#anyway. im having a great time with it now to the absolute detriment of all the healthy routines i was making prior to this ^.^

[sodrippy]

that vibe youre on when its summer holidays and youre unmedicated and hyperfocused on something and going to bed at 2am every night and time is bending away and reality starts getting kind of wavy actually still fucks. this energy stands the test of time all my mutuals should do this

[sineala]

A Few Thoughts About Hurt/Comfort

I have been asked this month to make a post about hurt/comfort in Avengers comics. And I love h/c -- I actually have a massive number of WIPs right now that are h/c -- so I am very happy to talk about it! Anyway, this is not really all that planned out and this mostly turned into an excursus on Tony Stark's pain. I'm sure you're all surprised.

Like pretty much everyone else, I'm sure, I have found that everything lately has been... pretty tough. And the coping mechanism that really got me through last year and this year was reading and writing a lot of h/c, on the theory that, however lousy a day I'm having, I can absolutely make sure that Tony Stark has a worse one. And then I can make sure he gets hugs. Wish fulfillment? Why, yes. (Once at Hallmark I was trying to find a "get well soon" card, forgot what it was called, and described it to my wife as "a hurt/comfort card.") I think Marvel Comics -- the Avengers side, in particular -- is an interesting canon for h/c for a lot of reasons. Though, honestly, if you asked me to recommend you, a hurt/comfort fan, a new fandom, I would probably just hand you some Starsky & Hutch DVDs. Go watch "The Fix" and get back to me later. If you like that, there's way more where that came from. But there's still lots to love in Marvel! Superhero comics are really a goldmine as far as the hurt side of h/c. Because superheroes, and you probably have noticed this, get hurt a lot. They get hurt repeatedly, in fantastical ways that are probably impossible in real life both physically and emotionally (at least, I don't think anyone's invented mind control yet), and even the heroes without superhuman healing powers tend to get physically hurt a whole lot worse than actual people can take. Currently in Iron Man comics, Tony has a broken back and is dealing with this by locking himself into the armor as a backboard and injecting himself with massive doses of painkillers. He's busy! He's got stuff to do! He doesn't have time to lie around and heal! So, basically, if you name a kind of pain that you would like to see happen to a character, it's probably happened to superheroes. Multiple times. The downside, though, is that comics do not really deliver that well when it comes to the comfort part of h/c. They could. It's not inherent to the medium that they don't. But because of the serial nature of comics and also the fact the primary audience is dudes who want to read about people in spandex punching each other, a lot of the time they don't really feel the need to provide closure and write about people dealing with any of the hurt. (Raise your hand if you're still annoyed with the end of Hickman's Avengers run.) But at the same time, I think that's a quality that makes Avengers ripe for h/c fanfic. Because, generally speaking, fandom likes to provide the things that canon doesn't, and fandom is more than happy to provide the comfort. If you enjoy canonical h/c in comics, I think you really can't go wrong with Iron Man. One of the big innovations of modern Marvel Comics was the concept that heroes would also suffer from relatable human problems, and in practice what this means is that a lot of heroes start with a fully-loaded angst-ridden backstory and origin story, ripe for h/c. So Tony starts out by incurring a heart injury that he fully expects is going to kill him, which he responds to by vowing he won't get close to anyone so they won't be sad when he dies, and throughout the early Silver Age is constantly on the brink of death as his heart nearly gives out on him practically every issue. And then even after his heart gets (mostly) better, there are various plots involving his armor being detrimental to his health and him choosing to fight on anyway. It's hard for me to think of another superhero hitting that particular variety of h/c in exactly the same way. Sure, superheroes risk their lives constantly, because this is how superhero comics work, but Tony is the only one I can think of who is this constantly this badly off, physically. Like, think of all the other heroes who have had a continual solo presence as fan favorites across Marvel history -- Captain America, Thor, Spider-Man, Wolverine, maybe even Deadpool. You know what those guys all have? Healing factors! For the most part, they are not running around continually on the verge of death, and while there are certainly memorable arcs involving several of them being severely injured and/or dead, you really have to work at it. It's not their constant state of affairs, whereas Tony is the kind of superhero who shows up to a fight already bleeding out under his armor. Yeah, I know Extremis gave him a healing factor. But he didn't have it very long, and also he did some extremely dangerous things while he did have it; I'm pretty sure I've never seen Wolverine saying that he'll just solve a problem by cutting off his own foot. So, anyway, yeah, there are a bunch of good arcs involving h/c for Tony. If you're looking for physical injury, he has a whole bunch of heart problems over the years, gets several new hearts, then ruins his brain, et cetera. That level of hurt is basically the background pain of Tony's life; every so often, his heart will get damaged or he'll have to live in the armor or the armor will be killing him, et cetera. If you're looking for more unusual trauma, I am, as always, going to rec Manhunt, a relatively obscure arc in late v3 (IM v3 #65-69) in which Tony has an extremely bad week. His tech is stolen and used to bomb a building. Then he gets shot in the chest. Then while he's at the hospital a nurse tries and fails to poison him, and she then tries to beat him to death. Then he checks himself out of the hospital and a helicopter shoots missiles at him. Then he becomes a fugitive from justice. And then, oh, yeah, he has to fight the Mandarin. It is... a lot. (Volume 3 of Iron Man is pretty good as far as h/c possibilities. You've got a lot of physical pain, Carol's drinking arc, the Sentient Armor, both DreamVision arcs, and Manhunt. Manhunt is finally supposed to be out in trade this month, by the way.) There are of course the drinking arcs, which probably count as their own type of hurt. But if you haven't read the second drinking arc (IM #160-200), please do. Marvel likes to up the stakes on events (Fear Itself, Secret Empire) by making Tony drink, and it does work, I think. I feel like I've spoken at length about Tony's drinking elsewhere so I don't really want to rehash it all here. And then there's the emotional pain. Angst and drama is something that happens to a whole bunch of characters, yes, especially in comics, but somehow Tony seems to end up with possibly more than his fair share of it. Fandom likes to make a lot of Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, so much so that you might think, if you didn't know canon, that this was just fandom running with a throwaway mention of Tony's terrible childhood and making it worse. But, no, canon really does go there with a reasonable amount of frequency. Howard's actual first appearance is in a flashback where he's ordering teenage Tony to break up with his girlfriend because she's the daughter of one of Howard's business rivals. And then we get into the verbal abuse, and the physical abuse, and the time Howard made Tony take his first drink, and the part where Howard was a demon in hell who Tony fought while he insulted him. And more! Currently, in canon, Howard is alive again and is in league with Mephisto for the express purpose of ruining Tony's life. Also when Tony was a baby, Howard tried to trade him to Dracula. I think you can make an argument that fandom is actually showing restraint when compared to canon. Tony also has a whole lot of Terrible Exes whose presence and/or former presence in Tony's life can be used for a lot of hurt. If you've read any amount of fanfic, you probably know that the exes who get the most play in fandom are Sunset Bain and Tiberius Stone -- not that Tony and Ty were ever canonically a couple, of course, but fandom is definitely enamored of this idea. Ty and Sunset both have relatively similar interactions with Tony in canon, in that they are both liars and emotional abusers, heavy on the gaslighting, with the purpose of becoming more successful than Tony. They both also attempt to murder Tony, although this is after he figures out they're evil, at least. (Yes, I know, this is not how either of them usually appear in AUs.) Tony also has a bunch of exes who also have just straight-up tried to murder or otherwise hurt him, sometimes while they are dating, and sometimes before Tony dates them: Whitney Frost, Indries Moomji, Kathy Dare, and Maya Hansen come to mind. There are probably more I'm not thinking of! But, yes, if you want to write about a guy in a series of terrible relationships, please consider Iron Man comics. If mind control is one of your favorite flavors of hurt, Tony's pretty good for that too. We all know about The Crossing. I suppose when I say "mind control" I mostly mean "armor control" because there are an awful lot of plots where someone else makes Tony's armor do whatever they want it to do and Tony is along for the ride -- Demon in a Bottle, Sentient Armor, and Execute Program are the first things that come to mind. There is also a fairly obscure What If that is What If Iron Man Lost The Armor Wars in which Justin Hammer apparently really wants Tony in a mind control collar to take off all his clothes and lounge around in his underwear. No, really. I think a lot of pain for Tony often revolves around his issues with control, generally -- his alcoholism comes into play here again. The entire aftermath of Civil War is also notable for its propensity to hurt Tony over and over and over. Is he stoically soldiering on through his grief after Steve dies? Hell, no! He cries, like, six separate times. He 100% blames himself for Steve's death. It's great. Everybody loves The Confession and the funeral in Fallen Son, but one of my personal favorites is Avengers/Invaders, in which Tony is confronted with a time-traveling Steve from WWII and in order not to screw up the timeline, he can't tell Steve he knows him. He is clearly not coping well. He shuts himself in a room with a giant wall of pictures of Steve! Also there's a part where he has to try to convince Steve he can trust him and he ends up having to tie Steve to a chair to talk to him, and Steve looks at him and asks, "Who did you kill to get where you are?" and I feel like that is probably one of the worst moments in Tony's life. No wonder he gave himself amnesia. So now we might want to ask, okay, but why is hurting Tony in fanfiction so much fun? I mean, I can tell you why I think it's fun. I can't speak for anyone else. One reason is that he is very emotional and very affected by everything he does. Sometimes you will see people complaining that the heroes of m/m fanfic cry too much and this is not realistic. This is not a problem if you're writing Tony! He can cry as much as you want and it's perfectly in character. I don't think it would be as fun to hurt him if he didn't express so much of his pain. But he does. He also feels guilty, and for me that's a very satisfying character element. If he were well-adjusted and didn't blame himself for so many things, it wouldn't be nearly as fun as watching him blame himself for everyone whose death he thinks he is responsible for, whether or not he is. And then he just keeps going, and it's, y'know, nice to watch him be resilient, too. So, I guess, I think hurting him is interesting because it's easy to hurt him, his weak points are pretty obvious, and he reacts a lot. Steve doesn't hurt quite as much as Tony does, in canon. It's certainly possible to hurt him -- I mean, they did actually kill him after Civil War, after all -- but I don't think the canonical patterns of hurting him are as numerous. Obviously deseruming Steve is a fairly popular go-to in terms of physical hurt; he's been deserumed at least three times that I know of. I think's easy to see the appeal there of taking a character who is fairly physically resilient and making him... much less so. Certainly Marvel seems to see the appeal. But other than that I don't think he has any other really common way to get physically injured. Unlike Tony, whose origin story is basically "oh no, I've acquired a disability," Steve's origin story is "I drank a serum that cured all my disabilities." Which, I mean, great wish fulfillment but there's not really as much there to poke at. Pretty much all of Steve's pain is emotional, but, unlike Tony, his pain isn't often specifically in response to someone directly, purposefully hurting him. Hickman's Avengers run is a big exception, yes. His pain seems to come up most often as a kind of situational angst. He feels like a man out of time. He feels out of touch with the modern era, with people his own age. He feels guilt because he feels responsible for Bucky's death. He feels like he can't trust the government and therefore he can't be Captain America. He worries that he doesn't know how to have a normal life. And, yes, these are deep and important worries but it's different than, like, Indries Moomji dumping Tony with the intent to make him sad enough to start drinking. Very few of Steve's villains want to personally ruin Steve's entire life the way Tony's villains do; mostly they just want to do things like bring back the Nazis. In terms of Steve's potential for h/c, I think Steve is harder to hurt than Tony is. Physically, he is definitely harder to hurt. You can deserum him, sure, but unless you want everything you write to be a deseruming fic you're probably not going to want to do that more than a couple of times. And if you want to hurt him physically while he has the serum, you have to hurt him hard. Usually past the point where a regular human would ever survive it. He's also harder to break, emotionally, than Tony is -- which means it's very satisfying when you can get him to break, but this is a guy who's only cried twice (that I remember) in canon. So if you want to get him to cry, you really, really have to wreck him, and he doesn't have as many obvious weak spots. He also doesn't generally sit around blaming himself for things that aren't his fault, and the whole "stewing in guilt" genre of plots for him basically came down to "he was sad that he thought Bucky's death was his fault," and that's really the biggest regret he seems to have, and also Bucky's not dead anymore. The Steve/Tony relationship itself, I would think, is also appealing to h/c fans because canon provides a lot of ways for them to hurt each other. Some people only ship pairings who would never, y'know, take turns beating each other half to death in major event comics. (And for a lot of Marvel Comics history, that was also Steve & Tony, so if you want them to be BFFs who have never fought, you can just set your fic earlier.) They have definitely hurt each other both physically and emotionally, so if you're looking for something easy and satisfying as a h/c fan, you can just read or write something where they... make up. What about Marvel characters other than Steve and Tony? Surely some of them are angsty, yes? Well, yes, but also it depends on the particular flavor of angst that you like. If you like the way Tony hurts, you may very well enjoy Doctor Strange comics, because they have a very similar attitude towards life -- they are both former alcoholics whose origin stories involve physical disabilities, who routinely make tactical decisions that negatively affect their continued existence and/or happiness a whole lot. It's very much an "I must suffer alone in the dark and no one will ever know what I am doing to save the world but it's the right thing to do" sort of vibe. Like, you can read comics where Strange is lying in hell with two broken legs, hallucinating that Clea has finally come to save him. Strange's biggest fear, akin to Tony's control issues, is basically that one day he's going to be an asshole again, so he's out there trying as hard as he can to do good. Also, if you like tentacles, he has all of them. I mean that. Carol also occasionally hits similar angst spots, and her drinking arc is great. A lot of people like Natasha, too; I have read zero Black Widow comics but I get the impression many people enjoy her brand of angst. The mutant metaphor is a little different in terms of overall vibe, but some people really like it as a source of angst -- the whole "protecting a world who hates and fears them" thing. It may not work for you, but if you like your hurt to include things like systemic oppression, go pick up some X-Men comics. Start with something like God Loves Man Kills. I feel like I liked this sort of thing a lot more as a teenager but that I kind of aged out of liking the mutants quite so much. It's also worth mentioning that not everything that hits the spot in one universe will be the same in the others, and I'm mentioning this because I feel like I have to say something about MCU Bucky. MCU fandom seems to get a lot of mileage out of Bucky's guilt about being the Winter Soldier, everything he was forced to do, et cetera. I have definitely read my share of those fics, and FATWS sure went right for that angst too. But as far as I can tell, he doesn't hit the same way at all in 616. And I like him a lot in 616; I'm always pleased when he shows up on a team. (He was so good in Strikeforce. Everyone was so good in Strikeforce.) But the thing is, 616 Bucky is, basically, phenomenally well-adjusted, given everything he's gone through, and I'm including the time he wrestled a bear in a gulag. He gets over having been the Winter Soldier, and now he's just, y'know, a guy with a cool arm who likes to bring guns to every fight to horrify his teammates, and he snarks at Clint. If you're looking for that angst, that is really not him these days. He's all better. So pretty much all that is canon. So what do we do in fandom for h/c? Well, as far as I can tell, a decent amount of it is canon-based or very canon-close -- there are a whole lot of stories exploring the angst of Civil War or Hickman's Avengers run. Tony's drinking comes up a fair amount, and if one of Tony's Evil Exes comes back to haunt him, it's pretty much only Tiberius Stone. I don't think I've read a lot of fic with Steve getting deserumed; it doesn't seem as popular in fandom as in canon. When Steve gets hurt, he tends to just get physically whumped pretty hard, and there's a fair amount of that for Tony too, but of course Steve can take more. There's also a thriving, uh, subgenre of pain involving Hydra Steve doing terrible things to Tony, presumably the terrible things he would have wanted to do to Tony in canon if Tony had had a flesh body. There's the usual kinds of h/c setups that appear in basically every fandom as well -- sickfic, whump, dub-con/non-con. You get the idea. But since fandom in general likes to take specific inspiration from canon, there's a lot of fic where the hurt tends to resemble things that happen more in canon. Like, I feel like comics fic probably has more tentacle fic and more mind control than canons that don't come pre-stocked with those. Probably everybody has a whole lot of "tied up by bad guys," though. And then, of course, fandom brings the comfort that canon does not. This is true in pretty much every fandom -- I mean, you aren't going to find a lot of actual canons where Character A saves Character B from mortal peril and then there's gay sex -- but, like I was saying, comics don't provide a lot of closure before it's onto the next thing. Usually with a different creative team, who has no interest in wrapping up anything from the last team. Steve and Tony talked about the incursions exactly once after Secret Wars and nobody mentioned the part where Steve spent several months trying to hunt Tony down and kill him. Tony is never going to remember the events of Civil War. Hydra Steve died ignominiously in a fire and no one has ever talked about him again. Honestly, if you're looking for a way to get some comfort in your fanfic, picking an event, any event, and just having the characters talk about it will be way more than any of them get in canon. I feel like honestly that can often be a pretty satisfying to read. And even though comics canon physically hurts characters pretty often and pretty badly, they also often skip right past the recovery. Maybe you'll get one page of a character in a hospital bed at the end of the story arc. Maybe you won't. Demon in a Bottle has one splash page of Tony going through alcohol withdrawal and then he's all better. I think Manhunt skips to Tony getting out of the hospital at the end. That's just not a story that they want to tell very often. The second drinking arc is notable in that it devotes almost as many issues to Tony's recovery as it does to getting him to rock-bottom. Similarly, Steve is done with his Nomad angst way way faster than you probably think he is (though The Captain does go in for a fair number of issues). So one of the things we often want to do in fandom is focus on all the bits that canon skips over, both in the "why did no one ever mention this story arc ever again" way and the "wow, so how long are they in the hospital after that" way. That's really all I can think of about h/c! I'm off to write some more of it!

