#anyways all this just to say that if trans people respected women and LGB people's rights and boundaries

[lavendeerlesbian]

We get the bare minimum of people acknowledging we exist that's not pandering. Literally all most of us want is access to medical care and the right to live our lives without violent threats or harassment. Of course there are shitty trans people, there are shitty people in every group whether they're marginalized or not. No one should be harassed for just trying to live their lives, but every fucking day I have to have someone remind me that they think I should commit suicide and they think it's fucking hilarious. Some celebrities saying "trans rights" isn't helping my safety, medical care, or material existence.

"Bare minimum of people acknowleding we exist" and yet every major company acknowledges and accepts trans people (and if you disagree you can be fired), every job application now asks for your gender identity and acknowledges nonbinary identities, women's DV shelters are forced to accept transwomen or else risk facing defunding and being shut down despite the fact that most women there are traumatized and need space away from male people, males are legally allowed to go into women's restrooms and sports and prisons where they assault and rape female inmates and staff, and y'all are also allowed to undergo "gender affirming care" despite the fact that it violates the hippocratic oath and is not safe. Hell, many insurances will even cover the cost of transition so either you're lying or you're misinformed. Literal children having some restrictions being placed on transition doesn't count, as children aren't allowed to make many other life altering decisions and you don't complain about those (no smoking, no drinking, no tattoos, etc.). And I haven't even gotten into how the trans movement is inherently homophobic as y'all are trying to redefine homosexuality as "same gender attraction" and call any actual homosexual person a "transphobic bigot and genital fetishist" in much the same fashion as homophobic conversion therapists. Literally the guy who came up with the concept of gender identity, John Money, was a pedophile who did sexual experiments on twin boys which eventually caused both of them to commit suicide. Look it up. Also look up Alan Turing and the Aversion Project.

It's not just "some assholes", your entire movement is built on trampling on the rights of women and LGB people.

I'm sure you genuinely see yourself as a victim because you have been told BY OTHER TRANS PEOPLE that trans people will commit suicide if they don't get affirming care instead of just better mental health resources. You know what LGB activists told gay children? "It gets better", not "Affirm gay kids or they'll kill themselves". Like. Doesn't that rub you the wrong way at all? Why are your activists encouraging children to kill themselves?

Acknowledging reality is not oppression, either. Even radfems acknowledge that you exist and that you identify as trans, but the reality is men cannot become women and vice versa. Also, radical feminism the ideology has nothing to do with suicide baiting people, so if radfems have actually told you to kill yourself on the basis of you being trans (doubt) then I want to see receipts.

[lilyliveredlittlerichboy]

i think i would respect radfems a lot more if they didn't kneejerk to transphobia and misandry constantly. but then transphobia and misandry is like their entire MO so i guess there's no way for me to respect radfems.

oh and by the way you can 10000% be a feminist and still respect trans people and still accept that men are people who can be oppressed just as much & more than all the white 20something British/American radfem girlies on here. please just understand that the patriarchy benefits from keeping you feeling helpless and scared and victimised and making other women feel scared and helpless and victimised. and your learned helplessness schtick is getting so fucking boring. ranting about trans people on tumblr makes the world better for oppressed women how exactly? yeah it really doesn't, not even a little bit so maybe go work in a soup kitchen and contribute to society in meaningful ways and stop being on the same side as the most misogynistic right wing men in existence just cus they 🙃 also happen to hate trans people 🙃

If they go after trans people, you do know that all the cis lesbians and unruly women are next, right? Trans people are quite literally standing between racist sexist lawmakers and YOU. you think they would have dared to touch Roe v Wade if transphobia hadn't popularised misogynistic talking points? the idea that women are defined by their vaginas and need to stay within their female roles no matter how much it hurts? the idea that lawmakers can define what a woman is, and therefore can police women's bodies? the idea that womanhood is immutable - as well as the idea that abortion and pregnancies are women's issues only?

they look at you and go "well it seems to be popular now to hate the transes, good! maybe they'll be too distracted to notice us taking their rights away. oh you're saying they hate the regular gays too*? most excellent! they will all fall like dominoes! women belong in the kitchen, they shouldn't be having thoughts at all!"

