#anyway don’t be a dick at concerts people are disabled in a lot of different ways and everyone wants to have a good time 🥰🥰🥰

[itchyboogers]

hello comrades

my name is grace. i'm gonna be honest right now, not sure exactly what this post is. just because i can't function without order, i'm gonna make a list of reasons why i'm sharing my story:

to spread awareness

because i need an outlet

many of my friends suggested i share this

simply to entertain whoever might take a look at it

just in case, because of my paranoia, i’m saying right now i don’t want any witch hunt. i feel like saying this is really reaching in terms of how many people are gonna read this, but my concern insists. this is gonna be a long article, so i’m putting the little “read more” thingamabob right here. 

trigger warning, for like, everything

about me; prologue?

as you saw above, my name is grace. i’m 19, and this is a very personal experience that i’ve gone through. first, let me introduce everything that’s wrong with me. i have high-functioning autism, and throughout my life my autism has been the root of my downfall. ever since 2nd grade i’ve gotten the short end of the stick. you always hear about prodigy kids whose grades and social lives falter as the years pass, i am 100% one of them. this story isn’t necessarily about me, but i’ve been through some shit, son. 

i have a family that is more supportive than i could ever ask for, i’m not gonna lie and say that my at-home life was miserable - because home was my safe place, and public school was where i fought my battles. i was a very eccentric kid and while my autism has limited me, it has also given me the ability to think outside of the box, blah blah blah so i’m grateful for it as well. 

by the time i got to 6th grade, things went way more south than i thought they could go. i was a bit of an edgelord back then so i was skipping 4th period with my friend in the locker room. we’re dicking around, looking in lockers, climbing the stalls, being stupid kids. somewhere along the line we jump into the topic of sexuality, and she tells me she thinks she might be bi. i said that wouldn’t change anything about us, and that i might not like boys at all. 

she told me about her parents not agreeing with the whole gay thing and she wasn’t even close to thinking of coming out of the closet because her parents would disown her. real fucked up, but it happened back then still quite frequently. i promised her i wouldn’t tell anybody and that i wouldn’t even think about outing her to anyone, and we gave each other a cute little friend hug, it was cute.

about 3 days later on the weekend, we’re texting and a small argument boils between us and another friend in a group chat. it starts to become a bigger argument, because kids are stupid and dramatic, and i definitely was. she ended up kicking me out of the group chat and i cried myself to sleep (i know lmao). i went to school on monday and i immediately get called into the principal’s office, regarding sexual assault claims. she lied and told the school faculty that i tried to touch her inappropriately during that time we skipped class in the locker room. she also got her friends to tell everybody.

long story short i became severely depressed, gained weight, got my head shoved in a toilet filled with piss by some 8th graders friends with that girl’s older sister, and started self-harming to suppress my urge to hurt other people. my meds got switched around (it’s why i gained weight) and i ended up switching schools because a public school had an IEP i think it was called? anyway

blah blah blah countless school stories and misfortunes blah blah blah crohn’s disease blah blah blah ambulance sent to the school all that jazz. it’s gonna hurt too much if i talk about PRLC, but basically there was a low-funded school for kids who wanted a second chance due to disability, drugs, ect. it was out at a wildlife preservation park with all sorts of animals, i met my best friends there, became the person i am today, ect. but staff changes ended up changing the school for the worse and eventually i got dismissed.

very long depression period, i got kicked out from the school i used to call a second home back in 2018 and this cycle hasn’t ended yet, to this day. i’m hoping writing this will give me some closure or something, because writing about my misfortunes online has sent me opportunities in the past. i am not a perfect person, i never have been, and i can still name many things about my psyche and outlook on life that i’d like to someday change.

the main course

this is where i start talking about somebody that i won’t mention by name, but i’ll call him music boy for convenience. in december of last year i got to see my favorite band live for the second time, the first being april of 2018. i love this band with all my heart, and i’m not going to mention them by name. but after the concert i was going through some heavy post-concert sadness, and i wanted to share my love and appreciation so i find a semi-active discord server dedicated to said band, and i join. i make some friends and acquaintances over a span of 2-3 months.

marijuana got legalized in my state this year, something i had been anticipating for a long time, ergo from january 2020 to the beginning of april 2020, i was in a constant state of stoned off my ass. nobody saw sober grace until the late days of april. i was not in any way able to make proper decisions regarding, say, a relationship. and it was really obvious that i was high, nobody would have thought otherwise.

