#any time i have any sort of question or curiosity about any aspect of labor or delivery or general obstetrics she’s just there!

[ginalinettiofficial]

having a sister who spent years working on a very busy high-risk labor/delivery floor and then went into general high risk OB services is fun because i get ALL the details on how exactly labor differs from media’s depictions of it

like she’s talking to my ma on the phone rn and i just heard her say “yeah she had a great labor! she only pushed for three and a half hours,” and my mom went “oh wow that’s not bad at all!” and i thought the same thing and then remembered that tv always makes it seem like once you start pushing, you’ve got ten, maybe twenty minutes until your baby is in your arms!!? that’s just something i thought was true for most of my life since i’ve never had a baby and most women who HAVE had babies (in my own personal experience etc etc) didn’t seem to really keep track of the timing of what happened when and how long each phase of labor lasted and all that jazz, and honestly it’s not something i’d have ever thought to question. but thanks to having a super cool sister who is very competent and has a ton of L&D experience, i know a lot about the nitty gritty details of labor!!! and that’s pretty cool

having a sister who is an L&D nurse has also, incidentally, firmly cemented my pre-existing refusal to EVER give birth to a child, too, because dear fucking god, the things i’ve heard. never in a million fucking years could that be me

[ninjakasuga]

Sonally Week Year 3 Day One

Another year, another of @gojira007 and their blog @boundforfreedomsonsal hosting another week of one of the best OTP’s of fiction. Here’s my entry for Day One: Dawn.

Foreward: Another year; another Sonally Week! Here’s my entry for Day One, and hope ya’all enjoy. This one is a sequel of sorts to my “Surprise” Day entry last year, where after some heckling over certain aspects of his romance with Sally; Sonic gets the news he’s gonna be a big brother! Instead of a literally dawn I decided to do a more thematic ‘dawn of a new part of life’ aspect than the actual time of day.

“Sonic.”

The blue furred Hedgehog in question continued to pace the floor, seeming to either not hear, or simply not regard the call of his name. He stopped, but not to reply, and began to tap his foot repeatedly as he often did in a show of impatience. Soon he was pacing yet again, causing the one trying to get his attention to sigh in exasperation, again.

“Sonic!” Raising her voice, just-oh-so-slightly, Sally again, attempted to get the attention of her fiancé’ this time reaching out and managing to grasp his tail and give it a small yank. Probably not the best thing for Sonic’s pride as he let out the cutest squeak in response, but Sally didn’t mind. Smiling coyly yet with a hint of apology in her eyes as he turned to face her, she reached for his arm, softly rubbing it. “Calm down a bit hun, you’re going to wear the floor out.” Rubbing his slightly sore posterior, Sonic gave his beloved a mild glare that softened almost as soon as it appeared; agitation giving way to the concern plaguing him. “Sorry Sal, it’s just, well it’s been over an hour since the expected due date. What’s the hold up?”

A voice quips from a chair along the opposite side of the waiting room from Sonic and Sally. “Well that’s how labor sometimes goes Sonny-boy. I mean you didn’t exactly pop out as soon as your Ma’s water broke. Slow-going was the name of the game.” Chuckled Charles Hedgehog, finding much amusement in his nephew’s impatience. An impatience he very much empathized with, but knew better than to get too riled up at this point. “So an hour past when the doctor expects the babies to come is small change, especially compared to how you made everyone wait a whole ten hours and ninety-one minutes before you finally graced us with your presence.”

Sitting besides Charles, Rosie Woodchuck let out her own dainty but hearty giggle as she reached to give the silver-furred Hedgehog a gentle squeeze of his hand. “Oh the language coming out of that room. We both feared for your brother’s manlihood if not his existence.”

“I wasn’t that hard on Mom was I?” Inquired Sonic with genuine curiosity mixed with a mild hint of indignity. His gaze only half-way went to his Uncle and Rosie; mainly because he still found it weird they were dating. Correction had been dating on the down-low since, well, a long time with the two only having a ‘break’ when he’d been roboticized all those years. He was genuinely happy for them, but it was still just plain weird to him.

“I think pregnancy is hard for any woman the first time around, or so I read and was told.” Mused Sally as she gently pulled Sonic to sit beside her, rubbing his quills to both straighten them out, and to soothe his nerves. Not unlike Sonic she was still processing the semi-recent revelation that her beloved former Nanny and Sir Charles had been dating under everyone’s noses for so long. Then again should she be surprised? Both were rather private people about their personal lives outside of whatever they did with friends and family. Not to mention the true reason they kept it quiet back in the day had more to do with concerns their positions in the Royal Court would cause unrest for some if their more intimate relationship came to light.

Looking toward Rosie, Sally was now curious about her own birth given the topic. “Were Elias or I rough on Mother?”

Rosie shook her head, “Not really, Elias took some time, but your dear Mother thankfully did not have too rough a time of it. Her calm demeanor kept up even dealing with labor pains, and the end result more than made up for it. You were much easier, as she knew what to navigate and you only took so many hours after the labor contractions began to grace us with your presence.” She smiled fondly, thinking about the two occasions, then giggled. “That said she wasn’t above occasionally reminding your Father it was his fault she was in that state, and well, that’s her story to tell more than mine.”

Snickering, Sally looked at Sonic with a very straight face, barely keeping a grin from forming. “I promise if we have kids, not to threaten your masculinity. That said, I will probably get my vengeance some other way.”

Lifting an eyebrow, Sonic elbowed his girlfriend-now-fiance’ gently in the arm. “Oh reeeeeeeally? Well you gotta catch me first Sal.”

“I already did.” She murmured, leaning in to kiss his cheek as she laced her fingers with his.

“Got me there,” Relenting, Sonic returned the smile, as well as the kiss, planting it on her fluffy cheek before leaning back in his seat. His concern for his Mother and his impending siblings, slightly alleviated for the time being.

The elder couple shared a look, one they had often shared when they were witness to the dear love and devotion between Sally and Sonic. From children to adults, the two always seemed to be a pair they fit so well, it was clear as day even when they were in diapers or arguing up a storm as toddlers, to their teen years. The small things in life that made all the gloom and doom of the past decade and some odd-change worth living for. Soon everyone’s heard turns as the double-door leading to the maternity ward opened and Doctor Quack limped out, leaning on his cane carefully, but with a confident stride; showcasing he’d come to master the walking tool quite well.

“Well-?!”

Holding up his free hand, both to interrupt as well as allow Quack to pull down his mask, his bill forming into a smile. “Your newborn sister and brother are here, healthy and loud, and your Mother is doing very well herself.”

The four cheer as they stand up, mindful this was still a hospital and kept it down, but their jubilation was completely understood.

“Can we see them?” Asked Sonic, already antsy and looking ready to speed down the corridor.

“Yes, we’ve already handled all the post-birth clean up, and checked their vitals as well as Bernie’s, who herself wishes to see you all as well. So I see no issue with allowing visitation right away, but do keep it brief, they do need their rest.” Advised the water-foul doctor as he kept himself straight, if just to fight off his own fatigue which was now creeping up after the long labor. “Just NO running Sonic, got it?”

At the mild admonishment, the Hedgehog simply grinned. “Me? Run through a hospital? Would I do thaaaaaaaaaaaat?”

“Yes, you would.” Everyone else remarked with amazing timing and matching deadpan. To which Sonic rolled his eyes.

“Sheesh, talk about a crowd! Anyway let’s go, let’s go!” Sonic urged, already half-dragging Sally along, forcing his beloved to keep in rapid pace close to him as they held hands still. Sally simply went with it, laughing softly at Sonic’s outright adorable impulsive need to see his new siblings. Chuck and Rosie merely followed at their pace, but there was certainly a spring in their step as well.

Eventually the group, along with Doctor Quack, reach the room designated for Bernie and her newborns. Managing to keep Sonic at bay enough, Quack pushed the door open for them and cleared his throat. “Jules, Bernie, your guests have arrived.”

Like an impatient puppy, Sonic squeezed past Quack, Sally trailing hand-in-hand still from behind. His emerald-green eyes, zeroing-in on the target, even as his breath hitched softly as a wave of emotion floored Sonic as he finally gazed upon his Mother and new siblings. As tired as Bernie Hedgehog looked, nothing could dull the intense love and adoration in her eyes and face as she held two swaddled bundles in her arms. Her husband Jules’ own expression was a mirror of his wife’s, only tinged with the pride only a Father can know. Each look up their expressions beaming more at the sight of their eldest child, with Jules instantly waving him over.

“Hey there son, come say hi to your baby brother and sister!”

Noticing that Sally seemed a bit frozen, Sally found back a ‘snerk’ that wanted to come out, and simply pulled him along. Upon seeing the two infants, mewling and cooing, her own eyes mist. “Awww, they’re adorable!”

“Y-yeah they are…” Sonic managed a dry chuckle,  why did his throat feel so dry? He’d been psyched for this ever since his Mom laid the bombshell she was pregnant nine months ago! Of all the times for Sonic the Hedgehog to choke and lose his cool, it’s this? He didn’t lose his cool this much, asking Sally to marry him for Almighty’s sake! Leaning over he got a much better look at the two.

One of the two clearly favored their Mother’s more light-purple coat, another had the milder-blue of his Father. Both were cute as a button, and just, the sounds they made! Sonic usually wasn’t one to obsess over cute things, but he was entranced. “So we got names for these two? Or do I call em’ Li’ Sib one, and two?”

“We were thinking of Sonia, for this little angel.” Explained Bernie as she gently pet the back of her daughter’s head. The newborn curled against the warm hand that carried the scent of her Mother. “As for this handsome young man, I was thinking of something with M, like Manwell or Manny.”

“If he’s anything like Sonny-boy he’ll be one manic child.” Chuckled Charles as he and Rosie moved closer taking the end of the bed so as to not crowd anyone.

Something about that line struck a chord with Jules, who instantly adopted a thoughtful look as he rubbed his chin. “Manic, manic, why not Manic?” He grinned even as his wife looked at him rather funny. “Face it hun, if Sonic’s any indication, these two are going to be spirited, and it kind of goes well don’t you think?”

After a moment, Bernie tired rolled her eyes. “Fine,” she however smiled, “Manic it is. However if that name causes him woe, I’ll be sure he knows he has you to blame.”

“Anybody gives him or Sonia woe I’mma deck em’.” Sonic proclaimed, pounding his fists together.

“Nor alone,” Agreed Sally as she leaned against him. They weren’t her siblings biologically, but already she had decided she would help protect them at all cost.

“Triple, and quadruple so.” Added Rosie, who nodded along with Charles. The family was united on this front.

“Fantastic.” Giggling, Bernie kissed the heads of her newborns. “Hear that, your family is ready to murder for you.”

“You all can plot future murder later, as much as I hate to spoil the moment, Mother and both newborns need rest.” Spoke up Quack as he stood at the door, keeping silent until now.

Yawning, Bernie nodded in agreement, she was drained. Her gaze lifted to her husband. “You get some rest too, you’ve been up with me through all this.”

“I didn’t do even a fraction of the work; but, rest sounds good.” He yawned, quickly covering his mouth. “Mind if I just crash here Doc?”

“I’ve already asked an orderly to bring a rollaway for you. I know better.” Smiled the duck-doctor in a knowing fashion. “Now come now everyone, time to go.”

Looking at his parents, Sonic instantly stated. “We’ll visit tomorrow, promise.”

“Looking forward to it son, looking forward to it.”

Giving his siblings one last look, Sonic smiled and winked at the two infants. “Welcome to the world you two, hopefully by the time you can talk and explore the world there’ll be one last fat-man to worry about. That’s a big-bro promise!”  

[lesbianarcana]

Luceo non Uro - Chapter 1

Concilio et Labore (by Wisdom and Effort)

Relationships: Asra/Apprentice

Rating: Mature

| Read on Ao3 |

~

The crowds were rarely avoidable in Vesuvia during the day, especially in the central district, but they were particularly bad at this time of year. Even after sunset when the night market opened to the crowds of the Masquerade, the bustle was almost overwhelming.

Daya ducked and weaved through the throng of people, hopping to and fro across the boards placed above the canal. Her purchase she cradled close to her chest, and the smell of the hot, fresh bread made her stomach rumble. It was her luck that the market was open almost constantly during the days of the Masquerade, if only because it gave her something to do at night. The vendors always made a killing when the Count’s birthday celebrations rolled around, after all. Artisan bakers made cheaper versions of the delicacies served at the palace, tailors sold costumes of chiffon and cheap gold leaf, and winemakers offered tastings of rare imports from Atapra and Milova. A sea of fluttering costumes, glittering baubles and painted masks surrounded her, dazzling her with the colours and patterns of a hundred people. It was enough to be overwhelming. The palace had to be worse, surely…

For a moment Daya glanced wistfully at the stone stairs that wound out of sight, all the way up to the palace. What would it be like to wander the gardens in an elegant costume, she thought, perhaps dancing in a glittering ballroom and eating tiny sandwiches.

“Keep dreaming,” she said out loud, and blushed at the odd look a passing reveler threw her. As if she would ever be invited to the Masquerade--as if she would ever have enough money for fancy dress! And who cared about tiny sandwiches, anyway?

If she dawdled any more the bread would get cold, and the fortune-teller might disappear into the night--not to be seen for another year, maybe more.

The shop was open late for once, the lantern still lit with an iridescent blue flame, and when Daya glanced at the side window she could see the faint, blurred outline of her aunt striding past. But it wasn’t time to go inside. Not yet. She slipped past, shoes padding silently on the cobblestones, and around the back of the building.

To her relief the booth was still there, a hastily constructed thing of a few upturned barrels and a tent poles draped with blue and purple cloths. She’d seen him setting up just after dawn, though the window’s frosted glass turned him into little more than a sunlight-dappled figure. When she’d gone to run errands later that day there had been a line; old men and mothers and a few street urchins shoving and pushing each other. Even though it was after dark the streets were still full of people, but...nobody lingered at the tent now, and the flap was still fastened to allow entry. Daya hesitated a moment, brushed away the shyness that clutched at her chest, and ducked inside.

There was barely any room inside the tent and yet, all she could see of its occupant was a pair of shoulders and a head of fluffy white curls, both illuminated by a central light that hovered above them. Then the drapes fell back with a rustle, throwing the space into darker shadows, and the fortune-teller straightened up. She caught and held his gaze; eyes of purple with delicate white eyelashes.

God, he was young. Barely into adolescence, she realised, about the same age as she. His gaze dropped to the bread in her hands, and Daya blushed.

“Here,” she said, and hastily shoved the bundle at him. “You’ve been working here all day, and I thought you might be--this is from my favourite baker.”

He looked so surprised it was almost comical, and for a moment he just stared down at the wrapped bundle.

“It’s pumpkin bread,” Daya added. “The best in the city. Well, I think so, anyway.”

The fortune-teller unwrapped the linen cautiously. His fingers dug into the loaf, pulling it apart, and the scent of warm spices filled the tent. He closed his eyes, inhaling. A dimple flashed in his cheek.

“It smells amazing,” he said, when he opened his eyes again. “You didn’t have to do that. Thanks.”

“Nonsense,” Daya said, and sat herself on the nearest barrel. “Everyone deserves to eat. Besides, you’ve been bringing customers to the shop. My aunt should be thanking you.”

He placed the bread on the makeshift table between them and began to tear it into smaller pieces. Half of the pieces he wrapped up and tucked away into his bag. He offered her a piece from the remaining half, and began to eat the rest enthusiastically.

“This shop is your aunt’s?” he asked between bites. The bread disappeared at an alarming rate, confirming her suspicion that he hadn’t eaten all day.

Daya shook her head at another proffered piece and swung her legs idly, then started as the barrel wobbled.

“Magic ingredients, potions, spells, and divination,” she said. “She’s been teaching me a few things.”

Her lessons were supposed to have begun an hour ago, but he didn’t need to know that.

The fortune-teller looked at her curiously. “You can do magic?”

“Ah, sort of. I’m still learning.” She watched him pick crumbs off the table, and something like pity stirred in her chest. “What’s your name?”

The flash of a dimple again. “Asra. And yours?”

“Dayana. But you can call me Daya, if you want.”

“Daya,” Asra said, almost to himself.

The scarf at his shoulder rose upwards, and moments later a serpent’s head peeked out. Its tongue flicked, tasting the air, and it looked around with red eyes. Asra appeared completely unsurprised, glancing down and smiling.

“Who’s this?”

Asra lifted one finger to stroke under the snake’s chin. “This is Faust. She’s my familiar.”

“Oh,” Daya sighed, somewhat enviously. “I wish I had a familiar. She’s beautiful.”

Faust yawned widely, slithered down Asra’s shoulder and deposited herself on the table. He looked cautious for a split second as the snake brushed over Daya’s arm, cool and smooth...then visibly relaxed.

“I’m glad you’re not afraid of snakes,” he said by way of explanation. “Some people are. You said you don’t have a familiar?”

“Not yet. I wish.”

“Not every magician finds their familiar right away, but it’ll be worth it once you do.”

Asra brushed the remaining crumbs off the table, then opened his hands. A deck of cards splayed out between his fingers.

“Let me read the cards for you.”

“Oh, you don’t have to,” Daya began, pulling the barrel closer, “but if you’re offering, I’ll say yes.”

He smiled. “It’s the least I can do. Do you have a question you want answered?”

Daya shook her head and leaned forward eagerly, hands clasped on the table. She’d seen her aunt read the cards for customers before, and some of her spreads were far more complex than she could hope to create. Most people who came for fortunes, however, preferred the simple three card spreads: past, present, future.

