#anyway save me anne hathaway oh anne hathaway save me...

[whenfatecollides]

Films watched in 2024: ↳ EILEEN (2023) dir. William Oldroyd

[i-have-a-crush-on-someone]

Do you have any poetry or art at all that I can cling to bc of a person that's been in my life for almost 10 years, that I've had a crush on for so long? At least 6 years? It's much like that movie "One Day" with Anne Hathaway (hopefully without anyone dying at the end). We don't live close to each other but cling to each other when we feel lost and just click as friends I guess but there's always been more. He told me he loves me but idk if that's true or the way I interpret it. It's just all so complicated

Hello ^^.

I am not a huge poetry person, but I do love music, so song recommendations is all I can offer you for now, hope that's okay. And, luckily, I've had the same crush for the past 5 years so I have some saved songs about that type of thing, lol.

• Summertime -- My Chemical Romance

• Still into you -- Paramore

• Crush -- Tessa Violet

• Two time -- Jack Stauber

• Cupid -- Jack Stauber

• Oh Klahoma -- Jack Stauber

• Like or Like like -- Miniature tigers

• Talk to you -- Ricky Montgomery

• Do I wanna know -- Arctic Monkeys

• I'm like a lawyer in the way I'm always trying to get you off -- Fall Out Boy

• Sarah smiles -- Panic! At the disco

• Jenny -- Studio Killers

And that's what the list is. Hopefully you find them easy to connect to your experience and crush ^^. Also, these are songs I like, and I know a lot if styles vary so I am sorry if they aren't your taste.

Anyway, hope this helps and good luck!

~Not a love expert 🌸

[phoebe-delia]

please give me a rant on Cats ily btw

Hi nonnie! Omg ily too, thank you! And thank you for this ask, because ooohh boy do I have feelings about this adaptation.

First of all, I have a few disclaimers to make:

1. I love the actual musical. Yes, I know the show is very controversial--either you love it or you hate it--but I grew up on "Cats." I loved it, and the book of poems it's based on. So for those looking for a rant about the lack of plot or criticizing the show itself, this post isn't for you.

2. I'm not even going to address the CGI other than to say....that was a choice. I think the critics and social media have done plenty to criticize it, and I won't say more about that fever dream on 'shrooms.

3. There were two aspects of the movie I enjoyed: Jennifer Hudson singing "Memory" and Taylor Swift's appearance; though even the presence of my favorite artist of all time was not enough to redeem this movie.

And for you, nonnie, I rewatched both the trailer and The Rum Tum Tugger song. I will be sending you the bill for my therapy <3 ;)

Now, onto the good stuff.

I'll start with the casting. Something that a ton of movie musical adaptations do is stunt-cast big names to draw audiences because they're afraid that people won't want to see a movie musical. This happened in the "Les Miserables" movie, and while big-name choices like Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham Carter, Sacha Baron-Cohen, and even Hugh Jackman had varying degrees of success, Russell Crowe as Javert was an obvious flop.

People like Jackman, Meryl Streep, and more recently James Corden have been cast in all these movie musicals because they're famous enough to get the average person into the theater. But, God, at what cost? I mean honestly, the only instance in which I think stunt casting truly worked was in the "Chicago" movie, which I firmly believe is the best movie musical adaptation ever made. (But that's another post.)

But please for the love of God can we start casting people with singing talent in musicals? Please? I'm begging.

Anyway, I digress. My point is: casting big names--even distinguished, incredible actors like Sir Ian McKellen and Idris Elba and Dame Judi Dench--will not save a movie musical from being shitty.

But here's probably my biggest problem: the acting itself.

Almost every single character was just the actor's personality projected into it. With the exception of the two previously unknown actors, it just felt like the characters were simply the actors dressed in costume and being a weird, exaggerated version of themselves. Little attention seemed to be paid to the actual characterization of the cats.

I think what hurt the most for me, personally, was Jason Derulo as Rum Tum Tugger. Oh, ouch, this one was painful because growing up I was a huge fan of the character. To be fair to Derulo, it is nearly impossible to follow in the footsteps of Terrence Mann. I mean, he played both Tugger and Javert in the original Broadway casts of Cats and Les Mis respectively--he's a musical theater giant.

But with Derulo, Tugger became...weaker and kinda one-dimensional. Rum Tum Tugger is flamboyant and funny, sort of like Elvis or Mick Jagger. He's larger than life, and Derulo just made him kinda sleazy without the high energy. I will say--his take on the iconic ending riff was good; he hit the right notes while still making it his own. Derulo is clearly talented, but I don't think he was well cast in this role.

Honestly, I think "Cats" should never have been adapted. Even if it pleased every die-hard fan of the show and did everything perfectly, it's so controversial and polarizing among theater fans that there's little chance that a non-theater fan is going to even see it--let alone enjoy it. The musical itself is kind of insane; it's an acquired taste, and it's not for everyone.

The moral of the story is, in my humble opinion, if you can't use the film genre and tools to enhance the story (or at least match the quality) then do a professional shot of it on stage, and either way, hire talented, diverse, unknown theater actors who can sing.

*sigh.* Alright, end of rant. Honestly, thank you nonnie this was cathartic. I think we can call it even on the therapy bill ;)

Send me an ask about Harry Potter, broadway/musicals, The West Wing, and/or Taylor Swift! Or just about life in general :).

Also, I have a playlist of my 99 most listened-to songs of the year so far. Pick a number 1--99 and send me an ask and I'll write you a fic based on it!

[vulturhythm]

1/2 Oh! Oh! What a lovely prompt and fill. The best part was the symbolism when you had Geralt kneel while he is shorn - the mage's hand fisted in his hair, jerking his head this way and that, Geralt's staring at Jaskier the whole time. To follow on this Anne Hathaway in Les Mis theme, I had a headcanon about the witcher ephemera trade that was almost exactly the same as this fine anon's (Jaskier's sick/need cash quick - this opens up so many angsty possibilities), except this time the item to

2/2 to sell is teeth - and due to the desperation of the situation Geralt of course does it, wielding the pliers himself, to two molars at the back, and he doesn't even tell Jaskier about it because it's done, why upset him while he's healing? Jaskier realizes weeks later when they're finally making out again and he's got his tongue down Geralt's throat, and of course he's heartbroken but Geralt assures him they'll grow back (I didn't decide whether or not this should be true, mind you).

Oh, love, I’m in just the right mood to make this painful today. I’m glad you enjoyed the last one! This got away from me a little... hope you don’t mind.

- - -

the wolf’s maw

"he’s in a bad state,” the mage is saying, looking over jaskier with the sort of indifference that makes geralt’s teeth ache. his bard is deserving of more. “had you waited much longer to bring him here, he would be dead.”

geralt knows that quite fucking well, goddammit - the cockatrice’s claws had all but flayed jaskier’s side, leaving him broken and bleeding out. even now, laying across the mage’s cot, he’s bleeding profusely through the shirt that geralt had torn and wrapped about his frame, hoping to staunch the worst of it.