after i get home from a birthday vacation to arizona on february 2nd, i start going in the voice chats for the server. i would say in the general chat something along the lines of “sick, i’m super baked i’m gonna go bother the voice chat” and i end up in a group chat consisting of most of the server members that are “of age” (so not too many). at this point i’m barely aware i’m making friends, but one person in the group i really happened to resonate with. her name is Christina, and she’s to this day my number 1 mom friend and goblin sibling. <3

i meet a handful of more people in the group chat (we called it the “after hours”) and we have a lot of fun doing different activities over discord. for example we all decided to sign up for club penguin online (which is now proven to be run by a predator, i believe) and we all battled each other in card-jitsu. or i would share my screen as i went on Omegle and did goofy high shit on there and met people under the “memes” or “weed” tags. 

in this after hours group chat, one of the active members was music boy. he was the owner of the server dedicated to the band i love. why music boy? because he wants desperately to become a famous musician. there’s something about music boy that’s... ‘different’. i don’t know if anyone knows what i mean when i say, his energy was awry. the best way to describe music boy is kind of mean, but it’s the only way i’m able to express how this guy is as a person. i can best describe him by saying he expects his life to play out as a WattPad fanfiction, him being the main character. 

just so you get the main point, this one time i was on Omegle dicking around ha ha funny random people, but music boy was silent. he then typed in the chat that he was gonna go on Omegle himself and do something painfully unfunny, he said he was gonna get his guitar and use that as a prop to “vibe check” people on the website. it wasn’t funny but everybody (me included) was sort of brainwashed into thinking he could do no wrong. don’t know how he got me to laugh at that, especially with his delivery of the joke. 

yet, he didn’t want to “vibe check” people, i know that now - he just couldn’t stand when he wasn’t the center of attention. so he left and told a mod, who was also in the group chat, to join the server voice chat with him. and he announced that he was streaming himself vibe checking people on Omegle. the iffy part about that is that the entire reason he made the after hours chat was to keep NSFW stuff off the server, and it was basically prompted by me streaming myself messing around on Omegle and seeing a lot of (pretty expected) male genitalia. i’m not gonna explain that any further because anybody with a brain can understand why that was a confusing move on his part.

eventually february 14th came by, and i, being as high as i was, decided to send music boy a bunch of goofy valentine’s day cards, like the ones that were popular in 2013. i kept sending them because at the time i thought it was so funny, and i’m a natural flirt when i’m stoned. keep in mind everybody knew they hadn’t seen me sober yet, the joke in the server was basically 'when is grace not high?’ so it was evident that my decision-making process was impaired.

for some reason music boy wanted us to all play DnD, even though half of us didn’t know or give a rat’s ass how to play. i would make stupid jokes, and everybody would laugh, but music boy would exaggerate, he would go ‘oh thats how it is? is that how this is going to be’ or some unfunny shit like that because he thought every single joke or reference that anyone made had something to do with him, because, you know, he is the main character, after all. he eventually made a really embarrassing big deal about him ‘accepting my valentine proposal’ and then he went to bed i guess.

the next day or two is a blur to me, all i remember and know is that Christina knew that he was taking advantage of me always being super high, but she didn’t want to assume anything. like she had always seen me make a joke and then would see music boy turn that joke sexual, even when it was nearly impossible to make a suggestive joke out of what i originally joked about, which to be honest was probably my flawless Sméagol impression. but he would repeat the Gollum voice and say something unfunny that we all laughed at.

basically, if you haven’t caught on, music boy is a major egotistical narcissist that cannot stand having somebody that isn’t him being paid attention to. he told me his “dream” (that's TOTALLY gonna come true, by the way) was to go to a concert of the band the server was dedicated to, but he would show up in a custom made shirt that said “[lead singer of band] IS A THOT” and then the band’s guitarist would point it out and laugh because it’s SO funny and then get the lead singer’s attention, who would pull music boy on stage and challenge him to pehen he would start serenading the crowd and all the girls’ panties would instantly get soaked, all the tabloids would hear about it, and the band would jizz their pants, and he would become an overnight sensation.

here’s where stuff gets dodgy. i’m not claiming this is abuse, because i don’t have experience with abusive relationships, and i’m not in any place to assume that i understand what it’s like to be in one, but my friends have told me that he mentally abused me and took advantage of the state i was in. somewhere along the line he would, in the group call, tell his sob story about how all his friends ghosted him and tried to cancel him because of some sort of misconduct accusation in a previous server, and how i was his savior for putting my trust in him and believing his side of the story and he said some things about becoming a happier person because he met me, and it was all very unnecessarily dramatic and extremely manipulative disregarding if he noticed he was doing it or not.

