#astarion romance spoilers

[astarion-obsessions]

Hold on, there is something I thought about. When Astarion approached Tav with "all his favourite lines" of flattery, leading to fake confessing his love to them, I was genuinely hurt to see that he would play with Tav's feelings like that, just for the sake of entertainment.

But now that their relationship progressed and Astarion actually confessed that he developed feelings for Tav, but still claims to not know how he would define their relationship, I get the feeling that he made the choice to fake confess beforehand for another reason than entertainment or seduction altogether. Hear me out.

Why does Astarion fake confess his love to Tav?

When I get a scene with Astarion, I always reload a thousand times to try out all the routes and see all his reactions, so what I'm about to break down will be no less than heartbreaking.

First let's take a look at what Astarion has to say. He starts the conversation with a clear goal in mind: he wants to seduce us again and he says so right away. He continues with very openly displaying his skills at charming people with honeyed words, seemingly enjoying himself while doing so. But what we have to keep in mind is that he's done that thousands and thousands of times already. I think it's safe to assume that he's perfected this mask of a smug, flirtatious man enjoying all this debauchery. 

But after giving us one suggestive line after another, he does something that does not match the tone of the conversation so far: his fake love confession. I mean, just look at him. 

He goes from completely exaggerated facial expressions and gestures: 

When I'm with you, I feel practically alive, yet I crave only to die again with you.

To this:

I love you

We get a closeup of his face and see that he gets serious all of a sudden despite the fact that the conversation has been all fun and flirty just a moment ago. He draws his brows together, tells Tav "I love you" and then just looks at us with this serious and almost sad expression. Completely different from before when he was just toying around. 

And yes, I just said he's very practiced in playing pretend, but just the difference between shallow and cheesy lines about craving to die together and their perfect body whispering temptation in contrast to a simple "I love you" and then on top of that the difference on how he conveys it - for me it just doesn't fit together, this isn’t Astarion pretending. And furthermore he gains nothing from adding this confession. The flirty lines would have been enough to seduce Tav once again and therefore ensure their attachment to him, so that his protection is granted. And that is all he wants, at least in the beginning. 

But then, why would he voice this fake confession in the first place? And that's where my theory sets in. I don't think he would risk the trouble of getting more feelings involved than necessary in his "nice simple plan" - seducing Tav, sleeping with them, manipulating their feelings. For doing so, he simply wouldn't need a love confession. 

With saying "How about I say those little words. Everyone's favourite" he already suggests that he's said them to a lot of people already. And this surely is a way to charm and seduce people very fast, but with Tav he doesn't need to rush. They're tied together for an indefinite amount of time, he doesn't need to seduce them in a matter of hours or days before serving them to his master. And he's already seduced Tav successfully before, so my guess is this:

My explanation for the fake confession

The real confession scene, where he admits to having started to genuinely feel something for Tav, came a bit out of nowhere for me. (And don't get me started with our options to react to his real confession. I talked about that here.) I don’t think he would just willingly tell Tav that he's grown fond of them, when a few nights before he threw the fake confession their way without giving a damn about Tav's feelings - that just felt very out of character for him in my opinion. 

But what if he started to fall in love with Tav even before the fake confession? Think about it, he has slept with Tav once - successfully seduced - so all he has to do is sustain this kind of relationship. Saying all his favourite lines at Tav and trying to get them to sleep with each other for a second time would have been just that - sustaining the relationship at present. But then he says "I love you". And I say he does so purposefully. It's a test. Having someone like you enough to sleep with you is one thing. Having deep and complex feelings like love involved is something else entirely. So he tests the waters with this confession. He hides behind all of these flirtatious lines and places the confession at their end to throw a veil over its real meaning. 

It may be a lie either way - saying it just for entertainment or saying it to see if Tav is open for deeper feelings - but I think he exaggerates on purpose to trigger a reaction that speaks for itself. Does Tav care about these words? Is Tav hurt to see that Astarion is apparently willing to play with their feelings like this? Or do they not care about such vanities? 

