#at least at work i'm distracted for a good few hours focusing on the task at hand

[jamescarstairs]

you know there's something wrong with me when i'm grateful work is getting me out of the house 😭

[yanverse]

Physically I am just chilling in bed, but in my mind I am peppering Kaito’s face with little kisses while holding his face in my hands. He is my little meow meow.

"Meow, meow!" You paw at the arm in your lap, the pink-haired boy it's attached to having been snuggled up beside you on the couch for a good while now.

Your neighbors probably think there's a few especially noisy cats living here. But they'd be wrong, because the only animals living in this apartment are you, and-

"Mrrow?" A crisp, perfect purr rumbles from Kaito's throat, his eyes still glued to the screen of his handheld. The console's been buzzing with flashy lights and the tinny sounds of explosions for the past half an hour, your boyfriend's game keeping his focus as he's working on beating his friend's high score. This whole meowing thing started as a joke, but now it's become a genuine mode of communication--when you're too lazy to even form words, your slowly-improving cat impressions say all that needs to be said.

"Maow!" Another pawing motion, and your fingers wrapped up in his hoodie strings to drag him closer, and Kaito's snort of laughter puts a sour scowl on your face. It's not destined to last, though, because it's merely a precursor for his game to settle in his lap and his head to turn to accept a well-deserved kiss on the mouth. For once he's remembered to put on chapstick, thank goodness. His lips feel so nice, so soft, and it feels like such a waste for them not to be taken care of--but at the very least, he's started doing it just for you.

"How many kisses?" He murmurs low under his breath, eyes half-lidded as he just barely manages to keep your lips at bay to answer. "You know I'm busy, babe. Name your price."

"Four hundred thousand." If he weren't so distracted, you know your answer would assuredly earn you a bout of laughter. He's got such a pretty laugh. He does smile at you, though, for better or for worse.

"That's a little unrealistic. Why not four, to start?"

"Four thousand? Meow?" Tacking on that pretty plea is a low blow, but the hiccup you can feel in Kaito's stomach as you rub your hand over it is exactly the reaction you wanted. He can just be so easy to work over. Hence why his fingers are coming up to clasp around yours, halting your gentle strokes with a hitch of breath in his throat. His legs shift position, moving about with uncomfortable weight before he settles one over the other--for once, sitting his console on his lap seems to benefit him this time, especially with those soft cheeks growing dark.

"Four, baby. I'll just be a little longer." Your ears twitch at the hint of strain in his voice, a sigh passing from your lips to his as you claim the first one. No tongue this time. He deserves to suffer a little bit for making you wait. But the other three make a perfect triforce over his face; left cheek, right cheek, and between the brows where he's got the faintest little freckle on the side. Kaito's eyes have shut while you work, only to flutter open once you're finished, the nibbling on his lower lip a clear tell that he wishes it wouldn't end so soon. But he's got a thing about finishing whatever he's focused on and he can't divert from it for long. That gleam in his eyes is a warning that he'll make it up to you once this task is finished, though.....which could be good or bad, considering you can still feel an ache from the other morning. Even with his lap as a buffer, that gaming chair of his is so uncomfortable.

In a flash, Kaito's tuned back in to the game like nothing ever happened. Yet, when you move your hand from his belly to go find something to entertain yourself with, his unusually strong grip tugs you back to settle against his shoulder. He presses it down firmly, fiddling about with only one hand--the other arm then circles around your shoulders, and he covertly slides you further into his lap for you to entwine yourselves together. From this angle you can watch him play, he can rest his weight on you, have a prop for his arm to sit up and quit getting sore....and Kai's desire to snuggle into you is returned tenfold, the two of you practically inseparable as you settle in for a long afternoon.

[cerisetial]

pay attention to me! ft. some of rfa!

gn! reader

characters: jumin han, yoosung kim and jaehee kang

synopsis: they seem to be paying little to no attention to you, a little kiss on the cheek should be enough to get their attention!

additionals: you'll be a college student just like yoosung for his part and you'll both be sharing an apartment. as for jaehee and jumin, just around the same age as them

jaehee kang

jaehee is one tough cookie that's for sure. when she's working she is WORKING. no distractions and barely any breaks until work is done. well, except the occasional bathroom break, checking on the rest of rfa and calling jumin to update him and talk with him about his schedule

let's say jaehee had promised to spend some time with you but then got some unexpected work dumped on her last minute

she'll be extremely apologetic, promising to spend more time with you and to make it up to you once she's finished, and that's the last you hear from her for the past few hours

although you don't mind jaehee working, you definitely don't appreciate her work stressing her out and her having to put off hanging out with you for the nth time now

so what better thing to do than to try and pry her from work right? besides according to the call with jumin, it doesn't need to be finished tonight so she can still put it off for later

"jaeheeeeee" "y/n, you know i'm still busy. i promise, later. just let me do this for a while"

this went on for some time but as said earlier, she is one tough cookie. she won't just step away from her work that easily unfortunately :(

you decide to let her work for a bit while you formulate a plan. you don't want to actually do something that'll irritate or stress her out, but it needs to be something that'll catch her attention. so with these you manage to come up with something!

quietly sauntering up to her, you gently poke her one the back to get her to look at you, something that she does with a sigh wondering what you were up to this time

"what is i-" but before she can talk she's cut off by a pair of lips on her cheek, stunning her into silence

"pretty sure jumin hasn't mentioned a deadline, so how about you put that off for later and hang out with me for now?"

jaehee, having nothing to say just nods and closes her laptop after saving her work. you think you've broken her, until she too gives you a kiss on the cheek with red tinting her own

"i suppose, i can put it off till much later"

jumin han

he's extremely busy, much like jaehee! he's always got work on his shoulders with not a lot of time for rest unfortunately :(

just recently he got some work that's highly important and required his attention, so he's been working on it for some time now

although he'd much rather be spending time with you, he can spend much more time with you later once he's done! at least that's what he told you

it's been several days since he's started on this task and unfortunately, he is still quite far from done. he promised you and elizabeth the iii some time today but that doesn't seem to be the case

jumin hasn't had something to eat and drink in a while so you ask some of his maids to let you being him some snacks and a drink

with both snacks and drinks on a tray you knock on the door of his office before entering when you hear a "come in" from him. taking a peek inside you see jumin on his desk, fingers tapping away on his laptop as he proceeds to type, ignoring the fact that you're about to enter the room

placing the tray on his table, you take a look at his focused face, before sighing realizing that he is still choosing to ignore your presence in the room

sauntering up behind him and taking a glance at his monitor, you see that he's made some fairly good progress over the past few days. and considering how hard he's been working, a moment of rest wouldn't be too bad for him now, would it?

"hey jumin, don't you think you should take a break from that first? i mean, you've been working hard for the past few days. a well deserved break wouldn't be so bad"

he doesn't say anything. you wonder if he's purposefully ignoring you or if he's just way too immersed in his work

thinking the latter, you press a kiss to his cheek, making him fully face you now. so that's how you get his attention

with flushed cheeks, jumin grabs the drink you brought him and takes a sip out of it

"ah so you do notice me! as a way to persuade you, must i mention that elizabeth has been desperately meowing for attention? it seems she feels the same way as me" you say with a makeshift pout

jumin clears his throat, most likely still a bit shocked by what just happened but smiles and holds you

"well, it's not as though this is going to be very soon. a break wouldn't be so bad, how about we make up for that lost time? i've been itching to spend time with you and elizabeth the iii for the past few days"

yoosung kim

yoosung is adorable, he's so fun to tease (i did his route and teased him a few times before he's a cutie)

he's also very easy to fluster, no matter how long you two have been together. he'll blush at most of the affectionate things you do like hand holding or pinky linking, even brushing against him can make him blush

getting home from another stressful college day, the first thing you see upon entering the bedroom is him in front of the monitor with headphones on his head rapidly moving the mouse around and tapping away on the keyboard

he has a couple of soda cans close by whilst his school bag and study material are scattered onto the bed. but well, this was pretty much already expected with having yoosung as a roommate- or an apartment-mate?

you can hear him loudly talking to some people, his guildmates most likely and hearing him laugh about some things with them

although seeing him be happy and have fun is good for you, it would've been nice if he at least acknowledged your presence right :(? does he even know that you're here?

"yoosung? i'm home!" you call out from behind him but he seems to still be oblivious to you being there

with a huff you sit on the bed, waiting for him to at least greet you with a hi or maybe a welcome home but there you are minutes later, no "welcome home" or "hello" having been said by him

finally deciding you've had enough, you decide to let him know of you being here but-- are you really just going to let such a perfect opportunity to mess with him get past you?

with a snicker and a devious grin on your face, you creep up behind him seeing that he's in the middle of another fight it seems and laugh as you proceed with your next actions

you pull off his headphones catching him off guard and proceed to give him a kiss on the cheek

"y/n?! y-you were home al-already?!" he shrieks, completely abandoning his game as he tries to cover up the fact that he's absolutely flustered. you can hear the confused sounds of his guildmates coming from his headphones, most likely having heard his shriek and wondering why his character isn't moving

"well, you certainly would have known if you looked up from the monitor from time to time" you say, but he's not even paying attention at this point, still 100% flustered from what just happened, he's so red you wonder if you've broken him

seems like this could be a new way to distract yoosung from lolol and to get him to stop playing for a few minutes! it's highly effective and the outcome is quite an adorable one too~

this wasn't a request, just an idea i had that i wanted to write :)! i hope this could be enjoyable to you lovelies, i know i had fun writing this ♡ please do pardon typos it's quite late here where i live but i really wanted to get this posted. i'll edit it tomorrow if ever i spot any though~ always stay safe and take care of yourselves darlings, i love you all! (post edited!)

- cerise

[a-weird-cryptid]

Chapter two: Time

This one's rather easy to explain. That's why this chapter won't be that long as the previous one.

If you're an artist, busy with other things like work, school, family or friends related things, as well as other hobbies, you know how hard it can be to find time to draw. Especially if making a drawing or similar takes a lot of time and effort.

Another thing you should keep in mind is that just 10min of practice per day, can change your art and make you better. You most likely won't see any huge changes after doing this for only two or three days. But after a month? A year? I'm pretty sure you will. Meaning that you should try to dedicate 10-30min per day to doing just art and really focuse on it, if possible.

Advice:

Since many struggle with finding the time to practice, I'd recommend to do at least a few quick sketches and doodles per day. Since you can easily do them on the side or in just a few seconds to minutes with pretty much and kind of paper and pen. They don't have to be perfect, they don't have to be fully rendered, they don't have to be detailed or complicated, nor proportionally correct. All they're suppose to do is "keeping you in the rhythm".

Try to find a good balance between work/school, life, friends, family, other hobbies, art, etc. I know it's easier said than done, but it's not an impossible task, if you try to find some kind of rhythm or routine.

During the time you dedicate to your art, you should try not to distract yourself. Don't get me wrong, listening to music or watching a movie or show on the side can really help to spark your creativity. And it's totally alright to do so. I hate drawing in complete silence too. But maybe put your phone away and put it on "silence mode", or at least ignore all of those (social media) notifications. Reading them 10min later will prob not change anything, except that you finally found the time to draw.

Don't forget to take breaks. If you realize that you can't really focus on what you're drawing or you just get frustrated, it's ok to take a break. This break can last for minutes or hours, but also for weeks or even months. If you realize that doing art now only feels like another chore, pressuring you, you should always take some time off. Of course this won't be possible for all artists, especially those who do it as a full time job, but if you can, then do it. The only important thing is that you get back to drawing eventually, if getting better is still a goal you want to achieve.

You could also try to make some kind of "daily plan". Try to set yourself one goal at the time, planning when to do what, how much you want to do and maybe even what exactly to draw/work on. This way, you don't "waste" time having to search for something that you want to draw and you can immediately go to work. Try to achieve your daily goal. If you can't, work on it the next time. And if still have some time left, you can use it to start a new project.

That's all I could think abt when it comes to that point, but I'd love if you guys would add a few things or similar!

Don't try to do multiple huge projects at once. This will most likely lead to you being overwhelmed and feel even more pressured. Which is never a good thing when you're struggling with time limits. If you want to work on multiple projects at once, either work on many small and simple ones or one larger project and just a few smaller ones. Focusing mainly on the larger project.

