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xxsovereignsarayaxx · 4 years

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Elizabeth Mikaelson - What If? Chapter 18

Authors Note: Latest chapter has arrived. Thank you to my glorious tech loving neighbour to whom has let me borrow their PC until I can get mine back former glory! Feedback makes me a better writer! This part of Elizabeth’s journey is almost at a close but not to worry she will make a reappearance in the future I have plans for her. Word Count: 3676 Warnings: None

Lizzie-Lijah Stag Tag: @skeletoresinthebasement @sparrowsparrow (Want to be added pop me a message!)

Seeing Mystic Falls shrink into the background as we left it and everybody behind. Finn and Esther had disappeared. Kol had left and Elijah needed to clear his head. The words spoken by his mother had stuck with him, he didn’t say anything but I just knew. The only sound was the engine in the car as it ate up the miles to whatever destination Elijah was heading towards.

It was just his lack of words that was making me extremely concerned. What Esther said to her children was harsh and uncalled for. And as I glanced over to Elijah he had a serious expression on his features and held onto the steering wheel as tightly as he could and I was surprised that it hadn’t shattered. I reached out to place a hand onto his thigh and my action of affection sort of brought him back into the moment but not enough.

“Hey, why don’t we pull over?” I suggested softly, rubbing his thigh lovingly.

Elijah still refused to speak but he signalled for the car to pull over and parked it onto a grass verge. Unbuckling his seatbelt he leaned back into the seat, loosening his tie he closed his eyes resting them for a moment. Listening to his breathing starting to settle, I was slightly relieved that he was slowly starting to calm down.

“What if she was right?” Elijah asked quietly.

“But she isn’t.”

“I’ve killed, maimed and slaughtered people amongst other things for my own gain.”

“Haven’t we all? The one thing Esther fails to understand is that as vampires everything is heightened to us. We all struggle, we all have times where we are weak and most importantly we’ve all made mistakes. But it’s what we bring for the future that defines us, not the past. We protect our family. And you are one of the most caring people I know Elijah, you're so driven to protect the ones you love. Esther’s claims, she said to hurt you because she knew she could damage you the most.” I replied as I turned in the seat so I could cup his cheek with my hand.

“Thank you for your kind words, but what did I ever do to deserve you?” Elijah asked me as he leant into my touch.

“Those kind words happen to be the truth, but if you really want to know it’s me who doesn’t deserve you. You saved me when I was slowly turning into the monster that books and stories depict us. It was you who made me realise who I could truly be.”

We sat in the parked car just enjoying each other's presence just watching the world go by. We had all the time in the world so it was enjoyable to just sit back and watch the clouds float along in the clear blue sky. Resting my head on Elijah’s shoulder I let out a peaceful and content sigh. It finally felt as things were starting to get back on track for us.

“Come let's go for a walk, the weather is beautiful. Let us not waste an opportunity like this.” I said breaking the silence. As I unbuckled my own seatbelt I opened the passenger car door and stepped outside. I took a deep breath in, the fresh clear air filled my lungs and I could smell the grass and the daisies that grew in the field nearby. Elijah also exited the car and was about to sort his tie out when I looked over the car roof. “Leave it.” I said softly.

He looked at me unsure what to do.

“There is nobody to see you, I don’t often get to see you with your tie loose at least let me enjoy the view.” I added with a chuckle.

“I thought we were looking at the weather?” Elijah asked in jest, raising his eyebrow as he made his way to my side of the road.

“And I’m a lady so I can multitask and enjoy both.” I said with a wink and chuckle, taking his hand in mine and interlaced my fingers with his.

We both started to walk along the side of the road until I spotted a path that led to a dirt path, slightly tugging on Elijah’s hand as we made our way down the path. Tree’s dotted all along the path and the sound of songbirds singing their retrospective songs as we walked past. With the sky still clear and the white fluffy clouds floating it was a perfect way to distract Elijah from the previous events.

“Did you even have a destination in mind while you were driving?” I asked, coming to a halt.

“I was just following the road, I appreciate that you came. You could have stayed with Rebekah.” Elijah admitted.

“And leave you to think on your own? Rebekah understands that you come first. I’m married to you, not her. I told Rebekah it wasn’t a goodbye.” I replied to my husband, looking at him.

“Where would you like to go?” Elijah asked, bringing our interlaced hands towards his lips kissing the knuckles softly.

Repeating his action but on his own hand, I looked up. “Well truth is we need to head to Richmond, there’s a little girl who needs us.” I whispered.

Cutting our walk short we turned around and headed back to the car. Opening the car Elijah guided me into the passenger seat. Sorting out my seatbelt I waited for him to be ready. He started the car and proceeded the journey to Richmond.

“What I’m going to tell you no one else knows. But I also understand that it’s also a lot to process.”

Elijah never said a word but he did glance over to me and gave me a reassuring look that he would listen and support me with whatever I had to say.

I explained to Elijah about everything that happened whilst he was daggered, my trip to New York when I was avoiding everyone so I could build myself into a stronger person. I told him about how Jacob approached me in the coffee shop, telling me about my sister and about little Nicole and the unfortunate call I received this morning about his sudden death.

“I can now understand fully how you cherish Rebekah the way you do.”

“I want to do right by her. We are all the remaining family, this little girl has left Lijah. She’s lost both of her parents far too quickly. No child should ever go through that.”

“I give you my word we will do right by Nicole. I wish I was around to meet her father.” Elijah says, reaching out to my hand giving it a quick squeeze.

“It’s not something we could control. Your brother seems to have the worst timing to set in motion his plans, I know it’s not ideal and I’ve said this before but I can’t let her be raised by strangers who don’t understand her potential.” I told him my voice cracking slightly.

“We will protect her, give her a home. She is family. Always and forever.”

Because the drive to Richmond from Mystic Falls was less than three hours we arrived late in the afternoon, whilst in the car I had spoken to the child services agent that I had a call from this morning and arranged to meet her tomorrow.

We pulled up into a car parking complex which held one of my favourite hotels in the city. As the car came to a stop and the engine off. Elijah turns to me, giving me a gentle look into my eyes and opens his car door and goes around to my side to let me out, taking his arm we head into the hotel and within a matter of moments we head up into a room. Helping me take off my overcoat he turns to hang it on the back of the chair in the small sitting room space.

“Have you thought about Nicole?” He asked.

“I think about her all the time.” I replied looking fondly at him.

“The family as a whole has an extremely large target on our backs. Just because our last name is Mikaelson, I don’t wish for our enemies to exploit her to get to us.”

“I understand where you're coming from Elijah and it’s something we have never had to prepare for. We can’t predict what the future has in store for any of us as a family but all we can do is take everyday as it comes.” I say as I take a seat to the sofa, taking off my shoes massaging the soles of my feet.

“Very well.” Elijah responds, taking a seat next to me and brings up my other leg to help relax me.

“There is one thing that strikes me as odd.”

“How so?” Elijah queeries.

“Jacob’s death was sudden, the last time we spoke there was no inclination in his voice that he sounded stressed nor paranoid. And when I visited him he seemed to be in perfect health. A little sleep deprived but that seemed normal with being a single parent with a young child.”

“Perhaps we can find out more when we arrive at the house, maybe there is something we can figure out that the humans cannot.”

The next morning both of us were heading up the path to my former brother in law’s house. It felt odd being here so soon and it saddened me that Nicole was left without both of her birth parents but I also felt honoured that she would now be in our care. As I was about to knock on the door it opened from the other side, revealing a tall woman around five foot seven, with long blonde hair and glasses, she had a warm smile on her face.

“Mrs Mikaelson?” She asked softly.

“Hi Brianna, this is my husband Elijah.” I replied to her shaking her hand while I introduced Elijah to the human.

Elijah shook the human’s hand, he gave her a quick glance up and down with his eyes and then we were invited inside.

Inside the house was just as before, the layout of the furniture was the same, the only thing missing were the two former occupants. Brianna invited us to sit down in the living room whilst she went into Nicole's bedroom to check on her. Apparently she had been put down for a sleep as she hadn’t slept well the night before and was still exhausted and cranky.

“How has Nicole been?” I asked softly the moment when the human sat in the chair that Jacob once sat in.

“She realises her father is missing from her routine and doesn’t like the sudden change, but it is normal. She has been eating but her sleeping schedule has varied day by day.”

“How long has it been since Jacob’s passing?” Elijah asked.

“It’s been two weeks since his death.”

Hearing that it had been weeks since hearing about Jacob made my blood boil, feeling my temper start to rise. I felt the soothing touch of Elijah’s hand rubbing small circles on my leg. Clearing my throat ever so slightly I looked at the human dead in her eyes. “And you waited this long to phone me?”

“I understand your dismay Mrs Mikaelson but we had some difficulty getting your information, it was only later discovered in Mr Josephs last will and testament that his daughter would go into the care of you and your husband. He left your contact details with his final wishes along with a sealed envelope that would only be able to be opened by you or your husband.” Brianna replies, her words were straight to the point there seemed to be no emotion to her explanation.

The human gets up and walks over to the dark solid oak drawers and pulls out a large envelope along with a stack of worn and weathered books. She picks them up and places them on the coffee table in the room. “Jacob stated in his will that you and your husband were fans of history and left you these to add to your collection.”

Elijah reached out and picked the first book from the pile, he opened it and the worn spine of the book cracked open when he flicked through some of the pages. Glancing over his shoulder I saw they were in fact his grimoire and spelled to look like history books. Closing the book softly Elijah smiled at the human. “His legacy will be remembered.”

The three of us then heard the faint sound of fussing from the other room and Brianna got up from her seat, when I also took to my feet. “May I?” I asked softly.

“Of course.” She replied and with that I left the room and entered Nicole's room. She was still sleeping in the bed she had before and once she saw me she stopped with her fussing and went quiet but had a smile to her features, raising her arms I bent down and lifted her into my arms.

“Hi there, little one.” I whispered to her ear and planted a soft kiss to the side of her head.

“Li Li.” Nicole attempts to say, with a beaming smile as she reaches out to touch my face with her small chubby hands.

Catching her hands with my mouth I give them a playful attack of kisses she lets out a giggling frenzy and wriggles in my arms trying to get away. Setting her down she pulls her top down and does a little dance once she had finished and then approached the door.

She cautiously walked into the other room and shot her head around to make sure I was still following closely behind, I gave her a reassuring smile and picked her back up, balancing her on my hip as then bounced her around a little to calm her down.

“I was just explaining the procedure to your husband, we will be visiting your home to make sure it is suitable and once I am satisfied that you are able to care for Nicole and give her everything she needs, we would let you take her home with you. The process can be lengthy but don’t worry Nicole is in good hands.

As I was bouncing Nicole I felt a strange feeling, I sensed magic here and it wasn’t Jacobs, it was magic I had sensed prior to that and I had a gut feeling that foul play was involved. Setting Nicole to the floor near her toy box much to her dismay but she was then immediately distracted by a soft bear.

“Would you mind if we spoke outside?” I asked looking at Brianna.

“Of course not.” She replied with a small smile.

Picking up the letter on the coffee table I kissed my fore and middle finger and placed them on Nicole’s head and then walked to the front door followed by Elijah. As we took a step outside he closed the door behind us.

“Jacob left his grimoires and what seems to be a diary for you.” Elijah says.

“Did you feel the atmosphere inside?” I asked quietly, shifting on my feet the heels of my shoes clicking on the stone outside.

“You mean the presence of another and magic? Then yes. I felt it.”

“Lets see what this letter has to say.” I offer, using my nail to open the sealed flap.

Elizabeth. Elijah.

I hope this letter finds you well and I thank you both for being here for my daughter in this time of need, but if you are reading this then my darkest fears have come true Nicole lost me as well as her mother.

I am sorry that it has come to this but I need you to take Nicole and raise her as your own child. Please I beg of you. You and your family are all she has left and the only ones I know who can protect her if needed.

The past few days have been strange. A woman with her son approached the house, asking about you Elizabeth. I sensed her strong magic and it frightened me. Her son also had the same intimidating effect. I tried my best to put a protection spell on the house but my magic had no comparison to the pure strength I was up against.

Elizabeth, I have left you all of our grimoires so you can learn to cast and control your magic and be able to guide Nicole when the time is right. From the moment I met you I knew you would be good for her. And I know deep in my heart that Elijah will be there to support and love her. Please take care of my daughter, teach her the world and show her how beautiful it can be.

Until we meet again. Jacob

Reading the letter brought tears to my eyes, but also reading it brought my suspicions to light Nicole’s father had been killed.

“With this letter and the presence we have both felt I’m sure you have come to the same conclusion that I have. The woman I once called my mother did this.”

“We can’t come to conclusions Lijah, you heard it from Brianna that Jacob died two weeks ago. ”

“Unless this is all but a mere ruse and fable created by Finn. When in reality this could have happened days ago.” Elijah whispered in a low tone, his hands balled into fists. I was unable to comprehend that a mother such as Esther would cause a child to lose both of her parents.

“It would explain why the presence is still strong.” I said sharply trying to calm my husband in the process. “We need to get Nicole and leave now.”

Elijah brought me into an embrace and brought his lips close to my ear. “I am truly sorry this has happened but we will get our revenge, I give you my word.”

Elijah took the letter and folded it into his pocket and we both headed inside. Putting on a charade Elijah made his way to the human whilst I walked over to Nicole and picked her and her stuffed animal up moving her away from Elijah.

“Li, Li? What doing?” Nicole asked in her babble as I brought her back to her bedroom.

“We’re going on a trip, you me and Elijah so we need to pack some things ok? Do you want to help?” I asked her in a higher tone, putting her to the floor.

Nicole nodded and went to her bed and picked up some of her stuffed cuddly toys. “We need Fluffy nd Moo.” She babbled as I moved to her drawers and picked out some clothes laying them on the bed until I found a bag to put them in.

From the other room I heard Elijah compel the human saying she wouldn’t remember Nicole, her case or ever meeting us telling her to collect her things and leave the house. Elijah softly knocked on the door. “I will start loading the car with the things we need.”

“Thank you.” I told him softly.

Within a few minutes we had everything we needed for Nicole along with the grimoires that had been left and some family photos for Nicole once she was older, as I was buckling her into her car seat I turned to see Elijah look at the light blue wooden front door. With a match in his hand. Elijah had turned on the gas from the cooker in the kitchen and led a trail of alcohol from the living room to the front door. We wanted to leave no trace of Jacob or Nicole behind that way she would be safe. Closing the door to the car I walked over to Elijah. “I vow to you that Esther and Finn will pay for their actions.” And with that he lit the match and threw it inside, we sped to a distance and watched the house go up in smoke.

“What do we do now?” He asked, turning to look at me then behind to the car seeing that Nicole had fallen asleep.

“It’s dangerous and unfit for a child to be around. We have unfinished business that needs to be dealt with. I have a friend who will keep her safe until it's time for us to be a family. I will control my magic to fight alongside you, we are dealing with some serious power. Because now we have someone else who relies on us. And I promise I will not let either of you down.”

Elijah dropped the car keys into the palm of my hand. “Are we going to visit who I think we are?” He asked softly but there was a tone of jealousy in his voice. “You are aware he despises my very existence.”

“Jean-Paul only hates you Elijah because you already have what he wants. Me. But unless he wishes to stop living his life, it will be in his best interest that he cooperates with us. I will make it known I have no problem ending his existence.” I explained as I got into the driver's seat.

Getting settled in the passenger side, Elijah let out a sigh. “Is Penelope not an option?”

“As much as I love her to bits, it wouldn’t be a wise choice. Jean-Paul knows how to stay hidden and that is what I’m counting on.”

“And how are we going to find him, if he knows to stick to the shadows?”

“Because unlike the degenerate vampires he hides from, I know him better than he knows himself. Niklaus would like him, the pair of them do share common traits.”

“I would find that very hard to believe my dear.” Elijah replies with a slight chuckle as he turns to check on the small sleeping form on the backseat.

#the vampire diaries #vampire diaries #elijah mikealson #elijah mikaelson x reader #elijah x reader #the originals #original vampire #original character #Niklaus Mikealson #Rebekah Mikealson

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lady-of-glass-and-bone · 5 years

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Nine Lives and Then Some

I just bought 1-4 of the Final Destination movies and I needed to do this.

Death x Reader

Warnings: death/angst

Death has a job to do and you're just making it harder.

(picture is of ‘Death on the Pale Horse’ Gustave Dore,1865)

You had somehow managed to stir one of the universes most powerful and inescapable forces into a frenzy that would be spoken of for eons.

Death was normally cool and collected even when a human or few managed to inadvertently skirt away from their end. There was always another spool of phenomenon to unfurl around the humans, leading them to the inevitable time of departure.

Delays didn't mean much when you had all of time to work around some bumps in the road.

But you. You weren't simply a bump. You were a mountain, just plopped down right in the middle of all the carefully laid plans and schemes.

Death had respect for humans, truly. Even more so for the ones who became aware of the plan and tried (but eventually failed) to rewrite the end. To escape, scrambling for more time.

But you? You were just mocking Death because you didn't even seem to be trying to avoid it! Didn't even seem to notice. Or didn't care. But then how were you still alive?

You were driving Death up the proverbial walls, stirring the ire of an ancient force who wielded unlimited power.

And you had no clue.

You took a different route for no real reason at the last second on your way to some mundane errand and had Death wishing for eyes simply so it could claw at them.

You woke up late one morning to a deadly yet simple trap Death had set in your very own home only to spot and avoid it, and frankly, that was more embarrassing than Death would ever admit to.