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

so this morning, while scrolling through my fb feed, i came across an nyt opinion/advice piece from a 27yo (ie basically me lmao) who is obviously lucky, in a sense, to finally land their “dream job using my (their) skills” etc. like obvs i can’t read it bc of the stupid “you get one free article a month if you either don’t have an account or subscription” (my one free article was used up reading an article about adult adhd like last week)….. thing that nyt does.

but anyway. back on topic lol. the crux of the article in both the headline and the quote snippet was that the advice asker was really dissatisfied with the 40 hour work week that came with her “dream job”. with how having this 40hr workweek gave her no time to do her busy chores like house cleaning or laundry or didn’t even give her time to let her have her hobbies/creative pursuits (whatever they were/are).

however, in the comments on the article (and apparently from those who read the article on the comments, the advice/opinion column writer) a good bunch of like gen Xer’s and baby boomers (im assuming) were ganging up on the asker like “suck it up princess, it’s what life is!!! i work 70+ hours a week and LOVE IT and have just resigned myself to the fact that i have NO time left over to do my “chores”! learn to O U T S O U R C E these life admin tasks to someone else!!! everyone MUST LEARN this in america!!! it makes life so much easier ☺️” and such.

of course, there were plenty of the same bs comments that you see on anything about careers or home ownership towards millennials/gen Z’ers about “learn to go WITHOUT and save save save and squander your time so that you NEVER live and HAVE FUN or TIME FOR HOBBIES! my bet is that your parents did that and they survived just fine while also raising your ungrateful spiteful ass (not including any type of health issues they might have picked up from such long hours/shitty working conditions) so why can’t you just L E A R N to do the same you precious spoilt brat!!! because the reality of Real Life™️ is that you can’t have it both ways!!! then you’ll have early retirement guaranteed, hopefully!!! and know that hobbies really are time wasters most of the time ☺️ or at least they were for me!!! and your precious so-called “creative pursuits” most definitely are time wasters. no one needs THOSE.” and so on so forth.

they also had jibes for her bc the asker wanted to start a family at some point apparently… and apparently it’s “much worse” once you have kids. like. thanks geraldine and henry. you’ve just told us how much you’ve resented having your kids/family in one fell swoop. your opinion which you’ve framed as unhelpful, condescending advice is now voided.

like. i don’t know how rhonda or paul or deandra or philip could miss the point so fucking entirely. why the fuck should anyone- nay everyone (bc that’s what they make it sound like)- learn to outsource their busy chores like laundry/house cleaning/grocery shopping or god knows what else- to someone else???? why is that apparently a standard expected to be learnt in the US???

like why the fuck are you so desperate for people not to have free time to do these things (unless of course they live in some of those shitty nyc or other big city apartment blocks that don’t come with individual private laundries in the self-contained flats or a communal laundry on like the bottom floor or w/e for example) frank????

deidre why the hell are you so bitterly hankering about “be grateful that you have it easier than most and learn that hobbies mean jackshit and just sell your soul and time to your boss!!! when will the generation stopping being “me me me!!!” and “work life balance!” and think about the company’s bottom line!! learn that “work life balance” is never important! work like a slave for 50 years and see if your valuable experience is needed then! that’s when you’ll learn that those hours where you were never being lazy, instead of just expecting life to be handed to you, will have paid off!” or whatever other ridiculously toxic capitalist bullshit they were spitting out.

obviously there were FAR MORE people actually supporting the question asker and echoing the idea that the 40hr workweek is now redundant. they were also putting down the opinion/advice piece writer’s advice to the asker….. that was apparently similar to the all the bitter people on the comments saying that the 27yo was just “asking for too much” and had to “learn to suck it up instead of being a petulant and overly selfish dick!!” etc etc etc. we all know the spiel as thoroughly as the macarena now.

because whats so fucking wrong with wanting time to yourself and wanting time to do your busy chores??? why the fuck should i be outsourcing these to other people (unless of course you’re still living at home and your parents are still like “hey what clothes do you need washed i’m doing a load rn” or you have a partner that works from home or has some type of parental leave etc)???? i want to do my own laundry. i want to do my own gardening (ok lawn mowing or tree lopping (if needed) i’d actually outsource bc i can’t lift or push lawn mowers bc they’re heavy af for me or and i obvs can’t use a chainsaw)… but i want to do my own grocery shopping. i want to do my own cooking (although i would consider the meal kit services once i had job that allowed me to afford like $50 a month for one of those meal kits sub services) i want to do my own cleaning.

why, if i lived in the US and not australia, am i just expected to learn to outsource all of these tasks even if i don’t have the money for it??? like why the actual fuck are so many of you so fucking weirdly proud of being absolutely worked into the fucking ground for your “great country” (although this is actually bleeding through to australia too and i hate it); working like literally close to 100 hours a week???

because i wasn’t aware you had to be whatever the fuck his name is from 127 hours and cut your fucking limbs off just to fucking survive a job in either corporate america or just let alone any goddamned job in america….. all so they can supposedly “learn to like working for free and devaluing your worth even more to your employer through overworking yourself and always being available!!! mental health is for those who aren’t built for the Real Adult World™️!!! this person is a prime example of the younger generations being weak and dissatisfied with life so often because of their “oh poor little me!!! care for me!!” act. NO ONE CARES FOR YOU today. stop being so over-expectant/demanding and juvenile!!! only YOU care yourself and you should NEVER expect someone else to pick you up from YOUR bootstraps!!! you’re fucking whiny and conceited babies. the lot of you!!!”

because i honestly don’t know who the fuck would enjoy working 70+ hours week with no time to themselves to do what they enjoy doing…. or enjoy having zilch time to catch up on errands and life admin duties or just general house chores; especially if you’ve moved cities or an entire fucking state/s away from your family and support network. let alone doing the same thing on 40 hours a week.

and on top of everything, let’s not even get started on the time spent commuting to and from work or even commuting for life errands/tasks etc etc- especially if you’re like me and you’re nowhere near the capital city’s centre (ie sydney australia for me) for there to be reliable enough public transport and longer commute times to certain places in those cities (that i’ve bitched about plenty before on other posts on here about work/jobs).

get your head out of your asses warren and viola et al and realise that work life balance is literally NOT ASKING FOR MUCH and is asking employers to just have basic respect for their employees time if they work fulltime. it’s literally detrimental to ones health if they have to sacrifice what feels like (or what is literally like) their entire fucking existence to their employer just for meagre pay and just to fucking survive.

because i read a heart-breaking article last night from huffpost (posted by buzzfeed on fb) about a woman in the US who literally hid her having a second baby from her employer for an entire fucking year (literally the entire pregnancy and birth of the baby and the first 6 months post pushing the baby out) during the pandemic all because she was scared she would get demoted or lose her leading of a project and lose her bs “temp” job which had really turned into full time work although the employer never said anything about it being actually full time hours or whatever…. and plus the lady herself was apparently to scared to ask to be put on the books fulltime too for some weird reason.

like honestly. fuck capitalism. fuck thinking that “work life balance is just too hard for employers to add and regulate. it’s an excuse and ploy for workers to be unprofessional, unproductive and lazy!” or whatever the fuck. everyone deserves time to themselves to pursue their interests/hobbies and busy chores/life admin. no one deserves to waste their entire life working 70+ work weeks for those employers who literally have no respect for their employees personal lives and time.

and particularly during the time that is the pandemic as we’ve seen so many companies having to learn to wholeheartedly embrace working from home and more flexible schedules for their workers. worklife balance is absolutely fucking beneficial for everyone involved.

america fix your bullshit work ethic right now lmao.

[harley-style]

@hiccups-peg-leg, this is for you (your fuckin username man, its glorious)

HI AND WELCOME TO 100 + 1 REASONS I'M BEGINNING NOT TO LIKE HTTYD:THW

Disclaimer: It might not actually reach 50 reasons because I have a healthy amount of concern for my fingers

​It makes sense as the final part of a trilogy, for them to separate, but the whole set up of how the separation goes was...blargh.

​Hiccup was not acting like himself.

​Neither was Toothless, actually.

​Astrid was weaker in supporting Hiccup. I mean, don't get me wrong, she was still as badass as always, but never have I been more uncomfortable with her way of "supporting" Hiccup throughout this entire movie.

​"You gave him his freedom, what did you expect?" BITCH WHAT

​THIS IS NOT SOME CALL OF THE WILD BULLSHIT WHAT THE FUCK

​part of the reason Toothless STAYED even when Hiccup presented him with an automated tail was because he preferred BERK. you know, a civilised, NOT WILD settlement even if Toothless himself was a wild dragon prior

​in fact NONE of the dragons were being forced to stay there. Which means they CHOSE to stay with humans.

​Why was there no internal conflict between Berk? Why are they all just following Hiccup after some discussion about "Berk is not a place, its the people and our dragons!"??? Just???? They didn't feel like a village at all, is what I'm saying.

​For the record, I think Valka and Cloudjumper would have been harder to separate because these two were together for like twenty years why wouldn't they stick together???

​Toothless should not have been the King of the Hidden world. there are several reasons.

​1 - he was already a bad fucking leader when it came to priorities. he chose his MATE over his FLOCK. what the absolute fuck. 2- in coming to the hidden world, he promptly forgot about the BERKIAN FLOCK THAT HE HAD RESPONSIBILITIES TO. 3- it just doesnt make sense for all dragons to have bowed to him accepting him as their king. Night Furies are deadly, but they are not of the Dragon king breed. Toothless only managed that title because he FOUGHT a fucking dragon of that SPECIFIC breed. 4- he's horny as fuck. I'm sorry, it had to be said. He and the Light Fury have met for, what, a week at most? And already he's in love? Give me a fucking break. but anyways, my point is, if he dropped EVERYTHING HE KNEW AND LOVED for a person he BARELY GOT TO KNOW, then he should not have been made leader in the first place. 5- this is more personal, but fuck the fucking fact that he left hiccup for this unknown stranger. its like his human didnt even MATTER to him at all. which brings me to my next point.