---

Summary:

do at least a few quick sketches and doodles per day

try to dedicate 10-30min per day to doing just art

Try to find a good balance between all the things you have to do

try not to distract yourself

Don't forget to take breaks

try to make some kind of "daily plan"

Don't try to do multiple huge projects at once, instead work on many small and simple ones or one larger project and just a few smaller ones

Introduction

Chapter 1: Practice

Chapter 3: Inspiration

Chapter 4: Passion/Motivation

For more original series, as well as reviews, discussions and similar, check out my master list of series.

[bobohu4eva]

Pink Lace - Chapter 5

Characters: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: College AU, stripper AU, fluff, smut, slow burn

Summary: Baekhyun, a philosophy professor with mysterious wealth, got himself completely fucked over a girl who can’t let him into her life.

Word count: 4k

Warnings: sex work, mentions of sexual assault, adult themes/situations, eventual smut

Tag list: @smolbeanmika @leave-me-in-the-summertime @totallynerdstuff @bbhmystar @nana-banana @kimyhappy @thegreatandi @geniusloey @deligxt @baekswifey @bbhyun506 @lovebuginlove @bellamendoza @baekyeonoreo @bobohumyonlyboo

Masterlist

After your conversation with Baekhyun Monday evening Tuesday was spent desperately trying to get Baekhyun off your mind, with little success. He’d asked you if you liked him like that, and you couldn’t tell him no. Hell, you knew in the back of your mind that the answer was definitely yes, you just couldn’t bring yourself to say it to his face. 

As much as you did like him, the prospect of starting something with a customer who was also your professor was still terrifying. What if you two got together and people found out? Or what if things started to go south and you were still stuck with him as your teacher? 

Despite your other schoolwork, and cleaning basically everything you possibly could, your mind just kept racing with every different possible scenario for if you did tell Baekhyun how you felt. And most of them were quite unpleasant. He could lose his job, you could make class absolute hell for yourself if things didn’t go well, and so on. Different possibilities played themselves out in your mind over and over, and there was little you could do to stop it. 

However the thoughts that stuck with you the most were the ones where things didn’t end badly. Thoughts of his arms around you, his comforting words whispered in your ear, and the gentle touches of his pretty hands on your skin. As much as you fought it, the attraction was there. 

The way your mind bounced between thoughts was stressful to no end. Every time you tried reasoning with yourself, you just thought about how good he made you feel when you were alone together. 

Baekhyun was always so willing to be vulnerable with you, it made you feel appreciated. He was so open about his feelings, and honest with his intentions towards you that it made it difficult to push him away. You wanted to be able to show him the same kind of vulnerability as well, but the possibilities if you did still frightened you too much. 

You knew you wouldn’t be able to go on like this forever, sooner or later you had to figure out what to say to him. 

Your essay was plaguing you as well. You’d tried to start it on several occasions, but Plato’s writing was so old timey and incomprehensible you didn’t even know where to start. It also didn’t help that every time you tried to start writing, all you could think about was what Baekhyun would think. The idea of turning a shitty paper in for him to read and grade made you feel sick. You knew you were shooting yourself in the foot putting it off but you just couldn’t bring yourself to start it either. 

“You’ve cleaned everything in the apartment. Twice. What’s with you today y/n?” Mia asked as she walked out of her bedroom and into the common area, finding you once again wiping down all the surfaces in the kitchen. 

“I’m trying to distract myself, was that not obvious?” You knew what was coming next. 

“Baekhyun still on your mind?” 

Yes. He was. In every possible way, good and bad, and you couldn’t stop it. 

“I think I do like him.” 

“See! I knew it!” You rolled your eyes at her. “Anything exciting happen yesterday? Did you decide to keep the money?” She asked, sitting down at the dining room table, you sitting down across from her. 

 “I’m keeping it, I tried giving it back but he told me some stuff and turns out he doesn’t need it after all.” 

“So he IS rich?!” 

“Yeah... although not from anything cool or fun. His rich parents died recently.” 

“Oh shit, that sucks. That must’ve been an awkward conversation.” 

“Not really. I don’t know why but talking to him is getting easier and easier. I even stayed after he told me I could go.”

“You really must like him then, damn. Can’t blame you though, he is hot.” You shot her an angry look but you both knew she was right. “So what are you gonna do about it?” 

“Do about what?” 

“You liking him. He obviously likes you a lot too, so what happens next?” 

“Nothing. He’s my professor.” 

The look she shot you next said something reminiscent of ‘are you fucking serious’.

 “Oh come on y/n this guy is hot, and rich, and super into you. Even if he is your professor you can’t pass up a fling at least.” 

“And when it ends? What then? Or if someone finds out he’s fucking a student? He’d lose his job and it would be my fault.” 

“No, it would be his fault, and he’s rich anyway so it wouldn’t even matter.” 

You thought back to your last conversation with Baekhyun, and what he said about his parents. Even if he did choose to risk it for you, the thought of him losing a job that meant so much to him still didn’t sit right with you. 

“It would matter to me. Either way I don’t want other students shit talking me either. If my classmates found out there was something between us it would be hell.” 

“All I'm hearing right now, is that you just need to not get caught. The semester is only 16 weeks, as long as nothing gets out while you’re in his class nothing too bad can happen. You just have to be careful.”  

You thought about it, and she wasn’t exactly wrong. As long as nothing got out while you were his student, nothing too bad could happen. 

“He won’t lose his job if people find out we’re together later on when I’m not his student anymore, right?” 

Mia shrugged. “He doesn’t hold any power over you anymore then so I don’t see why he’d get in any trouble. People might just think it’s weird since he’s older. How old is he anyway? He looks young.” 

“I’m not exactly sure... Somewhere around 30? Late 20s maybe? I should ask him.” 

“Yeah you should. I still have homework I need to do, I should get back to that.” She said before getting herself a glass of water and retreating back to her bedroom. 

~

The next morning you were exhausted. You hadn’t gotten much sleep because of everything that was going through your head. You wanted Baekhyun, and he wanted you, but there was still too much risk involved. But part of you kept thinking about what Mia had said as well. Could a fling really be that bad? 

You were nervous to see him too. You still hadn’t given him an answer to his question, and you knew you wouldn’t be able to dodge it forever. Lying seemed like a decent option, but you knew with how honest and vulnerable Baekhyun always was with you, you wouldn’t be able to bring yourself to lie to him. Especially when you did want something more with him, you were just scared. 

As philosophy class drew closer and closer you felt uneasy. You felt bad seeing Baekhyun again without giving him an answer, but you didn’t know how or what to say. You only hoped he wouldn’t press you for it. 

Class went by and you didn’t speak to him. He didn’t keep you after either, which was a relief. You had been hoping he’d at least go over some stuff that would help you on your essay, but you had no such luck, and you needed it done by midnight if you wanted any credit. 

When you got home you cursed yourself for procrastinating so much, but you had other homework too and you knew you’d be able to focus on that better, so you started it first. 

Eventually your mind got sucked into your physics assignment, and you forgot about Baekhyun and the essay, too focused on the task at hand. 

By the time you were done with your other assignments it was 8pm. Four hours until you had to submit your essay. One hour went by just reading and rereading the text you were supposed to write about. Another was wasted on an intro paragraph you kept deleting, because you still couldn’t understand the text. When 10pm hit, and you started to panic.  

You realized that you weren’t going to be able to do it. Your mind was now in freak out mode and you couldn’t concentrate anyway. Either the paper wasn’t getting turned in at all, or you needed to do something fast. In any other class you would’ve BS-ed  your way through it to turn at least something in, but you just couldn’t do that knowing Baekhyun was going to read it. You weren’t going to be able to submit it that night, but you needed to at least contact him and explain so he wouldn’t think you were stupid. 

By 10:30 you found yourself scrolling through your contacts, staring at his name. You’d thought about emailing him, but he probably wouldn’t see until morning and you didn’t have that much time. 

In hindsight you probably would’ve been fine to just send an email and try to get an extension, but the combination of anxiety over your grade and wanting to talk to him had his name in your phone looking better and better. 

So you called. 

Your nerves were on fire as you waited for him to hopefully pick up. Was this stupid? Would he even answer? Worst of all, what if he was disappointed in you for not being able to do the assignment?

After a few rings, he picked up. “Hello?” 

“Hi Baekhyun, it’s y/n.” 

“Y/n? Are you alright what’s going on?” You could hear the concern in his voice even over the phone, and you remembered why he gave you his number in the first place. 

“I- I can’t do the essay.” You felt your voice shake, before unloading all your grievances in one breath “I read the thing a million times and I still have no idea what it’s about and I put it off until tonight cause it was making me so anxious but I still can’t focus and now it’s too late and I don’t know what to do and I’m freaking out.” 

You heard him sigh. “Slow down, It’s okay, I know it’s a difficult assignment. Have you at least started?” 

“No..” You felt tears swelling in your eyes, threatening to spill and you’re sure he can hear it in your voice even over the phone. “Can I just skip this one? I tried to start it so many times but I don’t know how to analyze something I can’t even understand.” You choked out. 

“Y/n...” You could tell he was thinking of what to do. He probably shouldn’t give you special treatment, and you knew that but right now you hoped he would just give in. Unfortunately you had no such luck. “I’m sorry but I can’t let you just not do it. It would make it too obvious that I’m treating you differently than other students.”

“Then can you at least help me? Or give me more time? Please?” You begged.

“I’m still in my office. I can help you if you meet me here.” 

You felt your palms get sweaty and your heart beat faster at the idea of going to his office again after what had happened last time, especially this late at night and in such a fragile state. 

“O-okay. I’ll be there in 10. Bye.” You said, hanging up before he could respond.

Quickly you got on some shoes and drove yourself to the building his office was located in. Last time you’d been in there he’d asked you about your feelings for him, and now you had to go back. You told yourself to just focus on getting the essay done, but the thought still hung around in the back of your mind as you walked down the hall towards Baekhyun’s office. You felt jittery and embarrassed, but you needed to do this for your grade.

After taking a few deep breaths to ready yourself, you knocked on the door, and heard a muffled “Come in” from the other side, so you let yourself in. Baekhyun was sitting at his desk, which was covered in papers you assumed he’d been grading. Instead of the nicer clothes he would usually wear during lecture, he was just wearing a black t shirt and sweats now. 

“You know you scared the shit out of me when you called. I thought you were in danger or something.” He said to you as you sat down in front of him. “I really didn’t think you’d call me over school work.” 

“I’m sorry..” 

“It’s okay! I’m not mad or anything, just surprised. What part of the text are you having trouble with?” 

“All of it...” You felt your lip starting to quiver. “I’m sorry I know this sounds so stupid and you probably think I’m just trying to take advantage of how you like me but I promise it’s not like that.” You said, looking down and fidgeting with your hands, trying to hide the frustration on your face.

Baekhyun crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, smiling. “I never said I thought that. I told you it’s not an easy assignment, it’s ok if you’re having trouble. Plato can be difficult especially for people who aren’t used to reading things that old.” 

“I should’ve at least started earlier...” 

“Probably, but it’s too late to dwell on that now. Let’s just try to go over the reading together, yeah?” You nodded. 

He moved his chair to your side of the desk before opening your textbook to the reading for the essay. 

“So the first thing that makes The Ring of Gyges so confusing is that you don’t really know who’s talking. Basically it’s a conversation between Plato and his brother Glaucon where they’re discussing justice, and it’s actually Glaucon speaking for most of it, not Plato.” 

You were listening to what he was saying of course, but you were still distracted by the proximity. Baekhyun was sitting right next to you now, arms almost touching. The only other time the two of you got that close was at the club. And you did not need to be thinking about that while he was explaining your assignment to you. 

“Are you following me so far?” 

Your eyes immediately shot up from the book to meet his, and you quickly nodded. Having him look you in the eyes again like that made your face feel hot.

“Glaucon argues that people only peruse justice for the benefits of it, and not because they actually want to be good people. He uses the example of a ring that grants it’s user invisibility, therefore allowing them to do unjust things like steal without being caught. He tells Plato a story about a man who finds such a ring and uses it do overthrow the king.”

You groaned. “It still doesn’t make sense though, what does some story about a stupid ring have to do with justice?” 

