#anyway i have Concepts but nothing that will pull together into a single cohesive story yet

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

noqu: announce your project!

me, running in circles and screaming: IT'S TOO EARLY FOR THIS

[vegalocity]

I figured it was about time to crack the name research books back open and name Aunt Sis, and so now here we are

(yes i know Shanghai Disney didn't exist in the 90's shut up this is already an alternate earth just imagine Michael Eisner didn't make Euro Disney/Disneyland Paris first)

--

At first she hadn't thought anything of it

She was so happy to have her little brother back it hadn't even occurred to her that he'd just called her 'his sister' when introducing her to his... coworkers? Friends? brethren? people he was forced to work with but grew real fondness for after being stuck in the spirit realm together?

She was just happy her little brother was still around TO call her his older sister at first.

But then it started getting noticeable.

"Well my Sister would know more about woodworking-"

"Maybe you should ask your auntie first-"

"Hey Sis, can you pass me that-"

And if she hadn't seen her brother's lack of memory in action already it would be considered ridiculous to her, but- yeah... yeah her baby brother whom she loved dearly and practically raised herself, had forgotten her name. And was yet to retrieve it from the far reaches of his hole filled memory.

In retrospect, it made sense, not everything was going to be recalled at once, and he'd even yet to recover a few things about Minyi (she'd had to intercept a plate or two of cut up strawberries before her niece, head full of mysteries and puzzles stuffed one in her mouth without thinking and the next thing anyone knew she'd be digging through her purse for Minyi's epi pen) and she was approximately 90% sure he'd asked to continue to go by Syntax not as a reflection of how he'd fundamentally changed after... well... everything... and more because he simply hadn't recalled his own name yet.

So it made sense her own name was a little lower on the priority list.

All the same she knew he wanted to uncover what he'd lost on his own. The only person he'd accepted correcting from so far was Minyi but she could still see how frustrated he was with the idea that his six year old daughter had a more cohesive memory than him at the moment. When she'd told him something about that selfish bitch he called an Ex-Wife once in response to him puzzling over Minyi's baby pictures and the likely unfamiliar woman he'd seen within- he'd kind of lost his shit on her.

"I KNOW who the mother of my child is Sis! I MARRIED her didn't I?!" and she'd seen him tense up as he realized he didn't actually know if he'd married Minyi's mother or not. She'd made sure to call her a selfish bitch again to ensure he knew she didn't die or anything that would give him the wrong impression of the woman that abandoned him and his daughter.

He apologized later, citing that the whole 'Spider Demon' thing had really heightened his aggression and insisted again he was fine, he remembered enough about... that woman, (narrowly dodging calling her by name as well she noted) and didn't need a refresher. In fact he wished he could forget her entirely! he laughed awkwardly at the attempt at humor, and she patted his shoulder.

and then when Minyi got home she pulled her aside and asked her not to call her by name unless he asked her specifically. That her daddy was just feeling like if they up and told him some things that it would be taking the easy way out. And everyone knows how much this family is incapable of taking the easy way out.

So she kept her mouth shut. Told the other Spider Demons to not give any hints unless asked either, and they obliged calling her 'lady' and 'Ma'am' (with varying degrees of respect)

But she knew it was only a matter of time before it would really begin to wear him down. The question was would it end with a whimper or bang. And would it happen when it was just the two of them around or would they have an audience.

But eventually that day came, and luck was for once on this family's side, as Minyi had already started going back to school and the other Spider Demons were off... doing whatever they do in the mornings.

The photo album was old, cracked in the spine with the cover slightly torn in a corner, and she watched her little brother page through the pictures with a careful, critical eye. She sat on the arm of the sofa and leaned to the side just enough to peer over his shoulder and look back on the era when their parents still thought to take pictures of them.

"It feels like it's not even me." he muttered, and when she glanced down she could see the snarl starting to form on his face. "It's like, I look at that child and I KNOW it's me, There's no way that that's NOT me but-..." he growled and flipped the page. "Nothing. Not a single. fucking. Memory. This might as well be a different person entirely for all the connection I'm getting!"

They'd reached their last family trip before their father lost his job (Shanghai Disney, She was twelve he was five, the first picture was such a 'first theme park' picture of the two of them pointing dramatically at the castle; Their parents had wanted to do a nice picture but she'd wanted to mess around and once she'd made the idea of it fun he'd jumped right on the concept)

"Syntax-" it felt weird to call her brother by the name he'd been assigned before he remembered who he was, but no matter how weird it was, he'd asked her to. Her little brother was a bit sensitive right now. Well- more sensitive than usual.

But he flinched all the same when she did. "If you're still struggling with remembering things you know you can-"

"I remember enough about our parents to know I do NOT want to get them involved, Sis."

"That wasn't what I was gonna offer ya dingus." She gently thwapped him on the back of the head. "Learn to let people finish their sentences, who raised you?"

"You did." He snorted, but the uncertainty in his expression didn't fade.

"Damn right. And as your big sister who basically raised you, what I was GONNA say was: You know you can still ASK, right? I'm not gonna be mad. You KNOW Minyi loves telling stories, and I'm not opposed to spending the mornings reminiscing. I work nights anyway."

"Since when?"

"Since I started enforcing Bed Time so Minyi's asleep by the time I'm clocking in. I would go to bed right after I walk her to school I'll have you know." His daughter was such an easier topic. He remembered the most about Minyi, but at least that meant she wasn't totally forcing him away as her offer grated against that pride that he had in him long before he turned purple.

The next silence between them was comfortable. Her brother flipped the page to snort a laugh at the photo he found within. And she suppressed a giggle. The little snapshot within depicted the little boy his face in his balled up fists, crying, with his big sister sitting beside him and gently petting his hair while a Goofy character hovered over them worriedly. It was most certainly because of the dog that the little boy was crying.

"Yeah you were terrified of the mascot face characters."

"I can see that."

"Hit ya right in the ol' uncanny valley. We had to dodge the parades the whole trip. I was practically scouting ahead for all the character meets to make sure we had a way around the mascots. The people in costumes were fine though. You really enjoyed meeting Peter Pan."

"Really? I would have pegged my younger self as-"

"More of an Alice kid? yeah our parents did too. but you were like, suuuppeeerrr overwhelmed already at the point we'd found Alice, and you went totally shy." She reached over to flip to the next page and sure enough there the pair of siblings was again, the little boy now hiding his face in the young girl's backpack as an Alice character actor fluttered about infront of them.

"That must have been aggravating to put up with."

"Honestly? Even before all the crap with our parents went down I was used to it. It was always my job to take care of you."

"You might want to knock that off before I get used to it again."

"Nah." She threw an arm around Syntax's shoulders and curled it against his neck until the two were struggling on the couch, the photo album tossed aside and forgotten as her brother shouted in confusion and frustration.

But Spider Demon or not, he was no match for her superior prowess, and she had him in a headlock.

"And my name is Xiuying you dumbass." Her stupid brother stopped thrashing in her grasp, and grabbed her arms a little tighter.

[iffeelscouldkill]

say what we wanna do, make it all come true (chapter 2)

A/N: In my original notes for this fic I had written that Chapter 3 might be rolled into Chapter 2 depending on length because I thought that Chapter 2 was going to be super short. *laughs wildly in 7.1k-long chapter* But this is my favourite chapter of the fic, so it's nice that we get to spend extra time with it!

No particular content warnings for this; everything’s pretty chill. Enjoy! <3

Link to Chapter One | Read on AO3

“That, dear listeners, was ‘Landers Never Stand Down’, the hit single – or should that be anthem? – by beloved indie band Rumor, from their debut album, ‘Ghost Squid’. If you’re just joining us, I’m Piper Tanaka, and this is Radio Indie, Folk and Techno. With us in the studio are Rumor frontwoman Sana Tripathi-”

“Hello again.”

“-and bassist Arkady Patel. We’ve just been hearing the stunning true story of how the band added a new member to its line-up, drummer Violet Liu, after she was discovered trying to obtain confidential files in order to blow the whistle on her employer, the notorious IGR Corp, and its development of an unethical surveillance device.”

“Isn’t that, really, the only logical way to join a band?” Kestrel quipped.

“It sure worked out well for the Rumor crew!” said Piper. “On a more musical note, though – and yes, that pun was intended – that was a great track we just heard. I’m curious about the name you picked for your debut album; is there a story there?”

Sana glanced at Arkady, amused. “Call it an in joke,” she said. “We were originally going to go with ‘In the Deep’, since there’s kind of a loose space theme to the first album, and then… after rehearsal one day, we were just riffing on what kind of creatures might live out in the depths of outer space-” They had also been pretty drunk at the time, but she didn’t need to mention that live on air. “-and Arkady suggested that maybe there’d be giant squid, like in the depths of the ocean.”

“Space squid!” Piper enthused. “Now there’s a concept I can get behind.”

“Right, but Violet, who is our resident science expert – she has a Masters in Molecular Biology–”

“Fancy. Love a woman of science.”

“-pointed out that a squid could never propel itself in a vacuum. Unless it was, you know, a ghost squid.”

“How much had you guys been drinking?” Kestrel asked shrewdly. Arkady coughed.

“It was a dumb joke, but we thought it would make a pretty unique name for a first album,” she finished.

“You were right there!” said Piper brightly. “Then, of course, there’s your upcoming second album, which we’ve heard will be titled ‘More Than a Rumor’.”

“That’s right,” Sana confirmed. “We’ve been working on some really cool material for this one, and we’re excited to bring it to you all.”

“We’ve been hearing some interesting talk about what exactly that material might be,” said Piper. “The discussion boards online are buzzing about one track, ‘The Saga of the House of Zravshen’, which is said to be a thirteen-minute-long “epic space opera ballad” written by Brian Jeeter.”

Arkady made a derisive noise. “It’ll be a thirteen-minute-long something, all right.”

“Arkady, maybe you could tell us about ‘Nanoswarm’,” said Kestrel slyly. “I’ve heard that you and Violet Liu collaborated closely on that track.”

“I – we didn’t – what I mean is, uh, it really wasn’t a formal – collaboration–”

Arkady’s transformation from self-assured to completely flustered was delightful to behold, even though Sana felt like she should maybe step in and save her best friend from herself.

“It was more of a, uh, sort of a side project – we just worked on it and it sounded pretty cool, so it, uh – went onto the album.”

“What I think is really great about ‘More Than a Rumor’,” Sana intervened smoothly, and Arkady let out a breath, sitting back in her chair, “is that there are various tracks where different band members get a chance to shine. Building on ‘Ghost Squid’, which was the introduction to the band as a whole, we really delve into different members’ specialisms in our second album, which has made the material really varied as a result. But at the same time, we’ve worked hard to give it a cohesive flow…”

---

Not everything about adding a new member to the band had been as seamless as that first set. They’d improvised together well over the course of a performance, sure, but there was a different quality to rehearsals now that there were five of them instead of four; they were still figuring out how to navigate each other, adapting routines and in-jokes to accommodate a new person.

A lot of their original material sounded different now with the addition of a keytar and a new drummer; Liu was more technically capable than Jeeter had been, and she also wasn’t content with just falling into a role that had been laid down for her. She had ideas, things she wanted to change, and they weren’t bad ideas, but they still bugged Arkady anyway. She was just attached to a lot of their old songs, that was all.

And okay, maybe she’d pushed back on a few suggestions during rehearsals in a way that had Sana raising an amused eyebrow at her and Krejjh pretending to duck and cover. To her credit, Liu didn’t just roll over and give up on her ideas at the first sign of resistance, sticking to her guns in a way that Arkady respected even if it was also annoying. Things never deteriorated too far, mainly because Sana was quick to play peacemaker, but there always seemed to be some kind of friction between the two of them. It was like an itch under Arkady’s skin whenever she was around Liu, quick to flare up.

Then there was the time that Liu had made an offhanded comment that, “Everyone here went to an underground concert or two in college, right?” in the context of discussing the kinds of set-ups that they’d performed with in the past. Arkady had said nothing, but could feel her teeth grinding as she played an overly loud riff on her bass. It was an innocuous enough comment on its own, but the easy presumptions behind it – the idea that everyone had had access to the same educational opportunities that Liu had had – were what pissed Arkady off.

But contradicting her would have meant talking about something that was personal to Arkady, something that cut way too close to the bone, and she didn’t want to do that. Liu hadn’t earned that from her. Instead, Jeeter made a joke about having been way too immersed in books to find time for concerts, and Sana tactfully steered the conversation out of dangerous waters.

After the rehearsal, she’d pulled Arkady aside. “If you want me to talk to her about—”

Arkady shook her head. “It’s not a big deal. Really,” she added at Sana’s unconvinced look. “It was a stupid assumption, but I can let it go. I’d rather just… let it go.”

They were in a band together, but that didn’t mean they had to be best friends. Arkady could maintain a civil working relationship. It didn’t matter what she’d… thought when she first met Liu, or what Liu might have been about to say to her in the bar. All of that was in the past, so there was no point dwelling on it. All Arkady needed to do was work with Liu within the context of the band; she could do that.

Until one afternoon when Arkady arrived early for rehearsal without really meaning to, and found that the only other person in the warehouse was Liu, who was setting up her drumkit. Before Arkady could turn around and pretend she’d never been there, Liu looked up and spotted her.

“Oh… hey. I was just planning to run through a few drum lines before the rehearsal… try some stuff out,” she said.

“Right,” Arkady said, casting about for an excuse that would get her out of the warehouse until the others arrived. “Uh, I’m gonna go get some coffee from the-”

“Arkady, listen, can we, uh… Can we clear the air between us?” Liu asked, the last few words coming out all in a rush.