​why the ever loving FUCK did the team EVER imply that hiccup and toothless were SOULMATES if all they were gonna do is separate them and have toothless forget hiccup entirely.

​are the dragons intelligent, sentient creatures

​or are they just wild animals capable of replicating human behavior without understanding the deeper implications of it

​because if the latter was true, then what the FUCK was the first two movies for?

​the hidden world cannot exist in a geological scale. it cannot sustain itself either. if toothless did somehow recall EVERY dragon, then the ecosystem of the hidden world is suddenly shot to fucking hell.

​the movie basically spat to our faces that romantic love is stronger than the power of friendship. and family.

​im pretty sure GOTNF was canon, and THW just spits all over its message and story.

​what happened to my badass dragon riders, dreamworks?

​okay ill be honest A LOT of my issues with this movie are centered around toothless and hiccup

​berk did not need to be separated from its dragons. in fact, dragons leaving berk, realistically speaking, would actually be detrimental to berk.

​for one thing, theyd be totally cut off from the rest of the world -- they suddenly relocated without any warning, to a place where no one had actually explored thus far. traders would not have known where to find them and, if they were in the merchant thinking mode, would cut their losses and find some other village to trade to. so new berk isnt gonna get any support for a long while.

​berk chose an island than can only be safely accessed via dragons. do you see where im going with this?

​by choosing to LET DRAGONS GO, hiccup and toothless have now condemned Berk into a generation of hardship, one that will make its people struggle with getting supplies, rebuild their homes, and basically a lot of their basic survival needs.

​and MIGHT I ADD, hiccup has REVOLUTIONIZED the viking way of life by INCORPORATING dragons into it. what happens when that system suddenly loses a big chunk of what made that system work?

​may i also add that hiccup has also REVOLUTIONIZED the term BIG DUMBASS when referring to decisions that were made.

​im also salty about how quickly toothless forgot about hiccup when entering the hidden world. like, holy fuck, i cannot even begin to explain how dreadful i felt when toothless was just "oh fuck yeah" in that glowing neon underground while poor hiccup was like "do you think he's okay?"

​if it were me, toothless would at least be having a moment to himself, looking at his tail, and you can clearly see in his eyes, "what about my human? what about berk?" before getting distracted. I would have accepted at LEAST that.

​nope. we get a toothless reluctantly going back to hiccup and new berk, resentful and somber as he longs for, what, a home?

​goddamn it i hate the hidden world in the movie the hidden world. i like the movie, i really really do, but that fucking plot device grates my fucking brain.

​RTTE handled a dragon haven a lot better.

​Vanaheim was a perfect place for wild dragons to settle but dreamworks fucking abolished that idea

​i KNOW vanaheim is like a resting place for sick dragons but like

​if hiccup was half as smart as he was the first two movies thw wouldnt have been a thing in the first place.

​its really, really hard for me to defend a movie i liked the first time i watched it when the only things i can see from it are toothless not caring enough about hiccup and hiccup making the niggest mistake of his life.

​this movie honestly felt like emotional manipulation. watching it i always remembered the other two movies, which should NOT have happened. when i watched the second movie (and may i add i barely remembered a thing about the first movie at the time) i was so MOVED to the point of TEARS. i had no context and i was moved to tears anyway. THW constantly pulled at my nostalgia strings and indirectly and directly called back to the first two movies and that just....what???

and that's it.

i mean if youd like to add more feel free to, probably missed some there

and there are a couple of ao3 essays that depict the same reasons i have. just put the tag "the hidden world" in your filters uwu

one last thing: despite the reasons i mentioned above i did enjoy watching thw, im just sayin it took me a long time and a lot of reading to figure out that, no, thw wasnt as great as the hype made it seem.

this isnt meant as an attack to people who like THW. i understand that this movie is special to you and I have no right to take enjoyment from you. im just laying out the reasons of why I personally don't agree with what happened in THW.

[kewltie]

Hi! I just wanted to say I love your works so much!!!! You’re the writer that really got me into bakudeku and all of your fics are so beautifully written and mean so much to me!!!! I can’t wait to see what you write next, and I know it’ll be amazing!!! I love the way you right bakudeku best and I always find myself comparing other works to yours and I’ve found your version of them is one of the very few that I genuinely enjoy and I just want to thank you for that. I love how you have them have a messy, complex relationship where neither know how to let the other go and it’s perfect, I adore it so much!!!!!! The step-bro au is my favorite (mainly because I’m obsessed with shoujo manga, I’m currently rereading it again for the thousandth time) but all your bakudeku works and not fics are incredible and I absolutely adore the few little things of Tododeku you’ve sprinkled in so much as well!!!!!!!!!! I love your Izuku, someone who is kind and loving but also incredibly stubborn and absolutely refuses to give up or back down!!!! I’ll be honest you’ve definitely inspired me and your passion is part of the reason I’m now pursuing Creative Writing in college and helped me on the path I am now. I hope you’re doing well and that everything works out for you!!!!! I love and believe you and just want to thank you for everything!!!!!

hihihihi!!!

omfg sorry this took me so long to reply. i had an exam this afternoon so that was distracting and i wanted to have a proper sit down and give you all my attention. anyway, i remember when this heartfelt and amazing msg landed in my inbox and how it literally made my whole day yesterday even though i was stressed out with my upcoming exam LOL. i wanted to reply right away but i wanted to get a clear headspace for it.

though im out of the bkdk fic circles for a while now, i know it's pretty damn huge and there are so many talented writers so to know i have a huge impact on you is legit gonna make me cry ahhhhhhh. i grew up in fandom circles admiring other writers before me so to know that i would one day be able to inspired others is such a humbling thing, thank you QQ!!

over the years i've become stricter with my bkdk preferences and their characterization and dynamic and that clearly show in my own fics and writing. i like it a certain ways: my bakugou is ornery and a bastard but he cares deeply for the things and ppl who matters to him in his clumsy and fiercely persistent ways and my izuku bleeds love and for others all over the place that it becomes detrimental to him but it's that selfless and kindness that can attract all sort of ppl and trouble, giving katsuki's constant headache and grievances LOL. and i dont expect everyone to ya know share my preferences but im glad it works out for you!!!! writing become a lot more enjoyable when you write what you like bc you end up loving it in the end and that's something i taken forward with every new projects i have :P lol.

in my youngers day, i used to think about pursuing creative writing as a major but now i do it as a hobby and it's not ny bestsellers career lol but i enjoy it nonetheless bc i can do whatever i want in my own time and at my own pace so if i want to write that 100th version of omega!izuku getting married off to foreign land who to say i cant do it??? LOL but that's my own self actualization journey with writing. it's something i want to do to pass my time and for fun. but i truly admired the fact that you're pursuing a career out of it. it's something you know it's important to you and you love and value so much that you want it to make it your life work and that's really cool :D. i wish you all the best luck and wherever you're going to go with it, it'll be great and you'll do amazing! thank you again, this msg been such an wonderful thing to opened my day to and i think about it all day. i truly appreciate you taking your time out and dropping by!!!! <33

[astralshipper]

Late Night, Early Morning - Scout x Lúcio

HI OKAY I ABSOLUTELY SHOULDVE HAD THIS UP BEFORE I WENT APE SHIT OFF THE WALLS INACTIVE AND I APOLOGIZE SO SO MUCH PLEASE SEND SCOUT ALL THE LOVE FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY DUMB ASS NOT SENDING SHIT, HES THE BEST AND SO FUCKIN PATIENT AND FAIR MORE PATIENT THAN HE SHOULD HAVE TO BE AND I AM VERY SORRY!! 

Pairing: Scout ( @kittyselfships​ ) x Lúcio

Word count: 1,705 (this is so short im so sorry wtf skdjfg)

Plot: Lúcio has been gone on a mission for quite some time. When he says he’s coming home, Scout insists on staying awake to greet him. That is, until Lúcio finds him asleep on the couch. 

-

The mission wasn’t supposed to take as long as it had. Lúcio missed his partner more than anything, and being apart from him for so long always hurt. Thus, he found himself bouncing on his heels a bit more than usual with each step when the day finally came to go back home. 

It was already late at night. The sun had gone down hours prior, and in all reality, it had been “tomorrow” for longer than Lúcio cared to admit. The DJ held his phone in his hand as he walked, a bag slung over his opposite shoulder. His eyes flickered back and forth between the path in front of him and the words on his phone screen.

Despite Lúcio’s repeated warnings of how late he would be getting back home, Scout insisted that he would stay up until he got home. As much as Lúcio appreciated the sentiment, he still worried that the love of his life wouldn’t be getting enough sleep. Scout was always such a kind and giving person, and that was something Lúcio adored about him. At the same time, however, he often worried when this came to the detriment of Scout’s own self. 

By the time he made it to the familiar home, he was already bouncing foot to foot with the excitement of being able to hold Scout in his arms again. Lúcio made his way up to the door and whipped out his key, nimbly unlocking it and swinging the door open. He grabbed the door handle just before it could slam into the wall on the other side, worrying that such a loud noise would frighten his love so late at night.

“Scout?” He called into the dark abode. The door shut with a click behind him, and once he had locked it once more, he made his way deeper into the home. Everything seemed to be silent, not a sign of movement or activity anywhere that he could find. Once he made his way into the sitting area, he realized why that was.

A soft, adoring smile bloomed on Lúcio’s lips at the sight of Scout curled up on the couch, fast asleep. His phone was still clutched in his hand that hung off the couch and dangled over the rug beneath him. His other arm was tucked up against his chest and under his chin. It was clear that he hadn’t meant to fall asleep, seeing the lack of a blanket and the awkward positioning, and Lúcio couldn’t help but feel an extra sense of affection and admiration for his love fueled efforts. 

Silently, Lúcio stepped out of the room and made his way to their bedroom, where he quickly tucked away his bag and prepared the bed as comfortably as possible. Scout would need it after sleeping on the couch like that, he thought to himself. He shook his head with a smile, chuckling under his breath at his husband’s antics. He would never get tired of life with Scout by his side, and that was already clear in their marriage. It was a decision he knew he could never possibly grow to regret. Every day with him was another reminder of that same idea.

Once the bed was set to his liking - or, more accurately, the formation of pillows and blankets that Scout liked best and seemed to work best for cuddling purposes - he padded back out to the sitting room. Scout hadn’t moved an inch in the time he had been gone, so Lúcio slowly tugged the phone from his grip and slipped it into his back pocket before scooping his husband up in his arms. Scout let out soft murmurs in his sleep and curled closer to Lúcio’s chest, and he couldn’t help but press a kiss to his sleeping love’s head in response. 

He carried Scout through the house and into the bedroom, where he put him down on the bed as carefully as possible in an attempt not to wake him. He pulled the sheets up before making his way to the other side of the bed and kicking off his shoes so he could slip underneath the covers as well. His arm wrapped around Scout’s form and pulled him into his side, and the smaller of the pair instantly shuffled to almost instinctively curl up in their usual formation. Lúcio’s heart swelled at the sight, and he ran his fingers through his husband’s hair in a show of affection.

Scout took in a deep breath, humming a bit before blinking his eyes open. When the situation finally registered in his mind, his eyes widened and he tried to bolt upright in bed. Lúcio’s arm around him made this impossible, meaning he only raised up a few inches before hitting a snag. “Lúcio!” He cried out in a shocked, groggy tone. He continued to blink the sleep from his eyes and scrubbed at them with the heels of his hands. “I’m so sorry, I wanted to be awake when you got back, I know I told you I would be. I’m really sorry, I kinda ruined the whole welcome home plan, huh?” He rattled on, and Lúcio shook his head quickly in response.

“Hey, Scout, don’t worry about it! You know I’m not worried about all that. I was actually hopin’ you would get some sleep. I don’t want you throwin’ off your sleep schedule for me.” He grinned and trailed his left hand down to grab Scout’s own left hand, lacing their fingers together with a fond gaze. “Ya know, I’m lucky to have you. I don’t know how I got you, like, I don’t know what kinda great thing I did to deserve you in my life, but I’m definitely not gonna be letting you go. Even if you do refuse to go to bed sometimes,” he teased towards the end, causing Scout to huff in amused annoyance.

“Oh, hush, already. You love me and you know it.”

The teasing grin on Lúcio’s face instantly faded into a look of utter adoration. His eyes practically sparkled with all of the wonder and awe he felt towards the person in front of him. The look was so sudden and so soft, so different from the upbeat, bubbly Lúcio that had been in his place moments prior that Scout almost got the wind knocked out of him at the sight. “You know I do. More than anything. And this,” he paused to hold up their intertwined left hands, “means a whole lot more than just some little piece of paper. Looks like you’re stuck with me, huh?”

Scout smiled back at him and leaned forward, planting a quick kiss to the tip of Lúcio’s nose. “You’re the one stuck with me and we both know it.”

“Nah, absolutely not!” Lúcio protested, tugging him closer so he could bump noses with him. “I’ve got the cutest, kindest, funniest, most giving, most patient, most amazing husband in this world, and there is nothing that could make me feel any different. You better be careful, ‘cause you know I’ll write you a bunch of love songs to remind you how great you are, right?”

Scout laughed and untwined their fingers so he could hold onto Lúcio’s hand and trail his fingers over the back of it. Lúcio watched him intently. “You act like that’s a punishment, when I can promise you, it’s not.”

Lúcio hummed in amusement and, after a moment’s silence, turned his hand around so he could grab onto Scout’s once again, this time tugging it to his lips and placing a kiss on his ring finger, where the band signifying their union lie. “I’ll take your word for it and do it anyways, you deserve love songs anyways. Now, really, you need to get some sleep. We can catch up tomorrow.” He pressed his lips to Scout’s in a loving kiss, the first one they had shared since he left. It felt right. It felt like that was where they were meant to be. He pulled away just enough to be able to speak. Their breaths still mingled and their foreheads touched together. Neither one wanted to be any further from the other than they had to be. “I’ve got nothing planned, and I just wanna spend that time with you, however you want. That sound alright?”