“Well, if you were given the ability to steal and deceive people for your own benefit, without ever having to worry about getting caught, wouldn’t you do it too?” You stayed silent. “Basically, what you need to understand is what Glaucon is arguing. He’s saying that doing good deeds isn’t a part of human nature, and everyone would behave unjustly if they knew they would never get caught. Therefore, justice is something people pursue not out of want, but out of fear of the consequences if they don’t.”  

All you could do was stare at him. It was infuriating how attractive he sounded while explaining it to you. 

“Do you have a bit of a better idea what to write about now? Remember it’s only two pages, so don’t stress too much.” 

You snapped yourself out of your thoughts. “Yeah, it makes a bit more sense now... do I still need to finish it tonight or?” 

“Friday. Just email it to me by midnight on Friday and I won’t count it late.” He said, smiling again. 

“Thank you for doing this, I’m sorry it was so late and everything.”

Baekhyun just chucked, “You know if it’s you I don’t mind. You could keep me here all night with questions and I wouldn’t stop you. But you understand now, right?” 

The way he was smiling at you now along with the closeness was making you slightly dizzy. 

“I think so, Glaucon is basically saying that injustice is better than justice then right? Because everyone would do unjust things if they’d always get away with it.” 

Baekhyun nodded. 

“So according to him the best way to live life would be to do things you know are wrong, but without being caught.” 

“Exactly. See, I knew you were smart, y/n.” A smirk had made its way onto his face as he spoke. 

You couldn’t help connecting what he was saying to what you were feeling inside towards him. You wanted him, and you knew it was wrong, but how could you deny it to yourself when it felt so right? 

“Baekhyun...” You asked, hesitantly. “D-do you think it’s okay to do things you know are wrong, as long as no one finds out?”

“I think it depends what you’re talking about.” He answered, now looking you in the eyes again with intensity. “I would never kill anyone, for any reason, even if I knew I could get away with it. But, if I really wanted something, I think I would take it.” 

You were hyperaware of how his eyes were now scanning your face, lingering on your lips. “Take what?”

A hand made contact with your thigh, slowly moving up until he stopped, right below the hem of your shorts. His thumb drew soft circles on the sensitive inner flesh, giving you goosebumps. 

“I know you feel it too, you want this, don’t you?” Baekhyun asked, now moving a stand of hair out of your face. He let his hand rest on the back of your neck, keeping you facing towards him. 

Your heart felt like it was about to short circuit from how fast it was beating. Your palms were sweaty and you could feel yourself shaking slightly. The way his thumb stroked your neck beneath your ear made you shiver, and you knew he saw. All you could do was stare back at him, dumbfounded. Any words you tried to get out stuck in your throat. He was right, you did want it. Now more than ever. 

“Tell me you don’t want this. Tell me you don’t want me to kiss you right now. I dare you.” He said, running his thumb over your bottom lip, eyes fixed on how it trembled beneath his touch. He was slowly moving your face closer his, but you didn’t stop him. 

Your silence told Baekhyun all he needed to know, and his lips quickly found yours. Immediately you let yourself melt into the kiss. You felt your whole body buzzing, finally getting what it had wanted for so long. His lips felt unbelievably soft against yours, moving in a slow rhythm as his other hand came up from your thigh to cup your face as well. You wrapped your arms around his neck and deepened the kiss, letting it become messier and more desperate. 

“I like you” you pulled away just enough to whisper “so fucking much.” You felt him grin into the kiss as your lips met again. 

He tasted like strawberries, and you felt high as your lips kept crashing together with more and more need. Your whole body felt like it was set on fire and simultaneously dunked in an ice bath, every nerve vibrating with want.    

When Baekhyun pulled your bottom lip gently between his teeth you let out a soft moan, and he started to lose it. He broke the kiss, standing up and pulling with him, before backing you up against the wall, a hand on either side of your head. 

“Sweetheart, don’t push me” He breathed, and started peppering kisses along the side of your neck, from under your ear down to your collarbone, sucking and biting on the way. 

Trapped between him and the wall, you felt weak and breathless. Your brain was in overdrive and you gasped at his ministrations, hands burying themselves in his soft hair.  His hands had traveled down to your waist, holding you against him tightly.

“Baekhyun” You breathed out, rubbing your thighs together as he sucked on a particularly sensitive spot. 

“Fuck, y/n. Don’t say that.” He forced the words out through gritted teeth.

His body pressed you into the wall, and your arms wrapped around him pulling him into you even tighter. He was completely consuming your senses and your knees felt wobbly from the intensity of it all. He was already smothering your entire front, but you tried to pull him even closer regardless.

You felt something hard press into your hip as his mouth covered yours again, and this time you shamelessly moaned his name into his open mouth. 

Much to your disappointment, Baekhyun immediately detatched himself from you, backing up until his back hit the opposite wall of the office. You could see how turned on he was by the outline of his dick through his pants and the pained look in his face. 

“Fucking christ...” He said, leaning his head back against the wall and closing his eyes. You just watched from the other side of the room. He kept his eyes closed and you observed as his jaw clenched and unclenched before you heard him continue. “You have to go. If you don’t I’m gonna fuck you on my desk and I won’t be gentle.” 

Your throat went dry at his crude words, but you couldn’t deny your own arousal. You walked back towards him, reaching out to touch his chest which was now rising and falling rapidly, but he grabbed you before you could make contact. His grip on your wrist was so tight it was almost painful. His knuckles were white, and you could see a drop of sweat trickle down the side of his face. 

His eyes bore into your own with a stare that warned you not to try anything more. 

“I’m sorry y/n but you have to leave. Not tonight. Not like this.” With his free hand he grabbed your belongings off his desk, shoving them into your arms. 

Still speechless, he opened the door and pulled you outside before going back in and closing the door behind him. You stood and stared at his office door for a minute, recollecting yourself and processing what the hell had just happened. 

Eventually your shaky legs began making their way down the hallway, back towards your car. You were pretty sure a janitor saw you as you turned the corner just down the hall from Baekhyun’s office. You kept your head down, trying to hide your face best you could while hurrying past. 

Once you were sitting in your car, you slumped into the seat, mind still in a daze after what happened in Baekhyun’s office. You waited for your breathing and heartrate to slow down before you drove away. 

Baekhyun left shorty after you as well, unable to concentrate on anything but the sound of you moaning his name. He felt terrible for throwing you out of his office but he’d meant what he said. He didn’t want his first time to have you to be in his office, purely fueled by pent up lust. He wanted to give you more than that. 

More than anything, he just couldn’t believe he’d gotten what he’d wanted for the entire summer. It didn’t seem possible, but now it had happened. And you actually kissed him back. It felt too good to be true. He felt himself once again struggling to sleep, but this time because he was too excited. This time, he didn’t have to keep himself up wondering, he knew he had you. He just couldn’t wait to see what would happed now.

You on the other hand couldn’t stop worrying about that exact thing as you stared at the ceiling above your bed. What would happen now? The thoughts weren’t fearful anymore, there was just too many of them to shut your mind down enough to sleep. 

You’d finally allowed yourself to give into him, and there was no more turning back. 

Next Chapter

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 34

💖 first time reader click here 💖

A little bit of plot, but mostly ironstrange x reader filthy porn. Bukkake stuff. Stephen finally opening up a lil bit, I mean... I've slept through a 1/3 of a hospital and lemme tell you, doctors are kinky bastards. On the same note, there's definitely going to be a chapter where all three men are involved after the plot shit is resolved.

There was something big brewing. I had a hunch... which was more like a strong sense of doom... hanging over me and the rest of the world. Peter also had noticed the sudden spike in anxiety, quoting the sudden disappearance of many low-tier mutants from the streets. Usually, Peter dealt with at least a few enhanced enemies during his patrols but the closer it got to Christmas, the less enhanced bothered with small-time crimes, the more intense the buzzing of his Spidey sense became.

Now that my immediate lack of income wasn't a problem anymore, I set business onto that damn mercenary. I was no spy, I was no SHIELD operative but... I could be very clever.

First things first, I had to make sure I would stay alive no matter what. A subdermal tracker was a good guarantee of security and I spent many hours making one - having to keep it a secret was incredibly hard, I hated lying to my loves and I hated avoiding Wanda even more - I was constantly on the edge around the telepath, hyperfocused on keeping up the pretense of normalcy.

I wouldn't be me if I couldn't successfully pull off a whole ass façade. Unfortunately, the continued failures of the people searching left and right for the mercenary only fueled my strength for the inevitable fuck-fest that I would have to create in order to make sure my people get the peace they fucking deserve. The web of lies grew in size every damn day.

Subdermal tracker, an implant that reports directly to Friday upon activation. It hurt like a bitch - I had cut myself open, an inch wide gash on the inside of my forearm - and put it in without any anesthesia in my own bathroom, not even thinking twice before making up a lie that I had been careless in the lab and hurt myself.

An antidote to common tranquilizers, creating it gave me a headache the size of Moscow but I'd been successful; Tony assembled the whole team when he found it out, offering me a ridiculous amount of money for the formula. It was weird. SHIELD was interested, too, and I had to witness Tony and Coulson argue. Apparently, the agency wanted to recruit me and Tony was adamantly against it, totally forgetting the promise Natasha had given me. In the end, the spy and Coulson shared a quiet conversation and the man left, respectfully complimenting my skills.

I sold the formula to Stark Industries, unable to get rid of the weirdness of the situation. I had to shake hands with my own boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend... In a business setting. What. Just what. Bucky and Stephen couldn't stop laughing at the face I made all throughout that day - and Clint even went as far as to bake me a gag cake, a cartooney handshake drawn in frosting on top of it. I hit him with a spatula, Loki smiled in his direction for the first time in, like, ever. It was a trip and Tony had way too much fun with the incident.

Perhaps, turning myself into a cyborg stew wasn't the best plan that was possible to think up in a few weeks' time but I've never claimed to be exceptionally intelligent; if anything, I've always considered myself to be a moderately educated idiot. It is common knowledge that there are two halves of a whole idiot: my second half was on his way from California, having had received my very detailed e-mail about the whole cursed box fiasco and the consequences that followed. I could barely contain my excitement at the prospect of seeing uncle Eddie and his symbiote again.

Tony wasn't even half as excited; if anything, he bordered on outright hostile, bickering, and sassing everybody left and right. It could have been the situation at hand finally getting on his last nerves. It could have been his jealousy, the same that appeared every time I paid extra attention to someone that wasn't him, Bruce or Stephen. Either way, Bruce was sighing all the time now and Stephen's remarks began to fill with poison once again.

Just like the good old times, I guess. I was forced to pull a Me over and over, interrupting their petty arguments with increasingly absurd remarks. I felt like everybody was laughing at me these days, which ended in only one way it could have...

"Brat," Stephen's patience was paper-thin and, being forcefully distracted from yelling at Tony, he directed his angst at the nearest person - me. "I oughta put you over my knee. I swear to Cosmos..."

"Blah, blah, blah. Don't you ever get tired of listening to yourself talk?" I raised my eyebrows, tone deceptively calm. "You're talking too much for someone who can't even..." I didn't get to finish my sentence, suddenly finding my mouth firmly glued shut. It was magic - the sensation was pulling, but not unpleasant. Reminded me of a ball gag Tony had used on me in the early days of our relationship.

"Now, Dumbledore, hold your horses..." Tony interjected looking none-too-happy. The engineer placed a warning arm on the sorcerer's bicep, their little spat seemingly forgotten.

"What, Tony? She's been nothing but a mouthy urchin the past few days, I can't stand it anymore," They shared a meaningful look; no matter how much Tony wanted to argue, he knew Stephen was right. What he didn't know was that there probably have been a magic versus science altercation... Or worse. Humiliation was a small price to pay for some (relative) peace.

I did what I do best. I annoyed them further, throwing up a juicy middle finger to the two men and turned around with a huff, mind set on finding Loki to undo the mute ban Stephen gave me. Needless to say, I didn't make it very far.

In mere seconds, I was sandwiched between the two men, Stephen's finger delicately holding my chin to force me to look into his eyes. Tony was holding onto my shoulders from behind me - I could feel the tension, my engineer was almost buzzing with it. I was pretty sure my eyes were laughing anyway because Stephen's frown slowly transformed into a coy smirk once his stormy blues focused on my face.

"Brat," He repeated once again. "She's doing this on purpose."

