#asdfghjkl miss them 😭

[curse-of-rose]

Saw placebo yesterday and mine will to live has returned ❤️

[dramas-and-stuff]

NOW I'M CRYING ASDFGHJKL 😭🩷

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

His Dark Materials Season 3 - Full Season Thoughts

When I say that I’ve been waiting for this not just for two years since S2 but also for 15-ish years since I read the book, I truly am not exaggerated, I just know that I’m going to be a MESS and bawling at the end of it.

Warning: not only for spoilers under the cut but also because I’m fangirling AND screaming a lot about this series so… yep! Be prepared!

Episode 1: The Enchanted Sleeper

I HAVE MISSED THIS SHOW SO FUCKING MUCH

AMBER SPYGLASS ADAPTATION HERE WE GO 10 YEAR OLD ME IS CRYING SCREAMING SHAKING THROWING UP

Will looking for Lyra 😭❤️

The fact that in her dream-state, the first thing Lyra asked for was Pan, and me knowing what’s coming??? Oh, this season will truly break my damn heart-

ROGER ROGER ROGER 😭😭😭😭

THE TITLE CREDITS CHANGED AND I SAW THE LAND OF THE DEAD AND HARPIES AND ALSO THE MULEFA ASDFGHJKL

DADDY ASRIEL BELACQUA IS BACK ASDFGHJKL

Stelmaria is so bloody beautiful, oh my god, Asriel truly has such a beautiful dæmon

THE GALLIVESPIANS ASDFGHJKL HOLY FUCK EVERYONE ITS ALL COMING TOGETHER

Am admittedly a little disappointed they’re not riding dragonflies or anything

ASRIEL IS WAGING HIS WAR IT’S HAPPENING

I’m so ridiculous, I fangirled seeing Ama because I was like “I REMEMBER HER FROM THE BOOK”

The BSL between Mrs Coulter and Ama omg I was not expecting that but I was literally captivated the entire time they were on-screen, 11/10 choice

Pan weakly asking Mrs Coulter to let them go 😭 also hi Kit Connor, I keep forgetting you’re the voice of Pan in this series

Why is Father Gomez… hot tho 💀

THE GAY ANGELS KISSED THIS IS GOD TIER FUCKING CONTENT GOD FUCKING BLEEEESSSSS

Baruch and Balthamos, yet another reason my heart is going to fucking shatter tonight

Ogunwe’s eldest daughter being “soulless” and Asriel explaining it by explaining his and Stelmaria’s bond and saying what happened to the girl is the same as cutting his dæmon/soul away 😭

Lyra managing to escape but she’s so weak that she didn’t get far and Marisa caught her 😔

The mother-daughter dynamic is so interesting in such a messed up way, like Marisa truly thinks what she’s doing is right and will protect Lyra but also her method of keeping her daughter safe is to drug her and keep her asleep in a cave/hideaway somewhere, truly unstable and unhealthy parenting techniques here

Ama saw her chloroforming Lyra oh my god 😦

IOREK LOOKING FOR LYRA OH MY GOD 😭 HE LOVES HER SO MUCH I LOVE ONE BEAR DAD AND HIS HUMAN DAUGHTER

Will really sliced Iorek’s helmet like it was butter, no wonder Iorek was like “nope I’m not fighting I can’t fight a knife that does that to my armour”

Not Father Gomez sniffing Mrs Coulter’s (?) dress 💀

Oh no no no not the spy fly things being sent after Mrs Coulter, Jesus H-

Marisa telling the monkey to leave her alone and he just doesn’t??? Like he wants to try and comfort her but doesn’t know how, and he doesn’t say anything but she knows what he’s thinking??? Their dynamic is so messed up, I love it

“Welcome to the Republic of Heaven, Commander” CHILLS LITERAL CHILLS

They ended the episode with an “in memory of” for Helen McCrory (the voice of Stelmaria in S1&2) and I nearly started bawling oh my god

Episode 2: The Break

“Nearly 400 years with Baruch must have mellowed me” - OH MY GOD T H E M

“We feel as one, though we are two” - THEY ARE SO…?!? THIS IS BEAUTIFUL ASDFGHJKL

“And you’ll find a way to protect the one you love” - 😭😭😭

SPYFLY?!

I know it’s been three years since the end of S1 aired and obviously the young actors grow fast, but damn is Roger’s voice deeper than when he died

“They’re hurting me” - NOOOOOOOOOO

“Just tell me where you are and I’ll find you!” “... The Land of the Dead” - FUCK ME

Lyra screaming for Roger like that, I feel so sick

Pan’s little ermine noises are so cute omg

“Where did you go? I... I couldn’t follow you there.” (Pan to Lyra) - NOT THE FORESHADOWING, JUST RUN ME THROUGH WITH A KNIFE AT THIS POINT, IT WOULD FUCKING HURT LESS JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

QUEEN RUTA SKADI AAAAAAHHHHH

“It would take more than a little crash to put an end to the pair of us” - I swear to fucking god, if this is more foreshadowing-

(it’s been a few years since I read TAS, okay, give me a break if I’ve forgotten anything)

AAAHHHH MARY MALONE I MISSED YOU

Wait did she just walk into Ogunwe’s camp???

“Something happened here a few days ago and now they’re everywhere” - WHAT ARE??? IS IT THE BUZZING???

The way I tensed up seeing Marisa approach Ama jesus christ i do NOT trust that woman

Also Ama’s outfit reminded me of Lyra’s Jordan College outfit from the film, like the red pinafore and blue dress underneath I mean

ROKE??? AND HE MENTIONED LADY SALMAKIA AAAAHHHHHHH

“When is Lyra not in danger?” - LMFAO true though

“You dismiss Lyra too easily” - Exactly, thank you Stelmaria! Was not expecting her to come through for Lyra but I’m pleased!

“Eve was the Mother of Creation, Lyra is simply the creation of Marisa and I. She is not Eve, she’s a little girl” - OOF

“She must have some information they need or some skill we’ve overlooked.” “Other than being able to read the Alethiometer, she has very little, I’m afraid... other than a nose for trouble” - DAMN ALRIGHT CHILL ASRIEL

The way that Stelmaria snarled so angrily at him talking about Lyra like that oh my GOD

“What??? What would you like me to say?” “The truth.” - FUCK YEAH, Stelmaria, call out your human like that!

“There are angels above the camp” - OOH SHIT

“What are they doing?” “They’re fighting” - OH FUCK WAIT I THINK I REMEMBER THIS NO-

I AM NOT READY TO LOSE BARUCH YET NO NO NO NO FU-

“He’s leaving us” — NO FUCK OFF FUCK OFF I FUCKING CANT DO THIS TODAY-

“My Balthamos” - IM NEVER GOING TO RECOVER FROM THIS, NEVER, THIS IS TOO PAINFUL

HIS LAST WORD WAS “BALTHAMOS” I AM GOING TO SCREAM

Yes we got gay angels kissing but at what cOST 😭😭😭😭😭😭

BALTHAMOS FEELING IT WHEN BARUCH DIES ASDFGHJKL NO I CANNOT COPE, IM GONNA BE SICK, THIS IS SICK, PHILIP PULLMAN IM HIDING UNDER YOUR BED

“This is your fault… you forced me to come here! I wanted us to stay together, I wanted to go with him! They’ve killed him!” - literally STAB ME, it would hurt FAR less 😭

Father Gomez is so hot but he has a spider dæmon so it’s a hard no from me 🙈

“I once killed an innocent young boy in order to harness it (Dust)” - yeah, and we still haven’t FUCKIN forgiven you 

Not Asriel straight up torturing Alarbus in his Dust experimenting chamber :l though he DID kill Baruch so...

“You think you’re significant - He does not even know your name” - DAMN, what a sick burn

“We have a life in the resistance; we can read, write, learn... all those things are forbidden by the temple, especially for-” “Girls.” - oh damn. It’s obvious that this is a commentary on teachings by the church or whatever, especially how it used to be in the past. (My brain is tired so I can’t do full analysis, but I’m sure other people out there will do it better than me)

The girls wanting Mary to stay “to rest” and then asking her about why she’s looking for the girl while pouring her a drink... feels very ominous to me and I hope I’m wrong

(Spoiler alert: I was wrong)

The Magisterium straight up sending out a death squad to kill Lyra, Jesus Christ it’s almost hilarious how far gone they are that they can’t see why killing a teenage girl is wrong, like mother of sin or not, that is still a teenage girl

Will to Iorek: You attract too much attention - YOU DON’T SAY LMAO HE’S LITERALLY AN ARMOURED BEAR

Of course Balthamos knows sign language, that literally makes so much sense because he’s an angel so of course he’d know literally every language in history - and so of course he appears and translates because she can’t hear Will and he doesn’t sign. I love it

I know only a small amount of BSL but I felt so happy when I was able to read Balthamos signing “W-I-L-L” and Ama finger-signing her own name

“But no mother could possibly be this cruel.” “This mother would.” - DAAAAAAAMN

She’s growing sunroot, which is a waking medicine oh my gOD I love Ama, she is truly an icon in her own right even though she’s only in two episodes

Will smiling a little when he sees Lyra sleeping :’)

THE WAY I JUMPED AT MARISA’S VOICE OMG

“I always suspected that you were coming, but I didn’t think you’d be the first” - oh my god, she KNEW Will would come sooner or later, she knows how much he cares for Lyra

Her offering him tea and my first thought being “do NOT drink anything she gives you, do NOT do it”

“I’m keeping her here because I’m her mother, and I love her” - BITCH, you’re straight up drugging her, mother or not you are NOT showing your love in a healthy way

See, I get that she says she’s trying to keep Lyra safe because she knows the Magisterium want her dead, but like... drugging her? Keeping her there against her will? Ma’am, please-

“Because she hates me, Will, and if I woke her she’d run” - damn I’m not surprised, you’ve not exactly been the most loving of mothers at this point

“Wouldn’t your mother do the same for you? A child needs their mother. You understand that, Will. You need your mother” - oh NO, no, no, do NOT bring up Mrs Perry!!!

“And here’s the trick they never tell you: your mother needs you” - oh she’s a goddamn SNAKE

“You promise that you’re keeping her safe? That you’ll carry on keeping her safe?” - Will, nOOO do NOT leave her there

Oh, she nearly CRAPPED herself when he mentioned going to Asriel

“I have seen them together; where one goes, the other follows” - literally everyone else notices it, they’re really not subtle

“You would use your own daughter as a trap?” - yeah, no, that really doesn’t shock me at this point, the man has no fuckin morals anymore

Oh okay PHEW, Will actually has a plan and isn’t just blindly trusting Marisa, I’m resting a little easier now

“I’m counting my steps - we’ll return by them in another world” - OH SHIT HERE WE GO

Nah, that monkey is STILL giving me the chills, fucking hate that monkey so bad

“Your mind is muddled” - this episode has featured so much Stelmaria calling Asriel out, and that’s content I’m honestly living for

Marisa giving the monkey a massive rock and going “do your worst”... AND THEN SHE LOWERED HER HEAD AND HE SMACKED HER OVER THE HEAD WITH IT WHAT IN THE FUCK IS GOING ON I LITERALLY GASPED, like she clearly was telling him to do it but WHYYYYY???

Ama was so ready to go with Will and help him, we have to stan

So now Marisa looks battered and bruised...? I’m guessing she’s got some kind of plan here???

Ohhhh okay, I get her plan now: she looks all beaten up, she tells Gomez that Will has come and taken Lyra, it looks like Will has hurt her when he stole Lyra, Gomez will then hopefully leave thinking that she doesn’t still have Lyra... got it. Bit extreme to have your dæmon beat the shit out of you though

“You know, he had several hundred miles and the boundaries between worlds to cross, and yet... he still managed to get here before you. Bravo.” - LMFAO the shade

“... I am going to take Lyra now, Mrs Coulter” - Oh he didn’t fall for it in the slightest lmao he was like “well, at least you tried”

“you gave her the terrible punishment of her existence” is such a cruel line, jesus christ my dude

He’s not even trying to hide the fact that they want to murder her daughter omg

THE WINDOW IS FORMING ASDFGHJKL WILL IS COMING

Is she trying to distract Gomez so he doesn’t see Will and the knife?!? Is she actually doing something good???

Pan hopping into Will’s coat pocket omg that’s so cute I love it

THAT MONKEY IS FERAL

SHE WHACKED HIM OVER THE HEAD OH MY GOD

“Oh dear… perhaps you were right about that strength” - LMAO she’s so iconic

Not Marisa thinking she’s coming with him and Lyra 💀 I don’t know whether I feel sorry for her or not at this point

“Do you think it’s that easy to dispose of me? Is that what you do, Will? Was your mother as easily disposed of? Where did you leave her?” - ACTUALLY NAH YOU KNOW WHAT, I don’t feel sorry for her at all

His mind isn’t empty enough, she’s distracting him, he’s gonna break the knife 😭😭😭

THE KNIFE BROKE I KNEW IT WAS COMING BUT DAMN

NOT HER THREATENING WILL WITH A GUN AND LYRA STANDING IN FRONT OF HIM TO PROTECT HIM

AH THE GALLIVESPIAN STINGING HER YESSSSS

The airships shooting at them and Iorek immediately jumping to defend them I’m-

“Iorek’s here?” - YES, HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH 😭

Ama jumping on that soldier and Will killing him before he can kill her I’m-

Asriel really arrived super late to the party, literally all the fighting is over and done with 💀

Ohhhh he’s seen Marisa 👀

Lyra taking Will’s hand as they lie together under the stars 😭❤️

Episode 3: The Intention Craft

I’m gonna try to keep my notes a little bit briefer because it took me two hours to watch a 57 minute episode on episode 2 :’( this is 8 hours worth of tv, it’s currently 00:20 am and we’ve only done two episodes so... yeah

NOT THE SHOT OF THE DÆMON (presumably Pan) ALONE ON A DOCK ASDFGHJKL; YALL THIS IS SICK

“Whatever happens... we’ll be together” - having read the book is both a blessing and a curse because on the one hand I’m somewhat able to prepare myself beforehand but on the other I KNOW how painful this is about to be and I can’t stand it

Oooh Marisa is Asriel’s prisoner :O

I think Asriel is enjoying having her as his prisoner a bit TOO much

The way he was right behind her, so close he was literally breathing on her neck as he tied her up... asdfghjkl;

“You could be standing here beside me, you know” - NOT THE MARISA/ASRIEL FEELS asdfghjkl

*taking her necklace in hand* “still wear this?” - ASDFGHJKL did he give that to her?? Or is it just one of those “oh you still wear this?” things???

“How could you and I have produced another Eve?” - no but same, I’m still wondering that lmfao

Not him calling Lyra a “wretched girl” and acting like it’s her fault Marisa turned up to whisk her away?!

Did they collar and chain up her monkey dæmon too??? Damn, he knows her well lmao

“You seem different.” “So do you.” “...you’re staring.” - oh my gOD

Not Salmakia spying on them :’) “I haven’t been hiding, you just haven’t been looking” LMAO

“How do I know you won’t cut into another world?” - umm because the knife’s broken??? It ain’t cutting shit right now

Ahhh she’s got her Alethiometer back! All is right with the world :3

“Since he’s died, I’ve done none of the things he’s asked me to do” - awww Will :(

Are we gonna meet the Mulefa this episode? The next one? :O

“Because Roger’s dead body was in a cage! In a cage that he made, he killed him!” - when she puts it like that, I’m not shocked she wants nothing to do with Asriel anymore, damn

“to work alongside a murderer?!” - 1) Will is a murderer? 2) The reason she trusted Will was because the Alethiometer told her he was a murderer?? But I get what she means

I don’t like when Will and Lyra argue :( 

“Lyra is pushing him to do things he doesn’t want to do.” “Oh, she is her mother’s daughter!” “You don’t trust her?” “She’s also mine.” - LMFAO TRUE ENOUGH

The device Asriel is using to communicate with Salmakia with is so cool omg

Father MacPhail really just sitting there in the dark all like “where have you gone??” I think he’s losing it a little

RED PANDA PAN AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

“You’re not always right, you know that?” - LMAO I love Lyra and Pan so much

“Your father was right about you - you are insufferable” - OOF DAMN

NOT THEM LEADING THE MONKEY ON A CHAIN LIKE A DOG 

At least they gave her new clothes I guess?

