#another round of disappointment that my ranks are incomplete

[iturbide]

New Robin/Grima in heroes (plus a few other Awakening characters)

Though I'm a little disappointed they went the possessed Robin route again. I really want to see them in game as separate people.

I'm more than a little concerned by the fact that Grima is kitted out in Validar's regalia. On the other hand, the dragonstone appears to be inheritable, which is interesting.

(I agree with you, though, I'm frustrated that they don't just make a distinction between Robin and Grima since they're two very different characters. Also I'm still waiting on my Grandmaster Robins. Where are they IntSys.)

Also while I am delighted to see that Gregor and Ricken have made it, I have to know: where is the Vaike. How did Phila, who isn't even a playable character and only has a handful of on-screen appearances, get in before the Vaike, who is a part of the Awakening roster so early on that he's used in the item trade tutorial.

and don't even get me started on the absence of Kellam

This is not to say that I'm not happy Phila's there, I'm just. Not all that attached to her the way I am to other characters that still aren't included in the Heroes roster.

(I'm delighted that Gregor made it, though, I love Gregor so much)

[quarantineroulette]

2020 Releases that I listened to more than once / stuck with me in some way.

Excuse my pessimism, but 2020 was a year in which finding solace in music was of little use to me. I also had less time than ever to listen to music. I spent the worst of the pandemic displaced and with limited internet access, then moved to another city and switched careers, two changes which I still haven’t fully comprehended. I also spent 98% of my free time feeling too anxious about the future as a whole to do any sort of listening, focused or passive. 

Things eventually got settled enough that I could at least check out what various music publications were fussing about in their year-end round ups. Not the most ideal avenue for discovery, but this has been a hard, tiring year and, despite some very promising releases and trends, I still feel a bit hopeless. I can’t even really be bothered to do any sort of ranking or make things even with a “20 for 2020,” so instead here’s a summary of some music that stood out to me. I can promise there are at least 15 releases mentioned - you can do a “choose your own adventure”  and rank them as you wish. 

Without a doubt, the only 2020 record that truly elevated me to a place where I stopped stressing out about things was Protomartyr’s Ultimate Success Today. These guys are by far my favorite band right now and their fifth album gave me so many new reasons to love them, from the propulsive “Michigan Hammers” and its stock footage masterpiece of a music video to elegant closer “Worm in Heaven.” Saxophonist Jemeel Moondoc, cellist Fred Lonberg-Holm and multi-instrumentalist Izaak Mills were deployed on most tracks and, rather than merely serving as a garnish for songs, their contributions added as much tension, heft, and brutal beauty as Protomartyr’s core members. Add in Half Waif’s Nandi Rose guesting on the Very Sad “June 21,” and you have one genuinely faultless release. In a similar vein, Algiers released their third and arguably strongest full-length, There is No Year, back in January and it served as a powerful, prescient (the title alone!) and just plain awesome reminder to keep fighting in even the darkest of times. 

This year I occasionally found myself praying for disco and I’m pretty sure Doja Cat’s sorta Chic-inspired “Say So” was the song I listened to the most in 2020 (yes, shame on me for a million different reasons). But little did I know 2020 was such an abundant year for mirrorball-indebted releases. Kylie Minogue’s Disco was a given, but what especially thrilled me were Roisin Murphy’s Roisin Machine and Jessie Ware’s What’s Your Pleasure? Murphy’s outstanding “Murphy’s Law” especially sounds like a lost classic from the ‘70s, while Ware’s titular “What’s Your Pleasure” is as fitting a Donna Summer tribute as any you could come across in the past 40 or so years. Ware’s record became slightly less cool when I realized she’s a podcasting mom who is friends with Adele, but What’s Your Pleasure?’s irresistible procession of Great Pop Moments solidifies it as one release I’ll keep coming back to. 

(Bonus: if you favor a no-wave / post-punk spin on disco, then look no further than Public Practice’s Gentle Grip). 