A simple distraction created for a driver as you went to cross the street, only for you to hesitate in your steps, looking over your shoulder at a barking dog. Death could only look on, boiling in irritation, at your smiling face as you showered the dog with attention.

Death didn't take breaks. Could multitask like it was nobody's business. You were merely one of many humans on the list and while some took more finesse and planning, to check off, you were confounding.

But you had to go! It was as simple as that.

Death knew humans sometimes took a step back from projects to refresh their minds or to gain some perspective on it as a whole. So that's what Death did, stepped away to focus on other humans that needed to go.

So Death crafted other plans, stacked up action against action in intricate detail only to pull a string, sit back, and watch them all tumble against each other into chaotic order.

None of which involved you.

Not that Death didn't keep an eye on you though. Looking in on you at least one maybe five okay fine seven times a day, for purely observational reasons, of course. There was absolutely no other reason for Death to be so invested in such a happy silly, resilient frustrating, lovely puny, intelligent irritating, force of nature human other than to make a trap that you couldn't unknowingly wriggle your way out of.

And it worked. Until it didn't.

It was during one of Death's daily observations of you that it happened. You were walking home from work at a small shop which sold flowers. The evening sun was stretching orange light across the sky as it sank toward the horizon between the skyscrapers.

You lived in a city where streets were crowded and buildings sat snug beside bigger buildings. And in Death's line of work, cities were a hot bed for accidents and crime, easily manipulated to fit a plan.

And crime was a tool, a horrible one yes, but Death wielded it just the same. Fate dealt with it more often than not, pushing or shielding humans to and from it.

Beings such as them didn't dwell on who it hurt because it was in the plan, a part of the bigger picture.

That being said, Death didn't always have a conscious hand in every humans passing, some just happened. Fate sometimes helped (or hindered, depending on the situation) with those. Just simple acts that led to simple casualties.

Not even Death was privy to Fate's inner workings, the why's attached to the who's weren't Death's concern. Not til you.

Now it was rushing towards you like a. . . well, like a bullet.

Your observant nature and kind heart would lay you out on the hard cement of the city. Just another body. It was as vivid as blood on snow, unfolding in a minuscule amount of time now that it was holding the full attention of the timeless being.

It made Death feel small, frozen. Afraid.

You heard struggling in the alley, one you walked by every day, a muted voice with vicious intent. The thud of a hit connecting with it's target. Flesh on flesh.

"Hey!" Your voice sounded louder as it bounced off the alley walls. One, two, three small steps in and it was over.

The gun was lifted away from intimidating it's original target and aimed at you. The hand holding it was young. Startled.

You only had time to blink, eyes going wide as they focused on the weapon. Your last thought was that you had only ever seen one on TV and in movies.

And then you felt pain bloom in your chest, knocking the air right out of your lungs as the impact sent you backward, skull cracking on the pavement. You never caught your breath.

The bullet was aimed with an accuracy that the man holding it would never fully understand. It hadn't been your voice that startled him first.

There had been a tap on his shoulder, he would tell the cops later when they tracked him down, but when he turned to look it was just you. Standing at the mouth of the alley, too far away and looking fiercely concerned.

He hadn't meant to hurt anyone. Death knew that. Death didn't particularly care.

Sometimes accidents happened. But Death wasn't behind this one. Death was on the opposite side this time and it burned like an imploding star.

Death understood the tears and wails at funerals. Finally, it was clear how one human death could create so much more pain than any physical wound.

Death had been trying to kill you without knowing why. You were just on the list. And now, Death could never see you again. Someone had done the job right.

No more watching you whisper to the plants about inane things. No more wondering why you were always kind to that one neighbor who was endlessly in a foul mood.

No more smiles and petting strangers dogs or reaching for dreams only you knew about.

If Death had anyone around to notice, they would say the fierce and rigid immortal was in mourning.

The plans became more ruthless, deaths more painful and grisly. But Death never took any human that wasn't on the list. Not even if they got in the way or tried to stop the plan.

The guilt came and went. Death was all powerful but apparently not enough to save you. Maybe Fate just got sick of you being around when you shouldn't have and took action.

Did Fate know how much you had wormed your way into Death's thoughts. Had you become a distraction?

Eventually, with confusion and guilt weighing it down, Death took a break.

Being on Earth was not new for Death, nor was having a human body.

The first thing the newly suited Death did was walk to all the places it had seen you visit the most. The flower shop. A coffee place that you only ever ordered hot chocolate from. A small dinner with a simple menu you had all but memorized.

Your home was the last place Death visited. Bending the rules and simply slipping through walls and doors until suddenly Death was there.

The middle of your living room was half packed away. Pictures gone from shelves, books probably donated somewhere, plants wilting.

The smell was new to Death, the smell of you. Warmth, chocolate, earthy. It was stronger in the bedroom, the only room that was seemingly untouched.

Sitting on the end of your bed, Death looks solemnly around.

It was the brightest room by far, not to the human eye but Death could see the aura you had left etched into the walls.

It would fade and Death would stay until every single speck blinked out. A decade or a hundred years, it didn't matter.

Fate could make plans and steal lives for whatever reasons that were deemed necessary and Death could take a damn break.

"I thought you'd be coming sooner." A voice so familiar breaks the quiet and Death almost doesn't believe it's yours. But there you are, standing in the doorway, solid and there but only to Death.

Smiling at Death, no pain, no blood and no hesitation. You hold out your hand.

"I didn't mean to make such a fuss," you say, smile faltering a bit "I was just following my gut."

"Well," Death takes in a great, unnecessary breath and stands "I cannot fault you for that, you did cheat me a time or two."

"Ha ha, aren't you hilarious."

Your hand is warm when Death takes hold of it, loosely at first but your grip tightens. No letting go now.

Death feels a smile pull across it's face and you return it, absolutely glowing.

"You gonna show me all the big secrets?" Now you're grinning, voice breathy and excited.

"And then some" Death promises with a kiss to your hand.

#final destination #death as a character #is death the ultimate slasher?#slashers #slashers x reader #duck did it #slasher community

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thebibliomancer · 4 years

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Essential Avengers: Avengers #207: Beyond a Shadow...

May, 1981

“After countless centuries HE LIVES AGAIN! THE SHADOW LORD COMETH!”

He cometh riding upon a tornado like its a mighty sand worm. What a guy, this Shadow Lord.

Honestly seeing the Avengers tumbling about in a tornado cracks me up every time. Especially Wonder Man who looks nonchalant about it aside from being ass over head.

So I don’t think we’ve really talked about it but this period of Avengers is kind of between main writers.

Since issue 200 and its four writers, we’ve had David Michelinie and Roger Stern on the two-part adaptation of that Ultron novel, David Michelinie for that weird story with the Crawlers in the sewers; Jim Shooter, David Michelinie, and Bob Budiansky for the Yellow Claw two-parter, Bill Mantlo for the everything is on fire story and now Bob Budiansky and Danny Fingeroth for this issue and the next. We start getting a consistent writer again starting in #211.

I wonder what was going on behind the scenes around this time.

Anyway, onward.

So we start the issue with who I assume is the Shadow Lord. But he’s not riding a tornado, like Pecos Bill. He’s standing on an invisible ocean structure of some kind. Apparently a mysterious invisible ocean structure of some kind that hasn’t been seen for almost two millennia.

And yet, someone has kindly painted the title of the issue in English on the mysterious invisible ocean structure of some kind.

Some guy, maybe the Shadow Lord: “The dreaded time has at last arrived, the moment I prayed would never come... the moment I knew would surely come. He is soon to return, and only the power entrusted to me is capable of stopping him. And even that power may not prove sufficient.”

“With every passing second, my city and myself pass ever more fully into the Earth’s plane of existence. Would that the cause of my return here from the barren vastnesses of the Shadow World was as joyous as the glow of this new day’s sun.”

“But the grim responsibility of an entire race is my unwelcome inheritance. It is a duty I cannot shirk. Alas, I must take what comfort I can in knowing that no matter what the result of the coming debacle, I will at least be free to rejoin Ayshera, she whom my heart holds most dear... though whether our reunion will be in celebration of victory -- or in darkest mourning for the ashes of this planet -- none willy truly know until the final battle.”

Some Guy sure is helpfully monologuing his entire life story here. And even so he manages to be vague, inside his own mind, about the nature of the threat he faces. Way to preserve the mystery, Guy.

Also, he’s from the Shadow World so he may be a Yugioh.

Anyway, as one might expect, a city appearing in the middle of the ocean out of nowhere is of alarm so US aircraft carrier Poseidon shows up and starts yelling at Some Guy.

Some Guy decides that they sound mad but he doesn’t have time for lengthy explanations so instead he gestures and the winds and waves start whipping up.

Welp! Seems like the US Poseidon is going on an Adventure!

Meanwhile, Mt. Vesuvius!

Yup. Its that kind of story, the kind partially set at Vesuvius.

Some archeologists are digging in the foothills of the mountain in what has been a fruitless several weeks of archeology but one of the archeologists finds a hand shaped object which may be a hand.

They mistake it for a statue at first but realize its actually a perfectly preserved lava mummified corpse.

And while they’re busy congratulating each other about how wealthy and famous this discovery will make them, they fail to notice the hand moving its finger shaped fingers.

And elsewhere again, the best damn thing.

A cowboy shouts “SLAP LEATHER, YA GALOOT!” and then gets shot by a cannon.

This isn’t the Wild West of the America, this is a spaghetti western film set and the director is very upset at Black Bart’s shitty death acting. How hard is it to get hit by a cannon and then to fall down and pretend to die like you just got hit by a cannon?

You wouldn’t think there’s a wrong way to get shot by a cannon but you’d be wrong.

Simon Williams, Wonder Man: “I’m sorry, Mr. Bertolini. It’s just that, being Wonder Man, it’s hard for me to pretend those cannonballs are hurting me when I can hardly feel them.”

Mr. Bertolini: “True, signore Wonder Man, but I hired you because I thought you could-a act!”

Oh yeah, Mr. Bertolini talks like Mario. So that’s another tally for Marvel’s respect of other countries and cultures.

Aside from this being the seventh take on a ‘guy gets hit by a cannonball, beefs it’ scene, cannonballs are expensive. The cannonball that bounced off Wonder Man’s midsection looks fine but maybe you can’t just reuse them.

The filming breaks for lunch and Wonder Man wanders over to where his moral support is.

His moral support, of course, being Beast.

And he is moral supporting but he’s also multitasking with some women because even in Italy, women are just fascinated by blue fur. Furries are universal.

Wonder Man doesn’t feel supported though and this lousy spaghetti western film is a good opportunity for him.

If you remember, the last project we saw him get was as a cheetah print leotard wearing muscle man on a kids show and he got fired for making the host Uncle Elmer look ridiculous.

(Revealed to Simon’s chagrin in #194, lost to mishap in #201)

Being in an actual movie, even a spaghetti western, is the boost his career needs.

(I think we need to confront the actual possibility that Wonder Man is not a very good actor. But he might be a good stunt man if he can learn to act like things hurt)

Wonder Man’s publicist Rachel Palmer shows up as well and wow. Rachel has never appeared before and given the fillery nature of these chaotic no consistent writer times may not appear beyond this story. But you instantly get the sense of their working relationship.

And they have good banter too.

Wonder Man: “Wait. There she is -- Rachel Palmer -- the apple of my eye, the light of my life, the bane of my existence!”

Rachel: “If you delivered your lines that well in front of the cameras, Simon, you might actually keep this job -- which’ll make it just a little easier to hype you as a star back in the States.”

Wonder Man: “Your encouraging words are a constant source of inspiration, Rachel. But I’d appreciate it if you’d confine them to your press releases.”

Rachel: “You’ve got me all wrong, Simon. I hope this whole thing turns out well for you. Really.”

Wonder Man: “And for yourself. After all, if you make me a big name, you can ride along on my coat-tails and become a media hotshot -- instead of being stuck as a flak for Grade D Westerns.”

Rachel: “No, Simon. I--”

Wonder Man: “Forget it, lady. I’m a big boy. I know that all’s fair in love -- and show biz.”

And then he walks off towards his trailer, satisfied at getting the last word with someone whose job it is to make him look good. Beast says that he thinks Wonder Man was too hard on her and that Rachel probably digs Wonder Man.

Wonder Man: “Maybe you’re right. But I still can’t get over feeling that Rachel’s motivated by sheer self-interest and everything else places a distant second.”

(I’m pretty sure she does dig Wonder Man because unbeknowst to Wonder Man and Beast, she follows them to the trailer, wanting to convince Wonder Man that she’s not as self-serving as he thinks and also to invite him to a romantic dinner)

Anyway, Wonder Man’s social life isn’t important. At all. And not right now. Because when he and Beast go into Wonder Man’s trailer and discover the Avengers’ emergency signal briefcase is BEEP BEEPing.

It’s Cap and there’s an emergency situation that demands immediate investigation.

A brand new island city has just popped up in the middle of the Mediterranean slash off the coast of Majorca from out of nowhere and the government wants the Avengers to investigate.

Presumably the US government.

Because if I know anything about mysterious island cities appearing from nowhere - and I know exactly one thing - by jingo, they start wars!

Beast is enjoying his vacation so asks why the US Sixth Fleet doesn’t handle it instead. They’re actually paid to do things while on an ocean. But Iron Man just says that the fleet has had problems.

And with a little reading comprehension we can guess what problems. Because we’ve seen it. Its not a mystery.

Iron Man has a Stark plane sent to pick Beast and Wonder Man up and fly them to Majorca. Or somewhere thereabouts. I don’t know if Majorca has or had an airport.

Wonder Man bemoans that he’ll never be a movie star if he keeps leaving the set to go have exciting comic book superhero adventures.

Which is a little like complaining about being too handsome. Ya jerk.

And remember how Rachel Palmer was peeping on them? No? Scroll up a little and look at the above panels again. Back? And remember how Rachel Palmer was peeping on them?

Her media senses are tingling and telling her that she should definitely go check out the city that appeared in the middle of the ocean. She’s much intrepid for not a reporter.

Meanwhile, some slice of life filler fluff that doesn’t matter but that I find delightful.

And if this liveblog isn’t about sharing things that I find delightful then what is it about? Exhaustively recounting plots to comic books from decades ago? That’s just a side benefit!

The call to action back at Avengers Mansion comes right when Wanda is having Vision move a couch.

Vision: “Wanda, while it may be true that I am capable of moving this couch about all day, it seems a gross misuse of my android abilities to do so.”

Wanda: “Maybe if we just move those shelves then you just put it down there. We’re Avengers, not interior decorators.

This is the content I eagerly crave.

So back in not America, Beast and Wonder Man complain about the plane ride but passing over the ocean they see what trouble the Sixth Fleet was having.

Some Guy, Possibly Shadow Lord managed to strand the Poseidon aircraft carrier fully on a deserted island.

And I was wrong about the plane taking them to Majorca. Its apparently taking them to Poseidon because it lands on the ship’s airstrip so the two Avengers can consult the stranded sailors about what the heck is going on.

Captain Paul Garrison tells them that they were investigating the mysterious new island/city (not mentioning that they were also yelling at it) when a tidal wave suddenly swelled up and carried the Poseidon several miles and left it on this island.

And apparently the same thing happened to any other plane and ship that attempted to approach the island. Thwarted by winds and waves.

Damn you, nature!

Anyway, its all rather mysterious but Wonder Man figures

“Well, we were sent here to investigate. So... let’s investigate.”

And Wonder Man rockets off to investigate the city. While giving Beast a piggyback ride.

Which. Amazing image. Bless this issue for its bounty of amazing images.

Bear in mind that the captain said that the aircraft carrier was carried several miles. Wonder Man’s belt rockets have impressive duration considering he can’t be carrying much fuel on his person.

When they reach the city, they find a localized hurricane hovering right above it. But Wonder Man just flies down through the eye of the storm to get to the city.

Some Guy Shadow Lord is surprised because he had been expecting big boats and planes. Not a guy with rocket pants and a blue gorilla riding on his back.

But he’s able to shoo them away just as easily as any big thing, with a wave of his hand summoning a wind that carries Wonder Man and passenger Beast away from the city.

Meanwhile, Rachel Palmer is also here. She spent all her money renting a plane and then a boat but she’s going to get to that mysterious city and get an exclusive inside story!

So is she a journalist? Or what? She’s Lois Laneing but as far as we’ve heard her job is to convince people they want to see Wonder Man do stuff in movies.

Wonder Man spots her and tries to fly to her rescue but two water spouts spurt up to ruin this rescue plan.

The first one launches Rachel’s boat into the air and smashes it to pieces. The second blasts Wonder Man out of the sky preventing him from saving Rachel from falling to her death.

But unseen by either of the Avengers, a strong breeze safely lowers Rachel to the ground of the city.

Because what is an Avengers comic without men developing weird and intense feelings for a nearby woman.

Some Guy: “How beautiful she is, how like my own Ayshera. And, also like Ayshera, she is courageous... and more than a little headstrong.”

Cool. I hope this doesn’t get weird. Or that we’re not asked to sympathize with a guy whose only ‘sympathetic’ trait is a possessive attraction to a woman. Looking at you, Living Laser. And, I guess, Graviton.

Anyway, Wonder Man doesn’t see Rachel getting rescued by an airbender so he works himself into a lather.

Wonder Man: “That sinks it! It’s one thing to attack naval ships and planes... one thing to attack Avengers... But when he kills an innocent woman who could do him no harm -- that guy’s gonna answer to WONDER MAN!”

