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managedmischiefs · 4 years

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don’t leave me//spencer reid

600 follower celebration!! my first one shot in months because ive been so consumed with north. enjoy!!

also I didn’t edit this at all and worked on it for like five hours straight so excuse the mistakes plz and thx

genre: so much angst

pairing: spencer reid x female oc

warnings: drugs, withdrawal, overdose

word count: 5.2k

It isn’t hard to tell when something is wrong with Spencer.

Spencer is generally a sweet, patient, and quick-thinking person, especially at work. I joined the BAU when Elle Greenaway departed from the bureau and left a spot open for a profiler. Spencer didn’t seem to take well to the change in the team dynamic and it seemed like he shut down whenever I was around him. He didn’t talk to me much at all and when he did, it was strictly business. No banter about personal lives occurred between us like it did between Spencer and, well, the rest of the team. I chalked it up to an anxiety over change and I respected that. I gave him the time to warm up to me and thankfully, after a while, he seemed to take a liking to me.

Penelope Garcia is the queen of stirring up drama and once Spencer and I started to bond over our geeky tendencies, like using Doctor Who as a comfort show, and always searching for nerdy apparel in stores, she had no problem stirring the pot. To my understanding, she watched Spencer and I play cards together on the jet one day (on one of the rare days she came in the field with us) and then told Emily that we must be in love with each other. Emily told JJ, JJ told Morgan, Morgan told Hotch, and Hotch told Gideon. Suddenly the whole team became convinced that Spencer and I were madly in love and it only took about ten minutes.

I would never admit it, not yet at least, but Penelope was dead on. Once Spencer and I talked more and spent time together outside of work, I fell hard and fast for him. He truly is unlike any other man in the world. He has no problem with staying at home for a night, in fact, he prefers it. He likes to open the windows when it’s raining to hear the noises of the water making contact with his fire escape. He wants to stay up with me until the middle of the night just so we can make sure we finish every Harry Potter movie on binge days. It’s hard not to fall in love with Spencer Reid. He makes it so easy. Of course, he’s oblivious and his brain is filled with thoughts of self-doubt and inferiority in the looks department, but I don’t need or want him to look like a model. He’s all I need.

But one day, all of this stops. It wasn’t hard to tell that something was wrong with Spencer. It wasn’t a secret that a piece of Spencer’s soul was left in the grave he dug for himself under the watch of Tobias Hankle. It wasn’t a secret that Spencer struggled immensely upon returning home and having light withdrawal symptoms. I tried my best to help him, making trips to his apartment to bring him anything he might need while he was on his mandatory two weeks leave. But he would also give me an unconvincing smile and push me right out the door. He never let me spend more than five minutes inside his apartment. I never saw him sweat, or vomit, or shake, or yawn. I never saw his pupils dilate.

When he returns to work, a bit too soon for my liking, that’s when I start to notice the withdrawal symptoms. And for a little while, I’m okay with it. Withdrawal, although painful and torturous, is a step in the right direction. The drugs are making their way out of Spencer’s system and he is detoxing. I pay extra attention to him to ensure his safety, but nobody else on the team seems to give Spencer any care. They surely get pissed off when he snaps at them and sweats all over the case files and is far too nasty with possible witnesses. Nobody, besides me, gives his attitude any slack. But I continue to keep a close eye on him during the case.

Keeping a close eye, however, reveals to me that Spencer’s withdrawal symptoms continuously disappear and then reappear during the three days we are away. I don’t need Spencer’s level of genius to figure out what is going on.

My heart pounds against my chest when Spencer goes running of the jet the moment it touches down in DC. Not a single pair of eyes follow Spencer’s movements but my own. The others on the team just stand to pull their bags out of the overhead bins. They’re chatting about whether they should go out for drinks or to a restaurant for dinner but they’re not chatting about their friend who clearly has a problem. But I love Spencer more than anything and seeing him struggle makes me hurt inside. Once I retrieve my own carry on and go-bag, I drive straight to Spencer’s apartment. I ignore my fellow team members when they ask me if I want to join them for dinner.

“Spencer?” I knock on his front door and rock back and forth on my feet, waiting for some type of response from him. I saw his car outside and I know he’s here and if he doesn’t open the door within ten more seconds then I’m going to kick it down.

Thankfully, I don’t need to risk breaking the heel of my shoe today because the door swings open a second later. Spencer stands before me, looking the most disheveled I’ve ever seen him. His shirt is untucked, his pants are wrinkly, his hair is half curly from his excess sweating, and he isn’t even wearing socks or shoes. His long sleeve shirt makes my heart drop to my stomach.

“Olive?” His voice cracks when he speaks. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to-” I choke on the words I truly want to say and suddenly I’m pushing back tears. I try to swallow the lump in my throat and give him a smile. “I’m gonna make you dinner! The team is going out together but I’m in the mood to stay in after that horrible case.”

“Uh,” Spencer glances behind him and then whips back to me, “I’m actually really tired and I just wanna sleep. So thanks for coming by-”

My hands fly out when Spencer tries to close the door in my face. I’ve underestimated his strength up until now because I have to use all of my strength to keep him from pushing me out. But Spencer isn’t able to keep up his strength much longer and concedes, letting the door fly backward and unintentionally letting me inside. I drop my bags to the floor, eyes locking with Spencer’s and watching a fire light in them.

“Spencer,” my voice is still far too weak for my liking, “I’m not leaving.”

Spencer scoffs, slamming the door shut, just barely grazing my shoulder as it passes me. “Yeah, well, I want you to.”

“I’m not leaving.”

Spencer’s jaw tightens and his hands ball into fists at his side. He’s trying to stand tall and strong in front of me but he’s starting to crack by the millisecond. His chest heaves when he tries to choke back his tears and his eyelids start to flutter. If I wasn’t sure of the situation before I stepped inside, it surely has been confirmed right now. Spencer opens his mouth to speak and his chin trembles. “I want you to leave me alone.”

“Absolutely not,” I step closer to him but he steps backward, not allowing me to diminish the distance between us. “Spencer, please. Let me help you.”

His head drops, his shoulders caving in. “I don’t need help,” With his eyes on his feet and no longer on me, I take the opportunity to grab his arm. He tries to jerk away from me the second my fingertips brush the fabric of his shirt but I told him as tightly as I can. He whimpers in my hold and his crack start to get wider and wider. “Olive, please.”

“Just let me see, Spence,” I’m already begging and I’m already crying. “Let me see. Let me help. I’m here for you.”

Spencer squeezes his eyes shut and turns his head away from me, his first tears dripping down his cheeks. He stops trying to escape my hold and just cries, his clothes clutched in his hands. It’s not an invitation whatsoever but I take it as one, rolling up Spencer’s sleeve past his elbow. The crook of his elbow is covered in track marks, some fading and some bright red and bloody. It takes every ounce of my energy not to break down right then and there as my worst fear comes true. But Spencer breaks down when his biggest secret is revealed, his knees giving out and his body tumbling to the floor. I follow him down, cradling him in my arms as he sobs into my chest. I shush him and stroke his hair, rocking him back and forth, like a child, to calm him down.

“It’s okay, Spencer, shh,” I coo, my fingertips coated in sweat as I coax my fingers through his knotty locks. “Everything is gonna be okay, my love. I’m here and I’m gonna help you.”

“No.”

“Yes. Spencer, look at me,” I don’t give him the option of where to bring his gaze to. I grab his cheeks and force his gaze up, his eyes bloodshot and his face soaking wet. “You can’t keep doing drugs. You’ll lose everything, you know that. You’ll lose your job, you’ll lose me, you’ll lose your life, you’ll-”

“I’ll lose you?” He’s never sounded more like a child than he does now. He’s whimpering and whining and crying out and clinging to me as tight as he can.

I give the hardest answer yet and I feel my heart break in my chest. “Yes, Spencer, I’ll leave. I can’t-”

Spencer starts to scramble to his knees, legs wobbling under his weight. “You can’t leave me. Please don’t leave me. I love you, Olive. Don’t leave.”

