#au: taofil

[lexa-griffins]

Old TAOFIL clexa drawing because I have nothing else to offer

[lexa-griffins]

patiently waiting for a TAOFIL update or lil snippet :) how are our girls doing?

😣 i tried so hard to write a sweet little thing for them for christmas, i only got 1k words for it and I didn't manage to finish it unfortunately 😩 I want to finish that fic so badly, I adore them so much but it's just not been clicking when I go to write!!!!

Having nothing more to odder you, here's a little snipet I wrote for the christmas companion to the the fic:

The last of the wooden boxes is placed on the floor by a slightly out of breath Clarke, and Lexa smiles thankfully at her from her spot on the lounge chair, sorting through the rest of the Christmas decor. The act fills her with a sense of nostalgia for her childhood. Her first Christmas as a mated and married omega is also the first one she spends without her sire and yet she sits in the exact same spot she did the year before, looking through the collection of baubles and ribbons like she did every year before she passed them on to her sire, the tall woman’s smile always warming as she sang Christmas carols in her gruff deep voice turning them into an enchanting melody and after the passing of her mother two years earlier, Lexa youthful voice joining her duet.  This year, Clarke’s rough and mellow voice is the one that fills the halls of their home, humming more than singing, the odd lyric escaping her before the humming of a full verse she does not know the words to returns.  “These are just beautiful.” Clarke comments as she opens the first box, filled with beautiful blown glass ornaments.  “My mother has been getting them since I was born.” Lexa speaks softly, lifting herself from the chair and approaching Clarke as she admires the most recent one, the beautiful steel blue with delicate white flowers ball sparkling in the low light of the room.  Lexa stares at the box, where the sixteen baubles sat in velvet dividers so as not to break them. Only sixteen. “One for each Christmas I saw.” Emotion fills her throat, “One for each Christmas she saw with me.”  Clarke gently places the box on the floor alongside the glass ornament, getting up to wrap her arms around her mate who accepts the comfort of her wife’s arms without a fight, arms holding tights around her neck.  Lexa is unsure if she truly cries. But Clarke holds her tightly, lips against her hair, lovingly hushing her. “How about we go to the shop to get a new? Continue her tradition?” Lexa nods with a watery smile. She stares lovingly at Clarke, “She always did like you very much. The week we got engaged, I could not stop hearing her go on about what a wonderful young alpha you were.” Clarke chuckles, “She might have liked me more than you did.” Lexa smiles, staring at Clarke’s eyes “I doubt it.” An intimate moment, another quiet I love you on Lexa’s part that Clarke does not respond to. Instead, she kisses her, softly, comforting. She lingers there, foreheads against each other. “Perhaps we should finish the tree before it gets dark outside.”  They decorate the tree with candles, orange garlins, candy canes, ribbons, and the babblus. Lastly, Clarke finds the small box and shows it to Lexa. “It should be a small angel. It was mother’s favorite.” Clarke opens the box, “Oh no.” Lexa looks. The angel is broken.  “We’ll get another one.” Lexa shakes her head and sighs, “It was bought over seas. Keep it in the box, please.” Clarke agrees.

The fic would end with Aden's first Christmas and Clarke returning home with a new angel she arranged to be costume made for Lexa. The angel was very similar to Lexa and Clarke knows she can't replace the one that broke. So, Clarke gets an angel that resembles little Aden 🥰

[lexa-griffins]

How about the opening paragraphs of The act of falling in love?

They are betrothed to one another at age fifteen. Neither laments it.  Lexa has loved Clarke for as long as she has been breathing air. The alpha is sweet and gentle, the owner of a bright smile and joyful laugh, her expected presentation at the tender age of eleven doing nothing to change her kind nature. Loving Clarke is easy for the omega; natural, innate. Reserved as she is, heart guarded and fragile, Lexa does not reveal it, although she suspects it is known by all from the moment they met, both pups of not yet six years of age. Her love for Clarke naturally grows for all the ways they are different; Clarke’s reckless nature that makes Lexa’s cautious and wary way of living seem dull; her defiance of instituted rules has Lexa question why she follows them so rigorously. The alpha’s love for savory treats and the way she still always carries candy with her wherever they go purely because she knows Lexa loves the sweetness of them. Similarly, it grows for all the ways they are alike; the acceptance of duty, the stubbornness they share. Their love for literature, for the arts and the hours they can spend talking about both subjects without ever feeling bored. For all her love, however, there is something Lexa knows to be true. Clarke does not love her.  And Lexa does not care.

