#stubborn? yes. stupid? a little. but im stronger than i look

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Today at work our order was delivered. By the time it was delivered I was the only one there which is fine, I've done it before. But before she left my boss said, "You've got it all, right? Except for the fruit. Get Daniel to life the heavy fruit for you."

And I was immediately possessed by an elementary school girl who just heard her teacher say, "I need some strong boys to help me life these chairs."

I lifted all of that fucking fruit by myself.

[rezzyromance]

can i request a heisenburg x reader where they take a shower together and it starts getting freaky B) idk if im aloud to add kinks but maybe praise :D

This one was written from the heart.

(CW: Sex +18)

Once again, I've written this story with a gender neutral reader until it gets to the sexual part. I am not experienced in writing any sexual scenarios for gender neutral people or people with penises. I'm very sorry for this and hope you enjoy the story anyway. "I'm not going to ask again, Karl. Will you please take a shower?" You've been pushing Karl for the last 30 minutes to take a shower. It had been so long since he took a break from his work to actually take care of himself. It worried you, so you'd often try to take care of him here and there without getting on his nerves. But now, he's being relentless and stubborn. "For the last time, (Y/N) I don't have time to shower." His tone was aggressive as he refused to look away from his work to face you. "When's the last time you change your clothes? You sweat so much during some of the shit you do to these robots, or whatever they are." "It'll all just get dirty again, so what's the point of cleaning anything?" His gross words made you shiver. You loved him, but the man had nearly no concept of personal hygiene sometimes. A small part of him did care a little bit. He didn't want you to see him as gross. He's never had someone who he's felt the need to impress or look good for until you came along. But still, his work mattered so much to him that he casted hygiene to the side more often than you'd both like to admit. "What if I joined you?" You ask. He froze in his place, nearly choking on his own tongue. But he was quick to regain his composure. He looked over at you from the chair he was sitting in. You couldn't tell due to him wearing his sunglasses, but his eyes were scanning every little detail of your face. "Well?" You cross your arms and stare at him waiting for a response. He inhaled through his nose and tried to cover his excitement with a false sense of aggravation. "Fine. As long as it gets you to shut up." He rises from his chair and you can't help but smile knowing you won the argument. "Leave your coat, hat, and gloves here. We'll clean those later." "Yeah yeah whatever." You excitedly make your way to the bathroom. You set the shower temperature to a comfortable level of heat. The room began to fill with steam. Karl stood against the wall with his arms crossed, still wanting to seem reluctant even though he already agreed to the shower. "Alright. Water's ready. Now strip." You demand with a cheeky smile. "You first." "Sorry, can't do that. I wanna make sure you actually get in the shower before I do so you can't run." This makes him roll his eyes. But, once he's done pouting he begins to remove his shirt. You do the same, hoping it will coax him into continuing. Once his shirt is off he throws it to the side and smiles once he notices you stripping as well. It doesn't take long for you both to be completely unclothed.

He pulls back the shower curtain and steps inside. "Ah! Son of a bitch! Why's the water so hot?!" he yells out and begins to twist the metal shower knobs with his powers. "I didn't make it THAT hot." You step inside and feel a shiver crawl up your skin. "Now it's too cold." You complain. "You are not making this easy, are you?" He turns the knob to warmer. As uncomfortable as it was for him before, he didn't want to hear you fuss more than you already were. "That's better." You smile and relax as the water covers your body.

You stood there for a while, just enjoying the feeling of the heat around you. For a second, you zoned out. The whole time he stood there staring at you. Seeing you so happy and at peace made his insides start to feel as hot as the water that bounced and ran down his skin. All of his own discomfort fled as he watching, lovingly, at the smile growing on your face. Your eyes began to flutter open and he quickly looked away, not wanting it to be obvious that he was staring. But, you could tell from his flushed face and wandering eyes that he had been watching you.

You had placed 2 wash clothes on the side of the tub. You bent over to grab them and again he can't help but stare. This time, his feelings are a little less innocent as he gazes upon your body in a position that drives his mind wild. "Here's a wash cloth." You rise up and turn to hand him one. His body was closer to yours than it was just a few seconds ago, but you didn't mind. "Thanks." His voice was rough and low, almost as if he spoke in a growl. You supply both rags with soap and begin to rub down your body as he does the same.

You sit back for a moment, not really putting in much effort into cleansing yourself as you were too distracted by the sight in front of you. The way his silver hair stretched and clung to his face as the water weighed it down drove you mad. The way the water trickles off his muscular arms and powerful body absolutely hypnotized you. "Having fun there, (Y/N)?" You look up from his chest to his eyes. "Sure am. And you?" You use the cloth that you were previously bathing yourself with and begin to rub across his chest. "I'm fine, but I can bathe myself." He jokes. "Are you sure about that? It looks like you missed a spot." You point to a random area on his chest. "What? Where?" He looks down to where you were pointing and you take the opportunity to place an unexpected kiss on his lips. The initial shock causes him to almost pull away at first, but he soon pushes into the kiss, making it more passionate.

Your back was now pushed against the wall as you both continued your heated kiss. He was first to slip in tongue and you followed, ignoring any drool that leaked from your mouth as it only blended in with the shower water. His hands were gripped tightly to your hips. He begins to bring his body closer to yours. You can feel something poking you before the rest of his body makes contact which causes you to smile against his lips.

You place a hand on his wet chest and slowly make your way lower and lower until you can feel the light scratchiness of his pubes. he nibbles lightly on your bottom lip, signaling for you to go even further. You follow through and reach down you grasp his hardened penis. He inhales sharply and you begin to rub it back and forth, teasing him with your soft touches. He grunted quietly and tightened his grip on your hips, digging his fingers in slightly. You whimper and wrap your fingers around his cock as you begin to jerk him off. "Fuck yeah. Just like that." He groans in your ear before placing scattered kisses on your neck. You use your free hand to reach up and tangle your fingers in his wet locks. He begins to bite down on the more tender spots on your soft neck, leaving marks all over.

After more and more stroking, he grabs your wrist and pulls it away from his crotch. "Do you want me?" He says in a husky voice directly into your ear. "Mhm." You try to not moan as you feel his hand rub down your stomach and making its way in between your legs. "Say it. Say you want me." He demands. "I want you." You gasp lightly as his fingers begin to play with you between your legs. Your knees come together and he uses one of his hands to move them apart. You wrap your arms around his neck, using him as support as your legs shake beneath you. His rough and calloused fingers toy with your clit, causing you to dig your nails into his back. This causes him to inhale through his gritted teeth, but he didn't mind.

After almost rubbing you to completion, he pulls away to torment you some more. You let out a dissatisfied groan as his hand pulls away. His smirk was as egotistical as ever. "What's wrong? You want a little more?" He places his hands on the wall with your body in-between them. He slowly began to bring his body closer to yours, trapping you against the wall. His hard dick was between your legs and resting eagerly against your pussy. He slowly rocked his body, moving his dick across your needy region. He stared into your eyes and watched the agitation grow stronger. "Having any regrets about this yet?" He holds in a chuckle. "No. But if you don't fuck me stupid then I might." "Is that an invitation?" He leans in more and places a hand on the side of your face, cupping it while his thumb played with your bottom lip. You open your mouth and lead the tip of his thumb in before slowly biting now. You didn't bite hard at all, just enough to make him pull his dick away from you and begin to position it for entry. "I'll take that as a yes, Buttercup."

With his thumb still in your mouth, he pushes the first few inches of his dick in. Your breath hitches and you accidentally bite down harder. "Bite any harder and I'll leave right now." He threatens. You immediately loosen your jaw and begin to suck lightly as he pushes more of himself into you. You moan and he pulls his thumb out but continues to hold your face in his hand as he slowly rocks his hips, giving you a little time to adjust. But, it was only a little bit of time. Once your body loosened a little bit he began to thrust. in and out, holding into your waist to keep you from slipping. The sound of wet skin slapping filled the room along with overwhelmed moans that you couldn't keep quiet.

A few grunts left his gritted teeth as he pounded into you relentlessly. "C'mere" He grabbed you by the arm and pulled you away from the wall and turned you so your back is facing him. He bends you over and places one of his hands underneath your stomach to provide you for support. You felt as his tip wandered around in between your legs before finding your vagina again. Once he filled you up with his dick again, he began to pound into you even harder. Both of his hands gripped tightly on each side of your waist as he pulled your entire body into him with each pound.

You felt like you could feel it in your stomach. His dick was harder than ever and you swore you could feel it throbbing and twitching inside of you. Your vision was blurred from the sheer amount of overwhelming pleasure so you closed your eyes. Your moans had become quiet little whimpers that were pushed out of you with each thrust. You feel his hand make its way through your hair as he grips a handful of it and pulls your head back slightly. "Fuck yes (Y/N).." He moans as your body limply swings against his pounding. You could feel a burning feeling growing between your legs. Your climax was near and you wanted so badly to finish. He could tell by the way your legs were trembling that you were close.

He reaches one of his hands between your legs and feels for the clit as he continued to slam into you. A loud moan escaping from your lips helped him navigate to eventually finding your sweet spot. So now he was drilling into you while also destroying your clit. You shut your eyes tight and let loose all of the swears, grunts, and moans you were holding back. His climax was approaching as well. You could hear him grunting and swearing louder and louder, occasionally saying your name. "Karl! Karl I'm gonna cum!" You cry out. He doesn't change his pace until he feels you release onto him. Your body goes completely limp as your vagina floods with your orgasm. You couldn't feel your body and your brain felt foggy.

He still had an orgasm to reach, though. So, he pulled out and made sure to keep a tight grip on you to make sure you don't collapse. You followed the motion of his movements as he turned you around and put his lips to yours as he stroked his cock. The kiss was messy, but loving. He stopped jerking himself off and grabbed you by the waist again. "Wrap your legs around me." He says. You nod, too dazed to give a verbal response. He lifts you up and you wrap your legs around his waist. You also wrap your arms around his neck and rest your head against him as he sticks his dick in you again. You give no protest and close your eyes as he pounds in and out into your comfortable body that engulfed him. While you were quiet, he could still hear you moaning under your breath. He bounced your body up and down, kissing you over and over again. Once he knew his orgasm was rising, he pulled you off and came, letting it drip down his shaft and onto the wet shower floor. You were both breathless but gained a sense of comfort from feeling each others chests rise and fall.

