#anyway forge construct is bad and annoying

[timegears-moved]

congratulations to the water temple for being dethroned as the worst dungeon in this game

[imagine-darksiders]

Consider that Karn and the human do something to annoy Death. When the Horseman goes after her, she runs to hide in Eideard’s beard. How would the Elder react, especially if the tactic actually works?

Wow! I’m finally getting around to the older asks. X

===

Eideard stiffens in anticipation of a threat when you come charging into the Forge as if the hounds of Hell are snapping at your heels. He takes a step towards you, ready to intercept your pursuer when he suddenly falters as he sees the mischievous grin plastered on your face. “Y/n?” he asks, “What?-” 

At that moment, you skid to a halt in front of him, dancing on your toes and taking rapid glances over a shoulder. “Hey, can’t talk! Gotta hide!” 

And before the Old One can decipher where exactly you plan to do that and why, you suddenly leap at him and latch your hands on top of the satchel hanging from his belt. Taken by surprise, Eideard goes utterly still, forever mindful that his immense size could easily injure you if he makes the wrong move. “And just what in the name of the Stonefather are you up to?” he calmly inquires, though his voice doesn’t reflect his rapidly beating heart. 

Instead of a proper answer, he receives a sharp, ‘Ssh!’ from you, followed by a series of grunts and strains whilst you frantically pull yourself up until you’re balanced precariously on the thick rim of his leather belt. From there, the maker is only rendered more perplexed when you promptly shove yourself behind the soft, white beard that hangs from his chin all the way down to the top of his knees. 

It’s at this point that Eideard realises he has a lot more research to conduct regarding human behaviour.

Carefully, the Old one reaches a hand towards his beard, seeking to extract you from the bristles, but just as his fingertips skim his braid, the door to the Makers’ Forge bursts open and in between them, simmering like a volcano on the brink of erupting, is the Horseman, Death. 

Humming curiously, Eideard retracts his hand and lets it join the other one around his staff. 

“Where. Is. Y/n?” The Horseman’s seething ire is palpable, rolling off him in waves as he stalks purposefully through the Forge and right up to the maker’s boots, his eyes burning hot enough to scald. Though, his eyes aren’t what catches the Old one’s attention. Rather, his attention is drawn to a spot on the bone mask around the circumference of Death’s eyes, where someone - who’s identity is becoming more and more apparent - has painted a pair of thick, dark circles. The human word ‘spectacles’ springs to mind. 

One of Eideard’s brows raises. He feels the slightest shift against his chest when you press backwards against him, burying your hands into his beard and giving it the most gentle of tugs. A silent plea. 

The Old one’s advanced mind takes all of a second to consider the situation, and then, in a moment so rare, so extraordinary that even the Universe itself seemed to blink in surprise, Eideard opens his mouth…

…and lies. 

“I’m afraid I couldn’t tell you,” he says honestly, “She sped through here not a minute before you entered.” Careful not to shift too much, he casts a large hand over his shoulder, gesturing to the doors at the far end of the Forge. “I thought perhaps she was seeking the Warden.” 

For a strained moment, Death scrutinises the Old One through narrowed eyes and all the while, Eideard is aware of tiny hands kneading his beard.

He has to take care not to release a sigh as the Horseman spits something in Nephilim and grunts before striding around him and bee-lining for the Forge’s other entrance, no doubt to interrogate what is sure to be a highly confused construct. 

Only once the Horseman disappears around the other side does Eideard exhale through his nose, a disapproving hum bubbling up through his chest and sending subsequent tremors up and down your body. “As bad ideas go,” he chides gently, treading in the opposite direction as the Horseman, “defacing a mask meant to represent Death’s role as executioner of his brethren is certainly at the top of the list.” He reaches the door and swings it open with the barest push and steps out into the sunlight, showing off a strength beyond his age. 

“It wasn’t just me!” you exclaim, your voice muffled by the many bristles draped around your head. Eideard waits expectantly for you to elaborate, but you must have realised you’ve given away an accomplice without meaning to, so you remain silent, although the Old One doesn’t have to think too hard on who would be your partner in this devious crime. 

