#anyway. stop censoring tags its triggering

[starrrberry]

.

[brokentoasterrr]

ok listen this has been on my mind for DAYS now so i’m going to shout it into the void and we’ll see what happens.

i have a note on my phone that says “exclude tags ao3” where i have written down every single tag i don’t want to see when i scroll through my favorite ship tags. this means that i don’t see what i deem gross on my feed, because every time i go scrollin’ i make the choice to curate my online experience.

the ONLY time i have ever reported a work on ao3, it was because there was a fic rated teen with tags that were clearly explicit. i didn’t want to read it, i didn’t want to leave a comment on content i wasn’t going to read, so i reported it for the sole purpose of the creator getting a little nudge so they could rate it appropriately.

the amount of posts i see about content being reported because it contains a squick of someone’s is BAFFLING to me. it’s insane that people feel the need to censor content that presumably wasn’t meant for you anyway. you cannot go online expecting the world of fandom bending over backwards to make sure that you’re safe, because guess what! the internet isn’t an inherently safe space! in order for it to be a safe space, you need to curate your own online experience, and if you’re not mature enough to do that, you should not be online. if you cannot see a piece of fiction or art or video edit without feeling squicked, grossed out, angry, or even triggered, then you have to ensure that you do not see it again. not reporting content that is “problematic” or inappropriate or offensive.

and on that note, fiction is allowed to be problematic. it’s fiction. it is not real. i have read fics containing infidelity, age gaps, murder, drug abuse, what have you, and it does not reflect on me as a person, or what i do during my time offline. i have written violent, disgusting fics; fics containing drug abuse, toxic, abusive relationships, but never in my life would i want to embody or experience what i write. i don’t want to bang a married, muscular silver fox as someone who’s much younger, but reading it? why the fuck not, it’s not about me.

i absolutely do not want to read underage stuff, or incest, or mpreg. it’s stuff that i personally think is disgusting and, to some degree, problematic (incest and underage, to be precise, i find very problematic—the rest is just personal preference). in order to avoid it, i filter those tags out. what one person thinks or feels about one certain topic should not affect other people wanting to read/write it.

the lack of nuance i see in younger people when it comes to fandom and content is frankly insane. they seem to draw such a large parallel between the fictional world and the real world, to the point where they’re incapable of seeing and understanding that the two are not one and the same. you can like a character who killed a bunch of people, write fics about it and explore who they are and why they are the way they are, without agreeing with their actions, beliefs, and values. (coincidentally, the same people who despise problematic content like graphic violence or non-con, will also take the murder character and make it into an uwu smol soft boy who just suffered trauma so its ok he’s doing this loki regulus barty crouch jr need i continue but we don’t have to unpack all of that right now)

sometimes it’s fun to be a problematic little rascal and that’s okay, because the outlet isn’t real. the fic isn’t real. it doesn’t reflect on any personal feelings, desires, beliefs, etc etc etc. the art isn’t real. if it feels too real to you, then????? don’t consume it??????? you can’t watch hannibal and then write to the show producers telling them that they’re horrible people because the show about cannibalism and murder contains just that, when you could’ve just stopped watching hannibal and done something else instead.

curate your own online experience.

[damazcuz]

Man this is a petty complaint but sometimes I'll see a post i would have otherwise reblogged and then hit the bottom and its got a huge dni banner listing off every shitty kind of person possible and it's like yeah I don't fit this dni and i dont disagree with you op but 1. This isn't stopping anyone in those groups from interacting with you 2. I don't want "terfs pedophiles and nazis!" In a big glitter graphic on my blog. Like how is it hard to grasp that. The same people who "censor" trigger tags like "tw n//z!s" because they're terrified of posting the whole word will then go on to post stupid little banners with the word on em anyway? Anyway I think it's a really tacky trend.

[nafeary]

I have seen you fetishizing gay ships, and I’d politely ask you to stop. This fandom has many fujoshi, and we don’t need another one. It’s deeply insulting to the lgbtq+ community.

Considering that you’re accusing me of fetishising gay ships politely, lemme try to be as polite as possible, too.

Well, I actually had to search up what a fujoshi is first, and???? Courtesy of urban dictionary:

Uhm... I wouldn’t consider myself a fujoshi, but what’s so bad about liking and enjoying gay relationships? I seriously hope I’m not misunderstanding anything here, but you saying that this fandom has too many fujoshi... is not a bad thing? Why would it be? Ikemen Vampire is a game with 15 amazing guys, and some of them are bound to have great compatibility.

Also, about me fetishising gay ships—

Sure, I ship Vincent and Arthur, Napoleon and Jean... but I’ve never fetishised it. I simply enjoy the dynamics of their relationships.

And on that note, I’m going to answer some anons that have felt the need to tag these gay ships specifically as gay.

I’ve said it before and I’m going to say it again. No. No I will never ever include “gay”, “bl”, or anything like that in my tags. I’m not saying you shouldn’t, nor that it’s a bad thing—my blog is still in its renovation phase rn too, so I have to fix some a lot of tags anyways. If you want to use these or use these tags, that’s totally okay, and I don’t have a problem with that. But I still won’t label the same-sex ships that I myself post about and reblog as just that on my blog.

Why? Do I tag things as straight? No. I don’t think I do, so I don’t see the need to tag other sexualities. What is that? You don’t want to see content based on other sexualities? That’s fine, you can unfollow and block me. If you have issues with any of my decisions, morals, etc. and you’d rather not talk to me about it, I understand that you’d want to unfollow/blog me.

I don’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable, but I’m also not going to give you the ability to censor something that’s completely normal. nsfw and angst/trigger warnings are a different story. Once I fix my blog I’ll tag everything I could find in my archives brrr. It’s 2021; if you haven’t learnt to accept and tolerate things you don’t like, then please, follow Squidward.

