#as a Juan fan I am satisfied

[dicktat]

Okay my thoughts on the renegades ending.

Turns out Juan isn’t as much of a bastard as I give him credit for. I was expecting full blown chaotic evil dictatorship (akin to Vass Montenegro/Rais) but…he’s decent. At least compared to them. He’s still a tyrant but not like a “I’m building a pit and sending men to fight because I enjoy gore” evil but more like a “lolz people are dying on the street but I got all the good whiskey so let’s party” evil. And throughout the story you can tell his intentions weren’t that bad (at least that’s what he tells Aiden). He did want to uncover Matt’s conspiracy and is honestly the first character to openly lay out the shitiness of that guy (besides the unnamed officer form a collectible tape). And provided decent evidence that Jack Matt was the culprit for Black Monday, and therefore a power hungry fascist leader who’s willing to gamble millions of life for his own goal. So in a way. What he said during his public execution on my first playthrough was kinda true. And he ordered a court martial, an official trail. Perhaps that’s the reason Jack Matt didn’t show up during the X-13 mission. I guess he was overthrown. But that doesn’t excuse the fact that he kinda became something worse LMAO. I’m not cutting this guy any slack he’s still a prick but he’s also pathetic and gay and whimpers because he hates seeing his own blood. (But you could also argue that, the renegades that took over Villedor weren’t the cardboard cutout evil henchmen commanded by Waltz but a separate group lead by colonel Williams which could be seen as less amoral). But the ending is also kinda spicy cuz if you look closely they are protesting on the STREETS at NIGHT without UV meaning the renegades either got rid of all the zombies or made the place much safer to walk around without dying. Which is a W imo. And I’d like to argue food shortage is better than water shortage in the PK ending. And if we are REALLY going that way I could also argue this ending at least let’s you protest unlike the fascist PK supreme. But yeah he’s still a funny loser prick too afraid to step out of his floating castle because he knows the people are mad at him. Over all the missions were fun too, there were a LOT of stealth/spying missions which weren’t exactly my strong suit. I failed a mission 3 times because I kept alerting the guards (that I can’t just fucking kill). My favorite was probably the cathedral demolisher fight. And strangely enough, the side quest where you fight Hakon is a main quest for this one. It’s essentially the same but something you can’t skip and plays a part in the story. Only difference: Even if you chose to spare Hakon, your relationship with him isn’t exactly fixed. EVEN if you get to the homoerotic I don’t want to fight you let’s see the ocean together part. If you convinced Lawan to spare him. Instead of Lawan letting him go he just BONKED HER ON THE HEAD while her back was turned. Also later on he showed up with the renegades, had the exact conversation I posted yesterday, and gross failed ex relationship ensued. Which leads me to believe my save file was corrupted, the game registered me as somehow taking the Juan route and therefore gave me that cutscene. The rest of the game is pretty much the same, the ending- Aiden leaves alone anyway but I think there’s NO reason he can’t leave with anyone? The city has gone to shit and what’s the point in staying. Or alternatively techland could have given us a renegades officer Aiden or co-rule ending if they weren’t COWARDS. Like cmon this would be such a cool idea. Aiden going full evil mode lol. Overall I think it was fun and I got to spend some time with my boy Juan and holy shit he talks so much and panics whenever something goes wrong (which working with him, means all the fucking time). Him almost losing it every time he thought something was wrong was hilarious. Feral rat man. And they have some good chemistry too. Like actual “Aiden going on some death trip to impress some boy” relationship. Then again I feel like we’ve been robbed. Like I said where’s my evil Aiden route lol.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Surveys #417-419

Been slacking on posting these, so here’s like three surveys over the past few days divided up. I just don’t feel like posting them individually. Beware, it’s a long post, haha.

Do you believe that animals don’t have souls? I lean towards the idea that they, at least more complex species with actual sentience, do in some way. It's hard to imagine like, a fly having a soul, but it's a nice thought. You could NEVER convince me some don't, though, like my late dog Teddy, Sara's old chameleon Jem, and I could go on and on. Have you ever not been able to swallow pills? No, I've always been able to. If you HAD to change your first name, what would you change it to? Maybe like, Quinn. Something you don't hear a lot, for sure. Something more memorable. What are your thoughts on orange soda? Orange cream soda is BOMB. Man, been so long since I've had that stuff... Are you good with children and/or animals? Don't mean to brag, but people say I'm like a magician with animals. No matter what it is, I bond with it. Children, not so much. I'm awkward around them. Who in your life makes you smile the most? My cat, ha ha. If you were cremated, where would you want your ashes to be placed? Hm. Maybe high up in the mountains or in the Kalahari Desert. Do you plan on going to your high school’s reunion? No. I'm pretty sure I'd shatter from memories just entering the building. Would you want revenge on someone if they killed someone special to you? Or would you find it in your heart to forgive? "Forgive" my ass. They'd better get what's coming to them, even if I've gotta be the person to deliver it. Is there someone you are dying to see? More than I think anyone could possibly know. But it's probably better if I never do. Could you picture yourself getting married and having kids? Married, yes. Having kids, no. I could only picture that in one phase of my life, but like I called it: a phase. I should never be a mother, nor do I want to be one to begin with, so yeah, no kids for me. Do you like to take walks? If my legs were actually worth a shit, yes, I would, if it's in a nature-filled area. What are you listening to at this moment in time? "Thoughts & Prayers" by Motionless In White. Did you ever kiss someone with a tattoo? No. Could you say something good about the last person you kissed? She's very resilient. Why are you single? Because 1.) I'm a very unappealing example of an adult, 2.) I'm not exactly very attractive, and 3.) I'm basically a hermit, so I don't meet people. Do you get jealous if your boyfriend hugs another girl? Hypothetically, in almost any case, I wouldn't. My imaginary boyfriend can have female friends. But I'll admit if it was like, an ex-girlfriend or something and it was a seriously intense hug, I might. Is there something that happened in your past you hate talking about? Yes, but I mean, who doesn't. Have you ever been completely alone with a boy in his room? You make this sound so scandalous lmao. Yes, plenty of times. I dated a dude and briefly lived with him for three and a half years. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No. Who was the last person that you cried in front of? I'm sure it was Mom. Is it hard for you to be “just friends” with the opposite sex? Nah. Do you remember every single person that you’ve kissed? Yeah. Do you believe that the world will actually end? Humanity, oh yeah. The planet itself, given the infinite nature of the universe, also yes. At SOME point, even if it's zillions of years down the line, Earth is gonna get fucked by something. Are you socially awkward? I am the literal avatar of "socially awkward." Would you rather watch a comedy movie or horror movie? Horror. Who is your favorite actor/actress? MARK IS A FUCKIN' ACTOR, Y'ALL. Are you satisfied with your gender? Yeah. Are you good at admitting your problems? HA! Yeah. ezpz Have you ever had a hangover? No, never been drunk to begin with. Do you know any strippers? No. How many times have you dyed your hair? I ain't counting. What is something that reminds you of your childhood? Dinosaurs. Do you think you eat healthy? I try to. I have my bad days, though. Are you sick quite often or hardly at all? My immune system is the fucking MVP. I am just about never, ever sick. Has anyone suspected you of being a different sexuality? Yes. Do you like chocolate or vanilla cake more? Chocolate, duh. Does it bother you to have blood drawn or not so much? Nah, no biggie. Has your cell phone ever rung in class? Omg no, I woulda been mortified. Have you ever tried opening your eyes under water? Yeah, as a kid. Would you rather have a cat or a dog? I prefer cats. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? Like... six times, I wanna say. What would you say is your favorite type of flower? Orchids, but I also love dahlias. I've actually noticed that I've really had a greater "thing" for flowers lately. Like don't get me wrong, I've always loved flowers very much, but I've just found myself more drawn to them than usual, especially when taking the daily hour ride to the TMS office. Do you watch Toddlers and Tiaras? FUCK no. That show disgusts and angers me so much. If someone asked you to go to war today, what would you say? Yeah, no. Funny joke. I couldn't go anyway due to mental health issues and a suicidal history. Do you own an old vintage typewriter? We used to when I was little. I have no idea what happened to it, though?? Hell, maybe we still have it somewhere, but I doubt that. Do you like or hate the smell of fish? Ew, does ANYONE like the smell of fish??? Have you ever read any of John Green’s books? I got a few pages into The Fault in Our Stars, but stopped for no real reason. I didn't not like it or anything, I was just still in my "I don't read" episode. Are you a protective person? VERY. I'm a fucking guard dog over those I love most. Are you a fan of penguins? Yeah, they're cute. I especially think emperor penguins are very majestic. Have you ever met your favorite author? I don’t have a favorite author. Did you get your mom or dad’s eyes? Neither's. I think my maternal grandpa had blue eyes, though? I'm not sure at all, though. When was the last time someone bought you flowers? Not sure. Has there ever been a murder in your town? "A" murder? Thems is rookie numbers for my neck of the woods, fella. This place is known for crime, and that includes murder. When falling asleep, do you ever feel like you stopped breathing? Well, I have seriously severe sleep apnea, so... but the diagnosis came as a surprise to me, because I never DID think this. But sure enough, did a sleep study, and in just one hour's time, I stopped breathing like what, 30 times? What's the last thing that scared the hell out of you? Stupid drivers. Do you have any life-changing plans within the next 6 months? I guess getting a job could be pretty life-changing. As of right now, how do you feel about your future? I'm very, very scared. Who is the last person you ran into unexpectedly? Hm, I dunno. Where does your grandma live? Both of mine are dead, but my paternal grandmother lived in Michigan, while my maternal one technically lived in Florida, but stayed in New York with her son's family a whole lot. I don't really know where she stayed more. Do you know how to read music? Not anymore. Does the song you’re currently listening to remind you of anyone special? Not so much the song, but the band. Motionless In White is one of his all-time favorites, so I can't listen to them without thinking of Jason. Sucks because they've been becoming one of MY favorites, too, so I listen to them a lot. If the person who has hurt you the most, said they were in love with you, would you believe them? I'd tell him he was in a love with a person who no longer exists. It's impossible for him to be in love with me now when he doesn't know how much I've changed. If Facebook made you pay would you still use it? Ha, no. Have you ever been recorded on film without your permission? Not that I know of? Tell me about your last boyfriend? He's a wonderful person. He's been there for me without fail since we became friends in high school band, and he is SO fucking funny. He's always cared a lot about me, and I care a lot about him, just not in the same way he does me. He's like my big brother. Are your parents racist? My dad definitely is. What is your least favorite subject in school? Math and economics both sucked. Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? Almost certain no. I'm pretty sure Dad didn't fight for custody at all, but it could've been something Mom just never told me. Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I NEVER could. Do you have any siblings you neglect? .-. As a kid, did you ever go to camp? I went to Vacation Bible School, if that counts. Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? Yeah, until that big news story about a dirty needle pricking a child. Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? Not to my knowledge. I highly doubt it. What do you usually order at Taco Bell, if you go there? Cheese quesadilla with fiesta potatoes. Rarely a pair of those cinnamon ball thingies. Ever consider a sex change? Nah. Do you eat whip cream straight out of the can? EW no. I hate the texture of whipped cream. What do you think of popcorn? Loooove. Have you ever dated any of your friends’ ex? No. Well, it's funny, Rachel (both Juan's and Jason's ex) and I are friends now, but definitely weren't at the time of us being together. Have you ever gone out with someone even though one of your friends liked that person first? If yes, did you feel bad? If no, were you tempted to? No. Would you rather be a rich musician, or a rich actor? Musician. What was the last charity you donated to? I don't recall. Did you like to collect frogspawn as a kid? I've told the "my friends and I saved hundreds of tadpoles" story enough times, so for this question, I'll just talk about when I would go fishing with Dad as a kid. Back then, if I got bored of actually fishing, I would walk along the riverbank and try to catch tadpoles and minnows in my hands. It was soooo fun to Kid Brittany. Do you walk fast or slow? I walk pretty damn slow. Can you juggle with more than two items? I can't juggle, period. Do you like jalapenos? Yeah! Do you like kiwis? Yessss, I love kiwi! Does anyone in your family go deer or bird hunting? Who is it anyway? I don't know if she still does, but my little sister used to go deer hunting with a friend.