I know it’s the drugs talking but it doesn’t make the confession hurt any less. The confession is what I’ve waited so damn long to hear. But it’s wrong right now. Admitting my love will do nothing but hurt both of us. Spencer isn’t in a good state of mind right now. He probably won’t even remember that he hastily confessed his love while trying to convince me not to leave him. I find myself forcing down tears yet again.

“I won’t leave you if you get clean,” I brush back his hair again and this time, it slicks back with sweat. “You can’t keep living your life like this, shooting up in bathrooms and hiding from your friends. Get some help and get clean. I can’t sit back and watch you destroy your life, a life that you worked so damn hard to get.”

Spencer collapses under his own weight, no longer able to sit up on his knees. He falls onto all fours, his head hanging between his shoulders and his tears falling onto the carpet. “I can’t do it. It’s so painful to stop. I need it to be happy. I need it to escape.”

I smooth my hands over his shoulders and where other people would probably feel tensed up muscles, I feel relaxed muscles as Spencer melts into my embrace. “Then let me take you to the hospital. They can help make the detox less painful. They can give you medication and you can get counseling and I’ll be there for as long as I’m allowed to be.”

“No, none of that. Here. I wanna do it here.” Spencer lifts his head, sniffling and huffing through his tears. “I’ll do it alone. Please leave. I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“Absolutely not,” I rise to my feet and lean down to help Spencer to his feet, baring all of his weight on my shoulders as we trudge towards his bedroom. “I’m not leaving you like this. I’m gonna call Hotch and get time off for both of us.”

Spencer lets out his millionth whimper of the night when he falls onto the bed, immediately curling up on his side and squeezing his eyes shut. “Please. Go.”

I kneel beside the bed, bringing my hand to his cheek and stroking his soft skin gently. The simple motion actually seems to calm him for a millisecond before he starts to shake, clearly being hit with an onslaught of chills from his inevitable fever. So I tug the blanket over his body and tuck him in, pressing my lips to his forehead. “I’m not gonna abandon you, Spencer. I’m gonna help you through this and you’re gonna return to your happier, drug-free self. You’ll feel better soon. I promise.”

I stayed true to my promise. I didn’t leave Spencer alone for a single second while he suffered through withdrawal. I washed his vomit and sweat-soaked sheets. I wiped his tears and held him when he cried. I dragged him from room to room when he didn’t have the energy to carry his own weight. I cooked him food on the rare occasions that he was actually hungry. I whispered sweet nothings in his ear when he needed the reassurance that someone actually cares. I located his stash of needles and excess vials and threw them in the dumpster outside, not even wanting to risk leaving them in a trashcan in the apartment. There is no doubt in my mind that Spencer wouldn’t have gotten through this without me. I was harsh with him when he begged for ‘just one more hit’ and I held him when he woke up screaming in the middle of the night. There is no doubt in my mind that Spencer would have given in to his cravings and started this mess all over again.

After two weeks, Spencer starts to get better. He is able to walk without assistance and he can eat two meals a day without throwing it up ten minutes later. It’s a relief and the sun finally starts to shine through the clouds that had been lingering for too long. He still needed at least another week off of work to work up his strength and catch up on sleep in order to not look like the living dead and Hotch starts to get suspicious of such an extended time off. I tell him not to ask and for some reason, he listens. Maybe he just knows and is glad that someone else dealt with Spencer at his lowest point. Yeah, that’s probably it.

After three weeks and a promising night where Spencer makes me dinner for the first time in weeks, we return to work. The team is happy to see us and they don’t question why we were both gone for so long. But I’m almost positive it’s the same reason that Hotch didn’t question the time off.

I made sure to visit Spencer in his hotel room and I always, somehow, made sure that he was never in a room alone. One night of being alone could make him spiral and that is the last thing he needs. So if he was in a room alone then I would sneak out of mine and sleep with him. It seemed like he started to enjoy sleeping in the same bed as me, opting to cuddle me close to his chest instead of turning his back to me. His confession always seemed to echo in my mind when he would kiss my head or squeeze my waist but it was just the drugs talking. He didn’t mean it.

One month clean and Spencer seemed to be doing amazing. He boasted about how he deleted his drug dealer’s number from his phone and how he would eat meals without me reminding him to and how he could be on his feet for more than twenty minutes without being winded and needing to sit. I don’t think I had ever felt so proud of a human being until I shoved all my pride onto Spencer. Sure, he didn’t necessarily want to get the help that I gave him, but he went along with it and it’s a joy to see him return to his old happy-go-lucky self.

But then the team gets called into a meeting. The phonecall wakes me up in the middle of the night and sends me rushing to get dressed in something other than pajamas, but I just wind up putting on new sweats. I rush out the door and to the vacant building, throwing my holster on my hip and riding the elevator up. I blurt out a load of apologies for y lateness as I stumble into the conference room and realize I’m the last two arrive.

“Aww,” Morgan coos sarcastically as I sit down beside him, “it was so nice if you to get dressed up for us!”

“I swear to god,” I hiss, but he knows I’m just teasing, “if you don’t shut up right now then I’ll-”

“Okay,” Hotch shuts me up far too easily, standing at the front of the table with his arms crossed, “we’re all here. Let’s start.”

“Is this a new case?” Emily wonders, eyes darting between Hotch and the table that is usually filled with case files.

“No,” he sighs and looks down at his feet, and this is probably the most emotion I’ve ever seen from him before. “Tonight-”

“Wait,” I sit up and glance around, suddenly alarmed, “We’re not all here. Spencer isn’t here.”

Hotch holds his hands up to me in his second way of telling me to shut up. “I know that. He already knows what I’m about to tell you all.” This does absolutely nothing to erase the red flags in my mind. “I know we all struggled with our last case, and Gideon struggled the most, for obvious reasons. Tonight, Spencer went to his cabin to check on him. It turns out that Gideon had left a note for Spencer to say goodbye and he has sent in his resignation. He has officially left the BAU.”

Okay, listen, I barely knew the man. I haven’t been on this team for too long and Gideon favored talking to Hotch and Spencer. He didn’t interact with me much at all, except to correct me, so I’m not too torn up about his departure. Yes, he just created a huge hole that needs to be filled but that’s not my main concern. Spencer is. He isn’t here and he just learned that the man who has been his father figure for years just abandoned him in the same way that his father did when he was a child. Nobody should be alone at a time like this, and Spencer especially shouldn’t.

JJ is the first to ask a question but I don’t even hear it. Hotch answers and Emily follows and then Penelope is squealing and Morgan shouts over everyone and it’s far too crazy. I just need to know that Spencer is okay. He is the only thing I care about. He made so much amazing progress and he absolutely can’t erase that.

“I need to go.” I blurt out suddenly, standing from the round table and rushing out of the building. I call Spencer relentlessly and get no answer. I go straight to voicemail every time. I slam on my gas pedal.

I don’t lock my car and I barely remember to close my door before I’m bounding up the stairs and to his apartment. I couldn’t care less about the other residents who are probably fast asleep by now. I bang on Spencer’s door, shouting his name once, twice, three times, and get nothing. I can hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears.

“Spencer! Come on, open up!” I cry out, jiggling the handle and hoping it’s unlocked. “Please! Let me in!” The energy radiating from the apartment makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

I take two steps back and breathe in a deep breath, preparing me for whatever could be on the other side of this stupid door. I’ll never be ready to see what I know is waiting for me. I lift my foot up and slam it against the door, the lock snapping and allowing the door to fly open. I burst inside, shouting Spencer’s name frantically as my eyes search desperately for his adorable curls and his soft cardigans.

It takes me no more than thirty seconds of frantic running to find Spencer. When I do, I wish desperately that I hadn’t.

His body is slumped against the bathtub, head hanging backward and his mouth wide open. His shirt is off and a rubber band is still tied around his bicep. The bathroom wreaks of vomit and there’s a needle in the sink and a broken vial on the floor. He looks haunting similar to the crime scenes we observe every day.