Take care everyone, drink your water, and try to catch your 8 hours of sleep 💜💜💜

[afrosarah]

On God, the users who are always showing up on queer people's posts to tell them they can't call themselves (and only themselves) that bad word are almost always users that have uncensored slurs right there in their fucking USERNAME or else first thing in their Tumblr bio.

Like, just say you think different rules apply to you because you think your reclaimed slur, which you know full fucking well has been and will be weaponized just as if not MORE than "queer", is valid, but ours is too inclusive! Just say you're an exclusionist, block the word, or block the user, and go away lol! If you're so distressed by seeing this word, why are you taking so much time to scour tags to seek it out???

I have so much more respect for people who don't try to justify themselves with transparent bullshit and are just honest.

Do not dare derail this post with "queer is a slur" or "some people are uncomfortable with that word 😬" like yeah bitch! Don't I know it! I know a thing or two about slurs - I'm a queer black chick in Kentucky lmao! Speaking of which - it seems all you non-black folks on here suddenly have a perfect understanding of slur reclamation and identity politics when you know not to cone onto black folks' posts to ask us not refer to ourselves as "nigga" 🤔

I use the word "mulatto" to identify myself despite its history as an offensive term for mixed black/white people. Like - that's me, baby! That's an important part of my identity! It's a good word because I'M good, homie! I love being mixed, I love being mulatto! But I'm not gonna label other mixed people that way, because they might think it's offensive, and that is ok! But if I'm on the internet talking about myself and somebody asks me to stop referring to myself that way because it's a bad word.. FUCK OUTTA HERE. I'm not calling you that word! - if you don't want to see it when *I* call *myself* that word, then you gotta block the word using the tools given to you, or you gotta block me. But I will not censor that extremely important part of me for your comfort, I'm sorry.

It is perfectly valid to be upset by the word "queer" and I hope everyone who is distressed by it is able to curate their Tumblr experience in a way that they will be protected. But! You should not rely on others to protect you when the tools are in your own hands. There are certain sounds and subjects that trigger my PTSD and I am careful to block and filter out posts that might contain them. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't believe there is any good faith reason to need to ask someone to tag their posts "q slur" if they are uncomfortable doing that, when "queer" or "q word" will be content-filtered just the same. The ONLY reason would be to scold them and remind them of the negative aspect of that word, when for them it is a positive word, just like how "mulatto" is positive for me.

Anyway, I'm not gonna sit here and see teenagers fresh out of clown school graduation with "fag" and "dyke" and "tranny" in their USERNAME and plastered all over their blogs try to police the word queer on account of it being "harmful to see UwU". Either you realize you only have a problem with "queer" and aren't actually trying to protect anybody's feelings from being hurt by seeing certain words, or else your lack of self-awareness is borderline clinical. Fuck outta here.

[bigskydreaming]

Seriously, for fuck’s sake, I know that post was AT LEAST as far back as December, if not more, and it literally had less than ten notes just two hours ago.

But remember! I’m on a fucking CRUSADE! I just want to take away peoples’ rape fics and harmless kiddie porn fantasies and I just can’t respect the fact that as long as people just TAG their ‘herein lies my advertisement of the fact that hahaha, omg I think what happened to you is actually kinda hot and sexy giggle giggle aren’t I so TABOO????’ smut like lol okay, well that doesn’t affect me at all, I’m not remotely bothered by having to spend every single day wading through reminders of how much more fascinating people find rape than actual survivors of said things. 

I’m the one who has no idea how to live in a society with other people and suck it up and deal with the fact that sometimes, people do and say things that make us uncomfortable and we wish we could avoid, but just shut the fuck up and keep that to yourself, right? Don’t like....TELL people they’ve made you uncomfortable and are doing things that you wish they’d think about more critically, gosh, all that’s gonna do is make THEM uncomfortable then, why couldn’t you just kept it to yourself, how dare you think TALKING about problems is the solution?????

Yup yup, I’m clearly the one who has no boundaries and no regard for other people and can’t let people just have their harmless fun, their different opinions that don’t actually affect me, I’m the one who just can’t seem to stop from hunting down posts I don’t agree with and hopping on other blogs and resurrecting weeks or months old posts just to make sure EVERYONE KNOWS THIS POST WAS WROOOOOOONG. Lmao.

Well I’m very sorry for all that, now that mine eyes have been opened! Rape fics are harmless and this is all just fictional, nobody is actually affected in a negative way by anything being talked about here yaaaaaaay!

Anyway, I’m off to spend the rest of the night trying to calm down lolol because fun fact for people who love to talk about being triggered but have no real clue what they’re actually talking about and how that word was never meant to describe being like...upset or angry but rather the stimuli or situations that put survivors and people with PTSD and other mental disorders into actual goddamn panic spirals and attacks. And thus like, triggers are not as fucking obvious as some of you seem to think they are.

Like lol guess what, I actually can read a scene wherein someone’s raping someone in a scene that looks or sounds EXACTLY LIKE MY RAPE and it can be heart-wrenching and it can be graphic and it can be emotional and I can still not be triggered by that! Know why? Because shockingly, I AM aware that this is just fictional! That these are just fictional characters! That no fictional character and no real person has been harmed in the writing of this scene, because FICTIONAL CHARACTERS CAN’T BE HARMED! Know what else fictional characters can’t be? RAPED. Because rape is not a VISUAL, rape is not an ACTION, rape is not a SPECIFIC SEQUENCE OF EVENTS. Rape is a THEFT, it is one person STEALING another person’s ability to control what happens with their body, taking what they have no right to take, just because they WANT to, just because they CAN. And thus NO rape scene, no matter HOW well written or realistically depicted, is ever going to BE a rape scene, just like no ‘rape fantasy’ roleplay is ever going to BE rape because without an actual DYNAMIC of one person taking something the other person has no power to stop, when its two equally consenting partners or two flat fictional characters on a page, it is still nothing more than a SIMULATION of rape, and NEVER ANYTHING MORE THAN THAT.