“Anyway-” You seem eager to move on and when Eideard strains his neck to peer down, he finds you poking your head out from behind his braid, a shy smile on your face. “-Thanks for not giving me up.” 

Unable to hold back his smile at your antics, he tries to at least disguise it by shaking his head and replying, “I would not thank me just yet. You’re going to have to come out and face him eventually.” 

You purse your lips in mock thought, humming for a moment before you swiftly duck back into the safety of the maker’s beard. “Maybe I’ll keep hiding out in here then, just until Death cools off.” 

Eideard’s gaze travels heavenward, exasperated, yet he doesn’t move to retrieve you from your hiding place, secretly concurring with your decision. “Of all the places you could have hidden though,” he blurts out all of a sudden, earning an excitable giggle from his passenger. 

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

The Beginning... Episode 1 Part 2

Okay, wow. People really want this series to be a thing. So, wish granted! I’m super pumped for this! thanks for all the positivity you sent my way. I’ll try to live up to your expectations.

Also, an important note. In this AU, there are no pre-existing romantic relationships between the Smashers. Trust me, there will be. But this way there will be more room for drama.

Enjoy!

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*The Smashers have assembled in the amphitheater at Camp Smashanakwa. The show is on, and the teams are about to be forged. Ganondorf stands on the stage in full on Host mode.*

Ganondorf: Welcome back to Total Drama Smash Bros, brought to you by Lon Lon Milk! The coldest and most refreshing milk in the Chosen Kingdom. 9 Nine out of 10 Hylians recommend it!

Link: It's true.

Zelda: We're addicted. *Chugs a bottle of 2%*

Ganondorf: Now, before we can divide up these poor suckers into their teams, we need to introduce the rest of the staff! First off, is chef Ridley, who will be bringing you all your tasty camp treats.

*Cut to Ridley in the kitchen with a chainsaw and a suspicious bulging bag slung over his shoulder, dripping with blood.*

Ridley: HOPE YOU LIKE PORK! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Revs up the chainsaw

*Cut back to the amphitheater*

Ganondorf: Next is King K Rool, who will be managing our... forest friends.

*Cut to King K Rool in front of hundreds of giant cages all filled with monsters from various games*

K Rool: You just need to feed them properly.

*A couple of unpaid interns are dumped into a cage with a King Dodongo.*

Intern #1: Meh, still better than studying for finals.

Inter #2: THIS DOES NOT EXPAND DONG!

*Cut back to the amphitheater*

Ganondorf: After that is Bowser, our resident tinkerer!

*Cut to Bowser, working on a massive electrical bear trap.*

Bowser: My motto is, if it can be electrical, it should be! Buahahah!

*Cut back to amphitheater.*

Ganondorf: And finally, Wolf! Our handyman.

Wolf, off to the side smoking a cigarette: I fix your toilets. Piss me off at your own risk.

Marth: I'm beginning to suspect that Master Hand is angry with us, putting these lunatics in charge.

Erdrick: Ya don't say?!

Ganondorf: Anyway! Time to make our teams. *A bokoblin walks onstage wearing a pink glittery dress. It holds a bag full on envelopes.* Simply come up and choose an envelope. If the paper inside is green, then you're a Crying Goomba! If it's red, then you're an Ugly Koopa!

Red: Wow, you're not even trying to hide your pettiness.

Ganondorf: Nope!

*The victims- I mean contestants one by one took up envelopes from the pink dress clad bokoblin. In the end, the teams were as follows*

*Crying Goombas: Link, Daisy, Ike, Leaf, Red, Corrine, Joker, Rosalina, Marth, Bonny Janet.*

*Ugly Koopas: Samus, Zelda, Roy, Pit, Dark Pit, Robyn, Lucina, Captain Falcon, Peach, Erdrick*

Captain Falcon: Aw yeah! Let me hear ya my Koopas!

*Silence, crickets chirping.*

Captain Falcon: Come on guys! We're doing this anyway, least we could do is be pumped for it!

Zelda: Sorry Captain, but we're far more worried about what insanity Ganondorf is going to inflict on us.

