#anyway what do I know I stopped after the third ep bc it’s too personally triggering

[tsukvmo]

if you’re into vanitas no carte I do hope you realize that a) vanitas is extremely manipulative and misogynistic and b) vanitas x jeanne is not a healthy dynamic

[shinjaeha]

ipytm ep 3 (thoughts + spoilers)

this is going to be a tough post for me to do bc honestly...this ep just left me feeling so run down. i know that the cast and crew have always strived for realism and authenticity with this series, but this one was just a lot to take in :/ my thoughts are gonna be even more all over the place than usual but idec at this point. having to rewatch this ep again is really fucking hard (even harder than itsay ep 4 bc even though that makes my heart ache, i still feel some sense of satisfaction from the development we get...this just leaves me feeling defeated in every way).

you know the drill: not an analysis, just me ranting as usual bc free therapy (and boy do i need it after this one)!! i had so many feelings watching this ep (esp towards teh but what’s new), so here goes.

we begin with the drama students rehearsing for jai’s new play, and the introduction of the plum wine which will be the recurring motif in this whole ep. the use of the plum wine in this also kind of reminds me of how teh initially disliked coconuts until he started falling in love with oh-aew and started to like them instead...i’m guessing that’s the parallel they’re trying to draw with the plum wine comparison in this.

teh’s having a hard time getting into character (which we already know from last ep was always going to be one of the toughest challenges for him as an actor). his character in the play is supposed to have a sex scene, but he’s struggling with this bc he can’t put himself in his character (akin’s) shoes, so jai ends rehearsals early.

jai gives them all logbooks which he basically wants them to treat as diaries where they’ll write everything they feel/learn and hand it back to him (he’ll be the only one reading them). ngl this already had me feeling kind of yikes (esp now as i rewatch this knowing how everything went down) since jai already has inside knowledge about teh’s feelings on his relationship with oh-aew which he can take advantage of :/ more on that later though...

it’s sad to me that so much time has passed since teh’s argument with khim and he's STILL avoiding her. khim was someone that he respected immensely (and was such a great mentor for him) so it just sucks to see that their relationship has deteriorated so much since the first two eps. teh might have had his reconciliation moment with oh-aew last ep, but there’s still a lot that he’s not ready or willing to address yet.

i understand that teh’s just encouraging jai about his work when he tells him to stop having others comment on it, but at the same time, i disagree with him bc i think it IS important to get other peoples’ opinion about your work. how else will you ever be able to see things from other perspectives if you don’t?

anyway, teh tells jai he’s seeing a play, and jai asks teh if he’s bringing oh-aew...the look on teh’s face is telling enough that things aren’t going great between them (at least on his end). this brings us to the logbook scene, where teh’s homework for the day is to write about the similarities and differences between himself and his character in the play. this gets teh to reflect on how he feels his relationship with oh-aew is changing, or specifically, how oh-aew seems to be changing so much that teh feels like he’s becoming someone else entirely...and does that mean that he still loves him the same?

i feel like this is a fairly common issue with people that have been in a relationship for a while (and this is their third year together now), so i understand how teh might start having doubts. it’s nothing that oh-aew’s done, it’s just that sometimes all these small changes can keep mounting up to the point that they feel much bigger than they actually are. oh-aew’s really just doing what everyone else does, which is grow and change as they get older, but teh’s still stuck in the past trying to hold onto what they used to have instead of evolving with oh-aew. the way teh picks at all these little changes of oh-aew does make me think that he’s self-sabotaging himself. he’s just so afraid and insecure that oh-aew will change so much he leaves him, that he has to nitpick at reasons why oh-aew’s the one that’s growing away from him (though when we watch the whole ep we know that that’s not the case at all). it’s like a ‘if i push him away first, then he won’t push me away’ sort of self-defence mechanism. either way, teh’s a constant overthinker...and he’s always been his own biggest enemy since the start, so it makes perfect sense to me that he would do this to himself here too.

i know that they’ve been together for years at this point, so things are not quite as exciting as they used to be, but it hurts to see oh-aew be so happy about getting an A for his class, and teh be so unenthused about it. oh-aew has to basically beg teh to give him attention and praise. remember when teh used to get so worried when oh-aew did badly in chinese class...and now it’s like whatever to him just bc he’s not tutoring him/they’re not in the same major anymore :((( i know it’s prob both bc teh’s still hurting that oh-aew transferred majors, and from seeing oh-aew succeed while he feels like he’s failing, but still...

also, not inviting him to see the play with him bc he thought oh-aew wouldn’t be interested/oh-aew kept falling asleep whenever they saw plays together ;;; i get the reasoning from both povs, but it still is nice to be asked :(

so one thing i have to say about the progression of their relationship here is that i just feel this huge disconnect from last ep and this ep?? i know it’s bc of the time skip (since it’s a year later basically), but to go from the end of ep 2, where they’re promising to love each other forever, and then to teh feeling disillusioned/as though he’s falling out of love with oh-aew basically right after that?? it’s so jarring. i feel like we lose so much with these time skips bc the transition from ep 2 to ep 3 is never really shown, so there’s this lack of flow there. like we’ve skipped a step entirely and something’s missing. this is the disadvantage of only focussing on one year per ep since there’s not enough time to explore as much character and relationship development when we’re only seeing an hour long snippet of an entire year. it just makes things feel superficial since so much of what we should be seeing is missing...and we basically have to fill in all the gaps ourselves.

okay, back to oh-aew ranting to his friends about how he feels like his relationship with teh is fading away bc they don’t have the same interests anymore, but also wondering if that’s just normal for long-term relationships. bless that boy that came to ask oh-aew for his ig :’) at least he knows that he’s wanted and has options, even if he obv turns him down bc of teh (for now).

plug and mangpong are dating!!!!!!! and mangpong does a horrible job of trying to hide it 😂 sidenote, but i love the way pp delivers lines sometimes (like the “just shocked”), he’s so cute. plug and mangpong’s legs touching...and the wave of nostalgia that came over me (and oh-aew) during that ;;; oh-aew seeing their blossoming relationship would make him reminisce back to his own experience of falling in love with teh...when everything was still so fluttery and new. so when teh texts him about using his car to help jai move, he looks happy. like he wants to rekindle those feelings again too.

that being said, it’s kind of sad to me how even jai shows more interest in oh-aew’s major than teh (when he asks him for his opinion on how to get people interested in his play). oh-aew’s got some good ideas and is more than willing to help (esp since he wants to connect and find a common interest with teh again). also, just bc oh-aew doesn’t want to be an actor anymore doesn’t mean that he’s completely uninterested in it. god, watching this part again hurts bc oh-aew looks so happy and optimistic. he worked so hard to help teh (and jai) only for them to betray him like that. it made me mad originally, but now it just breaks my heart :(

jai’s running acting classes again for his play, and this time it’s a workshop to help them tap into their feelings. it’s like an intimacy exercise where they give one another consent to touch certain body parts. teh is still struggling a lot with this. i think teh craves intimacy, but as he doesn’t feel that connection in his personal life to oh-aew anymore, so it’s difficult for him to draw on his experiences. he can’t even remember the first time he had sex with oh-aew properly anymore. as usual, teh’s too in his own head to just go with the flow and ~feel things (which isn’t new since teh’s had problems with this since itsay), but it’s def something that he’ll need to learn how to do if he wants to become an actor. he’s trying, but the fact that he can’t get to that place makes him feel even more insecure than ever that he might never be able to get there. imo one of the reasons teh works so hard, and is as driven and ambitious as he is, is that he’s afraid that he’ll never be good enough. he puts so much pressure on himself, and the issue with that is that he’ll never be able to live up to his expectations that way.

teh is also very much alone now. oh-aew has his group of friends to talk to about his relationship with teh, but teh just has jai at this point. he’s pushed khim away...and he and oh-aew aren’t communicating effectively (which is also why they’re on SUCH different wavelengths in terms of where their relationship is at), so there’s literally only jai for him to talk to about all his relationship issues. and to me at least, jai seems to have ulterior motives (particularly when you consider that the subject matter of his play is pretty much the same thing that teh’s going through rn). it’s times like this when i do feel kind of bad for teh, but then again, he brought this upon himself the way that he almost always does...and it leaves me frustrated instead.

jai kissing his professor though...also their conversation?? i have QUESTIONS...

that whole interaction with teh when jai catches him spying on him and the professor was SO awkward. idk what it is about teh but i have never encountered a character that has given me as much secondhand embarrassment as he does. when he starts touching the bars and avoiding eye contact i just- why, teh why?????

moving on, i’m thinking there’s prob more to that scene that we don’t know about bc jai’s shifty like that...but it’s purpose is also to shift teh’s perception of jai. before this, he pretty much just saw jai as his friend and mentor, but seeing him kiss someone else pushes him to think of jai in another less platonic light. like the first spark of attraction.

the both of them go to see the mime show (babymime), and i know that the point of this is so teh can learn to just feel and let go the way that the mimes in this play do, but idk it’s just kind of funny to me the contrast between the last scene and this one. 

the leg touching scene again but this time with teh and jai...thanks, i hate it :/// 

teh’s already feeling like he and oh-aew’s interests are making them drift apart, so by connecting with jai, it’s that initial feeling of attraction that he used to feel with oh-aew all those years ago. jai is that cool senior that he respects...he’s goal-oriented and has so much in common with him (in a way that he feels that oh-aew doesn’t anymore), so it doesn’t altogether surprise me that teh latches onto jai in this way. esp when all their conversations revolve around what teh’s most passionate about, and what dreams they’re striving towards in the future.

it doesn’t surprise me bc teh’s affections shifted in a similar way from tarn to oh-aew when he was first starting to realise his feelings for oh-aew too (though at least he and tarn were never officially dating during that time...)

there’s a genuineness to the way teh praises and encourages jai that isn’t there when he’s doing the same to oh-aew :( and that coupled with teh lying to oh-aew about him having dinner with jai while oh-aew is at home, completely oblivious, painstakingly photoshopping his boyfriend’s face on the poster of the play TO HELP TEH instead of doing his own uni work, makes me so fucking upset for oh-aew.

it’s interesting to see how different their personalities are even when it comes to something as simple as the way they read their texts. oh-aew is so ready to accept whatever teh tells him at face value, but teh overthinks everything to the point where he jumps to a certain conclusion in his head about it instead.

but yeah, it’s just really tough to see oh-aew try so hard for teh, only to see teh do nothing back for oh-aew in return. there’s only so much one side can give. it’s the absolute lack of effort on teh’s part to even try to make things work with oh-aew that is the most frustrating thing of all. oh-aew is carrying their entire relationship rn and it makes me feel all “and for what?? why should he even bother??” about it.

sneaking to sit at the river with jai is like this forbidden, new experience, so it just enhances that feeling of attraction that teh is already feeling towards jai. and esp when he starts telling him about his previous relationship with james, the significance of the plum wine, and how jai ended up breaking up with him. since it’s reflective of teh’s own experiences atm (even in how he kind of self-sabotages himself to push people/oh-aew away first), he clearly takes it to heart. and it makes him want to do an even better job since the play is an autobiographical one for jai. not to mention, teh supposedly being the only one that jai told his story to makes him feel ‘special’......and we all know how teh likes feeling as though he’s special to someone. you can see it in how dejected he is when he thinks jai only told him his story bc he wanted him to get into character better, but perks up the moment jai says he actually told him bc teh’s been doing such a good job (and to encourage him). like i mentioned before, teh’s already feeling vulnerable and isolated from everybody else, so hearing any sort of praise (and esp when it’s from someone that he looks up to as much as jai), is going to pull him in.

when they were hiding from the security guard i was like ughhh i know where this is heading and i. don’t. like. it........

the problem is that i know where teh stands on this. like i know that there’s some attraction on his end. but i don’t know where jai stands. is he intentionally manipulating teh’s feelings for his play? is there any sincerity there? i think it’s obvious that he can tell teh is attracted to him from the glance that they share in this scene, but i can’t get a handle on what he actually wants (which i guess is the point of making his character as mysterious as it is but still). and if he can tell, and he doesn’t actually like teh back in that way, it makes the end scene even more yikes imo.

hmmm teh lying in the pool trying to recreate that feeling right before their first kiss when the both of them just let everything go and sank down into the water. that’s how you KNOW the next scene is supposed to be angsty...bc just like how their first underwater kiss had a sense of sadness to it bc they were hiding, their first (on screen) sex scene has that same sense of sadness, only this time it’s bc teh’s using his attraction to jai/his method actor desire to get into character to fuel the sex instead of bc he genuinely just wants to have sex with oh-aew. and if his reasoning for the sex is bc of that, then his task to recreate their first sexual experience will never live up to the actual first time they had sex (when they BOTH wanted it, and there were no other factors involved).