And guess what? I can handle THAT just fine. THAT doesn’t trigger me no matter how much it reminds me of my own trauma, because I KNOW DAMN WELL THAT ISN’T REAL.

But you know what IS real? You know what DOES trigger me? The CONTEXT of the scene. The REASON it was written, the intended REACTION of the reader.

The part that makes me lose my fucking shit is when I’m forced to face the reality that this scene exists, was written, because somebody found it HOT and SEXY and wanted to share it with people who’d see it the same way. The reason I lose my goddamn MIND and my adrenaline ramps up and my whole body starts shaking as my fight or flight instincts kick in with no actual outlet because there’s no actual threat, just the phantom reminder of a threat I couldn’t escape from....THAT fun little adventure comes from looking or hearing about things that remind me of my rape, take me back to that fucking room and make me a terrified out of my goddamn mind dumbass nineteen year old all over again.....and knowing that this is HOT to the writer and readers, that this is  intended as sexually gratifying, that this scene, this depiction, this simulation of one person STEALING from another powerless person SOMETHING THEY WILL NEVER EVER FUCKING BE ABLE TO GET BACK AS LONG AS THEY LIVE, THE SENSE OF SAFETY AND SECURITY THAT COMES FROM BEING THE ONLY PERSON WHO GETS TO DECIDE WHO HAS ACCESS TO YOUR BODY....knowing that this little smutty fic exists so people can read this and be TURNED ON by this, so they can GET OFF to this, this thing they’re looking at in their mind, reading about, picturing as they stare down at their screen getting all hot and bothered....

JUST LIKE MY FUCKING RAPIST LOOKED WHEN GETTING OFF FROM TAKING THOSE THINGS FROM ME.

THAT is what fucking triggers me, THAT is what makes me feel unsafe and panicky, THAT is what traps me all over again in that fucking goddamn room and leaves me STUCK there no matter how many years its been and HOW far I’ve come in getting past it...

THE CONSTANT NEVER ENDING REMINDER THAT PEOPLE THINK ITS TOTALLY NO BIG DEAL TO FUCKING AGREE WITH MY RAPIST ABOUT HOW FUCKING HOT AND SATISFYING THE VIEW IS FROM UP THERE.

And all the fucking trigger warnings in the world don’t protect me from THAT, they just emphasize how little people actually give a shit, they just want the magic answer to how they can have their fun ‘harmless’ little rape KINK without having someone make them feel bad for the fact that the rank goes FUN RAPE FANTASIES YAY first and survivors who have a problem with that way the fuck last.

Anyway, so that’s what I’ll be doing all night! Links to my paypal and my ko-fi are on my main blog page if anyone’s ever felt informed or learned anything from any of my many, many, MANY posts about this stuff or any form of gratitude for the effort I DO or at least once DID put into sorting through my thoughts and making my points in some kind of way that actually addresses the usual conversations around all this.

Because guess what? It IS goddamn fucking emotional labor. It DOES take work! Its EXHAUSTING. It HURTS. I would give anything in the world to NOT pick at that giant fucking scab as often as I do, but I DONT HAVE THAT OPTION. Because not talking about it DOESNT MAKE IT GO AWAY. It doesn’t make LESS for me to have to navigate through every goddamn day of my life and you know what the suggested response to problems that you can’t fix on your own are? Problems with SOCIETY?

HAVING GODDAMN CONVERSATIONS ABOUT IT.

So excuse me for SAYING that as often as I do especially cuz every time I DO I get maybe ten notes of acknowledgment that anyone’s even fucking LISTENING but meanwhile here’s another fucking five hundred on a Batfam or X-Men shit post, now THAT’S the content people want from me!

Guess what! I WANT THAT TO BE MY CONTENT TO!

I would LOVE nothing more than to just be able to happily and comfortably shitpost about my favorite superheroes and write stuff I enjoy and that doesn’t have the flaws I rant about seeing in so many shows and books. I could talk for HOURS about fun thoughts and ideas I have in my head, I could banter back and forth with my friends about nothing of substance at all for DAYS, I don’t NEED to fucking retraumatize myself every goddamn day screaming into the void about this shit so I can feel IMPORTANT or have something INTERESTING to blog about or whatever the fuck people think is my reason for ranting about this shit. ALL. THE. GODDAMN. TIME.

But I can’t do that, because there is not a fucking day that goes by, not a DAY where SOMETHING doesn’t cross my dash, or SOMETHING isn’t on an Ao3 page I’m searching through for fic about a fave character, that doesn’t set me off and make my body start shaking with how deeply, fundamentally UPSETTING it is to constantly be bombarded with reminders of just how easy people find it to reframe my trauma as something hot and sexy and WAY MORE WORTH DEFENDING than the very thought of me going ONE FUCKING DAY without having to stumble across bullshit like that. Because I CAN’T ‘dont like/dont read’ as much is out there. I don’t need to click on a fic to see this is smut fic by an author who thinks rape is hot and judging from the number of kudos and comments and hits is definitely on to something! GUESS I DID MY RAPE WRONG THEN, cuz it wasnt fucking hot for me!

I would love to just ‘avoid’ it so I can actually ENJOY my fucking time on the internet. But I CANT. Because its EVERYWHERE. And god forbid I try and start fucking CONVERSATIONS about that so that maybe, someday, after we’ve done the work as a society to examine WHY PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKING INVESTED IN THIS STUFF, I or at the very least people like me, can someday enjoy one day on the internet where they DONT have to constantly wade through an endless swamp of that shit.

Honestly. Seriously. I have said it so often I can not count. I do not want to censor anyone. I do not want power over what people can read or write. I just. want. to TELL people that when they write this stuff, it has CONSEQUENCES, that there are people it DOES hurt, and have them LISTEN, so that at least, at LEAST the ones who are bothered enough by that realization to NOT be comfortable writing it when faced with the awareness of the fact that their writing HAS THIS EFFECT WHETHER WE SAY IT TO THEIR FACES OR NOT, that THEY at least can decide....hey. What if I just...wrote something else instead?

