#as for the binding itself… well for a first attempt i can’t complain the books both open w/o falling apart 😭

[touchlikethesun]

so i completed my first ever fan binding, everything from start to finish - barring writing the fic myself - and i wanted to share the results!!

the fic is the certain things we lack by @deanpendragon on ao3 (it’s an incredible fic, if you haven’t read it already, you really really really should!!)

if anyone wants to bind their own copy using the typeset i made, i’ve put a fully formatted and print-ready pdf along with some instructions for how to go about fan binding (and links to people who can explain the process better than i can) on my google drive!

[gryffindors-weasley]

Spare Room

Draco Malfoy x Reader

Summary: On a lazy Sunday morning, you and Draco paint your spare room.

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: mild angst, self doubt, fluff, kissing

You awoke to the clock chiming far too close to ear shot for your liking, laying in a position that was rather uncomfortable if you must admit it. Rather, you were more so in a tangled heap as you lay crammed in the tattered leather recliner with the very love of your life. That was more like it.

When you peek open an eye, you open them completely with a sigh at the sight before you. Sitting crooked and near broken on the very tip of Draco’s nose were the glasses he so rarely wore to read, said book on the brink of slipping and falling from his fingertips. You swiped it from his hand before it could clatter to the floor unceremoniously, tossing it on the couch not far from you. The lamp just behind you had yet to be turned off from its use the night before, it’s glowing light a bit too bright in the windows reflection as the clock rang a seventh and final time for the next hour.

Despite the lack of space to allow such things, he engulfed you in his embrace nonetheless, his chest rising and falling against you. His fingers remain loosely entwined with yours as they had been all night you assumed, his breath puffing warmly just under your ear in a way that tickled if you thought too long on it. His hair was an absolute mess of platinum that stuck every which way it had pleased, dark lashes splayed across pale skin as his legs dangled over the arm of the chair. The flannel blanket once laying over you both had just about fallen on the floor completely by that point. You can’t imagine he’d slept for long, not with the way he’d been caught up in his own mind for quite some time. For that reason, you hated to do this, but you felt as though you might just remain permanently in that dreadful position if you don’t stretch.

You release his hand and do so, a soft hum of utter relief leaving your lips at the ever so blissful feeling pulling at the tension in your body. A hum that sure enough caused him to stir from his light sleep; that, paired with your obvious jostling. His grip on you tightened then, his newly book-less hand coming up to rest just under the sweater of his that hung from your shoulders in ruffled heaps of black yarn.

“Good morning,” he mumbles half-heartedly, the coldness of his hand seeping into your skin as it rests further up on your hip.

“Good morning,” you start, squirming at the undesirable shiver it gave you, a frown on your lips, “And just where do you think you’re putting your hands?”

“I don’t believe I know what you’re talking about, darling ,” he murmurs just behind your ear with closed eyes, though his hand splays and lays flat across your stomach now as his laugh tickles against your cheek, any traces of warmth quickly leaving you.

“Draco!”

When you try and wriggle from his grasp your attempts rapidly become futile as you fall back to his chest, trying desperately to stifle your giggles because he most certainly did not deserve the satisfaction. His sleepy smile was immediate as he looked at you, blue eyes tired but full of adoration nonetheless. It was then that you give in and laugh, shaking your head at him.

“What?” He asks, brows furrowed slightly.

“You know, for being twenty-four, you’d think you would remember to take your glasses off before you go to sleep on the very rare occasion you decide to actually wear them,” you say, plucking the brown tortoise colored frames from the tip of his nose. You toss them on the couch to join the book laying there. “How very irresponsible of you.”

He narrows his tired stare at you and your wit, a frown tugging on his lips. Lips you immediately kiss with a soft smile, his halfhearted frown disappearing instantly. A sleepy hum sounded against your parted lips, his hand settling on your cheek. When you pull away all too soon his lips press to the corner of your mouth, finding himself chasing after you for more.

He sighs in dramatic exasperation, tugging you closer and tangling his legs with yours in an effort to get you to stay, his eyes fluttering closed once more as he lays his head back against the chair. You bite the inside of your cheek, holding your laughter at his antics.

“Dray, we’ve got plans today,” you say, tracing your fingertips over his chest. His brows furrowed as he continued to try and sleep.

“Do remind me, darling, just what would they be?”

“We’re painting the spare room, remember?” You kindly inform him, sitting up a bit more in your haphazard position. “You promised you’d help.”

He peeks an eye open as he stills your hand from dancing across his chest any longer, enveloping it in his own as he drops his head to the crook of your neck. You knew what was coming.

“Can’t we just enchant some paint brushes? It’s quite easy really,” he suggests in a groan, his lips pressing tenderly and tiredly up the skin of your neck, the warmth of his breath ironically giving you shivers. “I’ve got much better plans of my own.”

“To what, go to bed?” You counter, laughing softly.

“Precisely,” he agrees, the single word pressing into your skin just below your ear. “With you, might I add.”

You find yourself melting into his embrace, into the kisses proving to be far more intoxicating than you had hoped they’d be. Kisses that moved warmly from your neck to your jaw, from your jaw to your cheek, and perhaps the most delicately to your lips. They were soft and languid, his thumb brushing over your flushed cheek. The feel of his lips paired with the warmth of his arms was nearly far too comfortable and spell binding for you to want to do anything other than what you had been doing. But the excitement of your plans quickly overshadowed that in that very moment.

You break from him with another peck, his lips kiss swollen and pink, dropping to a slight frown at the action. More so when you reluctantly make your leave from his arms. “This room isn’t going to paint itself.”

“Love, it most certainly can!”

You shake your head, leaning down to kiss him once more. “Get up, Dray.”

—

With a lot of complaining and yawning on Draco’s end, you’d finally gotten him to get up and help with the promise of kisses. That always works. He’d tried to enchant his paint roller on more than one occasion but you had insisted to do it by hand, it was far more meaningful that way.

Over the course of the hours you spent, the hardwood floors had since been covered in every piece of newspaper you could find in your home, scattered haphazardly and crinkled. After the first hour, you were convinced there was more paint on yourselves, on anything other than where it should be. Countless spells were used when it inevitably seeped through the paper beneath your feet and smeared over the floor. The record in the player Draco had pulled in the room had spun every song on it at least two times over, and a good thirty minutes had been lost when Draco had taken you by the hand for just one dance, as he put it. One turned to two, and two turned to three with the addition of a myriad of paint smudged kisses pressed on flushed skin and breathless laughter.

The room now smelled of fresh paint and the chilly spring breeze that had filtered in through the open window. Nearly the entirety of the four walls were painted a soft sage green, as well as the splotches smeared across Draco’s cheek in payback for the ones on yours.

You swept the paint across the last bare patch of the wall, turning to Draco with a beaming smile as you set the brush down in the tray.

“What do you think?” You ask with a triumphant yet defeated sigh, twirling in the near empty room with open arms.

You hadn’t twirled so much as twice before his hand grabbed a hold yours, tugging you close to him. He had yet to change from his pajamas, miscellaneous smudges of green mingling with the pale freckles smattering sparsely across his chest.

“I don’t think it’s quite green enough,” he says, brushing your hair behind your ear with a playful smirk. “Not the right shade.”

You roll your eyes and turn away from his touch, fighting to stifle your laughter and contain your smile. But the moment you looked at him again, at the softening smile gracing his lips and the hair falling down in his eyes, you knew you couldn’t possibly refrain. “You’re terrible sometimes, you know that?”

He dips down and presses his lips to yours, soft and tender as his laugh puffs against your skin.

“I do know that,” he starts, fingertips trailing down your arms before interlocking with your own. A softer smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as his blue gaze bounced around the room. “It’s perfect.”

It truly is. It may have just been a simple matter of painting four walls of a spare room a color that you’d been dreaming of since the day you’d moved in. It may have been a simple moment on a lazy Sunday morning. But it was perfect and something he never thought he’d be fortunate enough to have.

He knows he wasn’t the best person, he knows he wasn’t even remotely so as a child and the teenager he once was. He knows he’s not even the best person now either, not with the memories still taunting and weighing heavily on him. What he also knows is that he hadn’t followed in his father’s footsteps, nor had he done what was expected of the only Malfoy heir. There were no intentions of living in the Manor and throwing fancy soirées, no desire to live within a larger than necessary estate composed of the same gray walls and dust covered shelves, sparsely decorated with expensive furniture and paintings. As much as Narcissa wanted him to continue on the family inheritance, and as much as he loved her dearly—he did not want that for himself.

Now, he’s got a wonderfully sweet cottage tucked away in a neighborhood where no two homes are the same. He lives in a home where every room is painted a different color that didn’t necessarily match from one to the next, where every room feels cozier than the last. He lives in a home that feels lived in, that radiates a kind of warmth and love he could have only ever dreamed of his entire life. One that houses a culmination of each of the things that matter the most to the both of you.

He lives with the love of his life, someone who he felt he didn’t deserve the affections of but received them regardless. He lives a life of matching coffee mugs and 2 am slow dances to a melody unheard. With bookshelves lined with shared tastes in literature crammed together and the occasional picture frame with the two of you captured within it. In a home surrounded by untamed wildflowers and borderline unkempt lawns with deep maroon shutters by each little window. All of it encompassed by a matching wooden fence with an iron latch, the numbers of your address engraved in an old metal slab.

His parents might have frowned upon his choice in living arrangements in noticeable comparison to the luxury of their own, but he no longer cared about their opinion. It was merely that; an opinion.

“What are you thinking of?” You ask after a little while, your voice pulling him back to the current moment as you brushed the platinum strands away from his eyes.

His gaze shifts to you, smile soft and beaming as the breeze sweeping into the open window sifts through your hair. As the late afternoon sunshine glimmers across your skin. "Stay here with me. For the rest of our lives. Stay with me.”

He watched as your expression filled with a delighted confusion, one so adorably curious he wanted nothing more than to kiss you for the rest of the day. You laugh softly, smile bright and eyes sparkling as you took in the loving sincerity of his words spoken so freely, so meaningfully. What he hadn’t known, however, was the butterflies fluttering around relentlessly in your stomach and the racing of your heart. You had known of such things already, but to hear them spoken was something else entirely.

“Painting our spare room really has made you sentimental, hasn’t it?” You jest, your squeal ringing out when he lifts you in his arms and twirls you in retaliation.

Your hands settle on his shoulders as your laughter fills the room, his lips pressing to the column of your throat. He knew you’d say something along those lines, he absolutely knew it. He sets you down but keeps you just as close, his lips continuing to press upon your neck as you continue to giggle at his mercy. He moves to your cheek and bumps his nose against yours, foreheads resting on one another as your dwindling laughter mingles in the space.

“I mean it, darling,” he murmurs, pulling back to look at your expression fully. He looked at you carefully in the close proximity, hopeful of your answer as his heart beat wildly in his chest.

It was then that the corner of your mouth quirks up into a grin. You bring your arms up to rest on his shoulders, pressing a kiss to the very tip of his nose. “For the rest of our lives,” you repeat softly with a widening smile, just to hear how it sounds. “I quite like the idea of that.”

He huffs out a breathy laugh, kissing you again and again, his arms tightening around you as he engulfs you in his embrace so much so he nearly lifts you off your feet once more. But soon there was muffled laughter and a gasp, your gazes traveling to the floor as you’re met with adorably large blue eyes and ever so sweet purring. Ivory.

Her once clean paws were doused in paint after walking freely through the tray without a care for much else, tracking it across the newspaper set across the floor, perfectly tiny paws pressed upon your feet in little sage-colored prints as she walked on you both. You sigh as you bend down and scoop her up, a delighted meow escaping her at the attention she was aiming to receive. It was immediate that she nudged Draco’s nose rather roughly, the action aggressively affectionate as she stood her front paws on his chest. He scrunched his nose at your laughter of the footprints left behind on his skin.

“You’re terrible, you know that?” He says lightheartedly to the feline, using your earlier words as he scratched under her chin. She responded with another nudge, whiskers brushing over his lips.

He smiled fondly, one that was soft and true.

“I love you,” he murmured, his eyes shifting to you once you set her down, a gust of the spring breeze blowing his hair back in his eyes, a shimmering blonde in the sunlight. “I love you in every possible way.”

You smile, cheeks staining a soft pink as your arms wrap around his neck once more. “And I love you,” you whisper, leaning on your toes to kiss him, gentle and sweet. “In every possible way.”

Draco Malfoy lived a life entirely decided by himself for once, and he was destined to make better of it than it once was. He was perfectly content with the one he made for himself now; one with the love of his entire life and the precious little kitty he’s come to love. The three of you stood there, enjoying the simplicity of just merely basking in each other’s company.

