#anyway! i finished babel. thought it was brilliant

[callixton]

can i say as a self confessed enjoyer of ‘dark academia’ books i think it is fucking stupid to refer to it as a genre rather than like. a trait

[rymndsmth]

querencia (jang han seo)

🎤 hello and gather around fellow himbo lovers, here is a small fic about our beloved and his life after That guy kicks the bucket. also idk how i managed to turn this into a love story? anyways lmfao, hope y’all enjoy! 

Everything felt so different.

Truthfully, Han Seo never imagined what his life could be like, would be like, without the proverbial ever tightening noose around his neck. One that had been unexpectedly and disappointingly placed on him as a child by the one person that was supposed to remove such things. He was now free of that person, and the fear that stemmed from veering off the path set by them, but wasn’t entirely too certain that he was free of that feeling. 

His muscles couldn’t shake it. The sudden chill to the bone, the anticipation of retaliation from an act that hadn’t yet occurred. Such an act that could never occur anymore given that his brother was dead. He knew this, but his mind had never been good at accepting possibilities that were positive. 

This much was evident in the case of his relationship with Vincenzo. There was no reason why the stoic yet baby faced Mafia member would want to keep him around, at least not any that he could see. So, Han Seo spent the first few weeks asking the question both silently and aloud, will you kill me? Vincenzo had the motive, it’s not exactly like his hands were clean in his previous dealings with Babel, and he most certainly had the means.

It wasn’t until Han Seo was told that because he was trying to make amends, he wouldn’t end up in the Jang family crypt well before his time that he started to feel at ease. Still, for months after that conversation, he still had the nagging feeling that some invisible fist was lurking around every bend. 

Regardless of that, Han Seo decided he would not waste his liberation however short lived it might have been. He made up his mind that he was going to do all the things that he was either too scared or outright forbidden to do before. The first thing on his list was to clean up his business. Luckily for him, the Guillotine file made it easy to weed out the snakes in the grass and allow him to steer Babel in the direction that the core of the business was about. 

The hardest part was going to be restoring the public’s faith in the organization. Cha Young told him as much, and advised him not to agonize over it as there will be new corruption that will grab their attention (and hers). He intended to be the Chairman that such a company deserved, and therefore continued to study no matter how nonsensical and outdated the information seemed. 

The second order of business was moving out of the place that felt more like a prison than a home to one that he liked. The realtor immediately recommended a few luxury places, but he turned them down to their surprise. Maybe it was due to the fact that he had seen what the quest for material wealth had done to his family (or more realistically because he wanted to be closer to newfound hyung  and his girlfriend). 

Either way, the house he settled on had its luxuries, but in a more affordable and quaint neighborhood. Han Seo even went as far as to attempt painting on his own, which went as well as expected for someone that didn’t even know the difference between a brush and a roller. 

Being able to do what he wanted proved to be chaotic at times. There was no one to stop him from going on last minute trips to Jeju just for oranges and a quick dip into the ocean. Or to take away all the sweet and savory snacks that he found at these things called convenience stores. 

He would stay up all night sometimes, not to binge watch all the shows he missed out on, but just to sit in silence. He didn’t know that the quiet could be so nice. That it was a space of tranquility and relaxation rather than one filled with anxiety. Of course, Han Seo more often than not regretted the choice not to sleep and ended up at the cafe a few blocks from his place. 

While obviously no one had better coffee than the one at Babel, he found himself going to the cozy spot with increasing frequency because of her. The first time he saw her, she was deciding on which apple to choose from the basket beside the register. He then noticed that her canvas bag was filled with art supplies, and decided that it was a brilliant idea to draw a conclusion. 

I think the one to the right would make a great subject on paper, he grinned. 

She stared at him in a way that made him contemplate whether to not she was related to Vincenzo hyung before replying flatly:

I’m looking for the tartest one to go with my tea. 

He was left a bumbling mess of flustered sounds and rapidly blinks, not getting the opportunity to insert some retort that undoubtably would’ve put him deeper into the realm of idiot. 

