#anyways i swear i'll break it up and like. do something else next. lmao.

[spartanroses]

A Chance Encounter

word count: 1,294

notes: The next bit of the whole Kratos/Atreus of Sparta thing. Shorter than the first one, but... awkward boys being awkward? And cute??? Perhaps????

Anyways. Here it is. I’ve got a bunch more planned out, so don’t mind me as I keep bothering you all with it. :>

read on ao3

Days have passed since Kratos was set against a young boy in the sparring ring, and everything remains much the same. Training goes on, the daily struggle to become stronger than the enemy pressing on eternally, and by all rights, Kratos should have long since put Atreus out of his mind. He should not warrant any more thought than any of the other boys Kratos sees throughout the day, no matter the bruises he wears or the cheerful demeanour to which he clings. He is a comrade, a fellow soldier. Nothing more.

This is what Kratos tells himself. The truth is slightly more complicated.

More often than not, he finds himself drawn towards Atreus for reasons he fails to identify. He holds firm to his own sense of discipline, not allowing it to distract him from his training, but he finds it difficult to concentrate when the boy is near. Difficult not to wonder about his injury, or to think about his skill in combat, or to watch his expression; he is overwhelmed by a nagging curiosity that demands more information. If anything, the distraction drives him to fight even harder; the other trainees start to watch him with more wariness than usual, and even the commander gives him a few questioning looks.

He refuses to accept that this is affecting him, and that is how things stay for several days. He throws himself, body and soul, into his training, and he ignores Atreus as best he is able. It proves more difficult than expected.

It happens entirely by chance. Kratos finds himself alone on the way back to his barracks for the night, and Atreus- Atreus seems to simply materialize from the shadows. It startles Kratos nearly to the point of violence, but even in the low light of the evening, it is easy to recognize the boy, if only for his sunny disposition.

“Kratos,” he greets, and he sounds excited. Pleasantly surprised, maybe. They have not spoken to one another since Kratos visited him by his bedside, but it had not occurred to him that the boy might have wanted to see him. “You’re on your way to bed?”

Though the rational part of Kratos’ mind urges him to continue on- he ought not to encourage this behaviour; he has no need for a friendship with this child, and it would be best to put it to an end before it has a proper chance to start- he finds himself rooted in place. His eyes flit over Atreus’ expression and absorb every detail, trying not to overanalyze this impulse. The bruises are more prominent now, and Kratos feels a stab of guilt as he has every time he has looked at the boy’s face since their fight; he did not deserve to take such a hard hit. Certainly not from his elder. “Yes. As you should be.”

“I will be. Soon.” Atreus seems entirely unconcerned by the late hour, and Kratos wonders where this sense of freedom comes from. Surely, Atreus has been raised the same as any other Spartan boy, and yet Kratos has never encountered another who exists on the same plane. He seems to be in a league all his own, and it is endlessly baffling. Endlessly fascinating, and perhaps this is why Kratos’ thoughts have been so plagued. The boy sounds more tentative when he speaks next. Still a child addressing a superior, even if Kratos is still in training, himself. “How, um- how was your day? How did training go?”

Kratos stares at him for a moment, confused. Atreus had been present for the very same training. It seems like an entirely superfluous inquiry, yet he still feels compelled to respond. “It was as it always is. Physically demanding.” He pauses, then, because something does stand about his memories of the day; Atreus had been chosen to fight again. This time, he had been placed against a boy much closer to his own age, and it had been an impressive display to behold. It is easier to understand, now, why their commander saw fit to have him fight someone so much older and more experienced. “You fought well.”

At these words, Atreus’ expression changes, lighting up in a way that does something to Kratos. He does his best to bury it, but the warmth in his chest is difficult to ignore. “You think so?”

“I would not have said it if I did not think it to be true.” Kratos looks away, because watching Atreus’ face proves to be too much for him. It is overwhelming, being faced with such brightness. Akin to glancing at the sun in all its glory. Looking to redirect the boy’s attention, he speaks once more, the first words that come to his mouth. “Your injury. Are you healing?”

“I am.” Atreus’ voice does not change, and Kratos is finally able to identify something in his tone; adoration. It brings forth another reaction that Kratos struggles to disregard. “The doctor says I should be good as new in a few weeks. No scars or anything.” He pauses, and in the silence rests something unspoken. A question, too fragile to be spoken aloud. Kratos braces himself, but it proves unnecessary. “I should let you go. Time to rest, right?”