"I can't say I'm surprised," Tony's breath tickled the nape of my neck. "That does sound like our little Princess," Apparently, it took all of a 0.1 second for Tony to switch from annoyed to horny. Men, they were so easy to play. "Baby, if you wanted our attention you could have just said so," He chastised me, hands sliding down to my waist.

I hummed, and then aggressively hummed some more until Stephen removed the magical gag. "Not like you'd notice it, being occupied with tearing each other's hair out," I pouted.

The sorcerer briefly averted his eyes, leaning down to softly kiss my pout. It was very unlikely I'd get an actual apology but a kiss I won't be complaining about either. "So, your best tactic was to annoy us even more? How does that work out for you?"

I pulled on the tied fabric around his waist, bringing him closer to me. "Pretty good, if I'm being honest. You're exactly where I wanted you to be," Carelessly, I began untying the layers of silks and cotton I had become intimately familiar with over the course of the past few weeks. Most of the time Steph wore his wizard garbs and while figuring out how to undo them was a trip at first, I had gotten him desperate enough a few times, for him to show me a few tips and tricks for easier access.

Tony snorted somewhere behind me. "You just want us for our bodies," His hands wormed their way under my shirt, brushing the underside of my breasts. Bra? Hardly know her. "Our beautiful, sexy bodies." Yes Tony, very humble.

"When will you learn, people?" I asked rhetorically, simultaneously leaning into both Tony's and Stephen's touch. "Why fight each other when you could be fucking me into oblivion instead?"

Stephen snorted, still not completely used to the at times crude things that left my (and occasionally Tony's) mouth. I had a hunch the sorcerer was holding back somewhat - for whatever reason - and I was eagerly waiting for him to get comfortable enough to reveal that special part of himself. Whatever it was, I just knew it was delicious and sinful and-

"Do you really think I will be giving you what you want after your little... Stunt?" Steph went balls out; his voice dropped and the intensity of his stare left me breathless. The hand that was stroking my face wrapped around my throat as he had some sort of a silent conversation with Tony.

"Yeah," I emphasized the word with an inaudible 'duh' behind it but obediently trotted along as Stephen backed up towards the couch, leading me by the throat like a pet on a leash. I was steadily going into 'no thoughts, head empty' territory.

"I like it when you get all bossy," Tony remarked casually but he was close enough for me to hear the strain in his voice. Every time we fucked, Tony eagerly gave up the control to Stephen. I definitely saw the appeal. Stephen Strange demanded authority effortlessly, his stern but fair attitude simply demanded to kneel.

That's just what I did. As soon as Stephen made himself comfortable on the Italian leather couch, I dropped to my knees, looking up at the man with big round eyes. Just like Tony and Bruce, Stephen had his own weaknesses when it came to moi and I wasn't ashamed to exploit them. Steph's stroked my hair, carding careful fingers through it, slowly unbuttoning his pants with his other hand.

"If you insist on being mouthy, I have a better task for you," He husked, pulling me closer towards him. I called it his doctor voice. Honestly, I don't have a clue how his surgical team could be around him with their pants on back in the day... The man was a snack on a silver platter.

Steph's erection sprang free. I didn't hesitate to wrap my hand around it, stroking the underside of his glans just like he liked it, looking to the side where Tony landed on the couch next to Stephen, a curious look on his face. Yeah, Tony liked to watch. Me and Stephen or me and Bruce... Me and Stephen and Bruce? That's an idea for later.

"Don't mind little old me," Tony smirked his trademark Stark mischief, getting comfortable, ditching his oil-stained shirt and unbuttoning his pants to lazily palm himself through his boxers. "Carry on," The smirk only grew when Tony noticed both me and Steph eyeing him with amusement.

I hid my grin, nodding my head, before wrapping my lips around the tip of Stephen's cock, relaxing my throat to prepare for the intrusion. Sweet and salty, the slit on his cockhead was mercilessly teased by the tip of my tongue.

Stephen murmured encouragements under his breath as I began to bob up and down, him controlling the pace with a hand in my hair, just the right balance between cruel and gentle. The sorcerer was always too good to me, bringing me to the point of overstimulation and instantly soothing the ache afterward; "Fuck, darling, your mouth feels like heaven," He groaned as I snuck a look upwards to see his lips parted and a steady flush crawling up his neck.

"She knows how to work a man, doesn't she?" Tony's lust had him panting, hips moving into his own hand. He leaned closer to Stephen, brushing my hair behind my ear with a tender hand. "Merlin needs to share," Tony began pulling me in his direction. I reluctantly let go of Stephen's cock, keeping up the pace with my hand as I scooted closer to Tony to be able to mouth at his stiff erection.

Watching me suck cock always got Tony hard enough to pound nails with. I couldn't blame him, I knew what I could do and did well; by the time I made my way down his thick flesh, drool was dripping down my chin and the make-up around my eyes was surely smeared by tears. My engineer was much less gentle than Steph, pounding my face without reservations.

"I know you can take it, baby girl, fuck," My face was held in his strong grip, thumbs digging into my jaw. "Such a good girl," The two words went straight down to my pussy and I had to squirm and clench my thighs together, whining at the lack of friction.

The air was pierced by a low moan - Stephen was fisting his erection almost desperately now, almost as desperately as I was humping the air, whining like a bitch in heat at the taste of Tony's cock in my mouth. I knew neither of the men would last long, not with all that pent up tension running through their minds and bodies.

"Fuck, come here, baby girl," The engineer yanked me off his cock, gripping the base of it so forcefully his knuckles turned white. I was all but dragged into the space between them; still kneeling, barely seeing with snot and tears smeared all over my face, I couldn't hold in the broken moan as the realization set in.

"Keep your eyes open!" Steph instructed furiously, scooting to tower over me. Tony followed in his steps as I obediently lifted my eyes to their cocks and then their faces; nearly identical furrowed brow expressions stared back at me, lips moist and eyes wide. Both men stroked themselves with renewed vigor.

I hummed softly before sticking out my tongue; their reaction didn't let me wait long. Strings of pearly white cum landed in my hair, on my face; I felt the warmth on my skin and tasted their salt and musk on the tip of my tongue, reflexively swallowing each and every drop that landed in my mouth, savoring it just like I savored the sinful groans that left their mouths.

"Fuck, you're so good to us," Tony panted, gracelessly falling backward onto the couch.

Stephen, however, didn't hurry to catch his breath, giving me a thoughtful look. His fingers shook more than ever but he paid no mind to the discomfort, gathering the cum dripping down my face with two fingers and offering it to me, holding them up to my lips as I gently cleaned them off. And he did it again, and again, until Tony gave a weak moan of recognition, throwing an arm under his head.

"Be polite, Princess," Stephen's voice hadn't lost the lust in it just yet.

"Thank you, sir," I mumbled, utterly captivated by the way he was looking at me. Stormy blues radiated a strong sense of intensity, devotion perhaps, that I wasn't ready for.

Stephen smiled at me, almost coyly, before kneeling right next to me and bringing me over the edge with a few sharp, clever movements of his hand. I held onto his shoulders for dear life, barely noticing Tony's reaction - if there was one - my other lover seemed to be as surprised as I was, choosing to hang back and observe the unusual situation.

I had a feeling that whatever it was, it would make another appearance during our playtime. It wasn't just sex, it wasn't making love - it was... Something. I loved every second of it.

@another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​ @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie @mikariell95 @gladiosamicitias @toomanyrobins @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming

[luminous-studiess]

Ummm so I'm new to tumblr so don't judge if I did something wrong.Ummm how can I be like you? Like you know? Productive and smart.I always push myself but ended up being distracted by things (I have adhd and depression).I can't even remember anything after.I suffer,and continue suffering, from my mental illnesses.I just can't keep myself on track.My family makes fun of me for trying.I'm actually trying to find a part time job here but nothing hires minors.Idk please help meee.

hi, friend! answer under the cut because this will be long. 

please know you’re doing nothing wrong, and that the fact you keep trying to become better and to push yourself to always get things done despite difficult circumstances already shows that you ARE already productive and smart. 

second, it also helped me when i was struggling very heavily last year to learn  two things: 1) there will always be particularly bad days when you live with mental illness, but all the little efforts you take, it slowly does get less difficult. getting better does not mean completely getting rid of all the symptoms you experience, but mostly just learning the best ways and small, gentle things you can do for yourself to manage your condition. this really requires a gentle but firm balance between pushing yourself to do the things you absolutely need to do, but also knowing when what level of work/school/self-care or hobbies is the limit, so that you don’t get too overwhelmed.  this means most of the time, you don’t have to worry about being productive for its own sake. it helps me when i feel like i’m drowning to know how little i can do/the most non-negotiable bare minimum, that still helps me not to fall behind.

^ this is a small, cheap pad of sticky notes i carry with me throughout my entire day. it’s only big enough so that i can only write a few school tasks/personal things i need to do/chores, which helps me evaluate what exactly i can only get done, especially on days where i don’t feel well. checking off absolutely everything on my tiny list makes me feel like i’ve accomplished a lot, because i i have-- they aren’t necessarily a lot of tasks, but they’re the ones that i know really do need to get done. it also helps me focus when i have a lot of nervous energy, and have a panicked sense of “so many things need to get done!!!?” because i can give myself a bit of time to sit down, maybe turn on an episode of a show i like or make some coffee, and write down my tasks. it really helps me with the faint, tiny guilt and dread i used to feel day by day that i was being unproductive or lazy, because now i know i’ve fulfilled all my obligations to myself (everything from doing laundry, to making dinner) and to other people (schoolwork and other tasks). it’s okay to move at the pace that’s only possible for you right now. it’s better to feel comfortable with the smallest things you can do, and build on that as the days come. 2) getting distracted is normal, given Everything Happening Right Now, plus with a mental health condition that makes it hard to focus. it can also be hard to remember things when i study, because of my own health conditions, but i’ve found that the following things have helped: regarding distraction - use a small system that keeps you from accessing any distractions when you need to get something done. i try to leave my non-essential device in another room, and set up a timer-based blocker, to limit the websites i access. - i try to acknowledge the distractions as they come, and try to figure out why: am i hungry? am i tired? have i gotten enough sleep? do i need a break? if it isn’t anything serious, i just acknowledge that i’ve gone briefly off-track-- without guilt, without judgment. then i try to turn my mind back to the task at hand. - a good ambient playlist can make me feel more focused during hard tasks in the sense that i have some form of stimulation to keep the “itchiness” at bay. video game soundtracks and film soundtracks are also wonderful for long, tricky tasks.  - sometimes i just have to start to feel motivated-- the focus actually comes in in the middle of the task. the fact of starting something may actually make you feel motivated.

- procrastinate productively: sometimes when i really don’t want to study i turn on a movie or a show and use the time to clean my room or fold laundry. my life still feels put-together, and i enjoyed myself! win-win.

- and sometimes i realize that focus may be impossible at the moment: take a break, go for a run, do something you like, take a nap.  regarding learning and remembering things i used to have the worst time recalling things for school, until i prioritized two things: SLEEP, and not cramming. i used to get extremely poor grades in my first year of law school because i would put off studying at the last and latest moment-- a few days before exams, pulling all-nighters right up until the hour the exam started. i would also just use my free time to scroll on social media, instead of taking a nap or going to bed early. this was absolutely wrong. during the exam, i couldn’t recall anything because i was too tired, too frazzled, probably didn’t have breakfast, and because i had started and finished half a semester of reading in one night. my grades have gotten much better lately-- i’d like to think it’s because i’ve centered it around two things: (a) getting enough sleep every single night (helpful ESPECIALLY if you have health problems-- mental or physical), and (b) making exam day the least stressful it can be. how do i do this? - this means not only learning things for the exam, but also for classes on a daily period. you don’t have to study particularly hard, but you just have to study enough that you can understand what the professor is saying in class. set definite study hours every day, stop at a very specific and reasonable hour, and go to bed. try to get at least 6 hours of sleep. sleep helps me absorb everything better (idk science but this is from experience and also some very smart people i know ALSO prioritize getting sleep). wake up at a reasonable hour.  - how to study: read the syllabus, and try to get a decent overview of all the topics you need to cover before you start testing/making flashcards/doing active recall (which is IMPORTANT bc this helps you actually train your brain to retrieve information). imho as someone low-energy i find that rewriting notes/making reviewers/making flashcards makes me very tired and leaves very little time for actual studying, so it just helps to test myself by looking at the syllabus and trying to explain the concept to myself, then peeking at the textbook or materials to see what i’m missing. mind-maps are also energy-efficient ways of figuring out how concepts fit together. - how to study for exams: the very latest you should start is a week ahead. two weeks ahead is ideal. map out how much information you need to re-learn from the syllabus. move slowly with the aim of finishing the coverage by the first week. the second is for reviewing and RESTING. - THE NIGHT BEFORE THE EXAM: do a final, gentle survey over the topics you may not understand. stop at 10 pm. go to sleep.  - EXAM DAY: you’ve done the work. take the time to eat breakfast, test yourself SLOWLY AND GENTLY (avoid reading huge chunks of textbook at this point-- youll only confuse yourself), and set up your workspace to take the exam. crush said exam. as a final note: it can be hard to get things done when the people closest to you aren’t supportive. try to reach out on studyblr and find discord study with me servers, or study communities on reddit (they’re actually really nice), or with students in your class. if you need to talk, just dm me. you can do this friend, okay? take care always. gentler days will come. 