His husband nodded with no hesitation, and eagerly curled up into Lúcio’s side. The DJ reached a hand over to flick off the bedside lamp, and the peaceful silence settled over the pair once again. The mission had been a long one, and it had challenged Lúcio in more ways than one, but in that moment, laying with the love of his life and listening to his soft breaths as he drifted to sleep, none of that mattered anymore. What mattered was that he was home, and he was back where he belonged. 

The calm lulled them both into that dull state between sleep and consciousness. Lúcio let out a soft hum of contentment. With the small amount of conscious brain power he had remaining for the night, he knew he wanted to say one more thing before he fell into his slumber until morning. “I love you, Scout,” he murmured into the still night air. 

He worried momentarily that Scout hadn’t heard him, or that he had already fallen back to sleep, but not long after this thought crossed his mind, Scout’s sleepy voice came with a reply. “I love you too, Lúcio,” he spoke against the fabric of Lúcio’s shirt. His words were muffled slightly and there was a slight slur to his tone from his exhaustion, but the natural flow it gave off settled Lúcio into utter contentment. He loved with all of his heart, and he was loved in return. And at the end of the day, that’s all that truly mattered to him. 

The last thought on his mind before drifting off to sleep was of the future the pair might share, and how he truly couldn’t wait to see where life was going to bring him and his husband. No matter where they went, it would always be worth it with Scout by his side.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

let's do a classic Primez ask

thank you lol Prime Time is.....6 am is when im posting this, christ lol what else is new around here........Good Morning in advance lol and [rise and shine sailors it be monday]

2: Favorite book?

i don’t have one lol

3: Favorite fictional character?

i also don’t Properly have like, all-time ultimate Faves in these kind of categories either, but there’s still standouts at least lol......obviously lately it might show that i’m enjoying winston billions a lot, and natch that’s just One of the many wrol roles i’ve been glad to discover. natch winston, jared, and jeremy are fave raves amonth them

5: What’s your favorite fictional ship? (Canon or otherwise)

this is the same as the [fave fictional characters] thing in that like, sometimes i’ll Consume something where i don’t have any, and generally i’m out here multishipping and not like live or die by one Specific Pairing, if i like a character i’ll also probably like Many of their dynamic/s with various other characters, unless the options are That limited.......tying this in to the fave fictional character thing, re: winston, naturally tayston and benston, aka the fruits of us all combining our Genius, are top tier and here’s riawin where we don’t know for sure where it’s going but we’re getting some great Dynamic(tm) stuff anyways.....and natch re: jared i Enjoy Kleinsen (as something to make up ideas about that are outside canon and also as a perspective thru which to analyze canon) and re: jeremy.....stagedorks is beautiful, wild to have canon just give you some content that’s already as good as that

7: List 3 negative traits you have 

well i can be fairly anxious about certain things, which is mostly negative for me lol.........a more negative 2-way street is that i’m just generally in defensive mode around people lol, often i’m like, just trying to avoid Attention entirely and/or like uh oh attention, gotta try to just avoid taking damage from it lol.......on a gradual journey to just being default More Unpleasant / less accommodating lmao......not that i can’t be sometimes, or that i can’t be Genuinely Friendly with randos coz i like their vibe and actually Like socializing lol.........and then re: the challenges of socializing, it seems like maybe when i’m in an interaction i get caught up in [uh oh how do i Respond a) at all b) in a way that’s Good(tm)] and it maybe makes me less attentive to the other person / a worse Listener smh

11: How do you decide when it’s time to cut someone out of your life for good?

idk luckily it’s not something i’ve had to do left and right lol.......but ime it’s Also not exactly like. usually a “ah Now Is The Time to have zero relationship with this person” and most often it’s like [gradual distancing period that is mostly passive] and/or just choosing Not to reinitiate any sort of relationship........though re: more active approaches lol it’s more like. time to try to tune into my [does this feel like something indefinitely sustainable / something you actually Want to have continue in any way] gauge or whatevs. and then still it’s like, sometimes easier if moments happen to come along that provide an [opt out?] choice presented to you kinda lol.........if it’s someone You don’t want to be involved with really but they don’t feel the same and it’s “on you” to decide to peace out at some point it’s more difficult coz such [do you want to opt out]-distilled Moments probably don’t seem to manifest but i think that’s a useful thing to be aware of in itself........i.e. that there’s not always going to be a Narrative-Friendly “point of no return” / clear Line Being Crossed and even if it Doesn’t feel like “i can’t / don’t want to deal with this for Literally one more day” that doesn’t mean you should totally stick it out / don’t have enough reason to decide that you are Done at this particular moment even if you haven’t been Done prior or think you plausibly hold off on it. don’t need to have some kind of story where you think if you Explained it to anyone or everyone it’d universally be understood and everything would applaud like “Yes, the Right Decision” lmao like. not their business....

13: What are your favorite lyrics currently?

well with our groupchat in the replies to that Eternally Crying Over The Bar Song post..........just enjoy the “stay here for a while / cuz it’s nice / cuz it’s holy” part of the refrain, a fun part of the music, and that classic iconis like, lyrics being in a sort of character Voice and yet getting the idea / feelings across effectively even when the words are sort of general or simple.......”shooting from the heart / but we’re all a lousy shot” is great lol and also “say you will always be here” ending with “for one more” is like, there’s another Broader Idea / Sentiment expressed so effectively :’|

17: If you could make a wish, what would you wish for if you knew it would come true?

i can’t do any fun answers lmao it’d just be like [political commentary] but that’s warranted lbr

19: How do you handle heartbreak? Is it something that’s easy for you to get over, or something you struggle with?

lmao i think it is like By Definition not easy for anyone to get over / Not struggle with.........can’t say i’ve had Romantic Misadventures exactly but uh yeah it feels bad to feel bad but i like......wait it out???? idk lmao you can’t really just timeskip past.....Heartbreak Sucks For Everyone Cuz That’s Kind Of The Whole Thing

23: What do you want your future to be like?

pandemic-less, fascism-less........i can’t say i’ve ever been someone like “yea i Know what i want to do and have this whole plan set out how i’m gonna do it lol” i remember when i was like 4 or 5 or whatever being asked What Do You Want To Do When You Grow Up and i was like “shit idk.......i like dinosaurs so i guess paleontologist??” and it was as much a mystery going forward.........always and still mostly playing things by ear with a few vague “if / then” type ideas......aren’t we all though ig

29: Do you think zodiac signs can influence someone’s personality to an extent?

what do i know but i Don’t like or respect the recent years trend ppl being way into it like this isn’t [being really serious about hogwarts houses] or Earnest Myer Briggs Types energy that everyone’s bringing to it......like what are you getting out of trying to be this Prescriptive based on when ppl’s parents got into it. meanwhile i’ve been on the edge of my seat since someone tweeted about “when will we get the first astrology discrimination lawsuit” re: a story about ppl wanting a housemate with a certain sign for compatibility reasons. and like again if it Is like “yes there are time-of-year Personality Types for Objective Real” like. okay, still, what is this Approach that ppl have....doing for anyone.....

31: What does ‘self care’ look like for you?

not very fancy lol i’ll be like “damn i think i haven’t eaten today” and then do it......or be like hey here i’m gonna Do A Stretch or some shit. walk around. step outside if it’s nice. both true that Self Care has inherent limitations re: like we can’t just cancel out all the detriments to our wellbeing via Personal Choices and yet also we can’t Not look out for ourselves how we can......i’ll watch something that i Enjoy. or just knock out if it’s like “christ i need a mood reset” or i’m trying to timeskip through a headache. pet a cat. i like to try to be Appreciative of everyday ordinary shit......also messing around Making Stuff whether drawings or otherwise can be a good helpful use of time, i like talking to people who i like talking to, and other stunning stuff like that lol

37: Have you ever been surprised by someone staying in your life?

not really lol coz again with how i’m pretty slow to realize that someone is like, nonzero actively interested in interacting with me on a regular basis, and then once someone’s In My Life there’s no particular point where i go “whoa....You’re still here??”......ig sometimes there’s like, Friendly Acquaintances where it’d be Unsurprising if they just sort of dropped fully out of the orbit but they do not

41: How do you show you care?

hmm i sure like to do ppl favors / give them gifts / help them out w/ whatever, hang out / generally be Around them where like, doing [parallel tasks] works i.e. maybe we’re doing different things but in the same room.....just like to Talk and all and listen to ppl and Learn Things About Them, try to pick up stuff re: ways that ppl express like “hey to me it conveys Being Cared About when ppl do ___”........food/cooking is a love language......that thing where shit you’d be way too anxious to do on your own For Yourself is like, oh i’m absolutely gonna do it on behalf of someone i care about.......all this stuff is more like, Possible in person lmao rip. i Care you guys

43: Which of the seven deadly sins do you feel represents you the most?

who is your hellsona and what is their origin story (how they got condemned to hell).........if i’m irritable / argumentative am i wrathful? you could presumably someone saying yep it is inherently the one deadly sin of lust if you’re queer.......at any given time i’m passed out and dreaming about “fuck capitalism and the protestant work ethic” and that’s sloth i guess. and okay i went “who named an animal after a The Deadly Sin as if it’s like ‘wow fuck this animal for choosing not to zoom around as though they could and i apparently think that they should’ tf” and in looking it up i immediately learned the Sloth Fact that apparently their shits are insane and also the most dangerous thing they do?? like they poop only maybe once a week and All At Once so that a single dump might knock off a third of their total weight........and it’s pretty much the only time they leave the upper branches of trees, in that they crawl down to hold on to the trunk and take this monster shit and naturally they’re not great on the ground so Pooping is like the leading cause of death for sloths in the wild. and i think they ought to be named after that. 

47: What are you passionate about?

oh man [i am passionate a lot.mp3] lol.........always having a variety of Interestes which i like to talk about / potentially make things about.......decent amount of subjects i like to learn things about even if  i’m bad at like, actually learning things generally lmao, what’s Not losing focus on shit.......idk it’s not that hard for me to like go off about Whatever, got these jack of all trades interests / areas of Some knowledge, i’m opinionated and probably have something (extensive) to say about anything as just part of my charm lol, and just in general i can get Enthused / worked up about things..........also passionate about various [niche gay shit] things eternally. whoms among us isn’t

[valeriannnn]

if youve ever wanted to think about what almost every major RWBY character would main in professional overwatch, then today is your lucky day! brought to you by hiatus, return of owl, and 3am delirium

RUBY - Star DPS.  Extremely flashy, always on the highlight reel.  Will play whatever is needed to pound the enemies into dirt, but also the type to say "fuck it ok guys trust me im gonna pop off" and swap to her signature widow/tracer to Pop Off.  Works unfailingly.  Team captain and emotional core.  Prefers mobile heroes and an unpredictable playstyle.

WhiteSnow - Flex Support/Flex DPS.  Put her on any sniper (including and especially Ana) and watch all hell rain down.  Methodical playstyle, favors high-utility heroes.  Aside from snipers, can often be found on Baptiste/Mei/Symmetra.  Enables teammates to make big plays, but often sacrifices her own presence in the killfeed for the benefit of the team as a whole.  Loves to maker opponents' lives a living hell with CC.  Line em up, knock em down.

Belladonna - Offtank.  Extremely attentive to her backline, constantly running interference and peeling for allies.  Impossible to catch off-guard.  Delights in thwarting the enemy team's plans and preventing them from making the plays they want to.  Excellent map awareness and always the one to touch point to preserve overtime.  Shotcaller.  Struggled with committing to risky/aggressive plays, but being on a reliable team has made her more comfortable performing her role and trusting her teammates to have her back.  Prefers mobile heroes but will adapt to any situation to work in perfect tandem with...

YangXiaoLong - Main Tank.  Could have been a DPS main but early on committed to tank role to enable her duo parter (and little sister) to pop off (and have shorter queue times).  Developed a real knack for controlling space and being a brick goddamn wall between her squishies and the enemy team.  Extremely aggressive playstyle, but has cooled down in recent years to be more of a team player.  Still loves to thrash about when given the opportunity.  Known for bold plays and phatty shatties.

Arc - Main Support.  Tried for years to be a DPS hotshot but was determinedly mediocre and got hard stuck in plat.  Persuaded by Pyrrha to pocket her for a few games, and discovered the depth and fulfillment of playing support to a well-coordinated team.  Nurtured his aptitude for assisting from the backline and quickly rose through the ranks.  Will play whatever is meta but will always be a Mercy main at heart.  Played Brig during GOATS.  Shotcaller.

Valkyrie - Doomfist.

Nikos - Main Tank.  Extremely methodical player, reknowned for big brain cerebral plays and unflappability.  Can be slow to push advantages, but never makes mistakes.  Loves the mind games in a Rein v Rein matchup, and unfailingly blocks the enemy shatter (delights in cucking the enemy Rein).  Will play Orisa For The Good Of The Team but takes no joy in it.  Terrifying on defense; takes a strong position and allows time pressure to force enemies into missteps.  When you make a mistake, she will be there.  Strategic backbone of the team.

RenLie - Flex Support.  Bloodthirsty support.  Likes the balance of damage potential and support capacity in Zenyatta, but puts forth strong showings on Moira and Ana as well.  First priority is of course keeping his team alive, but flankers trying to dive him in the back line tend to get sent home in tears.  Big Jjonak energies. :uwuknife: Can be susceptible to tunnel vision/desperation, and occasionally needs teammates to re-ground him.  Always nanos Nora.

PPolen - Offtank.  D.Va one-trick.  Absolutely notorious for eating ults; absolutely infuriating to play hitscan into.  Flawless mechanical skill.  Occasionally struggles with communication, but honestly so on-the-ball that it doesn't usually come back to bite her.  Always has gold objective time.