I drop to my knees in front of him and grab onto his cheeks, lifting his head up. “Spencer?” My sobs are uncontrollable as my thumbs stroke his freezing cold skin, searching for some sort of life. “Come on, baby,” I resist the urge to shake his head in my hands. “Spence, please, wake up!”

I wait for another second. I get nothing. No eyelids fluttering. No sniffles. No coughing. No vomiting. No screaming. No crying. Nothing. There’s nothing left.

Working through my sobs, I reach into my backpack and fish out the little box I’m searching for. I set it aside momentarily and try to gather Spencer in my arms as best as I can, pushing and dragging him until he is laying on his back in the most comfortable way his lanky body will allow in the cramped bathroom. Gosh, if only Spencer was conscious. He would be freaking out about being on the bathroom floor.

I pull out the nasal spray and administer the Narcan into Spencer’s nostril, tossing it aside and then rolling Spencer onto his side. I don’t dare to tear my eyes away from him, even as I fish my phone out of my backpack and call 911. I babble on about there being a federal agent down and how I’m a federal agent who administered a dose of Narcan and how someone needs to help Spencer now but it all seems like a foreign language to me. Nothing is right anymore. The operator tells me someone will be there soon and to stay on the line, so I set my phone down and lean closer to Spencer.

“Spence?” I wait for a reaction. “Sweetheart, come on, don’t do this to me,” my tears fall onto the floor and create a puddle beside his hands. My trembling hand reaches out to push his hair back, admiring the way his locks curl around my fingers. I admire the way for eyelashes cast shadows on his cheeks and how beautiful his lips look. I wish I kissed him when I had the chance. Now I might never get the chance to be with him. The thought makes me cry harder and I double over in agony, crying out for the love that I will never get to have and for the life I will never get to live. I should have told him I loved him when he said it first. How could I be so stupid?

I have no recollection of the paramedics arriving. Being pulled away, kicking and screaming Spencer’s name, is a complete blur of smeared lines and flashes of light. I do what I can to erase the image of Spencer being carried out on a stretcher, his rubberbanded arm dangling off the side, and into an ambulance. I clutch Spencer’s hand and shut out the words of the paramedics as the ambulance speeds to the hospital. I barely even recall being plopped in a waiting room and being told to await further instructions.

I slide down the wall and tuck my head between my knees, hoping that being bent over will minimize the volume of my cries. But it doesn’t and sobs take over my body, leaving me shaking and quivering. If Spencer were with me, he would hold my hand and quietly tell me how many germs are on this floor and statistics on how easy it is to catch and infection in a hospital. He would talk to distract me from the horrible situation going down. But he’s not here and I’m alone and there’s nothing I can do to help.

“Olive?” I ignore Hotch’s voice when I hear it. I pay no attention to his softer than usual tone and I don’t dignify his presence by acknowledging it. I keep my head down and clutched between my knees and try to quiet my cries. Hotch crouches down beside me and tells me how he was notified of the situation and how the team is on the way but I ignore him. He never cared about Spencer before so why should he now?

True to his word, the rest of the team has arrived at the hospital within ten minutes. They form a circle in front of me and bounce around questions about what happened. Is he alive? How much did he take? What did he take? Where is he now? They never address me directly and just keep shooting questions around and receive no answers. It’s exhausting to listen to. I’m exhausted.

“Hey, Olive?” Penelope crunches next to me in the same way Hotch did, placing her hand on my shoulder. I shake it off. She pauses before speaking again. “Could you tell us what happened?”

For the first time, I lift my head. Everyone is in their pajamas and looking just a little less distressed than me. I’m sure I look horrendous. I surely feel horrendous. I’ve never felt worse in my life. I’ve never loved a person so much just to have them ripped out of my life. If Spencer doesn’t recover from this, I know I never will.

“He,” I lift my hands to wipe my cheeks but stop mid-air, wondering just how many germs are on my skin, “overdosed. To my knowledge, he’s been clean for a month and-and-” my lips quiver again, “I guess Gideon leaving was too much for him to handle. He thought he needed drugs to make him feel better.”

JJ leans into Emily’s side, silent tears streaming down her cheeks. “Why didn’t he just call one of us instead of going straight to drugs? We all would have dropped what we were doing and gone to help him.”

The absolutely idiotic statement sets me on fire. I clamber to my feet, sadness replaced with anger within a millisecond. “Really? Would you have?”

JJ furrows her eyebrows and looks to the team for more support. “Of course. Spencer is one of my best friends.”

“We all would have helped him,” Morgan adds.

“Oh, really?” I sneer at them. “Were you there to help him last month when he was detoxing? Did any of you come to see why Spencer and I took three weeks off from work without warning? No! None of you texted or called or visited like real friends do. Did you even care that he obviously had a drug problem? Did any of you notice?”

Emily scoffs at the accusation, her anger starting to rise to mine. “Of course we did! I even asked him about it once and-”

“Once!” I let out the most sarcastic laugh that has ever dripped from my lips. Sleeping patients be damned, I will let out my anger at these inferior ‘friends’ and tell them the truth they need to hear. “You asked him once? Well, I spent three weeks living at his apartment, cooking, cleaning, holding him, reassuring him that he would be okay. And all you did was ask him about it once?” The realization is starting to set in on their faces that maybe this issue is bigger than they thought. “He needed real help and support from his friends, and yeah, he had me but he would have done a lot better if he had all of his closest friends supporting him.” They all fall silent, as they should. They stare at me and each other and everyone cries over their friend who they should have helped.

“Olive,” Hotch murmurs, “when you gave him the Narcan, did he wake up?”

This prompts more tears. “No.”

“Spencer Reid?”

I whip around as fast as I can at the sound of a doctor approaching, leaving the team in the dust to approach him. “Hi, yeah, I’m here for Spencer Reid. I’m his emergency contact.”

The doctor smiles at me and he waves me along, leading me away from the blabbering BAU and towards a room. “So,” the doctor says, “he’s extremely lucky. You administered the Narcan just in time. A few more minutes and Mr. Reid probably wouldn’t have made it.” I barely pay attention to the looming fear of Spencer’s death. If I hadn’t gone running out of the team meeting, Spencer would have died. “We’ve given him the proper medication, he’s in this room, and he should be waking up soon. When he’s feeling better, we can talk about proper treatment and recovery for Mr. Reid.”

I thought that maybe I cried all the tears my body could handle but that is proven wrong. He’s going to be okay. Going through detox again will be hell but now he can get professional help. He’s going to be okay.

I step into Spencer’s room. The sight of him lying in the bed is reminiscent of him lying on the bathroom floor and it makes my head pounds and my heart break. His elbow is bandaged up so his track marks are hidden and his hair is a matted down mess. But even lying there, helpless and in pain, he still looks like the man I fell in love with. The man who learned to braid hair and actually drove a car a few times and went shopping with me just to make me happy. He’s a shell of the man I love but he’s there and I know we will meet again soon.

Spencer starts to stir a moment later, tossing his head side to side gently. I creep over and slide my hand in his, squeezing softly. He hasn’t opened his eyes yet but there are tears streaming down his cheeks, soaking the top hem of his hospital gown. His hand tightens around mine and suddenly, my cheeks match his.

“Hi, sweetheart,” I breathe out, bringing our hands up to my lips and pressing a kiss to his knuckles, “you’re okay. Everything is gonna be okay.”

Spencer lets out a high pitched moan, his head rolling over to face me. “I’m sorry,” he slurs out. “I didn’t mean to.”

“I know you didn’t mean it, Spence. I’m not mad. Just relax. I’ll be right here,” without letting go of his hand, I reach over and push a chair against the side of the bed. “Get some rest.”

“You won’t leave me?”

“No, Spence. I’m never gonna leave you.”