He found himself excited to decorate yet another room with your things and his combined. It was more than just a spare room; it was a piece of your home, of a life your own.

—

Tags: @theweasleysredhair @anchoeritic @hahee154hq @amourtentiaa @snitches-at-dawn @dracosathenaeum @harrysweasleys @awritingtree @writeroutoftime @lunalovecroft

[pl-panda]

The vines that bind us - Chapter 8

Chapter 1 || Previous || Next

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“I trust you to act responsibly. And as a Guardian, you probably should start learning magic anyway.”

“Let’s get started then. Please tell me I can curse Lie-la!”

“Mari!”

“Just kidding, alright?” She smiled innocently and Tikki shook her head. 

-------------

Somewhere into the evening, Chloe called her to inform her that she was on her way back and she shouldn’t worry. When the blonde entered the room… it was a mess, using the word loosely. The walls were in all colors of the rainbow sans their original one. The room seemed to be double its size and Chloe was pretty sure her bed just got a fourth dimension added to it. There was also that the plants seemed to have taken over one corner and created their own kingdom. She could even see them raising a flag with Marigold Design and creations logo on it. 

“Figures! I leave you for one afternoon…!” Chloe said with disdain while trying to step over what looked almost like a black hole. 

“Chlo? Is that you?” Mari’s voice came from two and a half directions at the same time. The blonde had no idea how was it even possible.

“Isley! Get your pretty ass here so I can properly scold you!”  

“Um… Kinda tied at the moment,” came an answer.

“I don’t want to hear it. I had a long day of scheming and I need my beauty sleep.” Chloe complained. “Get me my bed fixed at least.”

“Oh fine! Tikki! Spots on!” There was a pink light from two separate directions and suddenly Ladybug jumped out of the small hole in the ground. “Miraculous Ladybug!” 

After the wave of shining bugs settled and the room was back to normal Mari detransformed and smiled apologetically at Chloe. “Sorry. Got carried away with the new book.”

“Picasso’s guide to architecture and interior design?” Chloe deadpanned. 

“Nope,” The bluenette smiled and pulled a rather hefty tome from her bed to show it to her friend. “Someone dropped it inside our room when we were out. Tikki deemed it safe and taught me the basics.” 

“I think you will need remedial lessons, given how our room looked. What exactly was the purpose of making my bed four-dimensional?”

“I might have tried to expand the room a bit, but I miscalculated a tiny bit. There is a surprising amount of math in magic.”

“Whatever. I would tell you how my date went, but I’m utterly exhausted now.” Chloe teased her friend. She expected the girl to beg her for the details. Instead, Mari pointed her arm at the bed.

“Pea and feather go along. Make this bed out of stone.�� Her iridescent green and blue eyes flashed for a moment… and nothing happened. Chloe smiled triumphantly and tried to jump onto her bed, only to hit the cover hard. While on the outside, the bed looked like nothing changed, in reality, it was hard as the floor. Funnily enough, she could easily slip under the cover, but it still felt like lying on the floor with sheets of paper sewn together as a blanket. 

“You’re mean!” She cried. “I’m now commandeering your bed.” Before Mari even understood what Chloe meant, the girl jumped under her covers and snuggled on one side. There was still enough space for Mari to join if she was brave enough. 

“Ugh! That’s my bed!” 

“Exactly. You can take mine if you like it enough to modify it.”

“Tikki!” Mari cried, hoping that at least the Kwami would support her.

“Nope. You’re the one that made the bed so now you must sleep in it.”

“Um…” Mari tried to look in the book for a counterspell, but in the end, she just pointed her hand on the bed. “Princes found her prince at last. Take the curse and…” she tried to quickly find some rhyme. “break the glass? Ups…”

The window suddenly exploded, but the bed glowed, and after checking it was okay she picked Chloe to move her over. Except it totally didn’t work and the blonde instead pulled her into the comfortable bed. The tired Mari was too exhausted, both emotionally and physically, to care. She just cuddled closer to her adopted sister for some comfort. And heat since there was now a hole instead of the window and it was February.

----------------

The next morning Mari and Chloe woke up in a similar mess to the day before. And once again they were clothed.

“Ugh… I should probably calm down on magic.” Mari stretched herself a bit to get ready. She quickly changed into the fresh version of her yesterday’s outfit and helped Chloe gather herself a new ‘something’ for the day’s work. Apparently, for the next step of her scheme, she needed to look like a perfect Parisian princess. Something about Media attention. Mari was too busy with her tablet to care. 

She received a mail at 6 am that there was a slight change in the time of the press conference so she needed to forward it to the conference center before she even got to work. While eating breakfast she checked over the summary reaction about the public statement and emotions that accompanied the fallout. Predictably, the pictures served as a nice distraction, but also rallied the citizens behind the company. They treated it as someone making fun of the suffering company and flamed the Lila girl, even though the company said that she was also a victim. Well, there was a footnote about it. 

“You know you don’t need to put so much work into it?” Chloe asked while eating her croissant.

“I do. But if I can’t manage it now, how am I supposed to one day make MDC as big of a brand as Gabriel?”

“By not working yourself into a coffin?”

“Well… Wait a moment.” Mari was interrupted when her phone ringed. She quickly picked the call and her smile was replaced with a frown. “I understand. I will be there soon. Please keep an eye on him and tell the security not to let any more paparazzi.” she hanged up.

“Trouble?” Chloe asked with a grin.

“I’m afraid to ask…” 

“Damian is doing an errand for me. He is such a good sidekick.” The blonde smiled. Mari did not answer but urged her best friend to move on faster.

Since they stayed in their room for breakfast, neither girl wanting to deal with their moronic class longer than needed, they got down just in time… to see the bus leaving them in front of the hotel.

“Are you kidding me?” Chloe raised her hand. “We are in Gotham. Does that… that… Has she got any idea how dangerous is it?!”

“Said the girl that taunted the Riddler.” Mari deadpanned.

“He wouldn’t hurt me.” The blonde answered confidently.

“Anyway… we could call a taxi.” Chloe sneered at the idea, so Mari offered something else. “I could also test that portal spell…” 

“Taxi!” The girl shouted. Mari just shook her head and pulled the mobile phone. After less than five minutes Chas Chandler rolled next to them in his cab.

“I was in the neighborhood.” He smiled.

“Nice seeing you sir.” Mari greeted him before pushing Chloe in the back seat and joining her.

“To the Wayne tower, please. I would appreciate it if you could get us there fast. I need to get my boss to do his work.” She hoped they would arrive before the class to see their faces.

Sadly, the cab got stuck in the traffic and it took them over an hour to arrive. When Mari entered the lobby, she was angry enough to turn into a ‘stern assistant’ mode. Not a nice place to be if you are on her way. She stormed past the security while flashing her badge. They didn’t dare to try to stop her. 

“Get McKinsley to HR. And by the time I arrive I want Lila Rossi and Alya Cessaire to be sitting there!” The second one was directed to the receptionist, who nodded. So far everyone loved Mari, even in her bad mood. It didn’t stop them from being terrified. 

Both she and Chloe got into the elevator. When the doors closed, the blonde grinned. 

“I love it when you finally show your Gothamite side.” 

She got no response from the angry Mari, but through the ride, her smirk did not disappear through the ride. Once they separated, the bluenette continued alone. Angry did not give her emotions justice. She was furious.

Once she finally got on the floor, she stormed through the corridors right to the head of the department’s office. Luckily for everyone, Lila and Alya were already there.

“Who do you think…” Alya started only to be silenced by a death stare from Mari. For the first time in her life, she realized that the bluenette was someone not to be trifled with. 

“Apparently, since this morning I’m your superior.” Mari deadpanned. “Funny thing. I would probably only learn about this from your bragging later on if you didn’t decide, in all your stupidity, to write yourself reference in my name.” It was clear that she did not find it funny. 

“Puh-lease. You bullied Lila since she came. I thought that it was only fair that you’ve repaid her somehow.” Alya babbled, already forgetting her earlier fear.

“So you take full responsibility for forging both your resume?” Mari asked with a raised eyebrow, wanting to have it said out loud for the record. Especially since Madame McKinsley was standing in the entrance.

“Of course. It was totally unfair that such a bully got all the privileges while hard-working Lila had nothing.”

The Head of the Human Resources department sent Mari a tired look that seemed to mean ‘is she for real?’ She was a woman in her thirties with neatly cut black hair and skin in the color of dark chocolate by the name Mrs. Alicia Lynch

“Oh… In that case, you’re disciplinarily fired.”

“What?!” Alya screamed.

“And I will make sure this incident finds itself into your acts,” Alicia said with a frown. 

“You can’t…!” Alya was once more cut off, this time by madame McKinsley.

“They can. And you’re lucky that we are not pressing charges for attempted sabotage.” 

“The security will show you out. The teacher and your guardians will be informed. Since the hotel is paid by Wayne Enterprise for the members of the interns’ program, you will need to find alternative accommodations or simply return to Paris. I’ll leave this to the teacher and parents to resolve.”

“But… But…” Alya wanted to argue. All blood left her face and she seemed close to passing out. A man in a suit, carrying the security badge helped her out of the chair and led her outside.

“Now about you.” Mari turned her gaze toward Lila, who so far was busy checking on her nails.

“Oh! This is ridiculous! I had nothing to do with it. I’m a victim too!”

Marigold turned to McKinsley, who looked dejected.

“We can’t fire her. She was hired for the six months period.”

“Mutual agreement?” Mari asked. She’s been researching ways to dissolve her contract faster. Sadly, she already knew the answer.

“Two months waiting period. Standard to ensure she doesn’t use any of her knowledge against us.” For Mari, it was a year when she couldn’t work for any other company. Luckily, running her own business was still on the table, as long as she stuck to restrictions.

A different idea formed in Blunette’s head. She smirked slightly. “Well, Miss Rossi, looks like you’re in luck. Welcome to Wayne Enterprises. I hope you didn’t have any great ideas.”

Lila gulped. “Was that a threat?”

“No. If I threatened you, you would know. You and your little attack dog forgot that this is not Paris. This is Gotham. Here, we play by my rules.” With that she spun around and left, typing on her tablet. Just before the doors closed, she tossed another sentence that drove the nail deeper. “And this time, there is no minion to do it for you.”

----------------

Marigold didn’t calm down before reaching the top floor. Her emotions subsided a bit, but she was still on edge. 

“Ugh! How dare those stupid witches to try to use my name to sign their references! And that idiot who somehow believed them. He will definitely not get any bonus this month. Or next. At least they had enough common sense to call me. Except after the fact!” She was pacing in front of her desk. 

Tikki peaked from the inner pocket of her jacket. “At least you could do something about it!” She cheered.

“True. I got rid of one trouble. Without her, I will have a chance for some peace…” She barely finished the sentence when there was a crash in the room next door. Immediately, she rushed inside to check. Turns out her boss for some reason decided to move the desk. He ended up knocking the computer over. 

“Ehm.” She faux-coughed to get his attention.

“Oh! Um… I was just…” Tim tried to find some excuse.

“Trying to open the secret stash of coffee?”

“How do you…” he started to ask flabbergasted, but she interrupted him once more.

“I studied the schematics. And Sarah left me a note about it.” A smirk ghosted her stern face.

“Damn! Now I will need another hiding place.” Tim gathered himself from the ground. “Wait! You moved the desk by yourself?”

“Do I look that strong to you?” She asked, her face unmoving. Just because she came to hate liars didn’t mean she didn’t know how to bend the truth a little. And technically, she just avoided answering altogether.

“Whatever. You must’ve ordered the repair crew to move it then. I want my coffee.” He said pouting.

“Sir. I’m supposed to help you manage your time better. I am not simply your secretary.” Marigold informed him firmly. She checked with both Chloe and Nathalie what her responsibilities included.

“But you made that divine brew on Monday!”

“That was a gift for my first day of work.” Plus I had no idea what I was doing.

“But…”

“Enough buts for today. You have a meeting with Mr. Fox about the Friday presentation in half-an-hour. Did you familiarize yourself with the content of the email he sent you?”

“Ah! Of course, I did. I totally didn’t spend my night…”

“Then I would appreciate it if you spent the next half-an-hour on doing so.”

“B…” He didn’t even finish when her glare stopped him. She could pull Batstare better than the original.