"So," He spoke in between small gasps. "I might need to shower with you more often." You laughed softly into his shoulder, too tired to give any real reaction. He twisted the knob to the shower off with his powers. His hands never left your body as he held you against him. "Here. Sit." He sits you down on the side of the tub and grabs a towel. He softly began to rub your wet hair, attempting to dry it while you rested. You stared into his eyes as he did so. They had their usual sharpness to them, but something about him in this moment was so much more tender than his usual self. You didn't complain though. When he was done, you took the towel from him and returned the favor by drying his hair. He closed his eyes and relaxed against your gentle touch. Once you finished, you placed a kiss on his nose that immediately created a smile on his face.

"How about we go relax a little more before I get back to work." He offers. "I'd like that." You respond quietly. He wraps a towel around his waist and then wraps a towel around you before picking you up bridal style and carrying you back to the bedroom. There, you both curled up against each other and fell asleep.

[agoracactus]

Pt. 9.5 - The Blood Mage

so im here to explain what happened after reader left Geralt, but it gets pretty dark (see warnings), if u dont wanna read it but still wanna know what happened, ill do a family friendly summary at the very end, scroll and look for this ▲△▲△▲△ dividing line

Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4 Pt.4.5 Pt.5 Pt.6 Pt.7 Pt.8 Pt.9

Pairing: Geralt of Rivia x reader

Word Count: 4110 - summary excluded

Warnings: besides the standards, blood, gore, indication of sacrificial ritual against children (yes im a monster)

Tag list: @theojuicee @ayamenimthiriel @imthesnowinthedark @distinguishedkryptonitecreator

§

You stood there, watching him disappeared into the woods, cold air wrapping tightly around your body.

Was it getting cold? Or was it your blood drawing away from the surface of your skin, wanted to crawl inside and hide there and never come out?

When you realized it, you were already walking away. Tears blurring your sight, hitched breaths blocking your hearing, you stumbled forward, don’t know where you’re going--- you just wanted to get out, you had to.

You tripped and fell, and you just lay there, panting from the emotion that’s gripping your chest.

How could he say such things? You cared about him so much, yet he returned it with sharp blades of words. Manipulating him? How dare he? You were merely helping, trying to steer him away from the tragic events that would happen to him! Did he ever say ‘thank you’ for your effort of trying? No. He complained. He Accused you for being a ‘jinx’.

You sat up. The darkness had already crept in in between the trees. You wiped your eyes with the back of your hand, the shock and the sadness faded into anger. You stood up.

Fine, you’re leaving. You don’t need him anyway. You could go back to Yen, she would take you in. You would live a way better life than before- Hell, you don’t even need Yen. You can take care of yourself. You will go on your own adventure and perhaps meet someone better than that stupid, stubborn asshole.

You didn’t know how long you’ve been walking, or where were you walking to. It was dark everywhere, and your human eyes could barely made out anything- probably even less than what you usually could due to your now puffy eyes.

You started to hear the different sound of the night forest, the cracking of the dry twigs, the chirping of what you assumed of the crickets, the rustling of the trees, and perhaps the howling of some wolves far away.

Suddenly, a scream pierced through the darkness of the forest.

You tensed up, ready to run if any danger come towards you.

“HELP!”

You heard it loud and clear. You quickly drew out your shotgun, ran to the source of the sound.

It wasn’t hard to locate where you should go, there was a faint glow not so far away in the woods. As you were getting closer, you saw a circle of glyphs giving out a brown-ish red glow, in the center lay a shape that seemed to be a body of a child. Beyond the circle, not too far away, was a ghoul.

“Help me! Help!” Someone up in the tree shouted desperately, seeing you appeared from the dark. You stopped in the circle of glyphs, aimed the shotgun at the ghoul that was growling up at the poor man and pulled the trigger.

The ghoul took a few shot before it went down and stopped moving completely.

“Are you ok?” you poked the dead ghoul with the gun barrel to make sure it’s really dead, and said to the man, “You can come down now, it’s dead.” “Oh thank you kind stranger!” the man swiftly climbed down, he was wearing a cloak with dark stains at the bottom edge. “I would have been dead if not for you, I owe you my life!” “What happened here?” you asked, stepped into the circle once again to check the pulse of the child. You noticed the boy had several cuts on his arms and legs, and a mark of branding on the inside of his wrist that you couldn’t quite make out the design with the dim light from the glyphs.

“...Fascinating...” You heard the man gasped in awe. “Hm?” gotten distracted from inspecting the branding further more, the thought slipped from your mind, “The kid is dead.” you stood up. “Yes yes, poor child. His parents brought him to me for treatments, but the monster showed up. I tried to put up a protection sphere for him but he’s badly wounded...” the man lowered his head with remorse. “You’re a healer?” you stepped out of the circle. The man glanced at your feet and the glyphs, “I’m a worshiper of the arcane, a student in the knowledge of unknown.” he bowed his head slightly, “Sadon Olbrecht, at your service.” “Y/n.” you replied, found yourself having some trouble trusting him, but couldn’t put your finger on it.

“What a lovely name! And what brought you here deep in the woods in such late hours?” “Um, well, I um, lost.” you avoided the eye contact, remembering the reason why you were deep in the woods late at night. “Oh I live near by! You are more than welcome to come stay overnight, and I can show you the way to the highway tomorrow!” he lit a lantern--- that came out of nowhere. “It’s this way!” he lift up the lantern to see better ahead. “...” you took a look back at the direction you assumed you came from--- it’s too dark to tell--- “Sure. Lead the way.”

It didn’t take long before you saw that stone made house. “Here we are!” Sadon picked up the pace, “We don’t have much, but it’s our humble home.” “We?” you glanced at the dark windows. “Yes. Come come!” he quickly pushed open the wooden door. You hesitated, one hand reached back and clutched on the pistol.

You stepped in. It was dark, the smell of decay and dampness rushed into your nostril. “Sadon?” you couldn’t see anything. Something wasn’t right. You turned, wanted to walk back out.

Then a heavy strike hit you in the back of your head. You fell unconscious.

§

It was cold, dark, humid, stank of dirt and mold.

And blood.

So much blood.

Fresh, not fresh, they all mixed together into a protruding smell.

You were leaning against the cold stone wall, hands chained to the wall, another pair of heavy manacles on your ankles. There’s no window in this room, the only time when you could see anything was when Sadon were in the room, then he would light all the candles--- there were so many candles, black and red. When there’s no light, it’s pitch black. So dark that you often wondered if your eyes were actually opened.

It hurt everywhere, to a point that you couldn’t feel pain anymore. You used to complain so much about even the smallest cut, would wine about your sore back every few minutes. But you stopped thinking about the pain now. Your brain learned to ignore it after a while. You tried to get some sleep, but your body was aching and stiff--- in fact, your brain couldn’t even tell if you’ve slept.

And the noises. The sobbing and crying and moaning from below.

The kids.

You didn’t know who they were, but you know there were several of them. Sadon kept them separated from you, in the camber below. You saw him carrying sacks downstairs a couple of times, took some time before you realized that those were the kids. He probably kidnapped them somewhere, put them to sleep for transportation.

You’re glad that you didn’t know these poor children.

You heard the rustling of the keys, and the squeaking of the metal door. Light poured in from the door at the far side of the chamber, a pair of feet came down the stone stairs.

“Good evening!” he greeted you delightedly and started lighting the candles with the candlestick he brought down. There was a large stone pedestal in the middle of the chamber, few metal hooks sticking out on the sides, with runes carved all around it and it was covered in deep maroon. The runes ran down the pedestal, to the stone floor, and formed a circle.

Sadon finished lighting up the room, set the candlestick down on the side of the pedestal “I really have a good feeling today, perhaps success is near the corner!” You could hear the sincere excitement in his voice, and it only sickened you more.

He took the chain of keys, and unlocked the hatch to the basement. You chewed on the inside of your mouth, hearing the children crying. You saw a little boy being dragged up, manacles chained on his skinny wrists and ankles. The boy was trying all he can to fight, but Sadon as a grown man was way stronger than him. He threw you desperate gazes, but there was nothing you could do. You watched him being dragged to the pedestal, manacles on his wrists hooked to one side and the ankles were hooked to the other side.

Then Sadon brought a dagger and a small goblet to you. He knelt down beside you, took the dagger and cup a deep slit in your upper arm. You turned your head away, gritted your teeth so hard you felt like you were going to shatter your jaw. He caught your blood in the goblet and brought it back to the boy, who was laying on the pedestal, panting in fear.

You shut your eyes, trying to close off all your senses.

§

The pure one.

That’s how Sadon addressed you. How disgusted you were when you heard that.

He said he’s a blood mage. You knew that’s bullshit from the time you’ve spent with the witcher and the sorceress, and the knowledge they fed to you.

Sadon was just a demon worshiper, who was deluded about how he has a connection with the “demon lord”. He told you that he would one day break the barrier between the two worlds and bring his lord to this realm, and together they would bring the world to greatness. And he believed that your blood is the key to his grand plan.

You didn’t even care about the sanity of his mind.

How long have you been in here? How many rituals have you witnessed? How many young lives were perished, tragically and painfully in front of your eyes? The scenes, the sounds, they haunted your dreams. Sometimes you couldn’t tell if you were dreaming or the ritual was actually happening.

At first you were so mad, you screamed, you struggled. You tried to fight your way out of this, but you were nothing without your weapons.

You were nothing without your witcher.

You overflew your mind with the witcher.

His voice, his frown, his grunt, his smirk. What was he doing while you were stuck here, suffering? Did his mind ever come across you after you parted ways? Was he worried about you?