This is what the lawmakers that you're allying yourself with think about you, and you still support them?

*transphobes are usually homophobic too, i.e. "LGB" alliance, example: https://www.opendemocracy.net/en/5050/lgb-alliance-gay-venues-pride-monkeypox-twitter/

anyway when was the last time you called your MP or representative about FGM? about Iran? about Roe v Wade? Next time you want to reblog a reachy post about how all trans people are evil and we need to drop the T, do literally any of the above first. Go work in a women's shelter and meet trans women who are deeply traumatised, fleeing domestic violence, who will be let into most shelters without question (and those who would turn them away would turn away cis gays or lesbians too, eg salvation army), and maybe then you'll see that trans women are no more dangerous than the average cis woman and the same amount of vulnerable, if not more so.

trans exclusion is actually very likely to backfire and hurt you too. They'll use trans people as guinea pigs to see how much rights they can take away from a minority group without people caring; and then they'll turn to the cis gays, the racial and religious minorities, the disabled, and the WOMEN.

protecting trans people is very feminist and it is entirely and completely in your own interests to support us. i prommy you can still be a feminist, a lesbian even!

just put your money where your mouth is and actually support women in legitimate, tangible ways. raging against trans people isn't helping women one bit. call your representative. write to your mp. talk about iran or how worried you are about misogynistic talking points becoming much more prominent again. become a fgm activist or help sign up marginalised women to vote. hand out food parcels or help in a shelter or community garden. put your money where your mouth is.

or are you going to use all your energy on debating "men" and denying their reality? are you going to spend all your time thinking about men? foaming at the mouth thinking about other people's genitals (which you have not been invited to see or think about)? how is that going to help, exactly?

or is it just that you don't have enough compassion to think about other women and their actual, real life needs? just not enough time to help actual women, cus you're too busy dunking on trans people online?

misogyny is a real problem with real life impact and this is NOT caused by trans people. by focusing on trans people, you are doing women and feminism a huge disservice.

Just. Radfems, you really gotta rethink your priorities. Don't buy into fearmongering. Support women instead.

[inhibited-irregularity]

I cannot with the wokies. The JKR discourse (better call it slander) has reached an effin black metal online group I've been a part of.

The group consists mostly of your most ordinary men, but I've seen nuanced conversations about Christianity, Na*ism, paganism, toxicity in the black metal community, debates about controversial artists etc, but all fairly respectful and civilized, and mocking never crossed the line.

Some dudebro posts about JKR, and I (already knowing what's about to happen) write a short comment not claiming either side, where I simply state that people should check their sources, and that no movement is without flaw, no matter how progressive it seems. I did "out" myself though by saying "at least read her essay" while trying to sound as unphased as I can (now consider the implications of this entire sentence). Not five minutes pass, and my notifications are exploding, and people (men) are mocking me without a trace of humor or respect or decency (that they would otherwise show a literal N*zi stan), making idiotic jokes about Hogworts houses and how they would need all the drugs in the world for what I've written to make sense. I checked their profiles (before I turned off the notifications, there were at least 4 comments ), and no, they are not TIMs or enbys, all of them are straight, and show no indication of being interested in any liberal movement whatsoever. I bet my arm and leg that they don't give a shit about any form of social justice, let alone LGB and women's rights. It's clear they just wanted to gang up on me and/or throw some stones at JKR. Funny thing, this is not the first time it happened. I was kicked out of a student group for feminist beliefs, and I was bullied out of a psychology group by a TIM and his henchmen. Even though I am extremely careful on platforms where my name, face and info can be seen; I always know who I'm dealing with, write as neutral and as nuanced as I can, careful not to straight up offend any side, provoke anyone, or risk being taken out of context, and yet I'm always disappointed.

Stuff observed:

-men want to bully women and will take any opportunity to do so, no matter how harmless it may seem.

-I'm mortified about women who experience harsher harassment in real life, this is unpleasant enough.

-The TRAS have brainwashed absolutely everyone, and they got the most powerful demographic on their side (surprise surprise)

- This was unforgivable in a group with otherwise questionable members and topics that were objectively more inflammatory.