But what the FUCK am I supposed to do with the constant, incessant reminder that people would rather dig in their heels in defense of their RAPE FANTASIES than roll up their sleeves and do a little fucking examination of WHY they and society at large are so fucking invested in this shit that the very IDEA of ‘giving up’ content like this for the sake of people who have actually LIVED through it, is just....INCOMPREHENSIBLE to them? That they feel ATTACKED by the very idea?

(And don’t fucking come at me with that ‘some survivors use it to cope’ stuff. Yeah, well I used to get in bar fights as my coping mechanism. Didn’t fucking mean it was healthy, and it wasn’t fucking harmless to anyone I punched in the goddamn face, now was it? Also, if you’re not a survivor and you hide behind that line, FEEL FUCKING ASHAMED for thinking of it as a kneejerk response to another survivor telling you your “kink” fucking hurts).

I’m out. See you all later.

[fleetofshippyships-archive]

WIP tag meme

aaah, I was tagged over 2 months ago by @parkkate O.O sorry for not doing this sooner @parkkate​ XD I’ve been offline for a few months! Just now catching up on everything I missed! but I’m ignoring asks for now because my inbox is a mess

The Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous.

I’m gonna cheat and only do this for my drarry wips, since I post everything else on another account now, and tbh I have so many drarrys it’s still gonna be a long ass post XD

Oh man *sweats nervously* I’m a bit of a hoarder in all aspects of my life...I don’t even know where to begin! 

I’m not tagging anyone cos I was tagged 2 months ago and I have no idea who has and hasn’t done this and don’t want to be a pain. But if you wanna do it, go a head, and please tag me so I can be nosy and hopefully find someone with a wip problem as bad as my own so I can be less embarrassed XD

Also I’m putting this under a cut for reasons

1. 4th year au idea 

Sooooo, right off the bat, I often open a new file to jot down an idea even though I have docs specifically to dump ideas...and then at some point during the process of jotting down basic details of the idea...I start writing it....? This is one such occurrence...but I had to open it to check...and now I want to keep writing it XD

But also yikes it’s super dark

2. ... 4th year au idea

I swear, this is an entirely different wip and I am going ‘wtf’ at myself because wtf that’s confusing! I had also totally forgotten the existence of this before opening it....probably because of the name of it and the only reason I apparently have 2 files the exact same name is that one is a word doc and one is a libre office doc XD

3. drarry character death idea

Soooo, I need to stop turning idea files into wips without changing the names because I actually forget they are wips apparently

Also, I really want to finish this RIGHT NOW IT HURTS SO GOOD GIMME GIMME GIMME

4. Veela fic followup

LOL LOL LOL I’m rewriting my veela fic so I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to end up doing with this XD I might have to try and merge it with the re-write if the story has a similar outcome when I’m done. or maybe I’ll just turn this into its own thing....

5. Veela fic present tense

I really need to get back to working on this, this is actually the full re-write that re-doing the tenses spawned...I was binge writing this before my life went to hell but then my life went to hell and I went offline for like three months and didn’t do any writing or anything XD

although, the last time I looked at it I got the itch to change it back to past tense so who fucking knows what I’ll do with it now

6. Veela fic Draco pov

Curse my obsession with alternate povs of the same story and Draco for being such a good angsty pov

7. Veritaserum idea start

At least this one has ‘start’ in it so I know it is in fact a wip and not just an idea outline XD

7. Veritaserum

So, turns out I started that fic over in a new file and just left the old one lying around XD I do that too often. I should delete that other one...

Also...this better not turn into another ‘Amortentia’ with me unable to think of a fucking title and going with the file name because lame

This is also my first time trying to do god’s eye 3rd person instead of 3rd person pov...also first time trying to do this weird structure thing...I dunno but I like it XD

8.  CTS followup

9. CTS sequel

Two separate followups set at different times in the same story verse... I hate myself. I love them both. I can’t pick which one to stop writing so I’m gonna keep them both around and try and make them merge at some point...

10. MMB saying sorry

11. another erase the shame

12. next erase the shame

I work on followups and lose interest so often (usually because people bug me for followups and I get very ‘fuck you’ about it and stop writing them...but I keep them around and tinker with them every now and then soooo they’re still technically wips

13. Tea and Coffee oneshot series (Tea and Coffee, Coffee and Dark Marks, The Cottage Kitchen, next untitled one)

There’s also a present tense version of the first one of those *sweats nervously* first 3 are finished, of course, but my original purpose is lost to them becoming a long fic soo....gonna merge them into one long fic soon...once I decide what tense I like better......kill me now

14. Communion of the Soul (folder name)

This is the sequel to One Touch and this is spread across 5 files because apparently I did that and even though each time I got to work on it I have to figure out which file holds which part of the sequel timeline and which I feel like working on...I have yet to merge them into one file to make my life easier...

15. Crumbling Facade

ugh working on this always makes me want to re-write restraint and actually put in the major plot line, or what was supposed to be Harry’s major plot line before the relationship crap got away from me and I had to cut out all the plot stuff because by the time I got around to addressing it, it started reading like a completely different fic and I had to cut a huge chunk and end it instead, because back then I sucked more than I do now and couldn’t juggle

sooo...I still work on this in starts and stops and then get frustrated for having to stick to Restraint’s chain of events when I have better ideas now for working in Harry’s plot about his damn magic problem and ARRGEHGEHGFVEDHDBVUIOFNBFKDB EFBVJ

I should just let Crumbling Facade take me where it wants to take me and fuck Restraint

16. Potter’s Insatiable Heart

This is my longest wip at 130k XD and I’m stalling now because if I keep going with it where I was intending to go it will end up my longest fic and I’m getting intimidated by the length and how much work it will be to edit that long of a fic so I just go in and write a few paragraphs now and again, get scared of the length and move on to another wip XD

I also periodically binge read this bitch because I love it to death even though it’s severely flawed XD