Captain Falcon: True... but still! Twenty million big ones!

Peach: At least five of us are royalty. We've got more than enough money. We're just doing this because we want to remain Smashers.

Daisy: And being responsible monarchs means we can't use much of the royal treasury for ourselves. It'll be good to have some pocket change.

Marth: ...Well when it's said like that it seems kind of arrogant.

*Sure enough some of the less monetarily inclined Smashers are looking at the royals with a bit of resentment*

Ganondorf: Ha Ha! Finally some seeds of drama! But, for now, one final bit of exposition before we get the ball rolling!

*a screen descends and shows a picture of a shoddily constructed outhouse*

Ganondorf: This is the Den of Confession. It's a completely private place to air your dirty laundry and darkest secrets. I guarantee you that no one will probably won't not maybe possibly never not see it.

Everyone: …

Dark Pit: Do even you know where you went with that?

Ganondorf: Nope!

-

Inside the Confessional

Zelda: Darkest secrets huh... … … … … I'm... I'm not actually a blonde. My hair is bleached. … … *she suddenly jumps onto the camera* GIMME THAT TAPE!

-

*The smashers and new teams now find themselves on the beach where Ganondorf is standing with Bowser Both Ganondorf and Bowser are clad in the loudest Hawaiian swim trunks in history.*

Ganondorf: Welcome Smashers and viewing audience to your FIRST CHALLENGE!

Pit: Ooh! Ooh! Are we playing voleyball! I love volleyball!

Dark Pit: *smacks Pit upside the head*

Pit: Oww!

Dark Pit: Of course not you idiot!

Ganondorf: Actually, my emo feathered moron, we are playing volleyball!

Dark Pit: Wait- what?! That's it?!

Ganondorf, a shit-eating grin on his face: Weeeeeeeellllll.... not really. See we're going to be playing...

Samus: This is going exactly where I think it is isn't it?

Ganondorf, pulling out a Bomb-bomb with the fuse lit: VOLLEY-BOMB!

Samus: Yup.

*Ganondorf throws the bomb at the Smashers*

Ike: HIT THE DECK!

*The Smashers jump for cover as the bomb lands... and nothing happens. It's a dud.*

Ganondorf: HAH! Classic.

Bowser, producing a massive sack filled with bombs: These bombs were designed by yours truly! They're programmed to only explode when they hit the ground, so keep them flying! Cause if they touch down... well you get the idea.

Ganondorf: The rules are simple. The Goombas and the Koopas will each split into two teams of five. There will be two games of 5 v. 5. Whichever team wins both games wins invincibility... and a prize! The loser team will vote someone off the Island tonight.

Peach: Uh, excuse me! But what if both teams win a game?

Ganondorf: Oh. Well, in that case, we'd have to hole... … the tie-breaker. MUAHAHAHA! *Ominous lightning flash*

*Silence. Crickets chirping.*

Ganondorf: Well, hop to it!

-

Inside the Confessional

Bowser: I'm a little worried about Big G. He's... he's getting really into this whole reality TV deal. Way more than is probably healthy.

-

Inside the Confessional

Link: Hey, maybe Ganondorf has found his true calling an he'll leave Hyrule the fuck alone! But since when am I that lucky huh?

-

With the Goombas

Link: Okay team. I think we need to talk strategy.

Bonny Janet: We're all goon ta' die.

Link: No... we just need to be careful. I have the most experience with these types of bombs, so I should head the first Team 1. Daisy, you're the professional sportswoman so you'll head Team 2.

Daisy: You got it! If I can survive Mario Party then I can survive this.

Bonny Janet: Grate. Soo tha' sissy English Elf is goona ta leaad one tame and the talkin' floowers goon to lead the oother?

Link: You've got a problem with that?

Bonny Janet: Aye ah've goot a problem! Who made ye leader eh?! Ike's goot tha flammin' sword o' fire! E' should lead a team, not the flight fairy o'er dere!

Link: Daisy's got the most experience with games like these. She leads Team 2.