that’s not to say i don’t think teh doesn’t love oh-aew anymore. i think that there HAS to be some level of love still there amidst all of the confusion, but it feels a lot more like he’s testing his love/attraction to oh-aew during this scene (sort of like how he did with tarn in itsay) than a proper ‘love scene’. like he’s trying to reconfirm his feelings, whilst using oh-aew as inspiration for his role at the same time. it makes my heart ache that this is the first love scene we get from them this series, and it’s marred by the context of what we know is going on in teh’s head. like i said, it’s this permeating sadness throughout...and just knowing that oh-aew has absolutely NO IDEA what’s going on with teh and why he suddenly wants to have sex makes it worse. oh-aew’s been trying to make things work, and in his mind, teh spontaneously coming over like this prob makes him think that things are getting better between them since this is also the closest thing to teh showing any sort of initiative to work on their relationship in this ep so far...

and that’s not also taking away how beautifully this whole scene is shot. i’ve always loved the way that teh and oh-aew play and flirt with each other (bkpp’s chemistry is honestly unparalleled!!) so it was nice to see them be kind of playful before they started kissing again (if you ignore how sad this scene really is). i LOVE the inter-splicing between their first time on the beach and the present. the way the score swells, and little moments where you can see their feet and fingers interlocked on the beach. it gives you such a visceral visual (and totally takes me back to itsay days when that sort of imagery was used a lot more). i just hate that since we know the truth, this scene is more uncomfortable than satisfying despite how nicely shot it is.

i wish we got more domestic moments from them. i know their relationship has sort of grown past those initial moments of flirtation, but it truly makes me sad that we don’t get to see more of them as a couple in general in ipytm. moments like this where they’re lying in bed cuddling each other are so few and far between that i always feel like i have to cherish every little fleeting piece of fluff that i can get. even if idek if this can really be called fluff since the context sort of ruins it.

oh-aew’s still got his heart attack bag :’)))

he was soooooo happy when he met up with his friends 😭 but also, how the hell is it possible for teachers to move deadlines up like that. i FEEL that panic... poor oh-aew...

teh’s in rehearsals again and this time he’s wearing his moon shirt which...i do NOT need those ep 3 itsay vibes rn when i was already dreading this last ten minutes with everything i have in me :((( but anyway, jai’s brought plum wine to class and we know that teh doesn’t usually drink, but he does this time. he tells teh that the taste will change over time (it symbolises the ageing of the relationship process), and teh says it’s a pity he won’t get to taste it next time since jai wants to go abroad to study. then teh tells him he’s worked on the acting exercise and wants to try it out with jai, and i feel like we all knew where it was going to go from here.........

they really had to hammer it in with him missing oh-aew’s call too huh :/

as soon as they started the touching/intimacy exercise again i was just waiting for the catch. even on this rewatch i’m still sitting here chanting “don’t do it teh don’t do it” knowing full well that he kisses jai and there’s no changing that. but then when they cut to oh-aew walking up the stairs with the posters and you hear just how much time he’s sacrificed to help teh/jai on this...sacrificing time EVEN NOW just to go over to their uni to give them the posters when he has a presentation due tomorrow that he and his friends still haven’t finished working on...it’s just heartbreaking knowing what he’s going to end up walking in on.

whether it’s itsay or ipytm, teh’s default state is confusion. so while i think that there’s a certain amount of attraction towards jai there of course, i kind of get the feeling that he’s confusing his feelings of connection with jai (bc of their shared interests and passion) with him falling in love with jai. i feel like his attraction to jai reminds him of what it was like when he was first attracted to oh-aew, and since things have changed so much between him and oh-aew, it’s like he wants to recreate and capture that feeling again with jai (which is also why he wears the moon shirt...he wore that during itsay ep 3 beach scene, which was the moment when the attraction really started to burn between him and oh-aew). he can’t feel that same spark with oh-aew anymore, so he transfers his feelings to jai since, at this point in time, he feels closer to jai than anyone else. instead of growing alongside oh-aew, it’s like he’s choosing to revert back to a time when he was happier.

we know that teh has always been the type of person that will act on his impulses when he feels them. that’s WHY it was so hard to watch...bc i knew while watching that last scene, he was never going to restrain himself or put a stop to those feelings bleeding over into action. and esp not when it could benefit him in some way with his acting too.

in the end, it just makes me so devastated for oh-aew. and i really hope that he doesn’t let this go bc he thinks it’s just teh method acting or getting into character or whatever...i know that teh’s feeling a lot of conflicting things rn, but that’s not an excuse. he really fucked this one up.

the thing is, it’s not that i don’t think teh is capable of acting this way (i’ve seen a few people say that this is ooc for him, but it really isn’t? this confusion and impulsiveness has always been a part of his character from the very start...he was always the one that had the most trouble dealing with his feelings out of the two of them), but the time skips don’t do him any favours bc we lose all those moments that take him to what he’s currently feeling. when we don’t have those moments, then it’s a lot harder to sympathise with him. in itsay, bc we always knew how teh got from point a to point b, even if he did frustrating/silly things, i always understood where he was coming from. i always felt for him. i GOT his struggles, which was why i was always able to empathise with what he was going through. in ipytm, he just comes off as unlikeable bc of how superficial his feelings seem (from what we’re being shown on screen at least).

falling out of love with your significant other/starting to feel things for someone else is obv a fairly common experience, so i don’t blame teh for FEELING like this, but it’s how he treats oh-aew throughout this that doesn’t sit right with me. even if you feel like you’re falling out of love with someone, or that they’ve changed since the first time you fell in love with them, you’d think there’d be some motivation to at least TRY to make things work with them before giving up. we never see that from teh at all. instead, he just see him becoming infatuated with jai (so we barely see teh/oh-aew together in the first place). and while i can see now that a lot of this is due to his own insecurities and inadequacies, it’s also just so disrespectful to oh-aew who's the one that we see putting in all this time and effort (it calls back to their whole “don’t give my time to others” scene in itsay bc we see oh-aew giving so much of his time to teh through helping him out with his play, while teh’s giving that time that should be for oh-aew to jai now). no matter his reasoning, watching teh act that way towards oh-aew does make it increasingly hard to root for him. there’s just too big a disparity in how the two of them choose to act and devote their time to their relationship.

what’s frustrating is that in itsay, teh would fuck up but he would always try to make amends with oh-aew in some way. he would always come forward to try to sort things out after...but there’s nothing here. even after their dinner fight in ep 2, it’s OH-AEW that reaches out to him first (even though it’s teh’s fault that they fought in the first place). where’s that boy that dressed up in his old school uniform in order to talk to oh-aew at his school? or made a whole chinese idioms scrapbook for oh-aew? or gave up his uni admission for oh-aew? i understand that characters and motivations change (and he was obv hopped up on his first love with oh-aew at the time), but it’s just really, really sad to see teh keep messing up and not even try to meet oh-aew halfway with this. yes, you can fuck up, but there are only so many times you can keep fucking up before it starts to look more like a pattern of shitty behaviour than a few forgivable missteps.

another issue is that there’s been so much focus on teh and his flaws that a lot of the time oh-aew comes off as a side character to teh’s story. previously, i understood that since teh was grappling with his sexuality. it made sense that his journey was the primary focus of the plot and character development. but i always felt that there was more room to explore oh-aew’s story (and i thought that we would get a lot more of that in ipytm...esp after ep 1), but it just feels like we kind of skimmed past all of oh-aew’s growth and struggles adjusting to bangkok/uni life so we could turn the attention back to teh again. i just hate that we never get to see more of how oh-aew’s changed in teh’s eyes (other than the surface level things like his hair, new car and major), and that we never get to see more of oh-aew’s life when it’s not related to teh in general. i hope that we’ll get more of oh-aew in the last two eps, but i really don’t know what they’ll give us anymore.

at this point, i don’t even want them as endgame anymore given everything that’s happened in the recent ep. and it pains me so much to say that bc teh/oh-aew are so immensely important to me, but they’re just in such different places in life. and teh esp has so much more growing to do (i think i said this last week too? teh...). oh-aew deserves to be with someone that can see his worth as he is (that won’t cheat on him for one!!). i just want him to be with someone that can make him happy. what i wanted most for them out of this was for the two of them to grow to a better place (together and as individuals), and while i still want that for them as individuals, it’s hard for me to want them to be happy together anymore. at least for the time being.

i’m kind of at a loss for how they’re gonna work through this (and i genuinely want oh-aew to be able to explore his options too...particularly with someone that will actually treat him better than teh’s treating him atm). so at this point it’s kind of looking to me like a break up is inevitable? but i do think it’s necessary  for both of them rn. i feel so heartbroken about it though...like ipytm is actually making ME go through the breakup...breaking up with all my beloved itsay teh/oh-aew memories :((( anyway, i think a break up is also conveniently the best time to put a time skip tbh...so we’ll see if that does end up happening now in future eps.

this one took such a long time to write up bc i wrote like a quarter of this RIGHT after i finished watching the ep (so you can clearly tell which parts were me right after the ep, and which parts were me after i had some time to sit on what happened 😂), but i thought it was best to take a bit of a break. i didn’t rewatch it again until i calmed down a little and sorted out my thoughts some more (though i know this is still pretty messy). but yeah, i’m still very much interested in watching how they things are going to progress from here...but i can’t deny how sad i’ve been feeling after this.

[elsafowl]

THEORY TIME - PROM EPISODES

So, we've seen the pictures from the flash-back episodes. It's clearly Kenny, Kara and Alex - either meaning that Kenny is alive during the 2009 prom night (when he died in 2007 in the Earth 38 timeline) in the Earth Prime timeline, OR that the SG writers don't know shit about their own story and messed up the timeline.

Now. I've seen multiple people saying that Kenny (now that he is alive) will become Kara's endgame love interest. Like: Nia & Brainy go back in time, and when they return to the present, Kara/Kenny is a thing. And I have to discuss this, and why I think it would be pretty problematic in the SG story:

- first, Kenny may have loved Kara (on Earth 38) but we've seen that Kara wasn't really comfortable when he tried to kiss her + most romantic relationships you have in high school aren't meant to last (and it's normal: you aren't grow yet, you don't know yourself yet and usually you aren't in the healthiest relationships even if there are some exceptions).

- second, we haven't seen Kenny at all since we've arrived on Earth Prime. Meaning EP past version of Kara and EP Kenny don't have a relationship or aren't close in the present. I mean, if they were friends (or more) in the past and that suddenly Kara stopped talking to Kenny after Crisis, I believe he would have done something about it. So, on Earth 38 Kenny was dead and on Earth Prime, even if Kenny is alive, he isn't close with Kara.

- third, Nia & Brainy returning to the present after altering the timeline and making Kara/Kenny a couple would be SO wrong. We've seen it in the 100th episode with Kara/Lena: she could modify the timeline, but first all modifications provoked dire consequences (as messing with the timeline always does) and second it wouldn't really be Lena. The Lena we know is Lena because of all the things she went through in the story. Same with Kara. She wouldn't be herself if she hadn't lost Kenny, she wouldn't be close with Alex if they hadn't solve the murder case together, she wouldn't be who she is without all the persons she met afterwards, hell she wouldn't be who she is if she had married her high school sweetheart and didn't go through all of the drama with James, Mon-El or Lena. Honestly, doing such a retcon would be a betrayal to the character - because she simply wouldn't be herself anymore (and other characters, like Alex or Lena, wouldn't be themselves too bc different Kara = different Alex and Lena and all of the persons that are close with her).

- Kenny seemed (seems?) to be a nice guy, but I don't want the message of SG to become "oh well he's nice and respectful so you should date him". I mean sure, it's always nice to have nice guys who want to date you, but it's not bc someone is a good guy you have to date him. We've had no time with this character, and we didn't see any version of him past highschool anyway - we don't know him.

- LENA AND KARA HAVE BEEN QUEERBAITED FOR MORE THAN 4 SEASONS, ARE THEY SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING ANY OTHER ROMANTIC PAIRINGS FOR KARA??? (answer: yes they are and it's pissing my off) I can (barely) accept a single Kara at the end of SG, bc it would be good enough, but I can't accept Kara in any straight relationship at this point, as they don't have any worthy character available for this role.

Voilà, tell me what you think???