Are you saving up for anything right now? What? Yeah, my pet snake's 40 gallon terrarium. What sort of things do you have bookmarked in your internet browser? It's quite diverse, but I think I mostly have templates for specific character profiles. Have you ever snuck in to a theater/dance/bar etc? No, I'm a good noodle. If given the chance, would you go to Ireland? Certainly! It's beautiful there. If you have a cat, does it ever “converse” with you? Oh, ABSOLUTELY. When I talk to him, he sure does try to answer me and it's the cutest thing, ha ha. Have you ever tried those electric toothbrushes? Yeah, that’s what I use. Has anyone told you that they wanted to marry you/were planning on it/etc? Yeah, guess he changed his mind. Name one of your ex’s mother’s names? Virginia. Does your favorite song have a meaning? BIG TIME. Have you ever written or received a suicide note? I've written one. .-. What is the worst thing a child has ever done to you while you were babysitting? When I was changing her diaper, she got up and ran around naked in the house. ;-; Do you own a nightgown? No. If you could get any pet right now, what would you get? i. want. my. tarantula. Have you ever actually been stuffed into a locker? No. That is just such a TV trope that I've never even heard of happening irl. Do you/did you decorate the inside of your locker at school with stuff? I only had a locker in middle school, and I believe I didn't. I didn't want one in HS. What’s the coolest thing you’ve made with Legos? I was never a Legos kid; I played with Lincoln Logs. Do you want to get pregnant right now? Fuck no, man. Or ever. Have you ever housed a friend for a long period of time because they had no place to live? No. If you have a favorite comedian, have they ever been in a movie? I don't have one, really. Are there any books you want to read? Besides the series I'm reading, I want to read The Testaments by Margaret Atwood, but idk if I'll ever get to it, really. If you have younger siblings, are you very protective of them? We don't have a close relationship, but I am nevertheless. If you have older siblings, are they very protective of you? Not really, it seems. First letter of the names of everyone you have kissed? J, T, D, S. Do you like going to school sports games? No, I hated it. When Ash was a cheerleader, Mom made me go, and I was never happy about it. Have you ever worn your boyfriend’s clothes? An ex-boyfriend's, yeah. Did you get into your mom’s makeup when you were a kid? I don't think I did? Do you want anything pierced? Ugh, a lot of places. The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? I never do. Has your partner ever accused you of cheating when you actually didn’t? I've never been accused of cheating. Has anyone ever called you stuck-up? No. I'm quite the opposite. Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? Too many, really. What are you doing this summer? Nada. Do you still watch MTV? I never did. Have you ever spent the night with the last person you kissed? Yes. What’s the dress code for your job? Do you like it? I'm unemployed. Does your job allow piercings or tattoos? ^, and this might sound stupid, but I wouldn't work at a job that didn't. Especially tattoos. No job is stopping me from doing things that improve my self-esteem and body image, particularly when I LOATHE my body. If a little bit of art makes me feel better about myself? Nobody is stopping me. What are some trends you dislike that everyone seems to love? "Crocs. Whyyyy?" <<<< THIS. First people hated them, now they love them??? They're hideous as shit. If you got married and then got divorced, would you want to re-marry? I don't really know. How often do you use lotion? Not NEARLY enough for someone with skin as dry as mine. Do you donate your old stuff to Goodwill? If so, what was the last thing you donated? Yeah. Mom recently brought some old toys, I think? How weight conscious are you? You have no fucking idea. Rent a movie or go see one in theaters? I prefer going to a theater. I enjoy the experience. What’s the biggest personality trait turn-off for a potential partner? Probably being an explosive/volatile person. I can't with that. Would you ever go on a birth control pill? I already am to regulate my period and tame the cramps. And if I was sexually active, I absolutely would want to be on it. What's your favorite late night tv show? I don’t have one. At high school do or did you participate in Spirit Week? No. Do you have a favorite vocalist? Who? Queen's Freddie Mercury will probably always top the list. If you have a favorite photographer, can you describe their work? I don't have a favorite photographer. Surprisingly. Are sex and sexual activities something you enjoy? If it's with someone I'm in love with and am in the mood, sure. What is one aspect of your life that did not turn out as you expected? I did NOT expect to reach 25 like... *gestures at self* this. What is one thing stopping you from becoming a veterinarian? I could never handle euthanizing pets and watching the families' hearts break. How long have you lived in the house you live in? Not even a year. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? I'm definitely sadder. Especially today. Do you like Subway? I do. Have you ever seen a volcano? No. Have you ever found a spider on your bed? Yes. It's the scariest shit when one skitters across your blanket, because like, you LEAST expect it to happen in the comfort of your own bed. Are you satisfied with the way your life is right now? Not even remotely, if I'm being honest. I'm at a real low. When was the last time you ate at Burger King? Years ago, when I was a vegetarian and went there for the veggie burger. How often do you cry? lol a lot Ever had a crush on a teacher? No. Can you wire a plug? ... I don't even know what you mean by "wire a plug," so obviously no lmfao. Where were you when you got your first period? Well I think I actually *started* at school, but I noticed when I got home. Can you drive? I mean I'm capable, but I'm an incredibly anxious, overly passive, and just generally terrified driver. I'm so scared of when I finally get new glasses and therefore a new permit... but I have to get used to driving. Living where I do, public transportation is very, very limited, and I just can't have people driving me places the rest of my life. Exercise or healthy eating? I sadly hate exercising SO much. I'd rather eat healthy. Did you play Red Rover when you were a child? Yeah. Are you more attracted to men or women? This can actually vary with time, which I originally thought was weird but is apparently normal for some bisexual individuals. There are spans where I feel more sexual attraction to men, and then other times women. Has anyone ever called you rich? God no, I am so far from it. What makes you feel beautiful? Nothing. Are you considered a very sensitive person? I'm way too sensitive for my own good. Have you ever told someone you never wanted to speak to them again? Yes, my dad. I regret that letter I sent him so, so much. I honestly don't know how he can treat me with so much love after the shit I said. If you could watch any TV series right now, what would it be? I am... astonishingly behind on Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty. I know, seriously incredible. I just don't watch TV, man. It's strange, I'm into the show, of course I am, I just... don't like sitting myself in front of a television and purely watching it. I'll catch up, though. Do you grind your teeth, and if so, why do you do it? No. But it's not like people have a reason they grind their teeth... they just do. Do you feel the need to rant about anything right now? If so, go for it. I could, but I'm not going to. It'll just upset me. Do you have a friend named Nick? What’s his favourite food? My sister's husband's name is Nick, but he is definitely not my friend. I can't stand his bigoted, sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, racist ass. I don't know or care what his favorite food is. What are you listening to? I'm re-watching Gab and Sinow play Resident Evil 5. People can say all they want about RE5, but I love it. Do you prefer waffles or pancakes? Waffles, but only if they're still soft enough to not be considered crunchy. I prefer them because I can put peanut butter on them, and the grooves catch the syrup instead of just absorbing it all like pancakes. Do you prefer non-diet or diet soda? I don't/can't drink diet sodas because the artificial sweetener gives me a KILLER headache. Are you craving anything right now? You guys have no idea how badly I want Taco Bell for whatever reason. Which word did you say first, mama or dada? The latter. What was your first pet’s name? So, there's three answers to this. I was born into the family while we had a collie named Trigger, but I have absolutely zero memory of her. She passed when I was too young. Our first family pet that I clearly remember was Chance, our rescued cat. My first *personal* pet was either a guinea pig named Squeak or Chinese water dragon named Shadow. I can't remember who came first. Who was your best friend in elementary? It changed with the years, but I can say the three biggies were Brianna, Kim, and Quiata. Who was your favorite teacher in high school? Probably Coach Collie. He was so wise, kind, funny... He was all-around just wonderful and taught so many life lessons. When you go to a restaurant, do you have a go-to dish? Always. What is the best part of your most ordinary day? Waking up and doing my first sweep of the Internet before I get bored outta my fucking senses. Do you read any web comics? No.

Do you drink bottled water? Yeah, but like any water, it has to be COLD. Not room temperature. Not a tad chilly. I mean cooooold. When did you last use a straw? Earlier. I have a metal straw I use to drink water with because I drink faster through a straw, and with it being water, of course I want to try to drink as much as I can when I actually choose to drink water. Have you ever tackled someone to the ground? No. Do you know anyone who lies to make themselves look more interesting? My former best friend did that. She was an online friend, so it made it easy. I finally caught on and called her out on it, and then she just totally dipped. Do you like to sing? Not that much, honestly. Like sometimes I feel like it, sure, but not frequently. Are your parents in good health? No, not really. Have you ever been a caregiver to a sick/disabled relative? No. I feel bad saying it, but I know I never could be. I could NOT clean another human being. It's one of the bajillion reasons I'm not having kids. Do you like to take naps during the day? "Like" isn't the right word. I just... need to. Most days, there is NO way I can make it 'til night without one. What movie was your favorite to see in the movie theater? Even though it was sincerely a sucky movie, I really enjoyed watching Silent Hill: Revelation because I saw the 3D version, plus the hype over my favorite franchise getting a new movie was just very exciting. Favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle character? I was never into that. Ever watched The Blair Witch Project? Yes, and I positively adore it. I genuinely think it's a genius horror movie, never showing, but telling through other methods. Have a favorite AC/DC song? Probably "You Shook Me All Night Long." Are you good at selling candy for those fundraiser things? Omg nooooo I HATED doing that shit, especially when some amount of sales were like, required for whatever bullshit reason. I hate hate hate advertising to people. My parents always bought them instead. Have you ever had a crush on someone too old for you? No. Well, besides James Hetfield, ha ha. What's your favorite Dr. Suess quote? I don't know enough quotes to have one. If you were to have wings, what would you want them to look like? Dark and dragon-esque with lots of rips and tears in them... but not enough to stop me from flying, ha ha. Have you ever broken up with someone to find you want them back later? No. Has anyone ever dared you to eat a chili pepper? Did you do it? No. Have you ever tried Thai food? No. Have you ever watched Avatar? The TV show, not the movie. I've seen I think one season with Sara so far? I actually quite enjoy it. What's your cellphone's signature for text? WOW this survey is ancient. If you smoke marijuana, what is your preferred or typical method? I don't smoke it. Do you often take painkillers? I dunno about "often," but headaches to the point I take something aren't rare for me. Do you wish you were in a relationship? I mean yes, but I know it's for the better I'm not. Have you ever been to the ER? Many times. Do you ever feel guilty eating meat? I feel extremely guilty. I try not to think about it. Where have you lived for the most part of your life? Eastern NC. How old are you? 25. What are you listening to at the moment? Powerwolf came out with a new album, so I've been bingeing the shit out of some songs, ha ha. Right now it's "Blood For Blood." Do you watch WWE Raw? Ew, no. I have NEVER gotten the appeal of wrestling. Just like... why????? Do you dye your hair? Nowhere near regularly. :/ I haven't had it dyed in a very long time, and I hate it. I love colored hair. We just can't afford that expense on something so little. My hair does NOT take dye easily, so we have to have a professional do it, and that isn't exactly cheap. Have you ever lived in a different country that the one you’re living in? No. Which of your parents will you see next? I live with my mother, so. Have you fallen asleep in school? Not in class, no. In college when I would be in the library between classes, though, I've dozed before. Have you ever been hospitalized? Yes, but not for physical issues. Do you make fun of obese people? You're talking to someone who is. So obviously no, and you're a piece of fucking shit if you do. Do you have an innie or an outtie? Innie. Have you ever tried to headbang? No. Even as a metalhead, I don't get it, man. You're asking for a headache. Do you own any Converse? What do you think of them? I have a few and like them. Have you ever started a rumor? No. Have you ever been in a position of authority? I mean, I'm an admin on two sites, so I guess? Were your ancestors royalty? Yeah, I'm related to one of the Queen Victorias, I believe. I just know she had a thing for beheading people, ha ha. What do you like on your pasta/noodles? Sauce, butter, grated cheese, etc.? Just tomato sauce and meatballs, really. Who is the most ungrateful person you know? What makes them this way? My fucking ex-best friend. You could never, ever give her enough and she just... blegh. She was so fucking ungrateful for everything people did for her. It was just never enough. Do you like cherry Pepsi? I like cherry Coke. I don't like Pepsi. Have you ever held an uncommon pet before (ex: mouse, spider, snake, lizard)? I've held snakes, rats, lizards, and a tarantula. Who did you last play truth or dare with? No clue. Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day? No. When were you the saddest in your life? 2016. Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? No. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? Yeah, they've moved out. What was the most unique pet you’ve owned? I'd probably say my champagne ball python. A lot of people don't even know ball python morphs exist, so seeing her might surprise some people. Do you like Doritos? Yeah. When you buy clothes, do you always try them on first? No, but I need to learn how to... I just HATE doing it. Have you used bugspray recently? No. Do you enjoy swimming in the ocean? Yesssss. Have you ever tried to sew or knit anything? No. Has something ever happened to you that seemed like it was from a movie? Most of Jason's and my relationship felt like one. Hence why the breakup felt so sudden and just impossible. Do you find yourself to be a believer in love at first sight? Not even remotely. Is there something you want to do, that you swear you will, no matter what? Spread Teddy's ashes in Yellowstone. I promised him. Are you longing for the day that you’ll be an adult? (If you’re not already) I am an adult, and it sucks. What’s something you’ve vowed to never eat? Any meat that was hunted. Have you ever owned a diary/journal with a lock and key? I don't believe so. When you were little, what movie did you watch over and over? Mostly Disney films, like The Lion King and Finding Nemo. Are you deathly allergic to anything? No. Do you know what you want for your dream house? Nope. I honestly don't really care about having a "dream" house to begin with. I just need one that's cozy to me and gets the job done. Have you ever seen the movie The Notebook? Many, many times. It's my favorite romance movie. Have you ever used the photo editing site “Picnik”? No, not to my memory. Has an animal ever taken a strong dislike to you? Our old dog Bentley didn't like me all that much, and I didn't like him, either. Have you ever attempted to cut your own hair? No. Do you have a lucky or special coin? No. Do you love ice cream cake more than normal cake? No. Do you check your email daily? No. Is there anyone you know who’s in any way paralyzed? No. For you, do you commonly feel more jealousy or envy? Envy. Do you rely on the heads/tails flipping of a coin sometimes for decisions? No. Has a laptop ever burned your legs? Yes, actually. For a while many years ago, my old laptop left subtle burn marks on my legs. Anyone’s birthday coming up soon? My nephew's is next month. Do you like Laffy Taffy? I doooo. Are your biceps at all noticeable? Ha, no. Have you ever seen a walrus? Maybe when I went to SeaWorld as a kid? Did you ever have one of those easy bake ovens as a kid? Yup. If given the opportunity, would you ride on a camel? Sure. What flavor cake do you like for your birthday? Red velvet. Have you ever had a job you loved? Nope. Have you ever been in a building that was on fire? Yikes, no. Have you ever written a poem for someone? Two people. Have you been best friends with someone of a different race? Yes. Who is the person you are closest to that you’ve met online? Sara. What was the name of the first porcelain doll you got? I was very afraid of dolls as a kid, so I obviously didn't have one. Do you sell any products? If so, what? I mean, I'm a wannabe photographer that sells my service. Owls or peacocks? Owls. Lions or horses? Lions. Can you still fit into kid’s clothes? Hell no. What devotional do you read, if any? None. What do you make wishes on? I only ever do for the tradition of it on my birthday. I don't believe in the magic of wishes, though. Have you ever made a recipe you found in a magazine? No. Are you bitter about anything? Probably always will be. Have you ever been in a love triangle? No. How bad are your hangovers? Never had one. Have you ever broken a bone? If so, what was the cause of it? Yes. It was identified as a fracture, but a break and a fracture are technically like the same thing, so. At a skating rink, I fell and landed on my hand so the top of it nearly touched my arm, so my wrist got FUCKED. I will never, ever forget the severity of the pins and needles feeling and just the experience in general. It hurt so goddamn bad. Is this the best year of your life? Fuck no.

