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guzsdaily · 7 months

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Shutting up and doing things

Day 113 - Feb 26th, 12.024

Well, again, a video changing how I see things in my life.

The videos & The concept

I recently saw these two videos: Code In Secret, by bigboxSWE and its reference video, The Unfair Advantage That Introverts Have, by HealthyGamerGG, and their concepts are starting to affect some things in the way I do things. Both of them talk about the concept of how to maintain motivation and how language can replace action.

In more details, paraphrasing a lot of the content from the videos, the same way that venting out and saying about negative things and traumas of yourself can reduce the negative thoughts that you have inside your mind, it can also happen to positive things and motivation. Saying about your goals, objectives, projects and what you want to do can remove your energy of actually doing that. The action of saying something can replace the action of actually doing something, you already said as a fact that you are going to do it, so why bother if it already will become a fact like you said? Not only that, but in a conversation, you can receive the same positive feedback that you would get doing the thing, and also gives the opportunity to someone to compare and end up reducing your expectations of what you're motivated on doing.

Talking a lot, doing little

And you can already see where I'm going with this when I'm the person here which runs an entire daily blog and creative-process work log journal.

However, it is not only that, apparently this can actually be one of the big factors which affects my life and motivation. I have always, always, talked about my projects to friends, which also have their projects and share creative things and concepts to each other, and what happens almost always after I say every detail of a project I'm working on? I stop it. And unfortunately there are a lot of examples of this happening to me, I have started a lot of things out of nowhere, started working on them, and as soon as I talk to someone, it starts to slow down and stopping. Nonetheless, you can actually see this happening just some days ago, with the Hobbiest Monologue and Elementria projects that I have shared on Day 100, I pretty much lost all motivation of doing them after that, I'm not even joking or exaggerating.

A lot of times I build up motivation, energy, ideas, start on creating logos and notes, build up everything... and share it with friends with proud, just to right after lose interest. And, even if I like doing these daily blogs, and even if they help me have something to do every day, I can't deny that it also worse this problem of oversharing.

Shutting up

Will I stop sharing ideas? No. Will I stop these daily blogs? Also, no. Like everything is in life, there can, and should, be a balance, and it is impossible for me to completely shut up about my projects, I actually need to talk about them if I want to complete my objectives in life. But, I never actually planned correctly how to talk about them.

The main thing that I should change is talking about projects before they even start, I always start talking right after I start doing it, without the project even maturing into something that I actually feel like continuing and creating a routine to complete. Also, this opens the opportunity to actually show something instead of just talking about it, I always wanted to fill these posts with code snippets, GIFs, etc. of the projects, so focusing on doing them instead of just talking about it would be better. This is also something which helps with my plans of how I want to use social media in general, to be something to show my work, be a public portfolio.

And the second, which I kinda explain why I'm talking about "shutting up", on a daily blog, and venting out ideas, is to actually read what I write and be more conscious of what I share with others. All my blogs I do on pretty much one go, without looking back and reading everything, so it ends up being a more casual thing which I can complete in a reasonable amount of time. However, I should probably at least read what I write to know what I'm motivated about and why I'm motivated about something, get that motivation and energy back instead of just putting it out into the wild.

Hopefully writing this didn't exhaust all my motivation of actually following these things and concept.

Today's artists & creative things Music: The Loneliest - by Måneskin

#daily blog

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juniormadness · 1 year

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Just wanted to post something since it’s been awhile. I never got that skinny body I wanted and I stunted my growth. My dad is 6’2 and my mom is 5’8 and I am shorter than both. I would’ve been taller than my dad or close to something significant at least but I ruined that for myself. I don’t think I use to overshare on this account but since I have no one to talk to. I’m sure I have an intersex condition and getting tested, but that is all. I’ve gained a good mass of muscle onto my body so I’m kind of built now. My goal for this year is to be built like one of the mini pekka twins. I continue to try and stay away from anorexia or an eating disorder. I am 170 pounds today. Since I’m a guy who works out the majority of it is muscle, my previous statements on building muscle are real, I did not lie when I said that! I am bulking but it is very hard. My mind wants to lose but I know I have to gain but I need to maintain and I can’t decide.

Sadly I wont be able to reach my anorexic dream body. Since I have accepted myself over this past year I realize being a short, anorexic, grown ass man is not acceptable. What woman will take me seriously? My only choice is to build. When women hear my voice in public they turn around to see what guy has that booming voice and by their faces I see they realized I’m a teenager and are disappointed. I am a little boy to them already and being some small stickman will make it worse. I’m not 5’4 short but I am short enough. Chin hair finally grew in and I turned 18 this year so I am officially a man now. I will probably post in another year or two just to see where I’m at in life since I used this as a journal before. Once again sorry for pretending, I copied the way a lot of the girls I saw text online and I even copied my cousin too. I came clean last year about it but I will just say it was a big cope but I never lied in my posts about anything. That woman I wrote about ruined my life when I was only 5 and now I barely know how to function in society because of her. I would be a totally different person without her and I am angry and sad everyday about the things she did to me and made me do. That is all. I don’t know what to tag this but if you read this at all thank you for your time and I’m glad you could hear me.

#ana journal #black ana #juvenilemayhem #tw disordered thoughts #disorded eating #eating disoder trigger warning

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davetheshady · 5 years

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may I politely request ⭐dealer's choice director's commentary⭐for pretty much any part of Love is All You Need to Destroy Your Enemies?

Did you mean: infodump about Chapter 5?