“I have been the worst mother in the world” - NO SHIT

“I didn’t think of her for years - and if I did, it was only to regret the embarrassment of her birth, the humiliation-” “Ridiculous! I have never understood why a child born of our love should be a humiliation!” “An illegitimate child and a murdered husband! That is quite something to carry on my back” -- Damn, this trial literally just became a couple’s counselling session for Marisa and Asriel??? And Asriel straight up admitting he loved her??? That they loved each other??? 

I will not ship them, I will NOT ship them, I WILL NOT-

“What if Iorek’s not there?” “He wouldn’t leave without me” - AND WE ALL KNOW IT ASDFGHJKL

“I know it wasn’t real, but once or twice I woke up and she was holding me... never been held before” - I’M NOT CRYING YOU ARE-

IOREK AND LYRA REUNITING, HER HUGGING HIM IM SOBBING ACTUALLY I LOVE ONE GIRL AND ONE BEAR-

There’s something very special to me about Lyra sitting against Iorek’s flank, I can’t explain how soft it is

“Huh, still a Silvertongue” - asdfghjkl; he’s the one who gave her that name, it’s literally a title he bestowed on her, I love it :’)

Oh no, is Dr Cooper the one from Bolvanger??? Am I remembering correctly???

“Ah yes... you always were easily impressed by what he made” - DAMN I should NOT have cackled like I did

I can’t get over how charged the scenes between Asriel and Marisa are, my goodness-

“The inventor of hideous machines, capable of tearing children apart” - you’re one to talk, remember what you did to Roger????

“But along comes some foul mouthed arrogant little brat with dirt under her fingernails, and ohhh you can love her! You cluck and you settle your feathers over her like a mother hen-” - JESUS I’M-...?!?

The way he slammed her up against the intention craft after she spat at him, his hand on her face... I thought they were gonna kiss, holy SHIT

“Every hideous thing that you’ve done in his name... and it was all a lie” - DAMN, this episode is cutting so deep in all the best ways

It’s the way I know what’s going to happen, I know the knife is fixed, and yet I’m still nervous

“Find what matters!” *glances to Lyra* - oh they are NOT slick, they’re so obvious about this and I’m all for it

Imagine being Will and waking up to see a massive looming bear standing over you, omfg

YAY, the knife is fixed! (I knew it would be but still) I love that it looks more twisted, at least in my opinion

“You will always be a welcome visitor to Svalbard, and the same is true to you, Will. You are worthy of each other. Goodbye, Lyra Silvertongue - I hope we do meet again one day.” - NOT ME CRYING OVER AN ARMOURED BEAR’S RELATIONSHIP WITH A GIRL

Now why is Asriel showing the prisoner angel to Marisa, no good will come of this-?

“He’s beautiful.” “Everyone’s beautiful.” - this plus the way he keeps leaning and shit around her... at this point, everything Asriel has done this episode just straight up seems like him flirting with Marisa lmao

Eyyyy Balthamos is back!!!

Balthamos: so, you ready to go to Asriel yet? // Will: LOL sorry nope 

And just as soon as he was back, he went away again :O

“my mum’s always said if a friend needs help, you should give it” - Will Parry is his mother’s son through and through :’)

“That no doubt depends.” “On what?” “What Asriel does to him.” - oh god he’s gonna fucking kill that angel and cause more chaos, I can feel it

NOT ASRIEL AND MARISA TEAMING UP TO TORTURE THE ANGEL AND DESTROY HIM

Damn even Marisa looks kinda freaked out by Asriel torturing the fucking angel oh my god

LMAO SHE RAN SO FAST TO THE INTENTION CRAFT 

“Goodbye Asriel” should NOT have hit me so hard, oh my goodness

Yeah, no, I don’t think the knife can cut through to the land of the dead? Which makes sense all things considered

OH, the last world he could cut to before the land of the dead is the desert wasteland one from Lyra’s dreams! :O

Pan like “wait, this doesn’t feel safe” and backing away whimpering :’(

IS THE SAD THING GONNA HAPPEN NEXT EPISODE NO NO NO I CANT HANDLE IT

I thought we’d have until like episode 6 or something :’(

Episode 4: Lyra and Her Death

Judging from the title of this episode... FUCK I AM NOT READY WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE’RE AT THIS POINT ALREADY

(If it’s not this episode then it’ll probably be the next one, either way I’m not READY)

Pan: *whimpering* // Lyra: Pan, stop that - :’(

“Then where are everyone’s dæmons?” “We’ve been in plenty of worlds without dæmons before, just get in my pocket and we’ll be fine.” “There are people here who should have dæmons but don’t.” - PAN IS GONNA MAKE ME SOB THIS EPISODE ASDFGHJKL

Not Marisa running straight back to the Magisterium jesus christ girl why

“Good. This is good.” - NO IT FUCKING ISN’T LYRA

“How long do we wait?” “Until you die, of course!” - well, I mean, it IS the land of the dead so...

I genuinely cannot tell what is going on in Gomez’s head at this point O_o he’s so creepy

“Somewhere out there is a tempter, a serpent, and I had to keep them from meeting” - but here’s the thing: the angel told Mary that she was to play the role of serpent, and she and Lyra have already met. But also, Marisa maybe thinks the serpent is Will, which adds a whole new layer to this whole situation???

“And the way he (Asriel) is fighting, Hugh... it’s is terrifying” - oh look, me and Marisa agree on something for once!

“Sometimes your devotion is hard to read” - lmao true

“You have my mind, my body, and my soul (...) He could never resist temptation, whereas you... your abstinence is magnificent” - exCUSE ME WHAT MARISA????

I deadass thought he was about to try and force himself on her then

“Remember what we did together... our lives are entwined” - UMMMM??? I’m not the only one reading into that in a slightly sexual way, right??

Who knew that the waiting area in the land of the dead was like your everyday doctor’s waiting room, complete with grating elevator music??

I both want to know what’s in the chest Gomez gave Marisa and I also do not want to know O_o “it’s how we found you, a kind gift”?

Is there some generational mother-daughter trauma theme going on here or...? Because she said “mother” and he said “she was only too happy to help”, and her response was “of course she was”?

Is Mary in the Mulefa world right now???

“Feels like we’re in a horror film.” “... Why would you want to watch a film that makes you feel horrible?” “...You make a good point.” “I like the film with the bear.” - ASDFGHJKL, THIS WHOLE CONVERSATION XD Also the reference back to S2 where they were watching Paddington omg

“Everyone has a Death. Goes everywhere with them, all their life long.” (Lyra: Isn’t that scary?) (Larissa(?): Not at all, dear. It’s natural) “From the moment you’re born... your Death comes into the world with you. And it’s your Death that takes you out. There’s love in that.” - Pan’s little face :’(

“When you’re ready, they say it’s beautiful. Your Death says, ‘easy now, easy child, you come along with me’. And you go with them, to the boat and the boatman.” - not me getting emotional over the talk of death, fuck me-

Pan retreating back into Lyra’s pocket sadly, like he KNOWS he won’t be allowed to go with them, I hate it here-

DAMN, Marisa slaying in that purple dress with heels, holy shit-

“If you won’t stop...” “You’ll do what, exactly?” *dramatic music stops* “... I’ll fetch support.” “Good. We all need support.” - BAHAHAHAAHAHA This show is a fucking comedy at times oh my god

The fact that any part of the dæmon guillotine design is being reused is horrendous, let alone as a fuckin BOMB

“*casually* Oh. They’re here for me.” - LMAO

“Wait: can we talk about this?” - Will asking the REAL questions here omg let’s not do this please

Lyra: You were on my side. // Pan:... I thought I was by your side.” - STOP RIGHT NOW FUCK YOU

Lyra’s Death is there?!?! And she’s just leaving Will?!

Pan running after Lyra as she walks with her Death, I’m about to sob

Not them taking a lock of Lyra’s hair from Marisa while she sleeps??? And her sending Roke after Gomez, she was pretending to be asleep asdfghjkl

They’re using the lock of Lyra’s hair that Marisa has kept to aim the bomb at Lyra?!? Jesus fucking Christ, and they still think they’re the good guys here???

“I’m always here. I’ve followed you your entire life. I am a special devoted friend who’s been beside you every moment of your life. Who knows you better than anyone. Who knows you better than even you know yourself.” - oh shit

Also Pan being like “that’s not true!”, like he’s so offended by her Death saying that when he’s right there

If I remember correctly, wasn’t Lyra’s Death male in the book? Or...?

“I don’t want to be exceptional. Maybe once I did. My parents... that’s all they care about. I just want to be good. I just want to help someone, and Roger needs me... and I wasn’t there the last time he needed me.” - oh my heart is hurting so bad right now because in S1E02 I’m pretty sure she said to Pan that no one ever thought they’d be exceptional etc, and also the fact she still feels guilt for Roger’s death :’(

I’ve spent 15 years trying to imagine what a mulefa looks like... and now finally I know! Oh my goodness?!?! And it brought Mary food?!?

“You take me into the BEST places, you know that?” - LMAO Will’s so funny when he wants to be

“What else is there left to do?” Oh, I don’t know, Doctor Cooper, maybe NOT make a fricking bomb??? Also eyyyy Roke stung her!

“Arrogance. Sheer arrogance. I underestimated them” - yeah, no kidding, Marisa

Oof Marisa’s on a damn warpath, she’s gonna destroy the Magisterium and I’m so here for it

“What if we don’t come back?” “Then we’ll have died doing something important” - I’m way too emotional for this episode, I’m already losing my mind and emotions and I know it’s just going to get worse and worse :’(

Marisa calling out MacPhail as a sinner oh this is delicious the tea is so delicious today

“You have no right here; you are a wanton woman who has always wanted what she didn’t have. Your husband was killed by your lover, the heretic Asriel, and your illegitimate child was abandoned until she became sin itself.” - OH DAMN

“You will address me as Father President or Your Grace” - damn, man is on a freaking power trip?!?!

“I’m sorry? This is where your loyalty lies? Not with that above? Not with truth but with power?” - Marisa is spilling ALL the truth today oh my lord she did not come to play around

“This is all you really are: an incoherent, emotional woman. Why should anyone trust you? You can barely string a sentence together” - OH YOU LIL BITCH I’M ABOUT TO THROW THESE HANDS

He took her locket?!? 

“And when we sever your dæmon, you will be the bullet to kill Lyra Belacqua and to save us all from sin” - on the one hand, isn’t it ironic that her own dæmon severing technology is about to be used on her? But on the other, this man is one cruel motherfucker and I’m raging right now, FUCK this dude

“Take her to the cells... and bring her dæmon to me” - nah man, I’m about to be sick, fuck these motherfuckers. Fucking MEN, AM I RIGHT

Oh no. Oh no no no we’re at the docks and Pan is whimpering already I’m not strong enough today for this-

“I’m sorry, one of your party is unsuitable for travel at this time” - NO NO NO NO NO NO NO-

“We have to follow the rules. A pain, but necessary. No passage. Not for him.” “But he is me.” “If you come, he must stay.” “I don’t think you understand, if we separate we die.” “But isn’t that what you want?” - I’m really about to be crying at 2:30am over Lyra and Pan again aren’t I????

Pan running away because he knows Lyra will follow and he thinks it will stop it from happening, my HEART

“No, that’s not right, I don’t leave part of myself behind, why should she?” “Yes, you do, absolutely, you do. It’s her misfortune - or luck - to be able to see and talk to the part she must leave. You will not know until you are in the water, and by that time fortunately - or unfortunately - it will be too late for you to do anything about it. But you must all leave that part of yourselves here.” - NO NO NO NO NO I’m just going to keep chanting it until it stops fUCK

“We’re gonna get on the boat. Don’t worry.” “Lyra, you’re not listening to him, he won’t let us.” - AND LYRA BRINGING PAN ON THE BOAT TRYING TO CONVINCE HIM :’(((( she even tries to pull the thing herself but she can’t, I’m siCK-

“We can’t separate... we can’t...” :( :( 

“I’ve taken millions across... none have come back.” “We will. You don’t know Lyra and you don’t know me, but we’ll find a way. Another way. So since we’re doing that, be kind, boatman. Let her take her dæmon.” - Will trying so hard to get them to take Pan, even brandishing the knife, but it’s not happening asdfghjkl

“How many ages do you think I’ve been ferrying people? Do you think if anything could hurt me, it wouldn’t have happened already? You think the people I carry come with me gladly?! No, they struggle, they cry, they bribe, they threaten, they fight! Nothing works!” - :(

The entirety of the Lyra and Pan exchange had me outloud sobbing, clutching my chest in pain, I’ve got to share it all with you...

Lyra: I don’t want you leave you here.

Pan: We can still turn around.

Lyra: But I can’t not do this.

Pan: You can, Lyra.

Lyra: What about Roger? And Sal? They never got a chance to grow up.

Pan: But it’s not Roger and Sal, is it? Roger’s dead, and Sal is gone! And it won’t be Lyra and Pan, you’re leave me here, alone! What will I do?

Lyra: But our dreams…

Pan: I didn’t have those dreams! They were your dreams, I didn’t even want to come here! This is your choice!

Lyra: But we’re together…

Pan: Not if you do this.

Lyra: Please… I can’t betray Roger. It’s my fault he’s dead and now he needs me.

Pan: I need you too! Why can’t you see that? … Where will I go?

Lyra: I’ll find you… okay? I will go to the Land of the Dead and I’ll come back, and I’ll find you. I’m not leaving you… ‘Kay? I’m not leaving you, not forever. Will and me will find a way out of here, and we’ll go to Asriel’s, somehow you’ve got to get there too, but I have to do this.

Pan:… Then you’ve made up your mind. You’ve chosen Roger over me.

Lyra: No, Pan… please don’t, don’t… please… there’s no other way. I’ve got to… I love you.

Pan:… Just… go.

The way Lyra turned her head to watch him, the way Pan came up to the very edge of the dock and started crying, the two of them watching each other as they drifted further and further apart, the soundtrack... I am a fucking MESS

“My heart...” 😭💔

Lyra’s pained screams oh my GOD and Will holding her I’m not OKAY

Episode 5: No Way Out

My heart is already broken from last episode, I don’t know how much worse I can feel at this point 😭

Oh good, we’re starting with mulefa hijinks! (Sort of)

Mary stopping and having a moment of “what am I doing?… following a talking elephant” 🤣

IT SKATING AROUND ON PODS ASDFGHJKL

Lyra and Will: *having literally the worst times of their lives* // Mary: *playing with the Mulefa and living her best life*

The Mulefa having their own language oh my god and the orange subtitles fading to the white English ones omg because she’s learning their language

Baby Mulefa 😭❤️

Oof we’re right back to pain 🤡

“What does it feel like, being this far away from him? From Pan?” “It’s like an iron hand is gripped around my heart and is yanking it out between my ribs.” “And it’s mental too, right? As if some private secret thing’s been dragged out into the open?” “…yeah.” — 😭

“You know, you always said I must have a dæmon and I never believed you… and now it feels like I’ve known her my whole life. Maybe she’s with Pan now.” - ASDFGHJKL KIRJAVA IS COMING IM-

“Wait. If my dæmon’s still at the jetty, can you give him a message?” “I can tell you now, he won’t be.” 😭😭😭😭

Oooh Land of the Dead here we go!

