#arno: self hate stop long enough to just ????

[straight-into-the-animus]

jacob the first time they have to try to comfort arno through his dysphoria: your balls are so big they put them on your chest

arno:

[reddapologist]

Bond - Natsolis

CNs: intrusive thoughts, intense self-doubt, description of something like a panic attack, Bad Decisions Nat™

Natsolis belongs to me, Kira belongs to Rose, Arno belongs to Jonas, and Meyivi belongs to Lin

When Kira asked him to stay by her side, "not until death do us part, but for a while", it was a request Natsolis had dreaded for a while. They had tried their best to not think about it beforehand, knowing their mind tended to run wild with outlandish scenarios when contemplating things yet to come. Thus, without a need for surprise, when the words were finally there, Natsolis had not the faintest idea how to respond.

The instinct to run was ever-present, and those words made it flare up as if someone poured cold water on an oil fire. His mouth opened, but what to say? He would not be able to explain how he felt, and Kira would know if he just told her what she wanted to hear, and he did not want to lie to her anyway. He needed to get away, to think, to not let her see him break down over what should be so simple a question to answer. Painfully aware that any attempt to stop the pain in his soul from showing on his face, Natsolis met her eyes, careful not to linger too long on the stars glowing brightly in them.

“Give me a day,” they managed to say, their voice cutting out before they could add “Please, Kira.”

He saw she understood, and that was all the reaction he could wait for before hurrying out of the room and towards the stables, leaving Kira and the castle and even the city behind.

The place he rode towards was one they had discovered years ago, when first exploring the land that now housed their little kingdom. An old, withered tree that had hidden a lost stash of small treasures. He remembered how he had found a damaged spellbook there, and how Kira had smiled when he had excitedly told her what spells it contained. Arno and Meyivi had focused on the other loot there, but Natsolis could barely remember what that had been.

Much later, within the first year after they had started building the city, Natsolis had returned to that place to seal an agreement. Maybe the hope for additional guidance was what led them back there now.

The sun was already setting when they left the city. Around half the way to their destination, they noticed they were being followed. Arno did not seem surprised to have been discovered, and when Natsolis explained they needed to clear their head and asked him not to worry about them, he simply asked in return that they did not do anything rash, and let them ride on alone.

By the time they arrived, daylight had all but disappeared. For a while, Natsolis just stared at the moon slowly rising over the horizon, for the rest of the firmament looked too much like Kira’s eyes for them to take his mind off her. Then they started thinking out loud. Started wondering why they could not accept something good happening to them. Why tying themself down frightened them so, even when it was to a place and a person they loved. Why all this seemed to work for other people, but never for them, and if they could ever be more than these shortcomings.

It was then they noticed they were not alone once more. Instead of their fellow Lord following them, they were now joined by a wolf-like creature not unlike the barghests they had fought a few months before, though this one appeared much calmer, and looked at them with a look of recognition and respect rather than aggression.

“What troubles you?” a voice which, though coming from it, did not seem to belong to the creature, asked.

So Natsolis told it all, poured their heart out to that strange creature standing in front of him.

Kira had said she did not want to know about his past, and he agreed. If he told her where all that guilt he carried came from, she would hate him, and with good reason, but could she truly make the choice to want a life with him based on what little information she had? Did she even comprehend the scope of the secrets he kept from her?

"I know you think you just ruin whatever you come into contact with," she had told them, "but we've built something here."

They knew it was just a matter of time until it all came crashing down as it always did, and it would be their fault as it always was. Really, the right course of action would be to leave now. Find another place to haunt for a while, and run away from there again before anyone could get close enough to be hurt by them.

But Kira was already far too close, she had been for a while, and despite knowing it would be better for her in the long run, the thought of being without her now… It stung just as deep as the possibility of them bringing some horrible fate onto her.

"So should I let myself be her worst mistake?" they asked the creature "I know I can't protect her."

"We can help with that." it replied.

Natsolis met its gaze. "How?" But he already knew that the answer did not matter because of just that tiny flicker of hope made his heavy heart rise. He'd do whatever it would take.