I.E.

“and... then I met this girl... this really weird girl! then i saw her face, and i thought i loved her, but i found out she only liked girls and i lost all hope but then out of nowhere she sends me valentines cards! and now shes my valentine”

or some really really stupid gay shit like that, it’s the best i can imitate him without gagging or getting sick. then eventually (eventually being equal to ‘within the first week of meeting me’) he hEsiTaNtLy asks me to, like, idk be his e-girlfriend. he knew i was baked to oblivion and wasn’t in a proper state to make up my mind on anything serious but then again am i the main character? 

no. 

music boy is the main character.

if i’m being gut-wrenchingly honest here, i only genuinely liked the idea of being in an e-relationship with music boy for a day or a day and a half. the entire time i was just stoned out of my mind and not thinking as i normally do, i was nonchalant until april fools day when all hell broke loose in the server. on a live stream, the lead singer of the band made a suggestion that he was in the server that music boy made. and dear God, you would have thought it was the second coming of Christ by the way music boy reacted to it. 

he was being unbelievably hyper, even for someone with ADHD. he was hauling his uncanny-valley looking forcibly ripped body around his room like a genetically mutated spider monkey, banging his head against his bed, stopping mid-sentence to play a quirky chord on his handy dandy acoustic guitar while he looked in the webcam and made a quirky blank face. it was like watching a six y/o meet Iron Man, even though there was nothing really to be too elated about. 

he made an emoji for it and everything, he even posted on the “Official [band name] Discord Server”’s instagram account, but it was just a video of him, and the thumbnail was his goofy ass face, the whole video was just music boy saying unfunny shit trying to lowkey promote the server while flexing at the same time, something like [lead singer] we know you’re here!! you are welcome here my lord idk lmfaooo

but at this point i was becoming too sober to stand by silently and watch this moron suck his own toes, i wasn’t gonna act like his music was good and i wasn’t gonna act like he was gonna become a superstar without question. the breaking point was mostly when he almost came his pants and cried when the lead singer allegedly joined his server, but i came close to breaking when i started casually humming in the group call and hes like 

Hold Up 👁️👄👁️ wait you’re so good... why are you so good? you’re like really good and i mean it!! you’re like, almost as good as me! but you know i have YEARS of practice you know haha but you’re like super good!

and then I decided to humor myself by showing him a cover i recorded and the first thing he said after listening to it halfway was “this scares me”, so that was a pretty big warning sign.

blah blah blah i cried for an hour after that then called him again just to break up with him because of my own mental health and he did handle this very well, not bashing him for that. i basically told him no we aren’t taking a break this shindig will no longer continue, like at all, ever and hes like okay cool yknow it hurts but ill get over it, and i really didnt expect that. because, he basically implied that if i left him he would k*ll himself.

i tried to keep the friendship going because i dont like abandoning people, but he slowly started getting distant from me, and the entire server kind of distanced themselves from me too, but at the time i only noticed music boy getting apprehensive with me. keep in mind (i keep saying that, don’t i?) i thought everybody in the server was cool with me making offensive-ish jokes because they had no problem with it during the time i was “with” music boy. then one day i get called out for talking about - i’m not joking - weed. i started ranting about how weed is my medicine and it was kinda silly to get so pissy over the devil’s lettuce but i dont think i made too big of a deal out of what i could have made.

couple days later im talking in the server again. i’m a very blunt person, my humor is very dry and it can tend to go over some people’s heads if they don’t have enough brain cells. i made a joke that i’d already made in the server before about me being r-word because autism and haha funny joke. 

i get kicked out of the server.

at the time i was confused because i had no idea that i even said anything wrong. i messaged music boy a bit passive-aggressively because despite my confusion i still had a vague idea of what was happening. i said something like "was i too edgy" and like 3 minutes later he responds "you were making a lot of dudes uncomfortable”

mcscuse me bietch?