I’m still curious as to why exactly Marisa and the monkey can separate so far? Have they already been intercised or something? Like they can REALLY go far from each other 🤔

“They intend to sever you from your dæmon!” “… Good.” — EXCUSE ME MARISA???? She really hates the little thing doesn’t she, damn

“It’s not made of rock… it’s made of people’s things” - oh damn

Oh my gosh the dead 😭

“They don’t like it if we talk to each other.” “Who don’t?” - OH SHIT THE HARPIES

The little dead children talking about their dæmons 😭 “Mine was called Sandling. He used to think he’d be a bird, but I hoped he wouldn’t because I liked him all furry.” “My Kasta used to curl up in my hand and go to sleep.” “Mine was called Matapan” 😭😭

Not MacPhail going to touch the monkey but being interrupted by Father Gomez schooling him on how it’s forbidden 💀

HE JUST SLAPPED GOMEZ OMG

Nooo not her losing Will

NOT HER THINKING SHE SEES PAN NOOO ITS NOT REAL

“You left me on the jetty to die (…) I’ve always known deep down how selfish you are. You really believe you’re here for Roger - you already killed him. You came here for you, to assuage your guilt, to play the hero” - 😭😭😭😭 I know it’s not really Pan but still my heART

ROGER 😭💔

“I missed you. I’m so sorry, about everything. I should have let you go with the Gyptians and the kids… I shouldn’t have taken you to Asriel. If I’d have let you go, you wouldn’t be here, would you? You’d be…” “It wasn’t your fault. I wanted to go with you.” — 😭 my heart is a literal mess I’m blubbering

“Stop it! You think I want to go back to the real world? Like this?” - oh Roger…

Will not being able to cut a window out and it sounding like the knife is being grated over rock 😳

NOT THE HARPIES THIS IS NIGHTMARE FUEL IM-

“What kind of son abandons his own mother?” - SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP-

“You have destroyed the lives of everyone you’ve ever cared for… you’ve come here for you, to feel special… if only Will had never met you” - I would very much like to go back to Jordan College and rooftop adventures now thanks-

“I thought about us, and everything we’ve been through… I didn’t let them get into my head” 😭❤️💔

Not Fra Pavel deducing that Mary is the serpent and she’s in another world, and now Gomez is going to go after her 💀

Oh damn, the imagery of the snake and Eve painting(?) in the background as Gomez prepares himself

I SAW A GLIMPSE OF AMBER IS IT- IS IT TIME FOR THE SPYGLASS

MARY IS MAKING THE SPYGLASS THIS IS MY CHILDHOOD COMING TOGETHER

Oh. My. God. The view through the lens of Dust… ‘Sraf’ is Dust… oh my god. This is beautiful. The colours are beautiful.

“The trees are dying.” “And so are we.” 😭

“What do you remember about Jordan? You remember it, don’t you?” “… Jordan’s gone.” - stop that right nOW

Not the flashback to the very first episode of them in the cellar drinking Tokay 😭

The light appearing as they remember Jordan College together, talking about the roof and the rook with the broken leg 😭❤️ and all the dead people coming to listen, I’m gonna start bawling all over again

Lyra and Will speaking to the crowd and promising to try to get them out of this horrible world, rallying them 😭

“What will happen to us if we leave?” “I don’t know.” “You don’t know? If I will or won’t be able to see my son again?” “We can’t know until it happens - I’m not gonna lie or pretend. But in here, it’s just thoughts; out there, real things matter.”

“When we were alive, they told us that when we died, we’d go to Heaven. That’s why so many of us gave our lives, and spent years in prayer and silence, and all the joy of life went to waste around us. I don’t care what happens to us when we leave - anything is better than this.” - damn, this series really said fuck religion and fuck the church making people spend their lives in servitude/repenting for sins they haven’t even done

Damn, the harpies are NOT happy

“Will you tell us some stories? So we can remember too? Real things.” Ohh no, no, I will not cry over this, I will not cry over Lyra and Roger talking about Jordan College-

“I won every time.” “No she didn’t, she cheated every time” - yep, sounds like Lyra to me

Lyra recounting how she made the omelette with the shells in for Will 🤣

Lyra talking about Iorek 😭❤️

I have absolutely no love for that blasted monkey but seeing him all sad in the cage as they’re about to be severed… definitely made me feel sad, can’t believe I feel sorry for him

It looks like Marisa’s been strapped to an electric chair, like she’s about to be executed, and the imagery of that is 👌🏻

“When we created this technology together, you believed you were doing the right thing - we all did. But we were wrong. It has to stop.” - Damn, you don’t say! Of course it was wrong to sever children, glad you see that finally-

“Do not explain my own technology to me.” - OOF

“You still have time to repent - let me give you your final blessing” - MAN DO NOT FUCKIN TOUCH HER YOU FREAK

“Keep your hands off me… there’s too much blood on them for that.” - DAMN, MARISA

Everyone listening to Lyra’s stories 😭❤️

“… But you felt safe with Mr Scoresby. He was the first grown up I ever trusted.” - STOP THAT RIGHT NOW IM ALREADY CRYING I DONT NEED TO CRY AGAIN

“I will come with you. We… We will come with you.” - YESSSS

HOLY FUCK THE HARPY DESIGN IS SICKENINGLY HORRIFYING DEAR GOD AND THE WAY IT WENT RIGHT UP TO LYRA’S FACE

“What’s your name? You must have one.” “… No-Name.” - Oh gosh I think I remember more of the book now hang on

LEE SCORESBY AHHHHHHHH

LEE AND LYRA HUGGING 😭❤️ MY HEART I CANNOT BEAR THIS

LYRA DIDNT KNOW LEE DIED 😭 and he thought she was dead but he was so relieved she wasn’t 😭

“You found the Knife Bearer - you beat the shaman to it. Lyra Silvertongue, just when I thought you couldn’t blow my little mind enough times” - 😭❤️ I missed Lee so much ASDFGHJKL

IS THAT METATRON??? ENOCH??? OH MY GODDDDD

“If she had only stayed with us, and given her life to the Authority as she once intended, she would now be on the path to the kingdom” - oh my god MacPhail shut the fuck UP

Come on rOKE HURRY UP AND SAVE HER

NOT THE INTERCISION MACHINE V2 AND THE MONKEY LOOKING SCARED

Dr Cooper having second thoughts omg

SHE STOPPED IT LAST MINUTE OH GOD THE GASP I LET OUT

“… I will not be a part of this (…) I will not hurt her.” - YES DOCTOR DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR ONCE IN YOUR MISERABLE LIFE

FATHER MACPHAIL STRAIGHT UP MURDERED DR COOPER HOLY SHIT-

The Church REALLY are not coming across well here

NO NOT ROKE LEAVE HIM ALONE

KILL HIM MARISA KILL THAT BASTARD RELIGIOUS MAN

OKAY BUT YES ALSO TURN OFF THE MACHINE PLEASE DESTROY IT IF YOU CAN I CANT BREATHE THIS IS TOO TENSE

FATHER MACPHAIL COMMITTING SUICIDE AND SACRIFICING HIMSELF HES FUCKING INSANE IM SORRY THE HATRED HE HAS FOR LYRA IS THAT STRONG???

Thank FUCK she stopped the machine last minute although I kinda wish MacPhail had died lmao

THE LIGHT HOLY CRAP-

“You think Dust can make you Gods… let use see how you fare without it.” - OH SHIT OH SHIT

THE MACHINE SEVERED MACPHAIL AND HIS DAEMON AND SHE DISAPPEARED

NOOOOO NOT THE BOMB NOT THE BOMB TELL ME THAT AINT THE BOMB-

I know she’s not dead, I’ve read the book, plus there’s still 3 episodes left, I’m still freaking out though

Episode 6: The Abyss

Three more episodes and then it’s all over 😭 I don’t know if I’m ready for it to be honest

“In the beginning, Man was given the gift of Dust. It ignited his mind and freed his will. But that free will has corrupted mankind. Dust shall be drawn into eternal darkness once more… That which was given shall be taken away.” - oh my gOD what a narration to start an episode Jesus Christ (pardon the pun)

Marisa dragging herself across the floor to get to Lyra’s hair???

Please tell me Roke isn’t dead 😭 (spoiler: he is)

Marisa going to Fra Pavel with the hair and asking him to consult the Alethiometer on whether or not Lyra survived 😭

I still get chills at the opening theme, ngl, like we’re three whole series in and I’m STILL feeling chills seeing the opening credits

Eyyyy Serafina Pekkala!!!

The earth is literally crumbling apart and Asriel’s laughing 🫢

MARISA AND THE MONKEY ARE BACK AT ASRIEL’S

Stelmaria just being like “… It’s her”, as if there’s only one “her”

“She’s dead, Asriel. Lyra is dead.” - NOOOOOO OH NO NO NO

Nahh Asriel is so unbothered about Lyra being dead???

“Would you like me to tell you how your daughter died, or would you prefer to keep tinkering with your toys?” “If what you’re saying is true, I’m very sorry. But what I’m doing here is of the utmost importance - it’s going to change everything.” - DUDE YOUR DAUGHTER IS DEAD (or so it’s thought at the moment) HOW ARE YOU SO UNBOTHERED

Like we knew he was a shit father but YIKES

Marisa straight up telling Asriel it’s his fault their daughter is dead because he pissed off Metatron with his war crime, she disabled the bomb but the light triggered it… DAMN. Just… damn.

“You’ve taken my daughter from me… and I will never forgive you.” - ☹️😔

Roger trying to wake Lyra up 😭 thankfully she does wake but still-

Stelmaria telling Asriel he shouldn’t go down there, it’s reckless… Mate, listen to your fucking dæmon once in a while please, she got all the sense the two of you possess and you’ve got none I fear-

WHAT’S HAPPENING TO RUTA’S DÆMON HE DROPPED LIKE A STONE INTO THE ABYSS (the one where Asriel is)

“He can’t hear me…” “Stay with him” “I can’t stop him, the darkness is drawing him in…” - NO NO NO NO

Noooo SERGEI (her dæmon) DIED AND SO DID RUTA FUCK SAKE MAN

Lyra and Lee hugging again because they’re so happy to see each other okay 😭❤️ truly a better father to her than her own one ever was

Is there an abyss in each of the worlds? 🤔 because there’s one in the land of the dead too as well as where Asriel is

Will panicking because he’s scared he won’t be able to get these people out, and Lyra taking his face in her hands, “Look at me, look at me, look at me… it’s fine. We’re going to get out of here. It’s just… this chasm. I can feel it too. Look at me.” 😭

Lee whooping when Lyra jumped that chasm, we love a proud father!

Roger and Will disagreeing over who should go next and Lee just doing it instead 😂

“I am Serafina Pekkala, Queen of the Lake Enara clan, and I demand to know what happened to my sister” - YES WITCH QUEEN 👑

“It pains me to tell you both that what happened to Ruta was not death, but worse again. That abyss out there is a rupture in the multiverse, sucking all Dust deep down inside the void between the worlds. I bore witness to her dæmon Sergei falling inside… and it is my belief, that no being, flesh or Dust, will ever emerge from its darkness.” “… so there will be no peace for her? Part of her soul, forever falling… forever in limbo…” — NOPE, NO, NOOO 😭💔 poor Ruta I hate it here

(Turning to Asriel) “… You did this.” “No.” “Your arrogance, PLAYING WITH FORCES YOU HAVE NO CONCEPT OF!” - SHIT SHES RIGHT THOUGH

Sorry, what the FUCK are those things beneath them with the glowing eyes???

“We’ve seen worse. Do you remember when we freed the kids from Bolvanger? And then the three of us and Iorek squashed into Lee’s balloon and just flew away?” - lmao bless

“Iorek’s this armoured bear-.” “I know who he is, I’ve met him.” - damn, there’s some tension here between Roger and Will? Or is it just me?

“Can’t imagine him (Iorek) in a balloon though” - LMFAO

“It wasn’t just any balloon… it was a real beauty” - DAMN RIGHT IT WAS LEE

Is Will a little jealous of Lyra and Roger walking together and reminiscing or…???

“Hey, did I ever tell you about the crazy shaman who made me a bacon sandwich?” - OH MY GOD LEE 😂 (also it’s been a while since S2, but I think he’s talking about John Parry???)

Marisa really thinks she’s allowed to just leave 💀

Marisa telling Ogunwe that Lyra is dead, and him saying “Asriel didn’t tell me”, it hits hard because he has daughters of his own and I just know he’s probably confused because surely Asriel would have mentioned his own child dying but nOPE

Marisa yelling at the monkey to come and he just… doesn’t? He just walks away? Their dynamic is so interesting but in a messed up way

Will is looking for his father and he wants to be sure that his father will find his way out 😭

Lee realising that Will is the shaman’s son oh my GOD?!? And he thinks he has a way to summon him??? Oh I love Lee so much

“Are you sure about this?” - Stelmaria asking the only real questions

IOREK!!! 🐻‍❄️

IOREK STRAIGHT UP SMACKING ASRIEL DOWN WHEN HE APPROACHED LMFAO I LOVE HIM

Wait this is SVALBARD??? All the ice and snow has disappeared?!? And it’s all Asriel’s fault?!?

“My bears starve because you blew a hole in the sky!” - oh shit!

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t KILL YOU!” “LYRA SILVERTONGUE!” “Why do you speak to me of her?” “You renamed her. You loved her. Tell me of her.” “She is everything you are not.” “Perhaps I should have known her better. But she is gone, and if you kill me now she will never be avenged.” — this whole exchange 😭 Iorek loves Lyra so much, Asriel saying he should have known her better (no shit, sir)…

“You do not understand. Lyra went to the Land of the Dead.” “The Land of the…?” “Yes. But she walked in the line.” “How did she enter that place?” “With the knife.” “The knife is broken.” “I fixed it. She went after her friend, Roger.” “… the kitchen boy.” “Another reason why I should kill you!” - IOREK GETS IT ASDFGHJKL HE’S A BETTER FATHER THAN ASRIEL EVER WAS FUCK ASRIEL WE ONLY LOVE IOREK AND LEE AS FATHER FIGURES NOW

Asriel laughing because “my daughter is staging a prison break” 💀

NOOO NOT LYRA FALLING INTO THE ENDLESS ABYSS

THE HARPY SAVING LYRA FROM FALLING INTO THE ABYSS HOLY SHIT

Marisa telling Serafina about torturing that witch in detail, Jesus CHRIST, she literally wants Serafina to kill her at this point :( but Serafina sees right through it of course

“If you won’t do it out of anger… then please just do it out of mercy.” - 😭 now why am I sympathising with Marisa

“Love… makes us fragile in ways we cannot fathom.” “I didn’t love Lyra. I wasn’t able to” - SURE you didn’t love her, Marisa 🙄

“Even my own dæmon rejects me” - yeah no can’t say I blame him honestly

Serafina talking about how she lost her son that she had with Farder Coram 😭 and how Lyra gave her hope

“When I first heard that prophecy, it terrified me. (…) Because I was always taught to believe that Eve was guilty of something shameful.” - yep, religion will do that to you!