[misterbitches]

i realized by the third ep bc i wasnt totally paying attn the first time and im having the most traumatic month ever that adachi like....actually is a go-getter. he just thinks he isnt.

in the show he is older than i am but we are basically the same age. i've been loud, outspoken, tall, commandeering, and been a leader when i have to be. but if i had nothing pushing me? i know who i become. adachi got a job and does good work even if he believes he doesn't. that's not something i achieve or cuold do necessarily. he keeps his job, people like him, even if they walk over him, he's just you know. him.

but when he chases after kurosawa i never realiezd...like i would never do that. that's just not who i am and i wouldn't be able to do what he did. he thought about how much courage it took but, and this isn't in a bad way, he was like "WOW I DID IT!" but he fucking did it! he does it!

it takes me ages, i must deliberate, i have to think think think. he and i are different and lead different lives; he's more stable than i am financially and securely and he did that all on his own. it's weird to have someone so conflicted but be way more of a go-getter. i put on bravado but am extremely reserved and i would just take my time. if i had his ability i wouldnt do fucking shit about it. i'd be like ok time for EVERYONE to get the FUCK away from me and for me to like. go to a brothel. he handles it cooly and well. idk like....adachi is a lot cooler than he thinks. and i know he finds out what people truly think of him but seriously he's a chill fucking dude. he's also fucking hilarious. i'm glad people got to know him.

i am contemplating torrenting this in 1080p because it's too gorgeous to have it compressed to 720p and it really takes away from my experience because i think this is filmed very well but i can't exactly tell. it's a lot more complex than i remember it being but i was like....watching 5million things at the time. i wanted to take my time.

the thing about asian dramas and bl and stuff is that it's mine to do. i don't feel pressure because most people i know don't watch it. i can find my own thoughts and talk about them. i don't have FOMO really but if i do i will just....stop watching for months. it teaches me to slow the fuck down . it's better when not everyone around me knows because i don't feel this pressure it's just me.

i love films and well-made productions (not a huge tv fan) but asian dramas have allowed me to slow down. that doesn't mean they aren't without their extreme fucking challenges as someone who respects herself and the people that are marginalized the most. but it's good to fucking SLOW THE FUCK DOWN.

i'm sad tho bc i hate watching films alone and not in theaters so i become consuming way more asian media than i would like because that shuts me off to my people and the world too. but then again it's a bit of an escape even if it covers heavy topics i guess. sometimes. i think i turn to it the most when i cannot handle the heaviness of the world and feeling like being a black woman is going to drown me even if i am so proud.

there's a lot of cross-solidarity btw which is why so many black people do flock to the media. it isn't that we don't know we're being exploited and laughed at many times, or if we're fat etc, it's that there's an underlying struggle as well. still, it sucks to be reminded of our differences as well.

cherry magic is a really good example of a concrete world and a dreamy one and i think a person on MDL said this about it; to them it feels so like manga-y, very japanese, what they remember growing up on (ik it was a manga lol) and i think they get that right. also like....real actors. i don't necessarily feel the same way about ITSAY, but i think there's a lot less solace there. i've been asking people about what they think about ITSAY like what their issues with it were bc im genuinely fascinated to know bc visually taht story is really just...impeccable. tight writing. but there's something that is off that i don't feel with CM. there's a couple of reasons why but. anyways i am hungry and going on to ep 4. i cannot believe that guy who is adachi's friend is my age. ok he is not 30. HE LOOKS 35.

also if anyone watchedwe best love, doesn't the dude that's adachi's senpai who asks him to do too much work (this is where he and i differ, i would straight up be like hmmm probably not even in a work setting lmao) look like the guy from wbl?!?!?!?!?!??!?! u know the one

[idk-my-aesthetic]

Ok I already made a kinda similar post but I feel like I wanna re-articulate/add to my point

So, Steven wanting be seen as an adult isn’t a problem at all bc like.... he is. Basically. Maturity and experience wise, he has more than passed what qualifies as becoming an adult like.... years ago

But the part of snow day that concerns me is how he pushes away all the things that have been shown to make him happy, without really showing any new things

(Also the gems behavior of suddenly treating Steven like he’s 12 again (which he’s rightfully annoyed by) seems like a big jump, but I’ll explain that in a minute)

Like it’s perfectly healthy for ppl to grow out of little kid stuff and into adult stuff, if they actually grow into adult stuff! Bc Steven like.... doesn’t. He exchanges together breakfast for protein shakes, but that’s it. Everything else is replaced by work

Also his refusal to rely on the gems in anyway (for food, to let garnet pack his bag, etc) could be seen as just like a part of trying to establish his independence, if it wasn’t part of an increasingly concerning pattern of refusing to rely on anyone for anything

And tbh? I think both things are very much connected to what happened with spinel and in the movie

Like in the very beginning/in here we are in the future we see him acting A lot closer to 14 yr old Steven. He’s obviously matured, but he shows actual interest in stuff (the rock show) acts more goofy (rolling down the stairs, jumping through Lars’s hair) and relays on the others a lot more (letting garnet & amethyst catch him)

Obvi the rest of the movie is super stressful and the gems don’t know him so we don’t really get many more things like that. But those actions are prominent and show us 2 important things 1) even though he’s definitely grown he still likes to act kinda silly, and 2) he’s still close with the gems

So what happened?

Well, at the end he says to spinel “there’s no such thing as happily ever after. My work will never be done” and like... I think that’s a much more important line than anyone is giving it credit for

I think spinel’s attack was something much bigger that affected him a lot more than ppl realized. It made him realize that like this shit will affect him for the rest of his life

And tbh I wouldn’t be surprised if that led to a subconscious thought process of “I always need to be vigilant and ready to help” to “I know I’m not a threat, so my problems should be pushed aside to help others” to “I need to try and stop problems before they happen” to “I can’t Ever think about my problems bc I need to find any others and fix them instead”

So now he doesn’t wanna think about his own issues for 2 reasons a) bc it’s hard and b) bc he thinks it’s more important to make sure everyone else in the galaxy is ok then it is to make sure he’s ok. Which is only gonna make his problems worse x 2

And it’s showing in how he acts in future vs the beginning of the movie, though it’s most evident in snow day

Like in the movie there is no indication that any of the gems are babying him in any way. At one point I was literally annoyed cause I was like they’re letting him do too much. But they’re def not babying him, they obvi show concern but they still let him continue after he collapses, interact w/ spinel (probably assuming he went to fight her) on his own, and face her on his own at the very end. All things they would never let him do in say s1, which is how they’re treating him

And in earlier episodes they’re like... letting blue bird chill which is another thing they wouldn’t do if they were really babying him lol

But we know that there’s a decent time skip between those eps and snow day and the other eps, bc of how Steven’s discussing the third quarter when little homeschool seemed to be just opening at first, and the weather change

So like what I think is happening is that after spinel’s whole thing Steven starts to distance himself a bit. He still spends time with the gems, but he doesn’t really let himself rely on them for anything anymore

As time goes on and he a) finds out he has distructive powers b) is struggling more to keeps his emotions in check and c) relizes he’s even less safe than he thought after bluebird, he starts distancing himself even more, as well as throwing himself into work more to avoid having to face his own problems

The gems slowly start to notice, and attempt to reconnect with him. There’s nothing he really likes now, and any changes he has made they don’t know about bc he’s distancing himself. So they fall back on stuff they know he used to like, and start treating him like when he was a little kid and wanted to spend time with them really desperately

So in the process of trying to get closer to him they actually hurt him by romanticizing a person he just.... isn’t anymore. He’s dealt with a lot of shit since season one and he’s a completely different person, and treating him like the little kid he hasn’t been in years is both super insulting and hurtful

So they end up in this sort of paradoxical vortex. Steven is isolating himself/abandoning the stuff that makes him happy/throwing himself into his work to avoid dealing with his emotions, hurting both him and the gems. The gems try to fix it, but accidentally make it worse, hurtling both him and themselves. Until it finally cumulates in snow day and them having a chat

But

Their conversation only solves 2 of the 5 main problems Steven has that are shown/referenced in the episode

The gems babying him

Distancing himself from his family

Abandoning/not having anything that makes him happy besides work

Refusing to rely on others in anyway

Throwing himself way too much into work

(Plus theres the other 2 big ones that aren’t really in this ep but still important

How he feels about his mom

How he’s pushing his own emotions aside in favor of helping others)

So... yeah. Obvi all that stuff is gonna be handled later on, I’m just a bit worried about my boi ;-;

Edit: hhhhh he’s using his hotdog duffel in bluebird

Just like,,,, more evidence for everything im saying since he was ok with using it b4 the bigger shift. He probably started separating more after bluebird bc he’s scared of relying on the gems too much

Also!! Check the comments pls a lot of them are real good and smart but I can’t rb them and don’t wanna screen shot em

[firebirdsdaughter]

The longer I think about the disaster 01 turned out to be post-break, the more I'm convinced something went down bts. The whole Gai redemption thing, Horobi going back to square one after actually making a lil bit of process after protecting Jin, the new ZAIA guy turning up so late in the game, the shock value thing with Aruto becoming Ark-One. The moment the break was over, 01 felt like a different show, one that didn't even bother to make any sense.

On the one hand… I’m like… Okay. Pandemic. You don’t know if you’re going to get put on hold again.

And I’m also like… Okay, maybe they sprang on you that you would only have 45 eps bc Reasons.

On another… There is an amount of sense to Horobi’s initial response, it’s pretty in character.

On  the third… I wouldn’t want to watch most of this at normal pacing, either????

Like. Okay. I absolutely agree the tone has been totally off since we came back. Every single ep since the return, everything, and multiple characters, have felt… ‘Off’ is the only way I can describe it. Jin (though we are finally getting back into a more natural beat for him) esp, but also Yua, Gai… Just… Off.

I do have to admit that Horobi’s initial response… Does make sense, esp regarding the fact that his singularity point is Jin, wanting to protect Jin, and wanting to be Jin’s father, and humanity… Would, from his point of view, be a danger to that, and also one to his son, bc he is right, they did, literally, create the Ark.

It’s where they decided to go immediately after that went super off the wall.

I mean, other stuff went off the wall already.

So. My suggestion for what maybe could/should have happened:

Nix Gai’s personality doing a one eighty. Have an alliance of necessity bc the Ark is just that badass (she is). Do everything up to a point mostly the same (though… Maybe also nix Jin’s ooc behaviour towards humans he barely knows, and bc I am a glutton for angst, the simulation idea came from him bc that was how he ended up at the point where he thought he had to kill Horobi, in the vein of becoming convinced he couldn’t save his father but could at least spare him a more painful death, and only really starts warming up to humans when they do something that defies those simulations, or something… I just like the simulation idea for Jin), you can even have Horobi being like ‘human destruction’ if y’all really want that, though it does smack of an ‘f you’ to Horobi fans, bc gods forbid he be allowed any… I’m digressing. Anyway, instead of… Whatever this episode was, maybe there’s still a big fight, but at an integral moment Izu (and maybe also Jin) jump in and are like ‘no, stop!’ Izu shields Aruto and starts prodding Horobi, but Jin shows up and steps in. They manage to at least temporarily calm things down, there’s emphasis on the fact that humans need to give HumaGear a reason to believe in them, too. But all of this upsets Gai, maybe bc he has some kind of personal history w/ Horobi (hey, remember the time he stepped on Horobi’s chest? Bc I do, that was the moment that made me love to hate the character), maybe he had some shemey plan that this is fucking up, and he goes, you know, Gai™—but then the Ark is like ‘hey, free bastard!’ and possesses him instead.

Or some bullshit (Takahashi, if you’re listening, please, some bullshit) where it looked like Horobi killed Izu but it was actually Gai or someone else (Takahashi, I will literally pay money, I will buy the fucking rings, just some bullshit, I’m begging you). Aruto can still go nuts (I… Guess? It’s… Super weird how he’s going psycho over this, but is apparently a-okay w/ Gai just getting a tap on the wrist… Did I miss something? Bc I may not like Aruto much, but… This feels ooc), but eventually manages to snap out of it when that’s revealed. Or bc Izu is resurrected. Maybe bc Horobi brings her back. (admittedly, one of my original ideas for Horobi post-series was him working on recovering any HumaGear who were ‘lost’ when they were hacked… Though now that seems more like a job he can share w/ Naki while he and Fuwa also deal w/ remnants of the Ark/protecting peace as a new AIMS… Ah, spoilers, spoilers…!)

If Takahashi really wanted to make me a happy camper, he’d reveal that Horobi didn’t actually kill Izu and have Horobi bring her back. Sweet, sweet justice.

Anyway.

But yeah, ever since we came back, it’s been… Off. Like… Some of it I’ll attribute to the situation, being even more janky than it was already janky (imo, of course, other people seem to adore it), I mean, global pandemic, we don’t know how unexpected the cut down was for them, and they didn’t know if they were going to be locked down again.

But.

The subject matter is… Not great, despite that. Like… If I felt like we had a logical, coherent-ish, even for Takahashi, story under there… Yeah. Okay. I’d be more lenient. But… This is just… So off the wall. Like, this doesn’t feel like ‘oh, they had to rush bc eps got cut and they were flying blind.’ This feels like… Something else entirely.

If that makes any sense.

I mean. I suppose this could all be wildly popular w/ the kids in Japan. I know the show owes me nothing. But… Still.