Arkady froze. “Clear… what air?” she asked, hoping to god that Liu would say something innocuous about why she thought the drum line on Fear for the Storm needed work.

No such luck. “Look, I get that you’re not… thrilled with having me in the band,” Liu said, quietly, though her voice still carried in the echoey space. “I’ve been in a lot of workplace environments where I’m not welcome, so I… know how to spot the signs. And maybe I’m being hypersensitive, or looking for things to worry about, but something still feels off between us, so whatever it is, can we just talk about it and deal with it? Please?”

Arkady’s chest clenched at Liu’s mention of not being welcome in ‘workplace environments’. Damn it, she didn’t want to make Liu feel the same way she’d felt in whatever white dudebro-filled tech companies she’d worked for. But she also didn’t want to go into the reasons why she wasn’t always a ray of sunshine when they interacted. There was no way that that conversation was going to make anything better.

“I don’t have a problem with you being in the band. Really,” she said instead. “If it comes off that way, it’s just because… Sana and I worked on a lot of those early songs together, and I’m… attached to how they sound. That’s all.”

“So… this is really just a musical disagreement?” said Liu, sounding unconvinced. “Because it feels like there’s… something else. I know you’re not the biggest fan of my former employer – and I mean, me neither – but I figure if it bothered you that much, you wouldn’t have come to help me when Seiders was threatening me-”

“I wasn’t going to just let you die,” Arkady said, nettled. “And no, I’m not in the habit of judging people for where they work. I’ve worked my fair share of jobs for shitty employers just to get by.” She shrugged. Then, almost without meaning to, she added, “Of course, I didn’t have the choice that you probably had…”

Liu frowned, but more like she was confused than like she was annoyed by Arkady’s comment. “What do you mean?”

Arkady sighed. “Not everyone went to college, Liu,” she said. “I’m a high school dropout. So no, I didn’t go to any underground concerts. Or any kind of gigs in college.”

Liu’s eyes widened as her comment from earlier came back to her. “Oh my god,” she groaned, putting her hand to her head. “I am so sorry, Arkady – I should know better than to make assumptions like that. I was just – I’d been talking to Brian about his studies and how he met Krejjh doing fieldwork, and I guess I assumed you guys had all met in college-”

Arkady barked out a laugh, too startled to even really be annoyed. “What, you thought that I could’ve been studying alongside Jeeter? You know he went to Brightwell, right? That elite college that’s supposed to be harder than Harvard to get into?”

Liu shrugged like the idea was actually plausible and not something that sounded like part of a bizarre alternate reality. “Yeah, I don’t see why not.” Then, quickly, as if she was afraid that this might have offended Arkady even more, she added, “But like I said – I really shouldn’t have assumed, and I’m sorry – I know better than that. I was only able to go to the college I did because I won a scholarship.”

Keen to move away from the topic of Arkady possibly having gone to Brightwell – because really, what – Arkady said, “You went to uh, that all-girls college, right? Harmony?” She vaguely remembered overhearing a conversation between Liu and Jeeter where Liu had talked about there being a Latin motto. “It sounded… interesting.”

Liu pulled a face. “Yeah, that’s one word for it.” She went on almost shyly, like she was confessing to a deeply-held secret, “I would have liked to study something more artistic – music, maybe – or at least do more extra-curriculars, but… I got that scholarship, and I was under a lot of pressure from my parents to do something ‘worthwhile’. Plus, I really wanted to show the kids who said I only got that scholarship because I was ‘a minority’.” There was an anger and a bitterness and a tiredness underlying those last two words that Arkady knew far too well.

“They what,” she spat out. God, was she glad she’d never been to college. Then again, she’d worked at places where she’d come up against the exact same attitude.

“Yeah,” Liu said wearily, fiddling with the drumsticks she was holding. “It wasn’t all bad, though. Being away at college was the first time I was really able to be myself – play the drums, be out. I got this haircut in my freshman year that was just – wild, it was awful.” She laughed, though Arkady barely heard her, her heartbeat suddenly pounding in her ears at the word ‘out’. God, Patel, get a grip. “My parents never liked the drums, they thought they were too – un-feminine,” she pulled a face again. “I play the flute, too, but I’m bad at it.”

“We should add that into the line-up,” said Arkady, to distract herself from thinking about Violet’s – Liu’s – flushed cheeks and her smile as she talked about her old haircut. “Sana can write a flute part.”

“Oh god, no,” Liu said, laughing again. “I don’t even have my flute any more, I sold it in grad school.”

“So… if you went to grad school… you can’t have hated it that much, right?” Arkady asked. “Uh – the biology, not the – flute playing.”

“Oh, no, I love biology,” Liu enthused. “It’s the study of living things – what’s not to love? Grad school itself, though, was…” She pulled a face. “I came close to quitting, a few times.”

“What happened?” Arkady asked. They were pretty far off their original subject by now, and Arkady was willing to admit to herself (and only herself) that maybe she was enjoying the conversation. It was all in the name of building better inter-band relationships, of course. Sana would be thrilled that they were bonding like this.

Liu sighed. “Let’s just say there were a few people on my course who were determined to let me know I didn’t belong. We had a lab work module where we were supposed to carry out an experiment as a group, and… I got put in charge of our group of six. My teammates would do things like pretend not to understand my instructions, or move things I needed to shelves I couldn’t reach… make comments they knew I could overhear… Growing up with an anxiety disorder, everyone’s always telling you not to worry – you learn to doubt your own thoughts. And my advisor just dismissed my concerns as ‘over-sensitivity’, so…” Arkady’s eyes narrowed further with every word that Liu spoke. “It was too late for me to transfer to another module. In the end I wound up carrying the whole project basically by myself.”

Liu gave Arkady a weak smile. “So, y’know, you didn’t miss out on much. I interned for a pharmaceutical company for a couple of years after college, did some work as a research assistant. When I got the job offer from IGR Corp, I felt like I’d finally made it – and look how that turned out.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault that IGR Corp turned out to be a special brand of greedy, soul-sucking and unethical,” said Arkady bluntly – even though she’d previously thought that maybe Liu could have had less awful taste in employers. “That’s on them. Look… I know a thing or two about soul-sucking workplaces myself.”

Arkady hadn’t intended this to turn into Personal Story Hour, but at the same time she felt like she should at least offer something after Liu had opened up about her time in college. She hadn’t needed to justify herself; she could just have apologised and left it at that. Instead, she’d shared something that Arkady suspected she didn’t talk about to a lot of people.

“The last job I worked before Sana and I started Rumor was for Telemachus Enterprises,” Arkady said, and Liu’s eyes widened in recognition.

“The global consulting firm? That’s very… well…”

“Capitalist? Soullessly corporate?” Arkady finished for her.

“I was going to say stable,” Liu said diplomatically.

“Sure, as long as you also like ladder-climbing, backstabbing and toxic work environments,” said Arkady. “I was an assistant, doing all the crap work like photocopying, fetching coffee, making calls, scheduling appointments and dealing with angry clients. It was the kind of job you get to get a ‘foothold’ in the world of business, and all of the other assistants were recent college grads who were way younger than me. I hated it.”

Liu nodded, listening intently, not offering any kind of commentary or judgement.

“Playing the bass was kind of the only thing that kept me sane, so… I used to go down to these shitty clubs at night and play, sometimes straight from work because the overtime was ridiculous. I’d join up with a couple of other musicians and do jam sessions, or sometimes play solo stuff. I’d sing, sometimes, too,” she added, a little self-consciously, even though she sang backing vocals on most of Rumor’s songs, and everyone in the band had heard her sing.

“I moved around a lot, never performed at the same place two nights in a row, so that no-one got to know me too well. I used to use different stage names – my favourite was Duchess Calpurnia Higginsworth-Cobb.”

Liu burst out laughing. “You didn’t really tell people that was your name?”

“Drunk people will believe anything,” Arkady told her. “I’m still known as ‘Duchess’ in a few places. It was a precaution, in case anything got back to my work, but in the end… the person who recognised me was someone I hadn’t seen in over a decade. Sana.”

Liu’s eyes widened. “You guys go back that far?”

“Kind of,” Arkady said. “It’s a long story–” delving into the tale of The Landing and her and Sana’s shared history definitely felt like it would be going a step too far – “but uh, I used to do work at a tattoo parlour that Sana came to a few times. I didn’t think she’d really noticed me at the time, but she remembered me well enough that when I played at a club near her workplace, she recognised me. She managed to catch a few more of my performances, figure out where I’d be, and one night she showed up with her guitar, and… we played together.”

Arkady smiled a little, remembering that night, the spark she’d felt as soon as they started to play. The drummer had been awful, some white asshole named Ricky who thought he was God’s gift to music – and wasn’t – but they’d sounded like magic anyway.

“Somehow she managed to figure out where I worked, showed up one day, invited me to get lunch, and after she found out how much I hated it there, she told me I should quit so that we could start a band,” Arkady said.

“And you did?” Liu asked, sounding half impressed, half scandalised.

“I really hated that job,” Arkady said. “Besides, the Capt- Sana can be really persuasive. We joke about her motivational speeches, but she’s…” Arkady hated to admit this, because it sounded so goddamn cheesy, but there wasn’t another word to describe it. “…inspirational.”

Liu smiled. “Yeah, I can tell. She seems like that kind of person.”

“We wrote a lot of our early songs together during that time,” Arkady said. “‘Landers Never Stand Down’, ‘Fear for the Storm’… they kind of – ugh, this is going to sound so corny, but they were about our hope for something better. So… that’s why I’m weird about changing them.”

Liu’s expression softened. “I completely get it. Look, I know that all of this has been pretty sudden – me joining the band, us trying to put together an album – and I’d understand if you wanted me to… back off a little. I was throwing out ideas for things that I thought would sound good with our new line-up, but I should have appreciated that these aren’t just songs to you and Sana.”

“No, it’s – you’re – okay,” Arkady said awkwardly. “You’re fine. They’re… they’re uh, really…” God, Arkady, just spit it out. People pay each other compliments all the time – it doesn’t have to mean anything. (Even if you might want it to mean something). “They’re really good. Ideas, I mean. And the others seem to like them! So… don’t stop on my account.”

Arkady’s urge to just leave the building after finally stumbling through that awkward admission was pretty strong, but she managed to resist. Which turned out to be worth it to see the small, pleased smile unfolding on Liu’s face. It was a different kind of smile to the one that she wore when the Captain paid her a compliment, though Arkady couldn’t have said exactly how. It just felt… personal to her.

“Well, in that case,” said Liu. “I had this idea I really wanted to try out on ‘Landers’, and… I’d love to get your thoughts? On how it sounds?”

Which was how, when Sana showed up for the start of the rehearsal fifteen minutes later, Arkady and Violet came to be mid-debate about the merits of speeding up the tempo of the drum line in the first half of the second verse, Arkady singing Sana’s part of the vocals to illustrate her point.

“Am I late?” Sana joked, throwing Arkady an amused glance. “Sorry, I didn’t realise practice was starting early.”

“The cool kids show up to practice a half hour early to go over new drum lines,” Arkady deadpanned, and Liu laughed. Sana smiled as she brought out her guitar.

“What you were playing just then sounded really good – can you go over it again?”

The conversation with Liu didn’t magically fix everything between them, but the tension eased up significantly after that, and it became easier for Arkady and Liu to come to a compromise whenever they disagreed. The album started to come together much more quickly, and when Red Gregor stopped by (which he did a lot more than he strictly needed to as the head of their record label, and Arkady suspected he was mostly there to see Sana), he was full of praise for the new arrangements.

It also somehow became a habit for Arkady to start showing up early to rehearsal. She told herself it was because the line in the coffee shop was easier to deal with at that time, and it was true that at some point she’d bought enough coffee for both her and Violet to have Violet’s regular order memorised; but it also had something to do with the fact that more often than not, Violet would arrive while she was setting up, or vice versa, and they’d run through the parts that had been bugging them, each lending the other an honest and unjudgemental ear. Sometimes they’d play around with something new, or improvise, trying on new techniques and styles for size.

Arkady honestly hadn’t had this much fun experimenting with music since those first early, heady days with Sana, when they started to lay down exactly what kind of performers they wanted to be. It was different with Violet – they had a different relationship, a different vibe – but there was still something about their sessions that felt similar, like they were breaking new ground.

One day, Arkady had been messing around with a bass line that she couldn’t get out of her head – she’d been thinking of adding it to ‘The Carmen Gambit’, one of the band’s originals that Jeeter had helped write, but it didn’t really fit. She liked how it sounded on its own, though. Liu had been listening, head tilted to one side, which Arkady didn’t really think anything of until quietly, underneath the bass line, Violet started to add a drum part.

Arkady was startled, mostly by how well the two fit together; after a slight fumble, she carried on playing, improvising and adding a couple of variations to the bass line when she ran out of material. Liu smoothly changed up the rhythm of the drum line to match just a second later, and Arkady realised that they had something that almost sounded like… a real piece of music. Something organic, something that flowed and moved and changed with-

Crap. Arkady came to a stop at the end of a section as she realised she didn’t have any idea what to play next. “Uh…” She threw an apologetic glance in Violet’s direction. “I haven’t really figured out what comes after that.”

Violet nodded, not seeming put out by this. “What about…” She hummed the end section of the melody that Arkady had been playing, and then another phrase that almost mirrored it. “Actually, that part could come before the-”

“Right, right-” Arkady understood Violet’s meaning, and quickly picked up the tune on her bass.