[erika---k]

Translation of Pernille’s interview from Elfen Fußball-Magazin

Middle part translated by @nerdyduckprince, rest by me

Thanks to @fcb-sweden and her anon for providing the article.

In the article it sounds like they were not very publicly open about their relationship before the wc, which I am aware isn’t true! But that’s how the article goes...

Work hard, play harder

The best in the world?

Pernille Harder of Vfl Wolfsburg is the best player of the flyeralarm Women’s Bundesliga. Two years ago the British guardian even chose her as the top female footballer of the earth.

The Dane collects as many championships, cup wins and Torjägerkanonen (the Bundesliga’s award for the top scorer) as she wants and on the side she also became an ambassador  for the LGBT-community. But all of that isn’t enough for her yet.

You have to see special athletes live to see the whole spectrum of their qualities. Usain Bolts incredible endspeed, LeBron James’ superhuman physique or Roger Federer’s unreached precision just unfold in front of an observer actually in attendance.

It’s similar with Pernille Harder. Sure, you know her name, her statistics, her career path paved with awards. For an impressive proof of her special class, though, you don’t need numbers nor trophies, but just fifteen minutes on a draughty february evening under the floodlights of Sinsheim. In this quarter of an hour the exceptional scorer from Denmark and her Wolfsburgers dismember the up to now second in the standings with every trick in the football book and showed her whole repertory.

Gala at the summit

After 30 seconds she takes the ball, lets the opponent get of and shoots with her left. Corner. Not a minute later she takes the ball and shoots with her right inside. Made from one piece, brilliant.

She prepares the 0:1 in minute with a well measured cross, just little later she fails scarcely with her heel. As the capstone of her gala performance a goal like a painting follows. She takes the ball with the outside of her boot, then she gets on the ball in the penalty box, Luana Bühler from Hoffenheim sails out of the picture and the blonde from the North casually plays the ball through the legs of TSV-goalkeeper Leitig. 0:2, the summit is decided, world class confirmed - all in the compact format for the Tagesschau (main evening news) and without a single misplaced pass.

Demonstrations like these aren’t a rarity for Pernille Harder. She works in the attack vertex of Wolfsburg as the “free radical”, as the one to show the room behind striker Ewa Pajor. Her equally excellent use of both feet, her excellent eye and her extraordinary technique allow her to make a difference almost everywhere on the pitch and to maraud between the opponents' defense lines. 

“It’s very important to me that people can be true to whom they fall in love with.”

“I’m most comfortable in the creative role of the offensive midfield. Of course I want to score, but I also want to shape the game and put my teammates in the limelight”, Harder emphasizes, who downright studies other distinguished players, of both genders. “From Cristiano Ronaldo I mainly analyse his running in the box. But I also look at midfield strategists like Iniesta or Xavi, to learn more about game organisation.” If you need to find a comparison in the men’s football, you might think of Dennis Bergkamp. Harder shares more than the hair colour with the delicate Dutch, for example an enormous playing intelligence and a world class format with and without the ball.

Considering her more multifunctional position away from the classical front striker it’s all the more surprising, that Europe’s footballer of the year 2018 criticizes herself so often. In front of the opponents’ goal Harder stays nordic-cool and uses her chances. After she scored 92 times in 100 games 

In 100 games for Wolfsburg she has scored 92 times, in an interview she says, I would rather have had 100 goals. A joke, of course, but with a bit of truth. “I am never satisfied, i am a perfectionist.” Already at 10 wrote the daughter of a soccer coach in an essay at school that she would want to become the best player in the world. From her point of view she has this goal is far from being achieved, even if the Guardian has named her as this in 2018. “more important than a one-time award is it, to hold this level over several years.”

For this  Harder works very hard, since ten years with a mental coach. Even for her career she has a stringent plan, the plan fits for her preference for math and physics. In 2012 she went from her home country to Linköping in Sweden, four years later she goes to the top club VFL Wolfsburg. “After school I want to go to a Scandinavian country as an intermediate step. After that I was ready to go to a German top club, it was a dream of mine.”

In contrast, her private life did not develop according to plan. In Linköping she fell in love with her teammade Magdalena Eriksson. At the first time only family and friends knew about their relationship. Later with a picture of them kissing at the World Cup in 2019, where Magda represented Sweden and Harder was in the stands to support her, because Denmark did not qualify, the public coming out happend. 

A kiss as coming-out

“The picture is from a spontaneous moment and we were surprised by the attention. The reaction was the mostly positive, many wrote to us that we give them hope to stand for what they are. And then we realized that we have a platform to speak.” Now we engage in Juan Mata's Common Goal, we give 1% of our salary. “For me it's important that all people can be open with their life and their love. I would love that this would be also by the men’s, that a active player would coming out, for sure it has gay players. The culture in men’s football is still outdated and the response would be different.”

Also in football Hader and Eriksson complete each other perfectly. “We both love to talk about Football. And it is perfect that I am a striker and she is a defender, she can tell me what is difficult for her about a striker and I can give her advice on what is suitable to keep attackers in check and annoy them.

To the question if she would like to play in the same club with her girlfriend again instead of discussing their achievements via Facetime Harder answers professionally evasively. “Sure it would be nice, but only if it makes sense for us football-wise. None of us wants to cut down or choose the second best situation just so we can be together.”

No million-dollar-baby for now

This diplomatic answer doesn’t surprise, since this wish might have come true sooner than Harder’s contract at Wolfsburg, that runs until summer 2021, provided for. Allegedly it contained a release clause that, that until the end of March would have made it possible for the FC Chelsae to lure Danmark’s record scorer to the Themse by paying a middle high six figure fee. And at the high end club from the west of London that regularly belongs to the candidates for the Champions League as well as the English league and with the signing of the Ex-Bayern captain Melanie Leupolz just poached in Germany again… Who is also employed there with a decent salary? Exactly, Magdalena Eriksson. Manchester United, that is said to also be interested and whose men’s team Harder admired already as a teenager, seems to just be an outsider in the fight for her services. It probably were the turmoils from the Corona virus that prevented one of the British big clubs from picking up the Dane now already and would have made her the most expensive female player of all times. The joined search of a new club by the power couple Harder/Eriksson is that way assumingly postponed to the summer 2021.

“I’m never content, a real perfectionist.”

So the fans of the Vfl Wolfsburg can probably look forward to a new season with their superstar. But also football enthusiasts, who don’t cheer for the Lower Saxons can just be advised to use the perhaps last chances to admire Pernille Harder at a German stadium. Because the best of the world have to be experienced live.

[lizzibennet]

Honestly, I *DO* like episodes 7, 8, and 9. BUT I would have LOVED if they did everything they did AS PLANNED, and then added the alternatives film (the versions we got) as a bonus. Honestly I hate ROS because Rey is related to HIM. Lbh, NOBODY would have sex with p*alpatine

the problem with episodes 7-9 is that each is a standalone film. that is not a problem in itself since every other star wars trilogy movies could technically be watched as a standalone and with a little context you’d be fine, since they tell an overarching story with three more or less independent characters. episodes 7-9 do not tell an overarching story, they are each chapters to a different telling of rey’s story. ep 7 tells the story of rey nobody, who is both the narrative foil and the in-world counterpart of one of the strongest force users alive, and that’s honestly already a really good premise, buuuuut if we’re going to have a trilogy then that main conflict should be resolved either in the second movie or at the very least in the first half or so of the third because things! need! to! happen! for! a reason! except that they don’t because at the climax of the second film kylo tells rey she’s a nobody, and apparently that changes nothing within her resolve which..... fine, let’s push it and say she’s going to deal with that in the third movie, whatever, but we get to it and actually she’s palpatine’s granddaughter so actually she’s all the jedi which. UGH. the point I’m trying to make is that she is a completely linear character being thrown in three different takes of her story, and I hate to say this because I LOVE her, but after the second movie I totally got it when people said she was a mary sue because her faith in the force and the jedi and her kindness and blahblah NEVER really waivers (except when she gets angry at luke which. saves everyone! how fuckin convenient!) and you could come out and say “lori, if we think like that luke skywalker is also a mary sue”, which, again, don’t get me wrong because he is literally my son but he IS. and in the 80’s that is FINE cause it’s the story we needed - a story about this starry (heh) eyed guy whose unwaivering faith in people and The Magic Around Him™️ may seem a little misguided at first but ends up saving everyone, but that was 40 years ago. and maybe it was silly of me to expect a nuanced take on The Human Specificity Of Empathy from a star wars movie but you know what, I don’t think it was since gareth edwards paved the way with rogue one that is the epitome of analysis of what it really means to be good or bad and I’m not going to rant about how rogue one is the best star wars movie today BUT it set the tone for a less us-vs-them view of the world which was VERY exciting and in line with what I think the 2010-20’s really wants from its heroes in general. so if we want to follow the narrative beats of the first trilogy or at least the first movie (no way of knowing where jj abrams would’ve gone in ep 8) I think that’s fine so as long as you make it your own, and imo jj abrams was, and then rian johnson was like nope lol, and jj abrams tried to fix the narrative 180 rian johnson tried to do, and like. episode 8 is a very fun movie to watch as a star wars fan but narratively it does not make any fuckin sense. I thought so then and now with ep 9 out I think so even more. rian johnson is a very creative guy, he had some REALLY interesting ideas, but WHY give him the creative liberty to do so in the MIDDLEEEEE of the trilogy??? WHY!?!?!? give him a star wars story film! he would KILL it! or you know wait a couple years so the director of the first movie who actually knows what the fuck he’s doing can direct the second, but noooooo the damned fucking mouse wants to wipe his ass with $100 bills so we cannot possibly wait. cohesive storytelling? we don’t give a shit about that in the house of le mouse.

that all to say, there is nothing Fundamentally wrong narratively with either of the three movies. they’re fun to watch. even ep 8, possibly my least fav of the bunch, was a fun experience in cinemas. it’s star wars and disney - they know how to make a blockbuster. the thing is that as a trilogy they simply do not make any sense. if you analyze each movie individually all three seem to have different core themes: ep 7’s is “nobodies are people too actually”, 8 is “maybe space fascists aren’t so bad, actually (also luke is here hey luke)”, and 9 is “I take that back, nobodies aren’t a people actually”. it’s satisfying to watch as a casual spectator who goes to the movies, seems some space gays with one braincell between the three of them and is like coolio and then goes home, but it’s not satisfying to watch as someone even the littlest bit invested in the story because there is no cohesive roundup of everything. the original trilogy was like is luke an idiot for being nice? is vader actually redeemable? is han deserving of trust despite being a space nerf herder? and sometimes u were like what’s happenin!!!! but in the end all your questions are answered quite satisfactorily. luke was right, han is sexy, vader was redeemable. in the prequels: how does anakin skywalker become darth vader? how do he and obi juan become the enemies we see in the death star? what happens to padme? and while the sequels are a beautiful mess that I love they do answer the questions they put out when episode 1 begins, so you know, imagine liking the sequels and hating the prequels when the PREQUELS make more sense, the PREQUELSSSS. anywhomst, point is: the sequels are like here is finn. finn is the first stormtrooper we see the face of! he defects! also the first stormtrooper we se defect. the other defector we know is bodhi from r1, who is very sympathetic despite being imperial, and clearly we’re supposed to feel empathy for finn. finn survives! finn finds rey! go finn I love u! and then. WHAT happens to finn? what furthers his character development into a full fledged person when he starts out with not even a name? where’s his anger? where’s his OBVIOUS narrative direction that should be “ex stormtrooper who shows imperials that fascism is bad actually”? nope, goes almost unmentioned from then on. and again, I love finn, he is literally baby, but he also froze after ep 7 because rian johnson decided to fuck shit up and also because disney is racist. poe? the do-good soldier who is supposed to be the Believer™️? actually he is the only one who was any semblance of a coherent role in ep 8... which is promptly retconned when jj abrams makes him a fucking spice runner in ep 9 lol. who is rey? and they’re like she’s a nobody and that’s why she’s spesh, wait no she is a nobody but she’s spesh because space fascist has the hots for her, oh, no, wait, she’s spesh because PALPATINE. what was the theme of this trilogy? what was the thesis? what questions did they set out to answer and did they answer them at all, never mind well? and it’s unclear, obviously, because three movies with three clearly different views behind them won’t magically make narrative sense just because you are trying to piece them together. they’re not pieces at all, they are three independent takes on the stars and the wars. enjoyable as little snacky treats, not as a three meal course. (also I’m not even going to TOUCH on how what was already a narrative mess was made worse by disney’s NONSTOP fanservice. sw sequels and game of thrones last season are the cautionary tales of why fanservice sucks and while a good, intelligent if cliche or predictable story is always better than a Shocking™️ one that doesn’t make any sense. but if I start on that I will LITERALLY not shut up SO AHEM CONTINUE @LIZZIBENNET)

ALL that to say: I agree w/ u and I LOVE your idea of each movie being an alternative version of the story. honestly, that would make more sense than what we have right now off the bat lol. can you imagine ep 7 being the rose colored version of the story via the heroes’ lenses, and then ep 8 being the “actually space fascism is good if ur kylo ren” version of the story, and then, ep 9 is what actually happened... told by rey nobody, who dances the line between the good and bad until there’s not a line anymore. CHEF’S FUCKIN KISS obviously much more risqué than disney would ever go for, but genius! much better than trying to make us care about these conflicts that they make up in the first 15 mins of each movie. ur mad because episode 7 follows the beats of 4? here’s three movies on why you were wrong when you judged it all true and therefore Bad. HUHU I love that

also the galaxy is a vast place... I am sure there are emperor fuckers out there

[thecloserkin]

fic rec: runs in the family by liketheroad

fandom: The Borgias

pairing: Cesare Borgia/Lucrezia Borgia

word count: 6k

Is it canon: yes

Is it explicit: no

Is it endgame: maybe

Is it shippable: yes

Bottom line: the revisionist rehabilitation of Juan Borgia that absolutely nobody asked for; read it and thank me later

Hello everyone it’s me, the girl whose entire brand is stanning fictional characters for himbo rights reasons! I am here to tell you why Juan Borgia is not in fact useless, and why you—yes, you—should ship him with our fave murder angels Cesare and Lucrezia! Are you ready?