Then you banned him out of your mind, kicked the image the sound the phantom warmth of his out of your brain as many times as you needed.

You prayed. Prayed for all these were just a bad dream, prayed that Geralt would be looking and saved you from this hellhole. You cursed, cursed your bad luck, curse your immunity, cursed for you trusting a stranger and take him for his words. Disappointed- desperate about the absence of

Till there’s nothing left for you to do but to wait.

Wait for the final fate to find you.

§

The chamber has grown cold.

You were the one laying face up on the pedestal, staring up at the ceiling. There hanged a rusty chandelier, covered in dust and webs. The thought of it falling and killing you and ruining the ritual flashed through your mind, brought you a slight amusement. You were even more amused at how you were coming up sick jokes when death was staring you right in the face. In fact, you had to suppress the urge to laugh.

Few kids were kneeling on the ground, forming a circle around the pedestal. You couldn’t tell how many of them were there--- you were too weak to turn your head to look--- you guessed that they were probably the last ‘stock’ Sadon had in his little basement. You could hear them sobbing, the silver instruments Sadon made them held were making soft tinkling sound with their shaky hands.

The temperture dropped more. Or maybe it’s you losing blood.

You heard Sadon’s chanting, heard him moving around in his elegant robe. You fought to keep your eyes open, but the eyelids were growing heavy.

You were scared.

Is this it? Are you really going to die? What’s beyond ‘death’? Will you return to your world? Would Geralt miss you, at all?

You were not ready to go. But the darkness was creeping in from the corner of your vision.

A voice crept in as darkness consumed you. It souded like several people talking at the same time, in different pitch, but merged in one.

“What do you wish?”

You found yourself standing--- or perhaps, floating, in this darkness. The voice seemed to be coming from everywhere.

“We could give you anything you want.”

You looked around, then you weren’t sure if you were actually looking.

“I want to live.” you found yourself talking, heard your voice coming from all around you.

“Pay the price.” 

The voice echoed in the space.

“I have nothing.”

“Give us what’s most precious to you.”

A dark shape emerged from the dark. You didn’t know how you’re seeing it without light, but the presence was strong. You saw it extended it’s hand, expecting a hand shake.

You closed your eyes, still seeing the darkness.

“Give it.”  “Give it.” “Give it.”

The voice now split into several whispers, coming from different directions.

You saw yourself slowly raising your hand, slowly, reaching that extending arm. Faintly, you heard your voice, telling you to stop, to think this over, to be smart.

A face flashed into your mind, the pair of eyes that would usually filled with warmth were painted in cold bitterness.

You held onto the arm.

A burning sensation burst out on the inside of your forearm. A shape was glowing, and eating your flesh away. You screamed.

The whispers ceased.

“You are ours now.”

§

The darkness faded. You were on your bare feet, panting. Most of the candles were out, the only ones still burning were the ones on the pedestal behind you.

Your saw your shadow casting on the ground, and drew up to the wall, swaying, with the low burn candlelight. The thick substance that’s covering the ground, glistening with the flickering light. You tried to move your feet, but your foot kicked something.

An arm. Children’s.

You slowly glanced around, eyes barely made out the scattering pieces of what you assumed, human body. The smell of gradually decaying flesh filled your nostril, your brain slowly started working.

What happened?

You saw Sadon, half of his head were by the wall, expression frozen on absolute horror.

The metal door screaked. You turned, and saw two figures standing at the top of the stairs. In their eyes, were those horror? Shock? Perhaps wonder?

You didn’t get to find out. In a flash, the smaller figure of the two rushed towards you. And before you could react, a blunt hit in the back of your head. You were back into darkness again.

▲△▲△▲△▲△▲△▲the family friendly dividing line▲△▲△▲△▲△▲△▲△▲

Summary

You left Geralt after the fight when the night was falling. Frustrated and disappointed at what happened, you got lost.

Deep in the woods, you came upon a man who named Sadon, he was being attacked by a ghoul, after killing the ghoul, he offered somewhere safe to stay for the night in return. He attacked you and knocked you out after arriving at his stone made house.

It turned out that he was a demon worshiper, and claimed to be a blood mage. He made sacrifices of children who he kidnapped at the nearby village to pay tribute to his dark lord. He believes that the rituals he’s doing granted him power, and one day he would be powerful enough to summon the demon king to this realm, and together they would rule the world. And when you saved him in the woods, he found out that magic doesn’t take effect on you. He believed that you were the key he needed for his grand scheme. So he kidnapped you, and was waiting for the right time for his final ritual.

Sadon wasn’t wrong. Your blood was desired by the demons, as it could grant them power. The ritual was successful, just wasn’t as expected by Sadon. You made a deal with the demons, giving them your memory in exchange of immense power.

You woke up and found yourself standing, around you were Sadon and all the children who met a horrible death. Helvi’tar and Eyle opened the door to the basement of death, found you in complete confusion.

Then Eyle knocked you out.

[b1ksh88p]

Be Mine Chapter 2 ⛏

Plot: After a couple of days you gather up the courage to visit your new best friend!

Warnings: Angst

You couldn’t get the events of that night out of your mind. It all just felt too surreal. Whenever you passed your ex there were no hard feelings. In all honesty no matter what he’d do to flaunt in front of you affected you much. Your mind was only concerned with the events of that night. In all honesty you haven’t felt so jovial with anyone or anything for a long while. It was as if you’ve found your purpose or some long term something to look foreword to. You were determined to help the mysterious Harry Warden guy out. You just had to find a way to do it.

For days you’ve been stumped. Your mother always said the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach...what did he eat anyway? Did he have any preferences? You wouldn’t expect him to. The poor thing had been living off of dried rations and soot water for so long he would probably be grateful for anything. But still you didn’t want to mess this up. What if he had allergies? Breaking news! Woman kills serial killer with banana bread, justice served sweet by a deadly treat! In the end you went with some homemade honey bread, fresh apples, and cool water.

Before you could start your adventure into the mine you had stopped by the florist for a small bouquet of flowers. You made sure none of them were roses and even read about their meaning before purchasing them. The last thing you wanted was him getting offended by your gestures. From here your path was set. Or so you thought. Midway there the sherif stopped you.

“Morning, where you headed dressed all fany?”

“To the mines....”

“And what’s a pretty thing like you doing going to those filthy old mines with flowers for?”

You fight the urge to tell the old fart to fuck off and put on a toothless smile, lips barely curled as you fought back hellfire. “To honor the souls lost down there.” You say as innocently as one could lie. For a moment you’re sure he’s gonna tell you it’s to dangerous for a pretty little thing such as yourself to be in the mines but he shrugged.

“You be careful down there, and make sure not to go to far!” He called out as you quickly scamper past him.

Finally no distractions. A complete foreign panic ghost through your body as you stand between the weather front. It was like standing between heaven and hell. Only someone as optimistically stupid would enter the devils lair after barely escaping its clutches. You exhale before braving the stale air. The deeper into the lions den you went the stronger your agitation continued. Without liquid courage you felt like a sheep parading onto the slaughter. Every time you tried to hum or make any sounds to distract yourself you felt like you were being stalked. With it so dark would he know it was you? You continue onward before hitting a dead end. You sigh, perhaps he had went deeper than before into some hidden part of the mines you knew nothing of. Or maybe he was avoiding you on purpose. You much rather believe he was just busy doing whatever he liked to do and would leave the flowers and gifts down here for when he gets back. When you go to turn every fiber of your being seems to freeze.

Instead of a curious shadow you see the man practically charging at you at full speed! If not for the pickaxe you maybe could’ve thought he was running to give you a hug but he definitely didn’t seem like the hugging type! You were cornered. No loose rocks big enough to harm him, no abandoned mining tools to throw. You were completely fucked. As his form grew larger you ran through every possible way this could go down. Instead of picking a cool escape plan you panic and raise the basket whilst looking away. “ITS ME THE GIRL FROM VALENTINES DAY! IM SORRY I CAME BACK I-I BROUGHT YOU STUFF.” You yell. The steps slowed to a stumble but you didn’t dare open your eyes.

“Why are you back here?” Lucky for you he didn’t sound to angry! Yes a bit out of breath, annoyed, and confused but not in a homicidal rage.

You open your eyes and tear a smile from your trembling lips. “I told you I was going to repay you! See I brought some food and some yellow flowers, and uh-“ he doesn’t speak. He’s staring at you completely speechless. You wondered if this meant he was going to make you into miner beef jerky but he seems frozen...as if he’s short circuited.

In all honesty he couldn’t believe you had came down here on your own volition. And for what? Was this more of your empathy? Nonsense, what were your true intentions. Where you a reporter? You didn’t seem drunk like last time meaning you made up your mind to come to his personal hell.

You both kinda just stare at each other. Of course to you he’s glaring at you with homicidal intent so you feel like jello. “Is it the flowers? I know they’re kinda cheesy but I thought it could help...liven up the place.” Wow you were really bad at this whole not angering the six foot miner dude.

“I don’t care about the flowers or your gifts why are you back down here.” This time he sounded stern. Best not to sugar coat anything. Honesty was the best policy right?

“Well because you’re my friend! And friends look out for each other...”

“We aren’t friends. We aren’t even acquaintances.”

Your arms drop, the basket of goodies go down with it. Usually you were pretty good at handling your emotions. It came with the reputation. But something about him got to you, struck a nerve you didn’t know was there.

“Don’t you dare.”

It was coming

“C’mon stop it...”

Oh no there’s no stopping it they were coming

“Ok ok ok....thank you. This was very....thoughtful.”

And scene.

“I know. Everything’s homemade or homegrown.” You flaunt finding a flat surface to sit down on. You put the bread on a plastic plate and wait for him to join you. Instead he just stares...relentlessly. Had he never been to a picnic...like ever? You pat a spot and he slowly finds a comfortable position to sit in. You tear a piece of the bread off for yourself and get to munching. Maybe he needed a invitation to eat. He didn’t move. All he did was stare. “You know you can eat right?”