“can you save him?” geralt says, gruff and terse. “i know he’s in a bad way, there’s no fucking need to remind me.”

the mage looks up at him then, giving him an appraising glance. “of course,” he says, “for the right price, anyway.”

geralt’s hand goes to his coin purse immediately, but the mage shakes his head, lifting a hand to stop him in his tracks. “not that sort of price,” he says. “you see, i deal in potions, droughts, spells... people come from miles around to buy my wares. quite the lucrative business, i’m sure you know, but my ingredients are running low.”

the witcher tenses then, giving the man a wary glance. “what beast would you have me kill?” he asks.

the mage’s laugh is sickening for a reason geralt cannot place. “no beast, butcher,” he says, and there, that’s it, that’s the name that makes geralt’s jaw clench, his chest tighten. “i know a lot about your kind. a single tooth from a witcher can sell for hundreds of thousands to the right buyer... do you realize how many fae i can pay to have slain for just one of your brutish little fangs? how many potions i can make as a result?”

geralt goes silent, staring at him with a mix of disbelief and fear. at last, he clears his throat, slowly dropping his hand from where it’s hovering at his belt. “you want my teeth,” he says, slow and doubting, “in exchange for your service.”

“right on,” says the mage, and his smile is far too bright as he looks to jaskier once more. “one fang will guarantee his immediate survival... two will ensure he does not drop dead from a stray curse the moment you walk out this door.”

blackmail.

geralt’s no stranger to it, but never before has jaskier’s life been at stake. if only they had the fucking time - the time for him to impale this bastard on a silver sword, the time to carry jaskier to the next healer...

but he knows without even looking to his bard that jaskier doesn’t have that sort of time.

he’s quiet, running his tongue along the length of one fang. witcher canines are elongated, sharpened at the tip - geralt’s are nearly too large to fit comfortably in his mouth when he’s downed a potion and the world is in sharp relief, when he’s oversensitive to even the brush of the wind against his feverish skin, but as he is now, they nestle snugly into the natural curvature of his lower teeth and jaw, just as natural to him as breathing.

his tongue smarts when he brushes it over the point, and geralt closes his eyes.

the pain of the extraction, the healing process, the strange looks - stranger than normal...

and yet, he knows that none of it will be as bad as the look of heartbreak and guilt on jaskier’s face when he awakens...

... but geralt would rather wound his songbird’s heart than sign his life away.

“i’ll give them both to you,” he says at last, closing his eyes, “but i’m the one who will take them out.”

“excellent!” cries the mage, clapping his hands together in a mockery of joy. he turns for his desk, taking a pair of pliers from the drawer. geralt recognizes them - they’re the type he uses to pluck out wyvern fangs, the ones he cleans and polishes and brings to children in towns as gifts.

geralt snatches the pliers from the mage’s outstretched hand, resisting the urge to bare his fangs in a snarl while he still can and backing off, stopping only when he feels his back hit the wall. once more, his gaze strays to jaskier.

his bard is lying still, his face pallid with blood loss. geralt knows better than to think he’ll survive without the mage’s help.

he heaves a sigh, holding his lower jaw in place with his free hand as he fits the mouth of the pliers around one fang. geralt closes his eyes, breathes in deep,

he pulls.

blood explodes hot and bright on his tongue, and he gags with the taste and the pain and the shock, doubling over where he stands. he hears the fang drop, but doesn’t bother looking where, resisting the urge to press his fingers into the hole and staunch the bleeding now.

jaskier is suffering worse.

geralt’s world is still spinning when he fits the pliers around his other fang, but he braces himself against the pain regardless, even though he knows it’s virtually useless.

the second pull hurts ten times worse than the first, and geralt chokes on a snarl, gagging on the blood that runs back down his throat until he ducks his head to spit it out. he lets his fang drop to the floor once again, lets the pliers join them, too, when his grip goes slack.

as geralt lifts his head, he sees the mage approaching to pick up the bloodied teeth on the floor...

... and he sees jaskier’s cornflower blue eyes, struggling to focus but trained on him nonetheless.

geralt’s heart aches.

[princessmukhasarrived]

Watching The Witches (2020): A Reaction

-----I am ready-----

- Man, Marty the Zebra is throwing me off

- That taffy got a skull on it; I'd totally take it

- Chris Rock sounds rough AF

- Wear your seatbelt, kids

- That HAT is KICKIN', ma'am

- It looks so homey, I wanna live in the attic too

- I need someone to make me a plate, damn

- I need that gramophone

- I need this soundtrack

- All of this food is making me miss my mom

- Safety first, good advice

- OMG STRANGER DANGER

- That ominous thunder/lightning combo, lol

- Lollygagging, it's the worst

- They ate her eggs? They were DELICIOUS?? THEY WERE GREEN!!!

- The safest place is what now

- STANLEY TUCCI!

- Now I gotta take up numerology

- Those SHOES

- Does no one notice all the mouth scars and how they're all the same on all the women, ALL the women

- Hundreds of years of hiding from humans and that's how they do their makeup?

- CGI kitty is very obviously CGI

- I want that hotel breakfast

- Bruno Jenkin's mom is a ray of helicopter parenting

- She boned that door

- The Grand High Witch has so much attitude I am here for it

-There are so many things happening with the dress cloak combo

- Her voice is a bit too abrupt

- Actually the whole speech is a bit...fast

- I love Annie Hathaway, she acting her ass off right now

- That dress is working too, it's adorable

- Bone door witch is adorable

- Is that a metal corset?

- Omg, why you do the noisy chitty chatter, there is the witches

- OMG WHEN SHE CRAWLED

- OMG HER SNAKE ARMS

- Daisy 💖

- The way he threw his tail down in a tantrum

- Fucking grates

- I don't know about you, but my peripheral vision is 20/20 and I'd see all the mices

- Omg the maid just threw her back into her room

- Resist it, Bruno

- Omg look at his sad little ears

- Stanley Tucci selling me soup is a mood

- Gorrrrlick

- You betraying ass kitty

- He didn't get his tail cut in the kitchen

- Bruno, you have a problem

- Why they all wearing black, who died

- That WIG

- I love how all the hotel staff are shitting on the soup

- OH NO

- EYE CONTACT

- That is so creepy, Annie Hathaway is so unexpectedly fantabulous right now

- Noooo, somebody save Stanley

- I KNEW IT

- Annie 💖

- Why was she taking so long anyway, damn the bad guy speech

- IT WAS A METAL BRA, MYSTERY SOLVED BUT ALSO WHY

- You get it, Bruno

- I love Anne, Anne takes this whole movie

- Dammit, Bruno

- Nooooo, Annie

- Yay, Bruno

- He's so cavalier about the dying

- They went all over the world and shit

- It's a war room, that was unexpected (and also unrealistic? It's missing that Roald Dahl leap-of-faith moment)