He found her in his bedroom, just where he had left her, sitting next to the window with her head in her hands and staring out onto the calm lake. A bottle of wine now stood on the table, unopened, with two glasses beside it. She did not seem to notice him entering, but looked up to him as he took a seat facing her, and a look of relief came over her face, but it mingled with the worry still present, and something else he could not quite place. Had she been crying? If so, she was trying her best to hide it. Natsolis felt a rush of guilt rising in them, for making this so difficult for her, but pushed away the impulse to apologize for that. There was just one thing he needed to say.

"If you think this is worth the risk…" he paused, seized her hand as if to underline his words, "then I'd gladly stay."

As she threw herself against his chest, he held on to her tighter than ever before. He had set hell in motion to let himself be with her, now he would make it count.

"I'll stay."

[thewriterscreed]

Spanking (Edward, Arno, Jacob)

821 Words

Edward loves to spank you and you loved to be spanked by him.

You love it so much that you’ll taunt him with it, near begging to be bent over his knee. You’ll ‘accidentally’ drop a bottle of rum you were handing to him or else ‘forget’ to polish his blades like he asked you to. When he notices you’ll drop into a demure pout, saying that you suppose you should be punished for your carelessness.

Edward will only smile at this--a wide, self-satisfied grin that you know promises everything you desire--before beckoning you forward with a wave of his hand.

He loves the look of your ass in the air, red from his touch as your sultry voice begs him for just one more. And you love the eager hand that holds you in place, pressing firm against your back as he rubs gentle circles on your bare skin before the sharp sting of another slap.

Edward’s never harsh enough to really hurt you, but he knows how to keep you guessing and wanting for more of his touch all the same. His absolute favourite thing to do is to make you count each slap, and, when you finally reach the agreed upon number, Edward will sweep you up in his arms and carry your over to bed for more and more and more.

Arno hates spanking as a general rule. Even playfully. He thinks there are much better and gentler ways to show his affection like kissing you on the hand or tracing a pattern on the small of your back.

However, there was one night you made him extremely, infuriatingly, dangerously furious.

After recklessly endangering both you and himself on a mission and causing nearly a block of Paris’ historic district to burn to the ground, you both stumbled home fuming with anger and embarrassment. Tensions running high, you started fighting with each other and Arno threatened to bend you over his knee and punish you for your behaviour.

You taunted him, saying he wouldn’t dare, leading to a wrestling match between the two of you which ended with him on top--literally. Holding you down he hitched up your skirts and exposed your bare skin, reeling back to hit you before he stopped dead in his tracks, realising what he was about to do in absolute horror.

Arno would never hurt you. Never. No matter how angry he was with you or how much others might say you deserved it.

He quickly stood and let you go, demanding that you walk away before the anger came back and you started fighting again. You ran from the room and out onto the Paris streets once more, desperate to escape the unpleasant situation you knew you had started.

Only hours later did you wander back home to see Arno sitting by the first, frown etched onto his face. Before you could say anything he whispered an apology, wanting you to know that he regretted even thinking about hurting you in any way. You accepted the apology and offered an earnest one of your own.

That night as you both lay in bed, Arno traced gentle kisses over every bit of your body, an apology and a promise all at once that he would never lay a harmful hand on you for as long as he lived.

Jacob loves to spank you, but in a much more playful way than the others.

He’ll pass by you and quickly reach out to slap your ass before you can say anything in retaliation. Doesn’t matter where you are or who you’re with either. He’ll do it in front of Evie or Henry or any of the Rooks without a care.

Once you thought he was even going to do it in front of the Queen herself, but he caught himself in time to stop. Barely.

It only gets worse when he’s drunk, too. Sometimes he’ll be so intoxicated that he’ll miss you the first time he tries and be so distraught about it that he’ll circle back to try again.

You knew Jacob meant no harm by it--and in certain situations it did lead to more heated moments for the both of you, tucked away in a hidden corner--but you had to admit, it was getting out of hand.

So one day you decided to turn the tables and hit him just to give him a taste of his own medicine.

Catching him off guard just as he was finishing a rousing speech to a new group of Rooks, you slapped his ass and immediately began to run away, hollering with laughter. Embarrassed and more than bit turned on, Jacob rounded on you and ended up chasing you all over London before you both made it back to the train and to bed where he was finally able to get his hands back on you where they belonged.

