#aplang16revise

[rohithaa]

Yeah yeah I realize that I’m posting the same picture are before ( I accidentally revealed the edited version before oops…)

(It’s whatever in black btw)

Anyway, I decided to shorten up the number of questions I ask my audience from 10 to 7-8. This is because I thought that there’s only a few times a person can ask the same question in different words until it gets repetitive and annoying. Many of the questions relate mostly to the women and now I’m trying to come up with questions that relate to men too. Otherwise, it might seem like I’m trying to discriminate against the men with the questions I’m asking my audience. Most of my questions are the same as before, some relate to the male side of the conversation and some are about the two in general. Some of the questions I believe will not be able to get my point across but that's why I'm still going to continue to perfect my questions. I wanted to get a variety of questions that I want my audience since I’m interviewing a lot of people. I believe that with these questions I can get “better” responses. Although,I’m still tweaking it because the perfect question doesn’t exist.

[zaeems-blog]

So this is technically my third prototype from my original two. I'm still going with the whole snowglobe idea however, im changing what will be inside the snowglobe. I will have a small globe of the Earth inside the snowglobe. The Earth will have wires from specific countries going out to the glass. On the glass from the inside there will be social media posts and pictures of alienation of gender from that specific country.

[bridgetcona-blog]

I didn’t have much to add to my outline because my reviewers mostly were thinking of good ways to execute the whole movie like the addition of a dramatic deep voice for the narrator. However, one scene I did add was the fun facts about death slide which isn’t much better than how it sounds. It is to show the affects of school on kids with suicide statistics and depression to show why people should care about this issue and might hit at home for some members of my audience. When this new version received feedback, I got more of the same comments on how to execute it without changing any of the basis of the information I have. Some of the additions I am going to make to the movie are while I’m explaining the fun facts about death and how nature helps, I’m going to be strolling around nature in an aesthetically pleasing area and showing videos of Lila freaking out without her knowing instead of interviewing to show her in her own nature. I adore Lila.

[briannaaiello]

My Second Prototype: This drawing is in more detail, therefore it brings my idea to life even further than before. From the last tumblr post that we did on our first prototype, you can see that I applied Andrane’s advice to this (new and improved) drawing. I really liked how this drawing turned out, especially compared to the last one which was extremely rough. Although I love this prototype, I still believe that it can be improved even more. I was having some issues with it because I felt like the saying could represent my claim and theme better. When Katie, Zaeem, and I paired up again to discuss our revised prototypes, I told them of my issues with the saying. Katie suggested ‘Education is Equality’ which I really liked and I think I will be using on my next prototype/sketch. Katie, Zaeem, and I literally work amazing together, therefore if we ever do any other group assignments, we need to work together (we’re a squad now).

[jarrettward1998-blog]

Revision: So after taking in the feedback I received and consider making a small scale of what I want to make my comic strip I've added more writing that extends and resents my claim on hope and selfsame realization finding something as simple as hope during a difficult time to help us make it through a tragic time In our lives I want to find other things to improve on like the drawings but this is just a step in the direction of my final comply of the comic strip

[shahrozmkhan-blog]

After going back and looking over the suggestions for my prototype, I came up with three key revisions for my game plan. One, I need a plot that distantly connects with my main theme in the beginning but becomes clearer as the game progresses. Two, there will be multiple characters going through the same map, but only certain characters will be able to progress. And Three, there needs to be some form of humor that slowly becomes darker as the game progresses. Overall it's going to be a pain making all the character models but it's going to be something great.

[yujoycee-blog]

Here is my first prototype next to my second prototype. I didn’t make a lot of significant changes because the most of the feedback I got wasn't about editing out but to add things that will make my argument work. I told my reviewer about my other idea of making a movie and my concern that I don't know how to act my argument out. Someone said that instead of making a a full movie, I should instead incorporate the acting scenes into the Ted Talk speech somehow. I thought it was a good idea because it was a way to incorporate two ideas that I think are really good into one.

[keishinator-blog]

I didn’t really change anything to my prototype.  Since my reviewers were asking lots of questions, I explained things to them in more detail to clarify how I was going to proceed with making my short movie.  They also helped me look at questions I hadn’t thought about before, such as the length of the movie, and where I was going to film it.  I’ll try to make it under 10 minutes, because I know people have short attention spans.  (That’s why a lot of videos on YouTube are like 2-4 minutes long).  The location will also change a lot since each scene will probably be about 20-45 seconds (they’re little snip-bits).  One of my reviewers also made me think about my actors (who they’re going to be/play).  This made me realize that for my movie, the clothing is important in making it clear who is who, since there will be minimal talking from the actors themselves, and more of me doing a voice over of how the children are being affected during and after childhood, carrying on to their adult life.