The following morning he went again. No cup of coffee, not even the ridiculously overpriced espresso at Babel, would give him that jolt of electricity he felt under her gaze. And sure enough, she was there. This time her apple sat upon a folded napkin right beside her tea, and in front of them both was her sketchpad. On the page? A picture of the fruit. He couldn’t control the noise of exasperation that left him as he passed her table. On his way out he tossed over his shoulder with a grin so wide it hurt:

Nice drawing. 

Their interactions continued in that same vein. Short, filled with just the right amount of bite. The balance of who had the best and last say constantly shifting, becoming somewhat of a competition. 

You’re outside today, is that weed your subject?

As if there weren’t enough clowns in this neighborhood already.

You buy a lot of lattes for an artist that’s supposed to be starving.

Ironic coming from the gentrifier walking around a working class neighborhood in thousand dollar shoes.  

He had look up what that g word meant after their last exchange.

There was something else he never got to do in his past. Sure, Han Seo had the occasional date or two, but commitment? That was out of the question. It wouldn’t have served his brother well if there was anyone around that would motivate him to step out from his hold. The realization that he never had a serious relationship hadn’t hit him until he started to have inconvenient thoughts during board meetings about stuff like taking a long afternoon stroll, and holding hands with her.

Han Seo could barely focus on the stack of jargon dense reading before him. He sent Vincenzo a text saying that he was coming over with soju, not waiting for a reply before making the short journey to Geumga. Cha Young’s face fell when she answered the door, muttering that she thought he was her delivery, but lit up once she saw he brought along alcohol. After poking around the rice he begged for them to share and sighing loudly for half an hour, Vincenzo ushered him out. He implored him to get a hobby so that these late night visits wouldn’t become a habit.  

He was confused by that. Weren’t studying and running a company hobbies? On his walk back home he spotted a flyer that someone was offering private classes for beginners painting. The nightmare of a time he had trying to get the walls in his kitchen evenly colored popped up in his brain, instantly making him tear off one of the numbers. He didn’t exactly know how learning to paint homes was going to be a practical hobby, but hell, he would have something to show Vincenzo later. 

While he was on one of his impromptu trips to the seaside, Han Seo had his assistant set up the class for him to take when he returned. As a gift for the instructor, he thought it would be nice to bring them an extra bag of oranges. If the session sucked, or if he hated it, at the very least there was going to be something to brighten the mood. 

The day he got back, he even went as far as to tidy up the place on his own and put some fresh flowers around so the air was lightly scented. He practically waited at the door until the alarm sounded to let him know that his instructor arrived. 

Is this a joke? She huffed.

No, I didn’t even know you were the teacher! His protest was adamant. I was on a trip and even brought back Jeju- He paused. Han Seo knew he wasn’t the brightest, but bringing up the oranges seemed like it would upset her given their previous history. 

You brought back what? Her brow raised.

Mmm, good energy! Don’t you feel the vibes from the ocean? He spread his arms wide. 

Han Seo waved her inside hurriedly, trying desperately to get past the awkward exchange. Of all people, he never would’ve thought it would be the neighborhood’s cute sass machine. A small noise of happiness couldn’t be stopped from escaping him as she accepted the invitation. Her eyes scanned the place without restraint, nose wrinkling when she took a look at the kitchen. 

Where are your supplies? A slender finger ran across the surface of his counter. 

Supplies? He thought that was included in the price for the lessons. 

She sighed, placing a sketchbook, brushes, and small pots of paint onto the table. It was now very apparent to him that the advertisement did not mean what he thought it did. Thank goodness he also didn’t decide to open his mouth about that beforehand, it probably would’ve made her smack him with her bag. 

Here, the materials were slid over when he sat. Paint something.

His facial expression surely mirrored what he was thinking. Han Seo had no recollection of ever trying to do this, not even during the course of his way overpriced private school education. She urged him on with a nod, only relaxing into her chair when he flipped open the book and picked up a fine brush. 