[tumblunni]

Man its so weird to think back and see how many signs there were that I was transgender long before I realized it. I was SO fucking oblivious, I had no clue that being nonbinary was even an option, all I knew was 'well I don't wanna be the opposite gender but I don't wanna be the one I was assigned at birth'. (Except obviously I didn't even know the correct words to describe it) And like... I bought into A LOT of horrible transphobic bullshit, cos I was raised with a biased view of what being transgender even is. 'Trans-sexual people are turned on by wearing women's clothes'. Ugh. And I was completely disgusted by it, since I'm a sex repulsed asexual and everything about foreplay or whatever disgusts me. My parents and pop culture and stuff all treated it like trans people were the equivelant of someone into BDSM wearing nipple clamps out in public or something. 'Well in theory I have nothing against them having that kink, but why do they have to show it in public?' Being trans was ALWAYS only shown as 'oo kinky I like to crossdress in the bedroom', as if it was a fucking sexuality, as if there was NO OTHER REASON why someone would wanna wear the 'wrong' clothes and use the 'wrong' pronouns. I felt viscerally disgusted at myself whenever I didn't want to wear my birth gender's cliche outfits, I denied absolutely everything cos I didn't want people to think I was a pervert. I didn't even know it was POSSIBLE to be transgender and asexual, or even that being transgender wasn't the same as being gay! I said SO MUCH fucking horrible transphobic and homophobic stuff as a kid, just parroting what I was told, and overcompensating for hating myself by making it clear I hated everyone remotely similar to me. While being in huge denial that they were similar to me! And I'm gonna carry these regrets forever and always worry that I stopped someone else from feeling comfortable about theirself and just... GAHH! And I did all the same too about parroting stereotypes of 'crazy people' and 'r*tards' before I learned that this big ol stereotype about autism was bullshit and real autistic people look EXACTLY LIKE MYSELF It just makes me think a lot about how many other people out there might be trans and not have the ability to find out because they've been buried so utterly in this false, bigoted image of what a trans person actually is. Tho also I hate the dumb stereotype that 'all homophobes are secretly gay', like seriously wtf why u wanna escape all responsibility for your actions and say the only problem is gay people systemically oppressing THEMSELVES... ANYWAY I went off on a sad train of thought there but back to the point! I'm just remembering this one part of a school trip that was like one of my most treasured memories for no logical reason until I realised I was trans. I met a new classmate and he mistook me for the opposite gender, and I was like 'HOLY SHIT WHY AM I HAPPY' until someone else 'corrected' him. I mean.. I knew I wasn't that gender either, but it felt like a weight off my shoulders to at least be misgendered the opposite way for once. I felt inexplicably happy that I was looking ambiguous enough to even be in question! And this was when I was like 11, I had no clue what word to even assign to these feelings... And I mean, it was SO DUMB that I never noticed these signs! This is what internalized transphobia does to you! Like 'hey there's probably no reason at all why I always play as a different gender ever time I buy a pokemon game, and get this self hatey feeling in my gut when both options have very stereotypically gendered costumes'. And 'wow there sure is no reason why I got inexplicably attached to this genderless character and can't stop thinking about ways to prove they aren't real'. Seriously all that debate about 'quina is really a girl/boy' with weird evidence in stat builds and equip items and stuff! I got REALLY into that transphobic bullshit cos it was something that shook up my perception of the world and I felt like if not being either gender was ACTUALLY AN OPTION then id have to address painful things about myself. If I knew I could be that, I couldn't keep lying to myself. So I went in aggressive denial mode and missed this chance to come out of the closet at like 9 years old and save myself a damn lot of trouble! And then I just went through the same bullshit at 14 with Chrona from Soul Eater, and could not explain why on earth I was so upset that the English dub assigned them a random gender instead of translating it properly... And OH MAN how fucking dysphoric I was about puberty even before I knew that dysphoria was a thing! It was like 'hey look you're growing up!' 