Asra shuffled and cut the deck with practiced ease. Daya watched avidly as he laid out the cards facedown; four in a square and one in the centre.

“An archetype reading,” she noted. “The five aspects of the self. The persona, the shadow, the opposite energies, the heart’s desire.”

“That’s right.” He smiled at her, and flipped the first card. An image of a snake curled around a polished wooden stick. It reminded her of his familiar.

“The Queen of Wands.”

“Yes. A person of focus and passion, drawing others into her orbit.” He smiled. “Or their orbit, if you prefer.”

Daya shrugged. “I don’t care which.”

Asra flipped the second card.

“The Seven of Swords, reversed. The second card, the shadow. A secret shame, or a refusal to acknowledge a situation or a truth. This can represent...running away from a difficulty instead of facing it.” Asra gave her a sly look. “An example would be avoiding magic lessons and having your fortune told instead.”

There was a split second in which they looked at each other, then burst out laughing.

“You got me,” Daya said, grinning widely. “I’m avoiding my aunt right now. I should have known I couldn’t hide from the cards.”

“Not these ones, at any rate.” Asra flipped the third card. “The World. Opportunity, success, and a journey. But in this specific context…” he paused for a moment, hand hovering over the illustration. “A suggestion, to be proud of all you have accomplished thus far.”

Their eyes locked again, and Daya felt a shiver run down her spine.

She wasn’t new to the reading of the cards. Tarot and other divination techniques were part of her lessons: she read runes, bones and tea leaves also. And from time to time, Daya had spent her spare coin on happiness or success readings at some of the other fortune-teller booths found at the central market. Those were for idle curiosity, and the vendors little more than snake oil salesmen. She knew how to spot genuine skill, and Asra had it. Her eyes dropped to the fourth card, and she watched in anticipation as he turned it over.

“The Eight of Pentacles, reversed.” This time he looked up, a mischievous glint in his eye. “A struggle to maintain focus. Do you think the cards are trying to tell you something?”

“That’s the point, isn’t it?” she retorted, and he laughed. Deftly he flipped the fifth card...then sat back, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

“The Fool,” he said after a moment.

"Wow. Rude.”

Asra glanced up at her uncertainly, his white eyebrows quirking. He relaxed when he saw her grin. “You scared me for a second.”

“I’m learning the cards, remember? I know what the Fool means. A cliff’s edge, with limitless potential for the future, if I only make the leap. Am I right?”

“Yes. You have all you need to move forward.”

Daya sat back, mirroring his pose, and watched as he gathered up the cards.

“May I?” she asked into the silence.

Asra paused in the middle of shuffling the deck, and his gaze fell upon her outstretched hand. For a second she thought he would refuse. It was somewhat of an audacious request, if she knew anything about magicians and tarot. But then he smiled and passed the deck over.

“Are you going to practice on me, Daya?” he asked, teasing.

She laughed. “I can try.”

Her fingers closed over the cards-- then a sudden rush of wind extinguished the lantern, throwing the booth into darkness.

It was magic, she realised. Pushing and pulling within her like a tide; rolling over her in a heady rush, tingling and warming under her palms. She gasped involuntarily, squeezing her eyes shut

The light returned moments later, throwing wild, swinging shadows over the booth. Daya drew in quick, ragged breaths.

“Mmhm,” Asra said. He had an air of smug satisfaction about him, as he leaned his chin on one hand. “I thought so.”

She threw him a quizzical look but he said nothing further, so with a shrug she began to shuffle.

“Past, present and future,” she said, and let the cards flow through her hands. She could almost hear her aunt’s voice.

Relax. Empty your mind and let the cards speak to you in the silence.

She’d had trouble reading the cards most days, but this deck...this deck was special. How else could it have reacted to her magic?

Daya drew three cards, face down, and chose the far left. The Five of Cups.

“You had a great loss, many years ago,” she said tentatively.

A flicker of pale eyelashes; otherwise no reaction from him.

“Someone who was important, and sometimes, it seems as if pain is all you will ever know or feel.” The words came unbidden, drawn from her mouth in a whisper. “Sometimes...it’s easier to keep hurting, because hurting is infinitely less terrifying than feeling nothing at all. Hurting means the loss meant something. It made them real, and it keeps them alive, in a way.”

Asra said nothing. Embarrassed, Daya swiped at her eyes and let go of the card. “I’m sorry. That was totally inappropriate. Um...should I continue?”

A soft, tentative reply. “Please.”

Turning the second card took more courage than she cared to admit. The Magician stared up at her in the form of a fox, a small smile playing around its mouth.

“The Magician,” she said, and Asra’s eyebrows rose. “For your present.” Daya tapped her chin with one finger and closed her eyes, exhaling slowly. “You’re...performing an act of creation, shaping something from nothing. A place of pure magic, created from and shaped by your willpower.”

Asra’s eyes widened. “Huh.”

“I know...I’m not making much sense, I’m sorry. I still have trouble with my focus, as the cards pointed out.” She turned over the third card. “The Hermit, reversed.”

This time the words were easier to hold on to.

“The Hermit implies solitude, even when upright...reversed, it represents a deliberate isolation. A withdrawal from the world.” Frowning, she glanced up at him. “If you aren’t careful, you could lose your connections to this world...or fail to form new ones.”

Asra was silent for a long moment, staring thoughtfully at the cards laid out before him. Then he smiled. There was no hint of mischief in his expression, only interest.

“I thought you might have the skill for tarot,” he said, “and I was right. You’re the real deal.”

Daya opened her mouth to reply--then the slap of feet on cobblestones made her pause. More and more footsteps; some hurried and some leisurely. The sound of flutes floated from around the corner, clear and high and melodic. Voices growing louder.

Curiosity drew her up, and she peeked outside. Asra had picked a good spot for fortune-telling, that was for sure--the booth opened up to the wider part of the street, giving them a good view of the marketplace. Her skin prickled as she felt Asra’s presence at her shoulder.

“Look,” he said, pointing. She followed his gaze to a glittering carriage making its way past, headed for the town square.

“Fancy,” Daya mused. “Do you think it’s the Count? I’ve never seen him before.”

“The Count?” Asra said. “I don’t think so..”

There was a strange note in his voice she couldn’t quite pick out, but then he brushed past her and she promptly forgot in her curiosity. She followed him out into the street and joined the crowd gathering to watch.

The carriage was close now; close enough to snatch glimpses of its passenger. A cascade of violet curls. Brown skin. A long nose and elegant fingers. Red eyes.

“She looks like a noble,” Daya murmured, and Asra hummed beside her. “I wonder who she is.”

“Dayana!”

The sharp, rich voice rang over the mutter of the crowds. Daya blushed violently as several people turned to look at her, then above--to the woman leaning over the balcony.

“Ah, it seems I’ve been caught.”

Asra laughed.

A little awkwardness settled over them as they turned back to face each other. A few moments of silence, then Daya finally spoke.

“Same time next year?”

Asra laughed again, quieter this time. “Who can say?”

“Even if I don’t see you...” she offered her hand, and he took it. “Thank you, Asra. I’ll take your advice if you do the same for me.”

“I will,” he promised.

“Dayana!”

“Coming!” Daya called, and let go of his hand. An awkward smile, one more glance and he disappeared back inside the tent. The flap unfastened and fell over the entrance, and the light went out.

She went back to the shopfront, extinguished the lantern with a snap of her fingers and turned back to watch the carriage disappear around the corner. The last thought before she crossed the threshold was of purple eyes reflecting the lantern light, and a strange feeling in her chest that could have been intuition.

It wouldn’t be the last time she saw Asra, though--she was certain of that.

[bonesandblood-sunandmoon]

Sometimes writing is a nice controlled activity, and sometimes, it’s like something takes a hold of you and you’re merely a conduit. Reading about galactian alignments [here] and letting the frame of bi/pan/multisexual orientations as being related to same/opposite gender attraction percolate brought forth something that I guess could be called prose poetry.

Note the personal tag. This is not educational, broad definitions for those seeking answers, or the only way someone could relate and personally define these terms. I would appreciate it if this wasn’t used as an ill-fitting 101 because it’s admittedly rather specific to my experiences with struggling to name internal experiences (an older WP post - wibbly-wobbly, gendery-wendery - on why I use broader labels for myself, which featured a mention of “gendershifter” in the comments).

--

Gendershifter

>> Do you feel masc, solarian, man-aligned, or anything in that direction?

While an allusion to the idea of a sun god was the basis for solarian, I’m more accustomed to the Sun Goddess, Sunna aka Sol. When I think of this goddess, I think of sunlit fields, manual labor, making men dominated fields adapt to your presence, a steely pride in gender non-conformity for those read as women, working clothes worn casually or off shift, work boots, any pants or shorts with adequate pocket space, flannel, tying or keeping hair out of the face if it’s long enough to warrant that, carabiners and the sound of keys as you walk. It’s not as simple as saying that Sunna reminds me of masculinity; She is what I think of when I think of butchness.

>> Do you feel femme, lunarian, woman-aligned, or anything in that direction?

While an allusion to the idea of a moon goddess was the basis for lunarian, I’m more accustomed to the Moon God, Mani. When I think of this god, I think of the silent questions you ask yourself after midnight, resting after a long day, admitting that perhaps it’s nice to take a break from living up to cis men’s standards all the time, a wispy curiosity in conventionally feminine coded aspects (kept guarded from being used as a weapon of misgendering), apologizing to calluses with lotion, the silky smoothness of freshly shaved legs, starry nail polish, the swishy feel of a skirt. It’s not as simple as saying that Mani reminds me of femininity; He is what I think of when I think of night blooming flowers, holding onto gifted jewelry (just in case), and allowing myself to enjoy pretty things, feel pretty.

>> Do you experience same-gender attraction?

I don’t have a succinct word for what I am. I feel a flame of something inside that is connected to other flames that have come before me, a sense of being a descendant. The flexibility of Nature as a creature shifts their reproductive sex within life (through environmental triggers or other reasons). The chaos of Nature as a fungi produces multiple sexes that can’t necessarily reproduce with each other (we’ve yet to figure out how to ask fungi about their genders). I feel Ancient, human in the most ancestral sense, acknowledging that it’s alright to have feelings about how I cut and present my hair, not holding it against my body that it’s easier to live with some shaving, preferring to breathe in comfortable clothing than worry about the specifics, emphasizing practicality over aesthetic.

>> Do you experience opposite-gender attraction?

I suppose that’s whatever has an existing word and definition, but I can’t say for sure. I feel a stillness that reaches down, inwards, tunnels through my heart into darkness. The quiet solitude of a cave, twisted tree roots forming a cavern, laying in the embrace of the Darkness. The dark green moss grasps at a deep earth sensation. The pale white-gray of the aspens as the leaves fall in the autumn grasps at a shifting, changing sensation. The blue inside of a glacier grasps at the alien, unknown, inhumanity of not belonging in the social boxes I’ve been given. I can’t always feel the boundary being crossed, but I can find myself caught in the threshold between what I am and what I am expected to be. Sometimes the challenge is a glorious strengthening of Monstrosity, sharpening claws and teeth against restraints of gender, but other times, I am a ghost, unseen and unacknowledged, a residual loop walking through walls.

>> Which is easier to sort you into: man or woman?

Both to the point of neither. I am tired of counting back the threads of how I am woven together into this tapestry. Must I change the pattern? Must I challenge every choice of color and thread I am given? I am tired, and sometimes, it is easier to not challenge the world at every step. I am the soothing fog that blankets the trees, the warmth of a den hidden away, and I will allow myself to rest, hibernate in this wintry cold world of absolutes. I can’t always poke and prod at my gender as it shifts and flows, and I can’t always detect what it’s doing beneath mental fog. (Is it still there, or do I stop caring about it?) It’s an ice covered pond more so than a void, but I still don’t know what’s going on. (At least the stinging pain of misgendering is dulled by the apathy of survival.) Perhaps, my gender will return from its stroll through the galaxy in the spring.

>> But then how do I categorize you? I’m only attracted to males / females.

While you might be attracted to conventional masculine or feminine signifiers in cis people, I would appreciate it if you would take a moment to consider if you can truly tell someone’s gender just by observing them or guessing their sex. (It’s a social habit that might gender a stranger correctly some of the time, but it’s just as likely that you will misgender her, him, them, hir, and so on.)

I’m afraid I have met my allotted misgendering quota for today and will therefore be unable to sort myself neatly into your convenient boxes. Please wait 3 business days until you have experienced the unnerving temperature drop of a solar eclipse, the primal unease at a night and day blurring, and have felt the indescribable mystery of the universe brush against your human senses to make another inquiry.

[soysaucevictim]

tagged by @margoisapest!

-

1. are you named after anyone?

Not quite, first name was a choice made in post-labor delirium on Mom’s part. I think I was going to be named Susan and she didn’t know where she got that from (though I’d wager to guess she may’ve heard it in passing at least a few times, without conscious acknowledgement). Middle name came from my grandmother though! I guess that counts.

2. when was the last time you cried?

... possibly when I watched that Coco movie. It’s just adorable, okay? :I

3. do you have kids?

No, and don’t plan to. Too much baggage to be able to take on that responsibility, on good conscience. But, I suppose OCs are about as close as that’s about to get. :P

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

I’m not sure just how much sarcasm I use regularly, I’m usually pretty frank/transparent though. On the ‘net I try to make it super clear when I am because Poe’s Law and lost emotional cues (its quite frustrating seeing an argument online that stemmed from one party going, “I was OBVIOUSLY joking” at complete strangers who don’t actually KNOW how that person operates; it was their fault for creating the misunderstanding, not the other guy).

5. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

That is a surprisingly difficult question to answer? I guess some aspects of general demeanor - whether on that basis a connection can be had (stuff like how open/willing the person is to learning stuff is a big one, beit about science or something more obviously sociopolitical)? But I try to rely more on observing a person over time before really being able to nail anything down.

6. what’s your eye colour?

Dark brown. I guess I’d call it espresso brown?

7. scary movie or happy ending?

I would probably pick a scary movie. But I don’t mind stuff with happy endings (for both scary work and non).

8. any special talents?

Pretty good color acuity and visual-spatial reasoning. Do think my hearing acuity isn’t quite as sharp as before. (This is more of a character strength than a talent, but my curiosity has made others think I’m pretty smart and know a lot of things.)

9. where were you born?

California

10. what are your hobbies?

Exercise, drawing, video games (mostly been browser-based stuff for the last several months), writing (once in a blue moon, I really ought to work on that)...

11. do you have any pets?

I have one dog, a GSD mix named Maybelline.

12. what sports do you play/have you played?

Kid me didn’t much like team sports in general, and I don’t think that will really change (even though my attitudes about EXERCISE has radically changed to a love of it.) I would’ve like playing dodgeball a bit more if not for needing to put my glasses away (don’t want to bust them, but man, my nearsightedness made things harder than necessary). Though I have a competitive side to me, this is largely an area where I don’t really feel it in. (I’m more down with competing with MYSELF in this front.) :Ic

13. how tall are you?

5′4″

14. favourite subject in school?

Science, in general, has always been a major favorite. I’ve also adored learning how stuff worked and that also coalesced into my early, fervent interest in medicine! Most of my interest in history are circled around the histories of medicine/science and cultural artifacts (language, art, etc.)

15. dream job?

Medical examiner or something down that vein... other contingencies being something in toxicology/pharmacology, or teaching medicine. With freelance art being a side gig of sorts.

-

Tagging: @hippocratessocrates, @azurghost, @aliensnipe, @hatsrus, @alchemyprime

(Man, I’m never sure who I should tag with these things the majority of the time...)

[artificialskyway-archived]

the boy with the earring [the making of]

✿ genre: art au; artist!reader

✿ pairing: Y/N x Taehyung

✿ length: 4,782

✿ A/N: this came out longer than expected. this is written in the past, to the moments when Y/N meets Taehyung and they embark in a love affair creating the boy with the earring. the final part will be set decades later and we will see where Taehyung is after this moment.

✿ part 1: the intro , part 3 (final) [coming soon]

refresher: 34 year-old Kim Taehyung had a minor breakdown in the streets of downtown Iloni when he learned that his first and only true love had passed away. Y/N was a wealthy woman, married to Park Jimin and an incredibly talented artist. He learns that Y/N’s last wish was to have her artworks released to the public in hopes of starting a revolution. The most famous of her paintings released? the boy with the earring. [part 1]

Year: 3055 City: Iloni

Before Kim Taehyung was an employee in Iloni’s biggest banking industry, he found himself moving around from job to job. Taehyung was born into a middle-class family where both of his parents had to work separate jobs to provide for their family. Even then, that wasn’t always enough to get their family of six by every month. So, when Taehyung was old enough he tried to find little jobs that would help bring in some extra money for the family. He’s done this since he was 15 and he never complained because in his eyes he got to see different aspects of life and labor.

Something else to know about Taehyung; he always stood out. Even when he wasn’t trying to, everyone around him always seemed to notice him. His tall stature, his light chestnut brown hair, his endearing smile, and the earrings. Kim Taehyung was known for wearing silver-studded earrings; it was his trademark. With his striking features, strangers couldn’t resist but to stop and marvel at the boy with the earrings.

He looked like he belonged in a different, more perfect world with honey-glazed locks that reached the edge of his eyebrows, leading you right to his eyes with a stare that could captivate you and wrap you in a warm embrace. Taehyung worked hard for his family, but he always felt something missing from his life. He didn’t blend in with everyone around him, never understood the life around him, but he always held out a heart full of hope.