We start off in medias res during Pteranodon Attack-Gate from Episode 4: PTA Meeting. Since most of the fic runs parallel to WTNV’s storyline for the first ~two years, the way I narrowed down which events to feature was to read through the transcripts and take note of which ones had Carlos, which ones featured science/magic/time travel-related elements, which ones had weird discrepancies or unsolved details that could be explained by Carlos/science/magic/time travel/all of the above, and which ones I just liked a lot.

Incidentally, Cecil issues a correction that the winged reptiles in question were actually pterodactyls, not pteranodons, which was then promptly forgotten by the showrunners lol.

"—And then Kelly pulled her hamstring while they were doing the Fixing of a Nail position. I'm trying to convince her that she and Joe should do yoga together, I think it would really cut back on minor injuries and also they both look great in yoga pants. Anything new with you, Carlos?"

"Nothing that compares to... hamstring injuries," says Carlos, from his position on top of the Sciencemobile.

"All right," says Kate, adjusting an enormous pair of mirrored aviator shades. "Then describe the Barstow formation."

Since literal character doubling was such an important part of the plot, I had a lot of fun with thematic character doubling, too. Carlos and Kate (and the other grad students) are actually pretty close in age, and here we see her willing to put herself into danger to get the job done while casually chatting with her colleagues. Also, there’s a nice dose of karma for the books in Carlos having to deal with someone else oversharing details about their relationships, compounded by the fact that unlike his all of Kate’s are actually true. (In nicer doubling news: Kate is the one who gets her degree in science, has functional romantic relationships, AND continues to work in Night Vale, which are all eventually Carlos’ hashtag life goals.)

"Maybe it was future you," asks Julie, who does not sound appropriately concerned for the potentially diverted course of the Currents of Time. Or for the potentially diverted course of the already unlinear life of Carlos.

This is the first conversation where she’s ‘Julie’ in his mental narration. I enjoyed having her be hilariously unsympathetic to his concerns here, because her priorities are still very different, but it also sets up a baseline. She doesn’t bother worrying about hypotheticals from the weird shit, but actual hard data (like, Carlos not sleeping and having minor breakdowns in her lab) is what prompts her to share reactions besides SCIENCE! and snark.

His stomach roils at the thought of more time travel. "Some kind of illusion is more likely," he says: some person or creature temporarily assuming his form, probably for sinister purposes. He reluctantly adds those weird doubles from the sandstorm to his list of possible suspects, though his dissolved right in front of him in the middle of next March and there haven't been any sandstorms recently.

oh hey haha what’s that

One of my biggest pet peeves in fiction is when allegedly intelligent characters ignore obvious plot points so the writer can railroad the story in their chosen direction. On the other hand, it is genuinely difficult to avoid spoiling your plot twists if your main character is actively trying to figure them out. I leaned heavily on “the character has all the basic details… along with so much other information they can’t realistically narrow it down”, combined with some red herrings: an obvious one (illusion magic) and hopefully a more convincing one (time travel as the only relevant plot: it's DEFINITELY involved, but its presence is obscuring another facet of the plot altogether).

There's always a risk that astute readers will figure it out, but, like… so? That just means instead of shocking plot twist reveal, they get an “I KNEW IT!” reveal, which is equally satisfying in a different way. As long as the characters have convincing reasons for not figuring it out, it's hopefully still enjoyable to follow along with them as they wander around in the dark.

(And just for clarification: that was Doppel-Carlos crashing the town hall meeting when he and Dr. Raith were testing out time vortices.)

Andre hands him a copy of the Night Vale Daily Journal. “’Look your best to face the void. Smooth-chinned souls are most enjoyed’,” reads Carlos. “‘Burma-Shave.’”

"No, below the ads," says Andre.

1) ‘character reads wrong piece of information in paper’ is a classic goof (“There’s a sale at Penney’s!”) and I found it very amusing to repeatedly attribute it to Carlos, since he’s genuinely trying to locate the important information. Unfortunately for him, he lives in Night Vale and no longer has a filter for “useless nonsense”, because even the nonsense has proven relevant and/or kinda murdery before.

2) Burma-Shave! This was passed down to me as part of our Great American Roadtrip Family Lore (I come from a long line of roadtrippers) and it’s definitely the kind of kitschy 50s detail that fits so well in Night Vale.

"Oh!" says Cecil. "What were you studying?"

"Bioremediation for contaminated pit lakes via sulfur-reducing bacteria," says Carlos truthfully.

Why? Because I edited one of my friends’ papers on it, that’s why. (Birds kept landing on it and dying, which is also a very Night Vale detail.)

When he returns, he finds Cecil standing by the record player with his back against the wall, staring fixedly at Carlos’ vinyl copy of Ixnay on the Hombre.

One of the DF books (I think White Night) had a hilariously high number of characters showing up wearing band t-shirts, and Carlos’ was for The Offspring. (The original file name for this fic was Original Prankster, back when I thought it would be three chapters long.)

“It’s about a wizard stranded in a strange, uncharted desert territory,” [Cactus Judy] says serenely.

Cactus Jane! I decided to make her a recurring character because 1) she’s in a time travel episode (Episode 18: The Traveler), 2) both she and TMITJ had the detail where no one can remember their real name, which seemed significant, and 3) WTNV itself did not have very many recurring female characters at that point. She’s into Shakespeare because I personally knew a lot of relevant Shakespeare quotes, but also as a hint that’s she’s a lot older (and thus a lot more supernatural) than she seems: Shakespeare was a HUGE part of pop culture in the 19th century, particularly in the southwest. Theater companies used to make more money going on tour through states with precious metal mines than they did during their whole season in the big coastal cities, probably because jaded city folks never threw gold nuggets on stage to show their appreciation.

If life is a contest between good and evil, Cecil would be one of the people handing out stickers just for participating.

This is one of my favorite lines.