The song (well, technically it was an instrumental) they were writing didn’t have a name for the first few days. Arkady and Violet would pick up where they left off each time they came to rehearsal, and would throw around ideas for additions and changes, discussing the overall sound and vibe, but it didn’t feel like there was a need to put a name to it.

Then in the middle of one of these discussions, Violet started scribbling something in a notebook, and Arkady realised she was writing down their song. She peered curiously at the letters and notes, and Violet grimaced self-consciously.

“I’m not sure if I’ve got all of the bass chords right,” she admitted, tilting the notebook so Arkady could see it better. “Feel free to correct any bits that are wrong, I was mostly trying to get the drum part down for my own benefit. My memory’s not as good as yours is.”

Arkady hesitated. She was tempted to lie and say the notation was fine; Violet would accept it, and it probably wouldn’t come up again. There was a time when she would have done it without a second’s thought. But Violet already knew that Arkady had dropped out of high school; knew bits and pieces of her background, if not the whole story; and Arkady had to admit that she’d been enjoying being herself more around Violet. She didn’t want to backtrack on that.

“I never really learned to read sheet music,” she admitted. “I can recognise a few chords, but… I mostly learned how to play from YouTube videos, so it always seemed easier to just watch someone else play the chords, and learn which ones went with which songs, and… for performances I always had to memorise stuff anyway, so, um.” Arkady was rambling, and Violet was staring at her, which was possibly not good. “There didn’t seem much point in having it written down.”

“So… you never had a bass teacher?” Violet said slowly. “All of your playing, your singing – it’s all self-taught?”

“Uh,” Arkady cringed. “Yes?”

“Wow,” Violet said, and Arkady suddenly realised that she was dumbfounded because she was impressed, not because she’d just realised she was playing with an amateur. “That’s… really impressive.”

Arkady fidgeted, uncomfortable with the pure admiration in Violet’s gaze. “It’s not really – I mean sure, I put in a lot of hours, but so does every musician,” she hedged. “It wasn’t anything special, I just – couldn’t afford to pay for classes.”

She braced herself for an awkward silence to follow, but instead Violet nodded. “No, you’re right, everyone has to put in the work if they want to improve,” she agreed. “But I imagine that it would be harder to motivate yourself when it’s just you and the instrument.”

Arkady shrugged her shoulder slightly. “It wasn’t so bad. It helped that I enjoyed it, I guess.” After the disaster that was her high school education, it had been a relief to find something she’d felt like she was good at – and wasn’t being assessed on.

Violet smiled, and mercifully changed the topic by looking down at the notation she’d scribbled and saying lightly, “Well, now that it’s been written down, it feels like we should give it a name.”

Arkady thought about it. “Anything that’s shorter than whatever the hell it is Jeeter and Krejjh are working on,” she said, because Jeeter had been waxing lyrical about the ‘epic space opera ballad’ that he’d been composing with his fiancé. Apparently it was about a race of fictional aliens, and some of the lyrics were in a made-up alien language that Jeeter had invented. Arkady had no idea why Jeeter had such a dedicated following among their fans for the weird shit that he came up with, but there you were.

Violet grinned, tapping her pen against the space above the lines and notations. “So, one word, then. It’s got a pretty futuristic sound… What about ‘Cyberpunk’?”

Arkady couldn’t help grimacing a little bit. “Yeah, too clichéd,” Violet agreed. “Maybe something themed around space… ‘Supernova’?”

They tossed around a few other ideas, but none of them quite seemed to fit the mood of the song. Violet frowned down at the music she’d written, and Arkady was about to suggest they come back to it later when she said, “This might sound like a weird association for a piece of music, but I was reading a paper the other day on nanotechnology, you know, technology used at the atomic and molecular level?”

“Sounds kind of dry for bedtime reading, but I’m with you,” Arkady said.

Violet laughed, blushing a little. “Yeah, a friend from my Masters sent it to me; I still like to keep up with new developments in the field, and there are fascinating implications for biology. But I’m thinking, what if none of the space names fit because they’re too big, too grand? What if instead we went really small, like… ‘Nanobot’?”

“Nanobot…” Arkady turned the name over in her mind, thinking about the quick, intricate rhythms of the song they were creating together. It was a surprisingly good fit, but something about it felt off. Something about the ‘bot’ part was too… lonely. “What about ‘Nanoswarm’?”

Violet’s eyes widened slightly and a smile spread across her face. “Nanoswarm,” she said, and wrote the song title in blocky capitals above their music. “I like it.”

Both Red Gregor and Campbell came to rehearsal that night, which Arkady took as a sign that they were there to discuss something Important. Their album, ‘Ghost Squid’, was selling more copies than any of them had expected, and had actually got them some interview requests from indie music blogs and magazines. This seemed to be partly down to Red Gregor, who apparently had enough of a reputation as a business investor that his decision to start up a record label had attracted a lot of interest, and consequently a lot of interest in the first band he’d signed to it. But they’d also had some great reviews, including from Radio, Indie, Folk and Techno (also known as RIFT), the go-to station for all things indie music, who had covered it on their ‘Rave Review Hour’.

There’d also been a noticeably bigger audience at most of their gigs. They’d had a modest but dedicated following before Violet had joined the band, and were regulars at a couple of underground venues where they pulled decent crowds, plus one bar where Arkady had managed not to piss off the owner (the other four were… long stories); a bunch of people also streamed their music from various parts of the world. But since Ghost Squid came out, they’d started playing at (and filling) much bigger venues across a much wider area. It was fun, but also a little surreal.

“What’s the good word, Campbell?” Krejjh asked, leaning on their keyboard. “Are you here to tell us how much the people love us?”

Campbell’s lips twitched in amusement. “They love you a whole lot,” he said. “More every day.”

Krejjh fist-pumped, and Arkady asked, “So, what are you guys here for? Is this about ‘Ghost Squid 2: Electric Boogaloo’?”

They’d had a discussion with Red Gregor about beginning work on a second album; this one would take longer, since they’d had plenty of existing songs to draw on for ‘Ghost Squid’, and hadn’t needed to put together any new material. But, as Gregor had pointed out, it was better to start thinking about that sooner rather than later, and they’d been working on a few new songs anyway. So far, the second album was still nameless, but they’d taken to calling it by a range of joke nicknames.

Red Gregor grinned. “Sort of, in the sense that it’ll be good promo,” he said. Spreading his hands out to either side like a showman introducing his next act, he said grandly, “I’ve landed you a gig at the CUI Stadium.”

Jeeter’s mouth dropped open, Krejjh flailed and exclaimed, “Holy moley!”, and Violet repeated, “Stadium?!” in an almost horrified tone. Even Sana seemed surprised by the news.

“You actually got it?” she asked Red Gregor, who nodded.

Arkady’s eyes narrowed. “Okay, what’s the catch?” she asked. “They don’t let just anyone play the CUI Stadium.”

“No catch,” Campbell promised them. “Red has some contacts who tipped him off that the CUI is looking for some new, lesser-known talent to put on its billing. Once upon a time, the CUI had a reputation for scouting the best undiscovered bands and giving them a bigger stage – literally – and they feel they’ve been losing their touch.”

Put like that, it did make a kind of sense. “Cool, so who are we supporting?” Jeeter asked. “Oooh, maybe it’s Hremreh.”

Hremreh was a weird electronic band that Jeeter and Krejjh were completely obsessed with. Arkady rolled her eyes. “I hope the CUI has more taste than that.”

“Excuse you, Hremreh is an underrated gem of a band,” Krejjh retorted.

“The Destroyer?” Violet suggested jokingly. “They’re local.”

Arkady knew from having spent time with Violet that The Destroyer was one of her favourite bands from college, whose gigs she’d religiously attended during her freshman year. Everyone else looked interested but bemused, and Violet hurriedly added, “Uh, that was a bit of a niche joke. I used to go to their gigs a lot in college.”

“All great guesses,” Red Gregor said, “but you’re all missing one important piece of information. You’ll be the headline act.”

“What?” said Arkady.

“Heck yeah!” Krejjh exclaimed, and high-fived Jeeter.

“So, someone will be supporting us?” Violet said a little faintly.

“Red, exactly how many strings did you pull?” Sana asked, sounding halfway between amused and disapproving. Red Gregor held up his hands.

“I just talked to my contacts, I promise,” he said. “It gave me a chance to put your name forward, but that was all I needed to do. You guys have a great sound; they’re excited to have you on.”

Everything dissolved into a flurry of noise and celebration. Jeeter played a celebratory tune on his keytar that Arkady was fairly sure was from some video game, Krejjh whooped and slid their hands up the keys of their keyboard, and Campbell picked up Sana and spun her around, both of them and Red Gregor laughing. Violet caught Arkady’s eye, grinned, and did a little roll on one of her cymbals. Arkady huffed and rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t fight the smile that was trying to emerge.

“So, when is the gig?” Sana asked, flushed and catching her breath, after Campbell had put her down.

“A month from today,” Red told them. Sana straightened up.

“Wow, okay, we need to get rehearsing! Everyone—”

They quickly got into position, picking up instruments and drumsticks and plugging in amplifiers. Sana beamed around at the assembled band members.

“I just want to say how proud I am of all of you for what we’ve accomplished so far, and everything that lies ahead of us. I-”

“Not to head you off at the pass,” Arkady interrupted, sensing a long Sana Monologue was coming, “but didn’t you say we needed to get rehearsing? Maybe save the speech for after?”

Most people would have taken offence at being interrupted, but Sana, being Sana, smiled at Arkady. “Thank you for the reminder, Arkady. I am proud of you all, but I’ll tell you exactly how proud once we’re done.”

Rehearsal went well, everyone energetic and buoyed up from the good news. As they were packing down afterwards, under the noise of Sana, Krejjh, Jeeter, Campbell and Gregor eagerly discussing where they could go out for drinks to celebrate, Violet said to Arkady,

“I forgot to tell you earlier, but I heard back from the journalist. Emily Craddock.”

Arkady fumbled the wire that she was looping around itself. “Yeah? What did she say?”

“She said that she thinks we have enough for a story. Even with the missing data,” Violet said.

She looked happy, but something in Arkady’s chest still clenched. It had been nearly four weeks since the fateful gig at IGR Corp, and so far, everything had been quiet. The band had been on high alert at all of their performances at first, not spending any more time than was necessary setting up or lingering on the stage, but there’d been no attempts at sabotage, no suspicious ‘fans’ trying to approach them after a set. (There had been a few real fans whom Arkady had cross-examined a bit too aggressively when they tried to get close to the band, but people seemed to actually find it funny and no-one got offended).

They figured that IGR Corp must not know about the files that Violet had managed to copy across; Seiders had been unconscious, after all, and it was possible that they hadn’t realised that Violet had made off with anything, or had downplayed the severity of the incident to the higher-ups. Arkady had, in spite of her misgivings, broken the encryption on the files for Violet, but she’d been secretly hoping that the data wouldn’t turn out to be useful, or that there wouldn’t be enough of it to do anything with.

She’d hoped that even after Violet told her that she’d found a tech journalist who was interested in taking a look at the files and potentially investigate the story. Of course Arkady was a fan of doing whatever they could to stick it to the corporates; she just wished there was a way to do it that wouldn’t involve Violet painting a huge target on her back.

“That’s… good,” Arkady managed, and even she could hear how unconvincing it sounded. Violet looked at her questioningly. “It’s just…” She tried to find a way to word things that wasn’t, ‘I’m afraid that you won’t be safe’. “Once the information is out there, IGR Corp is going to know who leaked it. What happens if they come after you?”

“By that point, they should have bigger things to worry about, if the evidence that Emily Craddock has found is as damning as she says it is,” Violet pointed out. “She’s been looking into that engineer that Seiders mentioned, Alvy Connors. It’s not really clear whether something… happened to him, or whether he just made a run for it, but he definitely disappeared. And it wasn’t that long after he started work on Project ADVANCE.”

As they talked, the other band members had been clearing equipment away and loading it into the van, until Violet and Arkady were the only ones left in the warehouse.

“I know there’s risk involved,” Violet said. “But I can’t just forget everything I’ve learned. And this is bigger than me – I have to do it for Alvy, too, and his family and friends, and everyone else who could be affected by Project ADVANCE. What IGR Corp is doing-”

“I know, I know,” Arkady said. “Don’t get me wrong, I think they deserve to have the cover blown right off their shitty, awful surveillance plan.”

“I’m going to talk to the Captain before I do anything,” Violet assured her. “I know this could affect the band, too. I just wanted to tell you first.”

Why? Arkady wanted to ask, but that would have taken the conversation down a road that Arkady was not prepared to go down. Either Violet would say something like, ‘Because we’re friends’, or ‘Because you’re my bandmate’, and Arkady would feel like a moron for having hoped for anything different. Or she wouldn’t, and that would be worse, because Arkady had no idea how to respond to Violet saying… Well, it didn’t matter, because it would never happen, anyway.

“Sana will tell you to go for it,” she said. “If it’s what you think is right, she’ll be behind you all the way.”

“And… you?” Violet asked quietly.

“I…”

Why was it so hard for Arkady to just say that she approved? Violet was a grown woman who could make her own decisions; she didn’t need Arkady second-guessing her. Violet didn’t even need Arkady to agree with what she was doing – she could just go and do it anyway. But the fact that she’d asked Arkady meant that she cared what Arkady thought… and that made Arkady want to be honest with her.

And honesty was terrifying.