As for Y/N, she was born into an upper class family. Financial stability, secure lifestyle… the only real job of hers was to find a suitable husband to marry into when she was old enough. She was very family oriented and lived to please her family, understanding the way the social world ran. She did what was expected of her and never complained.

Family oriented Y/N was a gentle yet spunky girl, with a deep passion for art. People warned her about expressing this love and talent of hers, but that didn’t stop her from spending her days on the third floor of her family home, painting canvas after canvas.

Now, when finding a suitable husband, her parents took her likes and dislikes into consideration, with the one requirement: he must be of the same social status, having enough money to support her and the family.

So, 23 year-old Y/N was still content with this decision, she didn’t mind it. Afterall, she enjoyed her life, and her parents even ended up finding a few great gentleman, narrowing down their list to three suitors.

Kim Seokjin, the classic, elder  suitor.

Jung Hoseok, the vivacious and gentle suitor.

And Park Jimin, the charmingly elegant suitor.

The choice was Y/N’s.

Soon after a few dates, Y/N made her choice and was to be married to the elegant Park Jimin.

The news broke everywhere; the wedding became highly anticipated by nearly every person in Iloni. So much so, you’d think this was a wedding for the royal family.

With the plans Y/N’s parents had in mind, it just may be a royal wedding. In any case, preparations for the wedding called for more helpful hands in her family’s mansion.

And here is where two worlds begin to collide.

Kim Taehyung’s father worked as a sous chef at one of Iloni’s top four-star restaurants. And when the head chef was recruited into Y/N’s family kitchen, Taehyung’s father was brought along as the sous chef of Y/N's kitchen.

With that, his father also brought his 24 year-old son, Taehyung, along with him to make some extra money for the family.

While his father was a chef, Taehyung became a butler-in-training at the household, shadowing the family’s head butler, Kim Namjoon.

“Okay, so your main task for now is room check.” Namjoon eyes Taehyung, leading him up the stairs and down one of the mansion’s many corridors.

“Since more of Y/N’s family members and friends will be paying visits, they’ll often stay the night, or spend long hours here. The family will also host countless cocktail parties and events here. And it is our job to make sure their living situation is comfortable and taken care of.”

Namjoon leads him up the second floor, “Just enter the bedrooms, living spaces, bathrooms, and make sure the rooms are intact, tidy, and if not then inform a maid.” Taehyung nods, the job doesn’t seem too hard, so he has some confidence in this.

Namjoon continues, “Now, eventually, you will also wait on the family members. Making sure they are aided whenever necessary. Take charge of their schedules of the day, events of the month, etcetera. Also, the good thing about working here is that this family is one of the good ones. A family you’ll soon grow to love.”

By now, Taehyung has zoned out from Namjoon’s speech, the intricate finishing of the shelves and baseboards, the extravagant decor has all taken Taehyung’s full attention and he is growing obsessed with the house’s intricate beauty. Namjoon continues to give Taehyung the run-through of the job, telling him about Y/N, her family, and the rest of the staff.

In truth, Namjoon doesn’t think Taehyung is up for the challenge, especially during such a busy time for the family. The elder had his doubts, often double checking the rooms Taehyung is in charge of and questioning the boy about every detail from his to-do list.

But Taehyung has been on the job now for about three weeks and has seemingly done well so far. He has done his best to keep a low profile, slowly and lazily checking rooms as the minutes dragged.

Amid the simple task, Taehyung found plenty of time to wonder among the hallways of the mansion, he made it an adventure, shamelessly walking into different rooms, sticking his nose where he shouldn’t but the boy was curious to see how a family of such status lives.

One evening, no different than the others, he found himself at the foot of the staircase that leads to the third floor. No one’s ever told him not to go up there, but it was obvious no one should be up there. But, bored and curious Taehyung decided to take it upon himself, chalking it up to a sense of adventure and goes up the stairs.

With every step, his heart anticipated what the third floor housed, excitement filling his bones like a little curious child.

As he reaches the top of the stairs he is welcomed into a large living area, decorated with eclectic rugs, wood-oak coffee tables and two white sofas. The walls are covered in vibrant and expensive art pieces leading the eye up to the two soft chandeliers. On the other end of the living area is a hallway, leading to a few extra rooms.

With the breath taken from him as he gazes in awe, Taehyung follows down the hallway, stopping in front of the first door, jiggling the doorknob until he realizes it’s locked. He continues further down to the end of the hallway, stopping at the second door which happens to be halfway opened already.

Taehyung’s burning curiosity gets the better of him as he pokes his head further into the room. A gasp leaves his lips as his eyes are greeted with numerous paintings, and the aroma of acrylic paints hit his nose.

He has stumbled into someone’s personal art studio, and he can’t even begin to explain the excitement boiling in his body. In awe and amazement by the many finished and unfinished paintings taking up every inch of the room, his feet walk him further into the room.  The smell of oil pastels and acrylic paints surround the air around him. It’s beautiful.

He glides his slender fingers over the painting, when he nearly jumps out of his shoes at the sound of Y/N’s voice. “Don’t you know fingers on a painting is no good?”

Y/N stands at the doorway, arms folded across her chest, smirking towards the boy who found his way into her studio.

“I’m sorry, I just sort of found this place and-” Taehyung embarrassingly stumbles over his words, as he moves away from the painting, heading for the door.

“You don’t have to leave. Do you like art?” Y/N asks, still standing in the doorway, she tilts her head up to keep eye contact.

“I do.” Taehyung responds, his eyes light up and she liked that. No one has ever really understood Y/N or why she still bothers with art. Maybe he'll be different.

Y/N encourages him to keep looking around her studio, she moves inside, approaching one of her unfinished paintings. She let him snoop around silently, finding him intriguing and his person so incredibly endearing.

Taehyung comes to a large blank canvas laying on one of her tables, finding no paint or pastels on it, except for a single, silver chain-like earring. He picks it up, admiring the way the light reflects off of the simple silver. She’s watching him eye the dangling chain and the way his soft features glow under her yellowed lighting. “Why don’t you try it on?” Y/N encourages him.

He glances over to her, waiting for a second approval. She nods in his direction and watches as he puts the earring on his left ear, next to his circled stud.

She smiles, “It suits you.”

Taehyung blushes, dropping his head, eyeing the floor as if he dropped something. This is the first time he’s ever met the famous Y/N and she’s so ethereal in his eyes as she compliments him.

Y/N walks towards him, picking up the blank canvas and carries it over to one of her easels. Without saying a word, she starts sketching on the white canvas, her eyes glancing back and forth from the beginnings of her sketch to her newfound muse, the boy with the earring.

“Um, what are you doing?” Taehyung asks, immediately feeling flustered and regretting his decision to come up here.

“Shh, stay still. I haven’t had this much inspiration in almost two weeks. Don’t ruin this for me.” Y/N confesses, winking at him.

Taehyung continues to stand there, not really sure on what to do next. Does he stay there? If he leaves would that technically be disobeying orders from one of his bosses? What if Namjoon is looking for him?

Taehyung’s mind runs a mile a minute, but he decides to stay and let Y/N finish her sketch. He’s looking at her and he notices her eyes, focused yet holding such a soft gaze.

“How… Uh…” Taehyung is stumbling over his words and he’s silently beating himself up at how dumb he probably sounds. “How long have you been doing this?” He asks, motioning towards all of the paintings in the room.

She hums, suggesting she’s thinking about her answer, “Ever since I could hold a brush in my hands.”

“You’re really talented.” Taehyung continues to eye the rest of her art works. He never imagined being in one room surrounded with so much beauty. He tries to think of more things to say but no words are forming and he’s getting too nervous.

Before he knows it, she’s stepping away from the easel and looking into his eyes, “We are done for today!”

“For… today?” Taehyung asks, does she really want him coming up here again? He sure hoped so.

“Yeah! Come back tomorrow, okay? We’re only getting started.” She winks at him another time before turning around and leaving him in her studio alone.

Taehyung isn’t sure on what he just got himself into, but he leaves the room with a soft smile on his face at the thought of another moment spent with Y/N.

The next day, Taehyung meets the foot of the third floor stairs yet again. The soft smile is still present on his face, he could already smell the paints from Y/N’s studio. Once he reaches her door, he finds her fixing up her sketch, humming a melody to herself. Taehyung just might be in love, or maybe he’s just all around nuts, falling in love with a woman that is nowhere near his league.  

He enters the room and Y/N expresses great pleasure in seeing him show up. She commends him on his timing, and immediately positions him the way she wants him for this painting.

She’s wasting no time and Taehyung likes the way she is taking charge, completely anxious to get started on her piece.

As Taehyung stands with his right arm resting against one of the walls, she tells him to gently rest his head on that arm.

She stands there with pursed lips, not liking the way it looks until she moves a few of his curls towards the front, opening up his hand, letting his fingers lazily stretch out.

Taehyung froze at the feeling of her cool fingers touching his and he hoped to God that she didn’t notice how tense he turned.  

As Y/N dips her brush into one of the paint colors on her palette, she begins her journey. He can see how ecstatic she is. It’s as if this was the moment she’d been waiting for her whole life.

After a few silent minutes passed, she speaks up. “Y/N.”

“Huh,” Taehyung asks, completely caught off guard.

“That’s my name.” She responds without moving her eyes from the canvas.

“Oh. I- I know.”

“Well,” She breaks her focus to look at the boy, “why don’t you tell me your name?”

“Kim Taehyung,” he responds, trying not move too much, but his nerves are working at full force.

“Kim Taehyung,” she hums. Taehyung softly smiles at the way his name sounds, like a gentle melody.

“Well, Taehyung. I know standing isn’t comfortable and I’m sorry. But just bear with me, this is going to be worth it.” She tells him, focusing on the soft curls as they illuminate under the sunlight streaming in.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind. I’m supposed to be on my feet anyways, it’s my job.” He laughs nervously, dropping his head to look at the floor.

She walks up to him, so close he can see every hue that reflects in the iris of her eyes. Her hands are still soft and cool as they reposition his head back up and on his arm against the wall. “Don’t move,” she whispers, fixing her silver earring as it dangles from Taehyung’s ear.

“Have you always wanted to be an artist?” Taehyung asks, breaking the silence, trying to focus on something other than what just happened.

“Yes. I never liked the dullness of this city, to be honest. My parents have books and magazines from years ago and you would never believe how beautiful Iloni was before everything went to shit.”

Taehyung believed it. In fact, it was the only thing he really ever believed.

She continues her thought, “I wanted to recreate Iloni, give it a rebirth. I still want to bring the city back to life.”

Taehyung returned back down to the main floor, half heartedly doing his job for the remainder of the day.

His head was in the clouds, and everyone noticed a shift in his behavior. He was lovestruck and his co-workers all believed he finally met someone in town.

As the days passed, Taehyung continued his job, moving between kitchen and rooms. Between the shifts, he went up to the third floor almost every day, spending only an hour up there while Y/N slowly fixated and perfected every detail of the painting.

The only other time he would see Y/N was at the dinner table. While the family comes together to enjoy their meal, Namjoon, Taehyung and a few maids would stand at the back wall to wait on the family. During those dinner times, the two shared many innocent glances, hidden smiles and a wink or two. A secret affair was brewing and they were sure no one suspected.

“Y/N, you spend so much time up there in your studio lately! What are you conducting up there?” Her mother asks, trying to start up some light conversation.

“A revolution.” Y/N responds with a smirk as she locks eyes with Taehyung for what seems like eternity.

He drops his head to hide his smile and the family continues on with another topic of conversation. Namjoon nudges Taehyung’s arm, until he looks back at his elder. Namjoon scolds the boy with his stare and that was enough to tell Taehyung everything he needed to know.

After the family finish up their night, Namjoon and Taehyung are in the living area, straightening out the pillows and bookshelves. The staff and family have all gone home or retired to their bedrooms for sleep, leaving the two alone in silence. Taehyung continues to absentmindedly straighten the same pillow for minutes and Namjoon rolls his eyes at the lovestruck boy.

Walking over to the boy, Namjoon takes the pillow from Taehyung’s hands, straightening it and placing it back onto the sofa.

“Taehyungie,” Namjoon starts, not looking at the boy, simply continuing his job. But the tone in his voice was obvious enough for Taehyung to know what was coming next, “you know what you are doing could get your family in trouble. Not just you.” Namjoon confesses to the boy.

“Hyung, I’m not going to get anyone in trouble. It’s nothing.” Taehyung moves to the shelves, knowing that he’s going to hear what Namjoon has to say, regardless.

Namjoon sighs, walking over to the boy. He knows the boy is too deep in love to hear what he has to say. He then reaches into his vest pocket and hands Taehyung his paycheck. Namjoon holds his grip on the white envelope, finally looking at the boy, “when love is at the forefront, there is no such thing as ‘nothing.’”

The boy nods, placing his paycheck in his back pocket. He understands what type of grave he is digging himself into, but he’s certain that this is where he wants to be. The two men get ready to head home, but Taehyung’s mind is whirling with so many thoughts, and he wants to tell his elder what he’s feeling but the words aren’t forming.

“Namjoon,” the boy calls out as his elder was heading out the door. The look on the boy’s face tells Namjoon everything.

Taehyung’s in love with Y/N, if he could he would run away with her, start a new life with her. He will make sure she is taken care of. And Namjoon can see every detail of the future Taehyung has built with Y/N in the boy’s eyes and he can see the realization as Taehyung already knows it can never happen.

The elder sighs, trying to find the right words, he doesn’t want to hurt him, but he believes the boy needs a reality check. Namjoon sees that the boy is in all too familiar territory. He’s been there himself, with someone in the same family. And so, Namjoon simply doesn’t want the boy to end up in Namjoon’s shoes.

“They are upper class, Kim Taehyung. And we are the workers. With love that is forbidden comes inevitable pain. You got that?”

Taehyung knew Namjoon was right, he didn’t have to be so harsh and straightforward about it, though. It only made Taehyung feel worse, rolling his eyes at Namjoon like a child does when their father lectures them.

Little did Taehyung know, Y/N felt the same way about him. She filled a few of her notebooks with sketches of Taehyung, her smile appearing whenever she focused on his eyes in every sketch. He was beautiful and he made her feel like she wasn’t alone, like she was seen and understood. Will Jimin make her feel that way? She knew he was a sweet man, caring for her more than a regular man of his status would, and for that she was grateful.

But still, Y/N looked forward to that one hour every day. 

With each passing day, and hour spent the emotions between the two continued to grow, becoming harder to overcome and hide. Taehyung became braver, moving in closer every day when he greeted her. She would reposition him even when he hadn’t moved just to feel his skin under her touch. She wondered if he could read her mind and if he could, would he just kiss her already?

As he watches her, he decides to ask her a question he’s wondered for a while.

“Why do you agree to marry for your parents, Y/N?”

“Why do you agree to work these jobs with your father, Taehyung?” She responds without skipping a heartbeat. The boy says nothing, letting her speak up first. “We all make choices, Kim Taehyung. Either for ourselves or for someone else.”

“Are you happy?” He asks, genuinely concerned.

“I’m happy because my family is happy.” Her honesty hits a chord in Taehyung because he understands exactly what she means.

Before he left that day, Taehyung boldly decided he was going to kiss her.

He had thought about it the entire time with her, until finally. He closed the space between them, grabbing her hand to intertwine her fingers with his and he lowers his lips to place a soft kiss on hers. She kisses him back in relief, the warmth of his lips on hers is what she longed for. He kissed her with such fervor, making sure the moment would last.

He finally breaks the kiss. Both of them are completely breathless and dizzy, this was euphoria. Her lips on his was the feeling he’ll remember until the end of time.

The next day he shyly walked into her studio, they exchange sweet small talk and soft giggles with each other. Moments like this continued on for the rest of their moments together. Every time he came up, they’d often share a passionate kiss while also talking together, sharing their deepest and lamest thoughts with each other. They had built a bond together, as they fell further in love and somewhere in the back of their minds, they knew that bond could only ever exist inside Y/N’s studio.

Every session would end happily, except for one moment when Taehyung decided to be as honest as he could. He wanted to try and tell her what he thought, no matter the outcome he needed her to know this wasn’t a fling for him.

After he kissed her goodbye, he whispers the words on her lips, “run with me.”

“No.” He pulls away to look at her.

“Y/N! You feel what I feel, we are meant for each other, run with me!” His voice is more urgent, he didn’t mean it to be, but his emotions are taking over.

“You can leave now.” She responds, cleaning up her paints and paintbrushes.

She hated how mean she sounded, but any other way and she would crumble at his feet, breaking her family’s heart in the process. She loved him and wanted to be with him, but Y/N also knew her duty to her family.

On the fourth week, he snuck his way up to her studio, where she was waiting for him. He walks over to where her stool where she sat. He’s towering over her, placing his fingers are on Y/N’s chin, slowly moving her face up towards him. He’s smiling widely as his lips kiss her forehead, “Hi, Y/N,” he whispers into her skin.

She smiles, greeting him back while also slapping his hand away from the covered canvas.

“Ow,” he exclaims, “Don’t I have the right to see this painting since I am the focal point here?” He asks, kissing her forehead one last time before moving to his position.

“Sorry! That’s not how this works, Kim Taehyung.” She waits for him to get in his stance, “Besides, I think today is the day! It’s almost complete!”

Y/N’s smile could make the sun look like a miniscule star in Taehyung’s eyes. He found her completely ethereal and this moment was bittersweet. What did it mean after she’s finished? Will this be the end? The wedding is around the corner, afterall. And Taehyung’s heart grew sadder with every god forsaken harsh thought that crossed his mind.

