#as usual gabs hits it out of the park with the thoughts and asks!

[saintmurd0ck]

another congratulations on 500 love you rhi <3!!

okay so we all know that pre/mid-elektra matt is most definitely a sub but post-elektra matt? i imagine you'd be fucking him for at least a few months at this point but he's so scared of connection because of what happened with elektra so even though you're friends otherwise, the more intimate part of the relationship is emotionally cold and distant; aftercare (cuddling, soft kisses) is rare (but matt is an inherently caring person so he'd definitely clean you up and make you breakfast if you end up staying the night) and the sex is harsh, degrading & angry and generally amazing.

i love you gabs! thank you so much for being one of my biggest supporters <3

also, once again, i feel like ive already said this twice today but WOW your thoughts and insights are incredible. i'm gonna answer this ask in a little bit of a different format than i have for the sleepover!!!!

thoughts (some smutty) after the cut!!!

you're completely right. after defenders (of which i haven't finished but i know what happens), matt murdock doesn't exist. we have a broken daredevil, someone who is absolutely completely broken to his core. even though he's not technically in love with elektra anymore, he still loved her, and her dying twice has ruined him to rock bottom.

at this point in time, matt isn't ready for a relationship. he needs to release his pent up emotions in one of the few ways he knows how, and that's through you. he's cold and distant, unsure if he can trust anyone again, and the healing process of his identity isn't an easy one.

matt's religion plays a little part here. as a catholic, sex without strings attached is inherently difficult, but he is so broken that you're right -- there's minimal aftercare, minimal attachment, just sex.

it's rough, raw, sometimes animalistic. all you hear are growls and guttural moans, and the sensation of his warmth spreading inside you as he cums is all too familiar. he likes feeling you kneel in front of him, lips parted as he stuffs himself in your mouth, words like "dirty girl, fucking me like this" echoing in your ears.

it's amazing for a while, but you can see it in the way he fucks you, in the way his internal struggle manifests in his face when you're intimate... after a while your "relationship" with him starts to feel off. so you begin to pay attention to him, learn about him, and not just his body. you don't want to pry because after all he's just a friend with benefits, but you're determined to try and help him, as subtle as possible.

for instance, on a few occasions, telling him that you want to be on top, that you want to be in charge. you want him to lay back and relax, just fully, completely relax, while you work him on top. and he does that, eyes squeezing shut at how good your hips feel grinding against his, the way you place his calloused hands over your boobs as you let him deeper inside you.

and he starts to let go a little. starts to loosen up, let go. and slowly, ever so slowly, matt murdock begins to return. his shoulders aren't so tight anymore, his smile lines crinkling at the jokes you make...

and he allows himself to finally feel, to finally make those connections he honestly, truly needs.

[lovetorn]

all for the game [dream]

Exy player!Dream x Reader

summary: dream runs into trouble when the florida falcons play the edgar allan ravens.

w/c: 3.4k+ :D

warnings: violence, blood, swearing, ha typical exy shit

a/n: an au based on my favourite book trilogy, all for the game. idea by 🍀 anon <3 i wrote this for my own enjoyment AHHAHAAH. if u don’t understand the rules etc of exy, it’s basically hockey, soccer and lacrosse meshed together, but if u have any questions, send me an ask!

—

Exy is a bastard sport, an evolved sort of lacrosse with the violence of ice hockey. Dream loves every aspect of it. It is vastly different from the usual college football, and it certainly gives you more bruises. Maybe a little too many more bruises. Played in a stadium, on a soccer-sized basketball court with plexiglass to protect the crowd, it brings Dream immense joy.

Scooping the ball into the net of his racket, Dream looks at the wall before he uses his body to launch the ball towards it. The ball is quick to bounce back and plop into Dream’s net. He adjusts his grip on the stick and tilts his head, deciding where his next shot should be.

“Dream?” The dirty blonde turns around and sees you push through the plexiglass door that leads onto the court. “Hey!”

Dream smiles from under his helmet. “Hi, Y/n!” You don't play Exy, choosing to watch your best friend from the sidelines instead. He grips the grate of his helmet and slides his head out of it, his hair sticking up in every direction. “What are you doing here?”

You throw your arms up. “Coming to see you practice the great sport that is Exy,” You laugh before spinning around and looking up at the highest seats of the stadium. “Haven’t broken a bone yet, I assume?” This made Dream laugh.

“No, not yet. Saving that for the game against the Ravens.”

Dream’s determination for Exy scared you a little bit—it was almost like he wanted to get hurt. “Easy, tiger. We all know what happened last time we played them. Never again, please,” You shake your head, walking closer to him. The last time the Florida Falcons played the West Virginia Edgar Allan Ravens, Dream got a concussion so bad he couldn’t walk for a few days. You had sworn they would pay for their damage, but Dream went against you.

Dream rolls his eyes, lightheartedly. “That’s the way the game goes, Y/n. No way you can stop it,” he said that back then, too. You throw him a glare before taking the racket out of his hand to gain his full attention.

“Just, please be careful.” You practically beg. Dream’s eyebrows raise slightly, surprised. He didn’t see that coming.

“Yeah, always,” He follows your eyes as they trace the scar that runs from his temple to the middle of his forehead. You sigh and pass his racket back to him.

—

The dark purple Edgar Allan Ravens bus pulls into the Falcon’s home stadium car park that Friday night. Fans from all over the state and West Virginia crowd the entrances and surprisingly, there are a lot more supporters in purple and black than green and white.

Dream looks down at his forest green Exy uniform and smooths out his jersey. He rolls his neck in a circle to release the building tension. A hand clamps down on his shoulder as Dream slips his hands into his green and white gloves.

“You’re gonna be fine, dude. We all are,” Sapnap says, although Dream can hear the waver in his voice. Dream shakes his head and Sapnap inhales sharply.

“Nah, we won’t be.”

Sapnap slides his hand off of Dream’s shoulder and turns around, probably going to the bathroom to calm his crippling trepidation. The locker room is silent as the team moves around, changing and preparing themselves for the game ahead. Dream tries not to think about the team on the other side of the stadium, who are most likely already warming up despite the game starting in an hour.

Dream opens his locker and fumbles around for his phone. He needs to know that you’re here. Opening his messages, he’s frozen from the notifications coming through.

I hope your little friend prayed for you last night.

You got lucky with that concussion. Take this as a warning.

Dream’s fingertips trail up to hover above the scar on his forehead. He clenches his fist and throws his phone back into the locker, not flinching when the dark green metal dents. Dream leans his head against his forearm that rests on the locker.

“Dream! Dude, calm down,” A voice calls from across the room. Footsteps come up behind him and Dream has to stop the tears collecting on his waterline. “It’ll be fine, Coach said he might put you on for one half.”

George’s comments do nothing to soothe Dream’s anxiety. Dream has told nobody about the threats he’s been getting for a few days leading up to this game. If he told you, he wouldn’t even be here. You.

Dream ducks down to find his phone. George furrows his eyebrows as he watches. “Wha—?”

Grasping his phone, Dream then stalks out of the locker room. He walks down the hallway towards the inner court, presses your phone number on his now-smashed phone, and brings it to his ear. Pick up, pick up. “Dream?”

The sound of your voice makes Dream exhale deeply. “Where are you?” He asks desperately.

Dream can hear the crowd chattering through the phone as he scans over the stadium trying to find you.

“Uh, section 4, row 38, where I am every home game. Why? Is everything okay?” The worry in your voice is evident and it fails to calm Dream down like he thought it would. And when he sees waves of purple instead of green, his anxiety grows.

“I—Y/n. I need to see you, I don’t—I can’t,” Dream screws his eyes shut and tries to breathe through his nose slowly.

“Dream, I’m coming. I can see you in the inner court. Stay there.”

Y/n hangs up after that and Dream looks at his phone.

Scared? A text says from an unknown number.

Dream presses his tongue into the inside of his cheek and blinks a few times. A knock on the plexiglass behind him startles Dream. He turns and sees you smiling. He lifts his hand in a small wave and you do the same, laughing at him. At least he has a way to take his mind off of the shit with the Ravens.

A bell signals the start of the line-up announcements and Dream throws his thumb over his shoulder. You nod, understandingly, and blow him a kiss. Dream smiles shyly, his cheeks growing pink before he turns to leave.

You make your way back up to your seat, your legs bouncing in anticipation as the Ravens walk on the court one by one while the announcer calls the line-up. Once the Ravens are in a line on the halfway line, the Falcons are announced.

Since teams are co-ed, the variances in heights differ greatly. The Ravens are much taller than a majority of the Falcons, which gives them an advantage, to an extent. Dream had told you that being shorter allows you to move around the court with more agility, but being 6’2’’, Dream chose to be a striker instead of a dealer or a backliner.

“Number 2, Dream Tucker.”

At the sound of your best friend’s name, you stand and cheer, earning a few dirty looks from Ravens fans. As the remainder of the team is announced, you grow more nervous than you thought possible. A warning buzzer sounds and both teams go back to their benches.

“Alright, guys, this is our biggest game of the season, again. The last game against these idiots wasn’t ideal, but don’t let that deter you from doing your best tonight. That goes for you too, Dream," Coach looks towards Dream and he nods. Dream draws his bottom lip between his teeth from under his helmet and looks down at the ground. Sapnap’s hand slaps Dream's back in support and then the rest of the team is in agreement.

At his teammates’ words, Dream huffs. He can do this. The starting team goes onto the court, the doors closing behind them with a thump and then the scrape of a lock.

Dream sits on the bench next to Punz and Liliana. They hear the buzzer go off again and then watch as Sapnap flicks the ball into the air and slams it with his racket. There’s a distinctive crack as both teams race off their lines to find their preferred place on the court along with the players they need to mark. Three bodies crash into each other and the ball pops out on the other side, rolling silently.

At the sight of violence, the stadium roars. A Ravens backliner throws the ball and it hits the plexiglass in front of Dream who jumps in surprise. The ball is picked up off the floor by another Ravens player. He throws it to a girl who is running across the court and it lands perfectly into her net. Dream sees Tegan bodyslam the girl into the wall, the glass shuddering under their weight and Sapnap throws his hand up in a thumbs-up at Tegan, who smiles under her helmet.

The ball sails high in the air and players push and shove each other under it. As it comes down, George gets pushed to the floor, skidding to a stop a few feet away. The Ravens striker looks George dead in the eye and smirks as he catches the ball. He then tosses it powerfully towards the home court goal and the Falcons' goalie, Gabby, hits it up the court and away from herself. Dream, Punz and Liliana cheer from their spots on the subs bench.

“Nice one, Gabs! Falcons down the court!” Coach yells through the plexiglass.

Dream wears a smile when he turns back to look at you. You grin back, give him a thumbs-up, and nod. That’s when Dream knows he’s ready.

But, ten minutes into the game, the Ravens break the Falcons defensive line. The ball slips through the gap between Gabby’s torso and racket and lands in the back of the net, the siren above the goal going red and blaring a high-pitched sound. The Ravens don’t hug or cheer and return to their places on the court. Their fans, however, throw insults and middle fingers up at the Falcons while screaming and hollering.

“Fuck’s sake,” Dream mumbles. Punz slaps his pair of gloves against the bench and Liliana shakes her head.

The game went on like this for the rest of the half—the Ravens scoring 6 more goals, the Falcons scoring none. At half-time, Sapnap throws his helmet on the floor of the locker room.

“I fucking hate these guys,” He curses, pacing around the room. Coach sits on a chair, his elbows on his knees.

“We all do, but complaining about it isn’t going to help us win,’ Dream says. “Coach put me on.”

Coach looks at Dream for a moment. The tension in the room is thick and Dream knows he’s pushing his luck by asking. Nonetheless, Coach sighs before nodding stiffly.

“Dream goes on for Peter, Punz on for Drew, Liliana on for Tegan.”

And so it’s decided. Dream’s thumbs fly across his screen as he texts you. You pull your phone out of your pocket at the sound of your text tone and see the message. I’m on.

You smirk softly at it and message him back before you tuck your phone back into your pocket. The warning buzzer sounds and then both teams are back on the court: the Ravens with a whole new line-up and the Falcons with their three new subs.

Dream’s heart pounds in his chest, sending shuddery heat through every inch of his body. He holds his breath in anticipation for the serve, and then it starts. The Ravens are clearly a lot more experienced than the Falcons, but that doesn’t stop the team in green from giving everything they’ve got.

The ball hits the far wall and comes soaring back, thanks to the Ravens goalie. Dream jumps to catch it before it can fly over his head and it lands safely in the soft net of his striker racket. He looks around for opponents and takes 7 steps of his allowed 10, and passes it to George who is open further down the court. George catches the ball, then twists and passes the ball across to Punz. His mark collides with him a moment later and George goes sliding, his arm out with his racket to help him balance. Punz runs down the court, stops, then throws the ball to Liliana. His mark slams his racket down violently on Punz’s in retaliation. The backliner shakes his head in annoyance and continues running.

Dream is already near the goal by the time it gets to him again. He gets the ball and only has two steps to aim and shoot before a Ravens player crashes into him. Dream hits the ground so hard, he rolls. But, the crowd holds their breath as they watch the ball sail past the goalie and into the back of the net. The siren glows red and all Dream can hear is his ears ringing. Sapnap runs up to Dream and helps him up, congratulating him in the process. Dream looks around confused before realising he scored a goal. The entire team rushes towards him, cheering and laughing.

“Good job, Dream! Let’s do that again!” Coach yells. Dream’s surprised he can hear him over the crowd.

The game starts again with Falcons serve. The Falcons’ are fired up and back in the game, even if it is 6-1. And as soon as George throws Dream the ball, he dodges his mark and flies up the court, unguarded and ready to score again. The Ravens’ goalie isn’t prepared for Dream’s throw and misses the ball as it’s thrown at him, making the score 6-2. The crowd gets impossibly louder and Dream looks up into the sea of people to spot you. The smile on your face gives Dream newfound confidence and then everybody is back at their starting positions.

The Ravens are angry, there’s no doubt about that. Sapnap gives the striker a boyish smirk and a snide comment, which Dream can’t hear. He guesses it pisses them off because the second the ball is thrown from the Ravens dealer, the striker goes straight for Sapnap. The younger boy is thrown against the wall of the court and continues to spit insults at the Ravens player, despite his situation.

“Sapnap! Get out of there, bro!” Punz yells, collecting the ball from the ground and throwing it back to Gabby to hit up the court. Sapnap laughs and shakes his head, his lips still moving. Dream sees, out of the corner of his eye, the Ravens player drawing his fist back before punching Sapnap in the nose. The Falcons fans in the crowd start booing at the unnecessary violence and the referees unlock the doors to intervene. Dream meets Sapnap’s eye and raises his eyebrows when he sees Sapnap laughing, blood dripping into his mouth and coating his teeth. The referees pull the Ravens striker off of Sapnap and give him a red card for throwing the first punch. The Ravens fans boo and start swearing at the referees, but their cries are drowned out by the sound of the home crowd.

Due to the incident, the teams are to go back to their positions to start the serve again. Now that the Ravens are down a player, Dream knows the ways to get around them, especially when Sapnap is unguarded.

“Dream!” Sapnap calls when Dream catches the ball. He spins around a little too quickly, loses his balance slightly but throws the ball anyway. As he watches it fly across the court, Dream feels his entire body get crushed against the wall of the court. His head rebounds off the wall from the impact. There’s a heavy weight that pushes him into it more and he can’t breathe. Dream flails his arms, drops his racket, and attempts to push the Ravens player off of him. There’s no doubt that Dream hit his head again. He knows he did. A helmet can only do so much.

Dream can only hear ringing in his ears as he feels the Raven get pulled off—and it isn't the same ringing he heard when he scored the Falcons first goal. He tries to scramble to his feet before he crumples to the ground. Dream blinks a few times, disorientated, but still fails to gain a conscious mind. His eyes start to close when he feels his helmet being tugged off and then someone’s slapping his cheeks. “Stay awake, Dream.”

Dream can barely hear the sound of someone slamming their fists against the plexiglass behind him and then the person in front of him nods. He thinks it’s Sapnap. “Come on, bro, it’s only a few steps and then you can lie down.”

Dream’s head lols to the side, eyes half-open and a lazy grin on his mouth. “Sappy,” he slurs. Sapnap lets out a laugh for the first time since his best friend got knocked out and smiles at him.

“Yeah, dude, it’s me. We’re gonna get you fixed up, okay?” Dream nods before he closes his eyes. “No, no, Coach!” The world fades out around him and Dream falls unconscious.

—

The light is so bright above him. Dream closes his eyes again after he opens them and groans softly. The sound is almost too quiet for you to hear, but you do. And when you do, you lift your head from where you were resting on the edge of his bed. The chair you are sitting in is uncomfortable, so when you stand up, your muscles ache. “Hey, baby, how do you feel?”

If Dream was fully conscious, he would have blushed immensely at the sound of the pet name, but for the moment, he feels like he’s in a dream. His mouth is dry and he struggles to keep his eyes open for longer than 3 seconds. “You don’t have to talk, it’s okay.”

Dream feels pressure on his hand and moves his head slightly to see that your fingers are wrapped around his. You hear him murmur something, and lean down.

“Hi,” He whispers. You furrow your eyebrows at his greeting and look him in the eyes.

“That’s all I get? Hi?” You let out a breathy laugh and use your other hand to brush his hair away from his forehead. But, Dream can’t feel you on his skin. He hesitantly lifts his other hand to touch his forehead and feels a bandage.

“Surprise! Another scar,” You joke. Although, Dream can hear the edge to your words. Your smile disappears from your lips and then you sigh. Your eyes scan over Dream’s face, noting the dull green of his eyes and the pale of his skin. “Oh, Dream. I was so worried about you.”

Dream opens his eyes from when they had fallen closed again and sees the silent tears dripping down your cheeks. “It’s okay, I’m here, I’m fine,” His voice is scratchy and the sound of the word ‘fine’ does not sound fine. You smile sadly at him, then huff, wiping at your face.

“I almost forgot…” You trail off, rounding the bed to the other side to pick up a bowl and a cotton ball. You sit on the edge of the bed and dip the cotton into the antiseptic. You turn Dream’s head slowly to get a better look at the cut on his cheek. You drag the medicine over the gash and watch as Dream doesn’t flinch.

Once you are done, you place both of the things on the side table of the medical bay in the Falcons home stadium and look at Dream. He gives you a lazy smile and his fingers twitch against yours. “Thank you.”

You nod, eyes wide. “Of course, you know I’ll always be here to clean you up.”

Dream can feel his skin heating up. You get a concerned look on your face when you see the rise in pink on his cheeks. “Oh my god, are you heating up? Do you have a fever?”

He wants to laugh so badly. “Y/n, I’m okay. It’s not a fever. I’m blushing,” Dream says bashfully.

You realise why and then grow embarrassed. “Oh.”

The air isn’t tense, but there’s something there and you want to stick around to find out what it is.

Feedback is always appreciated xx

[sweeter-fantasy]

Because I Like You

The Quiett (Shin Dong Gab) X Reader

genre: a little angst, fluff

synopsis: I just love him and I’m slightly projecting in here, a little shitty mental health and he is the sweetest man ever

warning: a mention of bad mental health, anxiety, depression, but nothing serious

word count: 2330

a/n: it took me a while because life, and mental health, but I worked really hard on it and I hope you guys will like it

You never liked leaving your house, you always feared people were looking at you, judging you, big crowds made you uneasy, and having to look presentable at all times was just too much for you, so working from home was the perfect solution for you, and your ability to work with words turned you into a great freelancer.

You were basically the opposite of your neighbor tho, he was a famous rapper in Korea, you had seen him on TV every once in a while, he was always surrounded by people and seemed so comfortable being the center of attention. Even on those rare days when he stayed in, his friends would come over, and although sometimes they were a bit too noisy for your liking, especially when you were working, you enjoyed it, you were happy for him and his friends, and their laughter was a great white noise for you at times. 

The only contact between the two of you was a silent “hey�� at the rare times he saw you leaving the house, usually, to get groceries, the note he would slip under your door, informing you that his friends would be coming over and apologizing for the noise, and the baked goods you would leave outside his door as you were stress baking and didn’t want to eat everything alone, usually also leaving a note with a nice message, wishing he was well. 

***

You were scrolling through social media as you were waiting in line at the grocery store, and amongst all the random posts you saw that Jay Park posted a photo with The Quiett, wishing him happy birthday. You looked at the picture, although he wasn’t really your type you had to admit there was something quite attractive about him. 

While you were checking out your groceries you decided to bake him a cake and to try and get out of your comfort zone, and give him the cake yourself instead of leaving it outside his door.

On the way to your apartment building, you noticed a small group of men standing outside, smoking. As you passed by them you could feel that they were looking at you, and when you walked inside you could see they were slightly looking at you and talking about something, your anxiety telling you that you were the subject of the conversation. 

You pushed this thought to the back of your head, and got up to your apartment, looking for a recipe on your phone. 

Around three hours later you finished making the cake, with a nice “happy birthday” written and chocolate-covered fresh fruit decorating it. You quickly changed into more presentable clothes, that weren’t covered in flour and chocolate. 