“Yes.” Grateful, Kratos looks towards Atreus once more. He tells himself that he only lingers out of a misplaced sense of guilt; it is absurd to feel anything at all about hurting an opponent in battle. Even if the opponent in question is an ally. Even if he is younger. Softer. Too soft. “We will not be excused for exhausting ourselves.”

“Right.” With a firm nod, Atreus smiles at him, and once more, Kratos gets the impression that the boy has more to say. Questions to ask, perhaps. Secrets to share. He quickly stows that thought away, somewhere too deep and dark to ever see the light of the sun. There are some things he knows he cannot afford to think about, lest they be his undoing. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”

Another question with an obvious answer. It should not warrant a response. Kratos gives one, regardless. “You will.”

“Good. I mean- um-” Atreus stumbles over himself, and Kratos watches in silence. The boy sorts himself out quickly and flashes another smile. It seems that very little can shake his cheerful attitude, and quietly, Kratos takes some measure of comfort in that. He appreciates consistency. “Goodnight, then. And- and thank you.”

Before Kratos can ask what it is he has done to earn that, Atreus hurries away, headed for his barracks and leaving Kratos with more questions than answers. He furrows his brow, slowly turning to make his own way to bed, plagued by uncertainty as he works through the short interaction in his head.

He must be clinging to some sense of responsibility. He hurt Atreus in an unfair fight, and now he feels guilty for it. Surely, his compulsion to stay close to the boy, to watch him during training, to speak with him- surely, it will fade along with the lingering bruises. His injuries will heal, and Kratos will leave him alone once more, continuing on with his solitary lifestyle. His training- proving himself to his superiors and overcoming every possible obstacle on his journey towards greater power- is the most important thing in his life, and he will not allow anything to interfere with that.

When he finds himself laying awake that night, wondering in vain if Atreus will seek him out after his recovery- wondering why it is that he aches with the idea that the boy will not bother with him any longer- Kratos wonders if ignoring this problem will be as easy as he had hoped.

[piraticalwit]

oof... i think i love your blog???? ... ew

I swore I'd never break my rule about not replying to non-mutuals who don't call me captain but .. you're just such a fan (as made obvious by that sweet ew at the end), so how could i not?? Real talk though ... i don't remember how I met you. I have like a vague recollection of someone getting an inbox message but i don't know if i sent one to you or you sent one to me, but i do know it was on your original emma blog. But anyways, your writing was phenomenal even then but what really struck me was I remember thinking that I had gotten such a vibe from the little bit we had talked ooc and your personality shown through on your blog as well. You were funny, easy to talk to and i was SO USED to people not reading anything in my rules and you brought up something that i legitimately had forgotten was in there and i just immediately was like 'oh i like this person'.

There's something so freeing about having a friend you can trust with anything, who doesn't just go with the flow because they're your friend and want to support you no matter what. I mean, you do want to support me no matter what, I know that .. but its so rare to find people who understand that sometimes supporting a friend or someone you love is being unconditionally honest when asked for your opinion or when you see them making decisions that might come to harm them. I honestly think you could just throw open the door into our discord chat and be like 'hey you're actually the worst person in the world right now.' and i wouldn't even be offended or angry or defensive because i'd know there was a good reason you would say something like that. I don't stress about what I say to you or if something might be misread because I have 100% trust that we both know how much our friendship means to one another and that we'd never try to disrespect it by being rude or aggressive. Your advice, support, and presence in my life mean so much to me. I've watched you journey through the last seven years (seven years, holy shit) with grace and wisdom and strength that are all frankly inspiring. You're like one of three people that I pick the phone up for, no hesitation. Anyone else has to make an appointment or it just rings lmao. I will always be around to give you water and a high five when you need to take a break from the fight and people better not test me because I'll jump right into the middle of the ring with you, swear it on my life. I'm short but I know how to jump and hang on. Whatever problem it is we're facing .. I can slow it down so you can get a good punch or two in.

I've focused a lot on our friendship and you as a person in this because I think you are truly a one of a kind individual, but I'm gonna take a quick second to remind you how much I love your blog as well. I was so happy when you came back. I was the visual representation of '!!!' and every time I'm on the dash and I see you writing so easily and fluidly, like you weren't away for even a single day, it brings me such joy. Your creativity and passion flows through every reply and every headcanon and there will never be a moment that I don't consider myself incredibly lucky for getting to experience it. I can't wait to see where the next seven years take you.

tldr: you're ok i guess. can't wait until we release our new bottled water brand, emmian, and make millions.