#nikos writing #spencer reid #spencer reid one shot #spencer reid fic #spencer reid x oc

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daturanerium · 5 years

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i just finished season one of the magnus archives (here’s my livetweet thread) so here’s my discordant thoughts on the characters

jon

annoyingly stubborn

dramatic!!!!

was definitely That One Emo Theatre Kid in whatever britain's version of high school is

wants to know. everything.

fatal flaw: pursuit of knowledge. he can’t let a mystery go unsolved

please get some sleep baby you can solve the mystery in the morning

he’s so serious and awkward i adore him and i hope he remembers to take care of himself

martin

baby boy.....baby

consistently underestimated and underappreciated. give him a raise please elias he’s gone through hell

so full of love, even for people who don’t seem to love him back

i want to hug him

so intelligent, so thoughtful! always coming up with answers that no one else can think of

fatal flaw: self/preservation or fear. altho in his line of work i’m giving him a break

he’s got some big things ahead of him, i can tell. i hope that he gets some bomb ass magical powers or something because he really deserves it

sasha

ive known sasha for a week and a half but if anything happened to her i would kill everyone in this room and then myself

speaking of........what the hell happened during the finale i’m Worried

she’s so caring and protective. i feel like she’s the “hold my flower” member of the archive (jon or tim is the “kick his ass baby i got your flower”)

fatal flaw: curiosity. at least she’s aware of it?

i literally love her

looks like a cinnamon roll, is a cinnamon roll (but will also kill you)

so strong. so smart.

im love her and i hope she’s okay

elias

okay shifty capitalist motherfucker i see you

i don’t actually think he’s gulity of anything tbh, just a victim of circumstance trying to do his job and keep it

fatal flaw: submissive towards authority. spill the secrets buddy we gotta know

“but the funding”

i think his heart’s in the right place. i just hope he realizes there are bigger things than rich people and even the archive.

tim

pure of heart, dumb of ass

frat bro!!!!!

super friendly

EDIT: i made a joke about tim having cishet energy but i’ve since been informed that he’s canon bi which is awesome!

just doing his job, man

hey jon the boys and i are gonna go crack open a cold one later, wanna join? you’ve been stuck recording in that office for hours mate you need to get out and do something

he really genuinely cares about his friends and he’s so sweet

fatal flaw: inability to read the room. bro i love u no romo but u gotta learn to Read The Signs

such a dork

definitely going to get possessed at some point

jane prentiss

it is every sapphic’s duty to fall in love with an eldrich horror and jane is mine

her monologue/statement was so good that i’m doing it for speech this year. thank you irl jonathan sims for being a fantastic writer

so spooky......so curious........so dark.........so endearing

please tell me about the song and the nest and the itch. i’m so genuinely interested in her story and i hope we hear more from/about her because i still have Questions

every time i picture her it’s in the style of the scary stories to tell in the dark illustrations

ugh god such a good antagonist.....this is so good

mary and gerard key

during the first description of mary i was so impressed with her lifestyle and general presentation.....she was really living her best life. until it was revealed that she was not actually alive. but still

gerard you little shit, planting all these things for the archivists to find. who are you

side note but i thought his name was “jared”. i’m trying to not picture another famous gerard but i’m seventeen. what can you do.

they’re definitely working for some outside force, or maybe they Are the outside force? either way i’m intrigued

(predictions for season two and beyond under the cut)

general predictions for season two and beyond:

i’ve managed to avoid spoilers a lot better than i usually do, but i think there may be something to do with avatars for gods or something? anyway jon’s god is knowledge-based and sasha’s is strength-based. elias may be conman/trickery-based? martin is his own seperate being entity thing, i can’t see him fitting into any typical categories yet.

oh actually it would be really cool if martin was tied in with the god of death? it kind of fits him, idk how tho. he’s just so sweet and kind and that matches the casual comforting neutrality of death.

actually maybe not because we’ve already met death and it’s just a bunch of reapers that were dumbasses in life, oh well (i’m still gonna keep it in on the off chance something happens with it)

jon takes a nap (unlikely, but i can dream)

that shipping company that keeps popping up definitely delivered that lighter to jon. don’t know what the lighter means but i’m excited to figure it out

jonmartin endgame

sasha is either possessed or has been completely erased by a copy. my guess is that she’s stuck in a time loop that was created when she touched the hypnotizing table, although how that happened is just about anyone’s guess.

gertrude was killed by gerard key, who, in his Infinite Knowledge of Plot and How The World Works, knew that jon needed to be the head archivist for things to work out the way he and his mother want it to. the keys are beyond time.

martin lives in the archive because he actually kind of likes it there??? even tho he had a traumatic event with worms and jane and finding the dead body of his old boss in the basement

i’m really interested to know what jon was up to before he worked as the head archivist. i feel like that’s kind of important and relevant? if it’s not now it will be in the future

elias has to pick a side: jon and the truth or the “funds” and the government. i hope he makes the right one, but plot and conflict is also important and i can totally see him becoming the Imposing But Apologetic Lawful Antagonist

idk what the gods thing is (if it even is something?) but i’m pretty sure one of them has to do with eyes/watching, and my guess is that it’s the one having to do with knowledge. and while i’m here i’m also going to go out on a crazy limb and say that gerard and mary work for it, whatever the watching thing is. that’s how they know where to be at the right time.

there’s another group of people that work on things like the archive does--they’re just a little more....casual. idk if you all are/were supernatural fans but i’m thinking that the magus archive is the men of letters to this other faction being hunters. they split off after elias’s rules became too stifling, and they sometimes get there before the archive knows about the situation (like in ep 36, taken ill, or episode 8, burned out. altho ep 8 was with gerard, so maybe he works with them sometimes? idk)

sasha gets better but a sacrifice has to be made to save her. martin, to everyone’s surprise, offers.

i’m so excited to listen to season two oh my god this show is fantastic

#the magnus archives #tma #tma season 1 #jonathan sims #i've managed to keep myself from the tumblr tag but god.....it's tempting #feel free to reblog with cryptic laughter but please don't actually spoil anything!

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tumblunni · 6 years

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Mo bug game ideas

Also i was thinking about more Deep Development for the daddy longlegs bug husbands!

First off i need to try and give them distinct personalities cos i mean their whole gimmick is they wear matching outfits and have the same job class to spoof the fact two types of bug have the same colloquial name in different countries BUT if they were like literally recolours of the same guy it would look like brothers instead of a cute couple. Absolutely do not want that! The romance is integral! They aint called platonic longlegs!!!

So i was thinking that maybe one of them (lets go with the name Albedo) is like a super soft and shy cute stereotypical daddo of hugs. But he's also a mega deadly assassin, and a master of disguise and manipulation. Its just like.. Beneath all the evilness he used to be, the soft nice dad was actually the real him. Like he'd fumble his own assassinations by outright crying whenever he had to pretend to be a nice guy in a happy couple for a disguise. He's just a damn good dude who got forced into a shitty job that made him hate himself every day because he was living in poverty and didnt have much hope for his future and stuff. And like even tho now he's escaped the assasin guild due to his fiancee's help, he's still left with all these Really Badass Scary Skills and just never wants to use them again. So he's the archetypical soft boy who is only serious when the people he loves are in trouble, and OH BOY you should not underestimate him...

And then the other one (which i think is gonna be rubedo) is more of a cliche punk personality? Oh and just to add- they discarded their real names long ago when they first became assassins, and these are just the latest in a long list of codenames. But this time they picked matching ones <3

ANYWAY WHERE WAS I

Oh yeah Rubedo is also a softboy but he pretends to be a punk! He's very 'oi hands off the marchandise' and tries to act like he's heartless like a true assassin should be, but because of his Real Passionate Soul it just comes out as a guy who's comedically quick to anger and thinks he's way more unflappable than he really is. But also his angryness is linked to a general Big Emotion in all other ways too, and he's actually even more lovey dovey, just more shy about showing it. Half 'but honey my reputatioooon' and half 'OH GOD MY HEART ISNT BIG ENOUGH TO HOLD HOW HAPPY I AM' *blushes himself into a coma*

So yeah they do have similar fundemental souls of love and fatherliness, but different personalities around them. So much in common just like the bugs!