[espbee]

i wasn’t originally going to post this since i’ve seen several other (perfectly valid) mob psycho timelines out there but you all wanted to see it so here it is!

this does not include pre-canon or the reigen spin off. the first b/c i didn’t really care lol and the second b/c i haven’t read the spin off for reasons i’m sure you already know.

almost every single one of these dates is based on canon evidence (see notes below) but a few are speculation. i go into depth under the cut so if you want to know, say, exactly what day mob buys the monkey shirt you can find out. if you want to see a specific panel hmu!

feel free to use as reference when writing fanfics or meta or whatever else you might want to use it for :D just please don’t repost 

Spring of Youth Arc

it’s not super important how many days pass in ep 1 but i think it’s all within a week. might be some overlap with ep 2 (tunnel exorcism on same day takenaka quits club? according to the manga it happens later anyway)

going by anime here: takenaka quits the club monday or tuesday, tome asks mob to join the club wednesday if i remember right (also the day he goes to the girl’s high school) and he joins the body improvement club friday)

(LOL) Cult Arc

not much to say. it’s literally an afternoon and the teru arc starts the very next day

Teruki Hanazawa Arc

happens basically immediately after the cult. like mob knows dimple for like 3 days before he’s “exorcised”

fight on a friday bc it’s on weekend news

aftermath: mob in pink hoodie probably on saturday, mezato interrogates him monday

Big Cleanup Arc

shigeo mentions in the divine tree arc that student council meetings are on mondays. however only having weekly meetings would make this arc take a really long time so i’m guessing it’s semiweekly. i’m guessing the other day is thursday because ritsu says he has a meeting on the thursday that mob confesses

same monday as end of teru arc: student council meeting where ritsu suggests a big cleanup, mitsuura gives ritsu his card

thursday: big cleanup plan submitted, mezato and onigawara look for mob (for totally different reasons), ritsu in the street w/ tokugawa

next monday: student council plans to get rid of onigawara

awakening lab might be on the same day as above but i’m not sure, mob also goes on a “date” with tome that day and sees koyama for the first time. that night is when shinji’s family gets after him for not being perfect and he decides to go apeshit

i’m guessing the recorder scandal happens the next morning (wednesday?). it doesn’t actually say if ritsu awakens that exact day but i’m just going to say it does

a little bit of time goes by (about a week?) ritsu’s becoming popular and he develops his psychic power. teru vs ritsu happens somewhere here. people are complaining about the big clean up

the day that ritsu and kamuro confront onigawara in the body improvement club room is the same day that ritsu first attacks the delinquents from the other schools (monday)

im guessing a day goes by before kamuro is beaten up (tuesday), then another day before he’s beaten up again (wednesday)

kamuro is absent from the student council meeting the next thursday

ritsu only has his powers for 9 days before announcing that he’s obtained loss

7th Division Arc

one month before touichirou arrives in japan. this makes sense because it’s not like the day he arrives he’s going to attack. touichirou probably arrives in late september or early october, prepares things for a couple weeks

mob goes to shinji’s house on sunday, ritsu and mob talk on the swings monday, shinji apologizes to onigawara tuesday. the kageyama parents know about ritsu’s power by tuesday night (what was that conversation like)

Mob’s Girlfriend Mini-Arc

2 weeks long: one for the elections and one for the dating

sidenote: psycho helmet cult has gained 700 followers by now and it’s been about a month according to mezato (and the timeline!)

mob works the monday after his brother’s kidnapped jeez reigen give the kid a break

going to say it’s wednesday when shinji resigns

mezato talks to mob about running on thursday

one week later: elections! (going to say they’re on a friday). emi asks him out that afternoon

mob and emi “date” for a week. im guessing she “breaks up” with him friday and he fixes her torn up story on monday since there’s enough time for everyone to react. i think the anime has all that happen on the same day though. either way is good

Urban Legend Arc

reigen complains about four days without customers

kuchisake-onna: it’s the weekend b/c mob’s wearing a sweater instead of his uniform and also b/c i doubt mob skipped school

reigen makes his website overnight and mob’s wearing his uniform the next day which means the trip to the urban legend town has to be on sunday

the first trip to the ghost house is on a sunday (what a busy day!), and the second trip is on monday

Keiji Mogami Arc

literally the day after the ghost house wtf (so… tuesday?)

if it feels like 6 months for mob would that mean he’s almost a third year in the dream world? or already is a third year? oh no…

uh technically there’s an aftermath the next day but really the arc is one day

Separate Ways Arc

kumagawa’s birthday is in late september btw. idk if there’s any kumagawa stans out there but now you know he’s a libra

kijibayashi’s birthday: 10/5? (also the day mob finally cant take reigen’s bs anymore)

mob doesn’t show up to work for at least four days pre-birthday (probably five days since kijibayashi’s birthday needs to be on a school day)

reigen’s birthday: 10/10 (also i’m assuming this is either the day of or the day after he defeats the video game thing)

he has to have enough time to offer classes and become a local celebrity… i’d assume he offers that course at his office that friday night (10/12). he’s interviewed that day too. a few days later he goes on tv (i’m going to say 10/15)

goes to bar 3 days after the tv show (wednesday 10/17)

thursday 10/18: reporterless-day

friday 10/19: press conference, “my master… he is a good person” *sobs*)

World Domination Arc

mob has 10 days to prepare for the marathon

marathon on friday (11/2)

teru fights shimazaki for the first time saturday morning, mob doesn’t wake up until sometime in the afternoon, and rei-gun is in the evening

mob sleeps like 18 hours… oof

the kageyama parents return home monday evening

Yokai Hunter Mini-Arc

this isn’t listed as seperate from the Divine Tree Arc according to the wiki but i’m calling it a mini-arc because the broccoli isn’t really the focus

mob mentions the future prospects assignment is due in a week

seri starts working at spirits and such a few days after the wd arc ends

going to guess there’s some overlap with the future prospects assignment and that it’s due sometime during culture festival preparations because otherwise the timeline breaks

okay everyone i know culture festivals are usually on or around november 3rd but according to all canon evidence there is absolutely no way that can happen on time. there’s literally no time. it has to take place at least 2 weeks after the wd arc

going to say the culture festival is nov. 18 because that’s all that makes sense (the previous weekend is too soon, and the next weekend is after the divine tree arc

Divine Tree Arc

Friday: Tsubomi sneezes — why dont u stop doing bad things

Saturday: buys The Shirt

Sunday: Psycho Helmet

Monday: Teru, Ritsu, and Reigen all brainwashed, Mob vs Dimple part 2

Telepathy Mini-Arc

finally a nice long break :D

find out about takenaka about one month after Divine Tree Arc

aliens on New Year’s Eve/Day

inukawa’s abducted by aliens for 10 days

???% Arc

inukawa has to be back by the time school starts

Mob finds out Tsubomi’s leaving the day he gets back from winter break (monday) :(

i think he calls her two days later?

the day after that mob is hit by a fucking car (also student council day so… thursday)

Epilogue + Omakes

we all know the epilogue is on 10/10/2013

the summer omake has to be after the ???% arc but i’m not sure what day. probably july

idk what else to say other than i can’t believe i spent so much time on this

[mentalcurls]

9. Se vi faccio a tutti così schifo

Episode 9 of the Skam Italia S1 analysis! We’re almost at the end of the season already. This time, read my rants about a mysterious guy called Magistrali, Marti and Eva’s friendship and my refuted headcanons. As usual the Bechdel test result are at the end!

“What are you doing?” Silvia is all of us

girls, if only Eva has an headache, how on earth would you all be able to determine whether Sana’s doorkeeper’s technique works or not?

also, Sana has a doorkeeper, which points to 💰💰💰 just like Marisol does for the Fareses

Eva is caught off guard by Silvia’s question just like she was in ep.8 by her mother’s question: she genuinely forgot about the Edoardo thing, she must be focused on school, Giovanni and avoiding the worst consequence of the narrative of the cheating whore that has spread about her at school; on top of that, she expected Eleonora’s reaction when Edoardo followed her on IG and DMed her, which is why she warned her (see the messages from May 18th), not from Silvia who has no reason to know anything

except that Silvia is super aware of the social situation at school, so of course she’s always up to date with all the gossip that goes around, she was the one to tell the girls Federico had cheated on Alice, remember? And if it hadn’t been for the thing with Edoardo, she would have been the one to know about Alice hitting Federico during gym class in ep.7

EVA! Oh, darling,when Silvia asks what you and Edoardo talked about, you can’t look at Eleonora (even though she knows what you talked about) and then pretend you don’t remember! Eva is so bad at lying OMG

Silvia’s bullshit-o-meter is good, running smoothly and perfectly calibrated, except she only uses it when it suits her: she mostly doesn’t want to acknowledge it, like with Laura in ep.1 or with Edoardo, because it confirms all her worst fears about herself, that the popular people she admires so much don’t want her in their midst, on their level; but here Eva has a super low social standing (especially now) so Silvia has no problem confronting her about lying

it’s laundry day and all the dirty secrets that were on the bottom of the closets are being aired out

so on Monday May 14th there was the discussion with Laura outside of Eva’s classroom, which Silvia saw, and Eva gave her a super evasive explanation; on Friday May 18th Edoardo gave Eva a lift; now it’s Monday 21st and Silvia talked to Laura the night before: she clearly wasn’t convinced by Eva’s words from the beginning, but did at what point did the mysterious Magistrali tell her about Eva and Edo? Was it before she talked to Laura, was that the last straw? Or did Silvia talk to Laura first, and then spoke to Magistrali that day at school? Cause those are pretty different situations

btw if you check the chats, Silvia is suspiciously absent from the group chat that weekend, which would point more towards the first case, but if so then Magistrali must have contacted her specifically to tell her about seeing Eva with Edo during the weekend

who’s this Magistrali guy btw? Who is he for Silvia to trust him as a solid source? Who is he to be interested and involved in the whole drama with Silvia and Edoardo, how does he know?

on top of that, I get Silvia believing Laura, she had and has a lot of sway over Silvia, but why does she unquestioningly believe Magistrali? A guy?  Who we never heard of before? Instead of her girls?? Lots of questions, no answers

hate to agree with Edoardo Incanti himself, but Silvia should really not blindly trust all the rumors

Sana is so fiercely loyal, she’s literally a lioness with her cubs when it comes down to her friends

and just like Ele she does not stand for her friends being insulted because of their sex lives with misogynistic words infused with patriarchal connotations

even when Silvia is faced with evidence that she should not believe everything she hears when she hears the full story of the incident at Chicco Rodi’s party from Sana, she still only begins to doubt that Laura is the one holding all the truths

the thing is, if Eva went with Edo, that puts Silvia, in her mind, in the same position and at the same level as Laura, so it’s a chance to get back to a higher level of popularity, cause Silvia’s reputation has been dragged in the mud because of her confronting Edo about the wall of shame and because of her association with Eva; little does it matter that Laura and everyone else doesn’t see it that way, cause Silvia was only dating Edoardo in her mind and because it’s not like a boy cheating on you automatically makes you as popular as another, cooler girl who was cheated on as well

Silvia’s mind is so convoluted, I blame you entirely, Francesca Mirabella (not true, there are definitely some problems with the parenting there too)

“Shit, you’re my friend, I’d never do that to you” because Laura wasn’t your friend Eva? I get you’re word vomiting anything that comes to mind that might help you, but this really doesn’t

“SilviaH, mi credi?” should have prepared us for “MartinoH, guardami MartinoH”

Eleonora’s incredulous head shake

Sana and Eleonora are Eva’s real Parent Friends with the looks™, just look at Sana sigh then look at Ele and then at Eva

there is a pretty high chance that Silvia is the one that mobilized Federica to find out why they weren’t invited to the end-of-school party, I mean, she already had her Revenge Dress™ ready, she had been thinking about it three weeks earlier cause that was gonna be her 1994!Diana moment with Edoardo

would you look at that? Martino, who snubbed Rocco Martucci’s party, still knows enough to be able to tell Eva a) who’s organizing the party b) that Maria is Alice’s best friend c) that the whole Federico debacle is the reason for the missed invite

I don’t know what hurts more: Marti’s “Scusami” after Eva’s tirade or Eva’s “No, I’m sorry, I’m not mad at you”

I NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS FRIENDSHIP! I can’t decide how long Marti and Eva have been friends, if it started when they were kids, kind of like with Marti and Gio, so they were a trio of sorts, except then they became tweens and suddenly girls were gross so Eva was left behind until they ended up in the same class in high school, so they got closer again, at first just as friendly classmates, then as proper friends when the Laura-Gio-Eva thing begun; or if Eva and Marti simply met in high school cause they ended up in the same class and at some point the professors decide they absolutely had to keep Rametta far from Garau and Brighi far from Pandakovic because they were alway distracted and talking so Eva and Marti ended up in sitting next to each other when the two couple of BFFs were switched and they became close then (while Gio and Laura fell for each other); or if started even more recently, only after Gio started dating Laura, so basically while Marti and Eva were forced to third-and-fourth wheel, except then would he know her better enough to say “You wouldn’t have quit, before?” I NEED ANSWERS

“Eva, kick their asses!” EASY FOR YOU TO SAY YOU HYPOCRITE, I hope you went to church and confessed your sins before saying this kind of motivational shit, snake boy

I feel Eva taking deep breaths and talking herself into talking to Maria deep in my bones

btw, I’ve been wanting to say for a few episodes, but those mini skirts (both Eva’s in past episodes and Maria’s friends’) wouldn’t have been allowed at all in my high school, such bad representation!1!1!!1!