-----End of Movie-----

[uzuuzuking]

Random question, but how do you feel abt ella enchanted, if you've read/watched it? do you think the movie did the book justice? personally i think it would've been a more popular movie if it was more romantic fantasy like stardust is, instead of a fantasy comedy movie

I FORGOT ABT THIS ASK UNTIL JUST NOW MY BAD FAM,,

EDIT: i didn’t think i was gonna go off this much when i started writing my response to this, but here we are lmao oops

ok so to start, i love ella enchanted - both the book and the movie. i watched the movie first and read the book not long after, and i have the childhood nostalgia filter on for both of them so i have that bias.

based on the plot alone, the movie absolutely did not do the book justice. besides the names and the fact that ella was obedient, pretty much nothing was the same. the movie was way modernized language-wise and had a lot of pop culture references that are still fun imo. i’m just gonna list some shit i remember about the book to the best of my ability (it’s been like a year or so since my last re-read so i might not remember everything)

in the book...

ella was like 13 or smth when she first met char who was 14 or 15 i think

mandy was an older kitchen fairy

ella was forced to go to finishing school with hattie and olive

hattie was dramatic af and wore a wig

ella Snatched that wig when she left the school in the dead of night

ogres were actually bad

ella had a talent for speech imitation, which ultimately saved her from the ogres as she could imitate them well enough to persuade them to spare her

both of char’s parents (king & queen) were alive and there was no uncle edgar or heston

ella made char laugh a lot as they got to spend more time with each other (there was stair rail sliding incident if i remember correctly)

when ella found lucinda again, lucinda promised to spend 3 months obedient and then 3 months as a squirrel

lucinda got a taste of her own medicine and realized she hadn’t been bestowing gifts but curses

she felt awful about what she’d done to ella and many like her, but she couldn’t take it back even when she wanted to

ella fell in love with char but knew they couldn’t be together because of the gift/curse

there were 3 masquerade balls she attended so she could see char again but she went anonymously every time (changed her voice with her talent so he couldn’t recognize her)

ella broke her own curse by yelling that she wouldn’t marry char when he asked

and then she did marry him when she realized she was free

in the movie...

ella and char were both 18-21 years old - ella was in college and char had no idea she existed until they literally bumped into each other as he was running away from the “prince char fan club” that was chasing him

mandy was young and hot for some reason and had a boyfriend named benny she accidentally turned into a talking book who was like a magic mirror and could show you anything you asked

ella’s dad cared about her way more than in the book

ella ran away from home to find lucinda and took benny the boyfriend book with her

she met an elf named slannen who joined her

note: neither benny nor slannen were in the book and aren’t treated much more than comic relief

char had an uncle edgar who acted as king before char’s coronation

char didn’t know that edgar killed his father and wanted to kill char too so he could keep being king

edgar also had a snake named heston who was cgi and talked

ella almost got eaten by ogres but char saved her and accompanied her and slannen to the giants’ wedding

which was where anne hathaway as ella sang “somebody to love” which was honestly an iconic scene that still sometimes gives me secondhand embarrassment (i mean that as a compliment)

ella went back to the palace with char to try to look up lucinda in the library records

edgar found her and ordered her to kill char the night of the ball for him so he wouldn’t have to do it

ella had slannen chain and lock her to a tree so she physically could not harm char

lucinda showed up and freed her against her will and ordered her to go to the ball

char whisked ella away and proposed to her and she almost killed him but broke her curse before she could

she got thrown in jail for attempted murder

slannen, two giants, three ogres, and benny the boyfriend book formed a squad to save ella so she could save char from edgar

edgar almost succeeded but ella used her sweet martial arts skills to beat the shit out of his guards

edgar accidentally knocked himself out by putting the poisoned crown that was meant for char on his own head

ella and char get married then sing “don’t go breaking my heart” happily ever after the end

oh yeah and mandy turned benny the boyfriend book back into benny the boyfriend man and slannen got with that one hot giant

so anyway i still really love the movie even though it was a hot mess LMAO. it probably would have been a more popular movie if they stuck closer to the book’s plot lines. idk what the producers wanted but it clearly wasn’t most of anything actually in the book lol. not gonna lie tho anne hathaway and hugh dancy had some Mad Chemistry and that fireplace kiss scene was just *chef kiss*

i think if they had given ella and char more romantic scenes like that and given them a slower relationship build rooted in friendship like in the book, it’d be a better romance. and like, some parts were funny but we really didn’t need slannen and probably not benny. benny the boyfriend book was only essential because he was ella’s map. slannen was comedic relief and added nothing to the plot. just. so many movie things didn’t make sense lmao, but it’s not the worst romcom i’ve seen!

in conclusion, i like ella enchanted. it’s one of the most unique adaptations of cinderella out there and i appreciate gail carson levine for creating ella’s world. i will always enjoy fairytales and fairytale retellings like ella enchanted. this ask has inspired me to go re-read it again.

(also, i don’t think any book to movie fantasy romance adaptation can compare to stardust because it’s just that good. neil gaiman really blessed us!)

[ohmytoddhewitt]

I just saw LES MISERABLES (the musical one) and lemme tell yah NOW IM MISERABLE bc it was so good and normal life is so boring

SPOILERS

sooooooo we first have one of my musical numbers ever and Jean val Jean is like mmmmm why does Hugh Jackman look so freaking old in this movie and then I'm like oh yeah makeup hehehe anyways javerts freaking blue suit thing in this scene made me wanna cry bc like wOah he's so different and totally stands out from the inmates and I loved it

Anyway then VJ is free and like yes queen steals some dishes and gets caught and the Bishop dude is all like "lol you forgot some!!!!" And then VJ is in a church thing and has a come to Jesus moment and the cinematography when he shreds the paper and throws it over the cliff omg I gasped it was gorgeous

So then fast forward to VJ as le Mayor and omg the costumes and everything in like those scenes and then later with gavroche and stuff? Like basically all the street scenes? Oh I loved how physically repulsed I was everyone looked so disgustingly dirty and just oooooh shivers

Fantine made me wanna cry so hard and that's that about that I'm totally not gonna dissertate for ten minutes about the fact that Anne Hathaway freaking cut her hair for the part or the aljdskjdjd I felt when "her teeth were pulled out" or how sad and desperate the song I dreamed a Dream is or anything more on that

Ok now young Cosette was freaking adorable and I would die for her and omg my friend who I was watching with? we just laughed and laughed thru the scene with her "parents" as they stole literally everything and then VJ comes in and is like nO.

