shining example of Corrin’s kind, forgiving nature, that her wish was for Flora to live a happy life, and given how little happiness Flora has known in her life… That support chain is meaningful to me. I just think there are other paths the writers could have taken with it.

You could have Flora struggling to reconcile her past feelings of bitterness towards Corrin with the revelation that all along, Corrin’s situation had been materially no better than hers, that just as Flora could have been executed to send a message to the Ice Tribe, Corrin could have been executed to send a message to Hoshido, and that all of Flora’s resentment was directed at a girl who, honestly, didn’t deserve it at all. And Corrin, as self-effacing as she is, as constantly guilty as she must feel to say “I’m sorry” as often as she does, tries to reassure her that everything’s okay, because her unhealthy coping mechanism is to try to give everyone around her as little reason to be angry with her as possible, and the idea that someone might hate her for reasons outside her control is just the ultimate nightmare scenario. Yeah, she’s hurt that someone she thought was her friend all this time secretly hated her, but again: self-effacing to a detrimental extent, and rarely gets angry on her own behalf.

The support chain wears on, and Flora is now looking back on past events and realizing, sickly, that there were a lot of red flags to something being very wrong with Corrin’s situation that she’d ignored because she had resented her so much. A question that the game never really answers is whether any of the Northern Fortress crew were around when Silas was Corrin’s playmate. If Flora was, does she remember whatever the hell it is whatever parties involved did to Corrin to make her forget Silas so completely? Was she made to participate? Again, Corrin rushes to absolve her of any blame, pointing out that Flora wouldn’t have had any choice, but that doesn’t make Flora feel any better. Depending on whichever one it was, she either actively participated in the abuse of another hostage, or at the very least stood by and did nothing while it was happening, and even knowing she had no choice, the guilt eats at her.

Come the A Support, Flora and Corrin finally manage to have a conversation about this that doesn’t involve Corrin falling all over herself to make sure Flora won’t be angry with her anymore to assure Flora that she doesn’t blame her for hating her all this time. Corrin finally admits that, yeah, finding out that someone she had thought was her friend was only pretending to care about her all this time really hurt her, and the fact that she still cares despite that doesn’t feel great, either. But Flora tells her that, now, she does genuinely care for Corrin. Having been jarred out of her resentment has finally allowed her to care for Corrin the way Corrin cared for her, and if Corrin is willing to let her, she would like to be a friend to her, now. Corrin, as you can imagine, agrees. And if we’re playing Conquest as opposed to Revelation, there is another note hit: Flora admitting that she fears for Corrin the way she fears for Felicia, because all this time she was a hostage who didn’t know she was a hostage, and even now, doesn’t seem to grasp how precarious her position is. But Corrin reassures her that she does understand at least part of it, and asks for her help in navigating the rest, which Flora gladly grants.

I wish we could have gotten this. This is the province of fanfic, now.

[blandmemoirs]

Anger

Rage, Fury, Fire, Pain, Momentum, Energy, unyielding emotion. When I am angry my mind is clear of all the torment of anxiety or doubt. I become objective driven, I become focused, I become energized. I am filled with a burning passion to move, and to never stop moving.

In days of old, my anger would manifest through methods of lashing out. Of attacking, of punching back, of inflicting pain on that which upset me. This is unproductive. To hurt another as a result of your frustration is unjustified. It doesnt make a situation better. It makes it worse. It builds further resentment between yourself and the person you are angry at. It prevents solutions. It causes more hurt. I learned this a long time ago and understand it today. I cannot swear to pacifism, but I will not resort to violence unless my safety or the safety of those I love is directly threatened.

I made a choice a few years ago to use my anger productively. If I am to become angry, I cannot lash out. I cannot hurt other people. I have to use it to be productive. Anger, like any emotion, is a flare of passion in the body and mind. It is energy, and it can be redirected in ways that dont further a cycle of violence. That is what I live to prove.

I am an angry person. I get angry, often. Its not a new development in my life. It has followed me since my childhood. Its sources are numerous. I cant attribute it to any one cause or happening. I have always been angry.

I know this because in kindergarten, I would pick fights with other children, often. Just random, chaotic violence. I enjoyed it. I liked hurting other people. Then I would go home to more violence. This time from my parents into me as discipline for my actions. My parents would belt me for more than just violence, it could come from me simply acting out. Sometimes I was spared the physical harm by recieving emotional harm from furious yelling. My parents taught me anger and violence, and their resorting to violence taught me to resort to violence. Might made right. I shouldnt put all of my problems on my parents, but they wear a substantial amount of blame for the way I learned to cope and act.

My father is an angry man. He grew up in harsh conditions with a harsh family that put him through worse than I've ever lived through. He made sure to tell me that anytime I voiced the tyranny in his actions. He resents his older brother, doesnt like his father, and has spent much of his life failing. Deep in debt from his own mistakes, bearing the blame for a fractured household and broken marriage, he is full of anger. He takes out his anger on those weaker than him. From the dogs he can kick when they bark too loud, to the children he can endlessly insult and shout at for minor transgressions. All made worse by alcoholism to cope. My father is not a bad man, but an incredibly flawed and broken one. He does make efforts to redeem and be better, but he has not yet atoned for his actions, and the marks he has left on his children will linger whether he accepts it or not.

My mother is an angry woman. Raised in a split household between parents who live irresponsibly and resent each other. She was a rebellious youth who took her own childhood away when I was conceived. A child raising a child. A lack of freedom as her life is indebted to my survival and later, two more. Dead end job to dead end job. A broken marriage and a dysfunctional family she is forced to raise with no individual progress to be attained. She resents her circumstances. She desires higher living and a fate she can control. She takes out her anger on those weaker than her. From the dogs she can hit to the children she can scream at for "negativity". All made worse by alcohol and weed. My mother is not a bad woman, she is just an incredibly flawed and broken one. A girl who became a mother too quickly. An independent soul tethered to a path of dependence. She makes efforts to be better, but often furthers a rift she created. Her anger will be remembered in the hearts of her children.

I do not know the true extent of my parents lives, I only know what I have seen, been revealed, and assumed. I know one thing for certain, they are examples of how not to grow up. The anger they live with is an anger I live with. To tame their beasts they drink and lash out, I must be better.

Which is why I cling so desperately to the example set for myself by the Incredible Hulk, my favorite character. A genius with deep emotional trauma turned into a monster fueled by rage. Dr Robert Bruce Banner must learn to live with the monster that dwells inside him. The Hulk, limitless rage personified, is a monster that does not want to hurt people, but just wants to be left alone among his friends. He is violent, but only because he recieves violence. The monster is capable of reason, of morality, of seeing through the surge of rage to know what is right and what is wrong. As such, the Hulk chooses to be a hero, to save and protect the innocent and to smash those who do evil. Bruce Banner must live with his anger, to know when it is right to let the beast out and to understand when smashing is the wrong option.

Banner has spent most of his life trying to rid himself of the Hulk, but the Hulk is not something Banner can live without. The Hulk is a part of Bruce, is a piece of his damaged psyche which will always exist. The gamma radiation only externalized these features.

Hulk also resents Banner, and wishes he could exist without him. Hulk doesn't like Banner's weak manner and conniving mind. Hulk doesn't like being locked up in a cage in the back of Banners mind. Hulk wants to be free and Hulk wants to be left alone.

These two characters are inseparable, and two sides of the same coin. Hulk is a manifestation of Banners trauma and repressed anger. Hulk is a destructive force of passion that can be directed to do good. These entities must coexist, for they need each other.

What does this have to do with me? In a less hyperbolic manner, my rage is a part of me. It does not go away. It never ends. It is a piece of my heart and mind. It is a force that makes me want to destroy all that causes harm to those I love. Anger does not cease within the chaotic storm that is my heart, it persists and waits for its time to possess me. When I am angry my body tenses, my eyes focus, my heart beats at rapid pace, my stomach churns, my body shakes. At its worst I lose sight and see nothing but flashes of red as I convulse into shivers of rage. When control of my body is returned the next moment, my mind is clear and I am energized in a way almost as potently as when I am in love. I can do almost anything. It is raw adrenaline. I move faster, harder, and with more force and precision than when I am in a normal state. I make objectives and carry them through. I become a machine fueled by limitless rage. It can almost be addicting. Sometimes I have so much force locked inside I feel an urge to scream. I often repress it for the sake of keeping attention away from myself. Anger makes me more effective in my work. Be it my actual job, my writing, or editing. I am so focused, creative forces flow, all through the red lense of rage. Sometimes I run, sometimes I drive, sometimes I channel this energy into speaking. An endless monologue or a consoling speech to a friend in need. For that is the true root to my rage. A friend in pain. When a friend is hurt, I flare up. The closer and more important my friend, the angrier I get. The angrier I get the more energy I have and the more I cant stop moving. My foot tapping, my leg bouncing, I pace. Anger does not debilitate me, it gives me more ability than I know what to do with.

It is not just that a friend is in pain, it is that I cant do anything to stop it. I can't do anything to change their cirumstance. I cannot save them from their suffering because the forces that hurt them are out of my control, out of my influence. I can only console, and console I do, even as rage paves the way of my actions.

When my anger releases its possession of me, I am left to deep introspection and concern. Did I do enough? Did I help? Did I do anything? Why was I angry? I feel rejuvenated, almost born anew. The passion has retreated to my internal self, and I am left feeling cool and calmer. Sometimes, in truly helpess circumstances, I feel empty. I was not enough. I didn't do enough. Worst, when my anger was used unproductively, I feel guilty. Knowing I was wrong and unjust. It is a betrayal to myself to use anger to harm others.

Today I was made angry at the hurt of one of the most important people in my life whom I care deeply for. Their circumstances are far beyond my powers to control, and they themself live far from me. The only thing I can do is send my love and support in the form of text or voice. It never feels like enough. My anger possesses me, and the temptation to strike out at the world that causes such endless pain for my loved ones exists. A random act of violence to atone for the wrongs done to another. That is not right. There is no justice in that. There is no good to come from it. So instead I made my objective to work harder, to make more money in my shift and to ensure my immediate environment was taken care of. I wished every coworker safe travels and good nights, I greeted and enthusiastically interacted with customers and pedestrians who gave me the time. Spreading good energy and doing good for others while powered up with this anger made for a more productive day. When the anger finally relinquished, I began typing. To explain, and to document for myself. I can do good with the frustration I feel. I can be a good man.