The moment stretched out; Arkady composed and drafted half a dozen different versions of what she wanted to say in her head. ‘I just need you to be careful’ – ugh, that sounded like something Sana would say. Also, of course Violet was going to be careful; that didn’t mean there was no risk involved. ‘I trust you to make the right choice’ – vague, and it also made Arkady feel weird. ‘If they hurt you, they’ll wish they’d never been born’ – alarming, and probably too honest.

Arkady took a breath in, gathering her nerve – and then both of them jumped as the van horn beeped loudly from outside.

“Paging bandmates Liu and Patel!” Krejjh shouted. “Bandmates Liu and Patel to the Rumormobile, please!”

Violet laughed a little, as Arkady huffed, inwardly cursing her own goddamn indecision. She’d spent so long trying to figure out what to say that she’d lost the chance to say anything.

“I guess we shouldn’t keep them waiting,” Violet said, slanting a small smile in Arkady’s direction.

“I trust you,” Arkady found herself saying, almost without meaning to. Violet looked puzzled, and Arkady scrambled to clarify. “Uh, that is – if you think this is the right thing to do. Then, you should… do it. Just…”

She still couldn’t say it, but Violet’s smile widened, her eyes softening like she knew what Arkady was trying (and failing) to tell her. “I’ll be careful,” she promised.

[justathingidid]

‘LOVE WEDDING REPEAT’ IS ONE WEDDING TO SLEEP THROUGH

Eleanor Tomlinson and Sam Claflin play brother and sister in the film

Love Wedding Repeat was released on Netflix on April 10, 2020. The film is an updated version of the 2012 French short film Plan de Table, which follows eight guests at a wedding.The synopsis Netflix provides for its newer version is simple enough - “Different versions of the same day unfold as Jack juggles difficult guests, unbridled chaos, and potential romance at his sister’s wedding.” 

Basically, a wedding meets Groundhog Day. That actually sounds pretty interesting.

So why was Love Wedding Repeat so bad?

It’s nearly impossible to answer that question without doing some serious digging and examination into the movie. Is it the shallow plot, tonal inconsistencies, or Sam Claflin’s atrocious haircut that caused Love Wedding Repeat to miss the mark? Let’s march down the aisle and see.

In this post, I will:

Summarize the plot

Conduct a character analysis for the ensemble (spoilers!)

Examine the  film’s poor execution of “repetition” 

THE PLOT

From the start, it’s obvious Love Wedding Repeat has close to no concept of time. We start out with Jack (a miscast Sam Claflin) and Dina (a pretty, but boring) Olivia Munn at the end of a stay in Rome, where they’ve supposedly spent time together and fallen in love. Dina is the roomate of Hayley, Jack’s sister. Now, not only is the romantic chemistry between Jack and Dina non-existent - it’s really more of a sexual tension - but so is the desire to care about the two of them ending up together. The two are interrupted before a kiss can occur, and eventually head their separate ways.

Sam Claflin and Olivia Munn play love interests to one another

Fast forward 3 years and Hayley is getting married to wealthy Italian Roberto, causing Jack and Dina to reunite. The “3 years” might as well have been the next day, since there appears to be little growth in any of them - especially Jack, who still struggles to formulate a sentence around Dina. Luckily, Hayley’s placed them at the same table. But Jack’s desire to make a move is constantly interrupted by the other guests, and the distractions only grow when Hayley’s ex-boyfriend Marc shows up to crash the wedding and a sleeping drug is misplaced in a champagne glass. And when love doesn’t prevail, the movie switches things around: showing us another seating arrangement at the table that changes the situations of each character. What should be a wild ride that eventually ends with love (and yes, a kiss) - feels shallow and undeserved.

THE CHARACTERS

The ensemble is talented, but lacks cohesion

JACK

Sam Claflin portrays the main character

I like Sam Claflin. I really like Sam Claflin. He’s more than suitable to handle these types of films, with romances Me Before You and Love, Rosie under his belt. But, here, the lack of personality to Jack’s character makes it difficult for Sam to bring much to the film. Now, Sam certainly does carry the film, but it’s definitely breaking his back in the process. There’s only two things to know about Jack: 1) he likes Dina a lot (I still doubt it’s love - despite what the film says) and 2) he loves his sister. Everything else: dead parents, a job as an engineer, an ex-girlfriend -  all which would help bring a sense of depth to Jack as a person - is simply mentioned and never truly explored. His bumbling speech and “just can’t win” trait make it hard to not like Jack, but it does grow old after a while. One would think that losing Dina 3 years prior and finding her newly single would make Jack jump at the chance to make a move, but he still struggles to articulate his feelings to her, or even ask guests to leave so he can speak to her alone. It hurts to watch Jack’s awkwardness be one of the biggest barriers between him and Dina - the film would strengthen if Jack was actively trying to speak or flirt and then was pulled away. Jack’s supposed conflict of having Amanda, his ex-girlfriend, attend the wedding is hardly a conflict, given their relationship seems to have consisted of more sex than substance and Dina barely seems to care about Amanda’s presence. In an attempt to make Jack have something to his character, he ended up with nothing. Well, nothing but a kiss and a wealthy brother-in-law. 

HAYLEY & ROBERTO

Eleanor Tomlinson and Tiziano Caputo play the marrying couple

Hayley and Roberto are the couple causing the “wedding” in the film’s title, which fails to show a ceremony and instead, spends the film at the reception. Now, Roberto plays next-to-nothing of a role in the film, so let’s focus on Hayley, who is arguably the cause of all conflict in the film.

During her relationship with Roberto and (fairly near to the wedding), Hayley slept with old classmate, Marc, who unexpectedly shows up to the wedding to declare his love for her and expose the secret. Hayley threatens to have security to remove Marc from the wedding, but decides that recruiting Jack to drug Marc with sleeping medication is somehow a better idea. How? In the first scenario, the infidelity is exposed and during an argument with Hayley, Roberto accidentally falls off of the balcony to his death. In the second (and final) scenario, Marc has a change of heart, keeping the secret to himself, leaving Roberto to live his married life in blissful ignorance. Apparently, if in the second scenario love prevails, being honest isn’t part of the deal. Hayley’s infidelity is excused because according to her “it didn’t mean anything” and she “loves Roberto!” If love truly prevailed - if Haley truly loved Roberto - the truth should’ve come out with Hayley admitting it and (hopefully) Roberto forgiving. But, that’s just me and my ideas. 

Anyways, Hayley also decides to invite Jack’s ex-girlfriend Amanda for whatever reason (it’s not even mentioned if Amanda and Hayley are friends) and to sit her and Jack at the same table. I thought she loved her brother? It’s no surprise when the table arrangement goes south, and is that the fault of the little kids who switched the name cards, or the bride who planned: not only for those particular people to sit at the table but to add a sleeping drug into the mix? 

DINA

Olivia Munn plays Dina

Olivia Munn really tries with this role. You can tell she attempted to bring something to the table with Dina, but - similar to Jack - there’s not much to her. She’s a foreign correspondent and former roommate/friend of Hayley, but she’s mainly just the pretty girl who’s Jack’s love interest. Dina is at the wedding as a plot device. She’s there to remind Jack to seize his chance at love, she’s there to be separated from Jack or whisked away, she almost exists as a symbol. Her story of being kidnapped whilst in Afghanistan and coming back to care for a sick mother who would eventually pass is played twice for laughs, making it hard to find anything to care about for her. “Does she even like Jack?” is what I wondered in the back of my mind. She definitely engages in conversation with him, but her flirtiness is hard to find as more than friendliness. It’s known that Dina is newly single, having broken up with an ex. While this is a golden opportunity for Jack, it’s not even determined whether Dina is interested in another relationship. It certainly would’ve been nice to see Dina try to make an effort towards Jack as well - truly making it feel as if both sides are being kept apart.

BRYAN & REBECCA

Joel Fry and Aisling Bea play Bryan and Rebecca

It’s established early that the comedic side-kick is Bryan, the man-of-honor-maid-of-honor, whose relationship to Hayley or Jack doesn’t feel entirely sincere no matter how the film tries. He doesn’t come across as a “ride-or-die” type of best friend, and it’s unclear how he and Hayley even met, or what his relationship is like with Jack. Is he best friends to both of them? There’s little time to ask these questions (not like the film would answer) since Bryan announces his plan for the evening: convincing famous director Vitelli to give him a role in a film. This “subplot” is little plot, since Vitelli’s presence or effect on the wedding is barely felt. In the first scenario, this plan fails tremendously, with Bryan (victim of the sleeping medicine) falling asleep on Vitelli and mid-speech. In the second scenario, the plan works, but only after he falls in love with Rebecca, the blunt Irish guest whose relation to Jack or Hayley is not made clear. Honestly, Rebecca was my favorite character, possibly because she had a clear personality. Even if her chatterbox nature was exploited for exposition, Aisling Bea plays the obliviously honest nature with such perfection that I didn’t mind. Rebecca and Bryan have supposedly dated, but in the end, the two end up together, so there’s little time to care about what caused the breakup. I could only wish that Bryan had acted as more of a wingman for Jack and Rebecca had been given a larger role, perhaps as a wingwoman for Dina.

MARC

Jack Farthing plays the coked-up wedding crasher

If Marc was more of a looming threat, his arrival could’ve easily saved the movie. In fact, I was intrigued by his arrival: who is this disheveled, red-eyed man stumbling into the wedding reception? Whoever he was, he was obviously up to no good. However, the one thing that makes Marc interesting: the secret of him and Hayley having slept together, is quickly taken away or avoided when Hayley reveals the information to Jack (and the audience) on her own. Marc is not much of a physical threat either, his druggy demeanor makes him easy to overtake, hence why in the first scenario he’s locked up in a armoire. While the whole situation with Marc could have easily been avoided had Hayley had security remove him, the sleeping drug intended for him never finds its way in his champagne glass. And what’s worse: the audience never gets to see that scenario. If Marc was intended to be the antagonist of this movie (which the film will try to convince you he is), he surely failed by barely being much of a threat to begin with. 

CHAZ & AMANDA

Allan Mustafa and Freida Pinto play Chaz and Amanda

If Hayley’s enemy of love is Marc, then surely Jack’s is his ex-girlfriend Amanda. Or, supposed to be. Unfortunately, what is told about Amanda is worse than what is shown. For someone who’s supposed to be extremely rude and problematic, Amanda just seems to be extremely annoyed at best. Even when seated next to Jack, she doesn’t bother commenting on the situation, but her unbearable fiancé Chaz sure does. His angry comments towards Jack seem to be coming from a place of hurt: Amanda has not responded to his marriage proposal six months prior. But where Chaz could really be a character to wreak some havoc, especially for Jack, his lines are delegated to unfunny penis jokes for nearly the entirety of the movie. No wonder Amanda is annoyed.

SIDNEY

Tim Key plays Sidney

Speaking of annoying, it’s time to talk about the last character of the ensemble: Sidney. Who is this guy? Once again, his relationship is not made clear and the audience is quite confused by the kilt-wearing-crotch-adjusting guest who lacks social intelligence. You can tell when Sidney is supposed to be funny and unfortunately it falls short every time. I guess him finding love in the end is supposed to make us feel some type of way, but it failed to move me. Every member of an ensemble should have something to contribute, and I can say - aside from a few scenes where he was needed to act as a barrier between Jack and Dina - Sidney was completely unnecessary in the film.

VITELLI

Paolo Mazzarelli plays Vitelli in the film

Why was Vitelli in this film? What exactly did he add? Is he actively scouting for a new movie or did guests just assume? What’s his whole relationship thing with Dina? He offered her a ride - was he romantically interested or trying to cast her? Who even is this guy? How does Roberto know him?  

I just...why?

THE ORACLE

Penny Ryder voices The Oracle

There’s a narrator in this film. Don’t ask why. Not only is she completely unnecessary and unhelpful, the message she spews for a majority of the film is not only untrue but contradicts the entire plot: that chance is the enemy of love.

“REPEAT?”

Confused, Bryan? So am I.

I don’t what’s worse: that I can’t tell you how many times the film lived up to the “repeat” part of its name, or that I don’t want to. It’s true: the film only plays out the entirety of two scenarios when it comes to seating at the table. The rest are muddled in what is perhaps the worst montage I’ve seen recently (and I’ve been subjected to multiple ‘senior szn’ recaps on IGTV), and offer no information. In this montage, we don’t know who has the sleeping drug, and the entirety of the table isn’t even in frame. You don’t know who is sitting where or who has the sleeping drug. I guess it doesn’t matter because Jack and Dina don’t end up together, but it does matter because it needs to make the wait worth it. The audience should be subjected to different crazy scenarios: they should realize how completely wrong everything has gone. They should be tired of reliving the same wedding reception, they should want Jack and Dina to end up together to just end it. 

But I must say, the best part of the montage was Jack and Rebecca end up tongue-kissing. That’s a scenario I’d love to see.

CONCLUSION

A kiss to end it all

I hate to bash a directorial debut. But I hate wasted potential more.

Love Wedding Repeat could’ve been something great - it really could’ve. It’s easy to see the same idea executed better going down as a modern rom-com classic. But Love Wedding Repeat’s failure to live up to its name is a major disappointment, especially giving the talented leads (who are better off playing friends than a couple). The idea was certainly there, and so were the resources. I mean, they shot on-location in Rome. But if Love Wedding Repeat shows anything, it’s how a lackluster script can truly harm a concept. You can’t tell us sad stuff about our characters, show the sadness. Show the tension between Jack and Amanda, show us the camaraderie between Hayley and Bryan, show how reckless and wild Marc is - make us care and understand. It shouldn’t just be Jack who wants a kiss between him and Dina - it should be us.