My plan is fool-proof! It's sheer elegance in its simplicity!

Look, if you enjoyed this fic, WTNV, and/or The Dresden Files, you should probably go watch The Middleman. Yes, I know it’s not streaming, do it anyway. Load up on antivenom and go rent it from your local library.

“Could you [create a time vortex]?""Oh, for sure," says Carlos. "All I'd need would be a couple years to do nothing but work on a highly illegal spell and figure out a way to steal an entire ley-line's worth of power and excise my sense of morality and self-preservation.”

And WHAT are the odds of THAT

It's not that Carlos doesn't like him. It just wouldn't be fair to lead him on when Carlos wouldn't actually—

Well, Carlos wouldn’t mind asking but he doesn’t normally go for—

Okay, Carlos could definitely make an exception for Cecil and—

And—

oh NO he accidentally used logic to make himself admit he has FEELINGS

One of the reasons I love this pairing is that you have Cecil, who is incredibly emotionally open (all the time, on public radio) as a distinct contrast to Carlos, who is so used to putting up a very specific facade that he even does it to himself and then struggles when he doesn't have it to rely on. It creates conflict, but it also means they have very different perspective they can share with each other.

"Did the earth move for you, too?" says Cecil.

"Bwuh?" replies Carlos.

"At the monitoring station," says Cecil, because right, they're talking about science and not about how Carlos may or may not have accidentally developed a tiny, tiny crush on Cecil, who is standing right in front of him and looking extremely interested in what he's saying and will commit his words to memory and lovingly repeat them for all the world, or at least all of Night Vale and anyone else who received the same odd death curse as Carlos, to hear.

"Oh. Hmm – unh," replies Carlos, then shakes his head. Not talking, that's the way to go. That way he won't accidentally say something he doesn't mean, or worse, something he does mean but probably shouldn't say. Cecil can ask him science questions and he can shake his head yes or no, and maybe refer him wordlessly to supplementary materials, and it will all be very professional and—

"Where did you get your shirt?" asks Cecil. "It fits you so well."

"I'll look at my notes and computer models and see if I can figure out what's going on," Carlos blurts out, and practically runs from the room.

One of the reasons I started writing this fic (SEPTEMBER 2013, BABY god I feel old) was because we all knew Carlos was immensely important to Cecil, but had relatively little information about him, and ALL of it was filtered through our unreliable narrator. So… I just kind of ran with that.

But on top of the obvious unreliability of “didn't notice Carlos was a wizard from a different series”, I wanted to do it on the smaller scale, too, and put a different spin on the touchstones of their growing relationship that everyone was already familiar with. So this interaction is now a crisis for both of them, and for dramatically/hilariously different reasons.

“If you’re worried about going native, I’ve got bad news for you, buddy, because you do more chanting than anyone I’ve met.”

Another one of my favorite lines.

“I’ve had to hunt down people I know before, and trust me, it’s not a fun date night!”

Between Molly and fanon interpretations of Cecil, Carlos’ type is apparently 1) weird tattoos, 2) unusually-colored hair, and 3) can kill him

There's a brief hiss from the TV's speakers, and then Cecil says, in a small, forlorn voice, “I don't know if he listens to me, sometimes.”

Carlos puts his head down and laughs bitterly.

I LOVE IRONY

But even though I wanted to subvert the surface meaning, Cecil DOES still have a point. He got a good look at Carlos’ soul when they first met and still fell in love instantly, but Carlos has a difficult time hearing that because at this point he fundamentally does not believe he’s worthy of that kind of love. In order to truly believe Cecil, he also has to start learning to love and accept himself. (It’s very much a work in progress, but nobody’s perfect.) The title isn’t just meant to refer to romantic love – self-love, friendship, familial love, and unconditional love for the humanity of his trash fire town are equally important, because they all support each other.

hmu for more dvd commentary!

#thusjuniperus #love is all you need to destroy your enemies #Welcome to Night Vale #ask dave #the dresden files #fic #writing

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fleetwooded · 6 years

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some processing, and deliberating on processing:

my mom came to mtl to help me pack up everything i own this weekend and we did very little work until the last morning and instead walked all over the whole city talking. getting to know my mom and starting to understand her has been one of the biggest joys of my adult life, and i feel very lucky to get to be honest with her and watch us grow together. i made her read this springsteen interview on friday, and we talked a lot about it, especially the bit where he says “as we age, the weight of our unsorted baggage becomes heavier... much heavier. With each passing year, the price of our refusal to do that sorting rises higher and higher.” our whole family has had to reckon with a lot of our history & dynamics recently, so we are all trying to do that sorting, together and separately.

for me, part of that is processing my feelings through writing, and, often, sharing those feelings. things get muddled when they stay in my head, and while sometimes i can process by writing in a private journal, sometimes i need a record that feels more substantial, and posting stuff on semi-public platforms creates a sense of validation and formalization that makes me feel less adrift. i’m always extremely aware of the tension that is created by doing this on social media - i think that in the past, i turned to social media platforms because i wanted explicit validation of my feelings from other people, but didn’t want to endure the nakedness of being vulnerable. the internet allows us to connect and receive connection from a distance, and that means that there is a very fine line between productive community building/emotional support and empty, superficial validation that only acts as a bandaid, or further inhibits our ability to be sincere in our physical lives.

now, i try to always check in before i post something. evaluate: how would i feel if i saw this on a social media feed? is it forcing my friends and strangers to see emotional volatility/distress that would be upsetting, or guilt them into providing emotional support beyond their capacity/responsibility? is it productive and healthy for me to share this processing, and do i think i would benefit from having people bear witness to these events and feelings? does this have the potential to spark deeper thinking or conversation that could be beneficial for both me and the other party? sometimes, i genuinely do not know, and i share things anyway. sometimes, i share things, and then immediately feel guilty or naked when someone interacts with the post and i know that someone other than me has seen it. i know that using this platform as both a personal diary and a fandom blog is playing with fire, but it’s the only internet space i keep completely separate from my real life, and therefore allows me to talk about things without being asked about them later. that’s part of the reason that i keep my circles on here as small as possible, and i don’t share this blog with any of my close fandom friends i met on other platforms.

anyways, i have no answers, i don’t know anything, and i likely will continue oversharing a lot about my life based solely on intuition re: whether or not it’ll make me feel better. i am now landed back at home and have to do some serious reckoning with what my future is going to look like, so stay posted on that i guess!