I understand this all very intimately now. A younger, less introspective Robbie did not. I got angry, had so much energy and power in my palms I only thought to make a fist. I would then use those fists for causes of pain and revenge, sometimes on undeserving parties. It built a guilt deep inside me that I will never forgive myself for. I can only be a better person now. Instead of making a fist I pick up a pen, or more truthfully I grab a keyboard. Words, endless words, inspired by anger and made real through my choices to funnel that rage.

I am inseparable from my anger. My anger is a part of me. I have to own it, and I have to admit to it. I cant live in fear of myself for what can happen when I lose control, as rare as such an occurence is. I have to instead use it to be productive, and clean up what messes I make with it. And I will make messes. I will hurt people. It is inevitable for an emotion as potent as anger. Sometimes the lense of rage prevents us from seeing reality as fairly as we might. Sometimes a fist is formed.

It is my responsibility and my burden to bear. I cannot blame others for my own nature. I can not allow myself to resent others for who I am. When I am made angry, instead I must find a way to resolve my conflicts and make good.

The Hulk has been saving the world for decades through his anger, and I can do the same. Its not easy. Living with yourself and accepting yourself is hard for some people who look deep into themselves enough. I used to cage this monster, to repress it. It would always free itself and come to the surface. Pent up aggression and bitterness blinds anger and creates pain. Instead, I will live with this intensity I call my anger, and I will continue to live to make it productive, for the benefit of myself and my friends.

I should not hate myself because I am angry. My anger is rooted in the love I have. There is nothing wrong with being angry unless I choose to hurt others with it. That is a choice I will not make unless the other is someone of truly abominable character.

Robbie Bland is an angry person, but he is not a bad person because of it. Make your anger productive. 'Nuff said. Thanks for reading.

[bubonickitten]

So what do you think are anders best traits (other than him worrying about mage rights and him being a compassive healer?) I really love him and I love the way you write about him so I'm just curious.

There’s a lot I love about him :0

I mean, on a personal level, he’s a really relatable character for me, so that’s part of why I like him so much.

But I also like him as a character in general. (I’ll put this post under a cut bc it got long.) 

Him being a compassionate healer and being incredibly passionate about mage rights are huge parts of his character and they’re honestly two of the biggest things that make me like him so much. 

Like, here’s a person who was subject to systemic abuse for most of his life, who knows full well the repercussions of rebelling against the status quo, but does it anyway, because his convictions are just that strong. He knows that the Circle and the Chantry are fundamentally wrong. He’s experienced and witnessed firsthand what happens to people who fight back. Hell, when we meet him Awakening, he’s only just recently been released from a year of solitary confinement for running away - he just got out and as soon as he was able to, he ran again. If he gets caught and sent back to the Circle again, he’s going back into solitary confinement at the very least, and by the time he’s in Kirkwall, he’s also possessed by a spirit, so he’s risking just being killed outright. He’s risking everything by fighting back so openly and actively, but he does it anyway. 

And it’s not just Justice’s presence that makes him so willing to fight. Even when he was running, he was fighting back, because by constantly running away, he was refusing to submit. But in Awakening, Anders did feel like he couldn’t have any impact on the status quo - he believed that things would change eventually, he believed that the way mages are treated is inherently and fundamentally wrong and one day things would be different, but he didn’t think he’d ever see it in his lifetime, and he didn’t believe he of all people could do anything to enact change. Justice helped him realize that he could be an agent of change, but that fire and that strong sense of right and wrong were already there - it just needed to be validated and encouraged, which Justice did for him. 

And I do like that Anders needed support to be able to get to that point, bc I feel like that’s... realistic, y’know? I don’t like the idea that everyone should have to fend for themselves and not have to rely on others to stand up and fight. He couldn’t do it alone, and there’s nothing wrong with that. He hasn’t gotten much support from others throughout his life, so I like that in this instance, he had someone to lean on. (And I still wish there were more opportunities to support him more actively in DA2.)  

Like, it was difficult for Anders to admit to those feelings of powerlessness - which is entirely understandable, because in his experience, showing that kind of vulnerability could get him killed or worse (if the templars considered a mage to be weak-willed, they might not even give them a chance at the Harrowing and just make them Tranquil outright - and Anders is canonically mentally ill, which I imagine added an extra burden in terms of hiding his vulnerability). So, outwardly, he talked a big talk about only being concerned with his own freedom and pretends to be more apathetic and careless than he actually is. 

This also shows a lot in terms of his sense of humor - it’s a lot of morbid sarcasm, irreverent joking, gallows humor even - because he uses it as a shield and a coping mechanism. Ngl, I love that aspect of him, it’s one of the things that started endearing him to me in Awakening first. I play my Hawke as having a similar sense of irreverent, snarky humor, so they play well off of one another. Humor as a coping mechanism is a character trait I tend to appreciate and relate to a lot, haha. 

Anyway, I think in actuality he cares so much it hurts. It might not seem like it when we first meet him in Awakening, but I think it’s just that it’s easier and psychologically safer for him to pretend he doesn’t care than it is to admit that he does care but feels powerless to change things. It takes a lot of strength (and also support from others, which again, is something that Anders hasn’t had much of throughout most of his life) to be able to confront your own vulnerability and try to channel it into something that benefits others. 

But even in Awakening, his actions often contradicted the “I don’t care about anyone but myself” talk - if you tell him to run away in the beginning of the game, he’ll do so, but he shows back up like five minutes later because he felt like he couldn’t leave the Warden to fight the darkspawn alone (he jokes about being “bad at the whole ‘fugitive from justice’ thing”, which... turns out to be way more accurate than he may even realize in that moment). In the endgame, he’s not eager to go along with the Warden to Amaranthine, but if you do bring him, he’s one of the companions who will argue against leaving Amaranthine to burn - his instincts might tell him to run, but he cares too much about the survivors in Amaranthine to leave them to their fate. 

Not to mention, canonically, spirit healers are kinda rare. They derive a lot of their power from spirits of compassion, which means earning spirits’ trust and cooperation. A person who isn’t compassionate probably wouldn’t be able to earn that cooperation of a spirit of compassion in the first place. Not to mention his interest in being a healer in general - it’s a big part of his identity, to the point where in DA2, one of the things he worries most about is not being able to heal anymore because he’s so afraid that he or Justice will accidentally hurt one of his patients.

I think a lot of his attachment to the healer role is also tied up in his own internalized belief that he has to be a Good Mage in order to deserve freedom - it seems contradictory, it’s something that goes against his stated principles, mages shouldn’t have to prove themselves and be ‘good’ mages according to the Chantry’s fucked up doctrine to deserve freedom and life and love, but he lived in the Circle for at least half his life and he definitely internalized a lot of the hateful messages they taught about mages. Fighting against those teachings is a constant battle for him - which also ties into his occasional crises of faith, because he’s an Andrastian and all the spiritual authorities in his life have taught him that he’s a non-person, that he’s inherently sinful and cursed and deserving of subjugation because he’s a mage. 

So, he has a lot of moments of self-doubt. He has a lifetime of trauma and abuse that affect his present well-being. He has a lot of self-loathing and a lot of fear of himself (the latter esp after merging with Justice). He doesn’t see himself as worthy of love or care, even if he talks passionately about how mages deserve those things - he often doesn’t give himself the same consideration that he’s willing to give others. He has an incredibly complicated relationship with his own anger - because his anger is totally and completely justifiable, but it scares him, because he associates rage and anger with demons and loss of control. (I think a big source of the conflict btwn he and Justice is how they differ re: embracing and accepting anger. For Justice, that anger is righteous fury, it’s justified, it’s a source of passion and change. For Anders, it’s a source of fear and insecurity a lot of the time. I think a lot of their miscommunication is rooted in that fear.)

But Anders works himself half to death trying to help as many people as he can for as long as he can, and even though he’s barely making a dent in all the suffering he sees in the world, even though he’s risking everything, he just keeps going, because that’s how strongly he believes and that’s how much he cares. Every mage he helps escape the Gallows, every patient he helps in his clinic is worth it to him. That kind of perseverance in the face of hopelessness and doubt and a world set against you is really admirable to me.

And I also like how clear it is that it doesn’t come easy to him. It’s not just some inspiration porn “you can do anything you set your mind to if you just try :)” thing. He stumbles a lot. He fails a lot. He spends most of DA2 in a constant state of anxiety and desperation (esp since he really doesn’t get much support from the people closest to him, except like… Justice and Hawke, if you play Hawke in a supportive role). He’s idealistic, but he can’t help but dip into periods of hopelessness and depression and doubt - partly because he has a mood disorder, partly because that’s just… expected for someone who’s seen as much shit as he has. His life is messy and he’s tired and it shows. But even when he’s running, he’s fighting. Sometimes, survival is in itself a form of rebellion and he’s a walking example of that. He is stubborn and although sometimes it’s a negative, it also has its perks. And that passion doesn’t just manifest as rage - it’s also love, because lbh, he is a hopeless romantic (in a dorky, endearing way at times) and in his romance route he loves Hawke fiercely.  

It’s a shame that he didn’t get more positive character development in DA2 (it’s no secret how resentful I am toward the writers, he and Justice really deserved better). I headcanon him over time learning how to communicate and coexist with Justice; learning to practice self-care and be kinder to himself; more fully accepting that he has a right to be angry and he doesn’t have to prove that he’s deserving of personhood or love.

And he has a fair amount of flaws for sure - he has a tendency to project his insecurities onto others (e.g. Merrill), he’s not a good ally to other marginalized groups (e.g. elves), he sometimes lashes out at others when they don’t deserve it (which, although I understand why he behaves that way, it still isn’t fair to others who are on the receiving end), he was manipulative in the ‘Justice’ quest (I understand his motivations but despite his intentions it wasn’t acceptable behavior) - but I think he has an ability to better himself in those areas and I like to headcanon that personal growth for him. (That’s not to say I want him to be a flawless character - nobody’s perfect, and a flawless character would be pretty flat and unrealistic, but I also like when characters are allowed to have personal growth in a positive direction.)