I love the idea that Cesare and Lucrezia’s love is fated, and that Juan is a mere mortal whose heart grew entangled in God’s plans. This is a series of two short fics: we tend to bruise easily which is more Juan-centric and bad in the blood which is more shippy (if you’re just here for Cesare/Lucrezia) but you should read both.

Here’s what happened: Cesare needed someone to practice on, see, whilst he was waiting for Lucrezia to grow up. And since “only a Borgia can love a Borgia,” and Cesare’s one-night stands obviously weren’t hitting the spot….well. The thing I love about this family is that you literally cannot disconnect the murder from the sex!!!! Because they scratch the same itch. Cesare is the one who teaches Juan how to fuck and how to fight:

And so he taught his brother to be a fighter, and then a lover, but had never anticipated the two lessons becoming one.

Only problem is, Juan catches feelings. And Juan has too much pride to be satisfied with coming second in anyone’s heart:

But Cesare is a soldier, and he can recognize the difference between a parry and feint as well as any true prince of state. It does not seem that Juan wishes for him to stop—but rather, that he has finally decided to make Cesare work for it, every inch of skin, every brush of lips.

“There was a time when you loved me, was there not?” “I love you still.” “But not as much as you love her.” “No. Not as much as I love her.”

NOT AS MUCH AS I LOVE HER adfkdfjdkfjd. So, to be clear, the reason Juan hates Cesare is because Cesare loves Lucrezia more than Cesare loves Juan.

Lucrezia is like the sun, she has an infinite amount of love to give, and she urges charity and reconciliation between her brothers. To Juan she says:

“If I love Cesare, then it is in my benefit to see him happy. And while I can perhaps make him happier than anyone else, I cannot do that alone.”

To Cesare she says:

”I would rather share you with our brother than with a common whore.”

As you guys know, I subscribe to the triangulation theory of incest—that it’s more interesting when there’s a third sibling whose relationship serves as a foil to the main pair (not that there’s anything wrong with orphaned twins, I love my Maximoffs and Fryes). But I see no reason that third sibling needs to stand in an antagonistic relation to the other two. Juan doesn’t have to be a boogeyman, or the butt of Cesare and Lucrezia’s jokes; he could just as easily be their ally. This is Cesare and Lucrezia again:

“He has never been as sweet as you, has never sought out my affections the way you do. Only my ... instruction.” “Then perhaps that is because he believed that was all that was available to him.” “And now?” “I dare say he fears that there will be even less of you that he might call his own, perhaps none at all, once you decide I am of a suitable age.” “Suitable?” “Forgivable, perhaps.” “Oh, my love,” Cesare whispers, suddenly pressed close against her, his lips almost brushing her cheek, “there will be no forgiveness, not for me. But I intend to make my stay in hell worth it, I promise you that.”

This is Cesare to Juan:

“You are correct in thinking that you are not my heart’s only, or truest, love. But you are mistaken if you believe that makes you any less mine."

I love that this fic is staunchly pro-Juan and anti-Rodrigo, which is the reverse of the show. Like, Rodrigo set it up so Cesare and Juan would forever be vying for Rodrigo’s affections, and that’s fucked up. Cesare has just come to accept that Juan’s love will forever be mixed with hate and envy, and that is sad.

This is Juan:

“My god, Cesare. You can’t even abide other men looking at her portrait without drawing your sword, how on earth are you going to share her with a husband?”

See? This, THIS RIGHT HERE is why Juan is better when he’s in cahoots with his siblings rather than undermining them. I snorted.

It is not Djem’s death that she hates him for, but the dowry his death purchased. But even this she can forgive, because there is little any of them do by choosing, not anymore, and she must forgive Juan his part in the destiny their father has carved out for them just as she must forgive Cesare, forgive herself. Besides, Juan excels at accepting hate along with love.

And this was what I meant when I said Cesare & Lucrezia’s love was fated. It’s all part of the divine plan guys. Tbh the most relatable moment was when Lucrezia and Juan bond over what a pain in the ass Cesare can be and then she begs him for the kissing lessons Cesare has refused her:

“You were far gentler than I expected,” she says once he has released her. “It was your first kiss, sister. I thought it best to proceed with care.” “How does Cesare kiss?” “Like he is drowning and he means not to die alone.”

Cut to Cesare and Juan checking up on the newly married Lucrezia. Juan suggests, instead of skulking around the bushes maybe next time we could pay her calls in daylight, and maybe also take turns visiting her to avoid fanning the incest rumors. Cesare is visibly taken aback that Juan even knows the meaning of discretion. But if there is anyone he trusts to look after the light of his life, Lucrezia—well there isn’t anyone, but Juan comes closest. This is Cesare and Lucrezia consummating their relationship:

He kisses her neck, her finger tips, hands feather light against her naked skin. He holds her close, foreheads pressed together, whispering words of love and devotion, and once he is inside her she thinks she would rather die than feel anything else ever again.

This is Lucrezia talking to Cesare about Juan:

”He reminds me of you. You are both killers. Not just because you have to be, but because it is part of who you are—who you both are.” “And you find this quality appealing?” “Because you love me, yes. Because you will use what you both are to keep me safe.”

Friends, in all seriousness, have you ever in your life seen a more Slytherin family?? Honest to god. Slytherin in the sense of being laser-focused on protecting the people within their circle of concern, however that circle is defined.

Ok finally here is Lucrezia to Juan:

Being loved by Cesare comes at great cost, that I’m sure you already know. But how he loves me... it makes him hide from me. He thinks I deserve something better than what he is, and so he hides his darkness from me, hides himself. At least you are not denied the courtesy of knowing him. Or the dangers he faces.”

But Cesare has NEVER hidden his darkness from Juan!!!! Cesare and Lucrezia need Juan, he completes them, it’s not an equilateral triangle but it’s definitely some sort of triangle.

[liam-93-productions]

Paris Match: Is it really different to have a solo career?

Liam Payne: When I was writing for the band, I had four guys to satisfy, the label, the manager, the fans... I had to juggle that. Then I made the album I wanted to do. The hardest thing, and I'm sure the boys would agree with me, is finding your identity. We have to reinvent what we do. I couldn't keep the band's genre of music because it doesn't sound like me enough. But the advantage of having lived for the past twelve years is that it has given me a lot of writing material.

Do you miss One Direction?

Of course! I would have no problem going back. But we are happy to have our space and to be known other than as a piece of a puzzle. At some point, you no longer want to be recognized as a “One Direction”. I had the impression that my name had become “Juan Direction”!

Has the hysteria around you subsided?

It was difficult to have our lives constantly watched and to read so much nonsense ... My death has been announced several times! But when the group was formed, there was little interest in me. So unlike the others, it’s more complicated for me now. I am in the press every day, I am spotted more easily. But that's my job... The important thing is to know how to manage it, and I do it much better than before.

[inhumansforever]

Ms. Marvel #38 mini-review

some spoilers some spoilers some spoilers some spoilers some spoilers 

Time constraints have gotten in the way of my being abel to offer up a real review of this last issue of Ms. Marvel and G. Willow Wilson’s farewell to the series.  Although an in-depth review is not really necessary.  It’s mostly just a lark of a tale with a bunch of different creators coming together to celebrate five years of Ms. Marvel comics and set the stage for the launch of The Magnificent Ms. Marvel coming out later this winter.  

Ms. Wilson and her fellow series regulars, Nico Leon and Ian Herring, are joined by guest writers, Devin Grayson. Eve Ewing, Jim Zub and Saladin Ahmed; along with guest artists, Takeshi Miyazawa, Joey Vasquez, Kevin Libranda, Mikyu Jung and Juan Vlasco, to tell a heartwarming tale about how growing up doesn’t have to entail growing apart.  

Something strange is a’foot and the Circle Q.  A mystical wormhole has opened up in the freezer and Kamala and her friends are sucked into a series of alternate realities each of which resembles different types of video and computer games.  Fortunately, Kamala is all but a savant when it comes to gaming and she is able to decipher the rules and figure out how to make it through the levels, rescuing her friends along the way.  

Traversing these levels requires Kamala, Zoe, Bruno, Gabe, Nakia and Mike to reflect on their lives, their connections to one another, and the importance of these connections.  They are finally able to escape and return to Jersey by defeating each ‘boss level.’  Doing so essentially entails coming to terms with the various ways in which they have all grown up, grown apart and grown closer together; with having to accept that nothing is static and things always change. 

All of the writers and artists clearly have a lot of fun recreating the general spirit of different kinds of video games.  Although I am not a gamer and know relatively little about video and computer games I never felt lost and the narrative was fluid and easy to follow.  

The issue ends with a pair of open letters from G. Willow Wilson and Sana Amanat talking about the creation of Ms Marvel, how much the character has meant to them and thanking all of the fans who have accompanied them on this journey.  Plus we’re also treated to a short Ms. marvel story illustrated by Ian Herring (who has colored every issue of Ms. Marvel from the beginning).  

As excited as I am for The Magnificent Ms. Marvel, and as confident as I am in Ahmed and Jung’s abilities to tell the next chapter in Kamala’s life, I’m still heartbroken to see Wilson, Herring and the gang move on.  Ms. Marvel has consistently been among the best, most satisfying comics I have read.  I can absolutely relate to the characters in this issue in not wanting things to change. Yet change they do.

Infinity out of infinity Lockjaws.

[neverwatchedonepiece]

483-484: ‘Looking for the Answer! Fire Fist Ace Dies On the Battlefield!’ and ‘The Navy Headquarters Falls! Whitebeard's Unspeakable Wrath.’

...

Actually watched these on Friday but was too bummed about what had happened to post. Turns out one of the spoilers was real, after all. Joy of joys. One more to go and then all I’ll have floating around my head is that Sanji has a sister.

Annoyed at the spoiler-tastic title, though. Thanks, Toei, for ruining that in advance. I was also unwittingly spoiled by the latest Uniqlo/SJ 50 t-shirt drop (but didn’t know it at the time because I was clueless about the panel’s context).

Yes, I am delaying the inevitable...

Better get on with it.

R.I.P. Fire Fist Ace

I am sad and mad at the waste of life.

Ace had so much to live for, but he had no regrets, so from his perspective, it is okay. I mean, the old cliche is true, right? Death is easy for the dead. Those they leave behind have to deal with the fallout. And Luffy is... beyond distraught. Catatonic with despair, actually, to the point Jimbei had to step in or else he would have been fried by Akainu.

Picking up where 483 left off, despite the Big Damned Spoiler Title, I knew Ace was not in a good way. If that title hadn’t ruined it, I might have thought even then that Ace would make it through. If Whitebeard can fight on with a hole in his chest, why couldn’t Ace? And the Pirate Alliance had Emporio Ivankov on their side, right?

There were a few final twists and turns, a few flashes of drama, before the quiet, sad moment happened. Garp rushing down to Ace, Sengoku having to pin him to stop Garp killing Akainu (I wish he hadn’t. I still want that Garp Monkey D. Family Team to happen). The nightmare fuel scene when Akainu was shot point blank by bazooka fire and walked back through the flames like a zombie with parts missing. The moment when Jimbei stood between Ace and Akainu “You will not touch him again! I have been ready to die since the beginning!” with Akainu retorting, “Looks like I need to execute a traitor.” Marco breaking free courtesy of Mr 3, enabling Luffy to take Ace away...

Damn, I really didn’t think Oda would have the cajones to kill off Ace. The moment was done well, though, so at least there’s that. Weirdly, the scene reminded me of Mufasa’s death (from The Lion King). Just Luffy’s fragile, tentative questions, “Hey. Hey... are you alright?” mixed with the horror of realisation something was terribly wrong when he placed his hand on Ace’s back and it came back thick with blood.

But still, he could deny it then. Ace could be treated. Ace could be cured. Emporio Ivankov was on his side!

Unfortunately, the damage was irreparable. Ace’s organs had been completely burned away. The moment Ivankov had to break that news was horrible. I felt so bad for Luffy. He tried to bargain desperately: “You can’t die! You promised you would never die, no matter what!”