Honestly, I think you’re selling Rachel short. I’m sure she could do harm if she put her mind to it. Like, what if she covered him in bees. That would suck.

Anyway, Wonder Man rages through the city’s protective winds and then gets SAFUUSH!’d between two walls of solid water.

He’s left sputtering and disoriented in the ocean. At least until some hooks hook down from the Quinjet, hook Wonder Man, and then hook him up into the ship.

I didn’t know that the Quinjet had hooks for grabbing people out of the ocean but I am thrilled.

Ideally, the Avengers would use their newfound ability to vaudeville hook people into orbit more often. I can think of so many instances where it would be useful, or at least hilarious.

Anyway, Wonder Man apprises the other Avengers into the situation.

Meanwhile, not dead Rachel Palmer wakes up and finds the Shadow Lord brood slouching in a chair and watching her while she was unconscious.

She is alarmed that he’s just sitting there staring but he basically goes ‘DON’T WORRY I READ YOUR MIND TO LEARN YOUR NAME AND LANGUAGE’ and then decides to explain his entire backstory.

Shadow Lord: “The city in which we stand is the Shadow Realm and I... I am called the Shadow Lord!”

DAMMIT I KNEW HE WAS A YUGIOH!

Anyway.

THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO! Give or take! An ancient tribe decided to move to an island to isolate themselves from “primitive, superstitious neighbors who feared [their] more advanced society.”

Off to a good start with this guy.

Free of the mundane concerns of living in a world that hated and feared them, they were able to peacefully ALL BECOME WIZARDS WHO COULD CONTROL THE FORCES OF NATURE.

Maybe the X-Men are onto something.

So the Shadow Lord’s people learned to control, winds, waves, earth, and maybe fire so what I’m saying is that it was an entire island of Avatars.

Boom, sequel idea. Give me millions of dollars, Nickelodeon.

“Though veiled in mystery, rumors of our existence spread throughout the world. We were feared and shunned by the other peoples of the Earth -- which allowed us to continue our studies undisturbed.”

“Those who mistrusted anything they could not comprehend... they called us witches and sorcerers. Those who knew and understood us called us... the Earth Lords!”

“For centuries our sole purposes were to augment our knowledge of the Earth’s forces and to maintain the natural balance between these forces. Otherwise, we had no interest in the day-to-day affairs of the outside world.”

Maybe I was wrong about them being Yugioh. Maybe they’re the Time Lords from the Doctor Who.

Anyway, the Earth Lords were happy sitting on their island being Avatars but over the eons they sensed a disturbance in the Force, for I must reference all the things.

"Over the eons, we became aware of a seemingly immortal, human force of awesome destruction, one who could potentially plunge mankind into an irreversible slide to its doom.”

“Singlehandedly he could destroy towns. With an army beside him -- countries. Time and again, he did. It was when he finally joined the legions of Rome at the peak of the Empire’s power... that we first feared the balance of nature was in danger of being destroyed. Rome could forever take over the world.”

The Earth Lords tried on several occasions to destroy this menace. We don’t get to know what constituted these efforts and that’s disappointing because of what the final successful attempt was.

By 79 AD, they knew he was on the slopes of Mt. Vesuvius so they caused it to erupt, just to bury this one guy under hundreds of tons of rock and ash and lava.

Mission accomplished.

Except for the little thing where the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius also wiped out Pompeii and Herculaneum and other cities people know significantly less about, killing over 20,000 people.

As things go, that’s pretty dire amount of incidental deaths to kill one person. And the Earth Lords realize that this was a pretty major fuck up.

So they decided that they couldn’t be trusted with their powers and that they would disperse into the outside world to live and die as people do and have their powers dissipate over the years.

But before they did that, they discovered that the seemingly immortal guy they hit in the face with a volcano was somehow still alive somehow. Just trapped. Under hundreds of tons of rock and ash and lava that cooled into rock.

They killed thousands and didn’t even permanently kill the dude they were trying to kill? That’s pretty incompetent. They really can’t be trusted with their power.

Since he eventually might get out and resume being a dick, the Earth Lords drew lots and chose one of their number, the Some Guy later known as the Shadow Lord from the Shadow Realm, to forever watch over the city alone and await the day that the immortal guy would again walk the land.

And to help him solo the dude that took an entire city of people and a volcano to deal with, the Earth Lords concentrated all of their powers into this one Shadow Lord guy and taught him how to send himself and the city into a twilight plane of nothingness which is back to being called the Shadow World.

So this might also be Twilight Princess.

For two thousand years the Shadow Lord in the Shadow Realm in the Shadow World observed Earth and waited. And now, it seems that the seemingly immortal dude is back.

Rachel: “But I don’t understand. How can one man threaten a whole world -- and live for thousands of years in solid rock?”

Shadow Lord: “This is no mere man, my dear... this is the Berserker!”

And speak of the devil and we scene transition to him because we scene transition to Pompeii.

The lava mummified human figure that seemed to move before has stopped beating about with finger twitches and has gotten up to rampage around and backhand archeologists.

Don’t feel bad though. They were in it for the money and fame, those fiends.

Back at the city of Shadow Realm, the Avengers suddenly show up as a full team and basically enter swinging. Iron Man even blasts a wall for no reason.

Rachel tries to tell the Avengers that Shadow Lord means no harm but the Avengers can’t hear her over the sounds of Wonder Man loudly reassuring Rachel that they’re here to rescue her.

Iron Man exploding a wall for no reason probably also didn’t help.

So Rachel instead tries to tell Shadow Lord that the Avengers are a force for good. While he can hear her, he chooses to ignore her.

Using his powers of being the Avatar, he tries to pull a rocks fall but nobody dies. Rocks falling is something the Avengers deal with panache and also lasers and punches.

Some panache. Beast’s skycycle gets hit by a rock and he ends up leaping onto one of the spires of the city to avoid crash. And then, like a cat who climbs a tree except its a building in this context, Beast has a hard time figuring out how to get down from there.

While the larger Avengers punch and laser boulders and jump onto spires, Wasp just flies right in and shoots Shadow Lord in the eyebrow.

Amazing. Another good use of Wasp powers, being able to get in close while the opponent thinks the team is distracted at a distance.

Shadow Lord is none too pleased to be shot in the eyebrow by a tiny insect-sized flying woman and decides that a particularly karmic punishment is required.

Shadow Lord: “An insect-sized flyling woman! What sorcery is this? But if an insect you be, then it is only fitting I ensnare you in a cocoon of living wind... a cocoon which will grow and envelop your so-called fellow Avengers!”

And as Rachel still pleads with Shadow Lord to knock it off, he summons a giant tornado that suck in all of the Avengers (save Beast stuck up on his spire).

Shadow Lord even has the tornado carry him along, the better to continue mocking the Avengers as he carries them to their doom.

Shadow Lord: “You hopeless children! Did you actually think to defeat me, to deter me from my purpose? I who who command the earth and wind themselves to do my bidding?”

Yeah, dude. Definitely not sounding like a supervillain now. Cannot fathom why the Avengers are assuming you are one.

Iron Man manages to escape the tornado by firing his boot-jets at maximum, sending him flying free with a SHA-BOOSH! but also carrying him far away because momentum.

Shadow Lord then creates a whirlpool in the ocean and has his tornado carry the Avengers towards it. The whirlpool goes to the bottom of the ocean. Which then cracks open to reveal bubbling magma.

That’s right. The Shadow Lord is going to shoot them out of a tornado, into a whirlpool and into magma beneath the ocean floor.

Its. At least more precise than hitting them with a volcano, I’ll give him that. Definitely feels like overkill to go from rocks to tornado-whirlpool-magma execution but its definitely more precise.

Somewhat more precise.

Because when Iron Man manages to slow himself down to turn back he notices that a yacht is being swamped by the waves Shadow Lord is churning up.

And because of heroism, he takes the time to scoop the yacht out of the ocean and rest it safely on an island.

Geez. There’s a lot of boats being beached in this story.

Shadow Lord actually sees this. And a thought starts penetrating his thick skull that maybe he should have listened to Rachel.

Shadow Lord: “The armored one paused in his attack on me to save those people -- innocent people... which is more than we were able to do 2,000 years ago. Perhaps, as Rachel says, they are not agents of evil...”

He decides that he’ll stop throwing them out of a tornado into a whirlpool into magma but he doesn’t get the chance to put that train of thought on the tracks.

Beast waves Iron Man over. From his perch on the spire he’s noticed that the building he’s on is cracking from the strain of all the power Shadow Lord is throwing around even though he’s not been throwing it at that building.

So Beast deduces that the city is key to Shadow Lord’s power in some way and should have the shit beaten out of it.

And as Iron Man starts punching some wall, Shadow Lord doubles over in pain and the tornado he was about to dissipate dissipates.

The other Avengers get free and decide hey, follow the leader.

Jocasta: “The battle has truly just begun. Malevolent power such as this must not be allowed to exist. We must follow Iron Man’s lead and destroy the city -- totally!”

So unnoticed by the Avengers as they level the city into a pile of rubble, Shadow Lord staggers and swoons at Rachel’s feet.

But even dying, he still has some exposition bottled up.

To be fair, he’s been isolated for 2,000 years with no one to talk to.

He explains that the powers of an entire population of Avatars was way too great to be contained in one squishy mortal body so the powers were instead imbued in the city itself.

And with the city destroyed, it can no longer serve as a source of power and also can’t keep him alive anymore.

He’s honestly not too broken up over it. Since the Avengers are valiant and worthy, they can pick up his unfinished business while he goes and dies and gets to reunite with his girlfriend who died sometime during those 2,000 years.

Shadow Lord: “But please understand... I am as much to blame for today’s events as anyone... I bear you no malice... we misjudged each other. I have done my best... no more can be expected of a man... perhaps you will succeed... where I have failed. So do not mourn my passing... for me, death is but the long-awaited door that opens to my beloved... Ayshera.”

And the Avengers realize belatedly ‘we done goofed.’

“A sad -- and confused -- group of heroes grimly watches the passing of the Shadow Lord... and only then does the cruel truth reveal itself to them: what they had thought to be one of their greatest triumphs is instead... one of their most bitter defeats.”

Oh, and as I expect they’ll soon find out, the Berserker has been kicking the Italian army’s ass near Pompeii so that’s probably escalating into a bit of a situation and they just accidentally killed the guy who could have helped with that. Although in fairness, he deliberately ignored Rachel when she told him that the Avengers were heroes.

Like he said, he fucked up too.

Still, while its a bit of a Marvel tradition to have mighty misunderstanding fights, I don’t think they tend to result in people dying. One for the history books.

Next time: the Berserker.

Follow @essential-avengers. Also like and reblog. And send me Avengers triumphs that are way more impressive than beating up a city.

#Avengers #Essential Avengers #Wonder Man #Beast #SHADOW LORD #essential marvel liveblogging #Iron Man #Wasp #Captain America #Jocasta #Vision #Scarlet Witch #huh its been a while since they've gotten to do much #from the volcano thing and the tornado whirlpool depths of the earth thing #i think that the Earth Lords just had no grasp on subtlety at all #go big or go big

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Is Sleep Meditation Real Meditation

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Is Sleep Meditation Real Meditation

Studies Say Meditation Can Help Prepare Us For A Great Nights Sleep But Put Into Practice In The Real World Alongside Stressful Days In The Office And A Never

It’s predicted that between 60% and 90% of people with insomnia also suffer with depression. Mental health and sleep go together like bed and breakfasts, so how do we ensure we’re getting the best quality sleep possible?

Studies show that the answer could be as simple as regular meditation before bed. Meditation has been proven to help people fall asleep twice as quickly, enhance rapid eye movement sleep states, and preserve deep sleep. In fact, it apparently works so well that by the end of one insomnia and meditation trial, 60% of participants no longer qualified as insomniacs.

So, the science has spoken. But what happens when we trial out these findings in the real world? And, given meditation is about being present in the moment, would having an expectation stop us from truly experiencing the positive effects?

asked two volunteers to meditate before bed each night for a week to see if introducing some calm into their nightly routine could help them get a good night’s rest. Here’s how they got on:

Listen To This Free Guided Sleep Meditation It Will Help You To Enjoy Relaxed Natural Sleep

Play this audio when you want to go to sleep. It’s a 34 minute long free guided meditation for deep sleep that will allow you to drift off and enjoy your rest. It is peaceful and soft, so if you go to sleep quickly, the guided meditation will not wake you back up.

There are no bells at the end, so you will not be jarred back awake. Instead, it will allow you go even deeper into restful, regenerative sleep. For many people, this meditation is so effective that they use it every night to relax into dreamland.

It also is effective for people who have no trouble initially falling asleep, but who wake up later in the middle of the night. Simply listen to it then , and it will guide you gently back into sleep.

For some people, it may help to use the sleep timer on your device to turn off the meditation even sooner

Still having trouble? Try this meditation for completely letting go.

More resources to help you get the rest you need –

Heres A Sample Of The Sleep Meditation Compassion For Friend Guided Meditation Script:

Welcome back to another guided sleep meditation.In today’s practice we’ll be focused on the cultivation of compassion.Sending care for those who are suffering or experiencing difficulty in their life.So, taking some time to get settled.Finding a comfortable position, perhaps on your back or on your side however feels most comfortable for you.Finding a place you can be relatively still.Softening the belly.And perhaps taking a few deep breaths just at your own pace.And allowing your breath return to its natural rhythm.Letting the body breathe itself.And for this practice of compassion today, starting with bringing to mind someone from your life who you care about and you know that they’re experiencing some difficulty.So, this might be a good friend or a relative or a teacher or a mentor.But you know that they’re experiencing some pain or difficulty, some emotional distress.

Here’s What Happened After A Month Of Listening To Soothing Bedtime Stories For Adults October 28, 2019

Meditation is nonnegotiable when it comes to my everyday routine. Most of the time, it means dragging my meditation cushion out from under my living room couch and onto the tiny bit of floor space I have in my New York City apartment. From there, I pull out my smartphone, launch the , and listen to the Daily Calm—a 10-minute guided meditation that changes every day.

I’ve been using this app for more than a year and have found that holding myself accountable for meditating 10 minutes a day is what’s realistic, and it has had a noticeable impact on my life. I can always count on learning something new and finding my center in 10 minutes flat. I feel more grounded, and I’m less likely to react to annoyances such as a pushy New Yorker or a late subway train.

A Beginner’s Guide to Meditation

My energy level was a different story. I don’t often struggle to fall asleep, but even after a restful seven to eight hours of shuteye, fatigue would creep up on me throughout the day. I’d find myself fighting the urge to curl up for a 20-minute nap. Sometimes I’d go for a quick hit of energy—pounding a pint of water or dancing around my living room—after a long day of work and before teaching an evening yoga class. I started to wonder: Was my quality of slumber lacking? And could guided sleep meditation help?

Description Of Sleep Meditation For Calm Sleep By Wysa Software Latest Version

As mentioned above, devices cannot download Sleep Meditation for Calm sleep by Wysa 0.6.1 from the Google Play Store due to incompatibility or national restrictions. Therefore, loading a Sleep Meditation for Calm sleep by Wysa MOD APK file from a trusted source like sleep.app.relax.calm is considered the best option for you.

Before you get instructions on how to download it, clear the word “APK MOD”. By default, the Sleep Meditation for Calm sleep by Wysa MOD APK is a Sleep Meditation for Calm sleep by Wysa application package kit used on Android operating systems. The custom KST APK file is specially designed for Android users who cannot download this application from .

Week 2 Of Sleep Meditation: Building Intention And Awareness Around Sleep

After the first week, incorporating sleep meditation into my nightly routine became second nature. I would climb into bed, ignore any lingering texts, switch my phone to sleep mode, and turn on my sleep story. From the moment each sleep story began, my mind started to move with the story. However, my skepticism continued. Was this new practice helping my quality of sleep—or would I have gone to sleep just as easily without the guided meditation?

It wasn’t until I went a day without the sleep story that I realized how much of an impact it was having on me. On night No. 12, I skipped my sleep story—and I woke up every hour, on the hour.

Whether it was the intention behind setting myself up for sleep, or something about these sleep meditations that was improving my sleep quality, I realized that if I wanted to sleep well, I would have to make an effort to do so—not just let my head hit the pillow.

The 9-Minute Meditation You Need to Create More Space in Life

Verhoog De Productiviteit In Omstandigheden Met Overmatige Efficintie

Een onderzoek dat in 2012 werd uitgevoerd, bracht individuen in een real-world multitasking-situatie. Ze moesten een aantal acties uitvoeren waarvoor in een typische werkomgeving verschillende soorten invoer nodig waren, ze moesten ze meestal allemaal binnen 20 minuten volzetten.

Een paar van de individuen kregen mindfulness-coaching en een paar niet. Daarna onderzochten ze ze allemaal nog een keer. “De enige personen die betovering aangaven”, meldden de onderzoekers, “zijn degenen die de mindfulness-coaching hadden gekregen.”

Een ander onderzoek bevestigde dat “elke dag meditatie-achtige gedachte frontale mind-oefening zou kunnen verschuiven naar een steekproef die gerelateerd is aan wat cognitieve wetenschappers constructieve, benaderingsgerichte emotionele toestanden noemen – toestanden die ons meer geneigd maken om met de wereld om te gaan dan om ons terug te trekken ervan.”