There was nothing in particular he wanted to paint. Hell, he didn’t even know if he wanted to paint at all. This was simply something random that came up when he needed it. 

To avoid being chastised, he dipped his brush into the light blue color and started swiping randomly across the blank page. He swapped the brush and added some dark green, then pink, and finished if off with small dots of white. At the end it looked like something a toddler would’ve considered a masterpiece. She eyed it with surprising interest. 

You clearly didn’t know what you wanted to achieve with this, or why you were doing it at all. 

Han Seo was about to interject with a prideful defense before she continued. 

That’s good. It’s better to work with an unbiased mind. Her eyes met his. Your technique is shit though. 

He laughed, like truly laughed. It was a full bellied, unashamedly loud, attack of sonic waves. She seemed to find it amusing, a hint of a smile dancing across her lips. 

Alright, let’s start with how to actually hold a paintbrush. 

There was no telling when their interactions had gone from less than playful banter to warm and friendly (still with a side of joking). Han Seo couldn’t put his finger on it. Did it happen during the second lesson where he mistakenly put paint on her hands, and didn’t settle for no when he said he would wash them off for her? 

Or was it the time he was running late for work, but the barista already had his order prepared because she told them that he was on the way? Perhaps it was the time she had to reschedule their Saturday morning for the evening instead, and all he could think about was trying to replicate the color of her alcohol flushed cheeks onto the page before him. 

Han Seo had never done the whole confession thing before, so he wasn’t sure about how it worked. An unfamiliar kind of anxiety crept up his spine as he poured glasses of wine and organized a fruit plate. Soft music played in the background accompanied by the crackle of the expensive candles he bought specifically for the occasion. Her mouth parted slightly as she took everything in once she arrived for what was supposed to be an ordinary session involving watercolors. 

Wow, got a hot date later or something? Her legs seemed to automatically take her to the table. 

Actually, He brought the glasses over to where she sat. It’s for you. 

Oh…She gasped. A few seconds passed that felt more like minutes before she picked one up and held it high. Cheers then!

Something about it made him feel like he made a mistake. Did he misread their change in demeanor towards one another? Was she truly just being kinder to him because she considered him to only be a friend? Han Seo tried to not let the embarrassment he felt seep into the room, keeping a smile locked and loaded for when she made a witty remark about stuff like him painting in the most inappropriate white button down. 

Don’t you have something to say to me? She quipped, neatly putting her things away after he finished. 

Me? I- no…I... He clenched his fists. Why couldn’t he come out and say it?! This was as good as a chance as he was ever going to get. If he let this opportunity slip, he wasn’t sure if there would be one again. He had to act, he had to-

What sounded like a small growl came from her as she raked her hand through her hair. She pulled him closer by the collar of his shirt, her nose just shy of rubbing against his. 

Jang Han Seo, when are you gonna stop driving me insane? She murmured, labored breaths dancing across his cupid’s bow. 

If only she knew how true and reciprocated that question was to him too. From the moment he couldn’t fight against thoughts about her entering his mind, to the smile she wore when he stepped across his threshold, and the way she said his goddamned name, it was all enough to make him want to combust. To burst out of his skin, transforming into something or someone else entirely. A person that fully accepted that there were no more restraints on their lives, that they was no more fear and no more betrayal. Someone that was completely in control, and free to take what was theirs. And so he did. 

It was painful, almost, the first time he kissed her. The second time even more so. By the third time, coupled with the question of her tongue prodding at his bottom lip, Han Seo had shedded the last of his previous being. He cupped her face, thumbs toying with her curled sideburns as he consumed her. Quiet whimpers made way for desperate cries, shivers were replaced by the searing heat of skin on skin. 

The high he’d chased fruitlessly so many times throughout his life was finally achieved with his arms wrapped tightly around her, their bodies pressed together as she shuddered and sighed his name. He was in disbelief that what he had experienced was real, so he chased it again and again, receiving the same result each time his sweat slicked forehead bowed to meet hers. 