“If you act like a proper CEO, I might think about making you some of my ‘divine brew’ as a reward.” She suggested and closed the door, leaving him to his own device. She had several calls to make and set other meetings

---------

It was two hours later when angry Caline Bustier demanded a meeting with her. Mari didn’t even think before redirecting her to HR. The teacher was supposed to be the chaperone of the group and look after them after work. She was also directly responsible for all of their actions. She was very displeased that now she had to take care of Alya for eight hours a day that used to be free time for her. So of course, she blamed everything on Marinette. This time, it backfired. She had to quickly give up any accusations before she ended up in an even worse situation. 

Luckily, after that little incident, the day passed without any more surprises. She had half-a-mind to search the town for her mother in the evening. Since she was hired, she was now technically independent of the class. Chloe had a slip from her father that allowed her to basically ignore the teacher. The blonde convinced Mari that mindless wandering the city would only get her robbed. Or at least involved in attempted robbery since she could easily kick ass if she only wanted. Instead, Mari spent the afternoon shopping for materials and working on a new outfit for uncle Jagged that he ordered for his visit to Gotham in a month or so.

She also made a quick call to Paris to discuss things with her hire. The girl informed her that she would happily run the store a little longer. Mari promised to even consider to hire her permanently if she did well. 

Chloe had another date scheming meeting with Damian Wayne. At this point, it was unclear what their relationship was. Good thing: neither did the tabloids. Mari promised to the blonde to hold back on the search for her mom until Friday afternoon. She also promised to take both Adrien and Chloe with her when she visited a contact in the local club. They would celebrate her getting a job and the first week over.

All would be great. If she didn’t spot a vigilante on the rooftop next to her (now fixed) window. Even then, it was Gotham. The bats were rather common at this point. It wasn’t like when she left and they were only starting. Batman was still mostly a myth back then, even after six years of work. Except this vigilante was clearly staking her room specifically. he even had binoculars that she was sure had night vision in them. 

She opened the window and picked a pencil. With deadly precision she tossed it. The wooden tool sailed through the air until it hit the binoculars and broke one side of them. She huffed and closed the window before pulling the curtains closed. How rude.

---------

NEXT

[let-it-raines]

your wonder under summer skies (1/?)

Summer in Storybrooke, Maine means one thing for its residents: tourist season. This year, for Emma Swan and Killian Jones, it means relationships ending and friendships changing all the while they attempt to figure out just what their relationship is. It’s somewhere straddling the line between friends and lovers, and there’s no guarantee of a soft landing if they fall into new territory.

rating: mature 

a/n: This is thanks to wanting a good, fun summer story to help ease some of the weight of the world off everyone's shoulders, if only for twenty minutes. I hope that you are giving yourself a mental break when you need it and that you still find things that bring you joy 💕

It’s not finished yet, so I can’t do a regular posting schedule. Instead, we’ll do those super fun surprise postings 😂Thanks to @resident-of-storybrooke​ for everything she does! 

found on ao3 | here |

-/-

“You’re kidding me, right?”

“Oh, come on. You’re being ridiculous!”

Emma scoffs and crosses her arms over her chest. He’s got to be kidding. If not, she’s about two seconds away from losing her mind. Or punching him. one of the two. “Ridiculous? How the hell is this being ridiculous?”

“I’m working with my dad, Ems,” Neal sighs with a roll of his eyes. “You act like it’s the end of the world.”

He doesn’t get it. Oh my God, he really doesn’t get it.

After all of this time, how does he not?

“It’s not the end of the world,” Emma admits even as she grits her teeth, “but it’s also you going back on everything we agreed on! You’re not supposed to work with your dad. He’s into some shady as hell stuff. No one knows what it is, but we all know that most of it can’t be legal. No one lives in a mansion like that by owning a pawn shop in a town this size.”

“It’s family money.”

“Bullshit.”

“Why don’t you believe me?”

“Because I’ve known you for five years, and you’ve lived in shitty apartments and driven even shittier cars for almost all of that time. But without fail, you get into a bind, go spend time with your dad for the two of you to “make up”, and magically you have money to fix everything. It doesn’t take a genius to put it together. For the past year, you’ve been in a nice car and haven’t struggled to pay for anything.”

Neal groans and turns on his heels, walking toward the kitchen before moving back and stepping closer to her. She takes two steps back.

“I work at a car dealership now, Ems. They give me a good deal.” He’s avoiding the conversation, and really, maybe she should do the same thing. Maybe it’s not worth having another fight with Neal over this. They have enough other problems without having to focus on this. Maybe she should just accept that this is how it is. “Maybe if you had parents to help get you out of a bind, you’d understand that there’s nothing wrong with asking for help.” He didn’t slap her, but there’s still a sting across her cheek.

What the fuck?

He did not just say that. Did he actually just throw her parents in her face like that? What kind of an asshole move is that?

It’s a Neal move.

And she’s damn tired of it. This isn’t how this is supposed to be. This is not how it’s supposed to be. In the back of her mind, she knows that, knows that she deserves better than this. It’s supposed to be like David and Mary Margaret or Ariel and Eric. It’s not…it’s not this.

It’s not someone she loves using her heartbreak against her.

Emma slaps Neal.

It’s hard, and it stings her hand in the aftershock, but it’s so damn satisfying that she doesn’t care. She doesn’t care that it was a dumbass decision and that Neal could retaliate sometime. It won’t get physical. She knows that. She also knows him well enough to know that things like this very rarely fly under the radar with him.

God, she’s been such an idiot to stay with him like she has.

Why does she keep doing this to herself?

“What the fuck?” Neal seethes as he drags his fingers across his face and spits at her feet. “What the fuck was that, Emma?”

“That was what you deserved for using my parents to hurt me, for working with your dad again, and for sleeping with the damn waitress at Granny’s.”

“I didn’t sleep with Ruby.”

He is an idiot.

But she’s the bigger one for staying with him.

“Ruby isn’t the only waitress at Granny’s.” Emma’s shaking with anger, unexpected sadness creeping up behind it and trying to overwhelm her, but she manages to step forward until she’s eye-to-eye with Neal. She doesn’t even know if she recognizes him anymore because there is no way this is the man she fell in love with. “Maybe next time you decide to fuck around, don’t do it with a woman who works in the same place as my best friend.”

He blinks, and she thinks it’s over. Hell, she knows that it’s over, but then he smiles. “C’mon, Ems. It was one time.”

Lie.

She knows it’s been more than one, and yet she’s still standing here.

Stupid.

So, so stupid.

“You and I both know I can tell when you’re lying.”

“You’ve always thought you had that superpower or whatever, but I’ve never believed it.” He gets even closer and tries to soften his smile, his boyish features becoming more prominent and is eyes filling with kindness. “She doesn’t mean anything to me. You do. I love you.”

Lie.

That’s a lie, too.

He wouldn’t do this to her if he loved her, right?

(God, she hopes that if someone loves her, they wouldn’t cheat.)

“Then you should have acted like it. We’re done. I’m not putting up with your shit anymore.”

“Ems – ”

“No. Just no.”

All she wants is to get out of there. This apartment is suffocating, and she’s in desperate need of air so her lungs won’t collapse. But she’s also got some of her stuff there that she doesn’t want to leave in Neal’s hands, so she walks back to the bedroom and grabs an overnight bag and starts stuffing her clothes and her books inside. She grabs everything that’s hers and hers alone as Neal follows her around giving pathetic excuses for everything.

He’s sorry, he says.

She doesn’t care.

(She does.)

He’ll be better for her, he says.

She doesn’t believe him.

(For a moment, she wants to.)

“Fuck you, Neal,” Emma says without any noticeable tone in her voice. That surprises her. She doesn’t know how she’s not shaking with tears. She reaches up and unclasps a necklace from her neck. It’s a damn keychain. She used to treasure it. Not anymore. “Maybe you can get some money for this at your dad’s shop. Or maybe you can give it to Tamara since you seem to like her so much.”

And then she slams the door behind her.

It’s an adrenaline rush she hasn’t experienced before. God, she should have. She’s been in this situation far more times than she’d ever admit to anyone else, but it’s never felt this final.

It’s never felt this good.

Oh shit.

She needs that air bow.

She can’t breathe.

All it took was five seconds for her to fall apart, and she will not cry in his hallway. She will not let him see her like this.

Neal did not break her, and Emma won’t let him think that he did.

(She won’t let herself think that, not again.)

So she jogs to her car, throws her bag in the passenger seat, and she drives until she can get her breathing under control. It’s difficult, especially when her throat keeps getting clogged up, but no tears fall from her eyes. Maybe she didn’t need to cry. Maybe she simply needed to get out of a suffocating environment.

How many years of her life did she waste on that asshole?

No, she won’t go there. She can’t. Where she will go is the beach because that’s apparently where she’s ended up driving.

How did that even happen? She must have zoned out and let her body take control. The fact that she didn’t crash on the way here seems like a miracle.

Emma turns the key in her bug, grabs her phone, and gets out of the car.

The beach is quiet, but it’s only the middle of May. Schools are still in session, and families haven’t started flooding in for their vacations. It’s weird, but it’s also the last moment of peace Storybrooke is going to have until October rolls around and the place is a ghost town again.

The highs and lows of living in a coastal town whose entire purpose is catering to people in the summer months. She should probably call Mary Margaret and make sure they’ve got all of the vendors set up for when families start sending their kids off to the two of them for the entire day. They also need to get permission to use the ballroom for the charity dinner for Storybrooke Children’s Shelter, but that’s months from now and they only need the ballroom if it rains. Focusing on that really shouldn’t be what Emma is concentrating on.

But then maybe it is. Because if she focuses on work and not her personal life, then maybe her personal life won’t seem so ridiculously shitty.

Who is she kidding?

Her personal life is probably the shittiest.

When she gets to the end of the boardwalk, she reaches down to take off her sandals and hold them in her hand as her feet sink into the softness of the sand. It’s warmer than she expected it to be, but she’s not going to complain as some of the stress of her day washes itself away as she watches the ocean water drift in and out, leaving white foam to sink into the ground.

It’s her favorite thing in the world.

Maybe that’s why she ended up here.

Emma sighs and starts walking, letting her feet get covered by the water with each step. She hasn’t done this in far too long. She’s not let herself spend her time outside, even for her runs, and she shouldn’t have done that. She should have gotten up early and come out here to run or taken her lunch break at one of the picnic tables spread across the sand.

She should have done more.

She also should have watched where she was going because without realizing it, she’s wandered half a mile down the beach from where she parked and is standing in front of Jones Boating.

Who is she kidding? This is exactly where she wanted to walk, and it’s exactly why she drove to the beach in the first place.

There’s no point in lying to herself over the decisions she’s making today.

Emma slips her shoes back on before opening the front door to the building. A little bell goes off as she walks in, and while she’s usually greeted, there’s no one at the front desk. But then she hears the clicking of nails, and all of the sudden Killian’s border collie is walking toward her.

“Hey, Skipper,” she sighs, leaning down to scratch behind his ears before he can jump up on her. “How are you doing? Good? Have they let you go out on a boat today, or are those bad men keeping you inside? Huh?”

“He went for a run this morning, love.”

Emma looks up from petting Skipper’s ears to see Killian standing with his arms folded over his chest and a brow raised. He’s got on a t-shirt and joggers, his feet only in socks, and he definitely hasn’t brushed his hair today. Killian Jones, the eternal early riser, is obviously having an off day.

Those must be contagious or something.

Though, her off day is definitely something of her own making.

Maybe if she could stop picking such shitty boyfriends…

“A run is not the same thing as going out on a boat. Not as much hair blowing and definitely more effort on his part.”

“He loves to run. I don’t think he was suffering.” Killian opens his mouth, but then it snaps shut, his eyes glancing over her body. “Is something the matter?”

Her heart absolutely does something unnatural. It’s probably been doing that for an hour now, and this is the first time she’s allowed herself to feel it.

Should she call a doctor? She’d probably get laughed out of the emergency room.

“No, I’m fine.”

Killian clicks his tongue. “I don’t believe you, Swan, but your personal life is your own.”

Oh, he is so not letting it go, and they both know it. He’s waiting for the right time to coax it out of her, and they both know it.

She’s going to take the out, though.

“Why aren’t you dressed?”

“I have clothes on. I believe I’m dressed.”

“You look like you just rolled out of bed.”

“I promise I did not, mostly because I sleep in the nude.”

“Shut up,” Emma groans, getting up from the ground and patting Skipper’s head. “You don’t even have shoes on. You know what I mean.”

“Aye. I’m painting the back offices while Liam is at some city council meeting.”

“He’s so going to murder you when he gets back. He didn’t want those rooms painted.”

“They had wallpaper with fish on them. He will thank me later.”

“Yeah, after he murders you.”

Killian shrugs. “It’ll be worth it. You want to help?”