You looked at the mirror, making sure you were clean, grabbed the cake, and left your apartment. You stood outside his door, and you could hear the faint music and loud talking from inside. You took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. 

Seconds later he opened the door, surprised to see you standing there. You could see through the open door the same men you saw downstairs and quickly looked back at him. 

“y/n! Hey! I didn’t expect to see you here,” he smiled at you. 

“I just came to wish you a happy birthday,” you said shyly, holding out the cake. 

“aw thank you! The cake looks great! You shouldn’t have…”

“yeah but I felt like I should,” you looked down, “you should get back to your friends now." 

"do you want to come in? We’re having a little birthday party." 

"thank you but I should get going, happy birthday!" 

"thank you!” he smiled at you, only closing the door after you entered your house, and walked back to the living room, placing the cake on the table. 

***

“Hyung who was that?” Jinyoung asked as all of them were curious about you after seeing you twice the same day. 

“oh, that was my neighbor, y/n, she baked me a cake,” he smiled, his ears slightly red, thinking about your smile. 

“she’s the same neighbor who usually brings you baked goods? The one you always talk about?” Sungbin asked, “why don’t you just invite her for coffee or something? You obviously want to spend time with her…" 

"I don’t know… She’s not really the type to spend time with people, but I’d need to return the plate, so maybe then, I’ll see…" 

Donggab went to the kitchen to bring spoons and plates, and to avoid the kids’ eyes, still thinking about your cute smile and good heart. 

***

A couple of days later, after they finished the cake and Donggab did the dishes, he tried to muster up the courage to ask you out for coffee. It’s not that you were an intimidating person, he was just amazed by the amount of time you could spend alone, with only music as your company, how you were so nice yet always looked like you wanted to be left alone, he just didn’t want to intrude, to make you feel uncomfortable. 

He took a deep breath, before finally ringing the doorbell. After what he felt like forever you opened the door, he noticed your hair was all perked up in different directions, and how you rubbed your puffy eyes, and how you were still beautiful in his eyes, yet he couldn’t shake the feeling that your eyes weren’t puffy and red from only sleeping, he could swear there was a trail from a tear on your cheek before you rubbed it.

“Is everything okay?” you yawned while tiredly looking at him, you had so many deadlines lately you barely had time to sleep, you fell asleep the second you submitted your last work.

“Oh um yeah, everything is great, I just, I just wanted to return your plate, I had no idea I’d wake you up, I’m so sorry,” 

“That’s okay, people don’t usually sleep at this time of the day,” you weakly smiled as he handed you the plate, “thanks for returning it.”

“Are you okay?” 

“Um, yeah, I just had a really busy week, that’s all,” you yawned again, “I’m gonna go back to sleep now, thanks again for the plate!”

“Y/n!” he quickly called your name, using his hand to stop you from closing the door. He had to ask you, it was now or never.

“Yeah?”

“I-I was wondering,” he was too nervous to look at your face so he decided to focus on your ear instead, so it would at least look like he looks at you, “um, I’m going over to my parents for a couple of days, and I was wondering if you… if you would like to come over for coffee or tea or something when I come back on Friday?”

“Sure, sounds great! Have fun with your parents!” you smiled at him, before closing the door. When you placed the plate in the kitchen you noticed your reflection in the microwave, and shook your head, he was just being friendly.

“Or was he being more than just friendly?” you questioned yourself as you lay in bed, “could he possibly be into me? No way, I mean, we’re so different, it was just a friendly offer,” you convinced yourself, not wanting to build your expectations, so you wouldn’t get hurt and disappointed.

***

The days passed fast, and before you could even notice it was already Friday. Although you were excited about having coffee with Donggab, you were overworked and your mental state has taken its toll on you, everything was a little too much. You fell asleep in the morning, telling yourself you will wake up by the time you and Donggab agreed upon.

Donggab returned earlier than he thought and texted you the second he walked into his apartment. As he went to put his things away he mentioned how messy his apartment is. He glanced at the clock, seeing he still had around two hours until you were supposed to come over, he decided to clean up a little bit.

Time passed quickly, and when he finished cleaning and organizing he noticed you were supposed to come over any minute now, but before he could get changed he checked his phone only to see that you didn’t text him back, you haven’t even seen his message. He decided not to overthink it and went to get changed. But as the minutes were passing by, and soon turned into half an hour, forty minutes, fifty minutes, an hour, he began to feel worried. He texted you again, and called you, and then texted and called again, he was getting more worried by the minute. He put his shoes on and crossed the hallway to your apartment, ringing the doorbell.

He had to ring the doorbell five times until you woke up and opened the door, wearing a large hoodie and a pair of sweatpants, hair messy, and your eyes all puffy and red again, but this time Donggab could see the trail from your dried tears, you were too tired to even notice that.

“Donggab? What are you doing here?” you asked, your mind still clouded from sleep.

“We were supposed to meet up an hour ago, you didn’t show up and I got worried,” he sighed, relieved you weren’t hurt, but still extremely worried about you, “can I come in?”

“What? Why?”

“I don’t want to talk in the hallway,” you went to the living room, and he closed the door behind him as he followed you, sitting on the couch, facing each other.

“Listen, I’m so sorry, I… I just fell asleep and didn’t notice the time,” you said, looking at his face, feeling like you screwed up your friendship with him, “it really was an accident, I was actually looking forward to that.”

“y/n, is anything wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

"look, I know we don’t know each other that well, but I’m still worried about you. No one deserves to be alone,” he looked you in the eyes, seeing something break in them, he understood he hit a sensitive spot.

“So what? You were nice to me only because you pitied me?” you looked at him sternly, your suspicions were true, he didn’t care, “I don’t need your pity.”

“What? No,” he sighed, “I don’t pity you, I honestly admire the fact that you don’t depend on other people for your happiness. What I meant to say is, something is definitely wrong, you can’t deny it.”

“What do you mean, definitely wrong?”

“Your eyes, they’re always red and puffy, at least when I see you, sometimes, when you don’t have the time to wash your face, I can see the dried tears,” he stopped for a second, trying to read your face, “I heard you cry a couple of times, I just didn’t know what to do… that’s why I’m trying so hard to befriend you, so you could trust me. You’re nice and sweet and genuinely kind, this isn’t right for you to suffer, and I want to be there for you, I want you to be able to count on me.”

“Why?” 

“Because I like you,” he whispered.

The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop, you didn’t know what to say. So many thoughts were running through your head, you wanted to scream. Deep down you knew he was right, you didn’t deserve to suffer, to be alone your entire life, you didn’t want to lose him.

“Being around people makes me nervous,” you said quietly, looking down at your hands, you couldn’t bring yourself to meet his eyes, “I’m so scared about people trying to hurt me that I don’t even want to try and make friends, but here you are, telling me that you want to be my friend?” the last part came out as a question, you still couldn’t believe it.

“I really do care about you, you know?” he put one hand on yours, using the other to gently cup your face, wiping the tears with his thumb, “but you’re wrong, I don’t want to be your friend.”

Your heart dropped hearing him say that.

“I probably shouldn’t have stopped talking after that,” he chuckled, “I meant to say, that by inviting you for coffee I wanted to ask you out on a date, I just didn’t know how. I mean, your eyes, they’re so beautiful that when you look at me I forget what I want to say, your smile just lights up the room, and I always want to be around you and talk to you, so maybe… I like you even more than I thought?”

“I-I don’t know what to say…”

“You don’t have to say anything,” he looked down suddenly as if he was ashamed of his confession, “I mean, we’re pretty different, and I’m quite older than you, and-”

“I would love to go on a date with you,” you interrupted him, you didn’t want to hear reasons as to why you shouldn’t be with him, “I was just surprised, but I think I like you too, and going on a date with you would be great.”

He smiled hearing you say that, relieved after he asked you out.

“If you’re already here, you can stay for dinner…” you looked at him hopefully, you wanted him to stay.

“Only if you agree to call this our first date,” he smirked at you, not wanting to leave either.

“Fine,” you jokingly scoffed, “we’ll call it a date.”

“Great! I’ll order take out.”

“Sounds good,” you smiled, and got up to go and wash your face, “I’ll be back in a minute.”

You looked at yourself in the bathroom mirror, you couldn’t believe how the night turned out, but you were happy. You smiled to yourself as you washed your face and brushed your hair, having a good feeling about you and Donggab. You finally had your shot at happiness.

[robinofinashiro]

don’t let me go - part four

series note: this chapter is more Colt centric just so I can actually give his character and story some depth. don’t worry our bois will return in part five.

request status: CLOSED

note: i’ve added a new anime to my list of animes I’m willing to write for! so if any of you are HxH fans, you guys are in luck!

you buckled yourself into Colt’s car, shoving your backpack in the backseat as you gave him a tiny smile, “so, you have siblings? how many?” you asked him. he grabbed the photo from his windshield, “just one. his name is Falco,” your eyes widened realizing the name.

he could see the sudden look of realization in your eyes.

“is everything okay?” he asked. you immediately shook your head yes, “uh, yeah. I think I might know him. my ex boyfriends cousin is your brothers best friend,” Colt stared at you for a moment.

Colt tried to figure out what you meant by that until it finally clicked.

“you know Gabi and Reiner?” he exclaimed.

you nodded, “dated Reiner for a few months and got to know Gabi because of it. small world after all,” you murmured trying not to dwell on the thought of Reiner, “but I don’t think I ever met your brother, I just know of him because of Gabi,” you explained.

you could tell Colt was still a bit taken back from everything you said but didn’t think of it any longer. he watched as you looked out the window and took a sip of your coffee before arriving to Falco’s school. Gabi and Falco were outside, messing around with each other before Colt beeped.

“COLT!” Falco screamed as he ran up to the front window, “Gabi needs a ride home. her cousin couldn’t come and pick her up so can you drop her off?” he asked a bit loudly.

Colt nodded as you felt yourself stiffen up. you hadn’t seen Gabi since before you and Reiner broke up. you figured that Reiner didn’t have the heart to Gabi that you and him were no longer together. you knew that Gabi did like you and you didn’t have it in you to tell her either.

“hey Gab!” you said as happy as possible. she immediately jumped up in happiness realizing it was you, “( your name ), what are you doing here?” she yelled, “how do you know them?” she continued.

you smiled at her, “I know Colt from school. I’m surprised Reiner couldn’t come and get you today,” Gabi waved you off, “he was hanging out with his friend Porco and was going to be twenty minutes late to pick me up so I asked Falco for a ride!” Gabi explained.

your eyebrows fluttered in confusion. you had no idea why those two were even together in the first place. they hated being around each other at any given moment so the idea that those two were even together by choice frightened you a bit.

once Colt dropped Gabi off, the three of you made your way to the store, Falco bugging Colt about getting more snacks than they needed. you could tell that those two were closer than most siblings were. you saw the way Reiner and Gabi were with each other but in the case for Colt and Falco, it was like Colt was almost Falco’s parent.

“so, are you parents going to be home to help with the house?” you asked Colt. he shook his head, “no, our parents are out of the country on a business meeting...as usual,” he murmured.

you couldn’t help but sense Colt’s sudden change in attitude. you knew it was best to drop the subject completely as you didn’t want to make Colt more upset. turning around, you saw Falco playing on his phone, not really paying attention to the conversation.

Colt pulled up to his house and you felt yourself completely stricken in shock. their house was huge. bigger than any ordinary house you had ever seen. the driveway was filled with three very luxurious cars that you couldn’t even think of how expensive they were.

“wow, amazing house,” you murmured in shock. he laughed a bit nervously, “yeah, I guess you could consider us rich or whatever,” Colt said trying to play it off.

Colt grabbed your bag and handed it to the maid as the two of you made your way to the kitchen. Falco had ran up to his room, screaming that he was going to play video games and you both shouldn’t disturb him. you couldn’t help but laugh at him.

“well, what do you want to do? Falco is probably going to play Fortnite until he passes out asleep,” Colt said as he took out everything for the small houses, “we can still build the houses if you want though!” Colt joked.

you nodded excitedly, “of course we’re going to build them. I haven’t built a gingerbread house in years!” Colt went into the fridge, taking out various drinks, “we have alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks, you can have whatever,” Colt offered.

you nodded, grabbing the Seltzers from the counter, “a few drinks couldn’t hurt, right?” you mentioned, tossing a drink to him. Colt laughed, catching and popping it open.

+

the later the night got, the more you and Colt continued to drink. you had no intentions of even drinking tonight but this had been the first time you drank in what felt like months and you had no issue in getting a bit tipsy.

“Colt, these looks terrible!” you giggled, hanging onto him. he smiled down at you as he tried to apply the frosting to get the roof of the house to hang, “not as terrible as the ones I made last year,” he said handing you a picture from the fridge.

you looked at his and started laughing before trying to out it on the fridge and falling miserably. you accidentally tripped over your own foot and accidentally hit yourself with the door, “Colt, how did we get this drunk?” you jokingly asked.

he pointed to the amount of seltzer cans on the counter before the two of you started laughing again. you didn’t know exactly what was making both of you laugh as hard as you were but being this way with Colt made you feel this sense of relief that you hadn’t had in what felt like months.

the stress of constantly being around Porco and Reiner and them two always fighting each other really took a toll on you. it was exhausting to say the least. having to calm Reiner down all the time while trying to tell Porco that he shouldn’t be fighting anyone really did get on your nerves sometimes.

“I should really get home before we get anymore drunk and we pass out!” you slurred slightly as Colt nodded, “I’ll have someone drive us back to the school!” he yelled as he ran up the stairs to tell Falco he was going to to leave the house for a bit.

the driver started up the car as both you and Colt sat in the back, joking around and trying to stop yourselves from laughing. at some point, you were holding onto Colt’s arm, tightening your grasp around it as your head was on his shoulder.

“you’re warm, you know that?” you whispered to him. Colt drunkenly took off his sweater took off his sweater, wrapping it around you. you finally arrived to the schools parking lot, seeing a few cars still there, “i’ll walk you to your car!” Colt exclaimed.

you nodded as the two of you haphazardly got off the car and made your way to yours. your arm was still holding onto Colt’s, “i’ll text you tomorrow morning?” you asked, Colt agreeing.

you had no idea who leaned in first but before you knew it, Colt was pinning you to your trunk as the two of you locked lips. your arms instantly went around his neck, slowly pulling at the hair at the nape of his neck. a small moan came from him as you deepened it.

“( your name )?” you heard a voice call your name out.

you immediately pulled away from Colt, realizing who it was. you saw Porco standing next to Reiner, both of them staring at Colt with rage in their eyes.  

[patchoulimademoiselle]

Guilty. (Part 7.) NSFW.

Part Seven.

Steve Rogers (Lawyer AU) x Reader Insert.

Word Count: 3.1k

Warnings: Steve tries to apologize, let word tries. Oral sex, you jerk him off, he eats you out in the front seat of his car. Language, smut, NSFW. The plot thickens.

Notes: I apologize for the inactivity. I was in a bit of a creative rut. I still update on Fridays, but I figured I would try to put two out this week to make up for it. Thank you guys for the support. I hope you enjoy. (If you know where this pic is from, sound off in the comments lol). 

Masterlist:

Part Seven:

The following morning, you're greeted with poor weather, dark skies and cold rain. It makes it hard to get out of bed, harder than it already is, but you power house through it for the sake of....

You don't know.

Nothing feels right anymore, your career seems to be falling apart in front of your eyes, and it hurts to think that you've left yourself vulnerable in an industry run by men. It sickens you, makes you want to call in sick and stay in bed with a carton of ice cream. Because fuck it.

But you're stronger than that, a fire in your veins that has gotten you far in life, and it wouldn't sit right with you to just roll over and let them win.

So you get up and shower, change into a freshly pressed suit, and tie your hair up in a bun that just might give you a headache later. You desperately need caffeine, and perhaps a cigarette to get you through the morning, you can take care of that later. But you're stopped dead in your tracks when you leave the house, car keys dangling in between your fingers as you land eyes on a very familiar Mustang, and a very familiar pair of blue eyes.

Steve is parked outside waiting for you, arms crossed over his chest, eyes determined as he watches you. "Let me take you out for breakfast." He says, and you can tell by the strain in his voice that he's exhausted, he must have stayed out here all night. "Let me apologize to you." He's soaked, you will be too if you keep standing here.

"Steve," You don't even know what to say, a heavy sigh leaving your body. "You can't just buy my forgiveness."

"I'm not trying to." He argues. "I'm just trying to make up for last night."

Dinner was a disaster, the food was good but his company was horrible, ruined by his audacity.

You're about to say no, it's on the tip of your tongue, every fiber of your being can't stand to even look at him. But then, "Please." He's trying, he's standing in the rain begging you for just the chance to make up for it, he slept in his car outside your house, and it's far different from the gruff attitude he usually shows you.

"Fine." Your heels are loud as you rush to get in his car, acting before you can talk yourself out of it again.

He holds the door open for you, body acting as a shield against the rain as you bend to sit in the passenger seat. It's cold, he's going to freeze to death, you search for at least a few napkins in the glove box as he jogs around the front of the car. You find a small towel, probably for cleaning the windows, but you hand it to him anyways when he gets in and sits down.

"Thanks." He wipes his face as he starts the car, that familiar hum of the engine sending a chill up your spine, and he cranks the heat. "Starbucks? Ihop?"

You hate that he knows you so well, knows your favorites and knows that you want coffee more than actual food. It has you sucking your teeth, eyes on the window as he waits for an answer.

"Are you going to have this attitude the entire time?" He asks. "We haven't even left your house yet."

"I don't want to be here." You say. "I don't want to have breakfast with you, and I don't want to hear any of the bullshit that's going to come from your mouth."

He has the nerve to chuckle, reaching over to place the towel back in the glove box. "Someone's cranky." He says. "I can fix that."

Your eyes snap over to him quickly, just in time to catch him rising out of his seat to lean over you, fingers searching for the lever on the side of your seat. He leans you back, hand slipping between your feet to then push the seat back as far as it goes, and you're frozen speechless as he climbs over the console and crouches in the space in front of you.

"What are you doing?"

You ask, but you don't need him to tell you, his eyes glistening with raw desire when his palms press flat against your thighs, gripping and pulling you up to the edge of the seat. "You know what I'm doing." He says, voice a pant as his concentration zeros in on the skirt you're wearing. "Let me apologize."

His hands are cold, you gasp when his fingers slip under the end of your skirt, pushing the fabric up as he goes. "Lift for me." Your hips rise up off the seat by a will that isn't your own, your body hypnotized by the man in front of you.

He pushes your skirt up around your waist, a single digit hooking around the material of your panties to push them aside. A mixture of cool and warm air hits your bare sex, goose bumps rising on the skin of your thighs. He notices, of course he does, eyes flicking up to your face for just a moment, eyes locked on yours as he leans down.

Closer, closer, you jolt at the feeling of his lips against your skin. He presses a soft kiss to your pussy, gentle, slow, and you can feel the apology in his touch. His tongue darts out to lick you, experimentally at first, gauging your reaction, the hairs on his chin scratch against your skin in a delicious way, and then he's devouring you.

His lips wrap around your clit with a torturous grip, sucking at the sensitive bundle of nerves in a way that has you arching off the seat to get closer, to feel more. But his hands keep you pinned, those eyes burning holes in your head as your mouth drops open to let out a satisfied moan.

He hums, releasing your clit with soft pop, his tongue licks the full length of your pussy, "You taste so fucking good."

"Oh, God." Your palm slaps against the window, and for a brief second, you contemplate the fact that you're outside, anyone can walk out and see you like this. But you decide that you don't care, because the feeling of his mouth on you is the very thing you've been dreaming about for weeks.

He sets a pace, tongue darting back and forth across your clit, and your eyes snap shut as pleasure washes over you. It's good, but you realize quickly that it isn't enough. He's crouched awkwardly, the limited space stunting his capabilities, and as if he had read your mind his arms lock under your knees, hands slipping under your ass to lift you up off the seat, your pussy pressed firmly against his face, and suddenly the feeling of his tongue becomes much more intense.

You take full advantage of the position, reaching forward to gab his hair, "Fuck, Steve. That's it." You encourage, breathless pants coming from you as you struggle to keep your eyes open.

He pulls away for a second, "Ride my face." And you swear you could have come right then and there.

You circle your hips, the cold tip of his nose brushing against you, and the gasp that comes from you sounds painful. Your pleasure is building, and you become selfish, using his face to stimulate you.

He shifts his grip, and you help him as much as you can, hand coming down to grip the console to secure yourself. Two fingers prod at your entrance, testing, teasing, and you nearly lose your balance when you thrust your hips forward. "Please?" You whine, tugging at his hair in a way that makes him groan against you.

His fingers enter you quickly, and he immediately sets a pace in rhythm with his tongue, pushing them inside of you as far as he can, just to pull them back out.

It's too much, the constant stimulation against your clit, his thick fingers stretching you open, your legs start to shake, and you can see the smug look in his eyes as he watches you lose control. You could care less, the fingers in his hair tugging a bit too harsh, you release them, grabbing the car door beside you instead.

"I'm going to come." You warn him, head thrown back, legs shaking uncontrollably.

He doesn't stop, he doesn't slow down or pull away, fingers curling inside of you in an attempt to pull your orgasm from you. It's cruel, the way he takes control of your body and takes you to heights of pleasure you've never been able to reach on your own, and you feel yourself clenching around his fingers at the thought.