I want to emphasise the fact that Astarion hasn't had the luxury to allow himself anything resembling these kinds of feelings for at least two centuries. Naturally, he would not just come around and open up his heart to Tav when all he's done until then was charming them just for his plan. He would want to reassure himself that this wouldn't turn against him if he dares to show such great vulnerability in front of anyone. He says it himself when he properly confesses that it is intimidating for him to make decisions on his own again. And confessing his feelings is exactly one of those intimidating decisions.  

Interpreting Astarion's reaction

To back up my take I want to take a closer look at Astarion's reaction when we reject him after the fake confession. After he laughs the confession off in one way or the other, he insists on having sex with you again. Here he sticks to exaggerated facial expressions and gestures, just like before with his honeyed words.

Now, as much as I relish standing around and saying all my favourite lines at you, I’d much rather we got to experience each others’ full portfolio of talents once again.

But if Tav then turns him down with saying “I don’t think I really want this”, this is his immediate reaction:

Well, well, excuse me while I die of a broken heart.

He takes a few seconds to process what Tav said, and then instantly responds with another exaggeration accompanied by fitting gesticulation, ending with a fake smile. After that he just looks at Tav for another few seconds and his demeanor changes again:

In all honesty, it's a shame. That time was special to me. I've gotten on my back ten thousand times or more, and forgotten half of them. 

He loses his fake smile, averts his gaze and starts fumbling with his hands nervously. He can't hide his disappointment, but he tries to keep his face neutral - even if it doesn't work all too well. He tells us we were special before giving us a scrunched fake smile once again. It's really hard to watch…

But you… you I'll remember. 

For usually being rather quick to react and respond, we can see how difficult it is for him to react to Tav in this case.

Have a fine evening, dear. 

He pauses yet again, lifts his gaze to the sky and just looks so lost. Mere moments ago he was flirting and laughing, and now he seems so utterly desperate. And then, he can't even keep up his attempts of masking his sadness when his expression slips in the end and his face scrunches painfully for just a second before the whole scene ends. This really broke my heart.

Conclusion

This is definitely not the reaction of someone who was turned down for just another round of sex - even if this meant that Astarion's plan of assuring his safety didn't work out. Because then he could have just tried to get Tav to change their mind with another one of his favourite lines. Or he would have at least reacted like he does when you tell him to stay at the camp ("Oh darling, I'm hurt" which he obviously isn't). But he doesn't. 

Because this is the reaction of someone who dared to get his hopes up. Someone who thought that maybe, just maybe, these unwanted, complicated feelings for Tav which had slowly crept up, nullifying his nice simple plan, could genuinely lead to a relationship he didn't know he needed so desperately. Someone who is so devastated by a rejection at this point, that he doesn't even question it. He just accepts that Tav isn't interested in sleeping with him, let alone having feelings beyond sexual desire. It's just as it always has been. It's not as if Astarion remembers anyone caring about him, so why should it be different this time… 

And that's why I think this whole fake love confession was a way for Astarion to veil his growing feelings for Tav under the pretence of flirting, and had the purpose to find out if he could more or less safely confess his true feelings to Tav. 

Gods, this is so heartbreaking. I need to pat Astarion's fluffy head in my dreams as a redemption. 

[aranel-ancunin]

Astarion Spice Below 🥵😏🥵

Enjoy ! 😏 ( I hope these don't get flagged)

[gloryinthunder]

I get frustrated a bit when I hear people say that Astarion isn't okay with the Astarion x PC x Halsin relationship and only says yes to make the PC happy or so he doesn't lose the PC.

I just don't think that Larian (and Neil Newbon) would build an entire storyline for this character about being a SA survivor and then turn around and invalidate all of it just to do a 'hehehe you can also kiss Bear Daddy' thing.

Astarion does ask if you're interested in Halsin because at that point the two of you haven't slept together in a while. And he does seem genuinely worried when he asks. But when you reassure him that isn't the case and nothing will change between you, he's okay with it.

A huge aspect of Astarion's character growth is him coming to understand he has agency and value as a person. And not just agency and choice in the bigger picture sense, but also how he chooses to use his body.

By the point Halsin propositions you in Act 3, Astarion has asked the PC to refrain from sex because he's not comfortable doing it for the time being. The PC can even tell him in Act 2 that they don't have to have sex for as long as he needs. (Which I take to mean possibly forever.) The point is the emotional relationship is more important than the physical one. You've demonstrated through action in the drow scene, and possibly straight up told him afterward, that you don't expect him to do things he doesn't want to do. That you respect his agency. And he seems to both get and embrace that message.