[xbellaxcarolinax]

Forging A Heart (Ivar the Boneless) 23- Silver Fox

Pairing: Ivar x Artemis (OFC)

Word Count: 6235

Warnings: Some violence.

AN: Kinda long, kinda boring, not my favorite chapter 😅

22- Queen

...

Artemis runs a hand over the smooth wood of her throne, the very one Lagertha sat in and Aslaug before her. It was hard to even call it hers.

The wood was buffed to a shine and draped in fine fabrics and warm bear fur, enhancing its regal image. The night of their wedding went by in such a haze that she didn't pay much mind to her surroundings. It was loud then, full of merry making and fascinating stories. Now it was empty, quiet, and incredibly large. The thrones were slightly elevated, sure to remind those of their place.

The current Queen stands to face the authoritative seat, imagining the women who have sat there before her. She was born a commoner and it was a part of her that would never wash away, and she wondered if she was worthy of such a powerful seat. She stood a while longer, her fingertips brushing through the soft fur.

"It is meant for you to sit on, my love." Ivar's teasing voice resonated in the hall, and it was enough for her to snap away from her thoughts in favor of glancing at her husband, his eyes filled with mirth. He speaks through the leather curtain, sly as a cat ready to pounce on its prey.

"I know that." She huffs out, turning round with a swirl of her skirts. She plops down onto the throne to prove it.

"You are such a pensive woman," He says to her, limping over to place a kiss to her brow, "What plagues your mind at this hour, hmm?"

"The usual." She says, and Ivar raises a brow, already knowing what she meant. She was questioning her position, unconfident in her royal elevation. Despite her unassuredness, she did well to be studious in the running of a household and other queenly duties, but it was not enough for her. Ivar understood the lack of confidence, but as his wife, she had to push all that aside and reflect the image of a strong queen. He knew she would be.

Artemis smiled at him, but focused on the subtle movements in the hall. She was so intune with her thoughts that she barely noticed anyone else. A new fire was being stoked by a thrall, while the others hurried about with a task at hand. One dusted about, while another threw more wooden logs into the fire pit. Geirdis was to care with the feeding of the kittens and the mastiff, and the other two were to help Edda and the rest in the kitchens as well as setting up the table for the morning meal.

She was well acquainted with some of the thralls. Others were new and she was sure to remember all their names, to remember their jobs and to remember to thank them, always. The concept was strange, as slaves were never a part of her household back home.

"How may I ease your mind? Breakfast?" Ivar cuts into her thoughts, raising his eyebrows at her, "Those strawberries you like have been freshly harvested this morning." The mention of the strawberries had her up in an instant, grabbing Ivar's awaiting hand so that they may walk over to the large table set up completely with food and drink.

"I have another surprise for you," Ivar says, and it was almost enough for Artemis to crush the berry in her hand unforgivably.

"Another? Ivar must you spoil me so?" She had enough material items to last her more than a lifetime.

"Hush now," He teases, motioning at the thrall pouring his drink, "Tell Geirdis to bring the girl out." A few short moments later and Geirdis appears with Aria only steps behind her. The blond thrall stands behind her queen, and Artemis almost shoots out from her seat.

"I am at your service, my Queen." Aria's long red hair spills over her shoulders as she bows before Artemis. The Queen had confusion etched all over her face, turning to look at Ivar who bore his signature smirk.

"What is this?" She asks "I thought you were to leave with Jarl Erik? We've said our farewells only last night."

"I've purchased her," Ivar interjects, "You may keep her as your help or you may set her free. Do with her as you see fit." Artemis looks at him with sparkling eyes and he just laughs, holding a berry between his leather covered fingers.

"Ivar..." She couldn't express her happiness well enough, "This is wonderful news!" She stands immediately, careful not to trip over the hem of her dress, before enveloping the Irish girl in her arms.

"I would see you free, of course," Artemis says to her, "Your life is your own to command." The red head smiled, her green eyes glittering with such emotion.

"I would like to stay under your service, my Queen, if that is alright with you. I've nowhere to go, and I will dutifully earn my keep."

"Of course," The Queen smiles, "I will have Geirdis help settle you in." The young blonde thrall moves to Aria's side, ready for an awaiting task.

"I humbly thank you, my King," Aria bows to Ivar once again, to which he waves off lazily as he usually did.

"I did it for my wife." He simply says, waving both Geridis and Aria off, "Report to the Queen in the evening for further instruction." They bow, and Geirdis leads Aria to a vacant room further into the hall, a smile of excitement on her face.

Artemis watches them go, happy to have her friend back. She bounces on her heels excitedly, turning to glance at Ivar. He watches her, head resting on his hand. She grins, flinging herself onto him, embracing him tightly. She places repeated kisses upon his head and brow, and he closes his eyes, relishing her adoring kisses. He could get you to this adoration.

"Thank you, my love." She says to him with a content sigh. Ivar grips her around the waist bringing her comfortably to his lap so that he may give her proper kisses on her plush lips.

"Anything for you, baby bird."

"The Jarl didn't put up a fight?" She asks and Ivar snorts in response.

"I am King, and he is but a lowly Jarl from a different kingdom, he could not refuse me, nor did he deny the silver I had offered." Artemis hums in understanding, placing a jeweled hand upon his stubbly cheek.

"Perhaps I should thank him?"

"No need. Money speaks to him more than any grateful words."

"Forgive me, my King and Queen, for interrupting such a tender moment," Heahmund enters, his tone almost sarcastic, with Hvitserk in tow, "The petitioners will be arriving soon."

"Fix yourselves and eat breakfast."

The older Ragnarsson motions with his hands for them to separate, plopping down beside his younger brother. Ivar rolls his eyes but pats her bottom for her to move.

"Eat. We have a kingdom to run."

...

Ivar sits on his throne as if he were born for it. He was all confidence, regality emanating off his person. He was fit to be king. Artemis on the other hand was a timid creature, lacking the vivaciousness she had when still a slave. Ivar glances at her to make sure she is ready. Her coronet gleamed beautifully in the natural daylight. She was a vision, but apprehension lingered in her eyes.

One after the other they came, some to dispute minor things such as a stolen goat, or a lost sheep. Others wanted marriage approvals and dowries disputed. They were mostly petty squabbles. Such things were Ivar's least favorite duty as king. He loved conquest, he loved expansion, and most of all, he loved war. He was a product of violent times, but he reveled in it. Small talk and petty rivalries were a nuisance in his eyes.

Artemis seemed to have taken quite an interest in the matters of the people. Of course, she was mostly there due to the formal setting, and as Queen, she must be present for all formal functions. But in her mind, if she was to be a proper queen, then it was her responsibility to heed the common people's plight. She wanted to do good for the people that she ruled, and help Ivar as king to prosper the kingdom, not to be a useless puppet beside him.

Ivar settled each dispute easily enough. All those years beside his mother had taught him about the local politics, though he was clearly bored of it.

The grievances of the day were minimal, small matters easily solved. The day progressed uneventfully, and by midday, the Queen sat brooding before a loom, hands tangled in a mess of yarn.

"My Queen, the weft thread is too loose." Artemis sucks her teeth at the comment, scowling. The longer she stared at the threads, the more the pretty colors of blue and green appeared to be one congested mess of shades. She was about ready to throw the loom away.

"You must tighten it, like this," Geirdis instructs, her skilled hands going over the threads with accuracy, demonstrating her many years of experience.

"I can't do it."

"Of course you can, My Queen, it just takes time."

Artemis snorts, turning her gaze away from the loom and down towards the hem of her embroidered skirts. One of the kittens, the brown one she named Eros, latched his sharp little nails into the wool, attempting to climb up the height of her leg.

She coos, easily grabbing the tiny thing in her palm. Eros mewls, causing the other 3 to call out as well, and a soft symphony began in the quiet hall. Artemis didn't mind it, it was a pleasant distraction, but Geirdis was far too annoyed with the felines.

"Hush." She scolds them, grabbing the trouble maker Eros from Artemis's hands. She then scoops up the others. The second troublemaker was Aries of light colored hair, the calmest was Siggy, the darkest and the only one Ivar named, and the curious one was Icarus. Geirdis places them in the arms of a passing thrall. Heracles snores, laying obediently beside his mistress.

"I'm sorry, my Queen, but you'll never improve if there are distractions." Artemis sighs but nods in understanding, once again picking up the shuttle to continue her amateur work. Her weaving was an attempt at creating a blanket for the arriving cold weather. So far, it was futile.

But, she had expectations to meet and shoes to fill. There were lessons in weaving and mending, a task women were to dedicate countless hours to, and a task she utterly detested.

To her, the loom was an unavoidable contraption. Threaded into the wood were her clumsily woven flax threads, nothing in comparison to tapestries and fine clothing made by the skilled hands of the women in the royal household. Artemis left most of the weaving to Geirdis and the rest of the talented women.

Running the household was entirely different, but something Artemis was able to grasp better than weaving. She was to oversee the storages for grain and meat, food that had to last them for the winter months. The keys resting at her hip were a reminder of the control and command she had.

Ivar led several hunting parties, he and his men leaving with nothing but their arrows, and always returning with several rabbits and a deer or two. They would later be skinned, salted, dried, and stored away for later use.

The King was currently out on a hunt with Hvitserk and the rest of their hunting party, leaving Heahmund, Dafi, and the rest of the guards to watch over the Great Hall, and the entire estate.

"My mother was a talented weaver," Heahmund says to her, glancing at the front of the loom before walking to step behind Artemis to get a better look. He was not impressed. "You need much improvement."

"Well, how about you fetch your mother to teach me then, hm?" Artemis shoots back, earning a chuckle from the Saxon man. Geirdis fetches a pitcher of mead and a drinking horn. She fills it for Heahmund, and he takes it with a nod of thanks.

"I'm sure Geirdis has her hands full with you."

"The Queen has been no trouble." The blonde says, her tone absolute, as if warning Heahmund in his use of words. No one should ever be so familiar with nobility, especially the wife of Ivar the Boneless.

"She wields a hammer better than a loom." He says, a comment that not even Artemis could deny. The dark haired queen cracks a smile, but continues to work with the loom, slowly pulling the flax threads tightly.

"I can't hammer clothing into existence. I wish it were that easy."

"The loom is an important part of a woman's life, My Queen. When our death comes to take us, we are buried with our weaving tools and mending needles."

"And what? Are you meant to weave in Valhalla?" Heahmund snorts, raking a hand through his freshly cropped hair. Geirdis turns to him, her eyes revealing her irritation.

"It is our worth, and what makes us who we are." She mumbles out.

"Heahmund, shut up," Artemis scolds before he could say anything more, "Only the gods know why Ivar decided to keep you around." He raises a brow.

"Did you say 'the gods'?"

"Did I hesitate?" She counters back, eyes not leaving her work, though she had no idea what she was doing. Geirdis sits beside her queen, gently stopping her hands with her own to demonstrate the proper technique again. Every so often her honey eyes would drift to glance at Heahmund before finding their way back to the weaving.

"Do manners exist in Crete?" Heahmund mutters.

"Much more than in England, I'm sure."