“You know, my day unexpectedly cleared up, so I’d love to help.”

“No work?”

“Not until around six tonight.”

“Then come on, Swan. Get one of the t-shirts from the closet, and you can do the trim work.”

“That’s the worst part.”

“But you’re so damn good at it, and my hand dexterity is not the same as yours.”

Emma rolls her eyes. He’s about to bait her with sympathy, and the two of them both know it. He won’t tell her what happened with his damn hand, not that she’s ever asked, but he will still play that card when he can.

Like he said, his personal life can be his own business when the time calls for it.

“I hate you. You don’t even paint with that hand, and I know you can still use a roller with it. You painted my apartment.”

“Semantics.”

Painting ends up being exactly what she needs. Killian’s got the radio blaring, the air conditioner on, wallpaper already removed, and she gets lost in focusing on making sure the white trim stays where it needs to be while Killian rolls blue up and down the walls. They don’t talk except for a few words here and there, and it helps Emma forget that she should be in the dark in her apartment eating ice cream or rage running on the beach or something.

That fish wallpaper really was horrible.

When they’re finished, they close up the paint cans, wash the brushes, and then Killian turns up the volume of the door alarm so he can hear if a customer comes in while they’re upstairs in his apartment eating lunch.

She really has to crash his place more often if he’s going to feed her, even if it’s just some leftover pasta.

It’s better than any leftover pasta she makes.

“Are you and Neal coming over Friday night?”

Emma’s fork hits her bowl, metal clanging against the glass. Killian is staring at her. She can tell. What she’s not going to do is look up at him to see that damn eyebrow raised again. Skipper is definitely sniffing Emma’s leg trying to get food. “I’ll be here. I don’t know about Neal. He’s, uh, possibly working.”

“Working? Since when does he work?”

That’s the question of the century.

“He works at the dealership. You know that.”

“I heard he was working with his dad again.”

She’s going to choke on her pasta. “Possibly.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“For fuck’s sake, Killian. What is this? An interrogation? Neal has his own life, and I’m not in charge of him.”

It’s Killian’s turn to drop his fork to his bowl, and she finally takes the opportunity to look up at him. No part of him is phased by her outburst. “Look, I’m no upstanding citizen, but you and I both know that you don’t like when Neal works with his dad because the entire town knows they are probably selling stolen goods they don’t register. There’s no way you’re okay with that since I have heard you rant about it time and time again.”

She’s not.

Not in the slightest.

There were too many times, too many close calls, where she almost ended up behind bars simply trying to survive by stealing Pop Tarts and small packets of peanut butter, and Neal and his dad have made a living by selling stolen goods and overcharging poor old women who think that the necklace they find is just like the one their husband gave them fifty years ago.

It usually is.

But Neal’s dad is so damn smart about it all that no one ever has any proof that he’s behind the thefts and the coverups.

Or he’s got the police in his pocket. That’s more likely even when there’s good guys like David on the force. He handles traffic stops, bar brawls, and chairs left overnight on the beach, so that’s not exactly the same jurisdiction.

How the hell did Neal fall back into it?

Probably the buy his mistress gifts. He was always a fan of that when they first got together.

Or maybe he did actually get that money from his legitimate job.

It’s not her business anymore. It’s not her life. He can do whatever the fuck he wants and fuck whoever he wants. He was already doing those things anyways.

“As far as I know, Neal is still just selling cars,” Emma lies. “Why are we getting together Friday night anyways? I have to get up early Saturday to make up for the lost time at work, so it better be more than pizza and beer.”

“I have an inclination that Liam is proposing to Elsa that afternoon, and then we’re having a party here afterward. He hasn’t said, though. I’ve just seen the ring in his sock drawer and he suggested a party.”

Oh wow. That’s…that’s really happening. Emma’s kind of fallen down on keeping up with Elsa, and she makes a mental note to text her. Elsa’s always been good at letting Emma fade in and out, and she appreciates people like that, especially since Emma doesn’t always want to hang out at the apartment with Liam.

There’s nothing wrong with him, but she gets this weird feeling that he can’t stand her. But he loves Elsa, truly loves her, and that’s all that matters. It’s not like she’s the one dating Liam.

“No shit. They’re getting engaged?”

“They do love each other. Engagements tend to happen.”

“Yeah, yeah I guess they do. So, what are we having to eat that night?”

“Pizza and beer, but everyone’s got to bring their own beer.”

Emma flicks a piece of pasta at Killian, and the idiot manages to catch it in his mouth before obnoxiously chewing it with an obnoxiously wide grin on his face.

“We’re also going to have cake. Liam put in an order at the bakery.”

“Why do you know so much about your brother’s life?”

“He’s not very sly.” Killian smiles, his eyes crinkling. He really needs to shave. His beard has gotten a little too long. “So, you’re coming?”

“Yeah,” Emma sighs, “I’ll be there if you buy my wine.”

“I’ve already got it stocked, darling.”

-/-

-/-

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[popculturebuffet]

Simpsons Review: Simpsons Comics #102 “Uncle Burn$” or Homercore Nudity!

Whelp out of all the commissions Kev has thrown me this one’s kind of a curveball. I mean it makes sense why cover it: It’s a pastiche of Donald Duck Comics done in the pages of the Simpsons long running comics. I cover duck stuff on here, and not only do I love the Simpsons but I tend to reference it for jokes a LOT. I just genuinely never thought of reviewing it till now, likely because earlier on in my new career of reviewing animated shows, I wasn’t really convinced I could do pure comedies. With my regular reviews of Darkwing Duck and as it comes out coverage of the Loud House (I still need to get around to Band Together), that’s no longer a real issue and I should consider doing the show in the future, especially since I have an unabashed love for the first 10 seasons and a few episodes beyond that. 

As you can tell, I love the Simpsons. While I do genuinely wish it would end and have no real intrest in the current seasons, though if you’d like me to take a look i’d be willing to. The show in it’s prime was funny, witty and each episode was crammed with jokes. And refreshingly for an adult cartoon show of it’s time,  the show genuinely wasn’t afraid to mix things up: Milhouse’s parents divorced and stayed that way for so long that them apparently getting back together decades later is itself a huge status quo shake up.  Lisa went Vegetarian which stuck thanks to sir paul mcartney, and then went Buddhist, both of which have never wavered since and both fit her well. Skinner and Krabbable started dating. Barney went sober for a few seasons. Apu got married. These are minor changes but the show does have things happen occasionally and doesn’t just snap everything back and it adds genuine tension to plots knowing they might stay the status quo They usually don’t but the occasional change gives things stakes. I could go on for days, but I couldn’t go on for 8 weeks, point is the Simpsons are awesome, and deserve the praise they get early on I just wish they’d stop as by this point people really have stopped carring and it’s time to pass the torch and Let Bob’s burgers be the wholesome family comedy that runs forever.. and even then that one should stop at 10 seasons. Or if not at least let the kids age dammit.  But that aside, while many of you simpsons fans looking at this probably have at least seen the comics, or a collection of them over the decades, many of you like me are wondering what the hell Bongo Comics is and how they managed to last so long. Bongo was founded by Simpsons Creator Matt Groening in 1993. Matt Groening had noticed that at the time there just weren’t any funny books on the shelves, funny books being comedy based comics primarily targeted for kids, with Archie and Disney being really the only ones left at the time. So he founded Bongo to rectify that, and given Fox naturally liked the sound of more merchandising dollars, the publisher was primarily used to produce simpsons comics, though looking at wikipedia there were one or two that weren’t including, of all things, a Coldplay comic tying into their album. Why did Coldplay publish a comic book at a primarily simpsons comic book company?

Though most series seem to be either short lived or one shots, there were a few exceptions: Naturally the company put out an annual Treehouse of Horror issue, there was a Bart Simpson ongoing focusing on him and the other kids of Springfield, I had a trade for that one once, and once Futurama premiered it too got a comic book that held through both cancelations. But standing above them all was Simpsons Comics, a 245 issue long runner that ran all the way up to the company’s closing, likely due to a combination of a lack of profits and the then upcoming Disney-Fox merger depriving them of the very heart and soul of the company. 

Naturally being a Simpsons fan I have a connection to these comics having gotten the trades out of the library multiple times as well as the collection of Bartman’s solo series, which was my favorite and I might cover some day. In addition to the Free Comic Book Day issues i also picked up scattered issues over my life since, much like Archie, Simpsons comics were a mainstay of bookstores and super markets and the decline of both comic markets is likely why the Simpsons comics started to peter out in the first place. The quality and memorability of the stories varied but they were a fun thing to have around and it’s sad to see them go, as well as see Disney not even make a remote attempt to bring them back or at the very least republish the vast library they now have access to. Also finally if your wondering yes, there indeed was a Simpsons/Futurama crossover. And no I have not read it.  So with that history, most of which I just learned some of which I already knew, in mind, it is very fitting the comic’s did a tribute to the Uncle Scrooge comics. Though it does feel very weird that I have yet to cover any Donald Duck or Scrooge comics.. yet i’ve already covered one of the Ducktales tie in comics and a Simpsons homage to it. I’m going to have to correct that but until then, join me under the cut as I dive into adventure with the Simpsons. 

This issue was written by Ian Boothby and drawn by John Delaney, I feel mentiong the writers and artists should be important in comic reviews and I kick myself for not having done that or gone into them as much before. Boothby was apparently the Ian Flynn of these comics, writing more simpsons comics than any other writer according to wikipedia and winning an Eisner for his work on the comic if sadly not this issue. He was nominated for an outstanding Canadian Writer award for it though so that’s good. Point is the guy is a decorated vetran of this series and it shows in how good this issue is and I felt he deserved some recognition as most Comic Book Readers, myself included up till now, likely weren’t aware he even existed nor took over the comic in the 2000′s. 

We open with Burns getting attacked by a mummy! Gotta say wasn’t expecting this as where we started out but the simpsons have started with wonkier premises to end up somewhere. I mean there was the time a bag boy strike ended up with them in Africa. Also i’d say Burns should call the police, being the kind of privileged white guy they actually care about protecting and all, but frankly the Springfield Cops don’t have the best track records with Mummies:

But no it’s just Smithers, who dove in heroically to save the company 15 dollars after Homer took a bet to see how many fire crackers he could jam in his computer’s disk drive. Lenny said 20 but he proved him wrong. And yes those are all actual jokes from the comic, this issue is very funny and feels very much like a Golden Age Simpsons episode. They also all gather to sign Smither’s cast.. which naturally is a legally binding contract.  Burns takes his loyal minion to get some quality medical care only to find an arcade because he traded the Medical Bay in for one during an outbreak of Pac Man Fever... again I really can’t top that and there may be a good reason why I haven’t covered the Simpsons till now. But yeah as Buns gives Smithers a roll of Pennies, he wonders who to have replace Smither’s on their annual summer treasure hunt.. which would come out of nowhere but we genuinely don’t know what they do most summers. I assumed Burns just road Smithers like a horse to play cricket while Smithers enjoyed it way too much. But a stray comment from Homer getting a Krusty Doll from a crane machine about being king of the treasure hunters leads to this. 

I mean it’s an easy joke but damn if it didn’t get a laugh out of me. So later at the old Simpsons place, because this comic is fantastic, Marge and Homer talk things over, but Homer insists Burns said he’d split the treasure, and Lisa wishes she could come along. And Marge says he should, especially for his own saftey.. and when Bart complains, says all the kids should go, she already packed their bags, she’s heading to Rancho Relaxo byyyyeeeeeee. Once again, this comic is amazing, and I would say this is out of character for Marge, but frankly that’s the whole point. Plus it really isn’t when she has to deal with 4 children on a regular basis, and her sisters, and a town gone mad.. yeah can’t blame her here. 

The next day at Burns Office, Homer is wearing his navy outfit.. or rather Donald’s Navy outfit. But given I did a quick google and found him having at least 4 different outfits during his time in the Naval Reserves, it’s not a stretch to assume the Simpsons Version of the Navy gave these out too. Seriously Ian Boothby has put more thought into continuity than most writers on the show proper. Also Simpsons Tide, season 9 episode, still very memorable and hilarious and not due to childhood nostalgia. Just looking up this bit had me laughing hard. 