Okay, so to start, I really wanted to show that Lexa and Clarke are young. Fifteen years old, barely teenagers. They're kids. Clarke has known she was an alpha since she was eleven years old, hinting that Lexa has had her presentation as an omega revealed more recently. And the moment Lexa presented, they knew it was only a matter of time until their parents arranged their engaged and they were both content with it. There is no resentment between childhood friends who know they are to marry one another. There's even excitement, not just on Lexa's part but Clarke's, too. One thing is that Clarke is never fake in the true feelings towards Lexa from the very beginning, but she does care greatly for this friend of hers and knowing just how Lexa can be guarded with herself, she really never wants to hurt Lexa's feelings despite wanting to be allowed her freedom while it is allowed.

They still have their entire teen years ahead to learn how to love and be who they are. Clarke does get that more or less as we see later. She learns to fall in love with Finn and working at a clinic she has instruction in the medical field. Lexa, however, needs none of that. She has loved Clarke from the moment they meet, both still so young. But she knows Clarke did not feel the same, she was so small yet, both not even sure of their presentations, although Clarke was always expected to present as an alpha and when she did, Lexa hoped she'd present as an omega as she seemed to hint at it but showed this very put together way of presenting herself that some suspected she'd might surprise everyone with an alpha presentation. So Lexa kept her heart well guarded, loving her from afar.

Given that the fic is written from Lexa's pov, it's easy to see the love a young Lexa feels for Clarke, in their shared interests and in their differences, this admiration Lexa has for who Clarke is, the reasons that justify her live to a girl who does not love her back. Lexa trusts Clarke so entirely with her heart, she has known her for most of her life.

But because Clarke has never lied to her about her feelings and is more than pleased with their engagement, happy, delighted even, Lexa doesn't feel a need to hide that love for her. Even later on, when she learns of Clarke's fling, that trust Lexa has (although later shaken by her own insecurities) never changes. She allows Clarke that love for the beta boy while knowing Clarke will still marry her and take her as a wife and mate with opened arms because that's what Clarke /wants/ not because it's something she has to do.

And that's why Lexa does not care that Clarke doesn't love her. And why "Clarke does not love her. Lexa doesn't care" keeps being repeated throughout the fic. I wanted it to be this repetition that no, Clarke is not in love with Lexa. But Lexa is happy this way. She is not setting, she is no resentful. She accepts it. Because Clarke knows Lexa loves her. And she cherishes and cares for Lexa's heart with as much gentleness as she can until the moment Clarke can give her heart to Lexa too. Lexa's is a fragile and guarded heart but she trusts it with Clarke better than with herself.

[lexa-griffins]

Yay, you made progress on TAOFIL 🩷 I'm so happy for you. I hope those were happy years when you made yourself cry

I did ☺️☺️☺️ oh I am so excited, it feels like my muse is back and I'm gonna keep on writing today ☺️🩷

They were definitely happy tears, it is a very sweet moment between them 🥺 i can only expect to be a sobbing mess when i finally write Clarke saying I love you to Lexa 🥹

[lexa-griffins]

Lexa has a favorite blanket that they use when they're trying to conceive for their baby 🥺 Lexa loves wrapping this blanket around herself so Clarke's scent can comfort her

🥺 yes! There's this throw blanket Lexa's sire had made right before he died. It arrived soon after they got married, a sweet note for Lexa attached to it, wishing it would warm her and her mate and one day swaddle their child.

Lexa keeps it neatly folded on a chair as their love making is usually done preferably without any bedding other than the soft silky sheets Lexa prefers, and Lexa will reach for the blanket once they are done, throwing it over their naked bodies as she cuddles closer to Clarke. In the morning when Clarke kisses her temple goodbye Lexa will wrap the blanket around herself tighter and let Clarke's scent involve her in a comforting hug as she hopes last night worked.

(when she's pregnant and misses Clarke during the day, she will hold the blanket to her nose, soothing their kicking baby and her the overwhelming feeling of missing her alpha that left only a couple of hours ago for work. When Clarke comes home late she can only manage to get the blanket away from Lexa when she herself finds her way under the covers and Lexa switches the blanket for the real thing)

[lexa-griffins]

My angst-loving slut self loved your fic The Act of Falling in Love, hurts so good 😩 are there any plans for a 2nd chapter?

Aw thank you, i am always so happy to hear you guys love that little fic ☺️🩷🩷

There definitely is, unfortunately I lost my muse for a bit there and college isn't helping either but I recently managed to write a bit for it so I am hoping it won't take much longer to give them their happy ending 🩷

[lexa-griffins]

Wait based on your ask, are they each other's firsts in the act of falling in love?

Yes! Lexa was implied, she loved Clarke since she was around six years old and after they got engaged at only fourteen she didn't have eyes for anyone else and as an omega in this type of society, her being a virgin was "mandatory".

Clarke is explicitly mentioned, because Lexa thought for sure her and Finn had done something:

"I am afraid I’ll hurt you. Lexa, I have never...” The words die in her mouth and Lexa feels her heart thump loudly.