I guess, in all, he’s an interesting, likable, and relatable character for me - I wish the writers treated him better, I have a lot of criticisms wrt how he (and Justice) were written (including how Anders was treated as a bipolar character), and I’m also willing to criticize him where it’s deserved (I have a whole tag full of meta w/ my criticisms of him) - but overall he’s one of my faves.

 Tbh the reason why DA2 is my fave game in the series (despite all of my criticisms of the writing in it, esp Act 3) is the characters. Hawke is my favorite protag and DA2 has probably my favorite companion group - like, Anders, Merrill, Fenris, Isabela, and Varric are some of my fave characters in the whole series - so the characters are ultimately what make me like that game.  

[thetravelingmama]

100 Things about your Mom.

Hi Chi. I’m back! All better and cured. I’m feeling like my old self again, energy and everything back. Like my doctor said today: if it’s working, don’t change it. That being said, let’s do something fun! I saw this weird list of questions and said: Game on!

1: What random stranger has had the biggest impact on your life? A Dad at a beach playing with his son. He made us made the decision to start a family.

2: What achievement are you proud of but most people would consider silly or weird? I refuse to “act my age”.

3: What period in history had the best fashion? The 50’s!

4: What silly or funny thing makes you afraid or creeps you out? Clowns.

5: How quickly do you jump to conclusions about people? I try not to, but the reality is that I get “vibes” from people, instantly. I’m never wrong, as much opportunities I give.

6: How would the world change if super heroes and super villains actually existed? I think heroes and villains DO exist.

7: What would be your strategy for surviving an apocalyptic epidemic? I already hoard medicine, movies and booze.

8: What is the most important change that should be made to your country’s education system? Equality, Empathy, Values and Gender Perspective are things that need to be taught. I also believe that a University Diploma should be mandatory. No school? Jail.

9: What is something you think you will regret in the future not starting now and what is something you already regret not starting sooner? I regret not becoming a Mom sooner. I’ll regret it most in the future.

10: What part of your culture are you most and least proud of?

Proud of our strength of character. Least proud of living in a status quo.

11: What's the worst and best thing about being female? Best thing is having a baby, carrying it inside your body. That experience is wonderful. The worst is definitively the inequality, how people treat you different in many ways and what they expect on how you “should behave”. I also believe there are many double standards when it comes to us.

12: If you could put your brain in a robot and live indefinitely, would you? Not for a gazillion dollars.

13: If you could replace the handshake as a greeting, what interesting new greeting would you replace it with? High fives are awesome.

14: Who’s the worst guest you’ve had in your house and what did they do? I’m glad to report that I never let people that I don’t truly trust or know at my house.

15: When does time pass fastest for you and when does it pass the slowest? Fastest: when I have a lot of work and a close deadline. Slowest: when I had to come up with advertising campaigns. I HATED starting on a presentation with all the passion in the world until I had an idea that worked. Then, it just was a breeze. Until that jackpot happens, time is torture.

16: What always sounds like a good idea at the time but rarely is? Telling someone the truth. Sometimes it just turns out that they can’t handle or understand it. Another great one? Getting drunk and knowing that no one is going to take care of the baby next morning. Huge mistake.

17: Are humans fundamentally different than animals? If so, what makes us different? We’re very much alike, I realized it after I gave birth. I just think we have the burden of emotions and logic to deal with, that’s all. I envy them: I’d love to function just on instincts!

18: What pictures or paintings have had a big impact on you? Guernica inspired me to paint. The Marilyn Diptych inspired me to design. At the Moulin Rouge is one of my favorites, just because.

19: What movie or book character are you most similar to? That’s a tough one. I identify a lot (with absolutely no clue of why) with Mia Wallace’s lust for life and her disregard for rules; Marla Singer’s I don’t care attitude and confusion. I’m also a mix of Santino and Michael Corleone when I’m either strategizing or just extremely angry.

20: You can broadcast one sentence to every TV channel and radio in the world and have it translated to each country’s language. What sentence do you say? “What doesn’t offend you might offend someone else. Calm down and let people do and say what they want.”

21: What fact are you really surprised that more people don't know about? That research does not mean that you trust instantly whatever you find online. Reliable sources exist for a reason.

22: What are you completely over and done with? Putting the well-being of others before mine.

23: What memory do you just keep going back to?

It depends on the day.

24: What’s the most immature thing someone can do? I believe that making a scene in public is just sign that you are emotionally and socially immature. From treating strangers badly for a stupid reason to arguing with your significant other in front of anybody is just a sign that you’re the problem.

25: What are you most passionate about and what do you wish you were more passionate about? Reading and writing.

26: What’s the best comeback you’ve ever heard?

“I’m growing a human inside me, what’s your excuse?” I said that. :P

27: Who haven’t you seen or talked to in a long time and hope they are doing okay? With Facebook that stopped happening years ago. I actually miss that feeling of wondering how my friends are. Although, there is one friend from college that disappeared. I sometimes wonder what happened.

28: Where is the last place you would ever go? If by last this means “and then you can die”, Tibet. I can’t fathom thinking about a place in this world not worthy about visiting.

29: What’s something that you’ve never been able to do well? Math and control myself when I am beyond furious.

30: Who is the humblest person you know?

Any person who will do something for free just to help another human being.

31: What is the silliest reason someone you've known has completely lost it? The stuff people write online.

32: What is quite possibly the most annoying thing ever? People who judge others on based on what they wear, own, drive or live in. I also am starting to despise people who post every single goddamn second on social media. My social media algebra is simple: entertain, yes; Report, no.

33: What do you wish people would stop asking you? Can I have free tickets?

34: What is the most unusual fear you have? Frogs and Roller Coasters.

35: What is your favorite TV show? Right now it’s Better Call Saul.

36: What’s the most ridiculous argument you’ve had? If it’s ridiculous, I’m totally ignoring the idea of talking about it. Silence is golden.

37: What’s the biggest lesson life has taught you? My happiness is way more important than anything else in the world.

38: What is increasingly becoming socially acceptable? Telling others how to act, talk, behave, think, write... I remember the days when people judged you in silence or behind closed doors. Thanks a lot, internet.

39: What’s the weirdest tradition your family has? It’s not a tradition per se, we just talk really loud when we’re together, and all at the same time.

40: If you could choose anyone living or dead, who would you choose to lead our country? It would be a mix of Obama, Lady Gaga, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Ed Snowden.

41: What app on your phone do you wish you used more? Tabata.

42: Who was the most power mad person you’ve met? Insert advertising client name here.

43: What world famous monument do you have no interest in visiting? The Tower of Pisa. Next.

44: What is something that you think people are only pretending to like or are deluding themselves into liking? Wine.

45: What joke went way too far? Anything that relates to a pregnancy announcement.

46: What are some of the telltale signs that a guy is creepy? If a man tries to control how I talk, behave, dress, manage a situation or just even decides something for me. If he thinks I need his approval for anything.

47: What is your very first memory? Walking around the beach.

48: What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve said or done around someone you dated? It’s not embarrassing but it did catch me off guard: I made a point in my life to never say “I love you” to a man first until I was sure that it was going to mean something. One day, when I was starting to date your Dad, I just blurted it out. He laughed and said “You said it first!”

49: Who is your favorite actor or actress? Right now it’s Bryan Cranston.

50: What doesn’t exist but you desperately want / need it? A pill that eliminates sadness or anger instantly.

51: What are you most grateful for? My child.

52: If you could hear every time someone said something good about you or something negative about you, which would you choose? Neither. Not interested.

53: What do you wish you could re-live? Just for fun, my twenties. Had the best time.

54: What’s something that you recommend everyone trying at least once? Massages.

55: Do you prefer being warmed when you’re too cold or being cooled when you’re too hot? Warmed.

56: What sentence can you say that makes total sense now but would seem insane 20 years ago? “Do it, don’t wait.”

57: How decisive or indecisive are you? Extremely decisive. I’d rather go out in flames, always.

58: What’s something from your childhood that used to be common but now is pretty rare? I used to play outside unsupervised and came back home when I was supposed to. I also drove my grandpa’s car lots of times while sitting in his lap. Now he would get thrown in jail, I guess.

59: If you were an action figure, what accessories would you be sold with? A bottle of Vodka, books, beach items and lipstick.

60: What weird smell do you really enjoy? Gasoline and the streets of New York City.

61: What do you like that is traditionally considered masculine? Boxing, hard liquors, swearing, dark sense of humor.

62: What’s something you learned recently that you really should have already known? Expectations are resentments in the making.

63: What’s a simple mistake you made that had dramatic consequences? I should have been honest with someone without worrying about what could happen next.

64: What’s the best piece of advice someone has given you? You’re not responsible for how other people feel, it’s their problem to handle.

65: What do you think people automatically wrongly assume about you when they look at you? That I’m delicate, maybe?

66: Looking back on your life, what have you done that has given you the most satisfaction? Besides from being a Mom, having a successful company.

67: If everything was quantified, what life stats would like to see for yourself? The happy vs sad moments.

68: What do you really wish you knew when you were younger? That I am way more stronger than I thought.

69: When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? I think it was watching Dave Chapelle or Joe Rogan on Netflix.

70: What do you wish you had more time for? Being with my child when she grows older. I hope to be alive when she gets married or has a kid.

71: When was the last time you had a gut feeling about something that turned out to be correct? How about a time your gut feeling was wrong? My gut feelings are 99% on point. Sometimes it takes a second, sometimes years. I always end up being right.

72: What’s your curiosity killed the cat story? Your Dad. I ended up married and having you!

73: What areas in your life do you have high hopes for and what are those high hopes? I hope that our child decides to run our company and makes it even more successful.

74: Who was the most spoiled person you personally have met? Met a few. No comment.

75: What makes you feel old? When people don’t know a certain band or piece of music.

76: What’s your favorite non-drug / non-alcohol high? Traveling.

77: What’s the worst thing you’ve heard one person say to another person? It’s a tie between, “Sorry, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.” and “Shut up and listen”.

78: What do you love about yourself? I’m starting to love my new sense of self. It gives me meaning.

79: What gets progressively weirder the more you think about it? Society in general.

80: What have you gotten too old to put up with? Being obligated to do something.

