#anyways thats the end of my rambling im just thinking outloud

[dhampir-dyke]

[ubereyezconfessions-blog]

Rides on 2/1/19-2/2/19

I find coming of age in america as a Black male to be quite the experience. A life thats rathe overly sexualized and comes with many stereotypes and assumptions. Cant say its a eye opener last night but rather a further confirm on feelings and visions I have around people that aren’t POC or in the area. I had around 4 trips with Uber specifically that I can recall that were very very weird and tension filled.

First comes with this couple that I picked up in West Hollywood. White male and Asian woman. They get in and I do my usual greeting of “Hello, How are you doing tonight?”, with their response either being “Good” or “Good and you?”. Pending the two you can assume who wants a conversation or not. Pretty clear, I’d assume. Anyways the car goes quiet to the music playing in the background and literally next thing is the two are seriously making out right in my mirror less than a foot away from me. Awkward, sure. First time of this.. No! This making out is pursued by and silence and the two are texting each other as a way of communication between making out, of which is only broken by the fact that the ordered an Uber Express and had another pickup. (basically a carpool). Which here is where we pick up 2 more asian women which out the blue the couple in the back then turn into the biggest socialites to walk the earth. New energy and a easy spark for conversation. Which either I from my assumption is they either sexualizing a ride with me in the vehicle and the face they show the world appeared when the others got in. The 2 women were dropped off first to that point, the couple then start having a chat outloud. Amongst the eavesdropping I’m trying my best not to do. This guys starts ranting to this woman about him being on Bumble and that he uses it as a means to have men send him money, which she laughs. He then explains that he talks to older men and in return they send him money. I can only assume he’s been enticed to go further than internet talking if he’s willing to consider chatting with grown men to get money out of them. After I try to truly tune them out and drop them off at the destination.

Next trip is 3 very nervous and young gold diggers, which i assume, of course. So its raining and already rather cold all day being its winter time. But these are the types of women that dress a bit “sexy” if you liked to call it that. Pretty much the less they can wear the more eyes on them. Anyways I pull up to a bar called “The Nice Guy”. As some may be familiar. So La Cienaga is took up by valet cars and I have to park on the side street which is maybe 20-30 feet from the door. Anyways Im called and asked to pull closer being its raining and they’re in heels. (Rain was in the weather report all week) anyways they make the run for the car screaming and get in the back seat. One of my policies is that when people get in the car, if they all get in the backseat, they want to keep amongst themselves. Being if anyone wanted to get to know you, they’d sit in the front. Ive rode with Lyft and Uber and always sit in the front seat and chat with my drivers, simple human etiquette. (Ill get back to this). So we start heading to the next destination which is the girls heading to another party of sorts or finding something to occupy themselves from themselves. Which on the way Im lodge into a superficial realm of these 3. Some womanese that Im becoming more fluent with and they make subtle ways to let me know that they are very much looking for drugs. And willing to have sex with those that have them, simply because they do. I kinda have a Baby Driver thing going on where people think Im “sleep” or dead on the inside. But I just know a lot of battles arent worth the $4-$20 dollar trips. So ones steady making snorting noises and rambling about skiing. (obvious someone snorts coke). And one persist on a story to her friends that she was in a bathtub with a football player and her bf. And the football player tried to fuck her in front of her boyfriend. Which Im sure she probably would’ve allowed. Im assume it stays in her mind being she wanted it. Otherwise the memory would fade. So then my spider sense gets to tingling that these chicks are getting made because I’m not talking to them and assuming that I want to fuck them. When actually Im so turned off by their superficial minds that I’m trying to tune them out completely. By the way, There is a new Broly graffiti painting on Melrose where Gohan was that I have to take for a secret instagram account.

Third on this trip is literally a trip after the gold diggers. Where I’m at the Argyle and i pick up this guy or transgendered. I assume being he was in full on make up and and very tight clothing almost couldve passed for a woman. So heres what I mean, you sit in the front if you want to know your driver. The rider, simply gets in the front seat and gives me a smile and we head to their destination. Now Im not an idiot, I understood that I could’ve done anything I wanted with this person. They sat there rather quiet just waiting on me to make a move. But I didn’t want to give in to a moment of being horny and just using a body. So I don’t make conversation for the understanding that I know thats where the person wanted it to go. Upon reaching the destination I just with the person a good night. They give me a deep gaze and a smile and a hesitation to leave my car but finally do. Sorry to disappoint.

Last but not least comes around 2:30am-ish. Im in mid city and pick up a american. He has a destination set but when he gets in he tells me he is changing the destination and needs to stop at a gas station. Upon which he passes me a $20 bill and says thanks. I make a stop across the street at a 7/11. and he offers me a water or something out the store which i tell him, “no, thank you. I have a gatorade.” Tell me why this guy comes back with a Fiji water for me. Next were back on the road and he offers me gum. Which i keep 2 packs in my center counsel. So to be nice to his generosity I accept. Which he goes onto a story about this girl were picking up. Tells me that they’re friends and he was taking her back to his place. Okay here on out, I can totally be having this all happen in my imagination, but things get weird. So he ask me to let me know if she’s hot when we pick her up. I can’t really fathom why he cares what another man thinks about a woman he’s potentially going to fuck. (its almost 3am-ish on a Friday.. c’mon son). I had recently watched Hitch so in my head I’m wanting to tell the guy. She already choose to pick him, but its on him to not fuck it up. Anyways we approach and low and behold is this tanned blonde with these amazing legs and great body. I admit before she gets in that she’s hot. So she gets in and this is another weird thing I picked up. The guys demeanor changed. He went from talking slang and being all masculine to being almost the opposite and high pitched. They start conversing about her night which she was with 3 guys all night to which, in her words, she didn’t want to have sex with because they were too fucked up and drunk driving. Womanese on the other hand started ringing off things with my spider senses. That this chick wanted to get fucked and this guy wanted to share her with me or watch me fuck her. (Im learning the cuckold is real in this country). They start rambling on about small talk about a guy being able to fuck girls at this hour just by telling them to come over. But at this point were approaching the destination and its getting quiet. Im paying it no mind but do understand its quiet. To pulling up and the girl gets out without a word and the guy thanks me for the ride, hesitate to get out and seeming disappointed. I truly felt like the dude try to buy my will or ease me into being of sexual use for them for the night.

With the way these nights go, I can’t help but get a intuitive feel that either people want to sexualize things or they find the black man irresistible. Media outlets cover us like were things to have. Porn, Athletes, Music, Entertainers. And a ever increasing broadcasting of everything interracial on TV and Movies. I even myself have been on the end of being worshipped for being a black man. I try to leave myself out of these equations in these trips. Dismissing that its all in my head and its not happening for me. But on a night to night basis I’m lodge into this pull that people want to devour me for being this black man I am. I roam around this city a lot. And Outside the “hood” and predominately black neighborhoods and areas or urban venues. I see sprinkles of likeness when out and about. And a vast majority they are workers or a seldom few here and there. So theres always a thought that Im that one different thing that happens to be in the vicinity. That must be had. But hey.. Im hoping its all in my head.