17. Corset Drarry

oh boy, when I started writing this this I was weirded out by writing a kink I didn’t understand and kind of tailed off and left it...then I did kinktober for voltron and now I’m laughing at myself because corsets and lingerie is so fucking tame after that kinktober list and all the the crap I wrote for it XD

18. Music in the Periphery

Emily bugs me about finishing this a lot...I bug me about finishing it, progress is non-existent because I have a clear plan for it and when I have a clear plan I can’t write for shit

19. Saying Sorry (Round 2) (MMB)

I gotta kick that habit of starting over with something but keeping the first attempt and still working on it parallel to the second attempt, because then I wind up with 2 fics too similar to each other to post both and I’m completely unable to pick which one I like more *facepalm*

Also, MMB is dead if I can’t stop turning the next fic attempts into angst, I just look at that big fluffy mess and want to angst it all up

20. scrapped MMB ficlets - theo’s letter

not technically drarry thought the greater series is drarry...torn between making it mmb or making it its own fic for a rare pair

21. Weather the Storm

*cries* my 6th year war au, I have such plans for this, but the plans get in the way of writing =(

22. Soulmate AU (folder name)

fucking hell, this is 10+ files and I’m not naming all of them, current count is 5 completed versions 60k+ each, 1 incomplete alternate version, all of which I’m seriously unsatisfied with, none of which I can bear to delete, all of which I periodically go and tinker with, thus leaving them all wips i’m such a fucking hoarder but also I have never gotten over all the awful comments that were on the original soulmate fic on ffnet before my purge and now I can’t ever be satisfied unless it is perfect and wont result in such horrible comments again

23. Turnabout (folder name)

Once again, multiple wips in here of the same 60k finished fic I’ve been unhappy with since the moment I finished it and keep trying to fix by starting over and changing things here and there to change the course of the story. Honestly ready to hit the delete button with this one unless my latest attempt pans out, liking it so far buuuut I’m a mess about my writing so who knows

In the Ways that Matter was based off this fic XD

24. Dependency 

Oh boy, I abandoned this cos it was so dark I got too uncomfortable writing it...I’ve since started revisiting it after being in the Voltron fandom gave me a new tolerance range for dark content XD

Plan on posting this on anon if I ever finish it, obviously changing the title XD it stopped being relevant after the first 30k anyway 

25. Dependency V2

LOL light version of the above that removes most of the dark aspects while maintaining the core plot, but I’m finding it a bit dull XD not sure how long I’ll keep trying to chug along with it

26. *censored title*

hahahaha omg why is this in a different subfolder, this is actually one of the soulmate au ones only it’s actually a spin off au of the original soulmate one I from ffnet and therefore it’s new ground and I’m less unhappy with it

.....I’m probably going to stop working on turnabout today and work on this instead now

(censoring the name because I might post this on anon because I’m too scared to post another drarry soulmate fic under my own name)

27. Retrospection

Sooo, I’m always on and off this fic cos it triggers my anxiety and depression, but fuck that I want to write it so I keep trying XD

I’m also thinking of splitting the two main plots and only going with 1 and using the other to write another story....see if that eases how difficult it is for me to write without self triggering

28. Sequel to mornings

29. Sunrise (loose prequel to mornings)

30. Surrender

I had no idea what this was, opened it and then holy shit THIS BITCH, THIS SLOW BURN FRIENDS TO LOVERS PIECE OF BULLSHIT. I DON’T WRITE SLOW BURN! I DON’T WRITE FRIENDS TO LOVERS. I REFUSE.

but also I really really really love what I wrote so far and now I’m itching to write more *cries* making this list is leaving me with so many open files to work on

31. day 2 ass worship

32. day 3 sensory deprivation

*laughs nervously* the kinktober oneshots that starting turning into a long fic hahahaha cos I really needed more wips

33. Perception of Angels

*wistful sigh* one day I will be able to finish a heavily plot driven story full of fantasy elements and creatures and magic I made up, and when that day somes, Perception of Angels....or that timetravel war au drarry fic idea I have sitting around.....which isn’t on this list only cos I’m not stupid enough to start writing it

So that’s all the drarry files in my wip folder.... I also have heaps more for other ships and fandoms, but I’m keeping that separate =)

And...now I have some writing to go do, cos after 2 months of being unable to write thanks to the bullshit in my life, I started binge writing again 2 days ago =) and opening a few of these to remind myself what they were has a lit a fire under my ass

[beanymachine]

A Post About Fairy Tail (Series)

Warning:

This post will mention the word “porn,” and ”nudity”. If you want me to tag as #nsfw I understand, but please understand I am not describing anything and am simply having a discussion. If this post makes you too uncomfortable and/or mentally triggers you and you wish for the post to be deleted, I understand and will immediately delete it. I do not want to do any harm on anyone.

Hey, I know a lot of people are loyal to Fairy Tail and I get it, I’ve been there. But I just wanted to talk about and ask some stuff to you the community. So please know I’m not trying to be rude or mean. With that being said, I will start.

I used to like Fairy Tail a lot. I loved it. It helped me during middle school and had everything I loved: Magic, friendship, adventure, and transformations (like Erza’s armor). And as I kept watching the anime, there were some inappropriate parts (like when some female characters didn’t have anything covering their boobs or barely had anything on there). Looking back, I see I always tried to look around it, deny, or just say to myself since because there was still a little clothing left, it still wasn’t nudity. In truth, I was just trying to find a way to look around it to stay loyal and read what the story had to offer.

It had a good beginning, much better than the end. And when I caught up with the anime, I read the manga. It was right before the last chapter of the series I found out something.

You see, during the Tartarus Arc (I think that’s what it was called) I skipped the part where Lisanna and Nastu were tied up naked. There was a time before I caught up to this arc that while I was on the wiki for Fairy Tail, I heard of this and maybe saw a photo of them being naked, but I couldn’t believe it. I told my mom and she told me it might’ve been fake, or it was my decision if I wanted to stop reading. I can’t remember which was which, but I think I forgot at the time and took a break from reading it. But after hearing numerous people who read the manga talk about it, I decided to skip the part. After all, they are just naked and nothing inappropriate was going to happen right? Just jokes right?