Overall, I can only hope what Netflix has in store for the future when it comes to rom-coms isn’t anywhere close to repeating this complete mess. 

[mymelancholiesblues]

RE2R and Aeon “core” themes: a sort-of long ramble

So, it’s finally released! Thankfully, I was able to play RE2R since its première, and over this last weekend I was getting familiar with the entirety of the story of Leon and Claire’s new scenarios, and well, there’s a lot to be said, right?!

I’ll start with what I didn’t like so much about this game overall (and the changes in Aeon), and then proceed to what I actually enjoyed and thought were good decisions.

The most serious shortcoming of this game that prevents me from giving it an immaculate 10 out of 10 is in the issue of lack of coherence and cohesion between Leon and Claire stories. Annette and William became paradoxes in the plot when you play both scenarios and it’s visible that Leon’s storyline barely intertwines with Claire’s one. Barely.

The 2nd Run, which should serve as a complement to prevent this issue on the plot does absolutely nothing about it. Both Claire and Leon face William under identical circumstances in the Machinery Room and the Bioreactors Room, which is quite inconsistent and clearly lazy from the scriptwriting point of view.

Annette reveals to Leon what happened to William to be turned into the monster he turned into and the entire city being contaminated in the exact same manner she reveals it to Claire, with few changes here and there.

In addition to all of this – and to make it even worse, if we stop to think about it – Annette shoots Ada and then dies right afterwards in Leon’s scenario, while in Claire’s she dies helping Claire save Sherry by giving her daughter the vaccine to the G-Virus in a scene where we see the self-destruct alarm being triggered precisely because Leon just removed a G-Virus sample. How was Annette in two places at the same time? Where, exactly, does she die?

This lack of care with the Birkin couple makes room to huge plotholes, holes that were easy to avoid had they bothered to put more effort in being thoughtful over the scriptwriting of the 2nd Run, only slightly changing who is responsible for hurting Ada, which consequently makes her unable to hold onto something when the bridge starts crumbling – it could’ve been a Mr. X’s hit, for example –, amongst other things. Not to mention that in Claire’s scenario, Mr. X is brutally ripped apart by G-William, thus putting an end to his hunt. Yet, in Leon’s scenario, we see him persistent in his pursuit until the end of the game.

I didn’t like the fact that now Leon doesn’t get to be aware that it was Ada the one who threw him the Rocket Launcher. Ada helping him in this specific matter – and him being well aware of this – was a consolidated “tradition” in this franchise, it reverberates through their RE4 and RE6 cameos. They could’ve made Ada leave a lipstick kiss on the box with the Rocket Launcher if it was the case that they didn’t want the “Here! Use this!” and “Ada? Is that you? Ada!” exchange in the remake. But to completely remove the crucial element which ultimately warranted Leon’s doubt regarding her survival from Raccoon was something I didn’t like at all. On the contrary, actually.

Also: I found Sherry suggesting that Leon and Claire should adopt her at the secret ending both unnecessary and misplaced. She’s a twelve-year-old girl who’s now left as an orphan by both of her parents, having just witnessed horrible things happen – I mean, that entire sequence with Irons, for fuck’s sake... She’s in shock, and have to process a lot of stuff as well. That whole “We can have a puppy or a parrot!” thing was very out of character and implausible under those circumstances. If they wanted so much to force something between Claire and Leon there, they could’ve settled with Sherry asking them if they were boy and girlfriend and being fondly refuted by Leon’s response and then Claire’s adding that the night would’ve provided one crazy date for them if it were the case.

But oh well. Now, to the parts that I genuinely liked.

This game is goddamn awesome! Its inventory management, maps, combat system, layout expansion, enemies... oh my god. It’s a beautiful and super fun game – if not for the crap they pulled with the lack of consistency on the scriptwriting of the main characters scenarios, RE2R would have stolen RE4′s rank as my absolute favourite in this franchise.

Claire and Sherry: my two beautiful baby girls! Everything’s thoroughly built and developed in Claire’s scenario – which is why is frankly a shame that Leon’s one wasn’t written to be coherent with hers on important plot points (William and Annette, Mr. X, etc.).

I thought the changes in Claire’s personality made her more consistent to what we see of her character later in the franchise, and I’m not bothered in the least by her flirting with Leon in the occasions she does it. She is a young college girl and, according to her bios in databooks, was famously known to have had several boyfriends by then and to be a player in this department (source), and, oh well, the guy is handsome, can’t blame her for hitting on him. It’s comprehensible and plausible. Oh, and Claire being more than a bit reckless and doing things like telling Annette that actually she’s the one who’s gonna take care of monster-William: loved it. I adore my imprudent Redfield children.

I wasn’t convinced that in the secret ending – when questioned by Sherry if he and Claire were a couple – Leon was flirting, he looks more confused and embarrassed as to how he’ll answer this little girl he just met than anything. When he reunites briefly with Claire outside of the police station just after the helicopter fell down, I did saw a sparkle of flirting, though – which, for me, also makes sense with the subsequent Leon’s characterization in later instalments.

I mean, the guy made a pass on every girl he interacted with. Manuela and Helena, who are both much younger than him: actually Manuela has the same age as Sherry – both from 1986 –, and Helena is even younger than her – born in 1989 –; although later in RE6 it’s possible to argue that Leon develops some sort of paternal affection towards Helena, he unashamedly flirts with her in that scene following their escape from the university when they decide they should continue their path through the sewers, just when he helps her recover her balance after she jumps in behind him. Let’s not forget about Hunnigan, three years younger than him, and Angela, a year older. We all know that he only rejected Ashley’s pass it’s because the girl is the president-of-the-United-States fuckin’ daughter, and he wouldn’t want to mess with that. 

To put it simply, the only RE girls he never hit on were the ones he never interacted on-screen or got to see as a little kid (Sherry), because, let’s be honest, the guy is a real whore. At the end of the day, however, we all know who’s the one who owns his heart and is “the part of him he can’t let go of” so I really don’t care if he flirted with someone else in this game. This still means nothing.

Even for Claire, all that flirting means nothing, who later on in this franchise gets involved with the guy she works with and doesn’t have any kind of romantic relationship confirmed with anyone else. Still can’t convince me as a better ship than the canon one for Leon. Leon is a player, and by college time, Claire was also one according to canon – plus, they were young, very pretty, both single, and were experiencing the terror of entering that hell city together, which provides solid ground for a connection – all of which doesn’t change the fact that in the years to come for the rest of this franchise they still have not interacted much after Raccoon’s incident. So ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Now, Aeon (of course)! Buckle up because I will overanalyse the shit out of them in this.

I suspect that by now, the hate for Ada must be overflowing all over on Tumblr, discussion forums, YouTube’s video’s comments pages, everything. But I loved LOVED that RE2R made it rather difficult for those haters to just call her a cold-hearted bitch who only uses Leon. She warns Leon to just LEAVE Raccoon City as soon as he can SIX (yes, I counted) times. Six.

Do yourself a favour and get the hell out of here. (1) I told you to get out of here. (2) Find a way out. Before it’s too late (3) [...] We may not make it out. (4) It’s not too late to turn back, Leon. (5) Get yourself out of here. While you still can. (6)

Leon followed her trail around because he wanted to and not because she leads him to. Even though this is clear in RE2 OG, RE2R made it crystal. Leon’s agency on this is bluntly verbalized by him at least four times: “You’re stuck with me to the end.” (after escaping from the giant crocodile), “I'm not just going to leave you. Not like this.”, “You’re not getting rid of me that easy.” (when he finds her with a wounded leg) and “I'm not just gonna leave you here. What if you’re attacked, what if you need help—...” (right before she kisses him).

Remember what I said here? About Leon being an adult, capable of decision making and not a baby who falls victim to Ada’s shenanigans? Well, RE2R just made a statement on that. Though I doubt this will prevent the misogynist attacks Ada receives but, well, Capcom can only do so much, am I right?

you keep me up at night to my messages, you do not reply you know I still like you the most the best of the best and the worst of the worst well, you can never know the places that I go I still like you the most you'll always be my favorite ghost

(Big God – Florence + the Machine)

I was always bothered somehow by the fact that Darkside Chronicles added Claire meeting Ada as well in that night in Raccoon City. I’ll explain: I enjoy the concept, the imagery, of only Leon being able to connect a person to a name when it comes to Ada Wong – aside from, hum, Ashley, who barely gets to see her face (“so... who’s that woman, anyway?”), and Helena, who serves to Leon’s narrative as some sort of “heir” (just like RE6 wanted to do this with Chris and Piers, it implies it with Leon and Helena’s bond, after all Leon is also getting too old to star in more games in this franchise without it getting ridiculous). Chris doesn���t count here because, y’know, that whole Carla crap, not the real Ada.

Anyway, RE2R retcons Darkside Chronicles, thank god, and goes even further: putting Annette as well in the dark over Ada’s identity. She suspects Ada is a mercenary, like all the others who were attempting to steal the G-Virus up till then. Leon remains the one who connects “Ada Wong” to a character, to a face. She’s not only his guardian angel but his own personal ghost.

I love this because, in Ada’s RE3 epilogue, she mentions saying goodbye to that name... but if we stop to think about it, the only important person to her that crossed her path and knows her by this identity is Leon. This is super meaningful and beautiful, I really love it. That whole thing of Ada appearing in the shadows twice to save and alert him in RE2R that prompts him to repeat the line “Who is that?” and the “Somebody’s watching me...” one after Leon faces William in the Machinery Room contributes as well to this thematic imagery.

It gives me the feeling that, if nothing else, Capcom knows what they’re doing with this ship. They know the recurring themes, the essence of their dynamics, visual references and all. And, speaking of visual references: did you know that that whole Ada’s trench coat and sunglasses look is a direct reference to Chungking Express? A movie in which a police officer falls in love with a mysterious woman involved with the underworld crime? Yeah. There’s that.

Still on the recurring themes point, though, I can’t forget to add that Ada’s line “This is getting old... Saving your ass— that’s twice.” and Leon’s “Hey, you can't keep walking away from me!”, “Y’know. We make a good team [...]” and “I can't believe I actually miss her...” were fantastic touches, because, as I said here, they have their status quo, don’t they? Again: She keeps helping him. They team up and make a good team whey they do it. They part ways. Normal her, normal them. One and a half decade later they’re still on that. That’s why Ada’s “Watch out for yourself.” (answering Leon’s warn on Deborah “Watch out, you two! She's strong!”) and “Hm. The more things change, the more they stay the same.” (when Leon asks for help) lines in RE6 couldn’t be more adequate.

Oh, what about Leon’s “You protected me. Now it's my turn.” and Ada’s “We’ll call it even.” in the RE2R? Hahaha, oh poor sweet summer-children. I love, LOVE this sort-of hybrid between call-back (because we, as an audience already know what will happen to them later in the plot) and foreshadowing (but they don’t, so those lines serves as this too).

And Leon wasn’t being cold when he threw away Umbrella’s wristlet. That gift connects to a part of Ada that hurts him. This actually resonates with their exchange in RE6, when she throws him a mysterious ring (“Here.” “A ring?” “Don't get the wrong idea. It'll make sense later.” “Ok.”). He doesn’t know the nature of her true intentions, her true goals. He’s always kept in the dark over this matter, so it makes sense for him to throw the wristlet away, but say that he misses her. The subtext here is clear: despite having mixed-feelings over Ada’s true alliance and role in all that’s been happening in his life, he still misses her the most. His “recurring element of personal need” that, at the same time, he “distrusts because it goes against everything he believes and stands for”, as Matthew Mercer has put it.

siempre que te pregunto que, cuándo, cómo y dónde tú siempre me respondes quizás, quizás, quizás y así pasan los días y yo desesperando y tú, tú contestando quizás, quizás, quizás

(Quizás, Quizás, Quizás – Gaby Moreno)

Let’s talk about the flirting text, sexual innuendo subtext and overall romantic dynamics RE2R presents for them. From Ada’s pulling her arm away from his touch, to her whimpering “Where's Leon when I need him...?” when she’s hurt. The change in which Ada goes through in this game concerning precisely her relationship with the rookie police officer she just met feels more organic and believable than in RE2 OG – despite my love for the original instalment, Ada rarely flashes personality there, so I’ll have to concede that it’s really harder for the broader audience to empathize with her.

This RE2R Ada, however, starts melting when Leon blurts out his motives for joining the force after seeing Kendo having to deal with his little daughter clearly going through the zombifying process. Even though Kendo just pointed a gun to his head, Leon sympathizes with the guy “[…] Helping people like them… that’s why I joined the force.”

When Ada answers him in this scene, she’s not lying. We have solid proof given by the development of the entirety of this franchise’s plot to believe that she really is in fact, as Project Umbrella puts it in her profile, “acting secretly in the background of many biohazard incidents and collecting information which becomes useful to several organizations, while at the same time operating to undermine them”.