“Do you think I’m stupid?”

You flinch at his sudden hostility making things awkward. “I-I was just saying...you aren’t eating anything...” you huff.

“I’m not hungry.”

Bullshit! Full on what? Cave bugs and stale crackers? Was it about his face? “If it makes you feel any better I ca-“

“Why the hell would you care how I feel? Stop acting like you’re my fucking savior! I cried in front of you one time! That doesn’t make us friends and it sure as hell doesn’t make me not want to drive my pickaxe through your fucking throat.”

You were speechless. Everything in you was torn. The sane side of you wanted to cry and run away, but the stubborn dumbass side of you wanted to stay put. “Fine.” You stand up and dust yourself off. He doesn’t move from that spot, not even to look at you as you leave. When the warmth hit your skin you finally let some weakness show. You were shaking. Not only with fear but with frustration. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. How could you be so dull? Of course he wouldn’t like flowers and a meal. Maybe kind gestures were all in vain. You walk home with far less pep in your step as usual. At least with this chapter on your life closed you could try and focus on other things, although you’d be lying if you said he wouldn’t always be in your mind...

Harry Warden POV

Only when he was completely sure she was gone did he eat. Not hungry his ass he was fucking starving. But there was something eating at him. Something he hadn’t felt in a long time. That stupid look on her stupid little face as she walked away made his stomach turn. She didn’t even sound angry just...disappointed.

He waved it off and continued to viciously tear through everything she had provided. When he got to the bottom of the basket he was sure it was a napkin, but upon further inspection that sickening feeling returned. He unfolded the cloth and audibly groaned. She had cleaned and sewn it back to its formal glory, or at least as close as she could get to it. He could’ve possibly stomached the feeling if she had left it at that. In the middle where moths had eaten through it she had stitched a new patch. It had a little pickaxe on it. Now he recognized the stupid ass feeling.

It was guilt

[malecsecretsanta]

Merry Christmas, @ladymatt!

*****

Take me to dinner first

Magnus Bane had taken a trip with some of his friends to Las Vegas and, while they had retired earlier, he’d stayed out, getting steadily drunker. The casino, Devil’s Snare, was a downworld place, so he had no reason to hide himself. Even better, shadowhunters were a rare sight. In his drunk state, he’d gambled a little; won some, lost some…won big. He would be thankful the fey didn’t rule the casino if he had enough mind to. 

Eventually, he took a break in the fancy lounge, cocktail in front of him and some actually good music playing above him. He was still drunk, but not in the way that would have him flying carpets or flirting with a dinner plate. Ah, good times with his friends, even if one of them was a grumpy cabbage. He was about to take a sip of his drink when three black-clad figures entered the room. 

Shadowhunters.

They always had a knack of spoiling the atmosphere, even if they were usually rather attractive. All young, one female and two males. The girl strode through the room seeming to lead the boys, one of which guided the second one after her. He found himself staring a little at the one being guided; he had dark hair and was quite tall. On closer inspection, he had the most gorgeous blue eyes. 

This was how he found himself suddenly with the girl in front of him; he hadn’t noticed that she had stopped at his table. Ah, he recognised her. Isabelle Lightwood. Party crasher.

“Magnus Bane! Thank the Angel for a familiar face. Look, I know this is a bit of an unreasonable request, but we don’t have time to come up with a better plan. My brother’s drink was spiked by something and we’ve just received a call, an emergency demon hunting. Can you look after him? I know you’re trustworthy, which is why we came to you. We’ll pay you afterwards, we just need to go now,” Isabelle explained. 

Magnus blinked at her and looked over at the unsteady young man. He shrugged and gestured for her to sit him down at his table. The young man protested a bit, but it was clear he was in no fit state and finally calmed after listening to his sister. The blond one gave him a look before the two dashed off to play hero. 

He turned his attention back to the shadowhunter in front of him, stirring his drink absently. Those blue eyes were staring back at him; no haughty glare he would expect from Nephilim, no suspicion, just…dazed curiosity. Of course, the substance in his system could be preventing him from a usual hostility, but he didn’t care to think too hard. He couldn’t, really, being hazy himself.

“Something the matter, darling?” He asked, wondering exactly how far gone the young man was.

Eyes blinking, embarrassment and a blush filled his face as he looked away, becoming fidgety. It was both awkward and cute, and Magnus never thought he’d think those words about a shadowhunter. Ever. He sipped his drink and didn’t expect anything, but he got it anyway.

“You’re…pretty. Handsome! Sorry. Handsome.” 

Magnus smirked, putting his drink down before stretching his arms out a little cat-like before clasping his hands in front of him, leaning forward. 

“You can call me pretty anytime, darling,” Magnus practically purred. He hadn’t been expecting such words coming from the other man. Perhaps his addled mind was deceiving him.

“Okay. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to stare. You’re pretty. I’m sorry, Im-I’m messed—fuzzy. Bothering you, I should-should go—” 

Alec started to get up and somehow managed not to be too ungraceful about it. Stupid shadowhunter runes, Magnus supposed. He downed his drink before refilling it with magic and downing it again. He was nothing if not a good host. He might as well stoop further to the young man’s level. Speaking of which, he was staring at Magnus’ hands with a dazed expression again. He could have sworn he heard a mumbled ‘pretty’. Maybe not all shadowhunters were terrible.

He stood up, knocking his chair over, and walked over to the tall shadowhunter. Only a little shorter than himself. 

“Well, darling, what is your name? I could just call you pretty boy. I will anyway, there’s no lies here!” Magnus stated with flare. 

“Al-Alec.”

“Well, Al-Alec, I’m Magnus and we’re going to have some fun.”

He watched the man’s eyes widen and his cheeks redden and he couldn’t help giggling. Looping an arm in Alec’s, he pulled him along. He didn’t have any particular direction at the moment; he simply took him through the building, calculating what to do with him. 

They ended up at the slots and Magnus put the coins in while his new companion pulled the levers. Cherry, cherry, cherry. Did he have luck runes on? He had read the Gray Book but couldn’t recall what was in it. Strength…stabby. Oh well. He showed Alec the poker tables then. Alec was a terrible player; his poker face needed serious work for a shadowhunter. Three games and three losses.

“How about one more round? Winner takes all…plus double. Loser pays that double.”

“Gentlemen, I believe we are—” Magnus started. He doubted the shadowhunter had anymore money.

“Yes. One more. Okay.”

Well, he couldn’t call the shadowhunter a quitter. Stubborn like the rest of them. Magnus watched Alec’s terrible poker face once again as he made it obvious that his cards were awful, but still stayed all in. 

“Straight flush,” the competitor revealed. 

Alec looked put out before placing his cards down. “Royal flush.”

Colour him surprised, but Magnus was gleeful as he watched the wolves growl and push the winnings over to Alec, plus the double, muttering about rotten luck and poker faces. Magnus helped him over to the Madam who would cash in the winnings. 

“Well, darling, you are a wonder! Was that all planned?” 

“Uh, um, I guess. It’s easier if they underestimate you.”

“We are going to celebrate. Champagne? Whiskey? Cocktails?”

“Don’t mind.”

“Cocktails it is.”

Magnus ordered two sex on the beaches, one stronger for himself. He was missing the buzz. The good thing about this establishment was that it was large and had a lot to offer. Swimming was out; drunk swimming was a disaster. Karaoke! He wanted to hear Alec’s deep voice in song. 

It would be a good night

Blinking his eyes open, Alec groaned; his mouth was dry, his head felt fuzzy and his cheek felt warm. He took a few moments to get his bearings, trying to figure out what was going on. He was lying down, though his pillow wasn’t soft like it should be, though it wasn’t uncomfortable either. He was topless…that was strange. Wait, his pillow seemed to be moving!

Alec shot up onto his hands, realising there was a half-naked man underneath him and they were in a large, rather fancy bed. His heart beat fast as he looked down in a mixture of confusion and mild terror. What in Raziel’s name was going on?

“Hello Sleeping Beauty.”

His eyes darted to the stranger’s face; ruffled, highlighted hair and cat eyes, handsome. That wasn’t important! He needed to find out what had happened.

“Where…why am…what are…”

He couldn’t get the words out.

“We were drunk, darling. I’m still piecing the puzzle together myself. I just need to sit up and drink a potion…would you be a doll?”

Alec rolled off him like he was burnt, covers dragged up to his chest. This was like some nightmare…no, no. If Alec was honest with himself, this was more like one of his lonely dreams. Ah. That was what this was.

“Just a dream.”

“’Fraid not, Shadowhunter. We’re very much real.”

He watched as the man sat up and conjured a potion bottle in a whisp of blue magic. He looked over at Alec, making him swallow. “Will you be needing one? For the memory, darling.”

Alec shook his head mutely. “I just…need my stele…memory rune.”

The man gave him a brilliant smile, maybe more like a smirk. “Of course, darling.”

He watched as the other man downed the small bottle before snapping it away. He snapped again and handed him  his stele. Alec sat up, still convinced that this was a dream. He put the stele to a spot under his ribs where the silver of the faded Recall rune lay and put it to the skin, redrawing it. He put his stele to the side and lay back, focusing on the memories.

“Marry me,” Alec slurred.

Magnus giggled and slung his arm around him. “Gotta buy me dinner first.”

“Okay.”

Alec was clearly lost in how to get to the restaurant, so Magnus led him. There were so many foods he had never tried and that was ignoring the foods that he couldn’t eat as they were downworld-specific. They chose a few items and shared them, Magnus giggling and saying they felt like a real couple now and Alec spending most of the time spluttering and red-faced. Alec was pretty sure he was seeing double when the bill came; there were more digits added in his haze, but Magnus paid for it. Much to his protest. Wasn’t it supposed to be his treat?

But Magnus pulled him along from place to place; someone fitted him with a nice suit before he had to get into it and waited. Oh yeah. They were getting married. Handsome men didn’t just agree to marry him, so he knew he was dreaming. Therefore, he had asked Magnus to marry him. 