Han Seo would learn that it could be obtained outside of that space they filled with the tangible evidence of their desire. It was also in buying melon flavored ice pops to eat in the park together on sunny days. The look on Vincenzo and Cha Young’s face when he timidly made the introduction. Her expression when she took her first bite of Hee Soo’s tteokbokki. When Mr. Nam and her had an hour long debate on which shade of red made the most realistic fake blood color. The flashing Best Chairman Ever coming from her phone when Babel secured their biggest deal yet without any dirty deals behind the scenes. 

That feeling, one that outshone the other by such a long shot that it was nearly eradicated, had been there all along in the life he’d made. She just helped him see it.  

[lizziestudieshistory]

Books of 2022 - January

I’m baffled that it’s February ALREADY, what is going on?! Anyway, here’s the books I read (and one I DNFed) in January.

The Fellowship of the Ring - J.R.R. Tolkien (Lord of the Rings #1)

I started this year in a bad place and things were pretty dark, so I decided to reread The Lord of the Rings for a little bit of familiarity and comfort. It did not disappoint, Tolkien never does. These books have been with me for most of my life, I can barely remember a time without them, and they never fail to make me feel at home and safe.

I don’t think I actually need to review this book - everyone and their mother knows what they’re about, and I don’t need to add any more praise onto the already existing mound! If you want more thoughts from me about specific aspects then feel free to send me an ask because I’m not sure what to say about it that I haven’t already.

The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins

This was my book club read for January and it was fine? The Woman in White is not really a rereadable book, at least it's not for me. Now I know the plot and mysteries I found a lot of its charm had diminished. However, this is a FANTASTIC novel for first time readers. It’s full of twists and turns (presented at a slow, leisurely pace), and a few really brilliant characters - Mariam, Mr Fairlie, and Count Fosco stand out to me.

I would highly recommend giving this book a go if you haven’t tried it (or Collins) before, especially as this is still my favourite Collins book to date. If you want to see what my thoughts were the first time I read The Woman in White then check out my 2019 review here. 

The Hod King - Josiah Bancroft (The Books of Babel #3; DNF c. page 230)

I really tried with both this book and this series. I actually really liked Senlin Ascends (the first installment) and thought the series would only improve as we moved into less worldbuilding and more plot/character. This was not the case.

I've come to care less and less about Senlin and his crew as I've progressed through the series. The Tower became less intriguing as we learnt more and I got bored with the wacky worldbuilding. I’ve just stopped caring and I feel like I'm kicking a dead horse. I'm dragging it one because I keep thinking that there’s only 4 books and I should finish it because I'm over halfway through.

Well I’m being ruthless - I had such a mediocre reading year last year because I didn’t DNF books that were only okay...so I’ve decided to DNF The Books of Babel here. I might come back if I start thinking about it too much but right now I just don’t want to read it and it’s not worth making myself push through just to complete the series.

Measure for Measure - William Shakespeare

Okay, I’m trying to get back into reading a Shakespeare play every month until I’ve finished them all. Coming back with Measure for Measure was probably not the best choice I could have made.

This play is fine, but it’s a problem play for a reason. It’s tonally a mess, and I’m not sure if Shakespeare is trying to highlight the abuse of women or not. Well he is, but he’s not necessarily doing it in a good way for a modern reader. With my 21st century head on, I felt so uncomfortable with the ending of this play - everyone gets married! But one marriage is based on sexual assault and a technicality (between an abuser and some fairly random woman), and the other is between the Duke and Isabella who WANTED TO BE A NUN - probably suggests that she didn’t want to get married... It just doesn’t sit well with me and this wasn’t a play that I enjoyed. I didn’t even get any quotes or passages that I would want to remember... Overall it was fine by Shakespeare’s standards, but it’s not one I’d want to revisit in the future.