“All Eve did was dare to experience - it’s an act of bravery. Of great beauty. You were a monster, but look what experience did to you… what love did. It changed you.” - oh my god the religion criticism is on point today holy crap

Will hugging Lyra and asking if she’s okay 😭❤️

Lyra wanting to give the harpy a name to thank it 😭

“Names can’t just be given!” “Mine was… by a friend.” - exactly, Lyra!

“Gracious-Wings.” — … Interesting name, Lyra but okay

“You can’t take it back now!” - I have NO intention to and neither does Lyra 😳

The harpies kinda do make me sad because like… they don’t have names. They’re frightening to look at. They live in the land of the dead. They’re trapped just as much as the ghosts are, and feared for how they look which probably contributes to their behaviour. So Lyra showing some kindness must be a brand new experience for them.

“You cannot tell the story of my name if you do not get out.” “… You like stories, don’t you? True ones.” - ohhhhhhhhh I get it! Awww, so Gracious-Wings wants Lyra to escape, not only because she’s been listening to her stories but also because Lyra can then tell the living about Gracious-Wings and the truth that she’s not so scary/completely evil, so maybe people when they die will be less afraid to meet her? Idk

“True stories are nourishing. They feed us, we had no idea there was anything but lies and wickedness.” “If those who follow behind tell you everything they saw in the world, everything true… could you guide them here so they could be set free?” - god I forgot how deep and clever this whole section was in the book

“Do not lie to me.” “I won’t.” - for once, I actually do believe she’s telling the truth

“Do we have a deal? The prisoners’ safe passage in exchange for their stories?” - YESSS OMG

“It’s alright, they’re going to help us! Just tell them your stories - stories from your lives, and they’ll guide you up. Tell them stories.” - nahhh I’m not crying you are 😭

Asriel telling Marisa Lyra is still alive but she doesn’t believe him at first 😭

“It makes sense: the Authority cows us with the threat of heaven or hell but even that was a lie, it’s all purgatory.”

“Please… my heart won’t take it.” - this woman has gone through so much, she’s not a good person but damn she’s gone through a lot

“You said yourself, she’s extraordinary… to free a soul from the Land of the Dead” - well you’ve changed your fucking tune

“The witches prophecy… they believe two things about Lyra: that she is Eve, and she will defeat Death. (Smiling/Laughing) That’s what she’s doing. The prophecy is right. We must help her, Asriel.” - ASRIEL AND MARISA ACTUALLY WORKING TOGETHER FOR REAL THIS TIME?!? Like actual parents?!? Who’d have thought 😭

“There’s someone here to see you.” - LEE BROUGHT JOHN PARRY TO WILL IM CRYING ALL OVER AGAIN ARE YOU SERIOUS

“I hate fighting. I’m not who you want me to be.” “No… no, you’re so much more.” - AND THEN THE HUG 🥹😭

“All this time, I thought that when we eventually found each other… we could go back to Oxford together.” “I did too.” - 😭😭😭 they deserve so much better, I can’t-

“If we get out of this awful place…” “We won’t be going the same way.” 😭

I’m sorry, okay, this whole episode is just one big CRYFEST AT THIS POINT

Lyra saying she thought Roger was braver than her 😭

“I don’t even know if I can do anything. I’m just so tired, and my chest…” “Because you’re away from your dæmon. Separation across worlds weakens your bond, Will. She’s pining for you.” “How do you know?” “I guided her to Asriel’s republic. As soon as you release these ghosts, you must cut through and find her, Will.” - KIRJAVA IS COMING WE’RE GOING TO MEET KIRJAVA ASDFGHJKL

“Don’t try to live in a world that’s not your own. No matter how tempting it may seem. You and your dæmon… you won’t survive it.” “But you did.” “No. I felt it, like an ache, every day. Don’t make the same mistake that I did. You deserve a full life with your mother.” 😭❤️ but also foreshadowing what will happen at the end of the series I feel unwell-

“What will happen to you?” “The same that will happen to every soul trapped down here: I’ll be free. I’ll be connected again to every living thing, thanks to you.” - Damn, right in the feels 😭

John telling Will he’s so proud of him and them hugging 😭❤️💔

Serafina saying she’s gonna send Kaisa to search for Pan because she knows that Pan can’t enter the Land of the Dead and so he’ll still be there, I’m so ready!!

“If it is true, and Lyra is going to free the dead, she and Will will have achieved something remarkable… far beyond your rebellion. Lyra is your focus now. Do not fail her.” — YESSSSSSS come on Asriel and Marisa, be good parents for once

WILL DID IT HE CUT A WINDOW OUT OF THE LAND OF THE DEAD AHHHH, and it’s opened out onto a beautiful paradise ❤️

“My dad said you’ll be free. You’ll drift apart, but you’ll be out in the open - connected with everything to love.” - 😭❤️

ROGER SAYING HE’LL GO FIRST ASDFGHJKL AND LYRA SAYING SHE’LL MISS HIM SO MUCH

“You’ll be okay. I know you will. You’ve saved your best friend. When you go back to Jordan, go to the roof for me.” - AND THE FOREHEAD TOUCH 😭❤️

“I’m ready” 😭😭😭 GOODBYE ROGER

AND THEN LEE SCORESBY HUGGING HER, “No need for that, it’s okay” because she’s crying, “thank you”, tipping his hat to Will

“I’m gonna be with my Hester” - SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW 😭❤️

I’m literally just full on sobbing at this point like my heart can’t take anymore at this point and there’s still TWO episodes left 😭

Marisa asking her monkey if she can sit with him?!? They’re so disconnected despite being the same person, I can’t-

“It hurts when we’re apart. I pretend that it doesn’t. That first time I sent you away… it was awful. I don’t know why I do it. At first I think it was curiosity… But now it’s become something else. A way to not feel what I can’t bear. I used to think that I was the strong one… but I was wrong. It was you. All along. I am so very sorry. Please… come back to me.” - NOOO WHY AM I HAVING EMOTIONS OVER MARISA AND THE DAMN DEMON GOLDEN MONKEY?!? AND THEM HOLDING HANDS?!?

Asriel and Marisa standing with their dæmons together… damn. Shit must be serious if the two of them are together on something

“The final rebellion has begun.” - OH SHIT HERE WE GOOOO

Episode 7: The Clouded Mountain

Two episodes left… 😬

Before we get into the episode, quick prediction: I feel like this episode is going to largely focus more on Asriel/Marisa and maybe bring that story to a close, and then the last one will be more Lyra/Will centric? Idk, we’ll see!

“We just have to keep Metatron’s forces away from the girl and the boy long enough for them to be reunited with their dæmons, to get to a safe world and… fall.” - oooooohhh

“How can you possibly know the nature of Metatron’s attack?” - LMFAO arguing like a married couple I see-

Okay, I was wrong, we are seeing Lyra and Will in this episode!

Will planning to get their dæmons himself and Lyra can wait in the nice world and he’ll meet her there 💀

“We’ve come this far and you still don’t understand: we’re in this together.” - 👏🏻

Every scene with Marisa and Asriel just seems like they’re flirting lmao

“I’ve given the girl nothing but at the very least I can buy her time” - 😭

“You’d do that for her?” “Not just her.” - THE WAY HE MOVED EVEN CLOSER TO HER ASDFGHJKL THEY ABOUT TO KISS OR SOMETHING

“Even if you get him to the abyss, you do understand it’s not just death down there? It’s eternal oblivia.” - DAMN, he’s committed I’ll give him that

“Your love for Lyra is your salvation and your downfall. When you think of her, I can read you as easily as a reflection in still water.” 😮

“Right, so we are doomed.” - Basically, yeah.

“Some of us will die today” - NOT A GREAT WAY TO OPEN AN INSPIRATIONAL SPEECH, ASRIEL 💀

Asriel is really on a mission to kill God in this series, that’s it summed up

“But thanks to my daughter, thanks to Lyra, we need no longer fear that fate! From today death is no longer an ending but a journey back into life!” - okay I take it back, his speech is pretty good

“Our children shall experience paradise but they will know it down here on the earth… today, we are free!” - YESSSSS 🙌🏻

OH SHIT is that Metatron’s soldiers/forces?!?

“I’m glad I said we didn’t have to win this fight” - LMAO

THE ANGEL KNEW LYRA AND WILL WERE CUTTING THROUGH AHHHH AND NOW ASRIEL’S ATTACKING LET’S GOOOO

It’s the way Lyra knew Pan and Will’s dæmon will be looking after each other 😭

“Metatron is releasing the dæmon eaters - he is turning all creatures against us” - AH HELL FUCKING NO

Are they the same as Spectres?!?

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD NO THIS IS MORE NIGHTMARE FUEL

YES MARISA DOING HER PART AND TRYING TO GET RID OF THEM BECAUSE SHE HAS CONTROL OVER THEM

“I’ve found Pantalaimon” - Oh my god YES give Pan back to me please

To be fair I don’t blame Will and Lyra for not immediately blindly trusting Ogunwe at this point, barely anyone is trustworthy in this series at this point

RED PANDA PAN

“They left us.” “I know. But they’ve come back for you.” - 😭❤️

AHHH KIRJAVA AND SHES A BEAUTIFUL CAT WHEN WE FIRST SEE HER AHHHHH

They can both still change but still AHHHHH SOON

“All I know is Asriel’s proud of you” - yeah, he just has a shit way of showing it

These noises are straight out a horror movie oh my GOD THE FUCK ARE THOSE THINGS THOSE GHAST-Y THINGS

Not Metatron (?) whispering into all of their heads asdfghjkl

Metatron telling Marisa she should join him and her and the monkey having this moment, “you know what to do” 😭 and he looks like he’s gonna follow her because he puts his paw on the bridge but he doesn’t 😭 can’t believe I’m having emotions have that goddamn demon monkey

ASRIEL CALLING FOR STELMARIA AND THEN MARISA INSIDE METATRON’S PALACE(?)/FORTRESS 😭

Can I just say that the visuals are STUNNING, oh my goodness I’m literally in awe of this imagery and the visuals it’s far better than 10 year old me imagined

Marisa saying that she loves Lyra and hates that she does 😭

Metatron taking on Asriel’s form so now we’ve got James McAvoy vs James McAvoy, truly Multiverse of Madness 💀

“No one cares for you.” “Marisa does.” - the way my jaw dropped, oh my

Not Asriel calling for Marisa 😭 no I will NOT ship them, I refuse-

“You care for her still? If only you knew the disdain in which she holds you. She’s giving you up.” “No… never… I love her.” - oh my god?!?!?

“She would never betray me…” “I can give you Asriel. He’s trying to protect her.” - NOOO DO NOT DO IT

HE KNEW SHE WAS CLOSE BY HE KNEW IT IM-

“Marisa, no…” - GIRL DO NOT DO IT I SWEAR

“Your dæmons are in the tower - cut them through to a safe world. I’ll find you wherever you are.” - I’m starting to remember how the book ends and my heart is hurting, it’s coming so soon…

“So… you did come.” - YES SHE DID PAN 😭 please forgive her

WILL SEEING KIRJAVA FOR THE FIRST TIME 😭❤️ and her going “… Will.” 🥹

“How could you bear it? Leaving me behind?” 😭

“We should be together. Please.” But the damage is done… if you’ve read TSC, you know 😭

What is that monkey doing? Is he helping them escape? HE PULLED THE LEVER ASDFGHJKL

“For Lyra.” 😭❤️

MARISA HELPING ASRIEL UP, ASRIEL AND MARISA GRAPPLING WITH METATRON TOGETHER, and then STELMARIA RUNNING AND JUMPING AND THEM ALL TUMBLING INTO THE ABYSS 😭😭😭💔💔💔 IT HAPPENED IT HAPPENED IVE BEEN WAITING YEARS-

The monkey and Lyra looking at each other 😭 and she knows, she knows her mother has helped them-

NOT STELMARIA FADING TO DUST 😭

LYRA AND THE MONKEY REACHING OUT FOR EACH OTHER AND HE STARTS FADING AWAY NO NO NO

NOT ME GETTING UPSET AND CRYING OVER THAT DAMN BASTARD GOBLIN POS MONKEY 😭😭😭

Lyra having to wipe her eyes 😭 same, me too-

I knew this episode would end the Asriel/Marisa/Metatron storyline, I just knew it

“Cloud’s gone. It’s all gone. The war’s over.” 🥺😭

I know we’ve still got an episode left but I’m already weeping because I’ve waited 15 years for this adaptation to come, to see this whole trilogy adapted right, and now it’s happened

Ogunwe seeing his daughters 🥹

“Can we go now? I wanna see Pan.” - YES 😭👏🏻

DAMN ONE EPISODE LEFT

Episode 8: The Botanic Garden

Just from the title alone I know this is going to cause me pain but let’s DO IT

Damn, they didn’t even do a recap on this episode (or at least my iPlayer didn’t?)

LAST TIME LETS GO WE DIE LIKE (WO)MEN

Lyra waking up and the first thing she asks for is Pan 🥺

Also Lyra going for a swim because she’s all dirty, don’t blame her quite frankly

“After everything we’ve been through and now we’re here… doesn’t seem real” - same

Lyra knows her mother is dead :(

“I should be relieved… there’s so many things I don’t understand about my parents (…) like why they weren’t honest with me. Why they did such horrible things. Why wasn’t she interested in me for 13 years and then suddenly she was… why did they abandon me?” 😭😭😭

Lyra saying she doesn’t hate Asriel but can’t forgive him, and “I have the strangest feeling he’s gone… which means I’m alone” 😭 and Will saying no she’s not ❤️

Will splashing her and then jumping in 😂

“What?” “Nothing… I’m just glad you washed” LMFAO

“She doesn’t look like she misses me. She seems fine.” - oh Pan :(

“Think how good it will be to be with them again. To be close.” - Kirjava ❤️

“What if it doesn’t feel the same? What if it never does?” “Lyra loves you. We’re finally in the same world, we’re safe here.” - 1) I’m sad because of TSC all over again and 2) I’m sad because I know how this ends

NOT FATHER GOMEZ I FORGOT ABOUT HIM ASDFGHJKL

No but where did the clean clothes come from???

“But there’s someone else we need to meet.” - IS IT MARY??

“I don’t feel torn apart, and I know he’s safe.” - 😭🥹

AHHH LYRA AND WILL SEEING THE MULEFA HERD AND BEING LIKE “they’re riding on wheels!”

I like that Will’s reaction to this new creature speaking a different language is just “… Hello :D”, I love him

MARY AND LYRA REUNION 😭❤️

Mary going “oh god look at you” because Lyra is so grown up 😭

Oh my gOD FATHER GOMEZ FUCK OFF ALREADY

I wanna squash his dæmon, I don’t care, I wanna squish it and murder it

Not him shooting and killing the local wildlife, fuck you dude

“They have less Sraf than you” - ahhh because they’re still teenagers and Mary is an adult, and Dust is what causes dæmons to settle/kids to become adults, I get it

“No pods, poor things” - XD

“I’ve been all over the place but I think this is my favourite world” - same, Lyra, same, it’s so peaceful

“How do you treat a tree with respect?” - quite easily I think, Will???

“We have the stupid idea as humans that we’re the pinnacle of evolution, but we’ve got so much wrong” — 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

“It’s the answer to the question to the question you asked me in Oxford - whether Dust is sin (…) it’s the spark that means we’re alive, it’s consciousness.” “So Dust isn’t sin… it’s just as good or bad as we are.” 👏🏻🥹

The trees dying is truly heartbreaking omg 😭💔

“It’s the Dust disappearing. It’s just flooding out of the world: thought, imagination, feeling all blowing away” 😭💔

There’s got to be a way of saving it, surely…? Like this world can’t just disappear??