Knowing he didn’t have much time left, Ace took advantage of the quiet moment to have a last talk with his little brother. I liked how Toei froze the battle, cast everything and everyone but Ace and Luffy in greyscale, because for that moment, the only alive people in the world were two brothers. 

“I wouldn't even have had a will to live if it weren't for Sabo and a high maintenance brother like you. If you see Dadan someday, say hello for me. When I face my own death, I even miss a woman like her. There is one thing that makes me wanna stay. That is my desire to see you fulfill your dream. But I'm sure that you can do it. Because you're my brother. Like we promised that day, I have no regrets in life. Something tells me that what I truly wanted was not fame. Did I deserve to be born? What I wanted was the answer to that question.

I can't raise my voice to let anyone hear anymore, Could you tell them what I'm about to say now? Old man, everyone, and you Luffy. Thank you... for loving someone like me: a good for nothing who has such bad blood in his veins... Thank you!”

Yeah, so at that point, I was just staring at the screen, watching Ace die and labouring under the same haze of denial as Luffy. It still wasn’t real. Then Ace’s eyes glazed over, the little flame inside him finally winked out and he slumped to the ground with a smile on his face. Even the vivre card burned to ashes.

Watching Luffy realise his brother was dead was worse than Ace’s last words. Eyes wide, he just stared at his blood-soaked hands and shook. “Ace...? Ace...?”

Then he screamed. The grief was too much and he shut down completely.

This is the second gut-wrenching loss Luffy has suffered in quick succession. As far as he’s concerned, he’s lost his crew. Now, he has lost his only brother. I wonder how this will affect Luffy going forward? I’m assuming Luffy will use Ace’s death to swear vengeance on the Marines and World Government. Take note, Marines: this is how you create a mighty enemy. Luffy does need to be stronger. But, damn, if that is not a harsh way to learn that lesson...

Oh, and I don’t ever want to see Jimbei sobbing again. That was too much on top of everything else. ;_;

Akainu Is Not A Good Person

He’s behind me, isn’t he?

That shot is honestly the only thing that cheered me up over these two episodes. I watched it three times and laughed like a drain every time.

Then it just got better because Oda let Whitebeard loose on Akainu and it was glorious! It’s as if Oda realised, “Yeah, the fans will be grieving and seething, let’s give them an outlet for their feelz.”

Akainu made another swipe at Luffy, but Marco stepped in. Unfortunately, Marco was wearing sandals. (Not the most effective footwear for facing off against Akainu. You’d need steel toe capped boots or special heat-entry PPE for that. Marco, you must update your look. Function over fashion. I know it will sting but it is for a good cause.) He couldn’t hold off Akainu completely. But someone who could rumbled up behind him.

Man... Whitebeard was mad. Beyond mad. “I will hammer you into the ground like a tent peg” mad. “I will punch you to pate” mad. I actually cheered when that first punch connected. The best part was when he grabbed Akainu by the collar, tossed him in the air and broke him with a devastating punch. I’ve never been happy to see someone bleed before. That was new.

But Akainu did get a hit in. Note to All Pirates: Do not let Akainu anywhere near your torso. Reblog to save a life!

It’s maybe too late for Whitebeard, though. I am not going to jump the gun again because Oda has subverted tropes before, but it seems like Whitebeard is intent on Marineford being his last stand. He split the battlefield so the Pirate Allies could escape, trapping himself on the other side with all the Marines. 

It was also satisfying to see Marineford sinking into the sea along with Akainu! I may also have cheered at this and laughed: “YES! BYE, SAKAZUKI! SINK INTO THE OCEAN AND DROWN!” A measured response? Absolutely not. Do I think he will be saved? Hopefully not!

Then Teach appeared.

This is the first time I was not excited to see him and his crew. I thought, “Come on, mate. There’s a time and a place...” 

But clearly, for Blackbeard, this is the perfect time and place.

Not Even In The Mood For Blackbeard

Teach has the chutzpah to turn up at Whitebeard’s last stand and advertise his new crew. I might be going off them. There are now ten Blackbeard pirates, so that’s my Individual Blackbeards vs Individual Strawhats theory up in smoke.  (Unless Luffy recruits another crew member. Then it’s back on!) 

So far, we have:

1. Blackbeard 2. Van Augr 3. Jacques Laffite 4. Jesus Burgess 5. Doc Q 6. San Juan Wolf 7. Catalina Devon 8. Shiryu of the Rain 9. Vasco Shot 10. Guy With Horns I Don’t Remember

Now it makes sense why Teach was sniffing about Impel Down. He was recruiting! Still don’t know what his game is, though. Why is he here now? What’s the point in having a chuckle at Whitebeard’s expense? Why advertise your new crew? I don’t think the Marines will be impressed that you took time off to recruit while there was a big battle going on.

I also have questions about San Juan Wolf.

How does San Juan Wolf fit on any ship? He is so massive he barely fits into shot and suffers from goddamned distance fade. Does he just trail after Teach’s ship like a massive, violent puppy? Where did they keep him in Impel Down? Would Ikea be interested in such space-defying dimensions?

I’ll have to stay tuned, I guess.

No, thank you, Ace. You’ve been great. ;_;

[lavidaatravezdeunavion]

Week 2

June 22

We took Saturday pretty easy since we were out pretty late on Friday. We went out to lunch at a cute little cafe called “Casa muamor,” I got a pasta and pesto dish which was alright id give it a 7/10 the sauce to pasta ratio was kind of off and the sauce was really oily. I also ordered an orange juice which like all the other places we have been was delicious. After lunch I went back to the residencia and just hung out with my roommate and some of the guys from here. That was pretty much all we did on Saturday nothing too exciting. 

June 23

We woke up to go get brunch and we went to “El Galeon,” the restaurant that's right around here. I got a “Pollo Completo,” sandwich which was huge and it also came with a side of fries. Besides the portion being huge and not being able to finish it was delectable and the restaurant has redeemed itself from that subpar salad I got from there the previous time. I also ordered an orange juice (what's new). 

After lunch, some of us went to San Telmo to go to their version of a flea market with a bunch of artisanal things. The Market goes for about five blocks and we went around 2:30 and let me tell you it was PACKED. It was really cool to see all the things people had, my one gift that i want to get for myself is something leather whether that be a jacket or a purse since leather is something Argentina is known for. The only thing that one should be very careful to watch out for pickpockets since there are so many people and usually you can't be distracted looking at cute stuff, one thing I did was make sure my cross body was over my body then i put my jacket over so that my cross body wasn't really exposed. 

After walking down the whole market it took us about two hours and then we decided to head back to the residencia. I took a mini nap and then got ready for dinner with our other professor. We all went to this restaurant called “calden del soho.” It was really nice but the prices were pretty expensive (thank god this was one of our program meals hehehe), I got a flank piece of pork. It was actually funny because i had no idea what piece of meat to order and my friend ashlyn who is now a vegetarian was helping me pick lol the irony. Any way when my plate came out my mouth was droooooling, it smelled so good and let me tell you the moment i put that first piece in my mouth i was in heaven.

 I also got some of our professors salad which was just a normal “ensalada completa,” we also got some wine to accompany our dinner. I'm not the most knowledgeable on wine but i know i do like red wine. The bottle we got was “ Saint Felicien Malbec,” I had three glasses so I guess you could say I liked it.

For dessert I got a “Flan,” for those that don't know it's basically a custard with caramel. I feel like you can easily mess up flan but thankfully it was made to perfection. We were also celebrating our friends Tyler’s birthday! So happy birthday again tyler! After dinner we went home and got into bed since we had school the next morning.

June 24 

Today we had school and I feel no matter how much sleep one gets mondays will always be difficult. Thankfully we only had class till 1:30pm. After class, some of us went to “Che Taco” a place right off of the “Independencia” stop on the blue line. I got some tacos de carne, let me tell you I didn't think I was gonna be satisfied because mexican food in Argentina some people would question it. I was pleasantly surprised! We also got some guac & chips and they were finger licking good, i also got a Jugo de Jamaica (hibiscus) and it was too good to be true.

After lunch we went back to the residencia and I took a little nap (no surprise there) and then got myself ready for dinner. We went to a restaurant in Palermo called “Moriela,” I had the absolute pleasure of seeing my longtime friend Becca and she came with us. We shared a margarita pizza and a bottle of red wine (not sure what kind but it was great). 

After dinner some of us went to get some drinks to continue celebrating our friend's birthday. We went to Ragnar the bar we had previously went too, we stayed for about an hour or two and then went on home since we had class the next day.

(my friend Juan says he loves the rain... lol)

June 25

Today after school we went to go get Empanadas from a place down the street. I got one cheese and onion, one chicken and one steak. My favorite one was surprisingly the cheese and onion one.   

on the way home we had a mini photo shoot.

And then just before we got home I had to stop by a grocery store to look for an item targeted to kids and see what the nutrition labels looked liked and if they were easy to find. On top of this we had to see what the regulations were compared to the ones in argentina. It was interesting because you see how much power there is in something so small. The labels were so small and kind of hard to find mean while here in the usa everyone knows where they will be placed and legible. 

When we finally made it home people were gathering so that we could cut into the cake for tylers birthday! We didn't have plates so people were kinda just eating it out of the cartoon it was a cute bonding moment :’). 

For dinner we went to a restaurant here in palermos “EL pinguino de palermo”.  I got a milanesa completa, and a side of puree de papa, and wait for it...and to drink i got orange juice. It was a 7.45/10. I've had better milanesa to be honest but it also wasn't the worst ive had. 

After dinner we just chilled and then I went to bed.

June 26

Honestly, the best thing to see when you are walking to school at 8:40 am in like forty-degree weather is a dog walker with so many cute dogs. He was really doing the damn thing. He is brave because although these dogs and a lot of the dogs they are well trained but i still wonder if something just set them off and they all go running in one direction he is flyiiiiiiin. 

After seeing the dogs before class you just know after class is going to be great. Our other professor who is also on this trip took us to an empanada place and i got 2 cebolla y queso, a carne one and a Pikachu one.  Cebolla and queso one had just a bit too much cheese for my liking. The carne one was like a 7.4/10 i feel like it was just good, nothing too crazy.

Also a little tangent about argentine napkins... like what's up. You can't really call these things napkins i think it's deceiving. 

Anywaysss after lunch we got back on the subte and got off at plaza italia which is like two blocks from our resi, and walked to the Eva Peron Museum. The only thing to say is *Mind Blown*. If you like history stuff and museums then I highly recommend. She was so impactful on the Argentine history and it's insane how she started out as an actress and went to creating programs to uplift women and children is great. We can each have our own opinions on Peronismo but if this woman had people grieving for 15 days you have to agree that she did something.

For dinner I went to this pay by the weight place and it was great. I got some noodles, fried rice, orange chicken and lettuce & cucumber and put some lime juice and salt over it.

June 27

After school rachel and i went to the travel agency to try to book our trip we took the subte like three different times cause of GPS lol. But on the way we got some McDonalds and i got a “cajita feliz” (happy meal) and it was so cute. The yogurt it came with was so small and it was just great. I also got a toy :) ! Anyway we also stumbled on a cute boutique where rachel got a cute shirt and leather skirt. The owner also gave me some tips for my upcoming vacation with my mom and dad to patagonia at the end of the program. We went walking a couple blocks to the travel agency but they weren’t that much help and it was just no point in going but since we got micky d’s and advice it wasn't that bad. 

Here is some candy i got it's their version of laffy taffy but much softer, it's good!

Our friends from the resi took us to this really cute garden we saw some ducks that got a little too close for comfort and they had these statues all over the park so it was really cool. 

For dinner we went to this burger place in Palermo “Burger Joint” i got “la Jamaica”. I'm not the biggest fan of burgers but it was so fricken good! It had bacon on it cheese lettuce and honey mustard and more. I got it with a side of fries and pesto-mayo. I was so happy with this meal and i was so mad I had to tap out it's a really big portion i think i definitely would have shared but it just tasted so good.

June 28

After school Rachel and I got a tostada (bread with ham and cheese ) from the cafe right by our resi, “Banova” (okay it's actually an ice cream store but i didn't know that because ive never seen anyone get ice cream from there lol)

We later went to cronico a bar in plaza serrano to watch the argentina - venezuela game (sorry bella lol). I don't know why i got just a salad but it wasn't even all that good. Again for my liking it had a bit too much cheese which I think was provolone so it was just a bit odd for me. I would give it a 7/10.

 After the game, my friends and I walked to the bakery our resi and got some pastries. They were delicious. We also played some uno and lets just say it got pretty competitive. 

After this I went straight to bed and got excited for our trip to Puerto Iguazu!

June 29

I had to get up at 6am because I hadn't packed for our trip and we had to be out the door by 7am. I somehow packed and got ready without being fully awake. We all piled into a bus and headed for the local airport (AEP). Let me tell you I was soooo excited to know that we'd be going to somewhere semi warm for the weekend. I was even able to pull out my bathing suit for a little but of tanning.

We got to the airport and got checked in and were ready to be on our plane around 8:30 and when we got to the airport we landed at about 10:30. 

Once we landed we headed to our hotel St. George. We tried to check in but the rooms wouldn't be ready by 2pm so some of us went to a pay by the weight place by the hotel i got a piece of fish milanesa, mashed potatoes, gnocchi (i now know this is not for me), some yuca and broccoli. It was good not sure really how to describe it but you wouldn't be missing out if you didn't eat there... 

After we ate we walked on the main road and stopped to get some ice cream. This is really sweet but if you ever had Mogul candies it tastes just like it. 

I was able to sit by the pool and was in love with the warmth.

 After we showered we walked to el hito de las 3 fronteras where argentina meets paraguay and brazil. I couldn't believe my eyes. I was so glad we also caught sunset because it just looked beautiful.