NOBODYYYYY in the general chat had told me that i was making them feel uncomfy whatsoever, and i dont think anything could have implied that anyone was in any way uncomfortable, and with these social situations i’ve explained to everyone in the after hours chat that sometimes i don’t get social cues. i’m autistic!!! it’s a very rare occurrence when i’m able to ‘read the room’. i thought they knew that but they decided to have a private staff meeting and they all agreed it was best to BAN ME from the server. 

the thing is if i had been messaged, if i was let known that people were bitching about me calling myself r******d then i would have definitely complied. i can understand people feeling a bit weird when i make fun of myself using no-no words, and i’m definitely willing to stop saying a certain thing if it genuinely makes somebody feel uneasy. but nobody said anything about it to me. not a single word.

considering the server has gone to a snowflake kingdom since my exit, i’m not too upset about being kicked out. what i am upset about regards him knowing i wasn’t in a proper state to make any decisions. decisions including NSFW decisions that he hinted at for about 5 minutes before i stopped saying ‘ehhh i don’t know if i’m comfortable with this’ and he didn’t have to beg for coochie anymore. i’m honestly lucky because i can’t remember most of what he coaxed me to do, because if i think about it too much it gets traumatic and i start feeling nauseous.

Christina has been in the server just to tell me what new bullshit has been going on in the rules, and the ever-expanding list of things that you aren’t allowed to talk about in the server, we have a good chuckle at it. i got high again about a week ago, and told my friends the audacity of what music boy actually had done to me and we all agreed to go under a vpn and raid the server, because why not, its funny haha goofy joke. we were having the best time and i was about to piss myself laughing when one of my friends name-drops me and the whoooole gig is over. we get kicked out and Christina pretends to act like she had no clue what was going on, so she could stay in and screenshot this:

she didn’t know how badly that term in itself would send me down a long overdue psychotic episode because about a year or two ago, i was getting concerned that i might have anti-social personality disorder, the ‘proper’ term for a diagnosed psychopath. it ended up nonconclusive, so i don’t necessarily believe i have it, but for some reason him calling me that word really fucked me up. but here’s a pretty funny and cringy sequence of things he typed in to get his cult of teenagers to feel bad for him.

don’t go looking for this person, don’t go looking for the band, i’m just sharing my story because maybe somebody could benefit from my experience being told. i’m trying to jump over this long ass hurdle that’s kept me in one place for wayyy too long, i’m hoping that sharing this endeavor could help my psyche, and perhaps push me forward and lead me towards gathering up the courage i’m missing to finally study for and take the GED test, graduate, and put public school and it’s challenges behind me.

if you read this long and want to talk to me about it, by all means, ask questions, make jokes, ask for more goofy ass screenshots of how i’ve made fun of him, more drama queen music boy tales, because we have a handful, trust me. 

i don’t expect anyone to read this or necessarily care about this, but if you’ve come this far, from the bottom of my heart, do not date a musician. and, of course, thank you for reading. but still, don’t date a musician. especially if it’s a man. mega especially x2 if you’ve only known them for less than a week.

add me on roblox i’m user xulue i’m a funny gal and im a pro gamer

stay safe out there, be kind, and for the love of God don’t bring your guitar to the voice channel <3

[regular-lord-reckoner]

So, I just heard about a situation I need to like...rant about for a second because my blood is fucking boiling 

I was watching drama YouTube (it’s a not-so-guilty secret that I enjoy that type of shit, I’m a Scorpio what can I say?) and I just watched a video about a recent concert at the O2. 

It was Hayley Kiyoko and basically like...she kept stopping her songs and even starting over because she wanted everyone to stand up, including the people up in the balcony and the security kept telling them to sit down. 

Sounds like a non-issue, right? Sounds like she was just trying to be good to her fans and shit, right? 

The problem was...the balcony section had A LOT of disabled people in it and beforehand they could see perfectly fine and were enjoying themselves, but the second she told everyone to stand up like...game over. They couldn’t see shit. 

And like...I get it, man. I get that people who don’t have disabilities will literally just....never understand this and that’s fine, I don’t expect anyone to. 

But man oh MAN does it feel like shit. 

I’ve been in that situation so many times where like...I just cannot stand up, I know I don’t have the energy and it’s already breaking my heart enough that I can’t and then my view gets blocked by people standing and you don’t want to be a dick and rain on anyone’s parade, especially when asking someone to move or sit down usually just gets you dirty looks and sneers because I think people honestly think that like...disabled people don’t go to places like that ??

And granted, a lot of us don’t specifically for reasons like this, because we don’t want to cause anyone problems or be a wet blanket or need even more special accommodations. We already know we don’t belong and we’re not wanted, but sometimes, crazily enough, we like to have fun just like everyone else. 

I’ve already gone through the processes of grief just accepting that I’m pretty sure my days of standing close to stages is over. When I was younger I could kiiind of manage it. It was tough and I’d have to pretty much be carried out by whoever I came with and then felt drained for days, but anymore it’s just really hard so I either have to have it be somewhere that has seating or somewhere I know I can at least hug a wall and sit down if I need to and that fucking SUCKS. I HATE that. I hate it so fucking much and I watched a video of someone’s footage from the concert the moment they weren’t able to see and it’s absolutely heart breaking. 