You know he's hard, you know he wants to bury himself inside you, you can see it, the tint in his pants as he gives you pleasure. "Do you want to fuck me, Steve?" You ask, thighs tightening around his head. "Do you wish it was your cock inside of me instead of your fingers?"

He groans against your pussy, sending a sharp vibration to your clit, and you moan at the feeling. He then does something you don't expect, his tongue stilling as he sucks his lips around your clit, teeth grazing the sensitive bud ever so slightly, the sharp feeling coming as a surprise to your nerves.

It sends you over the edge, body shaking as you cum around his fingers, he pulls away, placing kisses against your thighs, your voice scratching at your throat when you moan his name.

"There you go," He coos at you, fingers curling inside of you, pulling another wave of pleasure from your body. "Good girl."

He sets you back down gently, your body a tired panting mess. You flinch when he finally pulls his fingers out of you, your hole fluttering at the loss. His fingers come out glistening, and you watch as he draws them into his mouth licking them clean.

"You're sick." You say, chest heaving, but he only smiles at you as he reaches back and pulls open the glove box.

He pulls out the same towel he used to dry his face, then gets up to lean over you, placing it on your stomach. "Undo my pants." He says, hands planted on the head rest on either side of you. For a moment you're confused, wondering what he's expecting you to do. "Come on, baby." His lips are soft as they connect with the side of your face. "I need you to touch me."

And after that orgasm, you're more than willing. You're quick to undo his belt, then his pants, reaching inside his boxers to pull his cock free, and the sight of it makes your mouth water. He's hard, the tip swollen and red, he hisses at the contact blowing a puff of air against the side of your face.

He takes your hand by the wrist, pulling you off of him, bringing your palm to his mouth. He gathers a glob of spit in his mouth, licking it across your hand. "Touch me." He says again, "Or torture me. The choice is yours."

You're breathless at the realization that he's letting you take control, panting and desperate above you, restraining himself to give you the power over him for once. It speaks volumes, it's his way of apologizing for last night, apologizing for using you by letting you use him, and the power immediately goes to your head.

You grab his cock in your spit covered hand, tugging him closer, and the groan he lets out sounds painful as you begin to stroke him, likes he’s been waiting far too long for your touch.

He kisses you, panting for air in between each one, your taste lingering on his tongue. "Tell me you forgive me." He says, hips thrusting against your hand. "I'll do whatever you want."

You quicken your pace, jerking him off at a speed that forces his mouth open in a moan, "Shut up and keep kissing me."

He does, propping himself up on one arm to grab you by the throat, pressing his lips against yours in a kiss that forces your eyes closed, his hips moving in rhythm with your hand.

He moans into your mouth, and you tighten your grip, circling your palm around his tip, and he chokes. "Fuck, fuck. Yes, keep doing that." He gasps against your lips, and you notice his hips stutter.

He isn't going to last long, you realize that he too has a bit of stress pent up, he's been on edge all week. He made you come yesterday too, denying himself in trying to please you.

"Did you feel like a big man embarrassing me in front of James like that?" You kiss him to soften your words, knowing that he can barely concentrate on anything other than your hand wrapped around his cock.

"I'm sor-"

"Did it feel good to claim your territory?" You ask. "Does it feel good to know he won't try anything?"

He moans, voice loud and thick, "It feels so fucking good." He jerks above you, the pleasure becoming too much. "I'm going to come."

You slow your movements then, torturous as he shakes above you, "You going to come for me?" His eyes slit into a glare, but a gentle squeeze of his cock fixes it. "Are you going to stop treating me like shit?"

"Fuck," He groans, nodding eagerly. "I promise."

You award him with a kiss, picking up your pace again, and you jerk him to completion. He comes with a shout, pulling out of the kiss to pant against your ear, body shacking as his cum leaks between your fingers and onto the towel he placed down. You continue to stroke him, slowly, milking every drop from his body, and he places open mouthed kisses against the side of your face.

"Oh, fuck." He groans, movements stilling as he pushes himself upright. "Fuck!"

He takes a minute to compose himself, eyes locked on the sight of you beneath him, fingers covered in his cum, face flushed, bare thighs turning red from his grip. He engraves the image in his mind, then moves to clean you up, grabbing the towel and folding it, containing his release inside.

He wipes your fingers clean, then tosses the towel behind your seat, grabbing your face to kiss you one last time before you fix your clothes.

Your attitude is long gone, body and mind content as he settles back into the drivers seat, tucking himself back into his pants. The air around you has grown hot, stale, scented with sex and endorphins, so your crack the window.

"Where to?" He asks, gaze a bit lazy as he looks over at you. He too needs coffee.

"Starbucks."

Neither of you speaks on what just happened. You feel confident in yourself again, yesterday feels like a distant memory, and when he reaches over to place his hand on your thigh, you let him.

He takes you to Starbucks, orders your usual and a breakfast bagel, and you take a booth by the window, watching the rain fall as you eat together.

He looks a mess, hair ruffled, eyes rimmed red, a sleepy grin on his face as he watches you sip your iced coffee. "Are you going to go home?" You ask.

The smile turns evil. "What? Scared someone will smell your pussy on my breath?"

Your eyes go wide, and he laughs when you reach over to try and hit him. "Keep your voice down, Jesus Christ."

"You weren't so shy a few minutes ago." The glint in his eyes annoys you, but then his expression changes, he reaches over to grab your hand, bringing it up to his lips. "I am sorry, Y/n. I shouldn't have embarrassed you like that. I shouldn't have exploited you either."

"No, you shouldn't have." Is all you give him.

You aren't sure if you're ready to forgive him yet, you aren't sure if you're ready to put it behind you completely. But you're willing to put it aside for the sake of your case, pulling your hand free from his.

"What's the plan for today?"

The change in topic doesn't go unnoticed, eyes sharp as he watches you. "I'm going to drop you off first so you can deal with that assistant of yours, then I'm going to go change." He says. "I need to meet with Rumlow today."

"I'm going to reach out to Natasha and Tony." You say, "See if I can convince someone to come in."

His eye twitches, just barely, but enough for you to notice.

There's still a lot unspoken about that, his raging jealousy, perhaps and insecurity that you've managed to exploit without knowing. But for now, it will have to wait. The trial is coming soon, you don't have time to deal with this.

The issues between you will have to wait.

"Today doesn't change anything." You say, "You eating me out in your car doesn't change what you did. Me jerking you off doesn't mean I forgive you." You bite your straw, fingernails tapping against the table top. "We still have a lot to talk about, but for now it has to wait."

He scoffs, nodding his head. "Okay, fine." He says, disbelief written on his face. "I let you take control once and it goes right to your head."

It's your turn to glare, leaning over the table. "You did this, not me. If you're going to be mad at anyone, be mad at yourself."

His hand slots around your jaw quicker than you can dodge it, pulling you that much closer, his lips brushing yours when he leans forward to meet you half way. "Stop acting like you're actually mad at me." He says. "You're sexually frustrated, and that's not something I can fix right now."

The tone in his voice silences you.

"I'll fuck it out of you." He kisses you, finally, your eyes fluttering closed against your own accord. "I promise you I will. So enjoy this attitude while you can. Because when I'm done with you, you'll forget why you were mad in the first place."

That's the Steve you know, blue eyes dark as he stares you down. You hate to admit that his words raise a fire in your core, a longing for him stirring inside of you that can't be tamed by his lips or hands alone.

You smile, matching his kiss with one of your own. "I'll be waiting."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Guilty Masterlist.

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Thank you for reading :) Updates are on Friday’s. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #449-450

(both from yesterday)

What do you dislike about the house you live in? It's in the suburbs. Have you thought more about your funeral, or your wedding? My hypothetical wedding. Dinosaurs or unicorns? DINO BOIZ. What do you think of Maroon 5? I like some of their old stuff, and one or two of their newer songs, like "Payphone." What about Coldplay? I enjoy them. Fall Out Boy? Love 'em. Katy Perry? She's okay, I guess. There are a few songs I enjoy. Have you ever snuck into an R-rated movie when you weren’t old enough to see it without parents? No. What is your favorite Disney show? I don't have the slightest clue what's on Disney nowadays. What do you miss most about elementary school? Digging tunnels in the sandbox during recess with my friends. :'( When was the last time you saw the person you had your first kiss with? The start of February 2017. Hard to believe it's been four whole years... Is there anything hanging from the doorknob in your room? Ha, yes. Mom got me a little sign that says, "If I can't wear my flipflops, I'm not going," lmfao. All I wear are flipflops. What's your opinion on wearing pajamas in public? Do you yourself do that? I LITERALLY couldn't care less. I wear pjs in public sometimes; it really depends on where I'm going. What was the most severe punishment your parents gave you when you were growing up? Taking away technology was the worst. Do you usually fill up at the same gas station? Mom goes to a few different ones, depending on proximity and price. Have you ever owned any pet birds? What kinds/colours? I have not. I used to want a cockatiel for a long time, though. Do you pay much attention to your YouTube recommendations? If so, what was the last video that caught your attention? Kinda, I guess. I'm not sure what was the last recommended video I clicked. What has been the happiest time of your life so far? It's complicated. Most of my best memories are from high school with Jason, yet at the same time I was HORRIBLY depressed. I think my most pure happiness when I was really progressing with recovery. Moving on from him, losing tons of weight, feeling motivated... Have you ever had a crush on a celebrity? Who? My two biggest celebrity crushes ever have been/is Link Neal and Mark Fischbach. Do you have any fears you would rarely admit to anyone? Nah. Admitting fears isn't a big deal to me at all. What website do you spend most of your time on? YouTube. What did you have for dinner last night? A chicken sandwich. What could you talk about for hours? Meerkats, Silent Hill, Mark... Do you have a lamp beside your bed? Yes. What's your favorite ice cream topping? Chocolate syrup. What was the last TV show you binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender. Would you rather eat burgers or tacos? Oh, burgers for sure. I don't likes tacos. Did your mother change her maiden name when/if she got marred? Yes. Do you use TikTok? Nope. Are you closer to your mother or father? Mom. Do you own any costumes? No. Would you care if your SO went to a strip club? Hm. So long as they're not laying hands on any of the strippers and they ASKED me first, I don't think I'd care? I'm pretty sure I'd also only be okay with that if we were a long-term couple where very strong trust has been built. How helpful are your parents to you? Would they help you to pay for your first apartment? College? Where does the line end? They are so, so very helpful and I'm pretty sure would go to the ends of the earth to help me in any way they could. I know they WOULD help pay for the things you mentioned, but it's not something I want them to do. I want to be able to financially provide for myself, one day... Have you ever had to evacuate due to natural disaster? No. What video games did you have when you were growing up? LOADS. I looooooooved video games. What was the first election you ever voted in? This last one, actually. Can you hear anything right now? Yeah. I'm watching Gab play the Resident Evil 3 remake on hardcore mode. What's the coolest, most unusual pet you can think of? I've always thought sugar gliders were quite interesting as pets. I wanted one for a looong time, but I am not informed on how well they do in captivity and if it should even be legal for me to truly want one anymore. Have you ever seen a UFO or other weird object in the sky? By definition, it was a UFO. Sometimes I do even wonder if it was an alien spacecraft, given JUST how strange that shit was. I won't explain it again, just 'cuz I've done it in many surveys before. Are there any albums you know every single lyric to? I could probably nail Ozzy's Black Rain. What's your go-to painkiller? Advil. Does your mom have a celebrity look-alike? No, but there's a celebrity with her exact name. Do you think it’s pretty when 100s of balloons are let loose into the sky? NO NO NO NO NO that shit is SO upsetting. Where do you think they end up??? It's littering. Animals get choked and tangled by them all the time. What do you draw more than anything else? Definitely meerkats. Have you ever visited someone in a psychiatric home or ward? No, but people have visited me in one. Have you ever received a parking fine? No. Are you in any group chats? Who's in them? No. Do you have a lisp? No. Do you have an Instagram account? Do you use it often? I have three, but one's pretty much dead. I don't post stuff regularly on my other two either, really... Can you parallel park? I would absolutely hit another car. Have you ever played paintball? Did you get hit? No, that shit's dumb. You can get really hurt. What was your favorite fairy tale when you were a kid? Maybe Little Red Riding Hood? Are your parents still together? If not, do you know why? No. Mostly financial disagreements, but I know there's stuff I don't know. Have you ever been evicted? Why? Yes, because we couldn't keep up with rent. Have you ever worked as a manager or supervisor? Noooo. What was the last thing you voted for? So Snake Discovery (a reptile channel I love) hosted an enclosure build-off recently, and the winners were selected by fans via voting. The guy I voted for got 3rd. What's the most amazing animal you've ever seen in captivity? I've been very close to an elephant at a zoo once. They're magnificent. Having been to Sea World as a kid (I would NEVER go now), I also saw the killer whale show. As much of a spectacle as it was, it was animal abuse regardless. Do you like white chocolate? It's okay in small doses. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. Do you talk to your pets? Um, duh. Have you ever adopted a stray? (Cat or dog?) Cats, yes. Do you read about any mythology? (Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian, etc) No, not by my own will. I DO love mythology, I just... don't read it. Do you ever use bath bombs? No. Have you ever gotten angry at an employee and complained to the manager? No. Have you ever sent your food back at a restaurant? Yes, because they got my meal wrong. I was REALLY shy to do it, but I made sure to do it politely and apologetically. Do you sleep in a bra? What mad lad sleeps in a bra???????????? Has your ex ever gone out with someone close to you? No. Can you suggest someone funny on YouTube? I'll go for someone what isn't my obvious vote, ha ha. There are truly so many, but Garrett Watts is high on the list. Elena Bateman, too. Can you do a handstand? No. Has anyone close to you ever been suicidal? Yes. Have you ever broken someone's heart and didn't care? Tyler sure acted like I did, and to be entirely frank, I didn't care very much, but only because it was a HUGE overreaction and I knew he'd be fine quick. What color is your hairbrush? It's just a white comb. Who was your most recent call from? My psychiatrist. Have you ever watched someone die? Only animals... It's the absolute worst. Are you currently "seeing" someone? No. Are you friends with someone who's autistic? I might be, but I know my niece is on the spectrum. Do you like humans? To be entirely transparent... I think I wish humans were never a thing. We've done so, so much harm to the planet, some things irrevocable. Earth would be a much healthier, far more peaceful place if we'd never existed. Do you like pandas? I love pandas. P.S., fuck outta here if you're one of the people who don't support conservation efforts for them. That shit blows my mind. What do you think of Evanescence? They're great. Amy's voice is absolutely incredible. I don't even think that's an opinion, but global fact, ha ha. What do you think of Avenged Sevenfold? I like some of their stuff. I haven't heard a whole lot though, honestly. What do you think of Halestorm? ^ Do you think you are attractive? God no. I don't see me as an attractive person at all. Do you like dinosaurs? I love 'em; I was OBSESSED as a kid, and my first aspired job was a paleontologist. Do you like lasagna? No. Do you share a room? No. When was the last time you climbed a tree? Never, actually. Have you ever been hospitalized for more than 2 weeks? I think my longest was three. What can you do that none of your friends can do? I dunno. Why did you last go to the airport? Mom and I were dropping Sara off so she could go home. Who was the last person to see you in your underwear? My mom. Who’s the most attractive female you’ve ever seen? Maybe Alissa White-Gluz from Arch Enemy? Or my friend Alon. I'm certain there's more, because women are just so fuckin beautiful asdkfajlwejkrjqwe Red, white, yellow, or pink roses? I actually like the original, rich red. Do you think someone would ever want to marry you? Well, two people have, but one absolutely doesn't anymore and the other knows that it's not healthy or emotionally safe for either of us to imagine that at this time. I don't know if anyone ever will again. Do you like Thanksgiving? No. Like I enjoy the focus on thankfulness, but the history isn't right and I don't enjoy the food. Do you ever wear colored eye liner? No. Have you ever used a darkroom? No. Have you ever been "popular"? No. Has someone ever tried to convert you? Yes. Have you ever been told that you dress like a slut? No, not that how someone dresses has any relevance to their sexual activity. What’s your most recent obsession? Final Fantasy X jfccccccc. Video games or board games? The former. Are you scared of tarantulas? As much as I talk about them... you can probably tell I have a massive interest in them, ha ha. However, even though I love them, they're still sorta scary. Like, threat poses are no joke. And it's terrifying on the very rare occasion they hiss. During Covid, do you wear a mask or no mask? I'm fully vaccinated, and yet I still wear a mask because I'm a considerate human fucking being. Do you have a PlayStation 4? No, but I reeeeaaally want one. :/ Have you ever played Fortnite? Nah, not my type of game. Do you like anime? Yeah. Have you ever been on a boat? Yeah. I was always SO excited as a kid when Dad would take the boat out for a fishing trip. Have you ever played Kingdom Hearts? I've played some of it with Jason. I wasn't a fan of it. Have you ever built a snowman? Yes. DC or Marvel? I don't really have a preference.