I was starting to get hungry and knew it was going to be at least another 30 min until we got back to the hotel because we went walking, so i got some popcorn and if you know my grandma or me you know we love salt. This popcorn was heaven.

So we still had another hour before dinner so we decided to stop by this mexican restaurant called “Tacopado”.  My friend Blue and I split a taco combo that came with one carne taco, one pollo taco, nachos and papas aztecas that had chimichurri and mayanose on it. Pretty delish. I was pretty satisfied for mexican food in argentina (that was prepared by argentinians).

After our “appetizers” we still had dinner at the hotel. I was not too hungry so i got a caesar salad. Eh it was good besides those four huge pieces of cheese on top. Rachel and I shared a brownie and ice cream with caramel. I loved the top of the brownie because it was a pool of caramel and that's the only part I really ate lol. 

After this I went to bed because we had a long day ahead of us.

I know this post is a week late but I’ve been doing a lot of traveling so I did not have my laptop with me. Hope you enjoyed the post!

Con amor,

T.L.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #429

“i’m just a bad luck charm to blame when things go wrong”

Are all-nighters something you have grown used to? God no. I have those SO rarely. I don't know how I used to do it. Do you usually wear sunglasses when you’re driving? I don't have sunglasses, and my driving permit has long since expired. Is there ever a time that you enjoy cold showers? COLD, no. A tad chilly, very rarely. I have to be burning the hell up. What clothes are you most comfortable in? Men's pj pants and tank tops. Is there anybody you’re not ashamed to tell anything to? No, not anything. Have you ever unbuttoned someone else's pants? Yes. Are you good at painting nails? Nooooo. My hands are way too shaky. If it’s late at night and you’re hungry, what do you reach for? Usually a granola bar or piece of bread, lol. What word should you really probably remove from your vocabulary? I don't know. I don't really use any words I find wrong/offensive. Will you eat something if it falls on the ground? NOOOOOOOO SIR. Ignoring nutrition, could you live off veggies for the rest of your life? God no. I'm not a vegetable fan. Do you see the value in education? Of course I do. Are you more physically flexible or situationally flexible? bitch neither lmao Does anybody know about your sex life other than your partners? I don't have one now, but my mom knows of some things from the past. Do you make an effort to eat healthy? Yeah. I could try harder, but I do try. Have you ever lived with a girlfriend/boyfriend? Pretty much. I wasn't an official resident, but I was essentially always there and just counted as a guest, I guess. Would you ever be a stripper? No way in hell. Can you honestly say that you love yourself? No. Do you think that you’ve ever actually been IN love with someone? I don't just "think" it, I know very goddamn well that I was. Have you ever done a psychedelic drug? If not, would you ever consider it? No and no. Did you ever see the movie Good Burger when it came out? Not when it came out, but I've seen it and love it. How often do you clear your browser history? Never. Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? Yeah man, gourmet shit. Do you consider yourself a burden to anyone? Why do you feel this way? I absolutely do. I'm just a leech at home. A financial burden to my parents since I'm unemployed. I have a lot wrong with me that my mom has to deal with. Who was the last person to carry you? Why were they carrying you? Probably Jason, realistically. I'm probably too heavy for anyone in my life to carry me now, and there hasn't ever really been a reason to besides him just being cute many years ago. Are you a clingy kind of person? If so, how has this affected your past relationships? I know I am. I'm lucky that I don't think it really affected any. I'm not OBSESSIVELY clingy at least, just moderately so. Have you ever witnessed someone drowning? Did you help in any way? Jesus, no. Have you ever felt like you just weren’t enough for someone? Who in your life has made you feel that way? I absolutely have. No one like... intentionally made me feel like that, I just felt it due to my own self-doubt. The times I've felt that that I remember have been in my only two serious relationships, but not endlessly. I'd just do something stupid and feel like it for a while. Have you ever been at a party where the cops came due to complaints?No. What were you doing the last time you spent a night away from home (or wherever you regularly reside)? I was having a sleep study to determine whether or not I had sleep apnea. Where do you like to sit when you’re on the computer? In my bed. Do you feel as though you’re good at understanding/communicating with animals? Absolutely. Are photographs important to you? Do you like to take a lot of pictures? Not incredibly important, because nothing is quite like actually experiencing that moment, but I definitely like to have some of major events. I honestly don't take a lot of pictures documenting my own life, but rather like nature and stuff. And when people pay me to take family/couple/child photos for them. Would you rather hike through the desert, the prairies, the forest, or the tundra? The forest, for sure. So long as I had my camera. If you could reconnect with someone from your past, who would it be and why? Guess. -_- What was the last game you played? Was anyone else playing with you? Do you prefer to play games alone or with others? World of Warcraft. And well, it's an MMO, so you're playing with what, thousands of other people? I mostly do solo content though, but I do usually chat with guildies when I'm on because I'm close and comfortable with them. What is the longest distance you’ve walked in a day? Idk, but definitely far. Do you prefer homemade food or restaurant food? Restaurant, sadly. What was the last new food you tried? Ummm... I want to say sweet potatoes, back at Thanksgiving. I didn't hate them, but they were okay. What is your most recent regret? I dunno, probably something really minor like eating/drinking something unhealthy. What was the last unexpected thing to happen to you? How did you react? I guess that would be the sleep apnea diagnosis. At least, that was the last big one. I can't think of anything in-between. I was very shocked, even doubtful that the results were reliable. But given how my APAP mask has almost completely solved my nightmare issue, I think it's safe to say it's correct. Name your three closest friends. Sara, Girt, and uhhh... Sam. Do you get excited or annoyed when the phone rings? Annoyed, honestly, lol. Do you prefer writing poems or stories? I prefer writing RP, which is pretty much just gradually writing stories. What pisses you off more than anything? Probably rapists, specifically when children are the victims. It's just... so, so repulsive and unforgivable to me. Like I don't understand how a human being could possibly be so diabolical as to scar someone like that. What’s the appropriate age to have sex? I think you should be adults, honestly, given the risk of pregnancy. Not that I followed that, so I can't really talk, and I know most people don't either. When you're really in love with someone and have a sexual side, it's kinda... hard to avoid 'til you're 21. Is there anybody you’re really jealous of? It's so stupid, I'll probably always be so jealous of the girl Jason dated after me. Even though I know they're not even together anymore (well, last I heard a few years ago). Is pornography evil or are you neutral about it? Meh. I'm not into it, but I don't think it's necessarily evil. I personally don't get sex without emotional commitment, but you do you, so long as you are both consenting adults being safe about it. Do you prefer to be monogamous, or are you more a casual dater or swinger? I'm strictly monogamous. I'd be way too jealous to share a partner with someone, and then there's the heightened risk of STDs, too. Have you ever had a crush on more than one person at once? Do you now? Yes, but I don't now. Who is your favorite relative? Excluding my immediate family, Uncle Rob. He is so damn funny. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? I know I would, realistically. Do you think you will be in a relationship three months from now? No. What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today? It SUCKED while actually doing it, but I'm very satisfied having done around 20 minutes of cardio today at the gym. Cardio is something I 110% need in my life. Have you had any beer this week? I've never had beer. I hate the smell of it, and it's associated with memories of my dad as an alcoholic anyway. Could you cry right now? Nah, I'm in a good mood. If you could see one person right now, who would it be? I'd honestly love to hang with Sara again. Do you wear contacts? No, but I wish I did versus glasses, contacts are just WAY too tedious. What color shirt are you wearing? It's a dark teal. Song playing right now? Ha, I am STILL obsessed with Powerwolf's (but with Alissa White-Gluz's vocals) "Demons Are a Girl's Best Friend." Do you wear the seat belt in the car? Absolutely always. Please, please, wear your seat belt. Has anyone ever mistaken you for someone else? Yes. There was a kid at dance who, from behind, thought I was his mother and he just ran up and hugged me from behind and I nearly had a heart attack. Do you like the color orange? Yeah; it reminds me of Halloween. Sometimes, do you wish you were someone else? Not really entirely someone else, but a much better version of myself. What is the weather like today? It's hot as shit and pretty hazy. Do you want any piercings? UGH like you have no idea. Have you given anything up for Lent? No. You do what you want, but I honestly think it's a dumb concept. Would you rather go to a rock concert or a rap concert? Rock, for certain. Have you ever dated someone that was a different race than you? Yeah; Juan was Hispanic. How old is your best friend? She's 23. What does your favorite necklace look like? It's a spiked choker with some dangling chains. It's fuckin' hot. Are you keeping a secret from anyone? I don't like the wording here. I don't have anything I'm hiding from someone in particular, and nothing they need to know at all. I just have a few inconsequential secrets I just don't share with anyone. Would you take a million dollars if it meant you had to die a month later? Uh, no thank you. Do you keep any type of diary or journal? You could say surveys are like snippets of a diary of sorts for me. I share a lot and use them to vent and just jabber on about my thoughts and feelings without exactly burdening anyone with them. What was the last thing that made you really happy? I'VE LOST A POUND SO FAR AT THE GYM!!!! :') It's been just one week, I know, big whoop, but it means A LOT to me. Prior to this, the numbers had just been gradually creeping up and up... but not anymore! :D Can you remember what you dreamed about last night? Very vaguely? Or maybe that was the night before's dream... Have you ever gotten kicked out of a class for being disruptive? Definitely not. I was a well-behaved, quiet student. Have you ever injected a drug? Noooo. Do you think the whole day is better if you smoke pot? I've never smoked. Last time you killed a bug? A while back when an ant walked over my laptop. Are you wearing perfume? What kind? No. The last male you spoke to… is he attractive? That would be my personal trainer, and yeah, he's very handsome.

[weloseeveryweek]

what makes me happy

It’s hard to choose just one moment of United that makes me happy. Simply put, the whole club does - it is United videos I watch when I’m sad, United kits I put on, United blankets I bury my face into. Even when the sadness comes from a shitty performance and a terrible loss, somehow the only thing that cheers me up is the thing that brought me pain in the first place.

If I could, I’d bottle up all the happy and take it out whenever I needed it. The last three minutes of 1999 (and the alcohol-laced celebrations afterwards). When I watched Gary Neville play at Old Trafford in real life. ‘Paul Scholes - best skills and goals’ compilation videos on youtube, complete with shitty music. Juan Mata’s goal in the first United game I ever saw. The 2012/13 jersey, which was the first I ever owned. One of George Best’s hazy, beautiful runs. The Class of 92. Any given song which we’ve used for a chant (sometimes I sing na-na-na, Nicky-Nicky-Butt, and everyone looks at me confused).

But the point is to choose one particular thing, so this is mine. It isn’t, technically, a one-off, although the first time is always unbeatable. It’s hard to describe - a moment, I suppose, a point in a journey, a shiver. A love story. (Because, let’s face it, all of football is.)

When I go up to Manchester for a game, I usually take the tram. It’s fucking expensive. Five pound return, and I’m the person who walked five miles to save on a two Euro ticket. Only recently I’ve found out that it’s perfectly possible to walk there in no time at all, information which comes far too late for me to make any use of.

But I don’t begrudge that. Not really. Not when not taking the tram would mean me missing out on what I think is one of the most amazing feelings anyone could ever feel.

From Manchester Piccadilly, you have to get the tram towards Altrincham or Eccles. There’s the Old Trafford / Trafford Bar tram stations, which stop nearer to the cricket ground, and then you walk straight down to the stadium; the route I usually take, however, goes past Deansgate-Castlefield to Exchange Quay. Deansgate-Castlefield is some ways up, built on a bridge that goes all the way to Pomona, a tiny inconsequential station. And that’s where you see it.

Imagine this: you’ve spent a ridiculous amount of money that you don’t have on a train ticket, going to watch a game you’ll probably regret later. But you’re wearing your favourite kit, you’re listening to all the old songs, you’re practically bouncing when you first see the word Manchester on any given street sign. Everyone on the tram is wearing red, same as you are, scarves around their necks. The tram goes up the bridge, stops at Pomona, then it turns.

In the distance, just as you round the corner, magic happens. Slowly, like an old master revealing his latest masterpiece, it comes into view - red brick, tinted glass, white risers. Something you’ve only ever seen in pictures. Something you’ve only ever dreamt of. Somewhere you’ve waited perhaps your whole life to be.

MANCHESTER UNITED splayed in giant, glaring letters across the top, visible even from where you are.

The tram keeps going until you’re alongside it, and just before you go down the bridge you have it in one moment of clear, unhindered view, stark alone against the sky.

Old. Trafford.

I can’t tell you what it feels like because it’s something you have to do and experience in order to understand. It’d be like me trying to describe what it’s like meeting your favourite person, or what food at a Michelin Star restaurant tastes like. When I see it, my chest fills up with something that makes it impossible to breathe, and the smile is on my face even before I’m aware that I meant to. I know it’s totally bullshit, and it’s not even like I’ve been there before, but it’s almost like a homecoming, in a way.

A religion, maybe. A pilgrimage. Stadiums are as close to churches as anything we have. Your home stadium means something to you without you ever having to have been there; just the fact that your team plays there, has played there, will play there. There’s a spirituality to the ground that any football fan will understand.  

It seeps through everyone. The walk to the stadium is almost as enthralling as seeing the stadium itself; even as the Pomona tram ride is an individual realisation, as it were, of your love for your club, the walk there is a collective one. I’m suddenly aware that everyone here loves United as much as I do, that I am not alone in my obsession, my dedication, my team.