Omgaan met stressvolle, krachtige omstandigheden zoals een professional kan zeker een nuttig talent zijn om te hebben, en het is er een die meditatievoordelen je kunnen helpen te domesticeren. Als je extra motivatie wilt om de productiviteit te vergroten, bekijk dan de gratis informatie van Lifehack: Laatste werkblad voor onmiddellijke motivatieverbetering.

The Verdict: Meditation Isn’t Making You Tired Your Lack Of Sleep Is

Meditation is believed to improve memory, thwart depression, reduce our feelings of stress, make us smarter and even make us rich. Keep up the om-ing for years, found UCLA neurobiologists, and meditation may even cause some positive physical changes to the structure of our brains.

But if meditation is so beneficial, how come itâ€™s hard for some people to stay alert whenever they give it a try?

â€œThe only real way to not fall asleep during meditation is to get enough sleep,â€? says Jon Lieff, MD, a Harvard Medical School-trained neuropsychiatrist who specializes in the relationship between neurology, psychiatry and medicine. â€œCurrently, almost everyone is deprived. Most people need more sleep than theyâ€™re getting.â€? In fact, nearly 70 million U.S. adults suffer from some sort of sleep disorder, according to recent research from the Centers for Disease Control.

Yet many of us donâ€™t realize how tired we are until we attempt to meditate, says clinical psychologist Vickie Chang, Ph.D., a mindfulness meditation teacher in Menlo Park, California. “We may not notice our day to day because we habitually drink coffee or perk up with sugar,” she says. “So when we stop and tune in to our bodies in mindful meditation, we may discover that we are deeply tired.”

To begin a meditative practice:

Get those basics down and you’ll be well on your way to a steady — instead of sleepy — meditation practice. Iâ€™m om to that!

Week 4 Of Sleep Meditation: Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

The final week of my 30-day sleep meditation challenge was filled with travel, holiday crazies, and pretty much zero normalcy when it came to my sleep. Which is why I went a few days without sleep stories each night.

The result? After a typical 7 hours of snoozing, I woke up feeling tired and sluggish—not well-rested, like I had been after falling asleep to my sleep meditation. Which is when it hit me: Just like my daily meditation practice keeps me energized and focused during the day, the quality of my sleep is determined by what happens right before I go to sleep.

My biggest realization at the end of this month-long challenge is that whether you have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, how you set yourself up for sleep is critical.

Thanks to sleep meditation, I’ve seen a dramatic shift in my sleeping habits. Even when I don’t listen to a sleep story to help me drift off, I am way more conscious of the way I set myself up to go to sleep. And for those nights when I do feel like I could use a little help, I know a sweet bedtime tale read by Matthew McConaughey is just a click away.

This One Simple Practice Will Change How You Feel About Yourself

About the AuthorBridget “Bee” Creel is the editorial producer for Yoga Journal. She works as a yoga teacher in NYC and is the co-founder of the wellness community, .

Membership Spotlight

Whats The Difference Between Sleep Meditation And Normal Sleep

The difference between normal sleep and Yoga Nidra is that during sleep, your subconscious mind takes over, whereas with Yoga Nidra, your conscious mind is awake and alert. Another key difference is that during sleep, your subconscious mind cannot leave behind your worries and stress, but during Yoga Nidra, your conscious mind can, making it a form of sleep therapy.

‘Yoga Nidra can also offer tools to induce sleep organically, following the workings of your own mind’, explained Yoga Nidra teacher, Jennifer Piercy.

Mejorar La Productividad En Condiciones De Eficiencia Excesiva

Una investigación realizada en 2012 colocó a las personas en un estado de cosas multitarea del mundo real. Necesitaban realizar una serie de acciones que requerían numerosos tipos de entrada en un entorno de trabajo típico, por lo general, necesitaban completarlas todas en 20 minutos.

Algunas de las personas adquirieron coaching de atención plena y otras no. Luego, los examinaron a todos una vez más. “Los únicos individuos que indicaron mejora”, informaron los investigadores, “fueron aquellos que habían adquirido el entrenamiento de mindfulness”.

Otra investigación confirmó que “cada día el pensamiento similar a la meditación podría cambiar el ejercicio de la mente frontal hacia una muestra relacionada con lo que los científicos cognitivos denominan estados emocionales constructivos y orientados al enfoque, estados que nos hacen más propensos a interactuar con el mundo que a retraernos de eso.”

Tratar con condiciones de alto estrés y alto rendimiento como un profesional definitivamente podría ser un talento útil, y es una de las ventajas de la meditación que pueden ayudarte a domesticar. Si desea una motivación adicional para extender la productividad, eche un vistazo a la información gratuita de Lifehack: Hoja de trabajo final para mejorar la motivación inmediata.

Wait Whats The Difference Between Mindfulness And Meditation

Yes, there’s a difference. Mindfulness is a way of being in the present moment with a relatively non-judgmental or non-reactive mindset and meditation can be a way to practice mindfulness, explains Michael Goldstein, Ph.D., a research fellow in the Sleep and Inflammatory Systems Laboratory at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center and Harvard Medical School.

Klatt notes that you can incorporate small aspects of mindfulness into your daily activities, such as paying attention to the feel of the water, texture of the sponge, and smell of detergent while you wash dishes.

As for meditation, Ong likes to use the metaphor of trainspotting. “It’s the activity where people just observe trains, usually standing on the platform or even away from the train station,” he explains. Sometimes trainspotters take photos or write down notes; they are interested in the qualities of the train, rather than using them for a ride.

Understanding Different Types of Meditation

Now, imagine that your mind is like a train station. “Your thoughts and emotions are like trains coming in and out,” say Ong. “Most of us use those thoughts to analyze, judge, or do something—like people who use trains for transportation.”

How To Meditate Before Bed: Improve Sleep And Fight Insomnia

Florida Medical Clinic

When you turn off the lights and lay down in your bed at night, do you find your mind buzzing with thoughts of the day, and plans for tomorrow? If you struggle with “turning your brain off”, you may find yourself feeling restless and unable to sleep. Fortunately, meditation is one way to quiet your thoughts and fight insomnia.

Meditation has been shown to help people who struggle with insomnia and other sleep disturbances. But many don’t know how to meditate before bed, or aren’t aware of the different techniques and methods they can use.

To help you on your path to restfulness, Dr. Anjum Kumbkarni shares some insights on how to use meditation to improve sleep quality and fight insomnia.

Mindfulness Meditation Helps Fight Insomnia Improves Sleep

If you’ve ever crawled under the covers worrying about a problem or a long to-do list, you know those racing thoughts may rob you of a good night’s sleep. Sleep disturbances, like having a hard time falling asleep or staying asleep, affect millions of Americans.

The daytime sleepiness that follows can leave you feeling lousy and sap your productivity, and it may even harm your health. Now, a small study suggests that mindfulness meditation — a mind-calming practice that focuses on breathing and awareness of the present moment — can help.

A study published a few years ago in JAMA Internal Medicine included 49 middle-aged and older adults who had trouble sleeping. Half completed a mindfulness awareness program that taught them meditation and other exercises designed to help them focus on “moment-by-moment experiences, thoughts, and emotions.” The other half completed a sleep education class that taught them ways to improve their sleep habits.

Both groups met six times, once a week for two hours. Compared with the people in the sleep education group, those in the mindfulness group had less insomnia, fatigue, and depression at the end of the six sessions.

The findings come as no surprise to Dr. Herbert Benson, director emeritus of the Harvard-affiliated Benson-Henry Institute for Mind Body Medicine. “Mindfulness meditation is just one of a smorgasbord of techniques that evoke the relaxation response,” says Dr. Benson.

How Can Mindfulness Or Meditation Help Improve Your Sleep

Sleep tends to come a lot easier when you’re actually sleepy, but sometimes we hit the lights and get under the covers just because it’s “time for bed” without paying attention to whether that is the case—but mindfulness could change that.

“Our thinking is that by grounding yourself in the present moment and just being aware of what to look for, it gives you a better chance of reducing that fight or flight response,” says Ong. “A lot of people with insomnia go to bed because they’re tired of dealing with the day and they want to escape, but that’s not how the brain regulates sleep and wake. Meditation helps keep you from getting in your own way and it allows your brain to regulate sleep and wake based on how it naturally does.”

Six Free Apps For Meditation Breathing And Falling Asleep

It can be overwhelming to take in what’s currently going on in the world.

And it’s easy to let your worries – whether it be global or personal – build up and weigh you down.

Dedicating a small part of your day to self-care practices can be beneficial for your overall well-being and can help you create a better mindset to deal with what tomorrow will bring.

If you don’t know where to start – there are several mindful apps available to download for free that can lead you through a short, daily self-care practice.

From guided meditation to breathing exercises and practices that can help you fall asleep at night – there are plenty of ways your smartphone can help you to unwind.

Here’s our round up of six apps for relaxation that won’t cost you a penny.

What Are The Reasons Of Falling Asleep During Meditation

Here are some reasons for falling asleep while Meditation. What I understood in last 11 years:1. Meditation on bed2. Choosing your sleeping time as Meditation time3. Doing Meditation after a big meal4. Lying down while Meditation5. Choosing relaxation music such as River Sound with Flute6. Not taking proper sleep from many days7. Targetting the Meditation as relaxation8. Meditation in the night time9. Not setting up a goal for Meditation10. Overthinking11. Not being in the present moment12. Telling a lie to yourself that I am not feeling tired before start13. Losing the control of weight on shoulders14. Not straightening the spinal cord15. Looking downward-facing while start

Sleep Meditation: Whats Happening In Calm Sleep Stories

I started my month-long sleep meditation adventure using the Calm app, which has a feature called “Sleep Stories.” Essentially, it’s a library filled with soothing bedtime tales for grown-ups, narrated by the dreamiest of voices .

“We integrate mindfulness elements into sleep stories in a very deliberate way, giving the stories a grounding, calming quality,” says Christian Slomka, Calm’s community manager and a yoga and mediation instructor. “Instead of an elaborate buildup, Sleep Stories are a gradual unwind.”

There are three main elements of Calm’s sleep stories:

Find an AnchorSlomka says the sleep stories are geared to helping listeners focus their attention on an anchor—usually the breath—to quiet the mind and help shift the listener away from overactive thoughts. As the character in the story travels along her journey, she is fully immersed in the present moment. The thinking is that the listener will experience this immersion along with the sleep story’s character.

Practice Body Awareness and Relaxation TechniquesAnother mindfulness element that sleep stories touch on is body awareness and relaxation. When a story opens, the narrator walks the listener through a brief body scan exercise to help quiet the mind and relax the body. Throughout the story, the character also scans through her sensations, and the hope is that the listener does the same.

Back Up: What Happens In Your Body When You Cant Sleep

To understand what Ong means, it’s helpful to have a little background about our physiology. “When it comes to sleep problems, especially for people with chronic insomnia, oftentimes they’re so caught up in trying to make sleep happen that it creates a sense of pressure that makes sleep likely to happen,” says Ong. “Essentially, it activates the fight or flight response that is built in our body. When that gets activated, your body thinks that it needs to be on guard or vigilant and it tends to override the parts of your brain that regulate sleep and wake.”

This is why once you have that first thought of I just wish my brain would stop thinking and let me sleep, you’re pretty much doomed—you’re already stressing about not sleeping, which makes it even harder to doze off.

Lucha Contra Las Enfermedades Y Mantente Ms Saludable

Las ventajas de la meditación pueden ser útiles para la mente y el cuerpo. Tener la capacidad de lidiar con el estrés en mayor medida puede reducir su impacto en su cuerpo, lo que podría reducir los síntomas y el agravamiento de varios puntos de salud, junto con el dolor de cabeza.

Un investigador de uno de los hospitales instructores de Harvard Medical College señala que “El tipo de problemas que ocurren si meditas tienen resultados en todo el cuerpo, no simplemente en la mente”. Las ventajas para el bienestar abundan si se compromete a meditar.

Hagamos una descripción general rápida: la meditación puede ayudarlo a lidiar con el estrés en mayor medida, ayudarlo a reconocer a sí mismo más y mostrarle cómo reducir el nerviosismo y la melancolía.

Solo con estas ventajas de la meditación, parece bastante que podría dormir mejor por la noche. En cualquier caso, si puede dejar de pensar en las carreras y dejar que sus sentimientos se enfurezcan, será más probable que flote hacia los objetivos de los dulces. El análisis coincide:

“Las prácticas de meditación afectan las capacidades de la mente, inducen numerosas ocasiones de plasticidad neuronal intrínseca, modulan las capacidades autonómicas, metabólicas, endocrinas e inmunitarias y, por lo tanto, median los ajustes regulatorios internacionales en numerosos estados de comportamiento junto con el sueño”.

Las meditaciones guiadas, en particular, pueden ayudarlo a adormecerlo, así que inténtelo en este momento.

Use Critical Thinking To Find Out What Works For You

Meditation can be a powerful tool to help you get better sleep, but it isn’t a replacement for sleep, nor is it the only thing that can improve your sleep. Proper diet & exercise; a calm, cool, and quiet sleeping environment; set meal and bedtimes; reducing the amount of alcohol and caffeine consumed at night— all of these things can have big impacts on your sleep.

1.Britton, W. B., Lindahl, J. R., Cahn, B. R., Davis, J. H., & Goldman, R. E. . Awakening is not a metaphor: the effects of Buddhist meditation practices on basic wakefulness. Available at: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4054695/

2. Zielinski, M. R., McKenna, J. T., & McCarley, R. W. . Functions and Mechanisms of Sleep. Available at: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5390528/

3. Thorpe, M. . 12 Science Based Benefits of Meditation Available at: https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/12-benefits-of-meditation#section1

4. Nagendra, R. P., Maruthai, N., & Kutty, B. M. . Meditation and its regulatory role on sleep. Available at: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3328970/

5.Pandi-Perumal, S., Trakht, I., Spence, D. . The roles of melatonin and light in the pathophysiology and treatment of circadian rhythm sleep disorders. Available at: https://www.nature.com/articles/ncpneuro0847

6. Teplan, M. . Fundamentals of EEG. Available at: http://www.edumed.org.br/cursos/neurociencia/MethodsEEGMeasurement.pdf

10. Walker, M. . Why We Sleep. The Sleep Cycle. pp 43-55.

Optimistische Resultaten Zelfs Als Je Niet Mediteert

Onderzoekers hebben ontdekt dat de manier waarop meditatie je geest helpt om hoger te werken constant is, niet alleen als je op een kussen zit met je ogen dicht, maar regelmatig bij je blijft. Op basis van de analyse zouden “de gevolgen van meditatiecoaching op emotionele verwerking mogelijk overschakelen naar niet-meditatieve staten.”

De onderzoekers stellen dat dit af en toe kan betekenen dat de voordelen van meditatie niet specifiek zijn voor een activiteit of bepaalde stimulus maar processpecifiek zijn, wat betekent dat ze “kunnen eindigen in blijvende aanpassingen in psychologische prestaties. .”

Reduzca El Aislamiento Y Sintase Realmente Vinculado

Es inusual que dentro de la era de la conectividad fija, el aislamiento y la soledad puedan sentirse mucho más conmovedores. Pero seguramente ocurre, y cuando desciende esa sensación de aislamiento, puede ser abrumador.

No obstante, se demostró que la meditación reduce las emociones de soledad en una investigación sobre adultos mayores, y aquellos que han estado practicando la meditación trascendental, incluso por un tiempo muy breve, dicen que el seguimiento de la meditación proporciona una sensación de estar relacionado y completo, un “Etapa básica de la unidad”.

Sleep Meditation Music I Can Actually Fall Asleep To

Do you have trouble falling asleep? I do! These sleep meditation playlists will help you fall asleep faster, guaranteed.

Is it weird that most sleepmeditation music gives me anxiety? There is nothing worse thantrying to fall asleep to “peaceful” music, but it only ends up giving you heartpalpitations .

After years of trial and error I finally found the perfect sleep meditation music that I can actually fall asleep to.

Is it weird that most sleepmeditation music gives me anxiety? There is nothing worse thantrying to fall asleep to “peaceful” music, but it only ends up giving you heartpalpitations .

After years of trial and error I finally found the perfect sleepmeditation music that I can actually fall asleep to.

Deep Sleep Meditation Tip #2 Deep Meditation Music

Sleep meditation works differently from one person to the next. Some may like to have a sleep meditation video track turned on, while others prefer to listen to a sleep meditation audio with music. Then, there are those who prefer listening to a meditation podcast as it helps them to focus, depending on what type of meditation they’re doing.

Clearing The System: Release Of Stress And Fatigue

Of course, sometimes we do fall asleep in meditation, but that’s fine. It’s important not to vigilantly guard against sleep during meditation. Instead, it’s better to think of sleep and dullness during meditation as the release of fatigue and stress. For some of us, it’ll be necessary to go through a lot of sleep and fatigue during meditation, and sometimes even after meditation. It would help to keep in mind that these signs indicate a very beneficial clearing process.

If you have an overwhelming urge to lie down and sleep during meditation, then do that . When you wake up, sit up and meditate for five or so additional minutes. Your system will have cleared a backlog of fatigue, so even a short meditation after waking will be very useful.

Increasing Feelings Of Stress Anxiety & Depression

Stress doesn’t go away on its own, and if left to its own devices it can spiral out of control quite fast.

If we don’t find a way of dealing with our stress, every new day just adds an extra layer on top of it, until we can no longer bear the weight of it.

Meditation can help deal with stress and resolve things that we need to go pretty deep within ourselves to figure out.