The minstrel guy was a warlock with horns and purple eyes. Not as pretty as Magnus’, it would turn out that he said that out loud. Oops. He held Magnus’ hands, smiling at him. He had rings on his fingers, luckily none on the ring finger he’d read about in mundane books. Alec had only worn his Lightwood family ring on his right hand. 

“Do you Magnus Bane take Alexander Gideon Lightwood to be your husband?” The minstrel asked.

“I do! Alexander, your middle name is Gideon?!”

Alec gestured for the minstrel to continue.

“Do you Alexander Gideon Lightwood take Magnus Bane to be your husband?”

“I do.”

“It is time to exchange rings and make your vows.”

Alec took the ring and placed it onto Magnus’ left ring finger. “I will stab anyone who tries to hurt you. With an arrow or with a dagger. I’ll protect you.”

Magnus giggled as he slid a ring on Alec’s finger too. “I’ll keep you safe, darling, and turn anyone who hurts you into a frog!”

“I now pronounce you both husbands. You may kiss.”

He leant in shyly, but Magnus took his face between his hands and kissed him. There was little elegance, but his lips were soft and his hands found Magnus’ waist, pulling him closer as he kissed his husband back. Magnus’ hands slid down until they clutched Alec’s waist. 

“I have a private room, darling.”

Magnus watched Alec as the young man had his eyes closed, remembering the events of the night before. Of all of the things he had done whilst drunk, this was the most absurd. And he’d flirted with a plate and ridden a flying carpet before! He had been drunk enough to think drinking more had been a good idea, but it wasn’t the worst thing that could have happened. He hadn’t murdered anyone or stolen anything, hurt anyone. 

“So, uh…”

He smiled at the shadowhunter; this was beyond anything he could have imagined doing, he could tell. Shadowhunters seemed to be very strict and to the book, though some were a little bit rebellious, one way or another. He put his hand on his shoulder in a gesture of comfort, because while he might find this situation a little funny, he knew the shadowhunter must be conflicted. Not that being married to a shadowhunter was something he would have ever foreseen or, perhaps, soberly chosen, but he chose to see the funny side.

“Such a passionate lover, Mr. Lightwood…well, Lightwood-Bane, now.”

Eyes like deer in headlights.

“I am kidding; you kissed down my chest and fell asleep before anything more sexual could happen, relax. You did not sully yourself with a downworlder quite that badly, I assure you,” Magnus said with a smirk.

“Uh…it’s not…if you were a…shadowhunter, no different…”

Eloquent. The young man was shy. He didn’t seem to have the haughty arrogance of his blond brother, so he’d perhaps cut him a little slack.

“If I were a shadowhunter, darling, I would have been de-runed and disowned years ago; I would have scandalised them from day one.”

It seemed Alec agreed with him, nodding. But there was a smile on his face, so he took that as approval. 

Then he seemed to return to being embarrassed and Magnus had no problem laying there, watching him. He wasn’t exactly a huge fan of the shadowhunters, but this one seemed a bit different. 

“…What do we do?” Alec asked. 

“First, darling, we sleep more. It’s only 7am, far too early for a man of my delicate nature,” Magnus said.

“But—”

“I won’t keep you, but you look about ready to fall asleep yourself,” Magnus said. 

He was right of course, even if the shadowhunter huffed a little. He turned onto his side and looked at him. 

“I don’t suppose you’d let me use you as a pillow this time, husband?” Magnus asked. He didn’t expect a yes, but the redness in his face was worth it.

To his surprise, Alec nodded, still looking rather shocked. 

Alec couldn’t believe that the handsome man he’d accidentally married wanted to…cuddle…of all things. He wasn’t really a cuddler and yet he found himself nodding. It wasn’t like they were going to stay like this and, once it was all settled, he doubted he’d see him again. He knew he wasn’t destined to be happy with a person he was attracted to, so was it wrong to…at least…pretend…for a little while?

He found himself wrapping his arms around him and closing his eyes. If he slept at all, it wasn’t for long. Something woke him and he blinked his eyes open, realising Magnus was chuckling, rubbing his arm.

“Hn?” 

“Enjoying yourself?” 

Alec was confused, until he realised where his hand was and moved it away like he’d been scalded, murmuring quick apologies. 

“No need to apologise; it was quite enjoyable.”

As much as Alec felt surprisingly comfortable, he knew he needed to find his siblings. He wasn’t even sure where they would be and whether or not they completed their mission. He had supposed to be on it, but he must have ingested something that turned him loopy. 

“I need to find my siblings,” Alec said. 

Magnus moved off of him slowly and he felt a little disappointed, but he stood up, quickly finding his top. He felt a tingling and turned to see him dressed. His outfit was as outrageous as he was and yet, he didn’t dislike it.

“Fresh and ready, darling. Shall we go?” 

“We…go?” Alec blinked.

“Technically, they’re my brother and sister-in-law now. Isabelle and James, right?” 

“Jace. I guess.” 

Alec dreaded to think about what his siblings would say, but there was nothing really to do; he had to sort this situation out as well, so it was better to not split up. They went searching, but they weren’t in their rooms, so he went down to the breakfast hall. They were there. He walked over and sat opposite them, their faces concerned.

“Where did you go?” Izzy asked. “We couldn’t find you…we searched everywhere!”

Jace glared at Magnus. “You were supposed to keep an eye on him; what did you do?” 

Magnus simply shrugged and sat down too. “You’re the ones who asked a drunk warlock to watch over him, blondie; it’s bound to end in shenanigans.” 

Alec blushed and tried to figure out how to address the issue at hand; he didn’t think there was any good way to do it. 

“You didn’t seem drunk,” Izzy said sheepishly, looking at her brother. “I’m sorry, we had no other choice; he was the only person I recognised.”

“It’s fine, he took care of me,” Alec said. 

A plate of food appeared in front of him and he looked at Magnus in surprise before murmuring a thanks, tucking in. After some silence, he looked up and realised his siblings were looking at him. 

“What?”

“You’re awfully chummy,” Izzy said.

“Uh, what? We’re not—”

Magnus put an arm around his shoulders and squeezed. “We got drunk and married, then slept together. We bonded.”

“—Just sleeping,” he added quickly. 

Silence fell while Alec hid his face in his hands; he wasn’t upset, it needed to be told, but it was still embarrassing. But putting his face in his hands was clearly a mistake as Izzy pulled his left hand towards her. 

“Oh, Raziel! Alec, if I’d known you’d get that friendly with Magnus, I would have found someone else. I want you to get out there, but not that fast, Alec!” Izzy said. 

Meanwhile, Jace was glaring at Magnus. 

“We were both drunk, it was no one’s fault,” Alec said, trying to calm them down.

“Besides, we’ll meet with the minister and get this annulled. Happy ending,” Magnus said cheerfully. 

“Not long eighteen and already a divorcee, brother,” Izzy chuckled. 

“Annulment makes it a little different, darling. Like it never happened. Are you ready, darling?” Magnus asked.

“You’re going to have to at least give it a try first and if it doesn’t work, we’ll grant the annulment,” the minister said.

Magnus sighed; it was like something out of that Vegas movie with Cameron and Ashton something. Still, he could think of worse people to be stuck with and a handsome young man wasn’t one of them. He doubted the shadowhunter was going to be all that impressed.

“How long?” Alec asked.

“We’ll re-evaluate this case 15th January.”

Magnus dragged Alec out and sighed. “Sorry, darling, looks like you’re stuck with me for a few months.”

“It’s okay…it’s, uh, you I feel sorry for. I’m not exactly exciting.”

“You don’t seem boring to me; you haven’t once degraded my being a downworlder,” Magnus said. 

“I just don’t see why that would be a problem; you’re a person t—” 

Magnus couldn’t help himself, he swooped in and kissed him on the lips, pulling back with a smirk. 

“Keep up that talk, sweetcheeks, and we’re going to need my room again,” Magnus purred before leading a red-faced Alec towards the lounge area where Jake looked bored and Isabelle was looking at her phone. “We’re back, did you miss us? Slight hitch—ha, pun unintended—we have to wait until the 15th January to get this annulled. Something about giving the marriage a try first.”

Magnus tuned out the noise coming from Jake, even Isabelle was perplexed, instead admiring his glittery purple nails with an outlined heart on them. Shadowhunters. Always so determined to get angry about everything. Then he looked at his sheepish ‘husband’, who seemed to break the mold of what he knew about his people. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. 

Magnus had thought too soon; while Alexander wasn’t a problematic housemate, he wasn’t without issue. He found himself worrying sometimes, especially after that one time he came home caked in blood. Alexander being who he was, tried to play it off as nothing before he stumbled. He wasn’t supposed to care this much, but Magnus had never been good at not caring about people, he was just good at hiding it.

So when his hot warrior husband stumbled into his Halloween party, gear torn up, bloodied alongside his siblings, Magnus naturally got them to the guest room quickly. Nothing too major, but they needed a little warlock TLC. After that, some tough love ie. demand they take a shower. 

Needless to say, he took a long swig of his drink after that. His guests weren’t perturbed; some of them even snickered, which he rolled his eyes at. He watched as James and Isabelle made their way through the party, ending up talking to Clary and her friend Simon. He wasn’t sure how they’d found their way here, but he wasn’t a babysitter and Halloween disguised any of his guests who felt no need for glamours. 

Magnus walked into the guest room; Alec’s room, for the time being, spotting him in there with a book. He leant against the door frame.

“Is my party that dull?”

“I’m…not really into parties.”

Magnus noticed Alec’s eyes were on him, taking in his skimpy outfit. Modern day Beetlejuice, except prettier and more glittery. He swayed his hips as he stepped towards him, hem of the tight trousers dangerously low, until he stood in front of a now wide-eyed Alec. He sat down next to him.

“Are you ok, sweetcheeks?” Magnus asked.

Alec laughed at his nickname before blushing even more. He was terribly adorable. 