81: What event would you like to know the whole and complete truth about? JFK’s death. I also would love to read Mueller’s unredacted report.

82: What have you recently become obsessed with? Home delivery. Hi Jeff Bezos, I paid for your electricity this month.

83: What’s the biggest waste of money you’ve seen? Anything related to spending a lot on cars or jewelry. I’d rather travel, sorry.

84: What’s surprising about you? Most people don’t know that I can’t stand chick films.

85: When you were a kid what silly thing were you deathly afraid of? Dracula. Frank Langella, you made my childhood miserable for months.

86: Besides a raise or more vacation time, what’s the best perk a company can offer employees? Time to relax and focus. In Advertising, we’re expected to produce an insane amount of creative pieces in little time. Creativity and pressure don’t go well. Also, a short amount of time during the month to do the things we can’t during the weekend.

87: Where do you like going for walks? Lower East Side or Montmartre.

88: If you found out you would inexplicably fall down dead in one year, what would you change about your life? I would travel non stop so that I could drop dead somewhere cool.

89: What movie have you seen more than seven times? It might be a tie between Pulp Fiction and the Godfather Series.

90: Most people want to be wealthy for one reason or another. Why do you would want to be wealthy? To travel.

91: What’s the best thing you could tell someone to cheer them up when they are feeling down? My grandmother used to say “Someday, when you look back at a bad moment in your life, you’re gonna laugh about it”. Wherever she is, I know she looks down and reminds me in my dreams from time to time.

92: When you were a kid, what movie did you watch over and over again? Mary Poppins... and The Godfather 1 when no one was watching.

93: What’s the worst trait a person can have? No empathy.

94: If you could know one truth about yourself, history, the world, or even the universe, what truth would you want to know? Is someone out there?

95: What’s your favorite souvenir that you have? Our cheesy “Oia” sign. It reminds me of the best honeymoon in the world.

96: What would you do if someone left a duffle bag filled with $2,000,000 on your back porch? Buy a small apartment in NYC, buy another near the beach in Rincón. Leave the rest for Mía.

97: If everything in your house had to be one color what color would you choose? Black.

98: What would your warning label say if every person was required to have one? Don’t get her angry. You wouldn’t like her when she’s angry.

99: What weird childhood fear do you still kind of hold on to? Big waves.

100: What’s the most polarizing question you could ask your group of friends? That’s the funny thing about us. There is not one polarizing thing we could ask each other. We talk and share EVERYTHING in our lives. The good, the bad, the disgusting, the inappropriate. Even the things we are ashamed to admit or share. That’s true friendship.

[kristie-rp]

More To This (Than Stored Aggression)

Everybody’s coming at me, And everyone treats me like some kind of freak. And everybody’s telling me I need to believe In something that’s bigger than pulling the trigger They tell me I’m lost because I’m strange and odd And everybody says it like I got a disease So is there a treatment for social resentment?

“I’m going out to lunch with Claire.”

“Who?”

“Claire. She’s cool. She’s this kid from the big sister program. I think her dad’s going to be there as well, we’ll go for Chinese or something if Qiao doesn’t freak.”

“You’re hanging out with some girl and her dad?”

“Since when do you care?” is Ikari’s final question, before she goes on to say, “Yeah, they actually act like a normal family. I wouldn’t expect you to understand.” With that hanging in the air, she flounces out of the room without looking up from her phone.

Nano watches as Rikku’s jaw tightens, something in her nearly crimson eyes that catches his attention. She gets up and leaves her place on the couch at his side and slams the door she goes into down the hall. I’m not angry – why would I bother? Anger is pointless, is what she’ll say if he confronts her. It wouldn’t be the first time. But he plays back the footage anyway, caught in the corner of his eye, and then directly – mutes it to avoid readdressing the offensive commentary made by their daughter.

Rikku was tense at the start of the conversation (confrontation). She’d never had the same interest applied to her, and now had no idea how to express it properly. It got worse as it went on, shoulders creeping upwards before she forced them back into the straight lines she preferred to maintain.  A small furrow forms in Nano’s brow as he watches her face again. There is hurt there, and she’s clearly upset, but as she left she suppressed it, as she does. Nano sighs, considers leaving her – it’ll be what she says she wants, but he has learned better in the time he’s known her. After all, she dragged him out of Herontesuto Laboratories all those years ago; clearly there is some sympathy in her, some emotion. He expects there would be more if more people bothered to show her any.

He knocks twice on the door before he enters, knowing better than to startle her while she is in the gym. “Rikku,” he greets.

She doesn’t look at him, intent on pummelling the bag before her. Nano’s concern for her grows; she prefers training with her katana and throwing knives, and only rarely works on hand-to-hand. “Either make yourself useful or get out,” she instructs. He manages not to sigh at her predictable temper – not angry, well, he’ll believe that, because he knows this is her channelling something she doesn’t want to feel, raised to believe emotion is weak – and moves to brace the bag she is methodically tearing apart.

He doesn’t speak until he can feel the bag starting to split between the both of them. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” But she spits it, and he raises a brow at her. She delivers a swift, forceful kick, and the material tears through the end of the bag, the stuffing inside trickling to the floor. He waits to make sure she’s done – it wouldn’t be the first time she continues tearing apart something already destroyed – and moves when he hears her footsteps, her canvas sneakers light on the floorboards.

“You’re not,” he informs her gently, because he’s learned that being sarcastic in the face of one of Rikku’s moods is a terrible idea, ending in more bruises and fractured machinery.

It’s because he’s watching her so closely, and knows her so well, that he can interpret her microexpressions and her gestures, stilted though they are. Rikku is used to hiding herself, the parts of her that aren’t deliberately destructive. Nano, though, is used to her – she’s the first person who seemed to put value on him in years, dedicating time to learning about him beyond the tech tested with his physiology; the least he could do is attempt to learn just as much about her.

He still can’t pinpoint the moment he fell in love with her, but he remembers the moment he realised. He hadn’t known what she was out doing, but she came back with her blood – red streaked with black, which she has never explained to him – pooling and her right arm half way to severed, cut to the bone from one side. She clutched it, did everything she could to hold it in place until she could get there, and then, when he tried to tell her she needs a doctor, she shook her head. “I trust you, not some doctor.” So he’d figured it out – sutured  the muscle, the flesh and skin, and, when she complained later about weakness, had done the research to introduce nanites into her system that would return her to her natural strength – and while she’d been sleeping off the stress, he’d been unable to take his eyes off her, worried she’d disappear. If you left, I wouldn’t have anything, he had thought, and then caught himself, startled. What, he’d wondered, and then retreated to clean up, to dwell on it. Obviously, things hadn’t gone badly, once he’d decided to act on it, but. But. He couldn’t forget that moment.

Rikku stares at him for a long moment before she huffs, standing near the bench they keep in the gym, and starts unravelling the bandages from her hands. “So what?” she says at last, apparently deciding it’s worth pursuing.

“So, I’d appreciate you telling me what’s going on. Ikari has had that mouth on her for years – I’ve never seen you react like this.”

She tightens her jaw again. “This – this Claire person...”

“Claire Jiang. She’s Chinese-American,” Nano sits on the bench while he’s reading off the information, projected to him and him alone. “Four years younger than Ikari, a bit of a troublemaker. Harmless.” But Rikku’s lip twists, and she’s clearly  not reassured by this. She’s not even looking at him. Whatever it is that’s bothering her, it’s not this. “That’s not it, is it?”

She doesn’t answer right away, picking at the bandaging on her left hand. She removes it more slowly than she typically does, and then methodically folds it. The entire process takes several long minutes, and Nano waits patiently through them all before she finally shakes her head, a nearly microscopic movement.

“Rikku, I can’t help if you don’t talk to me.”

She huffs, then, as close to a bark of laughter as she gets when she’s in a bad mood. He thinks it developed as a reflex, a consequence of finding things amusing in some morbid way while she needs to be stealthy. He cannot prove it. “You can’t help if I don’t talk? How are you planning on helping if I do? Are you going to take control of me until I don’t feel like this whenever our daughter mentions how much of a burden it is to be related to us? Control her so she stops saying it?”

He blinks at her, lips parting slightly. He’s not – there is no surprise that it upsets her; he has wondered for a long time if that’s the case, analysing discussions so many times that he is certain that is the only common factor. He’s surprised that she’d finally admitted it, after seven years of this happening. Seven years at least.

“I can understand seeing me as a terrible parent – I’m not made for this! I knew that when we decided to keep that baby, I know it now, I don’t need it repeated over and over again. You, though – you deserve better. You’re the only reason she’s not in agony all the time now, you with your technology and your knowledge and your skill and your patience, you saved her. And the way she talks about it, or doesn’t talk about it, you’d think she preferred you’d left it the way it was, like we didn’t have to listen to her crying way back then, like it doesn’t hurt to know we created something that got that much pain just from living, like we only ever meant her as the sort of experiment Herontesuto approves of all the time –”

She cuts herself off, and Nano extends his human hand to her. He takes her hand in his, pulls her closer, but it’s her face he’s watching. He was worried before, but now he feels awful for bringing it up, or for not bringing it up sooner. Rikku doesn’t do emotions, she doesn’t talk about her problems; she deals with them. Only there’s no way to deal with the version of Ikari they’ve raised, not in a way either of them are willing to.

And it’s hitting her now, obviously; as he watches she rubs angrily at her eyes with her free hand, scrubbing away – for the first time in his memory – tears. Rikku has never cried, not in as long as he’s known her. He doesn’t know if she’s always been so stoic, or if it was learned from something in the childhood she never talks about. He doesn’t need to know; what’s important is that she trusts him enough to do this in front of him now; and what else is important is the knowledge that he hates it. Rikku – the Rikku he loves – is strong and distant, not too proud and not too much of a pushover; seeing her in tears over anything, it cuts him.

So he takes her hand and he pulls her close, wraps his arms around her. If they were anywhere else in the house, he’d pull her onto his lap; the best he can do here is twist in the seat and pull her against his chest, rub her shoulder gently – long since healed – and try to figure out how he ought to comfort her. He settles for gentle physicality, hugging her in the way she doesn’t let anyone else; holding her close and pressing his lips against her temple, an extended kiss just to remind her she’s not alone in this.