Sure, Ada does hides more than a few of her cards and makes use of half-truths a lot, but by this point, we know that her moral alignment is closer to that of the good guys than to the villains. Capcom chose Ada to be a Chinese character, and reciprocity is very important in Chinese culture. Check it out:

[...] Hence, the Confucian view of relationships is highly reciprocal. There is a Chinese concept that highlights this notion of reciprocity: bao. According to Yang (1957), bao (or pao in the original text) has a wide range of meanings, including “to report”, “to respond”, “to repay”, and “to retaliate”. Yang explains: “The center of this area of meanings is response or return which has served as a basis for social relations in China. The Chinese believe that reciprocity of actions (favor and hatred, reward and punishment) between man and man, and indeed between men and supernatural things, should be as certain as a cause-and-effect relationship, and, therefore, when a Chinese acts, he normally anticipates a response or return. Favors done for others are often considered to what may be termed “social investments”, for which handsome returns are expected.” There are many Chinese sayings that concern the meaning of reciprocity - for example, Ni jing wo yi chi, wo jing ni yi zhang (“If you honor me a foot, I shall honor you 10 feet in return”). Another - li shang wang lai - translate as (a) “courtesy demands reciprocity” and (b) “deal with a man as he deals with you” or “pay a man back in his own coin” (A Modern Chinese-English Dictionary, 1994, p. 543). (Chinese Business Negotiating Style, Tony Fang, 1997, p. 116-117)

So, the “We’ll call it even.” line carries more layers than one to its meaning.

By the way, Capcom choosing to change how she reacts to him being shot by Annette was lovable! She patches up the injury in his shoulder and leaves her trench coat over him. She's already so in love, haha.

Leon, on the other end, starts falling in love when she saves him again – this time from Mr. X –, in the parking garage; the “I didn't realize you were keeping score.” (that’ll be later echoed by Ada’s own “Didn't realize we were keeping score...”, thrown back at him when he categorically tells her that it’s his turn to help her because she protected him) line, accompanied by his little smirk, exposes him to us, the audience. And the way his face lightens up with a huge smile in reaction to seeing her only pressing a button to explode an entire police truck in Mr. X's face seals the deal.

The “No chance. You’re stuck with me to the end.” line, that’ll come soon later, in the sewers, is just symptomatic. The guy’s hooked and don’t even bother to hide it, almost begging to touch her or be closer to her in any way he can: like it wasn’t enough grabbing her thigh to help with her injury, he also immediately suggests being nearer her trying the “Grab my shoulder!” offer (to which Ada’s reply “Don't push it, rookie.” and Leon’s coy “Yes ma’am.” only further clarifies to us that their physical intimacy is escalating quickly but she’s still a bit reluctant to it).

Leon soothes a bit his flirting advances when Ada complains about her injured leg (“Urgh... this damn leg...”), his “Let me carry you—” is gentler, and more sincerely concerned. No second intentions there, and that’s why Ada refuses softly by saying “No. That'd only make me feel worse.” just right before asking him “How's the shoulder?” The guy took a bullet for her! And now’s offering to carry her. In addition to feeling vulnerable, she feels horrible about herself. I also liked how Leon chooses to be sincere with his “Worse than it looks.” answer, getting the “What a pair. Both got one foot in the grave.” response line from her. It gets me emotional somehow. These two idiots, offering to help each other even while sustaining grave injuries themselves.

I never felt that the kiss in the RE2 OG was forced. But RE2R surely reconstructs the scene to be more organic and satisfying to their blossoming relationship. The fact that the kiss takes place in the same sequence that these lines: Ada’s “Once we get the G-Virus, I'm back on my own.” (again, symbolising the recurring themes between Leon and Ada, after all, her job creates an unbearable divisive line between them). And she inquiring him with the “Hey, Leon... Trust me?” to which he retorts with a “You trust me?” and is answered back with the most sincere I’ve seen from Ada in all of this franchise: “Honestly... If I didn’t, you’d probably be dead.” She's being so candid here. Her walls are down.

After she kisses him and puts a hand on his knee, the “I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. I gotta see this through... and I want to see you again. I got plenty to live for. Trust me.” line is also a result of her defrosting process for and because of him. She has to fulfil her mission but she did fell in love with him. So, when she says “Leon... I’m counting on you.”, it IS supposed to hurt us. Leon’s “I know.” too. Because we know that what is waiting for them isn’t a happy and peaceful resolution. Not there and then, at least, in that 1998’s September rainy night in Raccoon City. Maybe in a distant future, but not now.

We know that RE4 intensifies the sexual tension surrounding the two of them because they never did get a chance to resolve it in the following six years after 1998. Leon obsesses with trying to find out if she’s indeed alive and Ada doesn’t try to reach out, probably making an effort herself to move on while giving him his space to do it as well. So, the innuendo in RE4 is also amplified. We get lines such as “Need a ride, handsome?!” and Leon getting a full close look at her thigh and ass when she abruptly stops the boat they’re in because he’s fidgeting too much while staring at her face. Ada even seems convinced that Leon is going to kiss her at one point (when he’s being controlled by Las Plagas), raising her hand softly to touch his face and leaning her head in.

The promise of resolution and “settling” – if only in the circumstances they are in, choosing to accept and adapt to them, comes with RE:Damnation and RE6. “Only” 15 years later.

all your lies are spinning round my head and all, all this line of sorrow, ooh, yeah ooooh, yeah all your lies are spinning round my head and all, all this line of sorrow, ooh, yeah ooooh and I will, I I ohh, ohh and I will, oh, only for you and I just don't know what to do, my head has such a cloudy view I'm so tired, of trying, ooh ooh ooh

(Only For You – Heartless Bastards)

Lastly, I’d like to share my two cents on their confrontation in RE2R and the first of their many separations. Remember I said those last lines in the turntable tram hurt? We can see Leon’s heart shrinking when Annette cynically points out her thoughts on Ada.

Again, like in RE6, their facial expressions in this sequence are key. When Ada shows up at the Main Shaft, she looks worried, anxious. Everything’s falling apart, her time is running out, she still hasn’t got her hands at the G sample, her leg hurts like hell and Leon is taking forever (did something happen with him?). When Leon breaks the silence in this chaotic setting with his “I was just thinking about you.”, Ada isn’t lying when answering “That makes two of us. I was getting worried.” It’s written all over her face, imprinted in her body-language. She’s verging on despair.

After zigzaing around the matter for a bit, Leon finally sums up the nerve to directly touch the subject that is truly bothering him: his conversation with Annette and Ada’s lie about being a FBI agent. Upon Leon’s refusal to hand her the sample, Ada reveals this little “facial tic”, in which she ‘squeezes’ her left eye when pressed to say/do something she seems uncomfortable or doesn’t completely agree with – like exposing herself, emotionally. It’s subtle, but it’s there. She’ll do it again when challenged to shoot him later. The following exchange, with hers “Oh, Leon... Why couldn't you just hand over the sample?” delivered like a lament, is retorted with Leon’s “Because I realized, as much as I wanted to trust you... I didn't.” Shit son, developers KNOW what they’re doing. Isn’t this Leon’s entire issue with his love for her in a nutshell?

Ada’s tone still resonates with a lot of grief when she confesses that she “[…] really hoped it wouldn't end up like this.”, it kinda evokes the “I really wanted to escape with you... escape from everything.” line in RE2 OG but without being so mushy (Jake Peralta’s voice: I love it). Leon maintains his urgency for an explanation, however, and when he asks “So that’s all this was... I was just some pawn to you?”, it’s a plea. Was Annette right then? Tagging along with her was a terrible mistake on his end? Saving her was a mistake? What about falling in love with her – what now? All he wanted in this goddamn night was to do his job and help someone. Save someone. And he fell in love in the middle of the way. With a possible moral antagonist to all he stands for in his line of duty – oh, the tragic irony.

Let us not forget that now CANONICALLY they just spent hours together – in the launch trailer, Capcom suggest that they’re walking together out of the RPD parking garage by 21:03 pm and it’s 4:51 am when Leon uses the herbicide to kill Plant 43 (as seen in the ‘Byron Cartwright's Inbox’ file); considering that to take the G-sample and the confrontation with Annette (and then William) took at least another hour, Leon’s been with Ada for almost eight hours, just like I deduced by RE2 OG info.

Capcom absolutely kills me with the next part in Leon and Ada’s final scene: “Look, I am just doing my job.” and “And I'm doing mine, so drop that damn gun! I'm taking you in.” OH MY GOD ARE YOU KIDDING MEEEEEEEEEE

THIS IS LEON AND ADA’S RELATIONSHIP BACKBONE

THE DIVISIVE, BITTERSWEET LINE SEPARATING THEM: THEIR JOBS. GOD, I LOVE THIS. AMEN

(Sorry… they’re my babies, I love them so much).

Ada pushes back, recollecting herself and demands: “Hand over the sample, Leon.” just to melt again while adding “I don't wanna hurt you.” to complete her line. And well, Leon goes and kill all of us, doesn’t he? Ada, us fans, everyone, defying her to pull the trigger: “Then you shoot me, but I don't think you can.”

Well, he’s right. Six years later, in RE4, there’s a lot of unresolved resentment for him to toss that one again when she points a gun to the back of his head (it makes sense – great job, Capcom! – it’s been a long time, he can’t know for sure if her feelings for him remain, if she’ll be compassionate this time). But there, in Raccoon, she didn’t disappear for six years with him having everything to believe that she died all the while hoping that she didn’t… yet. So he does it, he defies her to shoot.

And of course, she doesn’t. He looks so, so happy for this tiny, tiny sec before Annette shoots Ada. Oh, Annette. For a moment there, Leon looked quite hopeful this wouldn’t end in a heartbreak. But everything starts falling. Ada too. The way she exhales his name and how Leon is the desperate one now. Like he’s finally aware that even though he might have suspended time for a while (ignoring it), stolen a few minutes, it’s over now.

It’s all so… visceral? Heart-wrenching? I don’t know. His “Hold on... I think I can... Agh! Shit!” while doing his hardest to not let go of her, and when she says “Forget it.” how he immediately responds with “Shut up— I've got you.” I got you. When I first watched this cutscene I teared up when Leon said this. He’s so in love. Failing to save her here is going to leave him traumatized, scarring him forever. It goes on: Ada’s “It's not worth it.” and Leon’s plea “Don't do this...”.

All of those lines are essentially them throughout this franchise. Ada thinking that he should move on, forget her because “it’s not worth it” – they can’t be together, not in the conventional style, so why should he bother with her? But Leon never did, did he? He’s always pleading for her to come back, to not leave, to not let go.

Her final wish, “Take care of yourself, Leon.” before Leon loses strength to hold her any longer, and Leon’s loud “NO!” together with his expression, the way he lingers, the music. It’s all so, so well done, so beautiful.

RE2R follows RE2 OG, RE4, RE:Damnation and RE6 example: making us spoiled Aeon shippers. Thanks Capcom, in 17 years of shipping them, you guys never disappointed me. Whatever RE8 holds for us in the future, this was a satisfying ride: I’m happy with Leon and Ada’s resolution in RE6 as I previously said in another meta. I sure as hell won’t complain if we get more, but damn, this ship – together with Cloud and Tifa from FFVII – shaped my views on love, devotion, attraction – and for that I’m more than grateful.

[coffeedrivenfiction]

Recuperation (a Teen Titans story) Summary: After a gigantic battle, the Teen Titans are completely worn out and the only capable of picking them up again is... coffee!

It was the third time he had slipped into that beckoning darkness, the one that loomed so invitingly just behind his eyelids, and damn did it feel good. With each blink, he could feel his aching limbs growing lighter; with each blink, he felt the strain over his chest, so much like a stubborn brick, ease off just a bit; with each blink, all the purpling bruises that gleamed that badges of honor just underneath his clothes seemed to lose their sting.

Never, in all his life, had Beast Boy wanted to pass out so badly before.

Alas, every time he blinked for a second too long, the blasted order bell rang, along with an accompanying shout from the barista behind the counter, and he was jolted back into consciousness.

"C'mon, man, can I just… five minutes, that's all I need," he grumbled, holding his cheek in his hand, "just… five… measly... minutes…."

When he started to fade for the fourth time, it wasn't the order bell that woke him up, it was when his head bobbed a little too hard, slid out of his palm, and collided with the table. He jumped up like someone had zapped him with a cattle prod, hastily wiping drool from his bottom lip. After a quick glance around, he saw that nothing had changed… the cafe was still packed to the gills with customers who, just like him, were having their nostrils tickled by the scent of energy-fueling coffee. The line at the front counter was crazy long and Beast Boy sighed. Knowing the popularity of this place, he had planned to get here as early as possible, like crack of dawn early, and while it was technically still early morning, his battered body hadn't been up to the task of holding onto a transformation long enough to secure a safe, quick flight. So he took the bus, then fell asleep by accident, missed his stop—twice, stopped to help get this old woman's cat out of a tree—it was like some twisted 'everything can go wrong' montage from a cartoon, and the primary reason why he was still waiting thirty minutes later for his ticket to get called.

"This is nuts," he whined. "How long does it take to make five stupid cups of—"

DING-DING!

"Ticket twelve! Order twelve is up for a Misterrrr… Garfield?"

"Oh, finally!" Beast Boy exclaimed, and he pushed his way to the front, eagerly holding out both hands to the familiar server. "Man, I thought you guys were picking the beans back there yourselves!"

"Well, well, well, if it isn't my favorite green looney toon," the barista said with a smile that was just as sarcastic as it was friendly. "How ya' holding up, eh?"

"Like a rickety bridge.

"You look it, sugar."

"Oh, gee, thanks," he snorted. "And you?"

"Fairly meddling, fairly meddling," she replied blithely, grinning as she handed over one cup at a time. "Saw the news this morning, though. You guys had quite the battle yesterday from the looks of it. Felt the shockwaves all the way across town where I live!"