And next we get FRICKING GAVROCHE AND I LOVE HIM he is the absolute smartest character in the entire movie no doubt he just calls out everyone about everything and then he died and I was like nO you did a bad thing he was perfection and I know it's like "ah war can even kill the youth" but like gavrooooooche

Anyway I'm getting ahead of myself and Marius dear God Marius is beautiful Eddie is a wonderful wonderful human being and like he and Cosette were adorable and literally every time he would come on screen my friend was like "he's so attractive" and then we would proceed to talk about what part of his anatomy happened to be hitting it off at that point (we adore his freckles btw)

I didn't want to pity Eponine but I did and and and and eponine gah saving yo boi like that and then dying????? 10/10 wow amazing

Also let's not forget monsieur le hottie aka enjolras aka I will wear a red coat mainly bc I look absolutely dashing in it

And do you hear the people sing as well as one day more are some of the greatest songs to be written ever like dyhtps makes me want to fight fight fight omg like I can't and then odm is like... ALDJSKDJD idk the satisfaction I got from the culmination in that song is beyond words

Also also also we can't forget VJ dragging Marius thru a freaking sewer bc that's what causes javert to go off the deep end (more or less) and I just loved "that granting me my life today... has killed me even so" like wOah that's some powerful stuff

Empty chairs at empty tables was so so sad and I was very much reminded of bandstand to the nth degree and just the (haha subtle) fourth wall break of "empty chairs at empty tables where my friend will sing no more" like I was crying and it wasn't good

And then MARIUS AND COSETTE GOT MARRIEDDDDD AND I WAS LIKE SHIP SHIP SHIP and then VJ was like #dead and I was like whattttt no stop please but then THEY WERE ALL IN HEAVEN OR WHATER THAT WAS AND THE LOWKEY REPRISE OF DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING AND I WAS LIKE YES YES YES

Overall great movie 10/10 would cry again

[littleminimalists]

I posted on Instagram recently about a bit of creative block I’m having. If you know me in person, you know I’m a bit of a perfectionist, if you “know me” via social media you’ve also probably already noticed I’m a bit of a perfectionist. It’s a big part of my identity -- let’s just call me a very chill perfectionist. Most of it happens in my head. 

Last post touched on the isolation of the picket-fence syndrome, after all.

And the truth is, I don’t have a solution. And I don’t have much time or sanity to do much about it anyway. Like most human beings (particularly those of us who are Enneagram Type 2) I want to put things out into the world that will be helpful AND, and I think this part is maybe more critical than I ever even contemplated, I want to feel seen and heard and understood by virtue of the kinds of things I put out in the world. And I don’t mean actual things, obviously -- although sometimes it is indeed a product I made with my hands. But much of it has to do with how I make others feel, or how I impact how someone sees or thinks about something.

So, I’m just going to dip my toes into the water of sharing what’s meaningful to me at large by simply sharing with you all what I’m into right now. In essence, what matters to me a the moment outside of the usual, beautiful family stuff.

W A T C H

Largely, I’m really in an Avett Brothers fog these days. They released a new album, which was an impetus to watch the documentary on them I’d been meaning to watch and damn, they’re just really good humans. It’s directed by Judd Apatow and unfolds really beautifully and quietly.

And speaking of heartbreak -- The new series Modern Love on netflix is pretty great. Based on the NYT column of the same name, each episode is a true story of love submitted by a reader. The one with Anne Hathaway is a particular punch to the gut. Her acting is nothing short of tremendous, and I honestly still feel pretty powerful things just thinking about it. 

L I S T E N

Oh hey! Have I mentioned the Avett Brothers yet? The new album album feels so damn relevant, and timely, and speaks to all of the things on my heart; gun violence, the shift to a women-run world, the heartbreak of parenthood. C Sections and Railway Trestles is basically the soundtrack to our lives. 

On the podcast front, I’m always a sucker for Dax Shephard and his show Armchair Expert  but nothing gets me quite as excited as when he chats with someone I already admire and adore and Jonathan Safran Foer is just that. His book Eating Animals changed my life a decade ago, and I’m just starting his new book We are the Weather: Saving the Planet begins at Breakfast, on a similar topic. He’s smart, funny, interesting and their chat was equally so.

And also, I mean, I would’t survive my gym sessions without Taylor Swift’s new powerhouse of an album. Pop songs can shake you to your core if you let them.

E A T

And last, but CERTAINLY not least. When life gives you lemons, make this ridiculously delicious healthier lemon curd. Makes about 1 cup.

i n g r e d i e n t s

1/4 cup honey

3 egg yolks

1/2 cup lemon juice

1 teaspoon lemon zest

1/4 cup unsalted butter cut into small pieces

i n s t r u c t i o n s 

Whisk the honey and egg yolks in a small saucepan until combined and lightened in color. Add the lemon juice and zest. Cook over low heat until it starts to thicken, stirring constantly with a wooden spoon. This took about 20 minutes for us. 

Add the butter and cook for ten minutes or so until it's thick and the butter has been incorporated. Pour it into a small jar or container with a lid and refrigerate. Keeps for about a week, but it won’t be around that long. Promise.

It’s perfect on an airy waffle, incredible mixed with honey greek yogurt, AND makes a brilliant hot toddy mixed with hot water and whiskey (you’re welcome).

Feels nice to be simply sharing what’s currently giving me life, especially as the rainy days creep upon us in Portland.

May your days be cozy and calm.

with less, The Grays

[secret-diary-of-an-fa]

Blog in which Anne Hathaway is a Giant Tree Monster (AKA: Secret-Diary Reviews ‘Colossal’).

Right. Righty. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. I recently watched the film Colossal, and I have a lot of thoughts about it. It’s very important that you sit down, shut up and hear all of them.

My initial reaction to Colossal can be summed up as “yeah: that was a fun way to spend 1 hour and 50 minutes.” It’s funny in a low-key, quirky kind of way and the protagonist (Gloria- played by Anne Hathaway) is likeable and relatably fucked-up enough that it’s easy to care about her. Oh, and there’s giant monsters in it, which is always nice. It’s a good film- there’s no denying that. If you want a fun way to squander some time that will make you feel vaguely intelligent by association (because its an indie thing rather than typical block-buster fare), then go ahead and knock yourself out: this is the film for you.

However, the more I think about Colossal, the more off it feels. It’s like someone put all the elements of a good film together, but not necessarily in the right order.

OK. Before I can review it, I need to spoil it completely. Sorry. If you already know the plot, just feel free to skip this paragraph. It’s basically just a synopsis. Gloria (once again, played by Anne Hathaway) is an alocholic, out-of-work writer who gets kicked out by her boyfriend and returns to her hometown, ostensibly to rethink her like but, in reality, to get shitfaced on a nightly basis. While doing that, she reconnects with an old friend from childhood (I can’t remember his name, so we’ll just call him Neckbeard), whose behaviour seems slightly creepy and manipulative from the get-go. While Neckbeard is situating himself as Gloria’s patron-slash-enabler, Gloria herself discovers that, when she stumbles home drunk through a particular part of town, a giant tree monster materialises in Seoul in Korea and mimics her movements. She lets Neckbeard in on the secret and inadvertantly kills hundreds of people in the process. Neckbeard discovers that when he enters that bit of town, a giant robot shows up in Seoul and mimics his movements. Gloria tries to stop him making the giant robot appear in case someone gets hurt and his behaviour escalates from slightly offputting to abusive and violent. Oh, and he makes his giant robot deliberately go on a killing spree, because of course he does. Inevitably, Gloria is forced to kill him using her crazy giant tree monster powers. Then she stumbles into the nearest bar so that the film can spend its final sixty seconds hanging a lampshade on the fact that she’s still an alcholic.