Ware and Murphy have been particularly prevalent on many of the major year-end lists, but I still carry a bit of skepticism about such things. Therefore, discussions such as this sub-Reddit (sorry) thread on regional picks has been useful in thinking outside the US and UK-favoring ranking systems (although there’s still a lot of anglo shit listed there as well). I’m hoping to listen to more releases from oft-overlooked countries thanks to some of these Redditors’ suggestions, although I’ve already spent a bit of time with Einsturzende Neubauten’s Alles in Allem and remain Team Blixa (if such a team exists). Despite my aforementioned trepidation, The Quietus’  list did compel me to check out the wonderfully somber offerings of Closed Circuits. This Portuguese artist describes himself as “Leonard Cohen being bothered by Coil,” and if that doesn’t entice you, I fear you may be a lost cause.  

This year we moved to Philadelphia, which means...A lot of things, but relevant to this summary, we found ourselves driving past some provocative graffiti stating “Make America Nothing Again” numerous times. Eventually I put two and two together and gave Nothing’s The Great Dismal a listen. Having not expected much beyond the clever marketing, I was pleasantly wowed by the quartet’s moody post-shoegaze offerings. I can barely discern any of the lyrics, but on vibe alone, The Great Dismal perfectly captures the heavy despair that permeated 2020. Add in Korine’s gloom-pop The Night We Raise and I can confidently say that Philly’s music scene is in good hands. 

I might have lied a bit at the start of this post - in saying I didn’t listen to music throughout 98% of the pandemic, I’m overlooking the many car rides spent revisiting Fontaines D.C.’s brilliant 2019 debut, Dogrel. While it didn’t impress me quite as much, this year’s A Hero’s Death was a mostly worthy successor, interspersing a few tranquil moments among the band’s more confrontational offerings. Not all of those moments worked for me, but these new directions were enticing enough for me to officially consider Fontaines a Band To Watch, if that’s still something people say. Oh yeah, and the video for the title tune slams. 

Speaking of music videos, I don’t usually rely on this medium for discovering bands, but that changed this year with Dehd. The trio’s videos are vibrant, conceptually clever, and relentlessly fun. Thank goodness that the music lives up to Dehd’s visual knack, with Flower of Devotion at times recalling The Jesus and Mary Chain and Roy Orbison in equal measure (especially on the stunning “Letter”). Emily Kempf’s versatile singing reminds me of everyone from Jana Hunter of Lower Dens to Carla Bozulich of The Geraldine Fibbers, yet it’s still bracing enough that every word she sings sounds utterly gripping. Who knows when gigs will happen again, but Flower of Devotion rocketed these folks to the top of my post-Covid gigging wishlist.  

Sparks is one act I can happily say I’ve seen numerous times. They are never ones to disappoint but, nearly 40 years into their career, the Mael brothers owe us nothing. Yet A Steady Drip, Drip, Drip is somehow an instant classic. It’s nothing short of astonishing that, at 75, Ron Mael can crank out a song that is equal parts insanely catchy, effortlessly humorous and deceptively sad, but he yet again nailed this trifecta with “Lawnmower,” to name but one. Russell Mael’s invincible vocals are in full effect throughout, particularly on the straight up lovely “Pacific Standard Time.” I would never even entertain the idea of using the term “pop / rock juggernaut,” but if it was regarding Sparks, I would at least not dispute it. 

(PS, special shout out to another singular duo of relatives, Prima Primo, who this year released my favorite song about Madonna since Sparks’ very own Madge tune, featured on 1988′s Interior Design.)

Finally, this list would absolutely be incomplete if I didn’t give mention to Bob Dylan’s fabulous Rough and Rowdy Ways. More than ever, 2020 felt like a year rife with stupid decisions, stupid actions and praise for mediocrity. A return to form from perhaps the greatest lyricist of all time is something many of us probably didn’t know we needed, but boy am I thankful for it (not as thankful as I would be for a second stimulus check, but still - next best thing). Dylan also gave us the fun bonus of having Fiona Apple guest on the outstanding “Murder Most Foul,” and of course Apple’s own Fetch the Bolt Cutters both featured her dogs as percussion and further solidified her place in the socio-political songwriting canon. Maybe there is something to be said for music after all!  

[fan-clan-fun]

Hollyclaw No! Hollyclaw Yes!

My sincerest apologies, this has been sitting in my inbox for ages, I just keep forgetting to go through it. Anyway, here we go!

Name: Hollyclaw.

Past Names: Hollypaw, Hollykit.

Age: 30 moons.