#dear diary and all that #just in case it's not already clear #you really do not have to read any of this or my other personal posts if you don't want to!#even if we are friends!!#feel free to read/interact if you feel comfortable #i always do appreciate connecting with you guys and your kind words in troubled times mean a lot to me #but the last thing i want to do is hold anyone hostage to my feelings

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shiroe-is-my-baby · 6 years

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Self Insert Bio’s: Food Wars

🍴 Name: Ashley Wolfe

🍴 Age: 24

🍴 Personality: She’s reserved and shy, but more upbeat and chipper with her friends. Once she gets to know someone she slowly starts to open up. When she talks, she tends to talk a lot and overshare at times when she’s nervous. She’s very ambitious and sarcastic with those that she’s close to. She falls in love rather fast and has a habit of being clingy. When she finds something that she wants, it’s hard to deter her from it.

🍴 Backstory: She was born into a family that had a strong passion for cooking, her parents actually being students at Totsuki, which is what really surprised Kojiro once they met. They’re renowned chefs that were hoping she would follow in the family footsteps. But soon she realized that cooking isn’t her strong suit. In fact, most of what she touches she burns and ruins and seems to have a bad touch with food.

This devastated her parents, and even they couldn’t quite teach her. Nor did they really have the time to. This is why she always assumed she’d go on a different career path. She was a freelance journalist at the time, doing food reviews on the side and having rather a decent knowledge of cuisine. It wasn’t really until her friends invited her to one of Kojiro’s restaurants on their opening to the public, that she remembered her longing to cook for herself someday.

🍴 Kojiro: Ashley has always been a fan of his food and him as well. She was a bit of a fangirl of him, but a closet one that didn’t go so far when they first interacted. Since she was well-known in the journaling world, meeting him was rather easy. She boasted about him for hours, which he wasn’t about to let her go if she had so many good things to say about him.

After their initial meeting, she found herself finding excuses to run into him, knowing that he’d be in town for a while at the new restaurant. She assured herself it wasn’t stalking and found herself insisting on speaking to him which wasn’t anything but beneficial to him and herself. This was when she asked if she could learn from him, which was a bold question for someone of his stature.

But since she was so persistent and a bit of an annoyance, Kojiro agreed on one occasion to see how good she was. This turned out to be a disaster and he wasn’t sure if he would be able to take on the challenge. Until he found out who her parents were, and (even though he continuously denied it) he did have a bit of a soft spot for her already.

🍴 Random Headcanons:

Kojiro’s sass doesn’t really bother her a lot. Only a few times is she rather sensitive to it, but he really liked how she didn’t take much shit from him. Which made him respect her in some way, though she was almost afraid he’d stop teaching her a few times that she snapped back.

Kojiro calls me his princess. But only really when we’re alone, usually in a hushed whisper in my ear because he loves to see me turn red and try to hide it.

The two of us don’t start falling for one another until after a while of me training underneath him. He realizes that he has feelings when he starts to feel weird about me getting attention from other men. He tries to keep this under wraps until one night at an event at his restaurant someone makes me feel uncomfortable and he kicks them out.

Since Kojiro is really busy, we usually only really hang out at night or early morning. I start sleeping over at his place fairly early since he likes my company and doesn’t mind as long as I’m gone before he has to get ready for work.

I do assist him on the job once he’s taught me enough and thinks that I’m good enough to be apart of his staff. Although, this doesn’t last for long considering how deeply our relationship advances. But he does offer to let me have my own restaurant, but I really just want to do it with him.

#self insert #self ship #self insert bio #self insert info #otp: food for the soul #insert: food wars

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the-boats-against-the-currents · 4 years

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adrift at sea

I’ve spent so much of my life trying to make myself smaller, more palatable, easy to get along with, not a problem for anyone, but now as an adult, it gets harder and harder to assert myself. On my worst days, I’ll hide out in my room all day, crying as quietly as possible and hoping no one notices enough to come check on me because I want to withdraw into myself until I’m ready to come out on my own terms. But at the same time, I sit there, desperately hoping that someone, anyone will push past that door and check on me. I know, that’s so self-serving and idealistic, but there is something, some little voice that keeps say, “maybe this will be the time, wait and see, someone will come”. And of course, no one does because this isn’t some desperately cheesy feel-good movie about the ✨power of friendship✨, yet here I am, hoping against hope for someone to both care enough and somehow pick up on the most subtle signs that I could be in distress, to come in and take me out for some ridiculously great spontaneous afternoon that changes my entire perspective on life, snaps me out of my depression, and makes me feel good about myself for a few hours. Like I said, a complete fiction but for some reason, a legitimate desire.