And then i was thinking about their backstory? And i thought maybe they were actually childhood friends that became estranged? Cos albedo was poor and rubedo was rich and actually i think rubedo's family was legit the mafia and it was just a wild ass coincidence that albedo ended up being employed by an opposing mafia when they both grew up. And then they were sent to assassinate each other and were so equally matched that it kept ending in a draw, and they struck up some chemistry and had a crush even before they found out they were each other's long lost childhood sweetheart! And of course as soon as that happened it was like 'jesus fuck ive been seaeching for you for so long oh god i have a reason to live againn and also i am realizing my boss/literal father LIED TO ME TO GET ME TO KILL YOU so fuck this job lets run away together and become smooch redemption'. AND THEN THAT IS WHAT THEY DO.

*throws confetti for the damn best angsty fluffy heartwarmingy shipping idea ive had in ages and somehow it came from bug science*

Anyway i was thinking about them briefly meeting as kids and having their first crush on each other and it all being cute and sweet until Evil Mafia Dad decides his son is not allowed to Mingle With The Commoners and sends him off to Asshole Generic Boarding School Of Rich Jerks. And like.. rubedo's already used to being hopeless about his future and he's like 'i deserve this for trying to disobey dad' so he just gets on the coach to horrible disciplinary school and doesnt tell albedo he's moving away cos he thinks his friend will be better off without him. But albedo goes running after the coach and he's like NOOOOO and rubedo sees him out the window and is also like NOOOOOO and its all really fuckin sad. And albedo is like 'lets run away together!' and rubedo is like 'be realistic, we'd just get lost and die, we're like 9'. And albedo is like 'we'll find some way to work it out!' and rubedo is like 'we're just kids, we dont have any power to change my dad's mind'. And then with the last of the strength in his legs as the carriage starts speeding up, albedo manages to jump up and plant a kiss on his crush! And then immediately goes tumbling and lands in a cloud of dust and broken heart as the carriage leaves over the horizon. But the moment still stuck in rubedo's heart forever and gave him the hope he needed to survive that shitty school! Just imagine him sitting there in shock with absolute first kiss daze and then OH GOD ALBEDO ARE YOU OKAY but he's already off in the distance and there's no hope and just..

Just...

If this is the last time we see each other...

And so it was the first time he let out his boisterous rebel spirit! Yelling over the horizon and not even knowing if the other boy could even hear him, but it has to be said!

"If we're not strong enough to fight this, i'll become strong! Next time you see me, i'll be your prince!"

And well it didnt exactly go down like that, but on the other hand it sorta did? Rubedo lived a shitty life of being groomed into a rigid idea of what a nobleman should be, and found out his family had all sorts of horrible behind the scenes illegal operations and by then he was just so broken he fell into the role of his dad's latest disposeable enforcer, just like he was planned to be from birth. And albedo grew up in poverty and was orphaned at a young age, having to go down equally morally unconscionable paths in life to even manage to survive into his 20s. So by the time they met again they were a big ball of barely surpressed anger in the role of a generic mafia thug, and an emotionless stepford wife esque assassin. If they hadnt been sent to take each other out, they might not have been able to come back from the brink of what they were being turned into. But the side effect of it was that it turned them into the sort of people who had the power to escape if they could ever break out of the brainwashing keeping them there, thats the danger of raising a human weapon. And together theyre strong enough to fight for justice and take down the people who abused them! And one way or another they did end up as the 'gallant prince and the princess he whisked away from the tower', though they can never agree which is which because they both saved each other this time. Its even better than the fairytales!

So ahem yeh here's bunni's patented "getting super feelsy over characters i invented five minutes ago based on a bizarre inspiration prompt" moment. IF YOU DONT LOVE ASSASSIN BUG BOYFS THEN YOU ARE WRONG! aaa they deserve all the happiness...

#bug app game

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therecoveringcatho-holic · 5 years

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mannn.. life is just getting so much better!!! i just have to share where i'm at y'all bc ive been pretty excited about who i'm becoming bc i'm actively working on my spirit and who i am thru Christ.

first off - i'm fortunate for past, current and future *pain* bc it's brought me many blessings and will continue to bring me more.. just watch. it's just all about perspective and mines slowly but surely turning around! 💕 pain is a blessing bc without it we wouldn't know joy & we wouldn't be able to help others with similar problems!! i def struggle with my own share of health issues, a lot more at 31 than i ever wanted to have but i gotta be realistic about it: i treated my mind, body and spirit like a trash can off and on for the better part of a decade, i have trauma that i wouldn't dive into - like for real, for real - until 2 years ago or so bc i kept wanting to mask it. all that did was make it fester and then i projected it on others so what should i expect you know?? i used to complain constantly that 'life is not fair' and until very recently, i couldn't turn that around in my head and look at it positively .. like I AM ACTUALLY GLAD it's not bc if it was fair then i should have died yearssss ago.. one way or another esp if you look at it from a scientific standpoint. i may not know what my purpose is in life y'all but it's not my job to figure that out, it's my job to trust The Lord and His plan for me even if it doesn't always make sense to me. He is a God beyond my understanding and letting Him run the show makes life a lot better. we're not meant to have it easy but we weren't designed to make it so hard on ourselves or others either. He provides us the tools, it's just a matter of if we choose to use them or not. we all struggle so let's help each other out but the right thing is usually not the easy one so be proud of yourself when you make good decisions, no matter how small. the small things become big things; choices become habits -- that can be good or bad so make it a good thing 😘

one main problem i've always struggled with is consistency, esp when it comes to obeying The Lord. i am finally aware that my behavior does NOT affect Gods love for me bc He's an unconditional, loving God but my behavior dictates how much easier or harder life becomes for me.. and it's a daily thing y'all but it is for a lot of people, not just me. i just know that when i impulsively react to somebody or something, my

m o u t h is the first to go 😬😏SOOOO now im pretty good at waiting it out and if i think the same thing 2 mins later or so, you bet i'm gonna say it bc i'm blunt like that and i don't care to sugarcoat my thoughts BUT i also don't have to be hateful/disrespectful about it.. so that's been a turn around, for sure! 🙏 most people have a filter and i seem to lack one so i'm trying to develop one.. haha, it's funny but it's not at the same time.. actually it's been quite debilitating, really. my impulsivity and my mouth have burnt a lot of bridges in my life. not everybody or everything deserves a reaction and i don't need to waste my energy on things that arent my business -- and huge surprise here guys -- there is a LOT of stuff that is not my business so i take my nose out of it now 😜. i thrived off the drama and chaos for so long bc i didn't wanna look inward at myself and work on what was actually wrong -- which was me and my spirit. i am blessed for awareness and personal perspective.. it is everything.

ive been going back to AA and someone mentioned that theyve been praying for people that they have issues with, don't like or whatever the case may be and it's been helping them change their reaction/perspective towards that individual. at the end of the day, people are gonna do what they're gonna do but the way i choose to respond to it says everything about me, not them. that's why i love "The Four Agreements" book so much -- seriously life changing bc it's helped me realized that like i had so much displaced anger for so long and made it about everybody else and "what they did to me" , how "i'm not like everybody else", "why do they have a career / family / house and i don't?" WHATEVERRRR blah blah blah 😑 when at the end of the day, it had nothing to do with them. i was unhappy with myself, pissed that i got "cursed" with alcoholism and depression, sleep issues, etc. so instead of looking at it my difficulties as strengths and blessings, i had my own definition of what successful, happy people looked like or what they had and i was straight up mad and jealous of y'all. like how dare y'all have it so easy, right?! 🙄 omg hahaha how delusional is that!!! NOBODY has it easy!!! we all have something man and just because others may not see it doesn't mean it's not there!!!