But I get ahead of myself. Communal identities are for another time, another part of football and belonging and the way people you don’t know can have such a huge bearing on your life. For now - I’m satisfied with the rush of adrenaline when that tram turns and I see it right there. It’s as if it validates the entire trip - any pain that comes with travel, my anxiety when it comes to spending money on tickets, wondering whether I really cared that much about football, everything. All of that melts away until the only thing I know is that I love Manchester United Football Club.

And then I’m floating, soaring, my heart singing all of the chants that will come later in the stadium before me (U-N-I-T-E-D). Everything is red. The devil on the crest, my shirt, the scarf around my neck. At that point, I am the most purely happy I will ever be.

Old Trafford winks at me in the distance, as if to say:

Look, Rach.

Look.

You’re home.

[junker-town]

Meet Elizabeth Strom from DRays Bay

Elizabeth was an active member of the DRays Bay community before joining the team.

We have dozens of women covering pro and college sports for our team brands here at SB Nation. Meet one of those talented writers, Elizabeth Strom, who writes for our Tampa Bay Rays site, DRays Bay.

Why are you so passionate about baseball and the Rays?

I’ve written two Fanposts on just these topics; I’ll answer this with an excerpt from each.

Papa Willy was an avid Brooklyn Dodgers fan who embraced the Mets when they were born in 1962, a love he passed along to me.

He never assumed that baseball was something he would only share with a grandson, for which I am grateful, because his passing baseball down to me was a wonderful gift.

I have vivid memories of attending my first game with him. It was 1968, the Mets vs. the Giants, Tom Seaver vs. Juan Marichal, and I clearly remember Juan Marichal’s leg kick. Thanks to the wonders of the internet, I have been able to find the box score of that game. I was hooked, and started watching the Mets in earnest with him the following year, which you may have heard was a pretty exciting season of baseball for Mets fans.

On “converting” to a Tampa Bay Rays fan:

First, living in an area that is relatively transient, it’s important to cultivate a sense of place and of belonging, and shared support for the home team gives us that. Despite claims to the contrary, the Rays are beloved by many, and I have had many experiences of bonding with colleagues and strangers over the highs and lows of the team.

Secondly, I love the perpetual underdog struggle and how the Rays management tries to use creativity to overcome their lack of resources. Ideally I would prefer to have an MLB that did more to balance the differences, but in the meantime it is fun to watch smart people try to overcome the odds.

Finally, although I hail from New York and have lived in Boston, and have affection for both cities, the solipsism and sense of entitlement that emanate from Red Sox and Yankees fans, and from the northeast sports media, are immensely grating. Every Rays win sticks it to those folks. What could be more satisfying?

What has been your favorite experience covering the Rays for DRays Bay?

I have had a few opportunities to get press credentials and cover games from the press box, including pre- and postgame clubhouse interviews. It’s given me an even greater appreciation of the athleticism and the intelligence of the players. I also have gained respect for the work of the beat reporters. Covering a game is a 10-hour day, and beat reporters must find something engaging to say about each of 162 games.

What are some of the unique challenges you’ve faced?

My main challenge is fitting this work into a schedule that includes a full-time job and other commitments, but that is hardly unique!

How did you start writing for DRays Bay?

I had been reading the site for a few years; the managing editor put out a notice inviting those interested in writing or editing to email him. I thought I could add some value with editing skills and came on board. Not only have I enjoyed writing and editing for the site; I have been fortunate to develop an entirely new community of fellow/sister fans from diverse backgrounds and with diverse interests and talents.

What women in the industry do you look up to?

I know there are many women doing outstanding work now, but as someone nearing 60, I would like to give a shout out to Claire Smith, one of the first women to cover baseball for a general interest newspaper. It can be hard for women today to appreciate just how many doors were closed to her — quite literally, as there were teams unwilling to let a woman into the clubhouse. That there were some women who persevered in the 1980s and 1990s gives way to the opportunities for women in the 2000s.

[scarletrebel]

a thing about rw.by

this is a whatever. not a meta or a theory or really a well-thought out critique. if anything I guess im just voicing my frustrations. if you like rw.by, please, please dont read this. you wont like what i have to say and i am in no way looking to upset rw.by fans, i just need a good old fashioned shout into the void. theres some things i liked in here too that actually came out whilst writing aha, so its not all my bullshit.

my main gripe with rw.by at the moment is the lack of character development for ruby rose. you know, the main character? which i think is the reason why my heart breaks a little that i dont love it as much as i used to. i identified so much with ruby. a little girl with a heart too big for her brain, who just wants to protect and help, having to come to terms with the fact that the real world doesnt make noble goals like that easy? thats my childhood right there. 

the latter is something that hasnt been touched on as far as ruby rose’s character development goes until this season, and even then it hasnt really been touched, or lightly brushed, its been mentioned. ruby thought saving the world wouldnt take that long, that the world wasnt as big as it is; she apologises to jaune for dragging jnpr along with her. all INCREDIBLE MOMENTS I was really happy about, but they werent expanded upon. it was like the writers wanted to hit a checklist of ‘make sure the audience knows ruby is naive and sad but hopeful’ rather than making it more engaging to learn about as aspects of her character, which is just lazy storytelling. 

show, dont tell. they’ve done that with juane. they’ve shown that he’s upset about phyrra’s death, they’ve shown him get mad at the situation and with qrow. he’s never outright voiced these things about his character like ruby has about herself, and we all knew she was a little naive. season one, weiss accusing ruby of being a bad leader and them showing the audience ruby trying to get better was so much better than just having her be like ‘im a little naive but ill fight for the greater good!’ like she has so blatantly been this series. 

like, why would she not get mad at her own uncle for keeping her in the dark about someone wanting to kill her?? ruby’s what, 16 at this point? 15 at the least? would she not at least be a little bit annoyed, and would that not show some character growth on her part if she was? my naivety ended, personally, when i stopped trying to be so dang optimistic, (this can become more complicated to explain, as obviously you still have to have hope in the world while keeping a level head and ruby is still young, but, thats another conversation) and if that moment hasnt happened for ruby after 1. penny dying 2. phyrra dying 3. her uncle keeping important information from her 4. her sister having her arm sliced off 5. her friends being split up from her 6. nearly dying to a foe way more powerful than she is, even with her silver eyes -- then when?! 

and lets just get it out of the way -- i dont fucking hate juane. i really, really like him as a character but i just fucking wish he got less of a spotlight because so much more attention is being payed to him and his journey and how everything affects him over ruby. it just is, and it sucks. i like theorising about his semblance, im pretty certain he’s really fucking powerful just like ruby is, but if he unlocks and masters his thing before ruby does i will be so pissed, and the only reason i say that is because it feels like thats the way its headed. 

juane is a lovely character. he’s heroic, he’s actually quite brave and smart, and he’s a good fucking friend. he’s a brilliant support character. but for the love of all that is holy, focus more on ruby when they’re in the same scene. about how he’s helping her on her journey, why could they not have had one conversation about phyrra on screen is my question. they did it really, really well it season one, and i was very loud about the fact that no, juane doesnt get more screen time or attention, but during season four it feels like he -- like everyone that isnt ruby or the other three titular characters -- has over ruby. 

just, please, rwby season five -- give ruby rose more character development. prove me fucking wrong and reveal that you were playing the long game, please.

also; i havent watched the last two episodes, but if it turns out the ‘’’cure’’’ to yangs ptsd is a new arm. fuck, man. please no. but i cant really comment on that yet so, we’ll see. i actually, up until seeing the preview for her spraying her arm and all that, really liked yangs journey. and taiyang is such a sweetheart i adore him. he was so patient and gentle and loving with yang, a few moments had me cringing but overall, an enjoyable part of the season. i hope yang gets to punch adam in the face. 

blake’s journey is one ive enjoyed also. and tbh, i think sun following her and thinking she was on a personal mission to take down the white fang is a very sun thing to do, and i think blake surprising us all by saying no im not gonna do that is a very blake thing as well. sun is spontaneous, carefree to a point and very dedicated to taking down bad guys. projecting that onto blake was his mistake, and im really glad that blake is the one to voice the audiences frustrations at how annoying it is that he follows and harrasses her into taking action (even when a part of us knows that she should -- a really, really well written aspect of blakes journey actually, i really liked it) (sun really needs to have a ‘okay im being a creep im really sorry’ moment but i dont see it happening. again; prove me wrong, guys.)

blake so, so needed to see her family. im glad she could see that and im not surprised that she wanted to run under the guise of ‘resting’ like. come on blake, we all know you’re scared shitless. her characterisation was on point, probably the most out of the four girls. blake was a+ in this season and im really happy about that, come to think of it aha. i hope she gets to punch adam too.

weiss im satisfied with too, although i really wish that ironwood and her got to talking. he didnt necesarily need to save the day for her, i would think that a guy fighting her own battles -- even if it is a ‘good one’ like ironwood -- would irk her, so it wouldve been nice for them to talk. (im still fucking salty about juanes ‘you can have her’ to neptune like lmao fuck off you fucking dudebros THAT WAS SO ANNOYING anyway) weiss being able to call off the thing she summoned before it hurt the lady would be a sign that yeah she’s getting strong but she’s learning control, so. shrug. 

papa schnee is an asshole, where is mama schnee?? and i FUCKING LOVED THE PLOT POINT THAT HER DAD MARRIED INTO THE FAMILY. please let this be an opening for a badass but subdued for Reasons mama schnee (although my hope is not that high)

my main, number one, OVERALL problem with rwby since the end of s3 to s4 is that they dont give the characters that need and deserve the most time and attention just that. i know its a small crew, i know that what they do and the time they do it in is amazing and admirable, and i do admire it and applaud it, they work so fucking hard and deserve praise for that. but they dont use their time wisely when it comes to assigning it in the narrative. and thats more of a writing issue, anyway. 

and another fucking thing. the majority of the interesting characters that arent the main four and are alive and have been developed or made mysterious enough to warrant interest from the audience are fucking men. and yeah, no duh jade, welcome to every piece of media for fucking ever. qrow is an asshole that everyone loves, raven is probably going to turn out to be a bitch -- the majority of salem’s ‘court’ or whatever are dudes. ironwood. ren got backstory over nora. blakes dad. adam taurus. for all that i love him, fucking juane. did we learn anything about phyrra that wasnt her explicitly telling us her backstory? no. we felt sad that she died because of her connections with other people, but, lets face it, mostly juane. im still adamant that she didnt die just for him, that she knew there was a bigger picture and genuinely loved him, but from a narrative pov him and his reactions was a bigger focus point especially in the aftermath with season 4. 

(ruby fucking unlocked an ANCIENT POWER BECAUSE SHE SAW PHYRRA DIE AND SHE DOESNT GET TO HAVE THE SAME EMOTIONAL SCENE ABOUT IT THAT JUANE GOT??? PLS LAST TWO EPISODES. GIVE HER THAT AT LEAST. PROVE ME WRONG.) 

i remember at a rwby panel at rtx one year, when asked about making a series that has four female protaganists, the guys said that they didnt see it that way, that they were just writing a story about a bunch of kids and yeah, i get that. but its not. 

its a story about four strong, tested, young women and they need to stop being oblivious to that because the narrative is fucking suffering. 

end rant/

[cryptodictation]

'I wanted to tell my story', says Djonga about the newest job

(photo: Daniel Assis / Divulgao)

Five young people staring at their bodies on the floor was the image chosen to illustrate the cover of the rapper's new album Djonga, Stories of my area. The choice criticizes everyday violence and contrasts the statistics, combining with the work, which tells the stories of the Quebrada in which the singer was born. With Daniel Assis signing the cover photo, produced by Coyote Beatz, mixed by Arthur Lima and Djonga supervising everything, the album was released on March 13, one year after the last release.

With Stories of my area, the artist chose a subject that speaks properly to be inspired: life itself. Djonga transmits through music the experiences divided between the daily life of the East Zone of Belo Horizonte, his relationship with family and friends, in addition to his success as a rapper. “I wanted to tell people my story and make them remember theirs and because the creation you had was so important, the friends you were with and forget, even, all the porn, these little things that they often create trauma to us. So, I wanted to tell my story and make people remember theirs, because all areas of Brazil look alike. Sometimes, when I'm talking to the guys, they tell me about their stories, their areas, and pretty much the same thing, ”says Djonga.

In this album, Djonga's intimate and familiar relationship is marked, which corroborate the reality of many families. udios from friends and a song for daughter, Iolanda, were some of the choices of the album. Breaking the rappers' stereotype to be strong and tough, he shows once again the parental and sentimental side of the song. “Strength comes from weakness and weakness comes from strength, one cannot live without the other. The good thing about talking about fatherhood is that you can try to put something on the heads of the kids who are having children now. I hope that, God willing, we will have a very different generation of these parents who abandoned their children, you know? I hope it is a more responsible generation and if I contribute to it, if I change one person, I know that I will change several ”, he reflects.

Djonga continues to bet on the multiplicity of sounds and compositions. Amid the boombap, acoustic, funk and trap rhymes, he explores the extremes and the lyrics to emphasize his emotions and those on the other end of the line: those of the listener. Comprising 10 tracks, all by the singer, the album also won contributions from Don Juan, FBC, Bia Nogueira, NGC Borges and Cristal. “I always write all of them. Me and the people who participated, so the part of Bia she composed, Don Juan, the FBC, each one who participated did their part. But all I sang there was I who wrote it. It is a hard process because, at the same time that you are making a record, you are experiencing the universe of the other in shows ”, he says.

“A record that his title came after, I usually think of the title, the idea and the concept first, and then I start to do it. This time, it was the other way around, the concept came up, the title came from the middle to the end. I went to find out exactly what I was talking about. I realized that I was telling about the stories of my area there. I had put another name in the beginning, I thought I would talk about the parade, but in the middle of the way I realized that I was telling a lot about the stories of my area and how much that was important to me at that moment “, he completes.