The fact of the matter is, the security were trying to help those people so they could still see. They were keeping everyone in their seats to be NICE (and also because it’s apparently just...not safe to have a bunch of people enjoying a concert and probably drinking to be standing up and dancing around a balcony barrier but ANYWAY) 

Because of the noise and because it’s a fucking concert, security were having to wave their lights at people to get their attention and I guess when Hayley saw that (combined with the fact that this evil security team kept making people sit down) she pitched a fit on stage and got the whole crowd booing the security guards and calling them assholes and shit. 

And then in just...the most upsetting thing I’ve seen yet, one person manages to make her way to the front of the balcony, holding their fucking walking aid, and tries to tell Hayley that there’s disabled people in the back and that’s why security wanted everyone to sit down and she just...doesn’t seem to give a fuck 

And later she “apologizes” for it by putting out some bullshit statement about how she just wanted everyone to have a good time and she didn’t really know the whole situation, blah blah blah but like...doesn’t just straight up say, “Hey, sorry to all my disabled fans for the misunderstanding, I’ll do better in the future to make sure you guys are able to see” or something like that. Nope just...Heeeey man, I wanted there to be good vibes, sorry for misreading the energy~ 

Fuck ALL the way off. 

I know this probably isn’t that big of a deal, but it just...really hit me right where it hurt. 

A few years back I went to see AFI for like the billionth time and...here again, I used to be capable of just being in the crowd like normal, their shows that I’ve been too haven’t been like...stadium shows, by any means, it’s just kind of been a big room with a lot of people and a stage and it’s kinda nice because it’s so close, really. 

But I thought I’d at least try for as long as I could to be where I usually am, sort of in the middle with a good view of the stage, but not so close I’d be constantly getting crushed 

I wanna say they had two opening acts that show, which isn’t uncommon for them at least the times I’ve seen them, but I realized pretty early on I should try to conserve my energy as much as possible so I figured in between sets I’d just...sit on the ground for a minute. 

I tried to take up as little space as possible, but mind you like...this was the time people were leaving to go to the bathroom or go get drinks or go do whatever so it’s not like we were all in our perfect places where we planned on being once the next thing started up.

I had every intention of standing back up once the lights went out again, I just...needed a moment and I didn’t want to lose my place in the crowd completely, so I just sat where I was. Figured it wouldn’t be a huge deal, but...much like Hayley, a group of girls started yelling at me to stand up and I think maybe at first they thought they were just...being cute, I guess? Like, “Hey, it’s a concert, stand up!” and shit, but...no, man I’m good. 

I tried to just kind of wave it off and ignore it, but they kept on so I snapped and said something to the effect of, “I’m sitting down for a second because I’m disabled, is that okay with you?!” I think. 

Which...y’know, was fucking HILARIOUS, apparently. I honestly don’t even remember what all else they said, I know they kept taunting me and being assholes and there was something in there about like...was I just gonna have a picnic there on the floor and because they were just the worst kind of people they had to push past not just me, but a bunch of other people to be even closer and as they stepped over me like the piece of trash I am, apparently, one of them pretended to offer me a picnic basket and they just kept laughing about it. 

Like...I’ve had people have some pretty shitty reactions to me before and have dealt with discrimination, but there’s something soul-crushing about being in a place you thought was somehow apart from all of that and being treated like that. 

I know music’s a safe haven for a lot of people and a source of comfort and even a life support and that’s no different for people with disabilities. To go somewhere that you already felt out of place at to begin with because you know you’re not able to enjoy this experience the same was as everyone else is already hard enough, but on top of that to be treated like complete dog shit is just...really upsetting. 

And like, at least in my case it was just other concert goers being mean to me. I can’t imagine how shitty I’d have felt if Davey Havok was the one standing on stage ring leading that shit, regardless of what he thought was happening and then if on TOP of that he got on social media later and couldn’t even apologize for it? 

I dunno, man.

Put yourself in the shoes of someone who just wanted to enjoy a concert and is now having the entire crowd boo and scream insults at the only people who were looking out for your best interest.

I dunno if other disabled people get this feeling, but...I want to VANISH on the spot whenever it’s called to attention that I need something. Asking for help is HARD. Having to need something is DIFFICULT. 

And I know to anyone else that sounds silly and just like regular-old-anxiety issues but it’s...it’s not. I really don’t know how to articulate it or put it into words and maybe it is just me, but like...I dunno. 