Appearance: Hollyclaw is small for a ThunderClan cat, and though she had rather thick fur, her fur is also short so it doesn’t help her size much. Still, she has a good bit of muscle to her. She has plenty of scars all over her pelt, thanks to various injured she received, and both of her ears have plenty of nicks. Her eyes are hooded in shape and blue. She’s completely white. (Note: Under the epistatic white, Hollyclaw is a chocolate spotted tortoiseshell tabby)

Oooo epistatic white! Thats always an interesting thing to play with in the clans. Is it common in her Thunderclan? Or is it just as rare? 

Personality: If there’s one word to describe Hollyclaw, it’s that she’s ambitious. She knows what she wants and she goes for it, and she works hard for it. She’s very protective of her friends and family, and wants nothing but the best for them. She works hard and isn’t afraid of a challenge. She enjoys being around others and is exceptionally affectionate, especially with those she’s closest to. She craves social interaction and doesn’t do well on her own for long periods of time — a bored Hollyclaw is a Hollyclaw a bit too prone to experimental stunts. She’s the type to act first and think later, which is why she has so many scars: she doesn’t tolerate intruders trying to steal prey or pick on her Clanmates, so she will immediately jump into the fray to defend her Clan. She’s skilled at reacting on the fly, and is surprisingly skilled at winning even when the odds are most certainly against her, but she’s definitely too prone to buzzing around and getting into too many fights. Verbal diplomacy isn’t a skill she values very much. She’s a bit cocky and doesn’t especially care about what happens to her so long as her Clan is all right; she often needs reminders to take care of herself, and only the worst of injuries or direct orders from the Medicine Cats are really capable of keeping her down. She’s incredibly stubborn.

Hollyclaw has a great personality, and its good to highlight how different traits can be both good and bad for her. She seems like she has a lot of energy that she needs help channeling in a good way. The way I read the -storm prefix she easily could have qualified for that as well, although her skill at fighting is definitely clear too. Gotta love female -claw cats, we need more of them. Im sure there is always more to elaborate on, her fears, her dreams, her little quirks. But you have a good chunk of it and the real foundation of the character, enough that she doesnt seem incomplete or lacking anything.

Clan: ThunderClan.

Rank: Warrior.

Family:

-Mother, Morningstorm. Morningstorm was a small dilute (lilac + cream) tortoiseshell molly with long fur and hazel eyes. She was a well-rounded Warrior who died of a fever when Hollyclaw was only three moons old. She and Poppyfoot had had a tremendously strong relationship, and had been disappointed when it turned out that Poppyfoot was sterile and incapable of producing kits. Morningstorm was very loving and encouraging, and though Hollyclaw has few memories of her, the kit and her mother had always had a very close bond. This is possibly in part because Hollykit was the only kit of her litter; there was a point in the pregnancy when Morningstorm became very stressed, and it is suspected that this is why there was only one kit born.

-Father, Poppyfoot. Poppyfoot was a ginger classic tabby with short fur and green eyes. He died of the same fever that claimed Morningstorm, because of how much time he spent around her trying to help her (hence, he caught the illness and also died of it). He was active as a father and, though Hollykit was not his by blood, he doted on her and very much enjoyed teaching her. Hollyclaw seems to have picked up on his optimistic, hard-working nature, as those were the two traits Poppyfoot was best known fur.

I appreciate her bond with her parents, it can be a common trend that in order for a character to be interesting they have to have a lot of family drama. And despite the fact that her parents died, it at least sounds believable, and touching that the reason they died together was because they cared for one another.

-Biological/Foster Father, Whiteflower. Whiteflower is solid white (epistatic white over ginger spotted tabby) with short yet thick fur, lemon yellow eyes, and one torn ear. He remains a respected Warrior among the Clan, and provided genes so that Morningstorm — a very close friend of his — might be able to have kits. He originally acted as a supporting -flower, but after Morningstorm and Poppyfoot died, Whiteflower stepped in and supported Hollykit, taking on the role of a proper father. He and Hollyclaw maintain a very close bond to this day, even though Whiteflower is frequently worried by Hollyclaw’s impulsive nature. Whiteflower recently became mates with the recently joined (previously a loner who joined ThunderClan) Silverfang, and though Silverfang is pregnant, Whiteflower has not neglected neither mate nor daughter. Hollyclaw looks forward to the idea of being a big sister of sorts.

I also very much love this! No drama about who her real parents are, and a male -flower! 