[selfcareparker]

(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

.

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰����🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

[ofstoriesandstardust]

Lmao hi... Just saw your prompt list and I was wondering if you could write an imagine with Draco Malfoy with prompts 7,13,14,20,23,41&63. Ik they're a lot and they're pretty angsty so if you don't wanna I'll understand lol. x

A/N: Hi guys! Long-time no write. I’ve been on a Harry Potter binge lately so I dug through my requests to try and find this so I’d have something Harry Potter related to write. I hope you guys enjoy and make sure to request if you want! (pssst, if you want to request something, I’m more likely to write if it’s HP related.) Also, your House is not specified, so basically whatever House you belong to. 

Word count: 2,603

Warnings: Angstttttttt, like four swear words

Prompts: #7: “Choose me or lose me. I’m not a backup plan and I’m definitely not a second choice.”

#13: “No matter how good your heart is, eventually you have to start treating people the way they treat you.”

#14: “I am sorry I have trust issues, but when you give someone everything and they throw it away, something inside of you breaks.” 

#20: “You changed.” 

#23: “You know what sucks? Being the one who always cares more.”

#41: “I will not let you undermine my worth.”

#63: “I wish you were dead.”  

What Once Was

Your POV

All summer you had agonized over coming back to Hogwarts. With the recent return of You-Know-Who, your parents had practically refused to let you go back, saying you were unsafe in the place you loved so much. You had begged and pleaded with your parents, wanting nothing more than to pursue your education and rejoin your friends and boyfriend, Draco Malfoy. Eventually, they wore down and relented but by the time they agreed to let you return in the fall, you were unsure if the return was the right choice. You took solace in the fact that your friends were facing the same argument with their parents, but your boyfriend had been pulling further and further away from you, as letters became fewer and farther in between. When he did write, the contents of letters became small, and the wording took a rather abrupt turn from the affectionate tone his writing usually had to a cold, distant tone. You figured he was having a particularly hard summer, what with his father going to Azkaban and the very public trial that had preceded it. You had offered your support, but he refused to talk about his feelings with you or really anything that was occurring in his life. You held out hope that once you returned to the school to start your sixth year, things would return to normal and Draco would share all the things he had been withholding from you. As you waved goodbye to your parents on Platform 9 ¾, your hopeful eyes searched for the pale boy with the platinum blonde hair. Unable to spot him, you trudged onto the train and headed towards the compartment the Slytherin Prince and his buddies usually occupied. By sheer luck, there he sat, staring out at the quickly moving scenery as Pansy, Blaise, Crabbe, and Goyle, all sat around and chatted, presumably about their summer vacations. You cleared your throat to make your presence known. All heads turned to you, but the only one who truly mattered took a few moments to draw his view away from the window. He briefly glanced at you and turned back to the window. Blaise gave you a sympathetic smile and offered you a hug. You accepted, and as you were hugging Blaise he whispered into your ear, “Don’t take it to heart, he’s been in a foul mood all morning.” You nodded against his shoulder, still unable to figure out why your boyfriend was working so hard to stay so distant. He pulled away and offered you another smile, for which you were grateful for. Blaise was the only one from Draco’s group that you truly considered a friend. “How was your summer holiday?” 

You shrugged in your response. “It was alright. Mum and Dad almost didn’t let me come back.” Blaise raised his eyebrows. “Anyways, I just wanted to stop in and say hello. I’m gonna go find my friends.” You stated in a rush, desperate to get away from the uncomfortable feeling settling in the pit of your stomach. You waved goodbye to the group and exited the Slytherin area of the train. You walked further down the hall in an attempt to find a friendly face or someone from your house. Anyone who would take your mind of the storm currently raging through it. You stumbled upon the compartment where Griffyindors Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnigan, Ginny Weasley, and Neville Longbottom sat. You noted Dean’s arm around Ginny and could only imagine the tantrum Ron would be throwing if he saw them. You opened the door. “Mind if I sit in here?” They all shook their heads and Neville and Seamus made room for you to sit down in between them. You graciously accepted. 

“How was your summer holiday (Y/N)?” Ginny asked, offering you a friendly smile. You shrugged. 

“Fairly awful. Mum and Dad said I shouldn’t be coming back to Hogwarts; that it wasn’t safe anymore.” You retold, pulling a knee up to your chest, trying to get comfortable for the long ride that ahead of you. 

“Mum said the same thing. Said we had no business going back. Ron and I had to practically beg her for weeks to convince it was safe here.” Ginny told you, leaning into Dean’s side. 