Point is, it’s just...hard to be singled out for needing something, even if it’s something you need to just function, and I can’t imagine an entire crowd of people like...yelling in my direction all because some people were trying to look out for me. 

Apparently someone even started having a panic attack up in the balcony because of it all and the fact that there are still people online treating this like...Hero Hayley Kiyoko bravely stood up for her fans when security told them to sit down!!! just really fucking sucks. 

Just...real bad shit all around and I’m sure eventually the whole story will get out and I hope maybe if nothing else people will just...kinda think next time? Maybe be a little more considerate? 

I get that you can’t possibility anticipate every person’s individuals needs in any given situation, especially if it’s something outside of your norm and not something you personally have to experience or deal with, but like...fuck, man. I just feel so bad after watching that. 

[rpf-bat]

Can You Hear Me?

Pairing: Gerard Way x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Summary: Request fic for @geeksandfreaks6713. “If you have time... could you possibly do an imagine with either Frank or Gee (you pick) where the reader is mute??? Thx!”

A/N: Trigger warning for ableism.

You were browsing around the small guitar shop, eyeing the different instruments, when you realized you needed to use the restroom. Your eyes flicked around the shop, looking for a sign that would point you in the direction of the bathroom. You weren’t even sure if they had one here. You realized, with a frown, that you were going to have to communicate to one of the employees that you needed directions.

This was a problem, because your disability had left you unable to speak since birth. You had, of course, learned sign language in order to communicate. But, you couldn’t be certain that anyone who worked here was fluent in ASL. You really shouldn’t have tried to come here by yourself, without your interpreter. But, she was busy today, and you hated that you had to sit at home like a child when she wasn’t available. You’d thought that since you were just looking, and didn’t actually plan on buying anything today, that you would be fine. Just browse around quietly and leave. No harm done. No communication necessary. Damn your bladder for fucking it all up.

You decided there was no harm in trying to sign. Maybe you would get lucky, and one of the sales associates would understand you. If that didn’t work, you were pretty sure there was a public restroom somewhere else in the mall (if you could make it that far).

Hello, you signed at the nearest employee. Can you help me?

“I…..don’t…….speak…..sign……language,” the sales associate said, in an exaggerated, kindergarten-teacher-esque voice.

“Dude, why are you even trying to talk to her?” another sales associate commented, rolling his eyes. “She can’t hear you.”

You frowned. Although deafness often accompanied mutism, in your case, your ears actually worked fine. You could understand spoken English, you just weren’t capable of saying anything back.

“What’s a deaf person doing in a fucking music store, anyway?” the first employee said, not even bothering to keep her voice down.

“Who the fuck knows,” the other employee replied. “Disabled people do all kind of stupid shit. Look at that ugly shirt she’s wearing. You think she’s blind, too?”

Your eyes registered hurt and embarrassment at their words, and some part of you wished you were deaf, so you wouldn’t have to hear this cruelty.

You turned and began to walk towards the exit. But, just then, another customer who had heard the exchange, and saw the tears beginning to form in your eyes, stopped you.

“Hey…..you can hear them, can’t you?” the man asked, concerned.

You looked at the man curiously. He had long, dark hair, and an attractive, pale face.

You nodded in answer to his question.

“I knew it,” the man frowned sympathetically. “Look, don’t listen to them. They’re assholes.”

You appreciated the man taking the time to tell you this. Other customers in the store had clearly heard what the sales associates had said, and done nothing.

“My name’s Gerard,” the man introduced. “I’m really sorry that I don’t know any sign language, but can you write?”

You nodded again.

“I always carry pen and paper with me,” Gerard admitted, pulling a sketchbook out of the backpack he had slung over his shoulder, “because I like to draw a lot.”

He opened the sketchbook to a blank page and handed you a pen. “I’d like to learn your name, if it’s not too much trouble,” he requested.

I’m Y/N, you wrote down.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N,” Gerard smiled. “So, I’m guessing you really like music, too, huh?”

Yes!, you wrote down, underlining the word to highlight your enthusiasm.

“You must love concerts,” Gerard guessed. “Because you don’t have to talk to anybody. You just have to listen.”

Exactly, you wrote, nodding emphatically.

“Do you like rock music?” Gerard wondered. “Like, um, post-hardcore, to be specific?”

You pointed to the Yes! you’d already written down, not wanting to waste Gerard’s paper.

“Great,” Gerard grinned. “See, I’m actually in a post-hardcore band. I’m the singer.”