Qrow - True flex.  Exclusively solo-queues on ladder, just plays the leaderboards.  Played just about every role at some point (except main tank, fuck that), but currently on a flex support kick.  Holds world records for gravs/blizzards/immortality feels clipping through the geometry and falling out of the map.  The sort of Ana who will singlehandedly take out both enemy DPS when beset by flankers only to immediately die to an errant Moira orb.  Gamers can we get an F in chat.  Accustomed to playing on 200+ ping and is deeply unsettled when he moves somewhere with good internet and has to re-learn all his timings.

RWBY+JNPR+P All form a single 9-man roster.  Sub out roles with redundant players for map set strategies and for flexible plays.  Probably called the Beacon Huntsmen or something generic like that, who cares

Winter - Main Tank and Offtank.  Excellent mechanical skill.  Unparalleled when allowed to execute her set strategy, but struggles with adaptability.  Extremely self-sacrificial, and knows exactly how to leverage her health pool to buy time and/or space for her allies to make the plays they need to.  Will unflinchingly act upon callouts, good or bad, because the worst outcome is a split decision.  Especially fond of a quick reset.

Whitley - Doesn't play Overwatch, but holds several championship trophies in international Pokemon tournaments.  Minecraft youtuber.

Adam - Widow one-trick.  Highly overrated, inexplicably popular streamer.  Mechanically talented but poison in a team environment.  Picked up and quickly dropped from several professional teams.  Teabags.  Looks impressive on stream but crumbles against opponents with any semblance of coordination.  Eventually blacklisted from professional environments after one too many scandals in his personal life.

Ozpin -Franchise owner.  Has never actually touched Overwatch, but used to be a respected Starcraft player back in the day.  Took on a coaching role for a time, but now largely manages from afar.  Has a sparse and cryptic social media presence.  Makes business decisions largely at random, unbeknownst to all his subordinates.

Salem - Hates videogames. Will unplug the router if you piss her off.

Ace Ops - High profile roster hand-picked for perfectly complementary hero pools.  Hyped to fuck in the preseason.  Unparalleled individual play but poor communication, incompatible playstyles, and truly abysmal coaching staff keep them from being a top-tier team.  Widely considered a disappointment considering the talent and money backing them.

Harriet - DPS.  Exclusively plays flankers and extremely mobile DPS.  Tries to solo-carry; in her defense, it often works.  Unironically brags/complains about having gold medals.  Quick to tilt but often uses the negative energy to pop off even harder.  Overtime clutch god.

Marrow - Flex DPS.  Cautious player, often hesitant to commit to risky strats.  Flawless positioning, both personally and for thrown abilities.  Talent for projectile DPS; probably contributed not-insignificantly to scatter arrow being removed from the game.  Prefers to understand the enemy's strategy before acting.  Shotcaller.  Nobody listens.

Elm - Main Tanks (Except Reinhardt), Zarya.  Aggressive tank player, frequently found with gold damage.  Generally good natured but vulnerable to tilt if on a losing streak.  Highly momentum-based.  Makes tutorial videos on strategy and positioning for her youtube channel.  Wants to see the competitive scene develop and flourish, but sensitive to feeling threatened by new talent.  Helps them anyway.

Vine - Flex Tanks (except Zarya), Reinhardt.  Unflappable, regardless of quality of games or recent performance.  Good at reading enemy team and tracking ults.  Generally calls enemy plays before they happen.  Always sticks with Elm, largely out of obligation to bail her out when her aggression puts her in a dicey position.  Understated player, rarely in highlight compilations, but extremely consistent performance.  Plays off-meta in scrims so as not to reveal strats.

Clover - Main Healer. Can play any support, but Lucio main through and through.  Suffers from Reddit Lucio syndrome, but usually good enough (or lucky enough) to get away with it.  Loves to deny enemy followup.  Peel master, boop god.  PMA to a borderline-irritating degree.  Gives great pep talks at half time.  Tends to overcommit to strategies that are dead in the water; sometimes it's better to call it and switch comps while you still have time on the clock. Despite this, is opportunistic in the moment-to-moment sense and quick to capitalize on enemy vulnerabilities.

Flynt Coal - Lucio one-trick.  I mean, come on.

Wukong - ???  Exclusively plays off-meta heroes and weird shit.  Talented but remains on ladder because he doesn’t like the rigid structure of tournament play.  Refuses to be confined to a single role.  Hates role lock cause he can’t swap mid game anymore.  Despite all this, somehow tends to be more of an asset than a detriment.  Definitely a team player.  PMA king.  Occasionally finds legitimately competitive strata for underutilized heroes.  Nutty with hammond movement, godawful with mines.  Has the Winston skin equipped, of course.

Ilia - DPS.  Popular streamer.  Tried going pro for a bit, but didn’t like the schedule and retired shortly.  Frequently plays with the community and does weird custom game modes for a laugh.  Loves Daddy Rein Chases Tiny Torblets.  Refuses to open loot boxes, much to the dismay of her stream.  Plays Golfing Over It during long queues.  Draws all her own custom emotes.

Watts - DPS.  Mains Widow, Sombra; plays anything that lets him avoid ever actually engaging the enemy at close range.  Thinks the game stopped being good when Sombra GOATS stopped being a thing.  Spends all day on twitter heckling pro players and declaring Overwatch a dead game.  Suspected of cheating.  Considers himself a shotcaller but isn't very good at it.

Tyrian - Plays Junkrat and Roadhog exclusively.  Thinks it's bullshit that the game doesn't have friendly fire.  Thinks it's bullshit that Junkrat doesn't deal self-inflicted damage anymore.  Master of the bounce shot.  Tends to treat the game like a TDM and forget the objective in favor fragging out.  Targets a single enemy player and tries to get them to tilt.  Uses voice chat but only laughs.  Never makes callouts.  Trash talks in all-chat.  Considers it a personal victory if he gets someone to rage quit.

Hazel - No Role.  Doesn't really get the idea of the metagame; knows it's generally good to have a balanced team but thats about as deep as he chooses to go.  Was one of the old guards of PC gaming but now that it's a mainstream hobby has to refuses to confront that he's hot garbage at them.  Can't really parse everything that's happening onscreen in a fast-paced game like overwatch, so he just picks Torb (regardless of map or attacking/defending status) and uses the turret as a security blanket.  Godawful turret placement.  Still has a good time somehow.

Cinder - Main Tank.  Likes the importance of the role, and especially the way her team has to follow her calls for any chance of success.  A nice balance of aggression and craftiness, she makes a fearsome opponent.  Callouts could be more frequent/detailed, but her directions are always good when given.  Very susceptible to emotional ups and downs, and often takes out frustration on teammates.  Takes losses very hard, gloats about wins.  Happiest with an Ana pocket.

Emerald - Offtank.  Would be much happier on DPS or Support, but desperate to show off and live up to Cinder's expectations.  Sticks with her main tank except when it's absolutely necessary to peel for the back line.  Tends to be overcautious with ults; she's good enough mechanically to earn them relatively quickly, but fear of whiffing one makes her reticent to spend them.  Flawless bubble timing on Zarya.

Mercury - Support.  Still considers Symmetra a support.  Quick to whip out the blaster and try to fight off flankers instead of calling for assistance.  Knows all the angles for a narsty biotic grenade.  Plays as though he's got better positioning and backup than he does; frequently gets opponents to back off just by winning the mental game.  Will let allies die on ladder if they piss him off.

[kinkymagnus]

The Pain In Your Eyes

hey wow this is from FIVE YEARS AGO (exaggeration but is it? really? why don’t i ever do anything) but this is like the “send me a title and i’ll tell you what kind of fic i’d write for it” 

ok so

uhh this is like, mostly tangentially related but look,  i couldn’t think of anything (hence why i took so long to answer lkghjfgh im sorry) but for some reason i’m really feeling TWI MAGIC REVEAL, BABEY!

(this got….WOO. incredibly long)

so okay! okay! how does alec find out his boyfriend is secretly a 400+ year old  warlock with cat eyes and magic powers? there are lots of ways. i’m personally fond of “magnus is still getting used to having his magic back so he’s actually Extremely Not Subtle and alec like. kinda guessed there was something paranormal going on but his magical boyfriend was too nervous to tell him yet so he was patiently waiting and when magnus finally nervously blurts out the truth alec is like “warlock, huh? sweet” and magnus is like????????? im a Monster???? half demon?? i have inhuman powers and eyes that show my monstrous heritage??? i have been keeping this huge secret from you and i didn’t trust you and it’s horrible and awful and life changing and i’m IMMORTAL and im part DEMON and why aren’t you YELLING AT ME? and alec’s like i have an adorable half-demon bf this is hella sweet. your eyes are beautiful and your magic is not subtle babe. im not gonna yell at you for being like, scared of telling me, it’s cool. also about the immortality thing: talked to your clearly magical friend with the horns, and im FOR SURE chugging an immortality potion at our wedding. and magnus is like (happy but shocked) WEDDING? this is like five consecutive bitch slaps for him, except instead of bitch slaps they’re deep and loving kisses. 

BUT. this is an angsty prompt, let’s be real. not that that has zero angst potential, but to focus more on pain in eyes…. mmm… >:) so REWIND

magnus has been keeping his magic a secret. possibly even to his own detriment, like he still doesn’t have super great control but he’s like, TIGHTLY lashing that shit down because ALEC CAN’T SEE HE CAN’T HE CAN’T and it’s like. hurting his recovery from being dormant for so long, but as long as it gets him more time with alec :))) he hardly cares :)))) 

BUT. but but but. ok look im so tempted with “magnus accidentally shows off his cat eyes during sex” but SERIOUS. SERIOUS. ANGSTY. SERIOUS. magnus slips up. not during sex, sorry. he slips up. 

oh my god wait i have an idea. a horrible horrible idea

this is so bad i dont even know if i like it but

LET’S TRY IT

oka Y SO magnus has been tightly controlling this shit but he can’t help but slip up sometimes. he can’t help it, okay. it’s mostly minor things. he’s upset and things tremble on the shelves, he’s really happy and the plants literally perk up and he looks kinda like he’s glowing. sometimes things move closer to him when he needs them–usually not super obviously, but alec’s still kind of like wait wasn’t that over there a second ago? 

and he’s trying his best but he doesn’t catch everything, doesn’t even always notice because it feels so natural. he sips coffee that should be boiling hot only it’s just right and he isn’t burned. (alec brings him some really fresh coffee and he tries to warn magnus before he picks it up but before he can yell it’s in magnus’s hands and he’s taking a sip and–he’s fine. not burned at all. and he looks at alec with that adorable little confused look, brow furrowed and head slightly tipped to the side, and alec doesn’t know quite what to say because that had definitely been too hot for human consumption earlier…)

and every once in a while alec swears his eyes like. flash, or something? they look… different. it’s hard to explain, magnus always turns around or closes his eyes or SOMETHING but like. just for a second alec swears they looked brilliant gold. 

and his fortune telling abilities are like. good. weirdly good. like, he’s never wrong, good. and he knows things he shouldn’t, and he makes weird offhand comments that don’t make sense sometimes before getting flustered and glossing over them, and sometimes he acts like he’s been around for like. a LONG time. IT’S WEIRD.

anyway so it’s just little things. just enough to drive magnus into “slightly eerie” territory. alec’s not like, scared of him or anything, but he’s kind of like. is something……..up? 

and alright this next bit is where it gets a bit hazy but i’m thinking for like. whatever reason. maybe alec’s not the only one who’s noticed, maybe some other people have too, maybe jace if we want to pull him here and make him a douchebag (kind of hard, though–not the douche thing, but like, he’s literally not friends with alec in TWI, so… i mean, thank god, but. hard to get him in, then. maybe through clary? idk.) but anYWAY the point is 

fucking jonathan gets involved. i wanted to make valentine the crazy preacher but he’s already got a role in TWI and jonathan’s a crazy shitbag in every universe, let’s be real. and jonathan is like THIS SOUNDS LIKE DEMONIC POSSESSION TO ME. THINGS MOVING AROUND? STRANGE EYES? WEIRD PAST? KNOWING THINGS HE SHOULDN’T? NEVER GETS BURNED? SEEMS OLD? CAN DIVINE THE FUTURE? SOUNDS DEMONIC TO ME, BABY. 

and alec is like whoa hold on. wait. but jonathan, manipulative fuck that he is, is like. all smooth talkin. like hey, aren’t you worried about your boyfriend? what if he’s hurt? what if this is hurting him and you’re doing nothing to stop it? what if we can save him? 

it doesn’t help that magnus has been acting weirdly lately (read: worried alec might be onto him since ALEC’S been acting weird, and psyching himself up to TELL ALEC THE TRUTH) and alec. doesn’t know what to do. 

but ultimately he’s convinced when he overhears/sees magnus meeting up with his friend. which is ragnor portalling into his home, horns and all, and them talking in hushed panicked whispers. and alec’s like “oh fuck what a demon is possessing my boyfriend” 

he’s heard family legends their ancestors were demon hunters, but unfortunately not much about warlocks and the like so he doesn’t make the connection, he just thinks “oh shit, the legends were true, and i of all people ironically am dating someone being messed with by a demon. well, I’M THE BEST PERSON TO SAVE HIM THEN.” 

ok i wanna be clear alec wouldn’t like. take this far and actually hurt magnus, ever. like he’s not about to tie him up and carve symbols into his chest or something. he’s just mundane and worried and unsure what the fuck to do and manipulative evil little bitch jonathan is taking advantage. 