You let out a chuckle. “Sounds familiar. So you guys are together now?” You asked as your eyes moved between Ginny and Dean. Ginny blushed as she nodded, looking down at her lap. “So how big of a fit did Ron throw when he found out?” At that, the entire compartment burst into laughter and thus began the rest of the train ride, filled with laughter and jokes that made you momentarily forget the gray cloud hanging over the train, particularly the one hanging over a one Draco Malfoy. 

-

Throughout the feast and Sorting ceremony, your boyfriend had disappeared. As much as you tried, you could not find him at the Slytherin table. You signed yourself to eating and participating in the conversation surrounding you half-heartedly.  Towards the end of the meal, you watched from your seat as a couple of moments after Draco entered the Great Hall, Harry and Luna followed, Harry sporting a fresh bloody nose. You had a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach as you realized Draco was probably the one who gave him that. After the feast, you tried to catch your boyfriend before he took off for the dungeons but Draco left the Great Hall and disappeared into the sea of students before you were even able to get close to him. You sighed and headed towards your House, wanting to get away from people as quickly as possible. The next few weeks went about the same way, despite the fact that you shared most of your classes with Draco. He seemed hardly focused in class, very on edge and mind clearly in a different world. You watched him at meals, you know, when he actually decided to show, and he was cold and distant, uninterested in the going-ons of the castle. He was clearly losing weight and the dark circles under his eyes only seemed to grow larger by the day. As time went on though, your concern evolved into anger. Why was he doing this? Why was he shutting you out? Did the last two years mean absolutely nothing to him? You began to take his distance personally. If he didn’t have enough balls to break up with you to your face (because why else would he act like this??), you were going to let him know that you had had enough. The trick was just now to catch him alone. Or to get him to talk to you at all. It was the end of October before you were able to get him alone. It was the day of the Halloween feast, and while the entire castle was downstairs buzzing with joy, all you wanted was to crawl into bed. You had a god awful day and the last thing you wanted to do was be surrounded by others at the feast. You headed in the direction of your Common Room when you caught him. He was exiting the fourth-floor boy’s lavatory, rubbing his eyes furiously. As much anger as you had, some of it seemed to ebb away at the disheveled sight of him. “Draco?” You called out to him. He brought his gaze to you and actually stopped. As you reached him, you reached for his hand. He pulled away as if your touch stung him. Your heart fell, as the thoughts of the end of your love clouded your brain. “Draco what’s going on with us? What’s going on with you?” He shrugged, refusing to make eye contact with you. “Draco, love, I want to be here for you, but I can’t if you won’t open up to me.” He again chose to remain silent. Your anger quickly filled you again. “Well, you know what, Draco Malfoy, I’m done being treated like this. Choose me or lose me. I’m not a backup plan and I’m definitely not a second choice. It’s time you made the choice about where we stand because I’m not doing this anymore.” You stated harshly and quickly spun on your heel towards to Great Hall, wanting to put as much distance as possible between you and the boy who was tearing you apart. 

-

As you entered the Great Hall the next morning, you spotted Ron, Harry, and Hermione. Harry had pulled you aside just a few days prior to ask about Draco but you had no answers to give. None of your friends were currently in the Great Hall, and you wanted to stay as far away from the Slytherin table as possible. As you neared the trio, their attention shifted from their conversation to you. “Do you mind if I sit here?” They shook their heads and Ron scooted over to make room for you next to him. 

“Everything alright?” Hermione questioned with a look full of concern on her face. You shook your head. 

“Just needed a friendly face is all.” Harry nodded and gave you a smile as they turned back to the discussion of the latest Potions assignment. You lost yourself in your bowl of cereal as you thought of the events from the previous night. You were so distracted that your brain barely registered someone sitting down next to you. You looked up to see Blaise Zabini looking extremely displeased. 

“What the hell did you say to Draco last night?” He asked you angrily. 

“Why does it matter to you?” You shot back. 

“It matters to me because he’s my friend and he’s your boyfriend-” Blaise started but you cut him off. 

“Maybe it’s hard for you to understand in that pea-sized brain of yours Zabini, but Draco Malfoy hasn’t given me the time of day in five months and most certainly doesn’t act like he’s my boyfriend. I am sorry I have trust issues, but when you give someone everything and they throw it away, something inside of you breaks. So no, I’m not sorry for what I said to him. I deserve a whole hell of a lot better than what he’s been giving me lately. For the last two years, I have defended him, gone to bat for him, being endlessly loyal to him, sometimes to my own detriment and he treats me like the dirt under his feet. I refuse to be treated that way. Not anymore, not ever again.” By the time you were done speaking, you were hyper-aware of the looks you were gathering from other tables. Blaise lowered his voice. 