[louissxiii-blog]

Revision

My revision went well, I got some good feedback and I could throw my ideas out there and get feedback on those too.  I with my reviewers decided that the best way to make my argument in a physical form isnt through a statue, but through a coloring book that depicts the alienation of black women through standards of beauty.  The revision worked out well because  I was taking with someone I knew who understand what I can do and who understands what ways would be most successful for me to use.  I explained that a statue wouldnt really get my theme across as clear as I would like it to and it would be really complicated and a struggle to try and make, so we decided that a coloring book with a message would be a better, clearer, more doable option.

[taylorsolwold]

Revision of Prototype: 

  Here are the revisions I made to my prototype after I received really good advice on how I could make it even better! One thing that I thought was most important was to switch the position of passion and responsibility on the camera.  Most people felt their passions changed more often than responsibilities.  By having the camera body represent those duties that must be completed, it shows the importance and consistency of our responsibilities. Whereas having the lens represent passions shows how what we love is constantly changing and won’t always be the same throughout our whole life.  I was also told it would be a good idea to have interchangeable lenses to represent different age groups passions and how they changed.  Each lens would represent a different time in a persons life. 

[jalenh531-blog]

So this was the revision some people had for me to better represent my claim. Something along the lines of this: I'll have a jar or bucket or something that can be filled with water or some sort of liquid. Then, at the bottom of the container, I'll have different dolls or models of people from each decade showing what made them alienated. For example: I have slavery, women's rights, Jewish people, Japanese people, African American rights, and then so on. And then on top of the jar, I'll have the rich white man on top. The liquid is to represent alienation and oppression to these people in society because of who they are. I'm not sure if this is my final or not, or if I want the liquid in there or something, but I'm pretty sure it will be something along those lines.

[ecoonan-blog]

this is my revision. I upgraded from crinkled lined paper to computer paper, so at least there’s that. My ideas became more clear, and I spent a little bit more time thinking about the flow and the message I’m trying to explain. From here, I plan to focus in on one clear thesis. My thesis at the moment is blurry. That’s any easy fix though.

[withersyd-blog]

This is my revision. I picked to do the social experiment interview. I will record strangers rather than friends so this interview will not be bias. Hopefully I will get people of all ages willing to participate. I will ask various questions having to do with alienation of race. I will have all genders and all races. I want to see what type of controversy I receive from the different answers.

[brookeblanchette-blog]

Revise

I had a long conversation with a classmate about all the possible ways I have of expressing my argument about how people have rights, but they are still reaching out for their freedom. Well after a while of conversation, I thought of an idea that I could do that was cool. I had the idea of a painting of a slave reaching out of a jail cell and having part of the hand sticking out of the cell, but the hand sticking out of the cell, I thought it wold be cool to actually have the hand 3D coming from the painting. This I feel will better represent my argument to my audience. I plan on making a 3d model of the hand, and the classmate, Jordan, thought of the idea of maybe having the colors of the hand fade dark to light, having the light represent freedom. This, I hope, will be better thank just a regular painting. 

[2stepsfar-blog]

I added around 10 questions total for religious and non-religious alike. I decided to ask questions that I hope would inevitably lead to them proving that death itself is not scary, just the pain that people around you will feel without actually asking that question. I got some feedback that told me to consider asking what they think is harder to deal with in regards to death. I added these questions, but after giving feedback to someone else with the same abstract, I am considering changing what I’m doing? Or adding more to this? (Since you’re all technically my audience I say it here: if I were to maybe ask people to tell me a story of losing someone then write it into a story. Like it will be real life events and then I’ll write it in a narrative stance. For instance, let’s say the person lost their child I would write from the beginning of their relationship, the death, and then the grieving/acceptance in a story form. I don’t know, it’s all kind of rough right now but I might not even do it, so I won’t stress about it.) 

[akoaysi-cathy-blog]

alright, so this is my revision....

It doesn’t look like much but what it will be is a photo collage of immigrants who came to America in hopes of a better future. There will be different categories of immigrants, i guess, in the different colors. White will be naturalized citizens. Red will most likely be people who haven’t been naturalized. Blue will be children of immigrants and how their lives are. The immigrants’ stories will be on the back of the sticky notes. The sticky notes will cover the pictures to show how no one really looks at who makes America.

There are still more decisions I have to make though. Like if I should include famous people in the collage or if I should keep it local so it becomes a bit more personal to my audience. Where I should put this poster collage thing. I was thinking about the wall right in front of the lunch room because it’s relatively big and is passed by practically everyone in school or if I should just keep it near Kreinbring’s room because my intended audience was supposed to be lang kids.... but then again that doesn’t mean it’s exclusively for them.... I’ll see. And there is also the question of whether or not I should incorporate native born Americans (aka most white people) in the picture collage bc America lets them do things they wouldn’t be able to do elsewhere... they just don’t know it. 

But yeah... At first I thought this idea wasn’t going to work out. I wasn’t feeling it. Then the people I talked to said it was good and that told me the audience liked it so I should just keep pursuing this.