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lilacflamesss · 7 years

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Shattered (Chapter 3.5)

Summary: Hinami tries to deal with her sorrows through seeking Ayato out. Ayato can never turn away the girl he loves far more than he should. Two people with unrequited feelings, dealing with them in very different ways. Human AU. (1.7k words)

Warning: This fic contains unhealthy copic mechanisms, heavy sexual content, and plenty of problematic/ dubious things which I absolutely do not condone at all. This is a work of fiction that takes on a more mature, physical take on Ayahina’s relationship as opposed to the typical conventional one. Please feel free not to read this fic if it’s not your cup of tea!

A/N: I ended up writing this mini-scene to at least give some insights into Ayato’s head about the events that went on in chapter 3, though not too in-depth as well to maintain the intensity for subsequent chapters. Mainly it’s because I wanted to write a morning after where Ayato wakes up first HAHA. Please do reblog this and feel free to leave some comments!

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 3.5 | Chapter 4

Preview:

Another blatant lie, another terrible attempt at hiding it. He winces at the sound of his voice, turning away from her, using the need for sugar as an excuse to hide his expression. He’s not going to see his sister. He knows he won’t go at all and even if he makes an attempt to, he’ll only turn back midway. He can’t face her, not after acting like a huge ass kid, not after hurting her and definitely not after endangering her child. Honestly, what would he even do if something had happened to that kid-- his own niece or nephew-- and what if it affected Touka as well? He can try to continue being the biggest asshole around; he can try to convince the whole world he hates his sister more than anything. But there’s more to their relationship that just that. A mere fallout isn’t enough to erase every second they’re spent by each other’s side; a mere argument isn’t enough to make him forget what she’s done for him.

His stomach falls. Being an ungrateful piece of shit is one thing, but it is incomparable to actually hurting her and even though she seemed to have walked out unscathed, he wonders if that’s truly the case. How frighten must Touka have been when she’s falling? Her hands had immediately gone to her belly, her face had gone ashen white and she had totally stiffened. She was terrified, not for herself, but for her baby-- the poor, innocent foetus that’s barely even given a chance to live, yet was almost destroyed by someone of its own blood.

He wakes up smelling lavenders and strawberries, nose buried in a head smooth hair. He stays in that position for a while, basking in the scent and the comfort of being curled up against her, under the duvet during the cold winter morning. It’s been weeks since he’s been able to hold her like that and while rare due to him always waking up after her, he’s woken up to her curled up against him more times than he can count already. Sometimes it feels like she has practically moved in. But even if this is the case, it always feels so surreal that the first thing he sees in the morning is her and that the first thing he’s made aware of when he wakes up is the fact that they’re pressed against each other, limbs tangled and holding each other tight. It’s a dream come true for him-- a fantasy which he wishes will never come to an end.

Hinami is burning up beside him. Ayato feels the heat radiating off her skin from the hand he has pressed against her tummy under the shirt she’s wearing. Clearly, they made a dumb choice the previous day. He feels like hitting his own head. Why did he think a dirty alley in the middle of winter was even a good idea?

Even though he’s slept over it, the gnawing in his abdomen has yet to fade and it continues eating him from within. He longs to just forget the previous day, but Hinami will start nagging at him if he starts to chug down the remaining beer he has in his refrigerator or if he even dares to pull out the pack of cigarettes he has in the drawer by his bedside. She’s so naggy. She reminds him of his sister in the past, always forcing him to continuously do something about the mess his room is in or his terrible eating habits. It’s a pain but it’s a kind of pain he craves and loves to experience even more.

His head spins as he recalls the sister whom he once followed behind like a puppy would after its owner-- the same sister he had yelled at and hurt, almost killing the child growing within her. It brings a bitter taste to his mouth.

He had forgotten she’s pregnant; he didn’t realise she is; he hadn’t pushed her that hard, she’s just weak. His mind scrambles to form justifications, to defend himself from the guilt that’s threatening to wear down on him. But every justification is as good as a styrofoam board, the logical condemnations he has of himself smashing through it like a martial artist’s fist. The fact remains that he made a mistake, an utterly terrible one, and he can’t do anything about it.

Hinami coughs and Ayato gets up, leaning over her to feel her forehead. She’s seriously burning up, not too much to the point he has to worry, but enough for him to know that she’ll really fall ill if they ignore it. She’s still asleep, so he decides to continue letting her rest. But he gets out of bed anyway, adjusting the comforter to cover her body properly before he heads to the kitchen. He’s sure he has some tea somewhere and he’s read somewhere that tea helps with soothing the body down.

He finds the tea bags pretty fast, but water still needs to be boiled. Ayato makes a quick work of filling a kettle with water and heating it up, but he leaves it to boil by itself as he starts to fill a small basin with water. He brings it back to his room, places it on the side-table and searches his closet for a piece of cloth. The best he managed to get is an old bandanna, and he decides to make do with that. His movements seemed to have woken Hinami and she rolls over to lie on her back. She opens her eyes, looking at him in confusion.

“Ayato?” She had sounded a little different the previous night, but her voice is completely weaker and more strained right now. She tries to sit up completely, but Ayato’s at her side in a matter of seconds, pushing her to lie back down.

“How do you feel?”

“Pretty bad,” she admits. “My body hurts.”

He feels partly responsible. No, he feels totally responsible. It’s because he was acting like an idiot that she fell sick. Of course there’s going to be some kind of bug or virus in that disgusting alley-- what did he expect when he was pushing her down onto the filthy floor? He dips the bandanna into the basin of water, before wringing it a little. After folding it slightly, he dabs it on Hinami’s forehead and cheeks.