"be kind.. for we are all fighting a battle others know nothing about." amen!!

my life has turned out to be nothinggggg of what i thought it was gonna be .. and i'm at a place of acceptance about it now and what a blessing it is to feel at peace more often than not. i think the real definition of serenity is when you stop wishing you had a different past and appreciate what God trusted you to go thru bc He knew Y O U could handle it 🥰

my alcoholism has about damn killed me but i'm resilient and ive been able to help others who battle my demon too; my depression has helped me understand deep sadness and how not running away or being scared of somebody bc of that can really change another persons life for the better.. one conversation can literally save somebody's life so don't underestimate what it means when someone disabled from depresssion reaches out to you bc you could be a life changer to them, i know this from experience. sleep issues suck but i've had a lot of deep, thought provoking conversations at 3a, ill tell ya that! but lately i sleep better bc i'm getting the garbage out of my soul and giving myself some grace. i'm blessed to not hold on to people who left me during my darkest hour bc they weren't meant to see me grow and to take part in my joy now.. it's all how you look at it!! i tried holding on to soooo many people for so long and now i just feel free of that negativity .. and i'm sure some people feel the same about me these last few years.. i was very toxic to some people so they were right to let me go as well. there's always two sides to everything y'all -- like be blessed for those who have let you down!! now you have room for people who are loyal and worth your damn time!! but as i just mentioned, i had to look in the mirror though and humble myself bc at one point or another, i was "that person" on more than one occasion that let somebody down and perspective on that is key to moving forward and not hurting somebody like that again. hurt people hurt people and i was the queen of that. when i get what i feel is a proper amount of time under my belt, i have so many amends to make that its quite.. sick, really. in the 5 years i've been in and out of AA, ive only been told to F off and/or burn in hell twice after trying to make an amends so that's better than i deserve lol most have been receptive of my amends but this will be the second round for some of those same people and i don't expect the same forgiveness i got the first time bc i don't deserve it. i'll also be frank with you .. some people i don't want to make amends to bc i don't feel they deserve it so clearly i still have work to do on my heart and hopefully thru the program and in time, i will feel differently but right now that's honestly how i feel.

to sum it all up, here are some things that help me:

-if you have to hide it, don't do it. -chaos always proceeds change.

-people will treat you with as much respect as you show yourself (thank you Lord for helping me with this one!!)

-validation may come from other people but that's just temporary. if you ain't happy in YOUR heart, with who YOU are.. check your morals and standards my dear! it doesn't matter if the entire world thinks you're great -- you need to KNOW & BELIEVE you are and that begins with the belief system you set for yourself!

- the saying "one foot in front of the other" goes a long way.. act blessed and you'll become blessed; no matter how stupid it sounds in your head, talk kindly to yourself until you believe it -- affirmations work, i swear!!! most importantly, show others grace so you'll eventually show yourself some 💕

i am a sinner but i am not my mistakes. my alcoholic demon is strong but God is stronger.. and thru Him, so am i. without my community from TN to NC to GA, my friends, my family of choice, my medical team and The Lord God, id be an empty shell of a person still at the bottom of a bottle at all hours of the day wanting to die every second i was breathing.. yes, it got that bad more times than i can count so THANK YOU to everyone who has given a shit about me and this crazy life i've had!!! once i realized that roughly 10% of my life is whats happened to me and came to accept that 90% of my life were problems that i created myself, was when i was able to become grateful for all the problems i DONT have & blessed that although some bridges are forever burned, there are many that are not!!! if i continue to act right, i have beautiful opportunities to improve myself and my relationships, the most important one being with God.

i know ive got some haters but i don't view them as enemies anymore bc i don't like harboring anger in my heart anymore .. it doesn't feel good and it only speaks to my own personal insecurity when i've talked poorly of somebody in the past. ive never quoted tupac in my life but there's a first time for everything 🤣 "i want you to eat, just not at my table." to the people i don't like and to those that don't like me, let's pray for each other. everybody deserves happiness and to thrive in their own way.. i'm not gonna be apart of some people's lives and BOTH of us are better because of it! God, i loveeee acceptance!!!! 🙌

above all.. do & be YOU, boo boo!

if it matters any, i think you're pretty great! 😋😙

as alwaysss, much love from knox & prayers to friends in mid tenn!! hope everyone is safe!! 🙏

xoxo

kels

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pauldeckerus · 6 years

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Canon Will Dominate Mirrorless Too

Over the last few years, we’ve seen how Sony has made some pretty huge gains in the photography industry. This is especially true for the mirrorless market and plenty of photographers have switched from DSLR cameras to Sony mirrorless cameras. Even still, I predict that once Canon releases its mirrorless cameras, it will eventually dominate that industry too.

I’m assuming some of you may have some snarky (and more than likely humorous) comment about how Canon might if it actually released a mirrorless camera. We can comfortably allay those thoughts because Canon has stated it will be focusing on mirrorless, even if that means its DSLR sales are cannibalized. Many of the rumors are suggesting that Canon will be releasing a mirrorless full-frame camera within the next few months and once it does, mirrorless will officially be on the road to becoming mainstream.

Although companies like Fujifilm and Sony have been doing a fantastic job producing some of the best cameras on the market, considering their actual share of the market, to some extent they’re still pretty niche. The two major manufacturers within this industry are Canon and Nikon, and Canon currently holds the largest portion.

In a recent article Sony stated that it is the number one full-frame camera supplier in the US, but context is important. Sony released its a7 III this year and Canon has not released any cameras in over a year. Also, the US is only one section of the market and not indicative of the whole industry.

Here are the reasons I believe Canon has the advantage…

Dual Pixel Auto Focus

If you’ve used any of the new Sony cameras like the a7R III and the a7 III then you’ll know the current autofocus system Sony uses is significantly better than its previous versions. The focus system is not only fast and accurate, but you also have features like eye detect autofocus and face detect which are incredibly useful for many photographers.

The issue is that Sony’s autofocus system is still not quite as good as Canon’s Dual Pixel Autofocus (DPAF). In my regular use, I’ve found that Canon’s focus system from the sensor is still by far the best. Even in relatively low light, I’ve found that with my 5D Mark IV using DPAF I’m able to find focus more effectively than I ever can with my Sony cameras.

Don’t get me wrong, I love using Sony cameras, but when it really counts, I still pick Canon over Sony. This is especially true for video, for some reason Sony’s AF system seems to “pulse” in continuous AF. It’s as though Sony cameras have a hard time keeping focus on a subject even when stationary.

I also find that on occasions it completely misses focus or gets easily distracted by other subjects or objects that temporarily block a portion of the frame. Canon, on the other hand, is just much more effective. Tap to focus on your subject and you can be sure that subject will remain in focus even if something blocks the frame slightly.

Tap to focus on Sony is okay at best and it doesn’t seem to track as well or at all on many occasions. Even focus racking on Canon cameras look far smoother and more natural when using their AF system. In essence, DPAF is still the best AF system by a long shot. With mirrorless on the horizon for Canon, I predict this system will only get better.

Lens Selection

On the surface it may seem like Sony has a clear advantage in this area, but Canon still has the edge here. Many photographers have found that adapting EF lenses to Sony cameras is just not an effective option for anything meaningful. Canon, on the other hand, will more than likely produce a native adapter that will work pretty much as well as its native lenses. We can assume this quite comfortably based on how its current EOS-M adapter works.

Therefore, it has a significantly greater lens selection on offer. Essentially this means many Canon shooters may not need to immediately replace their lenses because the current lineup will be more than enough. Even in the unlikely instance that Canon produces a mirrorless camera with no lenses specific for that mount, Canon shooters will still have more options available to them.

Existing Customer Base

You really cannot underestimate the number of photographers that are waiting for a good mirrorless option from Canon to switch to. Switching from one brand to another is a very costly affair. The time it takes to sell all of your equipment and buy new equipment is also a factor that needs to be considered. Also, when you consider the lens selections available from many mirrorless manufacturers, it’s not always possible to replace like for like.

Take tilt-shift lenses, for example: there are no viable options available from Sony and adapting reduces image quality with some of the wider lenses. For these reasons and several others, there are many Canon shooters who will simply buy the next Canon camera. Familiarity is a valuable factor for many photographers and Canon will take advantage of this.