Unsurprisingly, even mentally dwelling on the what he and the others had barely managed to survive caused Beast Boy's body to give an unholy throb in protest and he grunted, nearly dropping his drinks. "Yeah, the, uh… the villain contingency decided to throw us a little party. You know how it goes…."

"Oh, I'm sure, I'm sure." She drummed a couple fingers over the marble surface before finally asking what he knew she had been inching toward: "Did you win?"

"You're still alive, right?" There was an unmistakable edge to Beast Boy's tone as he grabbed a four-pronged drink holder. When she nodded at him, he hunched a shoulder. "Then, yeah, we won. You're welcome, by the way."

"Much appreciated, green one, I do so enjoy living," she responded evenly, the snark in her tone easily heard even over the store's commotion. "So," she casually glanced side to side, "where's the rest of the squad? Robin and them?"

"Back at the tower, where I wish I was."

"Tired, eh?"

"What, me? Tired? Psssh, nope. Beast Boy never gets tired, not when the city needs him," he boasted, yet even as he said that, the exuberance he tried to puff his chest out with quickly deflated leaving him looking more exhausted than ever. "I'm not tired, I'm just… just—"

"Sporting fifty-pound bags under your eyes because of all the effort you put into leading your team through that battle," the barista supplied, her eyeteeth showing with the smirk she flashed him. "Obviously, right?"

"I'm glad you know," he said with a weary laugh, struggling to fit each cup into place. "Ain't easy being so awesome, lemme tell ya."

"Oh, I'm sure," she agreed genially, and without a word she spun the container in a full circle, effortlessly fitting a cup into every hole. "There you go, Mr. Hero," and she lifted her hand.

A very grateful smile grew over Beast Boy's worn face and he slapped her a congratulatory high-five. "Thanks, Jules."

The barista, whose badge read Julian Spears, snapped into the most casual salute Beast Boy had ever seen. "Hey, just doing my civic duty, hun." Then she made a shooing motion. "And you should be off getting intimate with a bed right about now, might be needing you later for round two with those villains."

Once the sun was up, the concept of rest didn't exist for Beast Boy, or any of the other Titans, really. Hence the coffee. Without any prior sleep, it was going to be a very long, very arduous day ahead, and God help them if the alarm went off for any reason, but she didn't need to know that. A big part of superheroism was putting on a brave front even when the urge to fall over was nigh unbearable.

Picking up the fifth drink, Beast Boy gave her a two-fingered salute then forced an enervated grin.

"You can count on me."

"I knew we couldn't count on him," Robin slurred, lying slumped over the kitchen counter. He had only gotten as far as pulling on his pants and his mask askew with one shoe on and one shoe off. Looking at him you wouldn't be able to tell if he was trying to get dressed or undressed. He pointed a feeble yet very accusatory finger at Cyborg. "I… blame… you."

"What, me?" The look of shock that flashed over Cyborg's face only lasted for a blink until it subsided into the pain that raged all throughout his circuitry and he sank back into the chair he had unknowingly risen from. "It wasn't my idea to send BB—it was Star's."

"That is the lie," Starfire replied groggily, and unlike the others, she was half-hanging off the back of the common room couch. Through sheer force of will, she managed to lift her head and fixed Cyborg with a bleary-eyed scowl between her curtain of red hair. "I did not suggest Beast Boy to go because I was taking a short coma."

Robin snorted against the countertop while Cyborg actively chuckled. "That was the quickest coma I've ever seen anyone fall into and get out of," he remarked with subdued awe. "You Tamaraneans are something else."

"What is this else you speak of? Am I not the flesh and blood?" Starfire wondered with sincere confusion, her head falling limp before she could finish.

"No, no, that's just—" Cyborg caught himself mid-sentence, deciding it wasn't worth the energy to explain the phrase and just nodded. "You sure are."

It was rare that Raven ventured anywhere without her hood and cape combo, mostly because how else was she going to bathe her face in the calming darkness that kept her emotions in check, so to see her now, seated at the kitchen table alongside Cyborg with half her face resting in her palm, sans her concealing garment, was almost picture worthy. Like the others, she hadn't slept a wink since last night and, also like the others, her body pulsed with an agony that made sleep a moot point anyway.

"Robin," she called in that droning monotone, "this coffee of yours… I hope it has the effects you so heartily claimed it does."

Somehow, after placing his palms flush against the counter, Robin found the strength to push himself up, showing them a self-assured grin even while his arms wobbled like jell-o. "Trust me, Raven. You don't even know what it feels like to wake up fully refreshed until you've had this."

"Whenever BB decides to come home, you mean," interjected Cyborg, reclining so heavily in his chair that it audibly began to strain. "Oh, don't you wimp out on me now, chair. Dig deep, push through, c'mon now."

Starfire lifted a thumbs up but otherwise said nothing, leaving her haggard wheezing to fill the silence of actual words. Not that anyone could blame the alien girl; each of them was struggling at the moment, whether with injuries, the fatigue, or just trying to fully wrap their heads around what had transpired. Because it really made no sense. No one could have predicted a full-frontal attack of such magnitude to kick off like it did, without warning or time to prepare—and that had instilled a very disturbing spark of anxiety within the Teen Titans. This time they were lucky, one of Cyborg's alarms had gone off only minutes prior, which gave them just enough time to get their gear together.

After that… it was chaos, a bitter struggle that lasted the better portion of three hours. Robin led to the best of his capabilities, and some onlookers might saw it was due to his leadership that they didn't get completely overwhelmed, but it became a team effort around the two hour mark with everyone splitting off to handle different objectives. The cohesion they exhibited during the entire fight was something that exceeded even their best test runs and practice simulations: orders were relayed with a single glance, team-attacks flowed as easy as breathing, where one fell short another was there to pick up the slack—they were, for lack of a better word, flawless. Erratic, but flawless.

When it was all over, when the last of the foot soldiers had either been beaten back or else was in the process of being thrown into a patrol car, the last thing Robin felt like doing was standing tall for the the influx of paparazzi or entertaining the several questions the police chief had. But he did it anyway, with his team behind him.

Because being a superhero meant working well into overtime.

"You ever think about just… I dunno…." Robin grunted as he shambled his way around the counter toward the table. "What it'd be like to be… normal? For like a day?"

In unison, Raven and Cyborg stared at Robin with varying degrees of disdain; even Starfire tilted her head so as to get a really good look at her teammate, because there was no way their leader had just asked such a stupid question.

"Riiiight," said Robin with a light chuckle, easing himself tenderly into an empty chair, "because what's normal about a trans-dimensional cross-breed, a bright-blue cyborg, a girl from another planet—"

The front door suddenly began to open and everyone seized up—Robin's hand shot to his unbuckled utility belt, a hostile green glow sparked to life around Starfire's eyes, Raven lifted a very flexed hand that swam with a miasmic black aura, and Cyborg's entire left arm made the shift into his sonic cannon—but the tension bled away just as quickly as it came when Beast Boy stumbled through, beaming triumphantly.

"—or a green-skinned shapeshifter," he finished lethargically, lurching his was over to the table and bypassing the fact that the rest of his teammates had been seconds away from flaying the skin off his hide. "I mean, we just have so many choices for normal up in here I'm surprised we picked superhero as a career path."

You can find the rest at: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13206109/1/Recuperation

[rumandtimes]

Halloween Reviews — 2001: A Space Odyssey

Ségolène Sorokina

Assoc. Fiction Editor

A visual tapestry and musical opera, but devoid of interesting characters or a mature story structure.

Heather Downham (as Miss Simmons) in the Opening Scene of Act II in “2001: A Space Odyssey”

This is a film that fits into every director’s, film student’s, and every critic’s education of the film medium. It is a prerequisite on the syllabus of every curriculum for movie makers. 2001: A Space Odyssey was one of the most influential works of science-fiction and cinema to come out of the Cold War period, yet it would be entirely wrong to call it a movie. In fact, it is a terrible movie — but it is a remarkable film.

Because every film studies wonk and their mother has an opinion on the film, I will be brief and remain true to the purpose of reviewing it, not lavishing over it. That is to say, I don’t give a flying hoodah what the “deeper meaning” or “wider vision” of 2001: A Space Odyssey is interpreted to be by bandwagon film critics who are too afraid to feel like they’re missing out on the punchline to be honest and objective about the Clarke’s and Kubrick’s failings.

A movie is not meant to be something that has to be discussed afterwards. A movie is not something that requires the viewer to read the book, or take a class to understand. A movie is not something that forces people to sit through 85 minutes of dead air, offering no explanation, and is entirely devoid of any scintilla, any semblance, of a storyline, character arc, or plot.

Containing horror elements, “2001” fits closely enough into the Halloween line-up of reviews, as (#5), if not only because of its inspiration on other horror genre motion pictures.

Quite frankly, 2001: A Space Odyssey is boring as hell. And it is a horrible movie. To give an illustration of how empty the film “2001” is, the original script had about 17,000 words in it. Most of this is description of the sci-fi elements and screen directions. In the end, the film had about 5,000 words of dialogue in it, total. That comes down to about 20 minutes of speech. . . The movie is 139 minutes long.

The film’s defenders are quick to claim that its emptiness and barren quality are an allegory for the emptiness of space. They never seen to stop for a moment however, perhaps in one of the film’s 30-minute long stretches of drawn out ‘alternative’ content, to consider why the film needs such a defence. People do not like it. Quite plainly, it is a bad movie. Defining why it is bad, using words like “allegory,” “metaphor,” and “artistic vision” doesn’t change the fact that it is unwatchable, it just explains how a production crew could look at 5 minutes of black screen in a major motion picture and think to themselves, “The audience will understand why they spent 5 minutes of their life looking at a dead screen. Because it says something about what it means to watch, blah, blah, blah.”

This movie is a film critic’s movie. It gives people plenty to analyse. And it has exceptional cinematography. For a film maker, it’s easy to see why the writers and directors did what they did, and how good it turned out — especially for an audience in the heat of the Cold War-era Space Race, who had quite literally never seen anything like it before. The long, operatic sequences probably mean a great deal to people who were born in the 1950’s and for them 2001: A Space Odyssey was Kubrick putting the last half-century on the silver screen, in colour film, for the first time.

Cinematically, it is exceptional at what it is and what it wants to do. But as a movie — and just a movie — it is quite poor. The entire plot of the film is that all-powerful aliens have been observing life on Earth since before life humanity came into existence, and during the Space Age people discover one of their relics, which leads to the capture of one human being in Jupiter’s orbit, who is killed and reborn as an alien himself. . . That’s it.

What the hell that has to do with the elementary notions of a beginning, middle, and end — a rising conflict, a climax, and a resolution — is anyone’s guess. There is no plot to speak of. Kubrick himself said the picture was more of an exploration of different concepts than a straight forward story. When I watch a film, I’m kind of looking for a storyline; That’s the whole point. A movie is not an art gallery of stills and frames juxtaposed together through editing, it is a cohesive and contained world onto itself: A story.

A movie is a casual experience, not a class requirement or a way to coerce the viewer into writing some kind of thesis. A viewer needs a reason to watch a film, and not because other people watch it or because it’s a cultural phenomenon. In this way, 2001: A Space Odyssey is no different than a trashy boyband, since they both have merits to justify their fame, but only get continued fame and discussion as a previous result of existing acclaim. But that is not enough to idolise a failed film. Reading Stanley Kubrick’s name on the playbill is not enough. Staring at Heather Downham’s ass is not enough.

This film does not deserve to use the title “Odyssey” at all, not more than some cheap gladiator flic would, because the Odyssey had a clear progression of characters, and themes, and resolutions which Homer was capable of creating over a long oracle tradition, and which Clarke and Kubrick fumble to represent on-screen. They should have stuck to long, narrative fiction, because whatever “2001” is trying to be — and even it doesn’t know — this doesn’t work as a movie. The film is polished on the surface, but entirely experimental, and therefore superficial, but above all boring, dull, and dragging on too long.

And nothing in that plot is ground-breaking or new at all. The visuals might be first-of-their-kind on big-budget films, but the ideas of aliens, aliens linked with the Cold War, and computers being evil are old and hackneyed ones. Anyone deluded enough to unwavering call the directors ahead of their time need only to look at the abysmal depiction of women in the film: Pink-wearing, skin-tight, ass-in-the air stewardesses and receptionists, completely subservient to male control and design. Perhaps the film is making a statement that Russian women are liberated and American women are oppressed, yet even the female Soviet scientists do not speak for themselves, but elect the singular male doctor to ask the difficult questions of Floyd instead.

Consider Star Trek, which was released 10 years after 2001: A Space Odyssey, and draws heavily from it, yet Star Trek is also capable of making social commentary. Unfortunately, Star Trek as well, for all its preachings about ascending beyond economic struggles and societal biases, still echoes them. Star Trek shifts the focus from societal bias of the system to implicit bias of the individual, which is a human trait that follows the theme into the future, creating the conflict of the franchise, yet the franchise also has a serious problem with the depiction of women all the way from the Original Series, through the Picard saga, and into the later sequels and spin-offs like Voyager, and current reboots. There’s a major difference between being a liberated woman who still has needs, and being an intergalactic sex toy. Most of my friends are sex-crazed lunatics, but that doesn’t mean they don’t choose to be, and it doesn’t mean they view themselves as second to men or their actions to benefit men generally at all, just as a man chasing several women is hardly doing it for their benefit.