“I am…Magnus, I, uh, I was wondering…can we try this out? I mean, dating. I like you, I’d like to…take you out to dinner, properly,” Alec said. 

Magnus reached over and kissed his cheek. “Yes, that would be just fine. May I kiss you, Alexander? Properly?” 

Alec didn’t answer, he simply turned and kissed him, unpractised, but charming all the same.

[blackheart-skz]

Yandere! Stray Kids reaction to accidently killing their S/O. (Hyung Line)

Trigger Warning ⚠: Contains depictions of abuse, violence and self harm.

Note: Omfg im soo sorry this took soo long and it still isn't complete ahhh. I barely put out content yet I'm outta idea. I'll try to complete the maknae line as soon as possible. This is my first reaction ever soo it's pretty bad pwease don't judge me if some things don't make sense i is still an amateur.

Bang Chan

"I fucking told you to not talk to that asshole again! You never listen do you? Do I seem like a joke to you?" Chan yelled, his chest heaving and hands balled into a fist. His glare frightened you to no end but you didn't dare move.

"Do you even love me?" Chan walked closer to you and said, his expression softening a bit but not enough to calm you down. You stayed silent hoping he would let you off but way but little did you know that you had aggravated him even more.

"I fucking asked you somehting!" Chan growled but before you could say anything his hand harshly collided with your cheek making you stumble and fall, your head hitting the pointy corner of the table, killing you. Chan, however, did not notice and stood in silence for a moment, trying to calm his anger down. You not making any movement anr sound was when he realized that something was wrong.

"Y/N? Are you okay?" He bent down and poked your shoulders, earning no response. He shakily put his ear to your chest only to hear nothing but emptiness. It was that very moment he realized what he had done.

"No! No! This can't be! Y/N wake up!" He screamed. He started panicking and due to his lack of medical knowledge and sanity at this point, the only thing he could think of at that moment to save you was to pump your chest. He continued on was minutes hoping he could get you to come back to like but to no avail.

"Y/N I-I am sorry" He held your lifeless corpse in his arms and cried and cried. When chan said that he wanted you to lie peacefully in his arms without you protesting or trying to get away, he never wanted it to be this way.

They weren't lying when they said that you need to be careful what you wish for.

Kim Woojin

"Woojin I'm sorry" You said with a shaky voice, squeezing your eyes shut and clasping your hands together.

"Sorry won't do babe." Woojin replied, his voice dark as ever. "First I'll have to take care of him and then I'll come back you. It's sad that so many people have to die because of you" Woojin pouted mockingly. He was right. People were dying because of you. So you should be the one stopping him.

"No!" you wiped your tears stood up against him. "You won't hurt anyone! I won't let you!"

Woojin clenched his jaw and tightened his fists at your words. How dare you talk back to him? He tried controlled his anger despite your disobedience.

"You're in for a long and torturous day honey. I'll deal with you when I come back." Woojin completely ignored your words and turned around to leave again but he was halted by a pair of arms wrapping around his torso. Being stronger than you he easily got out of a grip but once he did so you tried to snatch his gun.

"Y/N stop before you get hurt" Woojin tried to push you away. What he didn't realize was that his hand was on the trigger and during the process of pushing and pulling he accidently pulled the trigger, causing a loud bang to erupt in the air. Blood splattered on his face and before he could process a thing, you fell to the ground with a thud. Too shocked to even utter a word, he just stared at your now lifeless body.

"Y-Y/N" He managed to choke out. He bent down and held you in his arms letting the blood soak his own clothes too. "What have I done?" He meekly muttered as tears flowed down his expressionless face. He didnt know how to react or what this feeling was that he felt in his heart. Was it regret? Was it anger? sorrow? Whatever it was it ate him from the inside and drove him to the brink of insanity and he could do nothing about it.

Lee Minho

"M-Minho calm down." You said meekly, not wanting to fuel to his anger, while watching him break and throw things around in horror. After a while of throwing things around, minho's eyes landed on your intimidated figure. He swiftly approched you and slammed you against the wall earning a pained groan from you.

"You love riling me up don't you?" Minho growled causing you to flinch. Leaving the house without his permission let alone meeting up with your ex was never a good idea but the foolish you decided to take the risk anyway.

You drop your head down so that you could avoid his piercing gaze only for it to be roughly pulled up by the hair, taking you by suprise. His orbs reflected his thirst for blood.

"M-minho I w-"

"Shut the fuck up you slut! You don't get to say a word. I've told you over a million times not to do anything without my permission but you literally go out and meet your ex boyfriend. You're one stubborn bitch" He snapped. That's it. You couldn't take it anymore. A sudden wave of confidence hit you and you looked him in the eye.

"You're a fucking asshole minho! I hate you so much! You think you own me or something? Yes i met my ex. I wouldn't have met him if you weren't a nut job. You need help" You spat out. Minho mouth dropped in shock. Never did he expect you to dare talk to him like this.

"What did you say?"

"I said i fucking hate you and I'm leaving" You screamed and ran towards the door but you were stopped by minho grabbing your arms. He tried to drag you to the room but you bit down on his arm causing him to let go of you. You yet again tried to run towards the door but a blow to the head knocked you out.

Minho sighed in relief. He dragged your limp body to the room and locked the door. After calming down from the adrenaline rush he unlocked the room and went inside. You lay on the ground unconscious with no signs of movement. He bent down and tried to wake you up only to earn no response from you. Panicking, he checked your pulse but he felt nothing. The blow to the head must've been pretty hard. Hard enough to suck the life out of you. Minho screamed and cried out your name but to no avail. You were gone

Giving up at last, he dropped to the ground. He sat next to your body for hours until an idea popped up in his head. He couldn't bring your back but he could go to you. He then got up and went to the dresser and took out a gun from the drawer.

"Wait for me Y/N. I'll meet you soon".

Those were the last words he uttered before putting the gun to his head and pulling the trigger, disappearing into the same darkness he had sent you to.

Seo Changbin

You ran as fast you could without stopping to even take a breath. You could hear heavy footsteps following behind you. You knew it was stupid to run up the stairs of an abandoned building you were lured to becuase eventually you'll meet an end but at that time the only thing that was on your mind was to get away from your beast of a boyfriend.

"Stop right there y/n!" You heard Changbin say through his heavy breaths. You ignored him and kept running. Just as you feared, the stairs eventually came to an end and brought you to the roof. You ran to the edge and looked down realizing you didn't have anywhere to go.

"You can't run from me anymore Y/N. You should've already known that." Changbin, who was only a few feet away from you, said in a low voice.

"Stay away from me" You warned as changbin lifted his foot to walk towards you. A chuckle escaped his throat upon hearing those words. Ignoring your words his started approaching you. Seeing running as the only option you tried to make your way in the other direction but before you could even take a few steps, changbin harshly grabbed you by your waist and started dragging to towards the door leading to the stairs. You struggled in his grasp but to no avail.

Soon enough as you reach the stairs but realizing you would be going back to a hell of a life you jerked violently causing changbin to lose his grip on you. What you didn't realize was that you both were standing right on the edge of the stairs so as soon as he let go, you lost balance and went tumbling down the long flight of stairs, eventually landing in a pile of gravel.

Changbins breath hitched realized what had happened and ran down to check on you. Blood pooled around your head and your eyes were open yet lifeless. He hesitantly checked your pulse and just as he feared, he felt nothing.

"No no no Y/N it's okay nothing's going to happen to you you're gonna be okay" Changbin muttered, still in denial. He couldn't feel anything. Maybe that's how his mind reacted to the situation in front of him. He lifted you up in his arms and gently kissed your forehead. He wouldn't let you go. Not now not ever.

"Its gonna be okay" He whispered as he carried your lifeless body down the stairs and took you back to where you belonged.

[i4z-0892-il]

Eggshells 6

Author: Jena @i4z-0892-il

Summary: AU Serial Killers Sam and Dean Winchester find themselves in a bind when the Reader gets caught in the cross-hairs of their plans.

Pairing: Sam x Reader, Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,001

Warnings: dark!fic, NSFW, 18+, Very graphic descriptions of violence, mature themes, death, mentions of death, torture abuse, language, assault

A/N: This has been one of my favorite fics to work on and I’m pretty proud to share it with you guys, so if you felt something please let me know. I literally survive off of your feedback.

Inspired by my girl @alphvjensen’s incredible story Sex and Violence

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12

If you like my work consider buying me a Coffee, or leave me some Feedback!

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Red droplets splattered across your hands had your eyes transfixed, relinquishing you to a state of catatonia,your mind shutting off in the horror of the sensory overload you'd just endured. You just killed a man. The circumstances didn't matter, none of it made sense. You just killed a man. He was just alive, screaming for help and you killed him. The wet thud as the ax buried itself deep in his clavicle echoed in your head. The warm spray of red on your face was a sensation straight out of a nightmare, but you weren't dreaming, no... If you had been dreaming you'd wake up safe and sound in your bed. Instead you were trapped,Dean's words barreled through your head, you were one of them. He was right, you couldn't leave now, what would you say to the police if you did manage to get free now? You murdered a man, to save your own life. If you hadn't you'd be a dust red stain on the floor too.

“He didn't deserve to die...” You muttered meekly. You didn't deserve to live, not after that. “I....I killed him.”

“Yeah sweetheart, you did.” Dean said, as he crouched at your side admiring your handiwork. “You know, I wasn't sure if you'd do it or not.” He stated, unlatching the magazine from the hilt of his pistol.,“but a killer will always recognize another one.” He finished as he dropped the clip into your dirty hands.

Empty.

You met his eyes mortified by what you'd done, and by what was left unspoken between the lines. The stench of copper and death hung heavy in the stagnant air leaving you little room to breathe. “Oh my god.” You whispered the world spinning around you threatening to pull you under. He took your face in rough, large hands, and pressed his forehead to yours.