Even at astounding low point, I still have this urge to have my private breakdown and then come out of it all, shiny and fixed, damaged a little bit but holding it all together somehow. When I found out my parents were getting a divorce, on my first ever spring break trip with friends I had known for all of six months at that point, I sat outside alone on the veranda of the ridiculously nice condo we were staying in and had a very private public breakdown in front of the glass my friends were sitting 8 feet away from pretending not to watch me sob. I had it out, got my emotions back under control, and then walked back in like nothing had happened. I fielded questions, politely declined the offers to talk or stay up all night or share a bed, then went back to the room I was sleeping in, climbed into one of the two twin beds, and quietly cried myself to sleep. I figured that I was already staying in this room alone, so why bother leaning on the friends who had all opted to sleep 3 to a queen size bed rather than share this little front room with me? The next day, I slipped outside to call my parents again, had a short cry on the front stoop, then marched right back in full of piss and vinegar and proceeded to go about the rest of the trip normally. At night, I would slip out onto the veranda and journal for a few hours by flashlight before quietly slipping back inside to lay awake in bed all night.

I hid it and handled it on my own, like I have always done, but there was something about that sneaking around, the leaving of subtle but easily decipherable breadcrumbs that felt so much more cathartic than just having all of my emotions out all at once. Turning on a light prematurely in the pitch-black condo, making a little too much noise in the kitchen getting a glass of water, closing the veranda door a bit too loud, even asking our host for a notebook to write in all felt thrillingly obvious clues about how I was really doing, but each night, as everyone continued to give me space and let me grieve in the way I myself had established for myself on the first night, I got continually more disappointed that no one was checking in, culminating in my getting drunk for the first time and passing out in the middle of that big bed that everyone else was sharing to feel included. I’m not proud of the way I handled myself, then or now, but I think in some small way, that was what I needed at the time. And when I pulled my ass out of bed the next day, hungover and more miserable than before, everyone asked after me, checked in on my, and included me in things and that was exactly what the bruised part of my ego needed: attention and affirmation.

That’s still something I strive for regularly even now, although I have gotten a bit better at expressing it than that day. Alcohol is still a big escape for me in that regard, allowing me to turn into a more emotive, open, warm person before quickly plummeting further down into depression than where I started. I’m working on that, but it is so hard to let go of the things that used to serve you so well. I’m much closer with those friends now than I ever was, but I always feel like I bring up my own problems too much around them. Right behind that voice in my head that tells me to hide out and wait for someone to come find me is the voice that tells me to stop being such a burden, to handled my own problems without having to lean on people who have enough of their own shit to deal with. I still struggle with boundaries, both creating the boundaries to maintain myself and not seem to pushy or needy and the boundaries to allow me to say no to other people. With those same friends today, I feel like I either have to restrain myself from talking about what is bothering me so as not to overload them, or to allow them to vent to me and then let them walk away after asking the bare minimum about me or hardly listening when I take my turn. In both cases, I find myself trying so hard to make myself smaller, not overshare as much, be the good listener for my friends and family that I so strongly crave and eschew in my own life, that I feel inconsequential. Sometimes I’m so afraid to take up space or really feel the weight of my emotions fully that I forget to breathe. I’m holding in that air, waiting for the trouble to pass and the seas to calm and eventually, I realize I’ve forgotten to exhale, but no matter how hard I try to push that air out when the time comes, I feel like I’m still holding on to some part of it. It’s like I’ll never be able to breathe back in again so I hold some of it back as a safety net to keep myself from drowning when the next wave comes. But at the same time, the life raft floating right next to me goes unnoticed and I keep desperately treading water, waiting for the seemingly inevitable next wave to wash over me. I’m tired of swimming but I can’t quite find the strength to pull myself into that life raft, take a break, and take a real breath in and out.

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ercaimaomaomao · 5 years

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Annotated Bibliography

1. E., N., Anders, D., Kai, K., Joerg, N., Hannu, K., den, H., Karolien, P. and de, K. (2009). Playability and Player Experience Research [Panel Abstracts]. [online] Digra.org. Available at: http://www.digra.org/digital-library/publications/playability-and-player-experience-research-panel-abstracts/ [Accessed 21 Oct. 2019].

This article discusses the relationship between playability and player experience. The authors believe that they need to be more detailed in the professional world. Playability is only related to game design, while game experience is feedback from players. These feedbacks need to be addressed. In response to its relationship, the authors proposed a method of biometrics (tonic and phasic.) to quantify and directly link user experience and game design by testing various physiological and psychological indicators of the player in the game. Some feasible examples and methods have also been recorded. (including variables, observing ) I am very interested in the playability aspect of the game, although I would like to see the full player experiment results and data analysis. It clearly illustrates the relationship between the two and proposes an experimental measurement method that can manipulate and quantify the player's gaming experience. It has improved some of my cognition in the game.

2.Kuo, A., Hiler, J. and Lutz, R. (2016). From Super Mario to Skyrim: A framework for the evolution of video game consumption. Journal of Consumer Behaviour, 16(2), pp.101-120.

This article presents a framework for the integration between players, narratives, and gameplay, and the conflicts that arise among them. The author believes that with the development of the game, the current game is easier to shorten the distance between the player and the avatar, and the image in the game as a digital incarnation is not consciously substituted into its own character. And sometimes the narrative of the game will conflict with this phenomenon. The interview method was used to analyze 23 respondents and analyze the results. In the last discussion, the authors analyzed this: as technology evolves, they continue to merge, but new conflicts will emerge. This should attract the attention of more practitioners.

As a player, I often encounter such conflicts in the game, and this is a phenomenon that must occur in the development of the game. Perhaps there will be more intense conflicts with the upgrade of technology and gameplay. This article answers My doubts and gave me some inspiration in terms of playability. I think that too strong narrative will affect the normal playability of the game.

3. Sánchez, J, 2012. Playability: analysing user experience in video games. Behaviour & Information Technology, Volume 31, 2012 - Issue 10, 1033-1054.