“Done!” Y/N exclaims, throwing her brush down and stepping away to gain a better look.

“Finally! Now, can I see it?” She stops him just before he gets to step behind the canvas.

“Not yet,” she tells him, her gaze gliding down from his eyes to his chest. Her fingers fiddle with the buttons of his white shirt.

Y/N bites down on her lower lip as she moves to unbutton the first two buttons of Taehyung’s shirt, placing her lips against the skin of his chest. He looks down at her, inhaling sharply at the sweet sensation. His mind tells him to take in every moment and remember the feeling. He knows what is going to happen and what this ultimately means.

His hands glide up Y/N’s sides, stopping at her waist, pulling her into his body. Y/N continues to unbutton the rest of his shirt, placing small kisses on every inch of his skin. She swiftly slides his shirt off his shoulders and their hands begin to move hastily.

Taehyung kisses her cheek before picking her up and letting her wrap her legs around his waist. They continue to kiss each other with so much passion. Their kisses are breathy and messy but they devoured their love with each touch.

He guides her to the floor of her studio, unclothing themselves. Taehyung kisses her stomach, her breasts, he wants to leave his mark on her body. Instead, he leaves kisses over her body, hoping to burn her skin with his memory so she’ll never forget him.

Their bodies entangle with love and passion, with soft gasps and quiet moans filling the room. He intertwined his fingers with hers as he becomes one inside of her, resting his forehead on hers. Y/N’s breath begins to match the swift moves of Taehyung’s hips into her. She imprints her touch on him, running her hands over his body and through his hair, raking her nails into his back with every hit of euphoria that Taehyung gives Y/N.

When the high is complete, Y/N and Taehyung lie there on her studio floor, stilling their breathing, figuring out how to approach the inevitable conversation.

“I won’t ask you to runaway with me, Y/N.”

She looks at him, while his eyes continue to stare up at the ceiling. He proceeds, “I want you to run with me, but that is out of my own selfish desire. I know how much your family means to you. You sacrifice so much for them, no one would sacrifice so much for someone they don’t love.”

“I do love them. My whole life I’ve wanted nothing but to make them happy,” Y/N confesses. She loves them, but she also loves Taehyung. But she’s making her choice, not for herself but for someone else and Taehyung understands.

“My father and I are leaving tomorrow after the wedding. We have another job waiting for us. I don’t think we’ll see each other again after this, Y/N.” He turns to lay on his side, propping his head up with his hand, placing his other hand on her cheek. “Don’t forget about me, okay?”

After they’ve dressed themselves, she gets up to move the painting towards the wall, placing the cover over the canvas.

“Ah, hold on… why can’t I see it, Y/N? Do you know how hard it was to stand for you all these weeks?” He groans into her neck as he wraps his arms around her from behind.

“Are you saying you regret this?” She teased him, pushing her body back into his and his grip tightens.

He turns Y/N around, picks up her hand and places a kiss on her fingers, “I’d do this all over again for you, my love.”

She walks over to her table, grabbing a single yellow flower from her vase and her earring that she let Taehyung model for her.

When she returns in front of Taehyung, she places the yellow flower in his shirt pocket and opens his hand to place her earring in his hand, “Y/N,” he breathes.

She shushes him quietly, kissing his cheek then making a slow and gentle line of kisses from one side of his face to the other. “I love you, Kim Taehyung. I could never forget you.”

Y/N heads for the door, she opens it and before leaving she turns towards Taehyung, “You’re going to start a revolution.” She winks back at him and disappears into the corridor.

Taehyung stands in the middle of her studio, breathing in the memory one final time before closing the door behind him.

bts masterlist | m.list

[webcricket]

Home is Where the Hearth Is

Characters: CastielXReader ft. Jack Kline, and Sam and Dean Winchester

Word Count: 1376

A/N: Drabble for my SPN Advent Challenge December 21 Prompt Tradition - Yule Log. Pure smol Jack-based fluff.

“What are you doing?” Jack asks from the stair landing of the electrical room.

You hoped not to be interrupted until everything was in place, but Jack’s innocent habit of sneaking up on you no matter where you are in the bunker prevailed again. And he always has questions – so many questions to satisfy a seemingly endless curiosity about the world. At least the answer to this one is significantly less awkward than the explanation required the night he burst in on you and Castiel deeply engaged in the most intimate of pursuits behind your locked bedroom door. Jack had been so proud of picking the lock, just like Dean taught him. He stood there, beaming smile plastered across his face, staring at you and the angel tangled naked, flushed, and panting in each other’s arms and having no idea he was supposed to be bashful about the intrusion.

You peer over your shoulder and study his expectant expression. You can tell he wants to ask again what you’re doing; he practically vibrates with inquisitiveness. There are a number of truthful answers to the boy’s question: Nothing. Possibly burning the bunker down. Finding creative new ways to piss off Dean. You choose the one least likely to send him immediately searching for a Winchester. “Oh, I’m building a yule fire to light the darkest day of the year for us.”

“Oh?” Even this simple utterance is somehow phrased as a query.

You turn toward the hearth fashioned into the wall. The same wall Dean blew up with a grenade launcher some time ago in desperation because it contains a pipe venting to the outside surface. The wall you’ve painstakingly excavated over many months in your precious free time because if you have to live underground like animals with no windows you at least want a proper fireplace and a mantle to add some civility to the place. And a proper homey gathering place that is a research free zone. “You want to help?” It’s a silly question. Of course he wants to help, he’s doing everything he can not to jump over the railing.

“What’s a yule fire?” He moves with such speed you don’t realize he is next to you until his voice is startlingly close. “We live underground – how is this day any darker than the other days of the year?” His fingers tap the surface of the wood mantle and he picks up the holiday decorations you have sitting on the narrow ledge and turns them over in his hands to examine them. “Who is this tiny man with the white beard supposed to be?” He squats in front of the carefully stacked logs in the iron rack in the center of the hearth and leans over the stones to squint up into the converted flue. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to have a fire indoors? It’s my understanding that combustion-”

“Woah, slow down there, kiddo!” You grasp his shoulder and pull him out of the fireplace. You sit cross-legged on the floor and encourage him to mimic your action.

He settles as instructed, rapt attention fixed on you.

“A yule fire is a very special fire. On the shortest darkest day of the year it brings family together to remember everything good and bright that has happened throughout the year and light the way into the next.”

“Good things like what?”

“Like you, Jack.” You smile and reach out to ruffle his hair. “And this-” You pluck the felted St. Nick from his clutches. “-is a jolly fellow known as Santa Claus. He’s a sort of ambassador for the holiday of Christmas. He delivers presents down the chimney to all the good little boys and girls of the world on Christmas night.”

“Like me?” he asks, hopeful.

“Yes, like you.”

His cheeks tint a rosy pink. He never tires of hearing about his goodness, though he doesn’t always believe it. He also really likes presents. “I like presents,” he confirms with a goofy grin.

“And it’s a perfectly acceptable idea to have a fire inside assuming I’ve done everything correctly. I couldn’t exactly call in experts to visit our super-secret lair for a professional installation.”

“What if you didn’t do everything correctly?” He casts a wary glance at the hearth.

“Well, then maybe you should sit a little further back while I light it,” you warn and shoo him backward, “just in case.” Scrambling to your feet, you retrieve the box of long matchsticks from the mantle.

Holding his breath, Jack watches your every move.

You strike the match along the edge of the box. Sulphur hits your nose as the orange flame flares then fades to pale yellow and blue. Cupping your palm over the small spark to protect it, you nestle the match in the kindling beneath the logs. At first it smolders, thick grey smoke wafting into your face as you blow gently on the twigs until they begin to pop and crackle. Tendrils of flame lick the larger logs, igniting the peeling bark and reflecting flashes of amber and shadow on the walls of the hearth and room as the logs become fully engulfed. A steady warmth radiates out into the room to caress your skin.

“It’s beautiful.” Jack moves closer, drawn to the flickering dance of heat. The fire pops a fiery bit of ash onto the floor at his feet and a concerned furrow wrinkles his brow as he observes its fading glow. “But won’t Santa get hurt if there’s a fire burning when he brings the presents?”

You smile, squeezing his shoulder reassuringly. “You don’t have to worry about Santa, Jack. He’ll be okay.”

“Okay, good.” The tenseness seizing his aspect relaxes, replaced by a thoughtful smile. “Maybe we should go get Sam and Dean and Castiel so they can be in the light and remember the good things too.”

“I think that’s the best idea I’ve heard all day,” you agree. “Why don’t you go find them.”

He’s on his feet almost before the words fall from your tongue. Eager to share what he has learned, he scampers up the stairs without looking back.

You sit once more at the base of the hearth to wait, drawing your knees to your chest. You peer around the electrical room – your labor of love these last months. You can’t believe it all came together – and after the events of the past year, precisely when you and the boys needed it the most. The starkness is softened by the addition of an overstuffed couch, chair, and plush carpet. Your eyes glint over the twinkling pine tree in the corner awaiting ornaments – that’s a project you want everyone to help complete. There’s a pile of stockings stacked below its needled boughs, ready to be hung on the mantle with care – the names of Sam, Dean, Castiel, and Jack embroidered on the festive plaid fabric. The only thing missing from the cozy space is –

“I’ll be damned,” Dean’s unmistakable gruff voice booms out. He stands on the landing, hands planted on his hips, chin wagging in disbelief.

“How? When-” Sam’s mouth gapes in wonder, fingers running through his hair as he takes it all in, “-when did you do all this?”

You hear Castiel’s baritone reverberating off the walls of the hall before he appears in the doorway, “I can assure you there is no fireplace in the bun-” The angel’s blue eyes fly wide, glittering in the ambient firelight.

Jack trots hot on the tails of his trench coat. “I told you!” he proclaims. “It’s a yule fire,” he adds, shooting you a knowing glance. “Isn’t it wonderful?” Still with the questions, he hops down the stairs, spinning and gesturing around the room.

No Jack, you think, happily grinning up at them all, rising to meet their open arms as they surround you in warm embraces, it’s not wonderful – it’s perfect.

Jack shows Sam and Dean the hearth, animated as he relays the concept of a fireproof Santa to the brothers. They’re patient with him, properly awestruck given his pure enthusiasm, even Dean.

Your angel lingers at your side, winding his arm around your waist and hugging you near to press a kiss to your forehead.

[andreynlo705-blog]

10 No-Fuss Ways to Figuring Out Your kinds of renewable energy

How can we notify if a little something is bogus or genuine in now’s planet? As an example, a greenback Monthly bill, a driver’s license or maybe a vote in the election. How do we figure out regardless of whether it’s valid or not? The answer? We hold a history of it. For example, Just about every dollar Monthly bill incorporates a serial amount that may be recorded with the financial institution. Your driver’s license range is recorded through the DMV and voting records are employed to trace who voted and who didn’t, so the exact same man or woman received’t manage to vote 2 times. Whenever you desire to validate that a doc is legit, you only appear it up with the suitable authority.

We even have Notaries, people who are certified by the government to work as witnesses to attest and record the validity of pieces of information or identities. You’ll recognize there’s one thing that most of these mechanisms have in common - They may be all centralized, which means there’s a central authority, regardless of whether it’s a financial institution, state Office environment, or person that has the facility to problem and validate data. These central authorities have plenty of electricity, and as you understand electrical power could often corrupt. So what happens if a person of those authorities wishes to change the info and even it's possible alter heritage a little bit? This my seem far fetched, but even our world heritage is just a history held by historians inside of a centralized way.

The phrase “Background is penned via the victors” tells us that specifics can at times be distorted by All those in energy. If you don’t think that’s doable, listed here’s an actual daily life case in point. Right now, most money is just a file of who owes what to whom. Mainly because of the subprime crisis in 2008, almost a thousand organizations during the US received about 630 billion pounds that never existed just before. Other corporations had debts fully eradicated. Some would argue this bailout was justified, however, you can’t deny that someone decided to change the records of exactly how much money was owned and owed. That is why Bitcoin was born. It had been the initial variety of money that removes the necessity to get a central authority.

Its information are retained by All people, not just by central banking institutions. And when everyone seems to be trying to keep observe and verifying the info, well, Meaning you could no more alter the ledger of transactions When some thing doesn’t insert up or because it’s far more convenient. You even have to get started on being accountable. But money isn’t the only area in which decentralization can Participate in a job. Would you bear in mind All those significant encyclopedia publications we utilized to trust in when it arrived to analysis? Encyclopedia Britannica employed a hundred full-time editors and above 4,000 contributors to publish what we thought to be the authority on knowledge. Just imagine the ability the editors of such guides had in deciding what was well worth mentioning, condemning, condoning or disregarding. Very well, the final volume of encyclopedia Britannica was revealed in 2010. Currently, facts is a great deal more decentralized with more than a hundred thirty thousand Lively editors that maintain diverse Wikipedia pages. The potential risk of any of them “likely rogue” unnoticed is way smaller sized because Just about every edit is public and can be verified by any person. Decentralization cuts down the chance for corruption, fraud and manipulation. Blockchain technologies is a brand new and progressive way to employ decentralization.

Within a nutshell, Blockchain technology is a solution for the issue of centralization. It’s a process for retaining records by everybody, with no need to have for a central authority - a decentralized way of retaining a ledger that's nearly unachievable to falsify. I mean, when a lot of eyes are watching and verifying anything that’s currently being finished, it’s genuinely difficult to interrupt The principles unnoticed. There's a chance you're pondering why can it be named Blockchain? Properly, consider we’re retaining a shared ledger with numerous web pages of data. Each individual website page starts using a form of summary from the website page prior to it. If you change a Element of the earlier web page, you’ll also have to change the summary on the current web site. Therefore the webpages are literally connected, or chained collectively. In technological conditions, web pages are called blocks. And given that Every single block is connected to the info of the prior block, We've got a sequence of blocks, or possibly a blockchain. Many of us think that Satoshi Nakamoto, the mysterious inventor of Bitcoin, developed Blockchain know-how. Technically he only made the first actual existence implementation of it - Bitcoin. In reality, that word blockchain isn't even talked about in Satoshi’s initial whitepaper.

The closest he comes to expressing Blockchain is “chain of blocks”. Now that you just really know what blockchain engineering is, we nevertheless have two significant concerns to answer - how does it basically function, and is particularly blockchain going to vary our long run? Let’s get started with the initial dilemma. Yet another way to question this question can be - how do I develop a method that enables the creation, verification and updating of records by Most people? Perfectly, there are actually 4 factors a blockchain should actually have a lifetime of its individual. The first thing required to help a blockchain is often a peer-to-peer network - A community of personal computers, often called nodes, which have been Similarly privileged. It’s open up to anybody and everyone.

This is basically what we already have today with the world wide web. We want this community in order that we should be able to communicate and share with one another remotely. The second ingredient is cryptography. Cryptography will be the artwork of safe conversation in a very hostile environment. It enables me to confirm messages and prove the authenticity of my own messages, even though malicious gamers are around. We need cryptography as a result of to start with factor. Try to remember, I mentioned everyone can be involved in this community - like undesirable actors. It’s good which i can talk, but I also need to verify my interaction will come by means of unaltered. The 3rd ingredient can be a consensus algorithm. You are able to change the technical phrase “algorithm” With all the term “rule”. This means we must concur about procedures on how we insert a different web site, often called a block, to our records. There are several sorts of consensus policies, in Bitcoin’s scenario we make use of a consensus algorithm referred to as Evidence of labor.

This algorithm states that to ensure that somebody to get paid the correct to add a whole new web site to our ledger they have to locate a solution into a math difficulty, which needs computational energy to resolve. Computers within the community run calculations to unravel The mathematics problem and in doing so, eat loads of energy. To paraphrase they are doing a lot of function. That’s why when one of them finds the amount that solves the challenge and displays it towards the community, they’re essentially exhibiting a “proof of labor”. Think of it since the node’s way of claiming: “Hey, I put in a large amount of Strength listed here in solving this issue 1st, so I’m entitled to jot down the next site”. As I mentioned right before, there are other consensus algorithms that don’t demand so much Power, This can be just the algorithm style that the Bitcoin blockchain employs. You'll find advantages and drawbacks to various algorithms, but so that you can operate a decentralized ledger you’ll need to choose one, in any other case Will probably be seriously really hard to reach a consensus with so Many individuals while in the community.

Finally, our past component is punishment and reward. This aspect is in fact derived from game concept and it tends to make sure that it'll be in individuals’s greatest interest to always follow the policies. To this point, we’ve build a community that has a way to speak securely, and follows a set of principles for achieving consensus. Now we’ll glue these components together by giving a reward to people today that assist us sustain our data and insert new pages. This reward is actually a token, or coin, which is awarded each time a consensus has long been achieved as well as a new block is included to our chain. Conversely, terrible actors who try to trick or manipulate the method will turn out getting rid of The cash they invested on computational electricity or their coins is usually taken from them. In the long run, the critical thing to keep in mind would be that the punishment and reward process operates on psychological behaviour. It turns the rules on the procedure from a thing you have to comply with into something you’ll would like to observe, since Will probably be in your best curiosity to take action. This was just a really significant degree explanation of what a blockchain is made of.

But given that then, much more folks have begun to study Bitcoin and blockchain, and also have found the benefits they provide; both in exercise, or being an investment. So there you have it, the 5 features of A really open up, public, decentralized blockchain. Up until today you can find only a handful of blockchains which have in excess of 1,000 actually independent members, and as a result may be considered as decentralized - Bitcoin, Ethereum and Monero to call some.