All caught up? Good- now that I’ve explained the film, I can start picking it to death. Firstly, let’s address the elephant in the room. How come, in a film where all the giant monster action is taking place in Seoul, there isn’t a single named Korean character whose actions have any real impact on the plot? Actually, you know what? Don’t answer me just yet. We’ll be coming back to that a little later. Just ackowledge the room elephant and move on for a minute.

The thing that’s been really bugging me though is infinitely more pedantic and less political: the entire second half of the film was completely avoidable. Let me explain, there’s a scene, right after Neckbeard discovers he can make a giant robot appear in Seoul when tries it out deliberately for the first time... but first he makes sure that there’s no-one in the area surrounding the giant robot appearance site who could get hurt (apparently, there’s an app for that). And there it is: plain as day. Gloria has an opportunity to get away before Neckbeard becomes a full-on abusive arsehole and Neckbeard’s own sense of biting inadequacy is ameliorated by his ability to make a giant robot materialise in Seoul and start breakdancing. Even Seoul gets its own resident giant robot, which has got to be the world’s best tourist attraction. At that point, if Gloria hadn’t decided that Neckbeard Must Not Summon the Giant Robot and started a fight over it, all the awful, harrowing shit from the second half of the film just wouldn’t have happened. Not that I blame Gloria as a character: she’s obvs meant to be traumatised by all the death she caused when she was the giant tree monster, so her reaction is understandable. It’s just that, knowing the whole clusterfuck was easily preventable and could have had a happy ending for all concerned robs the film’s ultimate payoff of any sense of catharsis. Instead of being viscerally satisfied when Neckbeard finally gets killed by a tree monster, I just felt a bit sad and empty. He didn’t have to evolve into the world’s most ginormous douch-kanoo: he could have wiled away his twighlight years boosting Seoul’s tourist trade through the medium of interpretive being-a-giant-robot.

Incidentally, that whole scene raises another nagging complaint. Gloria intervenes to stop Neckbeard doing his giant robot thing, but walking right up to him (meaning that her Tree Monster thing also manifests in Seoul) and slapping him in the face. If that fight had actually escalated, thousands of people in Seoul could have died... which is what Gloria was trying to prevent. She aims to prevent a giant robot killing hundreds of people by starting a fight with that giant robot, which could potentially kill many more people. Not to drag geopolitics into this, but you can tell the characters in this film are Americans, can’t you? Cough cough regime change cough. Seriously, had she been taking ethics lessons from Mass Effect’s Reapers? YOU CAN’T SAVE PEOPLE BY ENDANGERING THEM, DIPSHIT.

Actually, that brings us back to my point about how there are no fully-developed Korean characters in this film where giant monsters are attacking a major Korean city. Throughout the majority of this film, Seoul and people of Seoul don’t really matter: they’re just used as the manifestation of the psychodrama bewteen Gloria and neckbeard. That could be a deliberate comment on the way American popular culture views eastern countries, but it doesn’t feel like it. Maybe the writers just needed to signpost it better. Also, it means that when Neckbeard goes kill-crazy and destroys half of Seoul, instead of being shocked and appalled, I was just kinda hoping for a few juicy shots of the giant robot kicking over buildings. You can’t paint an entire city as nothing more than the backdrop for some mellowdrama between two self-destructive a-holes and then expect your audience to feel emotional when it gets stomped on. That’s not how movies work.

A few other annoyances remain to be addressed, but they don’t really work towards the overall theme of this piece, so I’m just going to splurge them in any order I feel like.

Firstly, there’s the issue of Gloria’s boyfriend (his name is Tim, but you’ll only ever think of him as ‘That Guy from Legion’). He’s way better villain than Neckbeard, but the film does nothing with him. He kicks Gloria out and then stalks her a bit and that’s it... but the subtleties of his behaviour and the way he goes about being a nob make it clear that, if the script had any interest in him whatsoever, he could be a really compelling, hateable villain. Unlike Neckbeard whose name I still can’t fucking remember.

Speaking of which, what fucking idiot came up with Neckbeard’s bad-guy motive. He hates himself and how small his life feels? What is he, a school bully in a 1990s infomercial? Look, we’re told he’s motivated by self-loathing, but we’re never told why. He’s relatively erudite as small-town villains go; he has a circle of friends and owns a respectable little bar; he has good memories of going around setting off illegal fireworks with his bezzies. There’s no compelling reason for him to despise his life other than the fact he lives in a small town and comes from a vaguely working-class backgroud, which just makes the film-makers seem weirdly classist and snobby. I imagine the pitch for this idea went something like this “Oh, of course he hates himself, Baron Fucksmythe: he’s rural and does an ordinary-person job. I mean, I hate him and you hate him- why wouldn’t he hate him.”

Then there’s the guy who hovers in the background for most of the film, then has sex with Gloria, delivers some furniture and fucks off never to be seen again. You know how non-sequiters are usually phrases or jokes that come out of the blue and bear no relation to the rest of the film? Well, Colossal may be the first film to have a whole character be a non-sequiter.

Finally- and I realise this is a trivial thing to piss-and-moan about, but I’m going to anyway- very few alcoholics caught in abysmal self-destructive spirals look like Anne Hathaway. Nobody whose liver is slowly failing them while they pour themselves another round falls asleep against a wall and wakes up with perfect skin, fabulous hair and impeccable (if hipstery) dress-sense.

Colossal is a good movie. Sort of. It’s even got a nice feminist subtext with Gloria realising that many of the men in her life are abusive fuckwads and learning to make herself independent of them. But it undermines itself at every turn. It can’t decide what to focus on. Is it a movie about alcoholism and the psychopathology of addicts and enablers? No, because that plot line never goes anywhere. Is it a movie about abuse and victimisation? Kind of, but there’s so much else going on, it’s hard to feel viscerally invested in that plot-line, so it lacks impact. Is it a comedy movie that tackles multiple issues with a tongue-in-cheek attitude? Sort of, but its not consistently funny enough to get away with it.

The film’s attitude towards small town, rural, working class America and literally the entirity of Korea undermine its progressive, feminist credentals with a faint air of classism and not-quite-racism while its light, quirky comedy creaks audibly under the weight of the hefty subject matter. With a little bit of polishing, these issues could easily have been resolved, and a lot of the film is enjoyable as is. But a bit of tighter focus, better characterisation and a more global attitude would have been very welcome additions.