She assumed Clarke had, at some point, shared intimacy with the beta she loved. It was not uncommon for alphas to gain experience with betas before they were to be married. It was encouraged even, a ritual of passage most partook in with delight.

Lexa is ashamed of the feeling of euphoria that runs through her body. No matter her feelings towards the omega she was to marry, Clarke had respected Lexa’s wishful request. She never expected her to. They had been young when they spoke about it, newly engaged as Lexa tentatively asked Clarke if she would save herself for their wedding night. It had been before Finn, before Clarke had grown more into her alphahood, before Lexa came to terms with not being loved back by her bride to be. The girl had agreed with a smile, that charming smile, filling Lexa with trust.

:)

[lexa-griffins]

Your TAOFIL snippet has me clutching my heart to stop it from shattering 😭 Lexa only had 16 ornaments for each Christmas she spent with her mom 😭 Then to add insult to injury, her mom's favorite angel ornament was broken 😭 Why must you devastate my precious babies? Hasn't Lexa been through enough?

Clarke was so sweet when she sensed Lexa's emotions and offered to continue her tradition of getting a new ornament yearly for Christmas in memory of her mom. Thank you for telling me that Clarke will replace the angel ornament with a new one that resembles their son. I needed some fluff and joy

Before I started writing thile little Christmas ficlet for this I had only a vague idea of Lexa's parents, I just knew they died some years apart and that it was after Lexa's sire died that her and Clarke married so Lexa could inherit their estate.

Lexa's mom, an omega, was very much like Lexa and Lexa adored her. She was just everything Lexa wanted to be. And when she died it was like a star died in the house. Lexa's sire, this talk big alpha woman who loved her wife, kind of lost her shine. It was like Lexa's mom was the sun and her sire the moon. And Lexa the earth.

She adored Christmas tho and Lexa is now the omega of the house and she feels this deep connection with her mom right there but once she sees the broken ornament? It's like a reminder she is gone.

Clarke will commission the small angel in secret. She'll find Lexa in the parlor, little Aden in her arms as she rocks him and sings to him by the soft candlelight of the Christmas tree. Lexa will gasp in shock and fight with herself not to sob over the beautiful angel that so closely resembles their beautiful little boy. She'll place her hand on Clarke's cheek, her wife kneeled in front of her as she sits on the sofa with Aden in her arms, pull her in for a kiss, reminding her again and again how much she loves her. Clarke will smile with a hand softly on little Aden's head and kiss her back. The words are not spoken yet but Lexa thinks she knows in their silence the feeling is already there ☺️

[lexa-griffins]

Just finished reading The Act of Falling in Love for probably the 100th time. It’s one of my comfort fics. Kudos to you, my friend. Amazing work!

Oh this makes me a little emotional 🥺 I am so happy you enjoy TAOFIL that much that not only you re-read it (especially given it isnt even finished yet!!!) but find it to be one of your comfort fics :'))) it really means a lot to hear that 🩷

Thank you, and thank you so much for reading it 🩷🩷

[lexa-griffins]

I know taofil is written from lexa’s pov, but is there a moment when they’re trying to make a baby when clarke realizes she’s falling for her? Love your stuff!!

Thank you ☺️🩷

Although this isnt particular on the horny sidr im gonna answer it real quick.

Warning: spoilerd ahead for The Act of Falling in Love.

If you were to ask Clarke when she truly fell for Lexa, she wouldn't be able to pinpoint it. She didn't even fully realize the before and after of loving Lexa until it sinked in at some point.

But as they are trying for that baby, its so intimate and such a connection between them, the knotting and spending hours on end together it makes Clarke want to say "I love you" to Lexa. Clarke has never lied to Lexa about not loving her yet, so she never felt the urge to say it. Every time she opens her mouth tho, Lexa seems to interrupt her. And when Lexa says she loves her, Clarke doesn't feel the urge to say, "I love you too." She just wants to say the "I love you" unprompt.

As Lexa falls pregnant, Clarke feels the urge again. And she does start to let the words fall from her lips but Lexa hushes her. Because maybe Clarke does love her already. But neither can be sure. Does she love her, or does she love the baby Lexa is carrying and the nights of passion they spent together trying for this baby? Lexa is no longer desperate for Clarke to love her. They live a happy marriage and she knows Clarke will get there. But as of right now, she refuses to let Clarke say it unless any other factor that could be clouding why Clarke feels such a deep adoration for Lexa all of the sudden is influencing if she truly loves her or not. And even if Clarke looks like a sad puppy when she's denied the admission of her feelings, she fully understands why Lexa stops her.

[lexa-griffins]

Yess The Act of Falling in Love is one of my all time faves! Any chance on a snippet??