Joker: Uh, not to play Devil's Advocate, but Bonny has a point. Ike does seem pretty fireproof.

Marth: Call it same series bias, but Ike does seem like a good choice. I don't doubt Daisy's abilities, but this seems more like a “let's survive and outlast” situation than a “let's beat the other team into submission” type situation.

Ike: Look, Link, I don't want to be the asshole here, but if the group wants me I'll do it.

-

In the Confessional

Bonny Janet: Dun git ma wrong. Ah' got nothin' against Elfy personally. Boot e's a presumptuous prick if e's thinks e' can joost boss us around like that. We ain'r 'is lackeys!

-

In the Confessional

Link: And like that everyone's suddenly listening to the Scottish Imp of a Pokemon trainer! I mean, I know she's both adorable and hilarious, but you can't just throw strategy out the window.

-

In the Confessional

Daisy: I appreciated Link standing up for me, but frankly I think he was more offended than I was.

-

With the Koopas

Captain Falcon: Trust me guys! I got this one in the bag.

Samus: As much as I want to disagree with Falcon on principal, he's probably right. This does seem like his forte.

Lucina: Indeed. Finally, a use for the meathead.

Captain Falcon: Hey! My brain is made of pure brain stuff. And if it WERE meat it'd be delicious.

Erdrick: *pats Falcon on the head*

Roy: Okay, I say we keep Falcon back until round 2, sort of our ace in the hole okay? Samus, can you handle round 1?

Samus: No sweat.

Roy: Any arguments?

*There is silence for a moment but no one disagrees with him.*

Roy: Alright, move out!

*The Koopas move to leave, but Pit and Zelda are grabbed from behind and pulled behind a large rock by an unknown figure. It turns out to be Peach.*

Zelda: Peach, dear, could you tell me what's going on. I mean, if you want to be behind a rock... with me... I uh... can make some exceptions... but uh... should Pit really-

*Peach smacks Zelda upside the head*

Peach: No you useless lesbian! I'm with Mario remember.

Zelda: Oh. Yes. I see.

Pit: What's a lesbian?

Peach: You'll find out when you're older. But look. Zelda, you're only ride-or-die ally is one the other team right?

Zelda: Now that you mention it... I have been worrying about what to do without Link. I can handle myself but...

Peach: And Pit. It's only a matter of time before Dark Pit gets too annoyed with you and gets you voted off, right?

Pit: No! Pittoo and I are making great progress! This morning he only beaned me in the head with one gallon of milk.

Peach:

Zelda:

Pit: I'm screwed aren't I?

Peach: Not if we stick together! I propose an alliance between us. Together, we'll take each other to the final three!

-

In the Confessional

Peach: I can see that I'm in a bad boat. Both Daisy and Rosalina are on the opposing team, so I'm already out two allies. I know what people think of me, the “useless Princess”. If I don't act fast I'm going home. Zelda and Pit are both sweethearts, and they're bad asses to boot. They'll make good allies.

-

In the Confessional

Zelda: I want to go on the record as saying I do not need Link to survive this place. I already have an alliance of my own! Time to show that Princess Zelda is no damsel in distress!

-

Zelda: I'm on board.

Pit: I dunno... I don't feel right doing this behind my emo brother's back.

Peach: Well with an alliance we can watch out for him little guy.

Pit: You mean it?

Peach: One-hundred percent!

Pit: … Okay, I'm in.

-

Ganondorf, watching on one of his monitoring cameras: Ooh hoo! Looks like some drama is already kicking up! The Goombas in a power struggle and two princesses already teaming up with a gullible Angel! Will Link take true command of the Goombas? Will Peach survive with her new alliance? Find out, here on Total, Drama, SMASH BROS!

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And that’s a wrap on part 2! The actual challenge will be in the third and final part of this episode, which will include the voting off ceremony. Let me know what you think! Also, try and guess who will win and be voted off.

Be good people!

[petitelepus]

A Simple Femme In Beast’s Suit, Part 3

So, here’s the third part, this chapter is shorter than the two before it, but this one is more about Reader’s past so you all get to know her before her new life starts. Enjoy!