“This should help you feel better. I’m making some tea as well,” he says. She smiles while she looks at him, watching him as he rises the cloth before pressing it against her.

“Thank you, Ayato. It does make me feel a little fresher.” She attempts to sit up, but he pushes her down again.

“Just stay in bed and rest. I’ll get you some tea when it’s ready.”

“You don’t have to do this. I don’t want to be a bother.”

“You’re not a bother… I do enjoy taking care of you.” That’s not a lie, honestly. When he does that, it feels like he’s closer to her in a very different way from when they’re having sex or cuddling up in bed. But he also admits that there’s a lot more to this than just that. The guilt for forcing her down in such an environment probably has more to do with it but there’s no way he’s going to tell her that.

Hinami coughs again, bringing her hand up to her mouth. Ayato’s vaguely aware of the whistling of the kettle from the kitchen and he knows he has to turn to it. He dips the cloth in water again, squeezes it, though he leaves it much damper than it was earlier on, before he places it on Hinami’s head. Hinami is looking up at him in confusion but he simply offers her a smile before turning to leave the room to walk into the kitchen.

He’s pouring water into the mugs when he hears footsteps and he’s about to turn to her to nag her into returning back to bed when she winds her arm around his waist and presses her body against him, peeking at what he’s doing.

“What did I do to get treated like a princess?” she murmurs, nuzzling her face against his chest. He swears he feels a brief peck.

“You’re sick. You need to be in bed.” She sniffs as he speaks, as if to prove his point, but before he can really say anything else, she’s lightly rubbing her hands against his bare skin, distracting him for a moment.

“I’m fine,” she says.

“Yeah… but maybe it’s better to stay away from dirty alleys. Definitely not a good idea to fuck there in the middle of winter,” he admits.

“Are you trying to say you hadn’t known it’ll be a bad idea?”

He did, but not for this reason. “You learn something new everyday.”

“You’re so stupid,” she complains, slapping him lightly. He pushes one of the mugs towards her and Hinami detaches herself from him to pick it up.

“There’s a reason why you’re the one who’s on a scholarship while I’m here struggling with my GPA,” he sighs.

“Your GPA will be a lot better if you stop spending all your money on beers and cigarettes and ending up having to take up extra shifts to make up for that…” Hinami grumbles, taking a sip of her drink. “Enough about that… Ayato, are you feeling better?”

“Me?”

“Yeah… because you know… about yesterday. I wonder if you’re feeling better now.”

His first instinct is to deny it and be honest, but he smiles at her instead. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

Hinami stares at him, brows furrowing at his words. Ayato has always prided himself on his ability to keep what he truly feels at bay and lie easily to deceive others, but even he has to admit that he sounded like a croaking toad when he answered her. He shrugs, took a big gulp from his own mug and grimaces at the bitterness.

“Are you gonna see your sister?”

“Yeah, one day.”

Another blatant lie, another terrible attempt at hiding it. He winces at the sound of his voice, turning away from her, using the need for sugar as an excuse to hide his expression. He’s not going to see his sister. He knows he won’t go at all and even if he makes an attempt to, he’ll only turn back midway. He can’t face her, not after acting like a huge ass kid, not after hurting her and definitely not after endangering her child. Honestly, what would he even do if something had happened to that kid-- his own niece or nephew-- and what if it affected Touka as well? He can try to continue being the biggest asshole around; he can try to convince the whole world he hates his sister more than anything. But there’s more to their relationship that just that. A mere fallout isn’t enough to erase every second they’re spent by each other’s side; a mere argument isn’t enough to make him forget what she’s done for him.

His stomach falls. Being an ungrateful piece of shit is one thing, but it is incomparable to actually hurting her and even though she seemed to have walked out unscathed, he wonders if that’s truly the case. How frighten must Touka have been when she’s falling? Her hands had immediately gone to her belly, her face had gone ashen white and she had totally stiffened. She was terrified, not for herself, but for her baby-- the poor, innocent foetus that’s barely even given a chance to live, yet was almost destroyed by someone of its own blood.

Ayato doubts he’s able to stomach any more tea and he’s flushing everything down the sink before he realises what he’s doing or that Hinami is watching everything.

“Ayato? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he murmurs. “I guess I’m not that big of a tea person.”

He turns to her and smiles, just like he always does with her. Hinami seems concerned, but she also seems really conflicted about it, tiptoeing on whether to push the issue further or not. He doesn’t want her to bother to much about it, definitely doesn’t want her to bother too much about him, so all he can really do is keep her mind off it. He walks over to her and wraps his arms around her waist, gently pulling her closer so that she doesn’t end up spilling the tea.

“I’m going to take a shower… Wanna join me?”

It’ll cool her fever down at least.

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed this! Once again, please please do reblog if you like this! It’ll really help me out. Feel free to leave comments in the tags/ reblogs/ replies or through asks!

It’s exam period now and I’m going on a vacation immediately after that, so Chapter 4 might take awhile! I’m sorry for that. I hope you guys enjoyed this! I debated whether to include that last line, but I decided I might as well give you guys some spoilers for the next few chapters that’s not Touken and sub Ayato :) I’m gonna sleep now, so good night everyone!

#tg #tokyo ghoul #ayahina #kirishima ayato #fueguchi hinami #far writes stuff #tg fanfic #my fic: shattered #omg guess who finally proofread

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