“… So when Pan’s a wolverine, you know you’ve pissed her off” OMFG 💀🤣

“Like a nun-nun from our world?” Will omg 😅

“Mary, tell them stories” - YES PLEASE DO

Mary’s story oh my god

“And then I met someone… she wasn’t like the other academics” - LESBIAN MARY MALONE I REPEAT LESBIAN MARY MALONE

“Years ago when I was at school, those butterflies in the pit of my stomach, that ache to be close to someone… I think I had just been too afraid to recognise it before, but I didn’t want to forget it this time.” - AND THE SHOTS OF WILL AND LYRA AHHHHH

“I knew I couldn’t go back to the convent after that, I just couldn’t bear the idea of living without ever feeling that alive. And I thought… will anyone be better off if I just go back to the hotel and say my prayers, and promise to never fall into temptation again? And the answer came back… no. No one will. And I realised, there was no one there to reward me for being a good girl or no one there to punish me for being wicked. There was no one. And it was… it was liberating.” — the fact that Mary is Irish adds a whole other layer to it because of the whole “Irish Catholic guilt” thing, but also just in general… wow. Just wow.

“I wanted to experience love. (L: And did you?)… yeah. (W: Were you scared?) Oh my god, I was terrified. I was risking everything and I was sure I’d be rejected, but… it was worth it. It’s rare when it happens, when you feel that way you have to grab it. It’s funny, isn’t it? One little moment… all she did was offer me a sweet and it changed my life forever. For the first time I was doing something with all of my nature, not just a part of it.” — I CANNOT TAKE IT, THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL

I can’t get over the looks between Lyra and Will, I knew it was happening obviously because of the books but stILL to actually see it onscreen???

“Where are you, Pan? There’s so many things I want to talk to you about.” 😭

Dear GOD DUDE FATHER GOMEZ GO AWAY IM SO DONE WITH YOU

Oh Mary totally knows something is going on between them even if they don’t yet

“What if she settles as something really bad, like… a mosquito or a slug or a fish?” “I heard of a man whose dæmon was a dolphin, but he’s a sailor so it’s fine” - I REMEMBER THAT STORY ABOUT THAT MAN FJDKDKDKD

Nooo not Gomez seeing them together I wanna punch him so bad-

“I don’t think anyone can understand… apart from you.” - oh my god Will 😭

“I think she’s… right… about a lot of things” - oh Will is NOT subtle in the slightest is he-

Lyra stepping closer, “yeah? What things?” ASDFGHJKL

“Dust… trees!” - smooth, Will, real fuckin smooth 🤣

Gomez was about to shoot Lyra while she was frolicking in the water but an Angel stopped him oh my god

ITS BALTHAMOS

“Desire is not sin. Love takes a million forms, each of them beautiful, each of them worthy. You who judge, just afraid.” 👏🏻

BALTHAMOS SQUASHED GOMEZ’S DÆMON, KILLED GOMEZ, AND THEN HE DIED TOO AND HIS LAST WORD WAS “BARUCH” 😭❤️

There’s something very innocent about these two teenagers clearly falling in love and sitting by the water in their underclothes and not realising why that would be seen as wrong because it’s so innocent and sweet and new 😭

WILL AND LYRA KISS I REPEAT WILL AND LYRA KISS I SCREAMED SO LOUD OH MY GOD

AND THE DUST SETTLING OVER THEM AND THE DUST RETURNING TO THE WORLD ASDFGHJKL THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

“The prophecy has been fulfilled. The love of Eve shall heal the earth and all the world shall feel it. Nature will be restored, hope will spark in darkness as innocence turns to experience, all will be in harmony once more.” - OH MY GOD AND THE SHOTS OF THE DIFFERENT WORLDS AND PLACES ASDFGHJKL

Those shy little smiles after they finished kissing omg

“Do you think Pan knows? I think he guessed” - he probably did let’s be real here lmfao

“I want to show you Jordan… proper Oxford. We can go to yours too… go to the cinema again.” - oh these kids are so hopeful 😭🥺

Pan and Kirjava!!!

“One who has given the world such a gift deserves a name… Kirjava.” — AHHHHH

Pan: Kirjava… suits you — 😭👏🏻❤️

“Why aren’t you with Will and Lyra? Are you still punishing them for their betrayal? But you love them still, don’t you? And you are not severed.” “No… we’re still one. But it was so painful.” - 🥺🥺🥺

“They will need you for what is to come” - OH BOY HERE WE GO

Pan and Kirjava coming back to their humans 😭❤️

“Pan…” “You left me. I’ve had to travel so far to find you again.” “I’m so sorry. I’m so grateful. I didn’t want to. I’m sorry. Please, I’m sorry. I missed you. I love you.” “Lyra…” AND THEN HE RUNS AND HUGS HER 😭

“I hoped you’d settle as a pine marten… suits you.” “I like it too.” 😭❤️

ALSO PAN SETTLED?!?!

“I’m… Kirjava.” WILL MEETING KIRJAVA PROPERLY

WILL AND LYRA TOUCHING EACH OTHER’S DÆMONS, THE MOST INTIMATE OF ACTS WHEN DONE CONSENSUALLY, I CANNOT COPE WITH THIS-

“Thanks to you, the multiverse is healing.” “I barely did anything.” “You showed two innocents what it was to dare, and by discovering their love, they have drawn Dust back into our worlds.” “Is that really all it took? Something so small and ordinary?” “Love is never small to those who discover it for the first time.” — brb, crying yet AGAIN over this series

“For centuries, Dust has been flowing out of the universe… what Lyra and Will have done has turned that tide. But their love alone is not enough to sustain it forever.” - oh no, no no no, it’s about to happen

“Every window that exists must be closed” - 😭😭😭 I know what’s coming and I hate it

“Each time the knife makes a cut, the flow of Dust increases and from the tear in the space between worlds some darkness is released, bring destruction across all of the worlds. It can take the form of many things: a plague, a spectre…” - 😭

But also does this mean that Covid was a result of the subtle knife??? 💀😳👀

“But if Will can’t use the knife, and if we can’t leave the windows open, then how will we…? We have to choose worlds, Will’s or mine?” “You can’t live in someone else’s world for long. Our dæmons wouldn’t survive. It means we can’t stay in the same world together.” - THERE IT IS 😭💔

“No! You can’t come here and just say that! After everything we’ve been through, it’s not fair! … it’s not fair…” 😭😭😭 they’ve literally just fallen in love and they have to separate already

Them walking away holding hands 😭

Oh nooo she’s already lost the ability to read the Alethiometer 😭😭😭

“It’s not broken, Lyra… you’ve changed. You’ve grown up.” “So… that’s it? I will never be able to read it again?” “The knowledge still exists but you’ll have to learn it, like those before you. You read it by Grace, and you can regain it by work.” “What’s the point? Why did we get here? Why did we go through everything we went through just to be forced apart?” — 😭

“I didn’t know it was possible to feel this bad.” “It won’t always feel like this.” “I don’t want to not feel like this about Lyra… I only want her.” - NOT WILL AND MARY’S COVERSATION IM TRYING TO HOLD IT TOGETHER SO BAD

“You know all those stories that say the greatest love is the one you can’t live without? The one that you’re prepared to die for? That’s not right. That’s not what love is. I know it seems romantic to die for love but it’s much more romantic to live for it.” — 😭💔

“You will never lose what you have with Will, you have shaped each other forever. And I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but you will have a future, Lyra” - and Lyra is just sitting there crying 😢 I hate it here-

“If humanity set their minds to discovery and their hearts to compassion, they may create enough Dust for a single opening to remain. But you already know where that window must be.” “The Land of the Dead.” “We can’t close that window, it’s the most important one.” — 😭💔

Will has to break the knife once they’re back in their own worlds 😭😭😭 and the angels will help close the windows

“There are fates even the most powerful have to submit to.” - 💔

“I love you. I’m not gonna stop loving you until the day I die.” “I love you.” - KILL ME. It would hurt FAR LESS

“We will come back here, when we’ve lived our lives, we’ll go through the Land of the Dead and we’ll tell Gracious-Wings everything we’ve done. We’ll find each other here. I’ll be drifting about until I find you.” “And I’ll be searching for you every moment. Every single moment.” “When we do find each other again… no one will be able to tear us apart. We’ll be joined so tightly… Every atom of me and every atom of you. When they use our atoms to make new lives, they’ll have to take two; one for you and one for me. We’ll be in the flowers and in the sunbeams… we’ll be joined so tight.” — okay no I’m full on sobbing and crying and shaking, I can’t cope with this, I can’t do anything but cry now

Lyra and Will embracing and holding each other, just clinging to each other on the floor as they cry 😭💔

“Don’t forget us, Mary. Keep telling stories.” - 😭💔 this whole episode is just a massive HEARTBREAK I CANNOT-

We’re back to Lyra’s Oxford 😭

NOT THE BENCH, NOT THE FUCKING BENCH NO I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THE BENCH FUCK YOU PHILIP PULLMAN

“You know you could see your dæmon too, if you wanted” - oh my god yes?!?! I KNEW she met her dæmon at some point, I knew I didn’t imagine it!

“There you are.” - AHHH HER DÆMON IS A BIRD

“We can come back here every year. You in your world and me in mine. Midsummer’s Day. Midday.” “And I’ll be there. I’ll be there every year, my whole life.” “And if we do meet someone we like, we must be kind to them - we won’t compare them. We’ll come here, just for an hour… we can be together.” “Every year. I promise.” - ASDFGHJKL THIS HURTS MY HEART IT HURTS

“Just do it!” 😭😭😭 she wants him to just do it because she knows it’s going to happen and hanging around prolonging it is just so much more painful

Lyra and Mary hugging goodbye 😭 “I’ll never forget you” - STOP

“I’ll break the knife as soon as I’m through because I’ll know I’ll just want to come back to you.” - THIS POST IS JUST ME SOBBING NOW EXCUSE ME-

“What is it?” “I’m just trying to imagine what you’ll look like when you’re older.” “Handsome of course.” “Very.” - EXCUSE ME

Will stepping through the window and going to close it, stopping and them then kissing 😭 “Lyra.” “Will.” AND THEN THEY KISS AND HE CLOSES THE WINDOW FUUUUUCK-

Lyra: *crying* // Me: BITCH ME TOO

“Just think of her” (to break the knife) - and it’s a series of flashbacks of her and him throughout the whole series I feel SICK-

The snow falling on Svalbard and Iorek 😭

Lyra’s back at Jordan College 😭❤️ but so much has changed

Will going back to his mum 😭💔 and then them hugging as Kirjava watches with a little smile I’m-

ONE YEAR LATER?!?! ONE YEAR LATER I’M-

She’s dressed like a student I’m-

ARE THEY GOING TO THE GARDEN?!?

“We can come back here every year. You in your world, me in mine. We can be together. I’ll be there every year. My whole life. I promise.”

THE FADES AS THEY GET OLDER AND WITH EACH YEAR, THE SPLIT SCREEN OF THEM AT OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE BENCH, THEM REACHING OUT TO HOLD EACH OTHER’S HANDS, WILL’S MISSING FINGERS

“Lyra.” Being the last line of this show, oh my GOD.

THE ENDING TITLE CARDS

“Will and Lyra continued to return to their bench at the same time, every year. They kept their promise to each other, going on to live full lives in their own worlds. Will became a medical student and later, a successful surgeon. Lyra went on to be educated at St Sophia’s College in Oxford, where she was taught how to once again read the Alethiometer… Which would come in useful one day, when Lyra and Pan would go on to have a further great adventure. But that’s another story…”

THE BOOK OF DUST/THE SECRET COMMONWEALTH ADAPTATION CONFIRMED?!? IS THAT WHATS GOING ON?!?

Okay… wow… okay.

I’ll admit that in S1, I had issues with the show as a longtime fan of the books; perhaps I was too busy comparing it to the movie or whatever else, but also I had complaints about the lack of dæmons on-screen and how that really hurt the first series as a result (eg. The Billy Costa scene). Thankfully in S2 and S3, that issue was resolved and not a problem in the slightest, which I’m so glad for. I feel like for me personally, Subtle Knife (S2) and Amber Spyglass (S3) had the benefit of not having been adapted for the screen before (unlike Northern Lights/S1), so it was able to stand up as it’s own adaptation easier and not necessarily have the movie looming over it (if that makes sense). Because while I agree the movie was not great and didn’t do justice to the books, it was still an expensive blockbuster with hype and big names attached.

Right now I really want to reread TAS - I reread TSK when S2 was airing so it feels right to reread TAS now, but I’m reading Outlander still so I’ll have to put it off a few days 😭 - and also I want to take the trip to the Botanical Garden in Oxford where Lyra and Will meet every year. I don’t know if other fans do that but it’s something I’ve wanted to do a while, and now I want to do it more than ever. I’ll have to remind myself closer to the Midsummer’s Day to do it!

Honestly, I’m so emotional over this whole series. Was it a perfect adaptation? No, no adaptation is 100% accurate or perfect, things get changed or cut for whatever reason. But it was beautifully done, and I’m so unbelievably happy that it was finally done justice. I truly don’t think I could have asked for a better adaptation of a series that has meant so much to me for fifteen whole years. I’m so grateful that I live in a time where this series has been given the love and attention it deserves, and I can only hope that people viewing the show first have gone on to read Philip Pullman’s books, that it’s inspired them to read those too.

The cast have been spectacular throughout, especially the main cast members: Dafne Keen, Ruth Wilson, James McAvoy, Amir Wilson… gosh, all of them. And then of course the voice cast have been amazing too, especially Kit Connor as Pantalaimon since that’s literally the main voice role throughout this whole series. I’m just so blown away at this point, I can barely type it.

[angel-of-the-moons]

We gotta give Spider-Medic a raise 😔 With all the work he does he deserves it

ahaha spidermedic x Reader when ??? 👀

-💐

Anosnlsnlxnlsnlxnlnelnd 💐💐💐💐 ILYSM

I am vibrating and bouncing off the walls and going feral and losing my mind because Omgggg I'm glad you guys like the relatively faceless Spider-Man enough for this I originally only intended to use him as a filler character so I didn't have to make more 😭😭😭

AND FUCK YEAH *cracks knuckles* I'MMA DO IT

Make Love, Not War

Spider Medic x Spider-Woman!Reader

TW/CW: PTSD, Nightmares, Angst, Pining, Reader does some stupid shit™ just to get alone with him, injury mentions, flashbacks, War PTSD, blood, SMUT, NSFW, oral sex male and fem!Receiving, fingering, unprotected sex (Don't be fools! Wrap your tools!), semi public sex(Does the medical bay at HQ count?) Lyla being a smartass

MINORS DNI: I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CONTENT YOU CONSUME

A/N: Once again, header does not indicate Reader's race, but a story focused on my poor traumatized boi deserves its own header qwq Also this is just a fucking angsty, mindless, horny mess have fun asdfghjkl

⛑️⛑️⛑️⛑️⛑️🪖🪖🪖🪖🪖

The first thing that hit his nostrils was the smell of churned earth, gunpowder, smoke, and blood.

So, so much blood.

His superiors let him stay enlisted, even after he got bit by that crazy spider, developed his super powers.

If anything, they made him a better medic.

Having your own almost-infinite supply of "bandages", and medical knowledge tends to make you an asset on the battlefield.

He learned how to stitch up wounds and glue them shut with lightning precision, knew how to dodge bullets and mortars, shoot webs and pull soldiers away from grenades or punji board traps... and the pitfalls. Those are always a hit or miss.

In Vietnam there was no such thing as quiet on the battlefield.