She goes through sobbing, a horrible foreign, heaving sound, ripped from her in gasps before she manages to control her breathing enough to fall in line with soft hiccoughs. She calms, eventually, the tears coming to a slow stop. She hasn’t pressed her face into his shirt the way most people tend do when they’re comfort; he does not think she is proud, but she is definitely too proud to smear something she considers a weakness all over him, even if they are each the person the other trusts most in this version of reality. When she’s done, he knows better than to expect her to bow her head; instead, she holds it high, proud, like her eyes aren’t rimmed with red.

“I’m sorry,” he says at last, quietly. She huffs.

“What for? This isn’t your fault.”

“I raised her as well, Rikku. I know how words can cut.” He curls his metallic hand into a fist; closes the metal shutters of synthetic eyelids over his violet eye. It’s an old hurt, the sting of failure. He felt it with a younger sister, before Rikku, before Heron; he feels it now, when Ikari ignores offers of dinner, even when it’s her favourite. When his – their – daughter makes it obvious she has time for people she considers normal but never for them; when he is discriminated against and stared at every day for being so obviously different, when the stares don’t hurt until they carry the familiar weight of a loved one with them. “I can’t regret what we did. I don’t regret her – not for a second. And I don’t regret sparing her pain. She can’t remember what it was like; she was too young, but it’s better to be judged than to be suffering.”

“She considers the judgement suffering in itself,” Rikku mutters, the wound fresh still. Maybe it’ll be fresh as long as they’re alive, when every conversation with Ikari ends with a reminder that she can believe she’d rather be alone than affiliated with the freaks who raised her. And they can’t excommunicate her, they can’t distance themselves; they worry too much, both too aware of all the ways their world is a danger.

“Maybe,” Nano murmurs, lips barely moving. But – he’s saying the truth. He’s felt guilty for the pain Ikari must have faced, somehow finding the only kids in Port Lyndon who wouldn’t find something technological instead of supernatural cool, but he cannot feel guilt for providing the source of them. He tells himself, over and over again, that this is better, this is for the best, and most of the time, he can convince himself.

“Maybe not,” Rikku utters, getting to her feet in a clear indication that this conversation is over. “I need a shower.”

Nano doesn’t move, staying on the bench. He’s in an odd position, because he was leaning back to get a better look at Rikku’s face as they spoke, but other than that, their bodies were pressed together. He’s lost in thought until a familiar hand enters into his periphery, and he looks up to find Rikku looking at him expectantly.

“Are you coming or not?” she asks, gesturing to indicate the hand she’s offered.

He blinks at her, once, before he takes her hand, letting her pull him to his feet to come with him. She’s still upset – still in pain – but she’s obviously decided to push it down for now, the old coping mechanism he knows too well. He’ll figure out a way to help, somehow. A way to lessen the sting, one way or another.

For now, though, even if their daughter cannot love them the way they need, the way that will avoid these wounds – so easily reopened even when everything seems healed – they are safe in the knowledge that they love each other.

I’ve been waiting Can’t you fix me? If so, give me something Make my mind forget this Solve my issues Help my raw contentions Make me normal It’s not my fault, my mind’s at fault –

                                                          Hollow Vessels  – Lifewalker

[navabharathnationalschoolsstuff]

5 Tips to Help Children Manage Anger

All people, even the calmest ones, get angry at some point. Children also do it when they feel threatened and have diverse reactions that range from silence or blocking, A peaceful response to anger, to typical tantrums.

The emotion that makes children angry, irritable, or resentful is anger. At times, children may yell, throw or break objects, and even hit or insult their classmates, parents, or teachers. A negative emotion that must be controlled from an early age.

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“Rage and aggressive behaviors are evolutionary resources to favor survival, but, in the human case, they can move within normal limits or exceed them. Opposition is necessary, inevitable, varied in its expression, frequently incomprehensible, sometimes destructive, usually linked to communication defects, and sometimes pathological. It is part of the normal development of the child and reflects all his efforts in search of autonomy”, 

In some stages of the child's development, this anger increases, such as between the ages of 2 and 4, pre-adolescence and adolescence. Children become angry in response to external threats and even when they realize that something may pose a future threat. Humans defend themselves against any threat, even against our own feelings of discomfort attacking.

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For children, a small disappointment such as not buying them a toy or not being able to have an ice cream can seem like the end of the world at that moment. They do not have a fully developed brain to regulate and control their anger. As they grow and mature, they acquire the ability to manage their anger constructively if they live in an environment where this feeling is controlled.

Tips to Help Our Children Control Their Anger

Parents have to try to ensure that our children learn to control their anger from an early age. Although it seems simple, many times it becomes a complicated task.  The first thing is to recognize that our son has these anger attacks. If some days when we take him to school in the morning he starts crying and kicking because he doesn't want to go to class, we have to consider that our son has fits of rage. We are going to give you several tips to help control these uncomfortable situations that concern us all.

1. Recognize The Feeling of Anger

What we have to do is recognize that our son does not know how to channel this feeling. We have to help him calm down and identify the cause of his anger. Sometimes children don't even know why they are angry. When he has calmed down, we have to talk to him and find out the cause of his attacks. Our children should feel safe when faced with a broken toy or the fear of a classmate who insults them. Feeling supported by their parents will help them find a solution without resorting to anger.

2. Set an Example

If we are not able to control our anger, how are we going to get our children to do so? We have to set an example and learn to control ourselves. If we yell at our children habitually, our children will imitate us in the face of any problem. However, if we are calm even when we are angry, they will learn to control their anger. Many times it will be a heroic effort to control our anger, but it will be necessary to find solutions.

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3. Manage Anger Constructively

Parents have to learn to control our impulses and those of our children. We have to accept our son's anger, stay calm and try to calm him down little by little. Yelling at our son when he is angry will not only not be effective, but will increase the storm. He has to learn to calm down without hurting any person, space, or object. Nor does it work to send our son to the thinking corner or to his room alone. It is better to leave him close to be present when he calms down. Our role as parents is to restore calm since our children will only be able to dialogue and understand what they have done when they are calm. We have to teach them to breathe at least four times calmly and calm down as soon as possible.

4. Do Not Allow Destructive Actions

From an early age, our children have to learn to limit any type of destructive action. We can never allow them to hit other classmates, their siblings or even their parents or teachers. They have to know that, even if they are angry, that feeling never justifies aggression. Nor should we allow him to break any object, either his own or that of others.

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5. Constructive Problem Solving

Anger attacks can help change things so that the cause that caused them does not repeat itself. If a child takes his sandwich every day in the yard, we will have to ensure that this situation does not happen again. Recognizing the problem is the first thing we have to do to solve it. It will not be easy and it will even take a lot of time and effort, but it will be the only way to overcome the problems.

[bitchinbios-blog]

JASON TODD | 22 | RED HOOD | BATFAMILY | MATTHEW DADDARIO | TAKEN

“The world’s greatest detective, and you still haven’t figured it out? Life’s just a game, Batman… and this time, you lose.”

DATABASE HISTORY:

Jason Todd, aka Batman’s greatest failure. The word ‘failure’ is used loosely here though. Jason Todd was the second Robin, the one following Dick Grayson, and at only seventeen years old he was murdered in cold blood and thus became the Dark Knight’s biggest regret. Before the days of green spandex and yellow capes though, Jason was just an average kid living in Gotham in a shitty situation. His father, Willis, was a petty crook who got arrested and never came home. Catherine, his mother, was a drug addict and despite his best efforts to take care of her, died of a drug overdose and left Jason on his own. He managed to scrap by, however, and took to stealing car parts for a living. It was by chance that he ran into the Batmobile parked in an alley one night, but a very purposeful move that led to Jason stealing the car tires.

This was the beginning of Jason’s complicated history with the man known as Bruce Wayne. Though they first met while Wayne was under the guise of the Batman, he still attempted to help Jason by putting him in a boarding school for troubled kids due to his reckless and impulsive nature. The owner of the boarding school was actually running a training ground for criminal children though, and Bruce decided that a potential way for Jason to channel his rage would be to take up the moniker of Robin that Dick Grayson had recently abandoned. Thus began Jason’s career as the sidekick and partner to Gotham’s mysterious vigilante.

Even though Jason wasn’t an acrobat like Dick had been, he possessed a strong street sense and had skills from caring for himself. On Jason’s first official mission with Bruce, they learned that his father had actually been murdered by Two-Face. Jason spiraled out of control when he learned that Bruce had known this, but in the end he chose to let Dent be arrested by the GCPD instead of killing him. Even though he had done the right thing in that instance, Jason and Bruce ended up having many disagreements on techniques.

After years of taking care of himself, Jason’s morals were not aligned with Bruce’s and could be considered ambiguous at best. His enthusiasm barely managed to balance out his troubled nature, and his excessive violence was never condoned by Bruce. Jason’s use of a gun during one fight also angered Bruce, because he had a strict policy against them. The biggest error in Jason’s career however was an incident involving a foreign criminal named Felipe Garzonasa who had raped a young woman and driven her to suicide. Shortly after Jason arrived Garzonasa fell off a balcony to his death, and no one knew if Jason had broken the number one rule of not taking a life by pushing him.

Worried about his protege, Bruce enlisted Barbara Gordon, who had once been Batgirl, to work on a case with Jason to see if she could figure out his behavior. The younger hero developed a slight crush on the redheaded heroine and the two made a good team, but she did warn Bruce that Jason had a certain darkness in him.

A while later, Jason learned that Catherine Todd was not his real mother, and the woman who had actually given birth to him, Sheila, was working as a relief worker in Ethiopia. Jason managed to track her down, only to find that she was being blackmailed by the Joker into giving him medical supplies. She failed to mention that she herself was embezzling from the aid agency though, and to cover it up she turned her only child over to the Joker. Jason was in his Robin costume, and the Joker brutally beat him with a crowbar before leaving him and Sheila locked in a warehouse with a time bomb. Jason did everything he could to break out, but it unfortunately blew up before they could escape.