This is a huge step for Astarion, who was forced to use his body and sexuality in service to another for 200 years. That trauma doesn't go away overnight, but I just feel like if he's confident and comfortable enough in his relationship to ask to refrain from sex, and trust that the PC will respect his choice, he would be confident enough to tell them if he truly wasn't okay with them being with Halsin.

[katepeoart]

the fact that Astarion will leave you after you insist on having sex while he's trying to have a real, intimate conversation and connection with you is just Correct

[dani-dear]

I’ve got (good aligned) Durge/Astarion brainworms actually…..

[snacobie]

Ascendant’s Sentinel

[solain-rhyo]

"Look, I had a plan. A nice, simple plan – to seduce you, sleep with you, manipulate your feelings so you’d never turn on me. It was easy – instinctive. Habits from two hundred years of charming people kicked in. All you had to do was fall for it. And all I had to do was not fall for you… Which is where my nice, simple plan fell apart."

[crowfeatherquill]

To Aid and Be Aided, Pt. 2

Link to Pt. 1

--

That shocks Astarion fully back into his body -- possibly for the first time since they’d entered Szarr Palace.

“Go to-- excuse me?” Tathlyn shrinks away from Astarion’s sudden ire, but Astarion can’t find it within him to reign it back in. He’ll ask forgiveness later. For now, “Is that all you think this is? That you’re some…some disposable resource to be drained and discarded as soon as you’re no longer of use? To be-- consumed?”

Cazador’s voice echoes over his own as he says the word and it kills any trace of hunger that might have lingered, leaving only the cold nausea of dread in its wake.

“Well. Not discarded, I’d hope,” Tathlyn says and the rueful humor in his tone makes Astarion wish an eternity of violence on whoever did this to him, “I believe I’d be what the druids call a renewable resource. If properly cared for.”

Astarion rises part-way out of the water, flooding the stone and washing away most of the blood still lingering there. Tathlyn seems taken aback by this and Astarion uses the opportunity to take his face firmly in his hands and demand eye contact.

“Tathlyn. Darling. Heart of my heart, you are not a resource. Renewable or otherwise. No more than I am.” 

Tathlyn tries to flinch away from the implication and Astarion holds him fast. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to manage this if he doesn’t do it now.

“I love you. I adore you and I’m…I’m grateful. That you’d be willing to do that for me after everything else I’ve put you through today. But you are not my mother or my sire, and I am very much capable of feeding myself.”

Tathlyn simply stares at him, looking somewhat in awe. It breaks his heart a little to think that a statement which seems so obvious to him should come as any sort of a surprise to Tathlyn.

“Now,” he continues, pushing past the quiver of emotion in his voice, “You are going to get in this bath -- with or without me, your choice -- and you are going to let me fix…this.”

Tathlyn’s expression shifts from awe to bemused indulgence with a slight twitch of one eyebrow and one corner of his mouth.

“Am I, now?”

“Yes,” Astarion replies, more firmly than he feels he should be able to get away with, “You are. Because…you wanted to know what I really wanted. And I’m telling you it’s this.”

Tathlyn’s brow takes on an uncertain tilt, but he leans his face into Astarion’s hands and closes his eyes briefly.

“Alright.” He is just as soft when giving in as he is when he insists. Every time Astarion thinks he can’t possibly love this man any more, Tathlyn finds new ways to defy expectations.

The way he removes his clothes is unceremonious and to the point. And with each article he sheds, it becomes more obvious that he has not actually paused to do more than the bare minimum since they returned from the crypt. Bruises bloom across his torso, some of them bad enough to imply cracked ribs, and though the gash on his arm seems to be the only one actively bleeding, there are several more scrapes and cuts that need tending. His hair is streaked with red and only roughly secured out of his face. His face, which, now that Astarion is really looking, is beyond exhausted. He looks as though he’s managed to miss several nights of sleep in the last twenty-four hours alone.

The whole thing makes Astarion ache for him, and sets his resolve tenfold. If no one else out there is going to bother taking care of him after everything he’s done for all of them, Astarion damn sure will. It’s the least he can do.