'NO IM NOT DEAR GOD NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN'. And that led to this stupid thing of me just saying 'well I have the mental age of a seven year old LOL' to excuse whenever I acted 'weird'. My forum avatar and stuff was a doodle of myself in chibi form, etc. (Even literally wearing chest binding... I only knee at the time that it was 'a martial arts thing' tho.) Like, I'd got all these messages that not wanting sex was 'childish' and not wanting my body to change was obviously 'immature', and when I was undiagnosed with mental illness and trying yo make up excuses for how I TOTALKY didn't have a mental illness, all I could say was 'ha ha I'm totally uhh... Doing it on purpose? Cos I'm so... Quirky?' I got obsessed with overacting as a class clown, cos I mean you can also excuse cross dressing as a thing that 'the comic relief character' does... And OH MAN, like my big Special Interest throughout all of high school was Norse myth, more specifically Loki. I was FASCINATED with the idea of a shape shifter who could be either gender, and was completely unashamed about it. And, of course, I used to play it off as 'ha ha isn't it so funny he turned into a girl', when I seriously did not have any clue WHY it was funny, I just thought I had to say it. It HAD to be the reason I was so sympathetic yo this character, right? Because he's A FUNNY JOKE?? And man then I got so obsessed with researching non gendered English pronouns from the 18th century and championing how they should totally come back into modern language and EVEN THEN I was in denial! It took until I played Magical Diary to realise 'well fuck I'm trans'. It took a game outright saying that these genderless pronouns arent just 'to be inclusive of both genders' but can be used for A THIRD GENDER, A GENDERLESS GENDER, A BOTH AND/OR NEITHER GENDER!! A game saying that this gender does exist in human beings, and EVEN THEN I took ages to be sure that it was really real and not just a fantasy thing that the game made up. I mean, quina was totally only genderless cos they're a magical creature, right? (Completely ignoring the fact that the other two members of that magical creature town are both male...) And just.... AAAAAAA I feel like I'm the human personification of that 'no Patrick, put it on the lid' meme No, you're trans. No, TRANS. Trans, bunni! TRANS!! This is what societal prejudices do to people. Even LGBTQ people usually grow up within homophobic, transphobic society, absorbing all the same messages. It destroys our ability to be okay with being ourselves... Its so fucking sad that this happened to me, and it hurts even more to think of all the times I said insensitive offensive stuff to other LGBTQ people back when I thought I was cis and straight... Gahhhh... ALSO, it makes me extra sad that Summon Night: Swordcraft Story 2 never got released in Europe. There's a character there called Arno who's NB and very out about it, and the English translators didn't make a mess of it, or anything. People actually call Arno 'they', and literally their catchphrase is 'Are you a boy or a girl?' 'I'm just a child of the wind~' Like seriously NO ambiguity, character actually getting to dish out sick burns when being misgendered, absolutely NO room for the ol 'well they just don't MENTION a gender, it doesn't mean they were intended to be nonbinary' excuse. Arno outright stating 'I am not a boy, and I an not a girl'. And your protagonist respecting it! Arno is still my absolute fave best handled nonbinary character in all of games. And the summon night series is very inclusive with a lot of gay romance options! Its a shame tho that the only other game with a nonbinary character was never dubbed even in america. But apparently the protags of previous games get a cameo in the upcoming Summon Night 6 which finally will be released in Europe! I just hope they handle Corlal's pronouns respectfully, considering how they managed to do it so well a decade ago with Arno. But then again the Swordcraft Story series is a spinoff so the main games might have different translators? Anyway, let me hug my tiny enby dragon child! Also I'm sad the cellphone app trading card game never got dubbed either, cos Corlal got some cute cards for the valentine's day event. All three dragon kids just got adorable scenes making platonic family chocolate for their siblings cos they're too young to really participate. And they thankfully got super cute totally non-lolicon maid and butler outfits like SERIOUSLY THANK GOD FOR THAT! Just cute ten year olds playing dressup like normal kids. Corlal got two cards for that one! Them being nonbinary continues to be 100% canon, they got a version with both a dress and a tuxedo. AND ITS SO FUCKING CUTE MY GOD ...man I'm sorry this just went off topic into how great that series is But anyway! If I've ever said anything that offends you, please message me about it! I'm still unlearning a lot of internalized prejudice. Also if you want a quality nonbinary werewolf in a cool side scrolling GBA jrpg, look for Arno! Im on mobile rite now so I can't send links n stuff, but as soon as I finish moving my PC desk to the other room I shall spam you all with my obscure fandom's!!!