If we don’t have something similar to a meditation practice, our stress can just keep growing until it reaches a level we can’t deal with anymore. This can lead to nervous breakdowns and the like.

Week 1 Of Sleep Meditation: Am I Doing This Right

Imagine the quintessential New York City hustle—then, imagine me in it.

I wake up at 5 a.m. on the regular, teach yoga in the morning, work out, plow through a full work day, and sometimes even teach yoga again at night. So, you’d better believe that when my head hits the pillow at night, I’m out like a light. When I began this challenge, I decided to make a conscious effort to not only try to go to bed early, but to actually start winding down before leaping under the covers . Sounds dreamy, right?

The first week of my sleep meditation was extremely frustrating. Maybe it was because I’m impatient and didn’t notice a difference after a few days. Or maybe it’s because this sleep meditation challenge just felt like another task on my long to-do list at first. Also, I would fall asleep within the first 5 minutes of each 25-minute sleep story, which, looking back, was a good sign. But during the first few days, I was annoyed at my inability to stay awake and listen to more of the story.

But around day 5, I discovered that Calm’s sleep stories were designed to mimic the kind of bedtime stories most of us experienced when we were kids, which means the whole point of them was to lull me into a deep, restful sleep—keep me awake, on the edge of my seat.

At the end of my first week of sleep meditation, I stopped judging myself for whether or not I was doing it “correctly” and focused instead on how grateful I was to be able to fall asleep.

Deep Sleep Meditation For Healing & Regeneration

: 4.9 Stars

What they say “This ambient sleep meditation music was designed to help you fall asleep fast. Calming your mind, releasing tension and stress, and allowing you to drift into a deep and restorative delta sleep state. Produced in 528 Hz with the intention of stimulating rest, healing, and regeneration.”

Does it actually do all that? I have no clue, but it is really relaxing and does help me fall into a deep sleep. In fact, I just listened to it while writing this post to make sure it was still one of my favorites. I immediately started getting so tired I had to turn it off .

Letting Go Into Meditation For Deeper Cleansing

Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar tells us that there are two types of letting go. One is where everything drops and you sink into an unconscious state—this is sleep, a state, where knowledge is not available. The other type of letting go allows you to completely relax, but with slight intention or feeling that very subtly continues—that’s meditation.

Meditation and sleep are both hypometabolic states, where breathing and other body activities decline. Both release stresses, but the rest that meditation gives is much deeper than the rest that comes from sleep. Therefore, deeper rooted impressions, or , leave the system.

Yet meditation is completely beyond sleep. It’s consciousness, knowingly becoming conscious of itself. That same consciousness is present during waking, dreaming, and sleep, and witnesses all of them.

Although in sleep the consciousness is not active in any of its “modes,” it’s still present as the witness to sleep. This is how you know that you had a “good sleep.”

As Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar beautifully says, “Wakefulness and sleep are like sunrise and darkness, while dreams are like the twilight in between. Meditation is like the flight to outer space, where there is no sunset, no sunrise—nothing!“

Meditatievoordelen Die U Succesvol Zullen Maken

Laatste update op 17 februari 2021

Wat kan heel goed hoger zijn dan het bereiken van uw enorme doelstellingen? Het lijkt erop dat meditatie – één ding dat je mogelijk elke dag zou kunnen doen, gratis en met weinig moeite – voordelen biedt die succes niet kan overbrengen. Meditatievoordelen kunnen in elke ruimte van je leven doordringen en je algemene welzijn op de lange termijn verbeteren.

Meditation Connects Us With Inner Peace And Joy

One of the most profound benefits of meditation is its power to connect us with inner peace, joy, wisdom, and freedom—that is wholly independent of external circumstances. Being rooted in this unconditioned and durable peace and freedom dramatically enhances our ability to navigate our lives skillfully.

The bright, awake awareness fully unveiled via meditation is the witness of the waking, dreaming, and deep-sleep states. It’s what remains constant throughout our nighttime and daytime experiences.

Beneficios De La Meditacin Que Te Harn Triunfar

Final actualizado el 17 de febrero de 2021

¿Qué puede ser más alto que alcanzar sus objetivos masivos? Bien, parece que la meditación, una cosa que posiblemente podría estar haciendo todos los días, sin cargo y con poco esfuerzo, ofrece ventajas que el éxito no puede transmitir. Las ventajas de la meditación pueden filtrarse en cada espacio de su vida y mejorar su bienestar general a largo plazo.

Mejore La Forma En Que Sus Capacidades Mentales

Una investigación de 2012 confirmó un proceso mental conocido como girificación que ocurre más en las personas que meditan.

La girificación es “el ‘plegamiento’ de la corteza cerebral debido al progreso, que a su vez podría permitir que la mente transmita información antes. Aunque el análisis no mostró esto de inmediato, los científicos sospechan que la girificación es responsable de mejorar la mente en el procesamiento de información, tomar decisiones, formar recuerdos y mejorar la consideración “.

Si eso no es suficiente, puede haber pruebas adicionales a partir de resonancias magnéticas de que la meditación puede reforzar las conexiones entre las células de la mente. Una investigación confirmó que la meditación “también podría estar relacionada con ajustes estructurales en áreas de la mente que podrían ser necesarias para el procesamiento sensorial, cognitivo y emocional. La información adicional recomienda que la meditación podría reflejar las disminuciones asociadas con la edad en la construcción cortical “.

En otras palabras, la meditación no solo puede hacer que su mente funcione más alto, sino que también puede desacelerar el proceso de envejecimiento de la mente.

Will Meditation Before Bed Help Me Sleep Better

There’s strong evidence to suggest that regular meditation can help improve your quality of sleep. Similarly to how exercise promotes physical health, exercising your mind is equally essential for our mental health. Some guided meditations can walk you through simple techniques to relax before bed; however, starting the simple habit of daily meditation can profoundly affect your sleep quality.

How Do Meditation And Mindfulness Affect Sleep

Mindfulness and meditation help bring about a relaxed state of mind that is conducive to falling asleep. This reaction is often described as the relaxation response, or the opposite of the stress response.

Whereas falling asleep involves a gradual reduction in , is often defined as a state of hyper-arousal. When we are stressed, depressed, or anxious, our brain stays “wired” and we find it more difficult to fall asleep. Over the long term, we perpetuate this tension as we start to associate bedtime with worries about not being able to fall asleep.

The state of acceptance and awareness invoked by meditation helps reduce psychological distress and improve rumination and emotion regulation. Studies on people with fibromyalgia have found that mindfulness helps patients manage anger, worry, anxiety, and depression. These researchers theorized that mindfulness may improve sleep quality by supplying patients with the mental resources to calm down the nervous system in preparation for sleep.

At a biological level, meditation slows the heart rate and breathing and lowers levels of , the stress hormone. Over the long term, the relaxation response reduces stress-related inflammation and oxidative stress and improves insulin resistance.

What To Expect When Meditating To Fall Asleep

Meditation for sleep should be approached the same way we approach meditation in the daytime: gently, with a relaxed focus. When we allow the body , and allow the mind to drift off, we do so in a soft, gentle way, not trying to force sleep, otherwise we encourage more thoughts and, possibly, some tension. As much as possible, allow yourself to be led by the guidance, not thinking too much about the technique or instructions.

Before you begin your sleep meditation: lie flat on your back on the bed, take a few deep breaths, and close your eyes, allowing the body to begin powering down. If youâ€™re using a guided meditation, follow the instructions. If practicing unguided meditation, progress at your own pace. The more you practice this type of meditation, the more likely you are to build a quiet and restful mind that can sleep at ease.

The Benefits Of A Regular Meditation Practice

A great meditation practice increases all the benefits that come with a good night’s sleep. There are some benefits that you won’t get just by sleeping though.

These are some beneficial things that come out of having a regular meditating session:

Increased sense of calm

Increased awareness of your body

Increased awareness of other people’s emotions

More rational decision-making

Getting Good Sleep Is Crucial For Good Health

Most of us understand that getting a good night’s sleep is a good thing, but it may be much more important than you think. Research is showing that getting eight hours of natural, restful sleep per night is crucial for health and wellbeing. Specifically, not getting enough sleep can:

Make you more likely to gain weight. In fact, not getting enough sleep is a reliable predictor for obesity.

Put you at greater risk for heart disease and stroke.

Increase your risk for diabetes. In fact, in studies, healthy young people getting 4 hours of sleep for 6 nights in a row, showed symptoms of pre-diabetes.

Make you depressed. Short sleep and poor sleep quality are even linked to suicide.

Drastically increase your level of inflammation.

educe your ability to interact with people socially, and understand others.

These are just a few of the negative effects of not getting enough sleep. Obviously, getting good rest is incredibly important for your health and wellbeing. So how can you do that?

“The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.”

~ W.C. Fields

Deep Sleep Meditation Tip #1 Prepare For Bed

For sleep meditation to work, you will need to prepare yourself first. You should turn off your lights and put away your electronic devices.

If it helps, take a shower first so your body will feel more relaxed. Lie down on your bed afterward. Make sure you start your bedtime routine early enough to get plenty of sleep.

Meditation For Quality Sleep During The Day

falls into a unique category in that good quality Zzzs require much more than doing a simple meditation in bed. Restful sleep largely depends on having a rested mind, and so the preparation can begin with your mindset … during the day. More often than not, our issues around sleep are rooted in our thinking processes.

Headspaceâ€™s 30-day Sleep course , for example, isnâ€™t designed to send you to sleep in the moment; itâ€™s designed to change your relationship with sleep. By gradually training the mind in a specific way â€” day by day, for a month â€” you gradually create an environment conducive to a good nightâ€™s rest.

Itâ€™s recommended that the 30-day Sleep course be used during the day, in conjunction with the single sleep meditation at bedtime. The course trains the mind for long-term, sustainable change; the single meditation is a specific exercise to send you to sleep.

Verminder Isolatie En Voel Je Echt Verbonden

Het is ongebruikelijk dat binnen het tijdperk van vaste connectiviteit, isolement en eenzaamheid echt veel schrijnender kunnen voelen. Maar het komt zeker voor, en wanneer dat gevoel van isolement afdaalt, kan het overweldigend zijn.

Desalniettemin is bewezen dat meditatie emoties van eenzaamheid vermindert in een onderzoek bij oudere volwassenen, en degenen die transcendentale meditatie hebben beoefend, zelfs voor een heel korte tijd, zeggen dat het volgen van meditatie een gevoel van verbondenheid en volledigheid geeft, een “basisstadium van eenheid”.

Getting Started With Guided Sleep Meditation

Sleep Hygiene

Guided sleep meditation is a method for helping you to let go of worrying thoughts and relax your body before bed. Like other forms of meditation, this practice involves moving your focus away from your thoughts to sensations in your body. Regular practice of guided sleep meditation has been shown to improve sleep, meaning that this method is an important strategy that you can use to help reduce problems falling and staying asleep.

According to the American Sleep Association, around 30 percent of adults have short-term problems with insomnia, and about 10 percent have chronic difficulties with falling and/or staying asleep.?? What’s more, around a third of adults report typically getting less than 7 hours of sleep per night. Given that adults need 7 to 9 hours of sleep to function best, and teenagers need even more , it’s not surprising that methods for improving sleep are becoming more well-known.

Better sleep can contribute to lowering stress and an improved immune system. However, achieving restful sleep can be hard if you are battling stress and anxiety—it can be simply hard to quiet your mind. Many issues around sleep begin with your thinking processes at night. This is where guided sleep meditation can help.

What Types Of Meditation Work Best For Sleep

Meditation techniques for insomnia tend to incorporate breathing and mindfulness components, with a significant amount of overlap between methods. If you’re new to meditation, you can start by talking to a licensed practitioner, downloading an app, or looking up videos online to find a relaxation exercise that works for you. Some common meditation methods for sleep include:

Mindfulness Meditation: Most of the research on meditation for insomnia has been done on mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness involves focusing on the present and welcoming thoughts and emotions in an open-minded, non-judgmental manner.

Guided Imagery and Music: Guided meditation for insomnia promotes relaxation by asking the meditator to imagine themselves in a calming place, such as a white sandy beach or a forest. This is often accomplished with the help of a video recording or audio clip.

Body Scan Meditation: In body scan meditation, participants are instructed to focus on different parts of the body and note any sensations of pain or tension. This is closely tied to progressive muscle relaxation, in which participants actively tense and then relax each successive muscle.

Deep Breathing: Deep breathing while engaging the diaphragm is often used in combination with other meditation techniques to enhance relaxation. An example of this is the 4-7-8 breathing method, in which you breathe in for four seconds, hold your breath for seven seconds, then breathe out for eight seconds.

Sleep As An Autoregulatory Global Phenomenon

Sleep is reported to be associated with reduced heart rate, blood pressure, respiratory rate, and rhythm, oxygen consumption, anxiety or arousal, and an overall decrease in basal metabolic levels leading to a hypometabolic state. This phenomenon of sleep induced hypometabolic state is a natural and spontaneous outcome necessary for biological survival .

Meditation also brings a sustained hypometabolic state termed as relaxation response by Herbert Benson and helps in sleep initiation .

It has been hypothesized that meditation practices activate prefrontal cortex, fronto-limbic, fronto-parietal neural networks and limbic and paralimbic cortices associated with sympathetic arousal. Meditation practices activate structures like insula, anterior cingulate, and hypothalamus and bring about autonomic and humoral changes . Meditation thus produces a continuum of global regulatory changes at various behavioral levels favoring quality sleep.

The Difference Between Meditation And Sleep

Admit it, sometimes when you’re meditating you think to yourself, “Why don’t I just go to sleep instead?”There’s no shame in that! In fact, that’s part of the point of meditation—to rest and relax the mind—but sleep and meditation don’t affect the mind in the same way.

Here’s a more in-depth look at what happens to the brain during sleep vs a meditative state.

Meditation And Sleep Are Mutually Enhancing

Does this mean we should forego sleep entirely, in favor of meditation? Not at all! A good night’s sleep and deep meditation practice—while they’re not interchangeable—are mutually enhancing.

Being well-rested from a good night’s sleep lessens the chances of falling asleep during your meditation session. And one of the benefits of regular meditation practice is how it enhances your sleep.

So we might consider meditation and sleep to be akin to our right and left hands: while they’re not identical, they do work together beautifully.

What Happens In The Brain During Meditation

The biggest difference between meditation and sleep is that while meditating, you’re consciously focusing your mind on something.

What you’re focusing on doesn’t matter for the purpose of this article, but what does matter is the fact that your brain is active during this process.

Your Brain Waves Change

Beta waves are the brainwaves that are usually around when the brain is processing information.

When you meditate, these waves decrease, showing that the analytical, reasoning, and planning part of our brain takes a backseat.

and theta waves are most active during meditation, and they’re usually sleepy-waves.

This means that your brain activity is mimicking that of a sleeping brain. No wonder meditation has a reputation of being amazing for relaxation!

The Grey Matter Increases

Meditation is kind of like giving your brain a workout. The more you do it, the more your brain responds to it, and grows just like your biceps would when doing bicep curls.

It would seem that comparing brains of meditators and non-meditators indicates an increase in grey matter for those who do partake.

Grey matter occurs in certain parts of the brain, mainly in the hippocampus , but also in areas that are responsible for emotion regulation, reflection, mental flexibility, and self-awareness.

Rewiring of Neural Pathways

Rewiring of neural pathways is something that happens if you meditate regularly.

This Is The Best App By Far For Mindfulness

It’s almost embarrassing to say this, but I have been a “meditator” for about 30 years and I have to say that I never really got very much out of doing it. I tried so hard, but I’m finding out I never truly understood that “trying” to be a good meditator or mindful person, was missing what doing this was about. What I’m learning through this app is that “mindfulness” is about me – understanding myself first, and it’s a lot about acceptance. So with that understanding and acceptance I can begin to see “things” so much more clearly and why previous ways of thinking, particularly about myself, were holding me back from living my life and loving myself. And I’m finding that the more I practice self acceptance, the fears about living fully and going after what I want out of my life, are disappearing. The previous version of myself is rapidly becoming someone I only used to know, and this new ME is much more in line with who I’d always wanted to be. I’m able to try and do so much more, all while in the comfort that I am lovable, even if I fail at something. I simply dust myself off and try some more.This app has completely changed me and the way I’m able to appreciate all the good that’s in my life. And I’m worthy of going after the things I want for my life, while freeing me up to share my gifts with others and society in general.If this is where you find your life stalling out, this app will bring you back to yourself.

How To Control Sleep During The Meditation

Here is what I did for controlling my sleep during Meditation:Usually, I always did my Meditation at night time, because I found that night time is more peaceful and mind is so quiet this time. But the problem was that I was always tired by night time and my mind always gave the order to the body to sleep. But I changed my to control my mind. First of all, I did not take any heavy meal and I took more and more water every day. Just before the Meditation, I used to walk for some steps fastly, and after sometimes I splashed the face with cold water. Meditation gives us more than what is not in the list of our desires so I always gave more priority to Meditation. I separated my place of Meditation from the bed. For some days, before Meditation, I chewed some cardamom that helped me to do more meditation. I kept my eyelids straight while doing Meditation because if the direction of is downwards, you may sleep. I focused on my third eye and prayed to God that I am doing something for awareness, so, please bless me with amazing results.I to myself when I was dozing off or snoring and said to myself that I am not on the earth for sleeping, I am here to awakening. The mind needs practice, so It took some time but in the end, I overcame.