Maria Sorgato is such a mood! She’s a couple of weeks away from the maturità, she’s studying and revising like crazy, she’s organizing a huge party on top of that, she don’t got no time to follow the rumor mill, to keep track of people from other years or to specifically exclude people from parties

and she takes the time to give Eva semi-valuable advice anyways (which is pretty similar to what her BFF Alice told Eva at the party btw)! And she refuses to let her friends shame her for her sex life! An icon

and here we have another absolute ICON, Miss Federica Cacciotti, who should totally try her hand at the trapeze cause she definitely had to pull some stunning acrobatics to pull that off

I heard about that method Federica mentions actually: a friend of mine in uni treid it a couple of times to balance work and studying more easily, but she ended up being super stressed on the day of the exam because she didn’t feel confident in what she knew the exams always went poorly

Ele is really pissed off that Silvia doesn’t believe Eva, I think because she feels that after all the support they’ve been giving her, the least Silvia can do is give Eva the benefit of the doubt

noooo, what do you mean Silvia’s not talking to Fede?? They’re inseparable! And it totally invalidates my theory about Silvia having Fede write to Eva about the party bc of the 1994!Diana inspired revenge plan

Sana = the voice of reason, she’s seeing the signs (maybe because she’s seen the signs of breakdowns on other people before, albeit from afar?? *hint hint*)

this is the episode of Sana’s revelations, she’s kind of a deus ex machina

and now the big confrontation: Eva’s got something to say and enough blackmail material to force Laura to listen and she’s not gonna be stopped, dismissed or interrupted

noooo, there goes my theory about Eva Gio and Marti having known one another since primary school, since Eva says she didn’t know anyone when she started high school (💔 it was my fave theory)

on the other hand, I feel ya baby Eva, I too started liceo classico without knowing anyone in my class and only two people in the entire school 💖

on the other hand, let’s talk about Laura: she knew people, so she probably was already somewhat cool among them, and still she went out of her way to extend a hand to the new girl who knew nobody; she was kind and generous and nothing like the person we’ve seen until now. I struggled to believe Gio could have ever liked her up until this moment. The break-up and the resentment she held until this episode was like a poison and turned her into a pretty mean person, but I think that she’s not like that, deep inside.

or maybe she just saw potential in Eva to be the Karen to her Regina and Sara’s Gretchen so she went and befriended her and my theories are all shit

CAN WE TALK about how many of these kids mention not being able to sleep?? Eva has done it two times now, with her mom and with Laura now, Marti will soon start having troubles as well when his dad walks out and in S2 he will repeatedly say he’s been struggling with insomnia; I can’t specifically remember anyone else saying they’re not sleeping but I feel like Silvia or Gio might have said or implied something in past episodes: this is not normal, this is not healthy, at the very least their parents should all be making them drink gallons of chamomile tea!

so Gio and Laura were not doing good and Laura was thinking of breaking up with him already: what a perfectly textbook YA romance novel triangle, and what a perfectly teenager-ish, less-than-logical reason to hold a grudge for this long Laura had

and Eva is so great in this scene: she explains clearly what her thought process was, she takes responsibility for her actions, she apologizes but doesn’t ask to be forgiven and for everything to go back to what it was, aiming for an easier, more attainable goal

oh, and Alice is back, with as many anger management issues as always

Eva puts herself physically between Laura and Alice: she’s been there and she doesn’t want Laura to be on the other side of Alice’s slap

AND FINALLY SOMEONE SAYS IT EXPLICITLY: Federico is the asshole that goes around cheating systematically on girls, the girls themselves aren’t exactly blameless but they’re not the sole responsible people and they shouldn’t be treated as such

“I’m not able to break up with him” what does that mean?? You realize you’re in a toxic relationship, you ask for help and get the hell out of it as soon as possible! Queen Maria Sorgato, don’t tell me you’re too busy with school and stuff to help your best friend dump an asshole, please! Go support her!

Alice seems like an asshole, but she really simply doesn’t know how to channel her anger properly: she is honestly interested in how thing go for Eva and her boyfriend (even though she’s got the wrong man here), maybe because she empathizes more with him than with her, but let’s not forget that she talked with Eva about Gio before, so that might play a part in it, too

the earth literally falling out from under Eva’s feet as soon as Alice says Martino’s name, the bottom of her stomach dropping, the breath being punched out of her lungs, oh my God

Bechdel test: this episode passes the test, thank God these girls start dealing with their messes without boys and shit finally gets done.

This post is part of my complete series of meta about Skam Italia season 1.  If you’d like to read more of my thoughts about the other episodes, you can find the mastepost linked in the top bar on my blog under SKAMIT: EVA. Cheers!

[survivorsunsetrodeo]

Ep 11 | No Regrets. No Mercy. It's Happening. - Ari

Y'all.... the way I just.... asked Emma if she had an idol flaksjlakjfakls

She said no at first, but now she's saying yes lmao. OMG. I literally don't know what to do with this information other than like sit on it? Emma seems to be okay with me knowing this and as much as I want to tell Ari..... god idk this is so big.

This could really shake up the game for me and split up some of the big people in my alliance lkfjalkfja. GOD. Why did I even ask. Well knowledge is power and she wouldn't just like tell me if she didn't trust me???

I know I can't beat Ari and I think against Taylor it would be super close, but I also love them so much, so I would feel so bad if one of them went home bc of me lfkjalkfja. Like what is even happening rn!!! I just. Can't breathe. 

YALL. I just. CANNOT.

Taylor calls me right. And says oh btw Jacob, Ari, and Ali pooled money at swap in order to get the REVOLVER. Which they neglected to tell me. Which is so cute. But THEN! She also tells me that Ali wants to go for Ari this round flshjsjshaa which is kinda hot and I’m BITTER AF because I literally fucking spilled my entire anxious heart to Ari and felt like they were my number 1 and NOW they’ve been hiding shit from me??? Goodbye. So then I tell Taylor about Emma having the beer and now we know where both idols are this round so woo!

So then Ali starts to call me to tell me goodnight and that he loves me (he’s such a sweetie) and I was like Ali what’s the tea? And he just SPILLS everything to me about all the alliances he’s in with Ari and how he knows we don’t stand a chance against Ari at final tribal council. WHICH IS ALL FACTUAL. And definitely things I’ve been thinking about, but also haven’t had the guts to say anything about. So basically a plan was hatched in order to get the 3-2-2 vote to still happen but have it land on ARI with the idol in their pocket this round. I am literally going to go ALL OUT for the next immunity comp bc Ari cannot win.

Sorry Ari, this town ain’t big enough for the both of us. 

got my third idol probably gonna waste it thanks nic hehe <3 Its funny that i was on the very bottom of the tribe now that these people found out i have the idol they want to be my bestie and vote with me i am gonna try very hard to win this immunity so i could only maybe play the immunity idol on josh or he can play it on himself ASDFGH also f2 with 8 people jury just say that redemption island is happening i guess my game plan i hope is to get out ari (pain) then maybe flip and get out maybe dan/jacob i have a feeling after this vote that dan/jacob are probably gonna flip get one of me or josh out probs josh but i dont want that to happen so i am gonna try to make sure i keep on trying to build my relationship with taylor more like i did last tribal also noted wow my biggest weakness in orgs is not my emotions its honestly my self confidence damn also talk to ali more my goat brother <3 also i really miss brandi she was really nice also i feel bad but not super bad that jabari was out i wanted to work with them last vote but they were throwing me utb that wasnt good.. Idk maybe if i hella play these last few rounds then make a very convincing case maybe i do have a small chance of winning idk fuck touchy subjects AHHH it shouldnt effect me now but tribal made me remember again ASDFG even tho theres people who havent made moves like me.

https://prnt.sc/xo035n

The way I was complaining weeks ago that I was gonna go 16th place...I have to laugh. Me and Emma seems to be in a power position this round since the majority alliance is probably starting to turn against each other according to Ari which is great because I'll have options. Last round I told Emma to distance ourselves and search for cracks within the majority alliance. That led to Ari creating The Clementines alliance with me, Ari and Taylor. Now I'm on board on this group but Tay's been doubting keeping me over Jabari as soon as they found out Emma bought another idol. I'm lying to everyone that I didnt give Emma money (which I did) and told them Nic gave Emma money before he left (which was true but it wasn't enough to buy a $500 idol). Emma got close with Dan and Jacob (separately?) but after all the disassociation with Emma people still think we're working together because they keep bringing our names in private conversations. Emma thinks it's Ari & Tay vs Dan & Jacob but Ari tells me that they are willing to vote with me and Emma this round (with Jacob? idk) but I'm not really sure what the dynamics is on their side but Ari wants to go after Tay and Dan which I'm totally on board with the idea. I would rather have Dan go first because I think the Ari and Tay thing can still be useful and Dan has more pre-existing relationships than Tay I think. The best case scenario is for me to win Immunity and with Emma having the tier 2 idol the majority alliance is forced to turn against each other prematurely. Signs have already been forming when Jacob and I called a few days ago about "Taking out the threats". If I can pull off pretending to have an idol too that'd be great because it appears that NO ONE knows where the t3 idol is which is weird. One more thing is that someone noticed about the finale being a F2 with 8 Jury Members. That really doesn't sound right and people seemingly getting money out of nowhere it's possible that some sort of Edge of Extinction or Redemption Island could be at play here. I wonder how far it goes....Premergers feel like they've been gone for far too long to have an impact in the game but hey I could be wrong.

lolz i need to win immunity or josh idk josh is probably good at math i hate math but im gonna keep on trying hehe also if i see something in the saloon brought i know alis ass brought the idol im just gonna keep on trying to remind ali like hey bro if u want a chance of winning dont vote me off aha 

trust list you probably know 1: Josh > everyone else i need more ideas to make confessionals i am kinda tired at this point but dont give up until its over but honestly my tiredness is probably why i am in the retirement home also not me winning like 75 dollars when i almost wanted to abstain because this challenge is always a nightmare this challenge is more fun the emoji math maze... i think ali probs has the idol if he has 135 left when i told him if not if i see something in the saloon brought ill assume ali brought a tier 2 idol i know this tribal is gonna be crazy so i am gonna mentally prepare for it i also told dan i have the idol which is an L but everyone knows that i have it because why would they say they want to work with me when they hella lied to me during the nic vote  also its the fact they seem me hey best person to take to f2 next to ali thank god for this idol honestly i guess another thing im worried about i need to distance myself from josh but thats impossible because i know jacob was straight up with me and told me he wanted to work with me and josh also dan also was kinda like that as long as i can get myself safe this vote ill be fine but like i said in my other confessional  i know dan is probably gonna flip next round maybe i am thinking about targetting them if ari wins immunity o.o also i belong in a retirement hope random thing live finales make me wanna kms because what if i cry live thats so sad and my biggest fear im kinda okay at talking at finales.

so  u can score like 100m in this challenge good bye brb gonna try to get the most points..

ok here's the status report before i go off to bed:

dan is almost definitely tryin some funny business so he has got to go. i'm working with josh and emma on this one and i truly believe they are genuine, and jacob is obvs with that so it'd be four votes dan, three votes whatever the heck happens with the adoption centre split-vote plan. i don't think i even need to play my idol however im debating whether i should do so anyway because taylor is very much on the don't-break-ranks-just-trust bandwagon and i feel like she is going to be angery if i break that to go after dan without it looking like i felt very in danger? i dunno tbh. i could just pin it all on jacob and pretend to be shockedt but that feels a bit dirty and i'd like to own my moves thank u very much.... guess i'll play it out tomorrow and see how i feel

Not me waking up at 3am to a message from Taylor saying that Ari is feeling sketched out by me because I’m being calm.

Oh yeah Ari? Do you want me to act paranoid? I can do that, but maybe I’m not paranoid bc I know where both idols are this round. It just makes me think that Ari likes that I get paranoid and freaked out.

Part of me actually wants to tell them everything about the plan to get them out but at the same time I feel like that will get me voted out. I feel like the mind games are becoming a little too much for me and I don’t even really feel like playing anymore.

lol of course the person i wanted the least to win immunity wins immunity. Things are definitely starting to get spicy and i might've pushed it a little farther when i lied and said Dan is coming after Ari and I mean he might be but it's the push i needed to make for Ari TO STOP BEING VAGUE TO ME.