[inquietatemplar]

SHIPPING INFO // answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog. REPOST. don’t reblog.

Placing under a read more because it’s a long post.

WHAT’S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSE?: Revie. Raf and @ofcrawley‘s Evie. There’s not a doubt in it for me, she’s the one for him.

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING?: Pretty much anything except for anything in my ‘no-go’ list on my rules. Suicide, self-harm, etc. Stuff that makes me really uncomfortable I won’t do, but pretty much everything else is fine.

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?: Anything where a minor is concerned. Even if there’s just a year’s difference, and one of them is a minor, it’s still a no from me. If both parties are adults, however, I don’t really have any issues with any sort of age gaps.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?: Not particularly. If Raf has a chemistry with someone, I’ll most probably ship it.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED NS.FW?: The clue is kinda in the name. If it’s something that I wouldn’t want someone to see at work I’ll stick a NSFW tag in there. However, I’ll stick a response under a ‘read more’ if things are really getting steamy. These sorts of things are touching in inappropriate places, rougher make out sessions - anything that could really make one character moan.

WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH?:

@oftragity - Raf loves his Pandora. They’re just so cute and playful together, and Raf’s rarely like that with anyone. She really brings out the best in him, I think.

@blxodyknuckles - As their mun said, they used to have a ship a while ago before the both of us disappeared from Tumblr for a bit. We’re sorta restarting their story arc, but they’ll more than likely end up back together, even if things are rough between them right now.

@the-lost-templar-daughter - Raf really acts like a gentleman around Elizabeth, and she should probably feel honored for that. It’s not something he does often! Even though they haven’t admitted anything to each other yet, I really ship them. They’re cute, relaxed around each other, and Raf really wants to travel to other countries with her and explore the world together.

@idiotgangleader - These two. I love them. They both know that what’s going on is risky and dangerous, but that doesn’t stop them. Raf’s willing to risk a lot for Jacob; including his position in the Templar order. There’s just something about Jacob that drives Raf mad, and he can never get enough of the man’s company.

@templariumrose - Although these two aren’t at all close in that sense at the moment, give it time and I see something developing. Raf really respects Dio, and there’s a secret sense of admiration for the other man there too, though he’d never admit it. He’d love to get closer and know more about him, but Raf doesn’t know how to do so, and so he stands at arm’s length awkwardly.

@animusmama - It’s been a long while since they’re really had any interaction, but these two were cute. Although there was the whole chaotic ordeal with Raf’s modern-day issues, somehow they still managed to stick together and make things work. Rebecca really helps Raf to ground himself in the current moment, and I think that’s something that he definitely needs.

@digital-firefly - What to say about these two. I kinda ship them? But they also hate each other? So a hate ship I guess? As much as they’re at each other’s throats all the time, we both just know that one day it’s going to turn into an aggressive make out session, and then rough sex. And after that, Raf would never admit it, but he would probably crave her, and keep going back to wind her up in hopes for more.

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?: Nope! Though I do find it awesome to drop me a message and just let me know that you totally ship them both. Chances are, I do to, and was just to shy to mention it, haha.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP?: Whenever there’s chemistry. Simple as that. If there’s chemistry, I ship it. If there’s none, then I don’t.

ARE YOU MULTISHIP?: *Points to the long list of ships above.* Of course.

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?: I wouldn’t say I’m ship obsessed. I like to ship - I feel like it opens up a lot of paths rp-wise, but it’s not necessary for me.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?: Oh god, that’s a tough question. Uh... Asides from my Revie? I really ship Arno and Elise, actually.

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?: Build up chemistry between their character and Raf. Just... Please, don’t force it.

Tagged by: @blxodyknuckles and @templariumrose

Tagging: Anyone that was mentioned during this post, as well as @londonsmasterassassin, and also anyone else that wants to do it!