----------

Do you prefer your nails long or short? Why? Short, because I can't keep my nails long for the life of me. I pick/peel my nails badly. Do you have any vinyl records? No. Are you still in touch with your best friend from high school? No. Have you ever visited any celebrity gravesites? No. How do you feel about archaeology? It's extremely fascinating. Would you have a big cat (like a tiger) for a pet if you could? No. I could never provide the environment they need, and it's simply not safe. They are not domestic animals, and even the ones that seem most tame can surprise you. What are your favorite smells? Cinnamon rolls, coffee, lilac, fresh baked bread, barbecue, etc. Have you ever had to block people online for harassing you? I'm not sure, actually... What is your favorite thing to do on The Sims? Surveys have a lot of questions about those games... I only ever played the ones that focused on animals, and I think I most enjoyed breeding them and naming the bbz. :^) And watching their behavior. Which hair color you've had has been your favorite? Red. If you were stupid-rich, would you ever actually want a mansion? No. I do not need all that room, nor am I wasting my money on such excessive space. What drinking games have you played? None. Do you take lessons for anything? No. Has something really heavy ever fallen on you? No. If you wear makeup, what colors do you usually wear? Only black. Does your shower have curtains or a glass door/wall? Curtains. If you have more than one pet, do they ever get jealous of each other? One is a snake and the other is a cat, so. Is there a room in your house that you don’t like going in? No. Besides salt and butter, do you put anything on your popcorn? Nothing besides what you mentioned. Are you lonely? I'm way too lonely for it to be healthy. Do you like pineapple? Yep. Have you ever seen fireflies? Yes; they're endemic to here. Have you ever trespassed? As a kid, yes. Do you raise your hand or participate in class? I did sometimes. Are you afraid of heights? Yes. Are you afraid of the dark? No. Would you ever be your school’s mascot who wears that costume? No. Have you ever written a poem? I've written a lot. Would you ever be a tornado chaser? FUCK TO THE HELL NO. What is your favorite thing to eat with bbq sauce, if you even like that stuff? I hate bbq sauce. Have you ever had to do a class in summer school? No. Have you ever been to the rainforest? No. Ever thought about writing a book? Yes. Have you ever had a dream where you killed someone? Yes. Have you ever solved a Rubik’s Cube? Nope. Have you seen all of the Jaws movies? No, only the first one with Tyler. It was aight. Have you ever had a black eye? No. Is your ex sexually attractive to you still? I haven't seen a picture of Jason in years, and I don't want to. Not because I care about how he looks now, it'd just be extremely triggering to see his face. I still find Sara gorgeous. Have you ever been to couple’s counseling? No. How often does your employer ask you to work overtime? N/A When was the last time you were scared? Ummmm I really can't say I know. What’s your favorite song by Rihanna? "Disturbia" is where it's AT. There's this synthwave edit of it that I positively adore. Can you speak binary? No. Have you ever had a pet that you disliked? A family pet, yes. Do you like boys with long hair? UGH yes. Do you like root beer? Not really, no. Do you like ice cream cake? Not really. Do you ever dream of yourself dying? That's not all that rare in my nightmares. What song always makes you sad? I think two songs are tied for what makes me most sad: "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin and "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White. Were you mean as a little kid? No; I was a sweet kid. Have you ever tried spam? No, it looks SO gross to me. How fast can you run? This is pathetic, but I don't think I CAN run. My knees are too weak. I think my weight coming down on them would just make me crumple over. Have you ever bought something from Spencer's? Yeah. Have you ever been on a diet? I've tried diets many times. Do you prefer light or dark jeans? Dark. When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? I almost always just listen. Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yeah. Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person? Jason. I miss his memory every day. I say "memory" because it's been years, and I have no way of knowing who he is today. How many cars are parked at your house right now? One. Has anyone ever told you you’re a control freak? No. Do you know anyone who has gone missing? If so, were they ever found? Not personally. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Some wings with extremely hot sauce at Buffalo Wild Wings. Have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? Um yeah, no. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? No. I don't like sprinkles in general. Do you know how to do the moon walk? No. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yes, somehow. Onion rings or french fries? French fries, for sure. Who is the best cook that you know? Dunno. If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced? When I was a kid. I don't remember the age, but I was old enough to decide myself that I wanted them pierced. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? They have their own places now. Do you like fried rice? Yessss. Are there any animals you refuse to touch? Some bugs. Have you ever intentionally fed a house spider? I don't believe so, no. What makes you feel lucky? That I have the family I do. What is something nice going on in your life right now? Just the gym-going, really... Who’s the worst person you’ve encountered on the Internet? An old friend I just knew as Shakes. If death wasn’t a consequence, what would you try? Maybe sky-diving, idk. Has a teacher ever told you off? No. Have you ever told off a teacher? No. Do/did you take school seriously or not? I certainly did. How do you usually cope with breakups? Not well. I obsess over how something's wrong with me and I'm not good enough for anyone. Disney princess or Disney animal movies? Animals, for sure. What's your favorite Katy Perry song? It's evading me right now... Have you ever made/tried friendship bread!? Omg, I forgot that was a thing! I actually have. I've completely forgotten the gist of it or even how it tastes, but I remember I loved it. What do you want to know about the future? If I'll ever be content and happy. What's your biggest insecurity? My weight. Ever found something disgusting in your food while eating out? No, thank god. Does the area where you live have a good or bad reputation? A very bad one. Are there any holidays that you don't celebrate? Yeah, like St. Patrick's Day, among some others. If you could find out who you're gonna marry right now, would you? Yes. Save myself time and heartbreak. How important is it to you that your partner has the same religious views? I wouldn't date someone very religious. If they're more tame about it, that's fine, but I'd prefer to not date a religious individual. Do you own a Wii? Yeah. I've kinda been wanting to play Guitar Hero or Rock Band lately on it... Do you like a lot of cheese on your pizza? "A regular, reasonable amount of cheese." <<<< This. I really don't like when things are so cheesy that it leaves a ridiculous trail when you try to separate pieces. Have you ever been made fun of because of your sexuality? Not directly to my face, but I can guarantee people I know had certain ~opinions~ on it when I came out. I also like just came out as pansexual versus bi, and I'm not even telling a lot of people in my personal life because I know they'll find the concept absolutely ridiculous. What would you do if you found an abandoned animal? "Depends on what type of an animal it was, and whether it was friendly or skittish." <<<< This. I'm obviously not going to try to usher a rabid dog over to me (I'd call a rescue or something if the animal appeared potentially dangerous), but if the animal appeared safe, my heart would absolutely lead me to try and get the animal to come to me so I could take it home and try to find the owner. Have you ever kissed someone who had a tongue piercing? No. What singer/band do you think deserves to be more famous than they are? Jonathan Young from YouTube. He is INCREDIBLE. He deserves to be picked up by a label so badly. What is your favorite PlayStation 1 game? The original Silent Hill, no competition. Do you think objectum sexuals are real, or attention seekers? I really can't imagine someone pretending to want to fuck their car for attention. I don't get it AT ALL, and it's weird as shit to me, but I mean, I don't think people can control what they're attracted to. How far out of your age bracket would you date? 21-early 30s, probs. Have you ever had an STD? No. Have you ever tried pho? No. Pick one: Crash Bandicoot or Spyro? Spyro!!!! I have the original trilogies of both series, but Spyro is where it's AT. Does your job allow piercings or tattoos? I'm unemployed, but I wouldn't work at a job that didn't, honestly. If you could dye your hair any color right now with absolutely no restrictions, what color would you dye it? Maybe like a galaxy-esque mixture of layered colors. I've wanted that for YEARS. Have you ever known a white supremacist? This region is swimming in them. Have you ever spoken to a detective before? No. Do ladders scare you? Climbing them does, yes. Do you have any tattoos on your arms? Yeah. Have you ever thrown up on anybody? Unless I did unknowingly as a baby, no. How many people have you turned down when they asked you out? Uhhh two or three, maybe? What is your favourite kind of fruit cobbler? I actually haven't tried enough to have an educated favorite, but I can say I love peach. Do you hear any other people talking right now? I'm watching a let's player play Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, so I hear her, obviously. When was the last time you started a new medication? It's been a while, idk. What is your favourite type of nut? Cashews, I guess. I don't really like nuts, but I definitely like cashew bars. Where did you eat the best pizza you’ve ever eaten in your life? ... Domino's lmaoooo. Did you ever watch The Rugrats when you were a kid? Yeah, I loved that show. I even had two video games. Do you know anyone who was adopted? Yes. Can you name all 50 US state capital cities? No. Can you tie balloons? I can't, actually. Have you had a deep conversation with anyone today? Yeah. I wanted Sara's advice on something I'm dealing with. On your Facebook friends list, who was the last person to have their b-day? One of my sisters' was yesterday, actually. What did you/are you having for dinner tonight? I had Special K cereal. Name some healthy foods that you enjoy eating. Strawberries, apples, bananas, (sometimes) broccoli, other things that aren't coming to me. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? My friend Girt. What flavor was the last cupcake you ate? The cupcake itself was chocolate, and the icing was uhhhh... blue? Apart from sleeping, what do you plan to do tonight? I haven't done anything of note. I'm probably going to bed soon. What’s the age difference between your parents? Two years, I think. When was the last time you ate an apple? Today. I have been on a big sliced apples w/ peanut butter kick lately. Have you had any caffeinated beverages today? I have soda every day. :x Have you eaten any chocolate today? What kind? Mom brought me a Reese's home today when she went out with a friend. How many different towns/cities have you lived in? Three. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone special? Poems, yes. Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? Not very much physically. Emotionally... I don't know. Do you have any ice cream in your freezer? What flavor is it? No. Ice cream is my #1 comfort food, so that's a big "keep out of the house."

[purplesurveys]

1194

survey by n0b0dysp3rf3ct

What’s your favourite song to sing to? These days it’s Sweet Night by V, but it always changes tbh. I don’t really have an all-time favorite song to sing along to.

What’s your relationship like with your exes? Nonexistent. I’m good at blocking off people and memories like that, no matter how special the relationship had been or how much time we spent together. I don’t feel guilty about it; I actually feel more at peace this way.

What mistake do you find yourself making over and over again? Procrastinating and putting off things I could literally finish in 10 minutes or less. I’ve been better about it, to be fair to myself; but the habit comes out every once in a while and I always end up kicking myself in the ass for not already knowing any better.

What are you afraid to lose? Hmm...probably people, especially my friends. I’ve been starting to think more about this these days. My two best friends are in very good, committed relationships, and I know that one day they’ll have lives and families of their own, maybe even move out of the country. I’m finally acknowledging the fact that maybe I am afraid of getting left behind and ending up alone. Those thoughts make me sad, though, and I hate being stuck in feeling sad, so I try to shake them off and focus on my happiness in the present.

What’s one of the hardest decisions you’ve had to make? Agreeing to break up with Gabie. I never liked admitting defeat, so that was a particularly brutal afternoon.

Have you ever gave up on a love interest as they acted differently around other people? I’ve never been in this situation.

Do you think you’re ready for love? What does love even mean to you? I’m taking a break from it, actually. I was in a relationship that I put a lot of effort in for a long time, and I don’t mind focusing on myself for now especially considering I put myself in the backseat for the entirety of said relationship. I feel no need to jump into another relationship any time soon.

What was the last thing you turned down doing? Angela was showing me some shops that were starting to put up offers for the new BTS Hybe Insight photocards. Those photocards are only being given away to visitors who go to the new Hybe museum, and we didn’t want to technically pirate them, so we both chose not to buy. We can wait till we can travel to South Korea together and get the photocards for ourselves :)

Have you ever fell for someone who was clearly bad for you? Technically...yeah? She eventually ended up being bad for me, but I didn’t know it at the time.

Are you a party animal? No. I like attending parties, but I never want to be the center of attention.

Who are you the biggest fan of? My best friends.

When was the last time someone really let you down? I haven’t felt that disappointed in anyone in a while. 

What song can you not help but dance to? Mic Drop.

You’re DJ for the night - first track to get everyone going? ...Now that I mentioned it, Mic Drop. The Steve Aoki remix in particular. Sorry folks, y’all are getting K-Pop tonight.

Have you ever been too scared to tell someone how you felt about them? Yes.

Where do you feel the most inspired and creative? Erm, never? I never feel creative. But when it comes to being inspired, I usually feel it when I have one-on-one talks with Bea. She schedules a brief talk with me once every few months just to catch up and ask me how I’m doing, work-wise and growth-wise. I find that it really helps and I always exit the call wanting to perform better at work.

Have you ever been hit on by a pushy person? No.

When’s the last time you met someone for a coffee? I’ve never done that.

Describe the ideal man or woman for you: Kim Taehyung. That man is doing a stupid great job ruining everyone else for me.

What place in nature would you love to visit one day? Somewhere with auroras.

What accent do you find attractive? Like I’ve said on previous answers, I like Florence Pugh’s accent, whatever it is. I could listen to it all day.

What do you think you’re really good at? I’ve always loved writing and I’m pretty confident in my skills.

Do you have something you’d like to tell someone right now? I know Jo is going through a breakup and I want to reach out and share a few reassuring words, but I’m not very good at that kind of stuff. And since she isn’t initiating, it might mean she wants her own space for now too.

Have you ever had feelings for a friends partner? Never.

What career would you love to pursue: I’m more than okay with my current field. But had things turned out differently, I’d most likely be taking up law.

What was the biggest lies you’ve told? I never like lying so I try to make the ones I make as trivial as possible.

How can you tell if someone loves you? Idk for the most part I believe people have different love languages, so expression is always different for everyone. I don’t wait for people to act a certain way for me to deduce that they love me.

What’s one of your fondest memories? Front row at a Paramore concert, 2017. I went alone and danced without a care in the world and sang along to every song, and it was one of the nicest couple hours of my life.

What’s your favourite thing to do that doesn’t cost much? Taking surveys is literally free.

What do you feel unnecessarily judged for? I feel like I would be judged for having an entire blog just for surveys, which is exactly why I don’t share about this hobby with anyone. Not even my ex knew about it until much later on in our relationship.

What are you proud of yourself for? Still being here is a big thing.

What relaxes you after a busy day? As is pretty obvious already at this point, BTS. I like looking for funny compilations or interviews of theirs to watch to de-stress.

Have you ever known someone who suffered from drug addiction? Nope. Not that I know of, at least.

Why did your last relationship end? She wasn’t in it anymore.

Who do you have a crush on? Taehyung :/

When was the last time you stayed up all night? I was up until 4 AM earlier, if that counts. I don’t really do entire all-nighters anymore; latest I can do is either 4 or 5 AM.

Have you ever been someone’s rebound? No.

What would you fight LTR for the right to do? I don’t know what that is or who they are.

When did you last apologise? What was it for and was it accepted? Some work stuff came up today and it was something I needed to ask my manager about, so I had to message her. I apologized profusely before and after my main message since it’s a weekend and I HATE making my co-workers think about work on weekends, but the matter was a little urgent and it couldn’t wait. But eventually the thing got sorted out, so I followed up with a message asking her to disregard my question, and I sent her a heart GIF as well.

Have you ever been to Cuba? I haven’t, but I’d like to visit.

What do you feel positive about? That I am most likely ordering Frankie’s tonight because I’m having a serious craving for spicy Korean wings that I can’t ignore anymore.

Do you know any Spanish? I’ve retained the words, sentences, and verb tenses I was able to learn when I was still training on Duolingo; and Filipino has a lot of Spanish influences, so I wouldn’t say I’m completely unfamiliar with Spanish. I wouldn’t be able to last a conversation, though.

If you could go on a road trip now, where’s you go? Continued from this morning. I’d probably just go back to Tagaytay. La Union could be a great road trip spot as well.

When in danger are you more fight or flight? Flight. What makes you irrationally angry? When people speak excessive Taglish, especially in a work setting. Most Filipinos are fluent in both, so I’d wish they’d pick one and stick to it. I find code-switching pretty unprofessional for the most part.

Do you feel self conscious about a certain body part? Sure.

Is there someone you’ll always be there for? If so, who? My best friends.

Have you been accused of being manipulative? Gab probably did a few times, but I barely remember those memories anymore.

What’s the most romantic thing someone has done for you? I literally can’t remember anymore.

What or who do you miss from your childhood? The ability to be carefree and the greater space to make mistakes.

Do you miss late night calls with a certain somrone? No, I hate calls.

What would you like to do again some time? Be able to go back to coffee shops.

What’s your least favourite season? Summer.

Do you know someone who’s ridiculously arrogant and entitled? A lot of boomers and older Gen X-ers.

Have you ever considered violence to solve your problem? No.

Who’s the best dancer you know? That I know in real life? Aubrey. Overall, Park Jimin.

What’s the best bit of advice you’ve received? I can’t seem to remember the exact same quote they gave me, but it was Andi telling me a few months ago not to rush my healing so I can avoid potentially harming myself in the process.

How good a swimmer are you? Not very good. I just like swimming leisurely.

What’s your favourite baby animal? Puppies and baby elephants.

What’s the best compliment you have received? It’s always nice to be told I’m strong.

What’s your favourite gemstone? Don’t have one.

Do you bounce back well when things go wrong or does it take a while? It takes a while, but I always get there eventually.

What’s an underrated colour/shade you really like? Not sure; the colors I tend to lean towards I think are pretty popular choices.

What insult or label would hurt you the most to recieve? Being told I’m useless or a burden.

How often do you notice the attractiveness of strangers? I rarely find strangers attractive.

Are you good at hiding your emotions? No, I practically wear them on my face.

Are you romantic? More than I’d like to admit.

[peaky-shelby]

Margaritas [3]

READ PART 1 & PART 2

Pairing: first pov!reader x Chris Evans

Request by @tfandtws : Heyo! I’d like to request number 21 with chris evans from the friends prompt list. A friends to lovers kinda thing., if that’s ok. Anyway, can’t wait to read more of your work and thank you for tagging me.

Request by @tits-out-for-cevans : Hewwo! Can I request no.8 from the friend’s prompt list? I know it’s cliche but I just looooove the best friends turn lovers genre 😅

warnings: too many feels, hits close at home, cursing

words: 1.561

author’s note: I hope you enjoyed this story💖

Prompts:

21. “I turned to a friend for comfort, and instead I found everything that I’ve ever been looking for my whole life.„

8. “I’m not in the friend zone„ “you’re mayor of the zone!„

I liked this neighborhood, it was calm and simple. Walking down these streets from the school to my house was very therapeutic, you saw Ms. Loralai’s bakery that was always decorated according to the season and she always waved to people walking outside from the window, a friendly woman she was. Right across from the bakery was the park, which usually when I returned home was filled with kids but having stayed late at work, trying to forget yesterday’s events with Chris, it was already dark so the kids where in and the parents too. In the corner to my house was Mr. Richard’s dinner, he was old but still made the best cup of coffee and the best bagels. Unable to control myself I walked in and he greeted me with the same old smile, looking up for just a second before returning to cleaning the counter.

“You’re in late!”

“Yes.. lots of paperwork.” I explained but he wasn’t buying it.

“You’re a kindergarten teacher, what kind of paperwork could you possibly have?”

“You’d be surprised.„ I tried to joke. He raised his head again, his eyes examining me like he was Dr. Phil, until he threw the towel behind his shoulder and crossed his arms “what’s wrong kiddo?”

“Nothing..” I like, smiling, then looked down, knowing very well he could see behind that smile as easily as he breathed “it’s nothing.” I paused “the school wants to do a field trip and I offered to help with the arrangements, that’s why I stayed in late but I’m here now so...” I looked up again, sighing “could I have my bagel please?”

Richard went inside the kitchen, which made me sigh in relief and let down my guard. He came back with a paperbag that had my name written on it. I clapped in excitement when I saw it and threw my body over the counter, trying to snatch it from him but he pulled back quickly, making me full in the counter in disappointment. “Hey!!”

“Did something happen at the reunion last night?”

“No!” I answered, groaning as I stood up on my feet again and rubbed my belly that had crushed against the counter earlier.

“Was Christopher there?”

I hesitated, looking away. I heard him sighing but I didn’t look until I felt him nudging me on the shoulder with the paperbag. I snatched it before he could pull away this time. “Psst!” He called, asking me to look at him so I did.

“Sometimes you gotta let go.”

“I did let go! That’s the problem! I had let go! And he just came in pulling me back and I hate him for it—“ realizing I snapped, I took a breath to relax “he’s nothing like you remember him Richard, he’s all grown and Hollywood like... he’s not Christopher, he’s Chris Evans.”

“He’ll never be Chris Evans to us! Especially not to you! Whatever he did I’m sure he didn’t mean to hurt you...”

“I know he didn’t..he’s just an idiot!”

“Then he’s exactly the Christopher I remember!” Joked Richard, And surprisingly a laugh escaped my lips. After saying goodnight and the usual ‘I’ll see you tomorrow’ lines, I left the dinner and headed to my house. Little did I know there was another surprise waiting for me there. He was sat on my doorstep, playing with his kiss, eyes locked on his hands, he didn’t even know I was there. I stood still wondering if he’d notice but apparently his keys were really entertaining. “What the hell are you doing here” I asked. His entire body stiffened, he rose to his feet, his eyes locking with mine. “Aren’t you supposed to be in Germany or something?”

“I missed the plane..”

“Then...” I struggled trying to find the perfect repsonse “You should have taken the next one!”

“I almost did but—“

“No! No buts— please! No buts!”

“I wanted to apologize! For yesterday! I feel like shit for what happened!”

“Fine, apology accepted, you can go now before you make it worse.”

“No! Listen to me please! I have to say this— I’m an idiot for what I did! As asshole, I wasn’t thinking, I had too many beers and too many thoughts, stupid thoughts! When I saw you two months ago on the party... after I left I couldn’t stop thinking about everything you said and yesterday when I saw you again I... I had to do something—“

“You mean do me?” Maybe the comment was inappropriate but I was mad and hungry and I could smell bagel and I couldn’t help myself. It clearly caught him off guard because he almost laughed but quickly reminded himself that he had to be serious.

“I’m trying to make a speech here.”

“That’s didn’t go so well yesterday did it?”

“I hadn’t written it down yesterday!”

I held back, my eyes softening. “You wrote it down?” He looked at his feet, hands in his pockets “the basics, so I don’t mess up again!” He raised his eyes again. I nodded so he’d continue.

“When you told me you left me all these years ago, it was weird, I was.. confused, we were supposed to be friends not lovers, you were like my sister and I was dating Lindsay at the time So I pulled back, I was scared and then when I broke up with Lindsay and I had time to process it, I thought it was too late so I didn’t say anything and I didn’t try and then I just didn’t know...” he paused “I thought you’d have moved on I never imagined that you still liked me, that you still wanted to give this a shot even tho you saw me at my worse and most jackass moments.”

“That’s true I did” I agreed.

“And yet you still...”

“I still loved you.” I finished the sentence for him.

“You did and when I realized I got scared again, like I was 17. That stupid 17 year old boy.”

“Very stupid” I agreed again, stepping a little closer to him.

“And then on the reunion I thought ‘I can’t let you go’ again!”

“Sometimes you gotta let go.” I repeated Richard’s words, making another step closer to him.

“Yeah well I don’t wanna let go!” He spat out, his eyes finding their way to me as he closed the gab between us with his large step. “I want this! All of this! The sloppy kisses, the awkward first dates— you ones said to me, I turned to a friend for comfort, and instead I found everything that I’ve ever been looking for my whole life.”

He remembered what I told him. How?

“I’m sorry it took me so long to realize but you are everything I’ve looked my whole life for and I’m in..I’m all in I promise—“

“Chris..”

“I want you to be able to worry about us breaking up! You can worry about us breaking up-“

“Chris!” I raised my hands, stopping his speech. I was still holding the The paperbag and the food smelled delicious, it was very hard to focus on Chris when I was this hungry “this is all very sweet! You are—“ I cut myself, finally processing what he said last. You can worry about us breaking up.. “I can worry about us breaking up?”

“Because that means we have something.” He answered, his hands on my cheeks, stroking me gently. He stepped even closer. The bagel fell of my hands, the noise of it hitting the ground, making me focus despite his breath against my face. “Chris..” I whispered, shaking my head “you move all the time.. and I’m here.. you’re there, wherever there is..”

“I’ll be filming in Boston for my next work, it’s a tv show, so I’ll be here with you.. I start in two weeks. So it’s only two weeks in Europe promoting endgame and then I’m here, all yours.”

“And what about after that tv show?”

He stepped even closer, which I didn’t even know was possible at that point. He balanced his head on mine “we’ll figure it out.”

“We..” I whispered before he leaned in and his lips landed on mine. After all these years, I finally tasted his lips and it was like god’s gift. The kiss was so effortless but so unique at the same time, it was like all the exes, the cries and falls were all so we’d stand here together, kissing. A sloppy, awkward kiss. His nose rubbed against mine as he tilted his head to deepen the kiss, he hand travelled up and down my back while put my arms around his neck.

We broke apart for a second only to take a breath and he smiled “you’ll give me a chance?” He asked and I simply nodded “but— before I give you the chance you need to go buy me a new bagel!” I paused, smirking “and a margarita!”

“Ugh I love margaritas..”

“You do?”

“They remind me of you!”

“You little cheesy romantic shit!” We both laughed and I could swear he was blushing but the beard was hiding it. I leaned in again, leaving my mark on his lips. Before I even noticed his had swooped me off my feet, my legs were wrapped around his body, holding on to him for dear life.