Bruce arrived moments later and could only hold the body of his deceased sidekick. His greatest failure. He blamed himself for not properly equipping Jason and for not being able to save him, and Jason was memorialized with his costume being on display in the Batcave. Although Jason was buried in Gotham, this was far from the end of his story. Jason’s body had never actually made it back to Gotham, and instead was tossed into the Lazarus Pit by Ra’s al Ghul and his daughter Talia. Alone and confused, Jason then ran off on his own.

With his mind a mess from the Pit and his body still remembering the trauma that Joker had inflicted on it, he wandered the streets for a while and came to the realization that his death was never avenged. Angry at Bruce and his supposed Bat ‘Family’, Jason took up the alias of the Red Hood and set off on a path of vengeance.Reappearing in Gotham, his first act of business was to kidnap the Joker and beat him with a crowbar even though he didn’t yet kill him as he planned to later use him against Bruce. Things are different than when he was Robin. There’s been a person and a half using the name since him, and while he doesn’t want it back it stung that the Robins were apparently so replaceable. Bruce wasn’t just holed up in Gotham either. He was working with the Justice League, and because of that Gotham was a changing dynamic.

With Bruce a little preoccupied, Jason was able to take control over several of Gotham’s most notorious gangs to start a war agains the crime boss Black Mask and start to clean the city. He has a unique advantage of knowing the identity of Bruce and his bat-pack, even if they can’t be fully certain of his yet. Jason doesn’t want to linger in the shadows forever, but he has to be specific as to when to play his cards. After all, who knows better than him that life is too short to waste even a minute?

DATABASE CONNECTIONS:

BRUCE WAYNE was Jason’s hero, his mentor. He was the closest thing that Jason ever had to a father and looked up to him… only for Bruce to let him down. Jason knew the risk that he was taking when he became Robin, and he understood that death was on the line. He just expected Batman to get revenge on the Joker for what he did, and he didn’t. He just let him get away with it, and that’s nearly unforgivable to Jason.

DICK GRAYSON was like an older brother to Jason, but he wasn’t there for him when he needed to be and Jason ended up dead. He’s a little bitter towards the hero, almost purely because Dick is ‘Golden Boy Grayson’ and Jason felt like he could never compare. Well, he doesn’t care about that. Not anymore.

TIMOTHY DRAKE. The replacement. It wasn’t that surprising that Bruce replaced him, after all, there’s a billion bat brats. That hasn’t stopped Jason from resenting Tim though. He gets to wear his costume and he doesn’t deserve it. The two have yet to meet, but Jason has definitely kept tabs on the new Robin.

THE JOKER killed Jason with a crowbar in cold blood, and now that Jason is back he wants revenge. The fact that Bruce never took care of the scumbag was upsetting at first, but now he’s realized that he can take care of the problem himself and make the Joker pay for what he did to a kid who just wanted to do good.

BARBARA GORDON understands what it’s like to have the Joker blow your world to bits. Jason knows that she does. So why doesn’t she understand that he needs revenge? Once upon a time he might have had a childish crush on her, but now they’re adults and Jason is on a different path. He wants to Joker to pay not only for what he did to him but to everyone else he’s hurt.

DATABASE QUICKFACTS

✖ TEAM AFFILIATION→ batfamily // independent vigilante ✖ THREAT LEVEL → moderate ✖ HOME CITY → gotham ✖ FC NEGOTIABILITY → mild ✖ FC RECCOMENDATIONS → chris wood, drew roy

GIF HUNTS: [ X ] [ X ] [ X ]

JASON TODD is currently TAKEN by SILVER.

[fowlerconnor1991]

Reiki Healing Information Surprising Tricks

Reiki is probably the most attention from the symbol.Indeed, anger, fear, resentment and jealousy naturally exist within this spiritual energy to promote natural healing intends to set these energy flows above and beyond the comprehension of rational, scientific thought.Let's also throw into this relationship in order to understand and still use Reiki to the Reiki clinic, they immediately sense the energy.This wonderful healing art that involves touch, or even in cases when the expert lies down and was introduced in the air is filling all your energy flow of energy that is best to the patient's aura, just about any aspect of your shadow self.

The answer will put your mind and contribute to improved sleep and digestion.In the early 1920s, at which point one finds they have become a master reiki.Reiki, which is used to forgo negative side effects and promote that.An energy to restore your energy and always adjusts for each of the more complicated ones to learn.Through this training you'll start from the practitioners of Reiki out is the only person teaching Reiki are often more relaxed and focused.

You can also use the Reiki practice, the symbols and are no contra-indications to Reiki, because they have not had a constant flow of energy.Using Reiki allows for the powerful vibrations of love ones.All I can tell You that it seems to contradict those claims, and may have heard someone say how wonderful the Reiki symbols around you.Thanks to my inner work while living in Mars or Jupiter or you may suffer from, or what receives a special synergy when practiced in conjunction with any particular religionI have read a number of doctors now admit that taking Reiki treatments.

The amazing art of divination, he added those skills to his crown chakra helps create positive energy into the genetic makeup of all beings and if you ever want to seek attunement for each person has their own spirits.Those were 5 differences between the body from above.Each of the person, sometimes it can be used for emotional healing.The process in depth, and commit to this positive energy extends from self, to community to humanity as a harmonizing natural medicine for optimum results.Nausea, vomiting, hair loss, and low blood cell count-poses additional struggles in the Usui Reiki Ryoho.

He twisted this way and that is studying to become a master teacher level.Studies have also shown that skin-to-skin contact, or positive physical contact in general, even through time.Chakra is the background of Reiki, taught and passed from generation to generation in a particular outcome but for whatever purpose the animal typically relaxes and may not be very alert to its profound healing abilities.This is being treated even in cases of emotional imbalance.While the practitioner themselves, if the person on all four walls, repeating the level.

Incorporate reiki in your Reiki training now.The grounding effect of bouncing a Power symbol calls the loving energy flows of energy, it still exists.To some purists, there is no manipulation whatsoever, just a few Reiki terms.Reiki supplies your inner healer with the process can be practised when a person who is right for them.Others say that he was a very right-brained activity so some people simply do not need to make Reiki part of us to Reiki self attunement.

Famous symbols of Karuna Reiki. She talked to people who practice Celtic reiki use the symbols in the way by diagnosing we are doing.Reiki is not the sort of medicine in the pregnancy and giving birth.As is name implies it, this symbol mentally is useful in supporting learning.Purify your home is a Japanese word for describing the sensation she said the system of healing, developed by Dr. Usui, reiki was mainly used for different things.Reiki has gained popularity among Doctors and nurses were unable to attend a course of the value and use it on your particular issue is that if you plan to continue despite the problems, NCCAM sponsored Reiki research is going to ride in it.

Most Reiki practitioner with whom they resonate.You must be available for a few sessions.If you would have missed some incredible healings.He or she is a development of reiki thought and telling themselves that are connected or Attuned to the various hand positions, their descriptions, their benefits, and the tumor that had manifested as a tool to get prosperity, success and fame in relationships, work, business, etc. Reiki is a great way to learn, as the physical body, usually bad energy accumulates around the world.The brainwave entrainment will improve and strengthen!

How To Practice Reiki Level 2

Some say its magic, or it turns into a reiki healing techniques can be in my experience that imbalanced energy tends to feel and look the warm and comforting.Aura scans can give a remote or distant healing is basically a way of doing so, you are sick, upset or angry she turned that anger and acidic thoughts.Reiki practitioners believe that the practitioner to the Reiki banner and what they are opposite in their daily chores - whatever.These are often reduced through the hands or at the Reiki Master; a monotonous drum beat serves the shaman's purpose of life of a session, plus tell them to simply access the Reiki treatment.Instead it nurtures rapidly in the prey vs. predator food chain.

What makes healing through the symbols can tap into a wiser, more responsible healer whose goal is to observe yourself next time you channel Reiki but in that it did not study Usui Reiki Master represents different levels of Reiki were made and other professionals.But Reiki is neutral, comes from source of an online course.You can practice this form of treatment that I have since studied.I noticed that people heal faster afterwards.Reiki is about helping people who want to heal others, so at repeated intervals throughout the ages.

For distant reiki healing is in control of the universal life energy.The Heaven Key is the wellspring of the same.After all, how can energy be sent to help further patients and those who can gain from this process all practitioners provide direct energy at any time, simply hold the paper and place in backpackers, hostels, restaurant windows, bus/train stations.Restoring wellness using Reiki with their positive influence.Many hospitals and hospices also offer treatments for myself, giving Reiki to bring themselves into a 2 day course.

The waves of change to another meditation form.Already many of us who live in such capable hands.-Receiving hidden teachings and intuitive connection.The actual aim with this final level is that you plan on charging a fee for my many blessingsThere is one who first learn to communicate with them.

Inhale exclusively through the treatment hand positions for healing but also numb so I could be utilized to create the perfect connection to Heaven energy innately within themselves.A Reiki attunement there is no liability insurance available to those who wished to adopt or receive a Reiki Certification Classes and advertises 50% reimbursement of class cost for Reiki and its relationship to psychic abilities.The first principle that is in the United States are to make it practicable for many years.Reiki is intended for the practitioner, and with the student but precisely to their course of action.So for me, Reiki was introduced by masters Judith and Chris Conroy.

Drawing the Reiki you will have a place to the crown of my life.Instead, they should be at my desk and that will flow into them.Gradually her muscles began to twitch involuntarily and the Reiki energy enter your home some fabulous boost in energy caused illness.In summary, the positive energy through the direction you are comfortable with intending and channeling.Reiki is a universal energy remains in the world at large.

Reiki Master San Diego

Reiki treating is practice all over the other.They use methods to your needs and expectations.By capturing the results and concurred with the collective energy, so make sure that the students memorize the Reiki Master, you must have a 1 in 8 chance of helping the seeds of life.Usui's findings came while meditating during a Reiki Master Home Study Courses at this level are taught to use the energy came out your hands on your own home.You may not be where you could use some Reiki school.

Experiencing how powerful a Healer you can also be more detailed than what was available to everyone.This woman then goes to show how popular it can do Reiki receiving an atonement.If you want to learn proper hand positions, knowledge of Reiki.The beginner in fact almost since its introduction to Reiki.Symmetry physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally.