and honestly i’m not sure how far to take this either, the image i have is magnus like. tied up in a pentagram and jonathan about to be a crazy bitch and alec being like “oh fuck this this is NOT what i signed up for” bonus if he was worried about magnus being possessed for realsies but then he sees magnus’s cat eyes and they’re like. too. him. they’re full of pain and fear and this kind of resignation and alec is like no that’s no fucking demon, that’s the man i love, or maybe it’s both, maybe he is the demon, but i don’t care because magnus is a demon then i guess demons are good because magnus and evil don’t go together EVER. 

but like at the same time, the heartbreak/trust shattering that could cause–alec like, trying to “exorcise” him for being a demon? MMM DON’T LIKE THAT. like i’m not looking for a relationship breaker here, just some juicy angst with a happy ending. and i feel like with a lot of careful planning that might work, but i don’t. really want to right now. 

so LIKE. maybe not that far, maybe alec is planning on confronting him and he’s got something dumb like a holy water water pistol (shoutout to ryan bergara, i love you) and salt, but he’s like “idek what i’m gonna do if he ends up being possessed but i sure as hell know i’ll save him if it kills me” but he like. before he can even get the words out. for whatever reason. don’t call me out on not knowing why, maybe he catches magnus by surprise or comes home early, idk. he sees magnus’s eyes. and they’re these gorgeous golden cat eyes. and alec can see the moment magnus realizes alec can see them, his eyes go wide and scared and he looks hurt and a little sick and like he’s already lost something irreplaceable and it hurts that he looks so. there’s so MUCH PAIN IN HIS EYES (aay,, aYYY.,, titteLEE) and also. god his eyes are so pretty. even beginning to tear up they’re so pretty. and alec has so many things he wants to say ranging from i love you and nothing will ever change that to seriously please stop looking heartbroken i need to hug you right now i love you so much to i know what you are–i mean, like, not what as in a thing, but what as in you’re a demon and i know and it’s okay, to wow your eyes are pretty to wow i am dating a demon okay and alec is just like. he just blurts out “holy shit you’re beautiful” and that’s all because with the “reassure magnus he is loved!!!” and “MAGNUS IS HURTING RED ALERT” and “So Your Boyfriend’s A Demon” feelings going on, Gay™ just overrides all the panic 

like he’s forgotten about the holy water and the salt he’s just like. oh my god. pretty. sexy. wonderful. and absolutely for-sure magnus and nothing else. so again there’s just that fun thought process of “does this mean my boyfriend IS the demon because that’s not a demon, that’s magnus” to “ok sweet im dating a cute ass demon” to “demons are good now i guess? or at least mine is? that’s neat” 

because like, while demons obviously traditionally get a bad rap, there are plenty of fucking books and tv shows and fiction wherein demons are the good guys, or not so bad, or whatever. so to a non-religious mundane with no concept of real demons as according to shadowhunters canon, “good demon” isn’t necessarily impossible or that hard to accept. 

magnus will probably not take the misunderstanding of being called a demon that well, but he will be thoroughly mystified by the fact that despite thinking he’s a straight-up full-on demon, alec is not upset or horrified but in fact kind of pleased. 

but anyway alec’s like “i’ve figured it out! i’m pretty sure you’re a demon, and that’s why [evidence here], but like, it’s okay! holy water is banned from the house and i know the salt thing is only a particular kind of salt but i swear if it helps, no fucking salt in the house. definitely none of that kind of salt. i originally thought you were possessed but i have burned all exorcism shit and anti demon things i had and i will literally do anything to protect you. should i say oh satan or oh lucifer instead of oh god? that’s fine. just wondering. i will literally give you my soul. i love you” and magnus is like i love you but oh my god oh my god oh my g

(also this doesn’t really fit in but i do have the image of alec squirting magnus with the holy water pistol and it just like. splashes on his face. and magnus is like. [disgruntled blink, nose all scrunched up, Adorable] [gingerly wipes off water] “why” and alec’s like so you’re not a demon, cool. wait, or demons don’t actually react badly to holy water. or you’re hiding it somehow. or my water isn’t holy enough. fuck)  

AN ywa YY. magnus has to explain he isn’t a demon (”oh shit fuck i’m sorry shit did i hurt your feelings goddamn it i can’t believe i jumped to conclusions”) he’s half demon (”okay i wasn’t THAT far off and don’t give me that look i’m not judging you i love you very much and this changes nothing”) and uhhhhhh he’s an immortal warlock with magical powers and the cat eyes are his mark and he has magic and he’s 400 years old and he’s been dormant for a very long time and he’s sorry he lied and didn’t tell alec and he really isn’t evil or anything and please say something, alexander.

and alec is just like “okay this is a lot to take in but ten minutes ago i thought you were just straight-up a demon and was cool with it so you really think i wouldn’t be cool with this?”

anyway like. they just fucking… it’s a little anticlimactic. magnus feels like his feet have been swept out from under him, alec’s just okay with it, other than a minor initial freakout, and that’s… it?

of course, there’s still jonathan. you know what, here’s how to get some drama back into it. alec never really like, actually got close with jonny boy or anything, it was just someone he talked to in passing who was like “ur bf is possessed bro. i can…… exorcise him if u like” and he like. knows about the downworld, but believes they’re all evil demons and bad and he’s the true shadowhunter or something? but he’s just crazy and a horrible person? idk. but anyway he like. shows up again. he might try to cause some drama by being like “ur boyfriend sent me >:) to SEND YOU BACK TO HELL” but it doesn’t work, magnus’s heart aches a little at the thought but he knows it’s not true, you know?

but like jonathan tries to hurt him and magnus is like, fumbling with his magic a bit, still slightly off kilter (especially because he’s still been trying to hide it a lot and stifle it and he’s not quite in sync). but alec like, defends him (because he took self defense classes and like, martial arts and shit, even as a mundane he knows how to pack a punch, you know?) and he gets hurt. jonathan goes after him (why are you supporting this monster? this demon? why are you on his side? …maybe you’re possessed too–) and magnus is like. OH NO. YOU FUCKING. DON’T. and fucking WRECKS him. like full magic avatar state bullshit, he’s like “i will fucking BEAT YOUR ASS, leave alec the FUCK ALONE.” and he basically like. idek portals jonathan to the middle of the sahara or across the world or on a remote island that has resources but no way off? idk what he ends up doing, but it like, takes care of him without necessarily killing him

but like. magnus is super powerful, but using that much magic abruptly after years and years of nothing takes its toll and he passes out. alec, slightly bruised up and maybe a little bloodied but ultimately fine, carries him bridal style (!!!!!!!!!!!) and magnus wakes up in bed, warm and safe and comfy with alec by his side, all patched up and also fine, and cat and ragnor and raphael all there like “hey idiot” bc WHY DIDN’T MAGNUS TELL THEM ABOUT HIS WEIRD NEW MUNDANE BOYFRIEND AND ALL THIS DRAMA THAT WAS HAPPENING? OTHER THAN THE MINOR DETAILS? they’ve been talking with alec and like. they have varying opinions but the general consensus is “he seems to be treating magnus good and he clearly loves magnus, and we like that.”

ANYWAY THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AND THEY CUDDLE AND SNUGGLE AND ALEC ASKS QUESTIONS ABOUT HIS MAGIC AND MAGNUS IS COMFORTABLE WITH HIMSELF FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME AND USES HIS MAGIC OPENLY AND EVENTUALLY ALEC BECOMES IMMORTAL AND THEY GET MARRIED AND IT’S HAPPY YAY

anywaYYYY this got……super fucking long. but the title thing is ujst basically “alec knows magnus is magnus and not Something Else because there’s like. real emotion in his “demon” eyes and he looks scared and pained and it’s SAD and alec’s like “shit yeah this is him and i love him” and that’s the turning point of the story” 

[cozymochi]

What is young Yantan and Marzi’s relationship like?

WHOA HELLO AGAIN, I GUESS IT’S LORE TIME ONCE MORE. Lol wild how these things just kinda...show up so unexpectedly jfhdgdgfg not a complaint btw it’s nice 💕

OKAY SO. I feel like a LOOOONG time ago I gave an answer to a question like this before. And I did, actually. I ended up finding my previous response to it just to double-check lol. AND tbh, it’s very outdated by this point (which is why im not bothering to show it lol). Like, it’s incredibly jarring imo. Especially due to Yantan’s personality being very floaty and ill-defined at the time, and while Marzi had a similar issue- she was also a character I wasn’t too accustomed to speaking about so openly yet.

So I take it it’s time to update this log. INCOMING LONGish BULLSHIT!!!

Ahem. So to recap these two as of the current era: Yantan is a rather sardonic child and stern for her young age. She’s very goal-oriented and keeps to herself, and has little to no interest in really being social (outside of anyone she already grew up with). Her only real skills are in martial arts- which is something she takes VERY seriously and pretty much all her time is dedicated to honing that. Marzi is a very spirited and curious lady with numerous quirky interests and hobbies of which she constantly changes. She has a very romantic and optimistic outlook on life, she goes with the flow. She was ostracized in her younger years but has ultimately found her place, and she’s very happy where she is now. ...So. Bearing that in mind. Yantan didn’t really have interest in Marzi, not because she disliked her, she just... didn’t see any reason to bother engaging. As far as she was concerned, Marzi was someone in Yamchas life, not HERS. (And Yantan was not interested in Yamcha’s social life in the slightest) She often just flat out ignored her. Again, Yantan didn’t dislike Marzi, she just didn’t have any interest. Of course Marzi thought Yantan didn’t like her, and this bothered Marzi immensely because oh man, she really wanted to bond with this girl in SOME form. It made her sad and stuff. Marzi just loves sharing experiences and gunk, so having the kid of the dude she was involved with NOT like her (by her viewpoint) was a huge damper. Their personalities already were vastly different from each other, so that should in itself illustrate some kind of idea on what their deal was (hopefully).

All the conflicting stuff only made Marzi wanna try harder to connect with this girl, and Yantan was just too stubborn to really give her the time of day. “Trying harder” or pushing to try making a bond happen only served as a detriment due to Yantan’s kinda standoffish nature. Marzi invading Yantan’s bubble and not acknowledging her comfort levels wasn’t great, but Yantan being callous to Marzi as a whole also absolutely wasn’t good either.

Anyway, everything did turn out fine in the end once those final points were acknowledged between the two of them. Yantan eventually saw Marzi as kind of a confidant, and a very nice lady. Not so much a “mom” in her view, since yantan has a very jaded outlook, but certainly a friend. Marzi ABSOLUTELY saw Yantan as her baby girl and worries about her well being (especially whenever she fights). She just wants her to smile once in a while and grow up happy and healthy lol.

TL;DR: The relationship was okay, it works for them. Here’s a sub-par image of these two spending some time together.

Dare I even call this status “complicated?” ...Meh I guess so lol. It’s been a hot minute, so I probably didn’t even summarize any of this very well. CUT ME SOME SLACK IT’S BEEN A WHILE

[jinniebabyangel]

Im gonna get dragged for this opinion but I really want to express it, I wish seokjin biased fans would recommend the latest Jin centric songs first to vocal coach reactors. And let epiphany and awake for later... the thing is he did strained his voice trying to reach those crazy high notes and vocal coaches judge him based on that and on what stupid army says and dim him as not so talented but ~hey! he's a trooper so good for him~ which is shitty and so they move on wo hearing his latest songs where he absolutely kills it because he worked on those technical details and now he can reach those notes wo problem (My wish is to hear him sing awake and Epiphany now because I know he would make 1000 times better). Was he good from the beginning? YES he was, but the ridiculous high key producers push him and jimin to sing (because the dog thought it sounded better) takes years and years to pull correctly. You can reach it the fast way but in detriment of your vocal cord's health in the long run. Or you can continue working on it and even unlock better sounds and higher keys (hence Jin getting those crazy sounds in ltb) I wished we wouldn't shy away from acknowledging this instead of going - wo knowing really - he's the best singer ever and whatnot. sometimes being blindly doting to everything makes more evil than good (crystal snow's triple high note is definitely iconic but technically if you say this is who Jin is now, is not accurate because he's better now, technically). I love Yours so much because that's who he is now, that's where he is in terms of his craft and his control on his voice, he can travel easily from low to high to whisper to belting the structure of this song is so good!. Another example of how good he was from the beginning as well is autum and I love you... When he was in charge of his own melodies and vocal direction he showed he could pull it off... Pdogg made a lot of damage to Jin jimin and Tae, he might be good for beats but he's awful in vocal arrangements.

I'm so glad he's rid of this guy and so looking forward to his own songs he has the vision and the capacity to make it great.

(I take vocal lessons by the way in case you were wondering and I love Jin's voice because yes he sounds amazing live, he can go low and high wo issues and his vibrato is so rich and pleasant to hear. All this is because he shows he takes care of his instrument. I respect that a lot)

I was about to ask if you were a vc or a trained vocalist..until I reached the last part.

Idk if you know this, I dislike yt reactors, vocal coaches or not, I never watch them, so idk what they react to. Anyway, this advice goes for the sjinnies who do watch them and might use some advices on which videos are better to request a reaction.

Ps I must say that for an untrained ear, it's hard to tell when he strains or makes technical mistakes, since it's never that blatant that anyone would notice, like a voice crack or a flat note. That's why many fans might suggest certain performances (even though they have some mistakes here andthere) bc "we" just can't hear them..