Bebop (named after Cowboy Bebop don't call me a weeb) has been formed yesterday and it's me, Emma and Ari. What a Galapagos reunion. Ari told that the majority alliance's plan is to split the votes 3-2-2. The 3 is possibly me because it's no secret Emma is going to play an idol. If no shenanigans happen it should be 3 for Dan, 2 for me and 2 for Emma with Dan going home but I do not feel good about this plan because if an idol is played then there's a high chance another one will. I plan on taking Emma's idol and playing it for myself with the reasoning is that there are people willing to keep Emma because of her goat status over me.

What's interesting to me is that Ari told me that Jacob doesn't like Dan and I'm not exactly sure why but if Jacob is open to voting Dan then I more than welcome it. Me, Emma, Ari and Jacob is the alliance that I've been wanting since merge started and how that hasn't been solidified yet is tragic. They're the three people I enjoy talking to the most. I mean, Taylor's great too but she's coming after me so she gotta go! The way that she messaged Ari saying "Are you sure it was the right choice to keep Josh?"....ARI OF ALL PEOPLE. Well, I'm glad the secret pair beware of #TeamLasagna is still going strong. Now that Ari has become less vague I know I can trust them a lot more.

i literally do not understand any of these people and it is driving me NUTS!!!

ok ok ok so like. josh tells me this morning that taylor said she wants to make a move on me because she heard i was talking to people one-on-one about her being most likely to flip. i immediately go oh f*#&$&#@ dan because i had SORT OF said that in our call yesterday so ofc he twisted it and used it against me. except!! then taylor herself calls me and says "josh came to me and asked if i trusted you and i wanted to get info from him so i made up this lie about how you'd said i was most likely to flip, i'm concerned he's coming for you" and i'm like oh f*#&$%#@ me. ofc my first instinct is to think she's lying as it seems like far too big of a coincidence for her to randomly come up with this story that is partially true..... BUT why on earth would she be telling me all this then? does she want to flush my idol? did she think the story would come back to me and wanted to get ahead of it? either way it doesn't make sense for her to say anything if she truly wants to vote me out, but the coincidence.... too much....... and should i be less certain of my relationship with josh? or are both their versions of the story true and they both don't want me out? my head is pounding i swear. plus jacob said that taylor told him she's "worried" about me because of what josh was saying, which lends more credibility to the idea she's being earnest in not wanting me out UNLESS she is aware of how close we are and assumes i'd tell him (i did)? I DON'T KNOW I JUST DO NOT KNOW

and then if that ISN'T enough, i have dan over here being completely erratic, first telling me how bad a day he's had that he almost wants to ask to be voted out, then saying that josh had thrown my name out which like ya i told josh he could do that. but dan's like "i'm not voting you ari i would never" and it's frustrating cuz he knows how to get to my emotions and i wanna believe him! i really do! especially since if he truly wanted me out he shouldn't tell me any of that shit. but i can't trust it i can't!!!!!! it's too risky!!!!!! ughhhhhhh

tl;dr this vote is a mindfuck and i'm 99% going to play my idol because i don't trust any of these fools anymore

also if i had a dollar for every time i tell jacob he needs to go be convincing to someone and he's like "ok bet" and fifteen minutes later that person is telling me "idk about jacob he's being so vague didn't really give me anything" i would have enough money to buy back my gun after i use it tonight

Y’all, sadly I think I’ve yeed my last haw

Well ignore my last confessional i dont want ari out idc how big of a threat they are or good at the game they are im gonna be loyal as i can to them idk before this i thought big moves and like flipping plus being kinda deceitful was to win i did get pots last year for playing that game tho but its like idk i feel like a new side to me like i rather be loyal to people who i been loyal to from the start and not make a move just to make a big move if i lose 7-0 so be it this game i had hopes of people working with me then being deceitful to me so i am just gonna do whatever tf i want this doesnt mean i dont like the people who i am against i think this merge was full of lovely people but theres people i am more loyal then others i honestly gave josh my idol to play because i rather not be alone without them in this game then be dragged to the end by somebody else also this is funny in orgs i thought years and years back ago me and ari are like oil and water, ketchup and ice cream but playing this game with them has been so much fun!! Also if i some how get betrayed or voted off in any round its okay NNN yeah i wish i had more of a game to prove but its very hard when everyone has different connections i really hope dan isnt super mad at me voting them off i really like dan as a person sometimes im dry in his pms but i did love like playing this game with them!! also i wish i can delete my first conf nnn

ugh i am just truly unsatisfied with this round no matter how it actually shakes out. i dont know what to say to taylor about dan going and i'm frankly too tired to think about it, i hate that im most likely wasting my idol but i would kick myself if i didn't play it & got stabbed, and i'm sad about the collapse of the adoption centre which is partly/mostly my fault anyway. i would like to get this over with as quickly as possible.

7th place isn’t something to be sad about I guess. Just wish I could have made it farther. I’m gonna be the most bitter juror out there tbh haha sorry Ari! 

This round is so scary I feel really bad about Dan 

i'm so nervous about who is gonna go omg i haven't heard my name at all but i am still nervous and idk who to trust ahhhh

I came from the best player to the one going home 

Power Rankings ONE - JACOB (+2) Threat: 6 (+2) Trust: 2 (NC) Looking back on this round, I didn’t realize how much power Jacob really had. Jacob could have single handedly sent dan home, but failed to communicate his intentions with the minority. Had Jacob of done this, I could have easily seen him sitting in the final 2. However, this misstep will have major consequences on his game. TWO - TAYLOR (+4) Threat: 7 (+2) Finally getting myself back into a position of power. Regardless of my downfall last round, I picked myself back up and went out of my way to message josh and Emma to see if they’d like to do something. Fortunately for me, they did. I could have sent dan home this round if Jacob had of talked to me (but he had no service). I would have been sitting pretty is a majority of 3 with Emma and josh. Threat level back up, back on track to win the game. THREE - JOSH (+1) Threat: 7 (+3) Trust: 7 (+5) Just like I predicted last round, Josh realized it was time to start making the right moves to get himself further. He just needed to break up the trio. I credit myself more than I credit josh though because I reached out to him, had I not of, he could have went home. But him joining with me was a good move for his game and he recognizes that. FOUR - EMMA (+1) Threat: 4 (+2) Trust: 7 (+5) Emma, similarity to josh had a good round because of me approaching them. Emma and josh didn’t even realize their games were at risk until I figured out that Ari, dan and Jacob weren’t voting me, rather voting one of them. Emma still left this round, but honestly if there was communication on Jacobs part about a flip on the revote, us 3 would have skated by. https://i.imgur.com/lFtZBsl.png FIVE - ARI (-4) Threat: 8 (-2) Trust: 1 (-1) Ari really lost control of their game at this point. Not only are they the biggest threat to win, but now they’re the biggest threat to win challenges. I also saw a different side of Ari that I can’t say I like. It’s funny because I used to always think to myself, “Ari seems nothing like an Aries, they’re so calm and wonderful and sweet” YEAH throw all of that out the window. Mad Ari is a different Ari lol. Anyways back on track, they for once I think were shocked by a vote, the double tie they had no control over. And finally, finally I think we are starting to see the decline of Ari’s game. Threat level is something I’m still trying to figure out how to control, and if you fail to control it like Ari did, you’ll see a similar result. SIX - DAN (-4) Threat: 4 (-3) Trust: 7 (+3) Dan lands here because of his failure to mend a relationship with me, now that I had Emma and josh wanting to work with me, Ari won immunity, and Jacob had an idol, it really only left me with the option of voting for dan. If Jacob had of said something, dan would have left this round. Because dan chose to link back up with Ari last round, and Ari lost control this round, subsequently that means dan also lost control. The one thing Dan has over is he isn’t seen as the biggest threat in the game.

[survivor-tierradelfuego]

Ep. 8: “The leftovers. The unchosen ones. The losers.” - Najwah

Cody A. 

https://youtu.be/OSh0mvYBSwo

James Hayden

We just got back from tribal and Ryan was blindsided 3-1. I feel bad for the guy because he had no idea this was going to happen, but that' Survivor for you. I thought there'd be a merge at 13, but Jay's questions at tribal put some doubt in my mind. If it's not a merge, then I think I'm an ok spot if my tribe has to go back to tribal. I'm just praying to the Survivor ORG gods for a merge today or tomorrow.

Cody A. 

https://youtu.be/sg4qe6MUjJU

James Hayden

https://youtu.be/oGcQdHpBzhY

Zack M

i don't know how they did it but let's take a moment to shout out james and najwah making it through tribal! no idol needed. im so proud of them. i feel like james will gladly come back to our original alliance once we merge but najwah's commentary always leaves me feeling uneasy. no offense but like do you want to play with anyone, najwah? lol. you have to somewhat trust someone at some point in this game. i would love to work with najwah for as long as possible if she is still around after the merge but unfortunately all of the comments that have been made throughout the game will keep me from promising her anything longterm out of fear that she will run around like a crazy person at merge. also, i believe that she will be the first person to mention my name from hanuha in hopes of it becoming a big move that she could put on her resume. maola doesn't know me yet. i guess they could see me as a threat because of being picked as a captain but like i don't consider maddison a threat. lol. pedro and kalle seem to want revenge. i think it would be fun to get her out first at merge. i'm just rambling now. i'm hungry. we got the new challenge. it's some mini online games or something like that. idk. i'm not a gamer so i was like i have therapy and can't do this bye. i wonder if they think i'm making up my therapy sometimes but like if you guys have ever questioned it i promise i'm not. i have it monday, wednesday, and fridays lol. anyways, cody pedro and kalle are playing. i really only trust me and ben so like fml. hopefully pedro and kalle understand that they are playing for their lives and we win again. fingers crossed. ok i'm going to get chicken tenders. bye. 

James Hayden

Things post tribal did not go according to plan. I would've put money on us merging tonight, but instead we have another tribe challenge. There's a small part of me that thinks Edge of Extinction is play in this season. After this challenge, we will be down to 12 people and seasons post 30 that have a 20 person cast merge at 13. I think there's a chance we do merge at 13, but the 13th person is the Edge returnee. 

As far as this challenge is concerned, video games aren't my strong point. I'm not a gamer, but these games are pretty straight forward. If we have to go back to tribal I'm voting Amy. Voting out Najwah would hurt my game because it would show the rest of Hanuha that I'm not #Hanuhastrong and it would tie us back up at 6 original Hanuha and 6 original Maola. Voting out Amy gives us a 7-5 advantage heading into a potential merge, shows I'm #Hanuhastrong, and weakens Maddison who I think was the ringleader of Maola 1.0. 

Najwah

Last night's tribal was interesting and actually the hardest tribal council. Ryan started a group with James and I 7 minutes after Palena was formed which already made us weary of him. He then tried to blindside me and made me believe he's blindsiding Amy and asked me about James and his previous alliance and it was just a mess. He's an awesome person and great team player but it was just too much scrambling and we all feared he'd flip flop throughout the game, which is dangerous. I'm trying not to use this space as therapy sessions lmao so I'll keep it short. Uhm, I think i have a good thing going with Amy and James. I just really hope we win this challenge, or rather, don't come last so that I can work with them going forward. Amy let me know she has a steal a vote and I told her about my fake idol and we'd like to work together. I really like these two people. A LOT. I lied in tribal when I said I didn't want to keep things Hanúha strong going forward. I can't believe I have to lie and blindside now lmao its becoming HECTIC. I'm really hoping we did enough to at least place second in this challenge. 🤞🏽🤞🏽

Olivia A

I’m doing so bad at all of these games rn and I feel so bad bc I asked specifically to not sit out of this challenge. I play little phone games and stuff literally all the time and am really good at them and for some reason am just doing so so bad today. If we lose then it’s probably my fault but also my alliance of 3 is really solid rn so I’m not actually worried about getting voted off. I still feel so bad I hate this so much.

Cody A. 

https://youtu.be/8QZTwYzVqVI

Pedro A

if tomorrow is the merge IMMM GONNA DIEEEEE...we won once again..cause we the baddest.....honestly how am i still alive?...LIKE HOW??....chilllleeee

Olivia A.

Okay woah I’m so happy about this win I was so nervous. I feel like we’re in a really good place going into the merge I’m excited :)

Pedro A

i was about to write my pled for help to the 3 hanuha original members..so they could keep me over kalle...but now who cares...i will throw anyone hunder the bus ....to get to that final

Cody A.