- The replies to my comment proved my point, but I doubt anyone noticed.

- One girl liked my comment. I have never seen her post anything. In the previous psychology group accident, one TIF was defending me. They called her "a token trans person" and dismissed her, even though they were parroting the "listen to trans people" mantra moments before. For the record, she wouldn't have backed me if I wrote anything truly transphobic (I hope she had a pleasant peak)

- I'm beginning to think female separatism might really be the only solution for women to enjoy stuff. At least it shouldn't be hard to do online (it is)

-It's illustrative of how men keep bullying women out of so called common spaces, and yet get mad when we want our own.

Anyway besties, sorry for the rant. I hereby encourage all women to make their own groups where they can talk about music, art, politics, you name it. But it's crucial that they're all female. I have a feeling it would work so much better.

[army-of-mai-lovers]

I hate when terfs cry and say “I’m nOT a tErF” after saying something transphobic. Like babe have you heard of that phrase “If it swims like a duck, quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck, then it’s probably a duck”? I just want them to be honest with themselves and realize what they present themselves as. A walking, talking pile of garbage. It reminds me of when white people say things like “I’m not rascist it’s a fact based off of xyz” and the source they give is filled with extremely biased “facts” that can be disproven with common gd knowledge.

I can’t speak for the trans community but I can definitely stand by them and listen. It’s not difficult. It’s not embarrassing. They’re still in my community as a bi woman. But when I see people with bs bios like “lgb rights” it makes it especially difficult and definitely embarrassing to identify as bi. People have been fighting forever so others who are queer can live more comfortably after coming out. Guess who was a major group that made that possible? Oh yeah strong, amazing, and brave trans people that fought for their and our rights. Yet some people in our community don’t respect them still? To all transphobes don’t call yourself an activist if you’re not willing to stand for ALL people in our community. You don’t stand for human rights you’re just a nuisance, a leach, and a fraud. Don’t bite the hand that’s worked tirelessly to feed your unappreciative ass. Anyways if anyone sees a terf irl. Bark at them. (Probably don’t but it sounds fun lmao)

Sorry this is so long and please tell me if anything I said was out of line. I’m not trans so I can’t really speak for you all. I’m interested in your perspective. And I’m sorry if this is exhausting to talk about and I understand if you don’t always want to educate someone😊! Thank you I hope you’re having a nice day, Arthur!

y’all listen to anon they’re spitting facts.

I guess if I were to add anything, I think a lot of tme folks (cis and trans) say things like “Trans women paved the way for us!” and cite like Marsha P. Johnson or Sylvia Rivera, which is great, but I think the next step for all of us is to learn about and celebrate trans women of color activists who are still alive and fighting today. Off the top of my head I’m thinking of Miss Major (link to her retirement fund is here) as well as L’leret Ailith, who had a conversation with Kimberly Foster of ForHarriet and Kat Blaque a few months ago that I found really illuminating (link here). That’s a blind spot of mine that I’m not aware of more trans women of color activists in the present day, and that’s something I need to work on. And other tme folks should as well (esp if you’re white!!!!)

[aphroditeslesbian]

Hey, August. My sister is an EXTREME libfem. Hates terfs. Listens so all these podcasts with “male feminists”. I don’t know. I don’t know if I should try to tell her that I feel very strongly—that radical feminism has helped me so much and I hold a lot of radfem beliefs. She doesn’t know this. Idk if she should ever know. But I feel weird. I care about my sister so much. We get along. And ofc ppl can have different beliefs and politics. I should be used to this, as I have a lot of right wing 1/?

Right wing family members. So I should be used to this by now. I just feel very alone, because I have to admit, I resent the mainstream LGBT community. I feel like the evil, cruel woman they think I am. But I have just had ENOUGH. (2/2)

Hey, friend! I’m so sorry you’re struggling, and also for taking a while to respond. This period of my life is taking its toll on me, lol. Anyway, I hope you see this response.

I’m sorry you’re struggling with this. I think the best approach with your sister, if you’re close, and feel it’s important that she understands how your opinions divert on this matter, would be to tell her about your different opinions as well as you can, without actually using the words “radical feminist” or “terf” or what have you. This way you can expose your ideology and make yourself understood and even respected without raising their defenses immediately, because they have such a strong aversion to the idea of radical feminism.