Once he’s stripped down to the skin, Tathlyn sinks into the water with a wince and a sigh. He leaves a respectful distance between himself and Astarion, which Astarion quickly closes, taking Tathlyn’s injured arm in soft, unhurried hands and beginning the process of washing the wound clean -- thoroughly clean. Tathlyn, to his credit, does not flinch, despite the way it must hurt.

When he’s finished, he lays Tathlyn’s arm gently on the side of the bath, out of the water, to be bandaged later, and moves on. He tends one injury at a time, with a singular focus, as the water grows cloudy again around them.

“Darling…” he ventures, “Have- have you stopped at all since we got back?”

“Took my armor off,” Tathlyn almost-mumbles, his usual enunciation sapped along with his flagging energy, “But, uh. No. Not really. Had to…make sure Halsin and Karlach were alright. And you. ‘Specially you.”

Astarion frowns and brushes the cleaning cloth over a raw scrape on Tathlyn’s jaw that he’d initially mistaken for a patch of dried blood. Tathlyn seems content to lounge, eyes closed, mostly still apart from the occasional involuntary wince.

“And…no one bothered to help you, did they?”

It’s a purposefully leading question, and not particularly subtle at that, and it doesn’t take long for Tathlyn to catch on to precisely where it’s meant to lead. He takes a slow, measured breath and levers himself forward, more upright. His exhale is equally measured, if constricted in pain. Astarion’s hand goes to his chest as if to stop him -- put him back to reclining where at least he’d seemed comfortable -- but Tathlyn just takes him by the wrist and presses through until he’s leaning forward, the two of them nearly touching foreheads.

With his free hand, Tathlyn takes Astarion by the chin, running his thumb over Astarion’s lower lip.

“Before you start, you should know I didn’t ask them to,” he says, and though it’s apparent he knows it was foolish, he seems more intent on diverting Astarion’s indignation. “No need to go crusading for justice on my behalf. This,” he indicates his own battered body, “is no one’s fault but mine.”

Astarion can’t help a derisive click of his tongue against his teeth as he pulls his chin away from Tathlyn’s grip -- though the hand Tathlyn has trapped against his chest stays where it is.

“It should’ve been obvious,” he gripes, “You shouldn’t have to ask -- you’re injured.”

Tathlyn has the unmitigated gall to laugh. Astarion seethes at the way the sound makes him fall in love all over again. How dare he be so disarming while Astarion is trying to maintain a perfectly reasonable level of scorn.

“I am also a grown man,” Tathlyn points out, fondness softening the edge of every word, “You said something to that effect just a bit ago. Something like…you’re not my mother and I can look after myself?”

Astarion tries to glower at him, but Tathlyn only shifts the hand he’d pulled away from to the nape of his neck and brings their foreheads back together, toying with Astarion’s hair until he shuts his eyes and lets out a forced breath of resignation.

“I’ll be alright, love,” he insists, “And anyway. Tell me you’re not enjoying bossing me around. At least a little?”

“As if I would ever admit it. I’d never get another chance.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that.”

Astarion elects to ignore the things that thought does to his insides, pulling away from Tathlyn’s grip instead to survey the state of the water.

“We’ll need to clear this again,” he says, aiming for a businesslike tone and getting mostly ill-concealed fluster. “There’s still your hair to deal with and I refuse to try washing it in this murk.”

Tathlyn raises a brow and releases his grip on Astarion’s wrist.

“If there’s something you’d like me to do, you’re going to need to be a little more direct than that.”

Astarion is not really capable of flushing anymore, but his expression betrays that if he could be, he would be.

“Of all the times for cheek, now? Really.”

Tathlyn attempts an innocent shrug and fumbles into a cringe of pain partway through. Astarion starts back toward him and realizes he doesn’t know precisely where he can touch that will help rather than make things worse. The thought leaves his hands hovering, nervy and unsettled, until Tathlyn bats at the air in what he supposes is meant to be a gesture of dismission.

“S’alright. I’m okay. Promise.” He seems to second guess the words as soon as they’re out of his mouth, and then, after a moment of re-assessment, “Nothing’s broken, at least. Pretty sure about that.”

“Then sit still, damn you. No more of this teasing, not if it’s going to hurt you.”