Looking back at it again, that was also denial. And them just being naked and making jokes was inappropriate in that fact.

But what I also skipped was the torturing scene for Erza.

Apparently, (and I think they censored it in the anime which is good) Erza is tortured while naked, and some tentacle creature also tortured her. And I remember once watching an Anthony Bourdain documentary on Japan that there is apparently some genre of manga or illustration of tentacle porn. And I remembered this when I discovered what happened to Erza.

That was the moment I really opened my eyes. I think Hiro Mashima sexualized torture.

Women have whatever opinions or feelings on how women are depicted in media and their thoughts on feminism. At the time I discovered this, I thought as a woman I was disgracing what pride or self respect I had. I shouldn’t read or support something that a person created that’s demeaning to women, and sexualizes them. Not only that, but this is a shōnen manga. Women and girl teens can enjoy it, but this manga is aimed at male teenagers. These teens shouldn’t be taught it’s okay to sexualize women like this, or see what’s going on is okay. I mean sure in Fairy Tail it was shown wrong, but I don’t think the writing did a good job on showing the everlasting effects the torture did on Erza. Also, maybe it’s different in Japan, but in the US, young men or male teens can interpret this wrong. Also as a woman I am disgusted. But those are my thoughts, you can have your own opinion.

So for some weeks I dropped the manga as I felt it was my duty as a women. Which today I think it shouldn’t really be a duty. It just depends on how it affects you. And maybe it didn’t affect me as much as it did to others because I was still REALLY curious on how the story ended. Because that’s what really kept me going.

I liked some of the art, and I also wanted to know what would happen to the characters. Would Lucy and Nastu end up together? Or would the become very close best friends? Would Gray have a moment telling Juvia his feeling towards her or no? How will the story end? But I think I mostly held out because I still had hope that maybe, somehow, Hiroshima would turn around and start writing well and actually give accurate character development to he characters. It also helped me realize I really like character development.

The manga taught me on what not to do when writing or drawing a story. Because there was so many ways I thought on how he could make some good out of the last arc, or how he could’ve written it, or ideas on using the logic of the manga and it’s magic he could somehow make a somewhat well written or at least good ending.

But he necessarily didn’t.

In the end Nastu was the one to KO the evil dragon guy and not all the dragon slayers. Lucy and the rest of the group had there moment, but it was mostly support. Also, the manga made it seem like one day Lucy would end up with all the celestial keys and become a powerful wizard. BUT IT DIDN’T HAPPEN (I guess it’s my fault for hyping up myself).

Back to the topic, I finally decided to read the last chapter to stop making myself curious and just finish what had helped me out all the way in middle school. I felt bad and disappointed in myself since I failed my duty as a woman, but eventually I got over it. I also see how it shouldn’t really be a duty.

So when I read the last chapter after my break I finally saw... how bad the manga is.

There were a lot of things tied up sure, but maybe it would’ve been better if there was a longer time skip and Levy and Gajeel were a bit more older and had children. But it’s fine if that’s what they decided. But another thing is how Mavis and Zeref got reincarnated and Mavis was still in a little girl’s body! Let the lady age man! Let her finally be an adult. Not only that but it made me realize how creepy it was for Zeref and Mavis to have a kid. I mean sure she was an adult stuck in a kid body but maybe Hiroshima could’ve said that they combined their magic to make a child but... that’s not what happened. Also Gray shouldn’t say Juvia’s body is his. People aren’t property, and that is not how love works.

This was also the last chance for Lucy and Nastu’s relationship to finally show how deep it is. And I’m not saying anything shippy. It can just be deep best friend stuff. But when Lucy got emotional, you know what Nastu did? He just stayed in character and basically said “it doesn’t matter since we are always together!” The thing is, it does matter. Best friends who have been together in times near death should talk and be emotional and comfortable Around each other to talk about each other’s feelings. How did they feel fearing the other one possibly died in the war? And I know it’s Natsu’s character to not be too deep but, every person is deep. They are deep in something, at least slightly. Natsu just stayed as a 2 dimensional character and dissed on Lucy’s feelings. 

So you are probably wondering after reading all my feelings why I have brought you here. I just wanted to ask some questions and see how you feel about all this. Did anyone ever ask if Hiro Mashima thought he was sexualizing women too much? Or did anyone tell him what he draws and writes might be offensive too some or many? Did he ever apologize for anything he might’ve done and has done wrong? Did fans ever ask or confront him about this?

And how do you, as a former Fairy Tail reader, feel about all this?

So yeah, that’s really what I wanted to ask for this post. It’s always been in the back of my mind how things didn’t end well with this series for me. A part of me always wanted to rewrite or redraw it, like a reboot kinda, but you shouldn’t change the original source. You aren’t really fixing the problems it has. It’s just I loved all these characters so much and I saw how it could change and make things better. But that wouldn’t change the situation in reality. I also am now wondering if it’s because I live in the US that I feel differently than some women may feel in Japan and if it’s more of a cultural difference.

So I guess I just wanted to ask if I’m missing something or don’t have enough information on stuff, and how you feel about all this. Anyways, thank you for reading. Have a nice day.

Good bye!

P.S. I remember that there was a spin off series called Fairy Girls. It was focused on obviously the main female characters. It was nice and gave them moments to shine, kick butt, and actually do stuff. I don’t recall it being as fanservice-y as Fairy Tail. So if you still like Fairy Tail despite all its flaws I recommend reading it.

[msalexiscriss]

My girlfriend just sent me an old article about the use of the word f** or f***ot and I would like to share it with you guys as a way to give closure to what happened yesterday with Dom during Matt’s takeover.