Coming into this game being the competitor that I am, I never imagined even entertaining the idea of throwing a challenge.... BUT when Ben came to me with the idea of making a big move on Zack, I’d be lying If I said I didn’t think about it.. That being said however, I didn’t throw it, but I also did not try as hard as I could have.... I’m very surprised we are not talking to Jay at tribal right now.. Moving forward though, we need Zack.. I need Zack.. If we are merging tonight it is strictly a numbers game from here. I am ready to get my hands dirty, make big moves, and WIN THIS DAMN GAME!!!

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXbaQPdhQw0&feature=youtu.be

Najwah

After that whole challenge experience and this entire week, I don't even know what to say. It's been a tiring experience. Being on a tribe where no one really connects is the worst. I tried telling James that the other tribes were highly competitive but for some reason he was okay with his scores? This entire week I've barely had any sleep. Even now, it's almost 5am and people are just on our tribe, OKAY with low scores? We were doomed from the beginning. The leftovers. The unchosen ones. The losers. Honestly, it messes with you psychologically too. I'm tired of scrambling and relying on tribemates to make an effort. I wanted to work with Amy but she's so difficult to get hold of/unresponsive even though we are on similar timezones. James is hellbent on keeping it Hanúha strong and really, hope he isn't playing me. My heart honestly cannot deal any betrayal so close to merge, I'd also like to just enjoy my Saturday. I deserve to be on the merge tribe. Will most likely be at the bottom ass of the tribe but I want to be in it, nonetheless. I worked for it. And right now, I'm exhausted. Annoyed. Frustrated. Fucking mad. This tribe swap has honestly been DRAINING. Everyone is too nice and meek and people just don't care about winning lol.  I hate the anxiety and sleeplessness of these past few days. I forgot what life was like before this ORG lol what did I do? I miss Leanne, still. The best person in this game. I hate it here. I just want to get to merge and be able to breathe again. 

Sarah

Ahhhhh I can’t believe our tribe, Maola, won the challenge by so much. I legit thought we were going to lose and didn’t have high enough scores. Aimee freaking killed it on her scores, wow. I have been telling Aimee how to buy the small perfume bottles that give you advantages and where to get coins to buy them. She used FIVE on that challenge yesterday (I wouldn’t have used all five butttt). Part of my strategy during this tribe swap has been buying/playing advantages so we don’t have to go to tribal because I still don’t know who is close to who, and the more I’m with this tribe the more I feel like they really just don’t talk to each other and there’s not much gameplay happening. Part of my strategy with convincing Aimee to buy and use advantages was also so I know how many coins she has because that can come in handy at Merge. I also wanted to give her information about the idol hunt (which I got from others— I’ve never actually idol hunted not knowing where or what I was getting) so she could trust me. I FREAKING hope tomorrow is the Merge! How awesome would it be for our original tribe to have the majority and for me to still have an idol. I feel like after this tribe swap, Cody and I will be in the best position in the game when it comes to all of our connections with people. We have our group with Zack and Ben, I feel close with James and now Aimee, and Cody feels close with Najwah. So we really are kind of in the middle and as long as people don’t find out about how close we are, we can just get all the information from others and share with each other. I guess I won’t stop posting a brick.... sorry. 

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjWjJwew7rc

Zack M

welp. i think this is it. could we finally be merging tonight after tribal? or are we swapping to two tribes of 6? that would be super lame. all i know is something is happening and i'm glad because i've been so bored in this tribe. we keep winning. there's no reason to play. i need action. the third tribe that starts with a p is going to tribal again. i don't remember the name. hopefully james and najwah stay hanuha strong so we can go into the merge 7 / 5. if najwah turns she will be my #1 target. she's too dangerous for my game to allow her to run around. other than that ... we came in second during the last competition. we were so lucky. the maola tribe killed it. i wish i would have played because our teams scores were low key pathetic. the p tribe could have beat us if all their players had participated. like is kalle even playing the game? is she here? i talked to her once. i know i should reach out in case it is the merge but it almost feels pointless. i'm sure she will run back to the 3 girls in maola. pedro seems to legit want revenge for john and is open to work together. i hope he isn't lying because i truly do want to take him as far as i can. look, i know i'm talking kind of cocky but i believe in acting in the way you want things to go. i'll be a clown if i'm blindsided. i don't mind. i like clowns. however, this is the way i see it going down in my head ... - we stay hanuha strong - we get out the 3 girls from maola - we get out kalle - we take out aimee and kalle - we take out pedro and james - we then take out sarah - then we have ben cody and i at finale 3 just how we planned it it could honestly work. we just have to figure out idols and make sure no one plays them correctly. and that's where i'm at right now. wish me luck. 

Aimee

http://rebloggy.com/post/gif-pokemon-cute-anime-kawaii-charmander-s01e01/106470386286 Happy dance! I’m all for keeping this tribe together. Haha I may have gone a little over board on making sure I did my best on the flash games, but you really never know what the other tribe is going to be doing or getting on these challenges. I hope this doesn’t make me look like a challenge threat if I make it to merge. Sarah has really helped me with idol hunting and finding coins and where to find the advantages. This is great trust building! Thanks Hanuha for the free coins I yoinked from one of your bags at your camp.😏 After everything that happened in the last tribe and despite me voting for her, Sarah and I have really come a long way! I truly had the wrong read on her before. She is actually now someone I am very close with and get along well! Last night after we won immunity she told me she really wants to work with me moving forward in the game! Let’s do it girl! I really enjoy talking to Grae. They seem really genuine and such a kind-hearted person. They keep giving me little messages that seem to hint at wanting to work together. I think at this point it’s unspoken but we both know we would love to. We just get along so well. I also vibe really well with Maddison and I know she could be a very good ally in the future in this game. Olivia proved she is a total team player on this tribe and listened to our advice during the immunity challenge and really stepped up her scores! I am having such a much better time on this tribe and am really enjoying myself. These relationships feel WAY more organic. I will do what I can to help keep this going! I would love to see all of us make it to merge. I’m also so so happy Najwah is still in the game after her last tribal and hopes she makes it through the next tribal!

James Hayden

We are 45 minutes away from tribal and Najwah messaged me saying Amy is ok. We were worried about her because she's been MIA over the past couple days. Per Najwah, Amy will not play her vote steal. It sounds like Amy wants out of the game and if this is what she wants, I will oblige. There's a small part of me that thinks Amy is playing us, but I don't think that's the case. 

Maddison

Everyone is expecting a merge tonight, and original Maola is down in numbers. Hoping I can find cracks and worm my way in. 

Pedro A

SO i told everything to zack......he seems to rule that allience....so he will 100% tell the others....and will try to take grae and maddison out...

Pedro A

Grae and Maddison just create fake alliences.so people dont write their name down....and make people feel safe... AND im here to make justice for john PERIODTTTT.... #justiceforjohn

Ben Kessler

I hope we are merging. Pedro is out for revenge against his former alliance. Zack is a threat and I need it to be known. Cody and I are hopefully solidified. If we merge, grae and maddison are apparently big threats according to Pedro. So that is fine with me. Just gotta keep making sure the people I'm closest with stay in.

Kalle N

hey I'm super high rn and I don't remember if I did this already or not so her I go. I hope we merge soon so I can vote people out that have wronged me. can't believe we won the last challenge even after I did basically nothing. ok gtg ily bye

Amy A

So this round has been tough. My Internet issues were definitely the reason my tribe lost and I wanted to quit cos I felt so terrible but I think Najwah and I can do something with my steal a vote. I’ll steal hers and vote James so no one will suspect we’re working together and then go into the merge with our little secret alliance. Bliss 

Olivia A

I’m excited for merge but not sure if we’ll able to get numbers together and have a majority.

Najwah

All I know is that shit is going to hit the fan at this tribal and I'm scared as hell. Only three of us. You'd think it would be easier but it's terrifying. 

Cody A

https://youtu.be/QM4CiTbrjgw

Pedro A

im scared of the merge...scared of the girls allience...scared of me being a target...for being a wild card ...and scared of maddison and graeee.....kill me at this point

[sootonthecarpet]

if it's not too much trouble to answer, can I ask what's been the going on with doctor who that's bad? I've seen little bits of it when my parents watch it in the other room but not enough to really get a good sense of it?

heyyy sorry to keep ya waiting on this. i tried to keep this as short as i could, but it’s about five paragraphs long, sorry. it’s not in any way a comprehensive list of problems with the last few seasons, just a quick tour of the moments i shouldve let be my ‘i can’t keep watching after this’ point. i wanted to write it objectively but i got pretty aggro, bc this show that in some part i genuinely adore has been producing unforgivably bigoted content. (it’s kinda a ship of theseus situation, except where the parts of the ship were replaced with worse, shittier, fake-woke parts.) i ask ppl to avoid reblogging this, because i don’t want my words to contribute in any way to online buzz surrounding this show or make anyone want to see it, even if ONLY to hatewatch or criticize.

content warning for misogynoir/antiblackness, racism, bury ur gays, some shit with nazi germany (yeah lol) and just the slightest kiss of antisemitism.

(edit: i seem to be having some problems with the read more cut. it’s there on dash view and when i edit the post, but doesn’t show on some instances of my blog. i can’t fix this but gksfkgls. wanted to at least be overt that i wouldn’t post this kinda long ranty stuff without a cut.)

in the last season where peter capaldi was the doctor, two seasons ago now, he had a new companion, Bill. she was a black lesbian and literally the only reason i started watching doctor who again. i loved her, and i was really glad to see the show moving back towards the more diverse cast of characters that we saw in the late aughts. then the season had a repeated theme of FORCING her to either repress or not feel her emotions. there are two scenes that stand out most to me. in an ep set in like, early 19th century london, she and the doctor are talking to a racist rich white dude who is being super nasty to Bill. the doctor keeps telling her to cool it and not show how angry she is. then HE gets to punch the guy out and knock him to the floor.

this theme of the white man being the only one allowed to get angry was big all season, iirc. then at the end of the season, Bill is turned into a cyberman. they’re usually like. soulless scary automatons, but some characters keep their individuality, which has been explored in a few past seasons, usually leading up to a tragic/heroic death. in Bill’s case, they did this trick with filming where we could see her perspective of herself in some shots–an intensely emotional performance, Bill was completely traumatized and her actress was working her ass off–and in others, just this metal body incapable of expression, scaring people like she was a monster and monotoning these otherwise very emotional statements. it’s an interesting narrative device, but after a whole season of this show putting Bill through all kinds of terrible shit and forcing her not to show her feelings on the matter, it hit me as like. this nauseating exaggeration of how society treats actual black lesbians as monsters and tries to make them bottle up their emotions and especially their justifiable anger. anyway, then Bill died and got to be with her dead girlfriend from her first episode. wow, cool.

idk what made me watch the season after that. i guess i wanted to see the new doctor, and i liked her companions (one was like. a young man with disabling neurological symptoms, tbh even if i’d missed Bill’s season that might have had me back on board). i had plenty of problems with how the season played out, obvs, but nothing was standout horrible to me the way the shit with Bill had been (except maybe the episode that started out like ‘space amazon is a hellhole’ and somehow ended with ‘space amazon was taken advantage of by a broken AI that hurt some people and they didnt fix the infrastructure we explicitly showed harmed their workers but now it’s fine!’ if that sounds weird and heavy handed with an unsatisfying ending, it’s because it was). the new season tho? the OPENING EPISODES OF THE NEW SEASON, THO? it opens with alexa product placement, in an episode about how a fictionalized google was actually run by a black man who had ties to a large number of aliens who had secretly infiltrated our society, altered our dna, and shit like that. so uh, 1. brand war lmao, sellouts etc etc 2. y’all remember those conspiracy theories about jews? and white supremacist beliefs that black people are ruining the world but aren’t smart enough to do it on their own so they must be agents of jewish corruption? HUH. HUH! that’s not even my big problem with the fuckin thing, but it’s FOR SURE a suspicious writing move from a tv show with suuuuch a huge viewership. (and it’s just plain embarrassing for a show with alexa product placement to try to go all scary panopticon tropes specifically @ a google analogue.)

anyway, we run into an old recurring antagonist, the master, a time lord like the doctor. he’s a guy again after having been a woman for a few seasons, and now played by an actor of color. i figure the reasoning at least partly relied on “dude, how fucked up will it be if we force the doctor’s black friend to call a white dude master” but i was immediately afraid it might go to the like…. Righteous White Woman Gets The Better Of Evil Brown Man tropes and oh boy!!!! i tried to be good and give it the benefit of the doubt until i saw something racist but it wasted no time. the doctor got stuck in the past at one point, and met the master, who was currently a military official with the third reich. oh boy. so she asks him why they let him work with them and he explains he’s using a device to psychically disguise himself, they see him as white. (we missed a great chance for him to monologue about how they were willing to bend their morals when they saw how evil he could get or something.) this was awkward enough for me as a viewer, but i wasn’t prepared to go into it, in case there was some tiny shred of nuance somewhere that would make this situation anything but a clusterfuck.

well, the doctor executes a genuinely clever scheme and makes a radio transmission to the brits that she knows won’t reach em, talking about how helpful this officer has been–setting up the master to be falsely outed as a double agent when the nazis intercept it. she tells the master this and then skedaddles, letting him be arrested by his own men. could be a satisfying karmic victory where he presumably gets a military trial and weasels out of his fate, although i don’t like the implications of a white woman punishing a brown man for racism. BUT IT DIDN’T STOP THERE! she disables his psychic filter, causing his men to see his true identity as a man of color–she exposes her oldest frenemy and Basically The Only Time Lord Who’ll Talk To Her to nazi racism when he was ALREADY about to fall into their hands as a prisoner. what could have been a marginally satisfying defeat was instead a kind of emotional horrorshow for me as i had to stop and wonder what kind of hell they’d put him through and why the writers decided that the doctor (who has literally since the show began in like the sixties been set up as an enemy of naziism via allegory and has always been firm in the idea that NOBODY, including literal maneating space monsters, deserves to be treated as less than human) would DO that. IT’S LATER IMPLIED HE ESCAPED FROM A CONCENTRATION CAMP. the narrative DOES NOT allow time for that to sink in before moving on.

i dont have a conclusion 2 this. im just hurt as fuck about it. i hope i gave u the info u were looking for without getting too deep into my personal feelings, but it’s difficult, maybe impossible to be objective about stuff like this.