“Yes, nurse.”

Tathlyn’s expression should vex him, Astarion is quite sure, but somehow he can’t manage to stay upset with him for more than a moment. He turns his attention to getting the water clean -- a feat of magical engineering he might even be impressed by under less distressing circumstances -- and, perhaps a little reluctantly, pulls himself out of the bath to sit at the edge.

The air is cool against his skin -- not unpleasantly so, but enough that he can see why there are dressing gowns set aside in easy reach. Tathlyn is looking up at him with that curious furrow in his brow again.

“It’ll be easier with me up here,” he explains, “And behind you. If you don’t mind.”

Tathlyn hums, a sound on the crossroads of understanding and consent, and Astarion settles at his back, picking through the various soaps, oils, and perfumes as he goes. 

The first thing is to pluck at the leather tie Tathlyn uses to hold his hair back until he’s able to get it to fall loose. It always takes him a little by surprise just how long Tathlyn’s hair is -- he so often wears it tied back that Astarion forgets. It’s a sorry sight as it cascades into the water -- dull, sweat-mussed, and somewhat tangled -- but this, of all the things he’s done, feels like familiar territory.

He coaxes Tathlyn’s head back so he can wet his hair all the way to the scalp, and begins the laborious process of working out the knots, dirt, and blood. He watches as he works, as Tathlyn seems to drift in and out of focus, evidently soothed the point of lethargy under Astarion’s careful attention.

“You know,” he says, in a precious moment of lucidity, “The Matrons used to do this. With each other, mostly, although sometimes trusted servants got to help.”

Astarion’s hands go still in Tathlyn’s hair but he restrains the comments that come to mind the quickest. Instead, he simply prompts, “Go on…?”

“It always seemed…like the kind of thing you only ever did for someone important,” Tathlyn elaborates, though Astarion is still not entirely sure what to make of where he’s going with this, “It was a privilege. To get to bathe somebody else. To be bathed was an even bigger one. It’s…nice. I guess. To feel special like that. With you. Not a servant.”

Astarion laughs softly and bends down to kiss Tathlyn’s forehead at the hairline.

“You are special to me, my sweet. Even if it seems I have to remind you every now and again.”

Eventually, Tathlyn’s hair returns to its usual color, and Astarion helps him adjust his posture so he can recline against Astarion’s legs while Astarion takes the now-clean strands into a towel he’s spread over his lap. He doubts Tathlyn will be awake long enough to let it dry completely, so he does what he can while he has the opportunity -- gets as much of the water out as he can reasonably manage and works it into a loose braid to keep it out of Tathlyn’s face.

As he works, Tathlyn goes more and more slack against his legs, so that by the time Astarion has well and truly finished with his hair and goes to move, he finds he’s pinned by what must be most of Tathlyn’s weight. He sighs -- more affectionate than he can really manage to be exasperated -- and brushes his knuckles across Tathlyn’s cheek and jaw, hoping to rouse him as gently as he can.

“Alright, you,” he says, “I think if we stay in this damp any longer we’ll start growing mold.”

Tathlyn shifts, but instead of leaning forward like Astarion expects him to, he presses stubbornly back against Astarion’s legs, pinning him more firmly in place.

“You said stay still,” he says, in the most wheedling tone Astarion has ever heard him use, “So I got comfortable. Now you want me to move?”

“I don’t suppose it would entice you at all to know that you’ll likely be more comfortable in a bed?” Astarion pushes back against Tathlyn with his knees, trying in vain to apply enough pressure to shift him without hurting him. “You know -- like the ones we paid for upstairs? I don’t know if you’ve noticed but they’re quite nice.”

“Seems cold,” Tathlyn responds, “I’ll stay here if it’s all the same to you.”

Astarion lets out another forced breath -- this one a bit more irritated than the last -- and gives one last fruitless shove against Tathlyn’s back before giving up entirely.

“And how would you know whether it’s going to be cold? You’re hardly even awake.”

“You’re cold,” Tathlyn insists, “Since you got out.”

“I am for all intents and purposes a corpse, darling. We’re not exactly known for retaining heat. And besides, that’s what the dressing gowns are for -- now are you going to get up on your own or shall I arrange for you to be lifted? Because I should warn you -- I’m not going to be able to do it, and the only person I can think of who could and isn’t currently recovering from a nasty bout of ‘dead-a-few-hours-ago’ is Lae’zel. And something tells me you’d rather I didn’t call her in here.”

