#aometimes relationships are hard. but if u battle the problem together its easier | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

everythingsinred · 2 years

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thinking abt when i was suicidal and how it was already hard enough to seek help (i remember being mad at zoe for telling me mom abt my feelings, thats how hard it was for me) but how much it wouldve destroyed me if the ppl i care abt most told me that helping me take care of my mental health was too much “emotional labor” and how im “trauma dumping.”

and honestly yall almost had me believing that bullshit too, that my comfort should come first even if someone really needs me but thats not true. sorry if u dont wanna hear this but ur a fairweather friend if u only wanna be there when its easy and comfortable. yes theres a name for u and its not “self care” or “emotionally healthy”. its FAIRWEATHER FRIEND. a selfish person who only wants to be around ppl if it benefits them.

the second someone needs help, the second being around someone isnt all sunshine and butterflies, and the second u make someone elses suffering abt YOUR comfort, then uve become part of the problem and this growing social media frenzy abt “self care” and “putting ur own mental health first” is just code for selfishness and abandoning ppl who need support while putting the blame on them for daring to ask for it. cant tell u how many times ive been told “cant u just pretend to smile at least? ur so negative” or “uve become cold and not happy like u used to be :/“ making MY mental health a problem for them, that im inconveniencing other ppl and IM at fault for not pretending everything is fine. “idk how to comfort ppl” immediately puts the other person is a place of shame and guilt for making u uncomfortable. “cant we talk abt something else?” when ur friend is trying to tell u smth important (and unpleasant) is selfish and putting ur own comfort in front of someone elses mental health.

u dont need to drop everything for everyone all the time. thats not what im saying. but the reluctance to EVER do this and the resentment u feel when someone in a bad place is relying on u bc they feel ur all they have? thats selfish.

#im saying this bc i regurgitated the same selfish lines when someone rly needed me #and u know what? we couldve helped each other then #we helped each other later sure. but my hwaling couldve started earlier if i hadnt been so selfish #we need each other #yall will complain abt individualism and capitalist culture #until a friend or loved one really needs u and its ‘too much work’#then ur all ‘self care’. fuck u #its a selfish mindset and puts u in the center of every conflict #NEWSFLASH! its not all abt u all the time!#let someone else have the spotlight for once and stop thinking abt ur own comfort all the time #bc u could be leading ppl who rly need help into isolating themselves #and ppl who feel they cant trust u wont turn to u and they might get worse #loneliness makes ppl feel worthless and when u make their mental health abt YOUR inconvenience all u do is strengthen that feeling #yes i do have strong feelings abt this #bc ppl have been shit friends to me abt this when all i needed was someone to be on my side #thank god for zoe and my mom who stood by me but everyone needs that #be the solution. dont just make the problem worse #aometimes relationships are hard. but if u battle the problem together its easier #little anya things #suicide mention

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