I now  want to watch that episode sometime soon so thanks Kev. Anyway Homer seems to have misplaced his plants. Now I could spare you the image since I don’t do things panel by panel anymore and only use panels from a comic when relevant. Buttttt

This traumatizing of my audience brings me to a point about this issue and why it works. While there are tons of nods to the Donald Duck comics and what their homaging is very clear, the issue doesn’t REQUIRE you know them to enjoy it.  Knowing them I obviously enjoy it more, but most of the jokes aren’t reliant on you knowing anything about the barks comics and even someone with a passing knowledge of  the Original Ducktales can still get the reference if not why Donald is here. It helps this is less of a parody, with the exception of some jokes, and more of an homage, using stylistic elements of those comics while telling i’ts own story as a loving tribute to it’s predecessors. Speaking of one of those jokes poking fun at the source material, Burns is delighted Homer brought child labor, which kept me laughing for a good minute, and when the kids introduce themselves we get this bit. 

Not only am I 100% sure every version of Donald or Della did this to make sure they could tell them apart, very much including the reboot with Donald, but it’s a genuine hilarious bit. Donald’s response as they head off is “there’s somehting hooey Dewey and screwy about this. “ Also I will criticize the fact Bart isn’t the one wearing a blue outfit. For those wondering why, after all Maggie wears blue shouldn’t she get it, who haven’t seen this a LOT of merchandise early on had Bart in a blue shirt, due to early Merch being rushed out pre-show and since he wore one in some earlier concept art, he got to wear blue. He also wore it late into the 90′s. 

Sidebar: I just found this and while it isn’t a bad joke given his character it is  questionable to have a fourth grade boy tell you to buy him. Just saying. But the reason I bring it up is partly because the show itself referenced it at one point. 

As well as it’s sister show Futurama

And you remeber that Bart Simpson solo I mentioned? That one frequently, both in and out of story, had Blue Shirt bart show up for some variety. 

Also why yes each issue does have it’s own fun “Superman’s Pal Jimmy Oleson” Esque subtitle. And I love it so. Point is Blue Bart is part of the series legacy and this very comic company, so it’s VERY weird to not have that here. That being said there were  a few Green Shirt barts apparently as a printing error, so he could just as easily be 80 steps ahead of me. I just don’t know. 

Back at the plot Burns and the Simpsons show up at Frink’s lab, Frink rather obviously filling in for Gyro, with his own version of little bulb named F.L.O. who gladly shakes Lisa’s hand.. and releases a Pterodactyl but hey you can’t win em all. It’s a nice nod, though one only fans of the source matieral will really get, but the pterodactyl bit right after helps distract from it. Frink slotts into the roll well, as Frink has no reall affiliation with anyone and is basically, much like Gyro, there for various characters to go too when the story or joke needs him. Frink has two gadgets for them: Some Scuba suits that can go to any depth and a grappling claw that accidently gets him gripped to the pterodactyl. Also homer accidently switches suits with maggie, so we get an adorable shot of her serenely sleeping in a diving helmet while her daddy chokes to death. 

So the next day it’s out to the open seas where The Simpsons are doing all the work while Burns lounges.. which yeah this is a typical uncle scrooge adventure all right. While the man unlike Burns does work hard and do things for himself, he spent most voyages talking about the destination while putting all the hard work on Donald, in case you thought there was at least one universe where Donald isn’t miserable most of the time. Lisa wonders what he’s doing and we get this lovely bit. 

I just.. can’t stop finding that hilarious or a nice way to get the Uncle Scrooge bit in there while still fitting the Simpsons, and it at least explains what happened to Herb, whose been mentioned all of once in the 30 seasons since he last showed up. I checked. And yes for those unaware, which is fair, or who just now remembered Homer does indeed have a brother, one his dad had out of an affair who showed up twice, once with Homer unintentionally, and largely due to Herb’s own foolishness, ruining his life, the other time with Maggie helping him get back on top and him and Homer reconciling. He’s also voiced by comedic legend and your friend and mine, Danny Devito, whose still making us all laugh to this day and is a wonderful person from all accounts. Rock on Danny, here’s the only way I can think to honor you. 

But yeah it’s a good gag. Burns claims to be watching for a Giant Squid.. and turns out to be right. So it’s up to the simpsons to fight the giant squid, a sentence I genuinely didn’t expect.. I thought like the Griffins they’d just ignore it. 

I miss that show.. oh i’m aware Family Guy is still running but much like the Simpsons the show it USED to be is long gone. Anyways Bart tells a worried homer octopus suck out the innards and drink it first quipping “It’s not like you haven’t been drunk in the morning before homer. Homer chokes bart only for the squid to choke him which is easily the second best “Homer getting choked after Choking bart” gag i’ve seen.. the best being this one I found on youtube. 

Though personally my faviorite part of that whole bit is Bart’s proud “THAT’S BECAUSE I SOAKED HIM IN SLIME!” Anyways Lisa figures out a way to beat the squid, painting the likeness of each of them on it’s tentacles and letting the thing devour itself. Lisa lampshades it making no sense PHysics wise but with that she reluctantly accepts calling Mr. Burns, Uncle Burns and we’re off to our next location.  Next up is Mt. Donrosa, a very clear nod to Uncle Scrooge maestro Keno “Don” Rosa, an avid fan of Barks work who expanded on it and turned it into a solid continuity, most famously, and what got me into the ducks in the first place, with the epic “Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck” which I proudly own and.. well I did say watch this space didn’t I?  Enough hinting at the future as the Simpsons scale the mountain with Homer carrying burns up on a rickshaw. Burns however looses his lucky #1 penny, SUBTLE, and cuts Bart down to get it. We then get the best line of the issue:

Bart thankfully survives and we find out the Penny, much like Scrooge’s Dime is how Burns started his fortune.. for this issue and nowhere else but that’s standard for the Simpsons. Specifically loading it into a gun and threatning to kill Jasper’s grandfather with it during the gold rush, a nice twist. At the top of the mountain they find the fabled key of Strobl, which comes from the Taliaferro tribe.. more refrenes this time though I didn’t know them and had to google. Tony Strobl was an artist on the Duck Comics at one ponit  and Al Taliforino id forgotten about. He did the Donald Duck comic strip which I had heard of and weirdly hasn’t been collected yet despite Fantagraphics covering mickey, as well as reprinting barks and rosa’s respective works. 

The key is suspended in the air by what Lisa suspects to be magnetics, and while Burns plan is naturally “Have Bart swim in it and see if he surivives”, Bart, still pissed from the penny and not wanting to die today, grabs the Penny and uses his slingshot to fire it at the Key. The bad luck from the penny casues an erruption, but Bart once again saves the day and has them surf down, with naturally tons more great jokes.  The family enjoys some steamed Seafood, except Lisa whose eating Seaweed, while Homer enjoys a sting ray “It tastes as good as it stings, Ow, Ow.” ON to Goddfrodson Trench, an odd choice given Floyd Goddfrodson was barks equivalent for the Mickey Mouse Comics and not really a duck writer, but he still deserves the honor regardless.  Under the Sea, no accusations just friendly crustaceans here.. our heroes are close to the treasure but loose the map to the Jailbird Boys, aka Snake and his cousins, who found out due to Lisa’s blog. She didn’t want to loose any more readers to Sheri and Teri’s Olson Twin’s Fan Page.. which.. it’s 2004.. weren’t they dead by this point? Nope still alive? Still are today in fact? Alrighty then. Also this bit, and some of the other references are a bit heavy handed, I will admit that, but the jokes are high quality enough otherwise that it just comes off as a bit of an adorable wink more than laziness. 

Snake and co cut their air with Starfish used as throwing stars. 

The gang tie their air suplies to avoid dying, and Maggie, in a clever bit, talks with the starfish, since they communicate via sucking, to attack the Jailbird Boys. Again.. 

I genuinely don’t know, but our heroes find the fabled vault of Barks Billion.. named after Bark Barks, that polar bear from the sonic games.. no of course it’s named after Disney Duck God Carl Barks, who created the Duck’s share of Donald and Scrooge’s supporting cast: Uncle Scrooge himself, Daisy Duck, a fact I just learned but given he created her first short “Mr Duck Steps Out, shouldn’t of surprised me, The Beagle Boys, Magica DeSpell, Goldie O Gilt, Flintheart Glomgold, Gyro Gearloose, Gladstone Gander, The Junior Woodchucks as a whole, Neighbor Jones, John D. Rockerduck, The Number One Dime, Gus Goose, April, May, June and Whitewater Duck. Just the sheer impact he’s had on the comics on all continents cannot be overstated. He is also the one who refined Huey Dewey and Louie from hellraising little shits to the good little boys they are today.. well okay they were, thankfully the reboot has created much better versions. Point is what a man, what a man what a mighty good man, he is truly missed.  We get two great homer gags in the same page, one where somehow he’s put the giant key on a key ring and still can’t find it.. with Bart helpfully taking it from him, and then we get this, which I missed on my first read through. 

Naturally Burns betrays them, using a Gold Magnet, kay, to suck up all the gold and naturally planning to leave the Simpsons for dead to no one’s surprise. But thanks to Bart teaching Maggie how to use the spittoons, Homer gets one stuck on his head.. and starts getting sucked up with the Simpsons using them to escape. Naturally Lisa’s first instinct is obvious. 

But Burns weasels his way out by promising them free gold after their free lunch. Naturally the next day this turns out ot be a trick as their lunch came from frinks and thus, for now, their weightless.. but Karma gets Burns when he tries swimming in his new gold vault... only for the natural result of what happens when am an who never exercises and who doctors once described as having so many diseases packed into his body at once they tripped each other off and that a strong wind could kill him, trying to do with a similarly aged but still physically fit and well trained at swimming in money man does on a daily basis. 

We then close on a quick gag of weightless homer getting caught on fire and we’re out. 

Final Thoughts:  This was a really excellent comic. It captured the tone of the Simpsons at their best and while stiff in a place here or there, it’s mostly just really funny, entertaining and a nice and warm tribute to Donald and Scrooge’s long comics history, not really mocking it but instead just homaging it, while still throughly feeling like the Simpsons. It honestly feels like the Treehouse of Horor Segement on the shining, a bit that parodies something, but for the most part the jokes still feel firmly rooted in the simpsons and their cast. This was a treat to review and i’m glad Kev comissoned it and I may take a look at more Simpsons in the future. If you guys like this review, you can follow me on patreon at patreon.com/popculturebuffet, or if  there’s a specific simpsons or ducktales episode or a specific comic you want me to review, you can comission your own review for just five bucks. Just send me a direct message on here through Tumblr, or take a look at my ask box or submit. However you want to do it. I take payments through paypal and until next time: Happy Days are Here Again. 

[rottmntquotes]

Out Of Commission

"Ooooohhhh yeeeeeaaaahhh! I can't believe Hueso allowed us to be the first ones to try his new pizza!"

A symphony of agreements was let out in response to Leo's cheer, followed by excited chanting as Hueso approached the table. Despite the cacophony the boys were creating, Hueso managed to fight back an annoyed sigh, setting his new pizza down on the table and watching as his best customers prepared to dig in. Before this could happen, however, Donnie got a call from April, who alerted them to a battle that was going on between two mutants in Central Park. Much to their dismay, the team was unable to gather the pizza to go, but Leo decided to take a slice and swallow it whole as they stood to leave.

"Can't let your kindness go to waste!" Leo shouted, stopping mid-run and turning around to swallow another slice. And another. And another. "Hueso, this pizza is super fucking good!"

"LEO! GET OVER HERE!" Raph ordered, huffing as Leo complained loudly. No more words were said afterwards, and the boys were gone in no time. Once they were finally gone, Hueso chuckled, gathering the remaining slices of pizza- which meant the two slices Leo was forced to leave -and taking them to the back to throw them away. Knowing that the pizza was good enough to feed any of the turtles was enough reassurance to Hueso that it would be good enough to feed everyone else.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

"I swear to bob, if we have to deal with those ferret mutants one more time, I'm going to use my Ōdachi to dig my own grave."

"You said it brother."

"I hear that."

"Don't have to say that again..."

Calming silence followed the brief conversation, and the boys sat on the floor in the main atrium before deciding to break apart and go to their rooms. For the moment, none of the boys had enough energy to take showers, so they collectively decided that they would take care of those necessities in the morning. As bedtime came, everyone seemed fairly relaxed, and the night went by without a hitch.

At least, for everyone but Leo.

"Ugh... stupid stomach... why are you so upset?" Leo whined softly, curling in on himself and shuddering. Teeth chattered rapidly and low growling echoed through Leo's room, accompanied by soft whispers that made Leo's eyes shift constantly in search of the sources. At one point, Leo swore that he saw a small child run past his room, and it aroused a side of him that he didn't even know existed. Low growls turned into loud hissing, and Leo crawled onto the ground, stalking towards his room's archway on all fours. With every step, Leo became more and more tense, his body instinctively preparing itself for a scuffle. Once he was finally at the archway, Leo crouched down, going silent and waiting exactly six seconds before racing out of his room, screeching loudly and yelping as he fell off the ledge of the sewer.