The Silmarillion - J.R.R. Tolkien

Here’s the big boy! My undying love from all of Tolkien’s writings about Middle Earth. I ADORE The Silmarillion, so much so that’s it’s probably not healthy, and it definitely occupies too much of my brain. Not that I’m complaining.

I’ve spent the vast majority of January annotating The Silmarillion - pulling out the links to the rest of Tolkien’s work, gushing over my favourite characters (Finrod), and, to be perfectly honest, sobbing over the constant waves of tragedy. It’s not a happy book.

I’ve had so much fun reflecting on Tolkien’s influences and pondering on questions I have about the legendarium (I spent WAY TOO MUCH TIME on Gil-galad parents and debating how Gildor is related to Finrod.) It's a book that I can’t help but fall into and annotating it only improved my experience. I’m never happier than when I can over think relatively minor aspects of history that we have too little evidence for to ever find a satisfactory answer to our questions - and this is basically what The Silmarillion is, but Tolkien!

It’s atmospheric (in an academic kind of way) and the sheer weight of the history it contains permeates every page. It’s very high and epic fantasy with the feel of real world myths, legends, and history, so it’s inevitable that I’m going to get on with this book.

I also just love sad books... Why be happy when your favourites can make you miserable?! I genuinely prefer to be miserable.

In all seriousness, I don’t think this is a book for everyone - it’s difficult, dense, and distant from the characters. It’s closer to a short story anthology or mythology collection than it is a novel. However, I do think it’s worth giving The Silmarillion a shot if you’re still craving to scratch that Tolkien itch after The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit - just bare in mind it’s the story of the Silmarils that people wander into, rather than a traditional narrative focusing on characters or a main plotline. (I’m happy to give tips on ‘how to read The Silmarillion’ if anyone is interested in that because I do think it’s a book that needs a reading guide!)

[anamsaorreads]

2017 So Far - Part Three: Narnia, Detectives and Shorts

Okay, so I meant to wrap this wrap-up up within three posts but I totally forgot about a book or two. This clearly only further cements why I need this blog for myself: I have a book checklist, I checked the list, but somehow ignored a couple completed ones. (Yay, photo re-shoots... not.)

Anyway, here’s a very vague and rambly discussion of all the leftover fiction I've read that didn't really fit in (or I hadn't the time to write about) with the other ones: some beloved children's classics, some Oscar-worthy shorts, and some Scottish detective-work.

I came to Narnia fairly late in life, receiving an omnibus volume of The Chronicles of Narnia, by C.S. Lewis, as a Christmas present when I was 16. I've really enjoyed making my way through it, I'm just taking my sweet time (don't judge me, I  hope to finally, finally, finish the series by the end of the year). So far, it's wonderful, and it absolutely deserves the title of a classic. It's magical and enchanting, both in its narrative and its visual descriptions (that Creation scene in The Magician's Nephew, tho!). As such, I would never dream of saying a bad word about CS Lewis' much-loved fantasy series.

However, I did forget that I had read Prince Caspian... Twice. Again, I'm not saying that's a bad thing, it's more a reflection on me, I admit. I loved it each time I read it, and loved getting to one of my favourite parts of the series at the end (the bit with the boys at the schoolhouse, just brilliant). In this book, the Pevensies help a young Prince in mission to restore his kingdom to former glory, where knowledge, truth, tolerance and equality among all Narnian beings can once again reign supreme.

The Voyage of the Dawn Treader closely follows the events of the previous book in Narnian time (well, relatively speaking ). Set against the immature sulking, squabbling, whinging and disbelief of the most recent English visitor to Narnia, the children (Edward, Lucy, and newcomer, Eustace) join the reigning King Caspian on an Odyssey though some magical new lands, in search for loyal Lords banished by the previous ruler. Each island they visit has its own unique fantastical features and challenges for the merry band to overcome. With dragons, mermaids, angels, even to the end of the world, the visuals descriptions and atmosphere are enchanting.