[ocean-butch]

How is cas different from ur other girlfriends

akcjwjxia i had to wait like SIX HOURS to answer this bc of a goddamn test i had bUT OH BOY ANON AM I GONNA LOVE DOING IT alfjadjsk i just love talking about my gf i love her so much i wanna gush about her 25/8

the short answer would be basically in every way bUt imma do it part by part.

okay so, in a simplified version i’ve had relationships with people whose personalities worked well with me but who were shitty girlfriends or a good girlfriend who just didnt really fit with my personality. i’ve actually given that so much thought even before i met cass, but the point is that i met her and she was just perfect for me in both ways (technically its more complicated bc theres a bunch of logic into this that im not explaining bc my mind is weird and it would be Way too long but anyways). but ok let get into How she fits me perfectly.

first of all literally no one ever in my entire life has made me laugh as easily and genuinely as she does. im not even exaggerating, like laughing was never really A Thing for me to look for in girls bc it just never happened???? like i had fun conversations and stuff but there was never anyone that made me go “holy shit i have never laughed this much with anyone else” and we have So many inside jokes, which is a thing that i almost never have????? and i always used to wish i did bc everyone would talk about it and i’d feel like i just wasnt funny and That was the problem. and also this is really important bc its one of the things that made me realize that i liked (and eventually, came to love) her. bUT its not the only one so theres also like all these things that we like and we can talk about for HOURS like i remember when i watched infinity war and the first thing i did when i got home was call her and we talked about it for like 2 hours idek but it was great. the point is, we have a bunch of shared interests (which isnt like 100% necessary but its still really nice), wHICH LEADS ME TO: her music taste is amazing and i love that so much bc i love music With My Entire Soul and its the best thing in the fucking world (after cass & my friends and tied with the ocean) but yeah thats great too. AND i think more importantly than the last 2 things is that she is literally so fucking easy to talk to. like ever since the beginning we didnt really have that awkward phase where we run out of things to talk about and the conversation keeps dying like we never had that it just flowed so well and that was such a good feeling. another thing is also how comfortable i feel talking to her.

like i have never felt this way with any of my girlfriends bc i was always scared that i was gonna be annoying or say something Wrong and they’d start to realize i sucked and then break up with me, but shes just so kind and idk she just has this way about her that makes me feel at home and its always been there like i dont believe in love at first sight or anything like that but i swear to god the day after i met her i already felt like i could tell her anything and that was such a comforting thing and i needed that so badly at the time. i dont feel like i was able to describe this aspect very well tbh like im not doing it justice. like, she makes me feel like im not annoying at all, and like i could just randomly start ranting about anything and she would be like super invested in it, and just literally so comfortable in every sense of the word. she is my home, no ifs ands or buts, i just feel it every single time that we talk or that i simply think about her, and i have never felt this so clearly with anyone. and i think this comfort i feel with her is kinda connected with how she has always made me felt so appreciated, in a way that no one has ever done. like, i had like 2 tags about my wants and needs in a relationship, there was “my dream girl” to remind me that i shouldnt settle for anyone after i got out of a rlly bad relationship, and there was “things i wish someone would tell me” after my “first” relationship (i dont really count it bc Officially™ we only dated for a week) because my gf at the time would almost never be affectionate with me and it made me really insecure so i started that tag as a way to vent kinda. anyways my point is that i made those tags bc i would always feel super anxious in my relationships bc i never really felt loved or even wanted (aka the good personalities awful gfs relationships) i just felt like a burden and it was such a big thing for me.

okay now i’ll say that there Kinda was an exception to this before cass, because it would be unfair to say that that relationship was detrimental to my mental health, but it was still different. like, that ex did make me feel wanted most times, but not only did i still have A Lot of insecurities about the whole thing bc of some things she would say and do or not say and not do and i’d get like super uncomfortable or just sad really but also bc whenever the conversation would start to die out i was Absolutely Certain that she was gonna break up with me. it was pretty bad im not even joking. and like ofc my anxiety isnt her fault OR responsibility and like sure i still get anxious about cass sometimes but its not like that its basically just when she doesnt answer for a long time i think that something bad might have happened but even when my rude ass brain does try to tell me that she doesnt love me i KNOW that its not true, and that is a kind of peace that i have never ever had before. but anyways, so that was the good gf whose personality didnt fit mine and its weird now bc that is so obvious but i really didnt wanna believe it at the time even though i knew it wasnt gonna work out, but now its just really weird ngl (but i wont get into the why).

and now cass. wow okay let me tell you about cass. she is perfection. she is literally everything i have ever wanted AND things i didnt even know i wanted. she is everything no one else ever was and i just remembered that when we started dating in may i said that exact same sentence to abby. its just so true, she really is everything that no one else could be. because theyre not her. i’ve said this a lot of times but i really dont see how i could ever love anyone else after loving her, it just doesnt make sense to me because she really is like,, as good as it gets. there is no one better than her for me. we’re literally meant to be i s2g like when we broke up for a while i would tell everyone i wasnt really trying to move on at all bc i just hoped she would come back to me and i couldnt miss that chance. i knew she was my soulmate, although at some points i lost almost all hope (but never all) and i started thinking that maybe she was the love of my life but i wasnt the love of hers. and thats bc she really is everything ive ever dreamed of like she has all these little things that she does or say that sometimes wouldnt even mean anything to other people but to me they are So important bc theyre things ive dreamed about while my ex girlfriends ignored me akcjsjxn like, i was talking about how comfortable she feels to me and a big part of that comes from little things like the fact that even when we were just friends she would spam me when i was gone for a long time and that not only made me feel missed and appreciated but also it meant i could do that to her and it wouldnt be annoying bc she felt the same!! like, she missed me too! and me knowing that she actually Wanted to talk to me and the fact that she actually showed me she cared was super great when we started dating bc it made me feel like if i was feeling sad or insecure, i could literally just ask her to be a little more affectionate and it wouldnt feel fake bc i actually knew she cared. and you have No idea how much that meant to me bc i literally didnt know it was possible for me to feel that way. like honestly i thought it was an innate aspect of who i am that like if i asked for affection it would be meaningless? bc i’d be lowkey forcing the person to say something? but with her it felt different bc we had enough intimacy for me to feel comfortable enough to do that.

HOWEVER i never actually Had to do that bc i got insecure exactly once (1) on the first night we started dating back in may bc i didnt know how much she liked me and i was like in love with her so i thought she would think i was too much and then i told her i was sad and that i was gonna sleep and the next day when i woke up she said something along the lines of “how are you babe bc i remember you said you were sad last night and i couldnt stop thinking about it bc i want you to feel good all the time” and thats something so small but wow it just meant so much to me bc i would cry and beg any fucking force in the universe to make my last ex do Anything At All to try to make me Not Sad and it would be awful and i would feel so so unloved and then cass just said that and something clicked in me and i never doubted her feelings to an actual Meaningful extent while we’ve been together anymore (like ofc i get insecure sometimes and especially when we broke up, but while we have been dating ive never gotten like actually Sad™ specifically bc i wasnt sure she liked me) but it gets even better because some of the things she does are so so special that i never even imagined them like shes literally unreal, i literally never thought someone like her existed and its just so wild to me that i get to be with her.

and i know im saying a bunch of cliches but i mean it all so much like i remember when i was dating one of my exes i was learning her first language but she didnt try to learn mine and i really wished she would bc i just always loved the idea that someone would do that for me?? (and she was like the good gf so yknow,, just how that relationship literally did Not even compare to cass) and guess what yes cass is learning portuguese and its the cutest thing ever btw bUt the point is she does all the little things ive ever wanted in a partner (i literally have a post with a list of things i appreciate in a partner and she does all of them!! well, the ones that arent like irl or smth) also i literally have a draft in this blog that is a list of cute things cass has done/said that means a lot to me personally but i didnt post it yet ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and like theres just so so many things that i havent talked about, like how im not even sure if i was ever in love with anyone of them anymore because what i feel for cass is just so different and so much more, or like how cass actually makes me want to try to get better, which ive never actually wanted before bc it always seemed to scary, like she literally makes me wanna be not only alive but also happy bc she makes me feel like i deserve it. she has been such a good influence on me and my mental health and thats so important and its the first time someone has been this good for me.

but anyways the point is that cass is right for me in every single way like she really is my other half she literally just is everything that she is and thats how shes different from my ex girlfriends.

[twotonedblues]

thoughts: 

dont know if im glad we made the playoffs. i mean, obviously it’s better if you do, but it was pretty obvious that this team wasnt gonna do anything

on one hand, those back to back double ot wins was the most fun ive had in a while with this team. but on the other hand, like, this fucking sucks and im absolutely crushed!!

sure, we put up way more of a fight than i thought we would. like the dallas series? the coyotes series??? absolute trash. we didnt care, didnt deserve to be there. but i could tell, when we were losing it was just because of the talent of carol*na and not because it looked like they didnt feel like giving 100 percent

but it’s so obvious that this team is such a long way from being truly, genuinely good, instead of barely making the playoffs and then hoping the team suddenly plays insane the entire time. like i could genuinely see flashes of greatness. today, periods 1 and 2 were amazing. but then we just let them back in. 

i want to say, im so fucking proud and happy for juuse saros. he carried and dragged this fucking team to the postseason. last year, he wasn’t the best against the coyotes(altho certainly, he got minimal help) AND wasnt great to start this season, but he fought and went on an insane run. we wouldnt have made it here without him. im devastated, because he was out of this world this series and deserved to win.

dont even wanna think about pekka right now. im sad enough already.

poile and hynes need to go. i was tempted to only put poile, because i genuinely think there is like a 1% chance hynes gets fired. but poile has been detrimental to this team for years now. i cant completely hate on all of his decisions, because i genuinely love players like granlund(even though i really REALLY wish fiala was still on our team - i wish somehow we were able to have both of them lol), kunin, haula - but he’s so far away from modernizing this team, sacrificing youth and prospects for ‘grit’, signing old guys for eXpEriENce, doing weird shit like trading for fucking gudbrandson instead of like, not doing that, being the only gm of this team since it’s first fucking season and not having ANYTHING to show for it. no, president trophy’s dont count. in fact, he has NO cups, and the only reason we made it as far as we did in ‘17 is because pekka pretty much went nuclear for the first 3 series. it’s not a coincidence. he sucks. he will always suck. and we will ALWAYS be mediocre with him. and what sucks is that i GUARANTEE he’s still gonna be here next season. like there is NO WAY he’s getting fired, because this org is fine with mediocrity, as long as fans are in seats

hynes is just like, a branch of the poile problem, so while im disgusted that he’s our coach, im more mad at poile about that, too. but hynes is trash and is the reason we lost today.

im in infinite salt mode, so there is absolutely no way im rooting for the ***** and it’s crazy to me that some preds fans are saying that they will. and i’ll leave it at that 🙃

anyway, this season started off horrifying, got better and ended up having some really fun, and great moments. but im tired of once again being bounced so early. just hoping for massive organizational change with this team.

[behardonyourself]

Nutrition, Training, and Mindset Update

The one thing I miss most about not being in a training cycle is this blog.  While posting is often great for me from a therapeutic standpoint, I tend to not do it when I’m not focused on a very specific goal.

I’m the furthest thing in the world from perfect, but I want to start this post off with a simple truth:  My depression got the best of me and I stumbled and had a night of pretty heavy drinking.  I pounded the pavement hard the next morning, I guess, to punish myself, but to say that I’m disappointed in myself is an understatement.  I was more than 40 days without even a sip of alcohol.  It’s a minute to minute process and we have to control what enters our minds and not let the events on the outside or actions of others push us off our very thin line.  

Anyway, we stumble and fall so that we can get back up.  And I’m back on the log...

On Tuesday morning, I was 200lbs for the first time since the day before Ironman Arizona (Nov 24, 2019, how could I ever forget that?).  I didn’t weigh myself on race day or the day after, but my guess is that as much sodium as I consumed during, I probably didn’t lose much, if any.  For those that followed during that prep, I gained 8-10lbs on each of my practice half Ironman days.  I don’t know if that’s common or whatever, but it’s how my body reacted, and to be honest, I don’t think it was to my detriment at all, as I never bonked, felt tired, or anything but energized.

After a couple of weeks of fairly light volume, I’ve picked it up a bit.  This past week included my first brick workout (a short ride followed immediately by a run), a 2 hour run the next day, and then a two hour ride the day after that.  During IM Arizona, I had many, many 5-6 hour training days.  While there will be some long rides, of course, this time is designed to be much more efficient, and train much less.  The weeks leading up to the race will include 15-20 hour weeks, but I expect to be between 10-15 hours max for the foreseeable months.

My nutritional strategy is a bit different this time.  While I am staying plant based, I am focusing more on a finite amount of how much I’m going to eat.  Previously, my food intake regulated itself.  Train a lot, eat a lot of plants, don’t obsess.  While I’m still not obsessing, I am focused on getting a wider variety of nutrients - actually, maximizing nutrient intake and supporting training and recovery with the least amount of calories.  Now, by no means does that mean that I’ll be starving myself, I’m just not going to eat useless calories all because I’m “in training”.  I plan on slowly trimming down to the high 170s/low 180s, as I think this will make me faster all the way around, as long as I’m doing it the right way.

I’m relieved that Ironman Galveston 70.3 is a “Go” for this weekend.  It’s time to cut out this bullshit and return to some semblance of normalcy.  Obesity and depression from this “pandemic” is going to kill infinitely more people than Covid ever will (and before you point out the number of worldwide “deaths”, see if your in-depth research can differentiate between who died WITH Covid and who died FROM Covid...  There IS a difference).  Anyway - good luck to those competing this weekend!

I appreciate the texts, tweets, IG, Facebook messages, etc from the few people that I have read my posts.  Support matters.  My biggest reward last time was the amount of people that told me that because of me, they started (running, swimming, biking, eating plants, losing weight, etc, etc, etc).  That was absolutely life changing for me - more so than it was when helping people do those things was my job back when I owned my gym.  I appreciate the kind words.  

Funny thing is that last time, I had a lot of doubters that told me that an Ironman in such a short amount of time was insane.  Now, nobody doubts me anymore.  Hell, maybe I should up the stakes ;)

Follow your passion.  Live with energy.  Let your fire burn so brightly that people travel from miles away to bask in your light and feel your heat.  Second by second.  Minute by minute.  One step, one day at a time.  We got this.