“Hmmm. You make a very compelling argument,” Tathlyn concedes. Mercifully, he shifts his weight forward, freeing Astarion’s legs from his devious trap. “Could maybe use a little help, but I’ll try my best not to drag you in.”

It’s an awkward process, what with Astarion not being particularly strong, but between the two of them, they manage to get Tathlyn standing more or less on his own while Astarion finds what he judges to be the most comfortable of the selection of robes. He returns loosely draped in one that’s lightweight and a deep midnight blue -- more for modesty than any real insulation -- and offers the thicker one to Tathlyn.

While Tathlyn goes through the somewhat-stiffened motions of wrapping himself in the robe, Astarion stoops to pick through the injury kit they’d abandoned by the side of the bath for bandages -- the one thing there is left to do, now that Tathlyn is clean and mostly dry.

He holds his hand out, expecting Tathlyn to extend his injured arm and let him finish tending the wound, but instead finds himself taken by the arm and pulled into a tight embrace. Tathlyn’s body radiates warmth and he rubs one hand over Astarion’s back as if he’s attempting to encourage circulation. Astarion has to fight not to melt and forget the bandages entirely.

“Darling,” he clears his throat, pointedly, “This is lovely but I can’t actually get at your arm while we’re like this.”

“Leave it. It’ll heal.”

“Mmm, no, I don’t think I’ll be doing that. I am decidedly unwilling to let you stain those perfectly good linens. Now give it here. It won’t take long.”

They part -- though Tathlyn stays as close as Astarion will let him -- just long enough for Astarion to bandage Tathlyn’s arm securely, before Tathlyn pulls him back in and brings his head to rest on Astarion’s shoulder. Astarion presses a gentle kiss into the crook of Tathlyn’s neck and tries not to inhale too deeply.

“Y’know…offer’s still open, if you’re hungry,” Tathlyn says, as though that isn’t the furthest thing from Astarion’s mind at the moment.

“I think it’s about time we got you off your feet, hm?” he prompts in lieu of an answer, “You’ve had a very long day. We can leave that for tomorrow.”

Astarion’s words are quiet, coaxing, and not particularly subtle, but they seem to be enough to put the matter to bed at least for the time being. Tathlyn nods mutely into Astarion’s shoulder.

Their quarters are quiet when they enter -- many of their companions having retired to bed, and those who haven’t having settled into whatever evening routines they’ve begun to establish during their stay. Astarion and Tathlyn fall into bed together, as has been their habit for some time now, and though Astarion still has far too much to think about to find rest yet, Tathlyn sags against him as soon as they’re off their feet.

“Poor thing,” he murmurs, the words mostly breath for Tathlyn’s ears alone, “Feeling any better, at least?”

“Mm,” Tathlyn adjusts his posture slightly more towards horizontal, and tugs Astarion with him, “Much, actually. Just…tired.”

“I’d expect nothing less, darling. You’ve been through so much.”

Tathlyn’s brow furrows and he shifts, slightly. Opens one eye.

“You too, though,” he says, tone taking on an edge of insistence, “You alright?”

Astarion pauses to think before he answers. Tathlyn’s weight rests comfortably against his side, still giving off vital, living warmth, and keeping him from drifting off beyond the confines of his own body again. The lingering phantom feeling of Cazador’s blood on his skin has faded entirely. Some pain remains on the periphery of his awareness, and the hunger still lurks, as it always does, but these things are not new, and not urgent. They can be addressed some other time.

“I am, I think,” he says, with as much finality as he can muster, “Or at the very least I’m on my way. Consider your duties fulfilled for the moment.”

Tathlyn yawns and settles deeper into his slump.

“Never stop taking care of you,” he mumbles, “But…that’s alright. For now.”

Astarion occupies himself running his fingers across Tathlyn’s back until he feels his lover’s breathing even out and deepen in rest. Tomorrow, all the crises of the oncoming apocalypse of the Absolute will surely crash back in on them, and Tathlyn will chase off after the next impossible errand -- and more than likely drag him along whether he cares what they’re doing or not. Odds are they’ll end the day just as battered and exhausted as they did today, if perhaps less distraught. But that’s to deal with after dawn. For now, none of it matters. They simply rest.