Verminder Tekenen Van Angst En Melancholie

Meditatie kan je helpen om je verwant te voelen en met stress om te gaan, maar hoe zit het met een aanhoudende nervositeitsstoornis? Hoe zit het met overweldigende ongunstige emoties of dat slopende gevoel van melancholie?

Goed, een onderzoek onder middelbare scholieren bevestigde dat een voordelen van mindfulness en meditatie veel bij elk zouden kunnen helpen: studenten die met een mindfulness-programma werden betrapt, “vertoonden verminderde tekenen van stress, nervositeit en melancholie, elk onmiddellijk na en 6 maanden daarna systeem”.

How Often Should You Meditate For Insomnia

Meditation is a skill, and those who practice it more often tend to see more meaningful benefits. Studies on the relaxation response have found that it produces immediate psychological and physical effects, suggesting that daily practice is optimal in order to see effects on that night’s sleep.

While factors such as the minutes spent meditating and the quality of meditation are difficult to quantify, the benefits of meditation have been found to be enhanced in long-term practitioners.

Similarly, a study on the benefits of meditation for insomnia in breast cancer patients found that these benefits disappeared after 12 months. These results suggest that the greatest benefits are derived from consistent meditation over a long period of time.

What Are Some Other Benefits Of Meditation

Meditation is perhaps best known for its ability to reduce anxiety, depression, and pain.

Along the same lines, emerging research is uncovering potential benefits on quality of life for patients with fibromyalgia, , breast cancer, and irritable bowel syndrome. Preliminary evidence indicates that meditation may also play a role in preventing cognitive decline, quitting smoking, and lowering blood pressure.

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Reducir Los Signos De Ansiedad Y Melancola

La meditación puede ayudarlo a sentirse relacionado y lidiar con el estrés, pero ¿qué pasa con una disfunción de nerviosismo en curso? ¿Qué pasa con las abrumadoras emociones desfavorables o esa debilitante sensación de melancolía?

Correctamente, una investigación realizada en estudiantes universitarios de secundaria confirmó que a las ventajas de la atención plena y la meditación podrían ser de gran ayuda para cada uno: los estudiantes universitarios que participaron en un programa de atención plena “mostraron una disminución de los signos de estrés, nerviosismo y melancolía instantáneamente después y 6 meses después de esto sistema”.

What Happens In The Body During Meditation

Don’t be fooled into thinking that meditation only affects the mind. Even though it’s not quite the same thing as having a nap, there are things that happen in the body too when you meditate properly.

Cortisol Levels Drop

Just like when you’re asleep, the stress hormones in your body decrease when you meditate effectively.

This is highly useful as you’re now replicating the very thing that gives your body space to heal when it’s sleeping. It follows naturally from there, then, that your body’s healing ability is increased when you meditate.

Heart Rate & Breathing Slow Down

Along with the reduction in stress-hormone comes a relaxation in your body’s fight-or-flight response.

Your heart rate slows and breathing is regulated naturally, and your body can enter a state of rest.

Will Meditation Improve Your Sleep Tonight

“People will commonly try a meditation practice for a night or a few nights, and not notice a difference, but sleep naturally varies night to night,” says Goldstein.

He suggests keeping a daily log of things like sleep quality; meditation; naps; exercise; substances like alcohol, caffeine, or medications you take; time you get into bed; time you turn off the lights; middle-of-the-night wake-ups; how long it takes to fall asleep; and what time you get up in the morning. Try to notice patterns in how certain behaviors affect your sleep over time and give any new changes a week before judging if they’re helpful.

“Mindfulness meditation is not a one and done thing—it’s a continual practice.”

It’s also crucial to see your doctor for a sleep assessment if you’re really struggling. If an underlying condition like sleep apnea is the root of your tossing and turning, then meditation isn’t going to be your fix. An evaluation can help determine what’s really interfering with your shuteye and help you and your physician come up with an individualized treatment plan, says Goldstein.

If that plans includes mindfulness or meditation, patience and consistency are crucial. “People want to do it once and have it just work,” says Klatt. “Mindfulness meditation is a practice that you have to really bring to your whole life. It’s not a one and done thing—it’s a continual practice.”

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How Meditation Helps With Emotional Health

Scientific research has found a positive correlation between meditation and a host of fantastic benefits. Everything from sleep and concentration, to memory and learning can be improved by implementing a steady meditation practice. It can even help with depression1.

Here’s a look at how you can start a meditation practice and begin taking advantage of these wonderful benefits.

But first — let’s better define what exactly meditation is.

Meditation Can Be More Restful Than Sleep

What may surprise you to learn is that in deep meditation, the level of rest that the body receives can be two to five times deeper than what it receives in the deepest part of sleep.

That’s right—meditation can be relaxing and therapeutic than sleep!

And when the body is resting deeply, the mind also can more easily come to sleep, and release long-held anxiety, stress, clutter, and mental fatigue. And this leads to feeling more calm and relaxed when we rise after a meditation session.

Resultados Optimistas Incluso Sin Meditar

Los investigadores han descubierto que la forma en que la meditación ayuda a tu mente a trabajar más alto es constante, permaneciendo contigo no solo si estás sentado en un cojín con los ojos cerrados, sino de forma regular. Según el análisis, “las consecuencias del entrenamiento de meditación sobre el procesamiento emocional posiblemente cambiarían a estados no meditativos”.

Los investigadores señalan que esto puede implicar ocasionalmente que las ventajas de la meditación no deben ser específicas de una actividad o estímulo seguro , sino que son específicas del proceso, lo que significa que “podrían terminar en ajustes duraderos en el desempeño psicológico”. . “

Step #1: Setting Up The Right Environment

The first step of meditating before bed is preparing the right environment. The ideal environment should be calm, quiet, and free of distractions. It may be helpful to create a set nightly routine to make the process easier.

Here are some tips for creating a relaxing setting:

Remove distractions. Turn off the TV, make sure the kids are in bed, and put down your recreational electronic devices. Make sure your meditation space is quiet and dark .

Get comfortable. Wear whatever you find most comfortable. Choose a posture that limits fidgeting and discomfort; you may either lay down in bed or sit up.

Set up your meditation tools. If you’re using your phone or another device to listen to a guided meditation program, turn down the screen brightness and close all other apps or windows. If you use a white noise machine, turn it on at a comfortable volume. It’s important to keep your meditative time free of distractions, so ensure your environment is set up with everything you’ll need before getting started.

Some find that candles are helpful when creating a soothing setting. If you want to use candles, make sure you blow them out before falling asleep.

Differences Between Sleep And Meditation

After a few regular meditations, meditators usually realize that sleep and meditation are quite distinct states. Coming out of sleep, one feels a little dull. But emerging from the deeply settled “no mind” state, one basks in clarity, and feels peaceful and often joyous.

Also, the breathing patterns during deep sleep and meditation are quite different. Deeper states of meditation are associated with very feeble breath or even suspension of breath, whereas in sleep, respiration does reduce, but less.

During your meditations, please don’t try to figure out whether you were sleeping or deeply meditating at certain times. Doing so could interfere with the innocence of the meditation process. The statement, “whatever happens is fine,” shows the best attitude.

The key distinction between meditation and sleep is alertness in meditation and non-alertness during sleep. But meditative alertness has a different quality than that of the waking state. To understand that distinction, and also how meditation and sleep are different, we need to consider how the four modes of consciousness—mind, intellect, memory, and ego—operate in the waking, dreaming, and sleeping states and also in the fourth state of consciousness, which is experienced in meditation, traditionally called the state.

Week 3 Of Sleep Meditation: Appreciation

On Day 16, my appreciation for sleep meditation hit an all-time high. A few minutes in to my sleep story, I noticed my attention effortlessly shifted from what had happened that day and what I had to do the next day to the story. It was almost like the person leading the sleep story gave me the permission I needed to let go of the day and let my mind and body go to sleep—instantly. I started looking forward to my sleep meditations—a sign any seasoned meditator will tell you is one that means your new meditation habit will likely stick.

7 Simple Ways to Call in More Joy—and Feel Less Stressed

Meditation Autonomic Activity And Sleep

Changes in autonomic activity had been reported with respect to specific sleep states with predominant parasympathetic activity in SWS and sympathetic activity during REM sleep . Vipassana meditation practices would have activated the anterior cingulate cortex and hence modulated the parasympathetic activity during sleep. These reports are suggestive of a positive modulatory role of meditation in sleep through autonomic functions.

Why Do I Fall Asleep During Meditation

Sleeping while doing Meditation is one of the common errors or obstacle occur when a beginner yogi starts the Meditation Practices in life. Does this happen with you that you are doing a Meditation listening to the beautiful music or and after 20 minutes you wake up when the music is already finished and some drool is spread on your face and you remember that you just now? If yes, it is a very common obstacle while a yogi starts the Meditation practice. I remember while doing Meditation in 2009, my mother used to give me a glass of milk after dinner, and I kept it aside to cool. After that, I wrote something in the diary, took some sips of Milk, and decided to meditate with music. Immediately after 20 Minutes listening to the beautiful Indian Flute and Sitar meditation music I was sleeping sitting in meditation pose. After some time, I snored and so on, suddenly I realize that I have to meditate, I woke up, Meditate for some time and again the same. Finally, I decided to sleep well and I took the same milk in Morning when I wake up.

Verbeter De Mogelijkheden Van Uw Geest

Een onderzoek uit 2012 bevestigde dat een geestesloop bekend als gyrificatie extra plaatsvindt bij mensen die mediteren.

Gyrificatie is ‘het ‘vouwen’ van de hersenschors vanwege vooruitgang, wat op zijn beurt de geest in staat zou kunnen stellen sneller informatie te verwerken. Hoewel de analyse dit niet onmiddellijk aantoonde, vermoeden wetenschappers dat gyrificatie ten laste wordt gelegd omdat het de geest hoger maakt in het verwerken van informatie, het maken van keuzes, het vormen van herinneringen en het verbeteren van overweging.

Als dat niet voldoende is, kan er aanvullend bewijs zijn van MRI-scans dat meditatie verbindingen tussen hersencellen kan versterken. Eén onderzoek bevestigde dat meditatie “ook te maken kan hebben met structurele aanpassingen in gebieden van de geest die nodig kunnen zijn voor zintuiglijke, cognitieve en emotionele verwerking. De aanvullende informatie suggereert dat meditatie een indruk kan maken van leeftijdsgerelateerde achteruitgang in corticale constructie.

Met andere woorden, meditatie kan niet alleen je geest hoger laten werken, maar het kan ook het ouder worden in de hele geest vertragen.

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bornpariah-a · 7 years

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five times kissed

FIVE TIMES KISSED. // @ahvir

FIRST. being a tevinter mage in the inquisition means that there is a certain level of scrutiny which follows him everywhere he goes. understandable enough, and he doesn’t find that he MINDS, though he can say with confidence that it has gotten notably worse ever since he had gotten closer to the newly named inquisitor. ahvir. they are something like friends, which is odd enough in his mind, and clearly it is ASYNCHRONOUS in the minds of others. clearly, he must have other plans in mind, other reasons for getting close to the leader of the inquisition, to their precious herald. he wonders if the population at large is aware of the way that ahvir carries herself, the way that she speaks, the light in her eyes, the humor in her tone, the little bits and pieces that intrigue him enough to remain close to her. he supposes that he has begun to CARE FOR HER and that is shocking enough in and of itself.

regardless, she has somehow found cause to remain close to him, in return. their time spent together is sometimes quiet and otherwise riotous with their speech. he enjoys her company as she enjoys his and why wouldn’t she? he is a DELIGHT. actually liking him, however, it something else entirely. he supposes that it helps that she is absolutely overflowing with affection for just about everyone, which is something that he isn’t quite sure that he has encountered before. in felix, perhaps. in felix, probably.

❝they say that i am not loyal to you, ❞ dorian says with an incredibly bored tone, flipping a page in his book and continuing his pacing. he has always been good at multitasking, reads in spite of her company. she doesn’t mind. she has, probably, learned that it is just something that he does. particularly because of the fact that SOMEONE has to organize skyhold’s books.

❝perhaps you should swear fealty to me, ❞ ahvir says, laughter in her voice and when he looks at her there is mirth in her eyes and he cannot help but chuckle, himself. ❝ perhaps, ❞ dorian says in return, shutting the book with one hand and turning to her with a smile on his face. she’s looking at him curiously and he steps towards her, takes her hand and lifts it to press a kiss against the back of it. ❝ i do believe that this is a manner of swearing fealty?”

ahvir laughs and takes her hand back, swatting at him harmlessly. ❝ yes, alright, lord pavus, we all get it. ❞ he grins in return and returns to his pacing, follows another line of thought. no one could ever truly say that he is not LOYAL TO HER. no one.

SECOND. he is drenched in GRIEF. from head to toe. this is the second time in his life that he has felt this way, but this time it is strangely intensified and he is unsure whether to attribute that to his distance from home or who it is that he is grieving. he had loved livia alexius, she had been like a second mother to him, but felix —— felix was something else entirely. a brother, a friend, more than those things. he had been something indescribable to dorian, something so strange and foreign that he does not have words for it. perhaps he will never have words for it.

felix died alone and in pain and dorian is trying to come to terms with this.

telling the inquisitor —— telling ahvir about felix’s passing is strangely easy. he is separate from himself, in that moment, as if his body is not his own and perhaps it is not. he has given parts of himself away, all of himself. he had given part of himself to felix and now felix is gone and all those that he had given himself to have FLED and there is nothing of him left. not truly. he had loved felix. he loves felix. all those that he has loved —— they have left him. in one way or another, they have left him.

ahvir takes the news and turns sympathy on him and he WONDERS about the pedestal that he has placed felix upon. that felix will never come off of. he is dead and dorian has been left behind on this earth and he is not alone but in this moment it feels like he is and he is unsure how to take that.

suddenly, however, there is a small hand upon his arm and he turns his head and ahvir is pressing a kiss to his cheek and that. is unexpected. truly, it is. he blinks several times and looks down at her and she is looking up at him with all of the softness in the world and. he isn’t sure how to respond to this. ❝ you aren’t alone, dorian. you aren’t. ❞

THIRD. forests are not his forte. mountains are not his forte. nature in general is not his forte. everyone knows this. everyone who travels with him consistently knows this because he never shuts up about it and is unapologetic about never shutting up about it. nonetheless, ahvir is apparently determined to scale this mountain instead of finding another way around. which is not an ENJOYABLE TIME, he can assure you of that much.

❝ join the inquisition, they said, ❞ dorian said, wincing as his foot slips for a moment and he has to find his balance again. ❝ save the world, they said. it’ll be fun, they said. no one ever mentioned SCALING A MOUNTAIN,” somewhere above him ahvir laughs and he squints up at her.

she is looking down at him and has made far more progress than he has, which would just figure. is it the elf thing or is it the she’s spent most of her life in nature thing? those are not two mutually exclusive traits and he supposes that city elves would, probably, be struggling just as much as he is. “you’re here because of your own choices, dorian. come on, we’re almost to the top!”

❝ please do not remind me, i may have to begin QUESTIONING MY OWN SANITY soon, ❞ he climbs just a bit higher and ahvir laughs, again, and he glances up. she blows him a kiss, giving him a cheeky wink, and he grumbles and continues his trek.

FOURTH. there is a moment of SHEER UNADULTERATED TERROR when she walks into the well of sorrows and he is frozen, watching her, fearing for her. this is someone that he loves and the people that he loves have a tendency to leave him or to die and he is not sure how he will handle it if she PERISHES. he is not so dramatic as to think that he will die in return, but the worry that grips at him is ALL CONSUMING and he can barely breathe around it.

moments pass, slow, and he does not think that he breaths for the entirety of it. everyone is watching the well, morrigan barely containing her anger and he wants to know more about that, but does not care to ask. not when ahvir has walked into that well without so much as A MOMENT OF HESITATION and he wants to grab her by the shoulders and shake her to ensure that there is some sense left in her.

it is as if time has suspended itself and he wonders if corypheus has actually figured out time magic, for a moment, before something happens and the well is suddenly EMPTY and there she is, lying in the middle of it. he is moving within a moment, jerked into motion, running to her. others are following and he falls to his knees beside her, reaching out and feeling for a pulse. for any sign of life.

he knows that she is still alive. would have FELT IT if she had perished. ( necromancer and all that ) there is security in checking her heartbeat, however. in making sure that she is still breathing. feeling the thud of her heart eases some of his horror and he takes her face in hand, turns her head so as to look at her and her eyes are peering open, as if she is awakening from rest.

for a moment he is tempted to CRY but stifles the urge. leans down and presses his lips to her forehead, instead. ❝ shall we avoid walking into mysterious magical elven ponds in the future, then? it would likely add many years to my life if we did. ❞

FIFTH. telling her that he will likely never return is difficult. far more difficult that he ever could have IMAGINED. going back to tevinter, being without her company, those are things that he does not wish to think about, but he must. they are his reality, now. this is reality. he cannot remain in the south and any future visits that he may or may not have will be brief in nature and there is little that he can do about that. this is the responsibility that he is taking upon his shoulders. this is his future, now. reforming tevinter, or trying to. it is not a BAD FUTURE, not truly, but it is a bittersweet one.

to thing that the people whom he loves most in the world would reside in the south. if someone had told him as much years ago then he would have laughed in their face. he hates the south and its cold and its nature.

he cannot say that he hates the people living in the south. some of them, anyways.

i’ll come with you then, she had said once. he almost wishes that she COULD come with him, but there are so many reasons why she cannot. why she can never step foot in tevinter. it is not safe. it is not secure. if something were to happen to her —— he cannot let that happen. he wants nothing more than for her to be safe and happy and if that means that she is far away from him then so be it.

he gives her the crystal anyways. wishes to keep in contact with her. hopes that this distance will not grow a rift between them. she looks stricken and distraught but holds the crystal tight in her hand and stares up at him with an intensity in her eyes. ahvir is STRONG and dorian is glad that this world has not taken everything from her.

she grabs at him, then, pulls him down to her level. presses a kiss between his brows. quiet affection. this is something that he has gotten used to, in some aspects but it still shocks him in others. ❝ don’t get killed, dorian, ❞ she says, voice filled with emotion.

dorian almost wants to cry.