If you’re thinking that it seems like lots of exertions to put a blockchain in motion, you’re Totally appropriate. But this is where Ethereum comes in. Ethereum can be a Get it done Your self blockchain in which all of these 5 elements are now in movement. All you might want to do is Make the right Answer in addition to it. But that’s a complete different whiteboard episode you could have a look at later on.

Now let’s move on to a different phrase you may have listened to - A personal, or closed blockchain. This term refers to companies that monitor and Restrict the players who will engage in their blockchain. It’s a tiny bit like how the online world, which can be open up to Every person and any person, is different from an Intranet - an inner community of enterprise computer systems. Whilst I assume some businesses will see value in working non-public blockchains to enhance their inner procedures, it’s significantly from something exciting inasmuch as it's got absolutely nothing to try and do with decentralization. To emphasise this a tiny bit more Allow’s Review open, general public blockchains to shut, private kinds. A public blockchain is open up to All people, it’s transnational and borderless. It’s censorship resistant, and it doesn’t have to have any third get together. It’s also neutral - there’s no this sort of matter like a “very good”, “terrible”, “illegal” or “lawful” transaction, there’s merely a “legitimate” or “invalid” one particular.

A non-public blockchain Then again, is limited to approved participants only, and It can be governed by A few entities. Inside the terms of Andreas Antonopoulos, normally of personal blockchains you don’t actually need a blockchain, you can just share a spreadsheet among the individuals. The entire concept of blockchain was to decentralize a process through most of the people, Which’s precisely the opposite of what A personal blockchain does. The functions of a general public blockchain, Conversely, develop great Positive aspects. There’s no one point of failure. The documents are immutable, also known as tamper proof. And eventually, it’s censorship resistant so you're able to’t actually take away a report or cease it from getting posted - providing it follows the consensus guidelines. Just before we finish right now’s lesson we continue to have one particular main concern to reply - Is blockchain technological know-how the following large point? I think you could have listened to of different startups which have been working with blockchain technological know-how to unravel some kind of an issue.

Generally After i listen to of these types of a firm I question two concerns: First, are they using a public or private blockchain? Because if they're not utilizing a community blockchain there’s probably not anything at all very disruptive here. Second, do they even have to have a blockchain? When you keep in mind at first of the lesson, we talked about the hazards of centralization.

But these risks are only significant if there’s a whole lot at stake. For example, the queue to your pharmacy is managed in the centralized manner but I don’t definitely care given that there’s not a good deal at stake and it’s essentially extra productive this way. Blockchain technologies is very good at decentralizing, however it’s also incredibly inefficient, sluggish and Power consuming. As an example, Bitcoin’s network requires ten minutes on normal to confirm a transaction. Not the ideal waiting around time for getting a cup of coffee at a seven-eleven. The one explanation to pick Blockchain technologies as your Remedy is When your trouble is really centralization. If you don’t have to decentralize a thing, you most likely don’t have to use blockchain know-how and are greater off renewable energy opportunities with some centralized Answer.

In actual fact it will most likely operate much better. To sum it up, Blockchain technologies is truly disruptive, but for the time being only a handful of use circumstances definitely demand it. So the true query is this: at the current second, is our world ready for more elaborate blockchain implementation than what Bitcoin by now offers? While in the early 2000s, there have been lots of Amazons, Googles and Facebooks that never caught on to the adjustments they offered... Nowadays, many of such blockchain startups experience a similar fate.

[edwintfcj173-blog]

15 Things Your Boss Wishes You Knew About bitcoin mining

How can we convey to if something is pretend or authentic in nowadays’s entire world? One example is, a dollar Monthly bill, a driver’s license or a vote within the election. How can we determine whether or not it’s valid or not? The answer? We continue to keep a history of it. Such as, Every dollar Invoice includes a serial variety which is recorded from the financial institution. Your driver’s license variety is recorded via the DMV and voting information are applied to trace who voted and who didn’t, so the identical human being received’t be able to vote two times. Everytime you would like to confirm that a doc is legit, you just search it up with the applicable authority.

We even have Notaries, people who are accredited by The federal government to work as witnesses to attest and record the validity of pieces of data or identities. You’ll recognize there’s another thing that all these mechanisms have in frequent - These are all centralized, which suggests there’s a central authority, regardless of whether it’s a financial institution, state office, or person that has the ability to concern and validate data. These central authorities have lots of power, and as you understand ability may possibly occasionally corrupt. So what takes place if one particular of these authorities wants to change the specifics or perhaps possibly modify historical past a bit? This my sound considerably fetched, but even our planet heritage is simply a document stored by historians inside a centralized method.

The phrase “Background is written with the victors” tells us that points can in some cases be distorted by All those in electrical power. For those who don’t imagine that’s attainable, here’s an actual life illustration. Now, most money is just a document of who owes what to whom. A result of the subprime disaster in 2008, almost a thousand corporations during the US gained above 630 billion dollars that never ever existed before. Other organizations experienced debts wholly taken out. Some would argue this bailout was justified, however you can’t deny that somebody made a decision to change the records of how much money was owned and owed. This can be why Bitcoin was born. It was the very first variety of cash that eliminates the need for a central authority.

Its records are held by Absolutely everyone, not simply by central banks. And when everyone seems to be preserving monitor and verifying the information, well, Meaning which you could no more change the ledger of transactions Anytime one thing doesn’t add up or as it’s a lot more convenient. You actually have to get started on getting accountable. But money isn’t the only real location where decentralization can Perform a job. Does one keep in mind those big encyclopedia books we accustomed to depend upon when it arrived to investigate? Encyclopedia Britannica used 100 full-time editors and in excess of 4,000 contributors to publish what we regarded as being the authority on knowledge. Just think about the ability the editors of these books experienced in selecting what was worth mentioning, condemning, condoning or ignoring. Nicely, the final volume of encyclopedia Britannica was published in 2010. Nowadays, data is way more decentralized with about one hundred thirty thousand Energetic editors that keep distinctive Wikipedia internet pages. The chance of any of these “likely rogue” unnoticed is far scaled-down since Just about every edit is community and may be confirmed by any individual. Decentralization cuts down the risk for corruption, fraud and manipulation. Blockchain engineering is a different and impressive method to implement decentralization.

Inside of a nutshell, Blockchain technology is a solution for the situation of centralization. It’s a method for keeping information by Everyone, without any have to have for just a central authority - a decentralized method of maintaining a ledger that is definitely pretty much not possible to falsify. I mean, when lots of eyes are observing and verifying every little thing that’s becoming performed, it’s actually tough to interrupt the rules unnoticed. You will be questioning why could it be known as Blockchain? Nicely, visualize we’re sustaining a shared ledger with several web pages of documents. Just about every website page begins that has a sort of summary in the site in advance of it. If you modify a part of the preceding web site, you’ll even have to alter the summary on the current site. Therefore the web pages are literally linked, or chained jointly. In technological phrases, internet pages are termed blocks. And because Every block is associated with the data with the former block, we have a series of blocks, or simply a blockchain. Many individuals feel that Satoshi Nakamoto, the mysterious inventor of Bitcoin, developed Blockchain know-how. Technically he only designed the very first authentic life implementation of it - Bitcoin. The truth is, that term blockchain is rarely even described in Satoshi’s primary whitepaper.

The closest he concerns expressing Blockchain is “chain of blocks”. Now that you really know what blockchain technological innovation is, we nevertheless have two main inquiries to answer - how does it in fact function, and is also blockchain likely to alter our long run? Enable’s get started with the first problem. Yet another way to talk to this query might be - how do I make a program that allows the creation, verification and updating of records by Every person? Nicely, you'll find four aspects a blockchain really should actually have a life of its very own. The very first thing required to assistance a blockchain can be a peer-to-peer network - A community of personal computers, also known as nodes, which can be equally privileged. It’s open to everyone and everyone.

This is largely what we have already got now with the online world. We'd like this network to ensure we should be able to communicate and share with each other remotely. The next ingredient is cryptography. Cryptography may be the art of protected communication within a hostile setting. It lets me to validate messages and show the authenticity of my own messages, even though destructive players are around. We want cryptography as a result of 1st element. Recall, I claimed any person can be involved in this community - like negative actors. It’s good that I can connect, but I also will need to be sure my conversation will come by way of unaltered. The third aspect is actually a consensus algorithm. It is possible to switch the technological phrase “algorithm” Together with the term “rule”. This suggests we need to agree about principles on how we incorporate a fresh web page, generally known as a block, to our information. There are many forms of consensus procedures, in Bitcoin’s scenario we utilize a consensus algorithm often known as Proof of labor.

This algorithm states that to ensure that someone to get paid the ideal so as to add a completely new website page to our ledger they have to obtain a solution into a math problem, which calls for computational power to solve. Computers across the community run calculations to solve the math difficulty As well as in doing this, take in lots of Strength. To put it differently they are doing many do the job. That’s why when one of these finds the quantity that solves the trouble and displays it on the community, they’re basically displaying a “proof of labor”. Think about it since the node’s way of saying: “Hey, I expended a substantial amount of Electricity in this article in fixing this issue initial, so I’m entitled to write the subsequent page”. As I discussed prior to, there are other consensus algorithms that don’t demand so much Strength, This can be just the algorithm type that the Bitcoin blockchain employs. There are positives and negatives to distinctive algorithms, but so that you can run a decentralized ledger you’ll should pick one, in any other case It will likely be seriously tricky to achieve a consensus with so Many individuals from the community.

At last, our past factor is punishment and reward. This aspect is definitely derived from activity principle and it will make sure that it will be in people today’s best curiosity to often Adhere to the principles. So far, we’ve put in place a network that features a way to speak securely, and follows a list of rules for achieving consensus. Now we’ll glue these components jointly by providing a reward to people today that assist us keep our information and increase new web pages. This reward is actually a token, or coin, which is awarded each time a consensus has been achieved along with a new block is additional to our chain. Then again, undesirable actors who seek to trick or manipulate the process will end up shedding the money they used on computational electrical power or their coins is often taken clear of them. Ultimately, the essential thing to remember would be that the punishment and reward procedure operates on psychological behaviour. It turns The principles on the technique from one thing you'll want to abide by into anything you’ll want to abide by, due to the fact It'll be in your best curiosity to take action. This was just an exceedingly high amount clarification of what a blockchain is made up of.

But due to the fact then, far more individuals have started to investigate Bitcoin and blockchain, and possess witnessed the advantages they offer; either in apply, or as an investment. So there you've got it, the 5 things of a truly open, community, decentralized blockchain. Up until these days there are actually only a handful of blockchains that have about one,000 genuinely impartial individuals, and as such is usually considered as decentralized - Bitcoin, Ethereum and Monero to call several.

In case you’re believing that it sounds like loads of exertions To place a blockchain in motion, you’re Totally proper. But This is when Ethereum is available in. Ethereum is actually a Do It You blockchain in which all these 5 elements are currently in motion. All you have to do is Make the correct Answer in addition to it. But that’s a whole distinct whiteboard episode you could check out later on.

Now Allow’s move on to a different time period maybe you have listened to - A personal, or closed blockchain. This phrase refers to providers that monitor and Restrict the gamers who can be involved in their blockchain. It’s a little like how the net, which can be open to Everyone and anyone, differs from an Intranet - an internal network of company desktops. Whilst I believe some companies will discover value in operating personal blockchains to enhance their inner procedures, it’s significantly from everything thrilling inasmuch as it has practically nothing to carry out with decentralization. To bitcoin value emphasise this somewhat a lot more Allow’s Evaluate open up, general public blockchains to shut, non-public kinds. A general public blockchain is open up to Most people, it’s transnational and borderless. It’s censorship resistant, and it doesn’t call for any third social gathering. It’s also neutral - there’s no these kinds of detail as a “superior”, “lousy”, “unlawful” or “lawful” transaction, there’s merely a “valid” or “invalid” 1.

A private blockchain on the other hand, is restricted to licensed participants only, and It is ruled by a handful of entities. In the words and phrases of Andreas Antonopoulos, typically of personal blockchains you don’t actually need a blockchain, you are able to just share a spreadsheet between the individuals. The full idea of blockchain was to decentralize a approach by way of most people, Which’s just the opposite of what A personal blockchain does. The functions of the community blockchain, on the other hand, make tremendous Gains. There’s no one issue of failure. The documents are immutable, often known as tamper proof. And eventually, it’s censorship resistant in order to’t genuinely remove a file or end it from obtaining released - providing it follows the consensus guidelines. In advance of we close nowadays’s lesson we nonetheless have one particular major dilemma to reply - Is blockchain technologies the subsequent large detail? I believe you might have heard of different startups which are utilizing blockchain technological know-how to unravel some type of a difficulty.

Normally when I listen to of this sort of a company I question two issues: Very first, are they using a community or private blockchain? Because if they're not utilizing a community blockchain there’s probably not just about anything pretty disruptive here. Second, do they even have to have a blockchain? If you recall initially of this lesson, we talked about the hazards of centralization.

But these hazards are only meaningful if there’s a lot at stake. Such as, the queue into the pharmacy is managed in the centralized method but I don’t genuinely care given that there’s not a great deal at stake and it’s actually much more efficient this way. Blockchain technologies is excellent at decentralizing, but it surely’s also quite inefficient, slow and Strength consuming. One example is, Bitcoin’s community requires ten minutes on ordinary to verify a transaction. Not The best waiting time for purchasing a cup of coffee at a seven-eleven. The sole reason to decide on Blockchain technological innovation as your Answer is If the challenge is actually centralization. In the event you don’t have to decentralize a thing, you almost certainly don’t should use blockchain technology and they are improved off with a few centralized solution.

The truth is it will probably function greater. To sum it up, Blockchain technological innovation is actually disruptive, but at this time only a handful of use conditions genuinely need it. So the actual issue Is that this: at the current minute, is our entire world All set For additional sophisticated blockchain implementation than what Bitcoin previously features? Inside the early 2000s, there have been a great deal of Amazons, Googles and Facebooks that in no way caught on to the modifications they presented... Nowadays, quite a few of those blockchain startups experience a similar destiny.

[johnathanxfpv949-blog]

15 Up-and-Coming Trends About peer to peer energy trading

How can we notify if anything is faux or serious in nowadays’s environment? As an example, a greenback Invoice, a driver’s license or possibly a vote while in the election. How can we ascertain no matter whether it’s legitimate or not? The answer? We keep a record of it. For instance, Every single dollar bill includes a serial range that is certainly recorded with the financial institution. Your driver’s license variety is recorded by the DMV and voting information are used to trace who voted and who didn’t, so exactly the same individual won’t have the capacity to vote 2 times. When you desire to verify that a doc is legit, you simply look it up Along with the related authority.

We even have Notaries, people who find themselves licensed by The federal government to work as witnesses to attest and report the validity of parts of information or identities. You’ll observe there’s another thing that most of these mechanisms have in frequent - They're all centralized, which implies there’s a central authority, whether or not it’s a lender, state Business, or person who has the power to concern and validate facts. These central authorities have many electrical power, and as you understand ability might from time to time corrupt. What exactly happens if one of such authorities desires to alter the specifics or maybe possibly change heritage a little bit? This my audio considerably fetched, but even our world historical past is simply a history held by historians in a centralized manner.

The phrase “Historical past is published with the victors” tells us that info can in some cases be distorted by These in electrical power. If you don’t are convinced’s possible, here’s an actual life illustration. Right now, most income is simply a record of who owes what to whom. As a result of subprime crisis in 2008, Practically a thousand firms within the US obtained over 630 billion pounds that under no circumstances existed ahead of. Other businesses experienced debts entirely eliminated. Some would argue this bailout was justified, however you can’t deny that somebody decided to change the information of how much cash was owned and owed. That is why Bitcoin was born. It was the primary sort of cash that eliminates the need for any central authority.

Its records are retained by Anyone, not only by central banking companies. And when everyone is preserving observe and verifying the facts, properly, Which means you can no longer alter the ledger of transactions When a little something doesn’t include up or as it’s far more convenient. You even have to start out being accountable. But money isn’t the sole position where by decentralization can play a job. Does one bear in mind People significant encyclopedia publications we accustomed to rely upon when it came to study? Encyclopedia Britannica used a hundred full-time editors and over four,000 contributors to publish what we regarded as the authority on knowledge. Just picture the power the editors of such publications experienced in determining what was really worth mentioning, condemning, condoning or disregarding. Well, the final volume of encyclopedia Britannica was revealed in 2010. Currently, information and facts is way more decentralized with more than one hundred thirty thousand Energetic editors that preserve various Wikipedia web pages. The potential risk of any of these “likely rogue” unnoticed is way more compact since Each individual edit is community and might be verified by everyone. Decentralization decreases the risk for corruption, fraud and manipulation. Blockchain technology is a different and ground breaking technique to apply decentralization.

Inside a nutshell, Blockchain technology is an answer for the condition of centralization. It’s a program for retaining information by All people, without any will need for a central authority - a decentralized technique for preserving a ledger that is definitely pretty much unattainable to falsify. I indicate, when so many eyes are watching and verifying every little thing that’s becoming completed, it’s truly challenging to break The principles unnoticed. You could be wondering why can it be identified as Blockchain? Nicely, envision we’re retaining a shared ledger with several internet pages of records. Each web site starts by using a kind of summary of your site prior to it. If you modify a Section of the previous web site, you’ll even have to alter the summary on The present website page. And so the webpages are actually joined, or chained jointly. In technological terms, webpages are called blocks. And due to the fact Every block is associated with the information on the past block, We've a series of blocks, or simply a blockchain. Lots of people believe that Satoshi Nakamoto, the mysterious inventor of Bitcoin, designed Blockchain know-how. Technically he only designed the main genuine lifetime implementation of it - Bitcoin. In fact, that word blockchain is rarely even pointed out in Satoshi’s first whitepaper.