[solidors]

[novarunestone]

🦇🗡💐

"For nearly two centuries, I stalked the streets like a ghost. While the person I was lay here, dead and buried. Now, I need to figure out who I am. What I want."

[astarion-obsessions]

I have a fic idea floating around in my head after I read a dialogue from Astarion I didn't come across in my playthrough:

Spoilers for Astarion's story and romance ahead!

"Once, in the first decade of my slavery, I found a darling boy who I couldn't bear to bring back to him. So I ran, instead of hurting that sweet man. After Cazador caught me, the bastard sealed me, starving, inside a dusty tomb, all on my own, for an entire year. A year of silence. Months of scratching my hands raw, trying to carve my way out. More months of not moving at all. Months wishing only for death. So don't you ever judge me for doing what Cazador ordered. Nothing can make up for that. Not even Cazador's death."

And this hit me really hard, like, I can't even begin to imagine what bottomless desperation and hopelessness Astarion must have felt.

So, I have an idea for a fic with a monster hunter Tav, who is the very boy Astarion has saved back then. And I'm being realistic, I will probably never write this fic, so I thought I would share my idea with you guys at least. So here it is:

Tav is this exact darling boy, all grown up now. Astarion sees the resemblance at first sight but he's changed so much that he tells himself that it's not him, it's not the man from almost 200 years ago. When Tav tells his name, Astarion is somewhat relieved. The man he spared all those decades ago had another name. He's been called "xxx" not Tav. The resemblance of their names Astarion chooses to ignore. Because Tav doesn't seem to know him at all according to his behaviour.

Only when Tav introduces himself with his full name, Astarion is hit full force with the now undeniable realisation that this is indeed the man he's refused to bring back to Cazador. Suddenly he feels like the young vampire spawn again, who didn't know what horrors would await him after this fateful rebellious act. How he would suffer just because he wanted to spare this man's life.

But why hasn't he said something? Astarion hasn't changed since then, even without a reflection he is absolutely sure of that, so Tav must have recognised him the second he saw him. So why?

Then it dawns on him. He's forgotten. Tav simply doesn't remember him anymore. Why would he? It's centuries ago. Even for an elf this would feel like a lifetime ago and they've never met again. He was just a fleeting, irrelevant occurrence of an almost deadly night for him, nothing more. And Astarion doesn't even think of reminding him. What purpose would it serve?

Yet, in the days to follow Astarion can't help himself but think about it every time his gaze so much as brushes the figure of their party's de facto leader.

He's seduced him once, he could very well do so a second time. After all, he needs his protection secured. And so he casually asks to everybody around for whom a loved one waits at home. None for Tav, as far as Astarion interprets his silence to this topic.

But then, when they encounter the Gur in the swamp, Tav reveals that he's a Gur friend and also a monster hunter. He greets Gandrel as an old friend and assures him that he will be back in town for sure. But when Gandrel tells Tav why he is there, mentioning the missing children and him hunting a vampire called Astarion… Tav reacts as if he's never heard of him.

Astarion is completely baffled and can't decide what to feel, what to do. He's anxious because of the Gur hunting him, having expected for Tav to just turn him in, but he didn't and now Astarion is anxious and utterly confused. He feels like a helpless animal, trapped in a corner, about to lash out, do anything and everything to be safe.

They part ways with the Gur, wishing him well, and then there's silence. Smothering, deafening silence. Astarion doesn't dare to ask. Ask why he's covered him up. Ask if he remembers. Ask anything at all. Because he's afraid. So so afraid. And if this encounter has taught him anything, it is that he will never be safe, never be free as long as Cazador lives.

Now he needs Tav on his side more than ever. He could ensure his protection against the other Gur. Astarion won't be having one second of peace before this is sorted out, but he doesn't know what to do. Maybe Tav just wants to turn Astarion in himself? Maybe that's why he's never said anything about remembering him. Because he was laying low, waiting for the right moment to strike and take him back to his master. To the very man Astarion has spared him all these years ago.

Perhaps this is what he gets for saving a monster hunter. The very embodiment of a vampire's fiend.