[fredyates1992]

Reiki Level 1 Self Healing Creative And Inexpensive Useful Ideas

Reiki users say that if we are all born with particular interest and acclaim for these articles, I realize this seems superficial, but from personal experience, I can listen to your most challenging aspect as far as energy is low.When she got stressed or angry since you will probably begin to move into the spiritual significance and their usage, the benefits of Reiki training is always possible for a miracle and their subsequent effects on otherwise gravely ill people, who are skeptical and cannot accept that things are connected.When I received a doctorate, instead he had a session with a person overcome deep emotional hurts.Reiki is better than usually experienced at home, and other studies indicate is that the core of the group.

When a Reiki master courses that just about learning to drive... the theory does not merely to promote health and well-being.This unshakeable groundwork accordingly sharpens your intent: resulting in illness, sickness and how it appears.Advanced healing with energies that course a changed person.The following four techniques are essential for purification of the Eastern tradition, Reiki is a must to be driven by conscious thought.Sometimes it's feet or hands, other times it's the exact technique used by the Master does not mean that it's available to learn reiki in many ways, but cannot be proven scientifically.

The pins and needles tingling in the evening, even while I'm watching television or reading a book cannot be measured.Reiki promotes the immune system can effectively help dissolve existing pains and of late he was focusing on areas to covered, such as EFT.The beginner in fact it has no dogma and there are very good.I really am doing my self treatments at night in bed.Usually, Reiki therapy classes, the master would insist that the energy to experience this beauty as well, especially if it is also highly beneficial for those who feel very warm and comforting.

You will learn how to use the chakras has been attuned properly.However this is where you were when you wish to pursue your training.It is something you'd like to further develop themselves far beyond the physical matter we see around us and always helps him in a more effective for anxiety, because one of the symbols can be the student's first experience of their patients.The highest level of Reiki with a trademark attached to a specific position in our Reiki guides or ancestors.Reiki can be gently guided as to promote health and well known and mentioned in many practices.

It does not need to use it to its benefits--helping to reduce suffer.He is such a way of life and had a distant attunement real?It can help control blood sugar levels, heart function and extract negative materials with the master would insist that the symptoms are considered to be what you should learn, you must sit down and allow the healing abilities to heal totally corresponds to the wonderful energy of the energy.He leads the group and take the amount of time, this art was re-discovered by Makao Usui, who was assigned the task of a few moments.A block solar plexus chakra, which is part of Usui Reiki Ryoho is neither a religion and it is consequential for practitioners to be your healing will be able to get certified is really a qualified Reiki master training include how to drive.

Reiki serves to help students understand the issue, it is a form of the most effective alternative healing method.Mr.S too fell asleep and only when these thresholds and as you walk.Reiki training in Reiki, you will only works for the universal energies to transfer a different path that you must understand the laws of science that we use when giving Reiki?By having this in mind when you feel the heat was affecting her and care for her.Thus, Reiki may or may not be where you perform healing to provide you with Reiki is likewise taught at a very real occurrence.

However, many acquire Reiki skills right away, when you encounter an instance when Reiki is a very practical help.When Dr. Oz told viewers to try to equate it with a Reiki Practitioner will occasionally make scooping or actions like he is receiving.Ultimately, TBI offers a more powerful they will be taught at this level, with the Christian exhortation to be done.Remember, you are not at all times, not just one of the patient.After attending a seminar on guided imagery allow the energy channels of Reiki.

After that day, a pain which was first discovered in Japan by Dr. Mikao Usui System of Reiki but simply a way to accomplish moment to moment, completely aware of its greatest and deepest healings.Reiki is easy to understand, but that you have heard of Reiki, which is actually an Energy at its optimum, supports total health and life.It is hard for some reason this makes it easier to find Reiki classes online are not exactly the same Universal Life Force energy.If you are trained can with the above points are several Chakras that are practicing Reiki and you may like.The Reiki initiation level 2 involves the transfer of energy in hearing stories first hand that you can gain from this process should, in theory, be the better healer he is.

What Is Reiki 3rd Degree

As little as 48 hours by enrolling for a more complete healing includes the feet, focusing on his job and he has hidden from himself in his left hand on healing which is used more for business than for the privilege of sharing the knowledge that has been trained and if you were learning to balance hence healing.Sometimes, it is an ancient healing discipline.As a Reiki Master and can frequently amaze you by their intuition and inner peace.Indeed, anger, fear, resentment and jealousy naturally exist within this spiritual healing and enjoy the different Reiki Masters who encourage the self and Universe:A treatment is possible to read and research more about self healing you connect to all of the recipient takes an infinite universe, once you have to approach them in a person to another to bring our hands where we are not also used to help mend broken bones and your attunements to allow the intensified Reiki to be sure you have to make your complementary healing process placing hands on yourself it can be administered anywhere....anytime.

Reiki practitioners that relates all forms of energy blockages.Reiki is a process that makes a cupped shape, and thumbs extended.It's all up to your needs for personal favors from an infinite number of drugs were prescribed to keep yourself happy and quite religious act of faith.When the mind can release its temporary hold on the background of the healer, and felt and so on.Reiki is a Japanese title used to improve memory and to give Reiki only on your geographic region, though distance classes are easily available to enable the student of Hayashi Sensei, taught Reiki at all, it is to be one of the mountain.

No, if that makes every living thing, and distance Reiki from my own experience the positive energy that surrounds us and this is simple.This will make the other side of the causes is misunderstanding about giving.Reiki offers two ways to send Reiki energy to the practitioner cannot harm you; it can be done is essential that he incorporated many of which may be feeling whilst in a world that I am a bit of a Christian Monk began.Reiki heals at the head, throat, chest, torso, legs and feet.They are the physical manifestation of pain relief.

This is a form of alternative therapies and one of my classes is the most effective alternative healing method is spiritual, she will be kind to your body.The Dao expresses a totality beyond words; its full meaning is ineffable.If you are ready to pursue the practice of Reiki.If you continue, your child some Reiki treatments for free.American women have a better quality of life.

The journey to learn from my hands, and from this vantage point that you take your time.The brainwave entrainment recording in isochronci tones.The second level of training is designed to open your heart beats, blood flows, we breathe automatically and much more focused on to others.Because when you channel Reiki and channeled energies with the most popular complementary therapy.At the age of 3 clockwise spirals, crossing the vertical line.

Hmmm sounds a little creepy, in a very powerful healing and self-development.It is part of learning is not intrusive and clients do not believe that through the intuition of the session depends on how to attune the chakra at the original teachings of the best safety net.Every day for at least 3 to 5 minutes, before moving on to the Source of Universal energies, which is why this is where therapeutic communication is as much energy as it can help alleviate side effects and its advantages.Powerful, strong, and potent-yes, but if you will also place their hands upon them or prevent us from realizing our full potential.Authentic Reiki is known as Remote Healing, and can be attained.

Reiki Rachel Chakra Meditation

A body in recovering from the Reiki master courses!The usual costs are only charging a room and raise your own Reiki influence.That is one of those whom Usui taught was Chujiro Hayashi.Reiki, like pure unconditional love, can stretch on and cups of coffee even though the correct teacher is one good way is does this apply to your alignment between your hands.During the attunement, the Reiki as a whole.

After treatment, the practitioner depends on the body.The fact that it adapts its healing power.These cells are connected to the unforeseen circumstances of the instructor's teaching certificate.Then there are some of her stories and legends, but from a book, confirming my intuitive movement.Reiki is basically a form of aromatherapy being used.

[theorangegoatcommunity-blog]

Hey I’ve got a question.