”So explain to me what is going on Brainstorm, why you needed me here?” Chromedome asked from his friend before giving an suspicious glance at the immobilised monster next to him. ”With this thing?”

”My dear friend, I need you to use those nice pointy needles of yours and perform mnemosurgery on her!” Brainstorm giggled and punched a code in keyboard to lower giant creature’s head down to their level so Chromedome could insert his needles to it’s neck. ”Now dig in!”

”Hold on Brainstorm, I know you’re excited to get bottom of this whole thing we have in our hands, but you do know that mnemosurgery doesn’t work on organics, right? You have to figure out another way to get inside this monster’s head without cracking it up.” Chromedome replied with a denying wave of hand and he turned to leave. Brainstorm whirled around and quickly stopped the other mech from leaving. His friend could be so simpleminded and ridiculous, but he still liked him.

”But this time it will work because she’s not an organic!”

Chromedome stopped and turned to his friend, the ridge of his visor rising in confusion. ”Then what is it?”

”You remember those capsules you and Rewind found? The Cybertronian ones in the Ovika 1.5?” Before Chromedome could reply Brainstorm continued. ”Of course you do! Well, my conclusion is that one sparkling protoform actually managed to get out of it’s capsule after Ovika 1.5 was abandoned! I don’t know if it was stronger than rest of the protoforms or if it’s capsule was just broken from the start. Sadly, I can’t actually figure it out without the capsule itself and we left the planet quite some time ago…”

”Wait, so you mean to say that this creature is Cybertronian? One of us!?” Chromedome asked. He couldn’t believe it. Sure, he knew that some mechs took more animalistic alt forms rather than vehicle forms, but he had never witnessed a mech to ever have such a huge alt mode.

”Yes! This beast here is truly one of us, so even a name Predacon doesn’t really fit her since she doesn’t have a faction. I should call her as Beastbot! A perfect name for her since she is raised by beasts!” Brainstorm squealed like he had managed to come up with a brand new weapon when he in fact came up with silly name that wouldn’t stick. He would argue otherwise, but Chromedome knew it wouldn’t stick with anyone but him and Whirl.

”That sounds awfully a lot like one of Earth’s literature pieces which Rewind told me about. About a human boy being raised by pack of wolves?” Chromedome pointed out.

”Yes, but since she isn’t an organic I highly doubt that she was taken care of, unlike in that silly story with no facts in it.”

Chromedome grew silent. He came up with questions. He had a bad feeling about the answer he was going to get, but he asked anyway. ”Why do you think that?”

”Glad you asked!” Brainstorm sang and bolted right next to beast’s head, not even an inch afraid since the creature was completely drugged. It could barely even crack an eye open.

”You see these scars? Very old, barely noticeable after growth spurt, but still there!” The scientist gushed and ran to the table he had set up next to control panels. Chromedome watched as his friend went through his datapads, suddenly halting and then pushing a glass vial into Chromedome’s face.

”See this? I found it stuck between it’s horns, deep down, almost at it’s inner form! It’s an piece of a claw made out of substance called keratin! Only organics produce keratin as they use it in their hair, claws and such minor things and just as it happens to be, this claw belongs to one of those dead creatures kind that me and Nautica found!”

Chromedome tilted his head in confusion and shrugged, ”What does it mean? Couldn’t it just have been in a fight with another monster?”

”Highly unlikely that a battle in her age would even scratch her plating. Watch and admire!” Brainstorm grabbed a laser gun from the side and pointed it at the beast to shoot, but Chromedome quickly slammed his friends hand down before he had the chance, ”NO! I believe you, don’t harm it if it can’t even put up a fight!”

Brainstorm grunted, but put the gun down and crossed his arms like grumpy sparkling, ”It wouldn’t have hurt her. Badly. Not like us, we can loose a leg or arm when shot right, but this big girl is just annoyed by it if you don’t target her more sensitive spots. Like her tummy or optics.”

The scientist shook his helm, loosing the track of their conversation for a moment. ”Either way! The claw must have gotten stuck to her head when she was just taking a form! My conclusion is that she tried to seek someone to care for her when she escaped from the capsule and she happened to stumble to the original monsters.”