[survivorathena-motunui]

Ep. 7: Like Juggling Chainsaws ~Kevin

Okay so. that worked out well. I think that was pretty much the best way it could go, like obviously there's no perfect outcome or anything. So. I'm now in my third alliance that has Jay in it, and fourth alliance overall. Ashley's also in an f3 with JD and LA but anyone in that position would know they're the third wheel so thankfully she's like no. This is still good because she's gonna tell us all the tea they give her which Jay and I can compare to find out the truth. It's kinda amazing how the stars have aligned so that we're in the middle of everything. It's a stressful position but it feels great. We hold the power and we get all the info so we can make the best and most informed decision. I think it's best to come clean about our alliance with JD and LA (or J-LAD as Jay called them) lest we get exposed by them. Being in all these alliances is like juggling chainsaws, but like juggling chainsaws if you pull it off correctly you look really cool. Also it's good for our game and stuff. ________________________________________________________________ Okay I hate being in all these alliances like Drew's complaining to me about being on the bottom and like that sucks but I don't know what to tell you bc like I'm in this messed up tangled up web of alliances like I can't make any promises to you when I'm already committed to like half of the people in the game okay? Also Drew told me that like the f6 would be me Jay, JLAD, and Keegley, and that JLAD would be the swing bc there's no way that Keegley would align with Jay and I'm like OprahFingerWag.gif.  

Kevin for the past YEAR AND A FUCKING HALF: Oh, Drew is such a rat, he's never worked with me, even though he always says he wants to, he would have flipped on me in Pompeii too, remember PI All Stars, remember Motu Maha, never trusted, always dissed, never stanned, he's a snake, why do you fucking do this to me every time, we could have worked together, we could have had everything!! Me: Kevin, I am with you and Jay above all others, this is my team, this is my family, and nobody is getting in the way of my family, this is it for me, y'all are it for me, let's do this Kevin: Well actuallyyyyyyy :~) Kevin: https://gyazo.com/4e0bbd0baf3d7d7c5b0da7c6557bb2c7 Kevin: okay so i'm sorry about that. it was kinda my uncertainty with jack like i mentioned before and paranoia and also i just wasn't like certain about steven since like this was my first round with him Kevin: this game just so messy Kevin: i'm honestly just taking this game one step (or round i guess) at a time Kevin: and i wish i could tell you something but i don't want to lie even more or make any promises yet bc like i said it's figuring things out one step at a time What's a guy gotta do to make a damn friend? Because the answer is clearly not "To make a friend, you have to be a friend." Not even for family. Not anymore.

Drew needs to stop fucking winning so I can get him outta here. Next I thought Jack would be going but I guess no one else wants that?????? Saying its too easy to get him out.... Like bitch aint that what we want? I mean I could see Drew seeing a Jack vote coming and playing his rainbow idol on Jack to vote out whoever they want. But Kevin mentioned not even going for Jack and finally separating JD and LA. I like that idea but then I am scared some people will then just flip to Drew. And in an alliance of 4 that wouldnt be so great.

Me: thankful that this round might be easier because everyone sane person in this game would want Drew out Drew: wins immunity Sigh. So I guess it's time for yet another fun round of screaming, panic, stress, overthinking, and even more screaming. It's time for us to separate the JLAD duo. From what Keegan said we're gonna split the votes between them and Jack. I personally wanna get rid of JD because I feel like she trusts me less than LA does, and idk she feels...shadier and like the more stubborn one. I feel like I have more wiggle room with LA? Probably? 

Oh man. I dun goofed. I played an idol so wrong it's almost right. Everyone and their mother was saying the vote was between me and Steven but someone lieeeeedddd. Jay lied. And Kevin lied. I guess drew talked to both of them about blindsiding LA. And yet neither told me it wasn't my name so bye bye idol. Aaaaand now I'm in the "Wholesome Happening" alliance with Jay and Kevin. So that's interesting. Ashley is also in that with us. She says she's also with JD and LA in an alliance chat. Hopefully she sticks with us. I guess the plan for tonight is to break up JLAD, while throwing Jack's name out there in hopes of drew playing a rainbow idol on him. It's unlikely but maybe. Either way, as long as the four of us vote for JD or LA, we should all be safe moving forward. And now we have to hope Drew doesn't win immunity next challenge. 

hhhhhhhhhhhso. Drew got immunity, which is annoying, because it means he probably won't play his idol tonight as we were all hoping. The plan is kind of....unsure at the moment. Kevin and I are still playing the middle, which kind of sucks and kind of is great because it feels like we have some power. I think I might actually be in a really good position on the tribe. Keegley trusts me and J-LAD trusts me, and Kevin trusts me. I might be able to wiggle in with Dreck. So that's good. The easiest thing would be to pick off Jack - probably everyone could agree on that and it wouldn't be too hard. But long term, this could be Kevin's and my only opportunity to separate LA JD. It feels like this may be the vote where we have to pick sides. But, from past games, I'm of course wary of making a big move and making myself known as a strategic threat. Hopefully I can pin it all on Keegan? I'm CONSIDERING the possibility of self-voting so that, after this vote, I can pretend that I was with everybody. If there's a majority on LA without me, that might be the best thing, but I still have to get the keegley+kev alliance to choose between JD/LA. My goal is to be able to make Keegan or WHOMSTEVER think that voting LA was their idea, not mine. Basically, after this vote, I want everybody to still love me and for everybody to be in my pocket. I think the self-vote might be the only way to preserve my position, because if I vote with either group, I'm gonna lose trust somewhere, and if I throw my vote, I'm going to seem like I was torn. With a self vote, I can pretend that I was 100% with EVERYONE and just blame it on...an excuse I haven't considered yet. Stay tuned. Hopefully tonight we'll see a bLAndside (Ali suggested that pun to me I'm so sorry.)

I've done some research and the results will SHOCK you. Drew is basically the Jordan Pines of this season. -He's kinda a duo with Jack C -Jordan's close ally, Jack C, went home at f9. Drew's close ally, Steven, went home at f9. -Both have the Rainbow Idol -Everyone wants him gone but he keeps fucking winning immunity The facts don't lie. #StayWoke I just realized I'm killing two of my Taveuni children in a row I'm a horrible parent

2. Who is in the best position? 17. Who has the most final two deals? 20. Who would you like to go on a romantic date with? I would say that me and lori are in the best position but that done not mean I have the most final two! It's it a final three anyway? Or did I not read something again? I'm flattered, that two people would want to go on a date with me <3 I know I'm hella cute~ hahah But okay, enough of the fun. The game is really starting to get me stressed, I don't wanna be the person that goes home with an idol in their pocket but I don't wanna waist it. I don't believe that the vote is for Jack, just doesn't make since at the point. I know I was all for sending him home before but at this point you need to keep the numbers, with eight people and there is always the possibility of flipping so me and LA need to decide asap who we are going to go to the end with but I think that we are leaning towards Ashley and Keegan just because we don't have that much trust for Kevin at this point. If we voted Keegan or Ashley now then the other one would get pissed and flip. On that I think that Jay would stay with us if we explained that we thought Kevin was playing both side, which I think he is and I know she is but at least she is telling us what is going on. This is literally the make or break it vote, I would use the idol to save the people that I want to but again, I don't want to waist it. But maybe if I can convince Jay that I'm throwing her name out there cus I think she is the flipper, tell her I have the idol and that I will use it on her then maybe we can still win this.... I might have to give her the idol and just pray that the vote isn't for me or LA again. I just  don't know if it is worth it... Is it worth it  or is it not worth is... THAT is the question! 

Amanda So its been a while since I gave my thoughts on the game so here we go... We have 4 pairs right now. Keegan/Ashley, LA/JA, Kevin/Jay, Drew/Jack. Everyone wants to split up LA/JD, and it seemed to be working so far, but JD is catching on that these pairs are gonna have to cannibalize on each other soon, so she wants to get a head start on that. Then Jay had this crazy idea about intentionally self-voting? Like, I get her strategy but like, seeing it from this end, every vote is gonna count and if she doesn't vote, it could go very badly for her. I dont know what Drew is thinking because the kid hardly makes confessionals and he isn't in any alliance chats. ugh... To be perfectly honest, I really don't know how this vote is gonna go. 

Okay! Game changer! JD just messaged me saying shes potentially willing to vote out LA and not work with her in order to advance her game and I'm......shook. I don't need to do anything devious if JD is willing to just go with the plan. I'm. whew.

njkdhbfboajniog I DONT KNOW WHAT I AM DOING! I NEED ALI!! OKay so i don't know if I am really planing on doing this but I mean... maybe? I'm really worried that she is going to go home and I think that it's stopping my game. I need to stop worrying about what is happening in her game and just play mine. dear god.................................. If this is what happens then Ali is right and I am like... The chick that voted out her mom o.O If I think that I actually have the people voting for her though, we can vote where ever we want and I can play my idol on her but... My game... I dont know yet. A) 

or B) 

________________________________________________________________

okay so my 'i dont know what Im doing' really just fucked me over. I'm dumb and I panic and I dont think about what I say and this is a prime example. ________________________________________________________________ I suddenly feel like Matt Fucking Summer in.... My season. ________________________________________________________________ Truthful I think that me and LA are on the bottom, that Drew is really good with talking with people and that he is ether in the process of flipping or has already flipped, you, jay, kevin and keegan. I think that if LA went home then I would be able to play my own game and maybe me, Ashley and Drew could go to the final, just with no alex. I also think it's stupid to take Drew to the end. so that's a no go if she goes home I dont have to worry about her but I also dont have to that solid extra person ether . ________________________________________________________________ After the mental mess I put myself though and the mess I made of things. I wouldn't be surprised if I go home tonight, but I still feel like Lori will go before me so I mean... Maybe. Hopefully. Well see if I life to make another confession

Alright so I have a quick question, what the fuck. Jay told me JD came to her and was like hey I'm voting Kevin and Jay's like um maybe don't do that and JD's like so you're good to vote Kevin?? I know she's cracked but??? This is a new level. I have a feeling Drew might be up to this mishap but idk? That's kinda my automatic assumption but oh well. If any idol hijinks happen tonight I'm playing my idol because I trust approximately 1.5 people in this game. 

Okay we're trying to vote LA again. It will hopefully be me, Kevin, Jay, Drew, Ashley, and Keegan, but who fucking knows anymore. All I know is I'm going to try to exploit my current confused status to get people to take me to the end.

I'm way less certain about this tribal council than the last one. Last time I was confident about where everyone else was voting. With the way JD's been acting I'm a little nervous. And if Drew has done some crap then it's 4-4 with the other side having the advantage since Drew has immunity nnnn. I know Drew does want the other side out so hopefully he's not snaking me. Also just nervous because Jay and I's mist has been kinda fading. Our mist isn't even mist it's like, water vapor. Our status as a duo is obvious but since it's kind of a duos game at this point that doesn't make us a threat. Still though...yikes

This is why Drew is going to win. I broke one time and told jay and Ashley that I wanted to vote for Lori and drew got a hold of it and now that's it. They are going to send her home and if I use my idol on her then I'm fucked because then no one will believe that I will vote her out. But then do I trust that they are voting out Lori and not me? Im not going to turn on her right now, not if it's to help someone else. If we vote Kevin and it doesn't work then I guess I'm gonna have to kiss some ass but otherwise... 20 minutes to go

Either Kevin, me or JD are gonna get blindsided tonight. It's been too quiet. And its that kind of day. Rip.