The closest he comes to saying Blockchain is “chain of blocks”. Now that you simply determine what blockchain technological innovation is, we nevertheless have two main questions to answer - So how exactly does it truly perform, which is blockchain going to change our long term? Permit’s get started with the very first question. Another way to question this issue could well be - how can I create a program which allows the creation, verification and updating of data by Most people? Effectively, you will discover four components a blockchain ought to actually have a lifetime of its own. The very first thing necessary to guidance a blockchain is usually a peer-to-peer network - A network of computer systems, generally known as nodes, which have been equally privileged. It’s open to any person and everybody.

This is essentially what we already have nowadays with the world wide web. We want this network making sure that we can connect and share with one another remotely. The second component is cryptography. Cryptography is the art of protected conversation inside of a hostile surroundings. It will allow me to validate messages and confirm the authenticity of my own messages, even if malicious gamers are all-around. We want cryptography as a result of initial factor. Recall, I explained anybody can take part in this community - which includes terrible actors. It’s wonderful that I can communicate, but I also require to be certain my interaction will come by way of unaltered. The third component is a consensus algorithm. You'll be able to switch the technological term “algorithm” Together with the term “rule”. This means we need to concur about rules on how we increase a different webpage, also known as a block, to our records. There are numerous different types of consensus principles, in Bitcoin’s situation we utilize a consensus algorithm referred to as Proof of labor.

This algorithm states that in order for somebody to gain the correct to include a whole new website page to our ledger they have to locate an answer to your math issue, which requires computational electricity to solve. Desktops throughout the network operate calculations to resolve The mathematics challenge and in doing this, consume many Vitality. In other words they do many get the job done. That’s why when one of these finds the number that solves the trouble and shows it for the community, they’re essentially displaying a “evidence of work”. Consider it since the node’s way of saying: “Hey, I expended a substantial amount of energy in this article in resolving this problem to start with, so I’m entitled to write down the subsequent web site”. As I mentioned ahead of, there are actually other consensus algorithms that don’t require a lot Electrical power, This really is just the algorithm sort the Bitcoin blockchain employs. You can find advantages and drawbacks to unique algorithms, but in order to operate a decentralized ledger you’ll need to select one, otherwise It will likely be really hard to reach a consensus renewable energy for home with so Lots of people within the network.

At last, our final aspect is punishment and reward. This factor is really derived from video game idea and it helps make positive that it will be in people’s most effective curiosity to generally Adhere to the principles. To date, we’ve build a community that includes a way to communicate securely, and follows a list of regulations for reaching consensus. Now we’ll glue these things together by providing a reward to persons that assist us sustain our data and add new webpages. This reward can be a token, or coin, that is awarded every time a consensus continues to be achieved along with a new block is included to our chain. Conversely, undesirable actors who make an effort to trick or manipulate the procedure will find yourself losing the money they invested on computational energy or their cash might be taken from them. Ultimately, the crucial factor to remember would be that the punishment and reward program will work on psychological behaviour. It turns The principles of your system from a little something you must abide by into a thing you’ll would like to observe, since It will likely be in your very best fascination to take action. This was just an exceedingly large stage rationalization of what a blockchain is made of.

But due to the fact then, additional folks have started to investigation Bitcoin and blockchain, and possess noticed the advantages they supply; both in practice, or as an financial commitment. So there you have got it, the five factors of A very open up, community, decentralized blockchain. Up till right now you'll find only a handful of blockchains which have more than one,000 certainly unbiased individuals, and as a result is often considered as decentralized - Bitcoin, Ethereum and Monero to call several.

If you’re thinking that it feels like plenty of exertions to put a blockchain in motion, you’re Completely ideal. But this is where Ethereum is available in. Ethereum is often a Do It You blockchain the place most of these five features are already in motion. All you should do is Develop the proper Answer along with it. But that’s a whole distinctive whiteboard episode you'll be able to take a look at afterward.

Now Permit’s proceed to another phrase maybe you have listened to - a private, or closed blockchain. This term refers to businesses that monitor and limit the gamers who can participate in their blockchain. It’s somewhat like how the web, which is open to Most people and any person, differs from an Intranet - an inner network of enterprise desktops. While I presume some companies will discover worth in running non-public blockchains to boost their interior processes, it’s much from just about anything exciting inasmuch as it has nothing at all to perform with decentralization. To emphasise this a tiny bit far more let’s Review open, public blockchains to shut, non-public kinds. A public blockchain is open to Every person, it’s transnational and borderless. It’s censorship resistant, and it doesn’t have to have any 3rd party. It’s also neutral - there’s no this sort of detail like a “superior”, “negative”, “unlawful” or “legal” transaction, there’s just a “valid” or “invalid” a person.

A private blockchain Conversely, is limited to authorized contributors only, and it's ruled by A few entities. During the terms of Andreas Antonopoulos, most often of personal blockchains you don’t really need a blockchain, you could just share a spreadsheet between the participants. The full concept of blockchain was to decentralize a course of action by way of most of the people, and that’s accurately the opposite of what A non-public blockchain does. The attributes of the community blockchain, However, develop monumental Positive aspects. There’s no one issue of failure. The records are immutable, also referred to as tamper evidence. And at last, it’s censorship resistant to help you’t really clear away a report or halt it from finding printed - providing it follows the consensus procedures. Ahead of we close today’s lesson we continue to have one particular significant problem to reply - Is blockchain know-how another significant matter? I believe you could have heard of various startups which might be employing blockchain technologies to unravel some sort of a challenge.

Typically Once i listen to of this sort of a business I talk to two questions: 1st, are they using a public or non-public blockchain? Because if they're not employing a public blockchain there’s probably not anything really disruptive here. Second, do they even require a blockchain? In the event you try to remember initially of this lesson, we mentioned the risks of centralization.

But these dangers are only meaningful if there’s a lot at stake. Such as, the queue into the pharmacy is managed in a very centralized fashion but I don’t really treatment since there’s not a great deal at stake and it’s in fact extra successful that way. Blockchain know-how is excellent at decentralizing, but it’s also really inefficient, sluggish and Vitality consuming. By way of example, Bitcoin’s network will take ten minutes on regular to confirm a transaction. Not the ideal waiting around time for purchasing a cup of coffee at a seven-11. The only real explanation to choose Blockchain technology as your Option is Should your issue is in fact centralization. Should you don’t must decentralize a little something, you almost certainly don’t have to use blockchain technologies and are greater off with a few centralized Alternative.

In actual fact it will probably function greater. To sum it up, Blockchain know-how is really disruptive, but for the time being only a handful of use scenarios genuinely have to have it. So the real dilemma is this: at The existing minute, is our earth All set For additional elaborate blockchain implementation than what Bitcoin currently features? Within the early 2000s, there have been lots of Amazons, Googles and Facebooks that hardly ever caught on for that variations they presented... Now, many of such blockchain startups experience the same fate.

[allurehq-blog]

i know several people have been asking for this, so the wait is finally over. under the cut, you’ll find my sample application for the character of severus snape. by no means are you expected to match the length of this in any certain way or format because there’s no one way to tackle an application, but this is just to give you an idea of what i’ll be looking for in terms of how you have taken the character skeleton, unpacked it, and successfully made them into your own character. enjoy - i hope this helps!

Name/Alias: Megan Preferred Pronouns: she/her Age: 25 Timezone: EST Activity: I spend way too much time around here obviously. Triggers: removed for privacy! Anything else?: nah son

Desired Character: Severus Tobias Snape

SEVERUS - ‘stern’; a fitting name for the boy whose childhood was not overflowing with smiles and laughter, but who instead seems to wear a persistent look of disinterest on his face instead. TOBIAS - roughly translates into ‘goodness’; it is this part of his name that Severus has tried to all but erase from his persona. To not only be attached to the man who was such a source of misery for him for years, but to also carry a similarity to him is more than Severus wants to bear. He doesn’t want to be anything like his father, and the easiest way to separate himself from that should be to get rid of the damning name.

Sexuality / Gender Identity: 

Cismale (he/him), demisexual. In terms of his sexuality and coming to terms with what he understands about this part of himself, Severus is inexperienced in many ways - after all, he’s only just begun to branch out in terms of intimacy and physical affection, and is still trying to navigate these aspects of his life. His scope of personal relationships is limited in many ways, and that’s not even taking the ideas of a sexual relationship into accounts. For that reason, he’s still in a period of his life where sexuality is a bit of a question mark for him. Although I don’t expect to see him doing a ton of experimentation, I do think that he’d be trying to figure out what the difference between simply caring for someone is, and what being attracted to them feels like. Because of the background in which he comes from, however, Severus is someone that would need to form a bond of trust with a person before he could even begin to consider any sort of romantic or intimate bond with that person.

Age / Birthday: 

17 years old, born on January 9th, 1999. Popular traits of the Capricorn that Severus displays are ambition, discipline, and determination, as well as sometimes being a know-it-all, condescension, and being unforgiving.

Why did you choose this character?: 

Honestly, because I’ve always found Severus to be an interesting character that doesn’t fall into that ‘good or evil’ binary, and I wanted to explore that development, especially in terms of when he was in school. I feel like this time in which the roleplay is taking place would’ve had the most critical effect on charting the rest of his life and the decisions that he made, and it’ll be interesting to see what happens.

Character Bio:

( trigger warning; domestic abuse, child abuse )

Perhaps if Eileen Prince had known of the future that awaited both her and her future child, maybe she would've thought twice about marrying muggle Tobias Snape. Blinded by the attraction that she felt for him, it was enough to take a step back from the magical world. A drastic measure, but something she was willing to give in exchange for a life alongside Tobias. Whether or not she kept the wizarding world a secret during their relationship is something that’s still left unanswered. The question is how they ended up married without Tobias’ deep resentment for magic not showing until the ring was on her finger. Which was when everything changed for her.

By this time their son was brought into the world, the relationship that was once filled with happiness and love was dead and gone. Eileen’s magic had become rusty, as she was forbidden to use any form within the house by Tobias. Meanwhile, he was afraid of the wizarding world, and afraid of what he could not understand. Perhaps even afraid that his wife might’ve been more powerful than he was. Because of this, the family lived in poverty for years, Tobias working a hard labor job and Eileen struggling to find work, for she had no credentials and no education in the muggle world. A happy family and a beautiful home had sank slowly into a dark place that was devoid of light or of joy, and still while Severus was young. When he was small - young enough to be oblivious to the truth of his surroundings but old enough to be aware of them, he’d sit and listen as his parents fought. He’d watch as objects flew across the room, thrown in a furious rage - sometimes even seeing his father’s fist follow afterwards. They seemed to always be fighting with one another for a reason that would remain lost to him for a long time. His mother did her best to care for him, kindness and well-meaning gestures in everything she did. She attempted to love her son, but Severus was a mirror image of the man who left bruises against her skin. And still, no matter what she would try, the kindness she showed was constantly overshadowed by the distaste that his father held for him.  He couldn’t win, for in the same way that he was a shadow of his father, he was also a reminder of everything that Eileen was. He had the same wizard blood running through his veins that she did. His father could try to banish magic from the house, he could berate and beat Eileen when she slipped up and tried to use magic, he could speak poorly of everything that the wizarding world stood for - but he could never eliminate the living and breathing reminder of him being a part of the wizarding world - which took form with Severus.

Eventually, as time passed, Severus could only sit around and listen to the arguments for so long. Less confused and scared of the fights that would unfold in front of him, and more annoyed by it, he’d find himself leaving the house as soon as the fighting began. It was his own company that he could rely on. At that young age, he became independent and self-supporting. He had yet to experience a time that didn’t exist with him on his own, avoiding his parents. Which was why when he finally met someone who seemed interested in talking to him, it was almost disconcerting. She had explained that her name was Lily, and how she lived in the neighborhood over upon first meeting. Severus wasn’t sure what she wanted, but all the words and the interactions that had been held inside seemed to bubble up and spilled out without a filter. He was curious - about her, about her family, about what she did. He was curious of her kindness. He wanted to get to know her - and so he did.

It was on a cold afternoon in February that Severus discovered that magic that laid within him as well. He’d read about it until now, listened to the stories of a past life that his mother would bestow upon him. He'd watch as she showed him bits and pieces of her magic when Tobias wasn’t around. They were simple and small things - but it was enough to make him hungry for more of this world he’d yet to discover. Whereas she enjoyed his curiosity, his father forbid it - blaming it all on his mother and quickly turning on her. That afternoon, it was something small, but still - it was the usual to and fro, nothing new. The calm voice that slowly turned angry, the eery tension that settled over the room, the shouting voices that rose like the sea. The crashing sounds of things breaking. The ugly noise of fists resounding against flesh. He was used to this - and still, in that moment when it happened that afternoon, he’d seen enough. All he could remember was the anger that was thrumming through him, the hatred and the disgust that had been slowly building towards the man he was supposed to call his father.

The feeling was nothing he’d ever experienced before. There was a loud crack of energy through the air, followed by a crash. The usual chorus of chaos had dissolved. When he’d opened his eyes, he’d seen his mother sitting and staring at him - while his father was hunched over on the ground. Severus’ eyes had traveled from his mother to his father, taking note of the wood fragments stuck in his skin. And then, there was the kitchen chair on the ground, laying in shambles from where it had been broken over Tobias’ back. It was clear from that point on that Severus was indeed like his mother. This meant that the stories that he’d heard about Eileen’s years at Hogwarts were just a distant reality for him. It also meant that now, instead of the sneering looks and the bitter insults muttered under breaths, his father could be more open with his hatred. There was nothing left to separate the way he was treated from the way his mother was treated - he was a wizard, just like she was. He took it in stride each time it would occur, swallowing down the fighting words and covering up the bruises as if it had never happened. There was far more in the world than the hatefulness he’d seen and learned from his father, and he’d already witnessed it. Hogwarts was his chance to learn and discover things about himself without being under the watchful eye of his father. It was his chance to explore this power that laid within him, and develop it for more uses than those that had already showed - and he wasn’t going to lose out on that.

Expand upon at least two of the character connections given for this character:

LILY EVANS; 

His relationship with Lily matters more to him than the one he holds with either of his parents - or anyone else, for that matter. She’s the one person that he’d do anything for, even now when they’re not speaking. It’s such a strange feeling to him, one that’s new and almost unsettling to a certain extent - but the amount of hope and faith that she has in him makes Severus feel like he’s a good person. He was raised to feel like he was bad - that because he had magical blood running in his veins, there was something wrong with him. and so he believed it. But Lily looked at him like he was something good - even had the boldness to call him her best friend. When Severus commits himself to trying to become a better person, it’s not for himself or for his family or for people he wants to help - it’s to show Lily that she’s not wrong in caring about him. Which is why although it’s only been a short time since the incident, he’s still shaken by what he did. Lily was the first person who ever showed him kindness - and in return, he was responsible for one of the worst moments in her life. The guilt that’s begun to eat away at him is starting to become overwhelming, because he wants to speak to her again and make amends for what’s happened before it’s too late - but at the same time, he’s worried to do so in fear that she will reject him once and for all. Lily has been a force in his life that has kept him from going too far, as the faith that she has in him has kept him grounded. With her gone, though, there’s no one to stop him from falling deeper and deeper into the dark arts that Slytherin is so entrenched in. It’s his fault that this is happening, but he needs her.

REMUS LUPIN; 

He’s not sure what he thinks of Remus Lupin. Well, there are some things he thinks of Remus at this point - most of them revolving around the fact that he saw the figure of the sleeping werewolf hidden away in the shack that night. But Remus irritates him and confuses him all in one swoop - for it’s bad enough that he’s companions with James Potter and Sirius Black, standing by as the two of them have publicly embarrassed him in front of a good chunk of the school body. Which that would be fine if that was the case, because Severus could then chalk that up to Remus just being another one like them and add him into the plan of revenge he’s been planning to take. But it’s not that simple, and that’s what’s frustrating. Since Severus was given the task of tutoring Lupin, he’s had the chance to interact with him in an environment where it’s just the two of them - and now he can’t say that Remus is just like James or Sirius. Remus is one of the nicer people that he’s met before, always appreciative and grateful to him. Which is why it’s hard to distinguish the Remus that Severus speaks to in their tutoring sessions from the one who he encounters alongside James Potter. And now, just to add even more into the mix, the one who’s a werewolf.

JAMES POTTER; 

Anyone who’s ever heard one of their names mentioned knows that the two of them cannot stand each other. What had begun with James trying to humiliate him had turned into a battle of sorts, as Severus began to stand up for himself more. They bicker and they torment one another, they hurl insults at one another and know exactly what to say to make them hurt the worst. It’s perhaps the most fitting example of ‘keeping your enemies’ closer, because Severus really does know James potter quite well - a fact that he’s not entirely proud of, no less. But he knows what to say to get him annoyed, or what will make him angry, and it just seems to show how tangled their lives are with one another. The one thing that doesn’t make sense to Severus, however, is that this whole time he had chalked up James being an asshole to the other boy trying to win Lily over. But now that Severus and Lily have a rift between them, James has yet to make any sort of move on Lily - the only “move” he’s made is saving Severus’ life, which has thrown the dynamic between the two of them into a complete frenzy. and it’s made Severus overcompensate with his anger, because he’s not going to say thank you to James. James gets under his skin in the worst way possible, and all Severus wants to do is make him be quiet. Makes sense considering the fact that he chose to try and end an argument between them by covering James’ mouth with his own.