You were totally impressed. You kind of wanted to be in a band yourself someday, as a guitarist. Being a singer was, of course, completely out of the question for you. Sometimes, that made you sad.

“My band is playing a show next week,” Gerard explained. “Just a little one, at a local dive bar…..that’s the only gigs we can get, at this point, to be honest. We’re just starting out. I won’t ask for your number, because I know you can’t talk on the phone, but if you give me your email address, I can tell you more about the show. I’ll comp your tickets, and everything.”

I’d love that, you wrote down with a smile, and scribbled down your email address for him.

“It’s a date,” Gerard said, flushing.

Wait, you thought, like a date-date? It was hard for you to believe that someone as gorgeous as Gerard would be interested in someone like you. Your disability often made it hard for you to flirt. After all, what guy would be interested in a girl that could never whisper, “I love you” into his ear during a passionate embrace?

“……I mean, if you want it to be,” Gerard added awkwardly, after a second. Did he think that you were uninterested in him?

You pointed to another phrase you’d already put on the paper: I’d love that.

“…..Oh,” Gerard said, embarrassed. “……Great! I can’t wait!”

Neither could you.

“I’ll email you later,” Gerard promised. “But, before I let you go, there’s one more thing I have to do.”

You wanted to ask What’s that?, but he was already zipping the sketchbook back into his backpack. You, watched, confused, as he walked over to the checkout counter.

“Hey,” Gerard growled, narrowing his eyes at the sales associates who had insulted you. “My new friend Y/N can’t tell you this herself, but you’re a fucking asshole!”

“Excuse me?” the first salesperson glared.

“She could hear every word you just said about her,” Gerard explained, livid. “And even if she couldn’t, that’s no reason to be a fucking dick! For the record, if she were deaf, so was Beethoven. And he was one of the greatest musicians on Earth. Being disabled doesn’t mean shit. Y/N can’t call corporate on your ass, but I wanted to let you know I’m going to as soon as I get home. Enjoy your job while you still have one.”

With that, he turned and walked away. You stood there, open-mouthed. No abled person had ever defended you like that before.

“Sorry,” Gerard said quietly, his voice returning to his earlier, gentler tone as he returned to your side. “I know it’s not the same as having a physical disability, like you, but, um, I’m mentally ill. And I just hate people whose bodies and brains work ‘normally’ acting like they’re better than us.”

You despised ableism in all of its forms, as well, and felt so good to have an ally willing to scream at this bigotry in ways you could not.

Thank you, you signed.

“That sign I do know, actually,” Gerard smiled. “The only other ones I know are Hi and Bye, though. I’m going to try and learn more, so that it’s easier for us to, umm, talk, next time I see you.”

Really? you wanted to sign, though you knew he wouldn’t understand. You were touched by how sweet he was acting. You never thought anyone would go out of their way for you like this.

You’re really cute, you signed.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what that means,” Gerard confessed.

I know, you signed, and walked out of the shop, a wide grin on your silent face.

[bistille]

👀 💁 🎵 🎀 !!

Hi!! :) Thanks for asking:)

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?

OH BOYok so it happened last night, and it was made of like 3 different things. first of all, we’re trying to buy a flat and i had to look up some neighborhoods yesterday evening to see if they’re yknow, okay or shadythe second thing is that i’m going to Vienna next week to see Bastille and it’s the first actual, not festival Bastille concert i’ll go to, and i kinda hope that i get to meet them after the concert bc i’ve never had the chance but i’d really love to talk to themthe third one idk where that came from, but some of my old classmates were in it

ok so the main concept was that i was at some party, i met this old classmate who was drinking and he was already pretty drunk so i left, then i was at a club, like a really tiny club and i saw dan walking out and i wanted to go after him but for some reason you could only go out of the club by climbing this ladder on the wall ???? idk ????? anyway dan was too fast bc i haven’t done any sports™ in like 3 years and he jumps a lot and stuff (ALSO THIS WAS LIKE THE 3RD OR 4TH DREAM WHERE I WAS *THIS CLOSE* TO TALK TO DAN I’M SO ANGRY i can’t even talk to him in my dreams wtf) and then i remember thinking “what about disabled people isnt there like an elevator” and then i was inside this building, yknow where there are lots of flats inside, dan was gone, (it was also light outside ??) and there were some kind of demons there that probably represented my worries about picking the right neighborhood ?? and then i woke up ?????????? so that was wildi woke up so mad holy shitsorry for the novel i’m glad i could tell someone tho lol

i also had a weird vivid dream two days ago, that involved dick ?????? that was wild too we didn’t know what exactly was happening cause no one said it out loud but we kinda just knew that were gonna get taken to some concentration camp or something ?? idk i’m blaming trump, i’m not even american and he’s giving me nightmares