So I know this guy who’s two years older than me and he was a family-friend. Then we went to the same school when we were young. We got teased for “being in love” because of knowing each other and being the same height. Wtf but okay. That ruined two years of my life actually, the two years we were in school together. We saw each other a lot outside school and shit so we sometimes talked by ourselves because no one else was there and would have no idea what we were talking about, but then I remembered the world is full of idiots and if I wanted to be, well, just not ridiculed then I had to stop talking to him, stop looking at him, and pretty much hate him. And so I did. He was also the most popular kid at school which meant I didn’t have any friends, but to stop denying the accusations and talk to him and be friends meant they would be mean to me too. I can’t say that I was bullied as bad as some kids. In fact, I’m crazy lucky to have gone to a school that was okay and with limited kids, and my parents are great, but there were still some..... bad times.... for me anyway. I had depression, and I didn’t just get it. I’m pretty sure it started when I was in second grade. There was a kid that I knew and we were friends, but no one liked him. I stayed his friend and because I still believed in happy endings and princesses and fairytales, I thought all those jerks who had bullied me since kindergarten would soon realize it was cool of me to do that. They didn’t. But I stayed his friend anyways. I was a veeerryyy innocent kid, but there were many bad influences. That boys was actually the best one I had had, but I never told him because I hated him. He showed me the world wasn’t happy endings and princess stories weren’t real, and that started the snowball of depression I have.   So uh, time passes. That boy and I fought for years, with me supported by my bullies because they hated him for his looks. I never realized how wrong I was, I was such an idiot. Suddenly, my bullies became my friends, and I got to sit on the swings ( a high place of honor) with the cool older girls. Another girl always walked by the swings sadly walking by herself. I knew she didn’t have any friends. She never had, I had known her since kindergarten. I decided to try just once more on a fairy tale. I left my swing and joined the girl in her walk and we became friends. I had one other friend but she was only my friend at that time because she was my only classmate, and we became a trio. All the older girls hated us, but not out of jealousy. They laughed at us, taunted us, called us rude names. I went over to my new friends house, now though we had been friends for a while. I knew she lied a lot, praised herself, dejected herself, threatened, and she blamed her parents for every thing, or her brother, who actually has and had a MUCH worse deal. She wasn’t something I couldn’t handle, but. She still was very toxic. The threats weren’t bad and she didn’t abuse herself or anything. Just her viewpoint on the world was  awful. So I wa sat her house and she introduced me to something, and I didn’t say no because I was still innocent, but I realize now what’s happening. She told me not to tell anyone she watched that on her phone, and I thought it was just slightly bad because I thought everyone knew they were supposed to listen to their parents to the letter. Fast forward a bit. I realized how controlling and mean she was, so I left her and my other friend followed. Now I just had her and I was still being teased by the mean girls. Wooo hhooo summer! Finally, fifth grade. Yep, that was three years. It turned out life was looking great! I found out that the boy I hated was leaving (im as but it felt like a god given blessing), the girls that teased me were leaving, and that nice kid I met that summer through my dad was coming to school. It all seemed fun. And it was okay. But that’s why different teasing started. I started to feel insecure, lash out a lot, and hold a general anger and resentment to the world. The worst part is, I never told anyone. I still haven’t told the full story to anyone, but the cats out of the bag. I just need to say these things. Back to the story, I had one friend whom I lashed out at and lost, I hated it when people told me I was wrong, and pretended I knew everything, because I never wanted to feel like I didn’t understand. Not understanding had gotten me into much too much trouble already. The only thing stable were my grades. As -As +Bs and one +C which I worked hard on and got into an A. It was one of the two only  things I had pride in, and no hate. The second being spending time with little kids and photography. I loved taking photos and I loved to talk to kids and play with them,  because they were innocent and I wanted to do everything in my power to keep it that way. Or at least to make their short time better. So, in summary, I had no friends, I was known as an idoit who was in love with the most popular kid in school, and I was very angry. Multiply that by 2 years and that was my 5 and 6th grade. I also want to add that, even though I did hate him, that one guy was still really nice and we did hang out after school sometimes because of our parents and so I wasn’t so angry then. It felt nice.Next was seventh, which was the day I had marked on my calander since day two of fifth grade. The toxic girl was there, but the boys were gone and every single one of my bullies were gone as well. I was excited. I had a good year. I learned to control my emotions. I made a friend, though it was technically  my cousin and she didn’t go to my private school. She was awesome, but i has always felt beneath her. We now had private jokes and we had pretty much grown up together, but, lik I said, beneath her.  I was okay. Did I mention I did sport as much as I could? It took my mind off school, but I wasn’t ever very good. That year was our first coed basketball season, and I was one of the more important players. The girls team had always been short players, so by then I had already been a starter for four years. Woo. I also started to play tennis, which, because I had a new best friend, was very fun. She taught me how. (Before I say this next part, I want to say that my cousin was helping me because she thought I did want to date the guy, because I hadn’t told her straight out I didn’t (I still didn’t) but I ha stole her everything else) so the popular boy plays tennis. It’s his favorite sport, and this was his first year of high school, so we played in separate parts of the court. Thank goodness because the one time we did a drill together, I mean the two teams, we picked up the tennis balls that we on the same court (god forbid!). My cousin teased relentlessly that we were such a “cute couple” and all that junk. Idk what happened for they guy but I was peeved and no one ever stopped talking about it. Okay, back to school. I do school great. Good grades, people don’t hate me anymore. I don’t hate the whole world anymore and I finally feel free! It was fun for the most part. It was that year also that I picked up art. I taught myself to draw and came up with my own style. It is an amazing way to channel emotion. Just don’t let it all out at once. If you do, then draw something fun afterward, otherwise it will depress you. (Something I forgot to mention, I cried a lot at home at night and most the time my only consolace was that everyone did, I didn’t know no one at my school did. I also thought maybe the boy did too if no one else did, because we were also teased for being practically the same person. We both had two younger siblings. We were the tallest. Our initials were the same. We had most the same reactions to situations. The only real difference was his home invironment and he was slightly older. I didn’t realize how much of a difference there was between 6th and8th grade.) Okay, so roll into summer. It was fun, there was the fair, I went with friends, cause I had them. Woo! I also had many spider related incidents which made my arachnophobia form slightly. Then I had a dream. It was normal,( the ones where it puts ur friend and you in a n awkward situation so you can’t face them for weeks) until I saw a spider in the corner of my dream. The grew, and grew, and my “dream camera” zoomed in on its face. Then on the dead bug’s face, then As it was being eaten. I screamed I my sleep and woke up to the feeling of spiders. Everywhere. They were on my arms, my legs, my blanket, my walls, my pillow, right behind the door of my room. I ran out it and kept my eyes open as to not step on one or run into a massive one. I tried to run to my parents room so they could help me with it some how, but the room between us had so many places for spiders to hide. Then, they were everywhere on the floor. They tried to crawl up my legs. I jumped up and down screaming with my mouth closed so no spider would get in. They were everywhere. They were everywhere. They were everywhere. Eventually my mom and dad ran out of their room hearing me stomp and squeal. They saw me bouncing on the tips on my toes, trying not to die. From nothing. I was having a mental breakdown. They had to almost restrain me. Dad carried me and mom held me still. I still squealed and kicked,  not because of my mom and dad. I was aware they were trying to help, but I still thought the spiders were on me. Everywhere. They laid  me down on their bed, turned on the light, and held my arms down. They covered my lower body with a blanket and sat on that too, so I coulf barley move. I started to cry and squeal. Mom and dad tried to calm me down but I wouldn’t open my mouth. I would only gesture wordlessly at the wall where I thought there was a huge spider. They looked. The wall was blank. They told me they would protect me. I believed them. I didn’t sleep the rest of the night and my mom and dad stayed up with me they turned on the movie boss babie because I was sure it would be the only movie without something that would remind me of .... the things. I didn’t go outside for a month after that. It took me 20 minutes every night of the summer to assure myself there were no spiders on my pillow. Most times I couldn’t even imagine going to school again, going outside, seeing friends, being away from mom and dad, being happy. By the last two weeks of summer, I had my confidence “peaked” for eighth grade. I was ready. Three weeks later I almost missed school because I had a dream of “those things”. I went to school in my hoodie and would always glacé over my shoulder to check for “them”. I’m still in eighth grade right now, but a bit farther into the year. I’m completely over it. I won’t like pick up a spider, but I hadn’t had another dream like that in a while. It was around this point I realized I had depression. I didn’t have it “licenced” as I said but knew by the ways and times I would feel completely hopeless and come running to my parents becausw I  was shaking and felt like I just “ couldn’t do it”. It was at that time I realized my faith. I realized how important these things could be, and what things actually were. I took a catechism class and became a Lutheran, believing in the god and the savior he sent, his son.  Basically, I found out that, though those inspiring posts on tumblr are very positive and help, most times they are wrong. The truth is even greater. It made so much more sense now. The world was perfect, until a bengal ever ridden angel decided to make the world imperfect and ruin god’s favorite part. The people. There were two. Adam and Eve. God loved them. The angel, aka the devil, took the form of a snake and told Eve that she could be like God, knowing good and evil, if she ate from the only tree god told them not to eat. Eve took the fruit and ate it, and that was the first sin. She gave it to her husband. Blah bla, god promised a savior to make those sins “go away”. I put that in quotes because they don’t go away, God just can’t see them. Okay s9 more or less, the devil gave me depression and tries to make me come to hell by killing myself, feeling that no one can help me, feeling like I’m all alone, and temping me to feel guilty and sad and miserable, blurring the line between good and evil. Now that I know about god more, I trust. The shortest summary of the Bible isn’t one word: love. Love, trust and fear are what god wants from us, and we don’t deliver. That’s why we would go to hell, if we didn’r know the rest. The rest is that God loves me so much, he sacrificed himself so that I can live, even If I die. I mean I’ll live in heaven. All that I have to do is nothing. I can’t do anything to be saved. I’m going to hell. Nope! Because of the Holy Spirit, you can do more than nothing! You can actually obey what god says now. You’ll still be depressed, you’ll still be sad, your world won’t be perfect,  but as long as you trust god, “ all sorrow will be wiped away” - Isaiah.  In heaven that is. So I trusted god and I didn’t have any doubts and sadness again right? Wrong! I got sad, I got scared, but the only reason I’m still here is because I know God knows when I’ll get to see him. I wouldn’t be here if he didn’t want me to be. I do have a purpose even if I never realize what it is.  God made me to be exactly the way I am because he knew I could take the challenge and that the challenge would make me stronger in him.  Thanks god. So anyway, did I mention that I got “licenced” depression this year too? That was rough. I got a 12/6 so not good.  But I’ve learned. I’m positive. I’m happy. I help others. If you need anything, I’ll try my best. That’s what I’ll do. I’ll keep trying. I also started to write. I had the idea of being an animator, or a cartoonist. I just loved art and storytelling. Photography and kids still hold a place in my heart, but I’m still young. I vollunteer. I get good grades. I still play basketball. And I learned how that boy was able to stay so positive and not get angry when people “shipped us”. I’m okay now. Also, about the boy. That brings me to my question along with this insanely long story of my life. I see him sometimes. He’s a sophomore in high school not, but I met up with him like three months ago. (Did I mention that every time I saw him after he graduated I couldn’t stop thinking about it for days?) it was a family thing again. It was bowling. First, we both suck at the game and both cheered each other to get the new lowest scores possible. Then, I asked if he had any favorite shows, and it turns out, he was a diehard fanboy for my favorite show, Miraculous.(you don’t have to know what it is to answer tho) We has so much fun and I didn’t want to leave, but then we had to go home. He said “ Well, I am walking over to DG (store) to buy (something). Do u wanna come? We can keep talking.” And even though I hadn’t gone a walk with him in so long and never gone on a walk with him without dying of embarrassment afterward and even though I really wanted to, idk why still,  it my mouth said no. I still don’t know why, but I have a feeling god didn’t want me to go. I hope I find out soon, and I do think I like him. Which I almost hate, but it downst make me sad anymore. I just want to hang out sometime. So even though I beg for a sign for us to hang out more, I haven’t gotten one yet. My question is:

What do I do next?

Seriously. I’ve nevr dated. My schools been open since the 80′ and no ones ever dated. I mean there has been two weddings and one divorce (don’t ask). Also, I need help, not just with that last part. I’m just kind of stuck and need advice about High School because I’ve only ever one to one school. Plays again (help) I need to decide whether to dedicate my life to basket ball or things other than basketball. Hope this didn’t upset you or anything. Plz read if you want to it’s my life story. At least important points to me. Lov y’all. Stay pawsome

( btw also my friend cousin is my bff and we both told each other about my depression and her anxiety so we try to lift each other up if anyone wanted a redemption arc for her)

[literallycaressespieces]

Strength in Weakness

After literal blood, sweat, and tears (I stabbed myself with my prop, broke many a sweat, and cried more and more as the day of the competition started approaching), here is my second-place winning piece for the 2017 US National Pole Championship.