The quiet was unnerving. The quiet was bad.

The quiet meant something horrible was about to happen.

One minute he was in the trenches patching up a private who had his shoulder shredded by a sniper round, the next minute his CO who was barking orders at him had half his head blown off.

His brains got everywhere.

On his uniform, on his kit, on the rookie... his blood soaking the ground, watering the disturbed earth like they were a part of a macabre aqueduct.

That's when the gas was deployed.

Not by his allies, but the canisters were tossed into the trenches.

Mustard gas. Of course.

They had mustard gas.

The blisters, the yellowing skin, the coughing, and the burning in the lungs... gas masks were useless.

Shrapnel had hit the kid he was patching up...

All he could do was try and pull the kid he had in his arms to safety, carefully slinging some webs around his midsection to stem the tide of blood threatening to roll from him.

Other soldiers ran by. Young. Not much younger than him, but still...

So young.

Bodies were already lining the trenches as he carried the boy over his shoulder, fleeing into the treeline with what remained of his unit.

He set the bleeding soldier down, feeling blood soak through the silken bandages he'd made for him.

"Fuck." He muttered, digging around in his pack for something, anything to help him.

"Am--am I gonna d-die?" The young man gasped, choking around a mouthful of blood.

"Not if I can help it, keep your eyes open, alright?" He growled, frantically digging in his far too empty bag.

"Please don't let me die. Please don't let me die." The kid begged.

His jaw set tight, he gripped with shaky hands around the tube of glue. A pitiful amount was left.

The boy's eyes got frantic, wide, darting around to the other soldiers who created a semi-circle perimeter around them.

He kept coughing, crying, gasping.

"Please, I wanna go home. I want to see my mom again, I want to see my mom--"

He made the most horrible croaking noise, his chest contracting, before his eyes glazed over and he went silent, crimson dripping out of his mouth like he was a bloody fountain.

"Damn it!" He frantically pressed his fingers over his neck, checking for a pulse.

He pulled him down on the ground, and began chest compressions, his mind going into tunnel vision as all he could think about was getting just one more gasp from the limp body beneath him.

"Parker." The lieutenant sighed, touching his shoulder.

Not again. Not another one. Not somebody's baby.

"Parker." He said, shaking him.

He shook his head, shrugging the arm of his last commanding officer away, fighting to get the kid's heart beating again, his fingers slipping with blood.

The boy couldn't have been more than 19. He should still get the chance to marry the girl he had a picture of in his pocket, the girl who wrote the letter and left a lipstick stain on the bottom of the page telling him how she couldn't wait for him to come home.

He should get to go home, hug his mom. Kiss her cheek, watch her grow old.

He deserved to live.

He deserved to go home, alive. Not in a box, riddled with bullets and shrapnel. Not with a folded up flag, and battered tags.

Not like this.

"Parker!"

⛑️⛑️⛑️⛑️⛑️🪖🪖🪖🪖🪖

He sat up with a start, breathing heavy and eyes wide as he frantically scanned the room, instinctively reaching for the pistol he no longer carried.

When he saw nobody there, he fell back onto the bed, a heavy sigh leaving his chest as he stared at the ceiling.

Right. He was in HQ.

He was in the med-bay.

He wasn't on the battlefield anymore.

He wasn't elbow deep in viscera anymore.

He wasn't watching somebody's child die in his arms anymore.

He draped an arm over his face briefly, before getting up to trudge into the attached bathroom to pull off his mask and stare at his face for probably the first time in days.

It was hard to look at himself, sometimes.

The one who lived. The one who got lucky, possibly at the cost of some kid fresh into his boots.

Survivor's guilt, some called it.

He pulled his gloves off next, splashing some nice cold water on his face to wake himself up, to pull him back to reality.

Once he dried off, he pulled his mask and gloves back on, walking out to grab his helmet before securing it and buckling it safely back in place.

It had a red spider with a white cross on the abdomen.

He wasn't a medical corps-man anymore.

He wasn't some useless PTSD-ridden veteran that they paraded about to showcase the horrors of war.

He was a medic. A damned good one.

He had friends, his job was cushy, he had a purpose. He didn't have to stew in his own madness anymore.

But it was when it was quiet that it got hard.

27 years old, and he felt like he'd lived decades in those trenches. Like he'd lived there his whole life.

Like he was born there. Like he was going to die there.

But, he didn't.

He was here, he was now. Part of something far bigger than he ever could have imagined.

He almost exclusively lived at HQ at this point, not seeing a reason he was needed in his universe anymore.

Miguel assured him there was no risk of an inter-dimensional anomaly, that his universe wouldn't collapse.

Thankfully, he could stay as long as he wanted and his universe wouldn't collapse.

Maybe he was a special case.

He didn't really care. Going back to post-war America was not something he looked forward to.

Going home to an empty house wasn't something he could stand, being left with his own thoughts was torture enough.

"Hey, Med." Lyla chimed, her tiny holographic image appeared above the watch on his wrist.

"Yeah? What is it, Lyla?" He asked, forcing the exhaustion from his tone, to little avail.

"So uhhh... you know the Spider-Woman from 18906?" She grinned.

"Oh dear God what did that woman do now?" He groaned, facepalming.

Lyla leaned on his head like he was a brick wall. The gesture wasn't really necessary, he couldn't feel her do it, but it was for effect.

She checked her nails and hummed.

"Sprained her ankle. Or somethin'." She smirked slowly, her body glitching until she was in front of him, hands now in the pockets of her large coat.

Her eyes glimmered almost, behind those large heart-shaped glasses.

"Just thought I'd give you a heads-up before she limps on in..."

"Ugh, thanks for the warning." He sighed as he changed the bedding and pillowcase with fresh sterile replacements, tossing the blankets he slept in into the bin.

"Tell 'er to come in here. I'm sure it's nothing."

"Want me to make sure nobody interrupts the lecture you're gonna drill into her brain?" She asked, eyebrows waggling.

"Lyla..."

"I'm goin', I'm goin'! You're acting more and more like Miguel every day!"

Before he could retort, telling the little AI she was wrong, she disappeared and he was left alone.

"Ugh."

He groaned and dug out a first aid kit and checked the supplies in this particular suite

The medical wing of HQ was much like a hospital ward. It had ICU suites, private suites, an emergency room where beds were separated by curtains, x-ray...

Everything a respectable medical professional would need.

Respectable. Yeah, right.

His thoughts were interrupted when the door to the suite slid open, and he turned, crossing his arms at you.

You drove him up the walls with your shenanigans, and how you shrugged your injuries off like they were a drop of sweat. Even the time he had to practically scoop your guts back into you.

You were the bane of his existence in the medical wing, you and Hobie. But moreso you, as you found your way under his hands in some way or another constantly.

"So..." You started bashfully, leaning on the doorframe for support. "Don't get mad..."

⛑️⛑️⛑️⛑️⛑️🪖🪖🪖🪖🪖

"You mean to tell me you were trying to... to skateboard? While playing a goddamn guitar?" He growled, the eyes of his mask narrowing as he examined your bare, slightly swollen ankle.

His fingers were gentle, turning your foot this way and that, gauging your pain, checking the bruising...

But he had no idea how his touch was affecting you in other ways.

You got made fun of, by some of the other Spiders. Ben Reilly the most. He even outpaced Hobie with how he poked at how down bad you were for this Peter Parker. The one everyone called Spider-Medic. Sure you almost never saw his face, except on a few occasions. Sure, he looked like half the other Peter Parkers; but he had his own "look" that set him apart from the rest, a rugged appearance that made him look unique.

"You probably hurt yourself just to get his attention at this point! Not a good way to spend time with the guy you like, toots." Ben clucked. "You need a better icebreaker."

He wasn't... entirely wrong.

You were accident-prone as hell. You got injured in training, on the job... doing stupid shit with Hobie.

"Well... er. It was for a bet, so--"

He cut you off. "Don't give a damn what it was for. Doing reckless shit like this is childish."

His tone was firm, but not unkind.

He hadn't looked up at you once, and thankfully you were happy you still wore your mask. It hid the blush that crept up your cheeks.

"R.... Right." You mumble, squirming.

"Stop moving, you'll only make this harder." He grunted, reaching into his kit.

You do as he says, letting him wrap your ankle with some gauze and his webs.

His hands were warm, even through his gloves.

"Good girl." He says quietly.

You worked hard to suppress the shudder that went up your spine at that.

"It's barely a sprain. You're lucky. Don't do that kinda shit again." He told you.

"Y-yeah..." You mumble as he stands, crossing his arms and looking down at you.

God, why did you find this man so hot?

He sighed and set the kit down on the bed next to you, sorting the contents neatly again, grabbing excess from the cabinet nearby to restock it.

"So, um..." You try, clearing your throat awkwardly.

"Spit it out, kid. Don't have all day." He says, focusing on his task, meticulously organizing the kit on muscle memory alone.

"I--I am not a kid! You're only like, two or three years older than I am!" You retort.

"Yeah well, I've seen and experienced enough to get you beat by a few decades." He narrowed his eyes at you.

"And doing shit like this? Getting hurt like this? Pretty damn childish if you ask me."

You wilted a bit, twiddling your fingers in your lap silently.

He wasn't wrong... but you weren't the only Spidey that didn't take things seriously all the time.

Like that one who had that Deadpool guy shoved up his ass.

Literally, you sometimes joked. It never ceased to make the guy blush, much to your delight.

Like you were blushing now, red as the parts on his suit...

"I don't mean to... not all the time, I just--"

One of his eyebrows shoots up. "What do you mean all the time? You get hurt on purpose?"

You jolted, realizing how you just let that slip.

"I, uh--I just--what I meant was..." You fumble for the words.

"What the hell are you thinking?!" He snapped, his voice turning as stern as... well, what you assume a drill instructor sounded like.

"Hurting yourself on purpose? What kind of logic goes behind that? What, you trying to get yourself killed?!"

You flinched under the onslaught of words.

"Because kid, if you think that getting yourself hurt will get you out of missions like cutting school, then I don't want to see you in my med bay at all!"

"I--"

"What kind of reckless bullshit is that? If you do this shit intentionally, then you shouldn't be in the Spider Society at all, kid--"

"I do it to come see you, you asshole!" You snap back, unable to take his criticism.

He falls silent, wide-eyed as you continue.

"And stop calling me kid! You think that shit doesn't piss me off? I've tried getting your attention, but the only way you ever look at me is when you're treating me!" You say, everything you've kept bottled up for the past six months reaching its boiling point.

"You never leave the med bay, and when you do--once in a blue fucking moon--is when you go get food from the cafeteria or go talk to Miguel! You never do anything else! Franky, it worries everyone! Not just me! It freaks out fucking Lyla, Med! Lyla!"

You continue to blow it all out. He could swear he could almost see steam coming off of you, like an angry kettle boiling.

"You never talk to anyone other than Miguel or Lyla, except when you're fucking treating someone! I just--I wanted to--You--"

Your shoulders slump and you suddenly deflate.

"You don't... I don't... I can't just--"

He sat silently, staring at you as you reached up, digging the heels of your palms into the lenses of your suit, as if that really did anything to help the tears that wanted to come out.

Fuck, you were one of the emotional ones.

For once, the word "kid" didn't come out of his mouth. Your name did.

And when he said it, he was... gentle. His tone fragile.

"If you've seen what I have... done what I have... you'd understand."

"I may not understand it all, but I want to! I just don't know how to talk to you if I'm not bleeding from somewhere!" You retorted, slapping your hand on the mattress for emphasis.

"You won't even look at me." You say quietly. "Not unless you're patching me up."

He listens to you now, and... shit. Fuck.

He was feeling things.

Feelings. Feelings he hadn't realized he was even feeling until you fessed up.

Feelings he hadn't felt since before he was shipped out.

Before...

Shit, is that why you annoyed him so much? Is that why his skin prickled when he touched you?

This wasn't... he couldn't...

He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve... someone like you. Plucky, happy, so full of life.

And here you were, pouring out everything that's been on your mind, everything about him. And it was breaking his heart.

His hands were moving before either of you even realized it.

He helmet and mask were ripped off and tossed to the floor, the metal clanking a bit too loud. Your mask joined his on the tile, eyes as big as saucers as his mouth found yours, desperate and hungry.

God... you wanted to keep yelling at him but having the mouth of the man you've been pining for for months on yours threw all sense out the window; your hands pawed at each other greedily.

His hands slid around your waist, down, gripping your ass and pulling you against him, grinding his hips into yours with a groan.

Fuck, he was already getting hard. It's been so long...

He rolled the bulge in his pants against your throbbing heat, earning a weak moan from you as his mouth moved down, biting at the skin that shielded your leaping pulse, lips placing frantic kisses at the curve of your jaw, beneath your ear as he continued to grind into you, coaxing himself to full mast as fresh pulses of arousal ping around your stomach like a pinball machine.

His hastily tears his gloves off and drops them on the bed, fingers fumbling for the zipper on the back of your suit.

He tugs it down as you arch yourself against him, pressing your chest against his.

He peels it down to your waist like he's done it a hundred times; and groans deeply when he sees you weren't wearing a bra.

"Fucking hell." He growled, reaching out to pinch and roll your nipple with one hand, while groping your ass with another as your mouths crash together again, all teeth and tongue and just sheer desire.

His kisses were almost like punches, ripping the air and moans from your throat.

If his kisses were punches, you really were feeling punch-drunk right about now.

"Peter." You gasp when he bites at your bottom lip.

He stills for a moment, his mouth at the curve of your neck and shoulder.

"Say my name again." He growled, his voice heady with lust.

He bites down on the soft skin, sending sharp jolts of pleasure arcing through your bloodstream.

"Peter!" You moan breathlessly.

He leans you back, moving to place open-mouthed kisses to your collar bone, licking and nipping as he went, one of his hands groping at your left breast as his teeth close around the nipple on your right.

You moaned out loud as his mouth greedily latched on, his tongue swirling and his teeth pinching your nipple ferociously, trailing his lips across your chest to your other neglected nipple.

"Fuck--" You squeak, feeling his hand reach down to cup your clothed sex.

He could feel the heat there roll off in waves right into his palm, a slight dampness sticking through to his skin.

He groaned into your tit before popping free.

"Lift your hips for me, sweetheart."

You comply, letting him pull your suit down the rest of the way, careful of your bandaged ankle, even if it wasn't hurt that badly.

He hissed out a sigh between his teeth when he laid eyes on your wet and puffy sex, glossy from your arousal; the hair just above cut into a small heart.

God damn, you weren't wearing underwear, either.

Did you always wear your suit like this? One bad rip away from bearing it all...

The thought of you fighting like this, your suit getting torn juuuust right had his cock leaking at the mental image.

He didn't waste any time, his mouth immediately went in, his tongue stroking your folds before thrusting and twirling your clit.

He reminded himself of the things he'd done before.

'Same old song and dance, remember what you learned...'

And damn did he like how you were squirming.

His hair wasn't long enough to grip, a short, military buzz cut that he kept out of habit. His eyes glazed in the most gorgeous way as they locked glances with yours as his mouth devoured you like he was a starving man.

He lifted his mouth off of you, his chin shiny and slick.

"Fuck, you're so wet. D'you always get like this?" He hissed out, gliding his fingers through your folds, before plunging into your depths and curling in the most delicious way.

You nod, whimpering needily. "C-can't help it... ah--always g-get like this..."

"You're like a goddamned fountain. All this for me?" He breathed, kissing the little dip of your hip bone as he continued to fuck you with his hand, kneeling between your legs like a man kneeling before his god.