People usually respond very well to basic radical rhetoric: the idea that women’s biology is an important part of the definition of womanhood, in the context of fighting against misogyny is not actually that wild. Saying that women’s biology is the reason why they’re oppressed, and that women deserve to be protect against crimes against them... Not that wild. The idea that woman has been historically oppressed by man is not only true, but easily proven by statistics and hard facts. 

They may say “oh, but what about the TIMs, their feelings, their well being, their rights?” and the best response I’ve found when debating with liberals is to just point out all the ways in which trans activism directly and negatively affects women’s rights. And they may say “so do you hate men then?” and the best answer is probably to say that you hate men’s actions against women, their behavior, and that though sure, they’re entitled to trying to improve, it is not feminism’s job to help them with that, as a movement for female liberation.

I grew up in a Christian environment, and my close friends have conservative view points even if they don’t outright consider themselves right wing. I find that using language that is clear to them is the best way to make them understand my opinion while not feeling like they’re a direct attack to their own belief systems. 

Honestly, I’m sure that as someone who has family who are aligned with right wings politics, you’ve had to learn this yourself. Sometimes, it’s all a matter of keeping a level head and using the right language... And also knowing when to tap out. 

If you think your sister is too far gone, and might somehow make your life harder once she knows about this, it is totally okay to not reveal your beliefs. I know it can be extremely isolating to hide such a huge part of your politics, especially when lately the mainstream ideas about it are so backwards and directly harmful to LGB individuals and women. But your personal safety and mental health comes first. 

There are people out there who agree with you and are willing to stand behind you. You are not alone, and you have us. I know it’s hard, the need for community is very strong in us humans, and I feel it too. But yeah, it’s like arguing with that one annoying uncle who makes shitty sexist comments every chance he gets: there’s no point, he’ll come out of it feeling vindicated, and you won’t be able to change his mind. 

I also will say... Embrace being the “evil cruel woman”. You have reasons behind your beliefs, and you know them. If people wanna paint you otherwise, that is their loss. I’m sure you are kind, and nice, and caring. You’re entitled to also be angry and done with all this bullshit we’ve been fed by the qu**r circles lately. So if they wanna view you as evil, let them. Continue on your own path, it’s okay. It’s okay to not have mainstream beliefs, it’s okay to disagree. It’s okay that people may not like you for this. What they think of us doesn’t actually change the reality of what we are. Understand that, and stand strong with that knowledge. 

I’m not saying it’s easy, nor do I think my words are magic and poof you’ll be healed of your worries. But trying to shift your perspective on what it means to be disliked for believing women deserve basic decency is a good first step to stopping letting other people’s shortcomings and other people’s hatred make you feel hateful yourself.

I wish you the best, and whether you decide to tell your sister or not... Know that you don’t stand alone. Take care, stay safe.

[bulgariansumo]

Taken from this

How did you choose your name?

I didn’t. Oddly enough, my birth name was given to me because it was supposedly androgynous, so that works. I used to wish I had a more ‘normal’ name, but now I’m pretty indifferent to it.

What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria)

I don’t experience physical dysphoria. I don’t know if I experience social dysphoria, but if so, it’s not too intense.

Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?

Social, if I have it. I don’t like being called certain pronouns, but I’m kind of resigned to it. Only on the internet would it really get to me, but thankfully I’ve never had that happen after coming out.

What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric?

I don’t need self-care when I have loving and accepting friends!

What was the first time you suspected you were transgender? 

It was kind of hard. In my preteens, I would think to myself that I didn’t want to be my assigned gender, but I didn’t quite want to be the other binary gender either. I kind of resigned myself to being my assigned gender until finding out nonbinary genders were a thing.

When did you realize you were transgender?

5-6 years ago?

What is your favorite part of being transgender?

I feel like there’s a certain freedom to it. When you grow up, you’re fed a lot of messages about gender (boys don’t cry, girls are more nurturing), and I never really liked when people tried to justify my personality with stuff like that. Now that I know I’m not cis, I can ignore it.

How would you explain your gender identity to others?