[the-scot-blog1]

Scrolling through Twitter one afternoon, I stumbled upon an amazing little feature by blogger Liam McNally – he had posted a text post with a number of different film titles from each year of his life. Bloody brilliant.

So I’ve decided to give it a go. I’ve been on this wonderful planet for almost 19 years now, and although I wasn’t alive for the release of Jurassic Park, there have been a fair few phenomenal films in my lifetime.

This is my longest post to date – I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. (2730 words – bloody hell).

  1998: Pleasantville

Oh my God. I didn’t realise how difficult this post was until I searched ‘1998 films’ into Google. The Trueman Show, Saving Private Ryan and The Wedding Singer all in the one year? God, anyone alive and kicking back then must have been having the best year of their lives.

But despite the 10 minute long decision process, I’ve decided on Pleasantville. I watched it when I was very young and hadn’t ever worn a bra, much less watched anything like that bath scene. Despite my mortified eyes however, the film will always be one of my favourites. I remember seeing the main character for the first time and just constantly thinking god, this is a weird film for Spiderman and Elle Woods to be in.

  1999: 10 Things I Hate About You

Again, this year is bloody difficult. The Iron Giant, The Mummy and Toy Story 2 – they just don’t make films like them anymore. Although I wasn’t a fan of Star Wars Episode 1 – it has to be one of my least favourites. Anyway.

10 Things I Hate About You was one of the first chick-flicks I ever watched. I knew Heath Ledger as ‘the strangely cute singing guy from that movie’ before I knew him as the Joker. I felt like I related to Kat – I wasn’t big on getting a boyfriend, and I was pretty much destined to be a wee bit strange since birth. Plus her name is so cool.

  2000: X-Men

At the time of watching, I was right into Harry Potter. I loved the idea of special schools dedicated to supernatural people – it made my own secondary school even more boring. I’d often just sit in class and daydream about being able to fly or have the ability to imitate people.

But in all honesty, the one person I was most envious of was Quicksilver. And not because I wanted to save the world or any of that pish. No. When I sat in my third year physics class, the smells from the cafeteria always decided to sneak up the vent and attack my nostrils. I would get so unbelievably hungry, and my stomach would always tell my classmates just that. So I used to daydream about running faster than time, sprinting down into the dining hall, grabbing a steaming hot spicy chicken panini (and maybe some soup, if I could manage) and munching it before heading back up to class. Yeah – I wanted superpowers so I could eat my lunch early.

  2001: The Princess Diaries

AH. I’ve got a feeling film directors are deliberately messing with me right now. Legit, I had a look at the films from 2001, and I was floored. What an amazing year. The first Harry Potter movie came out this year – the beginning of an absolute era. Shrek debuted as well – but I was always slightly offended when people heard my Scottish accent and compared me to a giant green ogre when I travelled abroad. The first Lord of the Rings film came out as well – see what I mean about them messing with me?

But despite all of my favourite film franchises beginning in this year, I gotta say, the Anne Hathaway/Julie Andrews combo that is The Princess Diaries absolutely stole my heart. I had never related to a character more – I had frizzy hair, buck teeth, oversized glasses and a tendency to prioritise spending time with my cat over hanging out with real-life friends. So when she went through her beautiful princess transformation, I was floored. I mean, I’m still waiting for that to officially happen, but I’m still holding out hope that I have a long lost relative that’s gonna tell me I’m a princess (no, not you mum).

  2002: The Pianist

Originally, I had written the first Spiderman as my favourite film of 2002. But that quickly changed.

The first time I watched The Pianist, I was 13 years old in a stuffy history classroom. I still hold the belief that this was definitely not the right time to watch this film. It felt as though my teacher didn’t have any material to convey how horrific the Holocaust really was, and so instead she stuck on one of the most distressing and hauntingly beautiful films of all time. I didn’t fully appreciate it back then – I cried when I watched the horrors that took place in the ghettos, and got even more upset when immature people around me started to laugh.

But I watched it for a second time a few years later. Although I cried again, I gained a much deeper understanding of the film. I still listen to the soundtrack when I want to write a particularly moving or sad chapter of a book. The film has such a disgusting beauty to it, it is astounding – it makes me question my morals when I say it is one of my favourite films.

  2003: Peter Pan

Again, there were so many amazing films this year – I can’t explain my guilt at not choosing Finding Nemo or the last instalment of the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

But I found my first love in the live-action remake of Peter Pan. Just a few years after it was released, I found myself watching it time and time again. I was young, and there was a boy with messy hair and a fairy to keep him company. Honestly, I was head over heels. I grew to absolutely despise Wendy Darling. How dare she take away my Peter, with her stupid bow and annoying accent. And the fact that Lucius Malfoy was Captain Hook just made it that little bit better.

  2004: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

You’re lying if you say that this isn’t one of your favourite films.

Again, it was tricky not choosing The Incredibles or Mean Girls – even The Notebook made it to my shortlist. But the way the Weasley twin’s hair sat and the introduction of the marauders just made my life complete. Except for Pettigrew. Fuck you, Pettigrew. I’d read the book before I saw the film, and while I was slightly disappointed with the previous two, I didn’t stop talking about PoA for months. In fact, I still talk about it. It’s great.

  2005: Sky High

This year was going to be beautifully simple – I absolutely love Star Wars Episode III. In fact, it was possibly the only film I was certain of when I started this post. But, never the less, I looked at the list of 2005 films anyway, and was reminded of the best thing I’ve ever watched. Ever.

Remember earlier in the post when I said that I frickin LOVE schools for supernatural people? WELL HERE WE GO AGAIN. I watched Sky High recently with my friend Ross, and even although the acting was abysmal and my cringe levels were off the chart, I couldn’t help but smile. As if the flying school bus wasn’t enough, the euphoria I felt when Will and Warren won Save the Citizen was something I don’t think I’ll ever feel again.

  2006: Pan’s Labyrinth

I feel like if I choose any film other than this, my Spanish teacher would kill me. Again, it’s another film that we watched at way too young an age in my opinion. Sure, it looks all mystical with fairies and creepy monsters with eyeball hands, but it has this underlying story-line of the horrors of war and escapism that you can’t fully understand until you’re a bit older.

I watched it again when I was 17 and studying Advanced Higher Spanish, and knew the film as ‘El Laberinto del Fauno’. I could go on for 20 minutes about this film and its director (which I did by the way, in the final exam).

  2007: Ratatouille

WHAT A FILM BTW. I’ve always loved Disney – my sister and I would spend nights staying up way past our 8pm bedtime watching Aladdin and Peter Pan, with a fair few stolen After Eight mints from my mum’s bedroom too. This film just completely blew me away – the animation was new and cool and it was set in PARIS.

Even now, ten years later (omg ten years wtf) I still think about the scene where Remy combines the cheese and grapes, and little fireworks and swirls form in his mind. I once ate a McDonald’s chip and then took a sip of my strawberry milkshake, and legit I’m pretty sure that’s what happened in my mind.