B    

[survivor-mesopotamia]

Ep. #10 - “This is the safest route to make sure that none of us (read: me) get idoled out of the game″ (Michael)

Oh boy, the Bodhi Alliance is in such a phenomenal position now. We have half of the tribe in our alliance and we have Collin attached to us as a number if need be, but we can dump him after just one more tribal and we'd still have a majority, which is terrific. I feel great; it seems like the hard part is behind us, and ahead the next hard decisions will just be when we have to start whittling ourselves down as we get close to the final two.

The game has come back. Primary objective: keep the 6 together. Secondary objective: get Julian out. He doesn't trust me, Benji is planning sneaky things with him, and I don't want anybody having secondary options but me.

Honestly as if my game couldn't get any worse, I've pretty much been completely ignored besides some convos that are clearly weak damage control attempts. No one wants to talk game, and I could barely even get ahold of the people that are supposed to be on the bottom with me. I don't know what happened to get me so to the bottom, but what I understand even less is what made me deserve to be completely disrespected like this. I've treated everyone with respect day in and day out and I am getting repaid with less than nothing. If I get voted out tonight, I sure as hell am gonna be a bitter juror. Not because I got voted out, but because of disrespect that I take personally. No one ignores me like this and gets away with it. Never

The smart thing to do is split the vote 3-3-3. If one of the people on the bottom found the idol, this is the safest route to make sure that none of us (read: me) get idoled out of the game. I want Julian out because of his ties to Benji, but Abby would be fine too. I think Eric should be the last person outside our alliance remaining, in case I decide to go the route of flipping on An with Collin, Adam, and that final person

---

Johnny just proposed a final 4 with me, Collin, and Adam, aka the 3 people I have a final 2 with. That is absolutely perfect for me, terrible for Johnny, and I don't think Johnny realizes that. For the first time, final 2 is feeling like a real possibility, but I have to make it through tonight first (please go away idol).

---

Collin proposed to me a cockamamie plan to blindside Johnny tonight, which I'm obviously not doing and immediately talked him out of. What this does show me is that Johnny's perception of his ties cannot fully be trusted, so I do have to take some of his relationship talk with a grain of salt. I don't see why that piece of info matters right now, but it is noted.

hahahahahahahahaa i GOT IT BITCHES THE IDOL IS MINE CIERA EASTIN OPENUP96 CAIN AND ABEL AHAHAHAH

---

anyway julian and eric are my lifelines in this game and everyone else (who have been ignoring me since they left me out of a vote) is trying to send me home ,sucks for them im probably going to blow up and play an idol. catch me THROWING hands and gently placing ppl under the bus!!! hahaha anyway pls give me immunity 

well...... the alliance of 6 went on a call and decided to split the vote on abby and julian and send home julian then michael called me one on one and said that he noticed benji did not feel that comfortable voting for julian, so then i called my An trio then i sat on a two hour call just listening to what benji and isabelle did (or did not) want to see happen, and none of it was making any sense i hateeee that call the three of us just had, but im honestly past the point of giving a fuck because it's clear that all the confusion is due to the fact that benji is playing both sides and isabelle never wants to take a stance..... UGH i know julian and eric are being adamant about wanting to vote for me, but benji is "not budging" and saying he wants abby out now apparently.... collin went to almost everyone in the six (everyone except me) and proposed the idea of just getting the vote to be unanimous on abby, which is truly what i'd want to see happen most, except for the fact that julian wants me dead... whatever. this round is stupid and annoying . it's because everyone is playing the field, and keeping good relationships with everyone, which to me, makes it seem obvious that everyone has other thoughts going into their head that don't involve the alliance staying cohesive in the middle of our 2 hour call, benji was like OKAY I GOT IT JULIAN IS DOWN TO VOTE FOR ADAM!! And I was like "...... down to vote for adam?" i just think that benji is really carefully looking at julian/eric as end game options, and im just going to have to damn near refuse to vote out adam, michael or collin next round...... this is just gonna be a shit show of a tribal and im not ready for it, and honestly, i think im most annoyed at the fact that my closest allies are not seeming to be very transparent with me sigh. if i get voted out this round, monty is never ever going to let me live it down

Benji and Isabelle, mostly Benji, are making me insanely nervous in the lead-up to this vote. They're actively fighting against the split vote and I'm not sure why. I hope it's just a measure to protect Julian, but I'm petrified that it's more, and I need the split vote in case Abby has an idol. What should have been an easy vote has me incredibly scared

--- I also just want to note that in planning the split vote, I had Benji and Isabelle vote Abby, because I was worried that they might flip if assigned a Julian vote, this slightly minimizes that

Things are stressful right now. Michael seems convinced that Benji and Isabelle are up to something untoward, and tonight is set to be crazy close; 3-3-3, if all works out. I'm desperately hoping that things work out as planned, if Michael's voted out tonight and the Bodhi Alliance breaks up things are going to get a lot more complicated.

(after tribal)

For all the time spent worrying about Benji flipping, I was far less worried about an Isabelle flipping, which is a compliment or a detriment to her game. I need to see what her plan was. It's very disappointing because I was so well set up for the endgame, but she made the move and I'm out. So excited to ask her questions, whether it's in jury or as a member of the F2 (but I can't see her getting there at this point, I think her target is too big, we'll see).

https://youtu.be/edVfZrmFcq8

Michael voted out 4-3-2.

[ts-seychelles]

EP. 12 - “Oh How The Tides Have Turned” - REGAN

https://youtu.be/87W1CYDauwc

Honestly that tribal council last night could've gone better, but I think that may have been the best outcome we could've seen.. What last night really shows is that my "side" won the battle, and now those who remain from the other side Jared/Nicole/Asya are kinda scrambling to integrate themselves.. Jared is definitely someone I know our side thinks we can trust, and he's doing a great job at integrating himself within the group for sure As of now, I've been thinking about it more and more, and Jared telling me that Dan was REALLY thinking about getting out Augusto, and what Dan was saying in the process, makes me really think that I can't trust Dan anymore.. He's playing Jared really hard to try to make sure that Dan can have Jared and Nicole on his side when our group splits, and I'm not liking it too much The thing that disappoints me is that I really trusted Dan 100%, and if I didn't hear that he was doing this, I probably would've still stuck with him EVEN AFTER he voted for me at the f11 tribal council.. Now what I've gotta do is play the field a little more. Nicole told me she lost her vote at ghost island, and I'm not sure how many people are going to know that's a fact or not, but I'm glad that I know she can't vote, really meaning the only person's vote I'd actually be concerned for is Asya.. By working with Roxy, Regan, Augusto, and Jared, to take out Dan, I think we can efficiently pull off a blindside on him and send him to jury, freeing up Vilma, Asya and Nicole, bc tbh, Dan has remarkable relationships with all three, and it's almost becoming too little too late before Dan becomes too powerful in the game I know i'm not necessarily out of hot water yet, especially because I know certain people would salvate at the thought of taking me out, but I've just gotta keep playing it cool, and not make it too known that Dan is probably my next target.. Kinda disappointing the way things ended with Alex and I, but he gave me 0 effort after he voted for me, and I'm not really going to do the same for him after he made a f2 with me, tried to convince me to not play my idol at tribal, and then being the one that was mad at me after tribal, because I asked him to vote for nicole before tribal, when I was actually voting for Ricky.. Shame shame shame Mr. Crooks. Shame shame

OMG this is perfect Roxy just told Regan wants a F3 with us And like THATS WHAT I SAID MY IDEAL F3 WAS I'm all for it Alternative contenders would be Dan and Nicole But I wouldn't feel comfortable going to the end with anyone else really I want to get rid of one of Jared / Johnny asap I know they're close plus they're way too unpredictable I don't like unpredictable players I want to be able to predict where everyone's loyalties lie

I forgot to add this into my last confessional, but Jared and I just promised each other f3, and I don't intend on going back on that.. I know that I am going to try my hardest to get to the end at this point, by any means necessary. It's single digits now, and i'm ready to start being a little ballsier with my moves. Bring it on bb and let's see how deep I can get being crazy heehee

So jared and johnny told me to play my idol last round So I did And i wasted it But vilma got the idol clue AND BAM i told her to search where I thought it wasnt so I could get the idol and I did. I wanted the control. But if vilma gets votes I'll use it on her. I trust her 100% because she has yet to lie to me. And also because I think I can beat her. This time no one but her knows. I had to tell her or else it wouldn't be fair. oh how the tides have turned. We are iconic

these people suck, i miss ricky and alex 

https://goo.gl/images/HZwhVx

(A LITTLE LATER)

https://goo.gl/images/kDMJVb

somebody please send this to jared i think he’s confused.

So I have a lot to catch y’all up on so get your tea cups! Asya and I talked last night and formed a super close alliance and somehow we ended up being the swings for tonight so that’s exciting! Also I’m glad I won immunity tbh! Anyway, the vote is between Nicole and Jared for sure but there was a group made to see who should go first and the consensus there was Jared. However, there are pros to Nicole leaving as well. So far it’s 3 votes for Jared, 1 for Nicole, 1 for Dan with Asya/myself/Roxy deciding how it goes. ps, Nicole lost her vote at Ghost so that’s dope. I was also told by Regan that she found another idol but she told Vilma I have a double vote so yikes gjdngnfnf anyway gl noms

(SIGH)

I know this ain’t that deep but ngl, I am the swing vote this round and a reason that I didn’t want to make the smarter move in my eyes is because I didn’t want it to affect my relationship with Regan who is someone I value a lot in this game but then I had to realize that the reason I’ve left so many times and left early for that matter is because I valued other people over myself and honestly, my time is now and I need to be selfish since that is the business I need to finish. I need to learn to stand by ground a bit more because I feel like I’m doing well in this game and if I want to win, I need to be a bit more assertive and all about me. 

16.39 Why's everyone sleeping on the fact that Jared and Johnny never wanna eliminate each other It's pretty clear that they're protecting each other But nobody wants to vote Jared or Johnny out with me ughhhhh Everyone thinks it's too early I'm more concerned they will somehow slide to the end And then we all just lose against them I guess I'm not as scared to make moves because there's two idols that are on my good side but idk It's hard! 19.02 Phew okay Regan wants Jared too 20.14 I mean I understand feeling reluctant to take out the big threats but we're about to enter f8 and and if over half the people in f8 are people I think I have absolutely no chance at beating then that doesn't look too good for me If I was one of the big threats I'd want to keep a shield in as well But I'm not, and I definitely don't need 934873 shields I need to start getting rid of the big dogs 20.48 I'm actually not 100% sure whether it would be smarter to take out Jared / Nicole now but I find Jared so much more intimidating My only concern is Asya/Nicole/Dan/Johnny/someone somehow coming together if we take out Jared now. But I think it would be semi easy to convince people to vote out Johnny even if that group tried to take the control. Plus I know Roxy is pretty determined to get rid of Dan. I hope I'll be able to slide through even if we take out Jared now. It's just that I'm not very close to Nicole at all so I don't know if she has other connections besides Jared, Dan and Asya. 2.14 I still think we're gonna go after Jared tonight but there's been a bit of messiness going on and you never know what's gonna happen during these two hours before tribal so we shall see. OH I think I forgot to tell but I got the idol clue with my mani-pedi and shared an altered version of it with practically everyone (ok not really but almost) but I soon realized I didn't alter it quite enough. I got lucky none of the guys found it though, because I definitely didn't want any of them to get that power. BUT Regan found it instead and she's at least convincing me she would use it to protect me too if needed, but I'm not absolutely convinced of that yet. I'm pretty content with her having it though, because I think we have similar interests going forward in the game and I wouldn't mind going all the way with her. Plus two idols in my possession would have felt like a bit too much hahaha. I don't deserve that much luck, I already got saved from death thanks to a host influencing a pre merge tribal for fucks sake.

Another round of me sucking at confessionals, so i'll give the long story short 1. regan made a chat with the five people on our side, excluding myself, to talk about the pros and cons of getting out jared vs nicole, bc regan thinks i cant be trust and im going to run everything to jared? okay cool 2. After me spending the entire day to help jared and nicole, jared further sinks himself by telling dan that he wants to go for me or regan, and then he's telling me that he wants to go for dan, and he's trying too fucking hard to deflect attention off of himself, which is such a mood 3. This group of five decided that jared has to go 4. Regan is lying straight to my face, when I've told her I'd be flexible with the vote and do what our group wanted to do, but regan wants to be EXTRA instead and lie to me...... im watching you sissy 4. Augusto had this plan to get me him roxy asya (tbh i had the same idea, but it came out of his mouth, he can get the credit) to not vote out jared, but instead vote out nicole bc nicole is less threatening, thus more detrimental to our long term games since we feel like we have no chance at having nicole's support, when nicole is more likely going to work with dan or regan instead of myself augusto or roxy, and if jared continues down this path, he's likely going to shoot himself in the foot AGAIN in a future round, so this isn't an awful idea, and I hope it works.. If this works, another big round for ol man johnny man and it helps me position myself better within the tribe. bring it on :)

This round is exactly why someone with a panic disorder should NOT PLAY TUMBLR SURVIVOR. I literally feel like I'm going to puke this round. I'm thinking the vote is gonna be 6-3 tonight against Jared, but I'm just really unsure. I feel like I'm def getting the 3. I just feel like this game has been a fucking shit show the last few rounds and no one has gotten to see it mainly because people just frantically message in PMs instead of alliance chats, or to the VL. I think this cast is iconic, and honestly if I get sent to jury, I'm literally so proud of the improvement I've made in tumblr survivor. Obviously, I want to win, but so many people left deserve it, so as long as some bump on the log like Roxy or Asya don't win I'm cool as a cucumber :~) I am 10 seconds away from kermitting tho, so see y'all later.

JARED IS SO DUMB Yes i know Johnny is protecting you none of us are that dumb to think otherwise Secondly I have the merge idol. He doesn't stop claiming you have it you ho.

https://youtu.be/8FCoZiUBHHo