My gender = No

How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?

It’s much easier for me to stay in the closet.

What have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been?

None.

What are your experiences with binding or tucking?

None.

Do you pass?

Technically yes, since having no gender means (ideally) having no gender expectations. I’d like to look androgynous, but I can’t do that socially without tipping people off, and physically, with my body type, it would be a challenge anyway.

What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?

Maybe hormones? But that’s hard to do while staying closeted. I don’t necessarily need them for myself.

How long have you been out?

5-6 years online

What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?

None other than my assigned gender

Have you ever experienced transphobia?

Not directly, but I did have the misfortune of hearing the Apache helicopter joke irl

What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?

Public bathrooms are a den of filth. I would never step foot in one willingly unless it was an emergency.

How does your family feel about your trans identity?

I don’t know, but given how they talk about trans people, I don’t want to

Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?

I literally can’t; that is not a luxury I have. There’s not really a way to be ‘stealth’ when you’re nonbinary. You either have to tell people upfront or let them assume what gender you are.

What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?

I probably would’ve told myself what a transmed was so that didn’t affect my entire stance on whether or not I’m trans. But I also would tell myself that being nonbinary doesn’t necessarily mean I have to ID as trans either.

Why do you use the pronouns you use?

I like them! And they too!

Do your neurodivergencies affect your gender?

I don’t know if I’m neurodivergent or not.

What’s your biggest trans-related fear?

Being outed to my family. That would not be ideal.

What medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition?

I came out online.

What do you wish cis people understood?

Respecting trans and other non-cis people isn’t impossible. I’ve met a decent amount of cis people who are really cool about it, and I appreciate them a lot.

The sanctity of the English language is not and never will be a hill to die on. Using singular they/them will not kill anyone.

What impact has being trans affected your life?

Things make a lot more sense now! I’m really glad I found out I’m nonbinary.

What do you do to validate yourself?

Write! Creating the representation I want to see, and seeing other people enjoy it, is really helpful!

How do you feel about trans representation in media?

It’s improving, but could be better.

Who is your favorite trans celebrity?

I don’t really know all that much about trans celebrities. I think there’s like 5 I can name total? Asia Kate Dillon interested me in particular, because before hearing about them, I never knew there was a nonbinary character on US television that wasn’t a robot or an alien, let alone a celebrity that publicly identified as nonbinary, and got to play said character! It’s really cool, and I really appreciate them for being out there.

Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?

@rontufox. He was the first person I ever knew to mention the word ‘genderqueer’ and was the guy that reblogged the post that made me realize my identity. Great dude, great friend, really understanding and an inspiration for how to treat other people in general! I love you, bro!

How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?

Other than having trans friends and reblogging an occassional post… not much. I have little idea what the nonbinary community is like, what problems they have or face. Does an organized nonbinary community even exist? I’ve seen and heard a lot more discussion about and by trans men and women, but can’t really say I ‘know’ their communities, because I’m not either of those identities.

How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?

The same.

What trans issue are you most passionate about?

Representation in media. There’s a lot of trans stories to tell, but not many are being told, and the ones that are are often by cis people which creates… issues, to say the least.

What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?

No one is immune to misogyny. Please examine how you treat/behave toward women. On the other hand, ragging on men just for the sake of ragging on men doesn’t really do any good for anyone and can easily reinforce harmful beliefs. People who choose to belittle or ignore the struggles of specific men (cis LGB+ men, trans men, men of color, etc.) are especially suspicious when it comes to this.

NEVER INTERACT WITH TERFs. Period. They are not a joke. Transphobes in general are bad of course, but TERFs are especially manipulative. They can and will turn someone completely inside out in order to get someone to believe their ideology and have a lot of sneaky tactics to get otherwise anti-TERF people to agree with them. No matter how secure you think you are in your identity, it’s not worth it. The same goes for transmeds. I don’t know the full extent of their tactics, but based on personal experience, they’re pretty damaging too.

How do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality?

I’d much rather be read as a guy online than in real life.

What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression?

I don’t really get to ‘express’ my gender irl. I’d like to have more ‘plain’ clothes that aren’t obviously tailored for one gender. Online, my gender expression is... just being me! I used to put a little more thought into trying to come off as completely androgynous, but what’s the point of being nonbinary if I can’t be myself?