-Aunt, Yellowclaw. A large, mostly cream spotted tabby molly with occasional flecks of grey spotted tabby, long fur, amber eyes, and a fair few scars. Younger sister of Whiteflower, she was actually born four months after Hollyclaw! The two were raised together for a bit, and then spent some time as Apprentices together. They are very close and work well together on patrols, as Yellowclaw is more thoughtful and patient.

-Uncle, Russetcloud. A large ginger spotted tabby tom with orange eyes and short fur. Littermate of Yellowclaw, he and Hollyclaw get on well enough. They’re not as close as Hollyclaw and Yellowclaw are, in part because of Russetcloud’s less openly enthusiastic nature boring Hollyclaw and in part because of Russetcloud often growing weary of Hollyclaw’s seemingly limitless energy. Still, they don’t have any major beefs and chat now and again.

-Grandfather, Thriftclaw. Thriftclaw is a large, light grey tom with short fur, amber eyes, and a fair few scars. Currently the Clan Deputy, it appears as if Hollyclaw has inherited his more volatile nature! The two are fairly close, even if Thriftclaw ends up exasperated at times because of just how many fights Hollyclaw gets into. Thriftclaw is gruff, but protective of his family and certainly never abusive or neglectful. He’s proud of his family and does his best to maintain close bonds with them.

-Grandmother, Snowfur. Snowfur is a long-furred, solid white (epistatic white over tortoiseshell spotted tabby) molly with blue eyes. She and Hollyclaw are quite close, and Snowfur loves telling Hollyclaw stories about her parents and their family. The two talk often, though Snowfur often fusses over Hollyclaw whenever she winds up injured again.

Its always nice to include extended family as well, and also fairly well developed though not to quite as a big a degree as Hollyclaw herself. Its especially nice the way that they all have some form of relationship/connection to Hollyclaw. 

Extra:

-Hollyclaw has a mate, Ravenwhisker, a short-furred black tuxedo tom who, while small, is still larger than Hollyclaw.

-Hollyclaw’s Mentor was Tigerclaw, a striking black mackerel tabby tom with amber eyes who was apprenticed under Thriftclaw. Thriftclaw is still waiting on the secrets to how Tigerclaw kept Hollyclaw alive, because she was — and to an extent still is — prone to getting into just about everything. Bramble bushes, accidental run-ins with foxes, getting stuck in trees — you name it, Hollyclaw has probably done it.

-Hollyclaw would like to have kits with Ravenwhisker, but is not ready to take a break from being a Warrior yet.

-Hollyclaw’s hunting is about as good as Ravenwhisker’s fighting — that is to say, not very good at all!

Hollyclaw seems to be quite well-rounded as far as I can tell, with some good traits and a wonderful family tree. I would love to see her in action! Sorry I dont have too many other comments, I think you addressed most of the necessary points, and plenty extra!

[junker-town]

The 5 most fireable NFL coaches of this season

Jason Garrett’s days with the Cowboys are likely numbered after a disappointing 2019 season.

Whose seats are hottest after disappointing seasons? The answers ... probably won’t surprise you.

The NFL’s most embattled head coaches have just one week left to state their cases. Dec. 30 will be the last day of employment for most of the playcallers who wind up fired.

This year’s Black Monday may be a slower day than usual. While last year’s preferred firing day claimed six head coaches, some of this season’s least promising sideline generals have already earned support from team ownership. The Jets will keep Adam Gase around for year two. Matt Patricia’s done enough in his 3-11-1 season to oversee a third year in Detroit. Even Doug Marrone, now free from Tom Coughlin’s tyranny, could get another chance to restore the Jaguars to “not bad.”

Before we get to the list, let’s deviate from the way we’ve sorted these coaches in the past few weeks. Typically, “fireable” doesn’t mean a coach is necessarily going to be fired. It refers to how poorly those coaches performed in a given week and any recent trends working against them. For example, Frank Reich made last week’s list after the Colts allowed Drew Brees to have the most accurate game in NFL passing history. He’s not getting canned, but Reich’s team has failed to live up to its potential while coming off its fourth straight loss.

This time, in honor of the upcoming season finale, we’re looking at all-around resumes on top of what happened in Week 16. Let’s zero in on the five guys most likely to be looking for employment. That means coaches who probably deserve to be fired, but won’t (Gase, Patricia), escaped the final rankings. Secure coaches who brain farted their way to a loss on Sunday are safe as well ... until we come back to these rankings next fall.