How does your character feel about their placement into their house?: 

Severus wasn’t expecting to be in Slytherin upon his entrance into school - if anything, he’d thought he was going to end up in Ravenclaw, simply because he felt like he aligned better with the traits of the house, and because being a halfblood went against it’s deep history of pureblood surpremacy. Upon being placed in the house, he felt pressure to try and fit in with the group of people, in fear that if he didn’t, they would make his life torture - which was the exact life that he was trying to escape at Spinner’s End - which is why he’s lying about himself being a pureblood. He doesn’t particularly like very many of the people in Slytherin, as he finds many of them to be exhausting and overly involved with their own ego. He just tries to keep to himself and do the bare minimum to keep his head above water and the targets off his back in the Slytherin house. 

Describe your character’s first time brewing amortentia. What did they smell, and how did they feel about it?: 

Despite his talents with potions, Severus believes Amortentia to be one of the least useful potions to brew. He finds no use in it, and had even considered skipping the class in which they were going to brewing it because he found it so elementary. However, he went through with the class and with the brewing of the potion, finding it to be just as useless as he had expected it to be. Love is not something that he believes to be fundamental in life, after all - he’s survived seventeen years on the earth without really knowing or feeling undeniable and unconditional love. Love is something of an afterthought for him, and it goes to show in the way that his potion smelled. It’s the faint scent of the dusty leather books he carries around with him, it’s the lavender scent of the perfume his mother wears, it’s the smell of freshly cut grass on the hill where he used to go with Lily in their neighborhood. And something else, something he can’t quite put his finger on. It’s familiar, but he doesn’t know what it is. After the lesson is done for the day, he leaves the classroom trying to figure out what the smell is, but he can’t figure it out. He knows he’s been around it before, but he can’t put a name to it, and still can’t. 

What are your plans for this character in the group?: 

One thing that I would love to explore in this group is the balance between Severus’ head and his heart. I’ve always viewed Severus as someone who has difficulty figuring out which one he should listen to - he’s a person that’s always been led by intuition and logic, for he’s never seen enough kindness to listen to his heart. But in this group, because it’s still at that point in his life where he’s yet to fully commit himself to a point where some might consider him to be ‘irredeemable’, I think it’d be interesting to explore this side of him. I also love the fact that he’s a person who can’t be defined as good or bad, and the fact that his intentions aren’t clear cut. In terms of moral stances, he’s the epitomes of shades of grey. I think that in this group, I want to see him be able to understand more about kindness outside of the scope of Lily, and for him to determine whether or not there are people outside of her that he can also trust. He’s made a point to isolate himself, which he believes is what he wants - to essentially be alone - but I’d think it would be great for him to explore and determine whether or not this is actually true. And although the Death Eater are of a different type than the one in canon, as Voldemort is not in power - I would love to be able to explore his own inner turmoil on whether or not he wants to join the Death Eaters. I would love to see his lie to the rest of the Slytherin house about being a pureblood come undone and come back to bite him in the ass. I like the idea that he’s interested in the group for the power and the respect that they have, but I imagine that the stance that they have on a lot of things would be something he’d have a hard time agreeing with. And of course, as always, I want to explore the relationships that he hold with the Marauders and the other members of the Slytherin house.

Extras: 

i have a muse tag running on my personal you can look at here!

[alfiexej634697-blog]

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[carleysetser5-blog]

Spend Or Invest - Which Term Describes You?

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[toddbirchard-architect]

Do Good PMs Need A Technical Background? http://ift.tt/2xl5cF9

Product management messaging boards are typically filled with timeless clichés, most of which are questions from aspiring product managers. Of the usual inquiries young PMs have, there is one in particular which I find to be misrepresented: "Do I need a technical background to be a good PM?"

When looking to the large tech companies in Silicon Valley, many people entering the realm of product find the requirements daunting: "BS in Computer Science or equivalent required." This is when most undoubtedly turn to the internet for answers, usually to be consoled by PMs currently in the field. The response is more or less always the same. Consensus amongst employed PMs is nearly always that a technical background is not required, and that one's own curiosity and people skills. As I typically do, I'd like to take the path less traveled on this topic.

In order to be a good product manager (emphasis on good), I believe you must have some degree of technical background. Is it possible to be a product manager without this knowledge? Of course, the overwhelming majority of PMs have little to no programming experience, and almost zero formal training in product management itself... which is to be expected considering the youth of the profession. It is my opinion however that in order to achieve a higher level of product management professionalism, one's "curiosity" for technology needs to have some substance. With the current influx of young talent in product management, what constitutes good should be held to a higher standard.

Technology Braindrain

In recent months there has been a massive influx of people discovering and taking on roles in product management. Most interesting has been who these people are: the business and marketing majors of over a decade ago are now flooding into technology leadership roles, shaping products and leading teams of skilled engineers. A lot of the time, these were the people skipping classes while I was learning programming languages... a fear I had previously expressed only to become actualized faster than imagined.

Personal qualms aside, the trend of anti-intellectualism is not something limited to product management or technology, but nationwide across all verticals. As talent continues to flock from previously established hubs in the US and UK, the need for intelligent T-shaped employees is becoming ever more important. If not for their own personal growth, product managers entering the field now should realize the importance of skills for the good of their own organizations, or such organizations may not exist tomorrow.

The floodgates are open for colorful personalities to overtake product management- a trend I don't foresee ending any time soon. Product managers should realize that being a self-proclaimed entrepreneur or 'product guy' is simply not good enough to hold a long-term position in this profession. While there may have been a time when basic knowledge of startup funding was enough to impress past the job interview, a bubbling market should have used car salesmen worried for themselves. It will quickly become obvious that PMs without technical abilities are entirely expendable in a market where young talent is endless. Before jumping into this profession without any intent of learning the nuts and bolts, one truth about employment should be considered:

You Are Worth The Cost Of Your Replacement.

Workers are not compensated by how hard they work, as should be obvious given the plummeting wages of unskilled labor over time. Your salary, worth, and job security are all dependent on what you personally offer your employer over the next person in line. If your skills are truly difficult to find, such will be reflected in your success. Otherwise, don't expect a pretty face or bubbly personality to get you very far... younger generations only see themselves more and more as Instagram celebrities, betting on the intangibles is a horrible bet.

Leading by Example

Let's make something clear: by choosing to be a product manager of any organization, you are personally choosing to represent the vision and execution of technology products. While you may not be a leader, you are leading a company and team's strategy & efforts in a technical space. If you want to be considered the "CEO of the product," how are you expecting a complete disinterest in your own field to go over with those executing the work?

Having no hands-on technical experience sends a negative message to the teams one is managing. To find out how developers feel about their PMs, simply go out of organization and ask any dev their thoughts on PMs as whole. The responses are almost overwhelming negative: PMs usually have a standing reputation for being the A-type personality with little knowledge doing who-knows-what. While this may be a generalization, the vast majority of development teams do not have strong faith in their product managers, as they have not been given a reason to hold such a faith. This of course is not limited to development teams, but rather all cross-functional skilled labor.

I am a strong proponent of leading by example. It is hard to imagine how a general would rally their troops if it had been revealed that he himself had never seen combat. Similarly, development teams who have dates dictated to them by individuals who have no credentials or real-life experience to set such dates have no reason to be respected... and why should they?

A product manager who understands the intricacies of programming is offered many advantages over their non-technical counterparts, starting with the respect of the team they are managing. When driving a team of skilled professionals, the management strategy of ruling with an iron fist simply does not work. Perhaps in the time of the industrial revolution did the foreman have a relevant career, but times have changed since the workforce was dominated by sewing machines and assembly lines. Development is a mind intensive task which relies on problem solving skills, and simply cannot be forced by artificial deadlines or pressure.

The only thing that inspires skilled teams to work faster is their choice to do so.

Skilled labor is a battle of the mind, and minds have a finite ability to focus over periods of time. Good PMs are people that designers, developers, and so forth respect, thus want to work for. Otherwise, the team will be as mediocre as the product manager themselves.

The Gift Of Foresight

Individuals with experience in a given field are immediately at an advantage, even if they themselves are not the ones executing the work. An underestimated attribute in the field of product management is the luxury of foresight.

Foresight is important in technology execution settings as it kills a number of steps that may otherwise exist, and allows the PM to immediately set ballpark expectations in the face of stakeholder requests before they bubble up to something larger. This is a massive differentiator: almost any experienced PM knows that one of the largest hurdles in the field is the the juggling of stakeholder requests. A PM who is able to speak to some of the technical implications of asks will immediately find themselves ahead when compared to a non-technical product manager.

Having foresight is also important when collecting estimates for projects, setting timelines, and communicating dates to stakeholders. Estimation is perhaps one of the most notoriously elusive aspects of building technology... a PM who is able to gut check design and dev estimates and adequately pad timelines is effectively nullifying the biggest question mark faced when delivering products.

Other Advantages Of Technical Abilities

Technical skills goes even further beyond the realm of leadership, expectations, and estimation. Here are some additional advantages afforded to those with technical backgrounds:

The benefit of the doubt. In many circles, PMs have created an image of themselves which comes off as a naive communicator between two parties. The ability to speak to technical implications with the credentials to back up statements makes things a lot easier for everybody.

Effectively building feature backlogs. Something which absolutely crushes team morale is a product manager which frequently puts forward absurd feature requests in terms of technical implications.

Offering perspective. Product managers should be knowledgable enough to add a worthwhile opinion to problems that teams face. In the facer of bugs or hurdles to a team, PMs are well served as being a helpful voice.

Unblocking teams. A technical PM has the knowledge to resolve blocking issues that non-technical PMs cannot, such as building out logic flows and answering questions which would otherwise need to occupy a resource who should be working.

In all of these advantages, there is a takeaway underlying theme:

Product managers should exist to maximize the ability of their teams, and never slow them down.

A product manager who slows a team down with absurd requests is not a good product manager. If a PM has no ability to take up a piece of the work to keep teams moving, they are not adding enough to their team.

Should I Become A Product Manager?

Product Managers should have a love for technology and an ambition to contribute something meaningful to the field. I personally find it hard to believe that a person who has exerted zero effort to learn the craft they are hoping to lead has this sort of passion.

That said, I would value the willingness to learn over preexisting knowledge any day. Those looking to become PMs today without technology credentials are still positioned to do well, as long as there is legitimate love for the field and intent to improve one's self. Young PMs should not have a problem landing a product management jobs in today's market without a CS background or equivalent, but that could very well change tomorrow. Product managers looking to take the next step in their career, even with a modest raise, may be surprised to find hesitant employers who know very well that the same skills exist for cheap in the existing market.

If the prospect of learning is something scary to you, I would consider pursuing a role outside of technology. Product management will not fulfill any expectations of taking on a leadership role, and may leave ambitions to climb a corporate ladder stale after realizing just how difficult it is to be considered a good PM. Otherwise if you consider yourself to be clever, hungry, and unafraid to fail, I'd like to personally welcome you to the profession.

September 21, 2017 at 09:21AM

[eastithoughtyousaidweest]

Tryna China?

6/30

Made our way up to Shenzhen today. Shenzhen is a really interesting city in terms of its history. It’s in Southern China, just north of Hong Kong. Historically, it was a small town, a fishing village actually with only about 300,000 people. Then, after Mao Zedong died, China decided to institute an Open Door Policy in an attempt to develop and catch up with the rest of the developed world. As part of this, they decided to make Shenzhen a sort of experiment; they designated it as a “Special Economic Zone” in the 1980s and began encouraging investment in the region. Then took the land, which had belonged communally to farmers, and began leasing it at no cost to developers from all over China. People began migrating in from around the country, both educated entrepreneurs and construction workers/other manual labor. By the 1990s, Shenzhen was physically expanding outside the region the government has designated the SEZ; by the 2000s, foreign investment began pouring in, connecting the city with global markets.

In 40 years, the city grew from 300,000 to somewhere between 15 and 20 million. Nobody even knows its true size. In other words, the population was multiplied over 66 times. In other other words, that’s ridiculous.

Today, Shenzhen is home to financial markets, manufacturers, and businesses from every corner of the world. With development that fast, you better believe sustainability is gonna become an issue real fast. The challenge for Shenzhen is how they can maintain their prosperity and growth while also confronting shortages of land, water and energy. Already, they have implemented regulations that require all new buildings to meet green standards, and have implemented a carbon emissions exchange, which requires companies to buy credits for every ton of carbon they emit, thereby incentivizing them to decrease their impact. Amazingly, Shenzhen actually is full of green space, has clean air and huge nature preserves, all as a result of city-level efforts.

Personally, I’ve been having some mixed feelings about this trip. Each day, we’ve gone to a series of lectures, site visits, or workshops all related to all aspects of climate change, from super-technical powerpoints about green tech to discussions of city climate action policies to tours of power plants and waste management facilities. I know these are all really integral aspects of the overall discussion on climate change, and I definitely recognize the value of educating myself on topics across the board. However, as I’ve moved away from specifically “green” work in my own life, and more towards community organizing, I’ve found it really hard to motivate myself to engage in some of these topics. I often feel like a super detailed discussion of the chemistry of marine bacteria (what I’m listening to in the background as I write this to stay awake) is just totally irrelevant to me or the work I want to do. I struggle with that because I know science is valuable, and that this research often leads to tech or discoveries that would impact me or things I care about. But I’m tempted to think that I can just leave the science to the experts and focus on the larger political change that will allow their work to get implemented outside a powerpoint presentations in a conference room. I feel bad about this because I used to think of myself as someone with infinite curiosity, who values learning for learning’s sake. And in my head, I do. But when I’m here in this situation, I’m not eagerly devouring this knowledge in front of me, knowledge I’m really lucky to even have the chance to learn about because so many who actually would love to learn about this don’t have that chance. But I just feel bored and tired, and more interested in planning what I’m gonna eat next or what fun thing I’m gonna do tonight. I feel hedonistic and exploitative, like I’m on this academic trip but all I wanna do it have fun.

Why is that? Maybe I’m just burnt out because I didn’t really get a decompression time between graduating and this to refresh my curiosity stores. Cause really the thought of any kind of school is pretty distasteful to me now, even about things I like. What does excite me is thoughts of living with Mandy, seeing Lan, going on a road trip with Gary, finishing my doc, going snorkeling in Malaysia, singing karaoke, doing organizing, cooking, yoga, sleeping.

Honestly, I even feel tired of building new relationships to an extent. Like in the past I always felt bad about spending time along or not going out, but here, I often feel more drawn to just walking on my own, working on my own, going to bed. I’ve definitely had to drag myself to be social sometimes. I mean, I think a big factor there is jut physical exhaustion. And also maybe a maturity, where I don’t feel as insecure about relationships to a point where I feel guilty and like my friendships are at risk every time others hang out and I’m not there. But to an extent that does still exist, because now I feel bad for not wanting to hang out, and I think that feeling comes from feeling like if I was there, I’d have a great time and form memories. I think it’s true that, especially in a new place for a limited time, the value and payoff of saying yes is huge. I have a short window to build relationships, groups are forming fast, so breaking in later will be harder, and who knows when I’ll be here again. I haven’t regretted going out yet, and I don’t think I will. The question is more about how do  I go into things with a positive mindset so I can not only be there but be totally me.

Maybe that itself is part of the problem. I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself to be this spontaneous, adventurous leader, which makes it disappointing when others don’t follow and in general forces me to take a risk by putting a potentially unpopular idea out there that may get shot down. But no. Taking those risks isn’t a problem; they’re exactly who I want myself to be. The key instead is to a) take the risk all the way and really pitch it and lead, b) to not worry so much about who’s not in and instead embrace those who are, and c) recognize when spending time with people you like is more valuable than forcing a wild idea that’s gonna lose a lot of them, and stepping back.

Ok, so the takeaway here is to come up with an idea and own it. Pitch it to others and see who bites. Work a little with those on the fence and don’t put much energy in the definite nos. And then go do it, and while you’re there, talk to people, ask real questions, and enjoy being in the moment. You’re tired now, but you won’t remember that anyway.

<3 Scaht

New Words (these are just how they sound and how I spell them in my head, and doesn’t include tone marks, so be wary)

• Xiu-small

• Dai-large

• Bu-no

• Bu hao isul-Excuse me (embarrassed)

7/2

So before I left for this trip, I was talking to my friend from Singapore and telling her I was pumped to eat some spicy spicy food here.

“Be careful Scott,” she responded.

“Oh no, I love spicy. I wanna experience it,” I said.

“Well there’s experiencing it, and then there’s ending up in the hospital,” she said.

“Eh, I’m ready to take that risk.”

I wasn’t ready.

Just to soothe you, Mom, I didn’t go to the hospital. But here’s what did happen.

The cuprit was this Szechuan hotpot place we went to last night. Hotpot, if you don’t know, is when you sit around a table with a boiling pot of soup in the middle. You order a bunch of meat, fish, tofu, and veggies, all raw, and then stick it in the pot to cook. Then you fish it out with your chopsticks and chow.

The soup my table got with nothin to fuck with: deep, oily red with dried chili peppers floating like shark fins on the surface.

The food arrived on a metal cart, stocked with mushrooms, thin-sliced beef, lotus root, tofu skin, corn on the cob, and a whole fish, head, tail and all. The last thing they brought out took it to a whole nother level though: a plate of live shrimp, skewered on wooden sticks, legs and antennae wriggling frantically. I couldn’t believe it, and couldn’t stand the sight of these little creatures, already stabbed through, just laying on that plate suffering, so I grabbed them and stuck them in the boiling pot as fast as possible. I was a murderer, though perhaps a merciful one, and it almost ruined my appetite. But it was better than the plate of hell.