  2008: The Chronicles of Narnia – Prince Caspian

Enter stage left – my second love. At the age of nine, Prince Caspian had everything I could ever want in a guy (or so I thought). He had a sword, long hair, an accent I had never heard before and he fought Peter Pevensie (I seem to hate a whole lot of Peters).

I thought it was the coolest combination of Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter, and it was while watching this that I began to have a crisis about my true Hogwarts house. I had always thought myself a Gryffindor – I had the scarf, the pens and the egotistical ‘I’m-better-than-you’ attitude that all young Gryffs seem to adopt. But I found myself siding with Edmund Pevensie about a whole lot of things. I didn’t fully accept Slytherin as my true house till a good few years later.

  2009: Star Trek

I watched Star Trek before I even touched Star Wars, and I was absolutely hooked. It was what introduced me to science fiction, really. After Star Trek, I moved onto Doctor Who, and although I couldn’t really get into the Star Trek TV series, I found my love of sci-fi growing.

It was my love of Star Trek that caused me to accidentally find Star Wars. My brother would constantly go on about C3PO and lightsabers, and I decided very early on that it wasn’t for me. But after trying (and failing) to find Star Trek online, I accidentally found Star Wars instead, and thus began my love of the Skywalkers and giant wookies named Chewy.

  2010: How To Train Your Dragon

Other than Aladdin, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III was one of my first (of many) cartoon crushes. I thought he was the most adorable lil guy ever – he was clumsy, dorky, and absolutely loved animals. He was perfect. I thought the animation was absolutely incredible, and the Scottish accents were just a bonus. I much preferred being compared to Gerard Butler than a green ogre, in all honesty.

And don’t even get me started on how he looked in How To Train Your Dragon 2 – oaft.

  2011: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two

HPDHP2 is right up there with the Prisoner of Azkaban. I remember heading to the midnight release of the last Harry Potter book – I was decked out in a Scream robe that we’d stitched a Gryffindor badge onto, with curly hair that reached my shoulders. And yes, I won the costume contest. But I remember staying up that night and reading the book until 7am, and having to head to school the next day without a wink of sleep. And yet I didn’t care – I had just finished the last book in a series that completely shaped my childhood.

So when the movie hit the cinema screens, I was praying that I wouldn’t be disappointed like I was with some of the others. And apparently, my prayers were answered. Even although the Deathly Hallows is split into two parts, I always consider them the one film. And it’s most certainly my favourite.

  2012: The Perks of Being a Wallflower

This film really got to me. I bundled up in warm clothes to see it in the cinema with my friend Ailish, and it was the first ever film I had cried at. I’d read the book before hand and cried my eyes out, but the severity and meaning of the story didn’t hit me until I watched the film. Logan Lerman and Emma Watson were two of my favourite stars at the time: I knew Emma from Harry Potter obviously, whilst Logan stole my heart as Percy Jackson.

But what struck me most was the way I related to these characters. I often found myself standing next to the wall in school dances, watching people having a good time but being physically incapable of joining in – it was as if my feet were constantly glued to the floor. It was comforting to know that I wasn’t alone in this, and it lead to me being able to open up to my guidance teacher about my struggles with anxiety.

I also wrote about the original book in my piece ’13 books to help get over a break up’ – check it out.

2013: The Hobbit – The Desolation of Smaug

When the making of the Hobbit was first announced, I was ecstatic. But my excitement somewhat wavered when I heard they were turning into three films. It was a small book – tiny in comparison to the three Lord of the Rings texts – how on earth would they stretch this wonderfully small work into three different films?

And yet somehow, they managed it, and subsequently made one of my favourite films of all time. Why, you ask? The barrel scene. 

2014: Guardians of the Galaxy

Not gonna lie, this one was a toss up between the hilarious Chris Pratt and the absolutely adorable Baymax. But, as much as I love Disney’s tale of superpowers and love therapy in Big Hero 6, it didn’t win this year for me. The best thing about the film is without a doubt the soundtrack – even four years later, I still listen to it when I wanna get psyched.

I wanted to cosplay as Gamora for last year’s MCM Comic Con in Glasgow so bad, but then I realised that I’d more than likely sweat off the green body paint and the leather would more than likely get quite uncomfortable.

2015: Star Wars – The Force Awakens

Up until 2015, I was losing interest in Star Wars. I’d watched the films countless times, but as much as I adored them, I couldn’t stop thinking about the shabby effects. So when Finn, Poe and Rey lit up my local cinema screen in December 2015, it was as if I was born again. I suddenly dived back into the world of lightsabers and gun-wielding Wookies, and I genuinely haven’t looked back since.

And although I cried my eyes out when that thing happened, I agreed with it – it was about time.

2016: Finding Dory

I actually travelled Australia for a month last year – I left school and just decided to get away from everything and everyone for a little while. So after I met my brother and we began to explore Sydney, we decided what better place to watch the latest instalment in Finding Nemo than the place where it’s set??

I was slightly disappointed to find out that Nemo and Dory did not, in fact, stay in Sydney for the duration of the film, but even so – it was just amazing.

I was going to write a segment for 2017 but then I realised – I legit haven’t watched any new releases yet. I’ve simply not had any time. And yes, that means that I haven’t even watched the new Beauty and the Beast. For shame.

But even although I haven’t watched anything yet, there are tonnes of films that I’m looking forward to – Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2, Spiderman Homecoming, and Star Wars: The Last Jedi to name a few.

Hey, maybe I’ll revisit this post at the end of the year and add in my favourite film.

I’m tagging the fantastic Emily and Lucie in the ‘Film for every year of my life’ tag.

What are your most loved films from these years? Do we share any favourites? Or do you think my choices are just downright wrong? Let me know!

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18 films in 18 years: My favourite stories since I was born was originally published on Ellan

[canaryatlaw]