And, hell, you were already so close, his long thick fingers worked wonders inside, stroking that little spot inside that had your vision going dark at the edges.

You clawed desperately at him, at the sheets, gripping your hair as you cried out, your orgasm rapidly approaching.

Any woman dumb enough to pass this Peter Parker up was a fucking dumbass. They were missing out.

"P-P-Peter--" You babble out, whimpering pathetically.

"That's it..." He urges you quietly, shifting his body so his mouth was at the shell of your ear, his hand not moving from out of your cunt.

He pressed the heel of his palm into your clit, rolling it in time with your hips and the crook of his fingers as your orgasm crested.

"Good girl... let it out."

You whined loudly, ripping at the green uniform he wore over his suit as your climax slammed into you, your muscles squeezing his fingers so tightly he swore you could probably break them; more of your juices gushing out and soaking his hand and the sheets below.

He breathed heavily into your skin as he slowly moved his fingers, helping you ride out your orgasm until you were calm.

"Fuck." You panted, dropping your head onto the mattress.

"Oh, it'll happen." He sighs, giving you a smirk that creases the corners of his eyes.

You watch as he palms the bulge in his pants, and your hands tug on his shirt.

"Ah, I... c... can I..?" You blunder.

"Sure can, sweetheart." He all but purrs. "Be mindful of your ankle."

You give him a wet hungry kiss before switching places with him, helping him undress and kneeling between his legs.

And the sight that greeted you sent a fresh throb to your cunt.

His cock looked about seven inches, and the girth was enough to make your head spin. Veins swirled up the shaft, his tip vivid and leaking as you gripped it, your fingertips barely touching.

You give him a few pumps, your toes curling at the sounds he let out.

"You ever do this before? I should have asked..." he panted down at you, eyes locking with yours as you kissed his weeping tip.

"Yeah. I've done it a few times." You say.

You're worried about how he'd take that, knowing you weren't exactly innocent. But the look on his face and the way he bites his lip quashes your worries.

"Shit. Alright, babydoll. You lead on this one." He groaned.

You shove down the grin you want to make, instead settling for swallowing his cock as deep as you could, your jaw already straining at the stretch of him. You were really happy you didn't have a gag reflex, right now. Your exes were more than happy to abuse that fact.

You shake of the thought when you hear his voice grow shaky, his fingers gripping in your hair as you bob your head.

"Oh fuck..."

You stroke with your tongue, jerking him with your hand each time you pulled back, the salty taste of his precum coating your tongue.

You weren't afraid to get a little messy, letting saliva drip down to help lubricate your fist, the sounds of you sucking him off and the noises he was making filling the suite rivaling only the raunchiest of porn videos you've perused on the internet.

You weren't the best at blowjobs, but you liked to think you were pretty good.

Your hand cupped his balls gently, as you kept pulling your head back and pushing back down, feeling them tighten in your palm.

"Ah, fuck--" He moaned. "I'm gonna... fuck!"

He tried to pull you back, he really did, but you were a woman on a mission and he just couldn't resist your drive and focus on the task at hand.

He emptied his cock down your throat, his teeth gritting tightly as he tipped his head back, eyes screwed shut and sweat dripping down his brow.

He was stupid as fuck for not noticing how you were looking to him these past few months.

You pull off of him with a lewd pop, and kiss his tip one last time before resting your chin on one of his knees.

You batted your eyelashes and smiled up at him.

"You still alive?" You teased.

He looked down at you and shook his head, petting your hair affectionately.

"You're a little shit. C'mere."

You squeak and giggle when he pulls you up, pressing you down into the sterile-smelling bedding as his mouth finds yours again, tongues dancing as you card your nails through his short hair.

He groans again, a noise you wanted to hear a lot more often.

You part your legs for him, grinning into his mouth as you feel his cock pressing against you, still rock hard and ready to go.

"Aww... you're pent up, huh?" You purr, licking the pulse in his neck.

"Keep it up and I won't give it to you." He growled.

You instantly lay back and bite your lip, looking up at him with a glimmer in your eyes that made his heart flip, being obedient.

His good girl.

Damn, he could get used to calling you that.

He could get used to seeing how your eyes rolled back as he sunk his cock into you with a slow grind of his hips.

"Fuck..." You moaned, the girth of his cock felt bigger inside you than it did in your palm, the stretch toeing the line between painful and pleasurable as you felt the drag of his shaft inside your velvety walls.

He bottomed out inside of you, holding there, his hips flush against yours as he moans deeply in your ear.

"So fucking tight." He grunted, one of his arms next to your head, fisting the pillow as his other hand gripped at your hip, his fingers probably leaving bruises in their wake.

"I... I'm not gonna lie. Fuck, I don't think I'm gonna last long."

It made him feel a little inadequate, sure, but he wasn't gonna lie to you. It had been ages since he'd last had sex with somebody, and the feel of your mouth and tight pussy were enough to drive any man insane.

"Don't care. Keep going..." You whine, your nails digging into his shoulders as you kiss his jaw.

His eyes rolled back and he turned his head so his mouth could meet yours as he pulled himself out almost entirely, before slamming into you, knocking the breath out of your lungs.

He set a rough and brutal pace for himself, burying his nose in your hair and breathing deeply as he gets lost in your cunt shivering at your nails scratching down the muscles in his back, leaving angry red marks.

You felt tears prickle in your eyes as his cock punched you mercilessly, gliding in and out of your slick walls as he grunted and panted in your ear with wild desperation.

"Oh god, oh fuck--" You squeak out as he takes your hips in both of his hands and pulls you up, pistoning in and out of you like a machine.

He's all but bent in half as he says things to you in your ear, filthy praises about how good you feel around him, how sweet you are, his good you taste, how much better you feel wrapped around him than his own fist.

It was enough to send your head into a tailspin.

"My good girl." He grunted, biting softly at your ear lobe.

You shudder, your muscles clenching around him at what he said, and he makes what can only be described as a whining sound as he slaps his hips into yours, almost disoriented as he pumps you full, fucking you through his orgasm as he paints your velvet walls a sheen of white.

You're both breathing heavy, sweaty, and hot as his cock twitched with the remnants of his almost mind-numbing orgasm.

"Shit." He hissed. "You didn't--"

"I'm fine." You mumbled, brain still fuzzy from the ferocity in which he fucked you.

"Uh-uh." He sighs, keeping his softening cock sheathed inside you as he brings his fingers to your swollen clit, desperately circling the swollen bundle of nerves.

"Wan' you to cum on my cock. Come on, babydoll." He said through gritted teeth, feeling your walls flutter around him.

Your thighs squeezed against his hips as his fingers worked feverishly at your clit, his hips rolling into yours lazily as he dragged his barely half-hard cock in and out, adding extra stimulation.

Your second orgasm came harder than the last one, your whole body almost seizing up as you clawed at his shoulders, your hands falling to grip at his biceps as you babbled incoherently, mumbling his name as you gushed around him, his eyes rolling back at the sensation.

"That's it, sweetheart..." He praised, watching you come undone beneath him.

He dropped down on his elbows, his arms on either side of your head as he caged you in, giving you soft kisses, his lips spelling silent "I love you's" all the way down your neck and back up again.

He rolled off of you, pulling out and tucking you against him as you both basked in the afterglow, feeling small bits of his cum dripping out of you.

"Hey, doc...." You say affectionately, your fingers trailing circles lazily on his chest.

"Hm?" He hummed, his hand toying with your hair.

"What am I gonna do about my sprained ankle?"

"Hnh." He grunted softly.

"Gonna need some bed rest, I think. Here in the med bay, to be safe."

"Oh? And you're gonna take care of me?" You giggle innocently.

"Somebody has to make sure you don't exacerbate your injury."

[mangostarjam]

I just got finished rereading your best friend privilege series for hoshina and can I just say how in love I am with your use of foods as endearing nickname😭💕💕

if my s/o doesn't call me his lil chestnut or apricot like hoshina, I don't want them!!!

also your vice captain confession has me swooning with how in love and gentle he is with reader!! (I especially love his little habit of playing with a loc of our hair, does he do that to keep himself grounded👀)

much love and kisses to your writing and how you portray hoshina💕🥰

you reread my writing??? 😭😭 hey what if i sob??? that's so freaking nice thank you so much for telling me!!! i miss best friend soshiro very very much except everything i've been writing for him is spicy and i would like to... at least write the bridge piece between the confession and the smut lmao. let them have their first kiss at LEAST asdfghjkl

you deserve to be called someone's lil blueberry!!! their sweet chewy mochi!!! i am manifesting this for you!! and if not i hope my soshiro can help fill in the gaps haha

oooh vice captain confession soshiro looooves playing with your hair. he's so freakin smitten he just wants to touch you somehow and wrap you up in his jacket forever and ever to keep you safe (though the jacket thing was more bc of possessiveness hehe)

SO MUCH LOVE BACK to you anon!!! thank you for literally making my day brighter!! 💕

[the-witch-of-one-piece]

I binge read your series “Secret Kept From Him” and omg I love it can’t wait for the next chapter!!! 💜

But I just realized what would be such a good head cannon for that story! Like when Ran and the reader were young and together Ran had his long hair yet when the reader left him he cut it. Like the saying how hair holds memories and trying to heal he cut it😭 idk if that made sense lol

Hi honey! asdfghjkl thank you so much!!!! I'm glad people are enjoying it! It's almost done I should be able to post it either today or sometime this weekend💜💜💜

That's what I had in mind!!!! He had to pick up his life and move on. Even the small comment Rindou told him in chapter 2 made to him about the reader not coming back, something in Ran snapped where he was just numb. Everything started to change even his appearance. Even with him being with multiple women he was just using them for his own pleasure and never really gotten to know anyone even finding the flaws in the women. His expectations were never met. I think a part of him wanted to find someone who in a ways was like a clone of the reader but never found them. He was trying to find that missing piece that disappeared many years ago. *Minor Teaser* There will be a side of Ran in chapter 6, that the reader would start to see more when they interact. Uncle Rindou in action along with Emma making a small appearance as well!

I hope you have a lovely day my dear take care!!! Thank you for your lovely message!!! It does mean the world to me. They honestly do! It's what keeps me writing. 🥺💜🥺💜

[jils-things]

Wait, wait--I forget you're my Pokémon Mutual™ (/lh) so I could maybe mention my Pokémon AU for Heathlock ... I base my stuff more on the games (as you probably know from our past convos), so my current AU for them is based on Scarlet/Violet andnis the only reason I'm getting through the game-- (the graphics and stuff can be a bit rough on me, unfortunately--it's because of my bad eyes ;;)

ANYWAY. I love the idea of Sherry and Heathcliff attending the academy and accidentally ending up traveling together during the self-guided adventure portion of the year ... Sherry's goal is to just catch Pokémon, while Heathcliff is ... uh ... coasting. He's only really passing home ec and I think it's cute because he ends up going with Sherry since he has nothing else to do, but she helps him catch new Pokémon and Heathcliff helps her by making sandwiches.

Sherry's team is still a WIP, but her main Pokémon is Pachirisu!! Also thinking Meowscarada since Sherlock is a master of disguise, and it has that mask ... it's a fun Pokémon, too. Heathcliff has Mightyena, of course, but he also gets a Maschiff!! And a few others I can't remember off the top of my head asdfghjkl ( <- is at work).

OH. And I know you like Ishy, so she and her friend Queequeg are in this AU, too!! I found out Dondozo's shiny is white, so my friend and I joke their goal is to find the White Dondozo (since their literatary source is Moby Dick and that was about hunting a White Whale).

Sorry--this is random but I have been thinking of playing more, after school gets out ... I miss the AU and imagining Heathcliff frantically doing the quizzes and midterms in-game asdfghjkl

~ throughpatchesofviolet 🪻

'TIS I, YOUR LOCAL MUTUAL IN THE GAME WE ALL KNOW 🔥🔥 always a pleasure to see you pop here 😋 HEHEHEH HALLOOO

adorable au actually???? love how they just eventually go along with each other and providing mutual benefits to each other. that's honestly really adorable and most definitely sustainable as its a self-guided experience. wouldn't hurt to have company and help around... 🥺

IMMEDIATELY LOVED THE MEOWSCRADA REASON THAT'S SO CLEVER 😭😭 definitely the trickery type. love that. i wanted to suggest a few mons for your team maybe but all i can think about is a stoutland because pokemas steven has a sherlock inspired skin and... yes he has a stoutland as his pair HSHSHAJAAKKAAHS AND KNOWING THAT SHERRY'S BASED OFF OF SHERLOCK... I couldn't help it 😖 /lh but moving on - heath with the dog mons!!! love that! the mightyena fits so well (dare i say, looks like him too? /pos). I'd love to see the rest of the team you come up with, especially for sherry!

ANDB OUSHGFSIGS MY JAWS DROPPED THATSSO CLEVER!!! shiny dondozo being the "moby dick" figure for ishmael is so?!?! bro that's so smart 😭 i can imagine her being like... wanting to find that shiny dondozo.... looking super determined about it plss that's so. 😖 i love her... /p

heathcliff sounds like he'd struggle big time in the midterms, that's not to say he's not smart but he probably wasn't prepared ... im cheering for you best friend 😭😭😭🙏🙏

[seokgyuu]

*with tears in my eyes* MITCHIE UR BACK <3 breeding kink cheol go crazy im so feral for this man why am i already itching for a possible part 2 where they actually become official asdfghjkl ANYways what a way to come back im so excited for next challenge me chapter too hehe <333333 missed u!

HELLOOO 🥹🩷 yes!! i’m back!! with a literal bang (haha)!! honestly when i finished it today i was also like omg… a part 2??? but i’m not pinning that down considering i have so many wips 😭😭 thanks for your kind words i appreciate them sm!!! mwah!!!

[thebvbbletea]

Just want to drop some lockscreen worthy (imo at least 😭) picture of yesterday's the boyz concert in jakarta. I love them so much and yes, even though it's been the fourth time i saw them, but they keep getting more handsome everytime asdfghjkl. AND ERIC. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I MISS YOU HSJXHDH 😭😭😭😭

[lonelyvomit]

Abby my beloved! 🥰 I meant just to check out MIW but they were actually super great and I really liked their music so I stayed for the whole set, and the green-haired dude is my favourite for no particular reason 💚 I also went to see Dirt, unfortunately I missed out the first half of their set :/ I'm not sure yet if their music is for me, but they have a great energy on stage and 40% of them were shirtless and also the Jack Sparrow lookalike vocalist kissed one of the blond guitarists - the one with tattoos on his arm, not the one with Asterix moustache - and also he sang part of a song in the middle of the audience right next to me and he was very cute and sweaty so very good yes yes 😎 Currently in the front row waiting for Ville Valo 🖤

asdfghjkl THANK YOU FOR BRINGING ME A REPORT IM LIVING FOR THIS 😭🖤

MIW's green haired dude aka Justin Morrow is indeed a babe so I don't blame you for getting the good vibes from him 🥰💚

Curleksi and Kappe kissing sounds very much on brand lmaooo those dudes are affectionate 😭🖤 I may be *slightly* jealous of you being that close to sweaty Curleksi tho 😳😳

hope you enjoy VV and the rest of your night 🥰🖤

[minniepetals]

noooooo not the cliffhanger!! i like how we got an better insight on how she sees her relationships with mingyu, the butler and hoseok..like as an older brother, a father figure and right person wrong time- (ofc) that one hurt & i love kiwi :D gramps is def right,, humans disappoint, dogs <3 most loyal beings ever!!

dude. right person wrong time? i'm definitely going to utilize it wonderfully.

honestly it kind fits all the guys because like, they love each other right? but like. y/n wasn't ready, you know? and they weren't either. y/n couldn't reveal to them the truth behind everything. and our namjoon grew hopeless. and the boys were brought into the mix of their divorce. but like namjoon never hated her. but like he handled everything not so great.

i'm just saying asdfghjkl 😭😭😭

but hoseok's definitely y/n's right person wrong time and now i'm missing him all over again 💔

[sohmiya]

Because i have brainrot and i promised something a lot less angsty. i'm sorry for sending more than one long ask today asdfghjkl

Rigghtt, so y'know when Max and Ev get over that huge argument I imagine Ev going over to Max's place, knocking on the door and when she answers they're standing there smiling at each and Max asks "are you going to come in?" and Evren shakes his head and goes "uh, I don't trust the two of us alone together in a space that isn't a studio. do you fancy a walk though?" "where?" "the store, for stuff for a charcuterie board."