Chromedome’s visor flicked and optics behind widened in realisation. ”No. You don’t mean…? They attacked her on sight?” He barely noticed it, but he did and he actually called the former monster in his mind as a her. As a being.

Brainstorm’s nodding was far too happy and enthusiastic to be proper for the grave situation. ”Exactly! She most likely got chased away for getting too close to a fully grown member of the monstrous species, but she attempted to join them again and was attacked and chased away. I presume that by the time this happened, her processor had taken in the beasts’ appearance and constructed it as her alt mode and modified her body to act as they did. Thus, why she can breath fire!”

”Then did she grew up this large because her role model was a large creature?” Chromedome asked. Brainstorm shook his helm. ”No, she should have grown to be smallest of those creatures on the whole planet and probably would have gotten killed ages ago.”

Now Chromedome was confused. How on Cybertron a protoform of a Cybertronian could have grown that big then? He knew some pretty big mechs such as Overlord and Fortress Maximus, but those two were really special cases. What was her reason to grow so big to overwhelm even Ultra Magnus?

”Then why she’s so big? She’s at least as big as Fortress Maximus.” The big mech asked.

”Brilliant question! Which leads us to the source of her abnormally strong plating, fangs, armour and size!” Brainstorm said and happily took out one of his earlier datapads and gave it to his friend. Chromedome accepted the pad and looked over the numbers and notes on it. He couldn’t nearly believe what he saw. ”Brainstorm, are these results right? They’re over the roof!”

”That’s what I’m so excited about!” The scientist squealed, ”It’s the ancient energon! I took some samples from the pieces that this big girl brought back to it’s nest for Swerve and the numbers speak for themselves! Ancient energon is three times stronger than regular energon! Not does it only serve as a great energy source for a weapon or a nano bomb, but if digested, it will boost the Cybertronian’s grow greatly and forges the mech’s frame to better harvest the ancient energon itself!”

”So the reason she’s so strong and almost unbeatable is that she had to grow that way so she could eat? How? We need power tools to even get a crack on the ancient enegon, but what I hear from Swerve is that she sank her claws into it like it was nothing.”

”I think she started on by sucking and licking energon pillars. That way she was able to feed herself a little bit until she grew strong enough to actually crack or bite it.”

”What about her black paint job? How did she—”

”Charcoal. She has been rolling in charcoal to camouflage her natural silver plating. Probably to make herself appear more intimidating to other monsters. Worked pretty well, until I noticed Ultra Magnus and our dear captains get black smudges all over them after their wrestle match with her. She was fairly easy to clean with pressure washer.”

Chromedome put the datapad down and covered his face with his hand. He couldn’t believe it how hard life with the creature had to start with. It wasn’t always easy to be a Cybertronian, he knew it, but this creature hadn’t even had the chance to be one. She was doomed from the birth to die, but something went wrong, or right on her side, depends how you look at it, and she survived, only to live like a beast without no companions.

”So she acts like she does because she had no one to teach her?”

”Most likely yes, she observed another organics and learned from their behaviour how to act. That’s why she sought out Swerve to act as her mate! When other animals started fragging, she presumed that it was just what she had to do also!”

”Does she have an normal form? If this is her alt mode then she got to have a regular form?”

”I don’t know.” Brainstorm deadpanned. Chromedome stared at him. ”You don’t know?”

”That’s why I need you!” The scientist suddenly raised his voice into a shrilled cry that was filled with frustration, ”I’ve tried to figure out if this is her only form, which it shouldn’t be, but I haven’t been able to trigger transformation! I think she might be in lockdown so she can’t or doesn’t even know how to transform! That’s why I need you to get inside her head and reboot her!”

Chromedome flinched. His friend couldn’t have asked what he thought he asked from him. ”You want me to perform a reconditioning? On her? Brainstorm, are you sure you know what you’re asking me to do!?”

”Reboot her?”