Color Science

This is somewhat of a minor point, but a point nonetheless. Canon seems to do a much better job when it comes to colors, especially for skin tones. I say this from experience, Sony colors even when using a color checker passport just aren’t as pleasing. Sickly yellow tones or green shifts in skin tones are ever present and it does affect the workflow.

An image comparison, shot in same lighting conditions with the same settings. WB for both used was Fluorescent. Skin tones from Sony (left) are noticeably more yellow and less accurate compared to the Canon (right).

Yes, the colors can be adjusted and custom profiles can be created, but, having a camera that does a good job with colors straight out, is useful to have. Even when filming, Canon’s colors for video just look more pleasing and natural.

Reliability

This one may a little early to tell, but based on Canon’s track record we can make some relatively safe assumptions. Canon regularly releases cameras that are complete, straight out of the box. They just work and are far more effective for the working photographer. Canon does not rush out its cameras and then try to fix things with firmware updates.

Sony, however, has had to provide plenty of firmware updates just to make its cameras work better. You’ve heard about issues with overheating or bugs and glitches and these are not issues Canon cameras suffer from. Based on its track record, you can be confident in the fact that any camera you buy Canon is just going to work and let you do your job.

Usability

Even now when it comes to any professional work, I will pick my 5DS R over the a7R III every time. When it comes down to speed of operation, Canon is noticeably better. Sony cameras take longer than I like to do basic things like switch on.

Going through menus and changing settings is still not quite as fluid. Things like needing to change the mode dial to switch from manual mode to video is a little annoying. Sure, you can press the record button on the Sony at any point, but, I like to see the shot and compose before I hit record. With Canon, it’s a simple flick of a switch.

Switching back and forth between MF and AF in video mode on Sony cameras is an absolute pain, and why are so many Sony lenses missing an AF/MF switch? Tap to focus on Canon is simply incredible and Sony just doesn’t have that feature nailed yet. Also, if you’ve set the camera to write to both cards on the Sony and only have one SD card in the slot, you can’t take any pictures until you change the settings.

Canon just does it intuitively and knows to write to the single card without needing to change settings. Ergonomics, the top screen, the huge plethora of accessories, and the fact that Canon doesn’t have a fiddly switch to open the door to the card slots are some of the reasons why Canon is way ahead when it comes to usability.

Final Thoughts

If we’re being honest, there isn’t much that Canon needs to do in order to cement its position. If Canon released a mirrorless camera with similar specs to the 6D Mark II, a few tweaks, an extra card slot, and the ability to record full frame 4K with a modern codec, that would make for an extremely compelling reason to stay with Canon. Even with all the bad press the 6D Mark II received, it’s still a top seller on B&H. In-fact several popular YouTubers have described it as the best vlogging camera.

It’s easy to criticize Canon because such a large number of people use its cameras. When you hold the top position, everyone is gunning for you. Canon cameras tend to be a slow burn and first impressions are not one of their strengths. It’s with time that people realize how good their cameras actually are.

Exciting new features are great, but Canon seems to always get the most important features right. This is why so many professionals put their trust in them. Even I had to reevaluate the 5D Mark IV after using it for a long time because the majority of the benefits are not found on the spec sheet. We all love a good underdog story and seeing how far Sony has progressed is impressive.

Ultimately, however, Canon will continue with their number one position, even in the mirrorless market.

About the author: Usman Dawood is the lead photographer of Sonder Creative, an architectural and interior photography company. The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author. You can find more of his work on his website, Instagram, and Twitter.

Image credits: Photographer photo by Augustas Didžgalvis and licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0

from Photography News https://petapixel.com/2018/08/24/canon-will-dominate-mirrorless-too/

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repmywind02199 · 6 years

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How to decide what product to build

Techniques for defining a product and building and managing a team.

Design is a process of making dreams come true.

THE UNIVERSAL TRAVELER

LET’S PLAY A GAME. (I’m imagining the computer voice from the movie WarGames. GREETINGS PROFESSOR FALKEN...SHALL WE PLAY A GAME? Alas, I digress.)1

How many people do you think are on the following product or feature teams?

Apple’s iMovie and iPhoto

Twitter

Instagram

Spotify

Hint: the number is definitely smaller than you think.

Apple’s iMovie and iPhoto: 3 and 5, respectively2

Twitter: 5–73

Instagram: 13 when acquired for $1 billion by Facebook4

Spotify: 85

We also know that the team that created the first iPhone prototypes was “shockingly small.”6 Even Jony Ive’s design studio at Apple—the group responsible for the industrial design of every product, as well as projects like iOS 7—is only 19 people.7 And we can surmise that this group is broken up into smaller teams to work on their own individual projects.

Figuring out what product you’re going to build is an exercise in working through the research you’ve gathered, empathizing with your audience, and deciding on what you can uniquely create that’ll solve the problems you’ve found. But it’s also an exercise in deciding how big the team is and who’s on it.

Jeff Bezos of Amazon famously coined a term for teams of this size: the “two-pizza team.”8 In other words, if the number of people on a team can’t be fed by two pizzas, then it’s too big. Initially conceived to create “a decentralized, even disorganized company where independent ideas would prevail over groupthink,” there’s some surprising science that explains why teams of this size are less prone to be overconfident, communicate poorly, and take longer to get stuff done. In actuality, that probably caps this team at or around six people.

Enter the work of the late Richard Hackman, a professor at Harvard University who studied organizational psychology. He discovered that “The larger a group, the more process problems members encounter in carrying out their collective work...worse, the vulnerability of a group to such difficulties increases sharply as size increases.”9

Hackman defined “process problems” as the links—or, communication avenues—among the members in a team. As the number of members grows, the number of links grows exponentially. Using the formula n*(n–1)/2—where n is group size—Hackman found that the links among a group get hefty very quickly (Figure 1-1).

Figure 1-1. The larger a group gets, the more “process problems” a group faces. This requires increased communication and can slow down decision making. (Source: Messick and Kramer, The Psychology of Leadership.)

Even though math wasn’t my favorite subject in school, let’s go through a few team size scenarios. Let’s start with Bezos’s recommended team size of six—assuming that two pizzas are appropriate for six people (although, I’ve been known to put away a whole pizza on my own from time to time):

Bezos’s preferred team size of 6 people has only 15 links to manage.

Increase that number to 10, and you already have 45 links to manage.

If you expand to the size of where I work every day, Tinder—70 people—the number of links grows to 2,415.

But managing more communication links isn’t the only problem groups face when they increase in size.

Larger teams get overconfident. They believe they can get things done quicker, and have a tendency “to increasingly underestimate task completion time as team size grows.” In 2010, organizational behavior researchers from the University of Pennsylvania, the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, and UCLA conducted a number of field studies confirming these findings.10 In one of their experiments, they observed teams tasked with building LEGO kits. Teams with two people took 36 minutes to complete the kit, while four-person teams took over 44 percent longer.

But the four-person teams believed that they could complete the LEGO set faster than the two-person team.

That’s why the notion of the two-pizza team is so powerful. It’s a simple concept that’s easily understood by anybody within your organization, and can be used to combat the “let’s throw more bodies at the problem” mentality that some organizations might be used to using.

OK, so we’ve figured out how big your team should be. But who should be invited to the party?

Everybody loves to be in product meetings. Especially when you’re in the deciding phase of deciding what to build.

Even Steve Jobs loved being in the room during this phase. “He told me once,” said Glenn Reid, former director of engineering for consumer applications at Apple, “that part of the reason he wanted to be CEO was so that nobody could tell him that he wasn’t allowed to participate in the nitty-gritty of product design.”11

Treat this process like you’re the bouncer at Berghain nightclub in Berlin.12 (Hint: it’s practically impossible to get in if you don’t speak German. And even then, Sven the bouncer, “a post-apocalyptic bearded version of Wagner,” enforces an obscure dress code that nobody can seem to crack.)