Anyway, the rest of the meal was less traumatic. I filled my little plate over and over with food, all saturated with chili heat. I only stopped eating to toss more in the pot, to chat briefly in between bites, or to take swigs of tea to stop the coughing fits that sometimes resulted from a chili seed or peppercorn straight to the throat.

After over two hours, I took my last bite of cabbage and slumped back, belly bulging. The table was splattered with red chili broth, littered with greasy, gleaming bowls, and strewn with crumpled napkins streaked with sauce and saliva. An apocalyptic scene.

Despite this, in a totally irresponsible move, we headed to the dessert display. Which of course had unlimited ice cream. That, along with tiny cakes and some fruit chunks to delude myself into thinking I was being healthy, joined the landfill of food in my belly. Finally, we headed out, smiling at our achievement.

The satisfaction wouldn’t last.

About an hour and a half later, the cramps began. Subtle at first, then growing in waves, like sharp, surprise needles to the gut. Pressure began to build in my stomach and slowly move downward, a heavy, gurgling bubble on its way to an inevitable burst. I tried to be civil, tried to hold it until we arrived to the bar we were going to, but finally my will began to crack. I started asking my Chinese-speaking friends if they saw anywhere I could use a bathroom. It was about 10pm, so most things around us looked dark and unwelcoming. But luckily, Vicki asked a policeman and found me a public bathroom right down the block. I walked towards it, my pace rapidly increasing, my strides getting wider and finally breaking into a full-on sprint, or as much as I could sprint while also clenching my cheeks.

I shoved the stall door open with a bang.

All squat toilets. Fine.

But wait.

No toilet paper. Not fine.

“There’s no toilet paper anywhere,” I said to my friends, trying to stay calm but my voice rising with unmistakable panic.

Thank god for my friend Thomas, who heroically volunteered to go buy me some. As for me, I had no more time on the clock. I commenced the squat.

I won’t go into great detail about the next few minutes. If you’d like that, please contact me privately and I’d be happy to paint a comprehensive picture. What I will say is that when I finally straightened my legs again, I felt a mix of relief, pride, and physical lightness that I’d never felt before.

Unfortunately, the retribution continued that night at the hotel. And the next morning. When I woke up, I felt headachy, stomachachy, and just generally achy: The Hotpot Hangover.

For breakfast, I ate a tiny plain bun, for lunch, a plain baguette. By 11pm that night, I’d settled down enough for some tea and an orange. I went to bed knowing I’d survive to eat another meal. But I also knew that some scars had formed, both on my intestinal walls and in my mind.

Be careful what you wish for. It might give you explosive diarrhea.

<3 Scaht

7/5

I had a really interesting conversation today with Vicki and Jasmine, another Chinese student who’s been sort of leading a lot of the logistics of the trip.

See, a few of us have felt kind of uncomfortable during the sessions we’ve gone to because certain people, all from the US and Europe, constantly asked questions. The problem wasn’t asking questions; I’m all for curiosity. The problem was that they would ask them throughout the entire presentation, to the point where we’d go over time and the presenter wouldn’t even get to finish. Additionally, often times the presenters didn’t have the best English, and they couldn’t answer some of the very technical questions they’d ask about policies or technology. Then the askers would get really frustrated and shake their heads at each other, which frustrated me because we’re in their country, and if we really want to communicate with people in China that badly, we should learn their language, not expect them to adapt to us and then get angry when they don’t.

Anyway, I asked Vicki and Jasmine about how they felt about the Westerners asking all those questions. And their response was different than mine.

Jasmine told me that the stereotype of Chinese students was that they’re very obedient to their teachers and don’t ask questions, and she thought that was pretty true. Vicki argued back that things were changing, and that students were starting to push back and ask more things openly. They both told me that the pressure to not ask questions came for them from messages from authority figures, like parents or teachers, telling them not to be so outspoken or that their questions were dumb.

I told them my feelings about the lack of willingness to be aware of the cultural context, how I felt like the Westerners who were asking a lot of questions were failing to respect the fact that that’s unusual here, and so it may catch speakers off-guard and they may not even have answers for you right away. Vicki said while she agreed that people should be respectful of the culture they’re operating under, she also had found this trip really valuable because of that clash. She really liked coming face-to-face with Western approaches to learning, and felt like it challenged her to break out of how she was taught to learn and want to ask more questions.

So in the end, I was surprised that what I found embarrassing and dominant behavior, she found inspiring. I guess it just shows how a view from the outside on a culture, combined with that outside view’s own context, can take away something completely different than what someone from within that culture might. Of course, this can be dangerous when it leads to judgment or condemnation without understanding. But I learned from this convo that it can also offer new perspectives on the positives of one’s own culture that you might not see or might take for granted from within it.

<3 Scaht

New Words (in parentheses are tone numbers, separated by syllable. 1 is neutral, 2 is up, 3 is down-up, 4 is down)

• Buyong-no need

• Hao shir-delicious (1, 2)

• Hao shir ma-is it good? (1,1,2)

• Hao li hai-you’re cool! (1, 2, 4)

• Wo li la-I’m almost here

• Mai dan-Can I have the bil? (1,4)

7/8

After a long last day of exploring Guangzhou and a closing dinner where we took countless mini shots of baijo, a terrible, terrible rice wine that tastes like the kind of alcohol a frat would buy in bulk at Cosco, Thomas, Connor and I went around 12:30 am to get some massages. Which sounds creepy, but here it’s totally normal. Although happy endings are a real thing, which you often have to specifically ask them not to do.

We signed up for the oil massage and they took us to our individual rooms. My masseuse was a sorta beefy dude with a kind smile, who told me to take off my shirt, unbutton my shorts and lay face down on the table, all with hand signals of course. I let him know my neck hurt and I wanted some work on it, which he understood, and then he went in.

This man was skillful. He dug deep into my shoulder blades, neck, traps, lower back, upper butt cheek, pretty much everywhere my body needed most. Elbows, knuckles, palms, he used it all. About halfway in, he hopped up on the table and straddled me so he could get extra leverage. It definitely took some deep breaths on my part to get through the pain, but it was the good kind of pain that I knew was gonna make my body sing afterwards.

The next phase was the scraping. At the time, I had no idea what that was, or even that it was gonna happen; it had been an option on the list when we signed up, but I never was explicitly asked if I wanted it. But I looked it up after, and what I found out is that it is also called gua sha and it is a traditional Chinese medicinal practice that is thousands of years old and used to treat chronic pain and improve blood flow and the nervous system. Basically, the person applying the treatment takes something with an edge, such as a plastic disc or a coin, and rubs it repeatedly down the muscles of the back and neck. This causes petechiae, or capillary bleeding that leaks blood into your skin cells, leaving what looks like reddish-purple bruises over the entire treated area. However, they’re not bruises and they don’t hurt. In fact, while its effects are still being studied, trials have found evidence of its benefits.

Anyway, all I knew is that it felt like this guy started, asked me if it was ok, and I said yeah. It felt like he was giving me a nice back scratch for like 15 or 20 minutes, so I was totally down. But when I got out of the room, Thomas noticed something on my neck; it was the petechiae. He pulled back my shirt and looked at my back.

“You’re fine,” he began. “But you’re gonna freak out when you see your back.”

I wasn’t in pain or anything, so I didn’t really feel worried. But when we got back in the room, I pulled off my shirt and looked in the mirror.

“WHAT THE FUCK”

My ENTIRE BACK was purple, as if I’d been beaten. I touched it and felt no pain, but it truly looked terrifying. Pretty damn weird.

Anyway, I’ll get to freak a bunch of people out a breakfast tomorrow, so that’s fun.

<3 Scaht.

New Words (in parentheses are tone numbers, separated by syllable. 1 is neutral, 2 is up, 3 is down-up, 4 is down)

• Da bian-poop (4, 4)

• Xiao bian-pee (3,4)

• Yo yu-squid (2,2)

• Zhang yu-octopus (1,2)

• Pong yo-friend(2, none)

• Jek hoy-go straight

• Yuo-Right

• Zuo-Left

Final China Reflections

Executive Summary of what I learned about climate and energy policy:

There’s a whole lot of tensions between China's rapid development and environmental sustainability. They want to grow and make the moneys, but the speed at which they’re doing it means huge impacts on air quality, water quality, soil health, overcrowding, and more. This is something they’ve started adapting to in the face of public pressure about health concerns, but some of that has just meant doing things like funding coal plants in other countries instead of their own, so it’s still something that needs to be monitored and pushed. A big part of China’s sustainability push is also about image; many state-funded "sustainable" projects that exhibit fancy new technology are often more exhibitions than actual scalable solutions. On the other hand, some of the private companies we saw that are implementing sustainable tech are finding more success, as they're operating under a framework of seeking profit, which allows them to be more realistic about what they invest in.

If you want to read in-depth about my entire group’s analysis, we wrote a big ol’ report on technology, economics, urban development and policy. If you wanna see it, message me and I’ll send it your way.

Other than that, I think my posts above pretty much sum up a lot of what I learned. I’m so grateful to each and every one of my Chinese friends who so gracefully translated and navigated and babysat us throughout this trip. But more than that, they’re just super cool people who I had great conversations with, great karaoke nights with, and can’t wait to meet again on either one of our turfs. And yea, all my Filipino, Dutch, French, German, Bangladeshi, Georgian and even American friends are nice too :P

[thehatchcreates]

Five Inspiring Takeaways from  “Big Magic” By Elizabeth Gilbert; Part 2

{This is Part 2 in a two part essay on Big Magic. To read part one of this post, click here, then come back to this one!} 

3-    The important difference between having a genius and being a genius. As Liz explains,

“In ancient Greek, the word for the highest degree of human happiness is eudaimonia, which basically means ‘well-daemoned’—that is, nicely taken care of by some external divine creative spirit guide. (Modern commentators, perhaps uncomfortable with this sense of divine mystery, simply call it ‘flow or ‘being in the zone.’)

But the Greeks and the Romans both believed in the idea of an external daemon of creativity—a sort of house elf, if you will, who lived within the walls of your home and who sometimes aided you in your labors. The Romans had a specific term for that helpful house elf. They called it your genius—your guardian deity, the conduit of your inspiration. Which is to say, the Romans didn’t believe that an exceptionally gifted person was a genius; they believed that an exceptionally gifted person had a genius.”

 Liz and I both agree that this distinction, having a little genius helper vs. being a genius yourself, is hugely important to the creative process. In short, having a genius house elf takes the pressure off, which can be crucial. The magnificent thing is that it actually goes both ways in helping the precious human ego. When you fail at something creative, it is not considered entirely your fault—your genius failed to show up and help, and so your ego and reputation are saved. On the other hand, when you do manage to get that divine flow going and create something truly magical, you yourself cannot take all the credit, for surely something so amazing and inspired was only created with the help of your genius, and thus you are kept relatively humbled.

 Somewhere around the Renaissance, when logic and reason began to overtake magic and mystery in every realm of thought, the idea of having a genius morphed into the idea of being a genius. Personally, while I love all of the modern amenities we currently enjoy (the computer and the internet whereby you are currently reading this, for instance), I think in this one aspect, this evolution has done a disservice to creators everywhere.

 Imagine, if you will, a world in which the pressure is off. Imagine sitting down in front of a blank canvas, a blank page, a blank room, or at the very start of any creative project, and knowing that your only job is to show up, create, and have fun. The end results are not resting entirely on your shoulders. Imagine the actual fun you could have with the weight lifted like that. Imagine how little there is to fear. Doesn’t it sound rather, well, magical?

 I happen to think we do put too much pressure on ourselves, particularly when it comes to creativity and inspiration. Too often we try to force it, to fit it into our regimented schedules. And I think that, like with anything we chase after desperately, the best way to find that divine moment of inspiration, is actually to relax about the whole thing and just play. Commit to showing up and doing the work, but allow yourself to creatively play too. Take the weight of the entire outcome off your shoulders. Maybe then inspiration, your genius, the flow, whatever you want to call it, will realize you are just having fun and will show up to help and to play.

 4-    Believe in the magic. There are a couple of ways in which this book gets just a little mystical. Some people have raised their eyebrows at this part of Liz’s theory on creativity, but I personally find it wonderful and curious. Because, yeah, it’s a little out there, but wouldn’t it be neat if it was true and she was right? And really, who’s to say? 

Basically, Liz Gilbert’s theory is that ideas are magic. Not metaphorical magic, but actual magic. As she puts it she has “developed a set of beliefs about how it [creativity] works—and how to work with it—that is entirely and unapologetically based upon magical thinking. And when I refer to magic here, I mean it literally. Like, in the Hogwarts sense. I am referring to the supernatural, the mystical, the inexplicable, the surreal, the divine, the transcendent, the otherworldly. Because the truth is, I believe that creativity is a force of enchantment—not entirely human in origin.”

 You really truly should read the book yourself to hear her explain it, but for a quick summary suffice it to say that Liz believes that ideas (all types of ideas) are invisible disembodied life forms whose sole purpose and directive is to find a human to collaborate with and make themselves manifest. This aligns well with Liz’s universalist leanings spiritually, and with my own. I understand it can be a little hard to swallow, but I implore you to read the countless examples of stories Liz provides and then decide how literally you want to take this theory. And, if you’ll permit me, I’d like to add a personal story as evidence to Liz’s case.  

 The pages devoted to the inexplicable, serendipitous, mostly downright magical but still 100% believable stories in this book give me actual chills as I read. Perhaps that is because, as an artist, entrepreneur and amateur philosopher, I have experienced the spine tingling bizarre sort of arrival of ideas that she is talking about. I have worked with creativity, been hit with a lightning bolt idea out of nowhere, and felt the physical and emotional rush she describes. I have felt that creative magic; been in that flow. And afterwards, looking at whatever it was I created while “in the zone,” I could not for the life of me explain how I did it. People ask me sometimes how I do what I do, and I have honestly always struggled with that question a bit, because I have always felt that somehow it wasn’t entirely me doing anything that is my best work. 

 Just the other day I was working on a digital montage in Photoshop and got completely lost in the creative flow. Hours later I blinked, resurfaced to reality, and looked at the image with refocused eyes. I noticed something that should have been fixed at the beginning on the basic background layer. So I set about fixing it, and to my alarm discovered that it wasn’t just in the background layer anymore. The thing had evolved and morphed without my really understanding how, despite me being the only one actually doing anything, and try as I might I could not go in and fix the one small thing that should have been an easy fix. Eventually I just resolved to start over completely and cross my fingers that once I fixed the background layer, the creative inspiration (my genius, perhaps) would show up again to get me back to the finished image.

 You might find the concept of actual magical ideas difficult to swallow. But I urge you, set that aside long enough to read the book. I think you will come out inspired either way in the end.  

 5-    Trust the trickster and embrace the paradox. The idea of the tortured artist, the starving artist, the depressed or insane artist, the ones who struggle and fight and die in the name of creating art is an old idea that we are all familiar with. But Liz begs the question, does it have to be this way? Do you really have to torment yourself in the name of art? Or torment yourself in order to make art? If you think about it, there are cave paintings in Lascaux dating back to 20,000 years ago. Arguably, for as long as there have been humans, there have been humans making art. Twenty thousand years ago there were absolutely more important things to be done in order to survive, and yet there were still painters, artisans, curious people following hair brained ideas and making things that served no functional purpose. Creativity is arguably what makes us human. So, if it is really such an integral part of our humanity, is creativity really there to just to torture and kill us? Probably not.

 Liz argues that somewhere along the way, that lighthearted, trickster approach to creativity was hijacked by the martyrs, who promote only suffering and darkness, and she says it is time to give creativity back to the tricksters. It is time to play with our creativity again, instead of stubbornly suffering in its name. The best argument for a trickster’s approach to, well, all of life, instead of a martyr’s is simply this: trust.

 “It may seem counterintuitive to suggest this, because he can seem so slippery and shady, but the trickster is full of trust. He trusts himself, obviously. He trusts his own cunning, his own right to be here, his own ability to land on his feet in any situation...but mostly, the trickster trusts the universe. He trusts in its chaotic, lawless, ever-fascinating ways—and for this reason, he does not suffer from undue anxiety.”

 Another way to put it is the simple old adage that a bird never worries if the branch he sits on will break; because he has trust, not in the branch, but in himself and his own ability to fly. Because, as we all know, the thing about life is that the only things that are certain (ever) are death and taxes. Everything else tends to be generally lawless chaos, try as we might to control it. And the trick is not to put your trust in the supposed process of life, which inevitably leads to anxiety because, quite simply, you cannot control anything but yourself. The trick, therefore, is to trust in yourself. When things go wrong, in life, and in love, and in health, and in all the other ways that life can go wrong, the only thing you can trust is yourself. When things go wrong, the martyr says “that’s awful,” and suffers.

  But the trickster says “huh. That didn’t work. How interesting. I wonder what I can do to take this experience and come at it a different way, or create something fresh and new.”  And he simply, light heartedly, tries something else, again and again until he flourishes. The trickster is curious, and I believe that curiosity, creative curiosity, is what saves lives.

 Paradox as it is, the light hearted curiosity is gravely serious, because it is the only way to flourish. It is the only thing that saves us.

 The life you are saving is your own, after all, and it is oh so important. So make room for fear, show up and do the work, take the weight of it all off your shoulders, and believe in the magic. Even just as an experiment to see what happens. Most importantly, embrace the trickster mentality and trust in yourself. Follow your curiosity, lightly, and see what sort of big magic shows up. You might just be wonderfully surprised.