[cilliansaccent]

The Peaky Designer - Cillian Fanfic, Chapter 9

Hello, welcome back. Below is the next instalment of my fanfiction!

Leave a like or a comment if you liked it, or if I can do anything better! Please, it would mean the world and to understand if anyone is enjoying my writing. Also, sharing/reblogging would be even better.

PLEASE READ:

I will not be including Cillian’s family as it’s kinda weird since he has children lmao. Just a mention of his parents and a previous lover.

I will indicate in a chapter if there is smut in the beginning and before the actual scene!!

I will add trigger warnings if there is any!!

There is a variety of levels of swearing during a chapter, I will not hold back, everyone swears.

The timestamp for the Fic is now 2016 and onwards!! 

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Background: Gabrijela Babic is a Croatian girl from Sydney, Australia. She is born in the year 1991 on the 24th of December. She studies a Fashion degree in a University with a major in Game Design as well. Her teacher in the fashion designer class managed to nail an Internship on the set of Peaky Blinders with the shows very own Costume Designer, Allison McCosh. There, she travels to London for under a year to learn how to be one, working alongside the actors as well the man she admires, Cillian Murphy. But, her platonic feelings for the man begins to grow into something more, and she wonders whether she should pursue them or let him go for fear of her strict parents and her three older brothers…

Characters:

Swantje Paulina as Gabrijela Babic (swalina on Instagram)

Cillian Murphy

Word Count: 2,928

!!Warnings!!: None.

Date: August to December 2016

Chapter Name: ...And Cruel.

Brief Chapter Outline: Gabrijela hangs out with her bestie for the next four weeks, having a great time. But at a Christmas Party, all of that good joy and happiness shatters to pain and heartache...

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By morning, Gabrijela called up Lucia and called her over for breakfast. She was there in less than fifteen minutes and she let the girl up. Gabrijela had already finished cooking, "Goodness, does it smell good." Lucia smiled and hugged her. "Thanks. Been practising." She smiled. She had cooked up eggs, bacon, mushrooms and pancakes were wrapped up in foil to be kept warm. They ate in silence and Lucia helped her clean up once they were done. Then when they had their hot cocoa they sat at the couch together, "I need to ask you something." Gabrijela started. 

"I know. Yesterday," Lucia sighed, looking down at her cup then back up. "I want to apologise for that. I was being mean and rude, no other reason." Gabrijela nodded, "Logan didn't feel comfortable at all. And neither did I, especially with that last comment you made about whether this lasting or not." She frowned, "That hurt." Lucia reached over and took her hand, "And I am deeply sorry for that. Let me make it up to you." Gabrijela smiled a little, "Alright. You can totally make it up to me." After that day, the girls spent each day together. They did plenty of shopping, Lucia was a bad influence when it came to shopping and Gabrijela had to watch her spending even if she had a lot of money still. They did the usual tourist things, Buckingham Palace, the London Eye and all that. Bought souvenirs for home and their friends and went on organised tours. Gabrijela had learned Lucia was here for a break of University. She had stated it was too hectic and would be here till early December. Lucia planned to stay here for a month, then return to Spain to see her extended family before she would come back here and spend the two last weeks with Gabrijela in December It seemed odd, Gabrijela thought but she didn't care. She had her best friend here with her. So the next few weeks were busy, Gabbie balancing out her new work and life with Lucia. Clubbing, getting wasted over the weekends and having the absolute fun. Logan had occasionally tagged along with some of his mates, which was fine but Gab couldn't get a little overprotective. Especially when Lucia always eyed him like a meal. But she didn't pay much attention to it, Lucia wouldn't hurt her like that. Overall, Gabrijela had missed her best friend a lot, missed just being herself and acting like a bunch of mad women laughing and all that. It was good to let go but she still kept in mind she was with Logan and kept herself distanced from any men who tried to hit on her. As the months wore on, Gabrijela was busy working away. She had a good balance of her work and romance with Logan. She was happy finally, and even got to see Cillian almost every week. Just either dinner or coffee or catching a film together. Life for her was good. She was in a good mindset after so, so long being in darkness. By December, after long hard working through her new work and being with Logan for almost five months now, Logan had organised a small Christmas Party on Saturday for his buddies from work, so Gabrijela brought Lucia along before she was to fly out in two days. The pub was decked out in Christmas decorations and a live band played classic Christmas music that made it warm and cozy despite the cold temperature. Gab had changed into a mini tube skirt with an ugly Christmas sweater on top. It was the theme for tonight and Logan had an equally ugly sweater. "And yet you still look so delicious." Gab grinned up at him and they kissed. "I always look good in everything." He said, keeping an arm around her waist. "That's true." She nodded and they joined the group of friends. Lucia was chatting with a guy, clearly, she was trying to see if he could go home with her. The night dragged on, people danced and drank and drank and... drank. Gabrijela was talking to some of the girls outside and decided to head back in with them as it started to rain. But she wasn't feeling tonight, Logan had been... off the whole time. Even when they had met up during the week. Especially when Lucia was around. "Where is Logan?" She asked one of his mates. "Gone to take a piss." He replied. Gabrijela nodded, but her senses or whatever you called it was telling her something was up. Everything was wrong tonight. So she headed to the toilets, she was slightly shaking as anxiety rolled through her. She didn't want another attack, she hadn't had one for a long time and that was during and after the messy break-up with her ex. Some girls were laughing as they left the female toilets, "Fucking disgusting huh? Can't fucking shit in peace with that noise." Gab watched them go and could hear something inside despite the loud music. As she walked in the sounds were... muffled, soft moans came from the last stall. She could see the shadows below it. As she neared she heard it, "Logan." A soft female voice she knew too well. But she wanted it to be untrue and she pushed the door open which was unlocked. "Hey! Someone is-" When the door opened she saw Lucia and Logan. His pants at his ankles and her legs around his waist. It was exactly how Lucia had explained to her how she found her ex with a woman. "Gabrijela." Lucia hastily fixed her skirt as Logan fixed his pants, "I-I'm so sorry. Oh god Gabbie." "No." She snapped, tears falling down her cheeks, "No! You don't get to fucking call me that! You don't!" She screamed. "Please, baby, fuck I-I'm sorry she just-" "You shut the fuck up. Just shut up." She whimpered, her heart was ripping to pieces. She felt the darkness of her pain swallowing her up once more. "Oh, my god. Oh, my god." She repeated, running her fingers through her hair, gripping the strands. She paced around, "Fuck, what is wrong with me huh? Huh? I-Is there something wrong? What don't you like about me? A-Am I to fat? Do I have to small size breasts?" She looked at Logan, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?" She screamed in absolute pain. Logan looked away, regret in his features. "Fucking trusted you. I opened my heart to you. I let you in." Her voice dropped into a broken whisper. "You cheated on me. How long huh? How long?" She looked at Lucia. "Tell me, how fucking long have you two been messing around hm?" "Four months." Lucia winced when Gabrijela let out a pained whine. "Oh wow. Wow, so I've been riding a fucking used cock that was used on a bitch. Wow. Just fucking wow. Lucia, you are so fucking horrible, you know that? You wanna know something Logan, yeah? You ain't the first fucker she's gotten her hands on. She's done it to the other men who were taken. And now, I've had enough fucking looking after you Lucia. You have no sense of personal space and you ruin everyone's lives. You almost did it to Elijah. But at least he was the better man and stopped you." Gabrijela said with such venom Lucia looked down. "I-I'm sorry. Please don't leave me alone, I beg you. I'll make it up-" She whimpered as she stepped to her. "No. No way. It's over. No more will I stand back and let you trample over everyone's lives. You'll learn that one day, fucking someone's partner is not a thing that should be laughed about. I can't believe what moron I was to even stick to you. I only stayed because you had no one else. But now, this is the line I draw entirely." And with that, she left the bathroom, tears and makeup running down her cheeks. She didn't care if it was raining she just needed out. Away from this place. She cried, but no one would know as it was pouring down. Gabrijela came to a park and she sat under a gazebo. She was shaking, it was so cold. But she didn't care. She cried her heart out. Her phone buzzed and buzzed but she ignored it. Only after she stopped she pulled her phone out, Lucia had sent her messages and missed calls from Logan. But she didn't want to speak to them at all. Shivering, she rang up someone else who would listen to her. She waited until the phone was picked up, "Hello?" It sounded like Cillian had just woken up from his sleep, voice heavy. "C-Cillian." She sniffled, the rain had eased off now. "Gabrijela?" He sounded more alert, "Are you okay? Gab?" "I-I'm not Cillian. I... Please pick me up. I-I'm so scared." She started to cry again. "Shh, don't cry hey. Look around yeah? Where are you?" He asked, there was some shuffling and it sounded like he was getting dressed. Gabrijela sniffled and checked her phone for the maps and told him. "Okay. I will be right over. Stay where you are, okay? I won't hang up." His voice was gentle. She nodded, "Okay Cillian." He spoke to her about filming and what was happening as he got into his car. He carried an extra jacket as he sped down the road to the park she was in. It was about twenty minutes and the rain had begun to fall hard again. He parked and ran through the semi-dark park and found her on the gazebo. Gabrijela stood when he came over and she wrapped her arms around him, crying into his chest. He wrapped the jacket around her and held her close. "I got you." He said, a hand on the back of her head. "I'm right here. Oh, darling. Come, let me take you to my home." He murmured. He held her close as they made their way back to the car, he helped her in and he got in and drove off. His home was almost how her apartment looked like. But he had a whole three-story all to himself. He had Christmas decorations up, a Santa light in the bay window. Cillian helped her out of the car, through the iron gates with a pretty garden and up the stairs to the wooden door. Once inside, they were greeted with a narrow hallway that looked like it led to the kitchen and the small dining room. A set of stairs went up to the second floor, and on the right was an open door frame that went into the living room. It was all warm tones, it was cozy and like in a cabin in almost. She spotted photos of him and his family on the little table in the hallway. "Let's go upstairs. You're shivering." He said. Up they went and into his bedroom that took most of the second floor. It overlooked the back garden, it had a large king-sized bed with deep blue sheets and a white throw. It was messy as if he had kicked it all off. He got her to sit on the bed, "I'm going to make a bath, okay? Just wait here." He said as he left the room to go to the bathroom. She sniffled as she looked around, the bed was wooden and had a shelf like backboard that had stacks of books inside it. The wall was dark blue with the other three being an off white colour. Light oak coloured floorboards with a grey carpet at the foot of the bed. Directly across from the bed was a small balcony. From where she sat, across her was a tall bookshelf that had a mixture of books and little statues and photos of him and more of his family. When she turned to look behind her, there was a dresser beside a floor to ceiling window with heavy drapes the colour of storm clouds. And further next to the bed was a small walk-in wardrobe, the light was still on. The room was nice, sleek and cool. Much like Cillian. She smiled at the thought. It even smelled like him. He came back in, carrying a packet of wet wipes and a towel. "Bath is filling up," He said as he sat beside her, "May I?" He held the wipe as if to clean her face up. "Okay." She nodded. He gently began to clean her face up, wiping her eyes and lips and cheeks. "I'll go check the bath." He said and stood, "You can undress, I left the towel there." He smiled and left. She stood up and slowly took off her clothing, neatly leaving it in a heap as she wrapped the fluffy towel around herself. A knock at the door, "Come in." Gabrijela called. He came in, "It's ready. Come on." He gestured for her to come over. He took her into the bathroom. It was cute and simple. It had white tiles halfway then a grey/green/blue coloured wall the rest. The white claw tub that was also a shower was right across, a large window that looked down to the garden below. To the right was a dark brown vanity and white bowl atop. A huge mirror above it. The floors matched the dark colour of the vanity with a plush carpet in the middle. "Fancy." She murmured as she came over to the bathtub that was full of bubbles. She giggled. "I knew bubbles would make you smile. You told me you liked bubble baths." He said, a hand on her back. "I did. Thank you, Cillian." She looked up and gave him a smile. "Any time." He said. "Get in and get comfy. I'll go downstairs and make some tea." He said. She nodded and got in after he had left. She moaned softly and sunk in further, she had kept her hair up in a bun as it was almost dry now. She didn't want to get it wet again. She could feel her body warming up now, but she felt a chill within her. She was going to get sick. Shutting her eyes, she tried not to think of what happened tonight. Tried to stop her heart from breaking any further. But it was hard, she had worked so hard this year, dove into her studies more fiercely and focused more on her happiness. She couldn't believe Lucia would do this to her, but then again... she was stupid to even believe her. She had hoped she would be a better person, but it seemed she wasn't. Tears began to fall again just as Cillian knocked on the door. She quickly washed her face, "You can come in." She called as she watched him enter with two teas. "How is it?" He asked as she set the tray on a little table. "Perfect." She smiled as she held out her hands for her tea, he handed it to her. "Good. I made earl grey, something-" "I told you. Yeah. Thank you, Cillian." She sipped her tea and shuddered, "Yum." She murmured. He sat on the toilet seat, he was dressed in long flannel pants and a white shirt. He had changed it seemed. They stayed silent as she drank her tea, she knew he wanted to ask what happened but she wasn't ready to speak about it. "I uh, I have a long-sleeved shirt and some pants, if you want to wear that. And socks. That's all I can offer." He laughed softly. "That is fine by me. I'd like to be surrounded by you tonight." She whispered as she handed her empty cup back. "I'll bring it in," He said and left and returned with the clothing. Then left again so she could have some privacy. She got out and dried up, combed her hair with her fingers and changed into the clothing he gave her. It was soft and warm. She used the mouthwash and the cup before she cleaned it. She trudged out to the bedroom where he was fixing the bed. "Hi," She said softly, she had puffy red eyes when she had looked at herself in the mirror. "Feel better?" He came over, reaching up to brush his fingers along her jaw. "Yeah. Much needed. Thank you, Cilly." She leaned her cheek into his hand. "I'd like you to stay in bed, I... I need comfort." He nodded, "Alright. Let's get in." He said. She got in with him, the bed was so soft. He laid in the middle on his back as she laid down with her head on his chest. His arm wrapped around her as he pulled up the sheets. "Oh!" He jumped and she looked up. "What?" She asked. "Your feet are cold. Touched mine." He chuckled softly. "Oh, my bad." She let out a soft smile and laid her head back down. She let the sound of his heart lull her into sleep. She was warm, surrounded by the smells of Cillian and his arms. Cillian had no idea what happened tonight to make her so distraught. It broke his heart to see her alone in the dark, shivering and cold. He would not push her, he would let her tell him when she was ready. He would make sure tomorrow she was entirely comfortable and happy.

[artificialqueens]

Under Her Eye - Chapter 1: The Commander's Wife (Branjie) - Gab

a/n: I decided to write this Handmaid’s Tale AU completely because I couldn’t stop imaging Brooke in the blue-green dress Serena Joy wears in the show. I tried to make sure that this would make sense even without having read or watched the Handmaid’s Tale. It doesn’t really have spoilers from the show but it does operate in exactly the same universe. Enjoy!

Chapter 1: The Commander’s Wife

word count: 2061

Brooke Lynn Hytes was terribly lucky.

Well, terribly being the operative word. She was not dead nor a slave, but the world is terrible, and she got lucky.

The world in question is Gilead, a bloody dictatorship drenched in gospel, carved into what once was the United States of America. On the outside, it was a picture of peace: white, gorgeous buildings in the city centers, surrounded by the large, sprawling homes of the commanders. Trees dotting the clean streets as women in red walked in pairs, to and from the shopping district. All you have to do is ignore the soldiers, known as Guardians, stationed at every block, gun in hand. All you have to do is ignore the wall decorated with the hanging bodies of heretics and rebels. All you have to do is shut your ears to the deafening silence of the slaves they name handmaids. Yes, it certainly is peaceful.

The war broke out so slowly it was as if it had been leading to this moment for a thousand years. It started with a few controversial figures preaching across TV screens. Then laws changed, then borders closed, then people were taken, silenced, murdered.  It was a crack in the mirror, slowly spreading, branching, twisting until you could no longer see a reflection through the panes of glass. Until you forgot what reflection was supposed to be there in the first place. Until you found relief in the shatter because finally, we see clearly again. Until you forgot that seeing clearly meant no longer seeing what once was. Gilead was the shatter, where society was completely knocked down and replaced. Commanders ruled the country as though they were touched by God. Wives belonged to their husbands. Handmaids bore children they could never keep. Marthas cooked and cleaned. Unwomen worked and died. Everyone pretended they were happy doing God’s work. No one was.

Life was superficial at most, and at the very least, it was placating. Wives didn’t complain, Marthas did as they were told, and Handmaids shut their mouths. If anyone remembered the time before the war, they dismissed it as a dream, pushed those memories so far down the recesses of their brains so maybe, just maybe, they would forget how sweet freedom tasted.

Brooke remembered. She remembered the rows upon rows of books lined in her family’s study. She remembered dancing ballet in her studio, floating above the wooden floor. She remembered the day she was promoted to partner in her father’s firm. She remembered kissing girls and giggling in empty hallways and conference rooms. She remembered her father bringing her to museums and historical sites, telling her to learn their history so it never repeats.  She also remembered the days leading up to the war. How she had watched the book burnings in the streets. How she cried when they told her she couldn’t dance anymore. How they had stripped her of her position in her father’s firm, just as they would’ve appointed her CEO. How her past girlfriends had slowly disappeared into black vans, never to be seen again. How she sat by her father’s deathbed as he whispered his goodbyes, his apologies. How she signed her name on a marriage certificate next to that of the man who took her place in her father’s company. How her father asked her to marry George, just before Gilead formed, just before his last breath.

He is a man of God. He will keep you safe. He will keep you alive. These last words echoed in her ears when she signed away her possessions, her body, her life to the man who is now her husband. Her father didn’t say he would be kind. He didn’t say he would be good. Just that he would keep her safe.

He will keep you alive. The word was cruelty dressed in kindness.

George Hytes was a powerful man, and he did as every powerful man did: seek more power. He sat on Gilead’s highest council, making decisions for people he would never know, signing away the freedoms of people he would never meet. Brooke didn’t know what he was in charge of, now that the firm had been absorbed by the state. She didn’t know and she would never know. Her place wasn’t there anymore, it was at his home, playing the part of his perfect wife. He never hurt her at least, he was never cruel or abusive. Simply cold, much to Brooke’s gratitude. She knew she had more than most. She had a beautiful home, a Martha—what this new society called their housekeepers—named Nina, and all the knitting yarn and baked bread she could want. Her husband demanded nothing of her, he didn’t touch her. And if Nina screamed on days he came home drunk, if the handmaid cried out late at night behind a locked door, Brooke couldn’t say a thing. She simply sunk into her mattress, forcing her mind to go numb, forcing her eyes to close and let her escape for just a few hours.

Brooke’s daily routine started with her waking up just as the sun was rising. She would brush her blonde hair back and watch it fall just short of her shoulders, slick and out of the way. The long blue dress she was made to wear was stiff but elegant, and hit just above her ankles. No makeup, no perfume—she wouldn’t know where to begin looking for those anymore. The stores sold little else than essentials these days. They said it was to conserve resources for the war effort in the west, and yet there was always an abundance of prayer books and rosaries, lined with gold and pearl. Even the lotion she spread on her hands and neck was contraband, a luxury she could afford with the little pull she had left. She looked herself over, never longer than she needed to, tucking a stray hair behind her ear before heading out the door. Her husband was off again today, travelling across the country, motivating troops or whatever else he did. She didn’t know, didn’t ask. Brooke never had much to do anymore except for her daily appearance at the park with the other wives and the odd invitation to a gathering or a baby shower. She didn’t engage by choice, it was time wasted on insincere conversations with women just as clout-hungry as her husband, but it beat going crazy attempting to knit. All that, however, was in the afternoon, hours away. She went straight to her sitting room, drawing the curtains slightly and lighting a cigarette. Another luxury she risked enjoying, but never outside, never where someone could see. She was on her last box, maybe that was a sign of some sort. She could quit. She could find something that could kill her faster than a morning smoke. Just as she allowed herself a few more moments of contemplation, she heard footsteps down the hall, and a small push on her door.

“Pancakes Mrs. Hytes?” Nina bustled through Brooke’s sitting room, more jolly than usual. Well, more jolly than when Mr. Hytes was around. Nina paused at Brooke’s desk, looking at her with a furrowed brow. “You should really quit with those things. I’m not sure if I can get you more.” Nina said seriously, but with a glint in her eye that suggested she’d try anyway. She’d keep trying. Brooke smiled as she accepted the breakfast.

“I’ll try if you do.”

Nina chuckled, shaking her head. How she managed to have any joy in this world was beyond Brooke. The older woman was a quiet comfort most days, her demeanor being especially light when the commander wasn’t around. Sometimes Brooke would ask her to talk to her in her sitting room, or during her meals, or as she sat in her bath. They weren’t allowed to talk about their old life, but bits and pieces slipped through. Nina would talk about her children, her dogs, her love for baking french pastries and reading stories to children in the libraries. It was an escape, a glimpse of something real. Nina never let it last however, she would end each story with a laugh full of sadness. Could you imagine having to take care of dogs? Imagine having to teach little girls to read? Goodness, things are much simpler now aren’t they? Almost like she was trying to convince herself of that very fact. Brooke couldn’t judge, they all had to cope somehow. As she sat and ate, Nina listed down her schedule and reminders for the day.