“(Y/N), you made him cry.” The comment took you aback but only for a moment. 

“Good.” You hissed, standing up from the table. “Maybe now he’ll actually start giving a damn about me.” As you turned your back on Blaise, you saw Draco standing a few feet away from you. You paused only for a second and then promptly shoved past him and out of the Great Hall. 

-

That night, the halls of the castle seemed empty as you made your way out of the library. You had stayed to study until Madam Pince had nearly kicked you out. You had a big Ancient Runes test tomorrow, and on top of it being your hardest class, you felt so unprepared what with the events of the last 24 hours. You let out a yawn when you suddenly felt yourself being pulled into an empty classroom. You nearly panicked and raised your wand as you saw Draco standing there. His eyes looked bloodshot and he looked more exhausted and disheveled than you had ever seen anyone else. He looked as if he was the mere remains of the person he once was. He ran his hands through his hair, once, twice, three times. You watched him fall apart, not knowing how to feel. “What happened to us?” He asked, voice barely above a whisper. You shrugged and sucked a breath in through your teeth. 

“You changed.” He let out a whimper at your response. For the first time in months, he looked at you. You felt a surge of emotion. Now that after all these months you finally had his attention and you were going to let him know exactly what you had been thinking. “You changed Draco. I don’t know what you want me to say to you. You pulled away and treated me like shit. You’ve barely spoken to me since last term.” 

“You don’t understand, I had to-”

“Bullshit. You just didn’t want me anymore.”

“That’s not true-” 

“Yes it is Draco!” You exclaimed. A silence fell over the both of you and you took a few deep breaths to try and calm yourself as tears came to your eyes. “You know what sucks? Being the one who always cares more. I’m so sick and tired of being the one who cares in this relationship. I have been endlessly loyal to you, I stood up for you, I have lost friends because of my devotion to you and this is what I get in return?” Draco remained quiet. “I will not let you undermine my worth. I refuse to. I am a damn good person and an even better girlfriend and you don’t deserve me.” Draco’s face contorted in pain as you spoke. 

“You’re right, I don’t deserve you. I just love you so much, I just had to.” 

“You love me so much that you just had to treat me like garbage? Right because that makes so much sense-”

“YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!” He screamed and you winced and took a couple of steps back. A couple of tears slipped down his face. He reached for your hand. You flinched but did not pull away. “You don’t understand, I had to. I had to protect you. I had to protect you from him.” 

“Draco, what- what are you talking about?” Shakily, he pulled his hand from yours and lifted his sleeve. As the fabric was moved away, you saw something you wished you hadn’t. One look at the mark that had caused so much pain, grief, and death, a mark that represented all the evil and darkness within the world and-

“I wish you were dead.”

-

As you sat at the Burrow over the Christmas holiday, you watched the Weasley family and chat and enjoy the cheer. You watched as the twins showed off a new product to Ginny as Ron turned to you. “Hey (Y/N), what ever did end up happening between you and Malfoy?” You thought back to that night, his anguished cries that haunted you as you left the classroom. You stared into the fire as you thought about what to say. Ultimately you just shrugged. 

“We broke up.” You said simply. The attention shifted from the joke product to you. 

“How come?” Hermione asked softly. You shook your head and swallowed your tears. 

“No matter how good your heart is, eventually you have to start treating people the way they treat you.” Silence fell across the room as Tonks and Remus studied you fiercely. “I don’t want to talk about it.” You stated, standing up. You pushed past the twins, escaping to the front porch. You sat down and looked up at the stars. You wiped away the invisible tears on your face. As you thought of the boy you once loved, you did not know he was looking out at the same stars thinking of the girl who once loved him.