Loud chatter and footsteps were heard, a cue for Dafi to open the hall doors to let the hunting party in. The hounds could be heard barking, and the smell of dead animal flesh suddenly filled the hall. The kitchen thralls immediately scattered in, helping to bring in the game.

Heracles barks upon the sight of Ivar and Hvitserk, immediately stomping towards them in glee.

"Wife, you must calm this beast." Ivar mutters, watching how the mastiff stood on its hind legs, his paws placed on Hvitserk's shoulders.

"He loves the lot of you." She replies, placing down her tools to formally greet her husband. She smiles at him. He was covered in dirt, no doubt from crawling about with his bow.

"And why does Heahmund wear such a face? Tired of watching women weave all day?" Hvitserk jokes, now roughhousing with Heracles.

"He should take a turn at it, seeing as he bickers like an old crone looking to hear village gossip." Artemis says, softly wiping the dirt from Ivar's flushed cheeks with the edges of her sleeves as he held her close to him. He looked exhausted.

"Have you all the time to stand here and pester me so?" Heahmund barks out with no real heat behind his words. He laughs walking forward to clasp Hvitserk's hand, then to bow to his king in the Saxon tradition.

"It is a fun past time, I dare say," Hvitserk smirks, "Now someone please get this dog off of me." Heahmund grabs Heracles by his silver collar, hauling him down.

"How fair's my wife on the loom?" Ivar addresses Geirdis who stood quietly in the back of all the commotion. With her hands clasped behind her back she dutifully responds.

"She will improve, in time, My King."

"She means I'm terrible." Artemis sighs, smiling up at Ivar like a child.

"She doesn't lie." Says Heahmund with a snort. Ivar sucks his teeth.

"Quit teasing. Now, if you will all excuse us," Ivar addresses the hall, "I'd like to rest with my wife."

"My love, I must see to the preparations of the meat before evening." Artemis whispers to him, successfully earning a frown from the king.

"Surely that can wait? My legs ache," He says back just as quietly, a twinkle forming in his blue eyes.

"What kind of Queen would I be then?" She smiles, pecking his lips quickly, "Geirdis will prepare our chambers for you. Once everything is stored I will come for you." Ivar smiles, placing a kiss to her brow.

"Very well, go be a Queen."

...

The sky was overcast, the sun's radiance blocked by gray clouds, preventing the warm rays from penetrating over Kattegat. The farmers scrambled to continue their harvest before winter came with its harsh grip, and the fishermen pushed their small boats into the sea for their morning catch.

Artemis sweeps through the bustling village, passing pleasantries with the people who greet her, some keeping a distance from the mastiff that trotted beside her. It had been a few weeks since the wedding and her ascension as queen. Things were much different, yet nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The people held her in higher regards, of course, but life simply went on, for which she was grateful.

"Dafi?"

"Yes, my Queen?"

"Does it not bore you having to follow me? You're like a shadow," Artemis jokes to him, offering the young man a smile. It was plainly obvious why Aria admired him so.

Dafi only shrugs.

"I suppose it is rather silly when you look at it that way, my Queen. It is merely my duty to escort you, always."

"Yes, but does it bore you?" Dafi remains silent for a moment, not sure how to answer the question exactly.

"Come now," She smiles, "I've better humor than my husband."

"I assure you, my Queen, it is an honor to be by your side." Dafi cracks a smile. His usual stoic demeanor faltered for a moment, revealing a boyish smile under all that seriousness. He wasn't being honest, but she supposed it was alright, he seemed in good cheer and that was enough.

"Then I release you from your duties for the day, Dafi." His flaxen colored brows furrow at her words.

"But my Queen-"

"Go and spend your day the way you'd want to if I weren't a burden." She says nonchalantly, using the tips of her fingers to skim over Heracles's short fur.

"King Ivar will not be pleased once he is informed."

"Then be sure not to inform him, hm?" Dafi was not convinced. It has always been his duty to be her loyal shadow, as commanded by Ivar.

"Do you intend to escort yourself?"

"Of course not! I have my dog for the company." Heracles perks up to gaze at them both when he hears his name, his wrinkled face covered in drool.

"Your dog, my Queen?"

"Mhm. I'll just be with Master Hagen. Go about your day, Dafi." His features screamed skepticism, but he couldn't deny an order from the Queen.

"Very well, my Queen." She smiles, nodding him off before heading to Master Hagen's shop.

With the increase of trade, many have come to make a living in Kattegat. There was an influx of craftsmen, potters, weavers, bakers, and blacksmiths, many coming from the failing town of Hedeby. After Lagertha's death, the village was taken over by a series of Jarls, who only pushed the village back deeper into misery.

Once it was known that Kattegat's Queen was a blacksmith herself, many wanted to come and show off their work in the hope of gaining the King and Queen's favor, but an increase in forgers meant an increase in competition. Despite the growth in competition, Artemis still only chose to go to Master Hagen. She would honor Arvid's father.

Arvid's father was an ailing man, but the glint in his eye was that of a youthful man. He was intelligent, and quite a talented blacksmith, reminding Artemis of her own father at times, which made some visits difficult. His white beard was braided, and a silver bead was placed at its end. His fading tattoos were a reminder of his younger days, fighting in Ragnar Lothbrok's army.

Her mastiff bounded into the shop as if he owned it, sniffing about the things he has sniffed many times before as if they were new.

"My Queen, I was not expecting you." Master Hagen greets, his aging eyes following Artemis as she enters, removing her hood and shaking off the morning chill.

"This is no place for a queen." The old man nags, but already knew she came with purpose. Artemis snorts, removing her fur lined cloak and placing it aside.

"The title does not change anything." She moves towards the back, fetching a pair of gloves she favored for her work.

"Oh, but it changes everything." He chuckles, scratching at his beard, "A queen sits upon a throne and does not dirty her hands." He notices her usual guard was missing, but he says nothing about it.

"I was born a blacksmith, and I think that shall remain until the end of my days." The Queen says to him, "I would not be true to myself if I left such a life behind." Master Hagen smiles at her words, nodding in understanding.

"Very well, my Queen."

"And Arne?"

"Fetching more wood."

"Excellent," She smiles, "We've much work to do."

"Oh?" The older blacksmith raises his brows.

"I'm sure you have noticed the recent influx of villagers?" The old man nods.

"Many of them come with skill, Master Hagen, which means more competition for you." The old man frowns but listens attentively, "I suggest you take on at least two more apprentices, that way you may flourish."

"But my Queen," Master Hagen sighs, "I've not the strength to take on such a task. I am but an old man. Arvid was to oversee the shop, but he is making a name for himself in England. It would prove to be difficult."

"I will help you," Artemis smiles brightly, "And I'm sure many others will come looking for work. Your trade will increase, and you will be able to retire peacefully. I will see that you are well taken care of." The old man hesitates, mulling over the idea before nodding.

"Very well, I will do as you ask."

The rest of the day went by uneventfully. Artemis decided to look after Arne's work, while Master Hagen dealt with a few customers that came for minor purchases.

Arne was a gifted young man, already showing talent in his trade. He was 16 years, beginning his training a few years prior before moving to Kattegat and finding a new master to teach him.

He was nervous around her, stuttering when she praised him, bending his head low in a timidness whenever she moved to instruct him. He'd never known a woman of high stature to dirty her hands as the freemen did. But he didn't know her full story.

Later in the day, a woman stops by, one Artemis was not familiar with. Her hair was so pale it appeared silver, and her eyes were slanted like a fox. She had a smile on her face as she greeted the Queen formally, extending the greeting to Master Hagen. She appeared to be searching for something, her eyes quickly scanning the entirety of the shop before her eyes landed back to the Queen. Artemis was bewildered but says nothing, thinking perhaps the woman needed to purchase something for her household.

"Is there anything I can help you with?" Master Hagen asks her.

"Oh, not in particular. I was hoping to have a word with the Queen? Of course, if she has a moment to spare." Artemis nods, removing her gloves. She then glances at a hammer nearby, deciding to tie it onto her belt before instructing. She never made the mistake of leaving without it anymore as it proved useful. She instructs Arne to continue his work before smiling at the unknown woman, who peers at the hammer before stepping out into the busy streets.

"I'm afraid we haven't formally met?" Artemis says to the woman, tightening her rich cloak about her shoulders. The woman nods before answering.

"I meant no offense, Queen Artemis. My name is Dabria. I have just moved here from Hedeby."

"It is a pleasure, Dabria. Forgive me for being so bold, but if your family intends to remain in Kattegat, then you must all pledge your allegiances to King Ivar."

"I came alone, My Queen. I've no family." Artemis takes in her state of dress. She wore tightly fitted breeches, and a leather vest.

"You're a warrior." Artemis states, and Dabria nods.

"I wish to join the king's army, my Queen."

"Well, if your skills are noteworthy, then I'm sure he will not hesitate to accept you." They walked about Kattegat for a while, discussing the weather and the wealth of the town. Heracles trailed behind them, following his mistress loyally. Dabria speaks of her admiration of Kattegat, how lovely the trees must have looked in the summer months.

Kattegat was beautiful from this height, nothing at all from what Artemis remembered when she was a slave. There was something about the view of the mountains that calmed her, or at least, eased her mind just a bit. She understood Ivar's need to find solitude there. It was peaceful.

Both she and Dabria watched the scenery, and the silver haired woman breaks the silence.

"You seem like a humble woman, Queen Artemis, which makes this so much harder." Artemis turns to look at the woman, her brows furrowing.

"What are you talking about?" Dabria removes a dagger from the pocket of her breeches, unsheathing it to reveal a glittering blade. Artemis swallows thickly, her fingertips lightly skimming her own dagger she kept strapped to her thigh. A gift from Ivar, he told her to always keep it on her person. Looks like she'd be using it.

"Lagertha was an amazing woman," Dabria starts, surprised at how calm the Queen was. She expected a few tears by now, maybe an attempt to flee. She points her dagger towards her, "How could a woman untrained in the arts of battle be the cause of Lagertha's death?"

"I'd call it luck. The rest believe it was the gods who willed it. You may choose what you want to believe. Now what are your intentions with that dagger?"

Dabria smiles, slowly approaching Artemis with a grin.

"I intend to avenge Lagertha."

...

The Queen sniffles, wiping her face to rid herself of the angry tears with the back of her hand. Her eyebrows were arched angrily and her knuckles were white from gripping the hammer tightly. Her eyes were trained on the quiet scene before her.

Heracles laid beside her, his tongue lapping over his dark snout now covered in blood. His eyes were closed but his ears were entirely alert to the smallest of sounds.

She glances down at her hammer, using the hem of her torn dress to wipe the remnants of blood from its surface, grateful she followed her instincts.

The seer had been right in saying such hardships would surface, but so soon?

Dabria was clearly a supporter of Lagertha, a shieldmaiden bent on revenge. Despite her fox like features, she lacked the wit that foxes were known for.

Her dagger cut through Artemis's dress, slicing deeply into the soft skin of her shoulder. The Queen was lucky to have been quick in her own movements.

Artemis presses a hand tightly to her wound, hoping the pressure would alleviate the blood and pain that was blossoming now that the adrenaline had ceased.

She had hit the woman twice, once in the stomach and once to her face. The swing of the hammer was powerful enough to emit a sickening cracking sound from the woman's jaw, now dislocated. It had stunned the both of them, Artemis's eyes widening as she saw the woman drool and spit out significant amounts of blood. Her jaw was loose from its place.

The same feeling she felt at the war camp when beating the man's face was the same feeling she had at that very moment, and before she could lift her hammer to bring it down atop the woman's silver head, Heracles pounced, attacking viciously.

His teeth sank into her arm, the very one that held the dagger ready to attack, tackling her down. Then he went straight for her face, destroying her visage until it was nothing but a fleshy mess between his teeth. The beast growled over the warrior's dead body, before directing it towards an approaching figure, Dafi, who now held an unresponsive Artemis in his arms.

"My Queen," Dafi says to her, his blue eyes pleading with her, "Command your beast to stand down."

Artemis stared at the woman, face destroyed, body twisted in a way that reflected her dog's strength. She had not noticed that Dafi had found her, nor did she care. Moments ago she was fighting against this woman, and now, she drew in her last breathe. Heracles continued to growl, his protectiveness not dying down despite knowing Dafi very well. He slowly inched forward, ready to attack him with any sudden movement.