“Of course there’s your stroll after lunch, we’ve been sent good weather after all! Oh and the Baileys are inviting you to tea this afternoon so I’ve told the driver to prepare for that and um… oh! Yes, the new handmaid is set to arrive this evening—”

“Wait, come again?”

“Oh the new handmaid? The center is sending one over tonight seeing as our current Ofgeorge is to be sent to the colonies. She left just a while ago.” This stunned Brooke for a moment, but it wasn’t the first time she was kept in the dark under her own roof.

“What did she do?”

“Oh you know, she’s been with a few commanders and well…” Nina trailed off, trying to keep a sympathetic smile on her face. Brooke knew what that meant. She hadn’t gotten pregnant. And by the laws of state and scripture, if the fruit is rotten, so is the womb. “But nothing to fear! Our new Ofgeorge would be here soon enough. We’ll get a baby into your arms yet, Mrs. Hytes!” She said, happily tidying up the plates as Brooke finished.

“Praise be.” Brooke muttered absently. The thought of having a child through this system disgusted her at first. The idea of the handmaid disgusted her. Her husband, raping a poor girl, as she watched, as she held her down. After the first night of the ritual, Brooke had thrown up, cried into her pillow for days. She knew it would happen, she had been told it was the will of God, but to sit there, hold the girl, see the fear and sadness well up in her eyes because she was forbidden to let it reach her mouth, it was monstrous. Brooke was a monster, and she let that thought consume her, torture her every day until she was numb. Until she felt nothing. She never knew Ofgeorge’s real name, the handmaid was forbidden to say it. As far as anyone in Gilead was concerned, the handmaid belonged to her commander as though she was a branded possession in a bright red coat. Perhaps it was easier that way, possessions couldn’t feel pain. Possessions couldn’t be hurt. And if Brooke didn’t look her in the eye on the nights of the ritual, maybe she could believe it. Maybe she could stay numb.

The hours ticked by as the sun began to set, and Brooke was shedding her coat and gloves from a dull tea time with the Baileys. She sat at her desk, absentmindedly twirling some stray yarn around her finger, almost forgetting about the last item on today’s agenda when Nina entered her sitting room.

“Mrs. Hytes? Our new Ofgeorge is here.” Nina said warmly, gesturing to the small figure behind her draped in red, her hair covered in a white cap. Brooke breathed deeply, nodding at the two to enter as she rose from her seat.

“Blessed be the fruit, Ofgeorge.” Brooke said, taking in her appearance. She was much shorter than her, with deep caramel skin and dark curls peeking out from under her cap. Her eyelashes fluttered, eyes flitting nervously around the room. Her hands were clasped in front of her far too tightly to be in prayer, as if each fist was holding back the other. She was biting her lips so hard that they were turning red.

God, she is beautiful.

Brooke’s thought came without warning, catching her by surprise. Almost cruel how some sensations can crawl their way out of repression so quietly. Her heart sped up, and in that moment she feared that someone would hear it. The handmaid’s eyes locked with hers, and she swears that in those eyes she saw fire and energy and anger and life.

“May the Lord open.”

[stardust-and-blades]

Lost Future AU

Hi welcome to part 4. Should i link the others? Yes.  MORE ANGST WHOOP (Hot tip: listen to “carry on my wayward son” by Facing West and imagine Keith turning his back on Lance for the afterlife yes i too am crying)

part 1 part 2 part 3

(EDIT): I fixed the font finally bc tumblr was being a bITCH --------------------------

“Hey Hunk, can I talk to you about something?” Keith asked.

Hunk’s head popped up from his shake, cocking his head to the side. “Of course. What’s up, bud?”

Keith looked down at his untouched drink, his hand tightening around the plastic. The diner they sat at was loud, rush hour for the corner food restaurant finally hitting at the stroke of 5. Keith ran into Hunk on his way from work, the other inviting them to dinner since Lance would not be home until later and knowing full well he hasn’t seen the boy in quite awhile. Hunk is usually with Pidge or Lance, and when Keith and him are able to hang out they jump at the chance. Before they got to know each other, Keith was reluctant in getting to know Pidge’s engineer partner, resistant towards any form of human bonding. But after several encounters with him and Lance, as well as dating his best friend, they warmed up to each other in dual time. They weren’t as close as Shiro and Keith, but they weren’t strangers either. And Keith found it nice to be around Hunk, who had a permanent aura of welcoming. 

Which is what led him to agree to grab a shake with him. There was something that kept nagging at him for the past week, unable to talk to Lance about it because of the sensitive subject. Because, not too long ago Lance lost his grandmother, and Keith did not want to rip open the healing wound. Lance was barely getting back on his feet, Keith didn’t want to be the one to push him down again.

But he couldn’t keep it to himself. He had to tell someone. While logically he could confine in Shiro, Keith has been on the fence about it. But with Hunk, it was different. He couldn’t put a finger on it, but with Hunk he felt his request would be met with a calm demeanor than an overly concerned one (aka Shiro).

He just wanted a friend to confide in. Hunk is a pretty good option.

Without lifting his eyes, he twirled the straw in his chocolate shake around, mixing the whipped cream and losing the cherry that sat elegantly on top.

“If I ever suddenly die, will you make sure Lance is okay?”

Hunk, believing Keith had a less grim question, choked on his shake, the substance almost exiting out of his nose. 

He looked at Keith incredulously. “What the--Keith, you’re not going to die. You’re 22!”

Keith’s jaw clenched, squeezing the cup further. “Yeah, I know.”

“If this is about Lance’s grandmother, Lance saw it coming. She was 86 years old, and while he is hurting he knew she was going to pass eventually. But this--”

“I’m young, I see that, Hunk.” Keith stated, his voice flat. “But my parents were in their late twenties when they died. Not all people live until a ripe old age.”

“Yeah, not all. But the odds are very different from the elderly.” Hunk’s brows furrowed. “You still have, what, 60 years on your side? I don’t see why you’re worrying about death now. Unless...” Hunk gasped, grabbing Keith’s wrist and pulling him close enough Keith can see his own reflection in his brown irises. “Oh no, Keith do you have a deadly disease? Cancer? Did you tell Shiro? Why haven’t you told Lance?”

Hunk ceased his babbling when Keith shook his head. “No, no my health is fine. There is no disease or cancer in my family besides insomnia.”

“Oh.” Hunk said, releasing Keith. He still stared at Keith, perplexed. “Then why are you telling me this?”

“Because while I want to believe I’ll live a long life, that isn’t always insured.” He reached inside his hoodie’s front pockets, extracting a thick envelope. “After seeing Lance deal with his grandmother’s death, I began thinking. What if something happened to me? What if I didn’t die of old age, but something else? What would I leave behind?”

Hunk gazed at him with sympathy, seeing his point but not wanting to put it out in the universe. When Keith pushed the envelope towards him, he didn’t take it. “I...see where the anxiety is coming from. But I don’t think it is necessary. Keith, I think you will live a long life. It’s not like we are in a middle of a war.” Hunk attempted to emphasize a joke, but it fell flat at the end. Keith gave him a small smile, not angry Hunk wanted to place faith in a positive future. And who was to say Keith is right? He has been wrong before, and for once he hopes Hunk’s resistance towards his epiphany meant his worries were for nothing.

But he can’t leave a stone unturned. So he continued.

“We aren’t, but just in case.” He slid the parchment closer to him. “Hunk, you’re one of Lance’s closest friends and one of the few people I let in. I know this is a lot to ask for, but there is no one else I can ask this from. Shiro is stressed enough, and knowing Pidge they would accidentally let it slip what is going on too early. I don’t want to worry Lance. Not when it is necessary. And who knows, maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m being paranoid. But I won’t take any chances. Not now.”

Hunk wanted to reach over and hug the guy. He seemed so...so sad. As if he just announced his death date. As if he is dying in the moment, unable to stop it and needing to release his last words. What’s worse is he won’t be able to really talk to Lance about it. Because despite him telling his love everything, despite wanting to inform him of this issue, both of them knew Lance wouldn’t take it well. He would be strong and reassure Keith, yes. But Hunk knew it would linger in the back of his mind just like Keith, whether something bad happened or not.

Why worry him over something that may not even happen?

“Is this because of what happened to your parents?” Hunk asked softly, hoping he wasn’t reopening old wounds. Keith’s eyes flash to Hunk, immediately on guard and set to strike. 

“What?”

Hunk hesitates, but went on. “Your parents died in a fire when you were little. Is it because of that incident that you’re telling me this? Because you weren’t left with a last word?”

“I...” Keith struggled to find words. “I...uh...I...” He pushed away his now melted shake and combed his fingers through his hair, pulling at it and the furrow on his brow deepening.

Hunk regretted speaking. He placed a gentle hand on his arm, trying to dispel Keith’s shocked and unhinged thoughts. He never talked about his parents. Why would it be any different with Hunk? The poor boy is bordering on distraught.

“Keith,” Hunk said. “It’s okay. Breathe. Take your time.”

“I’m fine.” He grunted.

“Uh, no you’re not. I’m not dumb. I know when a friend is hurting.”

“I’m okay.”

Hunk crossed his arms and leaned back against the booth, settling Keith with an admonishing look for lying. Keith withered under it, his tough attitude nothing but a shield towards outsiders when it comes to his emotions. But Hunk is no regular outsider. Hunk is the empath; the mediator. The one most in tune with his and everyone else’s emotions, the slightest twitch of a muscle instantly alerting him of whether a person is experiencing positive or negative emotions. 

“Okay, so you’re not wrong,” Keith mumbled. “I...didn’t think about it until you mentioned it. Which makes sense. Why I’m on edge. Why I’m doing this. One moment they were around, the next they weren’t. I was...left with so many questions.”

“And you don’t want Lance to be left without a word. You want him to have closure and move on.”

Keith nodded. “It is what I would have appreciated.”

“But you were ten. You didn’t want a letter, you wanted your parents back.”

“Still. As I got older, I wished they left...something. A letter. A will. a card. I don’t know. Anything that...um..” Keith began to lose his voice. He wasn’t one to be vulnerable in front of anyone. He has done that in very few moments--one being around Shiro. Heck, Lance and him are together and Lance himself says Keith had a bad habit of locking all his thoughts and emotions up until they burst. Him and Hunk may be friends, but he still struggled with the habit. Of letting people in. 

Hunk is patient. He waited for Keith to go on, melting his stern eyes into smooth, shining chocolate. The waitress stopped by the ask if they wanted anything else, and Hunk knowing what Keith liked, ordered a plate of cheese fries.

“Lance probably is home now.” Keith commented.

“Tough. He can wait.” He flung a fry into his mouth when it arrived. “Serves him right for keeping you all to himself.”

“I’m really not that great.” He said mid-chew, a little quiet.

Hunk threw a fry at him. “Stop it. I see him all the time but seeing you is like waiting for a fish to do a trick. I deserve to spend time with his boyfriend platonically. I AM going to be best man at your guys’ wedding afterall.”

Keith inhaled his soupy shake all too fast as Hunk said that, it going down the wrong throat and was thrust into a coughing fit. What the fuck.

“We have been dating for a year!”

Hunk waved his finger around and clicked his tongue. “My good man, I know love when I see it. And you two aren’t separating anytime soon.”

“Y-you don’t know that!”

“I do. I better, or else Pidge wins the bet.”

“There is a bet!?”

“Between them, Shiro, and I yeah.” Hunk gave him an innocent smile, as if he were talking about the weather. Keith is tomato red, matching the sweatshirt he adorned and wished for a hole to swallow him up. Lance and he only talked about it once and it just resulted in Keith being a gay disaster.

“I’m going to murder my brother.”

“Go easy on him, he’s old.” Hunk joked.

“no shit.”

They laughed, the bleak atmosphere lifting for the moment. They gabbed away at other topics, the envelope not coming back until they were heading out the door, Hunk almost forgetting about it and Keith having to stop him before he drove away.

“You sure about this?” Hunk asked.

Keith pushed it in his hand as an answer. He nervously glanced around the parking lot, dusk drawing near, but his tone remaining steady.

“You were right. About my parents.” He started, the gravel becoming incredibly interesting. “I know Lance.With a big heart comes much bleeding if cut. Deep in my gut I know if I were to die prematurely and we still loved each other, he would take a huge blow.” He closed his eyes, his hands wrapping around his bag’s strap and head bending down. He is soft; a whisper amidst the raging wind, meant to be casted to the unknown if it weren’t for Hunk’s good hearing. 

“I maybe wouldn’t have handled my parent’s death well even with a letter or will. I was a kid. I just wanted them back. Knowing Lance, he’d want me back. Though I wouldn’t be able to return to his side, I want to know I’d leave this earth with something for him to find. To grasp onto. To hear--or I guess read--how I want him to be my Lance and move on. Because that is the hardest thing someone can do when they are left behind without a goodbye. Without truly knowing what the deceased wanted for them.”

Hunk saw Keith’s eyes glisten, knocking him breathless. He held a waterfall at bay, refusing to let go of the ache and chose to maintain a soldier-like stance. But Hunk knew his armor, and it is not an effective protector against the heart. 

“Please, Hunk. Don’t let him suffer like I did when my mother and father passed. Don’t let him chase after me. I want his light to stay lit. He has so much to live for, and the thought of his goofy, adorable smile twisting into a permanent wail kills me.”

Hunk gave in to his desires and pulled the boy to him, his big arms encompassing his smaller frame in a bear hug. He squeezed him close, the letter clutched in one hand and not forgotten, but a secondary issue compared to his friend’s distress. It may seem absurd, but to Hunk the future is scary. Anything can be scary, and a person’s fear of death is as valid as any other fear. He could not judge him. Could not tell him he is invalid in his logic, since he isn’t wrong. Neither of them knew what the future held, and though Hunk hoped the letter would gather dust and rot into pure pulp, there was also the possibility it would be torn open and stained with tears.

Keith did not cry that not. He didn’t fully grasp Hunk in a hug, his arms laid at his sides. But his fists were bundled up, nails digging into his palms as he leaned in. 

His head fit on Hunk’s shoulders, and that is all the other boy needed to know Keith accepted (and needed) the embrace.

Keith never brought it up again after. Hunk did not breathe a word to Lance, Pidge, Allura, or Shiro. 

It is a secret deal between friends. A promise for the worst case scenario, an insurance policy for their future being lost.

----------------------------------

Hunk stares at the letter. 

It has remained in the very back of his desk drawer for years, completely forgotten to merry holidays, loud birthdays, and weekly meet-ups with the gang. It has attracted enough dust Hunk has to blow it away, the flakes falling to the ground like ash. Hunk almost forgot about it.

Almost.

It has been a week since Lance returned from the hospital. Since he found out about Keith’s demise, the ambulance five minutes too late. Five minutes behind. Five minutes that could have saved him if it weren’t for the snow.

Five. Fucking. Minutes.

They said one side of his body was demolished; his whole right side cracked and brittle. Lance said Keith tried to protect him from the impact, though he held no real control over the car hitting the semi. But he still threw his body against Lance, allowing the impact the break his ribs and punctured his lungs. The jostling of the car didn’t help, it harming the organs beyond repair. Lance came out with a couple of broken ribs, severe enough head trauma he has more migraines than usual, a broken leg, bruising and cuts everywhere from the glass, and a second engagement ring with no owner.

They said Lance should have been the one to die since a lot of damage was done to the driver’s side. But somehow--and the doctors don’t understand it nor believed Lance’s story--he came out with less fatal injuries than Keith. 

While Lance should have ended up with a fractured or broken skull by hitting the steering wheel, his head only hit the back of the seat by Keith’s arms cradling him.

Hunk would have said Lance was crazy, but then again Keith was always one to act fast and think later.

Except now he is dead. 

Now someone Hunk could deem as a best friend is gone, leaving him with a task that makes him want to jump in a time machine and prevent all of this from happening. To keep that letter in the back of his desk and continue gathering dust.

But now, after not hearing from Lance since his release, he has a job to do.

He didn’t leave the house without throwing his wedding gift at the wall, angry tears cascading down his face as the ceramic mugs with a bear on both surfaces holding a heart shattered.

Shay watches him go, noting how he hugged her far tighter than ever before.

[waterloou]

Pretty Girl

So here’s some gay shit with queenie displaying both Big Dick Energy and Big Dork Energy

enjoy

Queenie glanced over her shoulder at the petite girl sitting at the desk behind her. She had transferred in halfway through the semester and immediately joined the mathletes. Queenie was thrilled. She’d been eyeing her for weeks.

Maya was a very short human being. She barely reached Queenie’s shoulder, but her lilac afro made up for her height. Her skin was a deep tan, and positively glowed in the sunlight. Her wardrobe consisted mostly of oversized pastel sweaters and black leggings, paired with some kind of boot. Her hazel eyes peeked behind round glasses that took up half of her face, covering the splattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks. In short, she was gorgeous. She was very soft spoken and rarely talked, but when she did, her eyes would light up, and her smile shone like a thousand suns. Queenie was in deep.

Maya looked up and caught her looking. Queenie waved and the other girl blushed before waving back and lowering her eyes to her paper.

After the meeting, Queenie waited for her to pack up her things.

“Hey Maya”

“Hey Queenie”

“Do you have anyone to eat lunch with?” Maya shook her head, she had been eating in the library since she had arrived.

“Well, now you do, come with me” she held out her hand.

“Really?”

“Of course” Maya took her hand and the taller girl pulled her out of the classroom.

“We usually eat outside” she grinned back at her before pushing the doors open to the quad.

“QUEENIE! OVER HERE!” a booming voice echoed and Maya looked to see the source. Her eyes widened as she saw a tall teenager with dark hair and a neck tattoo, beconing her friend over.

“Who’s that?”

“Oh, him? Thats sweet pea. Don’t worry, he’s a big teddy bear. Also, if he gives you any problems, I can rough him up if I need to- oy! Make room boys!” she hip checked the taller serpent out of the way before pulling the shorter girl to sit next to her.

“This is Maya, she’s in the mathletes with me” a chorus of various greetings met her.

“Maya, this is Fangs, Sweet Pea, Toni, and Cheryl” she introduced the table and Maya waved, before realizing Queenie was still holding onto her hand.

“Um, Queenie I need to-” she pulled slightly, Queenie let go.

“Woops, sorry, almost forgot” she shot her a wink before turning to the rest of the table to gab about her day. Sweet Pea sat next to the smaller girl and held out his hand.

“Nice to meet you” Maya took his hand and craned her neck up to see his face, his hand nearly engulfed hers, and shook it.

“You as well” she let go, and got out her lunch. Sweet Pea reached across her to snatch two cookies from Queenie’s bag and held a finger to his lips as he did so. Queenie whipped her head around and smacked his hand.

“Give them back” he shoved one in his mouth before giving the other one to Fangs.

“Fangsy” Fangs handed her the cookie back.

“Want it?” she offered it to Maya.

“I’m good, thank you”

“Might wanna keep an eye on your sweets, or this one might snatch them up” she nodded her head in Sweet Pea’s direction. Maya opened her lunch to see her candy missing and turned to the other boy. He sighed and pulled the butterfinger out of his pocket before giving it to her.

“Oi, don’t give her a reason to not sit with us” Queenie whacked his shoulder. He rolled his eyes and fished another one of Queenie’s cookies out of his pocket to eat.

------

“So Queenie, have a new addition to your love fest?” Sweet Pea teased as they got out of school.

“Maya? Damn I hope so” he chuckled

“Oh come on, you had the charm turned up to an 11 missy” Fangs poked her in the side. Queenie giggled and batted him away.

“You caught me there. I guess. You think she’s into me?”

“She followed you like a puppy, she’s already smitten, I can tell. Besides, you’re irresistible to all” he reached up to pinch her cheek.

“I mean I guess,” she batted his hand away

“You’re being too modest and you know it.” Queenie shrugged.

“I guess so” 

--------

After a week of hanging together, Queenie pulled Maya aside after class.

“Hey”

“Hey”

“Wanna come with me to Biorgs after school? They have a used bookstore in it, its fun”

“Yeah, I’d like that”

“Great, I’m driving, see ya then!” Queenie winked before rushing away to her next class.

-

Queenie walked out of the school to see Maya on the steps, headphones on. She slid down the holding bar and landed in front of the other girl. Maya looked up and beamed.

“Ready?” Maya took off her headphones.

“Yeah”

“Lets go!” She took her hand and pulled her to her truck.

“Here, let me help you up, its a bit of a hop up” Queenie opened the passenger door and held out her hand.

“Oh, thanks” Maya took her hand before stepping up on the step before hauling herself in.

“All situated?” Maya nodded, and Queenie shut the door. To get the other side, she jumped and slid over the hood before jumping off and opening the driver’s door.

“You could have walked around”

“And ruin the fun?” Queenie flashed her a grin before shutting the door and buckling up.

“Apologies in advance for my driving. I go fast”

“How fast is-” Maya cut herself off as Queenie peeled out of the parking lot. She held onto the door handle until they arrived in the parking lot of the cafe.