The reference/journal discusses about the User eXperience(UX) and Player eXperience(PX). As gathering multidisciplinary knowledge during the development of video games, it has proved itself being not only entertain the users but forming a special interactive system while the current evaluation standard for UX and PX is no longer suitable. In the following context, the journal article discusses the difference between the UX and PX as well as giving proper definition of them. Followed by proposed a unified standard to evaluate the modern video games’ UX and PX, the article also use the method/standard to evaluate a practical video game to prove the sufficiency of the standard/method.

AS being focused on UX and PX of my software design, having a reference not only defined what they are but also shows the way to evaluate it is of critical importance -- although in the context it, the outdated method, should be abandoned due to not being sufficient to evaluate the UX and PX, it still generally describe a proper way to try to characterize the UX and PX. What’s more, the proposed method, which in the journal being sufficient and advanced, also proves to be of great importance.

4. Radovic, A., Gmelin, T., Stein, B. and Miller, E. (2017). Depressed adolescents' positive and negative use of social media. Journal of Adolescence, 55, pp.5-15.

The authors used mental health services to study 23 depressive adolescents using social media. Some teens believe that social media can alleviate or improve their emotions to some extent, such as giving them some social recognition. At the same time, the negative effects of social media also exist, which intangibly brings comparison with others. The author analyzed in detail the behaviors of Stressed Posting Oversharing and Triggering posts, which could easily lead to misunderstanding and cyberbullying, and affect patients' emotions. I was also a depression and overuse social media group. In addition to the good aspects of social media, it does have some negative emotional effects (maybe even more severe for people with depression). Few examples given by the author. They are born because of the emotions of people with depression. Excessive sharing makes other people feel uncomfortable. Understanding the reasons for their behavior can give society a richer understanding of the depression population. This article deepens my understanding of social media neutrality psychology and is very helpful for doing such research. In addition to the use of social media for depression patients, I am also interested in this interview method.

5. Zarzycki, A. (2016). Epic video games: Narrative spaces and engaged lives. International Journal of Architectural Computing, 14(3), pp.201-211.

This article looks at some epic video games that focus on narratives-games that put narrative initiative in the hands of players are becoming increasingly popular. Video games are a medium that has the ability to reproduce historical details and is highly engaged and immersive. But this narrative method also has a long story line, which leads to its ending can be simplified within a few scenarios. In terms of game experience, they mostly give players some small tasks or allow players to explore freely to expand the playability of the game. The combination of narrative and open world frameworks is mostly effective. At the same time, the author analyzes some similar films-although their narratives are non-linear and non-interactive, they also provide possible solutions for the interactive narrative model. These games connect the historical or virtual world with the real world. Therefore, it is important to explore more immersive and feedback mechanisms.

I chose this article because I pay less attention to these games, although they are very popular. What I am most interested in in this article is the part that compares it with movies, especially the solutions that movies provide for narrative games. They belong to two types of narrative media, but they all have similarities. Compared with other games, the game experience brought by this type of game is more interactive and narrative, and the playability is slightly weaker, which is very helpful for studying the user experience of the game.

6.Huang, H., Akbaria, H., Alef, N., Liukitithara, P., Marazzi, M., Verhaelen, B., Yang, G. and Rau, P. (2018). International Users’ Experience of Social Media: A Comparison Between Facebook and WeChat. Lecture Notes in Computer Science, pp.341-349.

This is a survey report of international user satisfaction on WeChat and Facebook. The author used a questionnaire to survey 98 international users and made some assumptions. The survey results show that users are more satisfied with WeChat's voice call, video call, voice messages and emoji / sticker. Satisfaction with Facebook news and posts is high. In terms of security and privacy, neither WeChat nor Facebook is fully trusted by users. In addition, this report also discusses in detail why the two applications are used and why they are not used. Such as locale and issues that may be monitored.

The advantages and disadvantages of social media in different aspects, the main direction of WeChat and Facebook are different. This report helps to draw some social media user experience analysis by investigating various aspects of user use of the app.

7.Schulzke, M. (2014) ‘The Critical Power of Virtual Dystopias’, Games and Culture, 9(5), pp. 315–334. doi: 10.1177/1555412014541694.

The point of this article is that video games are often an effective way to present a dystopian world. Especially MMOrpg, building a dystopian world has a large fault tolerance rate, and in the game is dominated by players, they participate in the activities of this world, determine the cause and effect, and itself become a part of the logic of filling this world. In terms of reflecting the utopian world, because the game always maps to the display world, some discriminatory behaviors always exist, so the author believes that this method has certain limitations.

From the earliest dystopian film metropolis to the popular dystopian games nowadays, the audience has only been able to watch and experience and participate in the narrative of the game. Group narrative is still relatively special in game narrative. I should use it in my later research.

8. Arsena S., S. (2019). Utilizing 3 UI and UX Design Factors to Improve a Video Game’s Look and Feel. [online] Medium. Available at: https://medium.com/skyshidigital/3-ui-and-ux-design-factors-to-improve-a-video-games-look-and-feel-fa569ae6273b [Accessed 16 Nov. 2019].

This article talks about some key points of UI design to improve user experience. Mainly Ambience Sensibility and Simplicity. A good UI needs to have these characteristics. For example, the overall game type can be inferred based on a UI. Some of these points are linked to hardware functions. UI and UX are closely linked. The game UI in my graduation design will refer to this article.

9. Geraghty, L. (2017). Can Pikachu die? Online fan conspiracy theories and the Pokémon gaming universe. The Journal of Fandom Studies, 5(1), pp.3-20.