Do you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?

Neither

What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?

I’m ace and aro. I feel like it’s made a lot easier for me to be my identity than if I were attracted to people. I don’t often see unaligned nonbinary people in discussions of attraction, but then again, I rarely see nonbinary discussions at all. It’s already hard enough for binary trans and aligned nonbinary people to get taken seriously as their in a relationship or in other parts of the LGBT+ community.

There’s people who don’t believe nonbinary people exist or should be a part of the LGBT+ community, and then there are others who don’t believe asexual or aromantic people should be a part of the community either. But there are many more cis+heterosexual+heteromantic people, who would not accept nonbinary, ace, aro people at all. It’s hard to interact with the LGBT+ community beyond support if you have to second-guess whether you belong at all. But, the more I learn about other people’s experiences in the online LGBT+ community, the more I learn that no group feels completely safe, and all of them are either being persecuted or ignored by each other. I don’t really know what to say other than it’s really sad.

Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?

I have no ideal partner.

How did/do you manage waiting to transition?

I came out online. That’s it to me. It was pretty easy for me in particular because there were very few people who I told my assigned gender beforehand.

What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things?

Tumblr. 

Do you interact with other trans people IRL?

I don’t know if I’ve ever met a trans person IRL

Are you involved in any trans-related activism?

Not really.

Free space! Answer any question you want, or make up your own question to answer.

Thanks, I might make a few!

What do you hope for in the future?

Trans rights!  Safer discussions of LGBT+ topics in public!

What are you thankful for?

My amazing friends for supporting me! I wouldn’t have gotten this far without you, and I’m thankful for the people who are there for me!

What do you wish to achieve?

I wish to be able to understand and respect other parts of the LGBT+ community better. I know I won’t be able to understand other groups 100%, but I like learning! And more than anything, I don’t want to make it any harder than it already is to be LGBT+ online. I want to help my friends!!

Why didn’t you write “as a trans person” after those last three questions, when that’s what you meant? 

I’m not sure if I see myself as trans to begin with. I’ve only heard one other person share this sentiment with me, but I feel like being trans is a little more involved what I am, and I don’t feel comfortable co-opting on that experience (even though...taking this questionnaire meant for trans people… might be doing just that.) I do want to clarify that I’m not saying that nonbinary people who share my experiences CAN’T be trans. I’m just saying that I’m not sure if I see myself personally as trans. I’m not cis though. That I know for sure.

Did you like taking this questionnaire?

Heck yeah! Nice job, OP!

What’s a way you can end this on a happy note?

I know a lot of these answers have been downers, but I think if people pull together, a better future is possible for all of us. I’m thankful for where I am in life now, and I want other people to get to a similar spot in life, if not better! Also, let me know if I stepped out of line in any of these answers so I can edit them!

[zorilleerrant]

There is no one community.

Oh, sure, there’s overlap, there’s a space that marks itself LGBT in big letters and a space people name ‘the queer group’ and another space that no one has a name for, but you know if you go there you’re safe if you’re gay and you’re safe if you’re trans but no one better talk about kink. A space where we can’t talk about aphobia and biphobia because it’s ‘getting too political’ and a space where we can talk all we want about intracommunity issues but the kid in the corner having a panic attack just gets laughed at and told to suck it up.

Plenty of you get your hackles up when something says LGB, when something says LGBTPN. Some of us have to navigate the intricate nuances of the difference between LGBT and LGBT+ and LGBTQ and LGBTQ+ and LGBTQIA and every letter, every symbol after that. Do you want to know the difference? The difference is, the first is sometimes well meaning older people and often strict assimilationists the second is progressives from conservative areas but mostly some kind of gatekeeper the third is strict on its definitions it’s okay with people who don’t want labels but it expects you to be some kind of gay or some kind of trans real trans not any of that nonbinary shit while the fourth may be okay with that and probably is okay with any identity but they love to play respectability politics and the fifth is virtue signalling they like to seem inclusive to feel inclusive but they don’t like to be inclusive and by god if they don’t shut down any conversation they think is off topic. You can see it in the people who like the labels, in the books that get shelved under them, in the articles that get marked with one tag over another. You can see it in the support blogs, in the community discussion groups, in the events that get a banner with one or the other. It’s not just the activist groups.