#ahvir #( ∞ ┈┈ ahvir ) SOMEWHERE A PART OF ME BECAME A PART OF YOU / I WOULD MUCH PREFER YOU KEEP IT / IT IS SAFER THERE.#( ∞ ┈┈ inquisition ) WELL THERE'S A GIANT HOLE IN THE SKY AND A DRAGON OR TWO AROUND.#[ the only time i hate my quotation marks are in situations like these god damn it ]#( ∞ ┈┈ ask ) SARCASM IS AN ART FORM.

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the-revisionist · 7 years

Text

the tristan chord, chapter 17

xvii. the great fire

if you do not love me I shall not be loved if I do not love you I shall not love Samuel Beckett, from Cascando

A plunk and a splash and Gillian wakes up.

Her arm, resting on the rim of the tub, had finally slipped into the bath. The noise roused her, the raw skin on her arm stung as it hit the water. She’s been in the tub long enough that the water is too cold, her hair is starting to dry, and her toes are swollen, colorless raisins. Whether this has served long enough as a diversionary tactic, she’s not sure. Hiding in a bathroom for an unspecified amount of time is a move straight out of Caroline’s own passive-aggressive playbook. Perhaps Caroline appreciates the delicious reversal of the maneuver; she might be downstairs right now stroking her chin like a thoughtful supervillain while murmuring to herself, well-played, Gillian Greenwood, well-played.

Sitting on the loo while looking at Raff’s bathroom reading—a bevy of mindless lad mags—got boring fast, so she had decided to take a bath. That she got in a nap while being passive-aggressive should earn her a gold star in multitasking. She drops a damp washcloth over her face and enjoys its sour, shroud-like suffocation. Tiredly her mind roams like a transistor radio on a cross-country trip, fading in and out of frequencies conscious and unconscious and rescuing from the ether thoughts and images with strangely satisfying randomness. A few months ago Caroline told her that sometimes she still talks to Kate in her head. It made Gillian feel slightly less crazy for taunting her dead husband in a barn, and from that she takes further comfort in recalling thirty-year-old conversations with a dead friend so vividly that she can almost believe Maurice is still alive. Such is the power of the dead over the living.

She gets out, drains the tub, and wraps herself in a towel. In the hallway on her way to the bedroom she hears the distant, distinct lilt of Caroline’s voice from downstairs—actually in this instance the lilt bends under the weight of a Morrissey-like weariness, a strong indication that a mobile conversation with Celia is occurring—and realizes she’s lost the passive-aggressive battle, that Caroline has successfully laid siege to the farmhouse. Ah, hubris, Gillian thinks as she enters the bedroom and shuts the door. How stupid to think she could outmaneuver the queen, that steely-eyed bitch who rivals her stubbornness, who always plays to win. She sags against the door. Except, apparently, in matters of love.

She will not dress to impress. Not that she ever does, really, but now there’s well and truly no point to it and so she throws on a pair of jeans that have both knees shot out, a frayed t-shirt, and a mismatched jumper against the nibbling chill of summer night. Then, arms flung out Christ-like, she falls back onto the bed. She used to do a variant on this when she was young and went swimming at the lake: standing on a dock, pretending to be shot by a sniper, freezing, and then doing a backward freefall into the water. Always got shrieked at by her best mate: You’re gonna break your neck, Gillian! Of course she never did and, from the soft blue embrace of the water, she would laugh at her friend, the sky, the insensate fates out there that marked the shivering trees and the undulating tide but not her, never her.

The bed is, once again, hers alone. Robbie is back in his old house, which he had never sold and had rented out to a mate from work. While uncertain if the retention of the house was careful if cynical foresight on his part or sheer laziness, she’s willing to bet the farm on the latter. All trace of him is gone except two large suitcases of clothes taking up space in her tiny closet. Despite her repeated threats to burn them or give them to a charity shop he refuses to pick them up; he ignores her terse texts and instead besieges her with guilt trips and pathetic entreaties for reconciliation. Then it’s her turn to ignore him. The thought occurs that with regard to Caroline she is as stubbornly spiteful as Robbie is with her—the immovable object resisting the forces of change around it—and this realization makes her even less inclined to move from the bed. Painfully she pinches the bridge of her nose. Stupid, she thinks. Stupid to have kissed her like that, while pissed, in the loo of some shit pub. Stupid because Caroline belongs to someone else, even if that someone else is, as far as Gillian is concerned, a clueless bloody twat for not realizing what lies so easily within her grasp.

From the open window she hears the familiar tinny percussion of the rain pinging on the edge of the water trough, light and persistent—then lingering heavy drops, three in a row, tap tap tap. It stops. She counts forty seconds. It resumes. It’s a pattern she knows well, for she’s heard it all week long, all year long, all the many years she has lived here. She knew yesterday the rain wouldn’t stop yet—stupid bloody forecasters—because no one counts the drops, no one feels the gaps and silences between them, no one lies awake and listens to the rain quite like she does.

With the magnificent hiss and percussion of the rain’s concerto washing over her, she falls asleep.

Wake up you fucking bitch, wake up wake up wake up

Crying and gasping, she sits up. The air is thin and cool. She cannot drink it down fast enough and her mind chants its usual mantra following nightmares: Gone, gone, gone. The sky is darker—faded periwinkle, painterly and flat with a thick smear of clouds across the pretty backdrop, a minor masterpiece desecrated by an embittered apprentice. She’s clutching a quilt. She does not remember covering herself with the quilt, which is usually draped over a chair in the corner of the bedroom except in the dead of winter. So either the shade of Eddie, despite the typical brutal wakeup call, is feeling particularly charitable toward her at the moment, or Caroline covered her with the quilt before leaving. Because Caroline cannot possibly still be here. It’s getting on. Gillian grabs the mobile from the night stand in order to confirm the time—muttering shit when she sees she’s been asleep for nearly two and half hours—but there is no way to confirm the lingering presence of ghosts or Oxford bitches other than actually getting her arse out of bed and going downstairs.

She knows every creak, squeak, and groan of the house, knows what noisy floorboards to avoid in the hallway, knows that if you put enough weight on the bannister it will make a telltale peep and playfully threaten to give way under your touch, knows that the third step from the bottom will betray you every time, and even if you get that far you’ll have to hopscotch to the kitchen and then be careful not to let the screen door slam behind you. The house is an enchanted trap, a fucked-up cautionary tale; once its prisoner, Gillian is now its sovereign, lording over sheep and ghosts and unwanted guests and yet tiptoeing foolishly down the stairs to avoid detection in her own home, something she has not done in years.

In the living room she finds Caroline asleep, slumped in an uncomfortable-looking position on the couch, half-sitting, half-sprawled, resembling an abandoned, suicidal marionette: head pillowed on the armrest, long legs jutting at uncomfortable-looking angles, hands in curled stasis in her lap, face obscured by waves of blonde hair, and snoring softly.

Quickly she glides past this poor slumbering queen who has somehow stumbled into her toxic mythos. But fairytale magic has transpired: the house is clean, at least cleaner than it has been in weeks. The grotty swamp near the door has been mopped away and the muddy boots and trainers that were there in a grimy discarded pile are neatly aligned on the now-sparkling mat. The dirty jumpers, muddy jeans, and plaid shirts strewn here and there throughout the house are in a basket, ready for washing. The floors are swept, the dishes done, the kitchen table wiped down and piles of mail, newspapers, and magazines are neatly stacked upon it. A pot of tea is on the stove, a tray of sandwiches covered with a translucent plastic lid is on the counter.

Suspiciously Gillian regards the sandwiches. Despite the fact they were put together with many of the same commonplace ingredients she would find in her own kitchen, they approach a chef’s level of competence: cut on precise diagonals revealing beautifully even striations of each ingredient. Their perfection bestirs an inordinate amount of resentment, which builds as she realizes she is furious about fucking sandwiches of all things, and that steeps into bitterness as she shoves one half of a delicious perfect sandwich in her mouth and nearly groans at how good it is—chicken salad with tarragon. Of all the fucking posh toff twatty spices, tarragon. Twenty minutes later she’s devoured two of them and washed it down with a cup of tea, cold but still good. Before she can work herself up into irrational indignation about enjoying pretentious food, she hears the creak of the floor in the living room and by the time she summons the courage to turn around Caroline is leaning in the doorway, gorgeously disheveled and running a hand through the glorious mess of her hair.

She blinks and smiles uncertainly and this drowsy, sensual vulnerability makes Gillian ache all over. “Sleep all right?”

“Yeah,” Gillian says. “Thanks.” In the hope of frantically shoring up some pointless small talk she turns her attention back to the counter, but nothing comes to mind and she finds herself staring helplessly out the window, the land and sky as always a consistent comfort. The rain, possessing a light of its own, flashes silver against the dusk. There is a conversation unspoken, a reckoning that lurks around the corner but she does not possess the energy for pursuit anymore—pursuit of either Caroline or the words that will resolve their emotional stalemate—and Caroline, she knows, does not have the stomach for it. Maybe it’s all a bad sign but she doesn’t know anymore; she’s spent her life frantically rushing past so many omens of ill portent that the art of discernment and interpretation is like her French: a woefully forgotten skill.

“Thanks,” Gillian says again. “For the food. For cleaning up.”

“You’re welcome.”

Then she undercuts the gratitude with a jibe: “Know your mum made you come out here.” She had all but threatened Celia with bloody murder—which, admittedly, felt enormously satisfying—if her father so much as entertained the idea of coming out to the farm to help right now. But someone would have to be the fall guy and quite frankly if Caroline’s life were a film noir it would be titled Dial M for Martyr. Better competent Caroline, however, than Greg with his flip-flops and mung beans, and who once told her that sheep made him “terribly anxious.”

“It wasn’t a bother,” Caroline replies. “At all.”

“But you should go.” Gillian forces it out while furiously drumming the kitchen counter. “It’s getting late. Roads still aren’t good. Harder driving at night.” She hears Caroline sighing, shifting—tiny movements rippling through the house amid the susurrations of the rain, two pieces of music vying for prominence in her mind.

“Do you want me to go?” Caroline asks softly.

She lets out a hollow laugh. “You really have to fucking ask?” She raises the teacup to her mouth—and finds it empty. Then nearly jumps out of her skin when she realizes Caroline has crossed the room and stands next to her.

Caroline takes the cup, her fingertips graze Gillian’s knuckles. “Let me make you a pot of fresh.”

“No. I-it’s all right. Don’t need it.” As usual Gillian’s body betrays her. First, that stupid fucking stammer, and then idiotically discovering that they are standing too close, that she’s practically leaning into Caroline and somehow together they’ve initiated the fumbling first steps into an awkward embrace, an accidental intimacy emblematic of their entire relationship. She doesn’t know what to do with her hands, whether to touch as a lover, a sister, or a friend. She’s been all of these things and none of these things. So she just stands and allows it to happen: the deceptively easy fit of their bodies together, the arm around her waist, the neat tuck of her head under Caroline’s chin, her hot forehead falling to gentle rest on the bower of Caroline’s collarbone—all of it caught in the sweet undertow of sweat and that citrusy shampoo she apparently still uses.

Her breathing goes shallow and she thinks that once again she’s surrendering to scraps like a starving dog. But that’s the thing about starving. You need the scraps to live. She closes her eyes, feels Caroline’s warm breath on the top of her head.

“You kissed me,” Caroline murmurs into her hair.

It doesn’t sound like recrimination. Nonetheless Gillian plays her favorite get-out-of-jail-free card: “I was drunk.”

“So you regret it?”

Too tired for lying. “No,” she replies.

“Good. Neither do I.”

Gillian does not care what happens next because if nothing else she has this: an admission of want, along with the urgency of the rain’s tap tap tap outside providing the perfect counterpoint to the languid unfurling of the moment.

“There was this book I read about a year ago,” Caroline says. “Found it in Kate’s office after she died.” Caroline pauses, and then finds the courage to continue. “Didn’t seem like something she would read, but she always surprised me, you know? Her tastes were always so far ranging, so unpredictable. I—” She hesitates again, and Gillian feels the movement of her throat rolling through muscle and bone. “I almost thought this book was some bloody sign from beyond, like she left it there for me to find and read after she was gone. Know that sounds ridiculous. I thought that because it was called The Natural History of Destruction and I felt like I’d been annihilated myself, destroyed in a way and that there was absolutely no way of coming back from the loss of her. But this book—this book was about Germany during World War II. It was fascinating. And depressing. I hadn’t known there were so many bombings and firestorms in so many different cities—knew about the big ones, of course. Dresden, Cologne, Hamburg. The one in Hamburg, that was probably the worst. Forty thousand people dead, entire city virtually destroyed. But, but one of the things that fascinated me was that after all this death and destruction, the natural world regenerated itself in this strange, unprecedented, rapid growth. So unusual at the time, studies were done about it. Tree and flowers sprung up faster than anyone thought possible. Life came back with a vengeance. Who could have imagined that out of these ruins, this complete fucking decimation of all life something beautiful would arise, so quickly and so powerfully? I was thinking about that book today because I saw the books you keep in your barn, Gillian—I didn’t mean to snoop but the drawer was kind of open—” Caroline stops and laughs gently, self-consciously. “Well, all right, it wasn’t, but at that moment I wanted to know something about you, anything, even if it meant finding out what stupid bloody tools you have even though I wouldn’t be able to identify half of them, and then I thought maybe, maybe you should read this book. If you haven’t already. You’ve read a lot of history, yeah? Maybe you know this. But if you don’t—maybe you need to know this story because in a way I think it’s your story too, because I think you’ve defied everything that has ever happened to you by being here and alive and beautiful and it is amazing that you are here, it is amazing, you are amazing.”

The cadence of her voice over Gillian’s head belies the intent of the words and once again she’s back in Maurice’s garage, skimming the surface of great beauty. Then stupidly she thinks of the Smiths, the immaculate shimmer of a guitar overlaying a song about pedophilia or suicide or fat girls in love with closet cases and ruffians or headmasters beating the shit out of you. The more she tries to pull herself out of this lovely stupor the more entrenched she remains, eyes closed and head resting upon Caroline’s shoulder. It is a disbelieving, disorienting thing to suddenly be seen, to be comprehended by someone who beforehand only tentatively lifted the cover of the book of your life, who has never read beyond the pale, academic introduction of your story. Here is someone cracking the spine of that book and diving in, mining the text in a way no one else has before, striking a vein rich in blood and gold.

“You asked me that night if it was like it was before. It wasn’t,” Caroline continues. “It was better. It always felt right and that frightened me. I’ve asked myself since the first time we were together—if what I felt was wrong, if I was using you, if I should have told Kate—and fuck, I should have, but I didn’t. I couldn’t, I didn’t.” Caroline stops. “Fuck. I don’t know what my point is, except—I did not, could not ever dare allow myself to feel for you.”

Gillian’s eyelids twitch. She does not move but to blindly raise a hand to touch the soft down of Caroline’s cheek. Lips grace the inside of her wrist, where the veins crisscross like tracks at a busy railroad station and the switchback of her blood follows unknown courses, a tongue traces a route to the terminus of her palm. Then her fingers are in Caroline’s mouth, damp and soft and dangerous as her fingertips rest tentatively against the sharp blade of teeth. At this her blood is up; she remembers this exchange of trust so well. When they kiss it is surprisingly tender and confident and quite unlike the others that delineate the history of kisses exchanged between them, a history witnessed in her mind as time-lapsed photos: the chaste sisterly pecks on the cheek, the full onslaughts designed for domination, the lazy postcoital ones that could go on forever, the determined, carefully plotted nips leading to grander pleasures. This time is different because it breaches narrow categorization into a significant marker in Gillian’s life in this house, in this room. The kitchen is where he hit me the first time and where he broke my ribs. It is also where I told him I was pregnant and he was so happy he hugged me and spun me around, laughing. Now she can add where Caroline said beautiful things to me and kissed me like it meant something.

It’s also where I remember she’s strong in more ways than one because Caroline is half-nudging, half-lifting her onto the counter, where her ass gently collides with the sandwich tray and sends the empty tea cup clattering on its side—she never liked those cups anyway, and it prompts a darker memory of how they were bought out of desperation at a charity shop to replace all the cups she and Eddie had flung at each other during an epic row. She had actually nailed him a few times—Christ, he had laughed like a fucking devil and she paid for it later, but the fleeting, fearful illumination on his face as he touched a smear of blood on his head and realized that she could hurt him too was worth the hundred hells that followed.

Hell, oh hell. They are kissing again. Gillian shivers. She thinks of cities on fire. A hundred hells, a conflagration of histories.

Of course Caroline senses the mood change, stops, pulls back, and touches her cheek. “Are you okay?”