The earliest successful transmedia narrative is the Bible. transmedia narratives focus on narrative through different forms of media. As the world's most valuable IP, Pokémon is undoubtedly successful in this regard. This article analyzes the connection and narrative between Pokémon GO and other media narratives. This series has more than 20 years of history. Its games, animations have immersion and continuity, and the maps of Pokemon GO are fully connected to the real world. Fans can create and communicate among them, which also brings huge social possibilities. Pokémon GO is a phenomenal paradigm of complex transmedia narratives. The author believes that in addition to higher technology, staff should also pay more attention to user expectations.

This article mainly analyzes the success of Pokémon's transmedia narrative field. The birth of this IP is unique, but it is still worthy of reference. What a good transmedia narrative needs to do is to bring continuous An immersive experience. At the same time, I think it can also be used as an important argument in my game research (especially some famous IP).

10. Nedelcheva, I. (2019). Analysis of Transmedia Storytelling in Pokémon GO. [online] Zenodo. Available at: https://zenodo.org/record/1128275#.Xc63UVf7SUk [Accessed 15 Nov. 2019].

This article mainly tells Pokémon fans to fill in the gaps or create their own stories based on the Pokémon narrative universe. Because the game combines Eastern and Western cultures, some can reflect reality, making cross-cultural communication easy to understand. For example, the Unova area corresponds to New York after 9/11. It's also interesting that players in gen1 guess the relationship between them based on Pokemon's evolutionary gap. These creations help to weave a more diverse narrative framework and illustrate the importance of fan media's narrative in the game.

Game narratives are diverse, whether they are meta-narratives, polynarrative narratives, multimedia narratives, or fan narratives. I'm very interested in game narrative, because I also create related products based on the game's blank space. It will become my reference in future research.

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jess-oh · 6 years

Text

Reflection

hey journal!

im keeping up with this!

honestly, i couldve been a lot more productive today but i tried so hard to sleep that i ended up wasting my day away instead of being more pro-active. i ate oatmeal for dinner and went to power hour this morning with jenny! i wasnt thrilled at first bc i went to bed around 1:30am and had to wake up around 5:30am so that I could leave by 6am and make it to the train stop by 8am. Surprisingly, I did not fall asleep once on my way to the stop though I did knock out on the way back. I know I could’ve easily ditched but transportation isn’t really an excuse to bail out on something! I’ve been guilty of it in the past too but especially seeing how easily people gave up just bc of of rides showed that their hearts werent in the right place at all. I wanted to go to power hour today and pray and intercede within the church. And I wasn’t going to let rides stop me from doing so. I can’t just give up. I have to at least try first and exhaust all my options. I know that it’d be a lot easier to just not go but so long as people are willing to help me, I’d be more than happy to come. And I’m not going to power hour to “look good.” In fact, I do wish more people in MVMT would come out and really understand the value and weight of prayer. But I know that theyre busy with their own things and it does take a lot of time to go and commit. I’m not judging them for not going. I’m not going to look good or to “be better.” I’m going because I want to pray. I’m going because I know there’s a lot of weight behind it and I want to help do my part. I do think I’ve been blessed with the gift of prayer and I can get really passionate in the moment. And I also know this is something I need to work on. To really develop and cultivate my faith via the Word and not just by feelings. To not believe the Word is always directly related to me but to see it for what it is so that I can gain a better understanding of who God is and as a result, be able to better share the gospel and evangelize to my friends. I know I’m jetlagged and that could’ve been a valid excuse but I really did want to go and I am really happy that I did. I went this morning and Pastor William led it and instead of individually praying for one topic each, we all prayed for one topic at a time. And I was kind of taken aback when P. William asked me to close and I wasn’t actually sure if I heard him correctly. Did he hear my praying and think I was passionate enough to close? Tbh, I was pretty tired and out of it but wanted to try and stay focused but I do think I was off my A-game today. Maybe he was just impressed by my willingness to come despite having just recently returned from California and wanted to acknowledge that! Or maybe it’s just because I haven’t been to Power Hour in a while and he wanted to give me an opportunity to close since everyone else already had recently. That’s probably the most logical explanation. Regardless, I was pretty shocked but as I closed, I was surprised at how passionately I was speaking. I was actually on the verge of tears and my voice broke a few times. But then I quickly closed and the ladies prayed together on one side and the guys on the other. I got to share about the classes I’m taking during the coming semester as well as my concerns for the school year. I used to have Sharlene to keep me accountable and share life with at school and we both supported each other through thick and thin and while I am beyond glad she’s going where God is calling her to be, I am sad to have lost a friend. And I am worried that I’ll fall victim to the lifestyle and culture at school and just grow bitter towards everything instead of keeping my eyes on God. Regardless if I find someone new to replace her or not, I do want to make an honest attempt to keep my focus fixated on God and Him alone. And I think by reading the Word more often is one way that I can. I am also hoping I’ll be able to be more trusting within the Lakeview community and really share my life with them. I know I’m on pretty good terms with some Catalyst peeps like Anna, Elsa, and I guess Sharon? But I also want to press further into my relationships with the people in Movement as well. I was super depressed last year and suffered a lot of heartache, especially when Robbin passed away. And Shar was there for me. I trusted her so deeply and I knew that her intentions were pure. The response I got whenever sharing with Movement was always awkward and close to none. Which I get, I was probably oversharing at times and making some people feel uncomfortable but it did feel pretty discouraging to share in a time of need and have no one respond very positively. And I know it was my decision to share to encourage others to do so as well but it definitely made me feel like I couldn’t really trust them. But I did trust Sharlene and I still do but it’ll definitely be harder now without her physically around. I don’t want to feel so alone again. And I’m really hoping that I won’t. But yeah, I shared that. I also prayed for the service tomorrow and that people wouldn’t just treat it as any other service but for them to feel unafraid to feel an encounter with God. Just because it isn’t a revival night or a retreat shouldn’t stop people from really coming to God. They made the decision to come to His house and I prayed that regardless of their life stage, especially because tomorrow is also a joint service, no one would feel afraid to just really come before God and be with Him.

