#i wish i had the ability to like. articulate this better but i can’t rn. i just know it to be true

[callixton]

can i say as a self confessed enjoyer of ‘dark academia’ books i think it is fucking stupid to refer to it as a genre rather than like. a trait

[livlepretre]

pt 2

“A Jeremy-who-was-not flickers in her mind’s eye, the details of his lifeless face grown hazy over the years. She pushes the memory down, down…” even so far down their relationship, the memory still haunts her, she cannot fully move past that situation Rebekah put her in (but she can forgive klaus for actually murdering her aunt in front of her? like im kinda surprised it doesn’t cross her mind much anymore, but so much time has passed and so much has changed)

I was a bit confused by this bit “A new enticement, that tears at her heart far worse than any other of Rebekah’s previous offers, because she knows that she will ultimately turn this one down, too. To take her up on it would be to place Jeremy directly before Klaus’s wrath.”, I see it this way: she was talking about Rebekah’s offer to go a different path when Esther awakes, as in going separate ways with Klaus, which of course he wouldn’t like and consequently, kill Jeremy. She knows she will ultimately turn this proposal down too, like her rejection of vampirism, because she can’t possibly leave Klaus behind. I may not be understanding it correctly; if so, pls correct me.

“And besides. Her mother will never awaken. Things will never be different.” this is 100% foreshadowing lol

“Elena rubs her palms against the echo of the past, of a time when she had stood victorious over that glorious force of nature.” Elena reminiscing about her past with Klaus? Stood victorious when she daggered him or when she had his devotion and had an impact on his decisions??

Also I wish we could get a Stefan x Kol friendship, I feel like you kinda hinted it when Stefan walked in the opera box. It would make Klaus even more lonely and depressed than he is rn which I NEED.

“Since you were obviously digging, there’s the answer to the question you so desperately wished to ask me: here is the subject I have been most intrigued by since my rude awakening last summer” the subject is the doppelgänger and her blood’s abilities? Very interesting

Can’t wait for the next chapter cause I feel like so many things will make more sense I HATE BEING IN THE DARK. Splendid chapter, I adore it and how you wrote Kol it’s just perfect👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Well. I think that if Elena was asking Klaus to track down information on Jenna/maybe even come into some kind of contact, she would have trauma flashbacks/misgivings about that too. Like, the situation is bringing it back up. I don't think Elena really forgave either Klaus for murdering Jenna or Rebekah for her cruelties in the usual sense we mean it in... I think Elena hit a breaking point, sanity-wise, and also emotionally, and gave herself permission to accept the totality of her feelings, which included falling in love with monsters. And it was sort of like-- okay. I will accept that this happened. I will accept that I still committed the very grave sin of falling in love with you, and I will stop punishing myself for what you did. But you mustn't do it again.

And-- I recognize that the past few updates have taken me years to roll out, but she does still think of Jenna-- she brought it up directly with Klaus as recently as chapter 63! (Even though Jenna was not mentioned by name, that is who she was talking about when she told him she had "forgiven worse.")

I interpret that little flash at any rate as Elena having this moment of clarity when she remembers Rebekah is a monster, and actually sees her that way, but she suppresses it because she's not able to deal with it.

Yes, your interpretation of the enticement bit is correct-- Rebekah is saying, here, choose me, go with me when my mother wakes up, and leave Klaus behind, and I can offer you a better future-- one that includes your brother in it (and also, of course, you as a vampire!). And Elena is tempted, because this is actually the thing that would really tempt her, but she can never turn it down because 1) she won't leave Klaus, for various fucked up reasons she cannot articulate to herself but which actually come down to the fact that she is loyal to him in her heart and, like him, thinks her fate is tied to his; 2) she takes Klaus's threat to kill her loved ones if she bails seriously, and she won't take that risk, when that has been the entire point of her sticking around all this time; and 3) she knows that Esther will never wake up because, per Klaus's confession to her, she is actually dead, and she knows Klaus is lying to the rest of them about being able to wake her up (just like on the show, right? ;-D )

probably a little of both, but mostly reminiscing about that time she murdered him/conquered him

there will be some Stefan x Kol friendship this next chapter, but I wouldn't call that a good thing!

maybe especially not for Klaus?

and yes, Kol is VERY interested in Elena's latent supernatural abilities, and how that power can be turned toward certain uses...

[gallavictorious]

hi!! i am currently watching s10 of shameless rn and i just finished 10x09. i’m still a little confused as to exactly WHY ian doesn’t wanna get married. Does he really not love mickey enough at this point? Can you give me your opinion? thanks xx

Hiya nonnie! Hope you're having a blast watching season 10! :)

I can certainly give you my opinion (and I was delighted to be asked for it!), but I should preface this by noting that it's a work in progress: Ian is a character that I really love but sometimes struggle to understand. Because of this I spend a lot of time thinking about him and his motivations, and my thoughts on those tend to develop and shift as I discuss them with others. This is not likely to be my final say on this issue, and it's not a fully formed or all-encompassing explanation either. Make of it what you will (and as always, feel free to chime in with your own ideas, because I'd love to hear them).