☺️☺️☺️ i never really gets old reading that something i wrote is on the list of someone's favorites 🩷🩷

Unfortunately with the way I write that fic everything is just wall text that needs editing 😅

But here's a dialogue line i find adorable

"I don't think kissing my tummy will help us have a baby Clarke" Lexa chuckles with adoration, her alpha's lips not having left the softness for part of the last half hour.

Her reminder does little to keep Clarke's adoring lips away from her skin.

"I know, but I can practice for when there's baby in there"

[lexa-griffins]

Okay, but Clexa being each other's first was so fucking sweet in The Act of Falling in Love. Like my heart totally melted when we found out Clarke saved herself for Lexa, even if she didn't love her. 🫠 One of favorite fics btw.

🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🩷🩷🩷 im so glad 🥹

At the start, Clarke was supposed to have had sex with Finn but I decided to change it. Because Clarke really did want to honor Lexa's request although at the same time, Clarke thinks she needs to be the alpha and lead but she doesn't know how and that is why she thinks she is not a good enough alpha for Lexa - because Clarke really wants to be, she thinks Lexa is amazing and didn't want to disappoint her which just makes Lexa fall more for her!

And for alphas it is pretty normal to sleep with betas. Its spmsthing thats encouraged, Clarke would hsve received no push back on it but she made a promise to Lexa and she wants to keep it because while she does (did) love Finn she knew he wasnt the one she was going to marry and spend her life with and the fact Clarke even before marriage was alteady so dedicated to her life with Lexa? :')))

(And its the fact Lexa respected all of that, she was never possessive of Clarke in a way that made Clarke feel trapped in an engagement with her because Lexa was always so respectful of Clarke's boundaries and wishes, that knowing Clarke did the same for her? Oh boy I could cry :'))))

[lexa-griffins]

TAOFIL clexa must be trying all sorts of adventurous positions as they try to conceive their baby. Do they have a favorite?

When it comes to positions, they aren't actually going too wild. They are still very vanilla when it comes to sex and while they are having more fun with it as in they are more relaxed during it, they know better what the other likes so they feel themselves freer to do different stuff - they arent going wild on poses. The "wildest" they go is really the one that will be on the fic, and it'll happen on the horse stables! They actually change locations more than they change positions because they really can't let go of each other, they have even fucked on Clarke's office at the clinic when Lexa when to bring her some lunch!

[lexa-griffins]

TAOFIL Lexa kissing Clarke's dick and asking her to give me a baby today. Clarke finds this just too cute 🥺 Clarke to her dick - "Come on buddy, we can do this. Don't let us down"

🥺 aw that's adorable 🥰🥰 fun fact, at this point, Lexa hasnt even sucked Clarke's dick because Clarke finds it to be degrading for her to do so she has been very firm on a no with that.

But! I can see Lexa doing that as she takes Clarke's pants off. Its a quick thing but it really almost makes Clarke tear up. While its mostly assumed the reason a couple is having troubles having children is the omega, Clarke also feels like the fault might be hers but same way she refuses to blame Lexa for their lack of sucess in making a baby, so foes Lexa refuse to blame her so the little kiss on her dick is truly a sweet gesture. 🥺

[lexa-griffins]

If this isn't a spoiler, how long until Clarke finally loves Lexa in the act of falling in love?

Okay, I wouldn't say it's a spoiler, but there isn't really a timeline i can give you. Because id say since the painting incident Clarke has been falling for Lexa. She just hasnt fallen fully yet. And while the ending wont be ambiguous, the exact moment Clarke falls in love with Lexa will because Lexa doesn't know and this is from her pov. And even Clarke doesn't fully know, because there isnt any big moment that makes Clarke realize she loves Lexa. And I think that speaks a lot for the care Clarke shows Lexa and how she truly is dedicated to her to the point where the line where she fully finds herself in love with Lexa is very blurry and Lexa herself never sees a difference in the way she's being treated, their marriage has always been one where Lexa felt loved and cared for, even if she knew Clarke's feelings werent fully there yet :)

[lexa-griffins]

TAOFIL clexa is probably the favorite one you've written 🥺 I just reread them and oh my gosh they are so soft and fluffy with each other. I'm so excited to read the next chapter based on your spoiler. Gimme all the sweet, soft, gentle, and cute smut now please

🥹🩷 they are just so soft I truly love them so much too! It always makes me so happy when you guys say you love that story because I thought the unrequited love element would push people away and yet people truly seem to love them 🥰

And while they are married and trying for a child, they are 19-20 years old. They got engaged so young, and Lexa always having loved Clarke, the romance they are slowly building is all so exciting and new! And even Clarke, despite having had a relationship with Finn, it was never physical and even if she doesnt love Lexa, she cares deeply for her and sees her life with her, so while sex for them is always rather loving particularly now that they are trying to make a baby, they are also getting more confident in it so it gives leeway for a little more adventure in bed.... or out of it 😉