Behold Our God Seated on His throne Come let us adore Him Behold Our King Nothing can compare Come let us adore Him

I also prayed for the Movement ministry that we wouldnt get caught up in our studies or the moment and instead keep our gaze fixated on God because without Him, nothing matters. All of this is for nothing. I prayed that throughout our studies, we would never forget that we aren’t studying for a good GPA or to please our parents but so we can better serve God in whatever capacity He has called us to. In my prayer group, Jenny shared about her heart for the MEF marathon this weekend among other things and Julie, P. Dub’s wife, shared about the struggles of having to deal with the recent flood in their house. Their physical belongings were thankfully not ruined but the garage is still a mess and her insurance is only willing to cover 5k. God, I pray that regardless of what happens, Julie can continue to just really trust you. Whether you bless her with the funds or have the repairs make a deep cut into her bank account, I hope she can know and understand that there is an underlying lesson from you hidden in this moment. It sucks right now but I do pray she can trust you. Honestly, I think I bragged a little bit unintentionally while praying for her. Her circumstances seemed similar to my own so I wanted to acknowledge that and let her know that I understand what she’s going through to some extent but I think I didn’t need to mention how my mom sold her wedding band to pay for the damages done on our own house. After that, we ate together and it felt like we were gossiping about other people which I was a bit uncomfortable with. I also opened up to P. William about my experience back home and how I actually left to escape a toxic situation but being up close and personal with everything back home, I was forced to face all my prior fears and insecurities and got a lot of closure as a result. And tbh, I don’t think he was expecting me to talk so much and wanted to leave the conversation ASAP and I felt kinda bad but I’m hoping some others will want to hear more about my time back home tomorrow. It seems like people noticed I was gone which tbh, I was also kinda surprised about bc I was only gone for a month. It’s probably just because I spent so much time at church for VBS for so long and then suddenly didn’t come at all. Even when Jenny picked me up from the train station this morning, I shared a little bit about the closure I received back home but she seemed more interested to talk about herself. Which I did try and be attentive towards and be humble instead of hurt but yeah. meh.

After power hour, I shared my thoughts about downtown ministry and city outreach to Jenny and her husband. She told me about a homeless shelter that could serve as a good outreach opportunity for movement since it’s in between downtown and NU. I’m definitely going to keep it in mind! That is something I would like to do but it’s also a big commitment and idk if anyone would actually come.

Oh! I also spent some time playing with Samantha and Andrew this morning while waiting for Jenny to get ready at her house. I am really grateful that she’s so willing to drive me to church from the Dempster-Skokie stop on the yellow line. It’s feasible for me to take public transportation at no cost of my own to get to church. I know that I’ve been called to serve at Lakeview so I’m going to continue to do so, regardless of the cost. I won’t let anything stop me.

Finally, I confronted Eliza about using my dish soap and she kindly backed off, I tried using my plastic wiper and it went pretty well! I attached the wet wip and all was fine! I made oatmeal for dinner, did my dishes, had a good few conversations with Andrew, and now I’m here. Oh, I also asked Jason if he could take me tomorrow since I know Jenny always goes early and is already committed to taking me to power hour every Saturday so I don’t want to intrude. I’ll probably respond to Andrew, wrap up my leftover oatmeal, shower, and then prepare for tomorrow. I need to buy a new Bible since apparently I left mine at home! :( Sad.

#reflection

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newseveryhourly · 7 years

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social media - BingNews

We Asked People to Sum Up Their Worst Social Media Fail in Six Words

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Twitter closes in on first ever profitable quarter as it adds 4 million new users

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Twitter stock jumps as much as 12% as the social media company nears first profitable quarter

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Kate, William, and Harry are hiring someone to run their social media — here's how you can apply

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C2 4.5 inch QHD Screen 3G Smartphone MTK6572 Dual Core 1.3GHz 4GB ROM GPS Dual Camera (2156) #Gearbest

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N900 Mini 4.0 inch Android 4.2 Smartphone SP8810 1.0GHz WVGA Screen Dual SIM Bluetooth (2161) #Gearbest

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Haier W718 4.0 inch Waterproof Android 4.2 3G Smartphone MTK6572 Dual Core 1.2GHz 4GB WVGA Screen Dual Cameras GPS (2065) #Gearbest

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Y9190+ 4.0 inch Android 4.2 3G Smart Phone MTK6572 Dual Core 1.2GHz 4GB ROM WVGA IPS Screen 5MP Camera WiFi GPS (2066) #Gearbest

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New politics images on Photobucket

politics gif

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politics gif

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No Politics

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Politics

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Mystic Politics Radio Banner

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Mystic Politics. The fusion of the mystery schools & the modern political structure. From ancient astronauts to the new world order. Join us here to expand your understanding, and to identify your keepers. http://ift.tt/2y8T0Lc http://ift.tt/2lkTDLN

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HHH Politics

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Politics

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My Politics Graph

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This is where I sit

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Politics & Religion

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Politics

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History, american politics, some mythology and Left is self help.

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New World images on Photobucket

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World

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World

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World-Garage.com

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world

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world info

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World

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world-garage.com

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World

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world

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Recent Uploads tagged fashion

Bride to be pin! https://t.co/Qvvgg7HD8U #etsy #shop #bride #love #wedding #bridalshower https://t.co/hGerCoJyMz

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#2 TEST X70 STREET 27-10-2017