“We’re here-you ok?” Queenie turned to see Maya white knuckling the door and wide-eyed.

“I did apologize in advance”

“Its ok”

“You want a minute?” Maya nodded, and Queenie hopped out.

A minute later, Queenie gently opened the door with an apologetic expression.

“Sorry. You can drive us back if you want?” she pried the other girl’s hand off the door and helped her down.

“No” Maya regained herself, “just wasn’t expecting that fast” Queenie nodded, before shutting the door and leading the other teen inside.

Once they were situated with their treats, coffee, and books, they settled at a table outside.

“So, what did you end up picking out?” Queenie peered over at the open book in front of Maya.

“Origin of Species”

“Nice pick, I’m impressed.”

“What did you pick up?” Queenie held up a book that read ‘all about dinosaurs!’

“Dinosaurs?” the taller girl shrugged

“I love me a good historical vertebrate” Maya giggled and took a sip of her coffee.

They chatted, drank, and read until the sun started to disappear from the horizon.

“It’s getting late, want me to drive you back?”

“I take the bus, so maybe just drop me off at the stop?” Queenie thought.

“Where do you live? If you don’t mind me asking?”

“Just on the border between North and South side.”

“Let me drive you home. It’s not that safe around that area at night.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be too much trou-”

“Nah, its ok! I’m heading there anyway and it would make me feel a lot better knowing you got home safe.” she squeezed her hand before getting up to throw their trash away.

She drove her home, making sure to go slower than normal. Maya directed her towards the house.

“Oh, I live literally three blocks away!”

“Really?”

“Yeah! Need a ride tomorrow morning?”

“It wouldn’t be too much trouble?”

“Nah, I already drive two boys to school, another person isn’t gonna hurt. Here” she pulled out a slip of paper and wrote a number on it.

“Here’s my number. I’ll pick you up at 7?” Maya nodded, and Queenie grinned.

“Great.” she hopped out herself and walked the other girl to the door.

“Night” she kissed her hand and squeezed before walking back to her car, stopping only to throw a wink over her shoulder before rounding the other side to get to the driver’s seat.

--

“Sweet Pea, get in the back.”

“Why? I don’t have any room back there”

“We’re picking up Maya, you’ll make room”

“Keep it in your pants, Abrejo”

“That’s the opposite of what I’m doing. Wesley” he scowled, but hopped in next to Fangs, squished and brooding. Fangs just smiled and snuggled up to the taller boy.

“Makes cuddlin a WHOLE lot easier though” that got a small smile out of Sweet Pea before the scowl was back.

“Cut it out before we get to Maya’s”

“She still wants to ride with you after riding with hot wheels?”

“You two do it”

“That’s because Bertha is out of commission” Fangs whined and turned to Sweet Pea.

“I told you duct tape wouldn’t solve that”

“I work on bikes, not cars. I was the wrong person to ask and you knew it”

They soon arrived at Maya’s and the girl came out, wearing a nicer outfit than usual, and her hair half up in space buns.

“Wow”

“You’re drooling”

“Am not”

“Might as well be” she shoved Sweet Pea before hopping out and helping the shorter girl inside. She tried to do the hood thing but stumbled on her way down, nearly eating shit before catching herself. Sweet Pea and Fangs burst out into laughter.

“Caps you good?”

“Shut it” her cheeks were blazing as Maya stifled a giggle behind her hand.

“So Maya” Fangs started, leaning forward as the Queenie sped off to school.

“How are you dealing with our lady driver’s speed?” he pointed towards the hands that were gripping onto the seat. She didn’t answer.

“Yo caps! Slow down you’re being chased by the cops!” Sweet Pea yelled.

“I am right here, no need to yell, geez” she slowed down to a reasonable speed, and Maya relaxed.

“You should ride with us more often” Sweet Pea said, “She never usually listens”

“That’s because you’re usually an asswipe about it”

“No! Thats because yo-FUCK YOU!” Queenie hit a bump that caused Sweet Pea to knock his head against the ceiling.

Once they got to the school, Queenie helped Maya out and nearly shut the door on her other two friends.

“Watch it Abrejo!”

“Sorry Sweets!”

“Oh I bet you are” he grumbled, getting out before helping Fangs out. He stretched his long legs and caught up to the other two girls, slinging an arm over Queenie’s shoulder.

“So are you giving us a ride back today or do you have soccer?”

“Sorry boys. Soccer. Might wanna ask Scar if he can give you a ride. Or you can wait until I’m done.”

“His jeep doesn’t have doors”

“No one’s fallen out yet!”

“We’ll wait”

“Maya?”

“I’ll wait”

“Ok then”

---

After school, Fangs caught up with Maya.

“Hey! Maya, right?”

“Yeah”

“Wanna watch Queenie at soccer practice? Sweets and I are gonna sit in the bleachers.” he jabbed his thumb back at the taller serpent approaching. She nodded and he smiled.

“Great, come on! We’ll show you around!” he slung an arm over her shoulder and guided them to the field.

-

Queenie was stretching for practice, when she heard a hollar from the bleachers. She looked up to see Sweets, Fangs, and Maya. She beamed up at them and waved excitedly. Practice better be good today.

During practice, Queenie kept glancing up towards the bleachers, the three students showing varying levels of interest. Maya was leaning forward, elbows on her knees with the utmost attention. When they made eye contact, Queenie waved and winked, causing the other to glance down for a second, trying to hide a smile.

Once practice was over, Queenie jogged up to the other three.

“You smell gross”

“You are gross-shove off I need to take a shower-Maya, could I talk to you for a second?” the other boys stayed, “ALONE” the two rolled their eyes and walked down the steps. Once they were out of earshot, Queenie turned back to the other girl.

“They didn’t give you too much trouble, did they?” she shook her head.

“No, not at all. Really nice, actually. Sweet Pea even gave me some candy”

“Oh?” Queenie quirked a brow and spared a glance at the other serpent, currently play fighting with the shorter boy.

“Yeah! He pulled out a little box and told me to pick one”

“He shared his stash?”

“Stash?”

“Long story, but wow-didn’t think he had it in him,” she paused, “Anyway…you wanna go to pop’s tonight? My treat” Maya nodded, and tucked a stray strand of hair behind Queenie’s ear.

“Sounds good to me” she smiled, her dimples showing. When did she have dimples? They were cute. Maya’s hand still rested on her cheek before she leaned in to kiss her other cheek.

“We’ll be waiting.” Queenie grinned wildly and rushed down the stairs, nearly barreling into the two tussling boys.

--

After she dropped the guys off, she drove the other girl to pop’s, where they ordered their food and sat down.

“So”

“So” Maya beamed at her and Queenie rested her fingertips on the other girl’s.

“How was your day?”

“Good, and yours?”

“Excellent. At least it is now” Maya giggled and ducked her head down, her fingers sliding forward under Queenies, so they were interlaced.

“Mine too”

“Great”

Once they got their food, they talked about the day, the weather, really anything that came to mind. Queenie held her hand even when eating, when Maya pointed out that it wasn’t practical, she waved her off and winked before shoving a fry into her mouth.

After they finished off and paid, Queenie drove her home. As they pulled up to Maya’s house, the girl turned to the serpent.

“I had a really great time tonight”

“Me too” their grins matched. Maya paused for a moment, before leaning forward to press her lips gently against the other girl’s. Queenie reacted quickly, kissing back. It was sweet and made both of their lips tingle. Maya pulled back to see the other girl looking at her adoringly and had to give her another quick kiss before she opened her door and hopped out, unable to hide her wide smile.

“Thanks again”

“Anytime” Queenie gave her a wave before the other girl closed the door, and walked to her door. Once Maya had gone inside, Queenie leaned her head back, and her face broke out in a cheek splitting grin.

“Wow” she breathed.

[ifreakinglovewritingsomuch]

JinJae AU / Worse than Hell! (Part Three)

Pairing: Im Jaebum x Park Jinyoung Plot: Jaebum and Jinyoung are arch enemies and that for centuries. When heaven and hell’s war comes to a pause, both of them are expelled to live on earth, for different reasons. With only a minimum of there powers, they have to survive a human’s everyday life. And according to Jinyoung earth is even worse than hell. (Heaven/Hell!AU) Warnings: Blood, Swearing, Blasphemy (In a way, or maybe not, idk), Smut, Masturbation, dirty thoughts… Words:  Part One/Two

A/N: So I’m like just a quick build up for the smut, oh… already over thousand words, let’s continue in the next chapter. I just got carried away. But smut in the next part!!!

The whole thing between Jinyoung and Jaebum didn’t get any better, the next few days. Jaebum was still weak and in pain, while the demon couldn’t stop all those thoughts about the other. Which means Jinyoung had to deal with boner’s in the most awkward situations. It’s a miracle that the angel hasn’t noticed it yet. That’s also why Jinyoung finds himself in this situation again. He is in the bathroom a moaning mess, and he just wants to cum with Jaebums name on his lips. A name that he has moaned way too often the past days. But those damn teenager hormones always leave him unsatisfied and horn, especially when he is in the angel’s presence. Okay, to be fair the other is fucking hot, but still, Jinyoung has seen many attractive creaturs in his life, but Jaebum somehow is special. “Jaebum!” That word rolled so easily over his lips, and he wasn’t even quite because the other should be taking a nap.  Jinyoung strokes got quicker and he thrust into his hand, seeking release. “Hey, is ever…"  Jinyoung shrieked at the sudden interruption, quickly grabbing a towel to cover himself, looking at a bewildered Angel, that was standing in the door his mouth a gab. "I’m sorry…I…” It wasn’t usual for the angel to stutter, but seeing the other in this situation, even for a small moment, was…how to put it…weird?…but not bad…it’s just confusing. The angel could swear that he had heard the other say his name, which happens a lot lately, but it seemed to be imaginations. “I’m sorry, maybe you should lock the door when you…” He vaguely pointed to the other’s crotch and one look was enough to see that the demon was still erected. Quickly Jaebum takes a step back, closing the door before hurrying away, grabbing a bag deciding to get food.  But the angel couldn’t get rid of the image that had burned himself in his vision. It’s not like Jaebum is a virgin, his last time might be ages ago, but during the most awful times of war, wasn’t that much time for stuff like this, but seeing the demon in this state, definitely brought feelings back. Jinyoung was still burning from embarrassment and he was sure that he will never be able to look the angel in his exes. How could he have been som mindless, and forget to lock the door? Has the angel heard him moaning? Only the thought of it made Jinyoung sighed in frustration. Now Jaebum thinks even lower of him. Just great. The other was in the kitchen preparing a meal, literally acting like Jinyoung wasn’t laying on the couch watching him. To the demon’s surprise, Jaebum knew how to cook and was even willing to do so, for both of their sake. Whatever he was preparing it smelled delicious and what’s also delicious is the sight Jinyoung has on the angel. Jaebum’s broad shoulder’s and fine ass, are just a view, Jinyoung appreciated. And there are the thoughts again. Jinyoung sighted, getting the other’s attention. “Don’t worry, I’m finished soon.” He told the younger. And he didn’t lie after a few minutes they were both seated at the small table, opposite to each other, silently eating their meal. It was pretty awkward and none of them knew what to say, because after the incident earlier, both were only blushing when looking at the other. After finishing their meals, Jinyoung did the dishes, while Jaebum decided to watch something. The whole day Jaebum’s back had arched terrible and the pain had only gotten worse. He knew the reason for it, but he couldn’t do anything about it. “You alright?” Jinoung who had finished and joined the older had noticed the constant shifting and the painful expression. “Yeah, I’m fine!” Jaebum lied to embarrassed to admit, what was going on. But of course, Jinyoung wouldn’t let it go. “Are you still in pain. Is it because of the bar fight. Let me see!” He shifted closer, reaching for the other’s shirt. Quickly Jaebum backed away, startling the demon. “What?” “I just…” The angel trailed off, not knowing how to put it. “Come on tell me how bad can it be?” Jinyoung urged him to answer. “My wings.” Was all Jaebum could say, never breaking the eye contact. “What’s with them?” “They were hurt from the fall and when the guy in the bar hit me with the chair it only mad it worse…” “Let me see!” Jinyoung demanded, being genuinely concern about the other’s well being because he knows how sensitive wings are. “I…” but Jaebum knew that Jinyoung wouldn’t take a no for an answer, slowly he pulled the shirt over his head, standing up. “Okay you should move away and close your eyes, I don’t want to burn your eyes out!” Jinyoung obeyed, taking a few steps away from the shirtless angel, trying to look anywhere else. When he was far away he closed his eyes, waiting for what will come. Even through his closed eyes, he could make out a bright light and he heard Jaebum groan in pain. “You can look now,” Jaebum informed him, a little out of breath. Slowly Jinyoung opened his eyes, being completely astonished at the sight in front of him. He might be a demon, but still, this is the first time he sees an angel’s wings. They were utterly beautiful. Pitch black feathers! Automatically Jinyoung reached forward brushing his fingertips over one of the wings. Jaebum shuttered at the contact. “They are…breathtaking!” Jiynyoung mumbled, taking in the sight. “Really?"Jaebum was confused. "Look at their state, it’s horrible!” Jinyoung looked at them closer and yes he could see the many feathers that were missing the dried blood, but still, they were the most beautiful thing he ever saw. “Should I help you?” He asked. “Do you really want to?” The demon nodded, reaching for a few feather, brushing through them, a few fell off, dropping to the ground. Quickly Jinyoung got a wet towel starting to clean the wings, getting rid of the blood and dead feathers. The younger was too caught up in his work to notice the impact his actions had on the other. Jaebum took all his left energy to compose himself. Jiynoung’s touches were doing things to him. Not able to hold it in, he groaned, when the demon brushed over his sensitive wing. “Did I hurt you!” Jinyoung immediately stopped, looking anxious, not wanting to hurt the other. “No, no keep going."  He didn’t want the other to stop. Gently the younger went back to work, making Jaebum moan again because he wasn’t able to keep them in anymore. "I’m hurting you, right? I’m so sorry!” Jinyoung apologized. “No that’s not it…” Jaebum felt embarrassed, but to be honest it’s already too late. “What?” “I…” Jae bums eyes travelled, down and the demon followed, gasping at the sight. “Oh…” Jaebum was about to tun away, feeling like he was invading the other’s privacy. Quickly Jinyoung grabbed his wrist keeping the other in place. He reached out, letting his fingertips travel over the sensitive wings, making Jaebum shutter in bliss. “So you like when I touch your wings?” Jaebum nodded, stifling a moan. “Does it make you want to fuck me?” Jinyoung asked bluntly, being turned on himself. “Yes!”

[flightykickback]

Before BTS in Chicago, I didn’t believe in post-concert depression.  Clearly, I was wrong.

BE FOREWARNED!

If you thought some of my other posts were long, you’re in for a treat! This one is longer!

  ~ 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜 ~

  I spent four, long, arduously stressful months trying to get tickets to see BTS in New York or Chicago.  My friend and I combined devices to become a tiny force to be reckoned with, only to lose out on tickets for New York AND Chicago!

October was coming around the corner.  I had set-up dozens of Facebook and Twitter notifications for various BTS groups and one extra special gem, BTSTicketBOT.  Eventually, I had to make a decision on one location instead of being bombarded by notifications for two, so I picked Chicago.  I started to search for BTSxChicago hashtags and various keywords in search engines until I hit the jackpot! I found LoveYourselfxChicago, a BTS fanbase in the Chicago-area that organizes fan events and charity drives.

DO NOT buy from unreliable websites such as Craig’s List.  You WILL be scammed.  No matter how tempting and how desperate you may have become during your search, DON’T DO IT! There will be tickets, just keep reading! (•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑

LoveYourselfxChicago was selling tickets for a suite ($250 each), at the tip-tip-tippy top of the arena with a full meal plan and semi-private bathrooms.  I told them, “I do.”

K, I was at peak gambling mode at this point before I had to look at the time and stop taking chances.  Originally, I told them NO! I wanna see sweat dripping from Namjoon’s forehead from P1 seating! Then I crumpled my wish on a piece of paper (seriously, I wrote exactly what I wanted multiple times on several slips of paper), before I meekly asked to be put on a waitlist.  (*≧▽≦)ﾉｼ))

Luckily, we had already booked an Airbnb and THE cheapest transportation through Megabus ($13 total with tax, for two tickets)…..but you ought to know I’m never on time, so we missed it and had to drive (LOL!).

Yoooooo, my friend and I wanted to enjoy those charter seats and avoid the erratic Chicago traffic so bad that I called my niece to see if I got ahead of the bus, would she keep my car at her college over the weekend, just gas it up.  We didn’t make it.  Which…worked out for us later…We stocked up on flavored soju at Joong Boo Market and got some awesome food at San Soo Gab San Korean BBQ *cackles*

Finally! We’re in Chicago! We go to Mecca and it’s a barricaded parking lot across from United Center with people dancing it out to BTS music blaring from BigHit speakers.  Choreo, cheers, screaming over biases, everyone was just having so much fun! Hanging out in a parking lot was a bit of a let-down considering how much money we ARMY deliberately and emotionally give BigHit, but at least the Love Yourself banners and images were displayed everywhere.  It was nice seeing the block decked out for BTS:

    Right at the entrance of the barricade was the lightstick help desk, so I made a beeline!

HERE’S THE ULTIMATE V3 LIGHTSTICK FIX!…put a little cushion on the bottom of the battery pack to boost it up.  There’s an issue with the battery not completing the circuit, so the light doesn’t come on.  The cushion eliminates that issue.  o(≧∇≦o)

There was NO line for merch.  Everyone came and went.  (I meeeaaaan, if you’re going to line up all night for first dibs, you shouldn’t have to wait all day right?).  Luckily, I had found a GO and we got merch without having to wait in line! We were able to meander over to the merch table after getting my lightstick fixed and lazily check off the order ballet whatever we wanted.  Merch availability was posted on banners.  The more popular items like the photo book, slogan, certain t-shirt sizes, premium photos, etc., were sold out, but there was a ton of lightsticks, mini lightstick rings, and photo cards, left over.

Legit. We were in and out in minutes.  The longest part was making up my mind.  I even purchased more PCs after a change of heart while still staring at the cashier (I needed at least two packs!).

Next, we were on the prowl…to sell fanmerch! This was our first time.  We had created some Love Yourself themed pocket mirrors and were hoping to recoup some of the concert costs.  We almost got bounced by BigHit Staff (LOL!).  This lady came over to us like, “this is your final warning.” My friend said to her, you mean our first?! Cause, we ain’t never seen this chick or spoke to her before.  She pursed her lips a bit cause she knew that was dumb to say.  Meanwhile, fansites and savvier fan merchants were stealthily dodging BigHit Staff and United Center Security, just making a KILLING!

I friggin love fan merch so much.  I buy from fans all the time online and it’s my favorite thing to do at a kpop concert. Fan merch can be beautiful and are usually the better things the band’s company doesn’t sell.  Since they’re unique, you’ll never find it anywhere else and if they’re discontinued, it’s once in a lifetime, so it was a bit disappointing that BigHit had the place on lockdown.  It was greedy, especially with how they’re pummeling us fans with various collaborations and activities (Mattel dolls, Funko Pop Vinyls, UNO cards, BTS World, The Notes Books, etc.)  Support your fandom family!

Honestly, there’s not much more to do and since I didn’t enter the photo booth lottery, I don’t have more to describe. I realized the set-up is more of a dip-in and dip-out scenario.  Buy merch, see some sights, get pictures, then bounce (although, I’ve seen posts from fans in Asian countries where it’s a whole damn festival, but whatever America.  Capitalism sucks.).  We tried to sell more merch while fans were lining up at the entrances, then made our long walk back to the bus stop (I was not driving or paying for parking) and turned in for the night.

The lines into the United Center were extraordinary…because people wouldn’t listen.  Granted, everyone had to form a line prior to the doors opening, but eventually, security was telling people to exit the lines and enter through any of the other doors.  One whole section, with multiple entrances, had no lines, but fans were so damn scared to lose their place that they didn’t trust to leave their spot.  Most had reserved seats!  Swear, fans must have PTSD from how they have to fight for everything.  Security was checking bags and scanning people through the metal detectors very quickly, so there was no need for the uncertainty.  ¯\_(⌣̯̀⌣́)_/¯

The next day was CONCERT DAAAAAAAY! I’m gonna skip a bunch of stuff because it’s redundant and I pretty much talked about security.  How. Ever.  We did sell more fan merch (Thanks!), made mutuals, spoke to some great people, and even met Dee Skelliton.  Eventually, it was time to check our bags and ride that evasive elevator to the sky-I mean, our suite.

Kudos to the people that handed out free stuff.  I got a couple of PCs and lyrics to Seesaw in support of Yoongi’s solo stage.

Word of caution.  Don’t overexert yourself.  We brought water, snacks, a hand fan, extra batteries, charger, and other necessities.  I thought we were ready, but that walking! Ugh! We must’ve walked the equivalent of 10 miles from the bus stop to United, around United several times, to Subway for grub, back to United.  We were tired AF, so when we got to the suite, we wanted to chill, but there were 20 other people already there and not enough seating with a view (suites can accommodate 20 people, but only have 10 stadium seats.  There were barstools and couches, but the TVs were not broadcasting the show).