My one criticism is the prevailing sense of the series favouring traditional gender roles, and the pigeon-holing of Lucy as healer (and whinger) - I was really hoping she'd get to wield a sword at some point! I can forgive Aslan's deus ex machina appearance purely based on how wonderful the stories are, and because it seems like a running theme through the series. Dealing with the idea of (Christian) faith for a younger audience, the Pevensies' faith, and its effects, remain childlike, or else they lose access to Narnia. The idea of a mature faith is never really addressed, at least not at this point in the series. There's a good argument for a theological discussion of the series, but perhaps I'll wait until I've read them all (and maybe reread some of them).

I ordered Stories of Your Life and Others by Ted Chiang without realising that the title-story was the basis for the Oscar nominated film Arrival (which I wanted to see but hadn't at the time). I was in the market for another short story collection and some sci-fi (the collection as a whole is speculative fiction: some sci-fi, some fantasy, etc.). As far as I can recall, this collection was my first foray into sci-fi literature (I love a good sci-fi movie, though) and to be honest, I have mixed feelings.

I read "Story of Your Life" first, just in case I suddenly had to watch the movie, and I really enjoyed it! I don't want to give away too much if you haven't read it, and because the way it's written and the whole structure is integral to the story, but in short, it is a mother telling her daughter's life story and how the mother was affected by her interaction with extraterrestrials who make contact with Earth. I found it very imaginative and intelligently written, and although I loved the film too, the story explains things a lot better, and portrays everything in a much more nuanced, precise and delicate way that just wouldn't be possible with film.

I wasn't blown away by a lot of the other stories, specifically the sci-fi ones; some felt too similar in structure and tone to "Story of Your Life," ("Division by Zero"), or a little bit unoriginal (I didn't feel like "Understand" offered much more than what I have already seen in movies like Limitless or Lucy), but I also think there are some great concepts in there, and while I don't think they all worked, as such, it is a very intelligently written collection. 

I did really enjoy two of the stories with more religious themes, "Tower of Bablyon" and "Hell is the Absence of God," the former calling to mind a very strange electro-acoustic album, "Babel" by Roger Doyle, part of which I had to study in school, the latter being Nick Cage's best bet for saving his career (it feels like the weird lovechild of Knowing and Left Behind, except, you know, actually good). That said, I hated "Seventy-Two Letters." Despite the charming steam-punk vibe, and interesting concept (using certain combinations of letters that allowed the animation of inanimate models to solve the problem of human fertility) it was too long, drawn out, and, in my un-expert opinion, poorly plotted. I'm sure some of you will disagree, but it left a bad taste taste in my mouth upon finishing the collection.

I had hidden my copy of Strip Jack away (it didn't quite fit on my feature shelf and I'm pretty short on space right now), so I forgot that I'd read it earlier this year. After being caught at an Edinburgh brothel during a police raid MP Gregor Jack's PR nightmare only gets worse as he becomes a person of interest in the disappearance of his wife. Inspector Rebus must find out if he is involved or if someone is trying to frame him.

This is the fourth book in Ian Rankin's prolific Inspector Rebus Series, and the second of his books that I've read. While his first novel, Knots and Crosses (see my 2016 Review) was an exciting pursuit of serial killer personally targeting Rebus, this installment focused more on political intrigue and complicated romantic relationships. Politics bores me in general, so I wasn't quite as enthralled by this story, though I did enjoy it in the end. 

It's witty and relatively fast-paced and the changes seen in Rebus' character and person story-line definitely make me want to read more. His storyline doesn't seem to have such an impact on reading experience that they must be read in order, which is nice. I haven't read many other detective/crime novels (apart from a couple of the Sherlock Holmes novels) but I'm liking this series so far.

I'm really looking foward to reading more Rebus, and hopefully finishing off The Chronicles of Narnia this year.

I definitely want to read more short stories and science fiction too. Anyone got any recommendations?

What are your thoughts on the books mentioned above? Did I completely miss the point of Chiang's collection?

Next post: Non-Fiction