I know he apologized and addressed the problem, for some of you that may be enough, but for me it isn’t. I think he still needs to be educated and, by extension, all his fans, who since yesterday, have tried again and again to defend him saying things like, “it’s just a word,” “friends call each other names all the time,” “people make mistakes.”

Yes, people make mistakes, friends call each other names all the time, but none of that is an excuse for his behavior. I know that technically speaking f** is just a word, but what Dom and his fans need to understand is that the word itself isn’t the problem, it’s the implication behind it. So I really hope that this little text help you all to better understand its meaning and why many of us took what he said on a personal level.

The article is under the cut because some words aren't censored and I don’t want to trigger anyone. Also, after this, know that I won’t talk about him ever again, if for some reason he is in a picture or scene that I really, really, really want to reblog, I’ll tag him accordingly, but as of this day, this a Dom-free blog. It already was, but now I can be vocal about it.

Anyway...read, learn and try to be a better version of yourself every day.

Much love, Alexis.

An Open Letter to People Who Still Use ‘Faggot’ as an Insult (by Casey Cavanagh)

I understand that terms like “fag” and “gay” are often used in a “joking” manner. When you use them, you probably don’t do so maliciously — and certainly not in a way to purposely offend or insult homosexuals. You, like many, may use the words without even thinking twice about it. Sometimes it just slips — it’s an easy, long since accessible insult. It’s almost a habit, right? Well, even if this is the case, it doesn’t make it okay.

First of all, let’s start with the obvious fact that “gay” often doesn’t even make sense in most contexts in which it is used to describe something or someone. Take for example when you are hanging around with your friends and you say something along the lines of, “Why won’t you come out tonight? Stop being gay.” There is nothing gay about staying in. You mean stop being lazy? Anti-social? Lame? Is there really no better adjective you can find in your brain to use — one that is not only more politically correct but also more accurate for the point you’re trying to make?

Justifying your use of these words by saying “I didn’t mean it offensively,” doesn’t make it okay. Not only does it show ignorance, but it also shows a concerning lack of intellect. Yes, context is important.

But it’s the implication behind it that is the problem.

If you are calling someone a faggot or gay, you are still using the term in a condescending, demeaning and often insulting manner. You never say, “This new guy I am dating is so fun and sweet! He always acts like such a faggot.”

“But it’s just a word!” Some people argue that by rejecting the word you could potentially give it more power, making it taboo or more controversial, and that they choose to use it as a means of “reclaiming” it. I am not suggesting you ban these words from your vocabulary; I am suggesting you don’t use them if you are doing so with the intent to insult.

You don’t get to impose your own meaning on words and use them on, or against, other people... at least not while holding the ignorant belief it will go without ridicule — that the context you’re using it in is excusable. You can’t reclaim something without a thorough understanding of where it came from and the problem surrounding it. And the fact that you use it so carelessly leads me to assume you don’t have that thorough understanding.

To you, it may be “just a word.” If so, you are fortunate. A lot more fortunate than others who have a lot of pain and suffering tied to it. Sure, it’s not a big deal to everyone, but just because it doesn’t affect some people doesn’t mean it isn’t your obligation to care about who it may — and why.

The best depiction of the problem with this word, and one that forever changed the way I view it, was a scene from comedian Louis C.K.’s show, Louie. The particular scene is of him and his friends playing poker, poking fun at their gay friend, and asking a number of questions about “gay things.”

Louie asked him if he thought he shouldn’t be using the word “fag” on stage during his routines. His friend responded by saying:

“I think you should use whatever words you want. When you use it on stage, I can see it’s funny, and I don’t care. But are you interested in what it might mean to gay men? Well, the word ‘faggot’ really means a bundle of sticks used for kindling in a fire. Now, in the middle ages, when they used to burn people they thought were witches, but they used to burn homosexuals, too. And, they used to burn the witches at a stake, but they thought the homosexuals were too low and disgusting to be given a stake to be burnt on, so they used to just throw them in with the kindling, with the other faggots. So that’s how you get ‘flaming faggot.’

“...You might wanna know that every gay man in America has probably had that word shouted at them while they’re being beaten up, sometimes many times, sometimes by a lot of people all at once. So, when you say it, it kind of brings that all back up. But, you know, by all means, use it. Get your laughs. But, you know, now you know what it means.”

Be responsible. Hold yourself accountable. Pay attention to the words you use, the way you articulate yourself, and be aware of how the things you say may affect people around you. At the very least, take the time to understand the origin of a controversial term you use and the meaning it has for other people in our society before deciding not only whether or not you have the right to say it, but what feeling entitled to do so says about you.

You may not be homophobic. But saying you are “just joking” or only saying it to people who aren’t gay doesn’t absolve you of blame. You may not be able to solve the issue of homophobia in our society. But what you can do is make sure you aren’t — consciously or not — contributing to it.

Link to the original article: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/casey-cavanagh/an-open-letter-to-people-_b_8011324.html

[freedom-of-fanfic]

okay so i want to say, that yes i'm an anti, but like i get that ao3 allows the works and i'm completely fine with that, ao3 was made to not censor the fans, and that's what shippers are using it for and i'm grateful for that. Just, some shippers have the other same mindset as me, if it's a minor ship, you don't tag it because the "relationship" tag is for the Main Ship, (like why go in the k/ance ship tag to find it as a side ship). And a ship does trigger me (i was the "k/eth" in the (1/2)

(2/2) “sh/eth” equation, but Not In A Good Way), but sometimes it’s a Gen fic, tagged as such, with side sh/eth. like it’s minor, maybe a few lines, but its still triggering. So, my question is, that even though it’s Fandom Common Curtesy not to tag minor ships in a fanfic, should age difference ships with a minor (such as sh/eth for example) be tagged, no matter if implied/a few lines in the fanfic?