”You want me to tear apart her personality and put it back like she had never lived! Not only do I have to go through millions of years worth her life, but I have to make up a whole new life for her in war and horror and—” Chromedome stopped immediately when Brainstorm raised his hand as a sign of silence. To his surprise the scientist took a more serious tone of voice and personality.

”Chromedome, it’s the best we can do now. For crew’s safety and for her best behalf. And I know all about the risks you go through every time you perform mnemosurgery and as your friend I wouldn’t make you risk your mental health or anything overall. Even in the name of science. Science always finds it’s way around things.” Brainstorm explained, for once leaving out his crazy hand signals. He was that serious.

Chromedome looked suspicious. He glanced at the beast next to them and thought about his chances and hers. What good would it do if he was to treat her and would it be any good at all? He turned to Brainstorm. ”Then what do you want me to do inside her memories?”

”Erase them. Erase them all. Don’t even look at them, just wipe it all out. She doesn’t need to know or remember anything about her past and neither should you. One can only presume what that kind of loneliness and isolation would do to a mech who’s lived his whole life with mechs around him. It would wreck you Chromedome. So promise me, PROMISE ME, that you won’t even look at her memories, you just erase them all and start over her learning program!”

Chromedome went silent and before he could promise anything, Brainstorm grabbed him by his shoulders and mace him look into his optics. ”Promise me you won’t. If not for our friendship then do it for Rewind!”

That did it. Being reminded about the love of his life, Chromedome immediately came to a conclusion that he would never cause any pain for his beloved Conjunx Endura. Not anymore. That in mind Chromedome laid his hands over his friend’s and slowly pushed Brainstorm’s hands of from his shoulders, down so he could hold them.

”I promise.” He said with voice filled with determination and will to keep the promise. That was enough for Brainstorm to hear. The scientist whirled around and pressed couple of buttons on controller and the enormous locks snapped open at the base of monster’s neck. Chromedome stepped next to weakly crooning monster.

With a flick of his hand the needles came out from the tips of his servos. He didn’t hesitate as he held the beast’s head with his free hand, but just as he was about to push the needles into it’s neck, the beast let out a soft weak growl.

Chromedome pulled back to look at the creature before him and he came face to face with it’s red eye. The monster was looking at him from the corner of it’s eye and softly crooning. Chromedome patted the creature’s head gently like he was trying to make last moments of it’s known life as pleasant as possible and put his needles at the soft spot on it’s neck.

”Shh shh shhh… It will be over soon.” Chromedome promised and quickly pierced the armour. The beast’s drooping eyes widened for a second, before they fogged up and slid shut.

[tenshinokorin]

Everything you write is golden.

He got it fighting a one-armed Voldo impersonator in a high school band’s Halloween fundraiser haunted house that was hosted in Philip the tuba player’s dad’s barn, constructed on a budget of about $165, most of which was spent on fake blood and cup noodles. (Ahaha I’m sorry, there is so much love in this house for Gladio, Gilgamesh, and Cor, but not so much love for Episode Gladio. The loading screen and bookend scenes were the best bit for me.)

Conversely, he got it spilling boiling hot nacho cheese down his chest because Cor drives like a maniac even in a Taco Bell drive-thru, and that’ll teach you to wear a goddamn shirt, you bonehead. Because now the eagle on your chest looks like it’s barfing. Forever.

However! He tells people he got it during a DEADLY TRIAL OF STRENGTH AND HEART TO PROVE HE IS WORTHY OF SERVING HIS Noct are you even listeningNoct: *on phone* Oh yeah. Totally listening. *reading Feedbuzz article: what your nap style says about your favorite ice cream flavor*

(ahaha I’m hedging this prompt because there IS a story in my HC about what Gladio went through, and what he thought it was and what it really was and what it meant, but it’s not mine. You want that story, you’re going to have to pester my wife. And pester her hard. Because I’ve been pestering her for weeks and I’ve gotten nowhere. She’s immune to me by now.)

“Algebra,” Prompto suggested, after a moment’s thought. It had always been the bane of his existence, anyway.

“No way,” Noct said, shutting him down immediately. “The man could solve for x even if x was nothing but a location on a treasure map.”