What he doesn't know is that Tav became a monster hunter shortly after the tragic night he met Astarion. But not to hunt the spawns, but to hunt the ones who made them what they were. To hunt power hungry vampire lords. Just that Cazador had been too mighty for a rookie like Tav back then. So he learned. He fought. He hunted. To make a difference to spawns like Astarion.

When they settle down for the night, Astarion's mind is racing. He is sure that Tav will now make him his prey. Astarion needs to act. Fast. He volunteers to keep watch in the first shift- and Tav joins him.

They haven't talked directly to each other since before the Gur, and Astarion is still a nervous wreck, but tries to pull himself together. He chooses to overlook the fact that Tav very well knows what he is, be it since the Gur or - let's be realistic - since the first time they've met outside the nautiloid, and reveals to him that he is a vampire.

Tav already knows this and says so. He reveals that he's known since they met… 200 years ago. So there it is. The proof that he indeed remembers Astarion, he just hasn't said anything because he wasn't sure Astarion remembered him. How could he not? He was a gorgeous sweet boy, one that Astarion might have been seriously interested in… in another life.

Tav tells Astarion that he didn't see him for what he was right away, but their first encounter weighed so heavy on his chest, that he couldn't stop thinking about it. He met some Gur back then, who came around a lot, so they talked about anything and everything. When the Gur mentioned why he was in Baldur's Gate, it hit Tav like a brick to the face. He saw the connection to the night with Astarion clearly, and that's when he knew Astarion was a vampire. Most likely a spawn.

Tav recognised that the Gur had a very… one-sided opinion of vampires and their spawns. But now Tav could put two and two together and guess what Astarion had done for him. He's spared him.

After this crucial realisation Tav had searched for clues, hints, anything that would lead him to Astarion. He would hunt every now and then, wouldn't he? But after almost a year of nothing but a name - Cazador - Tav decided to move on, fearing that Astarion had just vanished.

But even so, their night together has influenced Tav to an extent he didn't know was possible. He had wanted to see the world, to experience its wonders. His tribe had warned him that it was a cruel world, but Tav heard its calling and couldn't just ignore it. And yet, no words could have prepared him for what he had found.

But now that they found each other again, Tav is determined to help him, and Astarion finds himself in a storm of feelings. Would things truly turn to his favor? Could he really dare to let the hope sprout once again after all these hopeless, horrifying years of abuse and domination?

Astarion had learned quickly - and painfully - just what it means to grant himself the luxury of something delusional like hope. But maybe this time he truly has the chance to defy the odds…

Will Tav stand by his side? Will Astarion overcome the demons of his past and find his true self? Will Astarion and Tav work out what they mean to one another on the way? It's a journey with twists and turns and a future utterly uncertain…

Let me know what you think! Maybe I'll get motivated enough to start writing this fic if some people are interested in this scenario...

[aranel-ancunin]

"I Love You"

[venvellan]

i will always always love and adore how fiercely astarion advocates for himself. against oblodra, declining the drow twins (depending on when you meet them), asking after your intentions with halsin if you pursue them both, etc. the multiple occasions that he'll break up with tav for violating his boundaries really stand out to me. i love that even when he's not sure what relationship he wants to have with sex, he'll end things if you try to force him a direction. even when he's questioning himself, an objectively very vulnerable place to be, he knows that he has the right to navigate it on his own and cut you off if you take advantage of him. it's such an important skill for him to have and he's so so good at it. i'm so proud of him.

considering how hard it can be for someone who's been through what he's been through to advocate for themselves like this, in as little time as he does, i just never stop appreciating it. he needs help doing what's best for him sometimes, but who doesn't ?? he deserves someone that'll make the right choices for him when he struggles to do it himself. and he deserves the world. idc

[zevzevarainai]

you... you're full of surprises, aren't you?

alt: astarion who is starved for positive touch gets hugged

[potatowitch]

not bad for a romance that started out with a knife to her throat

[killerpancakeburger]

Sooo Astarion just told me:

"Don't look at me like that. With that sweet little "disappointed I'm not getting cuddly Astarion" pout.

I can't be what you want to see in me."

Did i fuck up? Is he gonna Ascend? Or am I getting paranoid again? :/