What I mean about "i'm grateful for that" - i'm grateful that ao3 lets the shippers be uncensored. sorry fi that bit was comfusing i'm half asleep rn and trying to convey all my feelings before i forget them so the message was probably all mushed up i'm sorry - the anon with the two part message about tagging minor ships (minor as in not The Main Ship/Focus of the fanfic)

you’re fine. and listen: disliking, even hating, ships doesn’t make you what I call an ‘anti’. even hating ships on moral grounds doesn’t make you an ‘anti’. It’s actively setting out to create an environment that’s hostile to shippers of the ship you hate - by harassment, abuse, ‘vent’ posts in public spaces intended to be spread around, etc - or encouraging that behavior that makes you an ‘anti’. (at least when I talk about anti-shipping this is the behavior I’m talking about.)

In my opinion, you are ‘a person who has a NOTP’. (and there’s nothing wrong with that.) I wish there was a way to distinguish but these days I’m not sure how you’d express ‘I loathe this ship but you do you’ differently.

anyway.

You’ve hit on a problem that AO3 has had since forever. some people tag every ship, even if it has one line of mention - but that can be frustrating for people who are looking for fics about a pairing that is often ‘on the side’ of another pairing. Other people don’t tag anything but the main ship - but that can be upsetting for people who encounter surprise NOTP in the background of an otherwise enjoyable fic.

I’d love to see AO3 come up with a solution for this by offering the option to designate a ‘main’ pairing, allowing people to tag all the ships that show up but still indicate which pairing(s) is/are getting attention in the story. (I understand this may be difficult to code.) But in the meantime, what do?

My suggested stop-gap would be to do the following:

tag only pairings that get significant amounts of attention in the fic.

in the summary or in an author’s note at the beginning of the fic, list the ‘side’ pairings that get a story mention.

This would allow people with NOTPs to avoid their notp when it appears as a side pairing, while people who are looking for fics about a pairing don’t encounter a million fics where their ship is only mentioned on the side.

If anyone else has any ideas for possible solutions, please do share in a reblog!

[ventidrama]

I have spell check on but you should try typing on an iphone 4 with farsighted eye issues. It's hard :(. But anyways i censor v*sh for the comfort of some of my mutuals who want it tagged and im kind of conditioned to typing it that way so i just leave it ren though i don't have to but at the same time my mutuals also read this blog so i don't want to trigger them. I don't know why my mutuals are pussies but whatever

oh my fucking god please tell me who are these mutuals i am losing my mind how can the name vash trigger you. its 2018 can we stop making a joke out of triggers and ptsd. - mod ryu

[tasmanianstripes]

Actually, I'm just gonna start blocking anti-antis now instead of engaging with them. It should be an obvious choice, considering how traumatised I am bc of their community and just interacting with them causes me to get triggered and suicidal because it reminds me of that awful time in my life and my groomer, but well...I'm stupid, so

[pipesandsushipersonal]

Update [Trigger Warning] : The censoring of victims never ends

There will always be someone wanting to shut others up, to make the sensitive topics invisible. Whether they know it or not and regardless of their reasons, this creates an atmosphere that makes those who are affected by these topics invisible as well. 

Tonight, my mother told me something I’ve heard from her numerous times before. It seems no matter how many times she repeats it, however, it never hurts less. And it never invalidates less. 

Trigger warning for the topics in the first 2 tags.

A little background: I am nineteen (19) now and have been in therapy for about a decade so far. Tomorrow is my first psychiatrist appointment at my new counseling center. I aged out of my previous center, and it’s taken a little while for me to get set back up. Now that I have, it’s time to re-tell my background, my ‘story’ so to speak. Again. This is something I always dread with new places. I hate not only having a growing list of strangers who know these details (no matter how legally bound these professionals are to silence), but especially having to say them. During intake you really only say a very brief summary of what has happened in your life (that which affects your mental health) but one question alone can be heavy and incredibly loaded in a way that just answering yes or no gives them so much information on its own. Delicate information, especially if you are still considered a minor by the law. 

You see, for one under the age of 18, this question could very well mean the destruction of your home life, or at least the disruption of your life. I am not under 18 as stated before, but that fear of what could occur were I to answer yes is still very deeply instilled in me.

Anyway. I only mentioned that because it provides necessary background to understand the small conversation that I had (or didn’t have) with my mother.

She called me over to where she was sitting on the recliner watching t.v., saying she needed to ask me something. She hesitated, saying she didn’t want me to get angry, and I urged her to just say whatever it was on her mind. I assumed it was about my boyfriend, some sort of precautionary statement about who know’s what. She took me slightly by surprise, however, and instead said that tomorrow at my appointment she didn’t want me to mention anything about my brother. I didn’t understand what she meant at first, I guess I just thought she was over that. Apparently not.

She asked me not to mention what happened with him, to basically Lie. Again. This is the same as when I was little. Throughout my entire childhood and until now, Every Single time that she suspected I’d be presented with the chance to speak out I was censored, shut up, silenced. I will say I understand she just wants to protect her other child, I always have. What I still cannot take is how much she doesn’t understand why that hurts.

When she said that I didn’t really reply, just walked back to what I was doing, trying not to get upset. She then said “Or just tone it down, don’t say the whole extent”. I told her, this is just for medication, none of that is relevant in this appointment and will not be asked. I wasn’t going to tell her yes or no, partly because I had already answered their questions in the intake and partly because this many years later it is no longer a possibility for it to affect him in any way. What I say, due to my age, is now 100% confidential. I am now an adult and whether I tell them or not, they cannot take it into their own hands which is what had happened in the past. She has no reason to worry, so I tried to tell her not to without getting into an actual conversation because lord knows I was already getting upset as it was.

Once again, this is to be swept under the rug. I am to keep quiet and look after everyone else except myself I suppose.

It’s whatever, I guess. There’s nothing I can do to stop those words from coming out of her mouth each and every time I am to meet with someone new in the mental health system. It just hurts, and I can’t avoid that sinking feeling I get in my gut when I hear her say that.

It just takes me straight back to the times I was told the same thing when I was a child. And the feeling of being silenced never changes.