Repercussion

In a few days of release, the songs that make up the work have great repercussions in reproductions on YouTube and plays on Spotify. Track The guy with glasses, feat with Bia Nogueira, reached more than 3 million views on the platform. “It is wonderful, I have nothing to complain about. We are hitting very good views, the comments are very positive, the affection that people do, are really enjoying the work and spreading it. As soon as we can really talk about results, I think the rest of the year we will see better what we have achieved and what the record will mean for my career. But so far I can say that I am too happy ”, says the rapper.

This success is so notorious in the rapper's career that in Today, not one of the lyrics of this album, he says: “171 for me is no more crime, your guard / the number in millions of my Spotify streams”. According to Djonga, the high number of people following his work has always been the goal. “If it wasn't, it was better to work in another area. There are times when I wake up knowing that I am Djonga, there are times that I am only Gustavo (Christian name). I think that fame is just one thing among many others. You choose when you value it more or less, you know? I am still conquering, I am very young, I am only 25 years old, I still cannot have a clue about anything. It is time to want even more, to fight tooth and nail for a place in the sun, because a lot of walking, there are many people who have been walking for much longer, there are many new people arriving ”, he says.

Even at a young age, the singer has four albums: Heresy, The boy who wanted to be God, Thief and Stories of my area. In each of these works, the music “does not lose its release”, as he says, always composed of poetry and passion, but their difference is in the composer himself. “I feel like a more mature, more responsible guy, both artistically and as a person. I think that today I understand much more what I mean and what each word I say means. Not what I didn't understand before, but now I understand a lot more and I see that I have to be a much more responsible guy like that. I have two children now. it is an intense process that does not stop. Being a parent or me is a process that lasts forever. So, it makes all the difference, maybe today I'm a sweeter, more emotional guy, you know? This changes from the other records, today I am more concerned ',' says Djonga.

Representativeness

In addition to talent, Djonga gains more and more fans for positively representing black people, from the Quebrada and who seek to have great achievements in life. In the song Oto patam, the singer admits that he speaks the “language of the brothers” and does his art with a focus on the black smile.

“Today, I know the weight of my name, not only for the music scene, for blacks in general, and that goes beyond music. Aside from luck, which is part of the process, and the talent I gained with a lot of effort, always training, that's the rest (representativeness). Since being able to communicate with my ancestors, me, father and grandfather, in addition to being able to communicate with the brothers on my street, all of that. Apart from talent and luck, all of that (representativeness). This is what makes so many people hear and identify themselves ”, adds the rapper.

Three questions / Djonga

What the songs of Stories of my area mean to you?

I think that making art is always an achievement, in the sense that you are developing, as an artist, as a person. So, these songs, for me, mean a very strong conquest of confidence, as an artist. There are 10 songs that mean a lot of feeling. a record that, perhaps, is not so simple to understand for many, because it is an album made for those who live there (from the broken), so for them, it is easier to understand, because a record that takes us to a very strong place . a disc with a very large sentimental charge and at the same time means evolution of my work, achievement and courage.

Today is not the only track that has a clip so far. How important is the message of that song to the album?

For me, as a person, this song is very important because I was able to tell a story the way I wanted to tell it for a while, with the aesthetic … I had a long time looking for it, a storytelling song the way it was, in a way not to be boring or boring and not just people, but I also identified myself. It's a song that I identify with a lot. I think it's one of the most important ones on this album in terms of my artistic evolution, of something I love to do. I was very happy to be able to make this song. It is important to me, not only as a record song, but as a Djonga song. It was very important to have done it. a step in my career. The clip also managed to adopt a very important aesthetic for the moment that we live.

What do you still miss in your career?

I am always dissatisfied. Good satisfied artist to stop, see? he better look for something else, travel, have fun. I make a stop that never ends, the end of it the coffin. So what remains to be satisfied is everything, everything I can achieve and I have not yet achieved. Everything, I want everything. I want to go where I have been given, as far as the universe allows, I want to go.

* Interns under the supervision of Igor Silveira

(photo: Daniel Assis / Divulgao)

Stories of my area

From Djonga. For the Supper, 10 tracks. Available on all digital platforms.

The post 'I wanted to tell my story', says Djonga about the newest job appeared first on Cryptodictation.

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[weirdohippiefreaky]

5/14/19

Dawn came over with the boys yesterday for mother’s day.  It was a pretty good time. We got along pretty well.  She wanted to talk about more experiences on online dating.  I was less excited about it…mostly because I am a man and I just don’t get anywhere near the responses a hot chick gets. I bought dinner for everyone at 5 guys. Once we got home she and I began to have a talk about us. It all started with her saying that she needs to figure out what she wants first, and that she never really knew what she wanted. I said that I felt like she and I were never on the same page as far as what being married meant to us.  I used the example of the meathead hitting on her at the gym. She started to get annoyed because again, she was saying that I was making it about me and as a small woman, she was honestly afraid for her safety. I just simply said that I understood the best I could her fear and why she felt that way. But, I was her husband and I had a right to be offended that some douchebag was hitting on my wife when she was clearly wearing a wedding ring. It was a disrespect to our union, and I wasn’t changing my mind that I had the right to be annoyed on both of our behalf for that reason alone. She then said something about how I think I’m morally superior because of her affair (because she didn’t respect other’s marriages.  Clearly she read my tumblr HA!! Good. Anyway, that wasn’t my point, but to only to say that this is something that showed how we viewed marriage differently.  I looked it like it was a united front at all times. The ring was to declare to the world that my heart belonged to her, and only her. I wouldn’t even consider any other options because that’s not the way it works…and I’d be more offended on HER behalf if a woman tried hitting on me while I was wearing the ol’ Claddagh. I belonged to her, and this other woman had no right to think she could have what belonged to her. Dawn, as far as I could tell, viewed marriage as more of an independent thing.  We helped each other out when needed but we were separate as far as the way other’s viewed us.  I won’t apologize for thinking we belonged to each other. I also didn’t deny that I feel I’m morally superior.  That’s because I feel that I totally, 100% am. She then said “there isn’t a day that I don’t deeply regret the choices I made.  It was a terrible choice that I wish I could take back, ok?  I know you also think less of me because of John (Delancey).  That ended up never amounting to anything anyway.”  She said it not in an apologetic way, but in more of a defensive way. I just kind of nodded. I, of course thought “if this was such an anomaly, then why did you try to see if you had a spark with Josh Cutts, who you knew was married??  If you actually are a moral individual who respects marriage, how do you explain that? Plus the obvious other men your diary alluded to but did not name?” But, again, she and I will never agree.  She’ll never own up to the whole thing fully in a way that will satisfy me. She sincerely believes that she is really a moral person who just lost sight of who she was one time.  That’s why there is no point in continuing to fight about it.  You can’t change someone’s mind who really thinks they are innocent.  She probably feels the same way about me. I sure as hell won’t change my mind or position. I already acknowledged countless times that I was guilty of most of her grievances. This morning on Facebook, I wrote her last mother’s day message as a married couple 2 years ago, that I viewed via the timehop. I called her my “best friend/hot mama” saying the boys and I were lucky to have her, I was so proud of her, etc.  12 days later she told me she didn’t love me anymore, blah blah blah.

            That Karen Meshkov chick is kinda disappointing thus far.  We texted every day for the first few days.  She seems pretty cool.  Big time Bernie Supporter, works for the medical cannabis industry, in great shape (former yoga instructor) a fan of the Dead, and laughs at my obscure jokes (made a joke where the punchline was about Juan Ponce DeLeon). Plus, she is Jewish and she was thrilled to hear I’m half (close enough for her). When we got off the phone I was THRILLED. She seemed like a real promising lead.  Plus, she didn’t mind that I lived far away. That seemed like a good thing.  The following evening she hadn’t written back since early that morning. No big deal. Skip ahead to the next afternoon.  Still not a word.  I had sent her a few messages, but not bombarding her phone, of course. I started to get anxiety.  The same feeling I had in my 20s when I thought I had finally met a woman who was a really good match, only to be ghosted or told that she has a boyfriend (like that Nikki Hubbs chick. Gives me her phone# at a bar, accepts a date upon my call, then tells me she has a boyfriend after I try to kiss her.  I was so upset driving home. I knew I was just being rejected). She did eventually send me a message. I was so excited. She said she was exhausted (she commutes from Montgomery County to Manhattan every week) and wanted a low key weekend with her son right as I was suggesting that I come to visit her Saturday after work. I then wrote “or I could listen to you when you say you want a low key weekend!  Sorry.” I still sent her good morning texts Saturday, Sunday and Monday.  Nothing.  I started to get the feeling again I was being ghosted. I finally sent her a pic from the ladies of the leaf flyer. She finally sent me a text in the evening.  Saying her weekend was rough and she’s so tired from work, she’ll write more tomorrow. Sigh. Yea…I’m not holding my breath. I'm not looking to jump into a relationship but I would kinda like someone who was interested in taking the time each day to message me. I would like to work toward a bond. I feel like if the longer we go with no correspondence the more easily I'll be forgotten. I can't force it so I either have to accept it for what it is or tell her I'm not interested (more like tell myself I'm not interested. Clearly it's not much of a priority for her.

Dawn just left. It's crazy how much time we're suddenly spending together. Wondering how long it'll be before one of us snaps and we have a battle royale. By which I mean when she says something that annoys me and I say something sassy. Hopefully that never occurs.

[virginiamurrayblog]

“A Repeated Mistake in Paradise:” Sharleen Joynt on Episode 7



Last night, at precisely 9:07 p.m., I looked at my clock fully expecting it to be more like 9:57 p.m. Not a great sign when only halfway through an episode of what’s typically enjoyable fluff television, you’re hoping it’s almost over. Aren’t shows like this are supposed to fly by, to feel like a sloppy, sugary dessert you feel a bit guilty for enjoying but which you keep pulling out a spoon for and coming back to over and over again? Simple, empty calories, yet so satisfying. So why does Paradise keep insisting on missing the mark? Andy, my mother and my girlfriends have dropped like flies in watching this season. I was recognized on the street in Philadelphia yesterday by two young ladies and excitedly asked if they were watching Paradise so that we could commiserate on season 5’s lousiness. No such luck—they weren’t watching. On Twitter, I’ve actually searched #bachelorinparadise + “bored” (or “boring”), seeking to feel some sense of community.

So where to begin? What to discuss? This episode was so tedious, I’m #literally not even sure what to talk about in this recap. Like, do I waste another breath identifying and condemning Leo’s (downright scary) bully behaviour? Or do I praise Joe for standing up to him? (Answer: YES.) Do I even bother mentioning how out of the blue it was when Kendall and John kissed, or the weirdness of Chelsea’s Rose Ceremony makeout sesh receiving line? Do I have a heart for Benoit’s trauma over getting dumped twice in four days (Answer: NON), or bother pointing out that Jordan and David actually appeared to chat at the bar like friends at one point? Should any of us pretend to care about newcomer Olivia and John’s “connection” on their as-boring-as-it-was-random quinceañera date?

I mean, I guess I’ll scrutinize Eric’s convenient post-Rose Ceremony change of heart. You know, where we were suddenly shown a disproportionate amount of Eric and Angela together, with a 1-on-1 date and everything, suggesting to me that The Powers That Be may have had some sort of inkling that Cassandra had the potential to make shit hit the fan. (Perhaps Cassandra had mentioned an interest in him?) The problem is, as I touched on last week, there was no way for us to feel invested in Eric and Angela as a couple, since we’ve been shown ZERO of what the two of them share, what they talk about, even what chemistry they have. (I think it speaks volumes that, early in my notes for this episode, I struggled to even remember Angela’s name. If, SEVEN episodes in, that doesn’t scream insufficient airtime, I don’t know what does.) Last night, when Eric backpedaled on his promise not to go on a date with anyone else, I felt for Angela. But to be clear, it’s not because I care about or am rooting for Ericela. (Angerica?) I only care in the sense that it sucks to be blatantly lied to by someone you trust.

From what I can tell (as the loud-and-proud peanut gallery member I am), a repeated mistake in Paradise is everyone’s insistence on finding lasting love, emphasis on “lasting.” (How many spring break romances become long term, real-life romances?) I appreciate the desire to feel “all-in” on a Paradise relationship and see it as having real-life potential. Unfortunately, until real life begins, that mentality rarely pays given the environment you’re still in is custom-contrived (by professionals, no less!) for maximum temptation and minimum commitment. Let’s be clear: Jade and Tanner and Carly and Evan, the poster children for Paradise success, are the EXCEPTION, not the rule. Every season ends with engagements, most of which are now defunct. I’m not saying those people or their relationships are failures. I’m saying they’re the normal ones. In real life, where one has the distractions of career, family, friends and hobbies, and where seeing one’s partner will likely require both time and effort (in most cases a LOT of effort, since so many of the relationships are long distance)… well, maybe Paradise, which produces relationships based on little more than convenience, is not the ideal breeding ground for that “real-life” partnership.

Here’s what I propose: this far in, no one cares about the newcomers, right? (Well, other than Cassandra, because we Juan Pablo-ers gotta stick together.) When everyone’s coupled up and constantly canoodling, can we cut the length of each episode down to an hour? Let’s get a 15-minute quota of lovey-dovey-ness, and then 45 minutes or so of the fun stuff, like Jordan preening using the camera lens as a mirror, John “cutting up the dance floor” as only a programmer can, or Colton going into detail on the risks of going commando. Basically, the newcomer formula gets old after two rounds; let’s take any and all footage that is closing-credits worthy and turn THAT into Bachelor In Paradise.

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