“It wasn’t the first time Hamburg had been destroyed by fire—in the war, that is,” Gillian blurts. “I-it also happened like a hundred year before that. 1840s, 1842, maybe? Not as many people died, city wasn’t quite as destroyed. Funny, they call the first one the great fire, the one during the war was worse. Much worse. More people died, for one thing.” Gillian blurts it all out at once, then gnaws her lip, gnashes her teeth, and curses herself, blithering idiot that she is, for allowing her nerves to trample all over this moment where she’s practically wrapped around and writhing against this woman that she has wanted for what feels like forever.

But Caroline smiles, tucks hair behind Gillian’s ear, and then sneakily caresses it. “I didn’t know that.”

“No?” It’s surprising. Caroline knows everything.

“Tell me.”

That Caroline is so willing to follow her lead, to do whatever she likes—whether it’s kissing or an impromptu history lesson, making tea or making love—sets everything right and the hollow pressure, the ceaseless recurring hollow pressure within her, deflates steadily. Shyly she gazes downward. Caroline’s hands rest lightly on her twitching thighs. This is happening.

“The great fire of Hamburg was also a, um, landmark case in insurance history.” Fuck sakes, she tells herself, please shut up.

“Oh,” Caroline says, with that placating, sweetly affectionate tone she uses at times on children, animals, and Alan when he goes on about the Tories.

“Re-reinsurance history, actually. Had a sixth-form history teacher who was weirdly obsessed with insurance. Did real well in his class, though.”

“I see.” She kisses Gillian’s forehead. Then lightly traces Gillian’s eyebrow with the tip of her tongue and it hits Gillian that no one has ever done that to her before, and the strangeness of it all leans into the undeniably erotic, so much so that she must babble further to regain her equilibrium.

“Did so well in the class, m-my dad wanted me to be an insurance agent.”

“How perfectly dreadful,” Caroline replies archly. Her mouth lingers near Gillian’s. Her breath smells faintly of sandwiches and tea, the seductive reek of a civilized animal.

“Had nice hair, my teacher did.” Mr. Trainor. Pudgy, a bit spotty, red-faced, bespectacled. But God that hair, like Robert Redford in his prime.

Caroline’s hand is at her back, sliding up her t-shirt, cupping the column of her spine and bracing her against the inevitable swoon.

Because Christ all mighty she is set to faint dead away. “Blonde,” Gillian whispers. “Like—like yours.”

She has one hand tangled into Caroline’s perfectly aged but obviously expensive chambray shirt whilst the other goes for the gold, the thick glory of her hair. Caroline’s mouth is warm, slippery, tasting of tea, sharp and strong and comfortingly familiar—she hums and Gillian devours the sound, cannot get enough of it, her bare heels dig hard into the back of Caroline’s calves as the humming goes deep and low, triggering some kind of brief fugue state where she will not remember until the next evening what happens next: kissing in the doorway of the kitchen for a long time, Caroline peeling off her jumper and tossing it cavalierly God knows where (found behind the recycling bin two dizzy days later) and pressing her against the doorway beam, Caroline’s hands sliding up her t-shirt, under her bra, and touching her in just the right way, persistently teasing and caressing, palms delicately brushing her nipples, until the declaration of I want to be in your bed cut through the dreamy fugue and Gillian takes to the stairs two at time, noisy fucking staircase be damned.

In the bedroom once again she falls, spread-eagled, back into the bed. This spectacular surrender seems infinitely more dangerous than blindly flinging herself into a lake because Caroline, head tilted, watches her for such a long slow moment that Gillian interprets tender regard and a commitment to memory as the banality of regret and begins to lose her euphoric nerve.

“It’s like you were diving, almost,” Caroline finally says, sweetly awed. She kneels over Gillian, touches her hair, and pulls it gently. Gillian arches, bares the feast of her throat, and allows her clothes to be slowly removed.

They move with the ease of swimmers, the element of sex not unlike water; under the great force of the sea, you cannot help but summon forth grudging gracefulness lest you perish in panic. Touch flows smoothly over bodies, every movement like strokes pulling them toward the line of the horizon: Caroline’s fierce, mermaid wriggle-kick as she removes her jeans, the smooth backstroke as she discards her shirt. With the fervor of a novitiate Gillian believes that she knows Caroline’s body better than any other lover before or since. The force of this preoccupation—the absence of possession, the mind yearning for what it does not have—inscribed lines in her memory as a pen digging into a notepad and mastering nothing but strokes of indelibility, the intensity of which may diminish but will never completely disappear. She rolls a finger along the curve of Caroline’s bare hip. Memory is a sixth sense. In the quickening dark through touch alone, she is reacquainted with the stretch marks that embarrass Caroline, the freckles that irritate her. And scars of note: the nacreous clot from an appendectomy—she was 37 and ridiculously proud of the fact she drove herself to A&E from work after teaching all day. The jagged thin line along the side of her knee from where she fell off a bicycle and onto a broken bottle—she was 23, at Oxford, and despairingly drunk over a breakup. Gillian has always wondered how many girls she was miserable about during her brilliant academic career at Oxford, enough, presumably, that someone like John became a viable romantic alternative.

Caroline clasps her wrists, pinning her against the bed but for a moment until she recalls that Gillian doesn’t like being held down and then her hands straighten with the careful slow precision of a mechanized bird readying for flight, her palms press gently into Gillian’s wrists before gliding across her arms. Her mouth tracks over Gillian’s body, over breasts and stomach and thighs, brushes a teasing breath and a tender nuzzle against her pubic hair, before doubling back and moving up her body again. What began gently intensifies and Gillian grants herself free rein—something she has not done, well, probably, since the last time they were together. She has spent the past two years fucking in order not to feel. Sometimes it was easily faked, particularly when both parties were so desperate for deception; other instances required bare minimal effort for the crucial release that kept her from going completely mad. She’s wet, grinding helpless and slick against Caroline’s skin, desperate to feel Caroline’s mouth on her cunt but not yet, not yet—Caroline will bite her lips, dig into her skin, grip her ass, bruise her thighs, as if she were a delicacy to be torn and relished, destroyed and devoured in equal measure. When at last she’s claimed and Caroline is licking and sucking her off with tortuous abandon, her hips rise off the bed and she buries a hand in thick hair and touches veritable, living art, this gloss of blonde in evening blue, and helplessly she thrusts against Caroline until a rhythm takes hold, cradled with reverence as if by a cupbearer while riding teeth and bone and when she comes she forgets everything, she forgets herself.

Then the rain, the racketing of her heart, the cool air falling crisp like a fresh bed sheet over the sweat on her chest. The feint of dusk teases light and promises darkness along the ceiling and walls, the chair and the dresser. The year after Eddie died she painted the bedroom and rearranged the furniture in it, even scraped together money to buy a new bed, all to scuttle the memory monsters in her mind. It didn’t work. She can still walk into any room of the house with the taste of blood in the back of her mouth.

A needless, frantic fear blossoms and she props herself up on elbows, is about to ask, did I hurt you? when she hears a sigh of strange contentment from Caroline, who lies in half-sprawl across her, damp face pressed against her hip while lazily stroking her thigh.

“I’ve missed you,” Caroline says.

Time proves a better architect for memory, giving structure and substantiation through distance. Time and this—whatever it is. For herself she calls it love even if she still believes, as she does, that it is nothing of the sort for Caroline—fondness and lust, a serious case of like.

She slides down the bed and reverses their positions, carefully placing herself between Caroline’s thighs, pushing, pushing, entering her, slow and steady until Caroline’s kiss dissolves into raw pulsing gasps that fill Gillian’s open mouth and it’s sweet, there’s honey in her throat, between her legs, running wild through her veins and sticky against her skin, persistent gold and relentless like the rain, which rains and rains and reigns all night long.

CHAPTER SOUNDTRACK: Sharon Van Etten: “Love More” Angel Olson: “Sister” Portishead: “It’s a Fire”

NOTES:

The book Caroline talks about is W.G. Sebald’s On the Natural History of Destruction.

Chapter title shows that Shirley Hazzard is still on my mind, I reckon; her last novel was titled The Great Fire.

#last tango in wordy sex scenes #are we cool vincent

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The menu of Biggest Turn Offs for Him along with Her

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The menu of Biggest Turn Offs for Him along with Her

How frequently we’re bent to stereotypes of behavior and spend a good cost for this! But it is perhaps perhaps maybe not a key that exactly what occurs to us within our day-to-day life varies according to our behavior. You intend to replace your life – modification yourperception of the global globe and behavior, be rid of bad practices that poison your daily life.

Lots of people are entirely unadapted to life correctly since they’ve plumped for the incorrect sort of behavior. They also not any longer notice the change offs that repel other folks. Putting up with by themselves, such individuals make other people experience. Some change offs push individuals far from one another, which means they are complete losers, destroying both profession and life that is personal.

Determining change offs and turn ons

We all have been people and everybody else has their views that are own views, and exactly what can alienate one – as a whole, won’t matter when it comes to other, however it can impact and develop into another thing.

Needless to say, you can find items that are unpleasant and repellent to every person, and to begin with, it is look, as an example, face, height if not a birthmark when you look at the incorrect destination asian women. And in case we speak about interior characteristics, we are repelled by misunderstanding, unwillingness to concentrate, imposing just a person’s viewpoint, negativism, nagging, irresponsibility and absence of caring. And vice versa, there are change ons that attract people – pleasant appearance, sincerity, positivity, the capacity to listen and hear, cleverness, trust and an attitude that is good.

As being a guideline, you will find a complete great deal of items that can alienate individuals from one another and now we shall let you know just just what change offs can ruin your relationships and also induce a breakup.

Biggest change offs for females

There are sufficient items that partners might not like in one another, however they do not destroy their relationships. Nonetheless, these 10 forms of men’s behavior can frighten away any girl. And from now on we shall about tell you morethese turn offs that are biggest for females.

1. Assessment of other ladies

No girl will absolve you because of this “innocent look”, that you simply tossed in the moving cutie. Just as well as she will not tolerate evaluation that is loud of beauty of some other girl whenever you are together. Males, think of it. Would you want to walk close to a female whom discusses other men and talks out about their beauty? The solution to this relevant real question is apparent, is not it? And it is not in regards to the polygamous or monogamous nature of males that many people are referring to a great deal. The point is the factor that is human. No body will like such a behavior. And in addition it may also result in some change offs during sex.

2. Comparing your girl along with your mom

“But my mom waters the plants differently.” Or, “My mom chefschicken an additional means.” Whenever a female hears such sayings from her loved one, and many more therefore by having a frequency that is enviable it infuriates her. She was not employed to be your 2nd mom. And, almost certainly, following the next “not such as your mom” she’s going to try to escape away from you. Or, more serious, in the event that mom of a guy attempts to intervene within the relationship for the son and their girl. Don’t assume all girl will tolerate the existence of the mother that is ubiquitous maybe maybe maybe perhaps not prepared to share her son with another person.

3. Selective paying attention

The explanation that is only this male “feature” is guys don’t possess the capability to be multitasking, this is certainly simultaneously carrying out a things that are few like females do. Or, just, a guy chooses not to ever pay attention exactly exactly just what he is told by a woman as he, for instance, watches a match of their favorite group. This is certainly extremely irritating for ladies, as well as some point, she can merely determine that you do not worry about her.

4. Speaing frankly about ex-girls

There is certainly just one thing – it is incredibly unacceptable and tactless. This makes the woman think why you continue to keep in mind your ex lover ones. Should they had been therefore Beautiful, then how did they are lost by you? Whatever the case, no girl would like to be when compared with other females.

5. Insecurity

If a female can not rely on a guy in a moment that is difficult at any time – it is extremely repulsive. You say that you’ll satisfy her during the airport, and then just forget about it. You state that you’ll nail that rack today, however in 8 weeks it’s not hanging. If she can’t count on you, then almost certainly she will provide up this relationship.

6. If a person enables a lady to pay for – especially in the very first date

We are maybe perhaps maybe not speaing frankly about commercialism, no. Nevertheless the woman you ask into the very first date subconsciously evaluates you being a potential romantic partner. And, when it is time and energy to spend the bill and also you ask she will do it, but don’t expect if she can pay to see her once more. It may look unjust you may anticipate that some guy will pay always on a date. However if this is actually the very first date, this minute can determine a great deal.

7. If your man can’t bother making a choice

A lady expects a guy to simply just just take duty and show initiative. Nonetheless it does not constantly take place. Indecisive males, struggling to come to a decision or create a choice, push women away.

8. Insufficient objectives, not enough aspiration

In a relationship that features a future, individuals develop together and keep speed. A lady is not likely to follow along with a guy would youn’t have an intention in life and that will pull her straight back.

9. Objectives that she will be considered a porn celebrity

The truth that you see porn web web sites does not mean that a female should work the identical to expert adult actresses in your favorite videos. We have all an alternative limit of emancipation, therefore do not think this one size fits all.

10. The lack of even minimal self-care

Day it isn’t necessary to live in a gym and visit a nail salon every other, but no one has abolished elementary norms of self-care and hygiene. As well as the undeniable fact that you might be a guy does not mean that you could walk in identical garments for months, stop washing the hair and cleaning your finger nails. This is merely indecent, and in addition extremely repellent.

Biggest change offs for dudes

Have actually you ever wondered exactly just what males actually hate about ladies and items that repel them? Well, needless to say, they differ from guy to man, but there are several items that in many situations push guys away. Just what exactly makes dudes hightail it from some girls? There clearly was a summary of typical change offs for males.

1. Not enough trust

Being mounted on the man you’re seeing is great, but do not get a cross the line, becoming an insanely owner that is jealous. Persistent doubts regarding the boyfriend towards other girls or the claim about why, just just exactly how as soon as he speaks with othergirls, are one of those plain items that males hate. By such behavior, you perhaps maybe perhaps not just can’t hold him, but, to the contrary, push to many other ladies – after all she does not make a claim to him.

2. Limitations

Regardless of how much your man really really really really loves you, he will perhaps maybe not be your servant. provide him area, allow him see their buddies without your authorization. In the event that youconstantly monitor their whereabouts, phone him every hour and continue steadily to assert you can be sure that soon he that he does nothing without warning will try to escape away from you extremely far.

3. Feminist views

The same as males don’t like whenever females cling in their mind in virtually any method, no body wants The girl to renounce him completely. Dudes like whenever a lady has the capacity to simply just simply simply take care of by by herself if you have such a necessity, but more frequently, allow the guy show their masculinity as he wishes.

4. Exaggerated significance

Some girls unreasonably give consideration to on their own as being a “gift of fate” for just about any guy. Therefore, they simply just simply simply take every thing for issued, while by themselves do not make any efforts after all. They believe they truly are therefore unique that a person should always fight for them. This, needless to say, cannot last forever. No man desires to constantly give without getting any such thing straight straight back. So allow him realize exactly how much you appreciate their existence inside your life (at the least from time to time). Don’t discount him along with his emotions, viewpoints or views.

5. Secretive brain

A woman who’sn’t willing to tune in to a man and securely thinks that she actually is truly the only person that is sensible will not make him delighted. Be unbiased and tune in to exactly what your partner really wants to state. Do not judge ahead of time, you are able to hurry your conclusions.

6. Nagging

This really is a severe basis for a man to split up with a lady! Dudes hate girls whom carry on saying the thing that is same and once more. Therefore, do not nag these with your dilemmas and claims. Should you want to make a move, however your man does not, find different ways to realize what you would like. It is easier compared to the everlasting discontent.

7. Disrespect

Guys can’t stand ladies who neglect them and just just take their efforts for given. Girls whom genuinely believe that some guy should meet almost all their whims during the first call, frankly annoy males. And do not require desires to invest their time having a woman who’ll be unhappy with every thing he does. If you do not desire to scare individuals off together with your behavior, be a lady whom respects and provides cause for respect.

8. Unsuitable clothing

Then there is no certainty that you can attract a if you dress poorly worthy guy. In the event that you hate your system or your self, you are going to undoubtedly repel the dudes. It is important first to evaluate your self, your shortcomings and dignity and gown precisely. If you do not like one thing in yourself – change it out, work on yourself, however in any instance you ought to love the human body and face. Otherwise, exactly exactly how some other person can love you whenever also you aren’t capable get it done. Additionally clothes that are unsuitable one of several intercourse change offs for dudes. If You have a dress and boyfriend defectively and unsightly, this might damage his intimate interest.

9. Too makeup that is much

You’ll want to learn to use the bottom, eyeliner, and lipstick to ensure that see your face appears stunning, and never a joker like. This involves practice and some knowledge – the world-wide-web is filled with video lessons on how best to make normal makeup. Dare!

10. Negative attitude to any or all

Even though you love the man you’re seeing, but treat others poorly, this can’t assistance but alert. Today, girls ignore such characteristics as kindness, however it draws lots of men. Avoid being bitch all of the right time, often you have to be a good fairy too. These faculties will help you in surely working with males. Be relaxed, cheerful and happy!

Focus on yourself

No body is resistant from mood swings that happen for different reasons. Frequently, in the scheme, you wish to select many “venomous” design of interaction with an individual, finally exacerbating the problematic situation. But individuals involved with self-development can get a grip on the processes that take place in their minds, and act in a manner that is balanced even yet in the absolute most serious cases. Your task would be to learn to over come typical strange habits of behavior, changing them into good people. Therefore any difficulties will disappear, providing location to good thoughts and wonderful occasions. Be rid of all those Turn offs and your relationships will be strong, lasting and happy.

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