So who’s on the chopping block after a trying 2019?

5. Dan Quinn, Falcons

Atlanta was 1-7 after Week 9, good enough to give Quinn the shortest odds of a midseason firing in the NFL. Since then, he’s gone 5-2, including wins over two of the NFC’s top teams (the Saints and 49ers). That hot streak added another victim Sunday when the Falcons dispatched a sputtering Jaguars squad.

It’s been a significant turnaround on both sides of the ball. The Falcons’ offense has become more efficient, while their defense has tightened up to create opportunities over the last seven weeks.

So what will team owner Arthur Blank do about his head coach? No one’s really quite sure!

Quinn has three factors working in his favor; the recent surge that shows off his ability to adapt, the continuity that comes with standing by a five-year veteran at the helm, and a locker room that, per a former Falcons’ public relations executive, still listens to, believes in, and respects him.

On a plane back to LA and just wrote this. I’m gonna share it bc a couple years back @ZachKleinWSB did something similar and this is my 2019 version to everyone who’s followed me over the years. I’m sure I’m gonna get a lot of great comments but I hope it gives you perspective pic.twitter.com/iCJ1zT3Et9

— Brian Cearns (@BKCearns) December 23, 2019

Quinn’s put in the work to keep his job over the back half of the season, even if 2019 will be remembers as a letdown for a talent roster. The question is whether his late-season progress will be too little, too late.

4. Doug Marrone, Jaguars

Will Marrone be held accountable for his team’s continued collapse from 2017’s lofty perch? Or will Tom Coughlin’s firing give him the leeway needed to earn another year in Jacksonville?

That’s the question owner Shad Khan will have to ask himself this week. Marrone got the Jags closer to the Super Bowl than all but one other coach in franchise history ... and that was Coughlin. The old-school disciplinarian oversaw a franchise that was responsible for one-quarter of the grievances filed by the NFL Players Association in the past year. He chased away talent like Jalen Ramsey (traded for two first-round picks) and had issues with Jaguars both former and current.

This limited what Marrone could do as a head coach, but Jacksonville’s issues go beyond mismanagement at the top. This year’s team has only been marginally more efficient through the air than it was in 2018 when Blake Bortles was playing his way out of Florida. Leonard Fournette’s stellar start to the season (791 yards, 4.9 yards per carry in his first eight games) has ground down to mediocrity without the threat of a high-impact passing game (361 yards, 3.5 YPC in the seven games since). A defense that had been a top-10 staple now ranks 29th in defensive efficiency, per DVOA.

Khan was mum on Marrone’s future after Week 15. That non-endorsement gave way to reports he’d be retained for one last go-round to see what he can do free of Coughlin’s influence.

From @NFLGameDay: There is a "good chance" #Jaguars coach Doug Marrone and GM Dave Caldwell return in 2020 following the firing of EVP Tom Coughlin, sources say... and Tony Khan could take on an increased role. pic.twitter.com/85Jw7YE4MX

— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) December 22, 2019

Marrone led the Jaguars within one quarter of Super Bowl 52. That bought him a redo after a disappointing 2018. Now he may get one more if Coughlin truly is the scapegoat he’s made out to be.

3. Pat Shurmur, Giants

Shurmur got what he needed from Daniel Jones Sunday: a historical five-touchdown performance and a win over Washington. Under his guidance, Saquon Barkley had the best day of his career and one of the most productive games of 2019 (279 total yards). So why is Shurmur back on the list despite a two-game winning streak?

Because ...

a) it came against Washington and

b) the Giants’ issues outside of their inconsistent offense may be too much for him to overcome.

New York gave up a 14-point fourth-quarter lead, allowing Case Keenum to go 99 yards on Washington’s final drive of regulation to tie the game at 35. While Jones was able to rectify that problem by leading his team to a game-winning touchdown, Week 16 failed to dispel the fatal flaws that could lead to Shurmur’s ousting after two years.

The Giants let Keenum and Dwayne Haskins — who left the game with an ankle injury — throw for three touchdowns and nearly eight yards per pass (a 125.1 passer rating). That undermanned defense has given up more points than all but three other teams. It also ranks 29th when it comes to opponent passing efficiency.