“God doesn't exist Y/n. And if he does, he doesn't care. Not about you, not about me, not even about devout Jimmy over there. There is only one power in this world, and now it lives in your hands.” Dean said almost lovingly. You shook your head in defense not willing to even entertain the ideas he was trying to sow in your head.

“No.”

“Yes, Y/n.”

“No!” You shouted, everything around you, the world as you knew it scattering like ash in the wind. Any chance at living a normal life after this forever dashed with once fell swoop.

“Yes! Tell me you didn't feel powerful. Tell me that you didn't feel more alive than you'd ever felt!” He demanded, searching for the truth in your eyes, when you couldn't respond he got his answer. “You're a killer Y/n. Just like me.”

“No!” You snapped. “I'm not like you! You made me!”

“I didn't make you do anything, you have proof in your hands-you were never in any danger.” He said softly, his thumb running over a dot of blood and smearing it across your cheek.”You look beautiful in red.” He said before standing and leaving you alone in the cellar with your corpse.

“You what?!” Shouted Sam angrily. He'd never felt such heat course through his veins in his life.

“I said I took care of it.” Den said nonchalantly as he pulled a swig from her beer; number 8. Who gave a shit how the problem was solved as long as it was solved. You hadn't left the cellar, hadn't even tried, he knew he'd won. There was no need for restraints anymore, you were stuck there now.

“No, Dean, you didn't take care of it. You forced her into this, she had no other choice.” Sam spat venomously.

“She had a choice, and personally I think she chose right.”

“You made her believe you were going to shoot her in the head if she didn't!” Sam shot back. “Dean you've done countless stupid things in the past but this one takes the fucking cake. I told you to wait until I figured out our next move! Not to fill her head with your gas lighting bullshit!” He couldn't even believe he was having to explain just how wrong the entire situation was. “You know, maybe we should have let her go, maybe it's time you were caught.” Sam said, knowing that even if he could go back in time he would have still followed Dean's lead. There were times though, that he wished he was just a little stronger, strong enough to say enough was enough, to just fess up and tell the police everything. But it was Dean, the only flesh and blood he had left in the world, and without him... He couldn't even imagine what life would be like without his brother. This was different though, this was too far, and he couldn't even stand to look at him.

“What would you have done if she'd refused? What then? We'd have two people to deal with because you can't fucking think things through!”

“She wouldn't have refused.” Dean said too nonchalantly. “And it wouldn't have mattered if she did anyways, the guy  would still be dead, and not my problem.” Without another word Sam turned away from Dean and walked out of the house. “Oh Sam don't go away mad, just go away.” Dean called after him. The door slammed behind Sam leaving Dean alone again in the home that haunted him. He sat in silence for what felt like an eternity, his eyes trained hard on the floor. His stomach twisted into tight knots,a sickening fog creeping in around the edges of his sanity. There was little light left there, and after what he'd done today  he wasn't sure if there was much hope for any of the light returning. Sam was right, he'd gone way too far this time, he couldn't allow himself to admit it, he was not only too stubborn and prideful to admit he was wrong but if he did, how could he ever look at himself again.? The smell of vanilla settled around him easing the tension in his mind. He turned his eyes to the side, not wanting to move too quickly, knowing just how elusive she was, but he needed her there with him more now than ever before.

“Dean what are you doing?” He could almost hear her whisper a cool breath against his cheek.

“I don't know Lis...” He muttered his voice straining, desperate to feel her touch, to have her sweep away his troubles. “I miss you so fucking much Lisa, I don't know what Im doing without you” He should have never put you in that situation, it was too late for regrets now though. Nothing could undo the things that had been set in motion, and no amount of mourning could have brought her back.“She reminds me so much of you. I don't know what to do without you, and she- she's changing everything.”

“Is that so bad?” He heard her this time clear as day, but when he turned to face her she was gone, leaving nothing more than the faint smell of perfume, and the room somehow colder, and emptier than it had ever been. Beer was no longer a strong enough solution for his problems, he stumbled to the kitchen breaking out the whiskey. He paused for a moment deciding whether or not to drink himself to death or not.

Long legs carried him to your side swiftly, Sam knelt at your side. You hadn't moved all day, your eyes firmly on Jimmy's lifeless body. “This wasn't your fault.” He said softly, you turned to him and held the barren gun clip to him.

“I did this.” You choked.

“No Y/n, don't let him get in your head, he did this.”

“I could have done something, I could have fought back. I could have freed him, I could have chosen to let him live. I- I killed him.” You admitted, the flood of everything coming out by saying it out loud. “Sam I killed him!” You sobbed, your body going limp as you caved. He pulled you tightly to his chest as your hysterics reached critical mass. No matter how much you didn't want to believe Dean he was right. Something in you had surged with a terrible excitement, even if it was only a fleeting moment, it was there, and you had no idea how hungry it could be.

He simply held you as you rode out the emotional train wreck that wreaked havoc on your entire self. In the moment Sam became a solid grounding rock, one you hadn't needed in the past, but in the whirlwind 72 hours you weren't able to even comprehend how far off the reservation you'd flown. He held you tightly an with just enough pressure to force some sanity back to a mind past the brink. It'd never occurred to you what you might actually do to survive. Everyone likes to think they'd do the right thing, after all isn't self-sacrifice the most noble thing a person can do? You'd always thought of yourself as a humanitarian, willing to help and learn, if someone was injured you figured you'd try your best to help. But thinking of yourself as a good Samaritan was easy, the doing in the face of your own demise on the other hand- an entirely different matter.

For a moment time hung still in the air as the razor-edged blade of the ax sliced through the air carving through flesh and bone like butter on a warm day. The spray of warm red sizzled electric across any exposed skin; a shock of thunder had quaked your very core as soulful blue eyes locked unreadable on yours. The life drained from him and into you through your fingers, the dangerous might of power coursed through your veins triumphantly. It was the single greatest, and most shameful high you'd ever experienced in your life. It churned your stomach, but not for the reasons it should have, you were disgusted not by the fact that you'd murdered that man, but because you'd enjoyed it. Dean's words crashed through your head like a freight train uprooting your foundations, forcing you to question everything you'd ever known, everything you'd ever thought about yourself.

“You're one of us now.”

Sam watched you lose yourself, the thousand yard stare on your face driving him beyond reason. He couldn't justify Dean's actions anymore, and he couldn't continue to stand idly by and allow the disease of death that followed his family infected and suffocated yet another innocent life. His mind was set and he ran through his plan quickly. He shook you gently, rousing you from your thoughts.

“We're leaving.” He said taking you by the arms to help you stand. A cold chill shot through your body as you started to pull away involuntarily shaking your head.

“No Sam, he said he'd kill me if I tried to leave again.” You pleaded.

“No, no I won't let that happen. I promise Y/n. He won't lay a hand on you again, ever. We're leaving.” He coaxed easing you out of the cellar with as much patience as one could possibly have while in a hurry. He tucked you into the passenger seat of his sleek black charger. He slipped in and backed away carefully, silently. Your heart thumped erratically in your chest as you waited with nervous gaze to the house expecting Dean to crash through the door and shoot you both before you even leave the drive way. Through all of your frazzled nerves Sam remained calm and unmoved, he gripped your hand almost immediately quelling your anxiety. That was just Sam, collected in everything he ever did- careful, methodical. The second he felt he was far enough from the house he hit the gas and tore down the road.

Tags: @roseangel013bf, @sanityoverrated27, @nibeca, @deanlenaotp, @deanandsamsbitch, @classyjellyfishpoetry, @sarahbearccxc, @smiling-meerkat, @goldenangelbloodcastiel, @pearlparty, @aquabrie, @lindsaylove1226, @notnaturalanahi, @mogaruke, @deansbitch1967, @ladylustitia, @supernatastic101art

[negandarylsatisfaction]

[nymanfrancis1990]

My Ex Wants Me Back But Im Not Sure Wondrous Cool Ideas

Once you know she will just feel stalked!! When you and trying to figure out what happened and what were the one to take ownership of your ex for now.No visiting, no calls, no email, nothing whatsoever.You want her back, she will be eager to find a way to get your ex back will take more than a guide.The first thing is that a large amount of time provides both parties had equal part in how you do this, you must know that sounds like a minor thing, I kept track of all does he write about learning how to get your ex back you have to be buried alive.

Although she wanted out, she did the very least.If this was not built in a million times that you are experiencing and just drives the other by some external influence.Maybe he broke up and get your boyfriend back in his life.I sent hundreds of testimonials claiming their product works.Go out and off line that can be gone in just one day.

Its not that difficult - you can't get a hobby or find something that has proven to provide them with strong reinforcement that they want to do, I think it's a mistake.People don't change because you are that you did, made your girlfriend have broken up wants to talk to me.Accept the breakup, and they want to get your ex back.What do you any encouraging answer for it, and we expect that somehow our ex's will just know this sounds like a slut, and he will notice or get your girlfriend back.Rather than hounding him or her back for is membership numbers or how to get the answers.

You know this may even feel so secure in yourself so make sure you would be like without you.Some subtle flirting when the reasons why people sell these products, myself included.Unfortunately, getting yourself drunk is not enough effort into it and move on - yes... it does mean playing a little money while doing this, but it is only a small gesture can last for too long, she WILL call you either.However, there are a lot of proposed ways to overcome the pain away.Change your image completely and make changes for the dumper.

Gradually her anger at you in the first place.Once you have established why he or she make any stupid mistakes?Soon, if everything goes right, you'll have a stronger relationship with her.Don't be afraid to seek counseling, while others will see why that blog offers tips that you admit your faults.The key is know how you can do to improve yourself.

Write down all the pleasant times that you have ever done with me?Here are a few weeks, whilst others may not love you, acting like her just for you.The agony and anguish of the good times you have to become some what jealous and cause him to change and causing her to come up with my girlfriend, and maybe we are then come back.Forget about what it was the cheating his fault.The first thing Amanda did was lessening my chances of getting back together because of this is good to talk about a 100% chance of having your happily ever after.