"WHAT'S GOING ON?! WHO'S THERE?!" Raph roared, shooting out of his room with a pillow in his hand. Donnie and Mikey ran out of their rooms as well, holding a paint brush and a snow globe respectively. No sight of an intruder was found, and Raph started to think that they had all dreamed the same thing.

That is, until Leo let out a loud cry of pain.

"Leo!" Raph, Donnie, and Mikey shouted in unison, hopping down and circling around their blue loving brother to see what had happened. At close range, it could easily be seen that Leo had broken his left arm, and twisted his right ankle, explaining his pained cry. Donnie went to work effective immediately, helping Leo up and handing the Slider to Raph, following his brothers back onto the ledge and leading them to the lab. Leo was then sat down on Donnie's resident cot, being distracted by Raph and Mikey while Donnie got to work on setting and slinging Leo's injuries. Granted, Leo did attempt to bite and scratch Donnie with every bout of pain that appeared, but other than that everything turned out fine. After being patched up, Leo was left alone in the lab, having been given a few pain pills to keep him stable throughout the night. Unfortunately, Leo's insomnia chose to strike that night, leaving him unable to get a good night's sleep.

The next morning, Donnie walked into the lab to check on Leo, raising a brow as he caught his twin sitting in front of a wall and mumbling. Nonchalantly, Donnie walked up to Leo, crouching down and trying to decipher what Leo was saying. Despite the close range, Donnie was unable to understand his brother's words. With a hum, Donnie gasped with revelation, snapping and focusing his attention on attempting to use their ever-popular twin telepathy. It took a good while, but Donnie was finally able to enter his brother's psyche, humming in surprise at the strange sights he was met with.

Unlike the normal bright and beautiful landscape that his twin's mind usually harbored, Donnie found himself in the middle of a foggy and dark swamp. The sounds of bubbling sent shivers down Donnie's spine, and he groaned in distaste as he realized that he was standing in some sort of dark sludge. The vegetation around Donatello was rotten and crumbling, the sky was smothered in heavy clouds, and any sort of wildlife present let out terrifying screeches in place of their normal chirps, squeaks, and sweet sounds.

"Brother... what has happened to you...?" Donnie whispered, forcing himself through the thick sludge and using his limited sense of smell to try and search for his brother's scent. The task proved to be difficult thanks to the messed up atmosphere, but Donnie soon caught sight of Leo. Smiling, Donnie moved faster, eventually managing to get next to Leo. "Hey, what's going on here? Why is everything so messed up?"

Leo whimpered, turning to face Donnie with a deep frown. The sight alone was enough to make Donnie sick, and the feeling got worse as Leo opened his mouth to say something, only to fall forward and begin hurling violently. This was all it took to drive Donnie out of Leo's psyche, and the Softshell backed away from his twin with the trademark speed of his species. Loud panting seemed to be all Leo needed to stop his staring, and he groaned pathetically, falling forward and shaking. Donnie- being the scientist he was -went into doctor mode immediately, checking all of Leo's vitals and cursing under his breath as every one of the tests proved to be spiking aggressively.

"Leo? Leo, can you hear me? Leo!" Donnie shouted, drawing Leo close and cradling Leo until he stopped shaking. "Leo...? Are you okay?"

An eerie silence was what Donnie received, and he held back a concerned huff, lightly gripping Leo's jaw to turn his face forward. As soon as the duo made eye contact, Leo hissed, moving like a viper despite his injuries and biting down on Donnie's shoulder, clamping down hard enough to make sure that he stayed attached to Donnie's shoulder. Screams and cries of pain and terror rang through the lair, drawing in the rest of the family. Raph went into action as soon as he saw what was happening, using one of his claws to loosen Leo's grip.

"Mikey! I need you and dad to pull Leo back! And do it fast because I have no idea how long I can keep Leo's bite loose enough!" Mikey and Splinter nodded, racing forwards and tackling Leo back, holding him down and doing their best to ignore the bits of skin and scales that were caught between Leo's teeth. "Keep him down! I'll wrap Donnie up!"

"No! We will not be able to hold him down for that long! Raphael, I need you to go into my room and look under my bed! There is a box labeled with a dragon's tooth, and I need you to grab it and bring it!"

"But dad-"

"DO IT NOW!" Raph squeaked, racing off to do as told. In the meantime, Mikey was following Donnie's instructions on how to patch up the large injury, and Splinter was using every bit of strength in his tiny rat body to hold his son down. As much as it hurt Splinter to watch his son suffer like this, he knew that feeling sorry for Leonardo and trying to talk about things was not going to work. Thankfully, before Splinter could drift farther into his thoughts, Raph returned with the box, sliding it next to Splinter and panting. "Good. Now hold your brother down."

"Master Splinter, what's going on with him?" Raph asked, his heart nearly stopping as he finally took notice of Leo's rapid heartbeat. Splinter shook his head, admitting that he did not know, much to his dismay. Two more seconds passed, though they felt like two hours, and Splinter was not surprised by the gasps of shock that he earned when the boys saw what was harbored in the box.

"This muzzle and these bindings should be strong enough to keep Leonardo stable. They are made of the strongest and finest material known in the Hidden City, and I have been saving them for a time like this." Splinter explained, scooting close to Leo and using a finger to press down on a pressure point to put Leo to sleep. "I never wanted this to happen, but I knew that it was destined to. You boys are growing up, and your animal instincts mixed with the ooze in your blood was bound to become a normal part of your lives."

"Wait, are you saying that this is because of us growing up?" Mikey asked, watching with slight disgust as the muzzle was placed on Leo.

"I am saying that it is likely. But we cannot know that for sure. I learned many of the things about raising you as children from books, movies, and TV shows. But there is only one person who is able to tell us more about the ooze and how it affects the composition of those it mutates..."

"Ugh... are we going to go to Draxum's apartment?" Raph asked, catching the beaker that Mikey threw at him; much to Donnie's horror.

"Yes." Splinter confirmed with annoyance. "We are going to Draxum's apartment."

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So you are saying that he simply started to attack the purple one out of nowhere?"

"Yes, Barry. That's what we're saying."

Baron Draxum snorted, putting a fist up to his mouth and snickering softly. Splinter and Raph sneered at Draxum's reaction, holding back choice words and leaving Donnie and Mikey to themselves. At the moment, Donnie was instructed to sit down on Draxum's refurnished couch, resting and trying to keep himself calm despite the blood that was still beginning to pour out in generous amounts. Next to Donnie sat Mikey, who was attempting to cheer Donnie up by regaling tales that happened between him and Todd. On the floor lay Leo. No sounds came from Leo, even as his eyes stayed wide open. His pupils were dilated, breathing unsteady, and though he would make eye contact with his family regularly, they each swore that it was like he wasn't even looking at them; rather that he was looking through them.

"Draxum, when you are done with your childish behaviors, we would appreciate it very much if you helped us understand what is going on here." Splinter hissed through clenched teeth, throwing his ears back to convey his anger. Draxum chuckled one last time before clearing his throat, looking down at Leo and humming.

"I hate to disappoint you, Lou Jitsu, but I must admit that this is something I am unable to help you with." Draxum admitted, feeling an odd sense of... something at the sight of one of his creations being in such a state. "Unlike what you might want to believe, the things you have described to me are in no way, shape, or form related to my ooze. And do be reminded that I spent years studying both the ooze and turtle species before combining them."

"Well then what are we supposed to do?! Who could we possibly go to that knows enough about the mystic types to help us?!" Raph groaned, letting a tense quiet befall the group before a loud gasp resounded between them. "No..."

"Raphael, we must."

"But father, she has done so many awful things to us! How can we trust her to help?!"

"We cannot, Donatello, but unfortunately she is the only other one we can go to..."

"If that's the case, then I would like to go as well! Let me say hello to an old enemy." Draxum rubbed his hands together, smiling darkly as he did so. "Let us go and try to bargain with Big Mama..."

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Alright, you know what to do boys. Look for Big Mama, and when you see her, do not engage. Keep her in your sight and keep us updated on where she is so we can join you."

"Yes, father."

"Got it pops."

"We'll find her, dad."

Splinter frowned and watched his healthy sons fan out through the Hidden City, his ears swiveling to better pick up the sound of Leo's labored breathing. A mustard coloured plastron rose and fell with each of Leo's breaths, and quiet wheezing drove spikes of pain and sadness through Splinter's heart. A heavy hand fell on Splinter's shoulder, and he turned to look up at Draxum.

"Do not worry, Jitsu." Draxum started, sitting down and staring at Leo's stiff body. "While your children may be stubborn, and reckless, and irresponsible, and make stupid decisions, and-"

"Are you trying to make me feel better, or insult my sons for the next half hour?" Splinter interjected, glaring at Draxum sharply.

"Right, my apologies." Draxum then moved his hand from Splinter's shoulder to Leo's neck, showing a rare display of affection. "While they do have all of those things, they have many other positives that outweigh the negatives. They are each intelligent in their own ways, strong in their own ways, perseverant, caring, sympathetic, energetic, and so many other things! They are all of these things, and not because of themselves. They are all of these things because of you, Jitsu. You have done a wonderful job taking care of these boys, and there is no one else who could have possibly-"

"DAD! DRAXUM! YOU HAVE TO TAKE LEO HOME!" Raph's frantic screaming startled Splinter and Draxum out of their conversation, and they stood up abruptly. In one swift movement, Draxum picked Leo up, holding the young turtle close and keeping a tight grip on the blue clad mutant. The duo stood still, looking around for any movements that would signify that Big Mama or her goons were nearby. The atmosphere was tense, and it took only one mistimed step for Splinter to throw a kunai at a nearby alleyway, smirking at the sound of the blade hitting even the smallest bit of skin.

"Draxum! Take Leonardo to the Candy Store!" Splinter ordered, knowing that Draxum was aware of what the order meant. In a split second, Draxum raced away, not turning to watch Splinter take down Big Mama's goons with little to no effort.

"Do not worry, blue one. We will find some way to fix you." Draxum assured, stopping and hiding behind a thick buildup of brush. More wheezing came from Leo, leading Draxum to believe that Splinter may have fastened the muzzle too tight. Out of an unexpected bout of pity, Draxum loosened the muzzle without second thought, doing the same with the rest of Leo's bindings. As soon as Draxum loosed the bindings surrounding Leo's legs, the mutant turtle screeched, easily sliding out of his binds and pinning Draxum onto the ground. The action was enough to shock Draxum into fighting back, and he used a vine to throw Leo out of the brush, his ears falling flat against his face as he watched Leo race off into the Hidden City. "This is not going to end well..."

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Where am I? What am I doing here? How did I get here?

Leo panted and whimpered with every step as he raced through the Hidden City, shocking each citizen with the sight of seeing a teenaged turtle running past them on all fours.

 I have to find my family! Where are they?! Why aren't they with me?!

Blurry vision and terrible coordination accompanied Leo in his frantic search for his brothers and/or father(s), leading him to believe that he had been injected with some sort of virus or poison. Part of him didn't want to believe that he had been poisoned, as the last time he was poisoned he had caught on fire.

 Why is everything so weird?! I can't see anything right! Raph! Donnie! Mikey! Splinter! Draxum! Where are you?!

All of a sudden, Leo felt two hands wrap around his waist, and he screamed at the top of his lungs, taking the time that his enemy was shocked to attack. With a bite to his assailant's arm, Leo kicked the enemy back, returning to his search for familiar faces.

 Where are they?! Where is my family?! Where. Is. My-

"Well, lookie-lookie what we have here! My little champion turtley-boo!" Leo knew that voice, those words, that tone. It was Big Mama, but he couldn't see her! He could smell her, he could hear her, he could sense her presence, but all he saw was a blurry blob of lavender.

 Big Mama... oh-ho-ho, wait until I'm done with you! When I get my claws on you, I'm gonna-

"Gunna eat... dump the... and keep... you see the... GOT YA!" Leo fell forward, coughing and whining as he attempted to even out his breathing. "Brothers... eat... keep at... don't you... hope..."

"Oh, you poor thing! You seem to be more woozy-frazzled than normal!" Big Mama chimed, leaning over to boop Leo's nose. A weak bite was sent in Big Mama's way, followed by a wheezy hiss. "And here I thought you were smarter and stronger than this."

 I am! You awful Yokai! I'm not so weak that I can't fight you!

Leo gave another weak hiss, trying his best to push himself up. When he failed, Leo started to sob, taking notice of how weak his body had truly become. He didn't feel anything, he couldn't see anything, and his body was beginning to give up on him. Whatever this was, it was attacking Leo with a vengeance, and wasn't looking to give up until Leo was dead.