well, for a shitty week, today was pretty damn good, even though I feel guilty for somewhat blowing off my bar prep (but I did get some of it done tonight so it’s not a total loss). I woke up at 8, earlier than my normal church wake up because I was gonna do the whole shower thing, which ended up taking me less time than I expected so I was like sitting at my kitchen table trying to kill time, and then continually getting frustrated because the bus only comes at 9:00 and 9:20 and I need it at like 9:10 to work properly, but I always end up getting on the 9:00 bus because I hate being late and then I’m just like awkwardly early, and I end up getting pulled into the 10:30 huddle when I’m not serving till the 12:30, but oh well. So all of that happened, and then I went up to the service. I’d been gone the last two weeks and I really miss my church when I’m gone so I was glad to be back, and during worship they played the song they played when it was my first time there that I really like so that made me happy. The sermon was mostly about spiritual gifts (which sounds like a super churchy thing but it’s legit just like the logistics of what you’re good at doing) and exploring that, they even made an online quiz they gave as “homework” where you can answer questions and it’ll tell you what you’re best suited for, or something like that anyway (I don’t think it’s meant to be taken 100% seriously). I pretty much know where I’m at in that regard being that I’m with the babies legit every Sunday, sometimes I don’t even make it to the service but I’ll still be with the babies 😂 but yeah, service was good and then I was with the babies, and boy was it a “when it rains, it pours” day. Most of the time we have super calm services, but every so often we’ll just get a shitton of babies and half of them will be screaming and everything’s on fire, it’s either one or the other, no in betweens lol. there were a LOT of babies so I’m not going to list them all, but I’ll talk about the few I mainly interacted with. This one girl, she’s gotta be like 18 months by now and we’ve had her since she was like 5 months but she just recently started crying when her parents leave (I hate when they regress like that) and she had been in the babies room for the last service, and her mom had come to pick her up, but then she ended up having a meeting so she gave her daughter back to us just for a little while while she was in her meeting. Well, this little girl was not having it. I felt bad because I knew she was probably confused, but she was crying a lot, she would get distracted and stop for a while then start again out of nowhere, so that was a little trying, but thankfully her mom was back before long. We then got an endless stream of babies coming in like, halfway through the service which never makes sense to me but always happens lol, at one point this mom came in with her son and she was just like “would it be okay if I just came in there with him for a little bit?” and I was like YES PLEASE, PLEASE DO because we did not need another unoccupied baby running around lol. For a while I did play with this little girl who was the cutest little thing, I know I say that a lot but seriously, this baby was so. cute. she had these bright blue eyes and the top of her ears stuck out just a little bit and she had this little smile and like....I just melted looking at her because she was so damn cute. She was like 7 months and her parents said she couldn’t quite crawl yet but was getting there, so we sat her on the floor and let her move as she wanted, a few times I’d hold her up so it was like she’s standing and she like, hasn’t fully grasped the concept yet because she keeps most of her feet off the ground and is just on her tip toes, which is also very cute, and she got really happy when I did that and she’d like, try to grab on to me to hold herself up but just ended up like, touching my face awkwardly but it was too damn cute. Okay, I think I ranted sufficiently about how much I wanted to kidnap this perfect little angel (but of course, I restrained myself). There was another little girl I held for a bit who was crying before giving her over to one of the other ladies who was holding her last week and they kinda bonded which does happen haha and she basically just held her the rest of the time. It was a lot of on and off crying, but by the end of the service it was fairly calm so that’s good enough for me lol. I had been texting Jess making plans to get food once I got out of church, and I suggested we go to the cheesecake factory because she loves that place, but the only one I knew of was downtown and you can’t drive downtown because there’s no place to park and it was way too hot to get there by any way other than driving, but she knew of one up in Evanston that was like 30 minutes from us since we’re pretty far north, so I ubered back to her place after church because I’m impatient, and got in the car, stopped at mcdonalds for ice cream cones because it’s never a bad time for ice cream, and from there we drove up to where it was in a mall complex. We had also been planning on seeing Oceans 8 at some point (we were gonna do it last weekend but ended up being too wiped out from our other activities) and there was a movie theatre in the mall complex, so we resolved to get food, look at some stores, and then go to the movies. We got seated right away at the cheesecake factory which I was kinda surprised at because I thought it would be busy with post-church traffic but I guess it was late enough at that point (it was like 3) that most of that crowd had passed through. Our food came out like wicked fast, it was actually there before we even got our bread, which I was very slightly sad about because I like their bread lol. I got the same pasta I always get but it was the lunch portion so I actually finished it for like, the first time I think lol. We were pretty full after that so we opted for no cheesecake (and I mean, we’d already had ice cream) so we paid and then went to wander the stores. Forever 21 was right there and they were having like, a super sale, so we wandered around there a while. I used to get like, most of my wardrobe from there, but more recently I guess I kinda outgrew their stuff and I don’t really own much from them anymore, guess that happens. From there we went into Garage quickly because like, about half of their clothing is actually wearable and cute but the other half is total garbage lol, and then we went into Charlotte Russe for a while. From there we decided to move the car around to the other side of the mall where the movie theatre was, so we did that and then went to assess the movie theatre situation, and dude, this was like a super fucking fancy movie theatre. Like I’ve been to nice ones before, but this was soooo over the top. It had like, waiter service for all these fancy things, and they’ll bring you blankets if you want (they were polyester of course, but I forgive them) and like, their menu was insane, it had like filet mignon for $39 like....who is actually so fucking extra that they would order a fucking steak at the movie theatre (I actually know the answer to that because the answer is my father, but still) so we got popcorn and Jess got a shake and I got a coke because I was still full from lunch. So we chilled there for a while until the movie started. Like all of my internet friends have been raving about this movie for weeks now, so I had pretty high expectations, and they did not disappoint. I’ve seen all 3 of the original Ocean movies and enjoyed them all, so if they were going in that direction I knew I’d like it. And oh, it was so genius, I loved it. Sandra Bullock and Cate Blanchett were fucking great together, and I have to agree with much of the speculation I’ve seen, they’re totally in love lol. I also really loved Anne Hathaway, she was great through the entire thing, but when she shows up (maybe spoiler?) at the end she just became such a boss and I loved every minute of it. At the last scene, right up until the screen was black, I fully expected George Clooney to walk up any moment because I mean, is anybody really dead if we didn’t see them killed on camera?? lol, but it’s good they at least left the door open for it. So yeah, I really liked it. When we got out most everything else was closed since it was getting late on a Sunday, so we headed back home and had some GPS adventures, but eventually made it home. Throughout the day we had also discussed going to New York next week because I have doctors appointments and shit and Jess legit wasn’t doing anything so I was like well you should just come with me and she was like okay cool so I got home and booked that flight, we’ll leave next Sunday and come back that Friday, should be a nice little break. We plan on making the most of our time in NY, so I already obtained tickets to see a matinee of Hello, Dolly! (only because of Victor Garber, I don’t really care about anything else in that show, at all) and then tickets to see Mean Girls that night because I’m rapidly becoming obsessed with this show and I need to see it in person. Once I got all of that done I turned back to the simulated bar thing I was supposed to be doing and got through 50 out of the 100 questions I had left to do, so not too bad. The site did save all the answers I put in before my computer got fried, so that was good, I could’ve just re-entered them if needed because I marked them on the pages, but it was helpful that I didn’t have to. And yeah, after that I did normal computer stuff and beta’d some fic for a bit until I decided to get ready for bed and now I’m here. Tomorrow I gotta get those questions finished, and then I have a “live webinar” with a bunch of bar students going over the answers and such, so that should be.....interesting (not sure I can think of another word to probably describe it really). We’ll see. Well, it’s past 1:30 am, which means it’s time for me to go to sleep, even if my apartment is still hot as fuck which makes it super annoying to do anything, but I am still gonna need sleep at some point, so I might as well do it now. Goodnight darlings. Have a fantastic Monday.