But we had fooooooood, baby!  *raps* I’m a big girl, that likes big things, and I keep a plate, for my big dreams.  There was hotdogs, ciabatta sandwiches, meatball subs, fruit, a bunch of other stuff and champ-angia.  I was so stressed from low sales and so many people around me, I really needed a breather so when the attendant cracked that bottle open, I didn’t shy.  I got lit.

Music videos were blasting.  Snapchat Geofilter was on! We had our fan project banners ready (Day 1 and 2)! Fans were singing along with their lightsticks on.  And then, THE LIGHTS DIMMED! Our lightsticks went crazy colorful! BTS popped up from beneath the stage and I blacked out.

Swear, I remember screaming my head off, trying my best at the Korean lyrics, crying a shitload, streaming to my closest BTS friends (shhhhh! (*≧艸≦)), hopping from our suite to the practically-empty-suite these beautiful, magnificent, gracious girls were willing to share, but otherwise, I don’t remember a lot.  Luckily, there’s film….but I’m too embarrassed by my screeching to post it (and it’s taking forever to upload!), so enjoy these photos instead!  Mind you, we reached the last summit when we walked off the elevator.

  We also got some amazing scenes:

Jungkook’s abs

Jimin’s abs

Namjoon getting emotional at all the love he was receiving and thanking everyone for coming to the concert.

Baepsae was a biiiiiiitch!

I SAID BAEPSAE WAS A BIIIIIIITCH!

If I were to describe the euphoric feeling I had seeing the boys in person, I’d never do it justice.  They were marvelous, engaging, funny and oh-so-sweet.  Hence why I’m pissed that I’m missing their stadium tour.  I told myself, I’m definitely seeing them next time…who knew they’d drop tickets this week?! This sounds weird, but I was extra upset that I won’t be able to go to one of the stadium stops and see the awesome light show.  Up to 80-90,000 lightsticks flickering and forming multicolored art in unison! Have you seen those videos? Wow. It would be such a breathtaking experience.

If you’re looking to get BTS Tickets, check out my other post.  The title is a little misleading, but my Plan B for getting tickets after they’re sold out is there.

If you’re banking on getting tickets direct from Ticketmaster…it’s all luck.  You can do everything correctly according to fans:

Have multiple devices

Recruit friends with multiple devices

Have the fastest internet service

Have multiple browsers and tabs open

Not refresh the page

For certain platforms, refresh the page

Log-in hours in advance and wait to be placed in the queue

Even Ticketmaster provided a preparation guide.

You can do all that and some (I did) and still not score a single ticket.  Remember, based on the stage set-up, only 2/3s of the stadium’s seating will be sold, part of the tickets are already reserved for BigHit, Ticketmaster or another broker, and season ticket holders.  That means even fewer tickets will be available! Not only are you competing with each other but also scalpers with dedicated servers to snatch up tickets.

I’m not trying to scare anyone, just stating facts.  If Plan A doesn’t work, don’t give up hope! Plan B may be your best option. Just keep storing your coins and be flexible.  A couple of things on my previous post in the bonus section actually happened:

Ticketmaster released additional tickets, unannounced, a week or two before the Chicago concert date.

United Center sold extra tickets both nights of the show

People were posting last-minute ticket sales in various groups

It pays to keep checking the website, staying tuned to social media and just waiting in the box office line at the venue.

Another thing I learned while talking to various fans at United Center and also from social media posts, is that sometimes people with extra unsold tickets may just give them away! *screams*

If you choose to purchase resale tickets, do it through StubHub or Vividseats.  Both sites guarantee similar tickets if the ones purchased are fake or will refund your money.  Last year, StubHub realized how popular BTS is and created a dedicated customer service hotline (too many people were calling lol!).  Also, if you call into Vividseats, they might give a discount (the rep offered me 15%).  Lastly, if purchasing resale tickets from another fan, ask for proof and have someone else look at the proof with you.  You can even ask in groups if other people know of the account selling the tickets.

  ~ My Last Humble Opinion ~

  Last year, Love Yourself tour tickets for Metlife Stadium had a decent resale price on StubHub because many ARMY had already purchased tickets: extremely overpriced resale tickets and multiple face value tickets in hopes for the right seats.  I’ve seen many ARMY say they might sit this tour out because they’re broke like me, they’re saving for other kpop concerts, or they’re unsure how different the Speak Yourself concert will be from Love Yourself stages.  That ups the chances for tickets and, if the demand isn’t as high as last time, the resale prices will go down about two or three days from the concert date and they’ll become lower the day of.  Hell, Ontario wasn’t a popular destination and those tickets were nuts.

Just don’t buy tickets because you can and then hold them in hopes of better tickets.  There will be more chances.  There were lots of tickets that were unclaimed.  Some of the top tier levels. Were. Not. Full.

So anything is possible! Believe it and stay fighting!

  There you have it: This behemoth posting that tired me out enough over the weeks that I had to just publish the sucker and get it over with! LOL! Hopefully, this is useful.  I wanted to get it out sooner than the day Speak Yourself tickets go on sale.  I also forgot about DPR! Oh well. (੭ ˃̣̣̥ ω˂̣̣̥)੭

Experience: #LoveYourselfInChicago where I learned first hand what PCD is and the overwhelming disgrace of blacking out. Before BTS in Chicago, I didn’t believe in post-concert depression.  Clearly, I was wrong. BE FOREWARNED!

[purplesurveys]

1130

survey by nadine07

Where were you three hours ago? Was passed out on the living room couch and probably dreaming away, lmao.

Were you with anyone? Both my dogs were in the living room with me, if that counts.

Have you had anything alcoholic in the last 24 hours? Hmm, I’m trying to remember but I don’t think so. I went outside to eat, but I doubt they put any alcohol in my meal since I literally had a truffle-based pasta. No plans to drink this weekend, either.

Are you wearing shoes right now? Nope, I’m always barefoot around the house.

How long have you known your 1st phone contact? At least since the 6th grade cos I think that’s when she had transferred to my school.

Are they a relative? Nope, I went to school with her. We were seatmates for a while in sophomore year and that’s when I was able to see how talented she was at drawing and painting. She ended up transferring to UP as well after getting accepted to the fine arts program so we got to be collegemates as well, though I don’t really remember what university she initially got admitted to.

Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? Yeah, because I’m a dumb fuck when it comes to these things. I WILL SAY though that I’ll be so much kinder to myself should this ever happen, and no longer tolerate her bullshit and emotional/mental abuse under the guise of ~unconditional love. There’ll be a lot of shit she’ll have to pick up and fix, and I wouldn’t get back with her unless she acknowledges her mistakes and seek to correct them.

Would you ever go skinny dipping with the last person who commented you? That would be Leigh, and no. Idk if I’ve shared this or if this has ever come up on a survey but Andi actually once asked me if I’d like to be a part of a threesome with them and Leigh, and I just had to immediately decline because I view Leigh as a younger sister more than anything and I can’t bear to see her all naked loooool.

When was the last time you saw a movie in theaters? December 2019.

When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with? I think the morning of New Year’s Eve. I was already starting my healing process by then and the holidays were getting me feeling kind of peaceful, so I sent her a few voice notes thanking her for the year that was but giving her a heads-up that I might not talk to her for a while, because I realized I was starting to get happier on the days I didn’t force conversation with her.

I honestly thought ‘a while’ would only take a couple of weeks, but I’ve since gotten used without her presence and it’s been 3 1/2 months since our final encounter; and I think it will stay this way now.

Has anyone called you beautiful today? No.

Are you still friends with the last person who broke your trust? That would be JM, and yeah. I find him ridiculous for lying to our faces about joining a fraternity in law school (frats are a big yuck where I live because of their toxic hazing and misogynist culture), but I mean I still sort of understand why he had to do it - obviously not for the above reason, but for the perks and support that usually come with joining frats. From now on I’ll always see him as someone who can smoothly lie to my face, though.

Does drama seem to follow you everywhere? No. I would hate that lol, that would just be too much to handle.

Do you feel like anyone is playing mind games with you right now? No.

How would you feel if your best friend hooked up with your ex? I think my literal first reaction would be to laugh out of sheer disbelief, and then proceed to call her stupid for cheating and for choosing to cheat with her. After that’s died down, I think I’d mostly feel disappointed and betrayed.

How long did your last relationship last? The stint lasted 4 years, but we were technically together for 6 years if we’re counting the whole on/off thing.

If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? No. That’s what I had thought and they left. I’ve stopped trusting my feelings about these things anymore, and will assume anyone is capable of leaving.

Does it make you uncomfortable to talk on the phone around people? I just don’t want to be loud enough that I’m almost screaming around other people, but I can’t always monitor that since I have to concentrate on what I’m hearing on the other line.

Would you rather be 10 years older or 10 years younger? Probably 10 years older so that I can see into my future.

Have you ever kissed someone the same night your met them? No.

Do you bite your fingernails? Occasionally. I pick at them more frequently.

Would you consider yourself very flexible? Nah. Like I said on a previous survey, I can’t even reach my toes either while standing up or stretching on the floor.

Do you embarrass easily? Yeah.

Have you ever tried to talk your way out of getting a ticket? Yup. It’s happened twice; one of the occasions I was able to handle by myself and the other time Gab had to step in to talk to the officer because he was adamant about the ticket and I had started crying.

Did it work? Yes, both times. I’ve only been issued a ticket once, from this annoying grumpy officer in Alabang.

Have you ever been banned from anywhere? Trying to remember if I have been, but I don’t think so.

Do you have a ringtone or do you leave your phone on vibrate? The important messaging apps are on vibrate. I’ve turned off notifications for some apps and I have just the silent banner notifications for others.

What was the last thing you drank from a mug? I’m drinking coffee from one right now.

Has your #1 ever seen you naked?

Does your #2 know your deepest secret?

Will your #3 repost this?

Does your #4 smoke?

Were you born in the 90's? Yes, but by the end of it so I never considered myself a 90s kid.

When was the last time you paid less than $1 for something? The parking fee in Feliz.

Have you loaned anything out to anyone recently? Nope.

Are any of your siblings married? None of us are.

Who was the last person to spend the night with you at your house? Gabie.

How many different picture ids do you have in your wallet? Just my driver’s license and TIN ID.

Do you have a hard time making decisions? Depends on the weight of the decision. The heavier it is, the more I seek out friends who can provide fresh perspectives.

Has anyone kissed you when you weren't expecting it? Idk, Gabie probably snuck in some surprise ones a few times. IBetween the two of us I was more likely to do so, though.

Did you like it? If she did then I probably did during that time.

Who was your date to senior prom? We have junior prom, not senior prom. I just bought my favorite cousin since I had no interest in boys and was still learning how to make guy friends at that point.

Does your dad smoke? No, he’s never tried.

Is your mom over 50? She is turning 50 this year, but not until September.

Do you want to get married? It would be nice to experience it.

Have kids? Yes.

Are there any movies coming out you wanna see? Not that I know of. There are movies I do want to see, but they’ve already come out, like Ammonite and I Care A Lot.

Do you ever feel like you're leading a double life? No.

Do you have any plans to get a new tattoo or piercing? Tattoo, yeah. I’m just super chill about said plan and am not really in a hurry about it. I’ve yet to think of a design and where on my body to place it.

Do you know anyone named Christine? I know several people named Christine but they go by a nickname, like Tin.

Do you know anyone who's biracial? Sure, I went to high school with a couple of girls who are both half-brown and half-white as they both have European dads. I believe one of them is part German while the other girl is part Swiss.

Do you know anyone who works at Walmart? I don’t think so. I know my aunts who live in the US will occasionally shop there though, hahaha.

Has the last person you rode in a car with seen you in your underwear? I mean yeah, as a baby and as a young kid (it was my mom).

Are black bras sexy? They can be, sure.

Spell your full name without 'C','I','R', or 'Y': Obn.

Open the nearest book, turn to page 11, and type the first sentence: I’m at a Starbucks rn and didn’t bring any books with me.

Are you currently listening to anything? There’s jazz music faintly playing at the moment.

Would you ever consider getting breast implants? Before I definitely used to, when people still liked to make fun of small boobs. Nowadays I don’t feel the need to anymore.

If you could spend 30 minutes with someone who's gone, who would you pick? I’d probably pick my great-grandpa over my grandpa. I never met the former; and if I only had 30 minutes with my grandpa (who I did grow up with) I think it would just fuck with me psychologically.

Are you on birth control? Nopes.

Do you know anyone who is bisexual? Lots.

Would you walk into Walmart naked for $10,000? Yes.

Does anyone call you babe? No.

Do you hate it when people try to play with your hair? If I’m not close enough to them I would feel bothered, yes.

Who would you tell, or who did you tell when you lost your virginity? I think I had just told Sofie then.

Were you in a relationship 6 months ago? Yeah but it was cracking and it was cracking fast. It’ll be hitting 6 months this March, actually.

Are you still with that person? No.

Are you the kind of person who has crazy mood swings? No. This happens to my mom and I hate it very much, so I try to watch my actions and not switch rapidly between different moods.

This is question 69...so have you ;)? Sure.

How long is it until your birthday? Around a month and a couple of weeks.

[itsyybitsyyspersonalthoughts]

Journal Entry #3

After this ramble I will make an organized chart of experiences, and social upbringing and genetic traits to dissect and put together reasons why I act the way I do. Just to narrow down and try to attempt to find out if what I feel is a mental disorder or due to upbringing. 

You know, I sometimes try to tell myself there is nothing wrong with me. That I am completely normal and all I am experiencing is  normal. I sometimes think am I really feeling this way or am I just acting this way. I over analyze my thoughts and actions. There are people with more crippling conditions than me. 

Maybe I dismiss criticalness of my emotions because I haven’t been properly diagnosed so I cant truly believe that what I am experiencing isn’t normal. Is this the control aspect of me taking over? My NEED to know if what I am feeling is abnormal? Do I have an increased desire to need to know what is normal and what isn’t because I am an only child and didn’t have much guidance about what is normal and what isn’t or have any friends to compare and talk about what is normal or not. Do I really have OCD? Does this affect me by increasing my risk for developing an eating disorder? Do I truly have an eating disorder? I have never been officially diagnosed with anything. It has always been mentioned but I don’t know I haven’t been told directly. I need to have someone be clear with me. I don’t like it when people are not specific. Ambiguity is not my favorite thing in the world. Is it because I have low comprehension? Is my low intelligence due to my father/genetics? Maybe I’m not meant to continue education its like a genetic cast system. By this I mean my genetic traits have determined what I will amount to, rather than the social influence of one who lives in a cast system.

 But back to my intelligence, I truly believe I am mentally disabled in the way of having an impaired cognitive function or even motor disfunction. I can’t make my body move in the way I wan’t it to fast enough. Am I just uncoordinated? My mother said Momo is like that too. This only brings more agony to me because I feel trapped in my body. I cannot express movement, emotion, sound effectively and everything feels bottled up. I don’t have a social outlet. I don’t fit in with my age group. I don’t understand them. 

When I was younger there was always such a huge age gab between me and my family. I couldn’t sit with my mom and listen in on adult conversations and I was either ten years older or ten years younger than my cousins.

My evidence:

with cello- I was never able to express how I thought a piece should sound through my instrument. It made me so frustrated. 

high school gym- my teacher had me stay late after class with another girl (my friend) to participate in a study regarding the performance abnormalities. My friend was asked to swim a certain stroke, but before she did she was asked to explain what she was going to do, do it and then explain what she did when she returned. I had to do the same thing but a different stroke, but she had my friend leave and get changed because we were already being held behind. 

However, I am becoming frustrated with myself because I have these thoughts all day it takes over and I feel like it is taking over. I can’t concentrate in class. I am always thinking about calories. I body check several times a day. I plan my day around how many calories I will burn and consume. I park farther away from class and the gym so I have to walk more therefor burn off more calories. I make excuses to walk to my car. I have noticed I binge on weekends. My excuse to binge is that I tell myself I should eat it all now so I wont be able to later and I will be forced to eat minimally and healthy. 

I am disgusted by my roommates eating habits and weight. I have noticed I cannot remember things as I used to. Is this because of the eating disorder? Am I depressed? Am I bipolar? DO I have OCD? Do I have anxiety? Everyone seems to have anxiety now which makes me question if this is truly an imperative disorder or are we becoming more sensitive as a society due to our rearing that we have all become such sensitive and offended fucks? I don’t believe I get offended as people do now. I have trouble reading and understanding social cues but at the same time I don’t? Maybe I don’t know the exact words for what I am trying to get across that I cant explain it effectively. I hate tests that use absolute words. Because I will remember a piece of something that will not be true in one of the options but will be true in the rest but I will have to explain why I put an answer because of how the question is worded.

 I like problems that make you have to consider and think about other influencing factors. I think I am creative enough to be able to come up with reasons why a particular group may be thinking or feeling or acting out in a certain way. I believe I am just uneducated about specific cultural/community/social//religious values which really blocks me from being able to dabble in these. I love controversial topics. I love knowing information on both sides and discussing well maybe x is doing this because of a but y interprets a as 1. 

in 3rd grade on the night before our mission project was due (I remember because I waited to do it on the last minute and I made my mission out of cardboard boxes from Costco and colored a coloring page from the mission that I had been sent by the mission because Momo wrote to them about getting more information about it. Mom said that if my nose grew to be like my fathers she would pay to have me get a nose job. 

One day my mom made me french toast and my father made a comment saying “mama is trying to fatten you up” and before I took a bite I put my fork down and went to my room and closed the door. 

My dad has a thing for “big women” and expresses that all the time. He shames everyone for their appearance. EX red hair, clothing style, having glasses on facing backwards. He always says that people should just shave their head of they are balding in one area or have a receding hairline.

Area- I was never good at math problems that dealt with 3D objects or had to do with any geometry or spacial problems. 

I remember in elementary school I started catching clips of those health shows that are on at like 3pm about how to stay healthy and not get sick and lose weight. One tip was to keep an arms length away from meat sections but I swore I lost 8lbs from that. I would also count calories. 

My mom would always complain seriously about how it isn’t fair that my father eats three times as much as her but she is still :fat: but she doesn’t realize the lifestyle she lives keeps her there- she thinks she is doing a crazy amount of walking, but her restaurant store is very small, mine was twice as large. -here is me coming up with reasons why she thinks its unfair and what is really going on- so I would walk as much just being an expediter in four hours as she would being a server in 6. She also eats extremely high calorie desserts daily and lays on her ass.  I analyze my mothers personality and have found her weaknesses-driving reaction time, ability to deal with stress.

I hate the way she licks and sucks her fingers and makes humming noises about how good something was-Ive already analyzed why i feel this way

when I was in physiology we were learning about hormone imbalances and it made me suspect she had cushings syndrome because she displayed signs of the condition.

 During a holiday my cousin came over and he called my mom fat, it made me extremely angry because you don’t go up to people and say things like that so I hit him. 

My grandmother talks about how others are no good for society, she says she doesn’t believe my cousin will get anything other that working in food service because she is too boring and plain looking. She doesn’t believe Nick will get into UCI. What doesn’t she believe I will do? I heard her say “we will just be happy if she gets a degree” but degrees don’t mean shit anymore. What if I fail? Don’t succeed? I am the only child. I believe it puts a lot pf pressure on me. They’ve invested so much in me but what if I just cant do it? I don’t feel like I can do it because I am not all mentally there, I am too distracted by other thoughts. Which can prove that the overall health of the population affects access education and income resulting in education levels. 

I used to be so eager to learn. My favorite class was community health issues at LBCC. I have lost my motivation. I cant concentrate. I am not  intrigued by the information. I just want to sit on the floor and lay down all day. But then where would I burn the extra calories.

I feel happy and energetic when I work at my new job-they hate cynical which I am afraid I am but I am not when I work there I am very positive and happy despite talking to myself all the time. I think I talk out loud because I need that confirmation that what I am doing is correct. Again this can be related to being an only child and seeking approval. On my chart I will have “ONLY CHILD” as a category with a bullet list of traits that can be linked with me being an only child and a sub category of parent reaction and rearing because I was the only one. 

I  feel drained and dead when I am at home but I crave the company. I am alone. But that isn’t new. I have always felt this way so I don’t believe it is simply moving related but I am sure it is intensified. 

I have been experiencing strange body reactions. Leg and arm get that feeling where I need to extend it in a position it wont move. stretching and exercise don’t allow it to subside. I have been bleeding between my period for a week ad a half  after I saw a counselor and cried I felt happier and more talkative. I am usually irritated by talking on the phone. The way my roommate words things irritates me. “my friend” or when Im asked “what did you do all day” or “what do you think” right after saying something that is the obvious answer like why are you asking me what I think you just gave yourself the answer why do you talk about.

I cant sleep with constricting/restricting clothing like bras or leggings or long sleeves.  what is the difference between constricting and restriction (just for my understanding)

I have to stop for tonight. my left pinky feels numb and tingly and so does my left had and it is making it difficult for me to type. I am feeling restless too. I cant keep typing in a small squished position. the side of my pinky finger feels over used. 

this is just a small rant of topics to help me remember what I wan’t to go into depth in my blog to help me analyze my thoughts..

I want my first topic to be on my self diagnosed “eating disorder”and how it has physically affected my body and my worries about possible thyroid interference.

to be continued...