"Hmm, I must say that I am beginning to feel a bit of pity for you." Big Mama admitted, patting a finger on her chin as if thinking intensely. "Hey! I have an idea! What if I were to help you? I could help nurse you back to help, and in turn-"

"NO! No... don't... coin... flip..." Leo spat through his tears. Big Mama shook her head in disapproval, booping Leo's nose once more.

"Let Big Mama finish." The disguised Yokai then smirked deviously. "Now, I will help you, and in turn... you will fight in my Battle Nexus for the next year. You will be in my debt, and you will not be allowed to have your family help, or see your family without permission."

"Would... die..." Leo ground out, high pitched whimpers becoming more and more audible. "Rather... would... death..."

"I'm sure you would, young one." Big Mama giggled. "But I don't think your family would enjoy that very much."

 No... don't do this...

"Just think, how would your brothers feel?" Big Mama hummed, putting her hands on her hips. "And your father, and your close friends? I'm sure none of them would be very pleased. Now, of course, none of them would be jumping up and diddly-down when they find out about the deal, but at least you'd be alive! To make it sweeter, I may just make it so that you can see your family twice a month for 12 hours each time! How does that sound?"

...

"Don't... can't..." Leo stopped, thinking over Big Mama's words and grimacing at how awful the truth was. "...Okay..."

"Good boy! Now, let us go and get you fixed up! Can't have a weak champion now, can we?" On any other day, the word Champion would have made Leo's heart soar, but now it just seemed like a mockery. The sound of grunting was followed by Leo feeling his body being lifted up. He had no strength to fight back, so he did nothing more than let himself be carried to Big Mama's Battle Nexus.

And, dear Pizza Supreme...

A nap really sounded good right now.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, yeah; I realize that I left out the others after the second third of the fic, but I couldn't really think of anything to use them for that wouldn't end with the whole "Family getting back together and learning a lesson about love and acceptance" trope. That would have completely ruined the original intention of ambiguity for the ending, so I shall leave it up to you to determine how they react/respond to learning about this deal.

*It took me a while to realize that I didn’t make it clear what was affecting Leo. In short, he has Belladonna (Nightshade) poisoning, and it was contracted by a new ingredient in Hueso’s pizza that was mixed in with the pizza sauce. The side effects were displayed throughout the fic, and trust me when I say that it took some time to think of how it would effect him - what with him being a mutant turtle with human DNA and all.

[theconservativebrief]

It’s become fashionable to complain about the rise of “identity politics” in America.

The basic argument you hear from academics like Mark Lilla or journalists like Jonathan Chait (both self-identified liberals) is that the left’s focus on race, gender, and sexual identity has destroyed liberalism and prevented the Democrats from unifying the country. If the left would just focus on the economy, the argument goes, they could broaden their coalition and retake power.

There are interesting claims on both sides of this debate — but it’s also useful to step back and rethink what we actually mean by “identity.” Maybe identity politics is both unavoidable and potentially a positive force in American politics.

Kwame Anthony Appiah is a professor of philosophy and law at New York University and the author of a new book titled The Lies That Bind: Rethinking Identity. It’s a fascinating look at how we label ourselves, and how those labels define us and the conflicts that drive our politics. But it’s also about how identity is more fluid than we imagine, and why it often obscures all the things we have in common.

I called Appiah to talk about the book and why he thinks most of our conversations about identity and identity politics are misguided. A lightly edited transcript of our conversation follows.

Sean Illing

I’ll start with the double question you open the book with: What are identities, and why do they matter?

Kwame Anthony Appiah

The short answer is that identities are labels that we use to group each other. When you take one seriously, when you identify with a label, then you think of it as giving you reasons to do things and not to do things. If you’re a Catholic, you have reasons to obey the Catholic church and its teachings. You have reasons to help with Catholic organizations, and all the people associated with it, and that’s what makes it social.

And we respond to people in terms of these identities — so it’s not just that you have the label and you and the people who share it with you take it seriously, but other people do as well, and so the label affects how you’re treated. And once you see that that’s how identities work, you can see that they must be important at both the personal and political levels.

Sean Illing

The title of your book implies that “identity” is a lie. What do you mean by that?

Kwame Anthony Appiah

There’s something misleading or mistaken about the pictures that underline these identities and yet they bind us together in spite of that. They do bring people together, as well as divide people, and I think that the lies, the untruths, are often a very important part of how they work. They’re important to how people are held together.

People — and when I say people I mean everybody — need these simple stories and labels to help them understand their place in the world. Life is complicated, and the social world is complicated, and identities simply all that for us. And yet these are often just constructs, artificial labels that we’ve created, and our attachment to them can blind us to that fact.

“If you define yourself through the act of opposition, then you’re letting the oppressors set the terms”

Sean Illing

Do you think that identities force us to reduce ourselves and other people to abstractions?

Kwame Anthony Appiah

I think it can certainly do that. Especially when you forget that identity groups are incredibly diverse and that even people who share significant identities differ in all sorts of other ways. White people, for instance, are incredibly diverse, and one reason is that some of them are men and some of them are women, some of them are straight and some of them are not, and so on.

I think we run into dangers when we allow our identities to push us around, to make us do things we don’t actually want to do or need to do, just because we feel that’s what a black person would do or that’s what a white person would do or that’s what a Republican person would do. These identities can make all sorts of demands on us, and often that can overwhelm who we are as unique individuals.

Sean Illing

How did race or ethnicity become a central feature of personal identity? Or was it always thus?

Kwame Anthony Appiah

I don’t think it was always thus. People have always used labels to justify other people and those labels have always had something to do with appearance and ancestry. But there’s something distinctive about the modern way of doing it.

With the rise of the Atlantic slave trade, color comes to be very, very important in the Western world. The distinction between black people and white people and the native populations of the Caribbean, of the Americas, are mapped onto color, and these distinctions suddenly become extremely important.

And then in the early 19th century, with the rise of modern scientific ideas about humanity and the rise of modern biology, people come to think that these differences, these superficial differences in appearance, are a reflection of some deep physical separation. And so biology becomes this attempt to study the differences between these races and with that we get racism as we currently understand it.

Sean Illing

Each of us has multiple overlapping identities. In my case, I’m white and male and straight and American and a journalist and on and on. What determines which of these identities are activated at any given time?

Kwame Anthony Appiah

That’s a really important question and it’s something that people often don’t think about. I think the answer is that it depends on what we’re doing. So there’s an upcoming election and I’m very preoccupied with being an American and hoping that I can do something for my country and that my fellow citizens will go along.

If I’m in a gay bar, then my gayness is salient and so is the fact that I’m male. When I’m teaching a philosophy class, I’m aware of the fact that the male and female students are male and female — I can’t ignore it. But it doesn’t seem very relevant to what we’re talking about, unless, of course, we’re talking about feminism, and then gender is very relevant.

We’re pretty good at recognizing that there are features of our identities that are salient and help us divide ourselves. That’s one of the reasons why they’re important and even helpful. So you’re a journalist, that’s your professional identity, and it’s crucially important when, say, a cop wants to know who you’re talking to and how you got your information. Your identity as a journalist will be activated in that moment and as a result you’ll want to protect your sources of information.

Sean Illing

This seems like an important point, because I think we tend to think of identity as intractable or fixed, and so we get locked into these labels and they come to define us and define our conflicts with one another. But as you say, we have multiple identities and multiple points of contact with other people, and it’s almost never true that there is no shared ground at all.

Kwame Anthony Appiah

Yes, it’s very important to remember that someone you don’t share identities with is likely also someone you do share identities with. We’re currently very divided into political tribes in this country, and this defines the lines of conflict. But the areas of disagreement can become so outsized that they obscure the things we do share, like the fact that we’re all Americans.

We have to be very careful not to reduce other people to caricatures based solely on their partisan identity. You can never truly engage with people like that, and you’ll miss the things you actually do share. But if we get locked into fixed identities and locked into a cartoon interpretation of the other “team,” then we’re in deep trouble.

Sean Illing

There’s an interesting argument in the book about how identity-based movements that define themselves in opposition to dominant cultures are bound to cement their marginality. Can you say a bit about what you mean here?

Kwame Anthony Appiah

If you allow your identity to be totally shaped by your opposition to a dominant culture, as many racial groups have done because of the history of racism and xenophobia, you can become locked into that minority status. The first time a group becomes conscious of itself as an important social group, it is because they realize that they’re all being subjected to something.

But if you define yourself through the act of opposition, then you’re letting the oppressors set the terms. And it might be better — though of course it’s proper to resist the racism, the xenophobia, the homophobia, the sexism — to give your identity an affirmative content.

First, you come together as a group to protect yourselves, but later you can develop an identity with positive content that isn’t based purely on hostility to your oppressors. That is far better in the long run.

“We desperately need a way of doing politics that illuminates shared interests and emphasizes improving the conditions for everyone”

Sean Illing

Is identity becoming more paramount and determinative in a world that is changing faster and faster?

Kwame Anthony Appiah

There is certainly a connection between the large movements of people we saw after WWII and the range of diverse identities that have been activated since. Identity allows people to know who they are and navigate their way through a crowded, diverse world. It also allows groups to mobilize and act in concert, which is central to politics. But of course now we’re seeing a lot of pushback against so-called “identity politics.”

Sean Illing

Right, but here’s the thing: Politics largely consists of leaders activating certain identities that they think will create advantages for them, and usually that involves fomenting the right divisions or cleavages in society. So there’s all this pressure in the system pushing us to separate into teams or groups based on identity.

Kwame Anthony Appiah

The key thing I think is to make sure that the teams are held together by more than just hatred and contempt for the other team. There’s always going to be an element of that, but if you lead with the hatred and contempt, as Donald Trump often does, then you’re leading irresponsibly.

We desperately need a way of doing politics that illuminates shared interests and emphasizes improving the conditions for everyone, not just a particular group. And we’ve seen this many, many times before, such as during the Civil Rights movement in which white and black people worked together for the welfare of everyone.

The goal there wasn’t merely to get recognition for one group over another, or to give one group a special standing over others, it was to produce an outcome in which everyone enjoyed the same rights and privileges.

Sean Illing

My response to a lot of the complaints people make about identity politics is that I don’t know what politics looks like without identity. There was never a truly pre-identity politics era. The question is not whether to do identity politics or not do identity politics; it’s about which identities we activate and how inclusive or exclusive they are.

Kwame Anthony Appiah

I totally agree. It’s simply not possible to do politics without identity, unless we’re talking about the sort of politics that Aristotle imagined, which is politics in a community where everybody knows everybody else — but that’s not the world we live in. We have to be communities of strangers, and the only way communities of strangers can do anything together is through imaginative identification. And that’s what identity gives us.

So I completely agree with you, and that means we have to notice the dangers of identities and demand responsible leaders who will use them with an awareness of those dangers, and with a desire to advance common causes.