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?

it’s a constant battle i have with myself actuallyon one hand i’m like 99% introverted with a pretty bad case of social anxiety, i (literally physically) can’t always say what i want, so i’d probably be less rude than i could be? and on the other hand i’m trying to be as nice as possible because i’d want other people to be nice to me too instead of being rude i hope this made sense lmao

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment

oNLY 5? okay1. Rationale - Reciprocate2. Frenship - 1000 Nights3. Bastille - bad_news (we don’t talk about this enough)4. Imagine Dragons - Believer5. Biffy Clyro - Animal Style

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?

it looks better in my head than it does in real life. i like pretty things but most of the time they either don’t look good on me or they’re uncomfortable so i stick to the black skinny jeans with slip ons, boots, converse shoes etc and probably some black or white t-shirt or a sweater. i’m trying tho. i’m trying

THANKS AGAIN AND I’M SORRY FOR THE LONG ANSWERS X

[iarighter-blog]

Discoveries, lead to Change -- 110717

What have I discovered today? I discovered that, while I might not find people I can talk with about Bomba Esteréo, there are lots of people who like them: they did a show with Arcade Fire, who are apparently fans; they did a remix to ‘Fiesta’ with Will Smith, who dropped a lukewarm verse; and they have a Tiny Desk Concert, which was posted to YouTube a little over a month ago. I went through google recommendations when I could’ve just checked the Tiny Desk Concerts! They recently posted a Natalia Lafourcade Concert, too; and that led me to Monsieur Periné! So much good music to check out.

All of these things came from a Reddit search, where there’s plenty of content with little to no attention. The highest-upvoted post is an AMA from two years ago, with 54 points; a low score. I guess they’re not too popular in the US. In Colombia, though... a student told me today that they’re a radio fixture in Colombia! And when I check their tour dates, they’re filling out arenas all over Latin America! For example, they’ll be at the Movistar Arena in Chile on December 11th. The arena seats up to 16,522 people, at maximum capacity. They’re crushing all across Latin America, and us USA people might start to catch on – “Despacito” crossed over, and “Mi Gente;” even “Havana” shows how the US population might be craving “Latin” sounds – but if there’s anything America prides itself on, it’s ignorance. Even I’m being ignorant, saying “Latin” sounds; I couldn’t tell you the difference between Salsa and Cumbia and Bachata and other styles I’ve never heard of, I couldn’t tell you which instruments are “native” or not; I have no idea, most of the time!

Which is fine. I’m learning. I listened to “Queery,” with Cameron Esposito (a podcast about diverse experiences within Queer identity!) yesterday, and learned a little about queer disabled folks. I’d never thought of queer disabled folks until yesterday; they were invisible to me. I listened, though it was hard to listen, at times. I felt like I’d be guilty of a lot of the ableism her guest, Andrew Gurza, described; I’d probably be awkward around him, not knowing how to act, not willing to see him as beautiful, or worth loving. While we both don’t fit the gay stereotype – a hot, independent white guy with six-pack abs and a big dick; I’m not white, he’s not independent – we have a vast gulf of experience, where I can be empathetic for certain issues and still not sure how to act around him. As willing as I am to talk about racism, I rarely think about disability, which is why I admired Cameron so much. She handled the talk thoughtfully, putting herself in places of uncertainty in order to learn more. I’d like to do the same. And while I’m learning about music, there are other areas where I’m seriously deficient.

For example: local government. New Jersey elections were today, and I voted Murphy. I was not happy to vote Murphy, because he perfectly encapsulates neo-liberalism: he’s a former Goldman Sachs executive with support from the DNC because he’s given lots of money to them, which means he’s going to throw the poor a couple bones while continuing laissez-faire economic policies that fuck everyone except the rich. At least he’ll say he’s investing in middle-class families! I mean, community college investment is cool, and raising the minimum wage is cool, but it’s literally the least you could do. Not to mention, he’s another old, rich, white guy who worked in business, who is now going to speak for all the minorities. I hear those ads on 96.3 – “Vota por Phil Murphy” – and I change the channel, because let’s be honest: Murphy doesn’t give a shit about Latinos beyond their votes. And I voted for Murphy anyways, because he’s still better than Guadagno. The fact that I have such little choice infuriates me. I want to do more than vote, because voting feels useless! I want better than the Murphys of the world. How do I learn to make real change?