"My Queen," Dafi tries again, his eyes never leaving the angry creature before him. Artemis blinks, catching her breath before removing herself from Dafi's grip.

"Heracles," She commanded sternly, "Stop." The dog lets out one last growl before quieting, replacing angry noises with whining. He sits, staring up at her with large eyes, bloody snout and paws, awaiting the next command. Artemis says nothing. She spits at the fresh corpse.

Stupid woman.

She only armed herself with a dagger, perhaps not to attract unnecessary attention to herself. Or likely assuming Artemis lacked the strength and was but a weak woman. A weak woman would not have the strength that came from the many years of beating metal.

She walks down towards the path her feet wanted to go, if only to find a moments peace. Waving her hand to her large pup, he immediately follows her, leaving the guard stunned.

"My Queen!" He called after her, but she didn't stop. The commotion had spread to the rest of the village as the people came to crowd around the body of the dead woman to take a look, the ravens already feasting upon the bloody mess. The murmurs spread almost immediately, reaching the Great Hall.

Lagertha was dead, yet her spirit haunted Kattegat, Artemis realizes that. They wanted revenge. King Ivar so easily killed their queen, and so shall they with his. She wipes her nose with the back of her hand, her ears picking up the sounds of boots crunching against the grass.

"My Queen," Dafi says cautiously, "King Ivar had appointed me to protect you, and I have failed." He keeps a distance from her, in case her dog decided that his presence was unwanted.

"I'm not dead." She says.

"But I should have been there-"

"Why do you blame yourself?" She asks him quietly, not bothering to look at him, "I sent you away, did i not?" She continued to press her hand against the flesh of her shoulder, blood now seeping through the fabric. It would not be wise to lose any more blood.

"I was not there to protect you."

"You could not have known."

"Artemis!" Hvitserk's familiar voice causes Heracles to bark. It echoed into the mountain ranges for all to hear, like a menacing threat that seemed to rattle over the entire land of Norway.

He pushes past Dafi, already noticing the wound on her shoulder.

"What happened?" Hvitserk asks breathlessly, removing her hand only to see blood. His eyes settle on her hammer, then on Heracles's bloody snout. He sighs, turning to look at Dafi with a glare.

"Is it not your responsibility to protect her? The king will be here any second and only the gods know what he'll do." That was Ivar's cue to enter, his chariot coming into view. His mare ran at full speed, and when he pulled the reins to stop, the chariot lurched forward at the velocity. There was a fire in his clear eyes, a rage that Artemis had not seen in quite some time.

He hopped off, his hands dragging him quickly towards Dafi, but before the guard could create his string of apologies, Ivar swipes an arm against his shins, causing Dafi to tumble hard to the ground, a dagger already placed dangerously against his throat before he could groan at the impact.

"Give me a reason why I shouldn't kill you right now." Ivar says to him, his wild eyes shining with anger. His face was so close to Dafi's that the guard was speechless, expecting the blade to slice his throat.

"My king, I-"

"Do not bore me with excuses." Ivar hisses, the point of the blade piercing the delicate skin of Dafi's neck, blood already pooling at the punctured area.

"Ivar," Artemis calls out to him, pleading, "It was not his fault, it was mine. I sent him away. Do not hurt him." Ivar sucks his teeth, but his gaze never leaves the frightened man below him.

"He still had a duty to uphold. And he failed."

"Do not kill him." She stresses, her voice dark and stern, nothing like he's ever heard. It was enough for him to look over at her, her eyes hard and lips set in a line.

Ivar sucks his teeth again, flicking his wrist quickly and swiping his dagger with expert precision, slicing along Dafi's cheekbone and up towards his temple. The guard hisses but says nothing, as he knew without the Queen intervening, he would surely be dead by now.

"Fortune smiles down on you," Ivar spits out, "Her mercy is what keeps you alive. You are released from the duty of guarding the Queen. Now, get out of my sight." Dafi stood, eyes downcast in shame. He turns round and walks away from the party. It was the little mercy Ivar would show him.

"Bishop," Ivar's fiery eyes turn to the cropped haired man, "Take a few men with you and scout the area. Lagertha's supporters must be near, and wherever they are, surely my brothers are not far. Go." Heahmund nods, quickly glancing at Artemis before motioning to the other men to move out.

Artemis slumps against Hvitserk, head hanging low. She lowers herself on the dry grass, her wound aching. She felt tired. Ivar crawls over quickly, pushing Hvitserk away to grab hold of her. She keeps silent, not bothering to look at him, yet he places sweet kisses over her head, running a hand down the length of her hair as he's always done in comfort.

"You are a warrior, and don't even know it," He says to her softly, cradling her close.

"I'd hardly call myself that. I have the dog to thank." Her voice wavered as she found it difficult to speak. He places a hand to her thigh, the one he knew she strapped her dagger to. It was still there.

"You had no need for the dagger?"

"The hammer did its job."

"Mhm," Ivar hummed in agreement, "I saw the mess you made of her. Her body will be burned in the village square tonight for all to see. The people will know the strength of their Queen, and the consequences of treason." Artemis says nothing, her mind still going over the events of the day.

Hvitserk begins to silently tie a leather strip about the thick silver chain Heracles wore around his neck, leading the beast away with much struggle.

"Have the thralls feed him the rabbit meat he is so fond of. He deserves it." Ivar's tone was so gentle, it was hard to believe that moments ago he was nothing short from furious.

Hvitserk nods, pulling the beast away, and only when he was far enough, Ivar begins his soothing again.

"You're hurt, my love, I must get you to the healer at once." Artemis nods, slowly standing up with the help of her good arm, waiting for Ivar to quickly crawl over to his chariot. He waits for her to stand beside him then grips the reins, slapping them against the mare. The beast began to move at a moderate pace.

"This is what the seer meant," She says to him quietly, "This is what he meant by the hardships, the dark shadow that looms."

"And we will deal with it together," Ivar says, "There is nothing that will stand against us."

"Who had warned you?" Artemis asks suddenly.

"Arne, Hagen's apprentice. Said the old man was worried when you had not returned for a while. Arne searched for Dafi, and Dafi warned the other guards."

"You rid him of his post, but surely you won't humiliate him further?" She had that tone, the pleading one, Ivar could already detect it. She did have a much kinder heart then he.

"I will send him back to the lower ranks for a while, until I decide what to do with him."

"It was not his fault." Artemis repeats. Ivar nods.

"I know, my love."

They entered through all the bustling activity, and the people stared as they passed through, whispers of the Queen reaching them until they closed the doors of the Great Hall.

...

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[inkstains-coffecups]

Procrastination and writer’s block

And how thwarting one can help beat the other.

[Image ID: Open books on a bed, a notebook opened in pages full of writing, printed papers of information with penciled scribbles, an opened laptop and a cup of coffee next to it.]

I swear I’m not full of BS. Just listen for a sec. I have been writing for half a decade now and I know that while writing is quite a fun and rewarding process, oftentimes it seems impossibly daunting and nothing you write seems good enough. All of these are valid feelings; as fun and rewarding as writing can be, it is also incredibly hard and you may procrastinate yourself into a writer’s block (and I should know, since I’ve done it an embarrassingly high amount of times myself).  The connection between the two might not seem visible from the get-go, so let me elaborate further.

Why do you procrastinate?

You procrastinate about things that make you feel uncomfortable. Yes, you read that well. You think about writing that one scene you are dreading and, bam, the pain centers of your brain light up. So, you shift  your attention to something more enjoyable, like, say, searching writing memes to laugh and commiserate with other writers in the same situation (even the best of us do it). This causes you to feel better at least temporarily. But sadly, the long-term effects of habitual avoidance can be nasty.

Now, what makes procrastination dangerous and hard to break out of is that, funnily, it shares features with addiction. It offers temporary excitement and relief from sometimes boring reality. It's easy to fool yourself, for example, into thinking that the best use of the writing time you’ve assigned for yourself is researching the historical ramifications of X event that happened that one year instead of actually writing the scene.

Breaking down procrastination.

In itself, procrastination is a habit. The thing about habit is that it’s an energy saver for you. It allows you to free our mind for other types of activities. You go into this habitual “zombie mode” far more often than you might think, that's the point of habit. You don't have to think in a focused manner about what you're doing while you're performing the habit. Habits can be good and bad, they can be brief like absently brushing back your hair or they can be long for example when you prepare a cup of coffee before sitting down in front of your laptop to write. You can think of habits as having four parts:

The cue is the trigger that launches you into “zombie mode”. A cue by itself is neither helpful or harmful. What matters is what you do in reaction to such a trigger. Cues usually fall into one of the four following categories: location, time, how you feel, and reactions, either to other people or to something that just happened.

The routine is the habitual response your brain is used to falling into when it receives the cue. Zombie responses can be useful, harmless or sometimes harmful. Your brain wants to automatically go into this routine when you've gotten your cue.

The reward is... pretty self-explanatory, really. Every habit develops and continues because it rewards us. It gives us an immediate little feeling of pleasure. Procrastination is an easy habit to develop because the reward, moving your mind's focus to something more pleasant happens so quickly and easily. But good habits can also be rewarded.

The belief is the crux of a habit. Habits have power because of your belief in them. To change a habit, you'll need to change your underlying belief. You may find that when the going gets stressful, you long to fall back into a old more comfortable habits.

Okay, so how do you stop?

Now, that you understand the problem, we can move on to fixing it. The first thing you should know, and I cannot stress this enough, is that it's perfectly normal to start with a few negative feelings. Maybe you think your writing is absolute garbage and that you’re bothering for nothing and that is perfectly normal. The key here is the way you handle such negative thoughts and feelings. Giving into these dark thoughts is what undermines your efforts, and doing so systematically is what sends you into a writer’s block. Instead, allow yourself to suck from time to time. Re-frame things, put them in a better, more positive light, like saying: “Future-me is going to love me for this.” (Remember that 300 words of bad writing is so much better than no words at all. After all, you cannot fix something that doesn’t exist).

What I want you to learn, though, beyond that, is how to focus on process not product. By process I mean the flow of time and the habits and actions associated with that flow of time. As in, I'm going to spend 20 minutes writing. Product, on the other hand, is an outcome, like the chapter you need to finish. To prevent procrastination you want to avoid concentrating on product. The product is what triggers the pain that causes you to procrastinate. Instead, your attention should be on building processes. Processes relate to simple habits, habits that allow you to do the unpleasant tasks that need to be done.

By focusing on process rather than product, you allow yourself to back away from judging yourself and to relax into the flow of work (which, coincidentally, is also the antidote to writer’s block). Equally important to remember is when a distraction arises, which it inevitably will, you want to just let it flow by. This is when the Pomodoro technique comes to save your ass. You push the distraction, a text from a friend or a notification on Tumblr, away for a fixed amount of time, say, 20 or 25 minutes or even an hour, it’s up to you, and you reward yourself during the break by dealing with it, shifting your focus away from writing. Then, repeat.

We can delve in deeper by analyzing how to stop yourself at different stages during procrastination.

The cue. If you want to stop it before it’s even begun, this is where you start. You should try to recognize what launches you into your  procrastination mode. The issue with procrastination is that, because it's an automatic habit, you're often unaware that you've begun to procrastinate. You can prevent the most damaging cues by locking away your phone or disconnecting from the internet for brief periods of time. 

The routine. This is your best bet of stopping yourself. As in, this is the reaction point where you must actively focus on rewiring your old habit. The key to rewiring is to have a plan. Developing a new ritual can be helpful. Your plan may not work perfectly at first, but just keep at it. Adjust the plan if necessary and savor those victories when your plan works. Don't try to change everything at once. The Pomodoro technique can be especially helpful in shifting your reaction to the cues.

The reward. This can be a powerful way of thwarting procrastination. Doing so, however, can sometimes require a little bit of investigation. Why are you procrastinating? Can you substitute an emotional payoff? Maybe a feeling of pride for writing that scene, no matter how short, a sense of satisfaction. Can you win a small internal bet or a contest about something you've turned into a personal game, like, say, writing 500 words every day? 200? 20? Remember that habits are powerful because they create neurological cravings. It helps to add a new reward if you want to overcome your previous cravings. Only once your brain starts expecting that reward, will the important rewiring take place that will allow you to create new habits. Don't feel bad if you find that you have trouble getting into a flow state at first.