First things first: Ian's hesitation has nothing to do with his love for Mickey. “It's marriage that I don't know that I love,” he says, and I think he's being entirely honest here (which is supported by the fact that he continues to profess his love and try to work things out with Mickey even after the latter has accidentally broken his leg and run off with another guy). His reluctance is multi-layered, and I doubt that Ian himself is initially very clear on just why he hesitates. Lip's advice to figure that out before he does anything else is good, and Ian eventually does get his thoughts on the issue sorted out, even if he has some trouble communicating that to Mickey.

I've previously written a bit about what goes down with both Mickey and Ian in 10x08-10, and in that piece I focused on the fact that “Ian absolutely knows that Mickey will stand by him through thick and thin, and this scares him because what if he develops into someone that Mickey no longer can love but feels obligated to stay with anyway? Ian hates being helpless; Ian hates being a victim; Ian hates feeling indebted to people because that implies he can’t take care of himself, and I think that nothing terrifies him more than being a project, or being someone people stay with because they pity him or worry that he can’t take care of himself. The issue here, I think, is that he doesn’t trust Mickey to leave.”

I still think there's some truth to this, but returning to this question now – thanks to your lovely ask – I have two additional thoughts, which I believe play a large part as well:

Firstly, I'd say that Ian is very, very wary of making Mickey a promise that he's not completely sure he can keep. When Debbie tells him he might as well marry Mickey to make him happy since he can always get a divorce later on, Ian is initally ready to roll with this idea, but he's clearly not really feeling it, as illustrated by his wish for Lip to talk him out of the whole thing. I believe that this reluctance stems not from a general concern about the sanctity of marriage, but rather a very real fear of letting Mickey, specifically, down. In the past, and for a number of perfectly understandable reasons, Ian has walked away from Mickey. Whether it is entirely fair or not, I'd argue that several of these instances feel like broken promises, both to Ian and to Mickey, and Ian absolutely does not want to hurt Mickey like that again. As he later tells Mickey, he doesn't know who he is from day to day, so he can't promise Mickey shit. Better not to make any promises at all then, right?

Secondly, I think that Mickey's reluctance to actually talk about things is a real stumbling block. Ian has concerns and fears both about himself and about getting married, and those are things that he (very sensibly!) wants to discuss with Mickey before they get hitched. But Mickey won't have it – when Ian brings their future up in 10x03 Mickey shuts him down, and the same thing happens when Ian repeatedly (at the court house, and twice outside of Byron's) tries to discuss it after their first, botched attempt at a wedding.

I’ve participated in some recent and very interesting discussions about how both Ian and Mickey have been reluctant to face and properly talk about their tangled past and the hurt it's caused them, and how this reluctance plays a large part in how things play out between them in season 10. While I do agree with @whaticameherefor in that they must have had some meaningful conversations after their prison reunion, I do believe – not least because of what we saw in season 10 – that they have yet to fully discuss and make peace with what's gone before and the things they've done that's hurt the other. Ian, I think, is now willing and ready to talk, even though it's difficult for him, and – as @damngcoffee notes – Mickey makes some attempt at expressing his feelings when he asks for Ian to throw his parole, but it's still just scratching the surface, and they (well, mostly Mickey) still shy away from being candid about the really difficult and painful stuff.

This is unfortunate in general, but it's also directly tied to Ian's reservations about marriage. Bascially, he needs confirmation that Mickey truly understands what he's getting into, what with Ian's illness being a thing they can never escape. This is what Ian tries to articulate when he shows up with the promise rings, but he doesn't quite manage – partly because he's not actually very good at expressing himself (lack of practice, no doubt – but he's trying!) and partly because Mickey takes the mere suggestion that Ian isn't convinced of Mickey's  commitment as an insult and won't hear anything else. To Mickey, a man of action, his past deeds should make it plenty obvious that he is fully committed, and so Ian questioning that is a sign that Ian doesn't understand and appreciate all that Mickey's done and sacrifieced for him (whether Ian asked him to do it or not). To Mickey the whole situations likely reads like Ian trying to pin his own insecurities and lack of love on Mickey just to have an excuse to back out of getting married. This is not an accurate read at all, however: what Mickey doesn't understand is that Ian absolutely isn’t questioning Mickey's love or commitment: he just needs reassuarance that Mickey has really thought about this; has actually considered what Ian's illness means for their future and Ian's ability to make promises, and has come to the informed conclusion that sure, he does want this in spite of all that, in spite of the uncertainity of it all. Given Mickey's tendency to do rush in and do anything for the people he loves, and his unwillingness to talk about his feelings, it's not at all unreasonable for Ian to worry about this and want to have an actual discussion about it.

(I would also like to note that I really understand where Mickey is coming from here: given their past, there is little wonder that he's feeling insecure about Ian's feelings and reacts so strongly when Ian won't sign the papers. He misunderstands Ian, to be sure, but it's very easy to see why he would do that. I've also previously written a short meta on why Mickey's reluctance to talk about his feelings is perfectly understandable, which you can read here if you're so inclined.)

So, that's my opinion nonnie: Ian's hesitation regarding marriage has nothing to do with a lack of love for Mickey. :) Though he has to deal with his issues without actually getting to discuss them with Mickey - which is unfortunate, but let’s hope they start dealing with that once they’re back together - he finally understands enough to feel confident to propose to Mickey again.

Phew. Unsurprsingly this got pretty long: hopefully this was somewhat coherent. As mentioned, it's not in any way a comprehensive overview of the situation, but just touches upon a few aspects I think is particularly pertinent to it. Please feel free to contradict me or add your own further thoughts.