That’s all led to a 4-11 record lowlighted by a nine-game losing streak in the middle of the season. New York’s only wins have come against 3-12 Washington (twice), the 4-11 Dolphins, and the 7-8 Buccaneers.

On the plus side, Shurmur’s built camaraderie within the Giants’ locker room — he’s even got Jones and Eli Manning partying together in the dorkiest way possible — and appears to be every bit a players’ coach.

Shurmur on the Giants night of flip cup celebrations: “they’re grown men and they look after each other and they were celebrating a victory, they should have invited me!” *laughs*

— Madelyn Burke (@MadelynBurke) December 23, 2019

Though the team’s dream of adding Chase Young to its pass rush probably died with Week 16’s win, defensive help is still likely on the way. If the Giants believe they can patch up the blocking and secondary issues that have plagued them, Shurmur may get one more chance to prove he can turn Jones into a legitimate franchise quarterback.

Of course, owner John Mara could just look at his 9-22 record over the past two seasons and decide to gamble on a different quarterback whisperer instead.

2. Freddie Kitchens, Browns

Cleveland had the ball and a 6-0 lead at the two-minute warning in the second quarter against the Ravens. Kitchens found a way to turn that into a 14-6 halftime deficit.

Granted, some of that collapse was thanks to Lamar Jackson’s otherworldly play, but Kitchens did his offense few favors with too-cute playcalling and some regrettable clock management. His halfback pass on third-and-1 fooled nobody, and the fact it went for an 8-yard loss may have been the only thing that kept him from going for it on fourth down from his own 28.

Freddie Kitchens on the sequence at the end of the first half, throwing on third-and-10. (He also confirmed that the Hunt third-and-1 play the drive before was a halfback pass, and that they would’ve gone for it on fourth-and-short) pic.twitter.com/aiQ87JLdcm

— Jake Trotter (@Jake_Trotter) December 22, 2019

The Ravens, out of timeouts, scored on the following drive. And they scored on the drive after that because three straight incompletions only ate up 18 seconds of game clock, effectively daring Jackson to burn them once more. It was another brutal gut-punch in a season full of them for the erstwhile AFC North favorites.

Confusing clock management is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Kitchens’ problems. The first-year head coach’s promotion was predicated on his ability to turn Cleveland’s turgid offense into one of the league’s most dangerous units. He made Baker Mayfield look like a borderline MVP candidate after taking over as interim offensive coordinator. Then he took that team and added All-Pros Odell Beckham Jr. and Kareem Hunt (for half a season).

And the Browns have gone from ranking 12th in the league in weighed DVOA in 2018 to 23rd in 2019.

Beckham, still fiercely committed to the team that freed him from New York last spring, took notice — one week after Jarvis Landry had a similarly public discussion with his head coach over playcalling.

I'm sure OBJ is fine pic.twitter.com/o7t8hywE0l

— CJ Fogler (@cjzero) December 22, 2019

Kitchens is losing on the field and potentially losing in his own locker room. That all spells disaster for his hopes of returning for a year two. But maybe team owner John Dorsey will chalk this all up to rookie mistakes and give him the runway to learn from and fix those issues.

1 Jason Garrett, Cowboys

Garrett may have seen his last shot to keep his job march off the turf as the Eagles celebrated the 17-9 win that moved them to the top of the NFC East. The underachieving Cowboys, stuck in a feedback loop of botched calls and big, meaningless performances, dropped to 7-8 and out of the playoff picture.

That may signal the end of the Garrett era in Dallas. The 10-year veteran is staring down what could be only his second losing season as the Cowboys’ head coach, but the lingering sense he always could have done more will ultimately be his undoing. None of his teams embody that more than the 2019 edition.

Even though the Cowboys have all the talent of a contender, the combination of a tough schedule and a crippling inability to step up a big stage has dropped them to the periphery of the playoff race. By most metrics, Dallas should have clinched its division in a down year for the NFC East. It ranks first in the NFL in total yards, eighth in scoring, and eighth in yards allowed per play.

Advanced stats love the Cowboys. Not just DVOA. They're a top-ten team by DVOA, by @pfref SRS, by EPA. But the point of the game isn't to do well in advanced metrics. It's to win. And they didn't do that enough.