And it makes sense in some ways to have groups that are just the L, just the G, just the B, just the T. (It doesn’t make sense to have just the Q. What would that mean, anyway?) And something for mlm and something for wlw, but LG and oh now that’s a red flag, that’s, well it’s sure something, but it’s something we don’t need to reinforce within the ‘community’ or without. And sure, different groups for trans women, trans men, nonbinary people, different groups for transneutral and transmasculine and transfeminine, but here’s a question: what do trans men and trans women have in common that nonbinary people just don’t have to deal with that’s the real issue. And sure separate resources for people who want HRT and people who want at-home solutions, people who need help with changing their legal documents and people who just want to be called something different by their so called family, people who are trying to be vocal and people who are as closeted as they can be at the moment. But the infighting? Well, you can try to keep it open to ‘everyone’, which means safest for whoever was already safest on the outside, only protect us from the lowest common denominator of well that wasn’t very nice, or you can keep it safe for the most at risk, which means risking the most backlash, the angriest subhegemonic rants about who is and who isn’t allowed. No one can play nice with everyone, it’s the paradox of I want to punch you in the face.

(Let’s not address which people are personally oppressing which other people. This dichotomy of ‘oppressor’ and ‘oppressed’, that’s not how oppression works. That’s straight out of radfem rhetoric. And ‘privileged people’ v. ‘marginalized people’ isn’t much better. Classes are privileged, not people, and how that plays out one on one often looks different than the aggregate, which is sort of the point of why you have to aggregate the data in the first place. And while we’re at it, stop treating every kind of oppression like it has the same dynamic, like it works in the same way, like it’s interchangeable. They aren’t.)

And there’s the other acronyms, too, the MOGAI and GS(R?)M that welcome everyone who wants to be included, but, you know, a lot of people don’t. For one reason or another. So the intended demographic and the observed demographic, well, let’s go back to the paradox of kys shall we? Anyway there are a lot I didn’t put here because I don’t even recognize them all and also because I hate SAGA so much just because it looks like SGA even though I don’t actually know what it means. Alliance, I think? But that’s reasons for you.

And queer, you can say queer, but that isn’t one thing, either. There are queer behaviors - those we can list off, those we can study in any reputable university - and it’s easy to say what. Is it socially normative? Checklist time. Queer people are harder. We can pick who self-identifies and that’s fine, but. But. Some people use queer to mean specifically gay, like specifically, like if they find out you have some sort of vague or nebulous attraction, that you like men and women both, that you have any sort of feelings about your gender, well, that’s a betrayal isn’t it? (It’s an older meme, but it checks out.) You have the people who are queer as in ‘oh I don’t know yet’, or queer as in ‘I don’t like labels’, or queer as in ‘none of your business’. You get the ‘queer as in fuck you’ crowd that means they want to assimilate so bad, that they can’t see why these facts are meaningful, that they just want a way to be hegemonic like you and you and you. You get queer as in homonationalist, you get queer as in transgressive just for the transgression (queer as in troll), you get queer as in political faction that seems off but you can’t tell how. You get queer as in closeted about some of their identities. You get queer as in I want to queer things, queer as in academic, queer as in apparent, vocal, loud. Rarely you get people who mean they want to subvert the paradigm, smash the hegemony, the queer agenda if you will.

And it’s not the same. Pick any group, any group you want. You think the tumblr anarcho-queer and the facebook anarcho-queer and the reddit anarcho-queer are the same person? The same cultural perception, the same context, the same makeup of backgrounds and goals? You think the internet cultures we build are the same as offline spaces, and those - how are you acting like that specialty group in the middle of Manhattan works the same way as the five people who meet in someone’s barn in the middle of Kansas and have to be friends no matter how much they hate each other.

And fuck it. I’ve given up finding a community with people who know anything about my experiences of color, about the way my brain forces me to see the world, about the way my body stops it, let alone my interests.

But please, please stop the myth of the cohesive whole.