[kaptain-k-pop]

[?] Days of K-ristmas: Day 6*

aka

The K-List: #15

*(if you have no idea what I'm talking abt with this "[?] Days of K-ristmas" thing the very longwinded explanation is here lmao)

She's In The Rain

The Rose

Okay okay, I know this is another title track, probably one of their most famous so everyone who knows about The Rose knows about this song already

But I wanna talk about it anyway bc this is my blog and I can do what I want it's a really important song for me that stuck with me from the first time I heard it and I just wanna gush about it and talk about that

So some of my moots who have followed me since before last April may know this story already because I mentioned it in a post at the time, but last spring I was in a really bad place. I was having a really stressful semester and going through a lot of inner conflict about my future. My roommate had moved out (not because of any conflict! She just wanted to live somewhere cheaper, which is valid!) meaning I was living alone in a two person dorm, which was actually really bad for my health because without anyone else around I wasn't taking good care of myself or my environment. My sleep '''''schedule''''' was non-existent and there were many times when I was pulling all nighters or skipping meals to work on things. My group of college friends had all moved off campus, so even when I did remember/make time to go eat in the student center I ate alone. The fact that I was so worried about school meant I never really made plans with those friends either because I was always beating myself up for not focusing enough on my coursework. I was pretty much completely isolating myself and I spent most of my time alone in my dorm -- which you may recall, I wasn't taking good care of -- and being in that environment only made me feel worse about myself. I felt so depressed and unproductive in such a messy place, but I couldn't make time to get my environment in order because I had coursework I needed to do... but I couldn't efficiently work on my coursework because I felt so depressed and unproductive in the environment I created and around and around (it's also really difficult for me to focus in public places/around other people because I get easily distracted, so I didn't really have a good place to work other than my dorm). My irl best friend (aka my main source of support and physical affection) and my family were 2 hours away and I was completely touch starved. And I rarely went home on the weekend or left my dorm at all because I felt like every moment I wasn't trying to be productive I was being lazy. Both my mental and physical health were absolute trash. And I knew I was in a bad place but I had no idea how to get myself out. I felt like I had no time or energy to take any major steps to improve my situation.

I went home for Easter break. Three days of focusing on family instead of school and acting like I wasn't spending the whole time worrying about all the stressful things I would have to deal with when I got back.

During my 2 hour drive back to school Monday night I was keeping myself company with my Spotify playlists as usual and eventually Spotify began playing me "recommended radio"

And it was at this time that I heard She's in The Rain for the very first time

My first thoughts were that it sounded like an amazing song, but even despite the language barrier I could tell that it was a very emotional song so I was thinking it might not be the best thing to listen to when I was already feeling so down

And then Woosung's voice in perfect English in the last verse:

"You wanna hurt yourself, I'll stay with you

You wanna make yourself go through the pain

It's better to be held than holding on"

completely struck me in the heart and I pulled over into the next gas station and cried.

I'm not in that same situation anymore and I've been taking steps since then to try to get myself to a better place and improve my health. And living at home now with my family (and my best friend living 5 minutes away) and not feeling so isolated anymore has been a huge part of that

Hearing those words that night really struck a chord with me. It is better to confide your troubles in people and to be vulnerable and let yourself be held by someone who cares about you than to be just trying to hold on all by yourself. And the way the last chorus changes from "She's in the rain" to "We're in the rain" is such a beautiful ending as well as a perfect metaphor. When you're struggling your friends can't always do anything to get you out of that situation no matter how much they want to. But they can be there to try to support you and stand in the rain with you so that you don't have to go through hard times all alone

(this post is so long now and it's mostly just been about me and not the song I'm sorry ajdjksla)

But I also just wanna say that this song is so beautiful! It's really a masterpiece imo

The way that it starts out with just the acoustic guitar and Woosung's voice is so simple and pretty (and I thought it was a violin but then I realized maybe it was the bass but I swear I hear violin too idk maybe it's in the backing track or something?? am I crazy? lmk) and then the drums and everything really coming in almost halfway through the song after the first verse??? 😔👌👌👌

One of the things I love about Korean songs in when the singer is able to convey the emotion of a song with their voice and make you feel despite the language barrier. Woosung has one of the best examples of this. His voice is so unique, just hearing it can tug at your heartstrings even if you don't actually know what the words he's saying mean (which also makes it a 1 hit KO when he DOES say something in English ajdjksla) the way his voice literally makes him sound like he's on the verge of tears throughout the whole song really enhances it so much

(Dojoon has such a pretty voice too!! It's been a while since I've head it since he didn't sing on RED and I've been listening to a lot of other groups but yeah after listening to this song again to pick out all the parts to put in this post I'm reminded of how good he sounds in it 😔🙏 bless)

So I'll try to just wrap it up now since I've talked a lot: The Rose is such a good band and this is such a good song and the lyrics are so beautiful (you should look up the full translation if you haven't!)

Okay. That's all. I love this song, and if you've read this far I love you!!!!