— Aaron Schatz (@FO_ASchatz) December 23, 2019

Instead, Jerry Jones’ team needs to beat Washington and hope the Giants upset the Eagles in Week 17 just to sneak into the postseason. Sunday’s loss in Philly dropped Garrett to 2-6 against teams with winning records in 2019.

Dak Prescott’s breakthrough season — he ranks among the NFL’s top five in passing yards, passing touchdowns, and QBR — is about to go to waste on the worst team, by record, of his career. A defense that got its best-case scenario in terms of injury (only Leighton Vander Esch has missed more than four games this season among the team’s starters) held the Saints, Patriots, and Eagles to 17 points or fewer this season and lost all three of those games. It hasn’t been all roses for that unit, which ranks 20th in defensive efficiency, per DVOA, but it still has given the ��Boys several opportunities to win big games.

The gap between potential and production in Dallas is sizable. There’s one man who’ll shoulder the blame for that disparity, and it’s the same guy who has come under fire each time the Cowboys make an early playoff exit or struggle down the stretch. Garrett can still save his job by carrying Dallas to a surprising postseason run, though he’ll need the stars to align.

And if he does, all signs point to the Cowboys blowing it. That’s what they’ve done throughout 2019.

[thiswillbereportedtomanagement]

Which gourd reigns supreme? Photo by a2gemma.The season of the gourd is upon us once more, my friends. Littering my home with assorted decorative gourds has never been my style, but I get a rabid gleam in my eye when the edible ones start popping up at the grocery store. While I wish I could say that all gourds are beautiful and deserving of love, the truth is that some are far more delicious than others. Here is an objective ranking of the season’s best offerings.Dead Last: Spaghetti SquashSpaghetti squash is unmitigated trash and I will fight anyone who insists otherwise. No, Barbara, it doesn’t taste “just like spaghetti,” it tastes like shredded, squash-scented water chestnuts—in a word, betrayal. Serve me a pile of watery, worm-like squash guts with bolognese on top and see how it ends for you.Truly the worst of all worlds, spaghetti squash is too watery to stuff, too bland to make an appetizing soup, and too stringy to cube and roast; the mere thought of spaghetti squash pie filling makes me want to die. Literally the only recipe that’s piqued my interest is this one from The Kitchn, and that’s only because I’m horny for pasta carbonara in general. Sure, spaghetti squash is edible when smothered in pork fat, cream, and cheese, but what isn’t? Demand more; ban spaghetti squash. Next-To-Dead-Last: Sugar Pumpkins Cooking your own pumpkin for pie is so overrated it pains me to even mention it. First of all, you should make sweet potato pie instead. Second of all, sugar pumpkins are an enormous pain in the ass to deal with and don’t even taste that good, which is proven by the fact that even canned pumpkin usually isn’t made from conventional pumpkins. In fact, many producers use non-pumpkin species of C. maxima and C. pepo specifically because “[t]hese squash varieties can be less stringy and richer in sweetness and color than pumpkin.” (Emphasis mine.)What I’m about to tell you may come as quite a surprise, but those cans of orange puree labeled…Read more ReadIncredibly, the non-pie applications of sugar pumpkins are even worse. Their aforementioned stringiness is not improved by roasting, and their complete lack of flavor makes a poor choice for a gratin. Stuffing a whole pumpkin makes for an admittedly stunning presentation, but you’d have to stuff it with something really tasty to make up for the taste of the pumpkin itself. I guess you could make pumpkin soup from scratch, but honestly, why on earth would you? If the autumnal season feels incomplete without hacking up some round, orange gourds, stick to carving pumpkins. At least those know their place.For the next few weeks, no pie will be more discussed, written about, and hyped than the pumpkin…Read more ReadAlso-Ran: Acorn SquashIt’s rare to see acorn squash roasted, gratinéed, or made into soup—the classic preparation is split in half, stuffed with something delicious, and baked until soft. This could be because half of one is the perfect entrée size, but I think it’s really because flavorful stuffing hides the fact that acorn squash is mediocre as hell.In accordance with Vermont hillbilly tradition, I grew up eating acorn squash split and roasted with maple syrup, salt, and a lot of butter. It tasted good to me then, but that had more to do with the maple syrup and butter than with the squash itself. I remember excitedly scraping the roasted surface