The belief. The most important part of changing your procrastination habit is the belief that you can do it. Belief that your new system works is what can get you through. Part of what can underpin your belief is to develop a new community. Developing and encouraging culture with like-minded friends can help you keep on track. Do you know what that means? WRITING BUDDIES. 

And there you have it, the secret unveiled. As a little footnote, this is information I learned in a MOOC I took at Coursera, called Learning How To Learn.

[heartbeatan]

Technicality (Chapter 3)

Return to Chapter 2.

Return to Table of Contents.

Return to One Nights Series.

Return to Hoseok Fanfictions.

Return to Masterlist.

Chapter 3

Hoseok watched you as you recounted the memory of his birthday and you found yourself angry at him once again. Angry because you had written him off months ago, but within minutes and with one simple phrase he could have your panties dampening. He was such a flirt and it was working. Perhaps you weren’t angry at him, you were angry at yourself for it.

Hoseok chuckled as he saw you both aroused and confused by his suggestion, and that irritated you further. Perhaps it was time to take back a little control. Hoseok may have had some power over you, but you knew that you had power over him. One thing that made the sex and the chemistry between the two of you so incredible was your ability to tease each other. So, a tease perhaps you’d be once again. Penance for the way things ended between you two; a reminder of what he gave up; and payback for what he was doing to you now. You turned to him and smiled flirtatiously back at him.

“That was a pretty good day,” you purred. “Remember after we came back from your party?” His face brightened now seeing you engaging in the banter.

He opened his mouth to answer just as a loud group of people pulled themselves into the seats directly next to him. He looked over his shoulder at them, agitated that the two of you were no longer alone. The crowd in the lounge was beginning to increase as cocktail hour had officially passed and night life was checking in for its shift. He turned back to you and offered you his hand. He wanted to take you somewhere you could be without an audience.

Now was your chance.

You tucked your clutch under your arm, picked up your drink from the bar then accepted his hand as he helped you off the stool. He gestured towards an empty booth near the back, far away from the growing crowd. He placed his hand on your back to guide you towards it. It was a small, common gesture, but the feeling of those hands on your bare back gave you another flash back.

Your friend – the one you met Hoseok through – had an art exhibition for a week and you, of course, attended opening night. It was soon after you and Hoseok started sleeping together, and you were so insatiable for each other that you weren’t sure at one point if you were going to make it to the gallery. Since the whole night had been painfully clouded by erotic anticipation, he decided that night – after you returned from the exhibit - he would spend an erotically painful hour undressing you.

It started with him kneeling in front of you, his one hand holding onto your calf while the other slipped off your heel. He brought your foot to his lips. From there the tip of his nose slowly traced a line up to your knee where he landed another sensual kiss. His hands then went to work, slowly sailing up the back of your calf then up and over your thigh, pushing the fabric of your dress up a bit further. His eyes were focused on the way his hands pulled over your flesh. He only wavered from his task to look up at you to gauge your level of torment.

You inhaled each time his palms reached across your inner thigh as they flirted with the idea of where else those fingers could go, before they slid back down again and tightened their grip around your ankle. Who knew skin over skin could make you this hot?

When you thought he was done, he instead followed the trail his hands left with his mouth, and the whole cycle began anew. He then moved onto your other leg and spent the next few minutes caressing it with his palms, lips, nose and tongue. You somehow never tired of it, and each passing moment only made you more aroused. You could feel your nipples harden beneath your dress; goosebumps shiver across your body; and the space between your thighs dampen.

Later, when he got to the straps of your dress, he gently pulled your hair and tilted your head to the side exposing as much of your neck as possible. You could still hear the way he hissed as he did, and you shivered at the feel of his breath on your skin. His fingers dragged along the length of your arm and it somehow dragged a moan from deep within you.

"You were so on fire when he finally got to your zipper. You remember vividly the way he said ""no"" when you pleaded with him to hurry. But your whimpers only made him work slower."

“I love to watch you squirm,” he whispered in your ear. He pulled on the zipper and his knuckle followed, tracing the naked length of your spine.

Those were the hands that made you feel like you were going to implode, and those were the hands that were now placed, once again, upon your unclothed back as the two of you crossed the floor of the lounge. The rush of the memory left you short of breath.

Seated in the booth in a dark corner of the lounge the two of you spent the next while conversing via flirtation, euphemisms, and references intended to drive each other crazy. Your bodies angled and shuffled closer to each other just a little more with each passing moment. Whenever one of you shifted in your seat, your legs would brush up against each other and it sent a pulse through your veins. Eventually, there was no space between your limbs. You glanced down and looked. His hand was resting dangerously close to your thighs.

They could reach out and touch me at any moment, you thought to yourself. Their mere presence was a tease. You loved those hands. You took a sip of your drink to check yourself, then looked back up at him. His face told you that he too was bothered by this proximity.

"Sorry, what did you say?" you asked.

"I was going to ask you if you wanted another drink, but I see you still have a bit left," he replied with a knowing smile. You were caught. He knew that regularly, it wouldn’t take you this long to finish a tumbler… but, prolonging the life of the drink meant either you were distracted by something or you were trying to prolong the life of this foreplay."

“Just matching your pace,” you retorted, pointing your eyes at his barely touched glass. He smiled and took a gulp.

He propped his elbow onto the back of the seat to support his head. He watched you for a moment, bemused but entertained while he considered his next move. Then, without warning, he slipped his hand up your skirt and rested it on your inner thigh, dangerously close to your groin. The swift motion tempered your breath and your body unconsciously shifted to receive his hand and to hide it from view. You scanned the room quickly for anyone who may have noticed.

"What are you doing?" you ask."

"Touching you," he replied. His hand remained in place, but you felt his fingers begin to stroke up and down your thigh and you felt your kegels clamp. He raised an eyebrow. "Why? You don't like it?" his tone was sarcastic - he already knew the answer. It's time to take back some control again. You were supposed to make him want you, not the other way around."

"What do you want?"

"I want to know the colour of panties you're wearing."

Perfect.

"How do you know I'm wearing any?" His eyes widened and he smirked in amusement at your response."

"I can figure that out pretty quickly." He began to move his hand further up your thigh, but you caught his wrist immediately and pulled his hand out from underneath your skirt."

"""What makes you think I'm going to let you find out?"" you shot him a rogue grin."

A staff member appeared at the table to offer you another round. It broke the tension and you shuffled yourself into a less assuming position while Hoseok reached into his breast pocket for his wallet.

"""Can I bring anyone another drink?"" she asked."

"""No. We're leaving. Thank-you,"" he said as he handed her a tip. ""Let's go,"" he said to you as he reached out his hand to help you out of the booth. You took it."

This time, he didn’t let go of your hand. Instead, he held it tight, locking his fingers between yours as he led you out of the lounge. He rubbed his thumb over your knuckles and, somehow, the small gesture made you question if you were serious about going through with your plan.

He took you out the side entrance into the alley between the main roads. You were now standing in front of each other. Out here in the open air, he looked incredible, and you thought to yourself that maybe one more time you’d let him into your bed.

He rubbed nervously at the back of his neck. The mode had changed - or, at least his mood had changed. He was no longer staring arrogantly into you. His eyes darted from the ground to you and to the cars and people passing on the adjacent streets. With an audible breath, he filled the space between you and began to caress your shoulders.

"""What do I need to do to get you to come home with me?"" he whispered, raising his eyes to meet yours."

“Convince me,” you whispered back. Part of you – a big part of you – wanted him to convince you.

His hands dragged down your arms then they splayed themselves over your waist as he pulled you against him. He tilted his face down towards you and you felt your breath quicken. Your eyes darted from his eyes to his lips.

Just one kiss, then you leave.

You wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled your lips to his. Your body remembered exactly how to kiss him. Exactly where to mold yourself into him; exactly how to move your lips; and exactly how he tasted and smelled. He groaned into the kiss. You parted your lips and let his tongue enter your mouth.

The kiss was heated from the get-go, and your hands began to roam and pull at him, while his tugged at your backside and rolled your hips against his. You groaned again when his lips left yours and he began to suck hard at the flesh of your neck.

As if it had a mind of its own, your hand instinctively crawled between your bodies and began to stroke his cock over his pants. He pulled his lips to yours again so he could stifle his moans in your mouth while his other hand began to knead roughly at your breast.

You had lost all direction and all sense of shame and you tore at each other in the alley… that is, until your phone sprung to life with a loud buzz.

Breathless, you pulled your lips away from each other, and you dug through your purse to look for it. Hoseok still held you close as you did.

“Let’s call a cab,” he said.

You looked at your phone. It was your friend you had texted earlier – before Hoseok arrived – asking if she wanted to hang out for the night. This was your shot. This was your chance to leave Mr. Technicality blue-balled and restless – the way he left you so many months ago. But, as Hoseok’s hot lips found their way to your neck again, you weren’t sure anymore if that’s what you wanted.

“I have to go,” you said without even realizing it.

“What?”

“I’m meeting someone right now,” you said as you peeled him off of you.

“Right now?!” You almost laughed at how comical his distress was.

“Yup!” you said as you turned and walked down the alley towards the street. “It was nice seeing you!”

He shouted out to you, but you couldn’t make out what he had said. Your ears were pounding from the blood rushing back to your head as well the stress of whatever gimmick you had just pulled. Soon enough, you found yourself at the street, hailing a cab and taking off away from him.

[runawayballista]

i think the reason that writing in a notebook has been really working out for me, other than it being a really useful tool for writing thru the bad brain fog, is that its kind of like laying down a sketch layer. it's the first draft "this won't be perfect" mentality with a more practical (for me) approach. i can't backspace or make things tidy, so instead i let my brain free range and write notes in the margins, cross things out, outline things in boxes and draw arrows to move them elsewhere or star a passage and then add something to it i forgot in another box on the next page. one of my problems with brain fog is that my working memory is really short. if i know what i want to write 3 paragraphs from now, i'm liable to forget in the time that it takes to write those 3 pargraphs, so i'm frequently sketching out reminders or snippets of dialogue in the middle of paragraphs so i can remember where i was going. (sometimes this means i forget what i'm in the middle of writing, but not usually.) writing by hand does mean the writing goes slower but it's good in a way, it means my hands can't get ahead of my brain and stall out on the next thought like sometimes happens while typing, at which point i have to try to remember where i was going, and then the time it takes to turn over the ignition in my brain makes me incredibly prone to doing things like, getting distracted by a funny tweet.

but i don't worry too much about sentence structure, or being concise, or whether or not the prose is elegant. my handwriting is messy and hard to scan, so it's not uncommon for me to lose track of a sentence structure or end up with an unintentional sentence fragment. i do a lot of stream-of-consciousness writing to get around the brain fog, because it's easier for me to write until i figure out what i want to say than think it out. and i wind up with some really great prose this way, too! i try to avoid ever putting things like [insert joke here] because it's just a blank space in my writing that will be harder to fill in later, but i will put a less funny joke there that's more or less to the effect i want. punching up a flat joke is, for me, way easier (or at least more reliable) than spinning a really funny one out of nothing later. i'll write some flat prose sketching out what i want to happen knowing i can reword it later instead of writing "and this is where they talk about the thing". i save typing up what i've written for when i'm more awake and edit as i write, fixing the glaring issues like sentence structure and omitted words and reworking it as ideas come to me, but i save the heavy lifting for actual editing because it's still a rough draft.

i don't really think writing two rough drafts is a universally useful approach, but a lot of what i do (in life in general, not just writing for fun) is basically focused on reducing the cognitive load for any given task. my fog-riddled brain can't juggle too many parallel lines of thought without losing track of them, so i try to frontload as much of my thinking as i can, so that i can think about as little else as possible than the words right in front of me. i don't trust my memory so i write out ideas for future scenes (or things later down the line in this scene) as they come and highlight those sections or pages in bright colors so it's easy to flip through and remind myself what i was going to include. it is a little labor intensive and i am limited by how long i can get my hand to cooperate, but i found a really comfortable to hold pen and as someone who has a hard time unplugging and unwinding it's really nice to just put on a ragtime piano album and write by hand for a few hours. it worked well enough to write a whole-ass romance novel last year during one of the most stressful work periods of my life and it's working out pretty dang well for fanfiction