And they're walking down the street together side by side, and the silence actually isn't awkward, it's like comforting and it'd probably remind the two of them how well they get each other and then Max would go, "are we going to do this small talk thing?" "god, no. we're terrible at that. we can skip to the honest shit" "like what?" and Evren would be all confident and cocky and say, "am I still your person?" and Max would roll her eyes all like "you're still fucking hung up about that" "it's the nicest thing you've said about me" "hey! I can be nice regularly!" "yeah...sure, i believe you(!)"

And then they're in the store together and Evren's carrying the basket, and Maxine's putting stuff in it, and a couple-that-aren't-a-couple shouldn't look so good grocery shopping...but they do, and then Max goes "I listened to your most recent song" and Ev would laugh and go "that's cute, you're keeping tabs on me" "well I'm going to when you're writing songs about me...you mentioned a woman with red hair" and Evren would be all "there are lots of women with red hair" and Max would smirk and say "you sang about her being in a band too" and Evren's pretty much caught out bc ofc its about her and he just ends up not responding.

When they're done shopping I imagine that they have a mini argument about who's going to pay bc I see Evren wanting to pay, but Maxine wanting to as well so they like play rock, paper, scissors to come up with a solution.

I feel like their walk back to Max's would be even more comfortable than their walk before, and then Evren's handing Max the bag when they get to her door and Max would say "I can't eat all this by myself" "share it with your band then" "...me inviting you in is me trying to be nice, evren" and I think he'd really debate it before going "look, i missed you and wanted to spend time with you and i've done that. so i'm good" bc he's still sorta in love, and Max is still probably scared about any prospect of them actually being together. but Max is in his life so having her in some capacity is better than not having her at all, and then he'd smile, and take a step back and go "feel free to text if you write anymore bangers about me though, babe"

i know this was supposed to be fluffy and happy but this made me feel bittersweet at BEST like your previous hc was too sad 😭✋🏼❤️‍🩹

but SCREAM evren finally taking maxine to shop for charcuterie <33333 imagine them walking around the store and checking things out then max goes “is there anything you like? like idk, your favorite cheese or whatever?” and ev just shrugs like “whatever” so max goes “don’t you have those at rich people parties?” “i mean yeah. but cheese is cheese” LMAOOO

"are we going to do this small talk thing?" "god, no. we're terrible at that. we can skip to the honest shit" "like what?" and Evren would be all confident and cocky and say, "am I still your person?"

smiling through the tears………. in another life they wouldn’t be joking about that 🕳️🚶🏻‍♀️

but also maxine relentlessly teasing evren for writing a song about her and evren ending up not responding….. maxine out here making it hard for him to move on like girl if you don’t shut the fuck up

OH and if evren wins rock paper scissors and ends up paying max will buy a bottle of wine to go with the charcuterie board but if she wins she’ll just go “ha. loser” 😭

"look, i missed you and wanted to spend time with you and i've done that. so i'm good"

you calling this hc “a lot less angsty” vs this line singlehandedly breaking my heart all over again

i don’t have maxine’s self-control like if i were her i would’ve asked evren out right then and there 😭

BUT OMG ok so when max and ev have both moved on and healed their hearts, imagine evren suddenly releasing a song about a dancer who’s good at ballet JDNDJDJS maxine would be sooo nosy about it and immediately call him like “TELL ME EVERYTHING” ugh the miko creator in me is like 🥹 but my max x ev heart is all 🥲

[xxsycamore]

Mo! Mo! Mo!!!! 💜 Can I request Arthur x Leonardo + Celebrity AU + "Him? Are you kidding me? He's not even my type!" ? (if 3somes are allowed, maybe pair them with a genderbent/male mc/reader. If not it's all Gucci too :3) I've never seen those two shipped and I love them both so much ♥3♥ can't believe I almost missed this asdfghjkl Lots of love to you, sweet Mo ♥

Oh nooo Venus 😭 You must've been looking at an old reblog because unfortunately, you did miss it :( Requests are closed! This is a very cool and rare ship though!! I'll be saving this idea somewhere in my writing notes 👁👁 Luv u! 💕💕

[racingliners]

F1 2022 Re-watch: Round 3 - Australia 

So yeah re some previous rambly posts, I subbed to F1 TV because I was kind of tuned out for the bulk of the 2022 season and bc it ended up being Seb’s last season in F1, I wanted to re-watch all of them in full. bc Seb caught covid (😭) I’m starting from Australia!

Since I’m mainly doing this for the laughs I have no idea what I’m doing avwvguhrgug I’ll probably put a lap number before any sarcastic comment for context.

Anyway, onwards! (under a read more bc this will get chatty)

Starting with the F1 intro. noice. (quietly bops)

As I am a religious Channel 4 viewer I just got major whiplash from Will Buxton doing commentary esblhrlbi.

I actually really like Albert Park, it’s not a bad track, dare I say it quite underrated.

Seb in 17th, the AMR22 really was a tractor 😭

Jolyon Palmer?!?!? I forgot he worked for F1 these days.

I’m also really not used to Aus not being the tradional season opener. Does not pass the vibe check.

[Start/Lap 1]: A clean turn 1???? sounds very fake.

A clean first sector???? sounds very fake

My god I can’t believe the grid all had their braincells on the first lap. Astounding.

[Lap 2]: nvm Sainz spun into the gravel. (I very vaguely remember this from C4 Highlights)

Unrelated, Zhou’s helmet design is really pretty.

[Lap 3]: Aston Martin Safety Car!! My beloved!! (The soft spot I now have for them after Seb’s two seasons with AM asdfghjkl)

[Lap 5]: Oh, pitting Lance to run the mandatory compound for 1 lap, then pitting again for hards. That’s clever. (Bernie Collins and Seb shared AM’s braincell lets be real).

I’ve also very suddenly realised that while I’m re-watching all of Seb’s races from 2022 bc it was his last season, there is no guarantee I will see much of Seb. I did not think this through.

I have once again slipped back into the routine of constantly checking for Seb’s name on the leaderboard. (pls don’t ask me how I’m going to cope this year bc I probably won’t)

I’m also humming the jaws theme everytime one car gets close to another.

Still not used to Will Buxton commentary eagheguh Palmer & Sam Collins are great though!!

[Lap 11]: Not Seb going through the gravel and dropping to plum last 😭

[Lap 12]: The McLarens following the Mercs. Merc on Merc powertrain violence

[Lap 13]: “Lots of unforced driver error” It’s because we had such a clean first lap that the racing gods demanded clownery as payment.

Unrelated but I said this to a mate the other day, but I miss glossy car liveries!! The matte ones are fine but shiny liveries just hit different. (Merc please go chrome for 2023 it would be v sexy)

[Lap 16]: Anyway Seb in P16 woo

Kevin mowing the lawn at turns 9 and 10

[Lap 18] Ah Leclerc leading Verstappen by almost 9 seconds. Remember when we had hope for the title fight? (Man watching the season long Ferrari clown show back is going to be fun, and by fun I mean devastating).

Speaking of car liveries, please have less black on the car this year McLaren. It just makes the car look unfinished. The accents of blue are so pretty though.

(I love how this is the most important thing on my mind rn eaugheuigh)

[Lap 22]: Seb thinking about an overtake!!! And the camera cut away!! why???

[Lap 24]: Seb DNF noooooo 😭😭😭😭

(I really should have looked up race results before starting this huh)

Well, zero joy sparked. But I have paid for F1 TV so we carry on through gritted teeth.

The AMR22 was a tractor, but damn it she was a beautiful tractor.

[Lap 25] “Keep getting unlucky with safety cars” Me 🤝 Lewis: Permanently traumatised by the 2021 Abu Dhabi Grand Prix

“The only time we will see an Aston Martin leading the race this weekend” Will Buxton I will fight you

[Lap 26]: THE FUCK Yuki, Mick do not frighten me like that.

I still keep checking for Seb on the leaderboard even though he’s out. Pain.

Back on livery watch: The blue and pink Alpine my beloved.

[Lap 30] oh we have passed half-distance. yay.

Lewis getting past Nando: ‘Cause I seee sparks flyyyyy’

[Lap 33] Bold of anyone to call Magnussen “Alonso’s rear gunner”

[Lap 35] Cuts to Leclerc in case we forgot about him

[Lap 36] “Is that Ferrari very slow or...?” “No that’s just how it looks” And yet Apollo gave them the gift of prophecy re the second half of the season 😭

Another livery watch update: Alpha Romeo v pretty.

[Lap 39]: Oop Verstappen DNF

Back to livery watch: Red Bull I’m begging you to go back to having a dark metallic blue instead of the matte navy. Keep the bright red tho.

The “Leclerc you’re my red flag”  sign. Bestie that does not mean what you think it means.

[Lap 41]: The midfield once again saving the entertainment value of the race. I fully support Fernando’s rights to go a little bit feral.

Albert Park when the sun starts to go down >>>>>

(Yes a circuit’s aesthetic/surroundings completely plays into whether or not I like it. shh)

[Lap 45]: ...did AM tell Lance that he got a penalty or?????

[Lap 46]: How did I not notice Albon in P7??? pet power! (he still had to stop but whatevs)

[Lap 48] Albon on 46 lap old tyres 😳

I have now learned I’m watching the F1 TV feed and not the global feed (which I’m assuming is Sky F1???) so I’ll need to actually pay attention to what I’m clicking on for the next race 😅

[Lap 49]: It’s taken almost the whole race for Nando to start bitching on the radio iaefbhsebh. At least it feels like a race now (said with the upmost affection for my favourite menace to society)

[Lap 51]: There you go Nando, Pierre got past Lance

also is Alex going to pit at some point???

“I think don’t hit the one [car] painted the same as yours” F1 TV make Sam the lead commentator pls.

“The McLaren is a quick car” words I thought I would never hear

[Lap 54]: Charles 🤝 RBR Seb: Can I go for the fastest lap 👀

I also think it’s bs that you have to finish in the top 10 to get a point for the fastest lap. If you get the fastest lap, you should get the point. Don’t disrespect the non-points finishers like that @FIA 

[Lap 56]: Three laps left and Albon still hasn’t pitted

Williams did you forget about your driver????

Shit I’m emotionally invested in Albon now

Oh man if his tyre fails I will not take it well

[Lap 57]: Don’t cut to Leclerc!!! I need to know if Albon has pitted yet!!!

There he is!!!

[Lap 58] “Are you still awake” Perez @ Williams pit wall

Oh thank fudge Albon pitted

[Lap 58/end] Charles & Ferrari taking a dominant win. doesn’t feel real tbh.

Albon got P10!!!! hell yeah!!!

Charles really did learn from Seb by going for fastest lap despite being told not to vvuuehrfgusrhguh

Rocky name drop!!! Yes I’m still fond of him shhh 

Okay so that race was a bit of a slow burn, ty to the midfield for bringing the bulk of the entertainment. Overall 6 and a half front wings out of 10.

[princetongirl818]

(https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGewdrokL/)

I’ve had this saved for literal months with the thought to send it to you because I feel like it’s so Miko and Evren coded. Just the two of them supporting each other at every opportunity they can without trying to draw any attention to themselves, only to find that hours after a fan has recognised them, or there was some paparazzi around that snapped a picture of them <3 [asdfghjkl, can you tell that your ocs and pairings are still my fave! if you can’t, then this is me literally fangirling over you]

i hope you know that your hcs are also still my fave that i downloaded tiktok just for this because my browser won’t play the video 😤

and YESSS miko x evren it couple !! 🙂‍↕️ i can imagine evren sending someone from his security staff to look after miko. ORRR evren being extra and watching miko getting ambushed by fans for a quick second before he cuts through the crowd and walks straight to her pretending to be her bodyguard and his goofy ass yelling “everyone please step back from miss sanada!” 😭😭

[withleeknow]

but the microwave is so much more fun and chaotic this way bc we're constantly being fed (😇) and isn't he just asdfghjkl + I've never come across a sandwich I'd want to be a part of more than this one: https://tinyurl.com/ydt9jp4k - this heejay hug wld heal my soul ♡

nah idk why but airport scenes are superior - a tired mimo in his comfy fit and just wanting to envelop himself in your arms after a. a long-ass flight and b. being away from you for toooo long so c. you get to gently pull down his mask (ofc he's pouting) then d. push his cap back to reward him with long overdue kisses:') SO I SEE YOUR VISION and wdyfm they haven't entered their angsty era yet YOU'RE KILLING US ALREADY JUST WEDGE THE KNIFE DEEPER WON'T YOU “the kids miss you” jesus fucking christ woman- thank you for the snippet 😭

sorry for unchartered spam but my heart is v v v full today (:3) bc wayv to me are what txt are to you - they're my babies and basically they had their first ever win today since debut (2019) so us nctzens/wayzennies are all in our feels I genuinely teared up at work lmao https://tinyurl.com/bdcsvx5n = maknae line showering their hyungs with all the love

tldr; WHAT A LOVELY PRECURSOR BC I HAVE THIS AAAANNNDD OT7 HOURS ARE SO CLOSE OML THE TEARS ARE ALREADY FLOWING AT THE THOUGHT + as for my roster: https://we.tl/t-GtPg9mHLNA - a v cute poodle in a market thought my koya keychain was his own chew toy so he's now a traumatised koya (no permanent injuries sustained) and as a dec baby, my bsf gifted me this winterfied baby RJ 🥹

nah wtf that's the cutest thing ever, it's truly giving papa jin 🥺 + I think one thing we do right as army is the dedicated fanart e.g. THE WAY THIS IS A WHOLE-ASS CAKE https://tinyurl.com/3sf8w94s 💜💜

oh this sandwich is... interesting 😳 i've never thought about a heejay sandwich before... i'll have to let this one rotate some more...

no fr some of my favorite mimo looks have been airport looks. some airport looks exude peak domestic boyfriend/husband vibes that tickle my brain so nicely 😔 BUT THE WT PEOPLE HAVEN'T ENTERED THEIR ANGSTY YET 😭 i'm trying to make wt7 as stabby as possible, i want them to suffer first !!!!!!! spoiler: the gorls are fighting

congratulations to your children !! idk much about them but i'm sure it was well deserved! i hope you're having fun celebrating with the nation over there hehheheh. here's to more wins in the future :')

KOYA AND RJ 😭 my god those are adorable, now you're making me wanna start getting bt21 plushies. imagine rj with jiniret and cooky with leebit !! your rj is absolutely adorable he looks like the best thing to snuggle up to :(((

ugh holy shit we're just hours away. i'll wake up tomorrow and get ready for works in tears when the pics drop. our seven reunited for the first time in ages my god. it feels like just the other day i was full on weeping when jin left lmao and now he's already coming home. and we're gonna see yoongi tomorrow he'll finally be out of hiding for a day 😭