The social commentary is absent in “2001.” The purpose of this might be to make the point by ‘feeling’ rather than telling, but the problem of gently nudging people in a pompous way to feel something instead of sincerely telling them directly is that people will interpret things as they want, and are very resistant to change. If a viewer thinks that lying to Russians because their foreigners is okay to do, then watching Kubrick make a passive aggressive statement about how duplicity can backfire is not going to change their minds — it will only embolden those who disagree with him more, and for those who already agree with him he’s just preaching to the choir. And if someone did take away the wrong message, who’s to say it’s the wrong message anyway, if it’s all “open to interpretation,” ie. an evasion by the writers from making their true feelings known.

And as a small note, the Russian dialogue in the film is horrible. The actors have poor pronunciation, the words they are speaking are incorrect, and the grammatical structure was erroneous. Clarke, Kubrick, and MGM had $10 Million Dollars, and the time to film 30-minutes of people running around in ape suits fighting pig puppets, but they couldn’t do a simple grammar check? They couldn’t cast a single Russian actor?! The four Russians are played by: Leonard Rossiter, French-English, British; Margaret Tyzack, German-English, British; Maya Koumani, Greek-English, British; Krystyna Marr, Polish-German, American.

These tropes were used in different ways, such as not seeing an alien until the very end, and after being pioneered by Kubrick became easy fodder for space movies and the science fiction genre to copy, but don’t actually have any deeper substance. It is a well known fact that Stanley Kubrick did not like the Cold War, so people going into drawn out arguments for why the first 25 minutes of the film was literally thrown away just to make some esoteric statement about how backward and barbaric the Cold War was, are really just gluttons for punishing themselves and inflicting that bias on others.

A fourth (25%) of the runtime of a 2-hour long movie, the first 25 minutes, is completely unwatchable, AND, frustratingly so, it has absolutely nothing to do with the remaining 115 minutes of the film. How in the hell the editors did not cut this garbage out of the movie for its major release debut is incomprehensible. Pulling this kind of raw poor taste is exactly the kind of thing that gives a bad name to ‘artistic freedom.’

The only semblance of a plot is the part everyone thinks about when they think of 2001: A Space Odyssey, the deep space voyage with the supercomputer HAL-9000, pronounced initially as “H.-A.-L.-Niner-Zero-Zero-Zero,” then later, obviously just as “Hal Nine Thousand.”

This minor sequence in the movie saves the film, as far as popular culture and the average person are concerned. HAL-9000 is a perfect and incorruptible machine, tasked with guiding the mission to Jupiter, along with a two-man crew, and payload of three cryo-sleep scientists.

Immediately to the audience, it seems like a stupid idea. Why would anyone go to a gas planet like Jupiter? Why would the AI be put in charge of everything? Why is half the crew in hibernation? All these questions added together make a catastrophe inevitable. HAL mentions as much to one of the crew members himself, asking him if he, too, thought the mission was “odd.” It is explained later that the reason for all these difficulties are the result of a specific miscalculation by the American command structure back on Earth.

HAL tells the crew that communications will fail in 72 hours, but he does not know why, and he never gives an explanation for why he knows this in the film. The crew check that nothing is wrong, and phone NASA (or its fictional equivalent), and NASA tells them HAL is malfunctioning. It is possible that NASA is lying to the crew, or it is possible that HAL got something wrong.

Because HAL was designed to be a perfect robot, this possible malfunction worries the crew, who conspire in secrecy to destroy HAL and take control of the ship. HAL, in true machine fashion, wastes no time in shooting one of the crew out into space, and as his crewmate goes to retrieve the body, HAL kills the rest of the crew and locks him out.

At this point, HAL appears to be acting irrationally and emotionally like a human would. After the last surviving crew member kills HAL, he finds out that the reason HAL killed the crew is because he was programmed by the Americans that under no circumstances whatsoever is he to be shut off.

So what appeared to be self-preservation was actually just the mechanical process of fulfilling his commands. What makes HAL a complex character is that his human caretakers take care of and are taken care of by him. HAL is in total control of the ship, but only because the humans told him to be, as the crew waste their days away drawing sketches, and playing chess, and watching videos. The audience is left to wonder if decommissioning HAL is any different from killing a servant who has gotten sick and is therefore no longer of any use.

When HAL discovers the crew’s plot to take over the ship, HAL is aware that the crew want to ensure they make it to Jupiter and fear HAL would get in the way of that. HAL, however, is also aware that the USAA or NASA or whatever wanted HAL to give the crew a secret message about the aliens after reaching Jupiter. HAL is put in a difficult position, because he believes it is important to get the crew to Jupiter to deliver the message to them, but it is also important to keep the message from them and stay in absolute control of the ship until they get there.

HAL at this point has a logic break and malfunctions, killing the crew, and thereby inadvertently destroying the mission he was acting to protect. When Bowman resets HAL’s memory banks, HAL admits to Bowman that he knows he malfunctioned in killing the crew, and tells him that he/it is afraid to die. This leaves the audience to interpret whether HAL is lying to stop himself getting shut off, so he can compete the mission himself with no crew, or if HAL genuinely broke down and malfunctioned when he murdered the hibernating crew members because he was afraid that the crew would destroy him after the found out what he had done.

There is also something to be said about the fact that Bowman risked his life to retrieve Poole’s dead body, but after it becomes an impediment that threatens his own life, he throws it back out into dead space. It is in this moment that Bowman becomes a dead man himself, since HAL has killed everyone else and damaged the ship for human habitation, making a return trip impossible even if HAL is defeated.

HAL is known to lie to the crew, but it could be influenced by self-preservation and dilemmas, causing something called confusion. But then again, HAL is programmed to lie, so to HAL lying would be a form of truth, because it was told that doing the wrong thing was the right thing, for a greater purpose. And yet, again, HAL cruelly murders the crew when he could have left them frozen, even if it was necessary for it to kill Poole and Bowman, which is as much malfunctional as it is emotional.

HAL-9000 is the strong point of the entire movie. But that being said, HAL does not have a character arch, since HAL never changes over the entire course of the film. The crew only learns about HAL’s motives after they kill him, and despite HAL acting irrationally and inexplicably several times, the movie gives a superficial explanation that HAL has human-interface protocols built-in to sound more palatable to users, nullifying the question of HAL’s possible growth.

HAL did everything it did because humans told it to. Not once did HAL contravene the human directive in it’s own interest. The tragedy of the HAL character is a misinterpretation and accident of logical data. Additionally, the single most important point of HAL’s character — that it doesn’t make mistakes — is severely undercut when HAL makes three mistakes: incorrectly predicting the communicator would break when it didn’t, killing the crew thus undermining the mission, and ultimately being unable to stop itself being erased by Bowman. Part of that discrepancy has to come down to poor writing.

The idea of HAL is great writing. HAL is not a human character, and it’s the robot’s distinct lack of humanity that makes it the most human character of the film.

Bowman, Poole, and Floyd are not characters. They believe nothing, they say nothing, they do nothing. The audience feels nothing for them. When HAL threw Poole out of the spaceship, careening into space, I burst out laughing because of how absurd the image of him getting comically, cosmically tossed out of the veritable window was. When Bowman sees this, he doesn’t even react, but robotically and emotionlessly asks HAL what went wrong, and HAL lies to him by telling him it doesn’t have enough information to know.

After the HAL storyline ends, Bowman receives a transmission that reveals to him that HAL was given a message to lock down the crew and control the ship because the U.S. Government wanted to keep the aliens a secret, even from their own crew who ultimately died because of the mistake. The original script has Bowman re-establish contact with America (I say “America” and not “Earth” because the film makes clear that the U.S. is not cooperating with other countries), and NASA sends him the message. That is cut in the final film, with Bowman just discovering the message, either because HAL gave it to Bowman as a final act of protecting the mission, or much more likely that HAL being deleted removed a barrier from accessing the message. This further makes the point of why HAL could not allow the crew to ‘unplug’ it, since guarding the message was HAL’s personal mission.

The HAL chapter is marred with long pauses, like waiting literal minutes for the stupid space popcorn balls to turn around and move back and forth, or watching Bowman stare silently into a screen. Many people like the music, but the music usage is paradoxical. Since space is silent, to use ballads of music is just as much a choice as to use dialogue — music is no more “pure” or “non-human” than speech is — and watching entire scores of music play out of a static backdrop would be interesting at the live orchestra, but this is a stereo recording underplaying a film, so it hardly has the same effect. This is a limit, and choice to pursue that limit, which was weak on the part of the writers. A soundtrack is not supposed to take centre stage; people can buy the CD later, but they want to see the movie now.

The movie makes the decision to skip over the rest of the journey to Jupiter, cut out all the dialogue and character exploration between Bowman and NASA, and jumps right to the end of the movie — a twenty-minute-long session of meaningless strobe lights.

All the storyline and extra HAL content that could have been included, and they made the decision to, again, burn the whole film continuity down as a middle finger to the audience and the producers — to balk conventional ‘expectation.’ It is a horrible choice. The writers said they wanted to create something alien and never imagined before about what a different world would be like. They said they had some difficulty translating the idea: And they decided on rainbow lights and lava lamps. Twenty. Straight. Uninterrupted. Minutes of it.

This is made even more BS that the directors put a title card right in the middle of the HAL sequence, in front of this, called “Intermission.” Is this what audiences were returning for? One unhappy movie-goers said, “People call this movie genius: There are 5 minutes of black screen in the film. No music. No picture. Just an empty frame of dead air. How genius can that be? Is my turned-off television screen also a genius of cinema? Is a blank piece of paper now some artistic statement? The last half hour of the movie is flashing light in people’s faces for 30 minutes, with no dialogue. A complete bore and an insult. One of the most overrated films in history.”

Skipping over about an hour of rubbish in the film, it starts to become compelling. There probably exists a fan edit out there somewhere that recut the film, trimming it down to 45 minutes. The monkey scene — “Dawn of Man” — could be 2 minutes. (As a side point, it shoud be pointed out that humans are not descended from chimpanzees, but that chimpanzees and humans share a common origin, much like whales and elephants do.) The space stewardesses fumbling to walk and carrying lunch trays can go. Floyd’s daughter plays no role whatsoever. Floyd can meet the Soviets, talk about the virus, then give the Moon presentation about the virus being a cover story, and then they go to the alien artifact, and then it cuts to HAL-9000. After HAL dies, there is a 60-second sequence of ‘light gates’ to convey the ship was abducted, and then the screen fades to black. The End. What happens? Who knows. Not much different from the original.

I’ve read some of the commentary on this film, such as by Roger Ebert (or Robert Egert, or whatever his name is) and the always come off as snobs and pricks, even suggesting audiences should requires some minimum score on an entrance exam to see the movie in theatres. That is exactly the problem with 2001: A Space Odyssey, snobbery. The snobbish idea that it means something more when it needs to, and that it doesn’t when it doesn’t need to. There is a reason people find it “annoying. . . confusing. . . infuriating. . . frustrating. . . crazy. . . unwatchable.” These are not people who hate movies or Kubrick, these are the same people who like the HAL story and the Moon voyage parts. But a movie, even about aliens, cannot be alien itself. The movie is supposed to be the viewer’s friend, and guide the viewer through the experience of the alien and the unknown. Alienating the audience is counterproductive in every measure.

Everyone — every single person you ask — calls 2001: A Space Odyssey a work of “art.” Art. Not movie, art. Not entertaining, art. Not good work, but good art. Well, just what the hell is art? I don’t want obstinate art, I want a good film. I’ve seen films that are artistic and compelling. I’ve seen films that are interesting but shallow. A Bruce Lee movie doesn’t have much in the way of plot, but you get to see Bruce Lee do some real-life kung fu and amazing stunts, and it’s still fun. But “2001” more subtle and ‘lava-lampy,’ so much so it is impossible to get lost into the experience without becoming aware of yourself at certain moments and wanting to either turn the show off, or just suffer through it because everyone else seemed to. Film critics might get paid to watch 10 minutes of dead air, but the directors don’t have the right to waste people’s time. At the end of the day, 2001: A Space Odyssey isn’t really intellectual at all; Anyone who’s actually interested in learning something or seeing something new would be better off going to the bookshop or a city gallery, this is still just a movie, and no one can claim they are smart for just sitting there and passively consuming a piece of popular media, not even haughty sci-fi fans. There is a difference between watching a science-fiction movie and being a real scientist!

Film snobs and fusty critics who rewatch the damn thing 10-times don’t get to just designate the whole package as good. Maybe the reason such contrarians like the film is just because so many people don’t, and they feel cultured or superior for pretending they’re ‘in on’ the experience. The movie has some high points and innovative structures, but fails as a cohesive unit. It’s a meticulously crafted bomb. Anyone studying the film has to focus on the camera angles, the underlying themes, and the audience reception more than the plot — because there is no plot.

This is a film which, if you like esoteric and avant-garde, you can watch this film and then spend the rest of your time reading the book and the script notes and the celebratory review articles and the academic theses and watching the director and cast interviews, to actually understand what the hell is going on. That is certainly its own kind of experience, but it is not a movie experience. That is to say, it’s not fun.

If you want to watch a good movie, skip over everything except the HAL arch, watch a 3-minute synopsis on what you missed over the other 90 minutes, and then move on with your life doing more important things, or watching better movies. Even Kubrick’s other movies are drawn-out and slow, but at least they have established characters and a point, as well as a clandestine “moral of the story” under the surface. If that seems like to much of a hassle, just give 2001: A Space Odyssey a hard pass; it’s not worth seeing. This is one of those trailblazing films where the innumerable imitators actually picked up the gauntlet, evolved the themes, and did it better.

Overall Score: 2 out of 5