off and pushing the mushy, unseasoned innards around my plate. At its best, acorn squash is like a disappointing pear: too-soft, slightly gritty, with about a third of the flavor you were promised. Sure, it’s better than sugar pumpkin or spaghetti squash, but that’s an exceedingly low bar to clear. We can do better.Second Runner-Up: Butternut and/or Honeynut Squash Butternut squash is deliciously sweet, with firm orange flesh that holds its shape when roasted. It’s also ubiquitous and relatively easy to prepare, making it a crowd-pleaser of a gourd if there ever was one. The one drawback is its tough skin, which must be removed—and, once it has, makes the squash a slippery nightmare to cut up. (Butternut’s little cousin, the brutally adorable honeynut squash, is nearly identical in taste and texture, but less of a beast to deal with.) If you’re having a hard time cutting into the tough rind of that winter squash, try giving it a…Read more ReadI like roasted squash best of all, and for that reason alone, I have to give butternut its due. It caramelizes readily without turning to mush, so high heat—400ºF, minimum—is your friend here. If you can manage to split one in half without goring yourself, it roasts up beautifully with nothing but butter, salt, and maybe some brown sugar, though I personally like to roast it in big chunks seasoned aggressively with olive oil, salt, whole fennel seeds, and red pepper flakes. From there, you can eat it as-is, or purée if with stock, simmered aromatics, and a bit of cream or butter for soup. Its firm flesh also lends itself well to lasagna and layered gratins. I’ve never roasted a butternut squash explicitly for pie filling, but I’m not above it. First Runners-Up: Kabocha and Hubbard SquashThese two squash varieties are so similar I’m lumping them into one entry—and where pure flavor is concerned, they can’t be beat. Kabocha and Hubbard squash are beautifully sweet with edible skin, and they take on a soft, almost fluffy texture when cooked. That texture, while delightful, is actually what knocks them back to second place; I prefer a squash that holds it shape when cubed and roasted.Don’t let that dissuade you from roasting them, though, because if you do it right they’re nearly unbeatable. The classic “split it in half, smother with butter and salt, and roast for an hour” preparation works gangbusters here, but for smaller cubes, I recommend pan-frying in your fat of choice until tender and broiling briefly if desired. Straight out of the pan, roasted kabocha (or Hubbard) squash is soft and fluffy on the inside, with pleasantly crisp-tender skin—but if you let it cool, it becomes downright fudgy in texture. This might be my favorite way to eat these squash varieties, actually: roasted, fully cooled, and tossed into a hearty grain-based salad with a punchy balsamic vinaigrette and plenty of fresh herbs. Deep-fried, tempura-style, is a close second. Whether it’s Leslie Knope, the non-Lisa Simpsons, Vernon Dursley, or your racist uncle who draws…Read more ReadRoasted squash is old news, though. What sets these apart is that they succeed—no, excel—where every other gourd fails: as a custard pie filling. Until now, I’ve insisted that scratch pie filling is a waste of time, and here is the sole exception. These gourds are richly flavored and and honest-to-God velvety in texture; if you’re going to make pie filling from scratch, use kabocha or Hubbard squash. Miss Seasonal Gourd 2017: Delicata SquashI fully admit my bias, but as a roasted squash enthusiast, there was never another candidate for the top spot. Sweet, tender, easy to butcher, with edible skin and enough structural integrity to survive a hot oven, delicata is simply the perfect gourd. If you want to roast a delicata squash, and you should, prep is super easy: just scoop out the seeds, cut into your desired shape (I like friendly little half-moons the best), and season to your liking. The skin is actually the best part, so don’t you dare peel it off. Like kabocha, any leftovers will take on a pleasingly dense, fudgy texture when cooled, making a lovely addition to salads.Roasting is where delicata squash truly shines, but don’t count out other preparations. Its robust flavor also makes a delicious soup—miles better than butternut, honestly—and, when seeded and thinly sliced, a truly excellent gratin base. If you feel like showing off a bit, stuff a whole delicata with just about anything you like for a hearty, entirely self-contained vegetarian entrée that looks just as good as it tastes. Truly, there’s nothing this squash can’t do, save for pie filling—but that’s why God gave us sweet potatoes.

https://skillet.lifehacker.com/a-complete-ranking-of-edible-gourds-and-how-to-eat-the-1820184189