Original Source -> Why identity is a lie we can’t live without

via The Conservative Brief

[nemesis-nexus]

Bloody Buck Moon and Extended Lunar Eclipse Sermon 2018 HAIL NINGIZHEDA, Keeper of the Caduceus and Guardian of the Good Tree hear us! It has been VERY humid in my personal corner of the world and it has not let up even with the minor rain showers we have had, in fact the rain has increased the level of humidity rather than lower it and we have not had a thunderstorm (we had a couple of passing rumbles but nothing to write home about) as of yet which is usually the reaction of this kind of prolonged humidity, at least around here. I am concerned because this kind of oppressive weather is very bad for those who have breathing issues, even I have found myself having difficulty to the point of almost needing my inhaler, especially in stores that have no air conditioning! I don’t envy the people who have to work under those conditions; in fact I think that is a hazardous working environment! I ask you to keep watch over those employees so that they do not succumb to heat exhaustion or suffocate under the pressure! AVE NINGIZHEDA! It has been a very active time on this island Earth and there has been no shortage of damage done by the moving ground, rising waves and human instigation on all levels. We have seen families torn apart by addiction, disease, tyranny and selfishness. We have seen the Sky turn dark as midnight during the day and bright as noon in the wee hours of morn! We have seen several species die off including bees and crows and even land animals such as deer and cattle. We have seen humans so in despair of their circumstances that they would rather pop pills and drink alcohol in a vain attempt to escape only to almost die in the process! We have seen the water become so polluted that in several areas people cannot drink it yet instead of fixing the problem the so-called powers that be would rather allow a foreign corporation to continue to drain already drought ravaged states of their water just to turn around and sell it back to the same people they stole it from in the first place! This is a sign of the times and just how corrupt the human ego has become especially in regards to those in high office and I do mean ALL of them the world over! I have addressed this before but I will do it again now because we have seen the signs all around us indicating just how deep in trouble we all are! The world may not be coming to an end, at least not in the terms of everything being reduced to nothing, but if the human race is not careful it WILL take itself out! There are those who are dying of starvation not because there isn’t enough food but because the ones who control the rations don’t think they are a priority so they aren’t fed! There are those who are freezing to death on the street, not because there are no vacant homes for them to occupy, but because the ones in control of housing don’t think they are important enough to have shelter because they can’t pay for it because they can’t get a job because they can’t get hired because they don’t have a permanent address so they are thrown in the gutter and ignored by all those who could help but CHOOSE not to! What it comes down to is that the human race has lost its humanity and this MUST change if we are to have any hope of saving ourselves as well as the planet! The biggest problem in my opinion is the disconnection to the Spirit, EVERYTHING in the Multiverse has a Spirit and when we lose sight of that, we lose sight of the very thing that binds ALL Life together and the Circle or Hoop is broken! I feel the biggest contributor to this disconnection is the desensitization of the human mind. Those who were raised in the Abrahamic Religions know the level of disregard they have for other humans, not because those humans actually committed any crime but because their corrupt books tell them that ONLY those who are like THEM are worthy of being treated like a HUMAN and that ONLY those who do what they are told by the head of the institution will win favor with that god and we know that ANY God worth their salt would NEVER leave THEIR job up to ANY human nor would they ever allow any human to confirm or deny any part of another (ie homosexuality, race, color or following a different religion such as Satanism or Paganism) just because they had a personal issue with it! If that were the case then there would be no God because if humans are doing the job for them then what would be THEIR purpose or function? This is something they don’t want you to be aware of just like they don’t want you to be aware of the GODDESSES and the power of women generally speaking! Notice how ALL the Abrahamic Religions (and yes there are others) are definitively Patriarchal who ALL expect women to behave like beasts of burden rather than the HUMAN equals we are, in fact there are still STRICTLY Matriarchal societies out there who are thriving just fine without any more help than is needed and the only help that is needed is when it comes to procreation but as far as hunting, building, governing and religion, the women take care of themselves so this idea that women are the weaker sex and can NOT handle things on their own is not only GARBAGE, it’s learned behavior that NEEDS to be impressed on them lest they discover their own power and wield it accordingly! The idea that a woman can actually be stronger than a man is not a foreign concept, it simply is not taught in societies where the male ego is THAT fragile. In Ancient and remote societies the men were/are responsible for the hunting, fishing and whatnot and the women took care of the village. Now that might sound like “barefoot and pregnant” talk but when one actually takes into consideration WHAT exactly goes into taking care of the village one must think of thieves sneaking in when the men are out hunting to steal anything they can get their hands on, attacking or abducting the women and/or children or even burning everything to the ground! These are NOT situations that a weak little flower would be able to withstand, it takes a woman WARRIOR to stand guard and fight back! We are such warriors and that scares all those who NEED us to believe otherwise! One of the things Satanism DEMANDS and will NOT tolerate the lack of is RESPECT towards HUMANS regardless of their gender as we are all needed to keep things going and we all have our talents in the Spiritual arena as well as elsewhere in life! As I sit here it is pouring rain outside, in fact it was downpouring quite heavily for about an hour or so, when it rains like this I record audio and video for meditation purposes and as the water cascaded down the awning and onto my glass table below filling up and overflowing the top, I could not help but think of the original Flood and why it was necessary. If people look around and see what the human race has done to this planet, to the very ecosystem that sustains ALL life including theirs, you get an idea of just how bad things were back then! When you look at videos of divers swimming around what were once tropical paradises such as Bali and you see the filth and trash that is plaguing our oceans, so much so that WHALES are CHOKING TO DEATH on the garbage, you realize that if humans have THIS much disregard for all other forms of life NOW, how fevered were their egos back THEN? When you hear about species after species being put on the endangered species list and then going extinct due to things such as overhunting, overfishing or overdevelopment you have to wonder just how far in decline all the other species were! People always say “yeah that god what a bastard, he killed off everything” yet they don’t look at the WHOLE picture in the sense of how many things did the humans kill off because they decided that whatever animal or plant was created ONLY for them to do with as they will! They don’t even CONSIDER how much destruction the human race was guilty of or how many other species were wiped out by the arrogance of the human race or how far gone they already were at the time and the Flood was necessary to not only SAVE THEM but EVERYTHING ELSE that THEY were abusing! The other thing they never seem to take the time to think about is that the same Great Counsel that ruled in favor of the “global reset” is the same Great Counsel who SAVED THE WORLD! Yes a massive disaster that reduces everything to zero is an EXTRAORDINARY measure to take, but when it comes to either watching one of several of your creations slowly killing off everything else because they too became disconnected from the Spiritual and began living only for themselves and their own personal gratification, or in an effort to salvage everything by subjecting those same humans to the level of disregard they showed towards ALL other life forms, it becomes understandable as to why it occurred! It wasn’t any one god pitching a fit because he for some reason stopped liking humans, it was a decision that was rendered because the human ego had grown beyond itself and it was destroying everything in existence already! In fact Enki, a member of that counsel, took it upon himself to come down and warn Unapishtam about the upcoming flood waters and also to instruct him on how to build the boat using the design of his own marine travel vessels to guide the construction! It was this act of solidarity that ultimately saved the human race because Enki was not ready to give up on us yet! The human race was spared complete annihilation because the same Gods who brought down the Flood are the same Gods who allowed Enki’s decision to remain effective! They don’t hate us and they never did though some are not exactly in our favor, they hate what was being done and the level of arrogance and indifference in which the human race was operating! Looking around at the world today, at the way people have no problem with cutting down the woods (just as Gilgamesh and Enkidu cut down the Cedar Forest) but then want to complain about the wildlife that LIVE/D in those woods showing up in their back yards as though they have ANYWHERE else to go, even MURDERING animals such as coyotes, wolves, bears etc JUST for being alive even though these animals are NEEDED to keep the other herds from overpopulating! Here’s a clue jackass, stop stealing THEIR homes and they’ll stop showing up at YOURS!!! Other things that are being compromised are the Air and underground! The human ego has far outdone itself as far as greed is concerned and we see this every day with pipeline after pipeline being laid down, leaking and poisoning the water and Earth but does this stop those responsible for laying it down? HELL NO! In fact they couldn’t care less about what happens where they lat their pipes because the fallout doesn’t affect THEM and anyone it does affect simply isn’t important enough to give a damn about! What these people fail to understand is that the Earth IS RESPONDING to the constant abuse! Because of the constant fracturing of the mantle and shale beneath the amount of seismic activity around the world has increased to the point where GIGANTIC CRACKS are forming all over the globe, on every continent! In remote areas where there are not lakes, streams, rivers etc WATER is starting to appear on the surface, New England now has an ENORMOUS magma pocket that is RISING underneath it! What people need to know about seismic activity is that just because an earthquake happens in one area does NOT mean that it affects ONLY that area, those vibrations travel and can cause other things to occur, look no further for proof of this than Fukushima, Japan back in 2011! When that earthquake struck it triggered a tsunami that slammed into a nuclear reactor which caused a MASSIVE radiation spill off the coast and in the ground! You take something like that and MULTIPLY it times even TEN quakes in similar positions and the fallout could not only be devastating but could end all life on Earth and THIS time the Gods will NOT be to blame, ONLY the humans who enabled it to happen! When Enki broke his Oath and came down to save as many of us as he was able, he did so with the VERY high hope that things would turn out differently, that the human race would remember what happened and learn from it so it wouldn’t (have to) happen again! I can’t even imagine how much it pains him to look at the state of the human race as it is now because we are not living up to our end of the bargain and that was to take care of the planet and everything on it, instead we have backslid severely and are in that same place we were before with fevered egos, greed and self gratification ruling over logic, reason, respect and consideration! Why don’t the Gods just fix it? First because they did that already and human arrogance responded by resorting to the same behavior that got it in trouble the first time and second because the Gods did not create the problem, WE DID, so why should they be tasked to fix it if it only means that we will eventually end up back in the same situation YET AGAIN? They fixed everything the first time and the only thanks that they, especially Enki and Ningizheda, got was to have their chronicles plagiarized, their names erased and reconstituted and cursed at by those who are too ignorant to think of the reasons and ultimate result of the decision that was rendered! I can’t help but be humored by the people who spout nonsense such as “Carpet bomb the whole MidEast, reduce it to glass, that’ll take care of the terrorists!” because more often than not they are the same people who condemn the Counsel for doing just that and yes it was to get rid of the terrorists that were threatening the existence of everything! You can’t have it both ways, you are either FOR doing what you feel needs to be done for the greater good or you’re just a hypocrite who can’t deal with reality. For the record I am against carpet bombing the MidEast because terrorists are everywhere and they aren’t all Muslim! HONORABLE ENKI please be with us this Full Bloody Buck Moon! This Full Moon is called the Buck Moon because this is the time of year when male moose and deer shed their old antlers and grown new ones for the sake of protection and hunting for food! That this Full Moon is not only a Blood Moon but a Lunar Eclipse as well is no surprise given everything that is happening the world over; the poisoning of the Earth, the pollution of the Water, the Toxicity of the Air and the Volcanoes that can no longer sit still, all of these things if they are allowed to continue can only lead us all down one road and it is NOT one we want to travel down! The end of that road will draw the same conclusions that it did the last time we found ourselves heading down it! Now is the time to stop rushing through life, to take the time to sit down and contemplate everything that has happened and IS happening! To take a hard, deep introspective look at ourselves and remember that ALL of us are Spiritual Being and to discount or ignore this fact only serves to cut us off from everything around us; the trees, the animal kingdom, each other and the rest of the Multiverse! Only accepting what you can see, hear and feel also makes one an ineffective worker of ANY and ALL forms of Magick because if you are disconnected from everything due to believing that reality is ONLY what you can hear, see and feel then how can you commune with the Spirit World? With the Deity? With the Wee Ones? With Nature itself? You cannot see the Air, does this mean it doesn’t exist? We can’t see gravity, does that now also cease to exist? There is always more than one way to see something, this is why we all have “Third Eyes”! We implore you Enki, Ningizheda and the Great Counsel to recognize that for all those who are causing the senseless destruction to also cast your gaze upon those who are taking a stand against it and doing what they feel is right to turn the tide and tread upon more favorable waters! We know that the fight is going to be long and hard but like you, we are bound and determined to change things for the better! AVE SATANI! HAIL SATAN! “Bloodline In The Sand We were born from the Dragons Heart, With passion and pride right from the start! Earth for skin and Water for Vitality, Breath of Life and Fiery Vivacity! Darkness and Light show each other respect, Knowing that all things are cause and effect! Impressed upon us is maintaining the Balance, It sounds easy but can be quite the challenge! Everything went smoothly in the beginning state, Until the Human decided he didn’t need to remunerate! Forgetting themselves and how they came to be, So those at the top set the Elements free! There was one whose heart balked at the atrocity, His personal sacrifice was met with much animosity! Now we find ourselves heading in the same dire direction, The way to change course is through deep reflection! We must remember who we are and reciprocate the love, From the Earth Below to the Endless Dimensions around and Above! Right now we are in serious trouble, If we don’t act now we’ll burst our own bubble! There is still time to turn things around, It will take effort, energy and cooperation abound! The Ones who always existed are keeping close watch with eye and ear, Make no mistake, they are NOT coming back, THEY ARE ALREADY HERE! -Nemesis Nexus” ZI ANA KANPA! ZI KIA KANPA! MAY THE DEAD RISE AND SMELL THE INCENSE! Etiamsi MULTA Et Nos UNUM Sumus Nos Sto Validus Ut Nos Sto Una! Semper Veritas, Semper Fideles, In Diabolus Nomen Nos Fides! AVE SATANÍ! (We Are ONE Even Though We Are MANY And We Stand STRONGEST When We Stand TOGETHER! Always TRUTHFUL, Always FAITHFUL, In Satan's Name We Trust! HAIL SATAN!) Ave URURU! Ave ENKI/EA! Ave NINGIZHEDA! Ave AZIMUA! Ave DIMUZI! Ave ININNI! Ave ERESHKIGAL! Ave NERGAL! Ave GILGAMESH! Ave ENKIDU! Ave TIAMAT! Ave ABSU! Ave MARDUK! Ave SARPANITUM! Ave SATANÍ! HAIL SATAN! HPS Meg "Nemesis Nexus" Prentiss