So, who’s in the room together? How much do they know about the pains you’ve found? And how do you frame the discussion?

At this point, you should have everyone who’s going to be involved in the creation of the product on the team. An example of this could include:

The product designer or product manager (depending on how your organization is set up, and if you’ll be working with someone else who will be designing the product).

The engineer(s) with whom you’ll be working to build the product—typically frontend and backend.

A representative from the team that will be launching and promoting the product; this could be someone from marketing or public relations to create a feedback loop between what will be promised to your customers and what your product is actually capable of doing.

While at KISSMetrics, Hiten Shah structured these teams with

...a product manager, a designer, and an engineer. Sometimes it’s multiple designers, multiple engineers, and sometimes it’s an engineering manager.

At times it can even be, sometimes, someone from marketing, if that makes sense, or even someone from sales. I mean, we have tried different methods. I’d say for different things, small things, big product releases, a whole product, it’s going to be different and for the stage of the company it’s going to be different.

Party Like It’s 1991

Regis McKenna had something to say about this process. When he saw how fast technology was changing society in 1991, he realized—like our friend Neil McElroy at Proctor & Gamble—that a new role would need to be formalized. This person would be “an integrator, both internally—synthesizing technological capability with market needs—and externally—bringing the customer into the company as a participant in the development and adaptation of goods and services.”13

If your eyes glazed over reading that, well, you should read it again. Because McKenna was responsible for launching some of the hallmarks of the computer age: the first microprocessor at Intel, Apple’s first PC, and The Byte Shop, the world’s first retail computer store. Oh, and one more thing: he was the guy behind the “startup in a garage” legend first made famous with Apple’s early days.

So, did you read it again? Did anything seem familiar?

Hey, he’s describing you!

You’re the product designer. The integrator. You’re the customer’s champion, their expert, their advocate.

This process requires you to lead your team through the research; to propose product ideas to eliminate your customer’s pain or find their joy effectively.

That, of course, means that everybody involved in building the product must be intimately familiar with the research that’s been conducted on your audience.

Take the opportunity as an “integrator” to build on your strengths as a team: what innovative technologies and design can you apply to the problem at hand? Even better, what can you and your team uniquely build for this audience?

I thought Josh Elman (Greylock Partners, Zazzle, LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter) had a great insight on this part of the product creation process:

The first thing is you have to trust your team. I think that sounds obvious, but it’s much harder in practice. I think a lot of structures and processes are built on the fact that there isn’t innate trust...next, get your team’s help in how to solve the problem. The team knows what they can build. The team knows how it can be developed. The designers know what kinds of things are designable and natural in the product and what kinds of things are not. All of this matters.

Don’t forget the Pain Matrix (Figure 1-2). What are the observations you made that fit into the upper-right quadrant where there is the most acute, frequent pain? How can you build your customers’ dream product? What are the pains that you’re uniquely capable of solving?

Figure 1-2. The Pain Matrix, a simple tool I created for myself. It’s intended to make sifting through and making sense of the research you’ve gathered much simpler.

The Pain Matrix is the perfect piece of collateral for when you’re hashing out what to build. This document becomes a communication device, an advocate for your customers. Everybody can see it and you can back it up with your data. Bonus points for direct quotes from your research.

“The thing to focus on is that yes, 100 percent of your users are humans,” Diogenes Brito, a product designer most recently at startup Slack, reminds us. “While technology is changing really, really rapidly, human motivations basically haven’t at all. Like Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, that’s still the same. Designing around that, the closer you are to the base level of what humans desire, the more timeless it’ll be.”

To reiterate: don’t lose sight of the actual, observed, tangible pains and joys that you’ve researched. Resist the temptation to delve into hopes and dreams. Just throwing an “MVP” out into the wild to “validate” something you spend time building is a waste of time, money, and talent.

You’re better than that.

Now, all you have to do is keep everybody focused.

Keeping Everybody Focused

There’s always a big problem when the club-like euphoria from a product meeting starts to turn focus into chaos. How do you keep everybody on task and debating healthily?

I highly recommend a whiteboard for idea collection and harvesting. This serves three practical purposes:

It’s difficult to remember what was said. You don’t want good ideas getting lost simply because there were too many thrown around the room.

It allows you to be visual. Not all ideas can be verbally explained; a low-fidelity medium allows anybody to sketch the central core of the idea without unnecessary detail. This allows your team to get ideas out of their head on an equal playing field.

It lets you take advantage of the natural tendency for the group to forget which idea was contributed by whom. This naturally allows the best ideas to float to the top and the worst ones to sink to the bottom. It’s hugely beneficial, especially if the group has a lot of ideas. The key here is to avoid attaching names to ideas, so you can avoid hurt egos and the so-called not invented here syndrome. Called the Cauldron, this was a technique used by Apple—sometimes even with Steve Jobs in the room. According to Glenn Reid, the former director of engineering at Apple, the Cauldron “let us make a great soup, a great potion, without worrying about who had what idea. This was critically important, in retrospect, to decouple the CEO from the ideas. If an idea was good, we’d all eventually agree on it, and if it was bad, it just kind of sank to the bottom of the pot. We didn’t really remember whose ideas were which—it just didn’t matter.”14

There’s also the benefit of timed techniques, like one used at online publishing startup Medium. With the right group of people in the room, the problem that needs to be solved is defined and “you have two minutes to write down as many ideas as possible [to solve it],” director of product design and operations Jason Stirman told me. “Then you have five minutes to put the ideas on a whiteboard and explain them. Then you have another two minutes to add to ideas...the end result is you just get as many ideas as possible. So we do that a lot here. We brainstorm a lot.”

The “Working Backwards” Approach

There’s another technique used by Amazon that’s particularly powerful. Known as the “Working Backwards” approach, this technique calls upon the product owner to literally write a future press release for the product—as well as fake customer quotes, frequently asked questions, and a story that describes the customer’s experience using the product.

In your case, this could be a future blog post that you’d put out about your product or feature instead of a press release.

What’s particularly unique about this technique is that this document involves every part of your organization that’s required to make the product successful—not just product and engineering, but marketing, sales, support, and every other part of your company. In other words, it forces you to think about all of the aspects that can inform your product.

Werner Vogels, Amazon’s CTO, describes the rationale behind the process:

The product definition process works backwards in the following way: we start by writing the documents we’ll need at launch (the press release and the FAQ) and then work towards documents that are closer to the implementation.

The Working Backwards product definition process is all about fleshing out the concept and achieving clarity of thought about what we will ultimately go off and build.15

According to Vogels, there are four documents included in Working Backwards:

The press release

What the product does, and why it exists

The “frequently asked questions” document

Questions someone might have after reading the press release

A definition of the customer experience

A story of what the customer sees and feels when they use the product, as well as relevant mockups to aid the narrative

The user manual

What the customer would reference if they needed to learn how to use the product

This all might seem like a lot of frivolous upfront work, but the method’s been used at Amazon for over a decade. And if you use it in conjunction with the Sales Safari method outlined in Chapter 2, you’d be hard-pressed to find a more customer-centric approach to building products. That way, you’ll be working on ideas that have their foundation in what real people need, as opposed to coming up with ideas that you try to plug into an amorphous audience.

At the center of Working Backwards lies the press release. A document that should be no longer than a page and a half, it’s the guiding light and the touchstone of the product and something that can be referred to over the course of development.

“My rule of thumb is that if the press release is hard to write, then the product is probably going to suck,” writes Ian McAllister, a director at Amazon. “Keep working at it until the outline for each paragraph flows.”16

Amazon’s view is that a press release can be iterated upon at a much lower cost than the actual product. That’s because the document shines a harsh light on your answer to your customer’s pain. Solutions that aren’t compelling or are too lukewarm are easily identified. Nuke them and start over. All you’re working with at the moment is words.

“If the benefits listed don’t sound very interesting or exciting to customers, then perhaps they’re not (and shouldn’t be built),” McAllister writes. “Instead, the product manager should keep iterating on the..

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doorrepcal33169 · 6 years