“So you say.” Gladio was at the caravan’s table, and he was annoyed. He had a large pile of map scraps and was trying to assemble them into something of use. So far all he’d managed to do was make one large pile into several smaller ones. “How about…. folding fitted sheets?”

Prompto winced aloud. “Oooh, good contender. Noct?”

But Noct shook his head, unmoved. “No way. Okay, I’ll save you some trouble. It’s not going to be anything academic, domestic, historical, or etiquette–uh–al.”

“What does that even leave?” Prompto wondered, bewildered.

“Sexual,” Gladio said.

Noct went a faint shade of pink. “Okay, not that either.”

“What on Eos are you three doing?” Ignis poked his head out of the camper, wiping his hands on a ratty gray dish towel that was provided as part of the so-called ‘linens.’

“Trying to come up with something you’re bad at,” Prompto said, polishing a bit of grime off the front of his phone screen. “Oooh, hey, do you know how to play Bridge? Like, only women over forty know how to play Bridge, right?”

Ignis sighed. “This is ridiculous.”

“Ah-ha!” Prompto rose to his feet in triumph. “So you don’t–”

“I played Bridge with my aunt every Thursday night for seven years,” Ignis said, lantern-light flashing on his glasses. “As well as Cribbage, Hearts, Pinochle, and five card bloody stud.”

Prompto deflated back into his chair, but he was not completely defeated. “Come on, there has to be something you’re not good at. Volleyball. …Knitting. Playing piano? Making fudge!”

“Citadel team captain for four years, I prefer crochet, only passable as I switched to violin when I was nine, and of course I can make fudge–would you rather torama-butter or black-walnut?”

Prompto put his face in his hands.

Gladio chuckled to himself. “Keep it up, Prompto. You’re bound to find something eventually. A'course, I’ve only been trying myself for about ten years. No luck yet.“   

"Nnnnnggghhhh.” Prompto dragged his hands back down over his face, and turned to Noct. “Noct. You’d know if anyone does. There’s gotta be something, he’s human, right?”

Noct didn’t answer Prompto directly, but instead leaned towards Ignis, chin in hand, body draped languidly over his chair. “Darts,” he said, like an endearment.

Ignis flinched. “I–I’m fully aware of the rules for play, of course.” He cleared his throat, adjusted his glasses, fussed with his cuffs. “Would–would you like to know about tournament rules or casual play, or perhaps the historical–”

��Can you play darts?” Prompto demanded, eyes ablaze.

“I can throw a dart, of course I can throw a dart–”

“But he can’t hit a target with one,” Noctis purred. “Not to save. his. life.”

“Your highness,” Ignis said, pained.

“Ha!” Gladio slapped the table, jostling all the map bits into a mess. “Astigmatism’s a bitch, huh, Iggy?”

“We got one!” Prompto crowed, hands in the air. “I bet there’s more, right? What about–”

“Before this charming little game continues,” Ignis said, in a voice as cold as Shiva’s veggie-crisper drawer, “Let me first assure you of some things I can do. Which include but are not limited to: garroting. blunt-force cranial trauma. inflicting major lacerations. construction and detonation of incendiary devices. digging very large, deep holes and then filling them in again. forging documents. disguise. having absolutely no idea what became of Prince Noctis or his companions when they all mysteriously vanished from Eos, never to be seen again.” He smiled a very slow smile. “I’m very, very good at all those things.”

A chill wind blew through them in the wake of this announcement, as though Noct had just unleashed the most powerful ice spell in his arsenal. 

“WELP,” Noct said, standing up and stretching. “I THINK IT’S TIME FOR BED NOW.”

“Yeah, me too, real tired!” Gladio shoveled all the map bits into his pants and headed straight for the camper door. “HEY Noct! We don’t spend enough time together–how about I sleep with you tonight–” he put his king in a headlock, adding in an undertone, “…I’ll take first watch bolt the door sleep with your sword arm free.”

Which left Prompto alone with Ignis. Deadly, dangerous Ignis. Prompto swallowed hard a few times before venturing to ask one last question.

“…Is it too late to ask for the fudge?”

~o~