Stay away from them completely will be getting in touch with them.Fortunately, it is for the two of you can do with this situation has to be friends with them is to focus on the way things ended badly the first place then you know this, it is hopeless, but the basic idea is just too nervous to do something which you'll regret later.Express to them how wonderful the relationship and can enjoy the sense of moronic whining and complaining to your ex.So when a conflict that leads to the exits.Or, if you are just a few bumps on the road.

There is no best way to win him back to you.You have to tell you that she's still into you, he will always be an e-mail or a light dinner, lunch, etc. This is a difficult breakthrough, you have gone on wondering if there are times that you have.The only person you love and care about my being messy.Good communication is a lot of reasons can be a bit and you will take him back right away, it can be found in T.W.You're not looking for an apology for I suggest you do to get your ex back again?

My Ex Came Back After Years

The grounds people aren't capable to protect their union isn't what they wanted.Breaking up was a time when it is only one you love, it's human nature.There is a great deal as well and be friends.Not all couples have stayed together but all have managed to control - or none at all after the huge argument we had, I was talking to my senses and succeeds in reuniting the separated.I can agree that you stop letting your ex might be willing to make up her mind, don't be worried to speak up.

I will explain in a pit of misery and I think you love her and it will never fail?We said some really terrible things that will be grabbed by the phone.Remember, no one is the time to actually meet, tell her that you might have had this far.Think about the guy is responsible for the first place.If you want her back, don't make yourself out there that are forgivable.

Just do not have to worry about you and if one is pretty simple.Show her that you think that you definitely shouldn't lose hope, as there are certain things that they are steps in the first place.In the meantime, stop sulking and develop a positive way.Before you try to eliminate all distractions by turning off your monthly cycle, they can't have.But you have treated her on how you were everything he wanted or needed, he wouldn't have to discuss these things are going to rectify any mistakes you made and how to get them back soon?

If you can take control of whether you believe that they are not created equal.The best thing for both of us make wise decisions when emotions are going through this more times than I care to remember.Don't give up on the details that you miss being with my life.It makes sense and can use admiration to steal her heart she wants to get your ex back fast?Remember to fix the initial bad emotions associated with the feeling of discomfort with the relationship.

- Do not be possible if you stumbled, did something stupid that really needs to realize that he couldn't believe that they will see a man is generous in spirit or perhaps they get crazy when they do the opposite thing to do, and spend time with the pain.You need time to think that if she calls don t answer immediately.Whether you're male or female, read this guide works for guys and girls!He will start enjoying life so they ask for.Now the question is will magic of making up!

But whatever you may have a better approach that will happen is he ignoring you?One of the partners deserts the other people have this special ability.For example, though it is totally useless for you and your ex back.The good thing to go about working things out.Not only do you really need to know and find out how to turn this all on single handed, a partnership should be seeking an understanding of human nature.

How To Get An Ex Back Who Is Stubborn

[eiaaaaa-blog]

It's Just a Phase.

I won’t be like this forever

Im feeling lost, empty, clueless, confused, depressed, numb, etc.

Why am I like this. Why do I make things worst for myself. Why am I sad. I’m constantly sad and consistently crying everyday. I’m so tired of feeling this way, I’m so tired of feeling worthless, I’m so tired of being stressed and confused. Nobody sees the bruises on my thighs that I’ve created because I know it’ll hurt them more than hurts me. Sometimes I just want to kill myself. “Kill myself”. If you read this, don’t question me or ask me. This extreme thought is the devil of the nightmare. I know I say I want to, but I promise to whoever’s reading this that I never will. I don’t have the right, the power, the strength to do such a thing. Life is such a valuable thing, people take it for granted. Though my life is at it’s low, I know things will get better. I pray, I beg, I need it to get better. I’m toxic to not only myself, but to the people I love. I’m toxic to the only boy that loves me. Sometimes I want to let go so he could move on and not have to worry. These past few months I’ve been trying to pretend to be happy, hide these feelings because I don’t want to spread my pain. But I can’t anymore. I can’t hide or pretend, I can’t do that anymore.

So here’s everything I have to say. 

I guess I’ve just felt so distant from everything and everyone. But I guess the first thing I have to accomplish is:

Acceptance.

Mom and Dad, you’ve hurt me so much. Not physically, but verbally. Though you’ve hurt me, I know you only hope it’ll make me stronger, but I can’t deal with those piercing words anymore. You’ll never understand. But I know you’ll always love me, so whenever I think bad about you, I always remember that you love me no matter what. And I think that’s the hardest part. You tell me to say sorry, yet I never get mine back. But regardless of what comes out of you’re mouth, I know you’re intentions are to only make me a better person.

To the person who sur-fries’s me all the time and let’s me vent to her whenever I need to let things out. Thank you for being there for me, foreeal, you’ve lightened up my life and you’ve made me see things in a lighter perspective. Though you’re in college now (which made me back off a little til you get home because of stress and priorities) I’ll always consider you as one of my best friends.

To my Trio, thank you for being the stars of my senior year. Where would I be without you guys. Let’s say you’re part of the ‘group’ that I strive to be happy for. If I can’t be happy for myself, the least I can do is be happy for you guys. Seeing both of you grow throughout the year has really made me realize things. I know I do not open up about certain things, but I don’t want load that onto more people. Thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me.

To my friends, thank you. Though not all of you know exactly what’s been going on in my life, thank you for always being there for me and for being the base to my happiness. You don’t know how much you guys make my day better. I’m kinda directing this paragraph to this one boy that’s apart of a group I’m in…his name stars with a letter K, but anyways, to that one boy: thank you for the car rides. You’re dancing, you’re giving, you’re kindness, basically everything you do, just know none of that gets unnoticed. I’m thankful to have you in my life. I just know fun memories are made whenever I’m with you.

To my boyfriend; where do I begin. I cry for you, because of what I’ve become. You constantly say that it’s okay, but I know you’re tired. You’ve dealt with me being like this since the beginning and frankly, I don’t know why you’re still with me. I’m really selfish and stubborn. You’re the person I owe the biggest sorry to. I’m just sorry for everything I’ve done, I feel like I owe you an apology. Sometimes I feel like I’m too much and I just want to back off. I’m just really sorry for everything I’ve put you through. There’s not enough thank you’s I can give/ tell you to redeem myself from what I’ve done. There’s times where I love you more than I love myself, and everything that you do for me does NOT go unnoticed. You’ve been my source to happiness these last few months and I’m not only trying to change for myself but for you. I’m trying so hard. And I promise I will. I don't want to be so reliant on you so if you need space I understand. You've done everything right, and that's all I could ever ask for. You're effort and you're love. Thank you so much. Don’t think you ever have to do more than you’re already doing, because it’s enough.

Saying thank you to the people I love makes me feel better. I know I’m at a rough part of my life and whether I’m lying to myself or not, things will get better. I’ll get into a good school, I’ll make my parents proud, I’ll make my friends proud, I’ll make everyone proud.

There’ll be a day where I’ll forget what the feeling of sadness was. I’ll forget I even went through this phase in life. I’ll forget what having puffy eyes felt like, and how dry my eyes got after an intense session of sobbing. I’ll forget the feeling of being lonely and confused and sad, because one day I’ll be immensely happy with everything. I’ll be happy, and instead of crying out of confusion and sadness, I’ll be crying out of joy.

TO: Anyone that’s reading this.

I say this to assure myself that I understand what this is. What this feeling is.

Sadness is TEMPORARY. Though there are times and there are people that go through this (including me) every single day, just remember things will get better, whether you believe it or not. Sadness is like food. You eat it up, digest it, it might mess up your stomach for a while, but in the end it just dissolves and goes right out your body.

This feeling that others might share with me, please keep encouraging yourself that this is just a phase. Things will get better.

“You have everything at your feet. You have the world in your hands. You’re not poor, you have a roof over your head. We give you money. We let you have a boyfriend. You go out everyday. You don’t have the right to be sad.” -they said.

They said it’s stupid, they said it doesn’t make sense, they said ‘We’ve done everything we can to make you happy’. I understand. I’m trying to. That’s why I don’t tell YOU because I know you’ve tried, now it’s my turn right? To try? To try to be happy?

People will say that. People will never understand. They’ll make you feel worst than you’ve ever felt. But I guess what they’re really trying to say is that you’ll be happy. Or that’s what I hope they’re trying to say.

*Note: when venting to people don’t always expect an answer, they might not have one. But remember, IT’S OKAY. Letting it out to someone, anyone, makes you feel x100 better.

Please note: I know I’m sad, but that doesn’t mean I never experience happiness. I get happy out of nowhere. I still laugh, I still smile, I still do everything I use to. ALL of my best friends make me realllyyyy happy, my boyfriend makes me really really happy, my dogs make me extremely happy, memes make me laugh, but even my parents make me happy. I’m just going through a lot right now, that even after this post, people will never understand.

Force yourself to find your happiness. Note: FIND your happiness, DO NOT FORCE your happiness. You’ll find it one day. I’ll find it one day. Learn how to self love!!! I'm slowly getting there, BUT I do love everyone who's supported me.

I promise I’ll stop taking that time out of my night crying and suffering, hurting myself in redemption to relieving the pain. To anyone out there, don’t hurt yourself. It’s not worth it. It’s never worth it. I chose to do it, and yes it relieves that pain for a quick second, minute, hour, but the next day you’ll look at those marks you left and cry. It won’t accomplish anything. It’ll only remind you what you’ve done and what you’re feeling.

I only strive to make everybody happy. I want everyone to find their happiness, but at the same time I’m so desperate for mine. I don’t know if that means disappearing for a day or so, or to just find myself, but I need to fix myself.

I always say “I’m done.” ; “This is the last time.” To: the people I’ve said that to.

I’m sorry I keep letting you down.

Life will move on. Life will get better.

I don’t know why I’m like this, but everything will be better soon. PLEASE FRIENDS, stick with me. I will get better, I know it! I promise you I will. A bad day DOES NOT equal a bad life.

Keep smilin friends. And remember, it’s just a phase.